November 2, 2025 • 25 mins
Two alarms go off across the same city, and the day splits: one morning sprints through breakfast prep, school runs, and budget math; the other flows with nannies, a chef, and a tennis lesson on the calendar. We use these parallel routines to explore how privilege changes not just outcomes but mindset - how decisions feel when every choice has a price tag versus when most frictions are outsourced. It’s not a guilt trip or a fairy tale. It’s an honest inventory of access, stress, and the stories we tell ourselves to cope.
We get real about healthcare: why a rash becomes a concierge text for some and a two-week referral maze plus co-pays for others. We talk about credit and car loans, the quiet humiliation of “you do not qualify,” and the way interest rates end up choosing for you. We unpack gratitude culture - how working people already celebrate small wins - and argue that those with abundance owe a deeper practice of grace: fair treatment, less performance, more listening. If you’re hiding wealth while carrying a Birkin, the signal is louder than you think.
Family dynamics surface the sharpest edges. Adult children can hold pain and still take responsibility. Respect doesn’t mean silence, but it does mean decency. We sit with the reality that many of us repeat what we were raised with - nannies, distance, expectations - until we decide to break the pattern. The throughline is ownership: of budgets and boundaries, of influence and impact, of the next decade regardless of the last one. Comfort and joy aren’t the same. Joy takes practice - small acts, honest talk, and choosing substance over status.
If this conversation made you think about your own life, share it with a friend, subscribe for more candid episodes -- and remember, at the end of the day, it really is All About The JOY!
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Music By Geovane Bruno, Moments, 3481
Editing by Team A-J
Host, Carmen Lezeth
DISCLAIMER: As always, please do your own research and understand that the opinions in this podcast and livestream are meant for entertainment purposes only. States and other areas may have different rules and regulations governing certain aspects discussed in this podcast. Nothing in our podcast or livestream is meant to be medical or legal advice. Please use common sense, and when in doubt, ask a professional for advice, assistance, help and guidance.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Carmen Lezeth (00:10):
Hey everyone, welcome to All About the Joy.
This is Carmen Talk.
So the difference is kind ofstark, right?
On the one hand, let's justpretend let's pretend I have two
kids.
And here's how my morning goes.
And then we'll talk about yourmorning.
(00:30):
So I wake up in the morning andthe first thing I do is get up,
I go to the kitchen, I'm goingto make my coffee, and I'm going
to check the news, kind ofcheck any of the headlines or
whatever.
Uh I am going to think aboutwhat I might want for breakfast
for myself, but moreimportantly, I'm realizing I
(00:51):
have to have breakfast for thekids when they get up.
They're going to get up inabout an hour.
Okay.
I then will turn around and goback to my bedroom and I'm going
to make my bed because I alwaysmake my bed.
If I have time, I'm going tothrow some laundry in the
washing machine, you know, if Ihave things separated out, or at
least I'm going to separatethings in different piles and at
(01:16):
some point do laundry, but Iknow that's something in the
back of my head, the to-do list.
Uh then I go and get the kidsup and I tell them they have to
get ready.
I take out their clothes,whatever it is they need, put it
out there, you know, have todeal with making sure they have
their book bags or whatever.
I then go back down to thekitchen and make sure that I
(01:39):
make them uh lunch.
Because they're gonna havelunch and I get their breakfast
ready.
At the same time, I'm screamingup to them, you know, uh to
make sure they move it along.
Because in this scenario, theyounger kids, right?
Um, then I am debating whetheror not I'll have time to
actually get on the treadmill,but I probably am not gonna have
any time.
Then I realize, oh my God,we're running late.
(02:01):
They eat, I finish my hair orwhatever it is, and we get in
the car, and I'm going to nowhave to drive them in traffic to
school, drop them off atschool, and then I have to go to
work and I have to get here towork on time, right?
By nine o'clock.
Okay.
So let's just, let's justpretend that's like, I mean,
(02:22):
that's kind of sort of whathappens, except mine, it's the
kids for me and my part.
But let that's, I would say, anormal person's regular morning
who has like two kids, and let'sjust say a single mom.
Because you're you're kind oflike a single mom too, right?
You are okay.
I mean, I know you are, butokay.
So here's the difference foryou and and how things happen
(02:46):
from my perspective.
You get up in the morning andyou come down and your coffee is
handed to you, right?
You get up at whatever time youneed to because the nannies
have already shown up to get thekids up, to get them dressed,
to get them their food, youknow, to get them their
(03:07):
breakfast, and their luncheshave already been made because
the chef is here, right?
I'm not gonna say his name, butthe chef is here, right?
So I'm not gonna say his namebecause you keep firing them.
So, but you turn around and umyou don't have to worry about
whether or not you're gonna workout or not, because the tennis
(03:31):
instructor is showing up inabout 20 minutes, and you're
going to go on your tenniscourts to play a round of tennis
or whatever it is you say,right?
And that's totally good becausethe kids are gonna be driven to
school as they always are bythe chauffeur, by the driver,
(03:52):
whatever, and the nannies aregoing to accompany them.
