November 8, 2022 • 34 mins
In this episode, Cate and Erik sit down to talk about one of the hardest parts of the ADHD experience- forgetting really, really important stuff, and the implications and frustrations that come with that. Cate shares a recent debacle and Erik talks long-term planning and ADHD. They discuss the common assumptions made about Neurodivergency and memory and offer a few insights on how to deal.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:08):
Okay. Oh, hi Eric.
I almost forgot to show to the podcast.
Get it because it's a funny jokebecause that's what we're gonna
talk about today is forgiving stops.
I want to stop. You just pretended like I forgot
because I thought that was very funny.
I bet the title that we get to think of it.
This episode, we'll we'll make that funny.
(00:30):
What if they just don't title itbecause the title forgot to show
up. Hi everybody, I'm Kate with Zoar
is hello it's me. Hey guys.
And welcome back to To go after infinite gotten really close.
It's not loud. Pretty it is the regular
mentally tired. I'm so tired, but it's cool.
(00:51):
Wait, what did you think about the name of this episode?
I live up to the hype, comment below it to smash that subscribe
button and I wish there was a comment section of podcasts.
Well, you can email ask at infinite Quest, podcast.com
again. That's a scat infinite Quest
podcast. Come here.
(01:11):
Any feedback or literally anything you want to send to us?
Tell us that you like us. If you want to tell us that you
don't like us, don't send us anything.
It's actually emails and I will internalize it so.
But if you have nice things to say okay if you don't have nice
things to say just put it like in the title to say, this is for
Eric prayer as I do. The negative criticisms are all
(01:32):
about Eric. Well they're way more useful.
They're far more useful. I'd rather hear somebody say hey
the audio was weird at this point are hey, that's allowed.
Peaked and blew out my fucking use saying if they're like,
personally, we find you to be Dreadful but I don't, ya don't
do that. But also you can write that on a
little know. You disagree with that rolling,
(01:53):
the wing that we're great. One thing that does really,
honestly, help us out. And it costs, you 0% dollars to
do is to leave us a review on either Spotify, which is kind of
hard to do, or apple podcasts, but advertisers and stuff,
literally look at like the number of As you have little
just a quantity. Yeah, just the quantity.
(02:14):
So if you are enthusiastic aboutour podcast and you're like,
boy, I wish I could support you on the patreon, but I don't have
any dollars. Do you know what you can do 40
dollars, go ride a little think.Say this is the best podcast
I've ever heard in all my life and days and Katie and Eric are
geniuses. That's right.
And that's it, you know, you can't write more if you want to
(02:37):
read more if you want, but I wouldn't be mad.
I think we forgot the Team bubs,although he does not.
Is that, okay? So it's really silly.
Thing happened this weekend and I'm really mad about it.
I'm so upset about it and I was thinking about why I was so
upset. I said about it, and then I
realized that it's an excellent podcast topic, because As you
(02:58):
all know, this may shock, some of you, I have ADHD.
And a big part of ADHD is tryingto figure out what salvation is
found that it made. Sorry, I don't know that I
haven't said no but like a big part of it is is like there is a
profound sort of like stuff. Sometimes slips through the
cracks and you're juggling a lotof things and stuff.
And I recently got cast in the new season series of Atlanta by
(03:25):
night, which is the Atlanta vampire, the Masquerade.
Game. And I straight up just didn't
show up for filming. I just didn't show up and it was
like, and I had and it was this whole thing.
We're like a bunch of people called me, but like, it was a
perfect storm of like not havingmy phone.
And then I like checked later. And by then I was like, 3 hours
(03:47):
after I'd like, suppose it really goes this whole thing.
And I went into the Discord where we, like, organize all of
our stuff and like there in black and white in front of God.
And everybody was the message that I had Sent the day after we
got back from alchemy. That was like Hey, I checked my
schedule. I thought I had something on the
29th but I don't, I'm totally free.
So I'm good to go. I'll see you guys then.
(04:10):
I have when I tell you, I have no memory of that.
I have no memory of checking my schedule.
I have no memory of sending thatmessage.
Look, I like Ed, and I know thatI did, like, I know that I did.
You know, it's under my name. I didn't get hacked by schedule
hackers. You know, I was just gonna be a
(04:31):
mean, just schedule things without telling you.
Oh my god, literally. I just got like actual nightmare
like that actually. Made me afraid.
Um, there anything worse than a text that just says, hey, where
are you? Where are ya?
But you know, and so is like that.
But I got like five of those andI was like, where the fuck was I
supposed to be? And I was like, oh, this game.
Now, thankfully everybody was super, nice.
(04:53):
Everybody was super understanding.
The game is. Primarily with neurodivergent
people who understood in were very kind and generous and were
very much just like, hey, we're just glad you're okay because
like you tend to be on time and show up for things and so this
was like weird but I realized you know and then it but then I
started I'm really hard on myself and I was just so angry
that I'd let that happen. And I was like, okay, so clearly
(05:15):
the system broke down and, you know, and the system that I have
in place, which is like commit to the things say, yes, then
immediately put it on my calendar, like immediately, like
there is no break between those.So I must have taken a break.
There must have been something that happened.
I don't remember what it is, butit must have happened.
And so the more that I sort of was like being very overly
apologetic and very much, like, please don't hate me forever.
(05:38):
The more that I realized is It'slike a three-fold thing.
It's like a three-fold issue because it's the issue of
forgetting to show up which makes me feel like an asshole.
But then there's the secondary frustration and anger, which is
that my systems are my structures that I work really
hard to make sure are working inthis shit.
(06:01):
Doesn't happen and I don't embarrass myself like this.
Those broke down and then there's the third and the third
one was the one that took me wild like unpack.
Back and figure out like, like, why was feeling with I was
feeling. I was because the third part of
it, the third component, at least, for me is the knowledge
that I'm going to do this again.It's like it's like the the
(06:24):
frustration of knowing that no matter how hard I try no matter
how many times, I double and triple check my calendar and
make sure and whatever there aregoing to be times in my life
where I just forget to do stuff or I don't show up or something,
or I forget your birthday, or, like, whatever it might be.
And I hate that, I hate that, and that makes me so angry and
(06:47):
so mad at myself. And then, you know, and then
there's like that part of me that's like, but you can't.
But and it's like, yeah, I can'thelp the way my brain is, but I
sure as fuck can help the strategies that I use to prevent
this from happening, but then those strategies failed in this
very visible instance, and I just feel like shit about it and
(07:07):
it's like, and I think really sitting down and figuring out
like, okay, like what why do I feel this way?
Like why do I feel so shitty? And I think it really is this
because it's that that like triple combo platter of like the
thing, the System and the knowledge that this will all
happen again and there's nothingthat I can, you know, I mean,
there are things I can do their active steps that I can take,
(07:28):
but ultimately the sort of frustration of having ADHD is
that at some point, you're goingto forget about a thing?
Yeah, and I hate that, that sucks.
The Chronic part of it. Yes, it's just, this is all it
for all time. Always just talk for forever to
I'm sorry. No, please it's a podcast.
I mean I think the thing about forgetting things that makes it
(07:48):
a really shitty symptom of ADHD is its One of the symptoms
that's most likely to fuck over other people.
Hmm. You know, like it fucks us over
all day long but it also very frequently fucks other people.
Sorry about the eyes now. It's okay.
I'd recheck and recheck. It matter how we establish that.
And that's a really bad sore throat because it's probably be
season and I keep forgetting that it's allergy season, but
(08:11):
that my throat hurts. Well II had another instance, I
have exactly that happening. So, our friend Tejada today,
what up is making a A DND podcast.
