July 12, 2024 • 27 mins
Get in Touch! Message Me Here!
Episode 6: Recognizing and Responding to Red Flags in Relationships
Madeline, host of 'Becoming Sunshine,' discusses the challenging yet essential process of recognizing and responding to red flags in both friendships and romantic relationships. She shares personal experiences of friendship breakups, stressing the importance of setting boundaries, trusting one's intuition, and understanding that people must be willing to do the inner work to grow. Madeline emphasizes the need for self-worth and making decisions that align with one's highest self, while offering insights into maintaining integrity and eliminating relationships that no longer serve. She encourages listeners to focus on self-care and finding the right people who value and uplift them.
00:00 Understanding Love and Potential
00:52 Welcome to Becoming Sunshine
01:32 Personal Reflections and Life Lessons
02:20 Friendship Breakups and Red Flags
07:32 Trusting Intuition and Professional Challenges
13:54 Setting Boundaries and Self-Worth
18:50 Evaluating Relationships and Personal Growth
26:00 Final Thoughts and Gratitude
27:04 Closing Remarks and Call to Action
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Did you enjoy this episode? Please like, share, comment, and subscribe to my show so you never miss an episode.
Please Leave a Review on Apple/Spotify Podcasts:
APPLE - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/becoming-sunshine/id1753147805
SPOTIFY -https://open.spotify.com/show/64oRmgB1tNzukS1ztM0oXf?si=2c0695e2f1484d30
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Follow Becoming Sunshine
📸 Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/becomingsunshinepodcast/?hl=en
📺 Youtube - https://www.youtube.com/@BecomingSunshinePodcast
🧐 TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@becomingsunshinepodcast
🌎 Website - https://www.becomingsunshine.com/
📸 Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/its_madelinegrace/profilecard/?igsh=MWdkY3dxZHdiN2RwbQ==
✉️ Email - madeline@becomingsunshine.com
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Big Girl Rules Are In Effect
All content of the Becoming Sunshine Podcast reflects my own personal opinion at the time it was spoken and may be subject to change. NOTHING I say on this channel should be taken as legal, financial, safety, health, fitness, nutrition, mental health, or investment advice. Please seek out the guidance of professionally trained and licensed individuals before making any decisions.
Follow the show on Instagram @becomingsunshinepodcast
Follow the host on Instagram @its_madelinegrace
Thanks so much for listening!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Madeline (00:00):
Love is just such an intense emotion and you see this
person and you see their souland you see who they could be
and how great they could be toyou, but if they're not willing
to do the work and get the helpthat they need, then you're
really just in love with thepotential or The idea of this
person or an old version of thisperson that you fell in love
(00:24):
with and it's not reality andyou don't want to waste your
time waiting for them to growinto themselves because that
might not ever happen it reallygoes for friendships or romantic
relationships.
I think just seeing the signsand listening to them early on
before, it blows up down theroad and then it's like a huge
(00:48):
mess and a way bigger heartache.
Welcome to Becoming Sunshine.
For those of you that know me,you know that sunshine has been
an alias of mine for almost adecade now and sunshine also is
me becoming my highest self andthat's what this podcast is
about.
(01:09):
I'm here to help you understandyourself better and maybe learn
some more about myself along theway.
Thanks so much for joining me.
I'm excited.
Hey guys, it's Madeline.
So you'll have to forgive me.
My voice is a little bit raspytoday.
I've been feeling a little bitunder the weather.
Texas allergies are a thing.
(01:30):
They're crazy.
bear with me.
Lately, life has been serving melots of lessons.
The lessons have been lessening,and I feel like there's been a
lot of really similar themeslately and this whole year So at
the beginning of the year, Iasked the universe to basically
remove everything out of my lifeand everyone that wasn't aligned
(01:54):
In order to make space foreverything that I was calling in
I really want to make somechanges this year.
I'm in the midst of my saturnreturn.
I just feel like I had so manygoals and I finally knew what I
wanted to do and I had an ideaof the path to take me there and
I just wanted the universe tohelp guide me and give me the
little push that I needed andthe growing pains have been
(02:19):
real.
I went through a lot offriendship breakups at the
beginning of the year and Idon't think friendship breakups
are something that people talkabout as much as they should.
I feel like there's so much outthere on TikTok, Instagram.
There's so many books.
There's so much literature onromantic relationships and those
(02:39):
breakups, and of course that's acompletely different type of
heartbreak and I think it'snecessary to have so many more
resources, but friendshipbreakups are just as hard
sometimes, if not worse,especially If, these people have
been in your life for a reallylong time or these connections
really meant a lot to you, evenif it was at a time in your life
(03:03):
that, maybe you're not in thesame place anymore, it's still
hard and in my case, I wasfriends with this group of girls
for probably the past six yearsor so and, It was really
difficult because for a longtime I felt like we all were cut
(03:23):
from the same cloth and foundeach other and built this little
family, this sisterhood of girlsand, realizing that wasn't
something that, was gonna stayin my life was really
challenging.
it was really difficult, butwhen I think about it, there
were a lot of little signs overthe years.
(03:45):
little red flags, maybe pinkflags, maybe orange flags.
little things over the yearsthat I rationalized in order to
maintain the friendship.
I made excuses for, and some ofthat was, from convenience and I
also just think we attachourselves to certain outcomes
and certain narratives and wetrick ourselves into believing
(04:07):
certain things in order tomaintain those narratives and
those timelines for ourselves,but I think some of the lessons
I've been forced to learnrecently that.
