May 4, 2023 • 28 mins
Comparison is a silent killer in marriages. Being compared to someone else is never a good feeling. Comparison will slowly destroy your marriage from the inside out.
Join us for this episode as we take a journey down the road of our own story as we talk about the weight of comparison.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Bryan (00:14):
Welcome to the Amplified Marriage Podcast.
Today we are talking aboutcomparison and how comparison in
your relationship is probablysucking the life right out of
it.
Tune in.
This is gonna be a good one.
Natalie (00:45):
Welcome to another episode of Amplified Marriage.
I'm Natalie.
And I'm Bryan.
Wherever you are, whateveryou're doing, as you hear us say
every podcast, grab a coffee,grab a tea snack, sit on the
couch.
Join us for a chat.
As we talk about comparison,
Bryan (01:02):
why or why is comparison so challenging?
Natalie (01:08):
Personally, the first thing that comes to my mind is
it comes from a state ofDiscontentment.
Really?
Yep.
Bryan (01:15):
So you tell me before every episode that we do not to
ask you just questions off thecuff, and then I do.
And then wisdom just pours outof you.
If you could see her face oneday we'll have this videoed and
you should see her face when shedoes these things.
But for crying out loud likethat is such a really good
start.
The comparison comes from aplace of discontentment.
Right,
Natalie (01:35):
and, and you know how it came so quickly to me because
I have lived it.
Bryan (01:40):
What are you saying?
Natalie (01:42):
I've lived in the state of comparison.
Yeah, I remember this.
It's a, it's a steeler of joy.
It robs you of what you, whatgood you have in your
relationship.
I think it keeps you focused onyourself.
Hmm.
And your needs versus anyoneelse's needs.
Like even serving your spouse.
(02:03):
That's right.
And honestly, like makes you amiserable person.
Bryan (02:09):
And, and not only does it make you a miserable person, it
makes the person that you'redoing the comparison of it makes
them miserable too.
Natalie (02:18):
That's right.
Right.
And depending on who you're, whothe receiving person is.
Yeah.
Like if it were you if I was theone that was at the receiving
end of being like, like,Compared to other people.
And I'm sure at some point therewas an instance where you were
kind of the perpetrator of, thatdoesn't come to my mind at this
(02:40):
moment, but being a recoveringpeople pleaser, it would've sent
me into a frenzy of trying towork overtime to fix it.
Right?
And so thus comes like unhealthyhabits, unhealthy.
Projections and antics that Iknow myself capable of to
(03:04):
prevent that view that you mighthave had of me.
Hmm.
But you not being a peoplepleaser what the, my sort of
like thrusting that comparisonpicture on you.
It just made you mad.
Yeah, because you were like, I'mnot striving to meet you
(03:24):
anywhere because,
Bryan (03:26):
Well, and like the, here's the thing though, is that
that's not that I was like atthe beginning when this was a
real problem for us.
I wasn't like a, I was a goodhusband.
I was a good at being just ahuman.
I was just, you know, I was kindof a mess.
Like, and it's not like, Youcomparing me to other people
spurred me on to do better?
No, it actually
Natalie (03:46):
you dug your heels
Bryan (03:46):
in.
It just done pissed me off andyeah, and it just made me worse
because I felt like I had toprove who I was and it, thinking
back, I don't remember thinkingI'm gonna be, I'm gonna be this
guy just because she said shewants me to be that guy.
No, I'm gonna be, and I neverever thought that, but I've
never, but I can remember mybehavior, right.
And, and literally doing thingsthat were the opposite because
(04:09):
I'm a stubborn.
Mule sometimes doing theopposite of what would make you
happy because you compared me tothat other person.
I remember you doing that justwith the other, other people.
Now, I remember talking before,before we, we recorded this, I
remember talking about itbeforehand, and you're like, oh,
yeah, I used to do it withfriends or say things or do
things.
I don't remember thosespecifically, but I just
(04:29):
remembered you looking atsomeone and be like, man, why?
Oh, like almost like Brian, giveyour head a shake,
Natalie (04:37):
right?
And.
It came from a place of lack.
It came from a place of, thatpart of whatever I was needing
wasn't being fulfilled.
Right.
And so,
Bryan (04:48):
but it was the expectation that if I was
better, I would fulfill that.
Natalie (04:56):
No, I don't think it was a matter of being better.
I think it was more likeself-aware of how your behavior
was hurtful.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right.
There was no self-awareness inthe first.
I'd say 10 years of ourmarriage, what?
Right.
And how do we survive for bothof us?
Right.
Oh yeah.
No, I get it.
Right.
So it wasn't just Brian.
(05:18):
And Pastor Brody, if you'relistening, I am fully aware of
my fault.
He'll know what we're talkingabout.
I'm very self-aware of the crazystunts I tried to pull in order
to get your behavior to change.
All the while it wasn't thebehavior modification that I was
(05:38):
after.
It was a heart transformation.
Yeah.
And that wouldn't come until Istarted dealing with some issues
within my own heart towards you.
So that's when the hearttransformation
Bryan (05:48):
came.
Would it have made you happy?
This is, this is a randomthought that this came to me.
Would it have made you happy forme just to, to do what you
wanted rather than be stubborn?
No.
Well, because, because Would yourather have me just someone who
just, who just gives up?
Well,
Natalie (06:07):
in the moment it would've been instant
gratification.
Right.
But you're not a puppet.
Bryan (06:11):
But you would've, you would've essentially trained me
to be a weak person.
Almost right.
You know, like, cause I psych, Iwouldn't have no idea.
She, she seems she wants thisand wants me to be like this
guy.
So I'm just gonna give up who Iam to be that person.
Natalie (06:22):
I wouldn't say train, I would say, well, that strong
words, but I just kind of likebeat you down with my words and
then just be so right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because that was, What I knew.
Well, that's what was modeled,right?
Oh, to me as a pattern thatworked.
I gotcha.
And so I'm like, ma, I'll tryit.
(06:43):
It does not work.
I, I suggest you.
Bryan (06:45):
And when they say that daughters marry their, the
someone that's like theirfathers, you married the
opposite of your dad.
Natalie (06:51):
Right.
There's, there's that little bitof, there's that rebellious
streak within my personalitythat Did you marry
Bryan (07:01):
me just despite your dad?
Natalie (07:04):
No, I love you.
So I married you, but I wish youwere
Bryan (07:08):
on camera.
Your eyeballs did a thing.
Natalie (07:12):
But did I need their approval of you?
No.
Would it have been nice to haveit?
Sure.
But as we go along on ourjourney Yeah.
Yeah.