And you still are not evendressed yet, let alone do you
have to worry about doinglaundry because housekeepers
have already shown up, right?
You have two housekeepers, youhave two housekeepers, let's
just be honest, two housekeeperson a regular basis.
And you don't have to worryabout all that stuff.
(04:15):
So that is why we have twodifferent worlds.
And I don't think either one ofthose worlds are better or
worse.
And I know that if people werelistening in on this
conversation, they would belike, Carmen, you're crazy.
(04:36):
Like, of course, I would wantthe world where we have tennis
courts and the pool and achauffeur and a housekeeper.
But the truth is, is you'resitting here talking to me
because you're so miserableabout your life.
And I wish I could say that Ihave not had this conversation
(04:57):
many times with so manydifferent people that I have
worked for.
And so I don't know if maybe Ishould be a therapist or
something, because I could beraking in some serious money
from you people, but but let megive you another example of what
you don't understand.
There's a reason why I'mtelling you all this, okay?
Let's say you have to go to thedoctors.
(05:21):
We've had this experiencebefore, right?
You have to go to the doctorsbecause you're not feeling well
or whatever.
You think something remember,remember when you thought
something you you were like,this is cancer or whatever.
And I was like, it's notcancer.
I was like, you don't need adoctor to tell you that.
Whatever.
You were having some rash orsomething, some eczema or
whatever it was.
I don't know.
But you're what you what didyou do?
(05:41):
You just turned around andlooked on your phone because you
have your doctor's direct phonenumber and you were able to
call them and they got you inthat day.
They didn't even flinch.
No big deal.
You got in, you got out.
By the end of the day, we wereno longer talking about your
supposed cancer on your arm orwhatever it was, right?
That you hyperventilated aboutfor about 20 minutes, right?
And made everyone miserablebecause you were in a bad mood.
(06:04):
But I digress.
I digress.
So if I have to go to thedoctors, right?
Remember, I hurt my hand and Iwas in a lot of pain or
whatever.
Okay.
I had to not only call myprimary care physician first and
schedule a time to see her,which was like in two weeks.
(06:25):
And if it was really bad, Icould have gone to urgent care,
but then that would have been awhole different other
deductible.
I never call the doctorswithout doing a calculation in
my head of how much it's goingto cost me.
Right?
Because I have to go through myinsurance and my insurance
doesn't cover things.
So I have to get a referralfrom my doctor in order to go
see whatever the hand doctorperson was, right?
(06:48):
And all of those have co-pays.
So on top of it all, not onlyare you completely covered
because you have money, you Ilive on a strict budget.
And so when something out ofthe norm happens, and this is
most everyone, yes, we'll go tothe doctors, but only if we
(07:11):
absolutely have to.
And if I'm calling the doctors,it's because I absolutely have
to and I'm in pain.
And then they say there's anappointment in two weeks.
And then your primary carephysician will tell you, yes,
you should go to this otherdoctor, or no, you don't need to
just wrap it or something.
And of course, I had to go toanother doctor and had to wait
(07:32):
another two weeks to see him.
Both of those were co-pays, andthen I had deductibles to pay.
So I was like out of pocket onemonth, a thousand dollars that
I wasn't planning on.
Now, a thousand dollars to youis like, I guess like a dollar
to me.
Like if somebody asks me for adollar, I'm like, yeah, here's
your dollar.
(07:52):
You know what I mean?
Like, whatever, you know?
But if somebody asks me for athousand dollars, I don't have
that.
I I have to figure that out.
I have to budget that.
I can come up with it, I canfigure it out, but it better be
a really big-time emergency, youknow what I mean?
So for you, there's an ease tothings that most regular people
(08:20):
have to deal with on a differentlevel, like a different basis.
It's a different way ofthinking and living your life
every day.
Now, it's not your fault youwere born into what you were
born into, and it's not my faultI was born into what I was born
into.
But your level of compassionand empathy is very different
(08:46):
than my level of compassion andempathy.
And that's probably not fair tosay, but it's still very true,
right?
So, I mean, I'm not asking youto agree with me, I'm just
saying, you know, how about if Iexplain this way?
Oprah used to always say, and Ithink she still says it now,
like, write in a gratitudejournal, you know, like be
grateful, be grateful.
(09:07):
Oh my God, I want to shootpeople who are continuously
telling poor people or workingclass people to be grateful.
People who don't have anythingand who are on strict budgets
and are working every day aregrateful people.
You know how I know?
Because whenever they getanything above and beyond,
(09:28):
whenever they get a bonus orthey get a smile from a boss, or
they get a neighbor brings themover some, you know, they like
uh like my my my neighbor theother day brought me um, she
bought too many bananas and shedidn't want them to go bad.
And so she gave me like threeof them and then she gave other
neighbors some of them, right?
It was really funny, but I waslike, oh my god, yay, bananas
(09:51):
for free.
Like we walk in grace most ofthe time.
People don't have to sit aroundand be grateful every single
day because being gratefuldoesn't equal success.
People try to put that onpeople all the time, and it
drives me insane.
And you've said it a few times.