If we just paid attention tothose early signs, we could save
ourselves a lot of heartache andtime down the road, but I mean,
it's okay.
(04:27):
We learn lessons, when we'resupposed to, and I just feel
like listening to red flags orseeing the signs, recognizing
the signs, trusting ourintuition, and just accepting
people and leaving them wherethey're at Those have been some
of the biggest lessons I'velearned recently.
(04:49):
people grow and people changeand it's okay, for not growing
together.
Things don't feel as aligned asthey used to.
I feel like the conversationstarted to change, our interests
started to change.
the things that were importantto me weren't as important to
some of those people and we justhad different goals and that's
(05:10):
okay and I feel like to beingable to see outside your
perspective is important, and Ifeel like sometimes people
struggle with that.
They can't see outside of theirperspective and that's okay.
it's been challenging and hardand, maybe down the road things,
will be aligned again, but Ithink just taking stock of what
(05:35):
something was and what somethingmeant to you and being grateful
for that and moving forward withgrace for everybody is really
the best way to be.
It's crazy this fallout happenedearlier in the year and it was
really hard and then I feel likea lot of the lessons I've
learned since then have beensmaller little, reflections of
(05:58):
this lesson.
the universe will, Keep sendingus the same lesson and it'll get
louder and louder until welisten.
in this circumstance Irationalize things and I let
things go for maybe a little bittoo long and then it eventually
blew up and maybe if I hadlistened or just created a
(06:20):
little bit more space andprepared myself for the
inevitable, wouldn't it came assuch a shock and it wouldn't
have been so challenging whenthe fallout did happen and since
so many people left my life,that had been a big part of my
life for a really long timealthough it's what I was asking
for from the universe, it'sstill hard and I think losing so
(06:43):
many of those relationships hasleft me feeling a little bit
ungrounded and I think whenwe're ungrounded, we don't
always make the best decisions.
We don't always use the bestjudgment maybe I've gone out a
little bit too much.
I put my faith in the wrongpeople or trusted people when I
(07:03):
shouldn't have and there's beenmore little lessons, since then,
and now I feel like wheneversomething's not aligned, or, I
don't trust my intuition, orthere's that little voice that
says oh hey, this maybe isn'tthe best situation, this isn't
the best person and I don'tlisten to it, it blows up so
(07:25):
much faster and, theconsequences and the
repercussions are so muchfaster, and I'm like, okay.
recently, in, my professionallife, a friend of mine, we were,
working with somebody and Ididn't have the best feeling
about them.
I was like, oh, I don't know ifwe should trust this person and
(07:49):
she vouched for him.
and this is like a newer friendso again, it's like, whose
judgment are we trusting?
and I feel like trusting yourown intuition and judgment is
always best, but again, it'seasy to want to believe certain
narratives.
it's easy to want to believethat things are going to work
out, and in the end, we justwasted a bunch of time and lost
(08:09):
a bunch of money and it was veryfrustrating and it's a difficult
lesson to learn but again, If Ihad listened to my own intuition
and I'm like, okay, this is nota situation that we need to be
involved in or this isn't aperson we need to be involved
with we could have savedourselves a lot of time it is
what it is and like podcastbefore sometimes you have to run
(08:34):
into the fire and sometimes youhave to learn lessons over and
over until it clicks and that'sokay I got this advice from
somebody close to me and it'sgreat advice and basically she
was saying, she gave me a bighug and she was like, listen,
all you can really do is controlwhat you can control and that's
your reactions, your emotions,you can't control what other
(08:56):
people do or what their healingis like.
you can only take responsibilityfor yourself.
I think a big part of that isrecognizing situations for what
they are and not what you wantthem to be and accepting that
and moving accordingly.
I feel like surrender is anotherreally important theme in my
(09:20):
life and sometimes it'schallenging to surrender and let
things be what they're gonna beand leave people where they're
at, but you really can't controlwhat other people do.
You can control how they affectyou, you can control the people
in your life, you can controlwho has access to you and
(09:43):
unfortunately, people are goingto let you down, and they're
going to disappoint you, andthat's just a part of life, and
this episode doesn't need to belike, super sad or debbie
downer.
It's just, sometimes when peoplelet you down, it's like, okay,
let me take ownership of thisyou know, sometimes it's out of
your control and you trustpeople and you put faith in
(10:04):
people and they let you down andpeople are human, it's not
always malicious, but sometimes,it is maybe because you engaged
in a situation or with a personthat quite frankly was a little
bit beneath you.
That's okay, we make mistakes,we're human, we go through shit,
(10:25):
and that's okay.
I'm very intuitive and I feellike a big part of this for me
is reading energetics and I feellike I see situations and I see
people very clearly and on adeeper level, maybe even more
consciously than they seethemselves, and so if I see,
someone's behavior and the waythey move, and I see where
(10:46):
they're operating from, whetherthat's a place of wounding, or
ego, or whatever.
I understand them, I understandwhere they're coming from, and
so, I feel like the need to staysometimes in this situation or,
I have a lot of compassion forwhere they're coming from and I
(11:07):
give them a lot of grace, but atthe same time, that doesn't mean
I deserve whatever outcome orwhatever they're bringing, if
someone's behavior isdisrespectful or if their
behavior is not moving out ofintegrity or a way that's
aligned and just because Iunderstand where they're coming
(11:28):
from doesn't mean I need tostick around and that's not
always the case, it depends onwhat this person means to me or,
what I want out of thesituation.
