May 8, 2025 • 34 mins
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Boundaries and Breakthroughs: Lessons from a Year of Transformation
In this episode of 'Becoming Sunshine,' the host reflects on her personal journey towards self-discovery and growth while navigating friendships, relationships, and career aspirations. She shares insights about the importance of treating her podcast and side hustles with dedication, the transformative power of painful experiences, and the necessity of alignment in achieving sustainable success. Through her narrative, she dives into the significance of discerning where to invest energy, maintaining boundaries, and cherishing periods of solitude for personal evolution. This episode aims to inspire listeners to align their lives with their highest selves, manage relationships wisely, and approach their goals with renewed commitment.
00:00 Introduction to Becoming Sunshine
00:26 Rediscovering Passion and Commitment
02:27 Life-Altering Epiphanies
03:33 Transformative Relationships and Friendships
05:59 Self-Discovery and Personal Growth
09:24 Navigating Friendships and Boundaries
13:03 The Power of Alignment and Authenticity
19:35 Lessons from Pain and Disappointments
32:46 Conclusion and Encouragement
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Madeline (00:00):
Welcome to Becoming Sunshine.
For those of you that know me,you know that Sunshine has been
an alias of mine for almost adecade now, and sunshine also is
me becoming my highest self, andthat's what this podcast is
about.
I'm here to help you understandyourself better and maybe learn
(00:21):
some more about myself along theway.
Thanks so much for joining me.
I'm excited.
Hey friends, welcome back toBecoming Sunshine.
I haven't recorded in a while,and I think whenever I take a
step back, it's the best thingfor the podcast.
I think I really needed to justregroup and realized some stuff,
(00:45):
and I had an epiphany recently.
And basically I realized that ifthis is really what I wanna do,
I need to show up as if it'swhat I already do for a living.
If I want my podcast to be Mymain priority, I have to treat
it like it's my main priority.
(01:06):
I discovered this creatorrecently and he said that,
before he became a contentcreator and before he really
popped off on social media, itwas just like his side hustle
and he gave his leftover energyto his content and therefore got
leftover energy results.
And that really struck a chordwith me'cause duh, of course.
(01:28):
But I think that's what most ofus do.
Like our side hustles, our sidehustle until it becomes our main
hustle.
But I think that might work forlike business or like e-comm or
something, but I think whenyou're an artist or like a
creator, you have to put yourfull passion, like your full
self behind it in order for itto pop off.
(01:49):
Duh, of course.
And so I realized that no one'sgonna take my podcast seriously
unless I'm taking it seriously.
Like I'm not gonna build acommunity and audience unless
I'm consistent.
And I think part of me neededtime away to figure out my voice
and rebrand a little bit.
And I think this brand hasevolved with me and every time I
(02:10):
take a step back, it's for thebest.
Like it's so much better when Icome back to it.
But I think a big piece is juststaying consistent and letting
it evolve as it goes instead oftaking these breaks.
Like I think that was the lastbreak I need to take.
And from now on, I just need tobe consistent.
I've done a lot of manifestationwork and a lot of inner work for
(02:32):
years and everyone always saysthat the life you want is gonna
cost you the life you have.
And it sounds so cliche, butit's so true.
Like it's crazy.
So a year ago I had a really bigshift in my life.
Now it was probably like almosta little over a year ago.
(02:53):
A year, maybe, almost a year anda half ago.
I had a really big shift in mylife.
My life had been going the sameway for a really long time.
I had been in the same friendgroup for a really long time.
I was dating the same guy for areally long time, on and off.
And my life was just stayingstagnant.
I wasn't unhappy.
I think part of it was I was alittle bit too content in my
(03:13):
situation and I also just didn'treally know what I wanted to do
next and I think sometimessomething big, usually negative
has to happen.
we have to be like rock bottomedout of a situation in order for
it to change.
Nothing changes if nothingchanges.
So about a year and a half ago,I lost pretty much 80% of my
(03:37):
friends, like all my bestfriends, all my best girlfriends
that at one time I thought werelike my sisters.
The guy that I was dating slashin a situationship on and off
for the last six years obviouslyit was never really right, but
it was just like comfortable.
Finally I like got rid of that.
A lot of things shifted in mycareer.
(03:58):
I started to take a differentdirection with stuff.
I took a risk and did somethingI'd never done before.
Made a lot of mistakes early,but that's life.
And someone else came into mylife that had a huge impact, was
definitely a cannon event.
he definitely pushed me outta mycomfort zone.
He caused me to thinkdifferently.
(04:18):
He helped change my habits andmy patterns and he was a really
positive influence in thataspect.
He encouraged me, supported me.
To an extent.
Early days, definitely.
But he also brought a lot ofpain.
And of course, like this personwasn't perfect, they had their
own insecurities and I thinkthey really saw a lot of
(04:39):
potential in me, but I think italso scared them a little bit
because of their owninsecurities.
And, that's like a story foranother episode, but I think
sometimes things have to bepainful because, if they're not
they're not gonna have the samekind of impact.
Artists have created some of thebest music, the best movies, the
(05:02):
best books from sources of pain.
artists and creators have beenalchemizing their pain for
years, like for decades.
and it's changed and shapedmankind more than anything else.
Sometimes I think it has to bethat way, unfortunately.
Yeah, and I think, if I hadn'thave gone through the things
that I went through, my lifemight have just stayed the same
(05:23):
for so long, because aftereverything that happened, my
life's completely different andit could never go back.
Like I'm on a new trajectorywith my career and my life and I
could never go back.
I have a whole new friend group.
I can never go back the way Iengage with people in
friendships.
I can never go back.
What happened with myrelationship in the last year,
(05:44):
like completely changed the wayI engage with men for the
better.
I think there had been somepatterning that was going on for
a while, and this was finallythe relationship where I was
like, okay, we're not doing thisanymore.
We're doing things differently.
And I really did a deep diveinto like relationships and
attachment styles and likeinterpersonal dynamics more than
(06:05):
I ever have.
And I've done a lot of work whenit comes to interpersonal
relationships andneuroplasticity and behavior and
like cognitive therapy and stufflike that.
But I find things at differenttimes and I found different
creators at different timesbecause I needed different
things and I just learned somuch about myself and about you
(06:27):
know, other people and like ourhealing journeys.
And I think if my friends hadn'thave betrayed me, I might still
be in relationships with peopleand rationalizing friendships
that weren't right for me andthat weren't aligned.
And if I hadn't got my heartbroken and was celibate for
(06:47):
almost eight months, I probablywouldn't have had the time to.
Date myself again.
Like seriously, not for just amonth or two.
'cause I feel like I've always,been talking to someone or
seeing someone, or flirting tosomeone or dating someone or in
a situationship or something.
There's always something, right?
(07:07):
There's always something.
Even if you're not like onto thenew person.
There's like that old personthat you still entertain just
'cause you need someone.
And I think because of my jobthat I've had and the career
that I've had, it was reallyimportant for me to have
somebody, even if the situationwas not ideal, because when
(07:29):
you're like a sex worker you doOnlyFans or you do dancing or
like whatever.
I've always kept something formyself, but like giving that
part of you over using that forlike a job or like entertaining
people as part of your job andentertaining men.
it almost has made me feel attimes like my body doesn't
(07:52):
belong to me or it's not for myown pleasure.
And so I think having someone.
That I am like choosing toengage with, whether it's like a
boyfriend or like asituationship or like whatever.
Even if the situation was notideal, it was just important to
have someone.
And I think over the years I leta lot of stuff slide or I
(08:15):
ignored it or I overlooked it orI didn't put enough emphasis on
it because the other part was soimportant to me.
