September 6, 2024 • 30 mins
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Can your emotions be your greatest teachers? Join us on Coffee with Hilary and Les as we explore the profound wisdom our emotions offer. Forget about merely "sitting with your emotions." We'll guide you on how to take the next step: understanding the lessons behind your feelings. From the challenges of overwhelming emotions like anger to the tranquility that comes with acceptance, we promise you'll gain valuable insights that will transform how you perceive and manage your emotional landscape.
We'll also uncover practical strategies for breaking down and embracing complex emotional experiences, much like nurturing an inner child. Learn how to soothe and resolve your feelings by addressing their deeper layers. Discover why emotions like anxiety, anger, and depression often stem from childhood fears and how they can become sources of strength once understood. Plus, you'll hear about the potential of hypnosis in releasing past emotional burdens. Tune in for thoughtful reflections and actionable advice that will help you navigate your emotions with compassion and clarity.
We hope this helps a little as you go through your day.
We would love to hear your feedback or questions.
We will respond to both in future episodes.
Check us out at
www.somhypnosis.com
Email us at
info@somhypnosis.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Welcome and thank you for joining us for Coffee with
Hilary and Les, brought to youby State of Mind Hypnosis and
Training Center located in theheart of the Kawartha Lakes.
Located in the heart of theKawartha Lakes this is our
almost daily community podcastabout the mind and how we all
might change it in the mostsimple and helpful ways.
(00:33):
Every day we sit staring at thelake, sipping our coffee,
having a chat about hypnosis andhow to make those meaningful
adjustments to our state of mind, because nothing's more
important than your state ofmind.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Okay, we're online Morning.
Where's your weather report?
Oh, weather.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
The weather on the Scugog River today.
Beside Lake Scugog there's alittle bit of a southerly wind.
It's very warm out there formid-early September day.
It's warmer than it's been Mostof the August.
Mornings were very cold.
This is like 17 degrees outthere and rain and it's going
(01:25):
gonna rain all day and thatshouldn't bother you because
it's just rain.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
So today we are talking about something that
kind of gets me riled up and Iguess I should.
We were joking, I need to sitwith my emotions here.
It actually comes up a lotwhere clients come in and they
talk about how they've spent along time reading self-help
books, getting help in differentways through the system, and
(02:18):
they're being told to sit withtheir emotions and that's great.
That is a wonderful first step.
But you know, not everyone goesthrough this, but many of us
humans are not really trained orwell-versed in sitting with our
(02:40):
emotions.
So say, we're feeling angeroverwhelmingly and we sit with
our anger.
Oftentimes if we don't knowwhat to do with that, it just
spirals and takes us into a darkhole and makes us mad it makes
us even more mad because people,people say, sit with your
(03:02):
emotions.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Well, what the heck does that mean?
Speaker 1 (03:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
What am I supposed to do with that?
Sit here and stew, sit here andbe sad?
Exactly, and in some ways, yes,but in a lot of ways, no.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Yeah.
So I think you know I'mproposing I'm sure it's out
there already Like I'm notreinventing the wheel here, but
I'm proposing there's anotherstep after sitting with your
emotions, and that is to sort ofAsk the emotion what is the
(03:40):
lesson here, what is the wisdomhere?
Often, you know, we do this inhypnosis, and I think that's
what brings it to mind withclients is because when we go
into hypnosis, it's like thisnew step for them and it clears
it so quickly that they go well,wait a minute.
Why haven't I done this so far?
Why wasn't I told to do this?
(04:02):
Yeah, yeah, I think you startthere.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
You gotta you know when it comes to this, when I
think of this as a big topic,because it is a big topic and
it's, it's okay to feel like youonly know parts of it and it's
only because of training and alot of effort and a lot of
reading and my own history, sortof looking at Buddhism and
(04:39):
meditation as a practice theseare the things that have helped
me to understand this process.
And no, it's not helpful tojust have somebody say, hey, sit
with your emotions and not letyou know.
And I think you know there's,there's some steps right, and
the first step for a lot ofpeople that they're not used to
is that it's okay to haveemotions.
Emotions are normal, emotionsare, emotions are purposeful,
(05:04):
emotions are part of the thrillof living.
