December 8, 2024 • 40 mins
Julie Dammar, a former actress and filmmaker turned podcaster and author, takes us on a profound journey of self-discovery and transformation. In this episode of Chat Off the Mat, Julie opens up about her evolution during the pandemic and her second pregnancy, which became pivotal moments leading her to create the podcast "Selective Hearing" and pen her debut book, "Sink Full of Dishes." Julie shares her candid struggle with the inner critic she calls "Monica," revealing how she transitioned her discussions from chaotic "trauma dumps" to structured conversations about mental health and self-worth, fostering a safe space for personal growth and healing.
Julie’s story is one of courage and grace as she navigates the challenges of setting boundaries and practicing self-care. She emphasizes the importance of maintaining a positive outlook and underscores the pitfalls of feeling victimized, which can hinder personal growth and relationships. The episode offers practical advice on expressing needs and challenging negative thoughts, encouraging listeners to invest in self-care and communicate effectively in their relationships. Julie's experiences serve as a reminder of the interconnectedness of personal challenges and the holistic support required for true healing and self-discovery.
This conversation is a rich tapestry of personal insights and practical wisdom, as Julie encourages us to embrace our journeys and transform our struggles into stepping stones for success.
Connect with Julie:
www.SelectiveHearingShow.com
Book: A Sink Full Of Dishes
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Rose (00:00):
Ready to unlock your most vibrant, authentic self.
Your journey to radiantwellness starts now.
Welcome to Chat Off The Mat.
I'm your host, Rose Wippich,and I'm here to guide you on an
extraordinary journey offeminine healing, energy work
and total wellbeing.
Get ready to be inspired byauthentic conversations with
(00:20):
leading women practitioners,wellness experts and holistic
healers who understand yourunique journey.
Subscribe to Chat Off the Matwherever you get your podcasts,
and let's create magic together.
Today on Chat Off the Mat, Iwelcome Julie Dammar.
Julie is a former actress,filmmaker and the creator and
(00:43):
host of the Selective Hearingpodcast.
Julie has shared her storiesthrough her professional work
while finding solace in creativeexpression.
Selective Hearing and her debutbook, sink Full of Dishes, is
an extension of all her creativeendeavors, where she aims to
(01:03):
inspire you with experiences.
,J, ulie, how are you?
Julie (01:09):
I'm doing good.
How are you?
Rose (01:11):
I am doing great and I'm so happy that you're here.
I've been really lookingforward to our conversation.
I've been listening to yourpodcast and just absorbing all
of your amazing energy.
So let's begin by, if you tellus about yourself and in your
words and also touch upon alittle bit about how you've got
(01:33):
to where you are today with yourpodcast and also what inspired
you to write your book.
I know it's a lot, but we'llwe'll break it down.
I know you're very you're.
You're great at storytelling,so the floor is yours.
Julie (01:45):
Okay, let me get comfortable in my chair because
it is a lot, so we'll go back.
I'll start with the podcast,how I develop selective hearing,
because then that is kind oflike the stairway to the book.
So selective hearing startedduring the pandemic and my
(02:06):
second pregnancy as a socialmedia trauma dump that was
packaged as a live podcastrecording and I did all the
things with it the promo rollouthey, everybody, I'm going to be
going live, I'm doing this.
I took my own pictures.
It was a whole thing.
And then when I actually got onthe couch and started talking
to people, it was none of thethings that I had imagined it to
(02:29):
be.
It ended up becoming a traumadump, a therapy session, a hey,
everybody listen to me, complainabout politics, my life, all
the things that were happeningin pop culture, all that stuff,
right.
So I'm doing that.
And as I'm doing that, I hadsomebody say to me privately
(02:50):
like, okay, girl, listen, what'sgoing on?
Clearly you're ready to talkabout some stuff.
Can you get some help?
And during that too, I wastelling myself like I'm not okay
, I'm not okay.
I said I wasn't okay the firsttime during my first pregnancy
had my son went back to work,covered it all up, lost my job
during a pandemic, got pregnantagain, came back around to my
(03:11):
couch talking crazy to people,and it was like okay, girl, yeah
, you might be right, I needsome help.
I'm not okay.
So I started talking to people,I pulled away from doing
Facebook Live, I structuredeverything and I came back with,
first selective hearing, theblog, which, if you go back and
read it, it's a trauma though.
(03:32):
So I just stopped talking topeople about it, started writing
about it, and I noticed, though, as I was going through the
motions, I was getting better,not just like better with the
way that I was communicating myfeelings and handling things,
but like I was overall gettingbetter with the address of all
the stuff that was like conjuredup in me.
(03:52):
So I was like okay, I'm goingto come back around with the
podcast.
And that was another questionthat people were like okay, well
, I kind of see some difference,some change in you.
What are you doing?
And I'm like well, I got help.
I got a coach, I got atherapist, I got help, I got a
journal, I got all these thingsgoing on.
So I was like okay, I got anidea.
(04:13):
How about I do this thing whereI have this podcast, but I bring
on people who can help thelisteners, so people who are
just like me.
Because, like, when you're like, okay, I need help, right, I
need a lot of help.
But where do I go for that help?
Like, you go on Google and youtype help me and you get like 90
billion pages of stuff thatdoesn't make any sense.
(04:34):
You start diagnosing yourselfoh, this symptom is me.
I got this Like, by the time,like you need to be on a psych
ward.
So I'm like, okay, let's dothis a psych ward.
So I'm like, okay, let's dothis, let's scale it back.
And instead of you guys goingon Dr Google, I have a resource
page.
So after every single episode,you can, if you like the person
you can like, reach out to themand say, hey, I got this going
(04:55):
on.
Can you help me?
And it's from a wide range ofareas too.
It's not just my trauma thatwe're talking about when I bring
these guests on, because I alsolearned as I was going through
the process that if your life ismessed up in one area, it's
inevitable it's going to spillover to everything you have
going on.
So I could not figure out whymy marriage was trash for a
(05:15):
while.
It's because I had this goingon.
I couldn't figure out why I wasstruggling with being a new mom
because I had all this otherstuff tucked away.
Why am I struggling withkeeping this business alive?
Why am I stopping and startingthings?
Getting mad with people can'tkeep friends, you name it.
I'm doing it all right.
So these people who come onSelective Hearing and have these
conversations with me are alsopeople who are like hey, you
(05:37):
having issues with your job, letme help you.
You having issues with settingboundaries and making sure that
you keep the promises that youmade to yourself, let me help
you.
Or, hey, you got some deeprooted trauma that you need to
resolve and you got to get thesethings out of your body so you
can really heal on a deeperlevel.
Then, girl, let me go get mynails done and my hair done and
(05:58):
all that stuff.
I'm here to help you.
So that's what selectivehearing is in a nutshell.
And then from there becausewhat I learned going through my
stuff is the reason why I havesuch a hard time with everything
is because of the things thatI'm telling myself, all the
(06:19):
stuff I'm telling myself that Ican't do, all the stuff that I'm
telling myself I'm not good atall, the stuff I'm telling
myself I don't deserve, I'm notworthy of.
That was an issue that was likeI was carrying this chick
called Monica.
Rose (06:33):
Let's talk about Monica.
Julie (06:35):
Yeah, I want to tell you guys all about her.
So my inner critical voice, ormy negative narrator, noisy
roommate, the gremlin in me, mynegative narrator, noisy
roommate, the gremlin in me, hername is Monica, and Monica
tells me horrible things everysingle day.
She tells me about what I can'tdo.
She asked me why I'm tryingthings.
She asked me what's yourproblem?
So I had to understand thatthis was a big thing that was
(06:59):
stopping me in my tracks andholding me back.
And the reason why is becauseMonica speaks to me the same way
that my parents spoke to me,that my family members spoke to
me.
She tells me the exact samethings that were told to me as a
kid, except now Monica's voicedoesn't sound like my mom and my
dad and those, those familymembers.
It sounds like me, like she.
(07:21):
She a little bit more raspy andshe's she's got a tinge of hood
to her.
But Monica is me and she's likeshe comes for me all the time.
So I decided to write a bookabout her.
So I pulled monica out of me.
I gave her her own name, herown family, her own nice house,
(07:42):
her own everything friends, youthink about it and all those
negative things that she'scapable of saying to herself.
