Setting Boundaries: Know the Difference Between a Burden and a Load

Setting boundaries is difficult when you are confused about what each person is responsible for, but if you know the difference between a burden and a load in Galatians 6:2-5, it gives you a helpful guideline. Because limits are different for each person and all individual factors have to be taken into consideration, it helps to have an objective test. If you struggle with setting Christian boundaries, watch this video to know the difference between a burden and a load. #christianboundaries #settingboundaries #boundaries

Here is the link to the Boundaries Zoom Study or to buy the study to do on your own: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/boundaries-setting-healthy-relationships-limits-zoom-study/

 

Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship

Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/jZMumA1uKq8

 

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
You're listening to an audio recordingby Change My Relationship, featuring
licensed marriage and family therapistand author Karla Downing.
These audios are designed to provide youwith practical solutions
based on biblical truthsfor all your relationships.

(00:20):
When we talk about boundaries,
it's importantto understand responsibility.
And there is a distinction in Scripture
that is very helpfulwhen we are considering that.
And that is Galatians 6:2.
It says, carry each other's burdens,

(00:41):
and in this wayyou will fulfill the law of Christ.
And then in Galatians 6:4-5, it says, eachone should test their own actions.
Then he can take pride in himselfwithout comparing himself
to somebody else, for eachone should carry his own load.
Now the difference between burden and load

(01:04):
burden has to do with
somethingthat is more than someone can bear.
It basically is talkingabout excess trouble.
It would be a death, an extreme illness,
a like a your house burning down.
It would be a loss of a job.

(01:26):
Something that was more than
is in your normal schemeof responsibility.
So, and I'm going to give you an examplethat will help clarify this for you.
So that would be just excess trouble.
But the what has to do with load
is actually the wordfor knapsack or backpack.

(01:49):
And what that means is when you know whata knapsack was, it was a
like a scarf or a rag tied around a stick.
And you held the stick like thisand you walked with it.
And in that was maybe your pack,what you needed to survive
as you were taking this walk orsleeping out overnight in the wilderness.
But you would basically carrythat knapsack.

(02:11):
Nobody else needed to carry that for you.
You could carrythat completely on your own.
But if you had a burden, that burdenwould be more than you could carry alone.
You would need help.
So what does this have to dowith boundaries?
Well, when we look at boundariesand we're thinking about whether or not
we should help somebody, whether or notwe should do something for somebody,

(02:33):
we have to recognize, is this somethingthat this person should need help with,
or is this a result of irresponsibilityor bad choices?
And this person needs to carry theconsequences to make a different choice.
And it's often difficult to figure outis it something that you should help with?
So looking at is this this person's normalresponsibilities that they're shirking?

(02:58):
Or is this more than thisperson can handle?
Is definitely something that could helpyou make that decision.
Now, if you are legalistic,if you are codependent,
if you tend to be, carry a lot of guiltor you have misguided beliefs
about what you're supposed to dofor other people,

(03:19):
you're going to have a hard timedifferentiating
when you or when it'sokay for you to say no,
that I'm not able to do that for you,or I'm not willing to do that for you.
So when we take those two words,what we're talking about
is we're talking about the responsibility.
Who is responsible for what.
And you recognize that you are responsible

(03:41):
not for another person,but to another person.
You have responsibilityin your relationship.
Now you have a different responsibilityto your spouse and your children
and your parents than you doto your neighbor or to a coworker.
It's defined by their relationship.
So there are certain thingsin each of our relationships

(04:03):
that we're responsible for afterwe're also responsible for ourselves.
Then that helps us figure out,okay, this is something that I need to do.
if I'm if I'm the one that normallymy husband works really, really long hours
and I work from homeand I work less hours than he does.
So I cook, and I am responsible to cook.

(04:27):
If I don't have something for dinner,I would have been shirking
my responsibility.
He expects me to have somethingbecause he comes home and he's tired
and he has an eat much all dayand he's hungry.
That's my responsibility.
So when we're looking at that,we have to know the context
of our relationship and who it is.

