March 3, 2025 • 43 mins
Does your teen have an unhealthy relationship with food? Want to learn some tips for nurturing and teaching your teen some heathy eating habits? Join Dr. Amy and Sandy on this episode of the Brainy Moms podcasts as they interview Claire Ketchum, the innovator of the Peaceful Eating Method. Drawing from her own challenges with yo-yo dieting, Claire joins us to illuminate pathways for teens to develop positive body images and sustainable eating patterns. Together, we delve into the reasons why teens fall into unhealthy eating cycles and how parents can intervene with compassion and insight, fostering self-confidence and well-being without triggering defensiveness.
Dive into practical parenting strategies as we address teen stress and its impact on eating habits. We unpack the importance of identifying stressors, whether they stem from school, home, or social encounters, and how these can affect eating behaviors. Learn about effective techniques like the emotional freedom technique that can help manage stress and promote healthier habits. This discussion also touches on the delicate issue of self-esteem, especially for female teens, and how parents can model a healthy relationship with food to guide their children subtly.
Through empowering tools like positive self-talk, Claire offers strategies to help teens cultivate a resilient self-image. We explore how parents can encourage this growth by fostering open communication and collaborative decision-making about food choices. Uncover the challenges of immediate gratification and its influence on teens, as well as how structured habit shifts can lead to lasting lifestyle changes. Together, we provide a roadmap for parents and teens to break free from the dieting cycle and embrace healthier, more balanced lives.
Here’s a recap of what we talked about on this episode:
• Recognizing the impact of stress on eating habits
• The critical mother-daughter dynamic regarding body image
• Tools for initiating conversations about food
• Strategies for modeling a healthy relationship with food
• Addressing the influence of social media on body image
• Techniques for combating negative self-talk
• Claire's programs for parents and teens
• Encouragement for parents to embrace change and modeling behaviors
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Dr. Amy Moore (00:00):
Hi smart moms and dads, welcome to another
episode of the Brainy Momspodcast brought to you today by
LearningRx Brain TrainingCenters.
I'm Dr Amy Moore here withSandy Zamalis, and Sandy and I
are going to have a conversationwith our guest, Claire Ketchum.
Claire is the founder of thePeaceful Eating Method and
Healthy Habits Coaching forTeens.
She's a certified health coachthrough the Institute of
(00:23):
Integrative Nutrition, acertified transformational
nutrition coach through theInstitute of Transformative
Nutrition, and she holds abachelor's degree in psychology
and a master's in education.
She's on a mission to teachmoms how to help their teens
maintain a feel-good weight andpositive body image in school
and beyond, so they never yo-yodiet and always feel confident
(00:45):
and happy in their own skin.
So let's welcome Claire Ketchum.
Hello, hello, hi, ClaireWelcome.
Claire Ketchum (00:55):
Thank you, good to be here, yeah good to have
you here.
Dr. Amy Moore (01:01):
We're focusing our entire season five on tweens
and teens, and we know thatfood is a big deal.
Claire Ketchum (01:12):
Yeah.
Dr. Amy Moore (01:13):
Yeah, with that age group, especially with girls
, and just excited to dig in andhave a conversation with you on
how to help establish somehealthier relationships with
food in the tween and teen years.
And I want to talk about thatmother-daughter dynamic when it
comes to food too, so that momsdon't pass on some of their own
(01:36):
struggles Exactly, especially ifthey're currently still
struggling with it, which somemoms are.
I would say a large percentageare right, even if it's not
disordered eating, oh right.
No, most women have someunhealthy thought patterns when
it comes to weight.
Sandy Zamalis (01:53):
Claire, why don't you share with our listeners a
little bit more about who youare and what you're passionate
about?
Claire Ketchum (01:59):
Sure.
So I am a transformationalhealth coach and I help moms who
are in that place where they'reworried about some of the
patterns and habits that they'reseeing their teens adopt and
they don't really know how toapproach it or help them with it
and they're maybe worried aboutthat they're developing an
unhealthy relationship with foodor maybe they're eating too
(02:20):
much junk food or whatever theymight be worried about and they
don't know how to approach it.
And so I help moms bridge thatgap with their teens and how to
approach that and help them makebetter choices for themselves.
Dr. Amy Moore (02:33):
And what made you focus on that?
Claire Ketchum (02:37):
So when I was in college, that's when I first
started gaining weight and I haddeveloped the habit of any time
I was stressed out or had a lotgoing on, I would eat a ton of
candy, and so that was just mygo-to habit.
And so when I gained weight, Itried to diet, and I was always
super unsuccessful because Ialways went back to that habit
(02:58):
of eating cookies or candy orbrownies or whatever, and I just
couldn't break that.
And so I spent 20 years dieting,really to weigh almost the same
amount of weight and it was alot of, but it was such a huge
part of my focus all the time.
And so when I was introduced toa different way, I became
really passionate about sharing,like how just not to be stuck
(03:19):
in this constant yo cycle allthe time.
And at the time I was workingin a middle school with
teenagers, and so I was and Iworked one-on-one with them so I
could nudge them and I let themmeet in my classroom, depending
on what time their class was,and so I would nonchalantly tell
them you really shouldn't bedrinking Gatorade at 930 in the
morning, like that's not greatfor you.
(03:40):
And so I started that way, andthen, as I became more
passionate about it, Ieventually left the classroom
and started working with teensfull time and teach them how to
change those habits.
Dr. Amy Moore (03:54):
Do you find that teens are more difficult to
change habit patterns with thanadults, or is there more
resistance to change?
Claire Ketchum (04:08):
I have found, because when I first started
working with teens, I workedwith all sorts of reasons why,
and so now I mostly focus onteens who have gotten to the
point where they are feelinguncomfortable in their own skin
and they want to lose weight andthat's a goal for the teen
specifically and so those teensare want to work with me and are
(04:30):
very open to my suggestions.
And the teens who I worked withwho were more anxious and
nervous and that's why theparents hired me they were very
resistant to working with me.
I didn't know what I wastalking about, I was like, and
that was always what I got fromthem.
And so I decided that, sincereally the reason why I got into
health coaching was to helpteens never become yo-yo dieters
(04:54):
and save people from doing whatI did for 20 years, that I was
going to more focus on thatspecific, because those teens
were really open to making thechange that they needed to
change in order to be consistentwith what they said they wanted
to do.
Sandy Zamalis (05:09):
It sounds like you're really more
education-focused andhabit-building focused.
So where do you start withthese conversations?
Is it more in that habit realm?
You talked about identifyingtriggers like eating just
because we're nervous or anxious.
Where do you start with thosekids?
Claire Ketchum (05:27):
So I always start with explaining to them
why they gravitate towards food,and so I explain that as being
stuck in the chronic stress loop, and so they'll have some sort
of a stressor.
And I go through the types ofdifferent stressors because
people think of stress as justbeing anxious or nervous.
But it can really be somethingthat maybe you have daily stress
(05:49):
, like you got stuff in trafficand you're late for school and
that stresses you out.
And or then you could havesomething maybe going on with a
friend that's making you feelexcluded or like you don't fit
in, or maybe you feel rejectedor lonely and things like.
So that can activate the stressresponse.
Also, you could be having astressful emotion, so you could
(06:11):
just be feeling really on edgeor sad, depressed, and that's
going to activate this.
It's all related to stress.
Or you could have somethinggoing on in your family.
Maybe someone in your family issick, or maybe you're moving,
or your family's going through adivorce.
So all of these things activatethe stress response and it
doesn't really matter if it'ssomeone made a side remark in
(06:34):
the cafeteria or your parentsare getting divorced, like
they're all activating thestress response and they all
activate the same pattern, andso once the stress response is
activated, they have to havesome way to reduce that stress.
And if their go-to way hasalways been to eat something,
then if they continue to do thatthroughout 13 years, then
(06:55):
they'll likely continue to do itinto their adulthood.
And so I explain that all ofthese little things can trigger
them to eat food.
And so it's not really abouthaving self-control, it's really
about understanding how to keepthemselves out of that chronic
stress loop, because once thatstress gets activated, their
thought patterns will startsabotaging with I'm a loser, I'm
(07:17):
fat, I'm ugly, everybody hatesme.
And the brain's just naturaltendency is to calm that stress
response.
And if food's the fastest waythat their brain knows how to do
it, it's going to drive themtowards those behaviors over and
over and over again, and that'show they develop into emotional
and stress eaters that lead tounwanted manifestations later.
(07:38):
I mean it might not be in highschool Some, for some it is, for
some it's not.
But usually the teens I workwith have been seeing those
negative consequences of theirchoices, and that's why they
want to work with me Teens whoaren't seeing the negative
consequences.
I wouldn't necessarily seethose kids going to help me feel
better.
Where does that initial?
Dr. Amy Moore (08:09):
behavior come from?
Is it instinct?
Where does that pattern start?
Claire Ketchum (08:16):
Well, I think it's what you fall into and it
might be what I think it'snatural for you.
Some teens don't necessarilygravitate towards food.
Some might go and shop online.
Some people might zone out infront of a screen, some teens
might pick fights with theirparents or their friends and
that sort of being in that angeris a way for them to feel like
(08:40):
they have control.
So it's just a way of havingcontrol.
But food's just a really easything for teens to have access
to.
I think that when I was growingup, food was the main one, and
now there's.
You know, online shoppingwasn't a thing.
Video games, the phone, likethat, all wasn't a thing for us
growing up.
So I think there's more optionsfor teens and so maybe that's
(09:02):
why the less.
But some have, some do, all ofthem some online shop and zone
out on screens and eat like theypick and choose, you know.
So it's really just.
I think it's just sort of anatural gravitation and it might
also have sometimes it has todo with access natural
inclination to cravings.
(09:23):
Some people just have morecravings than others in general,
just naturally I would say it'sfrom birth.
Sandy Zamalis (09:28):
Really, gosh, you cry.