I made her say them out loud,and I made her say them to
herself and I put it on paperand I wrote this whole book to
show people how deep that innervoice can be and the impact that
it can have on our lives.
Rose (08:01):
First of all, you've been placed on this path to help
others.
Your background is creativeexpression, right, you're using
that.
You're using Monica, you'reusing your book, you're using
your podcast to heal yourselfand also to heal others, right?
Yes, so.
So so Monica came from a childlike all those those inner
voices or those those outervoices that you heard, that you
(08:23):
just kind of integrated in yourbody and that she just kind of
stuck in there, all all thoselives and and and.
Now you're helping others withhelping them tame that inner
critic, right, yeah, your,through your expressive,
actually your, your show, your,your, your your book and your
show, oh, so, how often is ismonica present?
(08:44):
Now, now that you've done,doing a lot of the work on
yourself, what kind ofrelationship are you now having
with Monica?
Are you like now pushing back?
I'm pushing back.
Julie (08:55):
We argue, we argue and we used to argue out loud.
I spoke about this in a coupleof interviews and on my show.
But in the beginning I feltlike the only way to shut her
down was to be just as loud asher.
So I used to say things likelies, like when she would show
up I would out loud say lies.
I'd be like uh-uh girl, nottoday, not today, no.
(09:16):
And like people would, becauseI'll do it in public, would look
at me like who is she talkingto?
Rose (09:22):
and I'll be like imaginary friend, who's not a friend all
the time?
Julie (09:27):
Right.
I'm like, oh, my bad, it's okay, you know I'm good.
And like people walking past mein the store look the side eye,
like what?
And I'm just like if they onlyknew, you know, like if you only
knew what people are goingthrough.
But that was my way of tellingher, but that was my way of
telling her chill out, I gotthis.
Now when she shows up and shedoes I'm seeing her show up when
(09:50):
I'm working the most now.
But now when she shows up, I'mjust like mm-mm, girl, quietly,
I can stop, I can breathe, I cantake a moment wherever I'm at,
and I'm like mm-mm, what's up?
What's the problem?
I got this, I know this, I'mhandling this, I'm doing it.
And I just move on from thereand I give her the space to kind
(10:16):
of show me why she's settingoff all these alarms, what she's
afraid of, what she doesn'tbelieve that I can achieve.
And it's not really because, oh, I'm not good enough, I don't
deserve this or I'm not capableof it.
It's because she's afraid ofsomething and I try to figure
out what happened there.
What does this directly relateto?
(10:37):
From my past that has her kindof being trippy today, and then
I just move through those spacesI give her and myself the grace
to do so and I just keeppushing.
Sometimes that pushes a lotharder because I'm the
revelations that are being madeLike I don't want to make any
light of this, because some ofus have some deeper things going
(10:58):
on than others and all of ourtrauma, regardless of how big or
how small, is very relevant andwe didn't deserve it.
But I got beat down a lot in alot of different areas of my
life.
We're talking.
I experienced sexual abuse, Iexperienced verbal abuse, I
experienced physical abuse.
My life was very hard for along time.
(11:20):
So when she hops out, sometimesthe things that she's coming at
me with are very deep and veryhard and I'm going to move
through it.
But there's some challenges tobe met there some days and I
won't act like there's not.
Rose (11:36):
Yeah, she's there to help you identify what you need to
work on and to overcome or overor work with those things like
fear.
Like fear is so A part of a lotof people's lives, and I think
women like I know I'veexperienced that too and I've
had that really bad inner voiceas well.
And I know you said that it'sshow Monica shows up a lot for
(11:56):
you before you even get on yourpodcast.
I'd say, and I get that before.
We want to do something like areally excited and proud.
And then you, you know how doesshe show up?
Like what is what is like likeher dialogue, like before you
show up for your podcast shesounds like you, you know you're
not good enough or what are youdoing, like kind of that voice,
because I've heard similar.
Julie (12:15):
Yeah, yeah, yeah well, this morning she showed up about
my hair and I told you about itlike yeah, she was like girl,
you look a mess, what are youdoing?
And I was like, well, let mejust find out if it's audio or
video, because then I can figureout how much of a mess I need
to tame.
And what did I say?
Rose (12:33):
to you I said to you I said you're going to look
beautiful, no matter what rightyou did.
Yeah, you know, it's really notthe way we look, it's how we
feel, and if we feel good, itdoesn't matter if our hair is
crazy, although I know we wantto look good too.
Julie (12:48):
That's part of it.
Rose (12:52):
But yeah, you know that fear is brutal and I'm listening
to you talk and you know I kindof wonder, and even for myself,
the fear that we have, is itthe fear that we're going to
succeed?
It's like is something tryingto prevent us from like crossing
that threshold to success andare we afraid of getting?
Julie (13:12):
there.
Are we worthy?
Is the theme of worthiness comeup a lot?
Yeah, I.
And when you grow up and havepeople that make you feel like
you don't deserve anything andyou're not worthy of love,
you're not worthy of opportunity, you don't deserve these things
, like Then when you startstepping into that light and
these things start coming, likethe question of do I deserve
(13:36):
this, am I supposed to have this?
It's like constant and I knowlike even looking back, it's
kind of like I have these hovermoments, like the ghost of
Christmas past, if you will,where I'm like looking back at
things and I'm like there wereso many times when I was younger
where light was shiny.
I didn't see it then, but likenow, looking back at it, like
(13:58):
light was shiny.
And the adults in my life Iknow that they were capable of
seeing it because they wereshutting me down, yeah, and it
was never that I wasn't worthyor I didn't deserve it.
It was always that they wereafraid of it.
And their fear became my ownand I remind myself of that a
lot because a lot of them arestill not living life.
(14:20):
A lot of them have even leftthis world and never lived life
before they did it, so I can'tlet that become me.
I can't let that become.
That will not be my outcome,and I tell myself that a lot,
too, when Monica shows up, likeyou might be afraid of this, but
(14:52):
it's okay, because that isscary, that is sad.
Rose (14:53):
Leaving this world and never reaching your potential is
pure devastation and I refuseto be that.
I refuse speak for everyone,but I see a sense of there's a
lot of people feel like they'revictims.
There's.
You know why me, why is thishappening?
Why is this happening, you know, and instead of looking at the
positive of life, I always tryto look at the glass full, you
know, like that half full butall full, and I think it sets
the tone for your life.
And I may not have everything Iwant, but I have everything I
(15:15):
need.
You know, it's really good tobe positive.
How has this spilled over toyour other relationships?
The, the, the, the, the, monicavoice, the, the feeling of not
feeling worthy or afraid.
Julie (15:30):
Well, my husband and I have had a rocky road because of
Monica and because of you knowmy insecurities and things like
that.
She'll show up and tell me he'sdoing something.
He's not Like.
I actually did a live and I waslike, have you ever had an
argument with your husband?
And he wasn't even home yet?
Like straight cussing him,decent, and he's not even there.
(15:55):
And then he walks through thedoor and you got the stale face
and you don't want to talk tohim and he's like what is going
on?
What I do?
He's not even aware of it.
He doesn't know at all what isgoing on with you, what you just
how?
What did he do?
He doesn't know.
And I didn't tell him becauseI'm exhausted by this point,
(16:17):
because me and Monica alreadycussed him out all day.
Rose (16:20):
So true, yep, yes.
Julie (16:23):
I had to learn that, and a big thing of that is writing,
because, as great as I am withtalking, I didn't always know
how to say the right things whenit came to the things that made
me most uncomfortable.
So I had to write it down andthat helped me with learning to
communicate with him in ahealthy way.
I can't be mad at you forsomething that you didn't know
(16:47):
you did.
Yeah, you may have left thesink full of dishes, or you may
keep walking around heredropping your towel on the floor
after you get out the showerand leaving this and leaving
there, and I'm walking behindyou picking everything up like
the maid.
But if I don't tell you that'sgetting on my nerves, or if I
don't make you aware of thethings that I need, how can I be
upset with you for not doingcertain things?
(17:09):
You?
know, that was something bigthat I had to.
Well, okay, julie, your husbandleaves the towel on the floor.
Did you tell him?
Did you ask him to stop?
Or you need more hugs or youneed help with certain things?
