July 27, 2023 • 38 mins
Imagine if you could align your mindset to supercharge your marketing strategies, foster robust relationships, and catapult your sales? We caught up with Risa Haasbroek, renowned as the Dragon Whisperer for entrepreneurs, as she unravels the significant concept of a business mindset. Risa's inspiring journey starts in a small enchanting town in South Africa, awash with magnificent purple jacarandas. Listen to her discourse on the pivotal role of maintaining an unwavering positive outlook and relentless drive when faced with adversity, and its integral place in achieving business success.
Ever pondered the potential pitfalls of starting a business or employing family members? We delve into a client's story, revealing the dangers of co-dependency in a family-run business and how understanding this dynamic can lead to enduring benefits. In this age dominated by social media, maintaining the right mindset can be a game changer. Discover the 12 universal laws as sturdy tools to combat imposter syndrome, understand how social media can fuel feelings of inadequacy, and grasp the value of showcasing the journey and struggle, not just the polished end result.
The word 'failure', often inducing fear, is merely another stepping stone towards growth. As our conversation evolves, we discuss the importance of reframing our missteps as opportunities for growth. Learn the art of self-evaluation to streamline workload and avoid overestimating daily achievements. Nearing the end, we probe into financial decision-making. Listen to effective strategies on managing finances, even when it seems daunting, and employ the thinking-feeling-acting cycle to overcome procrastination, understand poor decision-making, and make choices that resonate with your best interests. Embark on this enriching journey that promises to reshape your outlook towards business and marketing.
The best way to connect with Risa is through LinkedIn. Here's her link: https://www.linkedin.com/in/risa-haasbroek-13b788263/
Eager to harness the power of Empathic Marketing to propel your business growth? Get your hands on my #1 Amazon Best Selling book, 'Empathic Marketing,' or book a '30-Minute Gap Analysis' session directly from my website: www.becausebusinessispersonal.com.
Discover a wealth of knowledge in our podcast archives at www.becausebusinessispersonal.com.
Stay connected and follow me on social media for more insights and updates:
- YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@EmpathicMarketing
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/themarketingmedic
- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mikecaldwelll/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marketingmedic/
Join our community and elevate your marketing game today!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, welcome to the Because Business is Personal
podcast, the podcast whereempathy meets marketing strategy
.
I'm your host, Mike Caldwell,but I'm also known as the
marketing medic.
Now, the reason for that isbecause, before becoming a
marketing strategist, I actuallyworked as a paramedic for 12
years.
It was during that time that Irealized how important it was to
(00:21):
truly understand the problemsyour patient was facing before
you started providing treatment.
And it's the same understanding, the same empathy, is just as
crucial when it comes tounderstanding our prospects and
making sales, and that's why, ineach episode, we'll dissect the
art of empathic marketing,exploring how top professionals
(00:44):
infuse empathy into theirstrategies to build stronger
relationships, boost their salesand make a lasting impact.
So buckle up and prepare toturn up the dial on your
marketing effectiveness.
As we gear up to dive deeperinto the realm of empathic
marketing, I'd like to share acouple of special offers with
you.
First, you can get a free copyof my international bestselling
(01:07):
book Empathic Marketing.
You only need to cover the costof shipping.
Reading this will provide youwith a much more in-depth
understanding of theempathy-based marketing approach
that we explore in this show.
Next, I'm offering a 50%discount on a transformative
30-minute gap analysis sessionwith me.
During the session, we'llidentify the hurdles in your
(01:30):
marketing efforts and togetherwe'll develop an actionable
roadmap aimed at winning youmore clients and making you more
sales.
Just visit my website,wwwBecauseBusinessIsPersonalcom
to grab your book or use couponcode podcast to take advantage
of my gap analysis offer.
(01:51):
So why wait?
Let's start turbocharging yourmarketing strategy today.
Now let's get started with ourepisode.
All right, Hello everyone.
We've got a special show today.
Riza Asbrook did I say that?
Right, Riza?
That's it, Asbrook.
Well, she is the dragonwhisperer for entrepreneurs.
(02:11):
She helps them to tame, trainand then fly their inner dragons
.
You can also think of Riza as amindset coach for business
owners.
So welcome Riza.
You're the first dragonwhisperer I've had on the show.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
I'm glad I'm so unique.
Thank you, Brad.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
Now I think we all want to know what a dragon
whisper is.
But before we start with that,I like to.
My whole podcast is aboutbusiness, is personal, and my
book is about empathic marketing, as that's human connection.
So before we dive into thebusiness side of our chat,
what's something non-businessrelated about you that our
listeners may find interestingor quirky?
Speaker 2 (02:54):
I come from the same small city in South Africa that
Elan Muscat.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Really yes.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
Were you neighbors.
No, I was not saying that he'smuch younger than me and he's
been in the US for much longerthan me.
But yes, it's the city's name,it's the capital, it's all here.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Okay, is that where you still are, or have you no,
no?
Speaker 2 (03:17):
I'm in the US now, but that's where I was born and
raised.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Oh, very cool.
What's interesting or uniqueabout that town?
Speaker 2 (03:26):
Oh, its nickname is Anjaca Rando City.
So it's like it's this purple.
It's actually the tree softfrom Brazil, but they're also.
They're strutting so well inPretoria, so every string, but
that could be around October.
These jacarabas, they just gointo bloom and they are purple
(03:47):
and they're laying the streetsand it's quite a sight, it's
beautiful.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
Oh, wow, sounds beautiful.
Do you ever get back there?
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Yes, we go back to our home.
I'm coming in, give a sauce andvisit the town.
Good, yes.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
All right.
Well, let's dive into thebusiness side of it.
So my first question has to bewhat makes you a dragon
whisperer, and what is thisdragon you refer to, as I'm
pretty confident it's not aliteral dragon.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
I hope not.
Okay, so I have this greatquote.
I think it's Winston Churchillwho said the way to be
successful is to fail and failagain, without ever losing
enthusiasm.
And that is what it's about.
It's about the emotion.
It's how do you processnegative emotions that's
(04:38):
inevitably part of being abusiness owner and how do you
generate positive emotionsintentionally on the month to
keep that enthusiasm that oldChurchill was talking about.
That's it in a nutshell.
That's what I help people with.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Okay, because I quite often guest on podcasts myself
and I live off the grid and alot of hosts asked like how is
living off the grid prepared youfor being a marketer?
And my answer to that is likeI've lived off the grid for 20
years, and so when I firststarted doing it, nobody out
there had done it before.
(05:16):
And so when I went to you knowlike a well pump place, like I
needed to get well pumped, but Ididn't have enough power to run
a regular well pump.
I'm like how can I do this?
And the answer was like oh well, if you don't have this many
watts and this many volts andamps and you can't do it, it's
like that can't be the truth.
No, I would go to store afterstore after store.
(05:37):
They all tell me the same thing,and so this is those negative
things that you're talking about, right, and you could just say
well, they said it can't be done.
I guess it can't be done, butif I stayed positive, it can
move forward.
You know what We've got?
A well pump now works great.
Like we found the solution, butwe just had to ask like 17
people before the 18th personsaid and so this was the answer.
(06:00):
The 18th person said why don'tyou just use a soft start well
pump, because we had the powerto run the pump.
But you know anything aboutelectricity and the pipes.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
No, it has for said engineer is a new peer engineer,
so I know a lot about, I know,yeah, and I should know that's
right.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
And so you know, like , when you run your vacuum
cleaner, as soon as you try, thevacuum cleaner on the lights
did a little bit right, becausethere's that energy hammer and
that's what my system couldn'thandle.
It could handle the well pumprunning, but it couldn't handle
that initial spike, though it'slike three times the amount of
energy that it uses on when it'sjust generally running.
And so this kisic why don't youjust use a soft start pump that
(06:41):
doesn't have that spike?
It was just so matter of factto him.
It's a thing and he's like, andhe knew about it and he's just
like why don't you just do that,like I was like a moron or
something I'm like because I'mat?
Speaker 2 (06:54):
17 people.
But that's right.
That's the final and final game.
And was it anything?
Who said he just like, found ahundredth of ways how not to
make a lightbulb?
No, that's exactly what you did, but you have very good sermon
to do that if you kicked Austin.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
Well, I don't know if this falls into your work, but
I didn't have a choice.