I needed to have someone, evenif their behavior was not the
best.
They weren't treating me thebest.
And I think having this timewhere I'm just by myself, I've
healed that, like a lot.
(08:37):
Like I don't need that anymore.
So I feel like me putting upwith stuff because I just needed
someone like, we're not doingthat anymore.
Like that's healed, that's done.
And I think those were patternsthat I had for a really long
time.
Not just that, just like otherthings in general, like not
having strong enough boundaries,being a doormat in
relationships, putting otherpeople before myself and my
(09:01):
relationships with other peoplebefore myself.
And yeah, we're not doing thatanymore.
This has really been a goodtime.
Like this past year has beensuch a whirlwind, but the
lessons that I've learned, likein relationships with friends,
in relationships with romanticpartners, i'm completely
(09:21):
different in the way I show upin these relationships.
I feel like for a long time Iwould get my feelings hurt or
I'd feel taken advantage of, orI would just feel taken for
granted because I wasoverextending myself and I was
putting other people beforemyself, and now I don't do that
anymore.
I'm not saying I don't show upfor friends anymore.
It's not what I'm saying.
(09:41):
I'm just saying I give thingsgenuinely, but I don't overgive.
If I don't have the capacity forsomething I'll just say no.
And I'm a lot more comfortablesaying no, scarcity creates
value.
Not always being available forpeople makes them value you
more.
Being nice doesn't make peoplevalue you.
(10:03):
Being a force does.
So you know, if I'm busy or Ineed to work on my content, or I
need to work on myself, or Ineed a rest day that's what I'm
doing.
Like even if someone invites meto something, if I already made
plans with myself, it depends onwhat it is, but it's like I
already had these plans, even ifthey're like the most boring
plans ever.
(10:24):
Especially if it's a guy like wedon't do last minute plans like
no, but like even with friends,it's like no, I told myself like
I was working on content todayor that's like a non-negotiable,
and I feel like lately I'vereally been looking at my goals
and like locking in the trendything these days.
(10:46):
But it's true.
Like I really have, I had afriend who told me not too long
ago that whatever output youwant whatever output you want,
like whatever your goal is, it'sgonna take three times the
amount of input that you thinkit is.
If you're making content likebatch it, do three times the
amount, take three times theamount of what you normally
(11:08):
would.
He's like, you're only stressedout because you feel behind and
you're not gonna feel behind ifyou stay on top of it.
And it's like, I get it.
Like life is lifeing, we'rebusy, but why are you so busy?
Look at where your energy'sgoing.
Is it going towards people thatdon't value you, people that
don't prioritize you?
I had another mentor tell merecently, I was on his podcast
(11:31):
and we talked about this and hewas like, people will support
you.
Like friends will support youoftentimes up until the point
where you're about to surpassthem.
And then, even if it'ssubconscious, like they'll start
to distract you.
They'll start to get you tobreak promises with yourself.
Let's say, you were like oh I'mgonna work on content today, or
oh I'm gonna film this today.
(11:52):
Or oh, I'm writing a book or, ohlike blah, blah, blah.
So you don't wanna go out or youdon't wanna do something.
'cause like you know, you'reworking on your goals, you're
working on yourself, and likethey'll start to make you feel
bad or put you down orsomething.
I had a friend that I was prettyclose to.
We haven't been friends for thatlong.
We struck up a friendship likesix to eight months ago and I
(12:14):
yeah, we seemed like supercompatible at first.
We had a lot of fun together.
I think a big part of it too wasthat I never really had friends
that liked to go out.
My old friend group didn'treally like to go out.
They weren't super social, theyweren't super outgoing.
Honestly, they were like thekind of girls that make you feel
bad for wanting to go out orlike drinking alcohol yeah,
those types of girls.
(12:35):
The mean girls.
Yeah.
I was friends with the meangirls.
Yeah.
It's okay.
Yeah.
And so it was fun, it was fun togo out.
It was fun to make new friends.
It was fun to be in the scene.
I'd never had that before, likeat this old age, like I'd never
like really gone out and hadfriends that knew what was going
on downtown or got invited tostuff or wanted to go to
(12:56):
festivals or any of that.
It's fun for a little while andit still is, but it's like, I
have my goals too.
And they should too.
It's like, why don't you havegoals?
Why don't you have ambitions?
Why don't you have things thatyou're working on?
I'm not trying to be mean, butat this old age, what are we
doing?
Like we have to have a planhere.
Yeah and so it was really fun atfirst.
(13:18):
And then it started to not be sofun.
It started to be a little bitlike clingy.
It started to be a little bitlike backhanded and I feel like
there's like covert mean girls,there's the girls that are like
just mean and like straight upabout it or make you feel bad
and are just like very bluntabout it.
(13:39):
And then there's the girls thatframe it in a way that is like a
little trickier to see, orthey'll frame it in a way like,
oh, I'm just being protective ofyou.
Like I just care about you somuch.
Like I just feel so and sodoesn't really like you.
It's so and so doesn't have aproblem with me.
So and so maybe has a problemwith you.
(13:59):
People might have a problem withyou.
You might not have the bestreputation, but no one has a
problem with me.
And it's these little likeinsecurities that they would
plant in my head.
And it's like, that's not afriend, like that's not a friend
that I wanna have.
It even got to the point wherelike she would make fun of my
voice.
Like she would say people don'tlike my voice, and my voice is
like obnoxious and like blah,blah, blah.
(14:20):
And that I should just take likespeech classes and stuff.
And as someone who's like tryingto start a podcast and build a
brand around like their voice,that's pretty fucked, honestly.
And it's crazy because no onehas ever said anything to me
about my voice.
I don't like not get invited tostuff or people don't not like
me because of my voice.
that's just so strange and odd,I don't know, maybe that was
(14:40):
like the one thing she couldpick on.
I don't know.
I just think.
I'm not saying this like iconicor anything, but there's like
women, especially that havevoices that are a little bit
more like mine, that are alittle bit more high pitched, a
little bit more feminine, theystand out a little bit more,
like Marilyn Monroe, PamelaAnderson, jennifer Coolidge,
like all these women that I lookup to, and I think it's
(15:01):
important to look up to peopleand have role models that remind
you of yourself and all thesewomen are iconic and famously
known for their voices.
'cause they're different.
Like it's okay to be different.
I don't have to be superpolished.
I don't have to take speechclasses.
I don't have to feel bad.
I've talked like this my entirelife and yeah, a friend that's
trying to make you feel insecureabout something that you can't
(15:23):
control or something that isunique to you is so ugly.
Trying to start drama wherethere's no drama is so ugly.
Yeah.
It was just little things likethat.
Like I would go get a coffeewithout her or, cancel plans and
then I'd end up like hanging outwith someone else like the next
day or something and she'd belike oh my God, you blew me off
and it's no, I'm actually justbusy.
(15:44):
And I have other friends, likeI'm allowed to, and I feel like
people maybe had an issue withher and was jealous that I would
get invited to stuff and shewouldn't, or that people liked
me and she didn't have the samereputation.
But it's just think of the wayyou carry yourself.
Like we don't carry yourself thesame at all.
We actually are not aligned atall.
(16:04):
We don't have the same values atall, and we don't have the same
goals.
So yeah, once I took a step backand realized all these things
and realized that they'reactually like a super hater, I
was like, okay.
So that's something I'vedefinitely learned recently and
if I hadn't have had this huge.
Falling out with these girlsthat I was super good friends
(16:25):
with, like a year or so ago.
I wouldn't have been able torecognize these red flags right
away, and I wouldn't have, Idon't I move differently now in
friendships and relationships.
Another thing too that I learnedis not everyone has the same
heart and the same loyalty asme.
you really don't need to vent topeople.
You really don't need to tellyour business.
I don't anymore.
(16:45):
I think for a long time.
Especially with girls, I wouldvent about boy problems or stuff
I was stressed out about withwork or whatever.
And I feel like it was a way forme to like bond with them.
I almost felt like I had to belike, oh yeah, like I'm
struggling with this.
I'm having a hard time with thisin order to get them to like,
(17:05):
like me.
Like I couldn't have it alltogether and they wouldn't like
me.
I don't know.
obviously there's some traumathere that I'm recognizing now
and healing, but it's like Idon't have to lower myself or
show where I'm hurting or myweaknesses in order to get
people to like me, especiallygirls.
That's weird.
Like I wanna have girlfriendswhere we're lifting each other
(17:28):
up and supporting each other andhappy for each other and sharing
our wins.
If someone is only there for youwhen you're down, that's not
your friend, they only wanna bearound when you're low.
That's not a real friend.
Yeah, I remember this past yearwhen I was having problems with
my relationship and I would tellsome of my girlfriends about it
(17:49):
and then they would go slideinto his dms and knew we were
having problems and try to bewith him, crazy.
There was actually one girl,that I vented to about my
relationship.
And we were like stuck on a boattogether all day.
So of course we're like talkingabout boys and like bonding or
whatever.
And there was like somethingthat had just happened I was
upset about and she was like, ohmy God, that's so horrible,
(18:10):
blah, blah, blah, blah.
And mind you I was nothing butnice to this girl.
Like we had mutual friends.
We hadn't really spent a bunchof time together before this,
but she literally didn't wannacarry a bag on the boat, so I
carried all her stuff in my bag.
I literally still had some of itup until a week ago when I found
out about this because I alwaysthought I was gonna give it back
to her.
And now I realize why she neverreached out or like really tried
(18:30):
to hang out with me, probablyoutta guilt.
But yeah, she like ran into myex out one night and she was
like, oh my God, you're so andso, you're Madeline's ex, blah,
blah.
That's literally how she likemet him.
Like she like introduced herselfto him.
Like she's like, I know of youbecause of her and what she's
told me about you.
And then she like proceeds to gohome with him, which is not just
(18:51):
a reflection on her, it's areflection on both of them.
Like obviously they're bothgross, but yeah, for her to like
pretend to be my friend and thenbe like, oh my God, don't tell
her I don't wanna hurt her.
How about you just don't do thething to hurt me.
How about that?
And the fact that I still hadher stuff like at my house, like
just shows all of ourcharacters.
Like I'm the person that's likeholding onto your stuff'cause I
(19:12):
wanna give it back to you eventhough it's nothing of value and
you're gonna snake me the firstchance you get.
So yeah, look at where yourenergy's going because
oftentimes you might find thatit's going towards people and
you're prioritizing people andtime with people, that will
snake you and have snaked youthe first chance they got.
(19:33):
Yeah, lesson learned.
Sorry, this isn't supposed to bea super negative episode.
It's just sometimes you have tolearn lessons the hard way in
order to learn them.
And yeah, time is the mostvaluable thing that we have and
the most valuable thing you cangive someone.
And so be very selective withyour time.
(19:53):
And again, scarcity createsvalue.
The less I go out, the morepeople want to hang out with me.
People are not gonna stopinviting you out.
If you stop going out, of coursethe people always invite you and
you're like no.
But if you're like activelyworking on yourself and making
your life better, like peopleare only gonna wanna be with you
more, your value is onlyincreasing.
(20:14):
And people wanna be aroundpeople that are valuable, not
people that are just like niceand pushovers and yeah, I don't
know.
I had a friend.
And I used to think oh, I haveto go out, I have to stay
relevant, I have to network.
And he gave me this advice.
He literally stayed inside for10 years and built an online
(20:35):
community and an empire and likea bunch of businesses.
And he was like you don't haveto go out.
you can build an empire and anetwork from inside your house,
like all the black sheep and themisfits in society growing up
that didn't find their peoplelike out there, they went online
and built some of the biggestcommunities and like huge
(20:57):
amounts of wealth.
that's what's so great aboutsocial media and the internet is
like you can find yourcommunity.
Anyone who's ever had a hugeimpact on my life, anyone who's
ever been like a huge likerainmaker in my life, I've never
had to go out and seek them.
I've never had to go out andfind them.
Like whether that was like abest friend, a boyfriend, a
(21:18):
mentor, like when I'm inalignment, everything just comes
to me and with ease.
Like everyone will find you,like people find me.
I don't ever have to go out andfind them.
It's not about time and how longit takes.
It's about authenticity and it'sabout alignment, and sometimes,
(21:38):
you will have these periods ofisolation.
You will have these periods oflike loneliness.
I heard a creator talk about howyou know, before, I love a
metaphor, you know, before awave crashes onto the shore, it
pulls back first.
And this is a phenomenon that alot of creators talk about.
And it's like this weird inbetween, like right before
(22:00):
things really pop off and rightbefore things really are set in
motion.
Things really start to change.
it'll feel like everything'scrumbling apart.
And I think that's part of the,your old life has to fall away
or crumble away before your newlife takes off.
And I think that's so true.
Yeah, you're gonna losefriendships, you're gonna lose
people.
You might have periods ofisolation, you might feel
(22:22):
lonely, yeah, it might suck fora little while, but it's like
you need these periods of timeto reflect and grow and
integrate everything that you'velearned and then you can take
that and it'll propel your lifeforward.
I really do believe that.
I heard a creator and she waslike the longer you have to
wait, the bigger the blessing.
And I agree with that to anextent.
(22:43):
I think sometimes when you havehad to wait for a while, it's
'cause you're integrating andlearning stuff and that means
like the bigger the blessing,like the universe is always
conspiring in our favor.
So it's like if the universe isasking you to wait, It's because
there's lessons you still needto learn, but I don't think it
necessarily needs to take a lotof time.
If there's anything I'velearned, your life can change
(23:04):
overnight.
one video could pop off, youcould get one opportunity, you
could meet one person, and thenyour life is different forever.
That's how everything happens.
It starts with one day, oneperson, one opportunity.
It happens one day.
People are like oh there's oneyear that changes your whole
life.
But usually that started withone day, and that happens when
you're in alignment.
(23:24):
So getting aligned with yourselfand your values and your goals,
and getting rid of everythingthat's not in alignment, that's
the key.
And I think too, when it comesto friends and people that are
doing better than me and likepeople that I look up to or
people that have more than me ordoing more than me, and I'm
(23:46):
inspired by them.
I see them as expanders, and Ithink there's some people that I
don't know if it's just like areally low level way to feel
better about yourself or likereally insecure people that
just, I don't know, it's crazy.
I don't know if this happenswith men.
I'm sure it does.
I think with women though.
(24:06):
It's if you're pretty and niceand funny and talented and
creative, like girls are gonnajust hate on you.
Like they just are not evengirls.
Just like people in general andinstead of using you as like an
inspiration, if they can takesomething that you had or have
something that you had or hadsomething that you wanted and
they can try to have it, even ifit's for a night, like they can
(24:28):
feel superior or like they're onyour level for a night.
It's like super pathetic andsad, but unfortunately, I think
that's something that people do.
I think that's what washappening with this girl,
honestly.
whatever.
It's like, how does it feel tocross me for a guy that never
called you again?
Can you imagine?
I don't know.
Anyways.
Yeah.
(24:48):
Crazy.
But yeah, obviously this says alot more about like these people
than it does about you, andyeah, I think that's a real
thing.
I think when people are insecureor jealous of you, or envious of
you, like trying to snake yousomehow makes them feel better
about themselves, like they'reon your level or they're better
than you in a way, even thoughit couldn't be further from the
(25:10):
truth, but lesson learned.
And that's why we have to bebetter about discerning who and
where energy goes and who andwhat is worth our time.
And instead of getting upsetabout stuff and like crashing
out like I used to I realizethis is all just like lessons
(25:31):
and content and stuff I canshare with y'all and you can
learn from what I've gonethrough so that something
positive at least comes out ofthese bad experiences or these
painful experiences, somethingconstructive.
And that's like really the bestcase scenario, honestly.
It makes me feel like there's apurpose behind some of the bad
(25:54):
things that happen.
There's always a reason foreverything, even if it doesn't
make sense at the time ordoesn't seem like it at the
time.
I feel like whenever peopledisappoint us, it's really a
gift.
It's really an opportunity tosee where we weren't in
alignment and to pull back andjust be like, okay, like why did
this happen?
(26:14):
What were the red flags?
What were the things that Irationalized or I made excuses
for and how did it get to thispoint?
'Cause Usually there's red flagsSo taking these opportunities
and disappointments as gifts andlearning to discern and move
differently, and I if thingsaren't in alignment with who you
(26:39):
wanna be and who you wanna besurrounded with,get it the fuck
away.
Like I feel like I've held ontorelationships because there were
good things about them.
Like we had a really goodconnection or I was really
intellectually stimulated by ourconversations or we had a lot of
fun together or whatever.
But it's just if you think aboutlike the pieces of the
(26:59):
relationship that you value.
Don't you think if you were withsomeone that was like fully,
truly aligned, there would bemore than just like pieces of
them and the relationship thatyou value, like you could make
space in your life for someonethat the whole relationship
brings value and peace to yourlife.
And I think trusting theuniverse and yourself and
(27:26):
knowing that oh if this personcan make me like marginally
happy, there's probably someoneout there that can make me way
more happy and that I'm way morealigned with and could help me
grow that much more.
Oh, I have so much fun with thisperson.
The X, Y, Z is an issue.
Don't you think if you're fullyin alignment, there's somebody
that has everything, like what aconcept.
(27:46):
But it's also like crazy it'slike what you want, the life
that you want and who you haveto become, like a lot about
success is about becoming theperson that has that level of
success in the process.
I've had a friend who had a hugelevel of success, but he hadn't
caught up internally with thetype of person that has this
(28:08):
level of success.
He didn't have the habits, hedidn't have the discipline, he
didn't have the regulatednervous system.
And we see this all the time.
That's why people win thelottery and then they lose it
all.
It's Kind of what happened tothis person.
They were making like millionsand millions of dollars and then
pretty much lost it all.
And it's because they weren't inalignment.
And when you're not inalignment, even if you do have
huge levels of success, it's notsustainable.
(28:30):
It's not going to be that way.
And alignment really is the key.
Yeah, you might have successwithout fully being in
alignment, but it's not gonna besustainable.
It's not gonna last.
And it's also just not gonna beright.
It's not gonna be authentic toyou.
You're not gonna have thecommunity, your nervous system
is not gonna be supported andgrounded It's just like all the
dysregulated mess in your lifeis going to cause it to all fall
(28:52):
apart at some point, like sooneror later.
And I had this realizationrecently, it's if my brand was
already popping off, if Ialready had the platform, if I
already had the audience, if Ialready had the business, if I
already had X, Y, Z, would I becarrying myself in this way?
Would I still be entertainingthese low vibrational
(29:12):
relationships?
Would I still be caring about orstressing about the things I'm
stressing about.
I feel like a lot of stuff thatpeople stress out about.
It's like little girl shit.
Little boy shit.
And it's like when you're onthese bigger levels, you're not
sweating this little stuff, likethe problems seem really petty.
(29:33):
The drama seems really petty.
And it's just until I wasactually busy enough, I never
realized like how ridiculoussome of it was.
And it's just like the stuffthat some people are worried
about, I'm not worried aboutthese things.
Like I'm worried about suchhigher level things.
Like I'm worried about like mybrand, I'm worried about my
business, I'm worried aboutmaking money.
(29:55):
I'm worried about being a goodperson, being aligned.
I'm worried about taking care ofmy parents one day.
Like I'm not worried about thedrama that happened last weekend
downtown.
Like what?
I'm not even out downtown, andI'm not saying that going out is
bad.
It's just if that's your wholelife and you have nothing else
or like you're upset that Icouldn't get coffee, I couldn't
(30:16):
go to the pool.
I'm glad that's your biggestissue on a Tuesday afternoon
that like your friend couldn'tgo to the pool with you.
Like what?
Crazy.
But yeah, it's if you knew that,you know your brand was gonna
pop off, or you knew that youwere gonna meet your soulmate,
your person.
Next week, would you still beentertaining that situationship?
(30:39):
Would you still be posting likethat?
Would you still be doing thethings that you're doing?
What are the habits that youwould have if you already had
it?
People always say that you haveto vibrate at the frequency of
what you want.
And it's so true.
you have to act like you alreadyhave it.
The creator that said, he wasgiving his leftover energy to
his content and he was gettingleftover results.
If you want the brand.
(31:01):
If you want the business, if youwant the relationship, you have
to show up like you already haveit and move the way you would
and have the habits that youwould have if you already had
it.
Like I wouldn't be entertainingthis situationship if I knew I
was gonna meet my dream personnext week.
That's crazy.
That's so weird.
That's such a weird thing to do.
(31:22):
If I knew my brand was gonna popoff.
And my business is gonna popoff.
I wouldn't be sweating theselittle petty arguments with
friends.
I wouldn't be worried aboutthese things.
they say, lions aren't worriedabout the opinions of sheep.
And it's so true.
It's so true.
So much of the stuff that I usedto sweat or worry about or like
(31:43):
I've had friends that sweat andworry about and stress about,
it's like it really doesn'tmatter.
Your attention and your energyand your time are the most
valuable and important thingsand where they go and what you
spend it on.
energy is not created ordestroyed.
We only have a certain amountand it has to go somewhere and
we get to decide where it goes.
And discerning that is what'sgonna get you everything that
(32:05):
you want.
Energy is the most powerfulthing.
our internal world dictates ourexternal world, and your reality
is created by your mind and the5D creates the 3D,we're so
powerful.
And when you realize thateverything flips, everything
changes, everything switches.
And being in alignment and beinglocked in on your goals and your
(32:28):
values is really the key.
if it's not in alignment withwho you are or who you wanna be,
it doesn't matter if it's inalignment with who you were
yesterday.
It doesn't matter, who do youwanna be?
Where do you wanna go?
Is in alignment with that.
If not, get rid of it.
It's gotta go.
Anyways.
Thanks guys.
I hope this episode wasn't toomuch of a downer.
(32:50):
I feel like I've just integratedso many lessons lately and I've
learned so much and it's justlike really helped me shift my
perspective for the better.
I hope that this also helpspeople who are going through a
hard time because the last likeyear and a half or so was
definitely a challenging timefor me.
But I hope it gives you a littlebit of perspective that even the
(33:12):
hard stuff, not even, especiallythe hard stuff, that's the stuff
that you're gonna learn from themost and the stuff that's gonna
move your life forward the most.
Anyways, if you guys enjoyedthis episode, please subscribe,
share it with your friends,leave a comment.
DM me.
I love hearing feedback from youguys.
I have had so many girls come upto me, guys too, but girls
(33:33):
especially, and they have comeup to me and told me how much
that my podcast relates to them,how much it has helped them.
And that really makes me feel sogood.
it really encourages me to getback to this because this is so
much bigger than me and even,when I'm feeling busy or I'm
feeling unmotivated, like itreally, I know it really does
help you guys.
And so that is all I wantanyways, thanks guys.
(33:54):
Love you.
Bye.
Welcome to Becoming Sunshine.
For those of you that know me,you know that Sunshine has been
an alias of mine for almost adecade now, and sunshine also is
me becoming my highest self, andthat's what this podcast is
about.
I'm here to help you understandyourself better and maybe learn
(00:21):
some more about myself along theway.
Thanks so much for joining me.
I'm excited.
Hey friends, welcome back toBecoming Sunshine.
I haven't recorded in a while,and I think whenever I take a
step back, it's the best thingfor the podcast.
I think I really needed to justregroup and realized some stuff,
(00:45):
and I had an epiphany recently.
And basically I realized that ifthis is really what I wanna do,
I need to show up as if it'swhat I already do for a living.
If I want my podcast to be Mymain priority, I have to treat
it like it's my main priority.
(01:06):
I discovered this creatorrecently and he said that,
before he became a contentcreator and before he really
popped off on social media, itwas just like his side hustle
and he gave his leftover energyto his content and therefore got
leftover energy results.
And that really struck a chordwith me'cause duh, of course.
(01:28):
But I think that's what most ofus do.
Like our side hustles, our sidehustle until it becomes our main
hustle.
But I think that might work forlike business or like e-comm or
something, but I think whenyou're an artist or like a
creator, you have to put yourfull passion, like your full
self behind it in order for itto pop off.
(01:49):
Duh, of course.
And so I realized that no one'sgonna take my podcast seriously
unless I'm taking it seriously.
Like I'm not gonna build acommunity and audience unless
I'm consistent.
And I think part of me neededtime away to figure out my voice
and rebrand a little bit.
And I think this brand hasevolved with me and every time I
(02:10):
take a step back, it's for thebest.
Like it's so much better when Icome back to it.
But I think a big piece is juststaying consistent and letting
it evolve as it goes instead oftaking these breaks.
Like I think that was the lastbreak I need to take.
And from now on, I just need tobe consistent.
I've done a lot of manifestationwork and a lot of inner work for
(02:32):
years and everyone always saysthat the life you want is gonna
cost you the life you have.
And it sounds so cliche, butit's so true.
Like it's crazy.
So a year ago I had a really bigshift in my life.
Now it was probably like almosta little over a year ago.
(02:53):
A year, maybe, almost a year anda half ago.
I had a really big shift in mylife.
My life had been going the sameway for a really long time.
I had been in the same friendgroup for a really long time.
I was dating the same guy for areally long time, on and off.
And my life was just stayingstagnant.
I wasn't unhappy.
I think part of it was I was alittle bit too content in my
(03:13):
situation and I also just didn'treally know what I wanted to do
next and I think sometimessomething big, usually negative
has to happen.
we have to be like rock bottomedout of a situation in order for
it to change.
Nothing changes if nothingchanges.
So about a year and a half ago,I lost pretty much 80% of my
(03:37):
friends, like all my bestfriends, all my best girlfriends
that at one time I thought werelike my sisters.
The guy that I was dating slashin a situationship on and off
for the last six years obviouslyit was never really right, but
it was just like comfortable.
Finally I like got rid of that.
A lot of things shifted in mycareer.
(03:58):
I started to take a differentdirection with stuff.
I took a risk and did somethingI'd never done before.
Made a lot of mistakes early,but that's life.
And someone else came into mylife that had a huge impact, was
definitely a cannon event.
he definitely pushed me outta mycomfort zone.
He caused me to thinkdifferently.
(04:18):
He helped change my habits andmy patterns and he was a really
positive influence in thataspect.
He encouraged me, supported me.
To an extent.
Early days, definitely.
But he also brought a lot ofpain.
And of course, like this personwasn't perfect, they had their
own insecurities and I thinkthey really saw a lot of
(04:39):
potential in me, but I think italso scared them a little bit
because of their owninsecurities.
And, that's like a story foranother episode, but I think
sometimes things have to bepainful because, if they're not
they're not gonna have the samekind of impact.
Artists have created some of thebest music, the best movies, the
(05:02):
best books from sources of pain.
artists and creators have beenalchemizing their pain for
years, like for decades.
and it's changed and shapedmankind more than anything else.
Sometimes I think it has to bethat way, unfortunately.
Yeah, and I think, if I hadn'thave gone through the things
that I went through, my lifemight have just stayed the same
(05:23):
for so long, because aftereverything that happened, my
life's completely different andit could never go back.
Like I'm on a new trajectorywith my career and my life and I
could never go back.
I have a whole new friend group.
I can never go back the way Iengage with people in
friendships.
I can never go back.
What happened with myrelationship in the last year,
(05:44):
like completely changed the wayI engage with men for the
better.
I think there had been somepatterning that was going on for
a while, and this was finallythe relationship where I was
like, okay, we're not doing thisanymore.
We're doing things differently.
And I really did a deep diveinto like relationships and
attachment styles and likeinterpersonal dynamics more than
(06:05):
I ever have.
And I've done a lot of work whenit comes to interpersonal
relationships andneuroplasticity and behavior and
like cognitive therapy and stufflike that.
But I find things at differenttimes and I found different
creators at different timesbecause I needed different
things and I just learned somuch about myself and about you
(06:27):
know, other people and like ourhealing journeys.
And I think if my friends hadn'thave betrayed me, I might still
be in relationships with peopleand rationalizing friendships
that weren't right for me andthat weren't aligned.
And if I hadn't got my heartbroken and was celibate for
(06:47):
almost eight months, I probablywouldn't have had the time to.
Date myself again.
Like seriously, not for just amonth or two.
'cause I feel like I've always,been talking to someone or
seeing someone, or flirting tosomeone or dating someone or in
a situationship or something.
There's always something, right?
(07:07):
There's always something.
Even if you're not like onto thenew person.
There's like that old personthat you still entertain just
'cause you need someone.
And I think because of my jobthat I've had and the career
that I've had, it was reallyimportant for me to have
somebody, even if the situationwas not ideal, because when
(07:29):
you're like a sex worker you doOnlyFans or you do dancing or
like whatever.
I've always kept something formyself, but like giving that
part of you over using that forlike a job or like entertaining
people as part of your job andentertaining men.
it almost has made me feel attimes like my body doesn't
(07:52):
belong to me or it's not for myown pleasure.
And so I think having someone.
That I am like choosing toengage with, whether it's like a
boyfriend or like asituationship or like whatever.
Even if the situation was notideal, it was just important to
have someone.
And I think over the years I leta lot of stuff slide or I
(08:15):
ignored it or I overlooked it orI didn't put enough emphasis on
it because the other part was soimportant to me.
I needed to have someone, evenif their behavior was not the
best.
They weren't treating me thebest.
And I think having this timewhere I'm just by myself, I've
healed that, like a lot.
(08:37):
Like I don't need that anymore.
So I feel like me putting upwith stuff because I just needed
someone like, we're not doingthat anymore.
Like that's healed, that's done.
And I think those were patternsthat I had for a really long
time.
Not just that, just like otherthings in general, like not
having strong enough boundaries,being a doormat in
relationships, putting otherpeople before myself and my
(09:01):
relationships with other peoplebefore myself.