Did you tell him that you needhelp with certain things?
Did you explain to him thechallenges that you're facing
and why you need more support?
(17:31):
Well, no, I didn't.
So how's he supposed to helpyou Right Now?
If you explain these things tohim and he doesn't do anything,
then you got a problem.
But did you give these thingsto him and he doesn't do
anything?
Rose (17:45):
then you got a problem.
But did you give him a chancefirst?
Yeah, I think we think thatthey are supposed to know
telepathically, and then we getangry when they don't understand
what it's like for us.
It's so true.
What do you do to replace thosenegative thoughts, Like like,
is there like a mantra that youhave?
(18:06):
Or you just like kind of pauseand you're like, okay, this is
not true.
Like you know, some people havelike a phrase or word.
You have your journaling, what,what is like some good
takeaways or advice or tips thatyou can share about how you
process that?
Julie (18:23):
It's simple for me, it like literally when I said lies.
I don't yell it out loudanymore, or not today, but I
still say it.
So lies, just straight out yourlies lies Cause I have to let
her know like that's a liebecause it was.
You know, like I know, thethings that are being repeated
are things that were once saidand I'm like those are lies.
(18:43):
I am worthy, I am deserving, Iam loved.
You know I can do it.
So when you're telling me Ican't or you're asking me, why
am I doing that?
Because I can, because I dodeserve it and not just me, like
removing me from it.
Other people deserve it, becausenot everyone is going to use
(19:06):
their voice this way, because alot comes with it.
But hearing my voice and likethe greatest thing that was told
to me is living your lifegrants someone else permission
to live theirs.
So hearing these things beinglike girl, like the feedback
from my book, people saying,girl, I didn't know that was a
thing I do that, oh my God.
(19:27):
Like one of my Amazon reviewssaid, like it was so relatable,
I felt like I was being read,like that is what I want.
I want people to beunderstanding.
You're not alone in this.
You go through this, you feelthese things and guess what?
It's okay.
It's okay.
Nobody ever told me it was okayto hurt, it was okay to want
(19:50):
different.
It was okay to be something,it's okay.
And if I got to be that personin the book or on the podcast
telling you like girl, it's okay, get up, go do it, go get that
therapist, go get that coach, gofind that community that's
going to love and support you.
Rose (20:10):
You can walk away from your family and their mess.
I'm going to be that voice.
Yeah, walking away.
I think, setting boundaries, Ithink that's great advice.
I love that.
I've heard you say beforeanother podcast where you've
actually paused and you say youchallenge those thoughts by
asking it true, is it reallytrue?
And, like I've done that, I'mlike, yeah, I mean, is that true
or we're just making this stuffup in our heads?
Um, so that's.
(20:32):
I love that.
You have something I heard youalso call a morning check-in.
Yeah, let me talk about that.
Yeah, so I have morningcheck-in.
Yeah, can you talk about that?
Julie (20:40):
Yeah.
So I have morning check-ins andthey are me every morning
before anybody can talk to me,get anything from me, do
anything in this house.
I get to check in with me.
I get to say you know, hey, howyou feeling today, what do you
(21:07):
need today?
And I run through this processbefore we start the day and it's
necessary because I got to begood.
I got these two kids runningaround, I got a husband running
around for a lot of us that'sanother kid, right, so it's like
I got the dog.
I got a lot going on, so it'slike I got to make sure that I'm
good.
And if it's a day where I'm not, because, like another thing
(21:27):
that I'm trying to defeat and Ihope I can't is this thing on
the internet about perfection.
Rose (21:33):
These you know, oh my gosh , it's horrible, right?
Julie (21:38):
Yep, it's like these people who are positive are not
met with challenges.
We're challenged every day, allday.
So if it's a day where I wakeup, say I'm feeling funky
because this also goes to thebook Monica woke up feeling
funky, didn't check in withherself and went crazy on
everybody in her life.
So I wake up, I'm not feelinggood.
(22:00):
All right, julie, how are youfeeling?
I always start with a feelinghow are you feeling?
Oh, I'm not feeling too goodtoday.
Okay, what do you need?
So if today's a day where I'mmet with challenges, what do I
need?
And I will go through okay, I'mtired, I got a lot going on
with the kids and with thebusiness and all these things.
(22:22):
So I always have like a dailytask list.
So I have my household tasks,the tasks with the kids, the
tasks with the business.
I will move things around.
Say, I got five things to do onmy business checklist.
Well, today I only can handletwo or three.
And those other things that I'mnot getting due today, I will
(22:43):
stretch them out through theweek and place them into other
days so I don't becomeoverwhelmed in other areas and
I'll say, okay, well, this is.
I got a light load on Tuesday.
I'll just add this in onTuesday.
I got a light load on Friday.
I'll add this in on Friday.
I'll make sure that I rearrangethe furniture that day so that
I can move through these spacesand be okay, so that it doesn't
(23:05):
spill over onto my kids whereI'm snapping and I'm going crazy
on them.
Or my husband comes home andhe's like what'd I do?
You didn't take the trash outbefore you left.
You didn't know that was goingto set me off today.
You know, like all these things.
So I do that.
And then I'll also make sureand I don't know if I told you
this I tell my husband now.
(23:26):
So I'm not feeling good.
This is what I'm going to dotoday with me.
This is what I'm going to dowith the kids.
This is what I need from youwhen you get home.
Love that.
That helps keep things inbalance and helps the flow of
things be a little bit betterthat day.
I'm not about being superwoman,I'm not about being perfect.
(23:47):
I'm about being like hey, we ona trip to crazy town today.
So this is what I need, andlike let's just roll with it.
Rose (23:57):
Yeah, and men.
I think men respond better whenwe ask them something very
specific that they need to dofor us, whether it's give us
space, whether it's give us ahug, whether it's give us just
like, leave us alone, right,stay away, and I think that's
brilliant and more women shoulddo that.
What do you do for self-care?
Then I hear you creating spacein your day, which I think is
(24:20):
brilliant.
I think some of us moms, womenwe want to do it all.
Because we have to do it all,like we feel like everything's
going to fall apart if we're notdoing everything on a certain
day.
So I love that advice, you know, give yourself, juggle up, move
the furniture around.
But what do you do specificallyfor care?
What do you do to take care ofJulieie?
Julie (24:39):
okay, so those days, yeah , swim, oh I'm swimming.
It's my thing and, like nowthat it's summer, I can swim
outside.
But I um, I like to swim, youlike I like the juice.
I like the water.
I love the water.
I like bubble baths like we gota lot of winter months, I like
bubble baths.
I like sitting is.
I like sitting on.
I love music.
(24:59):
I like sitting alone andstretching to music or just
sitting there and unpluggingwhere the only words that go
into my mind are the sounds of asong or a beat or something
like that.
I just like to unplug.
Even when I'm in the water, Ilike to be in there until I zone
out and all I can hear is thewater, even when I'm in the
(25:20):
water.
I like to be in there until Izone out and all I can hear is
the water, none of the soundsaround me, none of the noise,
just that.
And I like to like go intomyself and just be calm, like if
I can steal moments away tojust sit on the floor and listen
to music or go to the pool andliterally float on my back and
just hear those sounds.
That's it, because everythingis constant noise, you know?
Yeah, like, so I just like tounplug and go into sounds that I
(25:43):
want Selective hearing, right,like that's it.
Rose (25:47):
Yeah, I love that and it's so.
Water for me is, even if I justlook at it because I have a
pool here and I look at thewater, I'm like, oh, it's so
soothing Because water is veryyin, water is yin-like, like, oh
, it's so soothing because wateris very yin.
Water is yin like it'snurturing, uh, it's emotions and
all that.
So it's a way, kind of like, toembody that lovely, like
soothing energy.
So I love that.
(26:08):
Um, you recently went on avacation, your like first family
vacation.
How was that for you?
How, how was that like, likejust I don know that, how was
the vibe around all that?
Julie (26:26):
It was nice, it was fun it was fun.
Okay, look, you have littlekids, right, so I have little
kids, so it was fun.
But it was like crazy at thesame time, Crazy, fun, yeah.
So it was like a lot of no, stoprunning, Don't do that, Come
here, Not safe.
It was like a lot of likepolicing and life guarding.
But then it was like a lot ofstopping and just watching and
feeling like I was so sensitiveon this trip for so many
(26:48):
different reasons, and it waslike I cried the day that we
left, Like my husband's like um,I think he did this thing.
Uh, I think I got everythingout the room.
You want to go check before weleave?
And I was like, yeah, I'll godo a check.
So I go up to the room and I'mwalking around the hotel room
and like all of our stuff isgone, Everything's all you know,
beds all turnt up, and I'm likelooking around and I walk out
(27:10):
on the balcony because the ocean, we had an ocean view and all
that and I stopped on thebalcony and I was just like
listening to the ocean and I wasjust like thank you, Looked out
in the sky and was just likethank you.
And then I started crying.
Then I went down to the carbecause like and I might get a
little emotional here, but Inever had that Like and it was a
(27:31):
huge thing for me, Like.
I never had that Like andwatching my kids have that it
soothed my inner child so muchBecause I was like.
I used to dream about this andwonder what is that like for
kids?
Sorry.
Rose (27:48):
No, you're making me cry too.
I'm sorry, no no, don't besorry.
Julie (27:52):
No sorry's here, but I was just like what is that like
for a kid to run on the beachand just be laughing and be
happy, and like parents likewatching that and laughing and
being happy, and like somethingthat small did so much for me.
And I went out in the ocean andI was just splashing around, I
(28:13):
had a bodyboard, I was doing mything and a wave hit me and it
sent me flying up to the shoreand I like scraped my stomach
all on the beach and I laughedso loud.
There's a man like standingthere like are you okay?
And I was just looking at himlaughing so crazy.
And he's like are you okay?
And I'm like looking at himjust laughing.
Rose (28:35):
All this work that you're doing, connecting with your
inner child, identifying the,the voices and the dialogue.
How is this helping you becomea different parent?
Like then, what?
How you were raised a betterparent?
Julie (28:55):
um, gosh, that's a lot, because I'm so aware that it
hurts sometimes.
You know, um, I say things tomy kids Like it's, it's my
six-year-old.
I tell him every morning, andI've been telling him since he
was little when he wakes up goodmorning, you are loved, you are
(29:16):
smart, you are brave, you arestrong, you are creative.
I just keep adding things as wego, and the other morning I
said to him good morning, I loveyou.
And I was like do you knowyou're smart?
(29:38):
He goes.
I know was like do you knowyou're smart?
He goes.
I know, mom, do you know you'recreate?
I know already.
Come up with new words.
Yeah, I'm like do you knowyou're brave?
Yeah, I know already.
Um, can I get my tablet?
Like.
But I'm glad he knows thesethings and like and those are
the things that are becomingannoying to him, because I'm
just like I.
Words matter so much.
The things that you speak overyour children will come to life
(29:59):
absolutely he may have beencompletely annoyed with my
affirmations, but he's gonnagrow into this man one day.
That's going to be confident.
He's going to know he had love.
He's going to know that he'sstrong.
He's going to know he's brave.
He's going to know he canovercome.
You know he's going to havethis resilience in him and
(30:22):
that's like all I want.
That is all I want.
I don't want them to livefear-based lives.
I don't want them to, you know,be men that don't that fear
being loved or loving, you know,being caring and kind, all
these different things.
So that is the big thing is Ispeak life over them because I
(30:43):
truly believe that death wasspoken over me.
So I breathe life into them andthen I I'm not afraid of them
telling me about myself, I'm notafraid to be accountable, I'm
not afraid to apologize to themand tell them I'm not perfect
and I need to do better.
And when I'm not doing better,it's okay to tell me.
Rose (31:06):
I love how you're communicating with your kids.
Not only are you telling themthat you know they're like this,
brilliant and beautiful andwonderful, but you understand
that this is going to help thembecome the person that is kind
and loving and will treat othersthat way, and you know you're.
It's like this ripple effectthat you're moving forward.
(31:28):
You know, and you're juggling alot.
You're juggling family.
You've written a book, yourbusiness, your podcast.
I mean, how do you?
I know you move furniturearound in your schedule.
It's a lot of stuff.
You have anything else thatyou're working on down the pike,
like I know you've done filmbefore.
I kind of see a lot of thingshappening with you.
Julie (31:47):
Oh my gosh, so full of dishes.
Okay, so I haven't made a shortfilm.
The last short film I made wasin 2018 and it was a
collaboration.
So I have this thing in mewhere I want to shoot sink full
of dishes as a short and put itout there, because I know, like
(32:11):
this world we live in now is so,like you know, microwave quick,
quick, quick.
So everybody's not going toread the book, even though I
designed the book for people toread it.
It's only 72 pages, like I justpacked a lot of power into 72
pages.
It's ready set go and Iliterally was like well, people
might not read it or they mightnot listen to the.
(32:31):
I'm working on the audioversion.
Nice, they will watch the short.
So it's dinging off in my headlike the storyboard keeps.
So I believe in the near future, you guys can expect the Sink
Full of Dishes short film.
Rose (32:46):
Nice.
Anything else you want to addbefore we wrap up?
I have just loved ourconversation and your energy is
so amazing and beautiful andyou're just so transparent and
awesome.
Anything you want to share,anything else, I don't know, I
think.
Julie (33:04):
I covered a lot.
Yeah, Read the book.
Everybody read the book.
Like I promise you, when youstart reading it you're going to
read it in a day.
Everybody I haven't had anycouple of day readers yet.
Everybody that's reached outtold me they read it in a day
and then they went back.
One person told me she read itthree times.
She read it three times andthen she went back and she
(33:26):
started doing the workbook.
So in the book I wrote itbecause my background is in film
and television.
I wrote it like a stage play.
So there's acts and in betweeneach act there's an interlude
and those interludes havequestions.
So first I break down whathappened so you can understand,
(33:49):
because it again ties back intosomething.
So each act I break down at theend of it in the interlude,
what happened, where, Monica,where all this came from.
Then I give you tools that youcan use to kind of um, redirect
that power and then I give you aworkbook that says okay, now
(34:11):
that you have all thisinformation, because I want to
slow you down.
Our minds are so busy all thetime.
I want to slow you down andhave you really tap into this.
So then it's like have you everexperienced this?
What did you feel while youwere reading this?
What can you do to redirectthat power?
And then I let you, after theinterlude, go into the next act
(34:36):
and this is how the book isstructured.
I love that and it's just a lotof Monica.
She's on a rampage and I wantyou guys to read it because the
rampage it's literally like wedon't think about.
If we wake up in the morning andwe're not feeling good because
we do we got a lot going on,especially moms, especially
women.
You wake up in the morning,maybe you didn't get enough
(34:56):
sleep, you got all this stuffgoing on, but you still got to
tackle the day.
If you don't tap into that,even if it's only five to 10
minutes in the morning, if youdon't tap into that feeling and
to your needs to soothe thatfeeling, you won't even realize
it Once you start spiraling inall the different areas in your
(35:17):
life that you will be settingbombs off in until it's too late
.
And that's what happens in thebook.
Monica wakes up funky, goesthrough the whole day and then
at the end of the day, when sherealizes it, it's like oh, wow,
that's a mess.
And then it's letting us knowthat that's okay.
You recognize the mess, youknow it's there.
(35:46):
Give yourself some grace, bekind to yourself and let's make
sure we can prevent this fromhappening again.
Rose (35:51):
That's it Beautiful.
I love that.
Thank you for that.
Thank you for sharing that.
And that your book just has iseven richer by exploring, you
know, with questions and promptsand tools that I love that.
And I see a sink full of dishesdishes book club and you know,
(36:11):
like gatherings.
You know I just like my mindstarts to go and I'm like I
could see all that for you.
Julie (36:17):
I forgot that I have a group, so join the sink full of
dishes Facebook group.
Um, I'll, I'll send you thelink to it.
I'll send you the link to thegroup Join the group.
I talk about all kinds of stuffin the group.
I ask you about the book whereyou're at in the book.
I put little videos in there.
I got like jokes and stuff thatI share about myself and Monica
(36:37):
like join the group.
Rose (36:39):
And I am going to share all of that with the audience.
Thank you so much, my friend.
You are a beautiful shininglight.
Thank you for your work.
Thank you for everything.
Many blessings to you, thankyou.
Julie (36:51):
Thank you.
Thank you for having me.
Rose (37:00):
Yeah, thank you for joining me here on Chat Off The
Mat.
I hope these stories haveinspired you.
If you've enjoyed this episode,please share it with those who
might benefit.
Your support helps me spreadawareness about the power of
transformative healing.
Stay connected with me onsocial media.
Reach out with your own healingstories or topics you'd like me
(37:22):
to explore in future episodes.
Your voice is an essential partof this community.
I hope that your healingjourney is filled with
self-discovery, curiosity,resilience and the unwavering
belief in the power that resideswithin you.
Until next time, I'm RoseWippich, wishing you a journey
(37:43):
filled with love, laughter andendless possibilities.
Ready to unlock your most vibrant, authentic self.
Your journey to radiantwellness starts now.
Welcome to Chat Off The Mat.
I'm your host, Rose Wippich,and I'm here to guide you on an
extraordinary journey offeminine healing, energy work
and total wellbeing.
Get ready to be inspired byauthentic conversations with
(00:20):
leading women practitioners,wellness experts and holistic
healers who understand yourunique journey.
Subscribe to Chat Off the Matwherever you get your podcasts,
and let's create magic together.
Today on Chat Off the Mat, Iwelcome Julie Dammar.
Julie is a former actress,filmmaker and the creator and
(00:43):
host of the Selective Hearingpodcast.
Julie has shared her storiesthrough her professional work
while finding solace in creativeexpression.
Selective Hearing and her debutbook, sink Full of Dishes, is
an extension of all her creativeendeavors, where she aims to
(01:03):
inspire you with experiences.
,J, ulie, how are you?
Julie (01:09):
I'm doing good.
How are you?
Rose (01:11):
I am doing great and I'm so happy that you're here.
I've been really lookingforward to our conversation.
I've been listening to yourpodcast and just absorbing all
of your amazing energy.
So let's begin by, if you tellus about yourself and in your
words and also touch upon alittle bit about how you've got
(01:33):
to where you are today with yourpodcast and also what inspired
you to write your book.
I know it's a lot, but we'llwe'll break it down.
I know you're very you're.
You're great at storytelling,so the floor is yours.
Julie (01:45):
Okay, let me get comfortable in my chair because
it is a lot, so we'll go back.
I'll start with the podcast,how I develop selective hearing,
because then that is kind oflike the stairway to the book.
So selective hearing startedduring the pandemic and my
(02:06):
second pregnancy as a socialmedia trauma dump that was
packaged as a live podcastrecording and I did all the
things with it the promo rollouthey, everybody, I'm going to be
going live, I'm doing this.
I took my own pictures.
It was a whole thing.
And then when I actually got onthe couch and started talking
to people, it was none of thethings that I had imagined it to
(02:29):
be.
It ended up becoming a traumadump, a therapy session, a hey,
everybody listen to me, complainabout politics, my life, all
the things that were happeningin pop culture, all that stuff,
right.
So I'm doing that.
And as I'm doing that, I hadsomebody say to me privately
(02:50):
like, okay, girl, listen, what'sgoing on?
Clearly you're ready to talkabout some stuff.
Can you get some help?
And during that too, I wastelling myself like I'm not okay
, I'm not okay.
I said I wasn't okay the firsttime during my first pregnancy
had my son went back to work,covered it all up, lost my job
during a pandemic, got pregnantagain, came back around to my
(03:11):
couch talking crazy to people,and it was like okay, girl, yeah
, you might be right, I needsome help.
I'm not okay.
So I started talking to people,I pulled away from doing
Facebook Live, I structuredeverything and I came back with,
first selective hearing, theblog, which, if you go back and
read it, it's a trauma though.
(03:32):
So I just stopped talking topeople about it, started writing
about it, and I noticed, though, as I was going through the
motions, I was getting better,not just like better with the
way that I was communicating myfeelings and handling things,
but like I was overall gettingbetter with the address of all
the stuff that was like conjuredup in me.
(03:52):
So I was like okay, I'm goingto come back around with the
podcast.
And that was another questionthat people were like okay, well
, I kind of see some difference,some change in you.
What are you doing?
And I'm like well, I got help.
I got a coach, I got atherapist, I got help, I got a
journal, I got all these thingsgoing on.
So I was like okay, I got anidea.
(04:13):
How about I do this thing whereI have this podcast, but I bring
on people who can help thelisteners, so people who are
just like me.
Because, like, when you're like, okay, I need help, right, I
need a lot of help.
But where do I go for that help?
Like, you go on Google and youtype help me and you get like 90
billion pages of stuff thatdoesn't make any sense.
(04:34):
You start diagnosing yourselfoh, this symptom is me.
I got this Like, by the time,like you need to be on a psych
ward.
So I'm like, okay, let's dothis a psych ward.
So I'm like, okay, let's dothis, let's scale it back.
And instead of you guys goingon Dr Google, I have a resource
page.
So after every single episode,you can, if you like the person
you can like, reach out to themand say, hey, I got this going
(04:55):
on.
Can you help me?
And it's from a wide range ofareas too.
It's not just my trauma thatwe're talking about when I bring
these guests on, because I alsolearned as I was going through
the process that if your life ismessed up in one area, it's
inevitable it's going to spillover to everything you have
going on.
So I could not figure out whymy marriage was trash for a
(05:15):
while.
It's because I had this goingon.
I couldn't figure out why I wasstruggling with being a new mom
because I had all this otherstuff tucked away.
Why am I struggling withkeeping this business alive?
Why am I stopping and startingthings?
Getting mad with people can'tkeep friends, you name it.
I'm doing it all right.
So these people who come onSelective Hearing and have these
conversations with me are alsopeople who are like hey, you
(05:37):
having issues with your job, letme help you.
You having issues with settingboundaries and making sure that
you keep the promises that youmade to yourself, let me help
you.
Or, hey, you got some deeprooted trauma that you need to
resolve and you got to get thesethings out of your body so you
can really heal on a deeperlevel.
Then, girl, let me go get mynails done and my hair done and
(05:58):
all that stuff.
I'm here to help you.
So that's what selectivehearing is in a nutshell.
And then from there becausewhat I learned going through my
stuff is the reason why I havesuch a hard time with everything
is because of the things thatI'm telling myself, all the
(06:19):
stuff I'm telling myself that Ican't do, all the stuff that I'm
telling myself I'm not good atall, the stuff I'm telling
myself I don't deserve, I'm notworthy of.
That was an issue that was likeI was carrying this chick
called Monica.
Rose (06:33):
Let's talk about Monica.
Julie (06:35):
Yeah, I want to tell you guys all about her.
So my inner critical voice, ormy negative narrator, noisy
roommate, the gremlin in me, mynegative narrator, noisy
roommate, the gremlin in me, hername is Monica, and Monica
tells me horrible things everysingle day.
She tells me about what I can'tdo.
She asked me why I'm tryingthings.
She asked me what's yourproblem?
So I had to understand thatthis was a big thing that was
(06:59):
stopping me in my tracks andholding me back.
And the reason why is becauseMonica speaks to me the same way
that my parents spoke to me,that my family members spoke to
me.
She tells me the exact samethings that were told to me as a
kid, except now Monica's voicedoesn't sound like my mom and my
dad and those, those familymembers.
It sounds like me, like she.
(07:21):
She a little bit more raspy andshe's she's got a tinge of hood
to her.
But Monica is me and she's likeshe comes for me all the time.
So I decided to write a bookabout her.
So I pulled monica out of me.
I gave her her own name, herown family, her own nice house,
(07:42):
her own everything friends, youthink about it and all those
negative things that she'scapable of saying to herself.
I made her say them out loud,and I made her say them to
herself and I put it on paperand I wrote this whole book to
show people how deep that innervoice can be and the impact that
it can have on our lives.
Rose (08:01):
First of all, you've been placed on this path to help
others.
Your background is creativeexpression, right, you're using
that.
You're using Monica, you'reusing your book, you're using
your podcast to heal yourselfand also to heal others, right?
Yes, so.
So so Monica came from a childlike all those those inner
voices or those those outervoices that you heard, that you
(08:23):
just kind of integrated in yourbody and that she just kind of
stuck in there, all all thoselives and and and.