What do you?
What does the first thing?
Mom tries toddler.
First thing.
Let's have a snack, are you?
Claire Ketchum (09:35):
let's make sure we're not hungry or just how
your parents dealt with thingslike oh you're sad, like let's
make some cookies, like it's notnecessarily Because it's a
great.
Actually it is a great way toreduce stress because it works.
It makes us feel happier.
But in the long term, if youhave all these unwanted
consequences, then it turns intoa negative.
(09:56):
So it can be positive, justlike watching a show can be
relaxing, but if you're watchingfive hours of TV and not doing
your homework, then all of asudden it's not relaxing.
It's something that's become aproblem.
So there's a fine line betweenit being something that's really
helpful and then something thatturns into a crutch eventually.
But I mean, I personally grewup in a family where if there
(10:19):
was dessert in the house, it wasmaybe there for 24 hours, and
so there was this concept thatif you didn't eat it, you
weren't getting any, not anyother food, just like cookies
and ice cream and things likethat.
So that was the environmentthat I grew up in, and whereas
if you don't grow in anenvironment like that, then
maybe you wouldn't be asinclined to oh, it's in the
(10:41):
house.
I need to finish the wholething.
Dr. Amy Moore (10:43):
So do you start with vultures onto the sugar?
Sandy Zamalis (10:47):
Yeah, exactly.
So.
Do you start with like why?
Questions Like why are youeating right now?
Are you trying to get them tostart thinking through those
habits for themselves so thatthey can isolate those thoughts
of am I eating out of boredom?
Am I eating out of anxiety?
Am I hungry, what else can I do?
Kinds of questions Am I eatingout of anxiety?
Am I hungry, what else can I do?
Claire Ketchum (11:08):
Kinds of questions.
So what I is?
I actually have a stress,something called a stress
inventory that I do with theteens during their first
coaching session, and so whatthat is, I will just go through
their whole life and ask themwhat are some things that are
stressing you out, like, how isyour school, how is your home,
how is your social life?
Are stressing you out Like howis your school, how is your home
, how is your social life, howdo you feel?
Sometimes teens feel pressuredby their parents to be thin, and
(11:30):
that's causing them a lot ofstress.
Maybe they are feeling reallyinsecure about their friendships
, and so I start there.
So I take an inventory and wefigure out what are their
current top stressors and thenwe work on habits based on what
they are actually stressed outabout right now, because if
someone's parents are gettingdivorced, they're probably not
(11:51):
as concerned about other things,that's probably.
And so it's like how do youmake them feel more in control
about that and what are somethings you could put into place
to make them have strategies toreduce stress when things feel
out of control for them?
That doesn't involve themeating, and so it really depends
what's going on and how they'reresponding to stress currently.
Dr. Amy Moore (12:13):
You said that you have the most success with
teens who want to be there, whoare saying, hey, I'm struggling
with my weight or I'm noticingthat I've developed these bad
habits related to food and so Iwant help.
What do you do or what advicedo you have for moms who are
concerned that their teen hasdeveloped some unhealthy eating
(12:35):
patterns, who maybe has gainedweight?
But you don't want to make kidsfeel bad about themselves but
at the same time, you want tohelp them develop healthier
eating patterns.
What's your advice to moms onhow to even approach that?
Claire Ketchum (12:48):
I really ask would encourage moms to do
exactly what I do is to explainthat they're stuck in this
chronic stress loop and helpthem see that it's not because
they have no control or theyhave no willpower, but it's
actually these patterns arebeing established by the stress
response and that, and thenhelping them figure out what
(13:09):
their stressors are anddeveloping the habits.
And so I do have a guide forparents to help them walk
through that with their teens sothat they can develop, help
their teens figure out whatworks best for them.
Dr. Amy Moore (13:21):
But what does that even initial conversation
sound like?
Right, like I would, I have allboys.
I didn't walk through thisissue with my own children, but
I would think that, especiallywith girls, you would have a
little bit of anxiety aboutopening the conversation for the
very first time.
Right, because you don't wantto hurt your child's feelings,
(13:41):
you don't want to make them feelbad about themselves, but you
do want to share your concernand help them.
So what does that firstsentence even sound?
Claire Ketchum (13:50):
like, if a teen isn't reaching out about it,
like, how does a parent approachit?
I think the best way toapproach it if your teen isn't
coming to you about a concern isI'm noticing that you're doing
this and I would like to have aconversation with you about the
underlying root cause of whyyou're doing that.
(14:12):
And some teens will be open tothat conversation and some teens
will 100% not be open to thatconversation.
And because parents can sayexactly the same thing that I
would say and the reaction couldbe completely different from a
teen to the parent than tosomeone like me who because I
think teens will very often feelvery judged by parents, no
(14:35):
matter what.
And so if you feel like thatconversation, like your teen
would not be open to thatconversation, then I don't think
it's helpful to have thatconversation.
Be open to that conversation,then I don't think it's helpful
to have that conversation.
I think the best route for aparent would be just to model
having a healthy relationshipwith food and to them and be a
role model so that, as they grow, instead of seeing, wow, mom
(14:59):
had a bad day at work and she'scoming home and she ate a whole
bag of Doritos.
They're not seeing you do thatand they're not seeing you
criticize yourself all the timein the mirror and things like
that.
So you are developing that andyou're modeling it so that for
me, growing up, eating 20cookies was normal in my
household.
(15:19):
There was nothing wrong withthat in my head Not that I
should have been shamed for itbut also, I don't know, maybe
not the best thing.
So it's just violating whatactually a healthy relationship
with food is.
I guess I eat these things, butI also don't gorge on them or
use them in a way that'sunhealthy, and sometimes it's
more of a backdoor approach forparents.
Just every teen is so different.
Sandy Zamalis (15:40):
It's so tricky.
It's just so tricky because,especially as females, our
self-esteem is tied in sotightly to our weight and all of
those things.
So, even having thoseconversations, I was thinking,
as you were sharing what aparent should do that it might
be beneficial for that parent togo through the checklist for
themselves and then process outloud or verbalize that process
(16:05):
for themselves as they'relearning new stress-relieving
tactics right as part of themodeling, because you can't just
model Modeling doesn't alwayswork because people have to be
paying attention.
But if you could verbalize thatprocess, oh gosh, I'm feeling
out and I just want to eat a bagof Doritos, but I think I'm
gonna go walk.
Claire Ketchum (16:27):
Exactly, and when I started doing it, my kids
I actually had my son like soone of my favorite techniques to
reduce stress, because that'sone of the so one of I have five
healthy habit shifts that Ihave teens make and one of them
is just to have go to ways toreduce stress when it comes up
like throughout the day.
So that's one of the things Ialways work on with teens, and
(16:49):
so the emotional freedomtechnique, or tapping, was one
of my personal favorites and myson one time said to me like mom
, I think you need to go do sometapping right now.
And he, literally, because hesaw me doing it, he obviously
could tell that I was being away nicer mom.
So he was like, yeah, mom,you're out of here.
I was like, yeah, good call,tobes, I'm out of here.
And I went and tapped and Ifelt much better.
(17:10):
But having those strategiesthat you're like, wow, I'm
feeling really tense, I'mfeeling this urge, and that's
another thing that can be reallyhelpful.
It's like these urges to eatare just a signal that something
has set you off and if you canfigure what that is and calm and
deal with that, that can be areally helpful strategy in
general.
Dr. Amy Moore (17:29):
Right by asking yourself what is it that I'm
really feeling right now?
What is it that I really thinkI want right now?
Because it isn't necessarilyfood.
Claire Ketchum (17:37):
Exactly and figuring that out and having
ways to calm yourself so thatyou even have the space to ask
yourself that question, becausesometimes we can just be so
reactive.
You could be mad and you'reshoving something in your mouth
before you even realize it.
But once you become aware,you're like, wow, I see myself
doing that.
And sometimes it's after, likeat the beginning, sometimes
(18:00):
you're like you're doing it.
You're like, wow, that wasn'tgreat, I'm wondering what's
happening.
And you could still, you know,go back and say, ok, what
triggered me to do that?
And do you just get better atcatching yourself sooner and
sooner?
Dr. Amy Moore (18:12):
So I work with parents who get super frustrated
with the amount of junk foodthat their kids eat and I ask
them who buys it, and then theyhave this aha moment that yeah,
I buy it.
So if you have 14 bags ofDoritos and 12 packages of Oreos
(18:33):
in your pantry and then you'recomplaining that all your kid
eats all the time is junk food,then what are you doing to
contribute to healthy eating foryour kids?
And so what are your thoughtson curating choices that would
be appealing to teens?
Because teens they like sugarand salt?
Yeah, they all do.
(18:53):
Do you have conversations aboutit or do you just fill your
pantry with better options andhope for the best?
Claire Ketchum (19:00):
Or do you just fill your pantry with better
options and hope for the best?
I think the best approach is tohave a conversation with your
teen about what junk foods theyactually like and figure out
what are the things that youreally want and always have
those in the house.
And so, versus if they reallycheese it which my daughter was
(19:26):
a huge cheese a person, so wejust always had cheese it's but
we had sort of family guidelinesaround eating cheese it's like
you can't eat it in your bed,you can't eat it in front of a
screen, you have to put it in abowl, you can't eat it out of
the box.
And so just giving herparameters to how to eat
Cheez-Its in a healthy way,versus just gorging on them like
late at night when I wasn'taround, or saying she can't have
(19:47):
them, or not bringing them intothe house and then.
So what happens is when teensfeel like they are part of the
conversation, they are morelikely to make decisions.
They're like OK, I don'tactually want Cheez-Its all the
time, because now I can havethem all the time and I'm not
(20:08):
going to eat this.
I'm not going to eat 10 bags ofsomething that's quote unquote
healthier, that doesn't satisfythe craving and so it's just,
I'm going to honor them.
This is what I want.