(10:13):
I think wealthy people, peoplein your circumstance, need to be
the ones who have to act inmore grace and be more grateful.
Because you have so much andyou forget that most people do
(10:33):
not live the life that you live.
Most people work for you tohave the bare minimums, to have
the bare minimums, you know, andand here's the thing: I'm not
faulting anyone for theirsuccess, whether it's born into
or you created your success.
But if you forget what it'slike, or you have never known
(10:57):
what it's like to not haveeverything at your fingertips,
that's why you're in thisstruggle.
That's why you're having theseissues.
And that's why you're coming tome and talking to me, which I,
you know, look at it, I takethat as a huge compliment.
I'm not trying to be rude, butwhat I'm trying to tell you is
(11:19):
you've said to me more thanonce, you were raised right.
You were raised well.
I wish my children were likeyou.
You have said that so manytimes.
And as much as I know you thinkyou're giving me some sort of
compliment, uh the way I wasraised was losing my mom at the
(11:42):
age of 11, living on the streetsand in a struggle, never having
complete security andconfidence and stuff and money
to do anything I wanted to do.
Like most people don't live incomfort that way.
(12:05):
Most people struggle all thetime.
You know what?
I'll I'll I'll put it this way.
I had to get a loan to buy acar, right?
This is when I first came outto Los Angeles.
And in order to get right,because in Los Angeles at the
(12:26):
time, especially when I firstmoved out here, you could not
just take the bus everywhere.
And I did for like the firstfour months, which was back in
the day, and you it was justweird.
You would go out of town to getinto another bus to get to the
other place, and it was crazy.
But I did it.
But I had to get a car.
So in order for me to get acar, I had to go to a bank and
try to get a loan.
(12:47):
And when I went to try to get aloan, and here I am, someone
who, you know, always paid mybills on time, always had a
credit score of like 600 andsomething, usually 700.
Um, you, and I say thisrespectfully, I know you know
what a credit score is, but youdon't care about your credit
score.
You've never had to care aboutyour credit score, ever.
(13:09):
People like me live and die onthe credit score thing because
that's what that's what we'vebeen trained to do, to feel bad
about, to feel guilty about,like, oh my God, I have too many
credit cards, uh, you know,whatever.
I go into a bank, I have tofill out all those applications,
I have to tell them my lifestory, I have to beg and prove
to them that I'm working, proveto them that I can pay them
(13:33):
back.
And you know what stillhappened?
They said no.
They said absolutely no.
They said, and they didn't sayabsolutely no.
They said, I'm sorry, you donot qualify.
And when you ask, why don't Iqualify?
They're like, you don't haveany collateral, you don't have
um a co-signer, you have toohigh of a, you know, usage of
credit, um, credit versus whatyou owe, right?
(13:55):
So that was always like the bigthing.
And I'm like, yeah, but I paymy bills all the time, I'm good
for it.
But they don't, but they'relike, yeah, but you're nobody,
is basically what they'resaying.
You're nobody, you don't haveanything, we don't trust you,
we're not gonna give you a loan.
You, on the other hand, youdon't have to take out a loan.
If you take out a loan, youtake it out of your trust.
(14:17):
You take your any money youneed for your children, for the
grandchildren, for anybody youwant to give a gift to, for
whatever extra you want to do.
You just call up your people.
You just call them and you tellthem, I need X amount of
dollars.
Please transfer it over into myaccount tomorrow.
(14:39):
Done done.
Even if you wanted to, let'ssay for some reason you wanted
to take out a loan, are youkidding me?
The bank would be like,absolutely.
You wouldn't have to lift afinger, you wouldn't have to do
an application.
I have other people I've workedfor where we do all their
applications, we do everythingwe need to do to submit it for
them.
They don't have to do any ofthat.
(14:59):
They're also wealthy, but notin the same way you are, right?
Like, so that's that's kind ofwhat the difference is.
So I am told no, I'm not gonnabe able to get this car.
So let me go on with that partof the story so you understand
how it works.
No, we're not gonna give you aloan.
So I have to deal with thehumiliation of that because
(15:20):
that's humiliating after youspent all this time doing this
application and expressingyourself and saying what you
needed and why you wanted it.
And, you know, you promiseyou're gonna pay it back and you
tell them everything.
And then they say, yeah, no.
Because they knew right fromthe beginning they were gonna
say no, anyways, but they madeyou go through the steps.
And that's the thing that's soheart-wrenching when you don't
(15:42):
have money.
It's like you already knew youwere gonna say no to me.
Why did you make me go throughall these hoops?
But that's a whole otherconversation, okay?
But so now I have to figure outa way to get a car, and I have
to now just go to the dealershipand deal with them not only
giving me whatever loan theywant to give me, but at any
(16:02):
rate, at any interest rate, anduh a car that I probably don't
actually want.
And that's how most people haveto function.
Most people have to function inthat way.
And here's the thing (16:19):
it's not, I don't want you to be like, oh
my god, that's so horrible.
It's terrible.
It's not, it's life, it's whatmost people go through.