That is based in the Minecraft world so it's the Minecraft
world. But today has made a staggering
(08:32):
amount of game systems and like charts and shit to turn
Minecraft into d5e mechanic, it's fascinating.
But anyways, we've recorded I think three episodes so far but
we did the first three like one after the other.
We just we like I think we did too and one day and then one the
next day Immediately the next day and then we scheduled
(08:55):
another one. That was like three weeks later
and I did the same fucking thing.
You normally, when I schedule the thing I am without stop,
like the next thing I do is I use see like Siri on my phone.
Yeah. I say, you know, aty serious
toll on people's phones to like activate.
And I tell them my schedule immediately because otherwise
(09:16):
I'll forget and I didn't do thatthis time.
And so it was actually the day after The Weird Al incident.
Oh yeah. Which quick story, Katie Chris
and I got tickets for Weird. Al to go see where Talon Atlanta
and we went there and StubHub SeatGeek.
Excuse me, I'm just completely fucked us.
(09:37):
Like the tickets they had like double Soul.
Either way, we didn't have a ticket so we were literally just
sitting outside and tiger jumpsuits unable to get.
Anyways, it fucking sucked. And so I the rest of the day was
sort of in like, you know, woundlicking mode.
Like we Home and we wanted to dosomething fun to like try to get
our minds off of the fact, we weren't at this thing.
(09:58):
Anyways, my mind just fully was on that and so I totally forgot
that it was the next morning. So I woke up to a text from teh
or a discordant note just like hey where are you?
And I felt real fucking bad because Tay works really hard to
make the podcast work. Yeah.
I think that's why the forgetfulness is one of those
really Hefty symptoms because it's very likely to fuck over
(10:20):
other people and it's frustrating when your systems
I'll, you know, I watched you dosomething.
That is one of my favorite little instances of ADHD,
forgetfulness. But I think really like drives
the concept home you had. You, were you ask where your
phone was, you didn't wear your phone with?
You're like, where's my phone? And that classic?
Like it's not like I left it somewhere and I just put it
(10:42):
down. Yeah.
And I don't know which surface it's on, you know what happens
hundreds of times a day when youhave it HD.
And so really going, I started spinning around.
And you would just had it like five minutes before.
Yeah. And then you're like, where's my
phone? And it was on the couch plugged
in and that's the big part. It was plugged in which means
(11:03):
you didn't just set it down and then you would actively had a
moment where you took the thing and you could have done you
plugged it in you put on the couch, like it was a thoughtful
thing and it's still just got wiped, just absolutely wiped
which just goes to show the fucking power of the 80s you for
dumping this thing is, it's not just the absent-minded Putting
stuff down, although it totally fucking is it can be like real
(11:25):
moments where like you sent a whole message to somebody
agreeing to show up somewhere and they just do a whole thing.
Like I was like, hello, I have returned from this thing that I
was at. And now I'm here and I'm looking
at my schedule and I thought I had this thing, but I don't like
I like there was like backstory and like more involved and I so
I was just like I have no memoryand I keep like I keep like
(11:48):
doing this like weird. Probably unhealthy thing but
like one That I like to do in situations.
Like, this is really go back andthink it through and be like,
okay, I remember coming back from Alchemy, I remember that
day of like working in the office but I'm like I don't
remember what I did. I remember you know what emails
I sent her like there was like anything of particular note and
I was just like so there's nothing.
(12:09):
There's just like this weird blank space in my memory of like
I guess at some point that day Isent that message and that's
like and it's just I don't feel like people who don't have ADHD
D, you know, unless you get likeroutinely blackout drunk, you
know, know or your heavy sleeper, heavy sleeper, like
(12:29):
that kind of thing. But it's like the it's just like
there are real gaps in my memorywhen it is like something took
Focus, something took priority and like the you know,
processing system. And so whatever was going on was
apparently enough to where I just completely walked away from
my phone and like, didn't finishthe, you know, scheduling
(12:50):
circuit but But I just I'm so mad about it and it was like,
fine, you know, it was like and it worked out perfectly.
Like at the end of the last episode my character have been
like, hey, I'm gonna go to the library and do a bunch of
research. And so like, of course, my
character was just like in the library and it was fine.
Like they just like covered it and it was, it was no big deal,
but just like it hurt. Like, I hurt my own feelings,
(13:13):
you know, like I heard my own feelings, not showing up for
shit and just like that feeling of like well, what if Like this
is nobody listens like nobody important will ever hear this,
so it's fine. But like, I want to be on
Dimension, 20 more than anythingelse in the entire world.
Like, I would be great at that job, like I would fucking be an
(13:36):
excellent cast member on Dimension 20 or like, you know,
critical role shoot for the moon.
But like I live in Terror like literal Terror of like the week
where I forget to check my KDs, or His email and like, you know,
hey, we need an answer by tomorrow or you know, oh, you
know, I said yes and everything's planned.
(13:58):
And then I buy a plane ticket for the wrong airport, which I
did. I did that literally three days
ago because we're, oh, by the way, dear listeners.
I'm going to the Chad conferencewith Danny Donovan and Jessica
McCabe, we're going to hang out.It's gonna be rad, but I
literally bought a ticket to thewrong hair part.
(14:19):
I like Get out. Like I was, I was able to change
it, but she like that, where I'mlike, I live in active fear of
just ruining the drip. Like like these big important
dreams that I have, because, like, I forget to send a text to
Brandon Lee, Mulligan, you know what I mean?
Like, that kind of shit. Anxiety, like all the time
constant anxiety, and it's not like, oh, and healthy anxiety,
(14:43):
where it's like, oh we're you fixating?
Or are you worrying about nothing?
It's no. It's a lie.
Literally fucking forgot to showup to filming for no other
reason that it wasn't a real Justified fear and it feels like
shit. It feels like fucking shit but
it's a superpower um and like I don't know.
And like so I just like I worry about that constantly and people
ask me, you know, all the time they're like wool.
(15:04):
I do forget stuff for like my work is suffering or like
whatever. What do I do?
And like, the real answer is, like, do the system, you know,
but it's like when the system gets interrupted like sometimes
it's like I just feel so Small and Afraid and Powerless to the
way that my own brain works. And that is a weird fucking
(15:25):
feelings. Fucking horrifying.
It's almost like lovecraftian. Yeah, there's like a entity that
is just taking away your memories.
Yeah, indiscriminate way. Yeah.
Like a, I mean, I think, the oneof the scariest parts of it to
me, is by definition. You don't know what you forgot.
Yeah. Like I had no idea until
(15:46):
literally no idea until three different people called me.
Yeah, I was like oh I wonder whythey're calling me?
That's weird. It's like, you can't remember
something that you forgotten because if you remember then you
haven't forgotten. And so like I am certain certain
in this moment that there is something extremely important
that I'm forgetting. I have no fucking clue what it
is but I'll find out when it becomes a problem.
Yeah. That's when you find out what
(16:07):
you forgot is when it's already too fucking late.
Yeah. And it's terrifying and you
don't know what you've forgottenbecause it's almost random.
Like I think for a lot of peopleI don't see neurotypical people
but people with ADHD or Reissues.
If something is very important by Nature because it is
important, they will not forget it, here's as important.
So when it hits their brain seemingly, I have only ever been
(16:31):
a person with ADHD, but seemingly, it's like, oh, that's
really important. So, it gets logged in the memory
banks. But for us, it's like, I'm as
likely to forget an extremely important meeting.
As I am where I put my phone. It's my brain doesn't
discriminate between massively important things.
I might discriminate like not mybrain, But Eric, Yeah, system of
(16:52):
organs and skin and whatnot, might go.
Oh, this is important. Therefore, I need to follow the
system. I need to without hesitation
like any hesitation immediately,put it into a Consolidated
calendar. Like I can do that but that's
because my brain alone can't do it.