I think sometimes again, I wanta certain outcome, whether or
not it's realistic.
I like to stay de lulusometimes, I think we all do,
but it's just at the end of theday, who's looking out for my
(11:50):
inner child?
and when you think about it fromthat perspective, I think I
would move a lot differently.
I think I would leave people andsituations a lot faster.
it's good to be compassionateand have sympathy and be
understanding and see outside ofyour own perspective, but It's
like, why am I so concerned withtaking care of others and
(12:12):
holding space for others?
Who's holding space for me andmy inner child?
it's crazy how many things inadulthood, how many themes in
adulthood come back to healingour inner child, and connecting
with ourselves is really justconnecting and healing our inner
child.
I just, love learning aboutanthropology and psychology and
(12:34):
neuroplasticity and energeticsand it's all very interesting to
me astrology, the whole thing.
I love learning about people,understanding people, seeing
where they're coming from.
It's helped me in my owninterpersonal relationships, but
I sometimes forget to focus onmy relationship with myself and
(12:55):
I'm so worried about otherpeople, and it's like, who's
worried about me?
Who's worried about my innerchild and healing her and
holding space for her, and itall comes back to accepting
people and leaving them wherethey're at, and I think that's
huge and understanding wheresomeone's coming from is not the
same as them working onthemselves or healing themselves
(13:17):
and people have to be consciousand willing to do the work and
willing to heal themselves andnot just like the spiritual
bypass stuff where you know,they're very into spirituality
but they're not doing like thedeep inner work and they're not
actually reprogramming limitingbeliefs.
They're not actuallyreprogramming blocks and they're
(13:38):
not actually going through thenitty gritty and then there's
people that are just trying tostay distracted and numb and
that's not good either.
That's not good for anybody Ithink sometimes you have to
decide if someone is doing thework on themselves.
with all of this, the mostimportant thing is setting
(13:58):
boundaries and setting standardsfor yourself, and I feel like
through this process of healingand, letting go of
relationships, reconnecting withpeople, old friends, making room
for new friends and newrelationships.
I think sometimes when you'refeeling ungrounded it's easy to
have wavering boundaries andhaving boundaries and setting
(14:19):
standards for yourself iseverything.
I think it's really easysometimes to get caught up in
where people are coming fromand, seeing who they are, seeing
their soul and the potential ofsomebody or getting stuck into a
certain timeline or narrativewith somebody because, who they
(14:41):
could be to you and who theycould be, if they healed
themselves or if they got thehelp that they needed and they
healed their childhood trauma,they healed their relationship
trauma, they healed theirintimacy issues, they healed x,
y, z, it's easy to get stuck inthose loops, but I think that's
a dangerous place to be becauseyou don't want to waste your
(15:06):
time and energy on somethingthat isn't reality and It can be
really painful to walk away froma friendship or a romantic
relationship or something thatdoesn't feel aligned but if
they're not willing to get thehelp or do the work on
(15:28):
themselves and have theseconscious conversations and
sometimes, you can even havethese really conscious
conversations with them and youcan both be on the same page,
but If the behavior doesn'tchange then It's really
challenging I think you have todetermine if something is
aligned or not, whether that'sfriendships, whether that's
(15:49):
romantic relationships, no one'sperfect.
Everyone has stuff that they'reworking through.
I think it just is for you todetermine, is this person
meeting my standards?
Is this person respecting myboundaries?
with friendships or romanticrelationships.
I think it's important to havethese conversations with
yourself and these consciousconversations with these people.
(16:13):
when you have to take action andwalk away is if, they can't see
outside their perspective or,the behavior doesn't change and
that's when you start to selfabandon for the sake of this
other person and that's what I'mtalking about.
you see the best in other peopleand you see the potential, but
(16:33):
who's holding space for you andyour inner child?
Who's protecting you and yourneeds?
I think with romanticrelationships especially, those
can be some of the mostdifficult and draining because,
Love is just such an intenseemotion and you see this person
and you see their soul and yousee who they could be and how
(16:54):
great they could be to you, butif they're not willing to do the
work and get the help that theyneed, then you're really just in
love with the potential or Theidea of this person or an old
version of this person that youfell in love with and it's not
reality and you don't want towaste your time waiting for them
(17:16):
to grow into themselves becausethat might not ever happen it
really goes for friendships orromantic relationships.
I think just seeing the signsand listening to them early on
before, it blows up down theroad and then it's like a huge
mess and a way bigger heartache.
(17:38):
and really at the end of theday, all we can control is our
response to people and ouractions and people treat us the
way that we allow them to andthe people that surround us are
the people that we allow andwhether that's business
relationships, friendships,romantic relationships, we set
(18:01):
the standard and if people wantto remain in our lives, they're
going to have to meet thatstandard and I think it's easy
sometimes to want to give peoplethe benefit of the doubt or, you
see where they're coming fromand you understand and so you're
like, okay, I'm making excusesfor them, rationalizing certain
(18:21):
behaviors but I think when youdo that, it's a slippery slope
because that sets a precedentand then it's easy to
rationalize it again and again,and then it changes the dynamic
of the relationship.
whether that's with friends orwhatever and then that leads to
resentment, that leads tomistrust, and eventually these
(18:44):
signs early on lead to thedownfall and the heartache in
the end and I think if weacknowledge, like really
acknowledge these early signsand have conscious conversations
in the beginning and set thestandard then, set the boundary,
and then if the behaviors don'tchange, then it's up to us to
(19:09):
walk away and move on or justtake a step back It's so hard to
do that, especially, when you'vebeen friends with this person
for years, you love this person,but you have to love yourself
first, whenever we move from aplace of deservingness and self
worth, the universe rewards us,and whenever we're moving from a
(19:32):
place of integrity, the rightpeople will be attracted to us,
and the right people will bealigned with us.