But when people like yourselfwho have so much money and you
have so much at your fingertips,when you're complaining, when
(16:44):
you're upset, and when you'retalking about things like how
unfair it is, or how bad peopleare, or her, we're thinking you
have no idea what you're talkingabout.
You're not even feeling a tenthof what we're talking about.
Now, when I turn the tables, Iknow what you go through.
(17:04):
I know that the day you and Imet at Barney's and had lunch
together, and you went to theladies' room and I paid for
lunch, that you almost cried,and you told me, and I'll never
forget this no one has ever paidfor my lunch.
(17:28):
And I felt so bad.
Like I I'll always remember, Imean, that was kind of the day
where we changed, right?
From me working for you and ushaving some sort of different
relationship.
But I don't know what it's liketo walk around constantly
(17:51):
thinking somebody wantssomething from me.
I don't know what that feelslike.
But I know that that's why youwalk around constantly not
wanting people to know how muchmoney you have.
You know, which is why I waslaughing at you the other day
when you were like, I don't wantpeople to know that I have
money, you know.
And I was like, well, then thatBirkin bag is probably not
(18:12):
something you wanted to bringwith you.
You know, like laughing.
You know, I didn't even knowwhat a Birkin bag was until one
of the housekeepers told me thatit was like $30,000.
Why would you walk around townwith that?
And don't tell me it's aboutquality.
It's that's all about status.
See, that's kind of that's mypoint, you know.
(18:33):
Like, on the one hand, youdon't want people to know how
wealthy you are.
In the next breath, you're awalking billboard for wealth,
you know?
And I don't know what the shameis in it to be wealthy.
I don't know what that's about.
I don't get it.
I'm just saying, I don't getit.
Um, I understand you don't wantto seem conceited or you don't
(18:54):
want to seem ungrateful orwhatever, but it's almost like
if you're walking around in theshame of the amount of wealth
that you have, you're actuallydoing a disservice to all the
things you could be doing withyour wealth to help other
people, which you do with yourfoundations, with everything
that you try to do to help otherpeople.
(19:14):
And as far as your kids areconcerned, listen, I this one's
a hard one for me, especiallybecause they're older than I am.
So it boggles my mind.
I would never scream at anadult in that fashion.
Certainly not my mother, oreven those people that acted as
(19:36):
mother and father figures to methroughout the years.
There is a level of respectthat comes with being an elder
that I don't know if it's acultural thing, I have no idea,
but I have never experienced uhsomething like that in my life.
And I would say that at somepoint you have to take ownership
(20:02):
of your own life.
I'm talking about your childrenhere.
You have to take ownership ofyour own life and stop blaming
and playing the victim becauseyour parents did A, B, C, and D.
I mean, I'm sorry, for me, it'sreally hard to hear someone
say, you were never around, uh,you weren't there for us.
(20:24):
As if they had no one else togo to or they couldn't come and
talk to you.
I don't know what happened.
I'm not trying to dismiss whathappened in their lives of
teenagers, and I'm sure there isvalidity there, but it's just a
weird concept.
Like when I say my motherwasn't there for me, she really
wasn't there for me.
(20:44):
She was, she was dead, youknow, and I and I don't mean to
be so profound about it, butit's like other kids who talk
about their parents not beingthere for them, their parents,
you know, are whatever.
They're working too much,right?
There's there's an excuse orwhatever.
(21:05):
And I think that's what they'redoing to you.
They're making you feel badbecause you were working at
foundations and doing all thisstuff, but you were also giving
them everything that they neededto have, the same thing that
was given to you.
You were giving them the samelife that you were given because
that's what happens, right?
Unless something breaks themold, unless something changes,
(21:27):
we generally end up doing whatour parents used to do.
So you were raised by nanniesand whatever, and so your kids
are too.
And as much as I can understandwhat their pain is and what
they're talking about, they aregrown-ass people.
Like I can understand if theywere teenagers and having this
(21:53):
all-out frecoid moment with you,but they're adults.
And I think the way you reactedto them, I was heartbroken for
you.
I felt really bad.
I mean, that's why we all kindof just walked away and got out
of the house, right?
Because this was a privatemoment.
But it's one of those thingsthat I wanted to intervene and
(22:16):
say, grow the fuck up.
Like, what is wrong with you?
You can't be in your 40s and bethis upset with your parents.
Like, if you have issues, go totherapy.
You know what I mean?
If you have issues with whatyour parents did, you do what
everyone else does, work throughit.
But at some point, you got tostop playing the victim.
(22:37):
I stopped playing the victim, Ithink I was 12, right?
13, maybe.
Like at some point, you have tobe like, okay, this is my life.
I'm here.
My parents did the best theycould.
Maybe they failed at 15different things.
Maybe they made 150 mistakes.
Maybe they could have done A,B, C, and D.
(22:58):
But what I know now is thatthis is my life, and I have the
ability to have the best life Ipossibly can with the cards that
I've been dealt, and I'm goingto walk in it with as much joy
as possible.
That's what your kids need todo.
And I don't know if they'vefigured that out yet, and I
(23:21):
doubt that they will becausethey are so wound up as to why
their lives are so miserable andthey have so much.