It needs you know the superorganism.
Yeah. Yeah.
(17:13):
And it's just I don't know. Like I just I'm so I'm like at
this point I've like moved, you know, like I've accepted it
moved on like it. But everybody was really nice.
I'm like but I've also had timeswhere people haven't been so
nice about it, you know? And like I feel like just in
conversation with like some of the other stuff you know,
because it's not just remembering stuff.
(17:35):
It's also there's like I mean, Iguess you could argue that like
attention to detail is like a part of it, you know, like part
of memory like in some ways because you're fundamentally
remembering like details. But like I just think of like
all of the like real big fuck-ups like the really big
(17:55):
fuck ups that I've made like especially at like work or, you
know, even in like relationshipsand stuff.
And they all fun fundamentally come down to I forgot to do
something very important, you know, and there's like this very
specific like stomach dropping immediate visceral, physical
(18:22):
reaction that I have and like that's when that's when I know,
you know, like that's when I'm like oh okay.
Like this, you know, whoopsie. Yeah.
Um, But yeah, it's just, you know, and like you don't like
it. Like this is a really dumb
story, but when I one of my first jobs out of college was I
was the VIP events coordinator at a casino and Iowa.
(18:46):
Like, you do Springfield ricketsand Rick Springfield.
I was me, thirty seven dollars, but so like there was a
Christmas concert that we were doing and it was like a rat pack
in person aters not that it matters in the story but it was
it was The Rat Pack impersonators, but there was
there is an event going on at the same time and in my defense,
(19:10):
I was never actually trained on how to use the like, Event
software that we use. That was like there's like rooms
and then you would like click a little box for like tables and
chairs and like, you know, like it was like the banquet server
software. I was really hard.
It was really fucking complex software and they never exactly
training on how to use it until she's dude, always kind of doing
(19:32):
the best that I could. But I booked the event in the
wrong room, in the room that it was supposed to be in was
already booked. Somebody had booked it for like,
a corporate Christmas party. And so, I I double booked the
event and I had to go to my bossand be like, I done fucked up.
You know, she was so mean she's so mean and she was so mad about
(19:53):
it and I was like, but the nice thing is that this is a
Christmas like Christmas show, little Christmas event.
And we have all these Christmas trees set up in this, like,
other like area, like events area.
So what if we like did like an intimate little Christmas
concert and like we could put itin there and she was so mad but
she's like well that's what we're going to have to do and I
want to being one of the best events that we threw that year.
(20:15):
Because it was just like really nice and the space.
The space was smaller and so everybody was kind of close
together and it was like this very like Christmassy holiday
Vibe and it was nice and I like fix the problem.
But It ultimately foundationallywas because I had fucked up.
I'd missed that detail and I wasjust like and usually I'm lucky
(20:36):
enough that I'm and I think perhaps some of it is like a
result of being the person who fuck shit up royally all the
time is I've gotten pretty good at like a Here's the solution.
And I'm so I'm great at that. I'm great at the like, and
here's the solution for moments like that, but when the solute,
when the solution is, and I didn't show up and there's
nothing I can fucking do about it.
(20:57):
That's when I think it hurts themost.
Because, like, there's no fixingghosting.
A group of players, there's nothing that fixes that
professionally or, you know, just reputation Ali.
And again, everybody was super nice, nobody judge me.
It was genuinely not a big deal like whatever.
But I just I'm just so angry, atmyself.
(21:20):
It has been a week and I'm stilljust pissed at myself every time
I think about it and I just I can't let go of it because I'm
just like what happens when it'sfucking Sesame Street or
Dimension 20 or reading rainbows, reboot that I'm going
to be hosting with LeVar Burton and manifesting things but you
(21:40):
know what I mean? Yeah, like really I mean, I
think it's one of those things that I feel Or signing the
fucking thing that we haven't signed yet.
Oh yeah. Well, that's a scary thing to
sign really scared, long story, but that's one of those things,
especially if it's happening more than once with the same
(22:02):
person or group of people. It's one of those things where I
can like hear the timer on. Someone's patience running out.
Yeah, yeah, that's a really goodway of putting it, like so.
So my dad for example, who has ADHD He was Professor, whatever,
whatever he was a guy with a job, and he had meetings and
shipped to go to as one often does when they have a job and he
(22:23):
was chronically. Just consult constantly late to
meetings or he went to the wronglittle ADHD fuck-ups like he
wrote down the wrong room numberor he thought it was next
Tuesday. Just that kind of stuff and he
would always get away with it because in his words, he would
say, people just sort of follow,that's just Carla's.
He's, you know. Yeah.
(22:44):
But there was one time it was After he'd been a professor for
nine or ten years, where it happened, wrong room on the
specifics, not really matter, but a meeting he meeting had to
wait for him for like a half an hour and he showed up, and he's
the most Charming motherfucker ever know that he's trying to
charm his way out of it. He's just he's Charming.
Yeah. And they did the meeting and
yada yada. And as he was leaving, he was
(23:06):
talking to a co-worker friend ofhis whose name, I won't use.
He was talking to him and he said, I'm really sorry.
Like, I know this happens a lot like, I'm sorry and he said, I
think I might be paraphrasing a bit here but the way I remember
him telling his story is my dad's friend turns to him and
says You Know Carl it's really not Charming anymore.
(23:28):
Oh, fuck, ouch. But I fear that.
Yeah, I fear that where somebodywho's been very patient with me
when their patience runs out. And they finally say, well,
frankly, I hope that they say something to the effect of my
patience has run out. You need to be here on time
(23:50):
because alternative that is theydon't say anything.
And then, they just, yeah, can'tdeal with you anymore and I
fear. Other people talking about how
unreliable I am. Yeah.
We're like oh we need, you know,you know there's certain people
in your life where if they say they're going to be there at the
airport or whatever like, you know, you know where, if they're
not there it's like holy shit, something happened.
I need to call this person. You know, I didn't do a wellness
(24:10):
tight, like, I keep thinking of my cousin's husband, Tom is just
a nice guy ever needs. The most reliable mother Park.
Like if he says he's going to beat a place he will.
And there was one time where he was sad, that he was going to
meet me somewhere and he didn't and I was scared.
I was like, that's not till I get something happen.
Indeed something did nothing like he's fine but it was a
thing. He was like, I'm sorry I didn't
(24:31):
even have time to like tell you.Anyways, that's the kind of
person I want to be and I know I'm not enough fucked on a ways
and yeah, like I lie awake at night thinking about other
people talking about how Eric said he was gonna be here, but
who knows? You know, I mean, that's the
thing that was like, I And I think that's like maybe like
(24:52):
partially like a response to my ADHD is like especially with
like like I became a stage manager, like my entire job was
being on time, you know? And so I am, I am the reliable
friend. You know, I am the person, who's
like, if you tell me to show up at noon, I'm showing up at noon,
you know, like I'm really good about that.
(25:15):
Until something happens, you know?
And it's like I think to like part it part of just being a
human on this Earth as like people are going to forget about
stuff you know whatever. But I also am just like I don't
know like I had a friend growingup.
We're not growing like what it doesn't matter when I was older
but we worked for the same theater company and she was like
(25:38):
Chronically late but had like made it part of her personality
and it was that same kind of thing where it's like, you know,
for starting the thing at noon then we'll tell her 11 because
then maybe she'll get here on time and it was like and I
remember we had the same conversation of like it was
maybe cute at some point but like at this point like you're a
grown-ass adults handle your shit.
(25:58):
Yeah. But then you know but then I
also feel bad for like doing that because it's like I do
think we should give people Grace.