Emotions are the reaction tothe meaning that you've put on
something.
Whatever meaning you've put onan event in your life, it's
going to generate an emotion.
Where there is no meaning,there is no emotion, and so
(05:27):
there's all kinds of thingshappening in the world that mean
absolutely nothing to you andthey don't create any emotions
in you.
And then there are thingshappening in your much closer
world that do seem to havemeaning on you and they're
generating emotions.
And those emotions come in allkinds of degrees and with all
(05:51):
kinds of combinations and thatis really normal.
There's nothing wrong with youto have emotions.
It is absolutely natural.
Those emotions are going toimpact your body and that's what
we refer to when we talk aboutfeelings.
(06:12):
So I think you know, sittingwith your emotions really starts
with trusting yourself,trusting life, trusting the
process, knowing that emotionsare okay, that I'm okay when I
have emotions, and then I justimmediately move away from
judgment, and that, I think, iscritical.
(06:33):
When you, when you have anexperience, something happened,
you put a meaning on it, youhave an emotion going on and
then your reaction to that is tojudge yourself.
It's going to be really, reallyhard to engage that process
that that you're talking about,that process of looking to
(06:53):
understand what the emotionmeans and what I should be
learning from it.
So I think you know step one isjust let's just move away from
the idea that emotions need tobe avoided or they need to be
stifled, or that some emotionsare bad.
These ideas are not helpful.
Emotions are a natural resultof the meaning you place on the
(07:19):
events in your life and that'sjust normal and allow yourself,
forgive.
Forgive yourself, be kind toyourself.
I think step one for a lot ofpeople sitting with their
emotions starts off in a placeof concern and they're wanting
to rid themselves of theiremotions.
(07:40):
They're wanting to get rid ofthis negative feeling they have.
And I can understand why youwould want to move out of that
state pretty quickly, but thestate exists for your benefit.
The state of emotion exists toteach you, to guide you, to help
(08:07):
you learn about yourself andlearn about the world, and so
you don't need to run away fromit.
I know in some situations theycome about as quick and it's
really really hard to doanything other than sort of put
it on the back shelf and justget through the situation that
you're in, and sometimes that'sa good strategy.
Sometimes that's okay.
Sometimes it's okay to say I'mgoing to think about this later,
(08:27):
when I get out to the car, I'mgoing to sit and think about
this.
When I get home, I'm going tosit and think about this.
Sometimes it's okay to justaccept that you have emotions.
Let them register, let them bethere and then decide you're
going to process this later.
That's okay, as long as theprocess doesn't include there's
(08:50):
something wrong with me or I'mdoing something bad or I
shouldn't feel this way.
That's really going to head youoff in the wrong direction.
So, yeah, start your processwith.
It's okay to have emotions.
Emotions are the natural resultof living.
I can learn about myself andabout the world from this.
I just need to take the time toexamine it.
(09:13):
So, to me, that's the step one.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
Yeah, I was saying to a client the other day how,
when we turn away from ouremotions and not wanting to deal
with them, because sometimesthey're scary of course we don't
want to get sucked into them,but it's kind of like turning
away from your inner childthat's waving their hand, saying
(09:39):
I need help, right, help, right.
So when we work with emotionsit's I mean, how often is it not
the inner child really, and youwouldn't do that to a child,
you wouldn't, you wouldn't turnand walk away, hopefully.
(10:02):
So there, so there's magic inimagining going up to your
younger self and just givingthem a big hug and telling them
either let's, like you say, workon this right now, or when we
get in the car, or when we gethome later, and soothing that
(10:22):
part of yourself.
I think that's really importantand I think it's.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
It's important to realize it's not just negative
emotions.
Right, like we are, we are allchildren, right?
We all have a broad spectrum ofemotions, positive and negative
, ones, that we like to have,ones that we don't like to have,
and we had them the instant wewere born.
So you know this is a processof learning that you know in the
(10:51):
beginning, heck, we don't havethe facility to have somebody
else guide us, don't have thefacility to have somebody else
guide us.
And so what happens?
I think for a lot of people whohave, you know where we live in
, a world where our emotions areextreme.
So some people feel theiremotions very, very deeply.