And instead of looking withinthemselves, it's just easier to
blame you.
And that's what I think ishappening.
I don't think the way that youwake up in the morning and start
(23:44):
your day, and the way that Iwake up in the morning and start
my day is better or worse.
I don't think it's indicativeof whether or not you're a good
or bad parent, whether you havemoney or you don't have money.
I don't think any of thatmatters.
I think what does matter isthat you do the absolute best
you can and you give your kidsand you give the people around
(24:07):
you the best of who you can beall the time.
That's what I'm doing everysingle day.
Just doing the best I can withwhat I have been given.
That's all we can do.
(24:28):
That's it.
And if you want to uh stoplooking so wealthy, I know some
places where you can shop.
So funny.
Hi everyone, I hope you enjoyedthat one-sided conversation
(24:49):
that actually did happen.
Uh, and remember, at the end ofthe day, it really is all about
the joy.
Bye, everyone.
Thanks for stopping by, allabout the joy.
Be better and stay beautiful,folks.
Have a sweet day.
Hey everyone, welcome to All About the Joy.
This is Carmen Talk.
So the difference is kind ofstark, right?
On the one hand, let's justpretend let's pretend I have two
kids.
And here's how my morning goes.
And then we'll talk about yourmorning.
(00:30):
So I wake up in the morning andthe first thing I do is get up,
I go to the kitchen, I'm goingto make my coffee, and I'm going
to check the news, kind ofcheck any of the headlines or
whatever.
Uh I am going to think aboutwhat I might want for breakfast
for myself, but moreimportantly, I'm realizing I
(00:51):
have to have breakfast for thekids when they get up.
They're going to get up inabout an hour.
Okay.
I then will turn around and goback to my bedroom and I'm going
to make my bed because I alwaysmake my bed.
If I have time, I'm going tothrow some laundry in the
washing machine, you know, if Ihave things separated out, or at
least I'm going to separatethings in different piles and at
(01:16):
some point do laundry, but Iknow that's something in the
back of my head, the to-do list.
Uh then I go and get the kidsup and I tell them they have to
get ready.
I take out their clothes,whatever it is they need, put it
out there, you know, have todeal with making sure they have
their book bags or whatever.
I then go back down to thekitchen and make sure that I
(01:39):
make them uh lunch.
Because they're gonna havelunch and I get their breakfast
ready.
At the same time, I'm screamingup to them, you know, uh to
make sure they move it along.
Because in this scenario, theyounger kids, right?
Um, then I am debating whetheror not I'll have time to
actually get on the treadmill,but I probably am not gonna have
any time.
Then I realize, oh my God,we're running late.
(02:01):
They eat, I finish my hair orwhatever it is, and we get in
the car, and I'm going to nowhave to drive them in traffic to
school, drop them off atschool, and then I have to go to
work and I have to get here towork on time, right?
By nine o'clock.
Okay.
So let's just, let's justpretend that's like, I mean,
(02:22):
that's kind of sort of whathappens, except mine, it's the
kids for me and my part.
But let that's, I would say, anormal person's regular morning
who has like two kids, and let'sjust say a single mom.
Because you're you're kind oflike a single mom too, right?
You are okay.
I mean, I know you are, butokay.
So here's the difference foryou and and how things happen
(02:46):
from my perspective.
You get up in the morning andyou come down and your coffee is
handed to you, right?
You get up at whatever time youneed to because the nannies
have already shown up to get thekids up, to get them dressed,
to get them their food, youknow, to get them their
(03:07):
breakfast, and their luncheshave already been made because
the chef is here, right?
I'm not gonna say his name, butthe chef is here, right?
So I'm not gonna say his namebecause you keep firing them.
So, but you turn around and umyou don't have to worry about
whether or not you're gonna workout or not, because the tennis
(03:31):
instructor is showing up inabout 20 minutes, and you're
going to go on your tenniscourts to play a round of tennis
or whatever it is you say,right?
And that's totally good becausethe kids are gonna be driven to
school as they always are bythe chauffeur, by the driver,
(03:52):
whatever, and the nannies aregoing to accompany them.
And you still are not evendressed yet, let alone do you
have to worry about doinglaundry because housekeepers
have already shown up, right?
You have two housekeepers, youhave two housekeepers, let's
just be honest, two housekeeperson a regular basis.
And you don't have to worryabout all that stuff.
(04:15):
So that is why we have twodifferent worlds.
And I don't think either one ofthose worlds are better or
worse.
And I know that if people werelistening in on this
conversation, they would belike, Carmen, you're crazy.
(04:36):
Like, of course, I would wantthe world where we have tennis
courts and the pool and achauffeur and a housekeeper.
But the truth is, is you'resitting here talking to me
because you're so miserableabout your life.
And I wish I could say that Ihave not had this conversation
(04:57):
many times with so manydifferent people that I have
worked for.
And so I don't know if maybe Ishould be a therapist or
something, because I could beraking in some serious money
from you people, but but let megive you another example of what
you don't understand.
There's a reason why I'mtelling you all this, okay?
Let's say you have to go to thedoctors.