Now you're helping others withhelping them tame that inner
critic, right, yeah, your,through your expressive,
actually your, your show, your,your, your your book and your
show, oh, so, how often is ismonica present?
(08:44):
Now, now that you've done,doing a lot of the work on
yourself, what kind ofrelationship are you now having
with Monica?
Are you like now pushing back?
I'm pushing back.
Julie (08:55):
We argue, we argue and we used to argue out loud.
I spoke about this in a coupleof interviews and on my show.
But in the beginning I feltlike the only way to shut her
down was to be just as loud asher.
So I used to say things likelies, like when she would show
up I would out loud say lies.
I'd be like uh-uh girl, nottoday, not today, no.
(09:16):
And like people would, becauseI'll do it in public, would look
at me like who is she talkingto?
Rose (09:22):
and I'll be like imaginary friend, who's not a friend all
the time?
Julie (09:27):
Right.
I'm like, oh, my bad, it's okay, you know I'm good.
And like people walking past mein the store look the side eye,
like what?
And I'm just like if they onlyknew, you know, like if you only
knew what people are goingthrough.
But that was my way of tellingher, but that was my way of
telling her chill out, I gotthis.
Now when she shows up and shedoes I'm seeing her show up when
(09:50):
I'm working the most now.
But now when she shows up, I'mjust like mm-mm, girl, quietly,
I can stop, I can breathe, I cantake a moment wherever I'm at,
and I'm like mm-mm, what's up?
What's the problem?
I got this, I know this, I'mhandling this, I'm doing it.
And I just move on from thereand I give her the space to kind
(10:16):
of show me why she's settingoff all these alarms, what she's
afraid of, what she doesn'tbelieve that I can achieve.
And it's not really because, oh, I'm not good enough, I don't
deserve this or I'm not capableof it.
It's because she's afraid ofsomething and I try to figure
out what happened there.
What does this directly relateto?
(10:37):
From my past that has her kindof being trippy today, and then
I just move through those spacesI give her and myself the grace
to do so and I just keeppushing.
Sometimes that pushes a lotharder because I'm the
revelations that are being madeLike I don't want to make any
light of this, because some ofus have some deeper things going
(10:58):
on than others and all of ourtrauma, regardless of how big or
how small, is very relevant andwe didn't deserve it.
But I got beat down a lot in alot of different areas of my
life.
We're talking.
I experienced sexual abuse, Iexperienced verbal abuse, I
experienced physical abuse.
My life was very hard for along time.
(11:20):
So when she hops out, sometimesthe things that she's coming at
me with are very deep and veryhard and I'm going to move
through it.
But there's some challenges tobe met there some days and I
won't act like there's not.
Rose (11:36):
Yeah, she's there to help you identify what you need to
work on and to overcome or overor work with those things like
fear.
Like fear is so A part of a lotof people's lives, and I think
women like I know I'veexperienced that too and I've
had that really bad inner voiceas well.
And I know you said that it'sshow Monica shows up a lot for
(11:56):
you before you even get on yourpodcast.
I'd say, and I get that before.
We want to do something like areally excited and proud.
And then you, you know how doesshe show up?
Like what is what is like likeher dialogue, like before you
show up for your podcast shesounds like you, you know you're
not good enough or what are youdoing, like kind of that voice,
because I've heard similar.
Julie (12:15):
Yeah, yeah, yeah well, this morning she showed up about
my hair and I told you about itlike yeah, she was like girl,
you look a mess, what are youdoing?
And I was like, well, let mejust find out if it's audio or
video, because then I can figureout how much of a mess I need
to tame.
And what did I say?
Rose (12:33):
to you I said to you I said you're going to look
beautiful, no matter what rightyou did.
Yeah, you know, it's really notthe way we look, it's how we
feel, and if we feel good, itdoesn't matter if our hair is
crazy, although I know we wantto look good too.
Julie (12:48):
That's part of it.
Rose (12:52):
But yeah, you know that fear is brutal and I'm listening
to you talk and you know I kindof wonder, and even for myself,
the fear that we have, is itthe fear that we're going to
succeed?
It's like is something tryingto prevent us from like crossing
that threshold to success andare we afraid of getting?
Julie (13:12):
there.
Are we worthy?
Is the theme of worthiness comeup a lot?
Yeah, I.
And when you grow up and havepeople that make you feel like
you don't deserve anything andyou're not worthy of love,
you're not worthy of opportunity, you don't deserve these things
, like Then when you startstepping into that light and
these things start coming, likethe question of do I deserve
(13:36):
this, am I supposed to have this?
It's like constant and I knowlike even looking back, it's
kind of like I have these hovermoments, like the ghost of
Christmas past, if you will,where I'm like looking back at
things and I'm like there wereso many times when I was younger
where light was shiny.
I didn't see it then, but likenow, looking back at it, like
(13:58):
light was shiny.
And the adults in my life Iknow that they were capable of
seeing it because they wereshutting me down, yeah, and it
was never that I wasn't worthyor I didn't deserve it.
It was always that they wereafraid of it.
And their fear became my ownand I remind myself of that a
lot because a lot of them arestill not living life.
(14:20):
A lot of them have even leftthis world and never lived life
before they did it, so I can'tlet that become me.
I can't let that become.
That will not be my outcome,and I tell myself that a lot,
too, when Monica shows up, likeyou might be afraid of this, but
(14:52):
it's okay, because that isscary, that is sad.
Rose (14:53):
Leaving this world and never reaching your potential is
pure devastation and I refuseto be that.
I refuse speak for everyone,but I see a sense of there's a
lot of people feel like they'revictims.
There's.
You know why me, why is thishappening?
Why is this happening, you know, and instead of looking at the
positive of life, I always tryto look at the glass full, you
know, like that half full butall full, and I think it sets
the tone for your life.
And I may not have everything Iwant, but I have everything I
(15:15):
need.
You know, it's really good tobe positive.
How has this spilled over toyour other relationships?
The, the, the, the, the, monicavoice, the, the feeling of not
feeling worthy or afraid.
Julie (15:30):
Well, my husband and I have had a rocky road because of
Monica and because of you knowmy insecurities and things like
that.
She'll show up and tell me he'sdoing something.
He's not Like.
I actually did a live and I waslike, have you ever had an
argument with your husband?
And he wasn't even home yet?
Like straight cussing him,decent, and he's not even there.
(15:55):
And then he walks through thedoor and you got the stale face
and you don't want to talk tohim and he's like what is going
on?
What I do?
He's not even aware of it.
He doesn't know at all what isgoing on with you, what you just
how?
What did he do?
He doesn't know.
And I didn't tell him becauseI'm exhausted by this point,
(16:17):
because me and Monica alreadycussed him out all day.
Rose (16:20):
So true, yep, yes.
Julie (16:23):
I had to learn that, and a big thing of that is writing,
because, as great as I am withtalking, I didn't always know
how to say the right things whenit came to the things that made
me most uncomfortable.
So I had to write it down andthat helped me with learning to
communicate with him in ahealthy way.
I can't be mad at you forsomething that you didn't know
(16:47):
you did.
Yeah, you may have left thesink full of dishes, or you may
keep walking around heredropping your towel on the floor
after you get out the showerand leaving this and leaving
there, and I'm walking behindyou picking everything up like
the maid.
But if I don't tell you that'sgetting on my nerves, or if I
don't make you aware of thethings that I need, how can I be
upset with you for not doingcertain things?
(17:09):
You?
know, that was something bigthat I had to.
Well, okay, julie, your husbandleaves the towel on the floor.
Did you tell him?
Did you ask him to stop?
Or you need more hugs or youneed help with certain things?
Did you tell him that you needhelp with certain things?
Did you explain to him thechallenges that you're facing
and why you need more support?
(17:31):
Well, no, I didn't.
So how's he supposed to helpyou Right Now?
If you explain these things tohim and he doesn't do anything,
then you got a problem.
But did you give these thingsto him and he doesn't do
anything?
Rose (17:45):
then you got a problem.
But did you give him a chancefirst?
Yeah, I think we think thatthey are supposed to know
telepathically, and then we getangry when they don't understand
what it's like for us.
It's so true.
What do you do to replace thosenegative thoughts, Like like,
is there like a mantra that youhave?
(18:06):
Or you just like kind of pauseand you're like, okay, this is
not true.