Some people, positive andnegative emotions really impact
(11:15):
the way they speak, the way theyhold themselves, the way they
interact with others.
And it's not uncommon forlittle kids to be so excited or
so happy or so joyous that theyget told by their parents calm
down, right, it's one of thosethings that is
(11:36):
not useful.
It's not useful to say, pushyour emotions down.
It's useful to say why am Ifeeling this emotion?
What wonderful thing is aboutto happen to me and a lot of
people.
That's the difficult thing isnot processing emotions.
They can't even get there.
They're busy trying to.
(11:57):
They think that it's aboutregulating their emotions, they
think that they need to controltheir emotions.
But what you do want to do iscontrol your physical reactions
to your emotions.
But I don't think it's helpfulto train young people, little
kids, very, very earlier intheir life to push down or or
(12:22):
somehow dampen their emotions,whatever they are.
The emotion naturallydissipates when we understand it
.
So the really easy thing, amuch easier experience for the
young one, for the little one,is to help them understand their
(12:44):
emotion.
And I guess that's really sortof the next step, right?
The next step in sitting withyour emotions is to just
understand it, understand it,give it a name and look at its
parts.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Yeah, we talk about emotions being layered.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
Yeah.
Sometimes, you know, forinstance, one that comes up a
lot actually is shame,embarrassment, and then it's
like, right after embarrassmentthere's anger, right, and so
those are a little stacking ofemotions can you imagine a lot
(13:27):
the mess you put yourself inwhen you've been raised to
stifle your emotions and you'reat some situation that makes you
really, really happy and youlaugh out loud and maybe you
have a funny laugh, or maybe youhave a laugh you're shy about,
and then you laugh in joy andthen you feel shame and guilt
(13:48):
for your, your outburst and thenyou feel embarrassment and then
you feel angry that you'reyou're, you're not able to
understand your own emotions andyou're angry at yourself and in
the situation.
And now you've stacked like tenemotions all together into a
(14:10):
single experience.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
It's really hard to understand what that was about
unless you can go back to it,slow it down and look at the
pieces of it yeah, yeah,oftentimes I'm sure you come up
with this too with clients is wego back to something on, say,
their second session, and thenon the fourth session they're
(14:36):
saying, oh, I'm back at thisplace again.
It's just because they've beenstacked right and now we're
working on something differentand we're unraveling that which
is causing them grief.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
Yeah, in sessions I do.
In sessions I think I frustratemy clients sometimes because
they'll say I'm feeling angryand I'll say well, what else?
Speaker 1 (15:00):
And they'll say what do you mean?
What else?
I feel angry.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
Yes, but there's something below that, there's
pieces to that.
Well, what else are you feeling?
Just sit for a second andexamine what else you feel.
Oh well, I guess I feel alittle bit ashamed.
Okay, good, and what else doyou feel?
I guess I'm a little bitconcerned, I'm a little bit
afraid, I'm a little bit, youknow, cautious here.
(15:25):
You know I'm in a situationthat makes me mad because
something bad could happen.
Right, and now they start tobreak it down and they see all
the pieces of emotions that arethere, each one serving a
purpose yeah some dominating theothers or or masking the others
(15:46):
so that we can't really diginto that emotion.
So, yeah, sometimes my clientswill go what?
I'll just say just what elseare you?
What else are you experiencingin terms of emotions and
feelings?
Yeah, and when we break thatdown and we start to see the
pieces, that's when we can saywhere do you feel it?
Speaker 1 (16:07):
yes, so that would be the next step.
Whatever step we're on, I'm notsure three, four, um, but uh,
yeah, it's, it's, uh.
What is what is it holding onto?
What is the wisdom in this?
What is the lesson, um, andwhether it be one little lesson
(16:30):
or multiple lessons, multiplewins, wisdoms I think any words
from your emotion are importantWhenever usually we're angry at
(16:50):
our emotions, right, we thinkwe're, you know, it's attacking
us kind of thing.
And I've noticed, when clientstake the emotion out of the body
, just imagination land, right,taking that emotion out of the
body and they sort of have ithovering in front of them.
(17:12):
Whatever that is, for them itmight look like something, it
might just be a ball of energy,it might look like something, it
might just be a ball of energy.
Whenever they go to ask, whatdo you represent?
What are you trying to tell me?
It's always something like, ina way, loving, you know, like,
(17:38):
look over here, or you shouldtreat yourself better, or, you
know, I'm a little scared and Iwant to hug.
It's amazing what.
What comes up for people.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
I think it's critical to see emotions as bringing
messages, as bringinginformation.
Emotions are there to guide you.
They really will if you justallow them to be, if you're not
busy judging them, if you're notbusy suppressing them, if
you're not busy trying to umkeep yourself from experiencing
(18:09):
them, if you're open to them andyou, you get friendly with them
.
I think this is really why theysay sit with your emotions.
When you're open to what theycan bring you, the messages are
wonderful.
And if you're having a hard timewith that, know that there are
some basic commonalities anxietyor worry or concern or
(18:38):
cautiousness or somehow somekind of fear.
It's because there's somedanger here, something,
something bad might happen,right?
So what is the bad thing thatmight happen?
Sometimes we, our fears,trigger old fears inside us and
that makes them feel bigger thanthey really are.
(19:00):
And that's really why hypnosisis so powerful, because we go
back and we release all thosepast instances of that same
emotion and then you only haveto deal with the one that's
present in the moment.
You're not having to deal withevery time you've ever
experienced that emotion, but ifyou know you're experiencing
(19:22):
some kind of fear, well, there'ssomething to be concerned about
, there's some danger.
So what am I afraid of?
What am I afraid might happen?
What am I afraid it's gonnahappen to me?
You know, being aware of thatfear, specifically in terms of
its potential outcome, gives usthe obvious answer how to
(19:43):
protect ourselves.
When we're feeling anger, youknow, it's generally that we
feel like we've been mistreated,we were being unfairly treated,
we're being spoken to, treated,releated somehow or another,
we're being encroached upon andwe, in that moment, react in
(20:07):
anger.
So how am I being treatedunfairly and what would be the
appropriate response?
And oftentimes it's.
I'm not being treated unfairly.
This person's just acting badly.
And when we realize it's notabout me, often the emotion
starts to just dissipate on itsown.
You know, when we're feelingdown, when we're feeling
depressed, it's really I justdon't know what to do.
(20:30):
I don't know how to deal withthis.
I don't know how to deal withlife.
I don't know how to deal withthis relationship.
I don't know how to deal, andthat's really what's going on.
And so, being aware that thisdepressed, negative emotion is
telling you, first of all, thatyou're feeling a little bit
powerless, you're feeling alittle helpless, you're feeling
like you don't know what to do,that guides you towards that
(20:54):
wisdom answer that could comefrom the emotion.
If you now, as you sit there,comfortable with having emotions
, comfortable with the idea thatthe emotions mean something,
comfortable with the idea thatyou don't have to suppress
emotions, you can understandthem, comfortable with the idea
that they can actually teach yousomething, make you smarter and
(21:16):
stronger in the end.
And then you sit and you, yousmarter and stronger in the end.
And then you sit and you askthem for their wisdom.
What's your insight?
What can you teach me?
What should I be learning fromthis?
And then the magic happens.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
Yeah, yeah, it really is magic how fast things can
clear, sometimes A lot of times.
You know, I've had clients sayto me I've been trying to work
on this, for what comes to mespecifically is 22 years.
(21:54):
Someone said I've been tryingto work on this for 22 years.
How has it gone?
In one hour.
You know it's, it's the magicof hypnosis well, I think
there's some.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
You know, we talk about the parts of the mind and
we talk about the criticalfactor, and we talk about the
critical factor being, you know,um, constructed very early in
life, when you're 10, 11.
That's why we talk about theinner child, right, and I think,
when you, when you look at someof these emotions, um, and you
(22:30):
consider what would be going onfor a little kid and take it,
you know, from nine years oldright down to infant lying on a
bed in a diaper, right, this isthe spectrum of childhood and in
that that process.
There's very little that youdon't experience as a fear of
(22:54):
death, right when when you areleft alone in your crib at night
to cry right these little onesare afraid that they've been
abandoned and that they won'tsurvive.
You know, know.
When something scary happens,like a dog barks and you've
never heard that before, youknow it's an immediate fear for
(23:17):
your very existence.
When parents get mad at you,right, you fear for your very
existence.
There's very little that achild is afraid of that doesn't
boil back to am I going to dieand is this the end of me?
Is something awful and painfulabout to happen?
So when you experience emotionsas an adult, they trigger those
(23:44):
old, stored emotions you wereas a child and the consequences
as a child seem so extreme.
So what happens is we go backinto that childhood and we find
that moment and it might nothave been, you know, anything
really, you know from an adult'sperspective very serious.
It might not have been anythingreally to worry too much about,
(24:07):
you know, know.
But you go back and it might be, you know it can be as little
as being.
You know, I'm making somethingup three year old picks up a
frog, mom sees them holding thefrog and mom freaks out.
And all they know is thatthey're holding this frog and
this frog is now put them indanger.
(24:28):
Something awful is gonna.
Mom's acting really, really outthere, really extreme.
And now what's embedded in themis this fear of frogs that they
don't understand, because itwasn't their own.
It was a fear that they took onfrom somebody else, and that
fear was extreme, it was hugebecause of the way mom reacted,
and then they took that on forthemselves.
(24:50):
Or maybe that frog that waslovely in your hands jumps on
your face and that just puts youover the top.
The point is, little ones havea hard time seeing what they're
afraid of, what the consequenceof their fear is, and so it just
sort of builds up as an extremeemotion that's not sorted out
(25:10):
and it sits there in thesubconscious mind and then it
plays itself out as an adult Insimilar situations.
You know somebody says, hey,look, I found a frog, and you
start freaking out.
And then you go back to thatfirst instance and you realize
no you were never going to die.
Frogs aren't going to kill you.
You're going to be okay.
Everything is fine.
(25:31):
That's mom's problem.
That's not your problem.
That's mom's upset, that'smom's fear.
You don't have to take that on.
That doesn't have to be yours.
You're safe around frogs.
Frogs are pretty harmlessthings in our world here, so
don't you worry, you're going tobe okay.
(25:55):
And then when that adult meetsthat young one and that young
one hears the wisdom, thosebuilt-up emotions just dissolve,
they just disappear.
The misunderstanding or thelack of understanding just
disappears and that's whyregression is such a significant
tool.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
Yeah, yeah, it really is.
It is.
It's important to to find outwhat your emotion means.
So if you're going through anemotion, sitting with the
emotion, not getting sucked intothe mud of the emotion, but
(26:40):
just asking it, what is there tolearn here?
What do you represent?
What do you mean?
What is my lesson?
Speaker 2 (26:50):
What is my lesson?
What?
is the lesson Fear is a greatemotion because it lets you know
that some things are dangerous.
I was working with my son theother day with chainsaws and
yeah, chainsaws are dangerous.
You've got to work with them.
In a certain way, having alittle bit of a fear of a
chainsaw is smart, till youlearn how to use it and you
(27:13):
realize, as long as I use itthis way, I don't have anything
to be afraid of.
You know, fear is a usefulthing.
Anger is a useful thing.
Sometimes it's appropriate totell somebody to back off.
Sometimes it's appropriate tosay to somebody you're not
treating me very well, andthat's not acceptable.
Sometimes it's appropriate tosay to somebody you're not
treating me very well, andthat's not acceptable.
Sometimes it's important to beable to say to somebody else you
(27:35):
know, leave me alone as justyour own expression of self-love
and self self-care.
No, I'm not going to sit hereand listen to this.
I'm not going to sit here andbe part of this problem.
Right?
These emotions are bringing youwonderful lessons, as long as
you don't have the motionoverwhelm you, and that, I think
(27:57):
, is.
You know why mindfulness hasbecome a huge practice in mental
health.
It's become a component ofalmost every modern
psychotherapy.
They're teaching components ofmindfulness and really, when you
think about sitting with youremotion, it's really just the
(28:18):
idea of mindfulness.