Like my wife wanted to wash herhair, like I had to make it
happen.
I think maybe with someentrepreneurs, that's part of
the problem is, a lot ofentrepreneurs start out with a
full time job and they're doingthis on the side, and so if they
fail at their entrepreneurendeavor, it's not the end of
(07:37):
the world.
They just keep working.
Right, it is what it is, but Ididn't have that option.
Well, you jumped.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
I think a lot of us just bow feet into it and you're
no idea how deep the water was.
Okay.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
Exactly Right.
So thank you.
What motivates you to startdown this path?
And here we go.
This is the perfect questionfor you, particularly what
motivated you to start down thispath, and have you had any
regrets since making thatdecision?
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Okay.
So we came to the US eightyears ago.
My husband got a job here andwe had two teenage children at
the time.
I homeschooled them.
Then we moved to the US likethey were 15 and 17 difficult
times to move, but that's notthe story.
But because of the exchangerate between the two countries,
and at the moment it's about oneto 20.
(08:26):
So 20 South African lands $1.
So had realized that we wouldnot be able to retire here.
I was afraid of that At thebeginning.
I was so.
You know.
Everything was so expensive inthe US because I was still
thinking in South Africacurrency.
Right.
I told my husband I'm not goingto go back to Africa and my
children are staying here,because I could see them making
(08:48):
a living here.
And I decided I'm starting abusiness and you often start.
You often as entrepreneurs, youdo that.
You start with what you know.
So I did this online course forother homeschoolers in South
Africa.
I sold it to them, but I had noidea what I was doing.
I was working so hard becauseit was so dumb I've no idea how
(09:14):
to upload, how to make a website, how to upload the course
material to the quack full andpeople were dragging emails and
I would respond to each one ofthem personally, until I
realized that I was immediatelyjust starting a question over
and over again.
I could just make one blog postand refer to it, to the blog
post, and you'll think like thatyou have to, like you did, jump
(09:36):
in with both feet and thendiscover what you don't know and
speak it out.
So at some point I was ready togive up because I was making
money.
But when I think of the hours Iwork, then one day I listened
to a podcast which I had leftcoach and she was working three
days a week and making millionsof dollars and it dawned on me
(10:00):
I'm not doing this right,there's a better way to do this.
Okay.
And then I started followingher and applying some of the
mindset stuff that she was liketelling and I could see working
less and less and even makingmore and more money eventually.
But then by then I started inlove with the mindset part of it
and I was.
This is what I've always wantedto do.
(10:22):
So I used that little firstbusiness to pay for the coach
certification.
We got certified through thiswoman's coach school and here I
am now I'm a coach for businessanimals and business coaches.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
That is a very cool story.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
No, at the beginning, when you struggle, when you
can't keep up the enthusiasm, Iwas like, what did I do?
I don't.
But now that I've got more ofthe hang of it, this is the way
I want to look being paid to dowhat I do, I got privileged.
It's amazing.
So no regrets.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
No, I can see you definitely have a passion for it
.
I think that's a big part of it, right?
Yes, so can you share aninteresting story about a major
challenge you, or maybe one ofyour clients, faced in business,
and how taming the dragonovercame it Okay?
Speaker 2 (11:23):
Let me think about.
Yes, this is one woman that Icoach for Russell Bruniston, you
know of kick funnels.
Yeah, I was on a contract.
I wasn't wanting to play rolebut contracted acid with Mentum
Coach in Newstermostomite.
Okay, there was a woman therethat I coach and she was
Employing her brother in herbusiness because she was.
(11:46):
But she told me we have to bethere for our family.
Now I know the patterns ofcodependency.
Ask me how I know.
First off, she did it, so I waslike what's going on here?
And then I told her it's notworking, he's missing out and
he's her brother so she can'treally control him.
(12:09):
Well, and there's a history ofhim not performing.
And I shared my little sermonabout the four countries that
you can live in, emotionallyspeaking, that I gave there and
I hope your listeners will sign.
Interesting as well.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
Yeah, I'm waiting for four countries.
What are these?
Speaker 2 (12:29):
Okay, you can live in a country where you do things
that are bad for other peoplebut good for you.
So that's the land of criminalsand psychopaths and sociopaths.
Okay, you just you don't wantto live there because crime
doesn't work out.
Which is the country where youdo things that are bad for you
and bad for others?
(12:50):
Now, that's the country of thisfunctionality, and I think
that's where my client was.
It's like she was.
It was not really helping herbrother to enable him in this
way and it was definitely nothelping her.
So, lack of boundaries.
He talked, pleasingcodependency.
And then there's a countrywhere you do things that are bad
for you but good for otherpeople, so you're sacrificing
(13:14):
your life for others.
That's the country.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
I live in.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
Yeah, that's true, just like being aware of that.
That's it.
Oh, statistically, if youundercharge in your business all
the time, it's really notsustainable.
And then there's what I callthe Republic of Wisdom, where
you are, the things that aregood for you, a lot of which
would you well as good for otherpeople?
Okay, but as an immigrant, Ican tell you you need a sure
(13:42):
visa for that country, and thatstamp is must have the ability
to tolerate short-termdiscomfort for a long-term goal.
So it's like having theshort-term uncomfortable
feelings with back to thefeelings, the dragon again, the
inner dragon, dealing with thatand thinking of the long-term
(14:04):
game.
So, returning to my client, inthe long run it was better for
her brother to get booted out ofa business so that he could get
his act together.
It was really not serving himin the long run and it was
literally not serving her.
So, but did he like it when shefired him?
No, the old, obviously hedidn't like that.
(14:27):
So I had a coach who threw that.
And that's the abilities thatshort-term you get a few bad for
a minute.
It's almost like when your kidhas tantrum in the stool and
people are staring at.
What about parents?
You are and you're not givingin to give the candy because you
know it's not good for them inthe long run.
It's that kind of one, okay,huh, I.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
so the candy and the tantrum brings me to a story
where I used to do corporateteam building training at our
place here and we had a group ofsocial workers here Like it was
34 female social workers and wejust had the most amazing day.
Like everybody loved the day, orI loved me, they thought I was
(15:15):
amazing and I had two femaleborder colleagues who one was
older, one was a puppy and theyused to fight for dominant and I
understand dog nature orwhatever, and I just let them
fight, because they would fighta little bit, one would win and
then that would be it, and sothat's that's what I did, like
that's that's how you, that'swhat you do with with dog.
(15:37):
Anyway, that's what I did.
But they fought in front of allthese women and what happened
is what always happens one dogsort of won, but then the loser
dog kind of looked up and sawthat 34 people just saw her lose
.
It's like, oh no, like thisisn't going to fly, and so she
started the fight again and thatit was odd, like it wasn't
(15:57):
their normal fight, that theynormally like this was a serious
battle, and one dog got bit inthe air and there was some blood
.
And now I've got these 34female social workers like
thinking I'm Michael Vick andall I do is like have dog fights
at my house and it went from.
Yeah, it went bad.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
So you know exactly what I'm talking about.
Just get back into the countryof wisdom.
You know that's the way youdeal with your dogs and you know
that because you know beingwell trust, that's right, that's
right.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
But non dog owners, you know they don't understand
All right.
So how do you incorporateempathy into your marketing
strategies, or do you, you know,encourage your clients to
incorporate into their marketingstrategies, and can you give
any examples of how that made asignificant impact?
Speaker 2 (16:50):
Okay.
So the basic framework that Iuse is there's a thinking,
feeling, acting cycle alwaysgoing on in your mind.
You're thinking, feeling,acting, okay.
Then it creates an emotion foryou and that drives you to act,
and something like empathy, or,as I would call it, compassion,
is that's the one in the middleof the ceiling, is a beautiful
(17:13):
feeling.
To act strong, okay, to letthat drive your emotion and that
makes a distinction betweencompassion and pity.
For instance, for me, if youpity other people, it's
condescending.
You are here and they are there, okay.
But passion, that's just thedragon whisperer's definition of
compassion.
(17:33):
Yeah.
Empathy, as you would call it,is I'm a human, I'm a mess up.
You're a human, you mess up.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
Right.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
And we can meet each other as equals, as infallible
humans who are not interestedand I get that about myself, so
it's not about self-acceptanceand when you accept yourself,
you can accept other people aswell and forgive and allow them
to mess up, and that's that.