I do think we should give peoplekindness but also Like, at some
point like we also shouldn't have to hold the meeting for
half an hour because Carl is late again, you know, like that
kind of thing. And so it's like how do you find
that balance? Sorry, just want to point out.
I love the ease with which you remembered my dad's name.
(26:20):
That's well, Eric I met I've hung out with your family, like
a lot. It is nice.
But like, you know what I mean? And so it's like it's one of
those things were like, I alwaysadvocate for like, be patient
with your ADHD friends, you know, be kind to them understand
that That, you know, they're doing the best that they can.
(26:40):
But then also, there's always that back of my head that of
like but are they or are they just using it as a cop out?
You know like where what's the line?
What, you know, the police are. So I mean I have to please
myself. Yeah.
Shoot. You know, sometimes I can't tell
when I'm bullshit, you know, like, you know, did I really
actually forget her? Did I well I mean yeah.
(27:00):
And you know and then sometimes to like now there's like this
weird Sort of like, I don't know.
Like counterbalance isn't the right word, but it's like, you
know, like like game night. We like our friends.
So, you know, like, they'll verykindly invite us every single
time, but it's like, I literallydon't have five hours
consecutively, free until three months from now.
(27:23):
It's like I am that scheduled. I am that booked.
And so then it's like that double fear of like I'm so busy.
Something is going to get doublebooked.
Something is To get fucked up. Just when is it going to happen?
And what is it going to be? And so I like the more the more
that I've done this, the more that I have become busier and
(27:46):
like doing more stuff, I think the scarier it's gotten because
the stakes are higher more people are looking at it.
More. People are like, you know,
waiting me waiting for me to like, go live or like whatever
it may be. And there's just a profound
anxiety to like, just Waiting for the shoe to drop of like, oh
I was supposed to be on Dimension 20 today, but you
(28:08):
know, I left the flights to the last minute now.
I can't make it like die. I live in fucking fear of that
constantly. Well, I would say in that
specific case. I think Dimension 20.
Because of our successful. It is I would say that it is an
organized enough organization that if they care enough to
email you once they'd care enough to email your twice.
(28:30):
You know they're not just sending out a bunch of emails to
see who responds. Like if they email you they know
you're going to respond to you know.
That's I just look shit you know.
It's like I don't care how I started so many emails with hi.
I'm so sorry for the delay in myresponse.
Yeah, yeah. Thank you for your patience
spent all morning doing that. I found out that my management.
(28:50):
See, change their name and therefore, the email address is
all changed. And so, every email I've written
from for basically, for the pastweek, from that email didn't get
sent and I didn't get like a notification that they didn't
get sent. They just like sense to nothing
because the email anyway, so I spent all morning being like,
I'm sorry, it looked like my last email didn't write, you
(29:11):
know, just like now I'm a week late from responding to all this
shit. And that's just, you know, that
little ADHD shit because I remember noticing that and
thinking I need to change that. Yeah.
Yeah. But I didn't do it immediately
so I never got changed and I spent a week fucking drawer.
I spent all morning just groveling like hey I'm so sorry.
You still interested in buddy Bob yeah well I got invited to
three, no five games this weekend like just like wow via
(29:36):
email and it was all like you know like one is like every
other Wednesday in November and then one of them is like there's
like a it's like a one shot but also like there's a, I'm just
like looking at my calendar and I'm just like, I am so afraid
all the time that I'm just gonnabe that person you know.
And that is discounting the dayswhere I wake up and feel like
(30:00):
absolute death and have to cancel.
That's just the showing up to begin with, you know, it's just
Very tired. Yeah.
Me, too. I'm literally just thinking
about wondering what I'm forgetting.
I know. I know, I know.
Yeah. I feel like I'm forgetting
something major today. So I think it's because it's our
anniversary. Yeah, that's all I.
This is just, I know, we're, we have to wrap up here, but if
(30:21):
you've made it this far, then heed my words, my friend, make a
plan for voting, please moaning.I'm alone day.
Is this coming Tuesday a week from tomorrow?
So make sure you got a nice. Get some friends together.
Go get brunch afterwards or something.
If you can. It is also.
So stupidly as fuck on a non national holiday Tuesday.
So also it is is your minor yourboss.
(30:44):
Can't do anything about it. If you need to go vote, if you
flip the laws, it is true. It is against the law for for an
employer to tell you that, you can't go vote, but midterm
elections kind of seem boring. And they are a lot of ways but
they're really, really fucking important.
And so boring and important can exist at the same time.
(31:04):
That's true. So just make sure you Vote Andy.
Well everybody, thank you so much for being here with us on
this this fine day. I've been, hey dude, I will
continue to be okay soon. As far as Will I know if I'm bad
at the end of sign. Okay.
Do you want to do it? Yeah, before we leave you a
quick note, please remember to take your meds.
(31:26):
Please remember to drink some water.
Please remember to eat a snack please.
Remember to go vote. Remember to be kind to yourself.
Remember, be kind of others. And remember we love you even
when you forget to do stuff, it's okay.
Bye-bye. Oh, also.
Next week, we're going to start back with the patreons long
(31:47):
because we are woefully behind on the patreon sound.
Got a new patreon Patron. Good.
Well, that's true. Have we got?
We got a couple. Yeah.
We just we just only got like a couple so, but that's a great
time to remind you that. If you like this podcast, if you
like the work that we do, we do have a patreon.
It was patreon.com infinite Quest.
Um, full disclosure, we don't doa ton of stuff on there because
(32:10):
this podcast takes up a lot of the time, but the so that is
what allows us to do this work and stuff.
And I just want to say that if 10 percent of our audience
joined our patreon, we could literally and for real do this
full time and not have to worry about anything else.
(32:30):
And so, if you aren't a patron right now, but you have thought
about it even literally like a dollar a month, a single dolor
days a month, helps us, frankly.Load.
And so if you are considering this is our official impromptu
November patreon drive. So think about it obviously, no
(32:54):
pressure, no expectation. But if you're not in a place
where you can even spare a buck a month I totally get it.
I've been there too. And so another thing you can do
like we said earlier at the top of the episode you can just go
give us a review and even more than that, just share us.
Sure. Surround, tell your friends,
tell your enemies, tell your mom, tell your dad, tell,
whoever, what Just let people know that we exist and that were
out here and we would love that to happen.
(33:19):
I forgot what I was going to sayat the end of Funda.
I thought of some too, but I can't remember.
Okay, so. Oh yeah.
And if you will, I'm trying to, like, think of what guests we
should have, see if you have anyideas for guests.
I mean, Keith from the grape. Anybody knows about youth from
the great Pottery, throw down like as if Keith is your uncle
or something, will you please email us at asking him to cause
(33:40):
podcast.com I'm just going to ask him but I just I feel
awkward just being like but I really good man said yes.
Yeah I run with it was on and I was like the best day of my
entire life. We're better.
Now Lucy where's Leon to be cool?
Yeah well because if we can get Keith Andrew Goodman and Lucy
where's Leon then we can just start like an Avengers of like
very Niche nerds and do that. Yeah, burn it up Banner.
(34:04):
Yeah, I mean, we've both gotten much better at interviews since
we interviewed Michael Goodman. I think Ruth good.
I liked her interview with Ruth.Admit it was chill as fuck.
I was really chill. She was great.
Yeah, she's used to like be likeyes.
And the year 1437, and then we're like you were here about
turkey or Christmas. Carol.
I gotta start working on that video, fuck.
(34:24):
Oh yeah. It's almost Christmas.
It's yeah. Right.
I really want to do a YouTube video about it.
I think I pulled a video essay. Oh, he'll be great.
Yeah, it's just going to take a long like I want to do it.
Well, yeah, inlays and stuff. Yeah.
Like references on screen. Yeah, dude.
