Reclaiming Your Voice: Lessons from El Empty

Welcome to Un Verano con Self Love, Manis.

This is a special 5-part storytelling series where I’ll take you through five love stories, some romantic, some platonic, some about me, some about parts of me. Each one reflects a different Wound of Calladita Culture® and what it means to reclaim your voice, your worth, and your heart.

These aren’t perfect stories. They’re real. They’re tender. They’re here to remind you that healing can be messy, funny, painful, and beautiful, all at once.

So grab your cafecito, get comfy, and let’s begin your summer of self-love.

If you want to know more and be part of Un Verano con Self Love program, you can join here.

Check out today's sponsor Savvy Ladies, a nonprofit organization dedicated to helping women like YOU take control of your financial future. They offer free resources, webinars, and my favorite: a free financial helpline where you can connect one-on-one with trusted financial experts. Visit www.savvyladies.org today and connect with the financial helpline to get the personalized support you deserve. Your journey to financial independence starts here.

Check out BMO here

Do you want to support our show and get ad-free episodes? Join our Supporters Club here.

Follow Cafe con Pam on all things social:

Instagram
Facebook
Subscribe on YouTube
Listen to Cafe con Pam
Take our Calladita Culture®️ Quiz
Get your business on El Mercadito
Learn more about Pam

To support the show, an easy way to do it is to leave a review. Your feedback definitely helps other listeners connect and see if this is a podcast they could resonate with. To make it easy for you, here are some quick questions to think about when you’re leaving a review:

• What do you love about the show?
• What were you expecting before you listened?
• What happened after you listened?
• How would you describe the show to your best friend?

If you are new here, welcome! I hope you feel like you’re at home, and come back to drink a cup of coffee with us. Let’s stay connected:

1. Social media. Follow @cafeconpampodcast on Instagram and Facebook.
2. Learn more about our work and other stories at cafeconpam.com

Listeners, thank you so much for hanging out with me today, y como siempre STAY SHINING!

*The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the hosts and guests and do not necessarily reflect the views of BMO. BMO sponsors the podcast but does not influence or endorse the specific discussions or viewpoints shared herein. BMO Bank N.A. Member FDIC*

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/cafe-con-pam--6348411/support.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
So for me Ola sopam and welcome to our Mergarito,
the place where we showcase the brands that believe in
us and help us make the show possible. Let's meet them.
We all know this. Talking about money is not always

(00:26):
the most comfortable. Better, our friends from save Ladies make
it easier and now and Espanol, you don't have to
feel the pressure to translate for your mama or your tias.
Because savid Ladies has their whole site and nuestro yaora,
they can easily access their free resources like Taietes Glasses,

(00:49):
is La Lina, Gratis Bara and bunts their free financial
helpline and then the pace connect that with a trusted
financial expert. Whether you need financial guy in English or Espanol,
Saved Ladies is here to support you. Visit save ladies
dot org. That is sa v v y la d

(01:11):
i ees dot org. But I'm beisad your financial freedom.
Here's the thing. Latina families have been saving money forever
from reusing plastic containers for gomela, folding up plastic bags
under the sink, and diluting dish soap with water. The

(01:33):
last thing we need is to pay fees to access
or money right was In case you didn't know. Vima
customers have access to forty thousand fee free ATMs across
the United States, plus their Beast Smart Advantage checking account
has no monthly maintenance fee. Learn more about how BIMO
can help by visiting Vima dot com for slash checking

(01:54):
bmo dot com for slash checking conditions apply accounts provided
in the United Slime States by Pima Bank and a
member fd. I see Welcome to Kapakmpam the bilingual podcast
Cora Stories scene Sansora. I'm your host, Bamgorus And this

(02:18):
is a special series called beanokon self Love. All summer long,
We're exploring what it means to come back to ourselves
with softness, joy and radical kar from healing kaya culture
wounds to romanticizing our daily lives. This season is about
choosing you every single time. I know the world is

(02:41):
falling apart and everything's on fire, and more than ever,
I do believe this is the time to tend to
ourselves and take care of ourselves. Let's dive in. Welcome
to self Love. This is a five part story telling
series where I take you through the five love stories.

(03:04):
Some are romantic, some are platonic. Some are about me,
some are about parts of me. Each one reflects a
different wound of Kajita culture and what it means to
reclaim your voice, you're worth and your heart. Yos bamcaruviez.
Remember these are not perfect stories, but they're real, they're tender.
They're here to remind you that healing can be messy, funny, painful,

(03:24):
and beautiful all at once. So it's time to grab
your cavez. Don't get comfy, and let's begin your summer
of self love. O the El Empty, which is the
wound of silence. When I met El Empty, I was
actually in a really good place. I had just spent
the past year rebuilding after walking away from El Toxico.

(03:47):
I was finally feeling myself again. And I know you're
all waiting for a Toxico, but that's that's coming, That's coming.
I was dancing more, I was laughing louder. I was
actually enjoying what I do did my career. I was
showing up fully. I was me, and I was proud
of her. So when he showed up, well dressed, polite, charming,

(04:11):
I wasn't looking to be saved, but I was open
to be surprised, and let me tell you, he was surprising.
Our first date, he told me were we're going to dinner?
He didn't tell me where, and frankly, I didn't think
about asking where because it's a first date, so, you know,
pretty standard. So I got dressed for a fun first date.