Turned out to be pretty darngood.
Bryan (07:26):
So then here's, here's the question, and I appreciate
the compliment just for everyonehears that I gotta write down in
the, I'm just kidding.
That was just silly.
I tell you all the time howawesome I am.
I know I'm awesome.
But would it have been, did, didyour desire not to have your
parents' approval of me becauseI just didn't care what your
(07:47):
parents thought of me.
Did it, did that make it easierfor you to not care, or you just
were like, no, it took
Natalie (07:53):
a long time.
It took a long time for me tocome to a place where I could
stand on my own two feet.
Right.
Even if it meant I stood alone.
Right.
So it's not about, this is nottheir life.
Yeah.
This is not their wants andtheir expectations.
Those are, those are things theyhave to own.
(08:13):
This is my life, right?
And these are my choices and mydecisions that I'm making.
And you know, as we were goingthrough hard times, did I have
thoughts of like, what did I do?
Yes.
Right?
I did.
I would be lying if I didn't.
Did I want to spend my life withanyone else?
No.
Did I want to make it work?
Yes.
And so we exhausted.
(08:35):
All measures, both of us comingto a place where, yes, we both
want to work on the marriage.
We both wanted to work out.
And so then you put in the work.
Yeah.
And it became less about theirthoughts and opinions on the
matter.
And it became more about, thisis our family, this is our
lives.
And kind of like if you havenothing encouraging to say, then
(08:56):
maybe.
Choose the route of not sayinganything at all.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right.
And so I say that not, not to,you know, discourage open
dialogue with family andfriends, but you really need to
be discerning of whether or notthat's crossing a line.
(09:16):
And.
Being more disparaging and moredamaging than actually
Bryan (09:21):
helpful.
Well, and the other thing too, Ithink I would add to that just
for, cuz I know we actually havecoached a lot of couples that
have struggled with this, whereparents just were really str
really struggling to accept oneor the other.
Mm-hmm.
Or like the, like whatever thespouse was or whatever the, the
choice was.
So that being said, like, Therecomes a time in your
(09:44):
relationship where you have tochoose in your life who has
input that actually is for you.
Yes.
And your relationship.
And the hard truth is, and wehad to make this decision
probably after the 10 years whenwe finally gained a little bit
of emotional awareness.
We had to make that decision asto we are not going to invite
counsel or advice from thembecause they're not for us.
(10:06):
That's right.
And it it for so long, no matterwhat I did, it was always wrong.
No matter what job I did, theywere unhappy with no matter what
career choice I I was choosingand they didn't like it.
That's right.
They especially despised thefact or despised me, that's a
strong word, but disliked thefact that I went into ministry.
Yeah.
To be a pastor or even served ata church for a long time, cuz
that wasn't academic.
(10:27):
And
Natalie (10:28):
so, so can I just say to those that might find
themselves in a similarsituation, academics does not
determine the character of theperson, right?
So you can have all the degreesunder your belt and be a total.
Tool bag.
Yes.
Right, right.
And you can be uneducated as faras post-secondary and be a
(10:48):
stellar
Bryan (10:48):
of human beings, so, right.
Like they really put a premiumon the fact that.
I should have been like high orlike college educated, like
university level.
I have lots of training.
I got all kinds of training thatI've picked up over the years.
I still take training.
Mm-hmm.
We still do do things like this,like conflict resolution and HR
training and yeah, all kinds ofcounseling.
(11:08):
Like we've done all kinds oftraining, but that was never
good enough.
No.
Natalie (11:11):
And, and you have to come to a point within yourself
that you don't need their
Bryan (11:15):
affirmation.
So did, did the decision to,like how to word this, like,
because I just didn't care whatyour parents thought.
Nope, because they, they made itabundantly apparent early on and
more leaning to your mom thanyour dad necessarily.
Although the academics was areal thing, but I didn't really
care and I think that botheredthem.
(11:36):
That I just wouldn't like dropeverything to listen to what
they were saying and, and makecompletely change up in my life
and career.
That's right.
To do what they chose.
Natalie (11:45):
That's right.
And it's again, it's not up tothem.
Right.
There comes a point where yourchildren become adults.
Right.
And your input into their lifebecomes solicited when asked
for.
Right.
Not just.
Barfed on them because they'reyour kids, right?
(12:06):
So
Bryan (12:07):
right, you get to a certain place where, You just
have to make that decision.
And, and I'm, I, I'm actuallysurprised now that we've been
coaching couples for a while,how often it happens from
couples ranging from like young20 19, 20, 21 years old, all the
way up to couples that havemeddling parents at 40 years old
or 45.
I'm like, are you, there
Natalie (12:26):
is a better way.
People Come on.
There's
Bryan (12:29):
a better way.
Parents just need to let go.
Just let it go and just move on.
Anyway, back to back to whatwe're talking comparison.
Our first point that we had,which we've talked about a
little bit, is it actuallybreeds resentment.
Natalie (12:39):
Resentment, and this is a prime example of Oh, like
exactly what we were talkingabout, about overbearing,
meddling in-laws, right.
Parents, friends.
Yeah, you fill in the blanks.
It does breed resentment becauseyou know, when we've said before
in lots of our podcasts that youbecome who you hang out with,
right?
(12:59):
And so if you are in the companyof negative people, of people
that talk down your spouseconstantly, and after a while
those words begin to take rootand
Bryan (13:10):
they start being the things that you think and they,
and
Natalie (13:12):
my, oh yeah.
Towards my husband.
And you begin to see themthrough that lens and it's
totally wrong.
But it's real.
Yeah.
It's a fact.
Comparison leads to resentment.
It might not show its ugly facefor some time.
Wow.
But when it comes out, it'sgoing to be ugly.
And it did, it was a bone ofcontention in our, in our
(13:34):
marriage of creating anenvironment where it was just
volatile.
Right.
Would be the only word.
And, and, and it wasparticularly worse the more I
was around it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right.
And so there was, I didn't trustmyself.
I didn't trust you.
(13:54):
I didn't, I trusted the inputwhere it was coming from because
these are, these are familymembers.
Like you're supposed to trustyour family.
And I think that just I dunnohow to say it.
Bryan (14:07):
Well, you, you and I think just even as we're just
sitting here, just kind ofwhat's coming to me is like,
just because they're yourfamily, they still have to earn
your trust and keep your trust.
Right.
And they still have to earn aplace and to whether or not you
would listen to them wisdomwise.
Mm-hmm.
And they, they don't get it justbecause they're blood.
Natalie (14:28):
No.
No.
And the The, the types ofquestions that I'd get asked
would be, you know, like, who'swatching your kids?
