21. How to Frame Conversations with Men to Get What You Want

Episode Transcript
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(00:01):
Hi friends.
Welcome back to BecomingSunshine.
So I titled this episode How toFrame Conversations with Men in
Order to Get What You Want.
It's not about beingmanipulative, it's about
polarity, relationship dynamicsand the differences between

(00:21):
masculine and feminine energy.
When you honor that polarity,everything flows smoother.
He'll be happier, you'll getwhat you want.
He'll feel empowered, it's awin-win.
men and women are fundamentallydifferent and you have to talk
to them and communicatedifferently.
understanding that the way ourbrains work is different and the
way we think is different andhonoring that works out better

(00:45):
all around.
For the longest time I was ableto communicate with men
effectively in the club and havea positive outcome a lot of the
time, and then in my personalromantic relationships, I would
struggle with things.
It wasn't until I fullyunderstood this concept and

(01:07):
embraced it, that I started tohave a lot more success in my
personal relationships.
Men want to be in theirmasculine energy.
They're designed to protect andprovide, and they're comfortable
in that energy.
When you're in your feminineenergy, you're gonna be the
happiest and you're gonna be themost relaxed, and you're gonna
be the most attractive, and thenwhen he's in his masculine, he's

(01:28):
gonna be the most attractive toyou.
So it really just works out foreveryone and that's why polarity
creates attraction.
When you're, in you're masculineand you're trying to manage him
or manage the relationship,you're not happy.
He's not happy.
No one's happy.
It's not working out.

(01:50):
Attraction dies.
Maintaining polarity is key inorder to maintain attraction.
The masculine wants to lead,they want to protect, they wanna
provide, and the feminineinspires that by being open and
receptive and emotionallyhonest.
Women are wise and are veryemotionally intuitive.

(02:12):
Women are all about communityand sharing stories.
Men are different.
Men operate differently whenthey're having an issue, they go
figure it out.
Like that book, men are fromMars, women are from Venus.
That book is not all accurate,but there are some themes for
sure that are true.
The way we handle conflict isjust different.
If you're in a disagreement witha man and you try to out logic

(02:35):
him, that's gonna put you inyour masculine and it's gonna
come off as combative.
When guys are butting heads atwork, one comes out top dog, and
it's like you're going head tohead with him.
You're both in your masculine,you're not gonna win that.
That's not gonna work.
You have to fight femininely.
When you're framingconversations from the feminine,
you want to express your needsas desires instead of as

(02:58):
demands.
Men like to feel useful, theylike to feel needed.
They want to provide for you.
They want to make you feelfulfilled and taken care of.
That makes them feel good.
So framing things in a way wherethey can feel like they're
taking care of you as opposed toyou demanding things of them, or
like they're falling short onsomething.

(03:19):
That's just gonna discouragethem and that's gonna put them
in a position where they feelincompetent or emasculated and
they're gonna shut down.
But if you're presenting thingsas an opportunity to please you
and make you happy, they'regonna rise to the occasion.
For example, if a guy isn'tdoing something for you that you

(03:40):
want, instead of saying younever do X, Y, Z for me, you
should say, it makes me feelreally safe when you do this for
me.
A great way to get a man to be acertain way, and people in
general, is to describe them asthat person, because they're
gonna wanna live up to thatexpectation.
If you tell a guy you love howgenerous he is, he's gonna be

(04:03):
generous.
He's gonna continue to begenerous because he likes that.
He likes feeling, like he's thisamazing, generous guy.
He's gonna wanna continue toprove that he is.
Whatever you want from him, sayyou love that he's like that and
he'll continue to be like thatand show up more like that.
Complimenting him and sayingthat you love that he's this

(04:27):
person for you, he does this foryou.
He will continue to do it.
It's just framing things in away again, where they don't feel
diminished or they don't feellike they failed you.
Men are so sensitive and theworst thing is feeling like they
let you down or you've lost yourability to respect them or your

(04:51):
faith in them to lead andprovide.
If they already feel likethey've failed, they're less
likely to rise to the occasion.
But if you give them anopportunity to please you,
they're more than likely goingto try.
This creates safety andmotivation in men.
So attraction happens throughenergy, not strategy.

(05:16):
So when you're fully embodied inyour feminine, your confident,
calm, self-assured, and incontrol of your emotions.
This naturally brings out aman's masculine energy.
I feel like when I'm talking tomy man, and when you feel truly
safe and taken care of by a guy,and I don't just mean like

(05:39):
financially, like emotionallyand like physically whatever.
I feel like it pulls out thesoftness.
For example when I was in areally toxic relationship, I was
always pulled out of characterand I was always pulled into my
masculine and that definitelykilled all the attraction in the

(06:00):
relationship.
Of course we're not gonna beattracted to each other.
I don't trust him to lead and hesees me as someone who is always
disappointed in him and alwaysfeels let down, and that doesn't
make him feel good.
That makes him feel emasculated.
But then when I am with someonewho makes me feel safe.
I wanna be the softest, mostsubmissive version of myself.
And I'm not saying that, womenhave to submit to men, but it

(06:24):
naturally pulls that out of you.
That's how we wanna feel, Iwanna feel like I can just turn
my brain off and, relax and dowhatever and be like a little
creative dreamer and he's gotit.
Big Daddy's gonna take care ofme.
He's got that daddy energy.
I feel secure, I feel safe, Ifeel taken care of.
I just wanna be a soft sweetprincess, and the more we are in

(06:48):
that energy, the more they wannaprovide and take care of us
That's how polarity andattraction works.
I think it's important torecognize that, it's a good
match romantically, if you feellike you can be soft with that
guy.
I couldn't be with a guy that Ididn't truly admire, look up to
and trust to lead because thenI'm not gonna be soft.