Like you know, some people havelike a phrase or word.
You have your journaling, what,what is like some good
takeaways or advice or tips thatyou can share about how you
process that?
Julie (18:23):
It's simple for me, it like literally when I said lies.
I don't yell it out loudanymore, or not today, but I
still say it.
So lies, just straight out yourlies lies Cause I have to let
her know like that's a liebecause it was.
You know, like I know, thethings that are being repeated
are things that were once saidand I'm like those are lies.
(18:43):
I am worthy, I am deserving, Iam loved.
You know I can do it.
So when you're telling me Ican't or you're asking me, why
am I doing that?
Because I can, because I dodeserve it and not just me, like
removing me from it.
Other people deserve it, becausenot everyone is going to use
(19:06):
their voice this way, because alot comes with it.
But hearing my voice and likethe greatest thing that was told
to me is living your lifegrants someone else permission
to live theirs.
So hearing these things beinglike girl, like the feedback
from my book, people saying,girl, I didn't know that was a
thing I do that, oh my God.
(19:27):
Like one of my Amazon reviewssaid, like it was so relatable,
I felt like I was being read,like that is what I want.
I want people to beunderstanding.
You're not alone in this.
You go through this, you feelthese things and guess what?
It's okay.
It's okay.
Nobody ever told me it was okayto hurt, it was okay to want
(19:50):
different.
It was okay to be something,it's okay.
And if I got to be that personin the book or on the podcast
telling you like girl, it's okay, get up, go do it, go get that
therapist, go get that coach, gofind that community that's
going to love and support you.
Rose (20:10):
You can walk away from your family and their mess.
I'm going to be that voice.
Yeah, walking away.
I think, setting boundaries, Ithink that's great advice.
I love that.
I've heard you say beforeanother podcast where you've
actually paused and you say youchallenge those thoughts by
asking it true, is it reallytrue?
And, like I've done that, I'mlike, yeah, I mean, is that true
or we're just making this stuffup in our heads?
Um, so that's.
(20:32):
I love that.
You have something I heard youalso call a morning check-in.
Yeah, let me talk about that.
Yeah, so I have morningcheck-in.
Yeah, can you talk about that?
Julie (20:40):
Yeah.
So I have morning check-ins andthey are me every morning
before anybody can talk to me,get anything from me, do
anything in this house.
I get to check in with me.
I get to say you know, hey, howyou feeling today, what do you
(21:07):
need today?
And I run through this processbefore we start the day and it's
necessary because I got to begood.
I got these two kids runningaround, I got a husband running
around for a lot of us that'sanother kid, right, so it's like
I got the dog.
I got a lot going on, so it'slike I got to make sure that I'm
good.
And if it's a day where I'm not, because, like another thing
(21:27):
that I'm trying to defeat and Ihope I can't is this thing on
the internet about perfection.
Rose (21:33):
These you know, oh my gosh , it's horrible, right?
Julie (21:38):
Yep, it's like these people who are positive are not
met with challenges.
We're challenged every day, allday.
So if it's a day where I wakeup, say I'm feeling funky
because this also goes to thebook Monica woke up feeling
funky, didn't check in withherself and went crazy on
everybody in her life.
So I wake up, I'm not feelinggood.
(22:00):
All right, julie, how are youfeeling?
I always start with a feelinghow are you feeling?
Oh, I'm not feeling too goodtoday.
Okay, what do you need?
So if today's a day where I'mmet with challenges, what do I
need?
And I will go through okay, I'mtired, I got a lot going on
with the kids and with thebusiness and all these things.
(22:22):
So I always have like a dailytask list.
So I have my household tasks,the tasks with the kids, the
tasks with the business.
I will move things around.
Say, I got five things to do onmy business checklist.
Well, today I only can handletwo or three.
And those other things that I'mnot getting due today, I will
(22:43):
stretch them out through theweek and place them into other
days so I don't becomeoverwhelmed in other areas and
I'll say, okay, well, this is.
I got a light load on Tuesday.
I'll just add this in onTuesday.
I got a light load on Friday.
I'll add this in on Friday.
I'll make sure that I rearrangethe furniture that day so that
I can move through these spacesand be okay, so that it doesn't
(23:05):
spill over onto my kids whereI'm snapping and I'm going crazy
on them.
Or my husband comes home andhe's like what'd I do?
You didn't take the trash outbefore you left.
You didn't know that was goingto set me off today.
You know, like all these things.
So I do that.
And then I'll also make sureand I don't know if I told you
this I tell my husband now.
(23:26):
So I'm not feeling good.
This is what I'm going to dotoday with me.
This is what I'm going to dowith the kids.
This is what I need from youwhen you get home.
Love that.
That helps keep things inbalance and helps the flow of
things be a little bit betterthat day.
I'm not about being superwoman,I'm not about being perfect.
(23:47):
I'm about being like hey, we ona trip to crazy town today.
So this is what I need, andlike let's just roll with it.
Rose (23:57):
Yeah, and men.
I think men respond better whenwe ask them something very
specific that they need to dofor us, whether it's give us
space, whether it's give us ahug, whether it's give us just
like, leave us alone, right,stay away, and I think that's
brilliant and more women shoulddo that.
What do you do for self-care?
Then I hear you creating spacein your day, which I think is
(24:20):
brilliant.
I think some of us moms, womenwe want to do it all.
Because we have to do it all,like we feel like everything's
going to fall apart if we're notdoing everything on a certain
day.
So I love that advice, you know, give yourself, juggle up, move
the furniture around.
But what do you do specificallyfor care?
What do you do to take care ofJulieie?
Julie (24:39):
okay, so those days, yeah , swim, oh I'm swimming.
It's my thing and, like nowthat it's summer, I can swim
outside.
But I um, I like to swim, youlike I like the juice.
I like the water.
I love the water.
I like bubble baths like we gota lot of winter months, I like
bubble baths.
I like sitting is.
I like sitting on.
I love music.
(24:59):
I like sitting alone andstretching to music or just
sitting there and unpluggingwhere the only words that go
into my mind are the sounds of asong or a beat or something
like that.
I just like to unplug.
Even when I'm in the water, Ilike to be in there until I zone
out and all I can hear is thewater, even when I'm in the
(25:20):
water.
I like to be in there until Izone out and all I can hear is
the water, none of the soundsaround me, none of the noise,
just that.
And I like to like go intomyself and just be calm, like if
I can steal moments away tojust sit on the floor and listen
to music or go to the pool andliterally float on my back and
just hear those sounds.
That's it, because everythingis constant noise, you know?
Yeah, like, so I just like tounplug and go into sounds that I
(25:43):
want Selective hearing, right,like that's it.
Rose (25:47):
Yeah, I love that and it's so.
Water for me is, even if I justlook at it because I have a
pool here and I look at thewater, I'm like, oh, it's so
soothing Because water is veryyin, water is yin-like, like, oh
, it's so soothing because wateris very yin.
Water is yin like it'snurturing, uh, it's emotions and
all that.
So it's a way, kind of like, toembody that lovely, like
soothing energy.
So I love that.
(26:08):
Um, you recently went on avacation, your like first family
vacation.
How was that for you?
How, how was that like, likejust I don know that, how was
the vibe around all that?
Julie (26:26):
It was nice, it was fun it was fun.
Okay, look, you have littlekids, right, so I have little
kids, so it was fun.
But it was like crazy at thesame time, Crazy, fun, yeah.
So it was like a lot of no, stoprunning, Don't do that, Come
here, Not safe.
It was like a lot of likepolicing and life guarding.
But then it was like a lot ofstopping and just watching and
feeling like I was so sensitiveon this trip for so many
(26:48):
different reasons, and it waslike I cried the day that we
left, Like my husband's like um,I think he did this thing.
Uh, I think I got everythingout the room.
You want to go check before weleave?
And I was like, yeah, I'll godo a check.
So I go up to the room and I'mwalking around the hotel room
and like all of our stuff isgone, Everything's all you know,
beds all turnt up, and I'm likelooking around and I walk out
(27:10):
on the balcony because the ocean, we had an ocean view and all
that and I stopped on thebalcony and I was just like
listening to the ocean and I wasjust like thank you, Looked out
in the sky and was just likethank you.
And then I started crying.