Let me be here in the emotion,comfortable with the idea that
it's here to teach me something.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
Let's calmly and deliberately allow ourselves to
learn the lesson from theemotion yeah so when somebody
says you know, sit with youremotions, I think that's you
know closer to what that meansyeah, yeah, just take, take it a
(28:51):
step further and and uh, talkwith the emotion in a way you
know and don't be afraid thatyou don't do it in the moment.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
You can do it later.
You really can do it later.
I mean, that's what we do withregression, right, we take
incidents that happened 25 yearsago and undo them.
You can undo these experiencesany time.
They don't have to be doneright away.
It's helpful to do it rightaway because hard on yourself
(29:29):
and don't think you gotta hitthe pause button in your life
and sit for however long ittakes.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
Yeah, all right, that was a good chat.
Hope that helps.
We'll see you tomorrow.
We hope you enjoyed today'spodcast and that maybe it helped
even a little.
If you have any questions, wewould love you to send them
along in an email to info atpsalmhypnosiscom.
(29:59):
Thank you for being part of theState of Mind community.
For more information abouthypnosis and the various online
or in-person services we provide, please visit our website,
wwwpsalmhypnosiscom.
The link will be in the notesbelow.
While you are there, why don'tyou book a free one-hour journey
meeting with Hilary or Les tolearn more about what hypnosis
(30:22):
is and how you might use it tomake your life what you want it
to be?
Bye for now.
Talk to you tomorrow.
Welcome and thank you for joining us for Coffee with
Hilary and Les, brought to youby State of Mind Hypnosis and
Training Center located in theheart of the Kawartha Lakes.
Located in the heart of theKawartha Lakes this is our
almost daily community podcastabout the mind and how we all
might change it in the mostsimple and helpful ways.
(00:33):
Every day we sit staring at thelake, sipping our coffee,
having a chat about hypnosis andhow to make those meaningful
adjustments to our state of mind, because nothing's more
important than your state ofmind.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Okay, we're online Morning.
Where's your weather report?
Oh, weather.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
The weather on the Scugog River today.
Beside Lake Scugog there's alittle bit of a southerly wind.
It's very warm out there formid-early September day.
It's warmer than it's been Mostof the August.
Mornings were very cold.
This is like 17 degrees outthere and rain and it's going
(01:25):
gonna rain all day and thatshouldn't bother you because
it's just rain.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
So today we are talking about something that
kind of gets me riled up and Iguess I should.
We were joking, I need to sitwith my emotions here.
It actually comes up a lotwhere clients come in and they
talk about how they've spent along time reading self-help
books, getting help in differentways through the system, and
(02:18):
they're being told to sit withtheir emotions and that's great.
That is a wonderful first step.
But you know, not everyone goesthrough this, but many of us
humans are not really trained orwell-versed in sitting with our
(02:40):
emotions.
So say, we're feeling angeroverwhelmingly and we sit with
our anger.
Oftentimes if we don't knowwhat to do with that, it just
spirals and takes us into a darkhole and makes us mad it makes
us even more mad because people,people say, sit with your
(03:02):
emotions.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Well, what the heck does that mean?
Speaker 1 (03:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
What am I supposed to do with that?
Sit here and stew, sit here andbe sad?
Exactly, and in some ways, yes,but in a lot of ways, no.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Yeah.
So I think you know I'mproposing I'm sure it's out
there already Like I'm notreinventing the wheel here, but
I'm proposing there's anotherstep after sitting with your
emotions, and that is to sort ofAsk the emotion what is the
(03:40):
lesson here, what is the wisdomhere?
Often, you know, we do this inhypnosis, and I think that's
what brings it to mind withclients is because when we go
into hypnosis, it's like thisnew step for them and it clears
it so quickly that they go well,wait a minute.
Why haven't I done this so far?
Why wasn't I told to do this?
(04:02):
Yeah, yeah, I think you startthere.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
You gotta you know when it comes to this, when I
think of this as a big topic,because it is a big topic and
it's, it's okay to feel like youonly know parts of it and it's
only because of training and alot of effort and a lot of
reading and my own history, sortof looking at Buddhism and
(04:39):
meditation as a practice theseare the things that have helped
me to understand this process.
And no, it's not helpful tojust have somebody say, hey, sit
with your emotions and not letyou know.
And I think you know there's,there's some steps right, and
the first step for a lot ofpeople that they're not used to
is that it's okay to haveemotions.