(18:02):
That, I think, is like one ofthe basic things around empathy
that I use a lot in my coaching.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
Okay, that's yeah, that's sort of yeah.
I think that's the biggest partis that we all know this right,
we don't know the journey thatthe other person is on, like we
don't know how many bad thingshappened to them that morning
before you know.
You just inadvertently, likeupped them on the shoulder and
they have a melt.
You're like you know what'swrong with that person and they
(18:30):
say you don't know the path thatthey walk, either that day or
even in their life.
Right, I've got a client rightnow and she's a.
She uses the 12 universal lawsthat you should really, with the
12 universal laws, sometimesthere's you might mail that.
What's that?
Yeah, for a month we have thatone.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
What's that Well?
Speaker 1 (18:50):
so you know the law of attraction right.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
It's this faint bell ringing somewhere you have to
leverage.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
Well, everybody knows the law of attraction, the
secret right, and so that's oneof the universal laws.
There's a lot of vibration, alot of gender.
There's 12, 12 different laws.
But anyway she was a supersuccessful business woman on the
outside, Like she had a nicecar, she had a nice house, she
had the nice clothes right.
But on the inside she kind offelt like she was imposter
(19:19):
because she was a mess, like hercredit cards were maxed out,
like her family thought stuffwas falling apart.
But everybody saw her as thissuper successful woman and she
didn't feel that way on theinside.
And she she said you know what?
I need a time to take a breakfrom this.
And so she liked ridingmotorcycles, like she really
liked riding motorcycles.
So she booked a trip thatstarted in Europe and took her
(19:41):
all through Italy and Russia,and like it was a trip around
the world pretty much.
And during those 12, duringthat time she implemented those
12 universal laws.
And it's just interestingbecause that's an example of
somebody who's seen in oneperspective but stealing
completely differently.
(20:02):
And now what she did and shekind of nurtured this during her
trip was these 12 universallaws and the Hot Pot-A-Pono
spirituality from Hawaii, andnow she's using all of that to
help other women because there'sso many.
I'm sure there's men in thatsituation too, but she, just she
focuses on women to help withthat imposter syndrome.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
Yes, but that's.
It's more universal.
When we think you know and Ithink social media is to blame
you all work out as a peoplelike they're fully curated for
feeds and their lives.
Nothing is ever out of, there'snot a hair out of it.
And then you compare that toyour inner life that's missing
(20:46):
and think that what's wrong withme?
I'm the only one feeling likethat and that's not true.
Just realizing that is soliberating.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
It is, and I actually am conscious of that now.
I did a Facebook Reel last weekin fact, because I live off the
grid, we have 160 acres and Ido a lot of woodworking and I
always post like these beautifulpieces that I make and I say,
oh, that's so beautiful.
But I have a sawmill and I showpeople like you're using the
sawmill and that looks reallycool, but I hauling a tree out
(21:17):
of the woods last week.
We've had so much rain herethis year.
The trails are all my what'sthat.
We are near Ottawa, canada, inthe western Quebec, yeah, so
it's just a really wet summerand so the trails are all wet,
the mosquitoes are crazy.
So, anyway, I went back to todrag a tree out and like within
(21:38):
two minutes I got my ATV, gotstuck in the mud and I had I had
to like put my winch on a treeand there's.
So I did a Facebook liveshowing how stuck my ATV was and
how, like, my face is beingswarmed by mosquitoes.
And then it started raining andit was just miserable and I'm
like I could just show you likethe really cool cupboard I make
(22:00):
out of this tree, like, oh look,but I don't show you like the
effort, the work and the painand the suffering that that went
into it, right Cause no peoplejust want to show the happy.
You know, the 30 second snippetof a good life.
For the rest of the 20 otherthree hours of the day are met.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
And then we think that's the way life should be,
and anybody else has it likethat.
What's wrong with me and that'sright and this is?
Speaker 1 (22:25):
I think one of the biggest reason empathy is so
important today is again whatyou said about social media like
we've lost this humanconnection.
Like empathy is aboutauthenticity and honesty and
that you know, showing that 30second photo of you at the beach
is it's real, but it's like sayit's just a snippet of the
(22:49):
bigger picture You're not seeinglike the kid covered in.
You know VCs They've got tohear.
You know your car is beingstolen.
You don't see it.
Many times, as entrepreneurs,we will try things that don't
end up being successful.
So how do we take those timesand use them to propel us
(23:09):
forward instead of allowing themto stop our progress?
Speaker 2 (23:14):
Okay, you are going to find a lot.
We've talked about that already.
So I would always tell peopleto evaluate.
So don't just do things.
You have to sometimes askyourself you know, think about
what it is that I'm doing and isit working?
And when you evaluate, youalways want to start with a long
list of what is working,because human brains we tend to
(23:39):
default to the negative, and ithas to do with your survival.
You have to pay more attentionto negative things than positive
things.
I'm from South Africa, so letme give you an example.
So if you walk out on yourporch and there's a deadly snake
and there's a friendly neighbor, you should pay more attention
to the snake if you want to liveanother day.
And that happens again andagain and again in your life.
(24:03):
But you have a different cortexas well, so you can turn
yourself.
That theory is just a rubbersnake and the neighbor is we
need neighbors, we need friendlyneighbors, so we are going to
pay attention to that.
So to overcome that negativity,by it you're making a long list
of things that are working.
Now that you've calmed downyour brain, now you ask yourself
(24:26):
what hasn't worked, what's notworking, and then that should be
a much shorter list.
And then the most importantquestion what are they doing
different?
So that's, I would say in anutshell, that's how I would
approach things that are notworking.
You still want to extract thegold out of any experience, and
(24:47):
it could be a skill that youlearn, that you don't even
realize it's not directlyrelatable, but you can still
apply it in a new situation.
You want to remind yourselfthat you are always growing, so
there's always some, like I said, gold that you can extract from
any experience.
So telling yourself that is agreat idea.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
Okay Is.
Do you like to create lists oranything?
Oh yes, Something that you canvisualize better.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
I would like I would make a list.
Yes, I would just type it out.
It's actually better to writeit out, but I have a horrible
handwriting, so I would try thetype, but at least I could read
it back.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
Yeah, I actually, and I usually remember like the
gist of things.
I don't remember the specifics,but I just saw something about
the writing, the handwriting,because that is a creative
action and that's your rightbrain, I guess, and that ties
into the left brain, the logicalside.
So by writing it out as opposedto typing it out, you get a
(25:54):
better union of your left andright brain.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
Yes, so it's like I think with in the education
space they are.
Children need to write.
We can't just let them type allthe time.
They need to write, and I thinkit's exactly for the reason
that you are saying it.
Something magical happensbetween the pen and the paper.
It's a different kind ofexperience and type.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
That's right yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
I'm a big type.
I don't like writing because myhandwriting is so bad.
I would much rather prefer this, but I get the value.
So I try to remind myself ofthings that I need to write.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
I think most of us type more so than write, but I
know what I'm going to.
So we live in the woods in themiddle of nowhere, so when I go
to town I can't forget anything,because that's the thing, right
, Go out into town, yeah, if youever get something, it's 40
minutes each way to go and getit again.
It's not like you know.
Just hop over the storm andI've got a smart phone, like
(26:58):
everybody does, and it's gotshopping lists.
But I don't.
I never use my phone.
I always have a pen and paperlist, and because I think I also
get, the satisfaction is whenI'm in the store I cross stuff
off, and this might be part ofwhat you're talking about too.
And this is why I was thinkingabout the writing thing, because
I don't.
Quite often I'll have a goalfor the day that I want to do,
(27:19):
and quite often I don't.
I don't plead that goal and sothe day is a failure, right?
No, no, yeah, so I gotta leavethis open.
So why isn't it a failure if Idon't complete my goal?
Speaker 2 (27:33):
This evaluation thing that I was talking about.
That's something I would doonce a week sexual incidents,
and definitely like oncesomewhere, like once a quarter,
and then every time zoom out sothat you can see the dots, the
impressionist painting, and seethe picture that your life is
making.
So I would plead every day, butyou know also it's time
(27:56):
consuming.
But telling yourself today wasa failure because I didn't.