And yeah, we're not doing thatanymore.
This has really been a goodtime.
Like this past year has beensuch a whirlwind, but the
lessons that I've learned, likein relationships with friends,
in relationships with romanticpartners, i'm completely
(09:21):
different in the way I show upin these relationships.
I feel like for a long time Iwould get my feelings hurt or
I'd feel taken advantage of, orI would just feel taken for
granted because I wasoverextending myself and I was
putting other people beforemyself, and now I don't do that
anymore.
I'm not saying I don't show upfor friends anymore.
It's not what I'm saying.
(09:41):
I'm just saying I give thingsgenuinely, but I don't overgive.
If I don't have the capacity forsomething I'll just say no.
And I'm a lot more comfortablesaying no, scarcity creates
value.
Not always being available forpeople makes them value you
more.
Being nice doesn't make peoplevalue you.
(10:03):
Being a force does.
So you know, if I'm busy or Ineed to work on my content, or I
need to work on myself, or Ineed a rest day that's what I'm
doing.
Like even if someone invites meto something, if I already made
plans with myself, it depends onwhat it is, but it's like I
already had these plans, even ifthey're like the most boring
plans ever.
(10:24):
Especially if it's a guy like wedon't do last minute plans like
no, but like even with friends,it's like no, I told myself like
I was working on content todayor that's like a non-negotiable,
and I feel like lately I'vereally been looking at my goals
and like locking in the trendything these days.
(10:46):
But it's true.
Like I really have, I had afriend who told me not too long
ago that whatever output youwant whatever output you want,
like whatever your goal is, it'sgonna take three times the
amount of input that you thinkit is.
If you're making content likebatch it, do three times the
amount, take three times theamount of what you normally
(11:08):
would.
He's like, you're only stressedout because you feel behind and
you're not gonna feel behind ifyou stay on top of it.
And it's like, I get it.
Like life is lifeing, we'rebusy, but why are you so busy?
Look at where your energy'sgoing.
Is it going towards people thatdon't value you, people that
don't prioritize you?
I had another mentor tell merecently, I was on his podcast
(11:31):
and we talked about this and hewas like, people will support
you.
Like friends will support youoftentimes up until the point
where you're about to surpassthem.
And then, even if it'ssubconscious, like they'll start
to distract you.
They'll start to get you tobreak promises with yourself.
Let's say, you were like oh I'mgonna work on content today, or
oh I'm gonna film this today.
(11:52):
Or oh, I'm writing a book or, ohlike blah, blah, blah.
So you don't wanna go out or youdon't wanna do something.
'cause like you know, you'reworking on your goals, you're
working on yourself, and likethey'll start to make you feel
bad or put you down orsomething.
I had a friend that I was prettyclose to.
We haven't been friends for thatlong.
We struck up a friendship likesix to eight months ago and I
(12:14):
yeah, we seemed like supercompatible at first.
We had a lot of fun together.
I think a big part of it too wasthat I never really had friends
that liked to go out.
My old friend group didn'treally like to go out.
They weren't super social, theyweren't super outgoing.
Honestly, they were like thekind of girls that make you feel
bad for wanting to go out orlike drinking alcohol yeah,
those types of girls.
(12:35):
The mean girls.
Yeah.
I was friends with the meangirls.
Yeah.
It's okay.
Yeah.
And so it was fun, it was fun togo out.
It was fun to make new friends.
It was fun to be in the scene.
I'd never had that before, likeat this old age, like I'd never
like really gone out and hadfriends that knew what was going
on downtown or got invited tostuff or wanted to go to
(12:56):
festivals or any of that.
It's fun for a little while andit still is, but it's like, I
have my goals too.
And they should too.
It's like, why don't you havegoals?
Why don't you have ambitions?
Why don't you have things thatyou're working on?
I'm not trying to be mean, butat this old age, what are we
doing?
Like we have to have a planhere.
Yeah and so it was really fun atfirst.
(13:18):
And then it started to not be sofun.
It started to be a little bitlike clingy.
It started to be a little bitlike backhanded and I feel like
there's like covert mean girls,there's the girls that are like
just mean and like straight upabout it or make you feel bad
and are just like very bluntabout it.
(13:39):
And then there's the girls thatframe it in a way that is like a
little trickier to see, orthey'll frame it in a way like,
oh, I'm just being protective ofyou.
Like I just care about you somuch.
Like I just feel so and sodoesn't really like you.
It's so and so doesn't have aproblem with me.
So and so maybe has a problemwith you.
(13:59):
People might have a problem withyou.
You might not have the bestreputation, but no one has a
problem with me.
And it's these little likeinsecurities that they would
plant in my head.
And it's like, that's not afriend, like that's not a friend
that I wanna have.
It even got to the point wherelike she would make fun of my
voice.
Like she would say people don'tlike my voice, and my voice is
like obnoxious and like blah,blah, blah.
(14:20):
And that I should just take likespeech classes and stuff.
And as someone who's like tryingto start a podcast and build a
brand around like their voice,that's pretty fucked, honestly.
And it's crazy because no onehas ever said anything to me
about my voice.
I don't like not get invited tostuff or people don't not like
me because of my voice.
that's just so strange and odd,I don't know, maybe that was
(14:40):
like the one thing she couldpick on.
I don't know.
I just think.
I'm not saying this like iconicor anything, but there's like
women, especially that havevoices that are a little bit
more like mine, that are alittle bit more high pitched, a
little bit more feminine, theystand out a little bit more,
like Marilyn Monroe, PamelaAnderson, jennifer Coolidge,
like all these women that I lookup to, and I think it's
(15:01):
important to look up to peopleand have role models that remind
you of yourself and all thesewomen are iconic and famously
known for their voices.
'cause they're different.
Like it's okay to be different.
I don't have to be superpolished.
I don't have to take speechclasses.
I don't have to feel bad.
I've talked like this my entirelife and yeah, a friend that's
trying to make you feel insecureabout something that you can't
(15:23):
control or something that isunique to you is so ugly.
Trying to start drama wherethere's no drama is so ugly.
Yeah.
It was just little things likethat.
Like I would go get a coffeewithout her or, cancel plans and
then I'd end up like hanging outwith someone else like the next
day or something and she'd belike oh my God, you blew me off
and it's no, I'm actually justbusy.
(15:44):
And I have other friends, likeI'm allowed to, and I feel like
people maybe had an issue withher and was jealous that I would
get invited to stuff and shewouldn't, or that people liked
me and she didn't have the samereputation.
But it's just think of the wayyou carry yourself.
Like we don't carry yourself thesame at all.
We actually are not aligned atall.
(16:04):
We don't have the same values atall, and we don't have the same
goals.
So yeah, once I took a step backand realized all these things
and realized that they'reactually like a super hater, I
was like, okay.
So that's something I'vedefinitely learned recently and
if I hadn't have had this huge.
Falling out with these girlsthat I was super good friends
(16:25):
with, like a year or so ago.
I wouldn't have been able torecognize these red flags right
away, and I wouldn't have, Idon't I move differently now in
friendships and relationships.
Another thing too that I learnedis not everyone has the same
heart and the same loyalty asme.
you really don't need to vent topeople.
You really don't need to tellyour business.
I don't anymore.
(16:45):
I think for a long time.
Especially with girls, I wouldvent about boy problems or stuff
I was stressed out about withwork or whatever.
And I feel like it was a way forme to like bond with them.
I almost felt like I had to belike, oh yeah, like I'm
struggling with this.