I might have two layers effect can be Burns.
Yeah I wanna do it like Ken Burns.
I'll get a haircut too. Yeah, all right.
(34:46):
By everybody to see you next week.
Okay. Oh, hi Eric.
I almost forgot to show to the podcast.
Get it because it's a funny jokebecause that's what we're gonna
talk about today is forgiving stops.
I want to stop. You just pretended like I forgot
because I thought that was very funny.
I bet the title that we get to think of it.
This episode, we'll we'll make that funny.
(00:30):
What if they just don't title itbecause the title forgot to show
up. Hi everybody, I'm Kate with Zoar
is hello it's me. Hey guys.
And welcome back to To go after infinite gotten really close.
It's not loud. Pretty it is the regular
mentally tired. I'm so tired, but it's cool.
(00:51):
Wait, what did you think about the name of this episode?
I live up to the hype, comment below it to smash that subscribe
button and I wish there was a comment section of podcasts.
Well, you can email ask at infinite Quest, podcast.com
again. That's a scat infinite Quest
podcast. Come here.
(01:11):
Any feedback or literally anything you want to send to us?
Tell us that you like us. If you want to tell us that you
don't like us, don't send us anything.
It's actually emails and I will internalize it so.
But if you have nice things to say okay if you don't have nice
things to say just put it like in the title to say, this is for
Eric prayer as I do. The negative criticisms are all
(01:32):
about Eric. Well they're way more useful.
They're far more useful. I'd rather hear somebody say hey
the audio was weird at this point are hey, that's allowed.
Peaked and blew out my fucking use saying if they're like,
personally, we find you to be Dreadful but I don't, ya don't
do that. But also you can write that on a
little know. You disagree with that rolling,
(01:53):
the wing that we're great. One thing that does really,
honestly, help us out. And it costs, you 0% dollars to
do is to leave us a review on either Spotify, which is kind of
hard to do, or apple podcasts, but advertisers and stuff,
literally look at like the number of As you have little
just a quantity. Yeah, just the quantity.
(02:14):
So if you are enthusiastic aboutour podcast and you're like,
boy, I wish I could support you on the patreon, but I don't have
any dollars. Do you know what you can do 40
dollars, go ride a little think.Say this is the best podcast
I've ever heard in all my life and days and Katie and Eric are
geniuses. That's right.
And that's it, you know, you can't write more if you want to
(02:37):
read more if you want, but I wouldn't be mad.
I think we forgot the Team bubs,although he does not.
Is that, okay? So it's really silly.
Thing happened this weekend and I'm really mad about it.
I'm so upset about it and I was thinking about why I was so
upset. I said about it, and then I
realized that it's an excellent podcast topic, because As you
(02:58):
all know, this may shock, some of you, I have ADHD.
And a big part of ADHD is tryingto figure out what salvation is
found that it made. Sorry, I don't know that I
haven't said no but like a big part of it is is like there is a
profound sort of like stuff. Sometimes slips through the
cracks and you're juggling a lotof things and stuff.
And I recently got cast in the new season series of Atlanta by
(03:25):
night, which is the Atlanta vampire, the Masquerade.
Game. And I straight up just didn't
show up for filming. I just didn't show up and it was
like, and I had and it was this whole thing.
We're like a bunch of people called me, but like, it was a
perfect storm of like not havingmy phone.
And then I like checked later. And by then I was like, 3 hours
(03:47):
after I'd like, suppose it really goes this whole thing.
And I went into the Discord where we, like, organize all of
our stuff and like there in black and white in front of God.
And everybody was the message that I had Sent the day after we
got back from alchemy. That was like Hey, I checked my
schedule. I thought I had something on the
29th but I don't, I'm totally free.
So I'm good to go. I'll see you guys then.
(04:10):
I have when I tell you, I have no memory of that.
I have no memory of checking my schedule.
I have no memory of sending thatmessage.
Look, I like Ed, and I know thatI did, like, I know that I did.
You know, it's under my name. I didn't get hacked by schedule
hackers. You know, I was just gonna be a
(04:31):
mean, just schedule things without telling you.
Oh my god, literally. I just got like actual nightmare
like that actually. Made me afraid.
Um, there anything worse than a text that just says, hey, where
are you? Where are ya?
But you know, and so is like that.
But I got like five of those andI was like, where the fuck was I
supposed to be? And I was like, oh, this game.
Now, thankfully everybody was super, nice.
(04:53):
Everybody was super understanding.
The game is. Primarily with neurodivergent
people who understood in were very kind and generous and were
very much just like, hey, we're just glad you're okay because
like you tend to be on time and show up for things and so this
was like weird but I realized you know and then it but then I
started I'm really hard on myself and I was just so angry
that I'd let that happen. And I was like, okay, so clearly
(05:15):
the system broke down and, you know, and the system that I have
in place, which is like commit to the things say, yes, then
immediately put it on my calendar, like immediately, like
there is no break between those.So I must have taken a break.
There must have been something that happened.
I don't remember what it is, butit must have happened.
And so the more that I sort of was like being very overly
apologetic and very much, like, please don't hate me forever.
(05:38):
The more that I realized is It'slike a three-fold thing.
It's like a three-fold issue because it's the issue of
forgetting to show up which makes me feel like an asshole.
But then there's the secondary frustration and anger, which is
that my systems are my structures that I work really
hard to make sure are working inthis shit.
(06:01):
Doesn't happen and I don't embarrass myself like this.
Those broke down and then there's the third and the third
one was the one that took me wild like unpack.
Back and figure out like, like, why was feeling with I was
feeling. I was because the third part of
it, the third component, at least, for me is the knowledge
that I'm going to do this again.It's like it's like the the
(06:24):
frustration of knowing that no matter how hard I try no matter
how many times, I double and triple check my calendar and
make sure and whatever there aregoing to be times in my life
where I just forget to do stuff or I don't show up or something,
or I forget your birthday, or, like, whatever it might be.
And I hate that, I hate that, and that makes me so angry and
(06:47):
so mad at myself. And then, you know, and then
there's like that part of me that's like, but you can't.
But and it's like, yeah, I can'thelp the way my brain is, but I
sure as fuck can help the strategies that I use to prevent
this from happening, but then those strategies failed in this
very visible instance, and I just feel like shit about it and
(07:07):
it's like, and I think really sitting down and figuring out
like, okay, like what why do I feel this way?
Like why do I feel so shitty? And I think it really is this
because it's that that like triple combo platter of like the
thing, the System and the knowledge that this will all
happen again and there's nothingthat I can, you know, I mean,
there are things I can do their active steps that I can take,
(07:28):
but ultimately the sort of frustration of having ADHD is
that at some point, you're goingto forget about a thing?
Yeah, and I hate that, that sucks.
The Chronic part of it. Yes, it's just, this is all it
for all time. Always just talk for forever to
I'm sorry. No, please it's a podcast.
I mean I think the thing about forgetting things that makes it
(07:48):
a really shitty symptom of ADHD is its One of the symptoms
that's most likely to fuck over other people.
Hmm. You know, like it fucks us over
all day long but it also very frequently fucks other people.
Sorry about the eyes now. It's okay.
I'd recheck and recheck. It matter how we establish that.
And that's a really bad sore throat because it's probably be
season and I keep forgetting that it's allergy season, but
(08:11):
that my throat hurts. Well II had another instance, I
have exactly that happening. So, our friend Tejada today,
what up is making a A DND podcast.
That is based in the Minecraft world so it's the Minecraft
world. But today has made a staggering
(08:32):
amount of game systems and like charts and shit to turn
Minecraft into d5e mechanic, it's fascinating.
But anyways, we've recorded I think three episodes so far but
we did the first three like one after the other.