I know it's not great for me.
And then along the line you cansay, okay, maybe you're eating
them five times a day, maybelet's try working only having
them three times a day.
What do you think about that?
Do you think that would workfor you?
(20:28):
And it's just having aconversation.
Again, if your teen is willingto have a conversation because
you don't want it to be a battleand that's like you just always
want to avoid it causingtension, but if your teen is
eating a box of Cheez-Its everysingle day, for an example, then
(20:49):
maybe it is time and they won'tlisten to you and they won't
have a conversation with you.
Then it probably would behelpful to get outside support
so that doesn't just become ahabit that they just bring into
adulthood with them.
Sandy Zamalis (21:01):
Weirdly in our house something that helped and
it goes back to your cakeexample that you shared earlier.
But for whatever reason, Ithink scarcity has a big issue
with some of this.
If mom brought home awesomesnacks and then you've got three
siblings and everybody's got,it's a fight for your right to
have the snacks.
(21:21):
When I found out that if Ipurchased things for my children
and put their name on it and itwas theirs and it wasn't
community property, they ate itwithout they tried to make it
last, they weren't binging andit showed up in silly things
like Easter candy, like.
(21:42):
I realized it when, like theyeach got their basket and I
thought they would gorge butthey didn't because that was
their basket and they weirdlyhad a competition to see who
could last longer and be like sosorry.
I do think that scarcity pieceplays a role.
If your daughter lovesCheez-Its no one can you have a
communal box of Cheez-Its, butthis is her box of Cheez-Its and
they have to last this amountof time, so you might want to
(22:05):
parse that out.
Claire Ketchum (22:06):
I think that's a good point, because my kids
like different things, so thatwas never a huge thing.
So my son was a pretzel, mydaughter was Cheez-Its.
If there was cookies orsomething, they both liked it.
But that's an interesting pointthat I hadn't really thought
about.
And a lot of the teens I workwith are at boarding school
because I live and work at aboarding school, so that's a lot
(22:27):
of the teens I work with are inthat environment.
And that's a very differentenvironment because you're not
dealing with siblings and reallyif you have food in your room,
it's your food, and then you'renavigating a dining hall.
And how do you navigate adining hall when there's lots of
choices and there's dessert allthe time and just having a
space where you're just you'retaking that pause and you're
(22:48):
making decisions based on whatyou actually want and you're
trusting yourself that I canmake decisions about what I
actually want right now and Iknow I can have it later and I
don't need to eat a snackautomatically just because
everybody else is eating a snackand because I'm not actually
hungry and maybe I'll have itlater.
And just having them start tohave those conversations with
(23:09):
themselves is so important aswell.
Sandy Zamalis (23:11):
I know for you in a boarding school situation too
, it really depends on whattheir life was like at home too,
how that shows up at theboarding school, because if
there was scarcity at home, thenhaving all of those options is
going to.
I think, of every freshman incollege, we always had the
freshman 15.
And depending on what yourrules were at home, you get to
college and all of a sudden youget whatever you want.
Anytime Bars open, you can getcereal three times a day, ice
(23:38):
cream bar, exactly.
They're just doing it a littleearlier, yeah, before they go to
high school and stay at home.
Yeah, but that mindset comeswith them right, so that when
they come to a boarding schoolsituation, they've got to
navigate that 100% 100%.
Claire Ketchum (23:53):
And the other thing that teens need to
navigate, besides just managingstress and managing the choices
that they're making, are puttingother things into place that
keep them out of the chronicstress loop, and so that's
another important part thatparents can help their teens do,
and if you want me to go overthose as well, I can Absolutely.
(24:14):
Let's do it.
Okay, the other so we talkedabout having strategies to
reduce stress, and then thesecond one is obviously just
teaching them how to have ahealthy relationship with food
and have that sort of balancednutrition where you are enjoying
some of the things that youlike, but you're not doing it
all like all day, all the time.
There are plenty of students.
I had one student I startedworking with him.
(24:34):
He was eating Skittles forbreakfast on his own.
I was like, oh my gosh, youhave ADD.
What are you doing?
That's literally the worstthing you could be doing for
yourself, all the dyes.
So the next one is having thingsin their life that increase
peace and joy.
So this is the concept that ifyou have things in your life
that you find relaxing and orthat make you happy, that is
(24:58):
going to just, in general, keepyou in a lower stress level, and
so that's an important piece.
So that could be maybe you'redoing something like
volunteering that has been shownto increase people's joy and
then increasing peace might besomething like I feel so uneasy
every single time I have a testbecause I feel like I'm going to
(25:19):
fail and working with that teamto help them come up with a
study plan, or helping themlearn better study skills,
because that's not somethingthat's.
Study.
Skills aren't necessarilytaught by teachers, and some
kids are good at it naturally,and some kids just have
literally no idea how to goabout studying.
They're just the only thingthey know how to do is maybe
I'll just reread it a milliontimes, so that's not really
(25:41):
studying.
So helping teens sometimes havesome better study habits is a
way for them to feel morerelaxed and peaceful in their
life.
So that's a really importantpart of helping teens stay out
of the chronic stress loop.
Sandy Zamalis (25:53):
It is estimated that there are over 6 million
children in the US diagnosedwith ADHD.
Most children diagnosed withADHD have a cluster of weak
cognitive skills that we allrely on for focusing and staying
on task, Skills like workingmemory, long-term memory and
processing speed.
At LearningRx, we create aone-on-one brain training
(26:15):
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Visit learningrxcom to learnhow we're helping kids and teens
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Get started at learningrxcom orhead to our show notes for
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(26:36):
training exercises that you cantry at home.
Claire Ketchum (26:38):
And then the fourth one is teaching your teen
how to trust themselves.
And so lots of times me includedlike to micromanage my
teenager's lives and tell themwhat to do all the time and how
they're doing things wrong andhow they should do it like I
would want them to do it.
But that's really unhelpfulbecause they need to learn how
what they actually like.
My daughter is a hugeprocrastinator and I am like a
(27:02):
way like I do things way aheadof time.
I'm super organized and itstresses me out, but I know it
works for her because that'swhat my husband's, and so I just
had to let her procrastinateand write her paper like an hour
before it was due and not freakout about it.
But I had to let her, I had totrust her that she knew that it
worked for her and and she italways did, and.
But that's hard as a parent tolet that go.
(27:24):
And but if you are making yourchild do what you want them to
do and then they're like thatdoesn't feel right to me and
then they don't learn what theyactually like.
And especially, we talked aboutwhat that with food is that am I
hungry?
Am I not hungry?
Do I like to hang out withbigger people, or am I fine with
(27:45):
just having one really closefriend and that's fine with me.
And because sometimes there'ssocietal pressure that you need
to be outgoing, you need to havetons of friends, you need to
have a friend group, and maybethat's not actually what your
teen wants, but they feelpressured to be that way.
So helping them trust that theyknow what they actually like in
their life is a huge part ofhelping them feel at ease and
(28:05):
not get stuck in that chronicstress loop.
And then the last one is to stopthat negative self-chatter I'm
a loser, I'm fat, nobody likesme, everybody hates me, my hair
is ugly, I'm stupid, like,whatever, like all these
thoughts that just get triggeredevery time we're stressed.
And so having strategies inplace that when you hear
yourself start saying thosethings, you have ways to
(28:27):
redirect those thoughts as tosomething positive that's
actually going to help you stayout of the chronic stress loop.
So that's the fifth habit thatI help teens put into place.
And when you have all of thosethings in place and you're not
just talking about the food,it's a sort of a whole approach
to helping them just be a morerelaxed and calm person, because
(28:47):
stress is going to happen nomatter what and you're going to
have things that happen that arehorrible, and if you have ways
to deal with it, then you'regoing to be able to have a
healthy relationship with foodand not just solve all your
problems with gummy bears, likeI did for 20 years.
Dr. Amy Moore (29:06):
Yeah, I think that it's a really important
point that you're making, thatthere's so many different
contributors to this chronicstress cycle that we get stuck
in, that our kids get stuck in,and that this isn't necessarily
about the food right, itmanifests itself in food choices
, bad food choices, right butit's really about, like, how do
(29:28):
we get ahead of those thingsthat are causing us stress, how
to deal with those things in ahealthy way, how to do things
that build resilience to thestress that's inevitable, right?
Obviously, having a lot ofhomework is going to create
stress for a lot of kids.
There's nothing we can do aboutthat.
So how do we build resilienceto?
That is what I'm hearing yousay.
(29:51):
I do want to sit in the spaceabout the negative self-talk and
negative self-chatter for aminute.
Can you give our listenersmaybe a couple of strategies
that they can help their teenswork against that fight against
that negative self-talk?
Claire Ketchum (30:08):
Sure.
So one of my favorite ones,because the place where we all I
don't even need to say teens,because we all do it is when we
look in the mirror.
We sit there and start sayingeverything that we don't like
about what we see in the mirror.
For example, I miss my haircutand I'm like my hair is huge,
and it's just so natural to sitthere and say what you don't
(30:29):
like and we can be really meanto ourselves.
So a really great strategy isto have your teen come up with a
mantra that makes them feelgood about themselves and have
them.
So this would be something thatthey could add to that
blueprint that I was talkingabout.
That they could add, like allthe mirror techniques.
So every time they look in themirror, they get into the habit
(30:51):
of saying something positiveabout themselves.
And that doesn't mean you'renot going to sit there and say
your hair looks bad or wow, Ihave a new pimple, like you're
going to do that.
But it breaks that habit andit's just, and you do and you
look in the mirror so many timesa day.
It's a way that you're sayingsomething positive about
yourself, like numerous times aday.
So that's one of that's one ofmy favorite strategies and some
(31:15):
teens really like it and havefound it really helpful.
So that's a great way.
I don't know if you want to aska question about that.
I can share some others as well.
Yeah, keep going.
Another thing is to.