Everything is about energy, andwe're always vibrating at a
certain frequency.
And at one point, this personcame into your life because you
were vibrating at the samefrequency.
You were aligned and it doesn'tmean that you, aren't going to
(19:56):
be aligned again.
people are constantly growingand changing and people go
through stuff, like I'm notalways my most amazing self.
I fall off the deep endsometimes I spiral sometimes
and, those ride or die friendsare the ones that are there for
you.
The ones that are understandingthe ones that hold space for
you, but they're also the onesthat keep it real with you, keep
(20:18):
it 100 and I feel like if one ofmy friends, checks me like in a
very loving way and is Hey,what's going on with you?
Hey, blah, blah, blah, blah.
and hold space has compassion.
That's great.
That's amazing and that's areally great friend.
I feel like at the same timethough, when you start to have
less and less in common or youcan't even have those
(20:41):
conversations.
you don't feel like it's a safespace to have those
conversations.
That's, I think, when you needto look at the relationship and
maybe make a change or maybetake a step back and I think
sometimes that's a hardrealization, especially, if
you've been friends for a longtime or, you've been in a
relationship with this personfor a long time and I think just
(21:03):
taking stock of where you're atand what the communication is
like that's a huge factor ofwhether or not the relationship
is salvageable at that point orif, you're in a place where it's
even worth maintaining thatrelationship.
sometimes I will sit back andget some perspective and, I
(21:27):
think to myself, what am Ireally losing?
not what has this relationshipmeant to me and what has it
been, but what is it now?
Does this person treat me withrespect?
Do we have fun together?
Do we have alignedconversations?
Do we have aligned interests?
Do we want the same things outof life?
(21:50):
Are we growing together?
Do we have the same goals?
Whether someone's in my life asa friend, or a professional
relationship, or a romanticrelationship, we have to be
working towards a common goal.
We have to be making each otherbetter.
We have to be growing together.
We have to be growing in thesame direction.
(22:11):
And I feel like sometimes takinga step back and really being
honest with yourself about thatwill give you a lot of
perspective and it's okay, ifthis was an amazing friend or
this was an amazing partner orthis was an amazing professional
relationship for a really longtime.
If it no longer feels aligned,that's okay and you can just be
(22:36):
grateful for the experiencesthat you had and keep it moving.
Life is about expanding andgrowing and it is hard to say
goodbye to certainrelationships, certain
friendships, and it's amazingand it's rare, when people have
friendships or relationshipswith people for like 10, 20
years and they can just pick upwhere they left off and it's
(22:56):
amazing.
I feel like a big part of thatis there's different levels of
friendship there's differentlevels of relationships with
people and that's okay, too noteveryone needs to be a ride or
die friend.
There can be the friends thatyou know, you like to have
brunch with there's the friendsthat you like to go on vacations
with there's the friends thatyou like to go to concerts with
you like to go to dinner withthat's okay It's okay to have
(23:18):
different levels of friendship.
I've learned this a long timeago you don't need to have your
feelings for all the timebecause some friends are not
going to be everything to youand some people are not going to
be everything to you and reallynobody should be everything to
You have to be everything toyourself first and people have
different strengths and I lovethat.
That's what keeps lifeinteresting.
(23:39):
That's what keeps life fun, butI think when someone isn't
respecting your boundaries orthey're not adding to your life.
They're not adding value youthat's when you have to maybe
make a change and that's one ofthe more difficult parts of life
but that is just a part of lifeand I think no matter the
relationship just taking stockin what value they're bringing
(24:02):
to the table and what valuethey're bringing to your life is
so important and things changeand you might reconnect with
this person down the road andthat's amazing, that's great but
looking out for yourself andprotecting yourself and healing
yourself and taking care of yourside of the street is always
(24:24):
going to be number one.
You can't pour from an empty cupand you can't show up the best
for others when you're notshowing up the best for
yourself.
If you're around people thatdon't make you feel good, don't
make you feel like your highestself, how are you going to show
up the best for your friends?
How are you going to show up thebest for your partner?
that's just something I'mworking on and I'm realizing and
(24:47):
I think sometimes it's hard totalk about this kind of stuff
because, it doesn't feel goodwhen you feel unsure about where
certain people stand in yourlife and, if you made a mistake
letting people go but I think ifyou're always coming from a
place of integrity, a place ofself-worth, a place of
(25:09):
deservingness being like, no, Ideserve better.
I deserve to feel good.
thinking to yourself afteryou're with somebody after to
hang out with them.
Do I feel lit up or do I feeldrained?
And I think if you're honestwith yourself and you don't feel
lit up, You didn't make amistake and no matter what
anyone else's opinions are aboutthe situation, just staying true
(25:33):
to yourself and trusting yourown intuition and trusting that
the right people are going tofind you and that you're going
to find your group, you're goingto find your tribe, you're going
to find your family, andtrusting in yourself.
That's the most important.
that's really the only personthat needs to believe in you is
yourself.
Plenty of people in life aregoing to tell you, you're wrong
(25:54):
about something but as long asyou believe in yourself and what
you deserve, you can't lose.
I hope that this episode hasbeen helpful.
