May 19, 2025 • 13 mins
Did you know that you can change your thoughts to change your life? You can, and it will have an immediate effect on your feelings and actions. It isn't difficult. If you are struggling with behaviors you cannot change, emotions that are sabotaging your life, or relationships that are stuck in a rut, watch this video to find out how to change your thoughts to change your life. #thoughts #thoughtsfeelings #changeyourlife
Here is the link to download the chart to change your thinking: https://karladowningresources.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/rational_thinking_chart.pdf
Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship
Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/O5fn6qqVh90
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
You're listening to an audio recordingby Change My Relationship, featuring
licensed marriage and family therapistand author Karla Downing.
These audios are designed to provide youwith practical solutions
based on biblical truthsfor all your relationships.
(00:21):
You can change
your thoughts to change your life.
Do you know that
your thoughts directlyimpact your emotions and your emotions
directly impact your behavior?
Thoughts are powerful.
Thoughts literally determine a lot
(00:42):
about how you see the worldand about how you feel about it.
So I'm going to show you how this works.
Sounds simple, but it is true.
Okay, there is going to be what I callthe activating event.
This is the event or circumstancethat happens that isn't going to change.
That's the same. Now
(01:02):
how you think about it is your thought.
And then directly related tothat thought is an emotion.
I'm going to give you examples.
But if you change your thought about thatsame circumstance,
then that emotion will be different
and your behavior will also be different.
(01:23):
So let me give you a common examplethat everyone can relate to.
All right. You're driving.
Another driver pulls in front of you.
You slam on the brakes,you barely prevent hitting that car. Now,
if your first thought is that
jerk, that idiot,
(01:43):
your emotion is going to be anger.
Your behavior is going to be to
eithergive that person a really dirty look,
a hand gesture.
And you're going,
that person's going to absolutely knowthat you're angry.
Now what if instead your thought was,oh my gosh,
(02:07):
I hope that person is okay.
I've done that to because we all have.
What is your emotion going to be?
Compassion.What is your action going to be?
Well, directly related tothe compassion is you're going to wave.
You're going to go, it's okay.
It's okay It’s alright.
And that person's going to knowthat you're not angry.
(02:30):
So that is a very common example.
Same situation.
The only thing that changedwas your thought.
Now you think, okay,or you're saying as you're listening
to this, well, my thoughts come so fastthat I can't control them.
Okay, I'll give you that.
But when you recognize your thought,
(02:53):
what do you get to do?
You can change it.
And not just talking about somethingthat happens instantly.
But a lot of these thoughtsare about things that are in our life.
People, people's personalities, people'sattitudes.
A boss, a coworker, your work
(03:13):
schedule, all kinds of thingsthat you have time to think about.
You have time to figure outwhether or not your thought
is havinga negative impact on your emotion,
and you have the opportunity to change
that thought and observethat your emotion then changes.
So let me give you some examplesthat have to do with relationships.
(03:37):
So what if your spouse or a childgets home late?
An adult child you're waiting,gets home late and doesn't call.
If your thought is.
I can't believe that does.
That person doesn't care enough to call meand let me know where they are.
(03:59):
Okay?
So if that's your thought,what are you going to feel?
You're going to feel again,anger, irritation.
And what are you going to dowhen that person walks in the door?
You're probably going to yellor you're going
to express your extreme irritation.
And if that person reacts,that could end up in an argument
(04:19):
or a very uncomfortablerest of the evening.
Now what if you changed your thought?
If instead of being thinking
a person is so inconsiderate,why aren't they calling?
What if instead you were like,oh, I hope the person's okay?
I hope my spouse or my child
(04:42):
hasn't been in an accident.
What is your emotion going to be?
Fear and what is your action going to bewhen that person comes to the door
relief, you're going to hug them and say,I was so worried.
I'm glad you're home And then you mightsay, gosh, what happened?
Why were you late? Why didn't you call?
But you're not going to havean emotion of anger.
(05:05):
And the only thing that changedonce again is the thought.
The thought about the personnot being home on time.
So the next one is, let's say
your fatheror your mother doesn't approve of you,
and your thought about that is,
I'm a failurebecause my parent doesn't approve of me.
(05:30):
Your emotion is going to be
feeling bad about yourself.
Low self-worth, and it's
going to be a desireto get that person's approval.
And that is going to be your action.
You're going to do everything is goingto be filtered through.
Will my parent approve of this?
(05:51):
Now, what if instead your thoughtwas, I'm an adult,
I wish that
my dad or mom approved of me, but
I'm I have to livemy life and be true to myself.
Your emotion is going to be sadness,
(06:12):
but it's going to work its wayto acceptance.
And your behavioris that you're going to make choices
that are right for youand not keep trying to please the parent.
That is a big difference.
