October 12, 2025 • 47 mins
What if happiness isn’t a mood spike but a skill you can train? We sit with author and coach Trish Ahjel Roberts to explore how transformational leadership, nervous system tools, and a new relationship with anger can change how you work, lead, and live. Trish shares her path from two decades in corporate America to founding Mind Blowing Happiness, and we dig into why so many organizations still run on a military model - uniforms, top‑down orders, and performative input - and how that breeds quiet quitting, burnout, and disengagement. The alternative is both practical and human: lead with authenticity, empathy, and joy.
We break down the five foundations Trish teaches: healing, spirituality, community, self‑love and authenticity, and transforming anger - and map them to everyday situations at work and at home. Yoga shows up here not as a performance sport but as a set of tools for regulation: breath, posture, and attention that shift your emotional state in minutes. From there, we go deep on The Anger Myth: anger as a mental habit, its “cranky cousins” like frustration and resentment, and a simple A.N.G.E.R. method to acknowledge, breathe, imagine, act wisely, and recognize your success. You’ll hear real talk on boundaries, honest feedback without cruelty, and why anger often feeds us bad intel that leads to worse decisions.
If you’ve been craving a more humane way to lead teams, navigate conflict, and feel like yourself at work, this conversation delivers clear language and actionable steps. Take the Anger Myth quiz at mindblowinghappiness.com, pick up the book, and try the A.N.G.E.R. method the next time you feel that familiar spark. If this resonated, subscribe, share with a friend who leads people, and leave a review to help others find the show.
Thank you for stopping by. Please visit our website: All About The Joy and add, like and share. You can also support us by shopping at our STORE - We'd appreciate that greatly. Also, if you want to find us anywhere on social media, please check out the link in bio page.
Music By Geovane Bruno, Moments, 3481
Editing by Team A-J
Host, Carmen Lezeth
DISCLAIMER: As always, please do your own research and understand that the opinions in this podcast and livestream are meant for entertainment purposes only. States and other areas may have different rules and regulations governing certain aspects discussed in this podcast. Nothing in our podcast or livestream is meant to be medical or legal advice. Please use common sense, and when in doubt, ask a professional for advice, assistance, help and guidance.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Carmen Lezeth (00:00):
Hi everyone, welcome to All About the Joy.
This is the private lounge, andin the house we have just
Cynthia.
Cynthia, you took off your justCynthia.
I did, I did.
And our guest, we are sograteful to have Trish Agel
Roberts in the house.
Um, you are the founder and CEOof Mind Blowing Happiness, and
(00:20):
we're gonna get into why youcalled it that in a minute.
But I also want to say you alsoyou are also the author of
three amazing books who arebacked by, I mean, I can't
believe how many I read all thecomments.
I was so 12 steps to mindblowing happiness, um, which was
endorsed by Jack Canfield andIanla van Sant, and I know her
(00:41):
from the Oprah show.
That's where I remember herfrom.
I'm like, go ahead, girl.
Uh thinking outside theChrysalis, Chrysalis.
Chrysalis, thank you.
And your most recent book isThe Anger Myth, which is
critically acclaimed and wasjust released internationally in
2024.
So um you spent 20 years incorporate America and then left.
(01:06):
And I wanted to find out whyand how you came, just get a
little background on who you arebefore we pepper you with every
other question.
Welcome to the show.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (01:16):
Thank you.
Thank you so much for havingme.
So, you know, I grew up, my myparents are from the Caribbean,
and I grew up in Brooklyn.
And uh I really grew up withthis idea that you could kind of
be like a doctor, a lawyer, ora business person.
So I didn't think that I had awhole lot of options when I went
into corporate.
And um, you know, I had somegreat experiences.
(01:39):
I worked as an accountexecutive, account manager for
many years in telecom.
I was a financial advisor formany years, but I always felt
like I was only bringing a smallportion of myself to the table,
and I was only using a smallportion of my talents and my
capabilities.
And, you know, if you havespiritual beliefs at all, you
(01:59):
know that um sometimes spirit orGod or whatever you call that
will kind of guide you,sometimes in ways that you don't
love.
Okay.
I was kind of ushered along apath where I was able to step
away from corporate and start myown business.
And it's been almost sevenyears now.
Carmen Lezeth (02:20):
So I've um yeah, can you um def well I read that
it was trans transformationalleadership?
Can you explain a little bit ofwhat that means for people like
me who didn't really understandwhat that meant?
I mean, I kind of couched itunder life coach, and I think
(02:40):
that's not doing it a goodservice.
So could you explain what it isthat you actually do to our
audience?
Trish Ahjel Roberts (02:47):
Yeah, so I run a personal and professional
development company, which iscalled Mind Blowing Happiness.
So I work with organizationsand um also corporations as a
speaker, bringing programs fortheir leadership, um, so that
you can learn to leadauthentically, learn, learn to
(03:07):
lead with empathy, lead withjoy.
Most of our corporate modelsare based on a military model,
which a lot of people don'trealize.
So yeah, so you show up inuniform, right?
Right, at least it's gonna go.
Do we have our guns orsomething?
I'm so good.
You show up in a in a uniform,you know, the dark suit or
(03:28):
conservative or whatever.
And there is a model where youknow the CEO tells everybody
what to do through the ranks.
And many times um you can'tquestion authority, you're kind
of a soldier, you're followingdirections, and it works until
it doesn't work.
You know, what we found is thatmany people are quiet quitting,
(03:50):
you know, they're doing otherthings on the side, they're not
really happy with the structurewhere, you know, you might be
sitting in a meeting, somebodyasks your opinion, but you know
that they really don't want youropinion.
You can't really speak up andsay.
So um transforming leadershiphas to do with being able to
(04:11):
have authenticity as leaders.
Um, it's not only forcorporations or organizations.
I think most of us are leaders,you know, whether we're leading
in our families or we'releading in communities or we're
entrepreneurs like me.
Maybe we are leading incorporations as executives.
Anytime we have somebodylooking up to us, we're leaders,
(04:31):
whether whether we want to beor not.
So there's there's a lot ofreally good, empowering work
that's there for the individualto come more into themselves and
more into their own umauthenticity and sovereignty,
and then also to create spacefor the people who look up to
us, whether they're at work orin our families, to come into
(04:54):
themselves as well.
Carmen Lezeth (04:56):
Cynthia, do you want to jump in or go ahead?
Cynthia (04:59):
Yeah, yeah.
Actually, um, so I was reading,you know, the website and
everything, and it says that youalso teach yoga.
I do.
Did you start with yoga?
Like, did you how did that comeabout in the office?
Trish Ahjel Roberts (05:12):
Yeah, if you went on my website, you
probably saw a lot of thingsbecause I I actually do a lot of
things.
I I like to feel like it allcomes under this umbrella of
people becoming better andgrowing, you know.
But yoga, the first time I tooka yoga class, I was pregnant
with my daughter in 2000.
Um, and I remember at the timethinking, yeah, okay, yeah, this
(05:34):
is whatever.
I I just didn't think it was abig deal.
Um, and then years later, I gotinto running.
And then I kind of circled backto my yoga because you know,
running makes you tight, andthey say, Oh, yoga will stretch
you out.
So I was approaching it morefrom just the exercise
standpoint.
But what I realized when Istarted practicing yoga
(05:55):
regularly is that when youchange the position of your
body, it changes your emotions.
So if you've ever, yeah, so ifyou've ever seen um people
prostrate, you know, we see thisoften in the um is in Islam in
Muslim things.
Oh, yeah.
Speaker 04 (06:11):
Yeah.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (06:11):
Oh so that is also a yoga pose called
child's pose.
So it just gives you an ideathat that is a posture for
surrender, for grounding, forprayer.
Um, and they're just there arejust so many poses where I would
notice, ah, when I change theposition of my body, I change my
(06:33):
emotions.
So that was kind of my my firstaha with yoga.
And then I just startedpracticing more.
Um, many people don'tunderstand that there are what
they call eight limbs to yoga,so it's the philosophy as well
as the practice, and thenmeditation, and then breath work
and concentration.
So there's so many elements toit.
(06:54):
It's not a religion, but it isa beautiful uh way of becoming
more embodied, you know, moreunderstanding your own physical
body as well as your spiritualself.
Cynthia (07:06):
So it's kind of funny because um, like during COVID, I
work at the hospital.
So during COVID, they hadlittle um mini seminars like
during lunchtime where you cando chair yoga for like 10
minutes.
And a lot of it was breathingtechniques, and it did help, you
know, calm me down or just kindof be aware of my space and
things like that.
(07:26):
And when I was telling Carmenabout it, she's like, I don't
like yoga.
I said, No, yoga can only belike 10 minutes if you want.
She's like, Really?
So I thought it was really coolthat they actually incorporated
that to kind of help theemployees, too.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (07:39):
Yeah, and I'm glad you said that too,
because I've had so many peoplewho are like, I don't like yoga,
but you might have oneexperience with one type of
yoga.
So even the physical practiceof yoga, there's all different
types of physical practices.
So there are things like chairyoga, there's of course power
yoga, you could stand on yourhead.
That's usually what scarespeople.
(08:01):
But there but there's slowertypes of yoga.
What they call yin, where youhold postures for like three to
five minutes.
There's restorative yoga, whichis almost like lounging in your
easy chair, but it really calmsyour nervous system.
And then there's what they callyoga nitra, which is like yogic
(08:22):
sleep.
It's like a little bit of ameditation visualization type
thing.
So there's so many differentkinds of ways to access that.
Carmen Lezeth (08:31):
Yeah, I'm still not a fan.
Yeah.
I mean, I think there's more toit than that.
Like, I mean, you know, I grewup as a dancer and as a
performer, and we did a lot ofPilates.
And so I think there's alsojust kind of the contrast where
it was just for exercise.
I think my issue with yoga whenI think about it exercise-wise,
it's it doesn't work for me,right?
(08:52):
But I do get the meditativepart of it.
I just don't do it in yoga.
I I do it, I write in myjournal every day, right?
That becomes my meditativespace.
And so thank you for making melook bad to our guests, Cynthia.
Yeah, but I've got I I've justnever I've tried every single
kind of yoga.
(09:13):
Um, because I I really thoughtthe hot yoga would be the thing
that I would really get into.
It just never worked for me.
And I think that's okay too.
I think everyone can have theirown.
And maybe one day you'll take aclass with me.
And then maybe I'll win.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (09:29):
Cynthia gonna take it too now.
Yes, sure.
I'm teaching in Costa Rica inJanuary.
Are you really?
Speaker 04 (09:37):
Oh well.
Carmen Lezeth (09:39):
I think I think we have to make a trip, Carmen.
All of a sudden, I'm like, it'sall about, you know, I'm trying
to be more like all into it.
