Christian Codependency: When It's You or Me

Christian codependency means you are a Christian who is codependent at least partially because you hold scriptural misconceptions about what God wants you to do. For everyone who suffers from this, there will be a time if it continues, when you will ask this question: When it's you or me, and I have to choose one or the other, who should I choose? You need to know the answer if you are at that place or if you are heading there. Watch this video to find out what it is. You will be glad you did. #christiancodependency #selfcare

 

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Watch this video on YouTube:https://youtu.be/iNgdyHWEsA8

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
You're listening to an audio recordingby Change My Relationship, featuring
licensed marriage and family therapistand author Karla Downing.
These audios are designed to provide youwith practical solutions
based on biblical truthsfor all your relationships.

(00:21):
I have many conversationswith people in dysfunctional relationships
where they have been losing themselvesin the relationship.
They don't take care of themselves.
They don't take care of their needs.
They may not even ask themselveswhat their needs are,
but they have just worked on surviving.
Responding to caring for the other person.

(00:43):
And, there comes a timewhen they recognize that often
and in multiple cases,the people I've talked to even recently
where a doctor has said to them, you'vegot to start taking care of yourself.
You are now sick yourself.
You have health needs.
Or a therapistwill tell them, like you're losing it

(01:03):
emotionally, like you're falling apart.
Like this is not a relationship where
you can be healthy and and
take care of yourself.
I teach a lot of skills to do that.
Detaching and love, speaking the truthto love setting boundaries.
Nurturing yourself, changing yourself,not the other person.

(01:24):
All kinds of tips and truths for that.
And oftentimesyou can figure out how to do it
and still be somewhat okay.
Not perfect, but there are timeswhen it really comes down to a choice.
It's either you or it's me.
It's the other person or it's yourself.
You've got to askwhen I can't take care of me at all

(01:47):
in this relationship,and I'm going down emotionally,
physically, mentally, spiritually,who do I choose?
The answer always has to be you.
That might be shocking.
I am a Christian channel.
You have got to take care of yourself.
It's like putting that oxygenmask on yourself in the plane.

(02:11):
It is recognizing that
if you are going downcaring for someone else pretty soon,
there's not going to be a youto take care of that person.
So eventually that personis going to be alone anyway.
That personis not going to be cared for, but
you are going down in the process.

(02:34):
You've got to
recognize it is a clear choicewhen that happens.
Why you are responsible for you,no one else.
There is a survival instinctthat God has placed in every human being
and every creature,whether it's animal, fish,

(02:55):
bird, insect, reptile, there is a self
preservation instinct.
Animals run when you come near them,when they don't know who you are.
Insects jump or scurry out of the way.
A snake uses its rattle.
If it's a if it's a rattlesnaketo let you know I'm going to hurt you

(03:19):
if you don't leave.
There's all kinds of protectivemechanisms.
You humans have them to.
We have a right to take care of ourselves.
We have a right to recognizethat a relationship
is not healthy and to walk away from it.
We don't have to lose our selvesin the process.

(03:39):
Now, you might think, well, Jesus did.
Yes he did.
He died on the crosswhen it was the appropriate
time for a purpose to save
mankind, to
save us, to give us the opportunity
to be reconciled to God through himbecause of our sin.

(03:59):
That is a different situationwhen you are losing yourself,
and you are in a placewhere you have to step away
to care for yourself, take a break,
or whether it's short term or permanent
because you are at risk of losing yourself

(04:20):
or becoming very sick mentallyor emotionally in a relationship.
And you know there's no other way.
When you choosebetween your self for the other person,
it's got to be you, has to be you.
Ephesians 5:29 says, overall,
after all, no one ever hated his own body,

(04:42):
but he feeds and cares for itjust as Christ as a church.
Do you realize that
that's a scripture that says it's naturalfor you to care for your body?
That's telling husbands to lovetheir wives as they love themselves.
It's okay to take care of you.
Proverbs 13:9 says,the light of the righteous shines
brightly,but the lamp of the wicked is snuffed out.

(05:03):
You have a right to shine.
You have a right to live.
You can take care of yourself.
And Proverbs 14:1 says, the wise womanand I put in brackets person the rise.
Wise woman builds her house,but with her own hands.
The foolish one tears it down.
Or the wise man built his house,but with his own hands.

(05:26):
The foolish one tears it down.
You, in that case, you are your house.
Now, if you have a homeand you're losing yourself
to try to keep your home together again,it's like the oxygen mask.
The home is going down eventually.
You have to haveself-care as a foundation.

(05:46):
So thank you
for watching this videoon Change My Relationship.
Please consider taking one of my classes.
They will teach you my ten relationshipchanging principles
that will help you be able to get strongenough to make that important choice
to save yourself when you arein a very dysfunctional relationship

(06:09):
that is harming you, or even one
that is something that you feel that
you can get better in and figure outhow to take care of yourself.
They'll help you with that too.
Thank you for listeningto Change My Relationship.
We hope you will subscribe to thesepodcasts and share them with your friends.

(06:29):
Karla would love to hear from you.
She welcomes ideas for a future podcast,as well as your feedback
on how the podcasts have helped your lifeand relationships.
You can email her at.
[e-mail]
For more informationon Change My Relationship and Karla
Downing's ministry, including her books,studies, devotionals, podcasts

(06:53):
and YouTube videosvisit changemyrelationship.com.