I'm sure I'll make a lot moreepisodes on surrendering and
trusting the universe andtrusting yourself, most
importantly and these are themesthat I'm sure will come up
again.
thank you guys so much forlistening.
(26:15):
I appreciate you and I hope thisepisode connected with some of
you.
It's definitely been somethingI've been struggling with
lately.
on every front.
On the relationship front, onthe friendship front.
the professional front.
It's a lot.
Life has been hitting me with alot lately, but these are always
when we learn our greatestlessons and we always have our
(26:37):
greatest moments of growth.
I've heard this before and I dobelieve it wholeheartedly that
the universe tests us the mostright before our biggest are
about to come through.
I know there's big things for meright around the corner and
having gratitude for all of it,the good, the bad, the ugly, the
(26:57):
challenging.
I welcome it all, so thank youguys until next time.
Bye.
Hey guys, thanks so much forlistening.
If you enjoyed today's episode,remember to comment, like, and
subscribe.
Share it with your friends.
It really does help me.
You can also go to my website atbecomingsunshine.
(27:19):
com and subscribe to mynewsletter.
You can support the podcastthere.
Thanks again.
I appreciate you guys so muchand we'll talk soon.
Bye!
Love is just such an intense emotion and you see this
person and you see their souland you see who they could be
and how great they could be toyou, but if they're not willing
to do the work and get the helpthat they need, then you're
really just in love with thepotential or The idea of this
person or an old version of thisperson that you fell in love
(00:24):
with and it's not reality andyou don't want to waste your
time waiting for them to growinto themselves because that
might not ever happen it reallygoes for friendships or romantic
relationships.
I think just seeing the signsand listening to them early on
before, it blows up down theroad and then it's like a huge
(00:48):
mess and a way bigger heartache.
Welcome to Becoming Sunshine.
For those of you that know me,you know that sunshine has been
an alias of mine for almost adecade now and sunshine also is
me becoming my highest self andthat's what this podcast is
about.
(01:09):
I'm here to help you understandyourself better and maybe learn
some more about myself along theway.
Thanks so much for joining me.
I'm excited.
Hey guys, it's Madeline.
So you'll have to forgive me.
My voice is a little bit raspytoday.
I've been feeling a little bitunder the weather.
Texas allergies are a thing.
(01:30):
They're crazy.
bear with me.
Lately, life has been serving melots of lessons.
The lessons have been lessening,and I feel like there's been a
lot of really similar themeslately and this whole year So at
the beginning of the year, Iasked the universe to basically
remove everything out of my lifeand everyone that wasn't aligned
(01:54):
In order to make space foreverything that I was calling in
I really want to make somechanges this year.
I'm in the midst of my saturnreturn.
I just feel like I had so manygoals and I finally knew what I
wanted to do and I had an ideaof the path to take me there and
I just wanted the universe tohelp guide me and give me the
little push that I needed andthe growing pains have been
(02:19):
real.
I went through a lot offriendship breakups at the
beginning of the year and Idon't think friendship breakups
are something that people talkabout as much as they should.
I feel like there's so much outthere on TikTok, Instagram.
There's so many books.
There's so much literature onromantic relationships and those
(02:39):
breakups, and of course that's acompletely different type of
heartbreak and I think it'snecessary to have so many more
resources, but friendshipbreakups are just as hard
sometimes, if not worse,especially If, these people have
been in your life for a reallylong time or these connections
really meant a lot to you, evenif it was at a time in your life
(03:03):
that, maybe you're not in thesame place anymore, it's still
hard and in my case, I wasfriends with this group of girls
for probably the past six yearsor so and, It was really
difficult because for a longtime I felt like we all were cut
(03:23):
from the same cloth and foundeach other and built this little
family, this sisterhood of girlsand, realizing that wasn't
something that, was gonna stayin my life was really
challenging.
it was really difficult, butwhen I think about it, there
were a lot of little signs overthe years.
(03:45):
little red flags, maybe pinkflags, maybe orange flags.
little things over the yearsthat I rationalized in order to
maintain the friendship.
I made excuses for, and some ofthat was, from convenience and I
also just think we attachourselves to certain outcomes
and certain narratives and wetrick ourselves into believing
(04:07):
certain things in order tomaintain those narratives and
those timelines for ourselves,but I think some of the lessons
I've been forced to learnrecently that.
If we just paid attention tothose early signs, we could save
ourselves a lot of heartache andtime down the road, but I mean,
it's okay.
(04:27):
We learn lessons, when we'resupposed to, and I just feel
like listening to red flags orseeing the signs, recognizing
the signs, trusting ourintuition, and just accepting
people and leaving them wherethey're at Those have been some
of the biggest lessons I'velearned recently.
(04:49):
people grow and people changeand it's okay, for not growing
together.
Things don't feel as aligned asthey used to.
I feel like the conversationstarted to change, our interests
started to change.
the things that were importantto me weren't as important to
some of those people and we justhad different goals and that's
(05:10):
okay and I feel like to beingable to see outside your
perspective is important, and Ifeel like sometimes people
struggle with that.
They can't see outside of theirperspective and that's okay.
it's been challenging and hardand, maybe down the road things,
will be aligned again, but Ithink just taking stock of what
(05:35):
something was and what somethingmeant to you and being grateful
for that and moving forward withgrace for everybody is really
the best way to be.