Be like, my husband is watchinghis children,
Bryan (14:43):
I'm babysitting my own
Natalie (14:44):
kids.
Well, is he gonna give them abath?
Like he should know that theyneed a bath.
Is stuff like that that you'relike the, the air of.
My spouse being incompetent.
And it really bred thatinadequacy, like, you know, oh,
well, you know, men should takeout the garbage and men should
deal with like all the carthings.
(15:04):
And then, oh my gosh, I'mlooking at you.
And I'm like, he doesn't takethe garbage at, at all.
Right.
Yeah.
And it just, it begins to feedthe beast.
Bryan (15:10):
And we have what?
Blue job and pink jobs in ourhouse.
Natalie (15:13):
We do now.
Right.
And there's just jobs.
I mean, we delegate to our kidsand they all have
responsibilities and stuff,stuff like that.
And I mean, who cares?
I take out the garbage.
It's not the end of the world,but when, when there's an area
of lack and that, you know, inhindsight wasn't area of lack,
that there was something in ourrelationship that I wasn't
(15:33):
getting.
Mm-hmm.
That It wasn't working in thepositive.
It certainly didn't work in thenegative, but you know what I
mean?
Yeah.
At the beginning when we talkedabout more like using the words
and like beating you down inorder to get that, that behavior
modification I was not.
You know, sure.
I'll try the negative approachand maybe that will like which
(15:56):
snap you out of it.
Bryan (15:57):
I think what you said though was, was kind of a key
thing is it was modeled to you.
Mm-hmm.
Right.
And so cuz just that negativeand you see it in movies, you
see it on tv, you see, you readit in articles and this type of
thing, like honestly comparisoncan lead to domestic abuse.
Because be be whether it's likeman to woman, woman to man, At
(16:20):
some point someone's gonna snapand it's not gonna be good.
Yeah.
And then that's where sin comesin and that's where gossip comes
in.
And possibly stepping out comesin in adultery and pornography.
And you end up in all thesescenarios where you've just
allowed this to come in becauseyou thought the only way to
communicate with your husband tomake him better was to No, no,
no.
The way you're gonna do this isthrough kind words.
(16:41):
Yeah.
It's the way through is throughencouragement.
It's a way through loving,loving them.
In, in the flaws that they haveto move them on, right?
To help them grow.
Natalie (16:51):
Like if you think of a balloon and every negative word,
a little bit of that balloondeflates, right?
Eventually there's not gonna beany air left in that balloon,
right?
And you come to a point wherewhen you are at the receiving
end of the comparison therecomes a point in your.
(17:15):
Marriage in your relationshipwhere you just don't have the
energy to fight anymore.
Right.
And you just, one will eitherhave the courage to just walk
away or two, you'll just takeit.
Yeah.
Right.
And so Like we say in all thethings, these are points to
bring up a discussion, give youtools in your tool belt.
(17:36):
There is a better way.
Yeah.
You just because something wasmodeled to you doesn't make it
right.
Right, right.
And for you to come to a placein your own journey to recognize
what's healthy and what's not.
For sure.
And if it's not healthy it's nottoo late.
Yeah.
Bryan (17:54):
That's for sure.
I think this was originallygonna be one, one podcast, but I
think that we'll just do the twopoints.
This kind of took a
Natalie (18:03):
different
Bryan (18:03):
turn actually.
Yeah.
It, it kind of, it kind of wenta little bit.
We,
Natalie (18:07):
we, we've got a lot of content points.
Do we have, we have four pointsand we might, we might just
break this up into four.
Bryan (18:14):
No, would, should we try for the next one?
Like, I, I really, I think thatif, if just even in the
coaching.
World or, and like the coachingcouples.
I think that with thiscomparison thing, the, the issue
(18:34):
with comparison is that so oftenit, it shows up as many
different things.
Mm-hmm.
It shows up as anger,frustration bitterness, lack of
communication.
Anything that you An underhandedinsult.
Un yeah.
Like, and all of it.
And, and really it's because youare saying, well, I want Brian
to be like, you look at ahusband even with one of our
(18:58):
friends as someone that we know.
Mm-hmm.
And maybe never verbalize it tome.
But the way you speak will showwhat's in the heart.
And you'll say, well, I wantBrian to be like Bill for
instance, or a husband that youknow is doing well, like Greg,
one of her friends, we were inPrince George.
Like, I want Brian to be likeGreg.
Not, not in personality, just Iwant him to, to be that
(19:18):
attentive and to, and the, thething is, is that that
frustration shows up in so manydifferent things that you may
actually miss the fact thatyou've actually been comparing
your husband to someone else.
But the comments you've beensaying are actually comments of
comparison.
Natalie (19:31):
Right.
No.
And actually you brought up agood point cuz we had mentioned
earlier, like you become who youhang out with and, and Greg was
instrumental in your lifebecause this Bryant, my husband
had lots of.
Anger issues like father wounds,explosive and things like that
was not, he was kind of a bullin a China shop and sometimes he
(19:53):
can still be like that, but it'smuch temp, more tempered now.
But Greg was, was that steadyEddie Levelheaded, calm this
guy.
Soft-spoken but not a pushover.
No, not at all.
Patient.
He had the patience of job andhe was instrumental in modeling
(20:14):
to you.
Healthy
Bryan (20:17):
manhood.
Well, and also just beingsometimes really blunt with me
and just being like, Brian, no.
Natalie (20:22):
Exactly right.
And so yes, I mean you, it'smodeled to you just as the
negative can be modeled to youor unhealthy patterns can be
modeled, so can healthy ones.
Right?
Right.
And so Greg modeled healthyright behaviors and healthy ways
to speak to.
Your wife and to speak to justpeople in general, like
(20:45):
relationship wise.
He was just really instrumental.
Bryan (20:48):
So, and that's, and that's why we so often talk
about accountability andmentorship.
It's important, it's superimportant that men and women in
their relationship have peoplethat they can just go to and
just lay it all down,
Natalie (21:00):
right?
And go to, and we say this.
Carefully not go to, to, tocomplain.
Talk about how crapy hundredpercent your spouse is, that's
not helpful.
If you wanna talk about, youknow go talk to a therapist,
right?
Or they're gonna have somesolutions, right?
Not necessarily your friends,because, you know, as much as we
like to say that we'renon-biased, you know, if my
(21:22):
girlfriend comes to me and islike this, that, and this, that
about her husband, naturallyspeaking, my first thought.
Is like, how dare he?
Right?
Yeah.
And then afterwards, you know, Ihave to catch myself because
there's always two sides, right?
Mm-hmm.