Okay, my first question as acoach is why is the list so long
that you do not get toeverything?
Are you?
Why are you overestimating whatyou can do?
That's like I would just askthe question not to jug.
Okay.
So, and we all do that, I thinkwe all overestimate what we can
(28:18):
do in a day.
And this is gonna be easierthan you forget if you're
opening the computer, finding it.
It's like you just sit down andstart typing, if you could, but
at least like prep work to door what.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
That's right.
That's right, and I think thisis why I sort of mentioned the
list is quite often I have agoal for the day, that I'm gonna
finish this blog post orwhatever, and that's what I'm
gonna do, but at the end of theday it's not done, because I
didn't see all the other stuffon my list.
I wasn't conscious, like.
One of the things I did todaywas we went our mortars is up
(28:56):
for renewal, so we met with thebank yesterday, went to the bank
and they said, oh, theircomputer was dead.
Oh, of course.
So they had to.
So we went through all thestuff but we couldn't sign the
papers.
So he sent us an email todaywith doc design.
But I did that today, like,actually they sent it yesterday
and I put it up, so it was twodays ago.
We went to the bank, he sent ityesterday.
(29:18):
I'm like, oh, I'm too busy todo that, right, and then I did
it today.
But it sounds like I shouldsort of celebrate that win.
I had a win.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
You want your mortgage to be timely and
everything is sorted out.
Just remind yourself, it's like, if you use human as a verb, we
still need to human.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
Oh, that's interesting okay.
Speaker 2 (29:41):
It's these things we need to do in our lives, even if
we are business owners, andthat'll be a gain of your
financial stuff is kind of him.
Speaker 1 (29:51):
It is yeah, that'd be fully transparent.
He's a great loan specialistand he called me like six weeks
or weeks ago and he's like, hey,mike, your mortgage is coming
up for a dual in four or sixweeks.
But what we can do now is wecan just lock in today's rate
(30:12):
because the basic goes up, youdon't have to pay more.
And I went online, I did alittle.
I'm like yeah, interest ratesare gonna go anywhere.
So we went to the bank on the24th of July.
On the 21st the rates went up aquarter percent and it's the
way it works.
But it's whatever $1,000 a year.
Speaker 2 (30:35):
On big balance it can make a big difference.
Speaker 1 (30:39):
I didn't need to take that hit.
It's just because Iprocrastinated and I don't like
dealing with money stuff.
So I was like, yeah, so howwould?
So that's one of my weaknessesis, I don't like to talk about
money, I don't like to deal withmoney, I don't like to think
about money.
So that's what that was one ofmy.
So, as a dragon whisperer, like, how would you help me avoid
(31:02):
next time my mortgage comesaround losing a quarter percent?
Speaker 2 (31:05):
My interest.
Okay.
So if you think of the thinking, feeling, acting cycle, what do
you need to tell yourself andwhat's the feeling you want to
create so that you do it?
So you really start in your ownbrain.
So it's $1,000 that you well,we're just saying a number right
that you could have usedelsewhere.
(31:25):
So something empowering, likeI'm taking good care of my money
.
And then you feel moreempowered when, then, you just
do the thing, Because when youwere stuck in the mud there was
no way that we're not going todo that.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
You just oh no, I had to do it.
I could do it.
I think our mortgage is renewedin two or three days.
We had to do it this week.
There was no option, or I couldhave done it six weeks ago.
He said we'll lock it atwhatever percent, but if it goes
down, don't worry, we're notlocking it at a higher rate, if
(32:08):
it goes down you'll.
So there was no loose situationfor me, but I just didn't want
to deal with it at that moment.
Speaker 2 (32:17):
That uncomfortable feelings for a minute, it's
going to not feel nice to do it.
So what do you need to tellyourself?
What's the thought that woulddrive a better feeling, so that
you act in a way that you knowis in your best interest?
Speaker 1 (32:32):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (32:32):
That's why I take good care of my money, or I can
do this, and if I do this, it'sgoing to make my life so much
easier.
Whatever it is, and it's no usecoming from my brain.
It was told from your brain.
Then you believe it.
Speaker 1 (32:47):
Okay, is there a way for me to recognize that I'm
making a bad decision and I needto change my?
I think that's a big thing.
Like when I was making that baddecision, I wasn't saying, oh,
this is a bad decision, I shouldchange my thinking about this.
Like how do you have thatawakening to the fact that you
are making a bad decision rightnow?
Speaker 2 (33:07):
When your behavior would be a very good clue.
It's like if you procrastinateand you find yourself putting
things off.
It would be nice if you cancatch yourself what's going on
and just like, get curious aboutwhat's going on in your own
motivation.
Why am I avoiding this?
What am I feeling?
(33:28):
What is it?
How does it make you feel?
And what about thinking that'screating that feeling, and do I
want to keep that feeling?
The concept is not serving meso often.
The actions, the behavior is agood kind of like.
It leaves like the footprints,like, okay, what do you?
(33:49):
It leaves clues.
What are you Right?
And the other thing would bethe feeling.
If you're not feeling theexample I'm always using if you
are visiting your mother-in-law,you come home and they just
finish the top of ice cream andit's probably a good time to ask
yourself why am I doing this?
That's once again the feeling,that's the one.
(34:11):
Oh, it's not a good example,it's another action.
But if you're feeling, you getup in the morning, you're
feeling depressed and you'refeeling so like I don't want to
do whatever I want to do today.
So that's a feeling.
Then why am I feeling this way?
Is because of something I'mtelling myself Okay.
I can change that.
(34:31):
That's the big power if yourealize that we can change the
way, we can change our thoughts,and then everything else change
.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
Okay, because I think it wasn't a constant annoyance
with me, but it was always inthe back of my mind that I have
to meet with them.
I have to meet with them, Ihave.
I shouldn't have just met withthem, and it would have been so
much better for somebody.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
But okay, now it's like extract the gold from that
situation so that you can do itagain.
Speaker 1 (34:58):
Yeah, oh, very cool.
So I thank you pretty much.
In the last five or 10 minutesanswered my final question, but
maybe you could just be reallyconcise with this.
So can you share one actionablestrategy or tip from your
expertise that our listeners canimplement today to start seeing
results?
Speaker 2 (35:15):
Okay, I would encourage them to use one of my
favorite strategies the AcrylicTriangle of Triumph.
So what you need to do is thinkof it's a triangle, be
characteristic you like aboutyourself.
For instance, you're brave,you're a problem solver, you're
persistent, you're determinedwhatever it is something you
like about yourself.
(35:36):
But then you need to tellyourself a specific story.
At a time when you display thatbecause our brains are, it
really lights up when you tellit a story and it carries a
different, more potent emotionalload.
So remind yourself of that time.
For instance, you were willingto just go off the grid and just
(35:59):
do it.
Of course I'm courageous andremind yourself of the obstacles
you had to overcome, like youtold me at the beginning, all
those many times you had to askhow can I overcome this spike
problem?
So I am persistent, I amcourageous, whatever the
characteristic is.
And then when you're feelinglike an ambassador, like I'm a
(36:22):
saint, I'm courageous because ofthat time.
So it's bold yourself totriangle.
Find three of them.
It's like a little a rail thatyou can hang onto.
This is to me.
Speaker 1 (36:38):
Wow, that's super helpful, Thank you.
So if people wanted to learnmore about what you do or get
some more help from you, howwould they reach out to you?
How would they contact you?
Speaker 2 (36:49):
If they can follow me on LinkedIn.
I'm very active on LinkedIn,share lots of these things we
talked about on LinkedIn as well, and the best way to just like
to see if I would be a good fitfor them as a coach would be to
make a complimentary discoverycall with me, and then they can
get a feel of how it feels towork with me and, if they want
to, I am a sec coach.
(37:09):
I think that's the best way toget into my work.
Speaker 1 (37:13):
Okay, perfect, and I'll put the links to your
LinkedIn and to your website andeverything in the in the in the
podcast notes.
Well, thank you so much, riza.
This is again the first dragonwhisperer.
I might be the last.
Speaker 2 (37:26):
I hope you.
I want to be the only jack ofthe fit Scooter either with the
If I could find another one.
Speaker 1 (37:31):
I want her on the show, though, because this is so
much fun.
It was so insightful andhelpful.