It's crazy this fallout happenedearlier in the year and it was
really hard and then I feel likea lot of the lessons I've
learned since then have beensmaller little, reflections of
(05:58):
this lesson.
the universe will, Keep sendingus the same lesson and it'll get
louder and louder until welisten.
in this circumstance Irationalize things and I let
things go for maybe a little bittoo long and then it eventually
blew up and maybe if I hadlistened or just created a
(06:20):
little bit more space andprepared myself for the
inevitable, wouldn't it came assuch a shock and it wouldn't
have been so challenging whenthe fallout did happen and since
so many people left my life,that had been a big part of my
life for a really long timealthough it's what I was asking
for from the universe, it'sstill hard and I think losing so
(06:43):
many of those relationships hasleft me feeling a little bit
ungrounded and I think whenwe're ungrounded, we don't
always make the best decisions.
We don't always use the bestjudgment maybe I've gone out a
little bit too much.
I put my faith in the wrongpeople or trusted people when I
(07:03):
shouldn't have and there's beenmore little lessons, since then,
and now I feel like wheneversomething's not aligned, or, I
don't trust my intuition, orthere's that little voice that
says oh hey, this maybe isn'tthe best situation, this isn't
the best person and I don'tlisten to it, it blows up so
(07:25):
much faster and, theconsequences and the
repercussions are so muchfaster, and I'm like, okay.
recently, in, my professionallife, a friend of mine, we were,
working with somebody and Ididn't have the best feeling
about them.
I was like, oh, I don't know ifwe should trust this person and
(07:49):
she vouched for him.
and this is like a newer friendso again, it's like, whose
judgment are we trusting?
and I feel like trusting yourown intuition and judgment is
always best, but again, it'seasy to want to believe certain
narratives.
it's easy to want to believethat things are going to work
out, and in the end, we justwasted a bunch of time and lost
(08:09):
a bunch of money and it was veryfrustrating and it's a difficult
lesson to learn but again, If Ihad listened to my own intuition
and I'm like, okay, this is nota situation that we need to be
involved in or this isn't aperson we need to be involved
with we could have savedourselves a lot of time it is
what it is and like podcastbefore sometimes you have to run
(08:34):
into the fire and sometimes youhave to learn lessons over and
over until it clicks and that'sokay I got this advice from
somebody close to me and it'sgreat advice and basically she
was saying, she gave me a bighug and she was like, listen,
all you can really do is controlwhat you can control and that's
your reactions, your emotions,you can't control what other
(08:56):
people do or what their healingis like.
you can only take responsibilityfor yourself.
I think a big part of that isrecognizing situations for what
they are and not what you wantthem to be and accepting that
and moving accordingly.
I feel like surrender is anotherreally important theme in my
(09:20):
life and sometimes it'schallenging to surrender and let
things be what they're gonna beand leave people where they're
at, but you really can't controlwhat other people do.
You can control how they affectyou, you can control the people
in your life, you can controlwho has access to you and
(09:43):
unfortunately, people are goingto let you down, and they're
going to disappoint you, andthat's just a part of life, and
this episode doesn't need to belike, super sad or debbie
downer.
It's just, sometimes when peoplelet you down, it's like, okay,
let me take ownership of thisyou know, sometimes it's out of
your control and you trustpeople and you put faith in
(10:04):
people and they let you down andpeople are human, it's not
always malicious, but sometimes,it is maybe because you engaged
in a situation or with a personthat quite frankly was a little
bit beneath you.
That's okay, we make mistakes,we're human, we go through shit,
(10:25):
and that's okay.
I'm very intuitive and I feellike a big part of this for me
is reading energetics and I feellike I see situations and I see
people very clearly and on adeeper level, maybe even more
consciously than they seethemselves, and so if I see,
someone's behavior and the waythey move, and I see where
(10:46):
they're operating from, whetherthat's a place of wounding, or
ego, or whatever.
I understand them, I understandwhere they're coming from, and
so, I feel like the need to staysometimes in this situation or,
I have a lot of compassion forwhere they're coming from and I
(11:07):
give them a lot of grace, but atthe same time, that doesn't mean
I deserve whatever outcome orwhatever they're bringing, if
someone's behavior isdisrespectful or if their
behavior is not moving out ofintegrity or a way that's
aligned and just because Iunderstand where they're coming
(11:28):
from doesn't mean I need tostick around and that's not
always the case, it depends onwhat this person means to me or,
what I want out of thesituation.
I think sometimes again, I wanta certain outcome, whether or
not it's realistic.
I like to stay de lulusometimes, I think we all do,
but it's just at the end of theday, who's looking out for my
(11:50):
inner child?
and when you think about it fromthat perspective, I think I
would move a lot differently.
I think I would leave people andsituations a lot faster.
it's good to be compassionateand have sympathy and be
understanding and see outside ofyour own perspective, but It's
like, why am I so concerned withtaking care of others and
(12:12):
holding space for others?
Who's holding space for me andmy inner child?
it's crazy how many things inadulthood, how many themes in
adulthood come back to healingour inner child, and connecting
with ourselves is really justconnecting and healing our inner
child.
I just, love learning aboutanthropology and psychology and
(12:34):
neuroplasticity and energeticsand it's all very interesting to
me astrology, the whole thing.
I love learning about people,understanding people, seeing
where they're coming from.
It's helped me in my owninterpersonal relationships, but
I sometimes forget to focus onmy relationship with myself and
(12:55):
I'm so worried about otherpeople, and it's like, who's
worried about me?