We just we like I think we did too and one day and then one the
next day Immediately the next day and then we scheduled
(08:55):
another one. That was like three weeks later
and I did the same fucking thing.
You normally, when I schedule the thing I am without stop,
like the next thing I do is I use see like Siri on my phone.
Yeah. I say, you know, aty serious
toll on people's phones to like activate.
And I tell them my schedule immediately because otherwise
(09:16):
I'll forget and I didn't do thatthis time.
And so it was actually the day after The Weird Al incident.
Oh yeah. Which quick story, Katie Chris
and I got tickets for Weird. Al to go see where Talon Atlanta
and we went there and StubHub SeatGeek.
Excuse me, I'm just completely fucked us.
(09:37):
Like the tickets they had like double Soul.
Either way, we didn't have a ticket so we were literally just
sitting outside and tiger jumpsuits unable to get.
Anyways, it fucking sucked. And so I the rest of the day was
sort of in like, you know, woundlicking mode.
Like we Home and we wanted to dosomething fun to like try to get
our minds off of the fact, we weren't at this thing.
(09:58):
Anyways, my mind just fully was on that and so I totally forgot
that it was the next morning. So I woke up to a text from teh
or a discordant note just like hey where are you?
And I felt real fucking bad because Tay works really hard to
make the podcast work. Yeah.
I think that's why the forgetfulness is one of those
really Hefty symptoms because it's very likely to fuck over
(10:20):
other people and it's frustrating when your systems
I'll, you know, I watched you dosomething.
That is one of my favorite little instances of ADHD,
forgetfulness. But I think really like drives
the concept home you had. You, were you ask where your
phone was, you didn't wear your phone with?
You're like, where's my phone? And that classic?
Like it's not like I left it somewhere and I just put it
(10:42):
down. Yeah.
And I don't know which surface it's on, you know what happens
hundreds of times a day when youhave it HD.
And so really going, I started spinning around.
And you would just had it like five minutes before.
Yeah. And then you're like, where's my
phone? And it was on the couch plugged
in and that's the big part. It was plugged in which means
(11:03):
you didn't just set it down and then you would actively had a
moment where you took the thing and you could have done you
plugged it in you put on the couch, like it was a thoughtful
thing and it's still just got wiped, just absolutely wiped
which just goes to show the fucking power of the 80s you for
dumping this thing is, it's not just the absent-minded Putting
stuff down, although it totally fucking is it can be like real
(11:25):
moments where like you sent a whole message to somebody
agreeing to show up somewhere and they just do a whole thing.
Like I was like, hello, I have returned from this thing that I
was at. And now I'm here and I'm looking
at my schedule and I thought I had this thing, but I don't like
I like there was like backstory and like more involved and I so
I was just like I have no memoryand I keep like I keep like
(11:48):
doing this like weird. Probably unhealthy thing but
like one That I like to do in situations.
Like, this is really go back andthink it through and be like,
okay, I remember coming back from Alchemy, I remember that
day of like working in the office but I'm like I don't
remember what I did. I remember you know what emails
I sent her like there was like anything of particular note and
I was just like so there's nothing.
(12:09):
There's just like this weird blank space in my memory of like
I guess at some point that day Isent that message and that's
like and it's just I don't feel like people who don't have ADHD
D, you know, unless you get likeroutinely blackout drunk, you
know, know or your heavy sleeper, heavy sleeper, like
(12:29):
that kind of thing. But it's like the it's just like
there are real gaps in my memorywhen it is like something took
Focus, something took priority and like the you know,
processing system. And so whatever was going on was
apparently enough to where I just completely walked away from
my phone and like, didn't finishthe, you know, scheduling
(12:50):
circuit but But I just I'm so mad about it and it was like,
fine, you know, it was like and it worked out perfectly.
Like at the end of the last episode my character have been
like, hey, I'm gonna go to the library and do a bunch of
research. And so like, of course, my
character was just like in the library and it was fine.
Like they just like covered it and it was, it was no big deal,
but just like it hurt. Like, I hurt my own feelings,
(13:13):
you know, like I heard my own feelings, not showing up for
shit and just like that feeling of like well, what if Like this
is nobody listens like nobody important will ever hear this,
so it's fine. But like, I want to be on
Dimension, 20 more than anythingelse in the entire world.
Like, I would be great at that job, like I would fucking be an
(13:36):
excellent cast member on Dimension 20 or like, you know,
critical role shoot for the moon.
But like I live in Terror like literal Terror of like the week
where I forget to check my KDs, or His email and like, you know,
hey, we need an answer by tomorrow or you know, oh, you
know, I said yes and everything's planned.
(13:58):
And then I buy a plane ticket for the wrong airport, which I
did. I did that literally three days
ago because we're, oh, by the way, dear listeners.
I'm going to the Chad conferencewith Danny Donovan and Jessica
McCabe, we're going to hang out.It's gonna be rad, but I
literally bought a ticket to thewrong hair part.
(14:19):
I like Get out. Like I was, I was able to change
it, but she like that, where I'mlike, I live in active fear of
just ruining the drip. Like like these big important
dreams that I have, because, like, I forget to send a text to
Brandon Lee, Mulligan, you know what I mean?
Like, that kind of shit. Anxiety, like all the time
constant anxiety, and it's not like, oh, and healthy anxiety,
(14:43):
where it's like, oh we're you fixating?
Or are you worrying about nothing?
It's no. It's a lie.
Literally fucking forgot to showup to filming for no other
reason that it wasn't a real Justified fear and it feels like
shit. It feels like fucking shit but
it's a superpower um and like I don't know.
And like so I just like I worry about that constantly and people
ask me, you know, all the time they're like wool.
(15:04):
I do forget stuff for like my work is suffering or like
whatever. What do I do?
And like, the real answer is, like, do the system, you know,
but it's like when the system gets interrupted like sometimes
it's like I just feel so Small and Afraid and Powerless to the
way that my own brain works. And that is a weird fucking
(15:25):
feelings. Fucking horrifying.
It's almost like lovecraftian. Yeah, there's like a entity that
is just taking away your memories.
Yeah, indiscriminate way. Yeah.
Like a, I mean, I think, the oneof the scariest parts of it to
me, is by definition. You don't know what you forgot.
Yeah. Like I had no idea until
(15:46):
literally no idea until three different people called me.
Yeah, I was like oh I wonder whythey're calling me?
That's weird. It's like, you can't remember
something that you forgotten because if you remember then you
haven't forgotten. And so like I am certain certain
in this moment that there is something extremely important
that I'm forgetting. I have no fucking clue what it
is but I'll find out when it becomes a problem.
Yeah. That's when you find out what
(16:07):
you forgot is when it's already too fucking late.
Yeah. And it's terrifying and you
don't know what you've forgottenbecause it's almost random.
Like I think for a lot of peopleI don't see neurotypical people
but people with ADHD or Reissues.
If something is very important by Nature because it is
important, they will not forget it, here's as important.
So when it hits their brain seemingly, I have only ever been
(16:31):
a person with ADHD, but seemingly, it's like, oh, that's
really important. So, it gets logged in the memory
banks. But for us, it's like, I'm as
likely to forget an extremely important meeting.
As I am where I put my phone. It's my brain doesn't
discriminate between massively important things.
I might discriminate like not mybrain, But Eric, Yeah, system of
(16:52):
organs and skin and whatnot, might go.
Oh, this is important. Therefore, I need to follow the
system. I need to without hesitation
like any hesitation immediately,put it into a Consolidated
calendar. Like I can do that but that's
because my brain alone can't do it.
It needs you know the superorganism.
Yeah. Yeah.