Yeah, I hope our listeners getsome good value out of it as
well.
Speaker 2 (37:38):
Thank you so much for having me.
This was Bob All right?
Speaker 1 (37:42):
Well, stay in touch with it, riza.
Thanks again for coming Bye,and that is a wrap for this
episode of Because Business isPersonal.
Thanks for joining us and don'tforget to take advantage of my
two special offers.
First, you can get a free copyof my bestselling book Empathic
Marketing.
You just pay for the shipping.
Or you get a 50% discount on mygap analysis session with the
(38:08):
Kuban code podcast.
Head over towwwBecauseBusinessIsPersonalcom
or check the show notes fordetails.
If you've enjoyed today'sepisode, please don't forget to
follow, subscribe, leave areview and share the podcast
with others who might benefit.
Your support means the world tous, so stay tuned for our next
(38:31):
episode, where we'll continue todelve into the intersection of
empathy and marketing strategy.
Remember, because Business isIndeed Personal, every
connection counts.
Until next time, see you then.
Hey, welcome to the Because Business is Personal
podcast, the podcast whereempathy meets marketing strategy
.
I'm your host, Mike Caldwell,but I'm also known as the
marketing medic.
Now, the reason for that isbecause, before becoming a
marketing strategist, I actuallyworked as a paramedic for 12
years.
It was during that time that Irealized how important it was to
(00:21):
truly understand the problemsyour patient was facing before
you started providing treatment.
And it's the same understanding, the same empathy, is just as
crucial when it comes tounderstanding our prospects and
making sales, and that's why, ineach episode, we'll dissect the
art of empathic marketing,exploring how top professionals
(00:44):
infuse empathy into theirstrategies to build stronger
relationships, boost their salesand make a lasting impact.
So buckle up and prepare toturn up the dial on your
marketing effectiveness.
As we gear up to dive deeperinto the realm of empathic
marketing, I'd like to share acouple of special offers with
you.
First, you can get a free copyof my international bestselling
(01:07):
book Empathic Marketing.
You only need to cover the costof shipping.
Reading this will provide youwith a much more in-depth
understanding of theempathy-based marketing approach
that we explore in this show.
Next, I'm offering a 50%discount on a transformative
30-minute gap analysis sessionwith me.
During the session, we'llidentify the hurdles in your
(01:30):
marketing efforts and togetherwe'll develop an actionable
roadmap aimed at winning youmore clients and making you more
sales.
Just visit my website,wwwBecauseBusinessIsPersonalcom
to grab your book or use couponcode podcast to take advantage
of my gap analysis offer.
(01:51):
So why wait?
Let's start turbocharging yourmarketing strategy today.
Now let's get started with ourepisode.
All right, Hello everyone.
We've got a special show today.
Riza Asbrook did I say that?
Right, Riza?
That's it, Asbrook.
Well, she is the dragonwhisperer for entrepreneurs.
(02:11):
She helps them to tame, trainand then fly their inner dragons
.
You can also think of Riza as amindset coach for business
owners.
So welcome Riza.
You're the first dragonwhisperer I've had on the show.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
I'm glad I'm so unique.
Thank you, Brad.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
Now I think we all want to know what a dragon
whisper is.
But before we start with that,I like to.
My whole podcast is aboutbusiness, is personal, and my
book is about empathic marketing, as that's human connection.
So before we dive into thebusiness side of our chat,
what's something non-businessrelated about you that our
listeners may find interestingor quirky?
Speaker 2 (02:54):
I come from the same small city in South Africa that
Elan Muscat.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Really yes.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
Were you neighbors.
No, I was not saying that he'smuch younger than me and he's
been in the US for much longerthan me.
But yes, it's the city's name,it's the capital, it's all here.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Okay, is that where you still are, or have you no,
no?
Speaker 2 (03:17):
I'm in the US now, but that's where I was born and
raised.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Oh, very cool.
What's interesting or uniqueabout that town?
Speaker 2 (03:26):
Oh, its nickname is Anjaca Rando City.
So it's like it's this purple.
It's actually the tree softfrom Brazil, but they're also.
They're strutting so well inPretoria, so every string, but
that could be around October.
These jacarabas, they just gointo bloom and they are purple
(03:47):
and they're laying the streetsand it's quite a sight, it's
beautiful.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
Oh, wow, sounds beautiful.
Do you ever get back there?
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Yes, we go back to our home.
I'm coming in, give a sauce andvisit the town.
Good, yes.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
All right.
Well, let's dive into thebusiness side of it.
So my first question has to bewhat makes you a dragon
whisperer, and what is thisdragon you refer to, as I'm
pretty confident it's not aliteral dragon.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
I hope not.
Okay, so I have this greatquote.
I think it's Winston Churchillwho said the way to be
successful is to fail and failagain, without ever losing
enthusiasm.
And that is what it's about.
It's about the emotion.
It's how do you processnegative emotions that's
(04:38):
inevitably part of being abusiness owner and how do you
generate positive emotionsintentionally on the month to
keep that enthusiasm that oldChurchill was talking about.
That's it in a nutshell.
That's what I help people with.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Okay, because I quite often guest on podcasts myself
and I live off the grid and alot of hosts asked like how is
living off the grid prepared youfor being a marketer?
And my answer to that is likeI've lived off the grid for 20
years, and so when I firststarted doing it, nobody out
there had done it before.
(05:16):
And so when I went to you knowlike a well pump place, like I
needed to get well pumped, but Ididn't have enough power to run
a regular well pump.
I'm like how can I do this?
And the answer was like oh well, if you don't have this many
watts and this many volts andamps and you can't do it, it's
like that can't be the truth.
No, I would go to store afterstore after store.
(05:37):
They all tell me the same thing,and so this is those negative
things that you're talking about, right, and you could just say
well, they said it can't be done.
I guess it can't be done, butif I stayed positive, it can
move forward.
You know what We've got?
A well pump now works great.
Like we found the solution, butwe just had to ask like 17
people before the 18th personsaid and so this was the answer.
(06:00):
The 18th person said why don'tyou just use a soft start well
pump, because we had the powerto run the pump.
But you know anything aboutelectricity and the pipes.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
No, it has for said engineer is a new peer engineer,
so I know a lot about, I know,yeah, and I should know that's
right.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
And so you know, like , when you run your vacuum
cleaner, as soon as you try, thevacuum cleaner on the lights
did a little bit right, becausethere's that energy hammer and
that's what my system couldn'thandle.
It could handle the well pumprunning, but it couldn't handle
that initial spike, though it'slike three times the amount of
energy that it uses on when it'sjust generally running.
And so this kisic why don't youjust use a soft start pump that
(06:41):
doesn't have that spike?
It was just so matter of factto him.
It's a thing and he's like, andhe knew about it and he's just
like why don't you just do that,like I was like a moron or
something I'm like because I'mat?
Speaker 2 (06:54):
17 people.
But that's right.
That's the final and final game.
And was it anything?
Who said he just like, found ahundredth of ways how not to
make a lightbulb?
No, that's exactly what you did, but you have very good sermon
to do that if you kicked Austin.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
Well, I don't know if this falls into your work, but
I didn't have a choice.
Like my wife wanted to wash herhair, like I had to make it
happen.
I think maybe with someentrepreneurs, that's part of
the problem is, a lot ofentrepreneurs start out with a
full time job and they're doingthis on the side, and so if they
fail at their entrepreneurendeavor, it's not the end of
(07:37):
the world.
They just keep working.
Right, it is what it is, but Ididn't have that option.
Well, you jumped.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
I think a lot of us just bow feet into it and you're
no idea how deep the water was.
Okay.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
Exactly Right.
So thank you.
What motivates you to startdown this path?
And here we go.
This is the perfect questionfor you, particularly what
motivated you to start down thispath, and have you had any
regrets since making thatdecision?
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Okay.
So we came to the US eightyears ago.
My husband got a job here andwe had two teenage children at
the time.
I homeschooled them.
Then we moved to the US likethey were 15 and 17 difficult
times to move, but that's notthe story.
But because of the exchangerate between the two countries,
and at the moment it's about oneto 20.
(08:26):
So 20 South African lands $1.
So had realized that we wouldnot be able to retire here.
I was afraid of that At thebeginning.
I was so.
You know.