Who's worried about my innerchild and healing her and
holding space for her, and itall comes back to accepting
people and leaving them wherethey're at, and I think that's
huge and understanding wheresomeone's coming from is not the
same as them working onthemselves or healing themselves
(13:17):
and people have to be consciousand willing to do the work and
willing to heal themselves andnot just like the spiritual
bypass stuff where you know,they're very into spirituality
but they're not doing like thedeep inner work and they're not
actually reprogramming limitingbeliefs.
They're not actuallyreprogramming blocks and they're
(13:38):
not actually going through thenitty gritty and then there's
people that are just trying tostay distracted and numb and
that's not good either.
That's not good for anybody Ithink sometimes you have to
decide if someone is doing thework on themselves.
with all of this, the mostimportant thing is setting
(13:58):
boundaries and setting standardsfor yourself, and I feel like
through this process of healingand, letting go of
relationships, reconnecting withpeople, old friends, making room
for new friends and newrelationships.
I think sometimes when you'refeeling ungrounded it's easy to
have wavering boundaries andhaving boundaries and setting
(14:19):
standards for yourself iseverything.
I think it's really easysometimes to get caught up in
where people are coming fromand, seeing who they are, seeing
their soul and the potential ofsomebody or getting stuck into a
certain timeline or narrativewith somebody because, who they
(14:41):
could be to you and who theycould be, if they healed
themselves or if they got thehelp that they needed and they
healed their childhood trauma,they healed their relationship
trauma, they healed theirintimacy issues, they healed x,
y, z, it's easy to get stuck inthose loops, but I think that's
a dangerous place to be becauseyou don't want to waste your
(15:06):
time and energy on somethingthat isn't reality and It can be
really painful to walk away froma friendship or a romantic
relationship or something thatdoesn't feel aligned but if
they're not willing to get thehelp or do the work on
(15:28):
themselves and have theseconscious conversations and
sometimes, you can even havethese really conscious
conversations with them and youcan both be on the same page,
but If the behavior doesn'tchange then It's really
challenging I think you have todetermine if something is
aligned or not, whether that'sfriendships, whether that's
(15:49):
romantic relationships, no one'sperfect.
Everyone has stuff that they'reworking through.
I think it just is for you todetermine, is this person
meeting my standards?
Is this person respecting myboundaries?
with friendships or romanticrelationships.
I think it's important to havethese conversations with
yourself and these consciousconversations with these people.
(16:13):
when you have to take action andwalk away is if, they can't see
outside their perspective or,the behavior doesn't change and
that's when you start to selfabandon for the sake of this
other person and that's what I'mtalking about.
you see the best in other peopleand you see the potential, but
(16:33):
who's holding space for you andyour inner child?
Who's protecting you and yourneeds?
I think with romanticrelationships especially, those
can be some of the mostdifficult and draining because,
Love is just such an intenseemotion and you see this person
and you see their soul and yousee who they could be and how
(16:54):
great they could be to you, butif they're not willing to do the
work and get the help that theyneed, then you're really just in
love with the potential or Theidea of this person or an old
version of this person that youfell in love with and it's not
reality and you don't want towaste your time waiting for them
(17:16):
to grow into themselves becausethat might not ever happen it
really goes for friendships orromantic relationships.
I think just seeing the signsand listening to them early on
before, it blows up down theroad and then it's like a huge
mess and a way bigger heartache.
(17:38):
and really at the end of theday, all we can control is our
response to people and ouractions and people treat us the
way that we allow them to andthe people that surround us are
the people that we allow andwhether that's business
relationships, friendships,romantic relationships, we set
(18:01):
the standard and if people wantto remain in our lives, they're
going to have to meet thatstandard and I think it's easy
sometimes to want to give peoplethe benefit of the doubt or, you
see where they're coming fromand you understand and so you're
like, okay, I'm making excusesfor them, rationalizing certain
(18:21):
behaviors but I think when youdo that, it's a slippery slope
because that sets a precedentand then it's easy to
rationalize it again and again,and then it changes the dynamic
of the relationship.
whether that's with friends orwhatever and then that leads to
resentment, that leads tomistrust, and eventually these
(18:44):
signs early on lead to thedownfall and the heartache in
the end and I think if weacknowledge, like really
acknowledge these early signsand have conscious conversations
in the beginning and set thestandard then, set the boundary,
and then if the behaviors don'tchange, then it's up to us to
(19:09):
walk away and move on or justtake a step back It's so hard to
do that, especially, when you'vebeen friends with this person
for years, you love this person,but you have to love yourself
first, whenever we move from aplace of deservingness and self
worth, the universe rewards us,and whenever we're moving from a
(19:32):
place of integrity, the rightpeople will be attracted to us,
and the right people will bealigned with us.
Everything is about energy, andwe're always vibrating at a
certain frequency.
And at one point, this personcame into your life because you
were vibrating at the samefrequency.
You were aligned and it doesn'tmean that you, aren't going to
(19:56):
be aligned again.
people are constantly growingand changing and people go
through stuff, like I'm notalways my most amazing self.
I fall off the deep endsometimes I spiral sometimes
and, those ride or die friendsare the ones that are there for
you.
The ones that are understandingthe ones that hold space for
you, but they're also the onesthat keep it real with you, keep
(20:18):
it 100 and I feel like if one ofmy friends, checks me like in a
very loving way and is Hey,what's going on with you?
Hey, blah, blah, blah, blah.
and hold space has compassion.
That's great.
That's amazing and that's areally great friend.
I feel like at the same timethough, when you start to have
less and less in common or youcan't even have those
(20:41):
conversations.
you don't feel like it's a safespace to have those
conversations.