(05:21):
We've had this experiencebefore, right?
You have to go to the doctorsbecause you're not feeling well
or whatever.
You think something remember,remember when you thought
something you you were like,this is cancer or whatever.
And I was like, it's notcancer.
I was like, you don't need adoctor to tell you that.
Whatever.
You were having some rash orsomething, some eczema or
whatever it was.
I don't know.
But you're what you what didyou do?
(05:41):
You just turned around andlooked on your phone because you
have your doctor's direct phonenumber and you were able to
call them and they got you inthat day.
They didn't even flinch.
No big deal.
You got in, you got out.
By the end of the day, we wereno longer talking about your
supposed cancer on your arm orwhatever it was, right?
That you hyperventilated aboutfor about 20 minutes, right?
And made everyone miserablebecause you were in a bad mood.
(06:04):
But I digress.
I digress.
So if I have to go to thedoctors, right?
Remember, I hurt my hand and Iwas in a lot of pain or
whatever.
Okay.
I had to not only call myprimary care physician first and
schedule a time to see her,which was like in two weeks.
(06:25):
And if it was really bad, Icould have gone to urgent care,
but then that would have been awhole different other
deductible.
I never call the doctorswithout doing a calculation in
my head of how much it's goingto cost me.
Right?
Because I have to go through myinsurance and my insurance
doesn't cover things.
So I have to get a referralfrom my doctor in order to go
see whatever the hand doctorperson was, right?
(06:48):
And all of those have co-pays.
So on top of it all, not onlyare you completely covered
because you have money, you Ilive on a strict budget.
And so when something out ofthe norm happens, and this is
most everyone, yes, we'll go tothe doctors, but only if we
(07:11):
absolutely have to.
And if I'm calling the doctors,it's because I absolutely have
to and I'm in pain.
And then they say there's anappointment in two weeks.
And then your primary carephysician will tell you, yes,
you should go to this otherdoctor, or no, you don't need to
just wrap it or something.
And of course, I had to go toanother doctor and had to wait
(07:32):
another two weeks to see him.
Both of those were co-pays, andthen I had deductibles to pay.
So I was like out of pocket onemonth, a thousand dollars that
I wasn't planning on.
Now, a thousand dollars to youis like, I guess like a dollar
to me.
Like if somebody asks me for adollar, I'm like, yeah, here's
your dollar.
(07:52):
You know what I mean?
Like, whatever, you know?
But if somebody asks me for athousand dollars, I don't have
that.
I I have to figure that out.
I have to budget that.
I can come up with it, I canfigure it out, but it better be
a really big-time emergency, youknow what I mean?
So for you, there's an ease tothings that most regular people
(08:20):
have to deal with on a differentlevel, like a different basis.
It's a different way ofthinking and living your life
every day.
Now, it's not your fault youwere born into what you were
born into, and it's not my faultI was born into what I was born
into.
But your level of compassionand empathy is very different
(08:46):
than my level of compassion andempathy.
And that's probably not fair tosay, but it's still very true,
right?
So, I mean, I'm not asking youto agree with me, I'm just
saying, you know, how about if Iexplain this way?
Oprah used to always say, and Ithink she still says it now,
like, write in a gratitudejournal, you know, like be
grateful, be grateful.
(09:07):
Oh my God, I want to shootpeople who are continuously
telling poor people or workingclass people to be grateful.
People who don't have anythingand who are on strict budgets
and are working every day aregrateful people.
You know how I know?
Because whenever they getanything above and beyond,
(09:28):
whenever they get a bonus orthey get a smile from a boss, or
they get a neighbor brings themover some, you know, they like
uh like my my my neighbor theother day brought me um, she
bought too many bananas and shedidn't want them to go bad.
And so she gave me like threeof them and then she gave other
neighbors some of them, right?
It was really funny, but I waslike, oh my god, yay, bananas
(09:51):
for free.
Like we walk in grace most ofthe time.
People don't have to sit aroundand be grateful every single
day because being gratefuldoesn't equal success.
People try to put that onpeople all the time, and it
drives me insane.
And you've said it a few times.
(10:13):
I think wealthy people, peoplein your circumstance, need to be
the ones who have to act inmore grace and be more grateful.
Because you have so much andyou forget that most people do
(10:33):
not live the life that you live.
Most people work for you tohave the bare minimums, to have
the bare minimums, you know, andand here's the thing: I'm not
faulting anyone for theirsuccess, whether it's born into
or you created your success.
But if you forget what it'slike, or you have never known
(10:57):
what it's like to not haveeverything at your fingertips,
that's why you're in thisstruggle.
That's why you're having theseissues.
And that's why you're coming tome and talking to me, which I,
you know, look at it, I takethat as a huge compliment.
I'm not trying to be rude, butwhat I'm trying to tell you is
(11:19):
you've said to me more thanonce, you were raised right.
You were raised well.
I wish my children were likeyou.
You have said that so manytimes.
And as much as I know you thinkyou're giving me some sort of
compliment, uh the way I wasraised was losing my mom at the
(11:42):
age of 11, living on the streetsand in a struggle, never having
complete security andconfidence and stuff and money
to do anything I wanted to do.