(04:34):
Think leather pants, cute jacket, boots, you know, a sexy
but chill outfit first day. Cute but not galla ready.
Then he picked me up in his Porsche, which I
didn't know he was riving or what he drove until then.
And as I opened the door, there was this massive
bouquet of flowers in the passenger seat, and obviously I

(04:59):
was like, where am I gonna sit? And he smiled
and said, oh, those are for you. So at that
moment I had to run back and drop him off
in my house before we could go. And where did

(05:22):
we end up? At? A five star Michelin star restaurant.
What I walked in completely underdressed. I was also probably
the youngest person in that room. Everyone else was wearing
pearls and evening gowns, and frankly, I don't think they

(05:48):
I don't feel bad about being underdressed, but I felt like,
you know what's interesting At that moment, I felt more
like the people were judging that I was so young
or I look young then what I was wearing. But
I don't know. That could be just how I perceive things.
But this place was so fancy. I even got a
stool for my purse. My purse had its own chair,

(06:13):
and even when I asked where the bathroom was, someone
was like, I'll walk you to it, so they escorted
me to the restroom. It was a twelve course taste
in menu, maybe ten, I don't know, but the whole
night was extravagant. And don't get me wrong, it was fun,
like I loved it, but it was also a lot

(06:35):
because it didn't feel like getting to know someone. It
felt like being pitched to. It felt like, I don't know,
I had to give like a rate or like a
grade at the end of the night. And later months
months later, my birthday was coming up, my birthdays in
the fall, and he asked what I was planning on

(06:58):
doing and what I wanted for my pirs, and given
the prior experiences, I was like, look, I just want
tacos that goes are totally fine. I don't need anything fancy,
we can go to like Thatchos, like whatever taco plays
like it's fine. And I truly meant it. This wasn't

(07:20):
a test or you know, I wasn't poking or to
see what else he had to offer. I truly was like,
I don't need anything else because I wanted something real.
And his response, and I laugh at this because I
truly believed that he was the most genuine person, because

(07:41):
he looked at me like dead serious, and he was like,
of course, if you want tacos, I know this amazing
spot in Vegas and we can just hop in a flight,
go to dinner, and come back the same night. I
was like, what is happening? I said that goes. I
don't want jet fuel, like what and so and empty.

(08:02):
There are a lot of things like that. There was
this one time we also talked about chocolate, just a
casual conversation. I love chocolate. You know, I'm in this
kke of cacao. This is a long time ago, but
I do like chocolate. And so we were just having
this casual conversation and he told me. He told me
about this amazing like the most magical, delicious, delightful, like

(08:28):
the best chocolate place in France because he was also
very well traveled. He told me about it and he
was like, you know, those were the best chocolates I've
ever tasted, better than he named the hundreds of places
that had been to all over the world, and he
was like, the French chocolate Tia or however you say
it was the best. And I was like, awesome. I mean,

(08:48):
I think Mexican chocolate it's amazing, Ecuadorian chocolate it's fabulous.
But whatever. Well, two days later I got a package
from France at my door full of those chocolates we
talked about. Frankly, it got to a point where it
was comical because I'm like, I don't know, like I'm

(09:09):
afraid to say things because he would just get them.
And while some maything that I was thoughtful, that was
not connected. I didn't feel connected because it felt like
a performance. It felt about proving access. It felt that
he was just showing me his ability to impress me.

(09:32):
And what I realized is that he was always giving,
but never listening. And here's what the silence comes in,
because for a long time I didn't say anything. I
didn't speak up, I didn't say what I actually needed.
I let the gestures speak louder than my voice because
part of me was afraid to ruin the niceness. Part

(09:53):
of me was afraid to kind of like and the
fun because part of me was still healing from a toxico,
and so dealing with it empty felt safe, predictable, lavish. Yes,
but at least he wasn't hurting me. So I stayed

(10:14):
quiet way too long. I let myself disappeared in his world,
and eventually I reached my limit, and I told him
I needed something different, something grounded, present, reciprocal. Yes, hee
como leiche. It was over not because we fought, but

(10:34):
because once I started using my voice, he didn't know
how to be in relationship with a real, full feeling person.
Empty wasn't evil. He just didn't know how to make
space for someone else's truth, and I had finally learned
how to speak mine. So the lesson from it empty

(10:55):
is that silence doesn't always look like shutting down. It
looks like smiling through a dinner you didn't ask for,
nodding along when your needs go unmet, letting someone perform
love without ever checking if it actually lands self. Love
means noticing where you disappear and then choosing to show

(11:16):
back up as your full, honest and perfect self. So
this week I want you to write a list called
the things I don't say. Here's your experiment, the little
ways you quiet yourself to keep the peace, to avoid
the conflict, or to not make a big deal. And
then you want to pick one thing from that list

(11:38):
and say it out loud to someone else, to yourself,
to a mirror, to your dog or your cat. It
doesn't matter where. It only matters that it is heard,
that you voice it out because your truth deserves to
take up space too well, which is gonna ask us
for being here. I hope you're having fun. If you

(11:58):
are liking this cheese man, we have the Toxico. Finally
you're gonna hear this the story of a Toxico and
I can't wait to tell you that story. If you
think people will love this episode and all the series,
please share, help me share this and leave ratings, reviews,

(12:19):
comments all the things. Let's follow each other on socials
at podcast. Thank you for being here On