So at the end of the day, youcan have we can call them wind
notes or whatever you want tocall it.
Or you can do a gratitudejournal or something like that.
So you're looking at your dayas what was a great win that I
(31:38):
had today, what's something?
Or, if they don't like thatword, they could do a gratitude.
And some kids like to write injournals and kids love journals,
and some kids would never writein a journal in their whole
life.
So there's lots of differentways to do it.
So you could do like a jar, youcould do a journal, you could
do a text thread with you andyour mom or you and your dad, or
you and your best friend andsay what was a great win for you
(32:00):
today, and then you'd have thisthread of all of these great
things that happened, and so youjust.
It helps teens get into thehabit of looking for things that
went well versus all the thingsthat were bad, that happened
throughout the day.
So that's a really.
That's another great thing,another great way for teens to
work on that habit.
And then a really like quick,easy one, because those thoughts
(32:24):
are like 80 to 90% of ourthoughts are negative and
they're repetitive.
So we say the same things toourselves over and over again,
but our brain knows that a stopsign means to stop something.
And so if you have your teen,if they notice those thoughts,
they can visualize a stop signand say and then repeat a
(32:48):
positive affirmation.
So that's just an and that's away for your brain to click in
that this, we don't want to gothis way, we want to go this way
.
And the other way they couldsay delete, because your brain
knows what delete means Delete.
I'm deleting that thought andI'm going to say this thought
instead, and so that's a reallyquick, easy way.
If your teen catches themselvesin the middle of whatever
(33:10):
they're doing, they can saydelete or visualize stop sign.
So that's's another simplereally, and there's lots of.
I could go on.
Dr. Amy Moore (33:19):
I love that one and I've used that one with teen
clients Just anytime they havea negative thought.
To just press the delete buttonseemed so natural and easy to
remember to do and then I think,really working on helping teens
separate the emotion that theyattach to those thoughts, too
(33:39):
right To be able to say, yeah, Inoticed this negative thought
coming in, but that doesn't meanI have to attach an emotion to
it.
Therefore, I'm just going todelete it.
Yeah, yeah, I like thatdistinction.
Sandy Zamalis (33:51):
That's great.
So I was at a professionaldevelopment meeting this week
and our CEO recommended a bookfor us and I listened to part of
it in an audio book on the wayhome.
But it's called the Gap in theGame by Dan Sullivan, and what
kind of goes with what you'resaying in that.
The premise of the book is areyou thinking in the gap or are
you thinking in the game?
And in the gap you're onlyseeing the ideal and you're
(34:15):
measuring yourself against theideal.
So there's a gap there.
But the ideal is never endingand the bar always moves.
So you have to measure yourselffrom your gain.
So you always have to measurefrom behind when was I yesterday
and where am I today?
And I just for me, that wassuch a good trigger.
Instead of delete, I can justthink am I in the gap or am I in
(34:36):
the gain?
To reframe that thinking formyself.
Because it is true, I thinkpeople have a tendency to be gap
thinkers or gain thinkers.
Doing what I do every day as atrainer, I'm always in the gain.
I'm always seeing where we wereyesterday and how far we've
come and we work through.
But as a business owner and asa human, I'm sometimes always
(35:02):
trying to measure myself upagainst an ideal that may or may
not be realistic for myself.
So modeling that for your teensin that thinking is really
great as well, because they'rejust steeping in that comparison
right, instead of just lookingat their own internal bests.
What are they doing right now?
(35:22):
What do they love aboutthemselves when they look in the
mirror?
Gosh, I love my hair today.
I love this outfit and tryingto retrain your brain to see the
gains and not always be in thatnegative thought spiral loop.
So I thought I'd share thatbecause that tied right in and
that was such a good book.
Claire Ketchum (35:41):
Yeah, I love that.
I was listening to a podcastwith Scott Galloway and he was
saying that teen, because heworks with, he's a college
professor, and so he was talkingabout how there's just there's
so much immediate gratificationthat teens don't know how to
work towards something and theydon't know how to work on
(36:03):
something for a couple of monthsand then be better at it.
They want to be good at things.
And so he talked about his.
His son is at boarding schooland he said I do, he FaceTimes
him and they work out togetherfor 15 minutes and he's like
because I want to show him thatif he does something for 15
minutes every day, eventuallyhe's scrawny like me, so it's
(36:23):
not going to happen fast, buteventually he might see
something on his arm and so he'slike but I need to tease these
teens need to know how to worktowards something and that they
can't be good right away and sothat's in line with that book.
So I thought that was a greatpoint that he made, because
there is an unrealisticexpectation that you can oh, I
want this, you can go on andorder it and set your door in 10
(36:45):
minutes.
Or he talks a lot aboutpornography and boys and things
like that also, and how you'renot building a relationship,
you're just having a fake one.
So there's also that which isnot great.
Dr. Amy Moore (37:00):
Okay, so I want to talk a little bit in the last
few minutes that we have aboutgetting off that yo dieting
cycle and I know that as momsthat's a frequent struggle
anyway and then to have our kidswatch us be on a yo dieting
cycle.
Right, we talked about modelingand the importance of modeling
(37:24):
positive relationships with food, but that is going to be super
obvious, I would think.
Right, a child is going to seea mom spend her life on a diet,
a diet, on a diet, off a diet.
How do we break that cycle?
Claire Ketchum (37:40):
well, I think if you are a mom and you are still
in that yo cycle, then I wouldhelping like figuring out how to
break yourself out of thatwould be.
I do have a program that I formoms that if they are still
struggling with it, they canwork through that program and if
their teen was open to it, theycould do that with their teen.
(38:01):
But learning how to do it foryourself is an important part of
having your teen get there,because if you are telling them
you should really do this, butlet me go over here and do it
this way, that's not going totranslate into a real suggestion
, because teens don't do what wetell them to do.
Teens do what we show them wedo and that's pretty.
(38:24):
Maybe there's a teen out therethat will see the benefits, or
they don't like the way.
They are growing up in a verydifferent culture right now than
we did, and so there is a lotof talk amongst themselves about
not dieting and not doing this,but I still, even as everything
that I have done, I still, mydaughter would still.
(38:46):
I think I'm going to do thiscleanse.
I'm like, no, you're notallowed to do cleanses.
I'm like this is what you'reallowed to do.
You're allowed to eat lessCheez-Its today.
I'm like this is what you'reallowed to do, you're allowed to
eat less Cheez-Its today, andthat's, that's all you need to
do.
And she was like okay, and shewas always happy.
Whenever I was like, no, Idon't think you should do that
diet, she'd be like okay, likeshe never bought me on it.
(39:07):
But if I was like, yeah, that'sgreat, let's do a juice cleanse
.
That sounds fabulous, then shewould have been like oh okay, I
guess I should be doing juice.
That's great, let's do a juicecleanse.
That sounds fabulous.
Then she would have been likeoh okay, I guess I should be
doing juice cleanse.
That's a good thing to do, andnot that.
I'm sure there are reasons thata juice cleanse could be
helpful for somebody in acertain situation, but if the
end goal is because I don't likethe way that I look or I don't
like the way that I feel in mybody right now, that's not going
(39:30):
to help you.
So how?
I told the five habit shiftsthat teens need.
Moms need to make those shifts,too, for themselves if they are
still having those struggles.
Dr. Amy Moore (39:42):
So is your program self-paced?
Is it with you as a coach?
What do your programs look like?
How can our listeners find outmore and work with you?
Claire Ketchum (39:50):
I have.
So I have the Peaceful EatingMethod, which is my program for
adults, and so it is a selfpaced program.
That that is just modules thatyou work through, and then there
are coaching calls, and if aparent wanted to do that with
their team, they could do that.
I don't think there's a lot ofteens who are going to sit there
and listen to modules and doworksheets because they have
enough of that at school.
(40:10):
But if there was a teen whowanted to do that, maybe in the
summer with a parent, they coulddo that together and they could
do the coaching calls together.
And then I have anothercoaching program, which is
healthy habit shifts for teens,and that is where I do exactly
what I said.
I help teens explain the chronicstress loop.
We go through the stressinventory, we do a set of habit
(40:31):
shifts for them and we buildthat blueprint together, because
sometimes we'll pick somethingand the team will be like, yeah,
I'm definitely going to do that, and then they don't do it once
all week.
And then we're like, okay,obviously that doesn't work for
you, so let's find somethingelse.
And it's just that constanttweaking that, and so that's
very personalized and that'sjust one-on-one and there's
nothing for teams to do inbetween the sessions besides
(40:54):
like record what they're, whatthey did and what they didn't do
, just so that we can track itand because that's just helpful
for them to have thatinformation.
And then if a teen doesn't wantto track it, then I just do it
for them.
So that's the other thing I do.
And then there's that yeah,yeah, because some teens are
like, oh great, I'm gonna trackit.
And some teens are like I'm notdoing that, I'm going to track
it.
And some teens are like I'm notdoing that.
I'm like, okay, that's fine,I'll do it for you.
(41:15):
That's how I handle that.
So I do either way whateverworks better for the family.
And how can they find you?
So I am at claireketchumcom, sothat's my website.
And on the socials, I'm onInstagram at claireketchumtk.
(41:41):
Lindsaybottomck.
All right, is there anything youwant to leave our listeners
with that you haven't gotten tosay today?
I think what I would love tosay to all the moms out there is
that if you are struggling withthis yourself and you're
listening to this and you'refeeling maybe guilty for some of
the things that you're like,wow, I've done that, I did that.
I did it too.
I could go back and think of amillion things that I're like,
wow, I've done that.
I did that, I did it too.
I could go back and think of amillion things that I did that I
shouldn't have done with mykids, around food, around how I
(42:02):
approach things, around how Idealt with things.
And it's always about what canyou do, moving forward, and
don't start feeling guilty aboutit.
If you feel like maybe youdidn't mess it up, you can
always chart a new course andchange how things are moving
forward for your team.
Dr. Amy Moore (42:20):
Good advice.
Claire Ketchum, thank you somuch for being with us today,
for sharing your wisdom andexperience and expertise with
our listeners.
I'm sure they're going to havesome immediate takeaways from
the advice that you shared.
Listeners, thanks for beingwith us today.
We appreciate you listening andif you want to follow us on
(42:40):
social media, we're at theBrainy Moms.
If you'd rather see our faces,you can find us on YouTube At
the Brainy Moms.
You can find Sandy on TikTok atthe Brain Trainer Lady.
And if you love us, we wouldlove it if you would leave us a
five-star rating and review onApple Podcasts so that we can
find more parents like you tohelp.
That is all the smart stuff wehave for you today.
(43:02):
We hope that you feel a littlebit smarter.
We'll catch you next time.
Hi smart moms and dads, welcome to another
episode of the Brainy Momspodcast brought to you today by
LearningRx Brain TrainingCenters.
I'm Dr Amy Moore here withSandy Zamalis, and Sandy and I
are going to have a conversationwith our guest, Claire Ketchum.
Claire is the founder of thePeaceful Eating Method and
Healthy Habits Coaching forTeens.
She's a certified health coachthrough the Institute of
(00:23):
Integrative Nutrition, acertified transformational
nutrition coach through theInstitute of Transformative
Nutrition, and she holds abachelor's degree in psychology
and a master's in education.
She's on a mission to teachmoms how to help their teens
maintain a feel-good weight andpositive body image in school
and beyond, so they never yo-yodiet and always feel confident
(00:45):
and happy in their own skin.
So let's welcome Claire Ketchum.
Hello, hello, hi, ClaireWelcome.
Claire Ketchum (00:55):
Thank you, good to be here, yeah good to have
you here.
Dr. Amy Moore (01:01):
We're focusing our entire season five on tweens
and teens, and we know thatfood is a big deal.
Claire Ketchum (01:12):
Yeah.
Dr. Amy Moore (01:13):
Yeah, with that age group, especially with girls
, and just excited to dig in andhave a conversation with you on
how to help establish somehealthier relationships with
food in the tween and teen years.
And I want to talk about thatmother-daughter dynamic when it
comes to food too, so that momsdon't pass on some of their own
(01:36):
struggles Exactly, especially ifthey're currently still
struggling with it, which somemoms are.
I would say a large percentageare right, even if it's not
disordered eating, oh right.
No, most women have someunhealthy thought patterns when
it comes to weight.
Sandy Zamalis (01:53):
Claire, why don't you share with our listeners a
little bit more about who youare and what you're passionate
about?
Claire Ketchum (01:59):
Sure.
So I am a transformationalhealth coach and I help moms who
are in that place where they'reworried about some of the
patterns and habits that they'reseeing their teens adopt and
they don't really know how toapproach it or help them with it
and they're maybe worried aboutthat they're developing an
unhealthy relationship with foodor maybe they're eating too
(02:20):
much junk food or whatever theymight be worried about and they
don't know how to approach it.
And so I help moms bridge thatgap with their teens and how to
approach that and help them makebetter choices for themselves.
Dr. Amy Moore (02:33):
And what made you focus on that?
Claire Ketchum (02:37):
So when I was in college, that's when I first
started gaining weight and I haddeveloped the habit of any time
I was stressed out or had a lotgoing on, I would eat a ton of
candy, and so that was just mygo-to habit.
And so when I gained weight, Itried to diet, and I was always
super unsuccessful because Ialways went back to that habit
(02:58):
of eating cookies or candy orbrownies or whatever, and I just
couldn't break that.
And so I spent 20 years dieting,really to weigh almost the same
amount of weight and it was alot of, but it was such a huge
part of my focus all the time.
And so when I was introduced toa different way, I became
really passionate about sharing,like how just not to be stuck
(03:19):
in this constant yo cycle allthe time.
And at the time I was workingin a middle school with
teenagers, and so I was and Iworked one-on-one with them so I
could nudge them and I let themmeet in my classroom, depending
on what time their class was,and so I would nonchalantly tell
them you really shouldn't bedrinking Gatorade at 930 in the
morning, like that's not greatfor you.
(03:40):
And so I started that way, andthen, as I became more
passionate about it, Ieventually left the classroom
and started working with teensfull time and teach them how to
change those habits.
Dr. Amy Moore (03:54):
Do you find that teens are more difficult to
change habit patterns with thanadults, or is there more
resistance to change?
Claire Ketchum (04:08):
I have found, because when I first started
working with teens, I workedwith all sorts of reasons why,
and so now I mostly focus onteens who have gotten to the
point where they are feelinguncomfortable in their own skin
and they want to lose weight andthat's a goal for the teen
specifically and so those teensare want to work with me and are
(04:30):
very open to my suggestions.
And the teens who I worked withwho were more anxious and
nervous and that's why theparents hired me they were very
resistant to working with me.
I didn't know what I wastalking about, I was like, and
that was always what I got fromthem.
And so I decided that, sincereally the reason why I got into
health coaching was to helpteens never become yo-yo dieters
(04:54):
and save people from doing whatI did for 20 years, that I was
going to more focus on thatspecific, because those teens
were really open to making thechange that they needed to
change in order to be consistentwith what they said they wanted
to do.
Sandy Zamalis (05:09):
It sounds like you're really more
education-focused andhabit-building focused.
So where do you start withthese conversations?
Is it more in that habit realm?
You talked about identifyingtriggers like eating just
because we're nervous or anxious.
Where do you start with thosekids?
Claire Ketchum (05:27):
So I always start with explaining to them
why they gravitate towards food,and so I explain that as being
stuck in the chronic stress loop, and so they'll have some sort
of a stressor.
And I go through the types ofdifferent stressors because
people think of stress as justbeing anxious or nervous.
But it can really be somethingthat maybe you have daily stress
(05:49):
, like you got stuff in trafficand you're late for school and
that stresses you out.
And or then you could havesomething maybe going on with a
friend that's making you feelexcluded or like you don't fit
in, or maybe you feel rejectedor lonely and things like.
So that can activate the stressresponse.
Also, you could be having astressful emotion, so you could
(06:11):
just be feeling really on edgeor sad, depressed, and that's
going to activate this.
It's all related to stress.
Or you could have somethinggoing on in your family.
Maybe someone in your family issick, or maybe you're moving,
or your family's going through adivorce.
So all of these things activatethe stress response and it
doesn't really matter if it'ssomeone made a side remark in
(06:34):
the cafeteria or your parentsare getting divorced, like
they're all activating thestress response and they all
activate the same pattern, andso once the stress response is
activated, they have to havesome way to reduce that stress.
And if their go-to way hasalways been to eat something,
then if they continue to do thatthroughout 13 years, then
(06:55):
they'll likely continue to do itinto their adulthood.
And so I explain that all ofthese little things can trigger
them to eat food.
And so it's not really abouthaving self-control, it's really
about understanding how to keepthemselves out of that chronic
stress loop, because once thatstress gets activated, their
thought patterns will startsabotaging with I'm a loser, I'm
(07:17):
fat, I'm ugly, everybody hatesme.
And the brain's just naturaltendency is to calm that stress
response.
And if food's the fastest waythat their brain knows how to do
it, it's going to drive themtowards those behaviors over and
over and over again, and that'show they develop into emotional
and stress eaters that lead tounwanted manifestations later.
(07:38):
I mean it might not be in highschool Some, for some it is, for
some it's not.
But usually the teens I workwith have been seeing those
negative consequences of theirchoices, and that's why they
want to work with me Teens whoaren't seeing the negative
consequences.
I wouldn't necessarily seethose kids going to help me feel
better.
Where does that initial?
Dr. Amy Moore (08:09):
behavior come from?
Is it instinct?
Where does that pattern start?
Claire Ketchum (08:16):
Well, I think it's what you fall into and it
might be what I think it'snatural for you.
Some teens don't necessarilygravitate towards food.
Some might go and shop online.
Some people might zone out infront of a screen, some teens
might pick fights with theirparents or their friends and
that sort of being in that angeris a way for them to feel like
(08:40):
they have control.
So it's just a way of havingcontrol.
But food's just a really easything for teens to have access
to.
I think that when I was growingup, food was the main one, and
now there's.
You know, online shoppingwasn't a thing.
Video games, the phone, likethat, all wasn't a thing for us
growing up.
So I think there's more optionsfor teens and so maybe that's
(09:02):
why the less.
But some have, some do, all ofthem some online shop and zone
out on screens and eat like theypick and choose, you know.
So it's really just.
I think it's just sort of anatural gravitation and it might
also have sometimes it has todo with access natural
inclination to cravings.
(09:23):
Some people just have morecravings than others in general,
just naturally I would say it'sfrom birth.
Sandy Zamalis (09:28):
Really, gosh, you cry.
What do you?
What does the first thing?
Mom tries toddler.
First thing.
Let's have a snack, are you?
Claire Ketchum (09:35):
let's make sure we're not hungry or just how
your parents dealt with thingslike oh you're sad, like let's
make some cookies, like it's notnecessarily Because it's a
great.
Actually it is a great way toreduce stress because it works.
It makes us feel happier.
But in the long term, if youhave all these unwanted
consequences, then it turns intoa negative.
(09:56):
So it can be positive, justlike watching a show can be
relaxing, but if you're watchingfive hours of TV and not doing
your homework, then all of asudden it's not relaxing.
It's something that's become aproblem.
So there's a fine line betweenit being something that's really
helpful and then something thatturns into a crutch eventually.
But I mean, I personally grewup in a family where if there
(10:19):
was dessert in the house, it wasmaybe there for 24 hours, and
so there was this concept thatif you didn't eat it, you
weren't getting any, not anyother food, just like cookies
and ice cream and things likethat.
So that was the environmentthat I grew up in, and whereas
if you don't grow in anenvironment like that, then
maybe you wouldn't be asinclined to oh, it's in the
(10:41):
house.
I need to finish the wholething.
Dr. Amy Moore (10:43):
So do you start with vultures onto the sugar?
Sandy Zamalis (10:47):
Yeah, exactly.
So.
Do you start with like why?
Questions Like why are youeating right now?
Are you trying to get them tostart thinking through those
habits for themselves so thatthey can isolate those thoughts
of am I eating out of boredom?
Am I eating out of anxiety?
Am I hungry, what else can I do?
Kinds of questions Am I eatingout of anxiety?
Am I hungry, what else can I do?
Claire Ketchum (11:08):
Kinds of questions.
So what I is?
I actually have a stress,something called a stress
inventory that I do with theteens during their first
coaching session, and so whatthat is, I will just go through
their whole life and ask themwhat are some things that are
stressing you out, like, how isyour school, how is your home,
how is your social life?
Are stressing you out Like howis your school, how is your home
, how is your social life, howdo you feel?
Sometimes teens feel pressuredby their parents to be thin, and
(11:30):
that's causing them a lot ofstress.
Maybe they are feeling reallyinsecure about their friendships
, and so I start there.
So I take an inventory and wefigure out what are their
current top stressors and thenwe work on habits based on what
they are actually stressed outabout right now, because if
someone's parents are gettingdivorced, they're probably not
(11:51):
as concerned about other things,that's probably.
And so it's like how do youmake them feel more in control
about that and what are somethings you could put into place
to make them have strategies toreduce stress when things feel
out of control for them?
That doesn't involve themeating, and so it really depends
what's going on and how they'reresponding to stress currently.
Dr. Amy Moore (12:13):
You said that you have the most success with
teens who want to be there, whoare saying, hey, I'm struggling
with my weight or I'm noticingthat I've developed these bad
habits related to food and so Iwant help.
What do you do or what advicedo you have for moms who are
concerned that their teen hasdeveloped some unhealthy eating
(12:35):
patterns, who maybe has gainedweight?
But you don't want to make kidsfeel bad about themselves but
at the same time, you want tohelp them develop healthier
eating patterns.
What's your advice to moms onhow to even approach that?
Claire Ketchum (12:48):
I really ask would encourage moms to do
exactly what I do is to explainthat they're stuck in this
chronic stress loop and helpthem see that it's not because
they have no control or theyhave no willpower, but it's
actually these patterns arebeing established by the stress
response and that, and thenhelping them figure out what
(13:09):
their stressors are anddeveloping the habits.
And so I do have a guide forparents to help them walk
through that with their teens sothat they can develop, help
their teens figure out whatworks best for them.
Dr. Amy Moore (13:21):
But what does that even initial conversation
sound like?
Right, like I would, I have allboys.
I didn't walk through thisissue with my own children, but
I would think that, especiallywith girls, you would have a
little bit of anxiety aboutopening the conversation for the
very first time.
Right, because you don't wantto hurt your child's feelings,
(13:41):
you don't want to make them feelbad about themselves, but you
do want to share your concernand help them.
So what does that firstsentence even sound?
Claire Ketchum (13:50):
like, if a teen isn't reaching out about it,
like, how does a parent approachit?
I think the best way toapproach it if your teen isn't
coming to you about a concern isI'm noticing that you're doing
this and I would like to have aconversation with you about the
underlying root cause of whyyou're doing that.
(14:12):
And some teens will be open tothat conversation and some teens
will 100% not be open to thatconversation.
And because parents can sayexactly the same thing that I
would say and the reaction couldbe completely different from a
teen to the parent than tosomeone like me who because I
think teens will very often feelvery judged by parents, no
(14:35):
matter what.
And so if you feel like thatconversation, like your teen
would not be open to thatconversation, then I don't think
it's helpful to have thatconversation.
Be open to that conversation,then I don't think it's helpful
to have that conversation.
I think the best route for aparent would be just to model
having a healthy relationshipwith food and to them and be a
role model so that, as they grow, instead of seeing, wow, mom
(14:59):
had a bad day at work and she'scoming home and she ate a whole
bag of Doritos.
They're not seeing you do thatand they're not seeing you
criticize yourself all the timein the mirror and things like
that.
So you are developing that andyou're modeling it so that for
me, growing up, eating 20cookies was normal in my
household.
(15:19):
There was nothing wrong withthat in my head Not that I
should have been shamed for itbut also, I don't know, maybe
not the best thing.
So it's just violating whatactually a healthy relationship
with food is.
I guess I eat these things, butI also don't gorge on them or
use them in a way that'sunhealthy, and sometimes it's
more of a backdoor approach forparents.
Just every teen is so different.
Sandy Zamalis (15:40):
It's so tricky.
It's just so tricky because,especially as females, our
self-esteem is tied in sotightly to our weight and all of
those things.
So, even having thoseconversations, I was thinking,
as you were sharing what aparent should do that it might
be beneficial for that parent togo through the checklist for
themselves and then process outloud or verbalize that process
(16:05):
for themselves as they'relearning new stress-relieving
tactics right as part of themodeling, because you can't just
model Modeling doesn't alwayswork because people have to be
paying attention.
But if you could verbalize thatprocess, oh gosh, I'm feeling
out and I just want to eat a bagof Doritos, but I think I'm
gonna go walk.
Claire Ketchum (16:27):
Exactly, and when I started doing it, my kids
I actually had my son like soone of my favorite techniques to
reduce stress, because that'sone of the so one of I have five
healthy habit shifts that Ihave teens make and one of them
is just to have go to ways toreduce stress when it comes up
like throughout the day.
So that's one of the things Ialways work on with teens, and
(16:49):
so the emotional freedomtechnique, or tapping, was one
of my personal favorites and myson one time said to me like mom
, I think you need to go do sometapping right now.
And he, literally, because hesaw me doing it, he obviously
could tell that I was being away nicer mom.
So he was like, yeah, mom,you're out of here.
I was like, yeah, good call,tobes, I'm out of here.
And I went and tapped and Ifelt much better.
(17:10):
But having those strategiesthat you're like, wow, I'm
feeling really tense, I'mfeeling this urge, and that's
another thing that can be reallyhelpful.
It's like these urges to eatare just a signal that something
has set you off and if you canfigure what that is and calm and
deal with that, that can be areally helpful strategy in
general.
Dr. Amy Moore (17:29):
Right by asking yourself what is it that I'm
really feeling right now?
What is it that I really thinkI want right now?
Because it isn't necessarilyfood.
Claire Ketchum (17:37):
Exactly and figuring that out and having
ways to calm yourself so thatyou even have the space to ask
yourself that question, becausesometimes we can just be so
reactive.
You could be mad and you'reshoving something in your mouth
before you even realize it.
But once you become aware,you're like, wow, I see myself
doing that.
And sometimes it's after, likeat the beginning, sometimes
(18:00):
you're like you're doing it.
You're like, wow, that wasn'tgreat, I'm wondering what's
happening.
And you could still, you know,go back and say, ok, what
triggered me to do that?
And do you just get better atcatching yourself sooner and
sooner?
Dr. Amy Moore (18:12):
So I work with parents who get super frustrated
with the amount of junk foodthat their kids eat and I ask
them who buys it, and then theyhave this aha moment that yeah,
I buy it.
So if you have 14 bags ofDoritos and 12 packages of Oreos
(18:33):
in your pantry and then you'recomplaining that all your kid
eats all the time is junk food,then what are you doing to
contribute to healthy eating foryour kids?
And so what are your thoughtson curating choices that would
be appealing to teens?
Because teens they like sugarand salt?
Yeah, they all do.
(18:53):
Do you have conversations aboutit or do you just fill your
pantry with better options andhope for the best?
Claire Ketchum (19:00):
Or do you just fill your pantry with better
options and hope for the best?
I think the best approach is tohave a conversation with your
teen about what junk foods theyactually like and figure out
what are the things that youreally want and always have
those in the house.
And so, versus if they reallycheese it which my daughter was
(19:26):
a huge cheese a person, so wejust always had cheese it's but
we had sort of family guidelinesaround eating cheese it's like
you can't eat it in your bed,you can't eat it in front of a
screen, you have to put it in abowl, you can't eat it out of
the box.
And so just giving herparameters to how to eat
Cheez-Its in a healthy way,versus just gorging on them like
late at night when I wasn'taround, or saying she can't have
(19:47):
them, or not bringing them intothe house and then.
So what happens is when teensfeel like they are part of the
conversation, they are morelikely to make decisions.
They're like OK, I don'tactually want Cheez-Its all the
time, because now I can havethem all the time and I'm not
(20:08):
going to eat this.
I'm not going to eat 10 bags ofsomething that's quote unquote
healthier, that doesn't satisfythe craving and so it's just,
I'm going to honor them.
This is what I want.
I know it's not great for me.
And then along the line you cansay, okay, maybe you're eating
them five times a day, maybelet's try working only having
them three times a day.
What do you think about that?
Do you think that would workfor you?
(20:28):
And it's just having aconversation.
Again, if your teen is willingto have a conversation because
you don't want it to be a battleand that's like you just always
want to avoid it causingtension, but if your teen is
eating a box of Cheez-Its everysingle day, for an example, then
(20:49):
maybe it is time and they won'tlisten to you and they won't
have a conversation with you.
Then it probably would behelpful to get outside support
so that doesn't just become ahabit that they just bring into
adulthood with them.
Sandy Zamalis (21:01):
Weirdly in our house something that helped and
it goes back to your cakeexample that you shared earlier.
But for whatever reason, Ithink scarcity has a big issue
with some of this.
If mom brought home awesomesnacks and then you've got three
siblings and everybody's got,it's a fight for your right to
have the snacks.
(21:21):
When I found out that if Ipurchased things for my children
and put their name on it and itwas theirs and it wasn't
community property, they ate itwithout they tried to make it
last, they weren't binging andit showed up in silly things
like Easter candy, like.
(21:42):
I realized it when, like theyeach got their basket and I
thought they would gorge butthey didn't because that was
their basket and they weirdlyhad a competition to see who
could last longer and be like sosorry.
I do think that scarcity pieceplays a role.
If your daughter lovesCheez-Its no one can you have a
communal box of Cheez-Its, butthis is her box of Cheez-Its and
they have to last this amountof time, so you might want to
(22:05):
parse that out.
Claire Ketchum (22:06):
I think that's a good point, because my kids
like different things, so thatwas never a huge thing.
So my son was a pretzel, mydaughter was Cheez-Its.
If there was cookies orsomething, they both liked it.
But that's an interesting pointthat I hadn't really thought
about.
And a lot of the teens I workwith are at boarding school
because I live and work at aboarding school, so that's a lot
(22:27):
of the teens I work with are inthat environment.
And that's a very differentenvironment because you're not
dealing with siblings and reallyif you have food in your room,
it's your food, and then you'renavigating a dining hall.
And how do you navigate adining hall when there's lots of
choices and there's dessert allthe time and just having a
space where you're just you'retaking that pause and you're
(22:48):
making decisions based on whatyou actually want and you're
trusting yourself that I canmake decisions about what I
actually want right now and Iknow I can have it later and I
don't need to eat a snackautomatically just because
everybody else is eating a snackand because I'm not actually
hungry and maybe I'll have itlater.
And just having them start tohave those conversations with
(23:09):
themselves is so important aswell.
Sandy Zamalis (23:11):
I know for you in a boarding school situation too
, it really depends on whattheir life was like at home too,
how that shows up at theboarding school, because if
there was scarcity at home, thenhaving all of those options is
going to.
I think, of every freshman incollege, we always had the
freshman 15.
And depending on what yourrules were at home, you get to
college and all of a sudden youget whatever you want.
Anytime Bars open, you can getcereal three times a day, ice
(23:38):
cream bar, exactly.
They're just doing it a littleearlier, yeah, before they go to
high school and stay at home.
Yeah, but that mindset comeswith them right, so that when
they come to a boarding schoolsituation, they've got to
navigate that 100% 100%.
Claire Ketchum (23:53):
And the other thing that teens need to
navigate, besides just managingstress and managing the choices
that they're making, are puttingother things into place that
keep them out of the chronicstress loop, and so that's
another important part thatparents can help their teens do,
and if you want me to go overthose as well, I can Absolutely.
(24:14):
Let's do it.
Okay, the other so we talkedabout having strategies to
reduce stress, and then thesecond one is obviously just
teaching them how to have ahealthy relationship with food
and have that sort of balancednutrition where you are enjoying
some of the things that youlike, but you're not doing it
all like all day, all the time.
There are plenty of students.
I had one student I startedworking with him.
(24:34):
He was eating Skittles forbreakfast on his own.
I was like, oh my gosh, youhave ADD.
What are you doing?
That's literally the worstthing you could be doing for
yourself, all the dyes.
So the next one is having thingsin their life that increase
peace and joy.
So this is the concept that ifyou have things in your life
that you find relaxing and orthat make you happy, that is
(24:58):
going to just, in general, keepyou in a lower stress level, and
so that's an important piece.
So that could be maybe you'redoing something like
volunteering that has been shownto increase people's joy and
then increasing peace might besomething like I feel so uneasy
every single time I have a testbecause I feel like I'm going to
(25:19):
fail and working with that teamto help them come up with a
study plan, or helping themlearn better study skills,
because that's not somethingthat's.
Study.
Skills aren't necessarilytaught by teachers, and some
kids are good at it naturally,and some kids just have
literally no idea how to goabout studying.
They're just the only thingthey know how to do is maybe
I'll just reread it a milliontimes, so that's not really
(25:41):
studying.
So helping teens sometimes havesome better study habits is a
way for them to feel morerelaxed and peaceful in their
life.
So that's a really importantpart of helping teens stay out
of the chronic stress loop.
Sandy Zamalis (25:53):
It is estimated that there are over 6 million
children in the US diagnosedwith ADHD.
Most children diagnosed withADHD have a cluster of weak
cognitive skills that we allrely on for focusing and staying
on task, Skills like workingmemory, long-term memory and
processing speed.
At LearningRx, we create aone-on-one brain training
(26:15):
program that's tailored to helpaddress the root cause of your
child's biggest challenges.
Visit learningrxcom to learnhow we're helping kids and teens
with ADHD significantly improvetheir cognitive skills.
Get started at learningrxcom orhead to our show notes for
links to more helpful resources,including some free brain
(26:36):
training exercises that you cantry at home.
Claire Ketchum (26:38):
And then the fourth one is teaching your teen
how to trust themselves.
And so lots of times me includedlike to micromanage my
teenager's lives and tell themwhat to do all the time and how
they're doing things wrong andhow they should do it like I
would want them to do it.
But that's really unhelpfulbecause they need to learn how
what they actually like.
My daughter is a hugeprocrastinator and I am like a
(27:02):
way like I do things way aheadof time.
I'm super organized and itstresses me out, but I know it
works for her because that'swhat my husband's, and so I just
had to let her procrastinateand write her paper like an hour
before it was due and not freakout about it.
But I had to let her, I had totrust her that she knew that it
worked for her and and she italways did, and.
But that's hard as a parent tolet that go.
(27:24):
And but if you are making yourchild do what you want them to
do and then they're like thatdoesn't feel right to me and
then they don't learn what theyactually like.
And especially, we talked aboutwhat that with food is that am I
hungry?
Am I not hungry?
Do I like to hang out withbigger people, or am I fine with
(27:45):
just having one really closefriend and that's fine with me.
And because sometimes there'ssocietal pressure that you need
to be outgoing, you need to havetons of friends, you need to
have a friend group, and maybethat's not actually what your
teen wants, but they feelpressured to be that way.
So helping them trust that theyknow what they actually like in
their life is a huge part ofhelping them feel at ease and
(28:05):
not get stuck in that chronicstress loop.
And then the last one is to stopthat negative self-chatter I'm
a loser, I'm fat, nobody likesme, everybody hates me, my hair
is ugly, I'm stupid, like,whatever, like all these
thoughts that just get triggeredevery time we're stressed.
And so having strategies inplace that when you hear
yourself start saying thosethings, you have ways to
(28:27):
redirect those thoughts as tosomething positive that's
actually going to help you stayout of the chronic stress loop.
So that's the fifth habit thatI help teens put into place.
And when you have all of thosethings in place and you're not
just talking about the food,it's a sort of a whole approach
to helping them just be a morerelaxed and calm person, because
(28:47):
stress is going to happen nomatter what and you're going to
have things that happen that arehorrible, and if you have ways
to deal with it, then you'regoing to be able to have a
healthy relationship with foodand not just solve all your
problems with gummy bears, likeI did for 20 years.
Dr. Amy Moore (29:06):
Yeah, I think that it's a really important
point that you're making, thatthere's so many different
contributors to this chronicstress cycle that we get stuck
in, that our kids get stuck in,and that this isn't necessarily
about the food right, itmanifests itself in food choices
, bad food choices, right butit's really about, like, how do
(29:28):
we get ahead of those thingsthat are causing us stress, how
to deal with those things in ahealthy way, how to do things
that build resilience to thestress that's inevitable, right?
Obviously, having a lot ofhomework is going to create
stress for a lot of kids.
There's nothing we can do aboutthat.
So how do we build resilienceto?
That is what I'm hearing yousay.
(29:51):
I do want to sit in the spaceabout the negative self-talk and
negative self-chatter for aminute.
Can you give our listenersmaybe a couple of strategies
that they can help their teenswork against that fight against
that negative self-talk?
Claire Ketchum (30:08):
Sure.
So one of my favorite ones,because the place where we all I
don't even need to say teens,because we all do it is when we
look in the mirror.
We sit there and start sayingeverything that we don't like
about what we see in the mirror.
For example, I miss my haircutand I'm like my hair is huge,
and it's just so natural to sitthere and say what you don't
(30:29):
like and we can be really meanto ourselves.
So a really great strategy isto have your teen come up with a
mantra that makes them feelgood about themselves and have
them.
So this would be something thatthey could add to that
blueprint that I was talkingabout.
That they could add, like allthe mirror techniques.
So every time they look in themirror, they get into the habit
(30:51):
of saying something positiveabout themselves.
And that doesn't mean you'renot going to sit there and say
your hair looks bad or wow, Ihave a new pimple, like you're
going to do that.
But it breaks that habit andit's just, and you do and you
look in the mirror so many timesa day.
It's a way that you're sayingsomething positive about
yourself, like numerous times aday.
So that's one of that's one ofmy favorite strategies and some
(31:15):
teens really like it and havefound it really helpful.
So that's a great way.
I don't know if you want to aska question about that.
I can share some others as well.
Yeah, keep going.
Another thing is to.
So at the end of the day, youcan have we can call them wind
notes or whatever you want tocall it.
Or you can do a gratitudejournal or something like that.
So you're looking at your dayas what was a great win that I
(31:38):
had today, what's something?
Or, if they don't like thatword, they could do a gratitude.
And some kids like to write injournals and kids love journals,
and some kids would never writein a journal in their whole
life.
So there's lots of differentways to do it.
So you could do like a jar, youcould do a journal, you could
do a text thread with you andyour mom or you and your dad, or
you and your best friend andsay what was a great win for you
(32:00):
today, and then you'd have thisthread of all of these great
things that happened, and so youjust.
It helps teens get into thehabit of looking for things that
went well versus all the thingsthat were bad, that happened
throughout the day.
So that's a really.
That's another great thing,another great way for teens to
work on that habit.
And then a really like quick,easy one, because those thoughts
(32:24):
are like 80 to 90% of ourthoughts are negative and
they're repetitive.
So we say the same things toourselves over and over again,
but our brain knows that a stopsign means to stop something.
And so if you have your teen,if they notice those thoughts,
they can visualize a stop signand say and then repeat a
(32:48):
positive affirmation.
So that's just an and that's away for your brain to click in
that this, we don't want to gothis way, we want to go this way
.
And the other way they couldsay delete, because your brain
knows what delete means Delete.
I'm deleting that thought andI'm going to say this thought
instead, and so that's a reallyquick, easy way.
If your teen catches themselvesin the middle of whatever
(33:10):
they're doing, they can saydelete or visualize stop sign.
So that's's another simplereally, and there's lots of.
I could go on.
Dr. Amy Moore (33:19):
I love that one and I've used that one with teen
clients Just anytime they havea negative thought.
To just press the delete buttonseemed so natural and easy to
remember to do and then I think,really working on helping teens
separate the emotion that theyattach to those thoughts, too
(33:39):
right To be able to say, yeah, Inoticed this negative thought
coming in, but that doesn't meanI have to attach an emotion to
it.
Therefore, I'm just going todelete it.
Yeah, yeah, I like thatdistinction.
Sandy Zamalis (33:51):
That's great.
So I was at a professionaldevelopment meeting this week
and our CEO recommended a bookfor us and I listened to part of
it in an audio book on the wayhome.
But it's called the Gap in theGame by Dan Sullivan, and what
kind of goes with what you'resaying in that.
The premise of the book is areyou thinking in the gap or are
you thinking in the game?
And in the gap you're onlyseeing the ideal and you're
(34:15):
measuring yourself against theideal.
So there's a gap there.
But the ideal is never endingand the bar always moves.
So you have to measure yourselffrom your gain.
So you always have to measurefrom behind when was I yesterday
and where am I today?
And I just for me, that wassuch a good trigger.
Instead of delete, I can justthink am I in the gap or am I in
(34:36):
the gain?
To reframe that thinking formyself.
Because it is true, I thinkpeople have a tendency to be gap
thinkers or gain thinkers.
Doing what I do every day as atrainer, I'm always in the gain.
I'm always seeing where we wereyesterday and how far we've
come and we work through.
But as a business owner and asa human, I'm sometimes always
(35:02):
trying to measure myself upagainst an ideal that may or may
not be realistic for myself.
So modeling that for your teensin that thinking is really
great as well, because they'rejust steeping in that comparison
right, instead of just lookingat their own internal bests.
What are they doing right now?
(35:22):
What do they love aboutthemselves when they look in the
mirror?
Gosh, I love my hair today.
I love this outfit and tryingto retrain your brain to see the
gains and not always be in thatnegative thought spiral loop.
So I thought I'd share thatbecause that tied right in and
that was such a good book.
Claire Ketchum (35:41):
Yeah, I love that.
I was listening to a podcastwith Scott Galloway and he was
saying that teen, because heworks with, he's a college
professor, and so he was talkingabout how there's just there's
so much immediate gratificationthat teens don't know how to
work towards something and theydon't know how to work on
(36:03):
something for a couple of monthsand then be better at it.
They want to be good at things.
And so he talked about his.
His son is at boarding schooland he said I do, he FaceTimes
him and they work out togetherfor 15 minutes and he's like
because I want to show him thatif he does something for 15
minutes every day, eventuallyhe's scrawny like me, so it's
(36:23):
not going to happen fast, buteventually he might see
something on his arm and so he'slike but I need to tease these
teens need to know how to worktowards something and that they
can't be good right away and sothat's in line with that book.
So I thought that was a greatpoint that he made, because
there is an unrealisticexpectation that you can oh, I
want this, you can go on andorder it and set your door in 10
(36:45):
minutes.
Or he talks a lot aboutpornography and boys and things
like that also, and how you'renot building a relationship,
you're just having a fake one.
So there's also that which isnot great.
Dr. Amy Moore (37:00):
Okay, so I want to talk a little bit in the last
few minutes that we have aboutgetting off that yo dieting
cycle and I know that as momsthat's a frequent struggle
anyway and then to have our kidswatch us be on a yo dieting
cycle.
Right, we talked about modelingand the importance of modeling
(37:24):
positive relationships with food, but that is going to be super
obvious, I would think.
Right, a child is going to seea mom spend her life on a diet,
a diet, on a diet, off a diet.
How do we break that cycle?
Claire Ketchum (37:40):
well, I think if you are a mom and you are still
in that yo cycle, then I wouldhelping like figuring out how to
break yourself out of thatwould be.
I do have a program that I formoms that if they are still
struggling with it, they canwork through that program and if
their teen was open to it, theycould do that with their teen.
(38:01):
But learning how to do it foryourself is an important part of
having your teen get there,because if you are telling them
you should really do this, butlet me go over here and do it
this way, that's not going totranslate into a real suggestion
, because teens don't do what wetell them to do.
Teens do what we show them wedo and that's pretty.
(38:24):
Maybe there's a teen out therethat will see the benefits, or
they don't like the way.
They are growing up in a verydifferent culture right now than
we did, and so there is a lotof talk amongst themselves about
not dieting and not doing this,but I still, even as everything
that I have done, I still, mydaughter would still.
(38:46):
I think I'm going to do thiscleanse.
I'm like, no, you're notallowed to do cleanses.
I'm like this is what you'reallowed to do.
You're allowed to eat lessCheez-Its today.
I'm like this is what you'reallowed to do, you're allowed to
eat less Cheez-Its today, andthat's, that's all you need to
do.
And she was like okay, and shewas always happy.
Whenever I was like, no, Idon't think you should do that
diet, she'd be like okay, likeshe never bought me on it.
(39:07):
But if I was like, yeah, that'sgreat, let's do a juice cleanse
.
That sounds fabulous, then shewould have been like oh okay, I
guess I should be doing juice.
That's great, let's do a juicecleanse.
That sounds fabulous.
Then she would have been likeoh okay, I guess I should be
doing juice cleanse.
That's a good thing to do, andnot that.
I'm sure there are reasons thata juice cleanse could be
helpful for somebody in acertain situation, but if the
end goal is because I don't likethe way that I look or I don't
like the way that I feel in mybody right now, that's not going
(39:30):
to help you.
So how?
I told the five habit shiftsthat teens need.
Moms need to make those shifts,too, for themselves if they are
still having those struggles.
Dr. Amy Moore (39:42):
So is your program self-paced?
Is it with you as a coach?
What do your programs look like?
How can our listeners find outmore and work with you?
Claire Ketchum (39:50):
I have.
So I have the Peaceful EatingMethod, which is my program for
adults, and so it is a selfpaced program.
That that is just modules thatyou work through, and then there
are coaching calls, and if aparent wanted to do that with
their team, they could do that.
I don't think there's a lot ofteens who are going to sit there
and listen to modules and doworksheets because they have
enough of that at school.
(40:10):
But if there was a teen whowanted to do that, maybe in the
summer with a parent, they coulddo that together and they could
do the coaching calls together.
And then I have anothercoaching program, which is
healthy habit shifts for teens,and that is where I do exactly
what I said.
I help teens explain the chronicstress loop.
We go through the stressinventory, we do a set of habit
(40:31):
shifts for them and we buildthat blueprint together, because
sometimes we'll pick somethingand the team will be like, yeah,
I'm definitely going to do that, and then they don't do it once
all week.
And then we're like, okay,obviously that doesn't work for
you, so let's find somethingelse.
And it's just that constanttweaking that, and so that's
very personalized and that'sjust one-on-one and there's
nothing for teams to do inbetween the sessions besides
(40:54):
like record what they're, whatthey did and what they didn't do
, just so that we can track itand because that's just helpful
for them to have thatinformation.
And then if a teen doesn't wantto track it, then I just do it
for them.
So that's the other thing I do.
And then there's that yeah,yeah, because some teens are
like, oh great, I'm gonna trackit.
And some teens are like I'm notdoing that, I'm going to track
it.
And some teens are like I'm notdoing that.
I'm like, okay, that's fine,I'll do it for you.
(41:15):
That's how I handle that.
So I do either way whateverworks better for the family.
And how can they find you?
So I am at claireketchumcom, sothat's my website.
And on the socials, I'm onInstagram at claireketchumtk.
(41:41):
Lindsaybottomck.
All right, is there anything youwant to leave our listeners
with that you haven't gotten tosay today?
I think what I would love tosay to all the moms out there is
that if you are struggling withthis yourself and you're
listening to this and you'refeeling maybe guilty for some of
the things that you're like,wow, I've done that, I did that.
I did it too.
I could go back and think of amillion things that I're like,
wow, I've done that.
I did that, I did it too.
I could go back and think of amillion things that I did that I
shouldn't have done with mykids, around food, around how I
(42:02):
approach things, around how Idealt with things.
And it's always about what canyou do, moving forward, and
don't start feeling guilty aboutit.
If you feel like maybe youdidn't mess it up, you can
always chart a new course andchange how things are moving
forward for your team.
Dr. Amy Moore (42:20):
Good advice.
Claire Ketchum, thank you somuch for being with us today,
for sharing your wisdom andexperience and expertise with
our listeners.
I'm sure they're going to havesome immediate takeaways from
the advice that you shared.
Listeners, thanks for beingwith us today.
We appreciate you listening andif you want to follow us on
(42:40):
social media, we're at theBrainy Moms.
If you'd rather see our faces,you can find us on YouTube At
the Brainy Moms.
You can find Sandy on TikTok atthe Brain Trainer Lady.
And if you love us, we wouldlove it if you would leave us a
five-star rating and review onApple Podcasts so that we can
find more parents like you tohelp.
That is all the smart stuff wehave for you today.
(43:02):
We hope that you feel a littlebit smarter.
We'll catch you next time.
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