So you just want to have peoplethat aren't afraid to call you
(21:44):
out in the areas that you arealso not being healthy in
Bryan (21:47):
a hundred percent.
And that's, that's the like, andthat's why it's so important,
like, Defined and because hatewe're Christians, I'm a pastor.
Faith and community have been soimportant to our walk of success
in our relationship.
Natalie (22:05):
Super important.
And with our, and in a lot ofways have been closer than
family.
Yeah.
Right.
They
Bryan (22:10):
are my family.
Yeah.
Because you, you make decisionsregarding your family.
That, and, and here's the thingis that so often in
relationships bec there's awhole thing, their family.
And so you let your family stompon you wound, you hurt you just
because of the word family.
Mm-hmm.
And it's not word that we'readvocating at all that you
(22:31):
separate from your family ifthey make you mad.
I'm saying like, if it's adestructive, toxic environment
and it's, that's the pattern.
You do not have to tolerate thatpattern.
Not at all.
You don't like Henry Cloud.
He's a, a red in marriage.
He says you get what youtolerate.
Mm-hmm.
And it's very much not only foryour relationship with your
spouse, you get what youtolerate if you never stand up
to your spouse.
(22:51):
Whoever it is, man, woman, ifyou never spend send up.
So if I never send up toNatalie, she'll never know what
my boundary is.
A hundred percent.
And it's the same thing withyour families.
If you never, and yes, there'sfamilies that are narcissistic
and they're super destructiveand they're super really deep,
dark problems that are justbreaking the family.
You don't have to tolerate thatand,
Natalie (23:11):
and comparison happens.
It, well, in our situation, itwas in that whole thing.
It was like, well, you know,Praising this person's accolades
academically or praising thisperson's this, that, or the
other.
We weren't exempt, so it washappening within our marriage,
but it was also happeningexternally spoken into our
marriage.
Right, right.
In hopes that that would change.
(23:32):
And that just, that just breedsthat just takes it to a whole
nother level.
Yeah.
The resentment is a real thing.
And it took a long time for meto unpack that.
Bryan (23:44):
Yeah.
To, to get to the, because,because you were a people
pleaser.
Yeah.
You really just wanted to pleaseyour parents to please your
friends.
A hundred
Natalie (23:57):
percent.
And, and resentment towards youin the, in the areas that I felt
you were not providing.
Yeah.
But also resentment for me.
Sorry.
Resentment about myself.
Yeah.
I was resenting myself for evenallowing it, for even
entertaining it.
Yeah.
Right.
And so it's this, this bizarre,almost double-edged sword and
(24:19):
this cycle that, you know,resentment breeds more
resentment.
Yeah.
And I mean, yes, you, you, you,what was that tolerate thing
that you said?
You get what you tolerate, youget what you tolerate.
Right.
What am I choosing to feed?
Am I, am I choosing to feed onthe negative areas in my life,
(24:39):
in my, in my marriage that I'mdiscontent about, but yet have
never even given you thecourtesy of a conversation about
it, which
Bryan (24:48):
will be a really good one for us to talk about next week.
Mm-hmm.
Like if you had a, a finalthought.
What would your final, finalencouragement to someone who's
struggling with the one beingthe one who's comparing their
husband to someone else orcomparing their wife to someone
else, what would your finalwords of encouragement from a
recovering people pleaser?
Natalie (25:12):
I don't, I don't think I understood.
So, but you're asking because Iwas the one also comparing you,
but then I
Bryan (25:20):
Yeah.
So encourage the one who's doingthe same thing you were,
Natalie (25:24):
who is doing the comparing.
Yeah.
And who's in that mindset.
Yeah.
What
Bryan (25:28):
would you say to someone?
Well, one,
Natalie (25:30):
I would ask, how's it working?
Bryan (25:33):
That's such a good question.
Natalie (25:35):
How's this going for you?
Right.
Because if you know, part ofcoming to self-awareness is,
self is introspective work.
Right.
And I can ask myself, I'm, I'mvery attuned with how I am, and
I can ask myself like, is thatactually working?
No, it's not, but I don't knowwhat else to do, so I'll just
keep doing it.
Right, right.
So a final thought was, take alook at you and, and honestly,
(25:59):
things didn't change until Ireally took a look at myself.
Hmm, that's
Bryan (26:02):
good.
I took accountability for youractions, took
Natalie (26:05):
accountability, and again, it, I think that was year
12 of our relation of ourmarriage that finally a light
bulb went off.
I encourage you not to wait thatlong.
Really do.
The hard work.
If you're not liking what you'reraping, then you need to change
what you're sowing.
Oh, you're stealing a mem.
I'm stealing a bism.
That would be my final thought.
(26:27):
Resentment's not healthy.
It's not healthy for yourphysical body, your spiritual
body, your emotional body, theatmosphere in your home, your up
on it.
There is a better way, andsometimes it comes down to
laying down your pride.
Yep.
And acknowledging that you areat
Bryan (26:44):
fault.
That's really good.
How is this working for you?
Natalie (26:48):
How's this working for you?
There's number one.
Bryan (26:50):
Wow.
I'm glad we had so much contentfor this one and stuck with
number one and went on a bit ofa, a journey down there.
Well, we appreciate you joiningus on this journey, and we, I
think we felt that comparison issomething that really people
need to break through.
And break away from.
Mm-hmm.
And that there needs to be somefreedom in people's lives in
this area, cuz we've experiencedthis really deep and this can,
(27:14):
this can affect you in all areasof your life.
A hundred percent.
Your marriage, work, church.
It can, you know, like I used tosay all the time, I hate
preaching after one of the otherpastors because he was just so
good at it and I hated goingafter him.
And my next week.
And so I got over it, but it, itjust takes some time and just
need some encouragement and loveand care that way as you move
(27:35):
forward in that.
So we really appreciate youlistening.
If you have any questions aboutcomparison or even if you have a
story or an experience of howyou figured it out, please email
us and we'll read it on the onon the show.
We'd love to hear it.
We'd love to hear abouttestimonies of people breaking
through some stuff.
Mm-hmm.
We'd love to be able to sharethat with people.
Just know that it's not just usout there that are breaking
(27:55):
through, but there's no lotsgoing on.
So if you really like thispodcast, it does mean a
tremendous amount when you shareit.
Let people know all about it.
Let people know that there'speople out there that are
praying for'em, caring for them.
Absolutely.
You can follow us on Instagramand Facebook, and if you like I
said, do you have a question ortopic, let us
know@amplifiedmarriagegmail.com.
(28:16):
And as you hear us say, wefirmly believe this with all of
our heart.