I'm having a hard time with thisin order to get them to like,
(17:05):
like me.
Like I couldn't have it alltogether and they wouldn't like
me.
I don't know.
obviously there's some traumathere that I'm recognizing now
and healing, but it's like Idon't have to lower myself or
show where I'm hurting or myweaknesses in order to get
people to like me, especiallygirls.
That's weird.
Like I wanna have girlfriendswhere we're lifting each other
(17:28):
up and supporting each other andhappy for each other and sharing
our wins.
If someone is only there for youwhen you're down, that's not
your friend, they only wanna bearound when you're low.
That's not a real friend.
Yeah, I remember this past yearwhen I was having problems with
my relationship and I would tellsome of my girlfriends about it
(17:49):
and then they would go slideinto his dms and knew we were
having problems and try to bewith him, crazy.
There was actually one girl,that I vented to about my
relationship.
And we were like stuck on a boattogether all day.
So of course we're like talkingabout boys and like bonding or
whatever.
And there was like somethingthat had just happened I was
upset about and she was like, ohmy God, that's so horrible,
(18:10):
blah, blah, blah, blah.
And mind you I was nothing butnice to this girl.
Like we had mutual friends.
We hadn't really spent a bunchof time together before this,
but she literally didn't wannacarry a bag on the boat, so I
carried all her stuff in my bag.
I literally still had some of itup until a week ago when I found
out about this because I alwaysthought I was gonna give it back
to her.
And now I realize why she neverreached out or like really tried
(18:30):
to hang out with me, probablyoutta guilt.
But yeah, she like ran into myex out one night and she was
like, oh my God, you're so andso, you're Madeline's ex, blah,
blah.
That's literally how she likemet him.
Like she like introduced herselfto him.
Like she's like, I know of youbecause of her and what she's
told me about you.
And then she like proceeds to gohome with him, which is not just
(18:51):
a reflection on her, it's areflection on both of them.
Like obviously they're bothgross, but yeah, for her to like
pretend to be my friend and thenbe like, oh my God, don't tell
her I don't wanna hurt her.
How about you just don't do thething to hurt me.
How about that?
And the fact that I still hadher stuff like at my house, like
just shows all of ourcharacters.
Like I'm the person that's likeholding onto your stuff'cause I
(19:12):
wanna give it back to you eventhough it's nothing of value and
you're gonna snake me the firstchance you get.
So yeah, look at where yourenergy's going because
oftentimes you might find thatit's going towards people and
you're prioritizing people andtime with people, that will
snake you and have snaked youthe first chance they got.
(19:33):
Yeah, lesson learned.
Sorry, this isn't supposed to bea super negative episode.
It's just sometimes you have tolearn lessons the hard way in
order to learn them.
And yeah, time is the mostvaluable thing that we have and
the most valuable thing you cangive someone.
And so be very selective withyour time.
(19:53):
And again, scarcity createsvalue.
The less I go out, the morepeople want to hang out with me.
People are not gonna stopinviting you out.
If you stop going out, of coursethe people always invite you and
you're like no.
But if you're like activelyworking on yourself and making
your life better, like peopleare only gonna wanna be with you
more, your value is onlyincreasing.
(20:14):
And people wanna be aroundpeople that are valuable, not
people that are just like niceand pushovers and yeah, I don't
know.
I had a friend.
And I used to think oh, I haveto go out, I have to stay
relevant, I have to network.
And he gave me this advice.
He literally stayed inside for10 years and built an online
(20:35):
community and an empire and likea bunch of businesses.
And he was like you don't haveto go out.
you can build an empire and anetwork from inside your house,
like all the black sheep and themisfits in society growing up
that didn't find their peoplelike out there, they went online
and built some of the biggestcommunities and like huge
(20:57):
amounts of wealth.
that's what's so great aboutsocial media and the internet is
like you can find yourcommunity.
Anyone who's ever had a hugeimpact on my life, anyone who's
ever been like a huge likerainmaker in my life, I've never
had to go out and seek them.
I've never had to go out andfind them.
Like whether that was like abest friend, a boyfriend, a
(21:18):
mentor, like when I'm inalignment, everything just comes
to me and with ease.
Like everyone will find you,like people find me.
I don't ever have to go out andfind them.
It's not about time and how longit takes.
It's about authenticity and it'sabout alignment, and sometimes,
(21:38):
you will have these periods ofisolation.
You will have these periods oflike loneliness.
I heard a creator talk about howyou know, before, I love a
metaphor, you know, before awave crashes onto the shore, it
pulls back first.
And this is a phenomenon that alot of creators talk about.
And it's like this weird inbetween, like right before
(22:00):
things really pop off and rightbefore things really are set in
motion.
Things really start to change.
it'll feel like everything'scrumbling apart.
And I think that's part of the,your old life has to fall away
or crumble away before your newlife takes off.
And I think that's so true.
Yeah, you're gonna losefriendships, you're gonna lose
people.
You might have periods ofisolation, you might feel
(22:22):
lonely, yeah, it might suck fora little while, but it's like
you need these periods of timeto reflect and grow and
integrate everything that you'velearned and then you can take
that and it'll propel your lifeforward.
I really do believe that.
I heard a creator and she waslike the longer you have to
wait, the bigger the blessing.
And I agree with that to anextent.
(22:43):
I think sometimes when you havehad to wait for a while, it's
'cause you're integrating andlearning stuff and that means
like the bigger the blessing,like the universe is always
conspiring in our favor.
So it's like if the universe isasking you to wait, It's because
there's lessons you still needto learn, but I don't think it
necessarily needs to take a lotof time.
If there's anything I'velearned, your life can change
(23:04):
overnight.
one video could pop off, youcould get one opportunity, you
could meet one person, and thenyour life is different forever.
That's how everything happens.
It starts with one day, oneperson, one opportunity.
It happens one day.
People are like oh there's oneyear that changes your whole
life.
But usually that started withone day, and that happens when
you're in alignment.
(23:24):
So getting aligned with yourselfand your values and your goals,
and getting rid of everythingthat's not in alignment, that's
the key.
And I think too, when it comesto friends and people that are
doing better than me and likepeople that I look up to or
people that have more than me ordoing more than me, and I'm
(23:46):
inspired by them.
I see them as expanders, and Ithink there's some people that I
don't know if it's just like areally low level way to feel
better about yourself or likereally insecure people that
just, I don't know, it's crazy.
I don't know if this happenswith men.
I'm sure it does.
I think with women though.
(24:06):
It's if you're pretty and niceand funny and talented and
creative, like girls are gonnajust hate on you.
Like they just are not evengirls.
Just like people in general andinstead of using you as like an
inspiration, if they can takesomething that you had or have
something that you had or hadsomething that you wanted and
they can try to have it, even ifit's for a night, like they can
(24:28):
feel superior or like they're onyour level for a night.
It's like super pathetic andsad, but unfortunately, I think
that's something that people do.
I think that's what washappening with this girl,
honestly.
whatever.
It's like, how does it feel tocross me for a guy that never
called you again?
Can you imagine?
I don't know.
Anyways.
Yeah.
(24:48):
Crazy.
But yeah, obviously this says alot more about like these people
than it does about you, andyeah, I think that's a real
thing.
I think when people are insecureor jealous of you, or envious of
you, like trying to snake yousomehow makes them feel better
about themselves, like they'reon your level or they're better
than you in a way, even thoughit couldn't be further from the
(25:10):
truth, but lesson learned.
And that's why we have to bebetter about discerning who and
where energy goes and who andwhat is worth our time.