(04:47):
But again, this this should help you.
So consider this exampleto compare the burden versus load.
Say you had a neighbor and this neighbor
was a single mom.
And this neighbor was very irresponsible.
Does not take care of the kids.
Kids are always kind of in crummy clothes.

(05:09):
They're kind of dirty.
Kids, come over to your houseand they're always hungry.
And this person does.
Mom does not take hertrash cans in from the street, and she is
asking you constantly because she partiesand she oversleeps and she
says, oh, can you take my kids to schoolwhen you take your kids?

(05:30):
Will you pick my kids up for school?
Can I can you babysit my kids? Okay.
You might do that at the beginning,but once you figure out that,
hey, she's partying,she's not getting out of bed.
That's her trash can.
These are her kids.
Now you can make a choiceor an argument to say.
Maybe you need to call social services.

(05:51):
I'm not really making that case here.
I'm just talking aboutwhat you would do to take over her,
load her responsible for her house,
her trash, her children.
That would be her responsibility for you
to just take over and do it for herwould be enabling her.

(06:15):
But let's just change something.
She's a single mom. She's got little kids.
They go to the same school.Your kids go to.
She's got cancer.
She's a single mom with little kids,and she's got cancer.
Now, would you take in hertrash can and not feel bad about it?
Now, would you offer to take her kidsto school and pick them up

(06:37):
and bring them home as she was goingthrough chemotherapy and very sick?
Absolutely.
You probably do it without asking,and you'd probably offer to do even more.
Why? Because she would be
carrying a burden.
It would be more than she could handle.
It would be more than is is on her plate.

(07:00):
And it would be something that
as long as you were able to,
you would want to reach outand offer support and care.
What changed,whether it was her burden or her load?
Now there's another scripture
that kind of helpsyou balance it, and it's Proverbs 3:27.
It says, do not withhold goodfrom those who deserve it.

(07:24):
Deserve itwhen it is in your power to act.
This is the balance that we have to havewith other people's burdens.
We live ina, 24 hour news cable news world
where we know what is going onall over the world.
There are overwhelming numberof charities,
places to get moneyin, just even in your city.

(07:47):
Probably the things you're aware of
or the peoplethat you're aware of in your church or in
maybe even amongst your, acquaintancesand friends.
There's more than you can do to reach outto people who are carrying burdens.
There are
so many people I know that are carryingheavy burdens.
I don't have the time

(08:10):
to do what I would love to be able to do,to reach out and encourage
and support each of those peopleand give them some relief.
I would love to, but I don't have it.
It's it is not somethingthat is within my power to act,
because by doing so, I would have toneglect my own responsibilities.

(08:33):
My own family membersthat have burdens, my daughter,
who has emotional and physical problemsand needs a lot of help.
I've got other people in my familythat are elderly parents.
I need to give to them first
before I give to people on the outside.

(08:54):
That's very scriptural.
So what you need to do isyou need to figure out, like, don't
do help people, do good to people.
Do reach outand support them when you can,
but not when it meansyou would neglect your own responsibility.
So I hope if you're strugglingwith boundaries

(09:14):
and trying to figure out responsibility,that this is just another
truth that you can hang on to,that will help you develop strong,
clear boundaries and help you figure outshould you help or should you not help.
Is it a burden or is it a load?
Okay, thank you and God bless.

(09:36):
I appreciate you watching the videoand the listening to the podcast
and I would love for youto check out my website with my classes.
I teach a five week class on boundaries.
Sometimes it's offered on Zoombut it's always available
for self-studyif you'd be interested in that.
I'll go ahead and put that link down

(09:57):
below the video or the podcast. Okay.
God bless.
Thank you for listeningto Change My Relationship.
We hope you will subscribe to thesepodcasts and share them with your friends.
Karla would love to hear from you.
She welcomes ideas for a future podcast,as well as your feedback
on how the podcasts have helped your lifeand relationships.

(10:19):
You can email her at.
[e-mail]
For more informationon Change My Relationship and Karla
Downing's ministry, including her books,studies, devotionals, podcasts
and YouTube videosvisit changemyrelationship.com.