(07:08):
I'm gonna feel like I have totake care of everything and I'm
gonna be scared to let go of thereigns.
I'm a very independent woman, Ican take care of myself, so I
feel like if I'm in arelationship with a guy and it's
a good match, I feel like I cangive up the reins.
Not that I would ever give up myautonomy, but the difference is

(07:29):
you trust them to handle things.
And isn't that the whole pointof having a man, if he's not
gonna take something off of myplate and make my life easier,
why do I have him, if I can'ttrust him to lead, why is he
even in the picture?
It's not about pretending to beless than or incompetent.
It's about being in your powerdifferently.

(07:50):
The man is the head in therelationship, but the woman is
the neck.
You turn the head, you inspirewhat he looks at and what he
pays attention to.
Men and women have power andexpress their power in different
ways.
With women it's more of a softpower, and with men it's

(08:11):
definitely more of the type ofpower that you think of, but
equally as important, equally aspowerful.
The men are the ones that get itdone, but the woman lets him
know what needs to be done, ifthat makes sense.
Don't get mad at me when I saythat guys, and he's happy to do
it.
He's happy to do it.
So let's reframe the gettingwhat you want as creating

(08:36):
alignment where both people feelseen and appreciated.
He's gonna feel the most happyin his role, and so are you.
it's just learning how tocommunicate effectively with men
in order to create moreattraction in the relationship.

(08:56):
To get what you want yes, butalso to make you both feel more
fulfilled.
At the end of the day, you haveto think of it, how can I
reframe this and how can Iposition this conflict in a way
where he can prove himself to mebecause one, that's what you

(09:16):
want from him.
And two, that's what he wants tobe able to do.
That's why sometimes inrelationships, why the
attraction goes away because menand women just aren't
communicating effectively.
So if a guy does something thatdisappoints you, instead of
making him feel super shamefulor like he can't redeem himself,

(09:38):
give him the opportunity.
And phrase it in a way whereyou're coming from your
feminine, that's attractive tohim and disarms him and he's not
going to war with you, and it'snot combative.
A man's gonna be obsessed withyou if you make him feel like
the man that he wants to be.
It's not about the woman, it'sabout how you make him feel.

(09:59):
So if he feels like he's bigdog, he's gonna wanna keep you
around, he's gonna be obsessedwith you, you're gonna make him
feel like Superman, and that'swhy men thrive in relationships.
Women build them up to be thisperson and then they rise to the
occasion and become that person.
That's why men are way moresuccessful when they're in
relationships.
When you understand polarity,you stop forcing outcomes and

(10:26):
you start magnetizing them.
The most important thing isbeing able to emotionally
regulate as women because goingoff and talking to your man like
blah, blah, blah, like that'snot gonna get you what you want.
It's not gonna make anythingbetter.

(10:46):
It's not going to give you thesolution.
If you are talking to a man likethat, that should be an
indicator to you that you'velost respect for him.
And I'm not saying that youcan't get it back, but I think
it is really difficult whenyou've lost respect for a guy
that you're with to get it back.

(11:07):
I personally think that once therespect is lost or I don't trust
them, or they've let me down ina way where I'm just so
disappointed that I view themdifferently.
I think that's reallychallenging to come back from.
First and foremost becauseyou're not gonna be able to

(11:27):
frame a conversation where hecan prove himself to you if you
don't trust him to be able toprove himself or you don't
believe in him anymore.
And he's gonna feel that too.
If your man feels like you don'tbelieve in him, that shouldn't
be your man, honestly.
So yeah, let me know if you guystry this and if this helps you
in your relationships.
The more I have put theseprinciples to the test and the

(11:51):
more I've changed the way Ispeak to them and relate to men.
It really has been night andday, honestly.
Learning how to talk to men andbe able to get what you want I
feel like so many people frameit as like how to manipulate men
and it's really not that.
Everyone is happier and Iusually end up getting what I
want.
So love that for me.

(12:13):
Love that for us ladies.
Let me know what you guys thinkof this episode.
I hope it was helpful and I hopethat it makes sense and that
helps you guys in yourrelationships.
If you liked it, share it,subscribe, send it to your
friends.
Let's keep the girlies in theirpower and let's keep our
relationships happy andfulfilling.

(12:33):
So yeah, I will see you guysnext time with some more tips.
Okay, bye.
Love you guys.

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21. How to Frame Conversations with Men to Get What You Want

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