We believe that your marriagecan be reset, refreshed,
recharged, and restored.
Thanks so much for listening.
Natalie (28:27):
Talk to you soon.
Welcome to the Amplified Marriage Podcast.
Today we are talking aboutcomparison and how comparison in
your relationship is probablysucking the life right out of
it.
Tune in.
This is gonna be a good one.
Natalie (00:45):
Welcome to another episode of Amplified Marriage.
I'm Natalie.
And I'm Bryan.
Wherever you are, whateveryou're doing, as you hear us say
every podcast, grab a coffee,grab a tea snack, sit on the
couch.
Join us for a chat.
As we talk about comparison,
Bryan (01:02):
why or why is comparison so challenging?
Natalie (01:08):
Personally, the first thing that comes to my mind is
it comes from a state ofDiscontentment.
Really?
Yep.
Bryan (01:15):
So you tell me before every episode that we do not to
ask you just questions off thecuff, and then I do.
And then wisdom just pours outof you.
If you could see her face oneday we'll have this videoed and
you should see her face when shedoes these things.
But for crying out loud likethat is such a really good
start.
The comparison comes from aplace of discontentment.
Right,
Natalie (01:35):
and, and you know how it came so quickly to me because
I have lived it.
Bryan (01:40):
What are you saying?
Natalie (01:42):
I've lived in the state of comparison.
Yeah, I remember this.
It's a, it's a steeler of joy.
It robs you of what you, whatgood you have in your
relationship.
I think it keeps you focused onyourself.
Hmm.
And your needs versus anyoneelse's needs.
Like even serving your spouse.
(02:03):
That's right.
And honestly, like makes you amiserable person.
Bryan (02:09):
And, and not only does it make you a miserable person, it
makes the person that you'redoing the comparison of it makes
them miserable too.
Natalie (02:18):
That's right.
Right.
And depending on who you're, whothe receiving person is.
Yeah.
Like if it were you if I was theone that was at the receiving
end of being like, like,Compared to other people.
And I'm sure at some point therewas an instance where you were
kind of the perpetrator of, thatdoesn't come to my mind at this
(02:40):
moment, but being a recoveringpeople pleaser, it would've sent
me into a frenzy of trying towork overtime to fix it.
Right?
And so thus comes like unhealthyhabits, unhealthy.
Projections and antics that Iknow myself capable of to
(03:04):
prevent that view that you mighthave had of me.
Hmm.
But you not being a peoplepleaser what the, my sort of
like thrusting that comparisonpicture on you.
It just made you mad.
Yeah, because you were like, I'mnot striving to meet you
(03:24):
anywhere because,
Bryan (03:26):
Well, and like the, here's the thing though, is that
that's not that I was like atthe beginning when this was a
real problem for us.
I wasn't like a, I was a goodhusband.
I was a good at being just ahuman.
I was just, you know, I was kindof a mess.
Like, and it's not like, Youcomparing me to other people
spurred me on to do better?
No, it actually
Natalie (03:46):
you dug your heels
Bryan (03:46):
in.
It just done pissed me off andyeah, and it just made me worse
because I felt like I had toprove who I was and it, thinking
back, I don't remember thinkingI'm gonna be, I'm gonna be this
guy just because she said shewants me to be that guy.
No, I'm gonna be, and I neverever thought that, but I've
never, but I can remember mybehavior, right.
And, and literally doing thingsthat were the opposite because
(04:09):
I'm a stubborn.
Mule sometimes doing theopposite of what would make you
happy because you compared me tothat other person.
I remember you doing that justwith the other, other people.
Now, I remember talking before,before we, we recorded this, I
remember talking about itbeforehand, and you're like, oh,
yeah, I used to do it withfriends or say things or do
things.
I don't remember thosespecifically, but I just
(04:29):
remembered you looking atsomeone and be like, man, why?
Oh, like almost like Brian, giveyour head a shake,
Natalie (04:37):
right?
And.
It came from a place of lack.
It came from a place of, thatpart of whatever I was needing
wasn't being fulfilled.
Right.
And so,
Bryan (04:48):
but it was the expectation that if I was
better, I would fulfill that.
Natalie (04:56):
No, I don't think it was a matter of being better.
I think it was more likeself-aware of how your behavior
was hurtful.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right.
There was no self-awareness inthe first.
I'd say 10 years of ourmarriage, what?
Right.
And how do we survive for bothof us?
Right.
Oh yeah.
No, I get it.
Right.
So it wasn't just Brian.
(05:18):
And Pastor Brody, if you'relistening, I am fully aware of
my fault.
He'll know what we're talkingabout.
I'm very self-aware of the crazystunts I tried to pull in order
to get your behavior to change.
All the while it wasn't thebehavior modification that I was
(05:38):
after.
It was a heart transformation.
Yeah.
And that wouldn't come until Istarted dealing with some issues
within my own heart towards you.
So that's when the hearttransformation
Bryan (05:48):
came.
Would it have made you happy?
This is, this is a randomthought that this came to me.
Would it have made you happy forme just to, to do what you
wanted rather than be stubborn?
No.
Well, because, because Would yourather have me just someone who
just, who just gives up?
Well,
Natalie (06:07):
in the moment it would've been instant
gratification.
Right.
But you're not a puppet.
Bryan (06:11):
But you would've, you would've essentially trained me
to be a weak person.
Almost right.
You know, like, cause I psych, Iwouldn't have no idea.
She, she seems she wants thisand wants me to be like this
guy.
So I'm just gonna give up who Iam to be that person.
Natalie (06:22):
I wouldn't say train, I would say, well, that strong
words, but I just kind of likebeat you down with my words and
then just be so right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because that was, What I knew.
Well, that's what was modeled,right?
Oh, to me as a pattern thatworked.
I gotcha.
And so I'm like, ma, I'll tryit.
(06:43):
It does not work.
I, I suggest you.
Bryan (06:45):
And when they say that daughters marry their, the
someone that's like theirfathers, you married the
opposite of your dad.
Natalie (06:51):
Right.
There's, there's that little bitof, there's that rebellious
streak within my personalitythat Did you marry
Bryan (07:01):
me just despite your dad?
Natalie (07:04):
No, I love you.
So I married you, but I wish youwere
Bryan (07:08):
on camera.
Your eyeballs did a thing.
Natalie (07:12):
But did I need their approval of you?
No.
Would it have been nice to haveit?
Sure.
But as we go along on ourjourney Yeah.
Yeah.
Turned out to be pretty darngood.
Bryan (07:26):
So then here's, here's the question, and I appreciate
the compliment just for everyonehears that I gotta write down in
the, I'm just kidding.