That's, I think, when you needto look at the relationship and
maybe make a change or maybetake a step back and I think
sometimes that's a hardrealization, especially, if
you've been friends for a longtime or, you've been in a
relationship with this personfor a long time and I think just
(21:03):
taking stock of where you're atand what the communication is
like that's a huge factor ofwhether or not the relationship
is salvageable at that point orif, you're in a place where it's
even worth maintaining thatrelationship.
sometimes I will sit back andget some perspective and, I
(21:27):
think to myself, what am Ireally losing?
not what has this relationshipmeant to me and what has it
been, but what is it now?
Does this person treat me withrespect?
Do we have fun together?
Do we have alignedconversations?
Do we have aligned interests?
Do we want the same things outof life?
(21:50):
Are we growing together?
Do we have the same goals?
Whether someone's in my life asa friend, or a professional
relationship, or a romanticrelationship, we have to be
working towards a common goal.
We have to be making each otherbetter.
We have to be growing together.
We have to be growing in thesame direction.
(22:11):
And I feel like sometimes takinga step back and really being
honest with yourself about thatwill give you a lot of
perspective and it's okay, ifthis was an amazing friend or
this was an amazing partner orthis was an amazing professional
relationship for a really longtime.
If it no longer feels aligned,that's okay and you can just be
(22:36):
grateful for the experiencesthat you had and keep it moving.
Life is about expanding andgrowing and it is hard to say
goodbye to certainrelationships, certain
friendships, and it's amazingand it's rare, when people have
friendships or relationshipswith people for like 10, 20
years and they can just pick upwhere they left off and it's
(22:56):
amazing.
I feel like a big part of thatis there's different levels of
friendship there's differentlevels of relationships with
people and that's okay, too noteveryone needs to be a ride or
die friend.
There can be the friends thatyou know, you like to have
brunch with there's the friendsthat you like to go on vacations
with there's the friends thatyou like to go to concerts with
you like to go to dinner withthat's okay It's okay to have
(23:18):
different levels of friendship.
I've learned this a long timeago you don't need to have your
feelings for all the timebecause some friends are not
going to be everything to youand some people are not going to
be everything to you and reallynobody should be everything to
You have to be everything toyourself first and people have
different strengths and I lovethat.
That's what keeps lifeinteresting.
(23:39):
That's what keeps life fun, butI think when someone isn't
respecting your boundaries orthey're not adding to your life.
They're not adding value youthat's when you have to maybe
make a change and that's one ofthe more difficult parts of life
but that is just a part of lifeand I think no matter the
relationship just taking stockin what value they're bringing
(24:02):
to the table and what valuethey're bringing to your life is
so important and things changeand you might reconnect with
this person down the road andthat's amazing, that's great but
looking out for yourself andprotecting yourself and healing
yourself and taking care of yourside of the street is always
(24:24):
going to be number one.
You can't pour from an empty cupand you can't show up the best
for others when you're notshowing up the best for
yourself.
If you're around people thatdon't make you feel good, don't
make you feel like your highestself, how are you going to show
up the best for your friends?
How are you going to show up thebest for your partner?
that's just something I'mworking on and I'm realizing and
(24:47):
I think sometimes it's hard totalk about this kind of stuff
because, it doesn't feel goodwhen you feel unsure about where
certain people stand in yourlife and, if you made a mistake
letting people go but I think ifyou're always coming from a
place of integrity, a place ofself-worth, a place of
(25:09):
deservingness being like, no, Ideserve better.
I deserve to feel good.
thinking to yourself afteryou're with somebody after to
hang out with them.
Do I feel lit up or do I feeldrained?
And I think if you're honestwith yourself and you don't feel
lit up, You didn't make amistake and no matter what
anyone else's opinions are aboutthe situation, just staying true
(25:33):
to yourself and trusting yourown intuition and trusting that
the right people are going tofind you and that you're going
to find your group, you're goingto find your tribe, you're going
to find your family, andtrusting in yourself.
That's the most important.
that's really the only personthat needs to believe in you is
yourself.
Plenty of people in life aregoing to tell you, you're wrong
(25:54):
about something but as long asyou believe in yourself and what
you deserve, you can't lose.
I hope that this episode hasbeen helpful.
I'm sure I'll make a lot moreepisodes on surrendering and
trusting the universe andtrusting yourself, most
importantly and these are themesthat I'm sure will come up
again.
thank you guys so much forlistening.
(26:15):
I appreciate you and I hope thisepisode connected with some of
you.
It's definitely been somethingI've been struggling with
lately.
on every front.
On the relationship front, onthe friendship front.
the professional front.
It's a lot.
Life has been hitting me with alot lately, but these are always
when we learn our greatestlessons and we always have our
(26:37):
greatest moments of growth.
I've heard this before and I dobelieve it wholeheartedly that
the universe tests us the mostright before our biggest are
about to come through.
I know there's big things for meright around the corner and
having gratitude for all of it,the good, the bad, the ugly, the
(26:57):
challenging.
I welcome it all, so thank youguys until next time.
Bye.
Hey guys, thanks so much forlistening.
If you enjoyed today's episode,remember to comment, like, and
subscribe.
Share it with your friends.
It really does help me.
You can also go to my website atbecomingsunshine.
(27:19):
com and subscribe to mynewsletter.
You can support the podcastthere.
Thanks again.
I appreciate you guys so muchand we'll talk soon.
Bye!
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.