Everything was so expensive inthe US because I was still
thinking in South Africacurrency.
Right.
I told my husband I'm not goingto go back to Africa and my
children are staying here,because I could see them making
(08:48):
a living here.
And I decided I'm starting abusiness and you often start.
You often as entrepreneurs, youdo that.
You start with what you know.
So I did this online course forother homeschoolers in South
Africa.
I sold it to them, but I had noidea what I was doing.
I was working so hard becauseit was so dumb I've no idea how
(09:14):
to upload, how to make a website, how to upload the course
material to the quack full andpeople were dragging emails and
I would respond to each one ofthem personally, until I
realized that I was immediatelyjust starting a question over
and over again.
I could just make one blog postand refer to it, to the blog
post, and you'll think like thatyou have to, like you did, jump
(09:36):
in with both feet and thendiscover what you don't know and
speak it out.
So at some point I was ready togive up because I was making
money.
But when I think of the hours Iwork, then one day I listened
to a podcast which I had leftcoach and she was working three
days a week and making millionsof dollars and it dawned on me
(10:00):
I'm not doing this right,there's a better way to do this.
Okay.
And then I started followingher and applying some of the
mindset stuff that she was liketelling and I could see working
less and less and even makingmore and more money eventually.
But then by then I started inlove with the mindset part of it
and I was.
This is what I've always wantedto do.
(10:22):
So I used that little firstbusiness to pay for the coach
certification.
We got certified through thiswoman's coach school and here I
am now I'm a coach for businessanimals and business coaches.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
That is a very cool story.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
No, at the beginning, when you struggle, when you
can't keep up the enthusiasm, Iwas like, what did I do?
I don't.
But now that I've got more ofthe hang of it, this is the way
I want to look being paid to dowhat I do, I got privileged.
It's amazing.
So no regrets.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
No, I can see you definitely have a passion for it
.
I think that's a big part of it, right?
Yes, so can you share aninteresting story about a major
challenge you, or maybe one ofyour clients, faced in business,
and how taming the dragonovercame it Okay?
Speaker 2 (11:23):
Let me think about.
Yes, this is one woman that Icoach for Russell Bruniston, you
know of kick funnels.
Yeah, I was on a contract.
I wasn't wanting to play rolebut contracted acid with Mentum
Coach in Newstermostomite.
Okay, there was a woman therethat I coach and she was
Employing her brother in herbusiness because she was.
(11:46):
But she told me we have to bethere for our family.
Now I know the patterns ofcodependency.
Ask me how I know.
First off, she did it, so I waslike what's going on here?
And then I told her it's notworking, he's missing out and
he's her brother so she can'treally control him.
(12:09):
Well, and there's a history ofhim not performing.
And I shared my little sermonabout the four countries that
you can live in, emotionallyspeaking, that I gave there and
I hope your listeners will sign.
Interesting as well.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
Yeah, I'm waiting for four countries.
What are these?
Speaker 2 (12:29):
Okay, you can live in a country where you do things
that are bad for other peoplebut good for you.
So that's the land of criminalsand psychopaths and sociopaths.
Okay, you just you don't wantto live there because crime
doesn't work out.
Which is the country where youdo things that are bad for you
and bad for others?
(12:50):
Now, that's the country of thisfunctionality, and I think
that's where my client was.
It's like she was.
It was not really helping herbrother to enable him in this
way and it was definitely nothelping her.
So, lack of boundaries.
He talked, pleasingcodependency.
And then there's a countrywhere you do things that are bad
for you but good for otherpeople, so you're sacrificing
(13:14):
your life for others.
That's the country.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
I live in.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
Yeah, that's true, just like being aware of that.
That's it.
Oh, statistically, if youundercharge in your business all
the time, it's really notsustainable.
And then there's what I callthe Republic of Wisdom, where
you are, the things that aregood for you, a lot of which
would you well as good for otherpeople?
Okay, but as an immigrant, Ican tell you you need a sure
(13:42):
visa for that country, and thatstamp is must have the ability
to tolerate short-termdiscomfort for a long-term goal.
So it's like having theshort-term uncomfortable
feelings with back to thefeelings, the dragon again, the
inner dragon, dealing with thatand thinking of the long-term
(14:04):
game.
So, returning to my client, inthe long run it was better for
her brother to get booted out ofa business so that he could get
his act together.
It was really not serving himin the long run and it was
literally not serving her.
So, but did he like it when shefired him?
No, the old, obviously hedidn't like that.
(14:27):
So I had a coach who threw that.
And that's the abilities thatshort-term you get a few bad for
a minute.
It's almost like when your kidhas tantrum in the stool and
people are staring at.
What about parents?
You are and you're not givingin to give the candy because you
know it's not good for them inthe long run.
It's that kind of one, okay,huh, I.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
so the candy and the tantrum brings me to a story
where I used to do corporateteam building training at our
place here and we had a group ofsocial workers here Like it was
34 female social workers and wejust had the most amazing day.
Like everybody loved the day, orI loved me, they thought I was
(15:15):
amazing and I had two femaleborder colleagues who one was
older, one was a puppy and theyused to fight for dominant and I
understand dog nature orwhatever, and I just let them
fight, because they would fighta little bit, one would win and
then that would be it, and sothat's that's what I did, like
that's that's how you, that'swhat you do with with dog.
(15:37):
Anyway, that's what I did.
But they fought in front of allthese women and what happened
is what always happens one dogsort of won, but then the loser
dog kind of looked up and sawthat 34 people just saw her lose
.
It's like, oh no, like thisisn't going to fly, and so she
started the fight again and thatit was odd, like it wasn't
(15:57):
their normal fight, that theynormally like this was a serious
battle, and one dog got bit inthe air and there was some blood
.
And now I've got these 34female social workers like
thinking I'm Michael Vick andall I do is like have dog fights
at my house and it went from.
Yeah, it went bad.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
So you know exactly what I'm talking about.
Just get back into the countryof wisdom.
You know that's the way youdeal with your dogs and you know
that because you know beingwell trust, that's right, that's
right.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
But non dog owners, you know they don't understand
All right.
So how do you incorporateempathy into your marketing
strategies, or do you, you know,encourage your clients to
incorporate into their marketingstrategies, and can you give
any examples of how that made asignificant impact?
Speaker 2 (16:50):
Okay.
So the basic framework that Iuse is there's a thinking,
feeling, acting cycle alwaysgoing on in your mind.
You're thinking, feeling,acting, okay.
Then it creates an emotion foryou and that drives you to act,
and something like empathy, or,as I would call it, compassion,
is that's the one in the middleof the ceiling, is a beautiful
(17:13):
feeling.
To act strong, okay, to letthat drive your emotion and that
makes a distinction betweencompassion and pity.
For instance, for me, if youpity other people, it's
condescending.
You are here and they are there, okay.
But passion, that's just thedragon whisperer's definition of
compassion.
(17:33):
Yeah.
Empathy, as you would call it,is I'm a human, I'm a mess up.
You're a human, you mess up.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
Right.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
And we can meet each other as equals, as infallible
humans who are not interestedand I get that about myself, so
it's not about self-acceptanceand when you accept yourself,
you can accept other people aswell and forgive and allow them
to mess up, and that's that.
(18:02):
That, I think, is like one ofthe basic things around empathy
that I use a lot in my coaching.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
Okay, that's yeah, that's sort of yeah.
I think that's the biggest partis that we all know this right,
we don't know the journey thatthe other person is on, like we
don't know how many bad thingshappened to them that morning
before you know.
You just inadvertently, likeupped them on the shoulder and
they have a melt.
You're like you know what'swrong with that person and they
(18:30):
say you don't know the path thatthey walk, either that day or
even in their life.
Right, I've got a client rightnow and she's a.
She uses the 12 universal lawsthat you should really, with the
12 universal laws, sometimesthere's you might mail that.
What's that?
Yeah, for a month we have thatone.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
What's that Well?
Speaker 1 (18:50):
so you know the law of attraction right.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
It's this faint bell ringing somewhere you have to
leverage.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
Well, everybody knows the law of attraction, the
secret right, and so that's oneof the universal laws.
There's a lot of vibration, alot of gender.
There's 12, 12 different laws.
But anyway she was a supersuccessful business woman on the
outside, Like she had a nicecar, she had a nice house, she
had the nice clothes right.