(17:13):
And it's just I don't know. Like I just I'm so I'm like at
this point I've like moved, you know, like I've accepted it
moved on like it. But everybody was really nice.
I'm like but I've also had timeswhere people haven't been so
nice about it, you know? And like I feel like just in
conversation with like some of the other stuff you know,
because it's not just remembering stuff.
(17:35):
It's also there's like I mean, Iguess you could argue that like
attention to detail is like a part of it, you know, like part
of memory like in some ways because you're fundamentally
remembering like details. But like I just think of like
all of the like real big fuck-ups like the really big
(17:55):
fuck ups that I've made like especially at like work or, you
know, even in like relationshipsand stuff.
And they all fun fundamentally come down to I forgot to do
something very important, you know, and there's like this very
specific like stomach dropping immediate visceral, physical
(18:22):
reaction that I have and like that's when that's when I know,
you know, like that's when I'm like oh okay.
Like this, you know, whoopsie. Yeah.
Um, But yeah, it's just, you know, and like you don't like
it. Like this is a really dumb
story, but when I one of my first jobs out of college was I
was the VIP events coordinator at a casino and Iowa.
(18:46):
Like, you do Springfield ricketsand Rick Springfield.
I was me, thirty seven dollars, but so like there was a
Christmas concert that we were doing and it was like a rat pack
in person aters not that it matters in the story but it was
it was The Rat Pack impersonators, but there was
there is an event going on at the same time and in my defense,
(19:10):
I was never actually trained on how to use the like, Event
software that we use. That was like there's like rooms
and then you would like click a little box for like tables and
chairs and like, you know, like it was like the banquet server
software. I was really hard.
It was really fucking complex software and they never exactly
training on how to use it until she's dude, always kind of doing
(19:32):
the best that I could. But I booked the event in the
wrong room, in the room that it was supposed to be in was
already booked. Somebody had booked it for like,
a corporate Christmas party. And so, I I double booked the
event and I had to go to my bossand be like, I done fucked up.
You know, she was so mean she's so mean and she was so mad about
(19:53):
it and I was like, but the nice thing is that this is a
Christmas like Christmas show, little Christmas event.
And we have all these Christmas trees set up in this, like,
other like area, like events area.
So what if we like did like an intimate little Christmas
concert and like we could put itin there and she was so mad but
she's like well that's what we're going to have to do and I
want to being one of the best events that we threw that year.
(20:15):
Because it was just like really nice and the space.
The space was smaller and so everybody was kind of close
together and it was like this very like Christmassy holiday
Vibe and it was nice and I like fix the problem.
But It ultimately foundationallywas because I had fucked up.
I'd missed that detail and I wasjust like and usually I'm lucky
(20:36):
enough that I'm and I think perhaps some of it is like a
result of being the person who fuck shit up royally all the
time is I've gotten pretty good at like a Here's the solution.
And I'm so I'm great at that. I'm great at the like, and
here's the solution for moments like that, but when the solute,
when the solution is, and I didn't show up and there's
nothing I can fucking do about it.
(20:57):
That's when I think it hurts themost.
Because, like, there's no fixingghosting.
A group of players, there's nothing that fixes that
professionally or, you know, just reputation Ali.
And again, everybody was super nice, nobody judge me.
It was genuinely not a big deal like whatever.
But I just I'm just so angry, atmyself.
(21:20):
It has been a week and I'm stilljust pissed at myself every time
I think about it and I just I can't let go of it because I'm
just like what happens when it'sfucking Sesame Street or
Dimension 20 or reading rainbows, reboot that I'm going
to be hosting with LeVar Burton and manifesting things but you
(21:40):
know what I mean? Yeah, like really I mean, I
think it's one of those things that I feel Or signing the
fucking thing that we haven't signed yet.
Oh yeah. Well, that's a scary thing to
sign really scared, long story, but that's one of those things,
especially if it's happening more than once with the same
(22:02):
person or group of people. It's one of those things where I
can like hear the timer on. Someone's patience running out.
Yeah, yeah, that's a really goodway of putting it, like so.
So my dad for example, who has ADHD He was Professor, whatever,
whatever he was a guy with a job, and he had meetings and
shipped to go to as one often does when they have a job and he
(22:23):
was chronically. Just consult constantly late to
meetings or he went to the wronglittle ADHD fuck-ups like he
wrote down the wrong room numberor he thought it was next
Tuesday. Just that kind of stuff and he
would always get away with it because in his words, he would
say, people just sort of follow,that's just Carla's.
He's, you know. Yeah.
(22:44):
But there was one time it was After he'd been a professor for
nine or ten years, where it happened, wrong room on the
specifics, not really matter, but a meeting he meeting had to
wait for him for like a half an hour and he showed up, and he's
the most Charming motherfucker ever know that he's trying to
charm his way out of it. He's just he's Charming.
Yeah. And they did the meeting and
yada yada. And as he was leaving, he was
(23:06):
talking to a co-worker friend ofhis whose name, I won't use.
He was talking to him and he said, I'm really sorry.
Like, I know this happens a lot like, I'm sorry and he said, I
think I might be paraphrasing a bit here but the way I remember
him telling his story is my dad's friend turns to him and
says You Know Carl it's really not Charming anymore.
(23:28):
Oh, fuck, ouch. But I fear that.
Yeah, I fear that where somebodywho's been very patient with me
when their patience runs out. And they finally say, well,
frankly, I hope that they say something to the effect of my
patience has run out. You need to be here on time
(23:50):
because alternative that is theydon't say anything.
And then, they just, yeah, can'tdeal with you anymore and I
fear. Other people talking about how
unreliable I am. Yeah.
We're like oh we need, you know,you know there's certain people
in your life where if they say they're going to be there at the
airport or whatever like, you know, you know where, if they're
not there it's like holy shit, something happened.
I need to call this person. You know, I didn't do a wellness
(24:10):
tight, like, I keep thinking of my cousin's husband, Tom is just
a nice guy ever needs. The most reliable mother Park.
Like if he says he's going to beat a place he will.
And there was one time where he was sad, that he was going to
meet me somewhere and he didn't and I was scared.
I was like, that's not till I get something happen.
Indeed something did nothing like he's fine but it was a
thing. He was like, I'm sorry I didn't
(24:31):
even have time to like tell you.Anyways, that's the kind of
person I want to be and I know I'm not enough fucked on a ways
and yeah, like I lie awake at night thinking about other
people talking about how Eric said he was gonna be here, but
who knows? You know, I mean, that's the
thing that was like, I And I think that's like maybe like
(24:52):
partially like a response to my ADHD is like especially with
like like I became a stage manager, like my entire job was
being on time, you know? And so I am, I am the reliable
friend. You know, I am the person, who's
like, if you tell me to show up at noon, I'm showing up at noon,
you know, like I'm really good about that.
(25:15):
Until something happens, you know?
And it's like I think to like part it part of just being a
human on this Earth as like people are going to forget about
stuff you know whatever. But I also am just like I don't
know like I had a friend growingup.
We're not growing like what it doesn't matter when I was older
but we worked for the same theater company and she was like
(25:38):
Chronically late but had like made it part of her personality
and it was that same kind of thing where it's like, you know,
for starting the thing at noon then we'll tell her 11 because
then maybe she'll get here on time and it was like and I
remember we had the same conversation of like it was
maybe cute at some point but like at this point like you're a
grown-ass adults handle your shit.
(25:58):
Yeah. But then you know but then I
also feel bad for like doing that because it's like I do
think we should give people Grace.
I do think we should give peoplekindness but also Like, at some
point like we also shouldn't have to hold the meeting for
half an hour because Carl is late again, you know, like that
kind of thing. And so it's like how do you find
that balance? Sorry, just want to point out.
I love the ease with which you remembered my dad's name.