Emotions are normal, emotionsare, emotions are purposeful,
(05:04):
emotions are part of the thrillof living.
Emotions are the reaction tothe meaning that you've put on
something.
Whatever meaning you've put onan event in your life, it's
going to generate an emotion.
Where there is no meaning,there is no emotion, and so
(05:27):
there's all kinds of thingshappening in the world that mean
absolutely nothing to you andthey don't create any emotions
in you.
And then there are thingshappening in your much closer
world that do seem to havemeaning on you and they're
generating emotions.
And those emotions come in allkinds of degrees and with all
(05:51):
kinds of combinations and thatis really normal.
There's nothing wrong with youto have emotions.
It is absolutely natural.
Those emotions are going toimpact your body and that's what
we refer to when we talk aboutfeelings.
(06:12):
So I think you know, sittingwith your emotions really starts
with trusting yourself,trusting life, trusting the
process, knowing that emotionsare okay, that I'm okay when I
have emotions, and then I justimmediately move away from
judgment, and that, I think, iscritical.
(06:33):
When you, when you have anexperience, something happened,
you put a meaning on it, youhave an emotion going on and
then your reaction to that is tojudge yourself.
It's going to be really, reallyhard to engage that process
that that you're talking about,that process of looking to
(06:53):
understand what the emotionmeans and what I should be
learning from it.
So I think you know step one isjust let's just move away from
the idea that emotions need tobe avoided or they need to be
stifled, or that some emotionsare bad.
These ideas are not helpful.
Emotions are a natural resultof the meaning you place on the
(07:19):
events in your life and that'sjust normal and allow yourself,
forgive.
Forgive yourself, be kind toyourself.
I think step one for a lot ofpeople sitting with their
emotions starts off in a placeof concern and they're wanting
to rid themselves of theiremotions.
(07:40):
They're wanting to get rid ofthis negative feeling they have.
And I can understand why youwould want to move out of that
state pretty quickly, but thestate exists for your benefit.
The state of emotion exists toteach you, to guide you, to help
(08:07):
you learn about yourself andlearn about the world, and so
you don't need to run away fromit.
I know in some situations theycome about as quick and it's
really really hard to doanything other than sort of put
it on the back shelf and justget through the situation that
you're in, and sometimes that'sa good strategy.
Sometimes that's okay.
Sometimes it's okay to say I'mgoing to think about this later,
(08:27):
when I get out to the car, I'mgoing to sit and think about
this.
When I get home, I'm going tosit and think about this.
Sometimes it's okay to justaccept that you have emotions.
Let them register, let them bethere and then decide you're
going to process this later.
That's okay, as long as theprocess doesn't include there's
(08:50):
something wrong with me or I'mdoing something bad or I
shouldn't feel this way.
That's really going to head youoff in the wrong direction.
So, yeah, start your processwith.
It's okay to have emotions.
Emotions are the natural resultof living.
I can learn about myself andabout the world from this.
I just need to take the time toexamine it.
(09:13):
So, to me, that's the step one.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
Yeah, I was saying to a client the other day how,
when we turn away from ouremotions and not wanting to deal
with them, because sometimesthey're scary of course we don't
want to get sucked into them,but it's kind of like turning
away from your inner childthat's waving their hand, saying
(09:39):
I need help, right, help, right.
So when we work with emotionsit's I mean, how often is it not
the inner child really, and youwouldn't do that to a child,
you wouldn't, you wouldn't turnand walk away, hopefully.
(10:02):
So there, so there's magic inimagining going up to your
younger self and just givingthem a big hug and telling them
either let's, like you say, workon this right now, or when we
get in the car, or when we gethome later, and soothing that
(10:22):
part of yourself.
I think that's really importantand I think it's.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
It's important to realize it's not just negative
emotions.
Right, like we are, we are allchildren, right?
We all have a broad spectrum ofemotions, positive and negative
, ones, that we like to have,ones that we don't like to have,
and we had them the instant wewere born.
So you know this is a processof learning that you know in the
(10:51):
beginning, heck, we don't havethe facility to have somebody
else guide us, don't have thefacility to have somebody else
guide us.