But on the inside she kind offelt like she was imposter
(19:19):
because she was a mess, like hercredit cards were maxed out,
like her family thought stuffwas falling apart.
But everybody saw her as thissuper successful woman and she
didn't feel that way on theinside.
And she she said you know what?
I need a time to take a breakfrom this.
And so she liked ridingmotorcycles, like she really
liked riding motorcycles.
So she booked a trip thatstarted in Europe and took her
(19:41):
all through Italy and Russia,and like it was a trip around
the world pretty much.
And during those 12, duringthat time she implemented those
12 universal laws.
And it's just interestingbecause that's an example of
somebody who's seen in oneperspective but stealing
completely differently.
(20:02):
And now what she did and shekind of nurtured this during her
trip was these 12 universallaws and the Hot Pot-A-Pono
spirituality from Hawaii, andnow she's using all of that to
help other women because there'sso many.
I'm sure there's men in thatsituation too, but she, just she
focuses on women to help withthat imposter syndrome.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
Yes, but that's.
It's more universal.
When we think you know and Ithink social media is to blame
you all work out as a peoplelike they're fully curated for
feeds and their lives.
Nothing is ever out of, there'snot a hair out of it.
And then you compare that toyour inner life that's missing
(20:46):
and think that what's wrong withme?
I'm the only one feeling likethat and that's not true.
Just realizing that is soliberating.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
It is, and I actually am conscious of that now.
I did a Facebook Reel last weekin fact, because I live off the
grid, we have 160 acres and Ido a lot of woodworking and I
always post like these beautifulpieces that I make and I say,
oh, that's so beautiful.
But I have a sawmill and I showpeople like you're using the
sawmill and that looks reallycool, but I hauling a tree out
(21:17):
of the woods last week.
We've had so much rain herethis year.
The trails are all my what'sthat.
We are near Ottawa, canada, inthe western Quebec, yeah, so
it's just a really wet summerand so the trails are all wet,
the mosquitoes are crazy.
So, anyway, I went back to todrag a tree out and like within
(21:38):
two minutes I got my ATV, gotstuck in the mud and I had I had
to like put my winch on a treeand there's.
So I did a Facebook liveshowing how stuck my ATV was and
how, like, my face is beingswarmed by mosquitoes.
And then it started raining andit was just miserable and I'm
like I could just show you likethe really cool cupboard I make
(22:00):
out of this tree, like, oh look,but I don't show you like the
effort, the work and the painand the suffering that that went
into it, right Cause no peoplejust want to show the happy.
You know, the 30 second snippetof a good life.
For the rest of the 20 otherthree hours of the day are met.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
And then we think that's the way life should be,
and anybody else has it likethat.
What's wrong with me and that'sright and this is?
Speaker 1 (22:25):
I think one of the biggest reason empathy is so
important today is again whatyou said about social media like
we've lost this humanconnection.
Like empathy is aboutauthenticity and honesty and
that you know, showing that 30second photo of you at the beach
is it's real, but it's like sayit's just a snippet of the
(22:49):
bigger picture You're not seeinglike the kid covered in.
You know VCs They've got tohear.
You know your car is beingstolen.
You don't see it.
Many times, as entrepreneurs,we will try things that don't
end up being successful.
So how do we take those timesand use them to propel us
(23:09):
forward instead of allowing themto stop our progress?
Speaker 2 (23:14):
Okay, you are going to find a lot.
We've talked about that already.
So I would always tell peopleto evaluate.
So don't just do things.
You have to sometimes askyourself you know, think about
what it is that I'm doing and isit working?
And when you evaluate, youalways want to start with a long
list of what is working,because human brains we tend to
(23:39):
default to the negative, and ithas to do with your survival.
You have to pay more attentionto negative things than positive
things.
I'm from South Africa, so letme give you an example.
So if you walk out on yourporch and there's a deadly snake
and there's a friendly neighbor, you should pay more attention
to the snake if you want to liveanother day.
And that happens again andagain and again in your life.
(24:03):
But you have a different cortexas well, so you can turn
yourself.
That theory is just a rubbersnake and the neighbor is we
need neighbors, we need friendlyneighbors, so we are going to
pay attention to that.
So to overcome that negativity,by it you're making a long list
of things that are working.
Now that you've calmed downyour brain, now you ask yourself
(24:26):
what hasn't worked, what's notworking, and then that should be
a much shorter list.
And then the most importantquestion what are they doing
different?
So that's, I would say in anutshell, that's how I would
approach things that are notworking.
You still want to extract thegold out of any experience, and
(24:47):
it could be a skill that youlearn, that you don't even
realize it's not directlyrelatable, but you can still
apply it in a new situation.
You want to remind yourselfthat you are always growing, so
there's always some, like I said, gold that you can extract from
any experience.
So telling yourself that is agreat idea.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
Okay Is.
Do you like to create lists oranything?
Oh yes, Something that you canvisualize better.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
I would like I would make a list.
Yes, I would just type it out.
It's actually better to writeit out, but I have a horrible
handwriting, so I would try thetype, but at least I could read
it back.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
Yeah, I actually, and I usually remember like the
gist of things.
I don't remember the specifics,but I just saw something about
the writing, the handwriting,because that is a creative
action and that's your rightbrain, I guess, and that ties
into the left brain, the logicalside.
So by writing it out as opposedto typing it out, you get a
(25:54):
better union of your left andright brain.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
Yes, so it's like I think with in the education
space they are.
Children need to write.
We can't just let them type allthe time.
They need to write, and I thinkit's exactly for the reason
that you are saying it.
Something magical happensbetween the pen and the paper.
It's a different kind ofexperience and type.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
That's right yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
I'm a big type.
I don't like writing because myhandwriting is so bad.
I would much rather prefer this, but I get the value.
So I try to remind myself ofthings that I need to write.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
I think most of us type more so than write, but I
know what I'm going to.
So we live in the woods in themiddle of nowhere, so when I go
to town I can't forget anything,because that's the thing, right
, Go out into town, yeah, if youever get something, it's 40
minutes each way to go and getit again.
It's not like you know.
Just hop over the storm andI've got a smart phone, like
(26:58):
everybody does, and it's gotshopping lists.
But I don't.
I never use my phone.
I always have a pen and paperlist, and because I think I also
get, the satisfaction is whenI'm in the store I cross stuff
off, and this might be part ofwhat you're talking about too.
And this is why I was thinkingabout the writing thing, because
I don't.
Quite often I'll have a goalfor the day that I want to do,
(27:19):
and quite often I don't.
I don't plead that goal and sothe day is a failure, right?
No, no, yeah, so I gotta leavethis open.
So why isn't it a failure if Idon't complete my goal?
Speaker 2 (27:33):
This evaluation thing that I was talking about.
That's something I would doonce a week sexual incidents,
and definitely like oncesomewhere, like once a quarter,
and then every time zoom out sothat you can see the dots, the
impressionist painting, and seethe picture that your life is
making.
So I would plead every day, butyou know also it's time
(27:56):
consuming.
But telling yourself today wasa failure because I didn't.
Okay, my first question as acoach is why is the list so long
that you do not get toeverything?
Are you?
Why are you overestimating whatyou can do?
That's like I would just askthe question not to jug.
Okay.
So, and we all do that, I thinkwe all overestimate what we can
(28:18):
do in a day.
And this is gonna be easierthan you forget if you're
opening the computer, finding it.
It's like you just sit down andstart typing, if you could, but
at least like prep work to door what.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
That's right.
That's right, and I think thisis why I sort of mentioned the
list is quite often I have agoal for the day, that I'm gonna
finish this blog post orwhatever, and that's what I'm
gonna do, but at the end of theday it's not done, because I
didn't see all the other stuffon my list.
I wasn't conscious, like.
One of the things I did todaywas we went our mortars is up
(28:56):
for renewal, so we met with thebank yesterday, went to the bank
and they said, oh, theircomputer was dead.
Oh, of course.
So they had to.
So we went through all thestuff but we couldn't sign the
papers.
So he sent us an email todaywith doc design.
But I did that today, like,actually they sent it yesterday
and I put it up, so it was twodays ago.
We went to the bank, he sent ityesterday.
(29:18):
I'm like, oh, I'm too busy todo that, right, and then I did
it today.