(26:20):
That's well, Eric I met I've hung out with your family, like
a lot. It is nice.
But like, you know what I mean? And so it's like it's one of
those things were like, I alwaysadvocate for like, be patient
with your ADHD friends, you know, be kind to them understand
that That, you know, they're doing the best that they can.
(26:40):
But then also, there's always that back of my head that of
like but are they or are they just using it as a cop out?
You know like where what's the line?
What, you know, the police are. So I mean I have to please
myself. Yeah.
Shoot. You know, sometimes I can't tell
when I'm bullshit, you know, like, you know, did I really
actually forget her? Did I well I mean yeah.
(27:00):
And you know and then sometimes to like now there's like this
weird Sort of like, I don't know.
Like counterbalance isn't the right word, but it's like, you
know, like like game night. We like our friends.
So, you know, like, they'll verykindly invite us every single
time, but it's like, I literallydon't have five hours
consecutively, free until three months from now.
(27:23):
It's like I am that scheduled. I am that booked.
And so then it's like that double fear of like I'm so busy.
Something is going to get doublebooked.
Something is To get fucked up. Just when is it going to happen?
And what is it going to be? And so I like the more the more
that I've done this, the more that I have become busier and
(27:46):
like doing more stuff, I think the scarier it's gotten because
the stakes are higher more people are looking at it.
More. People are like, you know,
waiting me waiting for me to like, go live or like whatever
it may be. And there's just a profound
anxiety to like, just Waiting for the shoe to drop of like, oh
I was supposed to be on Dimension 20 today, but you
(28:08):
know, I left the flights to the last minute now.
I can't make it like die. I live in fucking fear of that
constantly. Well, I would say in that
specific case. I think Dimension 20.
Because of our successful. It is I would say that it is an
organized enough organization that if they care enough to
email you once they'd care enough to email your twice.
(28:30):
You know they're not just sending out a bunch of emails to
see who responds. Like if they email you they know
you're going to respond to you know.
That's I just look shit you know.
It's like I don't care how I started so many emails with hi.
I'm so sorry for the delay in myresponse.
Yeah, yeah. Thank you for your patience
spent all morning doing that. I found out that my management.
(28:50):
See, change their name and therefore, the email address is
all changed. And so, every email I've written
from for basically, for the pastweek, from that email didn't get
sent and I didn't get like a notification that they didn't
get sent. They just like sense to nothing
because the email anyway, so I spent all morning being like,
I'm sorry, it looked like my last email didn't write, you
(29:11):
know, just like now I'm a week late from responding to all this
shit. And that's just, you know, that
little ADHD shit because I remember noticing that and
thinking I need to change that. Yeah.
Yeah. But I didn't do it immediately
so I never got changed and I spent a week fucking drawer.
I spent all morning just groveling like hey I'm so sorry.
You still interested in buddy Bob yeah well I got invited to
three, no five games this weekend like just like wow via
(29:36):
email and it was all like you know like one is like every
other Wednesday in November and then one of them is like there's
like a it's like a one shot but also like there's a, I'm just
like looking at my calendar and I'm just like, I am so afraid
all the time that I'm just gonnabe that person you know.
And that is discounting the dayswhere I wake up and feel like
(30:00):
absolute death and have to cancel.
That's just the showing up to begin with, you know, it's just
Very tired. Yeah.
Me, too. I'm literally just thinking
about wondering what I'm forgetting.
I know. I know, I know.
Yeah. I feel like I'm forgetting
something major today. So I think it's because it's our
anniversary. Yeah, that's all I.
This is just, I know, we're, we have to wrap up here, but if
(30:21):
you've made it this far, then heed my words, my friend, make a
plan for voting, please moaning.I'm alone day.
Is this coming Tuesday a week from tomorrow?
So make sure you got a nice. Get some friends together.
Go get brunch afterwards or something.
If you can. It is also.
So stupidly as fuck on a non national holiday Tuesday.
So also it is is your minor yourboss.
(30:44):
Can't do anything about it. If you need to go vote, if you
flip the laws, it is true. It is against the law for for an
employer to tell you that, you can't go vote, but midterm
elections kind of seem boring. And they are a lot of ways but
they're really, really fucking important.
And so boring and important can exist at the same time.
(31:04):
That's true. So just make sure you Vote Andy.
Well everybody, thank you so much for being here with us on
this this fine day. I've been, hey dude, I will
continue to be okay soon. As far as Will I know if I'm bad
at the end of sign. Okay.
Do you want to do it? Yeah, before we leave you a
quick note, please remember to take your meds.
(31:26):
Please remember to drink some water.
Please remember to eat a snack please.
Remember to go vote. Remember to be kind to yourself.
Remember, be kind of others. And remember we love you even
when you forget to do stuff, it's okay.
Bye-bye. Oh, also.
Next week, we're going to start back with the patreons long
(31:47):
because we are woefully behind on the patreon sound.
Got a new patreon Patron. Good.
Well, that's true. Have we got?
We got a couple. Yeah.
We just we just only got like a couple so, but that's a great
time to remind you that. If you like this podcast, if you
like the work that we do, we do have a patreon.
It was patreon.com infinite Quest.
Um, full disclosure, we don't doa ton of stuff on there because
(32:10):
this podcast takes up a lot of the time, but the so that is
what allows us to do this work and stuff.
And I just want to say that if 10 percent of our audience
joined our patreon, we could literally and for real do this
full time and not have to worry about anything else.
(32:30):
And so, if you aren't a patron right now, but you have thought
about it even literally like a dollar a month, a single dolor
days a month, helps us, frankly.Load.
And so if you are considering this is our official impromptu
November patreon drive. So think about it obviously, no
(32:54):
pressure, no expectation. But if you're not in a place
where you can even spare a buck a month I totally get it.
I've been there too. And so another thing you can do
like we said earlier at the top of the episode you can just go
give us a review and even more than that, just share us.
Sure. Surround, tell your friends,
tell your enemies, tell your mom, tell your dad, tell,
whoever, what Just let people know that we exist and that were
out here and we would love that to happen.
(33:19):
I forgot what I was going to sayat the end of Funda.
I thought of some too, but I can't remember.
Okay, so. Oh yeah.
And if you will, I'm trying to, like, think of what guests we
should have, see if you have anyideas for guests.
I mean, Keith from the grape. Anybody knows about youth from
the great Pottery, throw down like as if Keith is your uncle
or something, will you please email us at asking him to cause
(33:40):
podcast.com I'm just going to ask him but I just I feel
awkward just being like but I really good man said yes.
Yeah I run with it was on and I was like the best day of my
entire life. We're better.
Now Lucy where's Leon to be cool?
Yeah well because if we can get Keith Andrew Goodman and Lucy
where's Leon then we can just start like an Avengers of like
very Niche nerds and do that. Yeah, burn it up Banner.
(34:04):
Yeah, I mean, we've both gotten much better at interviews since
we interviewed Michael Goodman. I think Ruth good.
I liked her interview with Ruth.Admit it was chill as fuck.
I was really chill. She was great.
Yeah, she's used to like be likeyes.
And the year 1437, and then we're like you were here about
turkey or Christmas. Carol.
I gotta start working on that video, fuck.
(34:24):
Oh yeah. It's almost Christmas.
It's yeah. Right.
I really want to do a YouTube video about it.
I think I pulled a video essay. Oh, he'll be great.
Yeah, it's just going to take a long like I want to do it.
Well, yeah, inlays and stuff. Yeah.
Like references on screen. Yeah, dude.
I might have two layers effect can be Burns.
Yeah I wanna do it like Ken Burns.
I'll get a haircut too. Yeah, all right.
(34:46):
By everybody to see you next week.
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