That was just silly.
I tell you all the time howawesome I am.
I know I'm awesome.
But would it have been, did, didyour desire not to have your
parents' approval of me becauseI just didn't care what your
(07:47):
parents thought of me.
Did it, did that make it easierfor you to not care, or you just
were like, no, it took
Natalie (07:53):
a long time.
It took a long time for me tocome to a place where I could
stand on my own two feet.
Right.
Even if it meant I stood alone.
Right.
So it's not about, this is nottheir life.
Yeah.
This is not their wants andtheir expectations.
Those are, those are things theyhave to own.
(08:13):
This is my life, right?
And these are my choices and mydecisions that I'm making.
And you know, as we were goingthrough hard times, did I have
thoughts of like, what did I do?
Yes.
Right?
I did.
I would be lying if I didn't.
Did I want to spend my life withanyone else?
No.
Did I want to make it work?
Yes.
And so we exhausted.
(08:35):
All measures, both of us comingto a place where, yes, we both
want to work on the marriage.
We both wanted to work out.
And so then you put in the work.
Yeah.
And it became less about theirthoughts and opinions on the
matter.
And it became more about, thisis our family, this is our
lives.
And kind of like if you havenothing encouraging to say, then
(08:56):
maybe.
Choose the route of not sayinganything at all.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right.
And so I say that not, not to,you know, discourage open
dialogue with family andfriends, but you really need to
be discerning of whether or notthat's crossing a line.
(09:16):
And.
Being more disparaging and moredamaging than actually
Bryan (09:21):
helpful.
Well, and the other thing too, Ithink I would add to that just
for, cuz I know we actually havecoached a lot of couples that
have struggled with this, whereparents just were really str
really struggling to accept oneor the other.
Mm-hmm.
Or like the, like whatever thespouse was or whatever the, the
choice was.
So that being said, like, Therecomes a time in your
(09:44):
relationship where you have tochoose in your life who has
input that actually is for you.
Yes.
And your relationship.
And the hard truth is, and wehad to make this decision
probably after the 10 years whenwe finally gained a little bit
of emotional awareness.
We had to make that decision asto we are not going to invite
counsel or advice from thembecause they're not for us.
(10:06):
That's right.
And it it for so long, no matterwhat I did, it was always wrong.
No matter what job I did, theywere unhappy with no matter what
career choice I I was choosingand they didn't like it.
That's right.
They especially despised thefact or despised me, that's a
strong word, but disliked thefact that I went into ministry.
Yeah.
To be a pastor or even served ata church for a long time, cuz
that wasn't academic.
(10:27):
And
Natalie (10:28):
so, so can I just say to those that might find
themselves in a similarsituation, academics does not
determine the character of theperson, right?
So you can have all the degreesunder your belt and be a total.
Tool bag.
Yes.
Right, right.
And you can be uneducated as faras post-secondary and be a
(10:48):
stellar
Bryan (10:48):
of human beings, so, right.
Like they really put a premiumon the fact that.
I should have been like high orlike college educated, like
university level.
I have lots of training.
I got all kinds of training thatI've picked up over the years.
I still take training.
Mm-hmm.
We still do do things like this,like conflict resolution and HR
training and yeah, all kinds ofcounseling.
(11:08):
Like we've done all kinds oftraining, but that was never
good enough.
No.
Natalie (11:11):
And, and you have to come to a point within yourself
that you don't need their
Bryan (11:15):
affirmation.
So did, did the decision to,like how to word this, like,
because I just didn't care whatyour parents thought.
Nope, because they, they made itabundantly apparent early on and
more leaning to your mom thanyour dad necessarily.
Although the academics was areal thing, but I didn't really
care and I think that botheredthem.
(11:36):
That I just wouldn't like dropeverything to listen to what
they were saying and, and makecompletely change up in my life
and career.
That's right.
To do what they chose.
Natalie (11:45):
That's right.
And it's again, it's not up tothem.
Right.
There comes a point where yourchildren become adults.
Right.
And your input into their lifebecomes solicited when asked
for.
Right.
Not just.
Barfed on them because they'reyour kids, right?
(12:06):
So
Bryan (12:07):
right, you get to a certain place where, You just
have to make that decision.
And, and I'm, I, I'm actuallysurprised now that we've been
coaching couples for a while,how often it happens from
couples ranging from like young20 19, 20, 21 years old, all the
way up to couples that havemeddling parents at 40 years old
or 45.
I'm like, are you, there
Natalie (12:26):
is a better way.
People Come on.
There's
Bryan (12:29):
a better way.
Parents just need to let go.
Just let it go and just move on.
Anyway, back to back to whatwe're talking comparison.
Our first point that we had,which we've talked about a
little bit, is it actuallybreeds resentment.
Natalie (12:39):
Resentment, and this is a prime example of Oh, like
exactly what we were talkingabout, about overbearing,
meddling in-laws, right.
Parents, friends.
Yeah, you fill in the blanks.
It does breed resentment becauseyou know, when we've said before
in lots of our podcasts that youbecome who you hang out with,
right?
(12:59):
And so if you are in the companyof negative people, of people
that talk down your spouseconstantly, and after a while
those words begin to take rootand
Bryan (13:10):
they start being the things that you think and they,
and
Natalie (13:12):
my, oh yeah.
Towards my husband.
And you begin to see themthrough that lens and it's
totally wrong.
But it's real.
Yeah.
It's a fact.
Comparison leads to resentment.
It might not show its ugly facefor some time.
Wow.
But when it comes out, it'sgoing to be ugly.
And it did, it was a bone ofcontention in our, in our
(13:34):
marriage of creating anenvironment where it was just
volatile.
Right.
Would be the only word.
And, and, and it wasparticularly worse the more I
was around it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right.
And so there was, I didn't trustmyself.
I didn't trust you.
(13:54):
I didn't, I trusted the inputwhere it was coming from because
these are, these are familymembers.
Like you're supposed to trustyour family.
And I think that just I dunnohow to say it.
Bryan (14:07):
Well, you, you and I think just even as we're just
sitting here, just kind ofwhat's coming to me is like,
just because they're yourfamily, they still have to earn
your trust and keep your trust.
Right.
And they still have to earn aplace and to whether or not you
would listen to them wisdomwise.
Mm-hmm.
And they, they don't get it justbecause they're blood.
Natalie (14:28):
No.
No.
And the The, the types ofquestions that I'd get asked
would be, you know, like, who'swatching your kids?
Be like, my husband is watchinghis children,
Bryan (14:43):
I'm babysitting my own
Natalie (14:44):
kids.
Well, is he gonna give them abath?
Like he should know that theyneed a bath.
Is stuff like that that you'relike the, the air of.
My spouse being incompetent.
And it really bred thatinadequacy, like, you know, oh,
well, you know, men should takeout the garbage and men should
deal with like all the carthings.
(15:04):
And then, oh my gosh, I'mlooking at you.
And I'm like, he doesn't takethe garbage at, at all.
Right.
Yeah.
And it just, it begins to feedthe beast.
Bryan (15:10):
And we have what?
Blue job and pink jobs in ourhouse.
Natalie (15:13):
We do now.
Right.
And there's just jobs.
I mean, we delegate to our kidsand they all have
responsibilities and stuff,stuff like that.
And I mean, who cares?
I take out the garbage.
It's not the end of the world,but when, when there's an area
of lack and that, you know, inhindsight wasn't area of lack,
that there was something in ourrelationship that I wasn't
(15:33):
getting.
Mm-hmm.
That It wasn't working in thepositive.
It certainly didn't work in thenegative, but you know what I
mean?
Yeah.
At the beginning when we talkedabout more like using the words
and like beating you down inorder to get that, that behavior
modification I was not.
You know, sure.
I'll try the negative approachand maybe that will like which
(15:56):
snap you out of it.
Bryan (15:57):
I think what you said though was, was kind of a key
thing is it was modeled to you.
Mm-hmm.
Right.
And so cuz just that negativeand you see it in movies, you
see it on tv, you see, you readit in articles and this type of
thing, like honestly comparisoncan lead to domestic abuse.
Because be be whether it's likeman to woman, woman to man, At
(16:20):
some point someone's gonna snapand it's not gonna be good.
Yeah.
And then that's where sin comesin and that's where gossip comes
in.
And possibly stepping out comesin in adultery and pornography.
And you end up in all thesescenarios where you've just
allowed this to come in becauseyou thought the only way to
communicate with your husband tomake him better was to No, no,
no.
The way you're gonna do this isthrough kind words.
(16:41):
Yeah.
It's the way through is throughencouragement.
It's a way through loving,loving them.
In, in the flaws that they haveto move them on, right?
To help them grow.
Natalie (16:51):
Like if you think of a balloon and every negative word,
a little bit of that balloondeflates, right?
Eventually there's not gonna beany air left in that balloon,
right?
And you come to a point wherewhen you are at the receiving
end of the comparison therecomes a point in your.
(17:15):
Marriage in your relationshipwhere you just don't have the
energy to fight anymore.
Right.
And you just, one will eitherhave the courage to just walk
away or two, you'll just takeit.
Yeah.
Right.
And so Like we say in all thethings, these are points to
bring up a discussion, give youtools in your tool belt.
(17:36):
There is a better way.
Yeah.
You just because something wasmodeled to you doesn't make it
right.
Right, right.
And for you to come to a placein your own journey to recognize
what's healthy and what's not.
For sure.
And if it's not healthy it's nottoo late.
Yeah.
Bryan (17:54):
That's for sure.
I think this was originallygonna be one, one podcast, but I
think that we'll just do the twopoints.
This kind of took a
Natalie (18:03):
different
Bryan (18:03):
turn actually.
Yeah.
It, it kind of, it kind of wenta little bit.
We,
Natalie (18:07):
we, we've got a lot of content points.
Do we have, we have four pointsand we might, we might just
break this up into four.
Bryan (18:14):
No, would, should we try for the next one?
Like, I, I really, I think thatif, if just even in the
coaching.
World or, and like the coachingcouples.
I think that with thiscomparison thing, the, the issue
(18:34):
with comparison is that so oftenit, it shows up as many
different things.
Mm-hmm.
It shows up as anger,frustration bitterness, lack of
communication.
Anything that you An underhandedinsult.
Un yeah.
Like, and all of it.
And, and really it's because youare saying, well, I want Brian
to be like, you look at ahusband even with one of our
(18:58):
friends as someone that we know.
Mm-hmm.
And maybe never verbalize it tome.
But the way you speak will showwhat's in the heart.
And you'll say, well, I wantBrian to be like Bill for
instance, or a husband that youknow is doing well, like Greg,
one of her friends, we were inPrince George.
Like, I want Brian to be likeGreg.
Not, not in personality, just Iwant him to, to be that
(19:18):
attentive and to, and the, thething is, is that that
frustration shows up in so manydifferent things that you may
actually miss the fact thatyou've actually been comparing
your husband to someone else.
But the comments you've beensaying are actually comments of
comparison.
Natalie (19:31):
Right.
No.
And actually you brought up agood point cuz we had mentioned
earlier, like you become who youhang out with and, and Greg was
instrumental in your lifebecause this Bryant, my husband
had lots of.
Anger issues like father wounds,explosive and things like that
was not, he was kind of a bullin a China shop and sometimes he
(19:53):
can still be like that, but it'smuch temp, more tempered now.
But Greg was, was that steadyEddie Levelheaded, calm this
guy.
Soft-spoken but not a pushover.
No, not at all.
Patient.
He had the patience of job andhe was instrumental in modeling
(20:14):
to you.
Healthy
Bryan (20:17):
manhood.
Well, and also just beingsometimes really blunt with me
and just being like, Brian, no.
Natalie (20:22):
Exactly right.
And so yes, I mean you, it'smodeled to you just as the
negative can be modeled to youor unhealthy patterns can be
modeled, so can healthy ones.
Right?
Right.
And so Greg modeled healthyright behaviors and healthy ways
to speak to.
Your wife and to speak to justpeople in general, like
(20:45):
relationship wise.
He was just really instrumental.
Bryan (20:48):
So, and that's, and that's why we so often talk
about accountability andmentorship.
It's important, it's superimportant that men and women in
their relationship have peoplethat they can just go to and
just lay it all down,
Natalie (21:00):
right?
And go to, and we say this.
Carefully not go to, to, tocomplain.
Talk about how crapy hundredpercent your spouse is, that's
not helpful.
If you wanna talk about, youknow go talk to a therapist,
right?
Or they're gonna have somesolutions, right?
Not necessarily your friends,because, you know, as much as we
like to say that we'renon-biased, you know, if my
(21:22):
girlfriend comes to me and islike this, that, and this, that
about her husband, naturallyspeaking, my first thought.
Is like, how dare he?
Right?
Yeah.
And then afterwards, you know, Ihave to catch myself because
there's always two sides, right?
Mm-hmm.
So you just want to have peoplethat aren't afraid to call you
(21:44):
out in the areas that you arealso not being healthy in
Bryan (21:47):
a hundred percent.
And that's, that's the like, andthat's why it's so important,
like, Defined and because hatewe're Christians, I'm a pastor.
Faith and community have been soimportant to our walk of success
in our relationship.
Natalie (22:05):
Super important.
And with our, and in a lot ofways have been closer than
family.
Yeah.
Right.
They
Bryan (22:10):
are my family.
Yeah.
Because you, you make decisionsregarding your family.
That, and, and here's the thingis that so often in
relationships bec there's awhole thing, their family.
And so you let your family stompon you wound, you hurt you just
because of the word family.
Mm-hmm.
And it's not word that we'readvocating at all that you
(22:31):
separate from your family ifthey make you mad.
I'm saying like, if it's adestructive, toxic environment
and it's, that's the pattern.
You do not have to tolerate thatpattern.
Not at all.
You don't like Henry Cloud.
He's a, a red in marriage.
He says you get what youtolerate.
Mm-hmm.
And it's very much not only foryour relationship with your
spouse, you get what youtolerate if you never stand up
to your spouse.
(22:51):
Whoever it is, man, woman, ifyou never spend send up.
So if I never send up toNatalie, she'll never know what
my boundary is.
A hundred percent.
And it's the same thing withyour families.
If you never, and yes, there'sfamilies that are narcissistic
and they're super destructiveand they're super really deep,
dark problems that are justbreaking the family.
You don't have to tolerate thatand,
Natalie (23:11):
and comparison happens.
It, well, in our situation, itwas in that whole thing.
It was like, well, you know,Praising this person's accolades
academically or praising thisperson's this, that, or the
other.
We weren't exempt, so it washappening within our marriage,
but it was also happeningexternally spoken into our
marriage.
Right, right.
In hopes that that would change.
(23:32):
And that just, that just breedsthat just takes it to a whole
nother level.
Yeah.
The resentment is a real thing.
And it took a long time for meto unpack that.
Bryan (23:44):
Yeah.
To, to get to the, because,because you were a people
pleaser.
Yeah.
You really just wanted to pleaseyour parents to please your
friends.
A hundred
Natalie (23:57):
percent.
And, and resentment towards youin the, in the areas that I felt
you were not providing.
Yeah.
But also resentment for me.
Sorry.
Resentment about myself.
Yeah.
I was resenting myself for evenallowing it, for even
entertaining it.
Yeah.
Right.
And so it's this, this bizarre,almost double-edged sword and
(24:19):
this cycle that, you know,resentment breeds more
resentment.
Yeah.
And I mean, yes, you, you, you,what was that tolerate thing
that you said?
You get what you tolerate, youget what you tolerate.
Right.
What am I choosing to feed?
Am I, am I choosing to feed onthe negative areas in my life,
(24:39):
in my, in my marriage that I'mdiscontent about, but yet have
never even given you thecourtesy of a conversation about
it, which
Bryan (24:48):
will be a really good one for us to talk about next week.
Mm-hmm.
Like if you had a, a finalthought.
What would your final, finalencouragement to someone who's
struggling with the one beingthe one who's comparing their
husband to someone else orcomparing their wife to someone
else, what would your finalwords of encouragement from a
recovering people pleaser?
Natalie (25:12):
I don't, I don't think I understood.
So, but you're asking because Iwas the one also comparing you,
but then I
Bryan (25:20):
Yeah.
So encourage the one who's doingthe same thing you were,
Natalie (25:24):
who is doing the comparing.
Yeah.
And who's in that mindset.
Yeah.
What
Bryan (25:28):
would you say to someone?
Well, one,
Natalie (25:30):
I would ask, how's it working?
Bryan (25:33):
That's such a good question.
Natalie (25:35):
How's this going for you?
Right.
Because if you know, part ofcoming to self-awareness is,
self is introspective work.
Right.
And I can ask myself, I'm, I'mvery attuned with how I am, and
I can ask myself like, is thatactually working?
No, it's not, but I don't knowwhat else to do, so I'll just
keep doing it.
Right, right.
So a final thought was, take alook at you and, and honestly,
(25:59):
things didn't change until Ireally took a look at myself.
Hmm, that's
Bryan (26:02):
good.
I took accountability for youractions, took
Natalie (26:05):
accountability, and again, it, I think that was year
12 of our relation of ourmarriage that finally a light
bulb went off.
I encourage you not to wait thatlong.
Really do.
The hard work.
If you're not liking what you'reraping, then you need to change
what you're sowing.
Oh, you're stealing a mem.
I'm stealing a bism.
That would be my final thought.
(26:27):
Resentment's not healthy.
It's not healthy for yourphysical body, your spiritual
body, your emotional body, theatmosphere in your home, your up
on it.
There is a better way, andsometimes it comes down to
laying down your pride.
Yep.
And acknowledging that you areat
Bryan (26:44):
fault.
That's really good.
How is this working for you?
Natalie (26:48):
How's this working for you?
There's number one.
Bryan (26:50):
Wow.
I'm glad we had so much contentfor this one and stuck with
number one and went on a bit ofa, a journey down there.
Well, we appreciate you joiningus on this journey, and we, I
think we felt that comparison issomething that really people
need to break through.
And break away from.
Mm-hmm.
And that there needs to be somefreedom in people's lives in
this area, cuz we've experiencedthis really deep and this can,
(27:14):
this can affect you in all areasof your life.
A hundred percent.
Your marriage, work, church.
It can, you know, like I used tosay all the time, I hate
preaching after one of the otherpastors because he was just so
good at it and I hated goingafter him.
And my next week.
And so I got over it, but it, itjust takes some time and just
need some encouragement and loveand care that way as you move
(27:35):
forward in that.
So we really appreciate youlistening.
If you have any questions aboutcomparison or even if you have a
story or an experience of howyou figured it out, please email
us and we'll read it on the onon the show.
We'd love to hear it.
We'd love to hear abouttestimonies of people breaking
through some stuff.
Mm-hmm.
We'd love to be able to sharethat with people.
Just know that it's not just usout there that are breaking
(27:55):
through, but there's no lotsgoing on.
So if you really like thispodcast, it does mean a
tremendous amount when you shareit.
Let people know all about it.
Let people know that there'speople out there that are
praying for'em, caring for them.
Absolutely.
You can follow us on Instagramand Facebook, and if you like I
said, do you have a question ortopic, let us
know@amplifiedmarriagegmail.com.
(28:16):
And as you hear us say, wefirmly believe this with all of
our heart.
We believe that your marriagecan be reset, refreshed,
recharged, and restored.
Thanks so much for listening.
Natalie (28:27):
Talk to you soon.
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