But it sounds like I shouldsort of celebrate that win.
I had a win.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
You want your mortgage to be timely and
everything is sorted out.
Just remind yourself, it's like, if you use human as a verb, we
still need to human.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
Oh, that's interesting okay.
Speaker 2 (29:41):
It's these things we need to do in our lives, even if
we are business owners, andthat'll be a gain of your
financial stuff is kind of him.
Speaker 1 (29:51):
It is yeah, that'd be fully transparent.
He's a great loan specialistand he called me like six weeks
or weeks ago and he's like, hey,mike, your mortgage is coming
up for a dual in four or sixweeks.
But what we can do now is wecan just lock in today's rate
(30:12):
because the basic goes up, youdon't have to pay more.
And I went online, I did alittle.
I'm like yeah, interest ratesare gonna go anywhere.
So we went to the bank on the24th of July.
On the 21st the rates went up aquarter percent and it's the
way it works.
But it's whatever $1,000 a year.
Speaker 2 (30:35):
On big balance it can make a big difference.
Speaker 1 (30:39):
I didn't need to take that hit.
It's just because Iprocrastinated and I don't like
dealing with money stuff.
So I was like, yeah, so howwould?
So that's one of my weaknessesis, I don't like to talk about
money, I don't like to deal withmoney, I don't like to think
about money.
So that's what that was one ofmy.
So, as a dragon whisperer, like, how would you help me avoid
(31:02):
next time my mortgage comesaround losing a quarter percent?
Speaker 2 (31:05):
My interest.
Okay.
So if you think of the thinking, feeling, acting cycle, what do
you need to tell yourself andwhat's the feeling you want to
create so that you do it?
So you really start in your ownbrain.
So it's $1,000 that you well,we're just saying a number right
that you could have usedelsewhere.
(31:25):
So something empowering, likeI'm taking good care of my money
.
And then you feel moreempowered when, then, you just
do the thing, Because when youwere stuck in the mud there was
no way that we're not going todo that.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
You just oh no, I had to do it.
I could do it.
I think our mortgage is renewedin two or three days.
We had to do it this week.
There was no option, or I couldhave done it six weeks ago.
He said we'll lock it atwhatever percent, but if it goes
down, don't worry, we're notlocking it at a higher rate, if
(32:08):
it goes down you'll.
So there was no loose situationfor me, but I just didn't want
to deal with it at that moment.
Speaker 2 (32:17):
That uncomfortable feelings for a minute, it's
going to not feel nice to do it.
So what do you need to tellyourself?
What's the thought that woulddrive a better feeling, so that
you act in a way that you knowis in your best interest?
Speaker 1 (32:32):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (32:32):
That's why I take good care of my money, or I can
do this, and if I do this, it'sgoing to make my life so much
easier.
Whatever it is, and it's no usecoming from my brain.
It was told from your brain.
Then you believe it.
Speaker 1 (32:47):
Okay, is there a way for me to recognize that I'm
making a bad decision and I needto change my?
I think that's a big thing.
Like when I was making that baddecision, I wasn't saying, oh,
this is a bad decision, I shouldchange my thinking about this.
Like how do you have thatawakening to the fact that you
are making a bad decision rightnow?
Speaker 2 (33:07):
When your behavior would be a very good clue.
It's like if you procrastinateand you find yourself putting
things off.
It would be nice if you cancatch yourself what's going on
and just like, get curious aboutwhat's going on in your own
motivation.
Why am I avoiding this?
What am I feeling?
(33:28):
What is it?
How does it make you feel?
And what about thinking that'screating that feeling, and do I
want to keep that feeling?
The concept is not serving meso often.
The actions, the behavior is agood kind of like.
It leaves like the footprints,like, okay, what do you?
(33:49):
It leaves clues.
What are you Right?
And the other thing would bethe feeling.
If you're not feeling theexample I'm always using if you
are visiting your mother-in-law,you come home and they just
finish the top of ice cream andit's probably a good time to ask
yourself why am I doing this?
That's once again the feeling,that's the one.
(34:11):
Oh, it's not a good example,it's another action.
But if you're feeling, you getup in the morning, you're
feeling depressed and you'refeeling so like I don't want to
do whatever I want to do today.
So that's a feeling.
Then why am I feeling this way?
Is because of something I'mtelling myself Okay.
I can change that.
(34:31):
That's the big power if yourealize that we can change the
way, we can change our thoughts,and then everything else change
.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
Okay, because I think it wasn't a constant annoyance
with me, but it was always inthe back of my mind that I have
to meet with them.
I have to meet with them, Ihave.
I shouldn't have just met withthem, and it would have been so
much better for somebody.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
But okay, now it's like extract the gold from that
situation so that you can do itagain.
Speaker 1 (34:58):
Yeah, oh, very cool.
So I thank you pretty much.
In the last five or 10 minutesanswered my final question, but
maybe you could just be reallyconcise with this.
So can you share one actionablestrategy or tip from your
expertise that our listeners canimplement today to start seeing
results?
Speaker 2 (35:15):
Okay, I would encourage them to use one of my
favorite strategies the AcrylicTriangle of Triumph.
So what you need to do is thinkof it's a triangle, be
characteristic you like aboutyourself.
For instance, you're brave,you're a problem solver, you're
persistent, you're determinedwhatever it is something you
like about yourself.
(35:36):
But then you need to tellyourself a specific story.
At a time when you display thatbecause our brains are, it
really lights up when you tellit a story and it carries a
different, more potent emotionalload.
So remind yourself of that time.
For instance, you were willingto just go off the grid and just
(35:59):
do it.
Of course I'm courageous andremind yourself of the obstacles
you had to overcome, like youtold me at the beginning, all
those many times you had to askhow can I overcome this spike
problem?
So I am persistent, I amcourageous, whatever the
characteristic is.
And then when you're feelinglike an ambassador, like I'm a
(36:22):
saint, I'm courageous because ofthat time.
So it's bold yourself totriangle.
Find three of them.
It's like a little a rail thatyou can hang onto.
This is to me.
Speaker 1 (36:38):
Wow, that's super helpful, Thank you.
So if people wanted to learnmore about what you do or get
some more help from you, howwould they reach out to you?
How would they contact you?
Speaker 2 (36:49):
If they can follow me on LinkedIn.
I'm very active on LinkedIn,share lots of these things we
talked about on LinkedIn as well, and the best way to just like
to see if I would be a good fitfor them as a coach would be to
make a complimentary discoverycall with me, and then they can
get a feel of how it feels towork with me and, if they want
to, I am a sec coach.
(37:09):
I think that's the best way toget into my work.
Speaker 1 (37:13):
Okay, perfect, and I'll put the links to your
LinkedIn and to your website andeverything in the in the in the
podcast notes.
Well, thank you so much, riza.
This is again the first dragonwhisperer.
I might be the last.
Speaker 2 (37:26):
I hope you.
I want to be the only jack ofthe fit Scooter either with the
If I could find another one.
Speaker 1 (37:31):
I want her on the show, though, because this is so
much fun.
It was so insightful andhelpful.
Yeah, I hope our listeners getsome good value out of it as
well.
Speaker 2 (37:38):
Thank you so much for having me.
This was Bob All right?
Speaker 1 (37:42):
Well, stay in touch with it, riza.
Thanks again for coming Bye,and that is a wrap for this
episode of Because Business isPersonal.
Thanks for joining us and don'tforget to take advantage of my
two special offers.
First, you can get a free copyof my bestselling book Empathic
Marketing.
You just pay for the shipping.
Or you get a 50% discount on mygap analysis session with the
(38:08):
Kuban code podcast.
Head over towwwBecauseBusinessIsPersonalcom
or check the show notes fordetails.
If you've enjoyed today'sepisode, please don't forget to
follow, subscribe, leave areview and share the podcast
with others who might benefit.
Your support means the world tous, so stay tuned for our next
(38:31):
episode, where we'll continue todelve into the intersection of
empathy and marketing strategy.
Remember, because Business isIndeed Personal, every
connection counts.
Until next time, see you then.
Popular Podcasts
1. Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
2. Stuff You Missed in History Class
Join Holly and Tracy as they bring you the greatest and strangest Stuff You Missed In History Class in this podcast by iHeartRadio.
3. Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations.