20. What the Club Taught Me About Men (That Most Women Never Learn)

Episode Transcript
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Madeline (00:00):
Welcome to Becoming Sunshine.
For those of you that know me,you know that Sunshine has been
an alias of mine for almost adecade now, and sunshine also is
me becoming my highest self, andthat's what this podcast is
about.
I'm here to help you understandyourself better and maybe learn

(00:21):
some more about myself along theway.
Thanks so much for joining me.
I'm excited.
Hey friends.
Welcome back to BecomingSunshine.
So on my last episode, I wastalking about how I wanted to
share more of my knowledge aboutthe club and how it's taught me
about real life.
Honestly, I feel like in a lotof ways the club is the world in

(00:43):
it's honest form, just shrunkdown on a mini scale.
The same dynamics are at play.
It's actually very interesting.
People always think that workingin the club, all it does is
teach you how to hustle or scamor whatever.
And yeah, it does teach you howto make money and how to hustle
and how real life works in thataspect.
But the real education,honestly, it's not really about

(01:05):
money at all.
It's really about men and howyou carry yourself and how you
interact with them, and justinterpersonal relationships in
general.
I know you guys are mostlyprobably interested in the part
about men as it relates torelationships, et cetera, and so
today I wanna share five thingsthat the club taught me about

(01:28):
men.
And honestly, it's changed theway I see men and relationships,
and I don't mean this in anegative way, just very matter
of fact.
Number one, men treat differentwomen differently.
This might soundself-explanatory, but trust me,
it's a lot crazier than youwould even realize.
The same guy will pay one woman10 K just to have a conversation

(01:53):
with her and just hang out withher.
Just to drink and party and thenhe'll try to offer another woman
$300 for full service oreverything, it's crazy.
They view different womendifferently and pretty much
immediately a guy is going tofigure out how he would
categorize you.
But the thing is you have powerover this.

(02:16):
It's really up to you how theycategorize you.
It really depends on how youcarry yourself and how much
respect you have for yourselfand the boundaries and standards
you have for yourself.
They pick up on that and seethat, and that's how they're
gonna categorize you.
So don't take this as a badthing.
Take this as a way to give youautonomy and power.
You have full control over howthey see you.

(02:37):
But trust me, they do see womendifferently and act and treat
them accordingly.
Honestly, it's not just aboutlooks either.
You could be super hot and itdoesn't matter.
You could be pretty mid and itdoesn't matter.
It's really the way you carryyourself and the way you respect
yourself.
How much respect you have foryourself is how much respect

(02:58):
these men are gonna have foryou.
I promise.
Men decide very quickly insideand outside the club what type
of woman you are and how muchrespect they're gonna have for
you.
Whether you're gonna be thegirlfriend, or the wife, or the
fantasy, or just for fun.
You decide where you wanna be inthat.

(03:18):
Honestly in the club, it's beenvery interesting to see that the
women that carry themselves acertain way to a certain
standard inside the club, thosestandards transfer over into
real life.
The values you have in the clubare the values you have
everywhere.
This isn't to talk poorly aboutanyone, it's just something that

(03:40):
I've personally noticed.
It's just the way that womencarry themselves and what you're
willing to put up with in theclub.
I've noticed that these womenare willing to put up with
similar things outside the club.
For example not all the guysthat come into the club are
respectful, obviously, and Iunderstand we're all about the

(04:02):
bag, but there's just somethings that are just not worth
it.
And having standards andboundaries in the club still
matter, i've noticed that thewomen that don't mind
entertaining a guy that'sblatantly disrespectful, these
are the same women that are inreally dysfunctional
relationships or inrelationships with disrespectful
men outside the club.

(04:22):
And I don't think that's acoincidence.
I think that if you're gonna putup with bullshit in the club,
you're gonna put up withbullshit outside the club.
And men know that.
And a high value man is notgonna be with a woman that
doesn't respect herself anddoesn't value herself because
she's not a prize and he knowsthat.
So take that how you will.

(04:45):
Number two, men show you whothey are by how they spend.
So money's energy, and all moneydoes is amplify what's already
there.
So whether that's confidence,arrogance, insecurity.
Seeing how a guy spends hismoney will tell you a lot about
that man.
And there is a big differencebetween flashy money and quiet

(05:10):
money.
Wealth whispers, and the guythat is trying to look like he
has money or is spending onreally flashy stuff.
He's masking something baby, hedefinitely is lacking in
probably more than onedepartment, and usually he
doesn't have it like he claimshe does.
Also the type of guy that'sgonna spend on bottles and

(05:30):
sections and flashy stuff, butthen isn't gonna invest in a
woman or spend money on a womanor isn't gonna respect a woman's
time.
He doesn't value women the wayhe values material things that
don't really matter.
That's a man that doesn't have alot of wisdom.
That's a man that doesn't have alot of experience, and that's a
man that doesn't really have thelifestyle because you're not
trying so hard to look like youhave a lifestyle if you have it.

(05:53):
They realize that the bestinvestment you can make is in
the woman that's next to you,not in a bottle or a car or
whatever.
Men thrive in relationships andwhen they have a good woman with
them and the men that get it,get it.
At the end of the day, it's whatmen are willing to invest in and
you can tell a lot about a manby what they're willing to

(06:13):
invest in and what seemsimportant to them.
One guy will drop thousands on agirl he just met, and another
one won't spend any money andjust waste the girl's time.
It's the same in real life.
Men show you their priorities byhow they spend, and I don't just
mean money.
Time, effort, consistency.
If he's not investing in you,he's telling you exactly how he

(06:35):
feels too.
So whether he feels that wayabout all women or he just feels
that way about you it's prettyobvious.
Even at work, there's verysubtle things that really aren't
that subtle.
If I'm talking to a guy and hedoesn't immediately offer me a
drink or, offer me something formy time, he doesn't value me and

(06:57):
that's just men in general.
They invest in things that theyvalue.
So if they're just wasting yourtime inside or outside the club,
that will tell you a lot about aman and his priorities and what
type of man he is.
Number three, men crave thefeeling more than the person.
One thing you need to know ifyou want a man to be obsessed

(07:20):
with you is by understanding howyou make him feel.
So if you make that man feellike the man he wants to be.
You'll have that man forever.
He'll be obsessed with you.
It doesn't matter what you looklike, at the end of the day.
Yeah, men are visual, but I'veseen mid girls get paid over the
baddest looking girl all thetime and it's because they make

(07:43):
a guy feel some type of way.
They make him feel the way hewants to feel about himself and
men aren't really paying for me,they're paying for a feeling
that I give them, and a lot oftimes, in rooms or when I'm with
a customer, we're just talking.
At the end of the day, men wannafeel validated and they wanna
feel respected.
And a lot of times if they'renot getting that at home,

(08:04):
they're going to the club forthat, whether they realize it or
not.
And so if you're making a guyfeel respected, validated,
appreciated he's gonna be amazedby that.
Also too, if you make him feelgood about himself.
Men want to feel wanted and ifyou need him, he made your
night, he helped you out.
He whatever, that makes themfeel good and they wanna feel

(08:26):
good about themselves.
Sometimes it is about thefantasy.
It is about the escape.
It's about the confidence.
You are looking up at them likethey did so much for you, they
helped you, you think they'reamazing, that's gonna make them
feel amazing about themselves.
It's just the rush of beingwanted.
And that taught me that a lot indating and attraction too.
it often has less to do with whoyou are on paper and how you

(08:49):
make the man feel when he iswith you.
Does he feel alive?
Does he feel young?
Does he feel seen?
Does he feel respected, making aman feel like he's the king of
the world?
That's the feeling that theywanna chase.
That's the feeling that they'regonna become obsessed with, and
that's what's gonna make guyscome back to you or stay with
you.

(09:09):
We have this thing in the cluband it's like stroke egos not
you know, And it's so true andit works inside and outside the
club.
I feel like we spend so muchtime trying to prove ourselves,
but the truth is men chase thefeeling, not the person.
Women are not valued for whatthey do.

(09:30):
They're valued for their energyand who they are and how you
make other people feel.
That is what feminine energy is.
Number four, men testboundaries.
Of course.
Of course they do.
And this kind of goes back tonumber one, they wanna see how
much you respect yourself.
And at the end of the day, guysknow what they're doing, and so
if you let them get away withshit, they're gonna be like,

(09:51):
this is a woman that lets me getaway with shit.
They're not gonna respect youbecause you don't respect
yourself.
That's not wifey, that's notqueen, that's not Goddess energy
and they're gonna treat you assuch.
They're gonna treat youaccordingly.
Especially in the club, men willtest, they'll try to push the
boundaries, see what they canget away with, whatever.
But for the most part, honestly,I don't have issues with guys

(10:11):
being disrespectful.
I'm also very selective aboutwho I choose to spend my time
with, and I feel like guys canfill that, like they know
better, but also they like to betold no.
They like boundaries.
They like to know where the lineis and most of the time they
don't wanna cross it.
Unless it's a guy that literallyjust came in there because he
wants to feel control or powerand those are predators.
And unfortunately, yes, thosetypes of places do attract those

(10:34):
types of men.
But for the most part it's good,normal, respectful men that just
wanna make you happy,'cause ifyou're happy and you feel good,
then they'll feel good.
Hello.
But the men that respect you themost are the ones you hold the
line with.
And also too, the men that havespent the most amount of money
on me are the men that don'twant anything.
They're not trying to beaggressive, they're not trying

(10:54):
to get anything.
They're not trying to sleep withme.
They're just literally want mycompany and my energy and to
talk to me and be around me.
The guys that spent the mostwant the least.
That's why I have a certainstandard for myself in the club
and in life.
I will not lower that standard,and it's not me being a snob or
being stuck up or being entitledor whatever.
It's literally just an energything and a frequency thing, and

(11:17):
also a safety thing because theguy that is trying to negotiate
my worth or have me lower mystandard.
Anytime I ever did do that, Iwould regret it because that was
the guys that are gonna beaggressive.
Those are the guys that aregonna try to be nasty.
Those are the guys that aregonna be disrespectful.
It's never the guy that is okaywith paying a certain amount or

(11:38):
that sees my worth that's tryingto disrespect me.
It's always the guys that arebeing cheap, that are gonna try
to get the most for the least.
And I don't have time for that.
It's just not worth me having abad day or being traumatized or
being stressed.
So inside, outside the club, donot ever lower your standards do
not come from a scarcity mindsetbecause you're gonna regret it
and it's gonna attract peoplethat are quite frankly beneath

(11:59):
you and that's how you staysafe.
That's how you stay aligned andthat's how you stay in
abundance.
How you carry yourself and theboundaries you set, that sets
the tone for the relationship,any relationship with men, any
interaction with men.
You set the standard, you setthe tone, and they will fall in
line.
And last but not least, men wantto be chosen too.

(12:22):
This one surprised me the mostbecause yes, men want to chase,
but they also wanna feel chosen.
And I've actually heard thistoo, the last guy that I was
dating.
He even outright said this, he'slike, no we want to know that
we're wanted, we want to knowwhen a woman likes us, and
there's a way to obviouslymaintain the chase and the
allure, but we're not playinggames.

(12:42):
We're not being hot and cold.
Our man knows that we'reinterested.
He knows that we like him.
Guys are a lot more sensitivethan women actually.
And that's not necessarily a badthing.
Even the most confident andwealthy guys light up when you
give them real, genuineattention or a compliment and
not like, oh my God, you're sohot, babe.
But complimenting what they doand what they're proud of and

(13:04):
what makes them feel good aboutthemselves and what makes them
feel accomplished, and also whatsets them apart and what makes
them different from other men.
So pay attention and when youare giving them genuine
compliments, pay attention towhat they care about themselves.
Obviously self-explanatory andyeah, it's being selective.
Selective choosing, not chasing,selective choosing.
men wanna feel seen, like thebalance of I see you but I don't

(13:28):
need you, and not I don't needyou like I don't need a man.
'cause of course we need them.
It's nice to have a guy help usor adore us or love us or
whatever.
But you could walk away, right,at any moment you don't need
him, but you appreciate him andyou love him, or he's helpful or
whatever.
You rely on him.
Men want to feel like they'remaking a difference in your

(13:49):
life.
They wanna feel like they'rehelping you.
They wanna feel like they'redoing something for you that you
can't do for yourself.
And honestly, that's what menshould be to you.
Why would you pick a man thatisn't doing more for you than
you're doing for yourself?
You should be with a man that ismaking life easier because
life's hard enough.
But that's exactly it.
Men want to feel like you needthem and they're making your

(14:09):
life better and that they'rehelping you out.
They want to feel needed andthat should be a genuine thing.
That's what make men feelmagnetic.
And honestly, that's what makeswomen feel powerful too.
You wanna feel like you'remaking a difference, and
honestly too, I feel like that'swhy sometimes men will choose
the woman in the club that maybeis not the hottest girl there,

(14:33):
but she seems realistic or sheseems attainable or someone that
would actually go for the guy.
Yeah, sometimes it's about thefantasy.
But oftentimes, it's aboutgetting a girl or being with a
girl that they could actuallysee themselves with and they
could actually have a connectionwith it's not necessarily with
the hottest girl there.
So those are five things, andhonestly I could go on, but

(14:56):
those are things the club taughtme about men, and honestly, I
love that they go way beyondnightlife, they translate into
real life.
A lot of the stuff that I havelearned about men and just life
in general, the skills that Ihave developed are definitely
transferable skills and go waybeyond nightlife and can help if

(15:16):
you're in that industry, butalso with relationships in
general, and just understandingmen better, maybe understanding
why they go there.
For women that are very againstthese types of places.
I understand that.
I wouldn't want my man goingthere and not because women
there are dirty and most of thetime they're not.
Most of the time guys are goingthere for attention or
validation.

(15:37):
Intimacy, not physical intimacy,really more emotional intimacy.
Trust me.
Guys most of the time are payingfor a conversation, like a
connection and just to feelseen.
And it's just if they're notgetting that at home, they have
to get it somewhere.
So instead of hating on thesewomen that are just doing their
jobs, maybe understand why thesemen are going there so that they

(15:59):
don't have to go there.
The club just gave me a frontrow seat to see things play out
in real time.
I've seen a lot of men in theirworst moments at the club, but
I've also met some reallyamazing men and I've had some
really enlightenedconversations, and I've met some
of the best men through thisindustry.
You really just see it all, andit's men in their rawest,
unfiltered form, which isn'talways the best thing.

(16:22):
But I definitely have learned alot and if I can share some of
my expertise to help y'all, Ilove that.
I definitely wanna do moreepisodes like this where I dive
more into it boundaries andfeminine energy and confidence.
So if you guys like thisepisode, there's definitely more
to come and this is just thebeginning and I'll talk to you

(16:45):
guys soon.
Bye.

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