Again, the thought changed.
You can do this.
I teach a self-image classand I go through this
(06:34):
with things, with our self-image.
You could do it by your weight.
You could say, you could look at yourselfand you've gained weight
and you say, maybe 10 pounds.
You say, oh, you think about yourself, I'mfat, I'm ugly.
And how are you going to feel?
You're going to feel embarrassedand self-conscious.
What's your behavior going to be?
(06:55):
Well, if it's summer, you might not weara bathing suit and enjoy the water.
No matter how much you do.
But what if insteadyou said, yeah, I've gained 10 pounds?
I'm going to do the best I can
to eat healthy and exercise,
But you accept itand you're not beating yourself up.
(07:16):
If the thought is,I'm going to do the best I can.
Or maybe you understand
I've hit menopause or I'm, in an agewhere it's harder to keep weight off
or I'm taking medication that causes meto lose weight or to gain weight.
So your emotion is going to be
acceptance, or it's going to be
(07:39):
just not feel.
It's going to be the oppositeof feeling bad about yourself
and your behavior is going to be
you're still going to enjoywearing a bathing suit.
You're still going to enjoy your summer.
You're going to goon your normal vacation,
and you're not going to be super
uncomfortable and self-consciousand miserable the whole time.
So you could have.
(08:02):
And another example, it's very commonwhen you have a teenager
or an adult child who's reactive and angrywith you as a parent,
and you do somethingand the child is mad at you,
and the child says, I'mnot going to have anything to do with you.
Now, if the first thought and trust me,
I had this circumstance, I've hadmy friends call me after this has happened
(08:27):
and their thoughtis, I'm never going to see my child again
and my child isn'tgoing to have anything to do with me.
What is the emotion?
Panic. What is the behavior?
They're going to desperatelytry to appease that child
or get that child to change or,
whatever it is to, or they're just goingto be completely depressed
(08:50):
and they're going to be super
consumed with their anxiety.
What if instead
the thought was
or is
my child is mad?
People make threats when they're mad.
You're going to
(09:10):
have an emotion of
just concern.
But not worry, not panic, not fear.
And you're going to behavioris going to be to step back and say,
okay, let me get some perspective on
what happened and why my child is madand if I did anything wrong or not.
(09:32):
But it's not going to be panic.
This is going to be done in calm.
This is going to be done with reasonbecause your thought
was okay.
People get mad, they make threats.
They don't
follow through on the threats.
I'm sure that this is not going to happen
and you will havea completely different outcome.
(09:53):
And usually that's the caseunless something has built up
for a very long time,or the kid is very unhealthy and gets into
a place where it's a strange,but usually that's not the case.
Normally when it's just an argument,kids get mad and they make threats.
They are manipulative.
They want you to back downso they're going to make a threat.
(10:14):
So really what you want to do isyou want to look at this
and you want to thinkof a situation in your life.
Think of
how you whatis the thought that you have about it?
What emotion?
Is the result of that thought?
And what is your behavior now?
Change the thought.
(10:36):
Changehow you think about your annoying parent
or an elderly parentthat you're having to care for, or a child
that's struggling in school or a bosswho's really annoying?
You could change that thought,maybe to gratitude
about being grateful for your joband grateful
(10:57):
for a job I don't like my boss,but I'm grateful for a job.
I know people that don't have jobs.
Your emotion is going to not be irritationand dissatisfaction with your job.
It's going to be feeling gratitude.
It's going to be feeling comfortable
and feeling better about your jobrather than horrible about your job.
(11:20):
It's just the thought that changes andit can literally change your perspective.
We know our thoughts are powerful
and the verse that I love about this,unfortunately,
I read it originallyand the new King James Bible
and other Bibles do not,translate it this way,
but you are going to know it,and it's as you think in your heart.
(11:41):
You will be.
Proverbs 23:7 New King James Version.
It's absolutely trueas you think you will be.
It definitely affects your behavior
because your emotionis connected to your thought.
You can change your thoughts.
You can change your lifewith changing your thoughts.
(12:03):
Try it.
And if you do and you recognize it,
write me a note.
Put it a comment on this videoso that other people can
have your examples of your in your lifeand how that has worked for you.
So thank you for watching and I appreciateyou taking the time to follow me.
(12:23):
And I, I have classes that I teach.
In fact,I teach this class called The Truth in
the mirror that is on my based on my book,The Truth in the mirror.
And we go throughhow our thoughts impact our self-image
in all kinds of different areas.
So it's it's a pretty,pretty, life changing course.
So thank you and God bless.
(12:45):
Thank you for listeningto Change My Relationship.
We hope you will subscribe to thesepodcasts and share them with your friends.
Karla would love to hear from you.
She welcomes ideas for a future podcast,as well as your feedback
on how the podcasts have helped your lifeand relationships.