Like most people don't live incomfort that way.
(12:05):
Most people struggle all thetime.
You know what?
I'll I'll I'll put it this way.
I had to get a loan to buy acar, right?
This is when I first came outto Los Angeles.
And in order to get right,because in Los Angeles at the
(12:26):
time, especially when I firstmoved out here, you could not
just take the bus everywhere.
And I did for like the firstfour months, which was back in
the day, and you it was justweird.
You would go out of town to getinto another bus to get to the
other place, and it was crazy.
But I did it.
But I had to get a car.
So in order for me to get acar, I had to go to a bank and
try to get a loan.
(12:47):
And when I went to try to get aloan, and here I am, someone
who, you know, always paid mybills on time, always had a
credit score of like 600 andsomething, usually 700.
Um, you, and I say thisrespectfully, I know you know
what a credit score is, but youdon't care about your credit
score.
You've never had to care aboutyour credit score, ever.
(13:09):
People like me live and die onthe credit score thing because
that's what that's what we'vebeen trained to do, to feel bad
about, to feel guilty about,like, oh my God, I have too many
credit cards, uh, you know,whatever.
I go into a bank, I have tofill out all those applications,
I have to tell them my lifestory, I have to beg and prove
to them that I'm working, proveto them that I can pay them
(13:33):
back.
And you know what stillhappened?
They said no.
They said absolutely no.
They said, and they didn't sayabsolutely no.
They said, I'm sorry, you donot qualify.
And when you ask, why don't Iqualify?
They're like, you don't haveany collateral, you don't have
um a co-signer, you have toohigh of a, you know, usage of
credit, um, credit versus whatyou owe, right?
(13:55):
So that was always like the bigthing.
And I'm like, yeah, but I paymy bills all the time, I'm good
for it.
But they don't, but they'relike, yeah, but you're nobody,
is basically what they'resaying.
You're nobody, you don't haveanything, we don't trust you,
we're not gonna give you a loan.
You, on the other hand, youdon't have to take out a loan.
If you take out a loan, youtake it out of your trust.
(14:17):
You take your any money youneed for your children, for the
grandchildren, for anybody youwant to give a gift to, for
whatever extra you want to do.
You just call up your people.
You just call them and you tellthem, I need X amount of
dollars.
Please transfer it over into myaccount tomorrow.
(14:39):
Done done.
Even if you wanted to, let'ssay for some reason you wanted
to take out a loan, are youkidding me?
The bank would be like,absolutely.
You wouldn't have to lift afinger, you wouldn't have to do
an application.
I have other people I've workedfor where we do all their
applications, we do everythingwe need to do to submit it for
them.
They don't have to do any ofthat.
(14:59):
They're also wealthy, but notin the same way you are, right?
Like, so that's that's kind ofwhat the difference is.
So I am told no, I'm not gonnabe able to get this car.
So let me go on with that partof the story so you understand
how it works.
No, we're not gonna give you aloan.
So I have to deal with thehumiliation of that because
(15:20):
that's humiliating after youspent all this time doing this
application and expressingyourself and saying what you
needed and why you wanted it.
And, you know, you promiseyou're gonna pay it back and you
tell them everything.
And then they say, yeah, no.
Because they knew right fromthe beginning they were gonna
say no, anyways, but they madeyou go through the steps.
And that's the thing that's soheart-wrenching when you don't
(15:42):
have money.
It's like you already knew youwere gonna say no to me.
Why did you make me go throughall these hoops?
But that's a whole otherconversation, okay?
But so now I have to figure outa way to get a car, and I have
to now just go to the dealershipand deal with them not only
giving me whatever loan theywant to give me, but at any
(16:02):
rate, at any interest rate, anduh a car that I probably don't
actually want.
And that's how most people haveto function.
Most people have to function inthat way.
And here's the thing (16:19):
it's not, I don't want you to be like, oh
my god, that's so horrible.
It's terrible.
It's not, it's life, it's whatmost people go through.
But when people like yourselfwho have so much money and you
have so much at your fingertips,when you're complaining, when
(16:44):
you're upset, and when you'retalking about things like how
unfair it is, or how bad peopleare, or her, we're thinking you
have no idea what you're talkingabout.
You're not even feeling a tenthof what we're talking about.
Now, when I turn the tables, Iknow what you go through.
(17:04):
I know that the day you and Imet at Barney's and had lunch
together, and you went to theladies' room and I paid for
lunch, that you almost cried,and you told me, and I'll never
forget this no one has ever paidfor my lunch.
(17:28):
And I felt so bad.
Like I I'll always remember, Imean, that was kind of the day
where we changed, right?
From me working for you and ushaving some sort of different
relationship.
But I don't know what it's liketo walk around constantly
(17:51):
thinking somebody wantssomething from me.
I don't know what that feelslike.
But I know that that's why youwalk around constantly not
wanting people to know how muchmoney you have.
You know, which is why I waslaughing at you the other day
when you were like, I don't wantpeople to know that I have
money, you know.