Then I went down to the carbecause like and I might get a
little emotional here, but Inever had that Like and it was a
(27:31):
huge thing for me, Like.
I never had that Like andwatching my kids have that it
soothed my inner child so muchBecause I was like.
I used to dream about this andwonder what is that like for
kids?
Sorry.
Rose (27:48):
No, you're making me cry too.
I'm sorry, no no, don't besorry.
Julie (27:52):
No sorry's here, but I was just like what is that like
for a kid to run on the beachand just be laughing and be
happy, and like parents likewatching that and laughing and
being happy, and like somethingthat small did so much for me.
And I went out in the ocean andI was just splashing around, I
(28:13):
had a bodyboard, I was doing mything and a wave hit me and it
sent me flying up to the shoreand I like scraped my stomach
all on the beach and I laughedso loud.
There's a man like standingthere like are you okay?
And I was just looking at himlaughing so crazy.
And he's like are you okay?
And I'm like looking at himjust laughing.
Rose (28:35):
All this work that you're doing, connecting with your
inner child, identifying the,the voices and the dialogue.
How is this helping you becomea different parent?
Like then, what?
How you were raised a betterparent?
Julie (28:55):
um, gosh, that's a lot, because I'm so aware that it
hurts sometimes.
You know, um, I say things tomy kids Like it's, it's my
six-year-old.
I tell him every morning, andI've been telling him since he
was little when he wakes up goodmorning, you are loved, you are
(29:16):
smart, you are brave, you arestrong, you are creative.
I just keep adding things as wego, and the other morning I
said to him good morning, I loveyou.
And I was like do you knowyou're smart?
(29:38):
He goes.
I know was like do you knowyou're smart?
He goes.
I know, mom, do you know you'recreate?
I know already.
Come up with new words.
Yeah, I'm like do you knowyou're brave?
Yeah, I know already.
Um, can I get my tablet?
Like.
But I'm glad he knows thesethings and like and those are
the things that are becomingannoying to him, because I'm
just like I.
Words matter so much.
The things that you speak overyour children will come to life
(29:59):
absolutely he may have beencompletely annoyed with my
affirmations, but he's gonnagrow into this man one day.
That's going to be confident.
He's going to know he had love.
He's going to know that he'sstrong.
He's going to know he's brave.
He's going to know he canovercome.
You know he's going to havethis resilience in him and
(30:22):
that's like all I want.
That is all I want.
I don't want them to livefear-based lives.
I don't want them to, you know,be men that don't that fear
being loved or loving, you know,being caring and kind, all
these different things.
So that is the big thing is Ispeak life over them because I
(30:43):
truly believe that death wasspoken over me.
So I breathe life into them andthen I I'm not afraid of them
telling me about myself, I'm notafraid to be accountable, I'm
not afraid to apologize to themand tell them I'm not perfect
and I need to do better.
And when I'm not doing better,it's okay to tell me.
Rose (31:06):
I love how you're communicating with your kids.
Not only are you telling themthat you know they're like this,
brilliant and beautiful andwonderful, but you understand
that this is going to help thembecome the person that is kind
and loving and will treat othersthat way, and you know you're.
It's like this ripple effectthat you're moving forward.
(31:28):
You know, and you're juggling alot.
You're juggling family.
You've written a book, yourbusiness, your podcast.
I mean, how do you?
I know you move furniturearound in your schedule.
It's a lot of stuff.
You have anything else thatyou're working on down the pike,
like I know you've done filmbefore.
I kind of see a lot of thingshappening with you.
Julie (31:47):
Oh my gosh, so full of dishes.
Okay, so I haven't made a shortfilm.
The last short film I made wasin 2018 and it was a
collaboration.
So I have this thing in mewhere I want to shoot sink full
of dishes as a short and put itout there, because I know, like
(32:11):
this world we live in now is so,like you know, microwave quick,
quick, quick.
So everybody's not going toread the book, even though I
designed the book for people toread it.
It's only 72 pages, like I justpacked a lot of power into 72
pages.
It's ready set go and Iliterally was like well, people
might not read it or they mightnot listen to the.
(32:31):
I'm working on the audioversion.
Nice, they will watch the short.
So it's dinging off in my headlike the storyboard keeps.
So I believe in the near future, you guys can expect the Sink
Full of Dishes short film.
Rose (32:46):
Nice.
Anything else you want to addbefore we wrap up?
I have just loved ourconversation and your energy is
so amazing and beautiful andyou're just so transparent and
awesome.
Anything you want to share,anything else, I don't know, I
think.
Julie (33:04):
I covered a lot.
Yeah, Read the book.
Everybody read the book.
Like I promise you, when youstart reading it you're going to
read it in a day.
Everybody I haven't had anycouple of day readers yet.
Everybody that's reached outtold me they read it in a day
and then they went back.
One person told me she read itthree times.
She read it three times andthen she went back and she
(33:26):
started doing the workbook.
So in the book I wrote itbecause my background is in film
and television.
I wrote it like a stage play.
So there's acts and in betweeneach act there's an interlude
and those interludes havequestions.
So first I break down whathappened so you can understand,
(33:49):
because it again ties back intosomething.
So each act I break down at theend of it in the interlude,
what happened, where, Monica,where all this came from.
Then I give you tools that youcan use to kind of um, redirect
that power and then I give you aworkbook that says okay, now
(34:11):
that you have all thisinformation, because I want to
slow you down.
Our minds are so busy all thetime.
I want to slow you down andhave you really tap into this.
So then it's like have you everexperienced this?
What did you feel while youwere reading this?
What can you do to redirectthat power?
And then I let you, after theinterlude, go into the next act
(34:36):
and this is how the book isstructured.
I love that and it's just a lotof Monica.
She's on a rampage and I wantyou guys to read it because the
rampage it's literally like wedon't think about.
If we wake up in the morning andwe're not feeling good because
we do we got a lot going on,especially moms, especially
women.
You wake up in the morning,maybe you didn't get enough
(34:56):
sleep, you got all this stuffgoing on, but you still got to
tackle the day.
If you don't tap into that,even if it's only five to 10
minutes in the morning, if youdon't tap into that feeling and
to your needs to soothe thatfeeling, you won't even realize
it Once you start spiraling inall the different areas in your
(35:17):
life that you will be settingbombs off in until it's too late
.
And that's what happens in thebook.
Monica wakes up funky, goesthrough the whole day and then
at the end of the day, when sherealizes it, it's like oh, wow,
that's a mess.
And then it's letting us knowthat that's okay.
You recognize the mess, youknow it's there.
(35:46):
Give yourself some grace, bekind to yourself and let's make
sure we can prevent this fromhappening again.
Rose (35:51):
That's it Beautiful.
I love that.
Thank you for that.
Thank you for sharing that.
And that your book just has iseven richer by exploring, you
know, with questions and promptsand tools that I love that.
And I see a sink full of dishesdishes book club and you know,
(36:11):
like gatherings.
You know I just like my mindstarts to go and I'm like I
could see all that for you.
Julie (36:17):
I forgot that I have a group, so join the sink full of
dishes Facebook group.
Um, I'll, I'll send you thelink to it.
I'll send you the link to thegroup Join the group.
I talk about all kinds of stuffin the group.
I ask you about the book whereyou're at in the book.
I put little videos in there.
I got like jokes and stuff thatI share about myself and Monica
(36:37):
like join the group.
Rose (36:39):
And I am going to share all of that with the audience.
Thank you so much, my friend.
You are a beautiful shininglight.
Thank you for your work.
Thank you for everything.
Many blessings to you, thankyou.
Julie (36:51):
Thank you.
Thank you for having me.
Rose (37:00):
Yeah, thank you for joining me here on Chat Off The
Mat.
I hope these stories haveinspired you.
If you've enjoyed this episode,please share it with those who
might benefit.
Your support helps me spreadawareness about the power of
transformative healing.
Stay connected with me onsocial media.
Reach out with your own healingstories or topics you'd like me
(37:22):
to explore in future episodes.
Your voice is an essential partof this community.
I hope that your healingjourney is filled with
self-discovery, curiosity,resilience and the unwavering
belief in the power that resideswithin you.
Until next time, I'm RoseWippich, wishing you a journey
(37:43):
filled with love, laughter andendless possibilities.
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