Um, let's talk aboutmind-blowing happiness.
Where did that great name ofyour company come from?
Trish Ahjel Roberts (09:56):
So, how did this start?
Okay, so I guess maybe around2018, 2019, I had been studying
uh Buddhist philosophy foryears, and I had been studying
yoga for years, and I hadlearned so much, you know, going
through things I've beenthrough in my life.
And I remember one night I gotup, it was like three o'clock in
the morning, and these 10 ideascame to me, and I had to write
(10:19):
them down.
So I wrote them down, I wentback to bed.
The next day I looked at them,I added two more, and I said,
Oh, I've got to teach this.
So I was writing um what Ithought was gonna be like a
little booklet for a retreatthat I was putting together.
And I was really obsessed atthe time with the idea of the
butterfly because I wastransitioning from like
(10:41):
corporate life into like reallyfeeling like I could be myself.
So I titled the book, ThinkingOutside the Chrysalis.
And then I realized nobodyknows what a chrysalis is.
I don't know what a chrysalisis, so I didn't know how to say
it.
Yeah, nobody knows what it is,nobody can pronounce it.
I feel better now.
I feel better.
So the feedback that I got wasreally great.
(11:04):
You know, my readers were like,oh my gosh, these concepts are
amazing.
We'd like something likeanother book that's more like a
journaling book that we can workwith.
And I thought, okay, great, butI got to do something about
this chrysalis thing.
I kept talking aboutself-actualization.
Okay.
And I realized nobody knew whatI was talking about with that
either, Carmen.
Carmen Lezeth (11:23):
I do know that.
That one I do know.
That one I do know, right?
Trish Ahjel Roberts (11:27):
But but the masses don't necessarily know
what that means.
So I was thinking, okay, howcan I describe the concept of
self-actualization, which isbasically, you know, reaching
your fullest potential, right?
Carmen Lezeth (11:38):
Right.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (11:38):
Um, how could I incorporate that into
another word?
And I didn't want to sayhappiness because happiness
seems so fleeting.
You know, it's like I have anice cup of coffee, I'm happy.
I take a walk in the park, I'mhappy.
I have a good day, I'm happy,you know.
So I wanted to find the wordthat would make that really
(12:02):
ignite.
And I went from mind blowing.
Yeah.
I love that.
And I like mind blowing, it's alittle sexy.
And who doesn't want their lifeto be a little sexy, right?
This is this ain't no regularhappiness.
You know, this is mind-blowinghappiness.
And that's where that's wherethat came from.
Carmen Lezeth (12:19):
I love that you just talked about happiness in
the same way that I think abouthappiness.
Um, right, Cynthia, you it'sverbatim what I say about
happiness and joy.
And so for me, joy is innate.
Joy is something we actuallycan control, um, and that we can
learn to, anyways, not aboutme, but I'm just saying I love
(12:40):
that's exactly I always say Ieat a piece of chocolate cake,
I'm happy.
I get a bonus at work, I'mhappy.
You know, um, that's sustainit.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (12:49):
Um I'm sorry?
No, I said, but how do yousustain it, right?
How do you maintain thatfeeling?
And that's what you do all day,right?
Carmen Lezeth (12:58):
Right.
And that's what you do.
You help people gain thatability to do that, right?
Through all of the different umavenues that you work as.
So you're a okay, you're ablack woman, a Buddhist, a
coach, a strategist.
Um, how do those identitiesinform your work, right?
How do you use all of thosepieces to help, let's say, a
(13:21):
group of a team of like fivepeople in an office?
Can you give us kind of atangible thing that you would do
with that group?
Trish Ahjel Roberts (13:30):
Yeah, so when I work with organizations,
typically we will createsomething that's designed to
meet their needs.
Um, I can say that my signaturetalk is Unlocking the Secrets
to Mind-blowing happiness, whichstarts with the five kind of
essential or foundationalingredients.
So it's the first five steps inthe book, right?
(13:53):
The first one, you know, and alot of times these things don't
come into the office.
Like the first step is healing.
70% of workers who are incorporate spaces have some
trauma that is unhealed, right?
So that's what the data islooking like.
It's not something that'ssomeplace else, right?
And those things show up.
(14:14):
They show up in the way thatcommunication may take place at
work, whether people are able totake critique or feedback, you
know.
Um, so it shows up in a lot ofspaces, but the healing is the
first one.
And sometimes, you know, you'renot gonna get healed at work
just because I came up to talkto you for 45 minutes.
(14:37):
But what happens is that thethe awareness opens up.
Yeah, you know, the realizationthat you're not alone.
Everybody's had some form oftrauma, whether it's you know,
trauma with the big T or traumawith the little T.
Um, but once you have thatawareness, even for the
organization, then it can besomething that more attention
(14:59):
can be given to, right?
So um healing is first.
The second one is spirituality,which is another thing that at
work everybody um kind ofpretends that we're these robots
in business suits.
Right, you know, and then atthe end of the day, you go home
feeling really depleted becausenobody is really seeing or
(15:20):
connecting with you, maybe theway that you want to be
connected with.
So, whatever your belief systemis, we can look at data and
understand that we have aphysical body that we can see
and touch, and we also have anon-physical body that now we
can measure with equipment.
You know, we can see not onlyheat, but also electromagnetic
(15:43):
signals that come from ourbodies.
We have a field, an aura,right, around us.
So these things exist, they'renot arguable.
Well, you could argue, butyou'd be wrong, right?
Right, you know.
So the second step isunderstanding that there is a
spiritual self.
People are walking around sad,lonely, bumping into things,
(16:07):
angry, yelling at the peoplearound them, in part because
they don't understand that theyhave a spiritual self.
They may think that they areinherently bad or there's
nothing inside them worthunearthing or acknowledging,
right?
So those are kind of thefoundational.
And then the the next uh stepgoes into community.
(16:30):
We need community, we need tohave a sense of community,
whether it's the places that wework or communities that we
build outside of ourorganization or team building,
you know, that we may set up asleaders within an organization.
Um, so those those are thefirst three.
I could go on, but I don't wantto.
(16:51):
No, I know.
Carmen Lezeth (16:52):
I'm I'm so sorry, I'm like fascinated, right?
That's why I'm not saying aword.
Speaker 04 (16:55):
I'm like, really, really?
Carmen Lezeth (16:57):
Because I'm thinking you could come to one
of our clients' offices and havea conversation with some
people.
But you must you must work withpeople, and then it's a it's
not a one-day event, it must bea long-term thing to get into
all of that stuffage.
So for respectfully, that'sjust my word.
(17:18):
I'm sorry.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (17:20):
No, look, I told you, I love this stuff.
I could be here all day, Icould be here all day with the
stuffage and all the things.
Carmen Lezeth (17:26):
So, but yeah, so if I do, if did I insult you, I
didn't mean to be insulting.
No, no, no, not at all.
I'm I'm loving it.
Oh, okay, but that's deep.
Look at Synthia's like, youinsulted her.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (17:37):
No, no, no.
Carmen Lezeth (17:39):
No, listen, I'm changing energy.
I love made-up words.
So just that's I that's one Ihave like seven of them.
That's one of them stuffing.
And it is deep.
It is deep.
It is deep stuff.
And I I'm thinking about I amthinking about the offices I
work for, and I'm like, wow, Idon't do any of that.
Yeah, I I I probably need itmyself, you know what I mean, as
(18:02):
you're speaking.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (18:03):
So yeah, I mean, it's so needed.
So many people are unhappy.
If you ask most people if theyare happy, for the first thing
they're gonna ask you is, well,what do you mean by that?
What does that mean?
You know, and they might evenbe suspicious, like, what are
you trying to do?
What are you trying to say tome?
You know, so the the need isdefinitely there, but to your
(18:25):
point, yes, it's I can go in andI can do a talk for 45 minutes
and leave.
And people might say, Oh, thatwas really interesting.
Let me grab a copy of her book,or we'll leave behind a copy of
the book.
This one um is a it's ajournaling book, so it has 12
steps, five prompts per step.
You could work through it allyear.
Carmen Lezeth (18:45):
And this is the mind-blowing happiness book
because we have the audio aswell.
So I want to make sure thatpeople realize that you were
holding up that book.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (18:53):
Oh, yes, yes.
That was 12 steps to mindblowing happiness that I that I
was showing you.
So for like a single talk, itcould be something like that.
But if I were going into anorganization to do some work,
typically it would be a workshopand then either some group
coaching calls, you know, thatwould be on Zoom for maybe three
months or some period of timethat we agree on to give the
(19:16):
opportunity for me to teach moreand for people to get their
questions answered, you know.
Um, but yeah, it's it's umthat's like my life's work right
there.
You know, I think that if eachof us were even like 20% better,
like if we just felt maybe 20%better about ourselves, so we
(19:39):
could be maybe 20% moreauthentic and maybe show up with
confidence, 20% more, you know.
Like we're not gonna be wholenew brand people or brand new
people, but if we could just geta little bit more, um my pet
peeve is that we have a lot ofum people who are emotionally
not intelligent, without greatintentions, who have large
(20:04):
platforms and big voices, andeven a lot of followers, right?
So these malintentioned folksare making a lot of noise and
doing a lot of things, and thenwe have very lovely, nice people
who are at home gardening andthey will not share their
opinion or speak up, you know.
Carmen Lezeth (20:23):
So can you talk a little bit about what emotional
intelligence is?
Because I don't think I don'tthink a lot of people understand
what emotional intelligence is.
I'm so sorry.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (20:33):
No, no, no.
So uh so emotional intelligencedeals with things like
self-awareness.
So, do you know how you feel?
Do you have the words?
Like there is a chart, I can'tthink of the name of the chart,
but there's a chart with all thewords for all your feelings.
So, can you even verbalize yourown emotions?
(20:56):
Can you uh developself-awareness so you're aware
not only of how you feel, buthow the way that you behave
impacts other people?
So developing some of thatlanguage and some of that
self-awareness is really theroot of what emotional
(21:17):
intelligence is.
Right.
I love it.
Go ahead, Cynthia.
Carmen Lezeth (21:22):
I'm sorry.
Cynthia (21:23):
So I actually took your angry myth quiz online and it
came out 50%.
And I was like, um, okay, I'm50-50.
Carmen Lezeth (21:36):
So can you explain what what that is?
I know it's your third book andit's the book that's currently
out.
It came out in 2024internationally, but can you
explain first what the book isand then answer Cynthia's
question?
Again, audio.
I'm always like I'm theproducer over here.
Yes, yes, yes.
Go ahead, go ahead.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (21:53):
So I started off talking about the
foundational concepts for umunlocking the secrets of my
willing happiness, right?
So we talked about um healing,we talked about spirituality,
and then we talked aboutcommunity.