And I was like, well, then thatBirkin bag is probably not
(18:12):
something you wanted to bringwith you.
You know, like laughing.
You know, I didn't even knowwhat a Birkin bag was until one
of the housekeepers told me thatit was like $30,000.
Why would you walk around townwith that?
And don't tell me it's aboutquality.
It's that's all about status.
See, that's kind of that's mypoint, you know.
(18:33):
Like, on the one hand, youdon't want people to know how
wealthy you are.
In the next breath, you're awalking billboard for wealth,
you know?
And I don't know what the shameis in it to be wealthy.
I don't know what that's about.
I don't get it.
I'm just saying, I don't getit.
Um, I understand you don't wantto seem conceited or you don't
(18:54):
want to seem ungrateful orwhatever, but it's almost like
if you're walking around in theshame of the amount of wealth
that you have, you're actuallydoing a disservice to all the
things you could be doing withyour wealth to help other
people, which you do with yourfoundations, with everything
that you try to do to help otherpeople.
(19:14):
And as far as your kids areconcerned, listen, I this one's
a hard one for me, especiallybecause they're older than I am.
So it boggles my mind.
I would never scream at anadult in that fashion.
Certainly not my mother, oreven those people that acted as
(19:36):
mother and father figures to methroughout the years.
There is a level of respectthat comes with being an elder
that I don't know if it's acultural thing, I have no idea,
but I have never experienced uhsomething like that in my life.
And I would say that at somepoint you have to take ownership
(20:02):
of your own life.
I'm talking about your childrenhere.
You have to take ownership ofyour own life and stop blaming
and playing the victim becauseyour parents did A, B, C, and D.
I mean, I'm sorry, for me, it'sreally hard to hear someone
say, you were never around, uh,you weren't there for us.
(20:24):
As if they had no one else togo to or they couldn't come and
talk to you.
I don't know what happened.
I'm not trying to dismiss whathappened in their lives of
teenagers, and I'm sure there isvalidity there, but it's just a
weird concept.
Like when I say my motherwasn't there for me, she really
wasn't there for me.
(20:44):
She was, she was dead, youknow, and I and I don't mean to
be so profound about it, butit's like other kids who talk
about their parents not beingthere for them, their parents,
you know, are whatever.
They're working too much,right?
There's there's an excuse orwhatever.
(21:05):
And I think that's what they'redoing to you.
They're making you feel badbecause you were working at
foundations and doing all thisstuff, but you were also giving
them everything that they neededto have, the same thing that
was given to you.
You were giving them the samelife that you were given because
that's what happens, right?
Unless something breaks themold, unless something changes,
(21:27):
we generally end up doing whatour parents used to do.
So you were raised by nanniesand whatever, and so your kids
are too.
And as much as I can understandwhat their pain is and what
they're talking about, they aregrown-ass people.
Like I can understand if theywere teenagers and having this
(21:53):
all-out frecoid moment with you,but they're adults.
And I think the way you reactedto them, I was heartbroken for
you.
I felt really bad.
I mean, that's why we all kindof just walked away and got out
of the house, right?
Because this was a privatemoment.
But it's one of those thingsthat I wanted to intervene and
(22:16):
say, grow the fuck up.
Like, what is wrong with you?
You can't be in your 40s and bethis upset with your parents.
Like, if you have issues, go totherapy.
You know what I mean?
If you have issues with whatyour parents did, you do what
everyone else does, work throughit.
But at some point, you got tostop playing the victim.
(22:37):
I stopped playing the victim, Ithink I was 12, right?
13, maybe.
Like at some point, you have tobe like, okay, this is my life.
I'm here.
My parents did the best theycould.
Maybe they failed at 15different things.
Maybe they made 150 mistakes.
Maybe they could have done A,B, C, and D.
(22:58):
But what I know now is thatthis is my life, and I have the
ability to have the best life Ipossibly can with the cards that
I've been dealt, and I'm goingto walk in it with as much joy
as possible.
That's what your kids need todo.
And I don't know if they'vefigured that out yet, and I
(23:21):
doubt that they will becausethey are so wound up as to why
their lives are so miserable andthey have so much.
And instead of looking withinthemselves, it's just easier to
blame you.
And that's what I think ishappening.
I don't think the way that youwake up in the morning and start
(23:44):
your day, and the way that Iwake up in the morning and start
my day is better or worse.
I don't think it's indicativeof whether or not you're a good
or bad parent, whether you havemoney or you don't have money.
I don't think any of thatmatters.
I think what does matter isthat you do the absolute best
you can and you give your kidsand you give the people around
(24:07):
you the best of who you can beall the time.
That's what I'm doing everysingle day.
Just doing the best I can withwhat I have been given.
That's all we can do.
(24:28):
That's it.
And if you want to uh stoplooking so wealthy, I know some
places where you can shop.
So funny.
Hi everyone, I hope you enjoyedthat one-sided conversation
(24:49):
that actually did happen.
Uh, and remember, at the end ofthe day, it really is all about
the joy.
Bye, everyone.
Thanks for stopping by, allabout the joy.
Be better and stay beautiful,folks.
Have a sweet day.
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