You can email her at.
karla@changemyrelationship.com
(13:07):
For more informationon Change My Relationship and Karla
Downing's ministry, including her books,studies, devotionals, podcasts
and YouTube videosvisit changemyrelationship.com.
You're listening to an audio recordingby Change My Relationship, featuring
licensed marriage and family therapistand author Karla Downing.
These audios are designed to provide youwith practical solutions
based on biblical truthsfor all your relationships.
(00:21):
You can change
your thoughts to change your life.
Do you know that
your thoughts directlyimpact your emotions and your emotions
directly impact your behavior?
Thoughts are powerful.
Thoughts literally determine a lot
(00:42):
about how you see the worldand about how you feel about it.
So I'm going to show you how this works.
Sounds simple, but it is true.
Okay, there is going to be what I callthe activating event.
This is the event or circumstancethat happens that isn't going to change.
That's the same. Now
(01:02):
how you think about it is your thought.
And then directly related tothat thought is an emotion.
I'm going to give you examples.
But if you change your thought about thatsame circumstance,
then that emotion will be different
and your behavior will also be different.
(01:23):
So let me give you a common examplethat everyone can relate to.
All right. You're driving.
Another driver pulls in front of you.
You slam on the brakes,you barely prevent hitting that car. Now,
if your first thought is that
jerk, that idiot,
(01:43):
your emotion is going to be anger.
Your behavior is going to be to
eithergive that person a really dirty look,
a hand gesture.
And you're going,
that person's going to absolutely knowthat you're angry.
Now what if instead your thought was,oh my gosh,
(02:07):
I hope that person is okay.
I've done that to because we all have.
What is your emotion going to be?
Compassion.What is your action going to be?
Well, directly related tothe compassion is you're going to wave.
You're going to go, it's okay.
It's okay It’s alright.
And that person's going to knowthat you're not angry.
(02:30):
So that is a very common example.
Same situation.
The only thing that changedwas your thought.
Now you think, okay,or you're saying as you're listening
to this, well, my thoughts come so fastthat I can't control them.
Okay, I'll give you that.
But when you recognize your thought,
(02:53):
what do you get to do?
You can change it.
And not just talking about somethingthat happens instantly.
But a lot of these thoughtsare about things that are in our life.
People, people's personalities, people'sattitudes.
A boss, a coworker, your work
(03:13):
schedule, all kinds of thingsthat you have time to think about.
You have time to figure outwhether or not your thought
is havinga negative impact on your emotion,
and you have the opportunity to change
that thought and observethat your emotion then changes.
So let me give you some examplesthat have to do with relationships.
(03:37):
So what if your spouse or a childgets home late?
An adult child you're waiting,gets home late and doesn't call.
If your thought is.
I can't believe that does.
That person doesn't care enough to call meand let me know where they are.
(03:59):
Okay?
So if that's your thought,what are you going to feel?
You're going to feel again,anger, irritation.
And what are you going to dowhen that person walks in the door?
You're probably going to yellor you're going
to express your extreme irritation.
And if that person reacts,that could end up in an argument
(04:19):
or a very uncomfortablerest of the evening.
Now what if you changed your thought?
If instead of being thinking
a person is so inconsiderate,why aren't they calling?
What if instead you were like,oh, I hope the person's okay?
I hope my spouse or my child
(04:42):
hasn't been in an accident.
What is your emotion going to be?
Fear and what is your action going to bewhen that person comes to the door
relief, you're going to hug them and say,I was so worried.
I'm glad you're home And then you mightsay, gosh, what happened?
Why were you late? Why didn't you call?
But you're not going to havean emotion of anger.
(05:05):
And the only thing that changedonce again is the thought.
The thought about the personnot being home on time.
So the next one is, let's say
your fatheror your mother doesn't approve of you,
and your thought about that is,
I'm a failurebecause my parent doesn't approve of me.
(05:30):
Your emotion is going to be
feeling bad about yourself.
Low self-worth, and it's
going to be a desireto get that person's approval.
And that is going to be your action.
You're going to do everything is goingto be filtered through.
Will my parent approve of this?
(05:51):
Now, what if instead your thoughtwas, I'm an adult,
I wish that
my dad or mom approved of me, but
I'm I have to livemy life and be true to myself.
Your emotion is going to be sadness,
(06:12):
but it's going to work its wayto acceptance.
And your behavioris that you're going to make choices
that are right for youand not keep trying to please the parent.
That is a big difference.
Again, the thought changed.
You can do this.
I teach a self-image classand I go through this
(06:34):
with things, with our self-image.
You could do it by your weight.
You could say, you could look at yourselfand you've gained weight
and you say, maybe 10 pounds.
You say, oh, you think about yourself, I'mfat, I'm ugly.
And how are you going to feel?
You're going to feel embarrassedand self-conscious.
What's your behavior going to be?
(06:55):
Well, if it's summer, you might not weara bathing suit and enjoy the water.
No matter how much you do.
But what if insteadyou said, yeah, I've gained 10 pounds?
I'm going to do the best I can
to eat healthy and exercise,
But you accept itand you're not beating yourself up.
(07:16):
If the thought is,I'm going to do the best I can.
Or maybe you understand
I've hit menopause or I'm, in an agewhere it's harder to keep weight off
or I'm taking medication that causes meto lose weight or to gain weight.
So your emotion is going to be
acceptance, or it's going to be
(07:39):
just not feel.
It's going to be the oppositeof feeling bad about yourself
and your behavior is going to be
you're still going to enjoywearing a bathing suit.
You're still going to enjoy your summer.
You're going to goon your normal vacation,
and you're not going to be super
uncomfortable and self-consciousand miserable the whole time.
So you could have.
(08:02):
And another example, it's very commonwhen you have a teenager
or an adult child who's reactive and angrywith you as a parent,
and you do somethingand the child is mad at you,
and the child says, I'mnot going to have anything to do with you.
Now, if the first thought and trust me,
I had this circumstance, I've hadmy friends call me after this has happened
(08:27):
and their thoughtis, I'm never going to see my child again
and my child isn'tgoing to have anything to do with me.
What is the emotion?
Panic. What is the behavior?
They're going to desperatelytry to appease that child
or get that child to change or,
whatever it is to, or they're just goingto be completely depressed
(08:50):
and they're going to be super
consumed with their anxiety.
What if instead
the thought was
or is
my child is mad?
People make threats when they're mad.
You're going to
(09:10):
have an emotion of
just concern.
But not worry, not panic, not fear.
And you're going to behavioris going to be to step back and say,
okay, let me get some perspective on
what happened and why my child is madand if I did anything wrong or not.
(09:32):
But it's not going to be panic.
This is going to be done in calm.
This is going to be done with reasonbecause your thought
was okay.
People get mad, they make threats.
They don't
follow through on the threats.
I'm sure that this is not going to happen
and you will havea completely different outcome.
(09:53):
And usually that's the caseunless something has built up
for a very long time,or the kid is very unhealthy and gets into
a place where it's a strange,but usually that's not the case.
Normally when it's just an argument,kids get mad and they make threats.
They are manipulative.
They want you to back downso they're going to make a threat.
(10:14):
So really what you want to do isyou want to look at this
and you want to thinkof a situation in your life.
Think of
how you whatis the thought that you have about it?
What emotion?
Is the result of that thought?
And what is your behavior now?
Change the thought.
(10:36):
Changehow you think about your annoying parent
or an elderly parentthat you're having to care for, or a child
that's struggling in school or a bosswho's really annoying?
You could change that thought,maybe to gratitude
about being grateful for your joband grateful
(10:57):
for a job I don't like my boss,but I'm grateful for a job.
I know people that don't have jobs.
Your emotion is going to not be irritationand dissatisfaction with your job.
It's going to be feeling gratitude.
It's going to be feeling comfortable
and feeling better about your jobrather than horrible about your job.
(11:20):
It's just the thought that changes andit can literally change your perspective.
We know our thoughts are powerful
and the verse that I love about this,unfortunately,
I read it originallyand the new King James Bible
and other Bibles do not,translate it this way,
but you are going to know it,and it's as you think in your heart.
(11:41):
You will be.
Proverbs 23:7 New King James Version.
It's absolutely trueas you think you will be.
It definitely affects your behavior
because your emotionis connected to your thought.
You can change your thoughts.
You can change your lifewith changing your thoughts.
(12:03):
Try it.
And if you do and you recognize it,
write me a note.
Put it a comment on this videoso that other people can
have your examples of your in your lifeand how that has worked for you.
So thank you for watching and I appreciateyou taking the time to follow me.
(12:23):
And I, I have classes that I teach.
In fact,I teach this class called The Truth in
the mirror that is on my based on my book,The Truth in the mirror.
And we go throughhow our thoughts impact our self-image
in all kinds of different areas.
So it's it's a pretty,pretty, life changing course.
So thank you and God bless.
(12:45):
Thank you for listeningto Change My Relationship.
We hope you will subscribe to thesepodcasts and share them with your friends.
Karla would love to hear from you.
She welcomes ideas for a future podcast,as well as your feedback
on how the podcasts have helped your lifeand relationships.
You can email her at.
karla@changemyrelationship.com
(13:07):
For more informationon Change My Relationship and Karla
Downing's ministry, including her books,studies, devotionals, podcasts
and YouTube videosvisit changemyrelationship.com.
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