Detaching: I'm Okay When You're Not Okay

Do you find yourself unable to detach and unable to function well in your own life when someone close to you is not okay? You don't have to live that way. This video will show you how to detach with love so you can say, "I'm okay when you're not okay." #detachment #difficultrelationship #dysfunctionalrelationship #beingok #healthyrelationships

 

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Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/QK4djkViqa0

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
You'relistening to an audio recording
by Change My Relationship,featuring licensed marriage
and family therapistand author Karla Downing.
These audios are designedto provide you
with practical solutionsbased on biblical truths
for all your relationships.

(00:20):
I'm okay when you're not okay.
The suggested Al-Anonwelcome includes
the following statement.
In Al-Anon,we discover that no situation
is really hopeless,and that it is possible
for us to find contentmentand even happiness.

(00:41):
Whether the alcoholicis still drinking or not.
Impossible.
You say there is no waythat I can be happy
or even contentedwhen my loved one
would still be doing somethingas damaging
as drinking,as painful for me to watch,

(01:03):
as having an addiction,as doing something that is that
destructive to themselvesand our relationship.
That I could be happy,that I could be okay,
that I could be contented.
Yes, the things that people dothat are close to us,
they do affect us.
And the more intertwined
their lives are with ours,the more we are affected.

(01:25):
It is not as importantwhat my neighbor does
as what my spouseand my child does.
We are affected.
But you can.
You can be okay whethersomebody else is okay or not.
Okay. You are a separate person.

(01:46):
Your feelings are separatefrom their feelings.
Your choices are separate.
You can chooseto live your life,
even though they're not livingtheir life.
You can chooseto take care of yourself
even though they're not takingcare of yourself.
You can move your life forward
even though theirs is standingstill or moving backward.

(02:08):
You have a choice.
How do you want to live,
even though somebody elseis making a choice
that you're not so happy about,that the other option
is for you to have your feelings
and your moods and your choicesto match theirs,
which means your life is stuckat a standstill

(02:29):
or moving backwardjust because theirs is.
You don't have to do that.
You can learn to liveone moment at a time,
and then have those momentsturn into hours.
And those hours turn into days,surrendering your circumstances
to God, knowing thatyou can't change the situation.
You can't fix it, but God can.

(02:52):
Or that other person willand can make choices
when they're readyto live differently.
You have aright to live your life,
not only a right,you actually have
a responsibilityto live your life to the best
you possibly canbecause it is your life
and you only have onelife to live.

(03:14):
You can live it
well even though other peopleare not living their’s well.
I remember one visual of this,
where there was a pictureof a woman walking
across a bridge,and over on the other side
was her family, who was stillunhealthy emotionally.
They were still choosingto stay that way.

(03:37):
She wanted to get well,and she was beginning
to walk across this bridgewhere over on the other side
was health and wellness.
Emotionally, mentally,spiritually, relationally
and she looked back
and she saw her familystanding on the other side.
And she started to walk backthinking,
I can't go without them.

(03:57):
I can't get there.
If my family doesn't go with me.
And then she realized,no, I can.
I have a right to get well,even if they don't get well.
I hope that they'll join meand maybe they will have
a better chance of joining mewhen they see
that I have changed.
You can put the oxygenmask on yourself

(04:20):
before you try to put it onsomeone else.
You don't have to stay sick
just because other peoplechoose to stay sick.
You can live your lifeto the best and fullest
extent that you can, regardlessof what other people are doing.

(04:41):
You can be okay
when other people are not okay.
So I have
to ask you, can you focus todayon how you feel
instead of howyour difficult person feels?
Can you focus onwhat you want to do instead of
what your difficult personis doing or not doing?

(05:03):
And can you focuson taking care of yourself,
even though your difficultperson is not taking care
of themselves?
I hope so.
If you can't start trying, maybefor a few minutes at a time
and those few hourswill turn into a few minutes
will turn into hours,and those hours
will turn into dayswhere you're okay

(05:25):
even though the other personis not okay.
Matthew 10:14 says, inthe New International Version,
if anyone will not welcome youor listen to your words, leave
that home or town and shakethe dust off of your feet.
Ecclesiastes11:4 and a new living

(05:45):
Translation,second edition says,
farmers who wait for perfectweather never plant.
If they watch every cloudthey never harvest.
You can't watch every moodand every feeling
and every action and movementof your difficult loved one.

(06:06):
You've got to keep your eyeson the goal
that you havefor where you want to go.
Thank you for watching thisvideo on Change My Relationship.
And if you've enjoyed this
and this is relevant to you,I think you would enjoy my book.
Change My Relationship 365

(06:26):
Daily Devotions for Christiansin Difficult Relationships.
It has 365 readingswith similar messages,
but all different tipsand truths that you need
to navigate your difficultrelationships successfully,
along with a reading, a Bibleverse, and a short prayer.

(06:46):
It's got an index in the backwhere you can look up
whatever it isthat you're dealing with,
so that you can read those days
so that it will minister youto you when you're struggling.
Thank you.
Thank you for listeningto Change My Relationship.
We hope you will subscribeto these podcasts
and share themwith your friends.
Karlawould love to hear from you.

(07:08):
She welcomes
ideas for a future podcast,as well as your feedback
on how the podcasts have helpedyour life and relationships.
You can email her at.
[e-mail]
For more information on
Change My Relationship and KarlaDowning's ministry,
including her books,studies, devotionals, podcasts

(07:29):
and YouTube videosvisit changemyrelationship.com.