And instead of getting upsetabout stuff and like crashing
out like I used to I realizethis is all just like lessons
(25:31):
and content and stuff I canshare with y'all and you can
learn from what I've gonethrough so that something
positive at least comes out ofthese bad experiences or these
painful experiences, somethingconstructive.
And that's like really the bestcase scenario, honestly.
It makes me feel like there's apurpose behind some of the bad
(25:54):
things that happen.
There's always a reason foreverything, even if it doesn't
make sense at the time ordoesn't seem like it at the
time.
I feel like whenever peopledisappoint us, it's really a
gift.
It's really an opportunity tosee where we weren't in
alignment and to pull back andjust be like, okay, like why did
this happen?
(26:14):
What were the red flags?
What were the things that Irationalized or I made excuses
for and how did it get to thispoint?
'Cause Usually there's red flagsSo taking these opportunities
and disappointments as gifts andlearning to discern and move
differently, and I if thingsaren't in alignment with who you
(26:39):
wanna be and who you wanna besurrounded with,get it the fuck
away.
Like I feel like I've held ontorelationships because there were
good things about them.
Like we had a really goodconnection or I was really
intellectually stimulated by ourconversations or we had a lot of
fun together or whatever.
But it's just if you think aboutlike the pieces of the
(26:59):
relationship that you value.
Don't you think if you were withsomeone that was like fully,
truly aligned, there would bemore than just like pieces of
them and the relationship thatyou value, like you could make
space in your life for someonethat the whole relationship
brings value and peace to yourlife.
And I think trusting theuniverse and yourself and
(27:26):
knowing that oh if this personcan make me like marginally
happy, there's probably someoneout there that can make me way
more happy and that I'm way morealigned with and could help me
grow that much more.
Oh, I have so much fun with thisperson.
The X, Y, Z is an issue.
Don't you think if you're fullyin alignment, there's somebody
that has everything, like what aconcept.
(27:46):
But it's also like crazy it'slike what you want, the life
that you want and who you haveto become, like a lot about
success is about becoming theperson that has that level of
success in the process.
I've had a friend who had a hugelevel of success, but he hadn't
caught up internally with thetype of person that has this
(28:08):
level of success.
He didn't have the habits, hedidn't have the discipline, he
didn't have the regulatednervous system.
And we see this all the time.
That's why people win thelottery and then they lose it
all.
It's Kind of what happened tothis person.
They were making like millionsand millions of dollars and then
pretty much lost it all.
And it's because they weren't inalignment.
And when you're not inalignment, even if you do have
huge levels of success, it's notsustainable.
(28:30):
It's not going to be that way.
And alignment really is the key.
Yeah, you might have successwithout fully being in
alignment, but it's not gonna besustainable.
It's not gonna last.
And it's also just not gonna beright.
It's not gonna be authentic toyou.
You're not gonna have thecommunity, your nervous system
is not gonna be supported andgrounded It's just like all the
dysregulated mess in your lifeis going to cause it to all fall
(28:52):
apart at some point, like sooneror later.
And I had this realizationrecently, it's if my brand was
already popping off, if Ialready had the platform, if I
already had the audience, if Ialready had the business, if I
already had X, Y, Z, would I becarrying myself in this way?
Would I still be entertainingthese low vibrational
(29:12):
relationships?
Would I still be caring about orstressing about the things I'm
stressing about.
I feel like a lot of stuff thatpeople stress out about.
It's like little girl shit.
Little boy shit.
And it's like when you're onthese bigger levels, you're not
sweating this little stuff, likethe problems seem really petty.
(29:33):
The drama seems really petty.
And it's just until I wasactually busy enough, I never
realized like how ridiculoussome of it was.
And it's just like the stuffthat some people are worried
about, I'm not worried aboutthese things.
Like I'm worried about suchhigher level things.
Like I'm worried about like mybrand, I'm worried about my
business, I'm worried aboutmaking money.
(29:55):
I'm worried about being a goodperson, being aligned.
I'm worried about taking care ofmy parents one day.
Like I'm not worried about thedrama that happened last weekend
downtown.
Like what?
I'm not even out downtown, andI'm not saying that going out is
bad.
It's just if that's your wholelife and you have nothing else
or like you're upset that Icouldn't get coffee, I couldn't
(30:16):
go to the pool.
I'm glad that's your biggestissue on a Tuesday afternoon
that like your friend couldn'tgo to the pool with you.
Like what?
Crazy.
But yeah, it's if you knew that,you know your brand was gonna
pop off, or you knew that youwere gonna meet your soulmate,
your person.
Next week, would you still beentertaining that situationship?
(30:39):
Would you still be posting likethat?
Would you still be doing thethings that you're doing?
What are the habits that youwould have if you already had
it?
People always say that you haveto vibrate at the frequency of
what you want.
And it's so true.
you have to act like you alreadyhave it.
The creator that said, he wasgiving his leftover energy to
his content and he was gettingleftover results.
If you want the brand.
(31:01):
If you want the business, if youwant the relationship, you have
to show up like you already haveit and move the way you would
and have the habits that youwould have if you already had
it.
Like I wouldn't be entertainingthis situationship if I knew I
was gonna meet my dream personnext week.
That's crazy.
That's so weird.
That's such a weird thing to do.
(31:22):
If I knew my brand was gonna popoff.
And my business is gonna popoff.
I wouldn't be sweating theselittle petty arguments with
friends.
I wouldn't be worried aboutthese things.
they say, lions aren't worriedabout the opinions of sheep.
And it's so true.
It's so true.
So much of the stuff that I usedto sweat or worry about or like
(31:43):
I've had friends that sweat andworry about and stress about,
it's like it really doesn'tmatter.
Your attention and your energyand your time are the most
valuable and important thingsand where they go and what you
spend it on.
energy is not created ordestroyed.
We only have a certain amountand it has to go somewhere and
we get to decide where it goes.
And discerning that is what'sgonna get you everything that
(32:05):
you want.
Energy is the most powerfulthing.
our internal world dictates ourexternal world, and your reality
is created by your mind and the5D creates the 3D,we're so
powerful.
And when you realize thateverything flips, everything
changes, everything switches.
And being in alignment and beinglocked in on your goals and your
(32:28):
values is really the key.
if it's not in alignment withwho you are or who you wanna be,
it doesn't matter if it's inalignment with who you were
yesterday.
It doesn't matter, who do youwanna be?
Where do you wanna go?
Is in alignment with that.
If not, get rid of it.
It's gotta go.
Anyways.
Thanks guys.
I hope this episode wasn't toomuch of a downer.
(32:50):
I feel like I've just integratedso many lessons lately and I've
learned so much and it's justlike really helped me shift my
perspective for the better.
I hope that this also helpspeople who are going through a
hard time because the last likeyear and a half or so was
definitely a challenging timefor me.
But I hope it gives you a littlebit of perspective that even the
(33:12):
hard stuff, not even, especiallythe hard stuff, that's the stuff
that you're gonna learn from themost and the stuff that's gonna
move your life forward the most.
Anyways, if you guys enjoyedthis episode, please subscribe,
share it with your friends,leave a comment.
DM me.
I love hearing feedback from youguys.
I have had so many girls come upto me, guys too, but girls
(33:33):
especially, and they have comeup to me and told me how much
that my podcast relates to them,how much it has helped them.
And that really makes me feel sogood.
it really encourages me to getback to this because this is so
much bigger than me and even,when I'm feeling busy or I'm
feeling unmotivated, like itreally, I know it really does
help you guys.
And so that is all I wantanyways, thanks guys.
(33:54):
Love you.
Bye.
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