The fourth step is self-loveand authenticity, and I touched
on that a little bit.
The fifth step is transforminganger.
(22:15):
So it's really aboutpeacefulness, learning to
transform your anger into eithercalm, you feel fine, nothing's
bothering you, or constructiveaction, not violence, right?
An action that is gonna beconstructive.
It's the kind that we'vethought through, right?
(22:39):
Right, right.
So I used to do a lot ofinterviews on uh the book 12
steps of mind-blowing happiness,and people would say, Well, you
know, we don't have time for 12steps.
It's like what you were saying,Carmen.
This is a lot of work.
What is the one thing that Ican do to be more joyful?
And if I had to choose one, itis the anger, it's this idea
(23:02):
around anger.
So that's why the book that Iwrote most recently is the anger
myth.
And the subtitle isunderstanding and overcoming the
mental habits that steal yourjoy.
It wasn't until I startedstudying Buddhism that I started
to understand that anger is amental habit.
It's a habit, you know.
(23:25):
I didn't know that I didn'thave to be angry when people did
things that I did not like.
You know, that was kind of likethe only way that I knew to
react to something was to beangry.
But when you think about it,you know, if you've ever been
around small children, liketwo-year-olds, you know, if you
do something they don't like,maybe you take away their toy,
(23:48):
you tell them no, whatever itis, they'll like let loose, you
know, fall on the ground,scream, cry, whatever.
As we get older, well, we can'treally get away with that, but
we'll still do like the grown-upversion of it.
You know, I'm not speaking toyou anymore, or maybe I'm
screaming at you, but in somekind of way, acting out and
(24:11):
never, you know, we don't reallylearn how to process it.
So the book teaches you how toprocess it, um, but it also
brings attention to subtleversions of anger that we don't
recognize as anger.
Um, so in the book I call themanger seven cranky cousins, and
(24:32):
they are um disappointment,annoyance, okay, frustration,
jealousy, impatience, guilt,which is really self-directed,
and then resentment, which isjust you know, anger extended
over a long period of time.
Because sometimes we get stuckin the disorder.
Carmen Lezeth (24:53):
Angry cousin, okay, cousins of anger.
I just got it.
I'm like, what?
Just like cousin.
What am I talking about?
I'm so sorry.
I hey, if I'm thinking thatway, there might be other people
who are losing.
Oh, sure.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (25:10):
Like, why do cousins get involved with
this?
No, no, I totally get it.
So when I first started sayingBuddhism, and they um, you know,
shared kind of this philosophyaround what anger is, and then I
understood that there aresubtle versions, you know, like
(25:31):
we don't necessarily go fromzero to a thousand.
We'll be on this low simmer.
And you probably know peoplelike this who are like just
simmering, they're maybecomplaining a lot, they're
always just a little cranky,nothing really maybe makes them
happy, you know.
Okay.
Carmen Lezeth (25:51):
I'm just fixing my hair.
I'm not pointing at you,Cynthia, at all.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (25:56):
And it's like we think that, you know,
like I'm driving someplace andI'm stuck in traffic, and I'm
thinking, you know, I'm too goodfor this traffic.
Don't they know that I'm comingthrough?
You know what I mean?
It's like and it but it seemsnormal to us, right?
Until you realize howridiculous you're being.
But you have to pause and kindof think about it and work
(26:17):
through it.
Like, well, you know, everybodyelse is in this traffic too.
They all have places to go too.
I can't be the most importantperson on the road right now,
right?
Carmen Lezeth (26:27):
So, um so are you saying anger?
We shouldn't.
I mean, just to be clear,because I want to I haven't read
the book yet.
I did just order it.
Did I just order it?
I will be ordering the angrymyth.
Well, I don't want to.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (26:40):
The anger myth.
Carmen Lezeth (26:41):
The anger myth.
Okay.
Are you saying that it's notokay to be angry?
Or that you don't get angry atall?
Trish Ahjel Roberts (26:48):
Or I'm just curious.
I'm glad you asked this.
No, this is a perfect question.
Because it's not that it's notokay to be angry.
Being angry, disappointed,frustrated, jealous, all those
things are normal emotions,right?
So it's fine to feel youremotions.
And the the first step in thewhat I call the five-step tame
and reframe approach to processyour anger is to acknowledge it,
(27:12):
right?
So whatever you're feeling, youwant to acknowledge it.
The thing is, you don't want tolive in it.
Some people are living in it,they're living in the jealousy,
they're living in thefrustration, they're living in
whatever variations of angerthey're experiencing, and it's
hurting them.
Like, look, I'm gonna pick onCynthia.
Carmen Lezeth (27:34):
I think that would be helpful.
Go right ahead.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (27:37):
So if Cynthia is angry all day long,
it doesn't affect me.
It's that you know, it's onlyaffecting her, even if somebody
did something terrible to her,like a deep, deep betrayal,
right?
And she's angry all year.
Every day she wakes up angryover this betrayal.
And listen, I've probably beenthere, so don't think you know,
(27:58):
we've been through stuff.
But say every day I wake up,I'm so angry over this betrayal.
After a while, the reality isthe person who betrayed me is
sleeping in their bed having agreat time.
You know, I'm the one who'sdealing with this fire in my
chest, in my belly that willliterally, or I shouldn't say
(28:20):
will, but can literally make youphysically ill.
Carmen Lezeth (28:23):
Yeah, absolutely.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (28:25):
Can give you um mental health issues as
well, right?
And it's not fun, you know,it's keeping you from having the
relationships you want to havewith other people, with
yourself, you know, from doingthings that you like to do, you
know, just just from having ajoyful life.
So it's not that it's not okayto be angry and feel your
(28:47):
emotions.
It's just as we we talk aboutthings like self-awareness, you
know, you want to say toyourself, well, how long do I
want to be in this uh uh spacethat doesn't serve me, that
doesn't benefit me.
Carmen Lezeth (29:01):
So when Cynthia took the quiz and she said it
was 50%, what does that mean?
Trish Ahjel Roberts (29:08):
That means that she's she's um I want to
say she's healthy, but she hassome work to do.
It makes me think that thematerial is probably a little
new for her, you know, which itis for most people, right?
This this idea that we haveoptions, that we don't have to
be angry.
I know it was new for me, but Ithought that like I told you, I
(29:31):
thought that if somebody didsomething I didn't like, that
that was what I should befeeling.
And I didn't realize that ithurt me.
Cynthia (29:39):
I mean honestly, I think sorry, um, I think if I
would have taken this test maybelike five, six years ago, I
probably would have been at like75% because I did, you know,
have anger issues and thingslike that that I have worked on.
So now that it's at 50%, I feela lot better about myself that
it I'm working on myself and youknow.
It's it's getting there.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (30:01):
Yes, yes, yes.
No, fifty is not bad.
You know, most people are notgoing to like score really well
because for most folks it's adifferent way of understanding
um what anger is and how itworks.
Right.
Carmen Lezeth (30:17):
Like you can want people to be able to access uh
the quiz so they could go visityour website at is it it's
mindblowinghappiness.com.
Yeah.
And they can find the quizthere um as well as so much more
information.
You also have a podcast aswell.
Um, do you do that podcast justmonthly, though?
(30:38):
We're on a little hiatus forthe podcast right now, but when
I do it, I do it monthly.
Still, I listened to two ofthem.
It was such it was you havesome guests on there, and it's
just a wealth of information.
So it'smindblowinghappiness.com.
Uh please go visit the websiteand get the quiz if you'd like
to score better than Cynthia.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (31:02):
Don't pick on Cynthia.
I love that you went on thequiz.
And I will say as well, that isself-awareness, right?
That is the willingness to do aself-assessment, to look at
yourself, to learn, because mostpeople won't do that.
I like you, Cynthia.
(31:24):
Don't worry.
Carmen Lezeth (31:26):
Okay, well, it was nice having you on the show.
Um, I think one of the things II'm not most proud of, but I
think I deal with anger prettyquickly.
And Cynthia, you could youcould say I don't or whatever,
but I get angry, I get mad, Itell people, and then I'm done.
And and I move through it.
(31:47):
And I think it's I have issuestoo, and I'm gonna take the quiz
and see where I score.
But I think one of the thingsthat I have always found
interesting about being angry isthat people really hold it in.
Like they don't want to admitthat they're angry.
I'm so glad you said that.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (32:04):
Yeah, I'm glad you said that.
Because that's because youknow, I think that with my work,
people do get confused and theythink that it's about
repressing, so that you're like,well, somebody does something
ridiculous, and you're like, oh,that didn't bother me at all.
I'm just fine.
I'm just fine.
And that's why you're bitingyour tongue.
(32:28):
That's not what it is, youknow.
Um, or they may feel like theycan't defend themselves, like if
somebody is verbally attackingyou, I can verbally attack you
and keep my nervous system calmbecause I'm pretty good at this,
you know what I'm saying?
But yeah, so don't but but thattakes practice, right?
Um, but yes, it doesn't meanthat I only speak flowery words
(32:53):
all the time, or that you cancome and say whatever you want
to me, or that I don't haveboundaries, or that I won't even
physically defend myself if Ineed to.
So you can do all the thingsthat you need to do.
It has more to do with umwhat's going on internally.
And actually, I can take youguys through the five steps so
you understand.
Um, that'd be great.
(33:15):
Okay.
So, and I love this because itum I use the acronym anger, so
it'll actually spell anger tokind of help us remember a
little bit.
So the five steps, right?
So if somebody, I don't know,cuts you off in traffic, flips
you the finger.
So what you don't do is speedup and bump into the back of
their car.
Carmen Lezeth (33:36):
That would be violence.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (33:39):
So we don't go for violence.
So the first thing, youacknowledge your anger, like I
was saying before.
So you're like, okay, I'mpissed.
I see you.
Okay.
Um, second step is notice yourbreath.
So this is a big one.
Cynthia, you were talking aboutthat when you did the yoga
segment.
Yeah, you could just take, youknow, three long breaths.
Inhale to the count of three,exhale to the count of three.
(34:01):
When I when I get intense, likeI may not be breathing at all.
So it's like so remember tobreathe.
The G is to gear up yourimagination.
And for many of us, we hadimaginations when we were kids,
(34:22):
and then somebody told us, stopdaydreaming, get your act
together, and we just don'treally use our imagination
anymore.
So you want to kind of open upyour imagination.
Okay, this person cut me off,you know, gave me the finger.
Maybe they're running from thecops, right?
Maybe their mother just died.
Carmen Lezeth (34:41):
Um just come up with a story that you don't
know.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (34:46):
Maybe they're having a heart attack,
right?
Yeah, or they have some diseasethat makes them flip their
finger.
Like, I don't know, you know, Idon't know what's going on.
That is a great imaginationright there.
Yeah, or my my favorite ismaybe they just had a very poor
upbringing, you know, they wereraised by wolves, and thank god
(35:08):
I'm not them.
Right.
So, whatever that thoughtprocess is, it takes you away
from following something thatyou don't need to get involved
with, right?
Right, and then the next stepis um, oh I'm like, wait, but
what are we supposed to say?
Carmen Lezeth (35:26):
It's the being angry, that's why.
It's so sorry.
This is good, this is good,okay.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (35:34):
It's anger, yeah, it's anger.
So it's the E.
So the E is okay, well, whatare we gonna do now?
So, in this scenario, whenyou're driving, you can just
entertain yourself.
You don't have to do anything.
You can call a friend, youcould turn up your um radio or
podcast, whatever you'relistening to, put on an audio
book, you could start singing,whatever.
(35:55):
Just do something to entertainyourself, and you know, you can
do it.
So, freedom or entertainyourself.
It depends.
So, this is where it gets alittle something.
So, for small things, youentertain yourself.
You can't always entertainyourself.
Sometimes somebody might be inyour face, or it might be
something that requires more, itcould be a work issue,
whatever.
So it's either entertainyourself, educate yourself.
(36:15):
Sometimes you need to do somework and learn some stuff.
That's good, and and thensometimes, like when you have
issues that are like socialjustice or war or you know, all
the isms and all those things,education may not be enough.
This is when I say enlightenyourself, it kind of circles
back to that.
The spirituality, findingsomething that will make those
(36:39):
types of things make some sortof sense for you.
Cynthia (36:45):
So that's the action.
Do we also use EA for edit?
Like maybe edit the way youwould change things.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (36:54):
I mean, if you like edit, I'm I'll go for
that.
Carmen Lezeth (37:04):
I'm gonna have to put this co-author on my next
book.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (37:11):
But I like that symptom, if that makes you
remember something for you, thengo for it.
Because that the E is theaction.
Like, what is the action thatyou're gonna take?
Are you gonna entertainyourself?
Are you going to make a notethat you need to learn something
later or address something inthat way?
Or are you gonna have to gostraight to spirit?
(37:31):
Because sometimes you gotta goto spirit, you know?
Carmen Lezeth (37:35):
Yeah, entertain.
Um, what were the three E's?
Because there was three.
Entertain, I guess.
Um educate, enlighten, orenlighten.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (37:47):
Yeah.
And then R.
And then the last one is R.
So once you've done whateveryour process is, right?
You acknowledge your anger, youtook a breath.
Um, you use your imagination tothink about, you know, generate
some compassion, some empathyfor whatever someone else might
be going through.
You figure out how you're gonnatake your action, whether you
just entertain yourself and moveon.
(38:07):
And then once you do that, itsounds like a lot, but this can
all be split seconds once youpractice it.
So once you're done, you justlike recognize your success.
Yeah.
You know, I didn't get into acar accident, I didn't ruin my
own mood for the next 30 minutesor for the rest of the day,
right?
Um, I de-escalated, maybesomething that could have
(38:27):
escalated, whatever it was.
You want to recognize yoursuccess and be like, hey, like
how you were saying, Cynthia,like I'm not, you know, I may
not be perfect, but I'm notwhere I was five years ago.
Right?
Or even yesterday.
So recognizing your success isactually really important
because when we try to changeour habits, and remember I was
saying it's a mental habit, weneed to have something that is
(38:50):
like a reward, you know.
So if we are trying to start anew habit where we run every
morning, you know, you mightwant to have a nice little cup
of coffee when you're done orsomething, so that you have
something to look forward to asyour reward.
So you want to recognize yoursuccess.
And it could be as simple as asmile, you know.
Carmen Lezeth (39:11):
I'm laughing because I'm sorry, you said
running and then coffee as yourreward.
I'm like, girl.
Speaker 04 (39:16):
She's like, I have coffee.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (39:19):
What did she say?
Do you want cake again?
Speaker 04 (39:22):
It'll be chocolate cake.
Chocolate cake.
Carmen Lezeth (39:28):
I'm like, that's that's not really good reward.
That must be like a Buddhathing.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (39:32):
No, I'm just gonna reward me.
But I will I will also saythis, right?
Your reward could just betalking nicely to yourself.
Yeah, for sure.
Which a lot of people don't do.
Yes, most people, the voice init, you know, because I work
with individuals, I also workwith organizations, but I do a
lot of work with individuals.
And one of the things thatcomes up a lot is this voice in
(39:54):
our head that's like alwaysyelling at us, we're not good
enough, we didn't do it fastenough.
What were you thinking?
You know, so sometimes justthat pause to be like, look at
you go, you did the thing, orhowever you talk to yourself.
That's how I talk to myself.
You know, just having that ishuge.
And then over time, you know,people ask me a lot about how do
(40:17):
you build confidence?
Over time, becoming the personthat you want to be builds your
confidence.
Carmen Lezeth (40:26):
I think it's hard for me, like especially when
I'm thinking about how I dealwith my anger, and I it's the
been the way I've always doneit.
I have no rhyme or reason, andI'm not saying I can't improve
on it, but what ends uphappening is people are and get
upset with you, or you're tooblunt, or you're too mean, or
you're too, you know, likepeople do all that stuff.
And then so that's a wholeother thing I work on, which is
(40:49):
like not, it's not that I don'tcare what other people think,
because I think that's a facadethat nobody cares.
Yeah, I don't care what anybodythinks.
The minute you say that, you'vejust acknowledged that you care
that other people think.
But I feel bad becausesometimes when I'm angry, I let
people know right away, and thenpeople are then upset because I
said it too hard or too mean orI'm too blunt.
(41:10):
And how do you how would youanswer something like that?
How would you deal with thebacklash of being a backlash of
being your authentic self anddoing your best to deal with
anger in a better way?
Trish Ahjel Roberts (41:24):
Yeah, so I think that you can be authentic
without being um mean, bitchy.
I was gonna say abusive.
And I was like, I don't want tooffend the house.
You can say it.
Okay, I'll I I'll open thedoor.
Go ahead.
Yeah, so I think well, yeah, soI think that you can be
(41:47):
authentic without being yeah,mean or or abusive, right?
And you can, I'm telling you,those five steps work so well,
they almost sound too easysometimes.
People like ah, now if you haveum some like a clinical anger
management problem, right?
Because some people fromchildhood traumas may have um
(42:10):
the the way that your brain getsrewired in a certain way, and
I'm not a clinician, so I can'tgo too deep into that.
But if it's not um somethingthat's completely out of your
control, and you can pause longenough for that breath before
you pop off, right?
Because I used to, you know, Iused to just go straight to
(42:31):
whatever came out my mouth at acertain time as well.
But if you can pause before youdo that, and then use your
imagination, right?
Because, you know, I almostnamed that book um Anger Lies.
And my my literary agent waslike, What are you talking
(42:51):
about?
It goes back to the whole sortof Trish with what are you
talking about, Trish?
But the thing is, anger givesus false information.
So in that moment when you'reangry, you really cannot make a
good decision until you calmyourself down.
So, you know, you may betalking to someone that you love
and say the meanest thing tothem to hurt them, just in that
(43:15):
moment, you know, you forgetthat you even like them in that
moment.
It's like in that moment, theycould be the one person you hate
the most, you know.
Yeah.
So allowing yourself to pause,just finding a little bit of
space, and then the breath isnot only a pause, you are
literally bringing oxygen toyour brain where you're gonna
(43:38):
need it, you know, and thentapping into that empathy
because you figure, okay,somebody did something really
stupid that that pissed you off,right?
What were they thinking?
Was was their goal to make youangry?
Did they misspeak?
Did they, you know, like onlyfrom that place can you figure
out, okay, like how many howmany um disconnections take
(44:04):
place from miscommunication?
Carmen Lezeth (44:06):
Right.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (44:07):
Right.
Carmen Lezeth (44:07):
That's fair.
That's fair.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (44:10):
Yeah.
So um I'm gonna go down.
Go to go to small heart.
Carmen Lezeth (44:18):
No, no, I know, right?
I don't know how this alliancebetween you and Cynthia came,
but I'm kind of over it.
I feel like, you know, when itcomes to anger issues for
myself, I I feel very confidentin how I deal with it, but it's
always difficult to watch howpeople react to because I um I
(44:39):
do not practice everything youjust said.
It's a learning for me, whatyou just said, and I am grateful
to kind of learn that stuff.
But like I do things a littlebit different.
Like, so if somebody's mad atme on the road or cuts me off
and I get upset or whatever, Iwill then wave at like I've
trained myself to be like, it'sokay, you know, and it usually
throws people off, you know,like and so that's a there are
(45:02):
some things that I'm doing thatI've incorporated because I
don't like being angry, I don'tlike feeling mad.
And I think because as a kid, Iremember feeling mad and alone
all the time, right?
So you talked about trauma,whatever.
And so, like, I do otherthings, but I love what you're
teaching and what you justshared because um I feel like I
(45:25):
just learned some other skillsthat I've never even thought
about um that I think might helpme in my process.
So thank you so much.
Um, Cynthia, do you have any?
I was gonna say last words asif like anything else before we
wrap up.
No, no.
Yeah, this has been soenlightening.
Um, so thank you for beinghere.
(45:47):
I want to mention again, it'smindblowinghappiness.com.
The book is the anger myth.
Did not listen to me fromearlier.
Um, please go check out thewebsite.
Please purchase the book.
Is there anything else you wantto add?
I mean, maybe I'll ask you onelast question before we finish.
If someone is listening andfeeling stuck, where would you
(46:09):
tell them to start besides goingto your website and getting
your book?
What would you say they shouldstart at?
Maybe taking the quiz or ifthey're feeling stuck.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (46:21):
Um, well, there's a there are quite a few
opportunities to engage with me.
Um, recently I put something, Icreated something called a
small step one-on-one lasersession.
Uh-huh.
So it's you can get on a callwith me for 30 minutes on Zoom
and you know, tell me whatyou're working on, and I can
(46:42):
make recommendations for you.
It came up because I do a lotof one-on-one coaching.
I coach for businesses, I coachfor speakers, I coach authors.
Um, and I've been doing thisfor a long time now.
And sometimes people, they'renot really ready, they don't
even know maybe what a lifecoach type relationship looks
like.
Right.
They might just have questions,like what you were saying,
(47:03):
like, where do I start?
So, yeah, so I have a 30-minutesession.
If somebody wanted to book methat way, they can do that.
Um and they can find that onyour website as well.
Carmen Lezeth (47:12):
Okay.
Well, thank you so much forbeing here.
It's been such a pleasure.
And again, um, we'd love tohave you back if in the future
you would like to come back andhang out with us, and maybe
we'll invite Rick, our otherperson briefly.
Um, but thank you so much.
And everyone, remember at theend of the day, it is all about
(47:34):
the joy.
And I hope you got that fromthis wonderful, wonderful
interview today.
Thank you.
I've learned so much.
I love when that happens.
Thank you, everyone.
Bye.
Thank you.
Bye bye.
Thanks for stopping by, allabout the joy.
Be better and stay beautiful,folks.
Have a sweet day.
Hi everyone, welcome to All About the Joy.
This is the private lounge, andin the house we have just
Cynthia.
Cynthia, you took off your justCynthia.
I did, I did.
And our guest, we are sograteful to have Trish Agel
Roberts in the house.
Um, you are the founder and CEOof Mind Blowing Happiness, and
(00:20):
we're gonna get into why youcalled it that in a minute.
But I also want to say you alsoyou are also the author of
three amazing books who arebacked by, I mean, I can't
believe how many I read all thecomments.
I was so 12 steps to mindblowing happiness, um, which was
endorsed by Jack Canfield andIanla van Sant, and I know her
(00:41):
from the Oprah show.
That's where I remember herfrom.
I'm like, go ahead, girl.
Uh thinking outside theChrysalis, Chrysalis.
Chrysalis, thank you.
And your most recent book isThe Anger Myth, which is
critically acclaimed and wasjust released internationally in
2024.
So um you spent 20 years incorporate America and then left.
(01:06):
And I wanted to find out whyand how you came, just get a
little background on who you arebefore we pepper you with every
other question.
Welcome to the show.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (01:16):
Thank you.
Thank you so much for havingme.
So, you know, I grew up, my myparents are from the Caribbean,
and I grew up in Brooklyn.
And uh I really grew up withthis idea that you could kind of
be like a doctor, a lawyer, ora business person.
So I didn't think that I had awhole lot of options when I went
into corporate.
And um, you know, I had somegreat experiences.
(01:39):
I worked as an accountexecutive, account manager for
many years in telecom.
I was a financial advisor formany years, but I always felt
like I was only bringing a smallportion of myself to the table,
and I was only using a smallportion of my talents and my
capabilities.
And, you know, if you havespiritual beliefs at all, you
(01:59):
know that um sometimes spirit orGod or whatever you call that
will kind of guide you,sometimes in ways that you don't
love.
Okay.
I was kind of ushered along apath where I was able to step
away from corporate and start myown business.
And it's been almost sevenyears now.
Carmen Lezeth (02:20):
So I've um yeah, can you um def well I read that
it was trans transformationalleadership?
Can you explain a little bit ofwhat that means for people like
me who didn't really understandwhat that meant?
I mean, I kind of couched itunder life coach, and I think
(02:40):
that's not doing it a goodservice.
So could you explain what it isthat you actually do to our
audience?
Trish Ahjel Roberts (02:47):
Yeah, so I run a personal and professional
development company, which iscalled Mind Blowing Happiness.
So I work with organizationsand um also corporations as a
speaker, bringing programs fortheir leadership, um, so that
you can learn to leadauthentically, learn, learn to
(03:07):
lead with empathy, lead withjoy.
Most of our corporate modelsare based on a military model,
which a lot of people don'trealize.
So yeah, so you show up inuniform, right?
Right, at least it's gonna go.
Do we have our guns orsomething?
I'm so good.
You show up in a in a uniform,you know, the dark suit or
(03:28):
conservative or whatever.
And there is a model where youknow the CEO tells everybody
what to do through the ranks.
And many times um you can'tquestion authority, you're kind
of a soldier, you're followingdirections, and it works until
it doesn't work.
You know, what we found is thatmany people are quiet quitting,
(03:50):
you know, they're doing otherthings on the side, they're not
really happy with the structurewhere, you know, you might be
sitting in a meeting, somebodyasks your opinion, but you know
that they really don't want youropinion.
You can't really speak up andsay.
So um transforming leadershiphas to do with being able to
(04:11):
have authenticity as leaders.
Um, it's not only forcorporations or organizations.
I think most of us are leaders,you know, whether we're leading
in our families or we'releading in communities or we're
entrepreneurs like me.
Maybe we are leading incorporations as executives.
Anytime we have somebodylooking up to us, we're leaders,
(04:31):
whether whether we want to beor not.
So there's there's a lot ofreally good, empowering work
that's there for the individualto come more into themselves and
more into their own umauthenticity and sovereignty,
and then also to create spacefor the people who look up to
us, whether they're at work orin our families, to come into
(04:54):
themselves as well.
Carmen Lezeth (04:56):
Cynthia, do you want to jump in or go ahead?
Cynthia (04:59):
Yeah, yeah.
Actually, um, so I was reading,you know, the website and
everything, and it says that youalso teach yoga.
I do.
Did you start with yoga?
Like, did you how did that comeabout in the office?
Trish Ahjel Roberts (05:12):
Yeah, if you went on my website, you
probably saw a lot of thingsbecause I I actually do a lot of
things.
I I like to feel like it allcomes under this umbrella of
people becoming better andgrowing, you know.
But yoga, the first time I tooka yoga class, I was pregnant
with my daughter in 2000.
Um, and I remember at the timethinking, yeah, okay, yeah, this
(05:34):
is whatever.
I I just didn't think it was abig deal.
Um, and then years later, I gotinto running.
And then I kind of circled backto my yoga because you know,
running makes you tight, andthey say, Oh, yoga will stretch
you out.
So I was approaching it morefrom just the exercise
standpoint.
But what I realized when Istarted practicing yoga
(05:55):
regularly is that when youchange the position of your
body, it changes your emotions.
So if you've ever, yeah, so ifyou've ever seen um people
prostrate, you know, we see thisoften in the um is in Islam in
Muslim things.
Oh, yeah.
Speaker 04 (06:11):
Yeah.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (06:11):
Oh so that is also a yoga pose called
child's pose.
So it just gives you an ideathat that is a posture for
surrender, for grounding, forprayer.
Um, and they're just there arejust so many poses where I would
notice, ah, when I change theposition of my body, I change my
(06:33):
emotions.
So that was kind of my my firstaha with yoga.
And then I just startedpracticing more.
Um, many people don'tunderstand that there are what
they call eight limbs to yoga,so it's the philosophy as well
as the practice, and thenmeditation, and then breath work
and concentration.
So there's so many elements toit.
(06:54):
It's not a religion, but it isa beautiful uh way of becoming
more embodied, you know, moreunderstanding your own physical
body as well as your spiritualself.
Cynthia (07:06):
So it's kind of funny because um, like during COVID, I
work at the hospital.
So during COVID, they hadlittle um mini seminars like
during lunchtime where you cando chair yoga for like 10
minutes.
And a lot of it was breathingtechniques, and it did help, you
know, calm me down or just kindof be aware of my space and
things like that.
(07:26):
And when I was telling Carmenabout it, she's like, I don't
like yoga.
I said, No, yoga can only belike 10 minutes if you want.
She's like, Really?
So I thought it was really coolthat they actually incorporated
that to kind of help theemployees, too.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (07:39):
Yeah, and I'm glad you said that too,
because I've had so many peoplewho are like, I don't like yoga,
but you might have oneexperience with one type of
yoga.
So even the physical practiceof yoga, there's all different
types of physical practices.
So there are things like chairyoga, there's of course power
yoga, you could stand on yourhead.
That's usually what scarespeople.
(08:01):
But there but there's slowertypes of yoga.
What they call yin, where youhold postures for like three to
five minutes.
There's restorative yoga, whichis almost like lounging in your
easy chair, but it really calmsyour nervous system.
And then there's what they callyoga nitra, which is like yogic
(08:22):
sleep.
It's like a little bit of ameditation visualization type
thing.
So there's so many differentkinds of ways to access that.
Carmen Lezeth (08:31):
Yeah, I'm still not a fan.
Yeah.
I mean, I think there's more toit than that.
Like, I mean, you know, I grewup as a dancer and as a
performer, and we did a lot ofPilates.
And so I think there's alsojust kind of the contrast where
it was just for exercise.
I think my issue with yoga whenI think about it exercise-wise,
it's it doesn't work for me,right?
(08:52):
But I do get the meditativepart of it.
I just don't do it in yoga.
I I do it, I write in myjournal every day, right?
That becomes my meditativespace.
And so thank you for making melook bad to our guests, Cynthia.
Yeah, but I've got I I've justnever I've tried every single
kind of yoga.
(09:13):
Um, because I I really thoughtthe hot yoga would be the thing
that I would really get into.
It just never worked for me.
And I think that's okay too.
I think everyone can have theirown.
And maybe one day you'll take aclass with me.
And then maybe I'll win.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (09:29):
Cynthia gonna take it too now.
Yes, sure.
I'm teaching in Costa Rica inJanuary.
Are you really?
Speaker 04 (09:37):
Oh well.
Carmen Lezeth (09:39):
I think I think we have to make a trip, Carmen.
All of a sudden, I'm like, it'sall about, you know, I'm trying
to be more like all into it.
Um, let's talk aboutmind-blowing happiness.
Where did that great name ofyour company come from?
Trish Ahjel Roberts (09:56):
So, how did this start?
Okay, so I guess maybe around2018, 2019, I had been studying
uh Buddhist philosophy foryears, and I had been studying
yoga for years, and I hadlearned so much, you know, going
through things I've beenthrough in my life.
And I remember one night I gotup, it was like three o'clock in
the morning, and these 10 ideascame to me, and I had to write
(10:19):
them down.
So I wrote them down, I wentback to bed.
The next day I looked at them,I added two more, and I said,
Oh, I've got to teach this.
So I was writing um what Ithought was gonna be like a
little booklet for a retreatthat I was putting together.
And I was really obsessed atthe time with the idea of the
butterfly because I wastransitioning from like
(10:41):
corporate life into like reallyfeeling like I could be myself.
So I titled the book, ThinkingOutside the Chrysalis.
And then I realized nobodyknows what a chrysalis is.
I don't know what a chrysalisis, so I didn't know how to say
it.
Yeah, nobody knows what it is,nobody can pronounce it.
I feel better now.
I feel better.
So the feedback that I got wasreally great.
(11:04):
You know, my readers were like,oh my gosh, these concepts are
amazing.
We'd like something likeanother book that's more like a
journaling book that we can workwith.
And I thought, okay, great, butI got to do something about
this chrysalis thing.
I kept talking aboutself-actualization.
Okay.
And I realized nobody knew whatI was talking about with that
either, Carmen.
Carmen Lezeth (11:23):
I do know that.
That one I do know.
That one I do know, right?
Trish Ahjel Roberts (11:27):
But but the masses don't necessarily know
what that means.
So I was thinking, okay, howcan I describe the concept of
self-actualization, which isbasically, you know, reaching
your fullest potential, right?
Carmen Lezeth (11:38):
Right.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (11:38):
Um, how could I incorporate that into
another word?
And I didn't want to sayhappiness because happiness
seems so fleeting.
You know, it's like I have anice cup of coffee, I'm happy.
I take a walk in the park, I'mhappy.
I have a good day, I'm happy,you know.
So I wanted to find the wordthat would make that really
(12:02):
ignite.
And I went from mind blowing.
Yeah.
I love that.
And I like mind blowing, it's alittle sexy.
And who doesn't want their lifeto be a little sexy, right?
This is this ain't no regularhappiness.
You know, this is mind-blowinghappiness.
And that's where that's wherethat came from.
Carmen Lezeth (12:19):
I love that you just talked about happiness in
the same way that I think abouthappiness.
Um, right, Cynthia, you it'sverbatim what I say about
happiness and joy.
And so for me, joy is innate.
Joy is something we actuallycan control, um, and that we can
learn to, anyways, not aboutme, but I'm just saying I love
(12:40):
that's exactly I always say Ieat a piece of chocolate cake,
I'm happy.
I get a bonus at work, I'mhappy.
You know, um, that's sustainit.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (12:49):
Um I'm sorry?
No, I said, but how do yousustain it, right?
How do you maintain thatfeeling?
And that's what you do all day,right?
Carmen Lezeth (12:58):
Right.
And that's what you do.
You help people gain thatability to do that, right?
Through all of the different umavenues that you work as.
So you're a okay, you're ablack woman, a Buddhist, a
coach, a strategist.
Um, how do those identitiesinform your work, right?
How do you use all of thosepieces to help, let's say, a
(13:21):
group of a team of like fivepeople in an office?
Can you give us kind of atangible thing that you would do
with that group?
Trish Ahjel Roberts (13:30):
Yeah, so when I work with organizations,
typically we will createsomething that's designed to
meet their needs.
Um, I can say that my signaturetalk is Unlocking the Secrets
to Mind-blowing happiness, whichstarts with the five kind of
essential or foundationalingredients.
So it's the first five steps inthe book, right?
(13:53):
The first one, you know, and alot of times these things don't
come into the office.
Like the first step is healing.
70% of workers who are incorporate spaces have some
trauma that is unhealed, right?
So that's what the data islooking like.
It's not something that'ssomeplace else, right?
And those things show up.
(14:14):
They show up in the way thatcommunication may take place at
work, whether people are able totake critique or feedback, you
know.
Um, so it shows up in a lot ofspaces, but the healing is the
first one.
And sometimes, you know, you'renot gonna get healed at work
just because I came up to talkto you for 45 minutes.
(14:37):
But what happens is that thethe awareness opens up.
Yeah, you know, the realizationthat you're not alone.
Everybody's had some form oftrauma, whether it's you know,
trauma with the big T or traumawith the little T.
Um, but once you have thatawareness, even for the
organization, then it can besomething that more attention
(14:59):
can be given to, right?
So um healing is first.
The second one is spirituality,which is another thing that at
work everybody um kind ofpretends that we're these robots
in business suits.
Right, you know, and then atthe end of the day, you go home
feeling really depleted becausenobody is really seeing or
(15:20):
connecting with you, maybe theway that you want to be
connected with.
So, whatever your belief systemis, we can look at data and
understand that we have aphysical body that we can see
and touch, and we also have anon-physical body that now we
can measure with equipment.
You know, we can see not onlyheat, but also electromagnetic
(15:43):
signals that come from ourbodies.
We have a field, an aura,right, around us.
So these things exist, they'renot arguable.
Well, you could argue, butyou'd be wrong, right?
Right, you know.
So the second step isunderstanding that there is a
spiritual self.
People are walking around sad,lonely, bumping into things,
(16:07):
angry, yelling at the peoplearound them, in part because
they don't understand that theyhave a spiritual self.
They may think that they areinherently bad or there's
nothing inside them worthunearthing or acknowledging,
right?
So those are kind of thefoundational.
And then the the next uh stepgoes into community.
(16:30):
We need community, we need tohave a sense of community,
whether it's the places that wework or communities that we
build outside of ourorganization or team building,
you know, that we may set up asleaders within an organization.
Um, so those those are thefirst three.
I could go on, but I don't wantto.
(16:51):
No, I know.
Carmen Lezeth (16:52):
I'm I'm so sorry, I'm like fascinated, right?
That's why I'm not saying aword.
Speaker 04 (16:55):
I'm like, really, really?
Carmen Lezeth (16:57):
Because I'm thinking you could come to one
of our clients' offices and havea conversation with some
people.
But you must you must work withpeople, and then it's a it's
not a one-day event, it must bea long-term thing to get into
all of that stuffage.
So for respectfully, that'sjust my word.
(17:18):
I'm sorry.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (17:20):
No, look, I told you, I love this stuff.
I could be here all day, Icould be here all day with the
stuffage and all the things.
Carmen Lezeth (17:26):
So, but yeah, so if I do, if did I insult you, I
didn't mean to be insulting.
No, no, no, not at all.
I'm I'm loving it.
Oh, okay, but that's deep.
Look at Synthia's like, youinsulted her.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (17:37):
No, no, no.
Carmen Lezeth (17:39):
No, listen, I'm changing energy.
I love made-up words.
So just that's I that's one Ihave like seven of them.
That's one of them stuffing.
And it is deep.
It is deep.
It is deep stuff.
And I I'm thinking about I amthinking about the offices I
work for, and I'm like, wow, Idon't do any of that.
Yeah, I I I probably need itmyself, you know what I mean, as
(18:02):
you're speaking.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (18:03):
So yeah, I mean, it's so needed.
So many people are unhappy.
If you ask most people if theyare happy, for the first thing
they're gonna ask you is, well,what do you mean by that?
What does that mean?
You know, and they might evenbe suspicious, like, what are
you trying to do?
What are you trying to say tome?
You know, so the the need isdefinitely there, but to your
(18:25):
point, yes, it's I can go in andI can do a talk for 45 minutes
and leave.
And people might say, Oh, thatwas really interesting.
Let me grab a copy of her book,or we'll leave behind a copy of
the book.
This one um is a it's ajournaling book, so it has 12
steps, five prompts per step.
You could work through it allyear.
Carmen Lezeth (18:45):
And this is the mind-blowing happiness book
because we have the audio aswell.
So I want to make sure thatpeople realize that you were
holding up that book.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (18:53):
Oh, yes, yes.
That was 12 steps to mindblowing happiness that I that I
was showing you.
So for like a single talk, itcould be something like that.
But if I were going into anorganization to do some work,
typically it would be a workshopand then either some group
coaching calls, you know, thatwould be on Zoom for maybe three
months or some period of timethat we agree on to give the
(19:16):
opportunity for me to teach moreand for people to get their
questions answered, you know.
Um, but yeah, it's it's umthat's like my life's work right
there.
You know, I think that if eachof us were even like 20% better,
like if we just felt maybe 20%better about ourselves, so we
(19:39):
could be maybe 20% moreauthentic and maybe show up with
confidence, 20% more, you know.
Like we're not gonna be wholenew brand people or brand new
people, but if we could just geta little bit more, um my pet
peeve is that we have a lot ofum people who are emotionally
not intelligent, without greatintentions, who have large
(20:04):
platforms and big voices, andeven a lot of followers, right?
So these malintentioned folksare making a lot of noise and
doing a lot of things, and thenwe have very lovely, nice people
who are at home gardening andthey will not share their
opinion or speak up, you know.
Carmen Lezeth (20:23):
So can you talk a little bit about what emotional
intelligence is?
Because I don't think I don'tthink a lot of people understand
what emotional intelligence is.
I'm so sorry.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (20:33):
No, no, no.
So uh so emotional intelligencedeals with things like
self-awareness.
So, do you know how you feel?
Do you have the words?
Like there is a chart, I can'tthink of the name of the chart,
but there's a chart with all thewords for all your feelings.
So, can you even verbalize yourown emotions?
(20:56):
Can you uh developself-awareness so you're aware
not only of how you feel, buthow the way that you behave
impacts other people?
So developing some of thatlanguage and some of that
self-awareness is really theroot of what emotional
(21:17):
intelligence is.
Right.
I love it.
Go ahead, Cynthia.
Carmen Lezeth (21:22):
I'm sorry.
Cynthia (21:23):
So I actually took your angry myth quiz online and it
came out 50%.
And I was like, um, okay, I'm50-50.
Carmen Lezeth (21:36):
So can you explain what what that is?
I know it's your third book andit's the book that's currently
out.
It came out in 2024internationally, but can you
explain first what the book isand then answer Cynthia's
question?
Again, audio.
I'm always like I'm theproducer over here.
Yes, yes, yes.
Go ahead, go ahead.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (21:53):
So I started off talking about the
foundational concepts for umunlocking the secrets of my
willing happiness, right?
So we talked about um healing,we talked about spirituality,
and then we talked aboutcommunity.
The fourth step is self-loveand authenticity, and I touched
on that a little bit.
The fifth step is transforminganger.
(22:15):
So it's really aboutpeacefulness, learning to
transform your anger into eithercalm, you feel fine, nothing's
bothering you, or constructiveaction, not violence, right?
An action that is gonna beconstructive.
It's the kind that we'vethought through, right?
(22:39):
Right, right.
So I used to do a lot ofinterviews on uh the book 12
steps of mind-blowing happiness,and people would say, Well, you
know, we don't have time for 12steps.
It's like what you were saying,Carmen.
This is a lot of work.
What is the one thing that Ican do to be more joyful?
And if I had to choose one, itis the anger, it's this idea
(23:02):
around anger.
So that's why the book that Iwrote most recently is the anger
myth.
And the subtitle isunderstanding and overcoming the
mental habits that steal yourjoy.
It wasn't until I startedstudying Buddhism that I started
to understand that anger is amental habit.
It's a habit, you know.
(23:25):
I didn't know that I didn'thave to be angry when people did
things that I did not like.
You know, that was kind of likethe only way that I knew to
react to something was to beangry.
But when you think about it,you know, if you've ever been
around small children, liketwo-year-olds, you know, if you
do something they don't like,maybe you take away their toy,
(23:48):
you tell them no, whatever itis, they'll like let loose, you
know, fall on the ground,scream, cry, whatever.
As we get older, well, we can'treally get away with that, but
we'll still do like the grown-upversion of it.
You know, I'm not speaking toyou anymore, or maybe I'm
screaming at you, but in somekind of way, acting out and
(24:11):
never, you know, we don't reallylearn how to process it.
So the book teaches you how toprocess it, um, but it also
brings attention to subtleversions of anger that we don't
recognize as anger.
Um, so in the book I call themanger seven cranky cousins, and
(24:32):
they are um disappointment,annoyance, okay, frustration,
jealousy, impatience, guilt,which is really self-directed,
and then resentment, which isjust you know, anger extended
over a long period of time.
Because sometimes we get stuckin the disorder.
Carmen Lezeth (24:53):
Angry cousin, okay, cousins of anger.
I just got it.
I'm like, what?
Just like cousin.
What am I talking about?
I'm so sorry.
I hey, if I'm thinking thatway, there might be other people
who are losing.
Oh, sure.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (25:10):
Like, why do cousins get involved with
this?
No, no, I totally get it.
So when I first started sayingBuddhism, and they um, you know,
shared kind of this philosophyaround what anger is, and then I
understood that there aresubtle versions, you know, like
(25:31):
we don't necessarily go fromzero to a thousand.
We'll be on this low simmer.
And you probably know peoplelike this who are like just
simmering, they're maybecomplaining a lot, they're
always just a little cranky,nothing really maybe makes them
happy, you know.
Okay.
Carmen Lezeth (25:51):
I'm just fixing my hair.
I'm not pointing at you,Cynthia, at all.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (25:56):
And it's like we think that, you know,
like I'm driving someplace andI'm stuck in traffic, and I'm
thinking, you know, I'm too goodfor this traffic.
Don't they know that I'm comingthrough?
You know what I mean?
It's like and it but it seemsnormal to us, right?
Until you realize howridiculous you're being.
But you have to pause and kindof think about it and work
(26:17):
through it.
Like, well, you know, everybodyelse is in this traffic too.
They all have places to go too.
I can't be the most importantperson on the road right now,
right?
Carmen Lezeth (26:27):
So, um so are you saying anger?
We shouldn't.
I mean, just to be clear,because I want to I haven't read
the book yet.
I did just order it.
Did I just order it?
I will be ordering the angrymyth.
Well, I don't want to.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (26:40):
The anger myth.
Carmen Lezeth (26:41):
The anger myth.
Okay.
Are you saying that it's notokay to be angry?
Or that you don't get angry atall?
Trish Ahjel Roberts (26:48):
Or I'm just curious.
I'm glad you asked this.
No, this is a perfect question.
Because it's not that it's notokay to be angry.
Being angry, disappointed,frustrated, jealous, all those
things are normal emotions,right?
So it's fine to feel youremotions.
And the the first step in thewhat I call the five-step tame
and reframe approach to processyour anger is to acknowledge it,
(27:12):
right?
So whatever you're feeling, youwant to acknowledge it.
The thing is, you don't want tolive in it.
Some people are living in it,they're living in the jealousy,
they're living in thefrustration, they're living in
whatever variations of angerthey're experiencing, and it's
hurting them.
Like, look, I'm gonna pick onCynthia.
Carmen Lezeth (27:34):
I think that would be helpful.
Go right ahead.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (27:37):
So if Cynthia is angry all day long,
it doesn't affect me.
It's that you know, it's onlyaffecting her, even if somebody
did something terrible to her,like a deep, deep betrayal,
right?
And she's angry all year.
Every day she wakes up angryover this betrayal.
And listen, I've probably beenthere, so don't think you know,
(27:58):
we've been through stuff.
But say every day I wake up,I'm so angry over this betrayal.
After a while, the reality isthe person who betrayed me is
sleeping in their bed having agreat time.
You know, I'm the one who'sdealing with this fire in my
chest, in my belly that willliterally, or I shouldn't say
(28:20):
will, but can literally make youphysically ill.
Carmen Lezeth (28:23):
Yeah, absolutely.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (28:25):
Can give you um mental health issues as
well, right?
And it's not fun, you know,it's keeping you from having the
relationships you want to havewith other people, with
yourself, you know, from doingthings that you like to do, you
know, just just from having ajoyful life.
So it's not that it's not okayto be angry and feel your
(28:47):
emotions.
It's just as we we talk aboutthings like self-awareness, you
know, you want to say toyourself, well, how long do I
want to be in this uh uh spacethat doesn't serve me, that
doesn't benefit me.
Carmen Lezeth (29:01):
So when Cynthia took the quiz and she said it
was 50%, what does that mean?
Trish Ahjel Roberts (29:08):
That means that she's she's um I want to
say she's healthy, but she hassome work to do.
It makes me think that thematerial is probably a little
new for her, you know, which itis for most people, right?
This this idea that we haveoptions, that we don't have to
be angry.
I know it was new for me, but Ithought that like I told you, I
(29:31):
thought that if somebody didsomething I didn't like, that
that was what I should befeeling.
And I didn't realize that ithurt me.
Cynthia (29:39):
I mean honestly, I think sorry, um, I think if I
would have taken this test maybelike five, six years ago, I
probably would have been at like75% because I did, you know,
have anger issues and thingslike that that I have worked on.
So now that it's at 50%, I feela lot better about myself that
it I'm working on myself and youknow.
It's it's getting there.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (30:01):
Yes, yes, yes.
No, fifty is not bad.
You know, most people are notgoing to like score really well
because for most folks it's adifferent way of understanding
um what anger is and how itworks.
Right.
Carmen Lezeth (30:17):
Like you can want people to be able to access uh
the quiz so they could go visityour website at is it it's
mindblowinghappiness.com.
Yeah.
And they can find the quizthere um as well as so much more
information.
You also have a podcast aswell.
Um, do you do that podcast justmonthly, though?
(30:38):
We're on a little hiatus forthe podcast right now, but when
I do it, I do it monthly.
Still, I listened to two ofthem.
It was such it was you havesome guests on there, and it's
just a wealth of information.
So it'smindblowinghappiness.com.
Uh please go visit the websiteand get the quiz if you'd like
to score better than Cynthia.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (31:02):
Don't pick on Cynthia.
I love that you went on thequiz.
And I will say as well, that isself-awareness, right?
That is the willingness to do aself-assessment, to look at
yourself, to learn, because mostpeople won't do that.
I like you, Cynthia.
(31:24):
Don't worry.
Carmen Lezeth (31:26):
Okay, well, it was nice having you on the show.
Um, I think one of the things II'm not most proud of, but I
think I deal with anger prettyquickly.
And Cynthia, you could youcould say I don't or whatever,
but I get angry, I get mad, Itell people, and then I'm done.
And and I move through it.
(31:47):
And I think it's I have issuestoo, and I'm gonna take the quiz
and see where I score.
But I think one of the thingsthat I have always found
interesting about being angry isthat people really hold it in.
Like they don't want to admitthat they're angry.
I'm so glad you said that.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (32:04):
Yeah, I'm glad you said that.
Because that's because youknow, I think that with my work,
people do get confused and theythink that it's about
repressing, so that you're like,well, somebody does something
ridiculous, and you're like, oh,that didn't bother me at all.
I'm just fine.
I'm just fine.
And that's why you're bitingyour tongue.
(32:28):
That's not what it is, youknow.
Um, or they may feel like theycan't defend themselves, like if
somebody is verbally attackingyou, I can verbally attack you
and keep my nervous system calmbecause I'm pretty good at this,
you know what I'm saying?
But yeah, so don't but but thattakes practice, right?
Um, but yes, it doesn't meanthat I only speak flowery words
(32:53):
all the time, or that you cancome and say whatever you want
to me, or that I don't haveboundaries, or that I won't even
physically defend myself if Ineed to.
So you can do all the thingsthat you need to do.
It has more to do with umwhat's going on internally.
And actually, I can take youguys through the five steps so
you understand.
Um, that'd be great.
(33:15):
Okay.
So, and I love this because itum I use the acronym anger, so
it'll actually spell anger tokind of help us remember a
little bit.
So the five steps, right?
So if somebody, I don't know,cuts you off in traffic, flips
you the finger.
So what you don't do is speedup and bump into the back of
their car.
Carmen Lezeth (33:36):
That would be violence.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (33:39):
So we don't go for violence.
So the first thing, youacknowledge your anger, like I
was saying before.
So you're like, okay, I'mpissed.
I see you.
Okay.
Um, second step is notice yourbreath.
So this is a big one.
Cynthia, you were talking aboutthat when you did the yoga
segment.
Yeah, you could just take, youknow, three long breaths.
Inhale to the count of three,exhale to the count of three.
(34:01):
When I when I get intense, likeI may not be breathing at all.
So it's like so remember tobreathe.
The G is to gear up yourimagination.
And for many of us, we hadimaginations when we were kids,
(34:22):
and then somebody told us, stopdaydreaming, get your act
together, and we just don'treally use our imagination
anymore.
So you want to kind of open upyour imagination.
Okay, this person cut me off,you know, gave me the finger.
Maybe they're running from thecops, right?
Maybe their mother just died.
Carmen Lezeth (34:41):
Um just come up with a story that you don't
know.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (34:46):
Maybe they're having a heart attack,
right?
Yeah, or they have some diseasethat makes them flip their
finger.
Like, I don't know, you know, Idon't know what's going on.
That is a great imaginationright there.
Yeah, or my my favorite ismaybe they just had a very poor
upbringing, you know, they wereraised by wolves, and thank god
(35:08):
I'm not them.
Right.
So, whatever that thoughtprocess is, it takes you away
from following something thatyou don't need to get involved
with, right?
Right, and then the next stepis um, oh I'm like, wait, but
what are we supposed to say?
Carmen Lezeth (35:26):
It's the being angry, that's why.
It's so sorry.
This is good, this is good,okay.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (35:34):
It's anger, yeah, it's anger.
So it's the E.
So the E is okay, well, whatare we gonna do now?
So, in this scenario, whenyou're driving, you can just
entertain yourself.
You don't have to do anything.
You can call a friend, youcould turn up your um radio or
podcast, whatever you'relistening to, put on an audio
book, you could start singing,whatever.
(35:55):
Just do something to entertainyourself, and you know, you can
do it.
So, freedom or entertainyourself.
It depends.
So, this is where it gets alittle something.
So, for small things, youentertain yourself.
You can't always entertainyourself.
Sometimes somebody might be inyour face, or it might be
something that requires more, itcould be a work issue,
whatever.
So it's either entertainyourself, educate yourself.
(36:15):
Sometimes you need to do somework and learn some stuff.
That's good, and and thensometimes, like when you have
issues that are like socialjustice or war or you know, all
the isms and all those things,education may not be enough.
This is when I say enlightenyourself, it kind of circles
back to that.
The spirituality, findingsomething that will make those
(36:39):
types of things make some sortof sense for you.
Cynthia (36:45):
So that's the action.
Do we also use EA for edit?
Like maybe edit the way youwould change things.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (36:54):
I mean, if you like edit, I'm I'll go for
that.
Carmen Lezeth (37:04):
I'm gonna have to put this co-author on my next
book.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (37:11):
But I like that symptom, if that makes you
remember something for you, thengo for it.
Because that the E is theaction.
Like, what is the action thatyou're gonna take?
Are you gonna entertainyourself?
Are you going to make a notethat you need to learn something
later or address something inthat way?
Or are you gonna have to gostraight to spirit?
(37:31):
Because sometimes you gotta goto spirit, you know?
Carmen Lezeth (37:35):
Yeah, entertain.
Um, what were the three E's?
Because there was three.
Entertain, I guess.
Um educate, enlighten, orenlighten.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (37:47):
Yeah.
And then R.
And then the last one is R.
So once you've done whateveryour process is, right?
You acknowledge your anger, youtook a breath.
Um, you use your imagination tothink about, you know, generate
some compassion, some empathyfor whatever someone else might
be going through.
You figure out how you're gonnatake your action, whether you
just entertain yourself and moveon.
(38:07):
And then once you do that, itsounds like a lot, but this can
all be split seconds once youpractice it.
So once you're done, you justlike recognize your success.
Yeah.
You know, I didn't get into acar accident, I didn't ruin my
own mood for the next 30 minutesor for the rest of the day,
right?
Um, I de-escalated, maybesomething that could have
(38:27):
escalated, whatever it was.
You want to recognize yoursuccess and be like, hey, like
how you were saying, Cynthia,like I'm not, you know, I may
not be perfect, but I'm notwhere I was five years ago.
Right?
Or even yesterday.
So recognizing your success isactually really important
because when we try to changeour habits, and remember I was
saying it's a mental habit, weneed to have something that is
(38:50):
like a reward, you know.
So if we are trying to start anew habit where we run every
morning, you know, you mightwant to have a nice little cup
of coffee when you're done orsomething, so that you have
something to look forward to asyour reward.
So you want to recognize yoursuccess.
And it could be as simple as asmile, you know.
Carmen Lezeth (39:11):
I'm laughing because I'm sorry, you said
running and then coffee as yourreward.
I'm like, girl.
Speaker 04 (39:16):
She's like, I have coffee.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (39:19):
What did she say?
Do you want cake again?
Speaker 04 (39:22):
It'll be chocolate cake.
Chocolate cake.
Carmen Lezeth (39:28):
I'm like, that's that's not really good reward.
That must be like a Buddhathing.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (39:32):
No, I'm just gonna reward me.
But I will I will also saythis, right?
Your reward could just betalking nicely to yourself.
Yeah, for sure.
Which a lot of people don't do.
Yes, most people, the voice init, you know, because I work
with individuals, I also workwith organizations, but I do a
lot of work with individuals.
And one of the things thatcomes up a lot is this voice in
(39:54):
our head that's like alwaysyelling at us, we're not good
enough, we didn't do it fastenough.
What were you thinking?
You know, so sometimes justthat pause to be like, look at
you go, you did the thing, orhowever you talk to yourself.
That's how I talk to myself.
You know, just having that ishuge.
And then over time, you know,people ask me a lot about how do
(40:17):
you build confidence?
Over time, becoming the personthat you want to be builds your
confidence.
Carmen Lezeth (40:26):
I think it's hard for me, like especially when
I'm thinking about how I dealwith my anger, and I it's the
been the way I've always doneit.
I have no rhyme or reason, andI'm not saying I can't improve
on it, but what ends uphappening is people are and get
upset with you, or you're tooblunt, or you're too mean, or
you're too, you know, likepeople do all that stuff.
And then so that's a wholeother thing I work on, which is
(40:49):
like not, it's not that I don'tcare what other people think,
because I think that's a facadethat nobody cares.
Yeah, I don't care what anybodythinks.
The minute you say that, you'vejust acknowledged that you care
that other people think.
But I feel bad becausesometimes when I'm angry, I let
people know right away, and thenpeople are then upset because I
said it too hard or too mean orI'm too blunt.
(41:10):
And how do you how would youanswer something like that?
How would you deal with thebacklash of being a backlash of
being your authentic self anddoing your best to deal with
anger in a better way?
Trish Ahjel Roberts (41:24):
Yeah, so I think that you can be authentic
without being um mean, bitchy.
I was gonna say abusive.
And I was like, I don't want tooffend the house.
You can say it.
Okay, I'll I I'll open thedoor.
Go ahead.
Yeah, so I think well, yeah, soI think that you can be
(41:47):
authentic without being yeah,mean or or abusive, right?
And you can, I'm telling you,those five steps work so well,
they almost sound too easysometimes.
People like ah, now if you haveum some like a clinical anger
management problem, right?
Because some people fromchildhood traumas may have um
(42:10):
the the way that your brain getsrewired in a certain way, and
I'm not a clinician, so I can'tgo too deep into that.
But if it's not um somethingthat's completely out of your
control, and you can pause longenough for that breath before
you pop off, right?
Because I used to, you know, Iused to just go straight to
(42:31):
whatever came out my mouth at acertain time as well.
But if you can pause before youdo that, and then use your
imagination, right?
Because, you know, I almostnamed that book um Anger Lies.
And my my literary agent waslike, What are you talking
(42:51):
about?
It goes back to the whole sortof Trish with what are you
talking about, Trish?
But the thing is, anger givesus false information.
So in that moment when you'reangry, you really cannot make a
good decision until you calmyourself down.
So, you know, you may betalking to someone that you love
and say the meanest thing tothem to hurt them, just in that
(43:15):
moment, you know, you forgetthat you even like them in that
moment.
It's like in that moment, theycould be the one person you hate
the most, you know.
Yeah.
So allowing yourself to pause,just finding a little bit of
space, and then the breath isnot only a pause, you are
literally bringing oxygen toyour brain where you're gonna
(43:38):
need it, you know, and thentapping into that empathy
because you figure, okay,somebody did something really
stupid that that pissed you off,right?
What were they thinking?
Was was their goal to make youangry?
Did they misspeak?
Did they, you know, like onlyfrom that place can you figure
out, okay, like how many howmany um disconnections take
(44:04):
place from miscommunication?
Carmen Lezeth (44:06):
Right.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (44:07):
Right.
Carmen Lezeth (44:07):
That's fair.
That's fair.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (44:10):
Yeah.
So um I'm gonna go down.
Go to go to small heart.
Carmen Lezeth (44:18):
No, no, I know, right?
I don't know how this alliancebetween you and Cynthia came,
but I'm kind of over it.
I feel like, you know, when itcomes to anger issues for
myself, I I feel very confidentin how I deal with it, but it's
always difficult to watch howpeople react to because I um I
(44:39):
do not practice everything youjust said.
It's a learning for me, whatyou just said, and I am grateful
to kind of learn that stuff.
But like I do things a littlebit different.
Like, so if somebody's mad atme on the road or cuts me off
and I get upset or whatever, Iwill then wave at like I've
trained myself to be like, it'sokay, you know, and it usually
throws people off, you know,like and so that's a there are
(45:02):
some things that I'm doing thatI've incorporated because I
don't like being angry, I don'tlike feeling mad.
And I think because as a kid, Iremember feeling mad and alone
all the time, right?
So you talked about trauma,whatever.
And so, like, I do otherthings, but I love what you're
teaching and what you justshared because um I feel like I
(45:25):
just learned some other skillsthat I've never even thought
about um that I think might helpme in my process.
So thank you so much.
Um, Cynthia, do you have any?
I was gonna say last words asif like anything else before we
wrap up.
No, no.
Yeah, this has been soenlightening.
Um, so thank you for beinghere.
(45:47):
I want to mention again, it'smindblowinghappiness.com.
The book is the anger myth.
Did not listen to me fromearlier.
Um, please go check out thewebsite.
Please purchase the book.
Is there anything else you wantto add?
I mean, maybe I'll ask you onelast question before we finish.
If someone is listening andfeeling stuck, where would you
(46:09):
tell them to start besides goingto your website and getting
your book?
What would you say they shouldstart at?
Maybe taking the quiz or ifthey're feeling stuck.
Trish Ahjel Roberts (46:21):
Um, well, there's a there are quite a few
opportunities to engage with me.
Um, recently I put something, Icreated something called a
small step one-on-one lasersession.
Uh-huh.
So it's you can get on a callwith me for 30 minutes on Zoom
and you know, tell me whatyou're working on, and I can
(46:42):
make recommendations for you.
It came up because I do a lotof one-on-one coaching.
I coach for businesses, I coachfor speakers, I coach authors.
Um, and I've been doing thisfor a long time now.
And sometimes people, they'renot really ready, they don't
even know maybe what a lifecoach type relationship looks
like.
Right.
They might just have questions,like what you were saying,
(47:03):
like, where do I start?
So, yeah, so I have a 30-minutesession.
If somebody wanted to book methat way, they can do that.
Um and they can find that onyour website as well.
Carmen Lezeth (47:12):
Okay.
Well, thank you so much forbeing here.
It's been such a pleasure.
And again, um, we'd love tohave you back if in the future
you would like to come back andhang out with us, and maybe
we'll invite Rick, our otherperson briefly.
Um, but thank you so much.
And everyone, remember at theend of the day, it is all about
(47:34):
the joy.
And I hope you got that fromthis wonderful, wonderful
interview today.
Thank you.
I've learned so much.
I love when that happens.
Thank you, everyone.
Bye.
Thank you.
Bye bye.
Thanks for stopping by, allabout the joy.
Be better and stay beautiful,folks.
Have a sweet day.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Ruthie's Table 4
For more than 30 years The River Cafe in London, has been the home-from-home of artists, architects, designers, actors, collectors, writers, activists, and politicians. Michael Caine, Glenn Close, JJ Abrams, Steve McQueen, Victoria and David Beckham, and Lily Allen, are just some of the people who love to call The River Cafe home. On River Cafe Table 4, Rogers sits down with her customers—who have become friends—to talk about food memories. Table 4 explores how food impacts every aspect of our lives. “Foods is politics, food is cultural, food is how you express love, food is about your heritage, it defines who you and who you want to be,” says Rogers. Each week, Rogers invites her guest to reminisce about family suppers and first dates, what they cook, how they eat when performing, the restaurants they choose, and what food they seek when they need comfort. And to punctuate each episode of Table 4, guests such as Ralph Fiennes, Emily Blunt, and Alfonso Cuarón, read their favourite recipe from one of the best-selling River Cafe cookbooks. Table 4 itself, is situated near The River Cafe’s open kitchen, close to the bright pink wood-fired oven and next to the glossy yellow pass, where Ruthie oversees the restaurant. You are invited to take a seat at this intimate table and join the conversation. For more information, recipes, and ingredients, go to https://shoptherivercafe.co.uk/ Web: https://rivercafe.co.uk/ Instagram: www.instagram.com/therivercafelondon/ Facebook: https://en-gb.facebook.com/therivercafelondon/ For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iheartradio app, apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.