And so what happens?
I think for a lot of people whohave, you know where we live in
, a world where our emotions areextreme.
So some people feel theiremotions very, very deeply.
Some people, positive andnegative emotions really impact
(11:15):
the way they speak, the way theyhold themselves, the way they
interact with others.
And it's not uncommon forlittle kids to be so excited or
so happy or so joyous that theyget told by their parents calm
down, right, it's one of thosethings that is
(11:36):
not useful.
It's not useful to say, pushyour emotions down.
It's useful to say why am Ifeeling this emotion?
What wonderful thing is aboutto happen to me and a lot of
people.
That's the difficult thing isnot processing emotions.
They can't even get there.
They're busy trying to.
(11:57):
They think that it's aboutregulating their emotions, they
think that they need to controltheir emotions.
But what you do want to do iscontrol your physical reactions
to your emotions.
But I don't think it's helpfulto train young people, little
kids, very, very earlier intheir life to push down or or
(12:22):
somehow dampen their emotions,whatever they are.
The emotion naturallydissipates when we understand it
.
So the really easy thing, amuch easier experience for the
young one, for the little one,is to help them understand their
(12:44):
emotion.
And I guess that's really sortof the next step, right?
The next step in sitting withyour emotions is to just
understand it, understand it,give it a name and look at its
parts.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Yeah, we talk about emotions being layered.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
Yeah.
Sometimes, you know, forinstance, one that comes up a
lot actually is shame,embarrassment, and then it's
like, right after embarrassmentthere's anger, right, and so
those are a little stacking ofemotions can you imagine a lot
(13:27):
the mess you put yourself inwhen you've been raised to
stifle your emotions and you'reat some situation that makes you
really, really happy and youlaugh out loud and maybe you
have a funny laugh, or maybe youhave a laugh you're shy about,
and then you laugh in joy andthen you feel shame and guilt
(13:48):
for your, your outburst and thenyou feel embarrassment and then
you feel angry that you'reyou're, you're not able to
understand your own emotions andyou're angry at yourself and in
the situation.
And now you've stacked like tenemotions all together into a
(14:10):
single experience.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
It's really hard to understand what that was about
unless you can go back to it,slow it down and look at the
pieces of it yeah, yeah,oftentimes I'm sure you come up
with this too with clients is wego back to something on, say,
their second session, and thenon the fourth session they're
(14:36):
saying, oh, I'm back at thisplace again.
It's just because they've beenstacked right and now we're
working on something differentand we're unraveling that which
is causing them grief.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
Yeah, in sessions I do.
In sessions I think I frustratemy clients sometimes because
they'll say I'm feeling angryand I'll say well, what else?
Speaker 1 (15:00):
And they'll say what do you mean?
What else?
I feel angry.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
Yes, but there's something below that, there's
pieces to that.
Well, what else are you feeling?
Just sit for a second andexamine what else you feel.
Oh well, I guess I feel alittle bit ashamed.
Okay, good, and what else doyou feel?
I guess I'm a little bitconcerned, I'm a little bit
afraid, I'm a little bit, youknow, cautious here.
(15:25):
You know I'm in a situationthat makes me mad because
something bad could happen.
Right, and now they start tobreak it down and they see all
the pieces of emotions that arethere, each one serving a
purpose yeah some dominating theothers or or masking the others
(15:46):
so that we can't really diginto that emotion.
So, yeah, sometimes my clientswill go what?
I'll just say just what elseare you?
What else are you experiencingin terms of emotions and
feelings?
Yeah, and when we break thatdown and we start to see the
pieces, that's when we can saywhere do you feel it?
Speaker 1 (16:07):
yes, so that would be the next step.
Whatever step we're on, I'm notsure three, four, um, but uh,
yeah, it's, it's, uh.
What is what is it holding onto?
What is the wisdom in this?
What is the lesson, um, andwhether it be one little lesson
(16:30):
or multiple lessons, multiplewins, wisdoms I think any words
from your emotion are importantWhenever usually we're angry at
(16:50):
our emotions, right, we thinkwe're, you know, it's attacking
us kind of thing.
And I've noticed, when clientstake the emotion out of the body
, just imagination land, right,taking that emotion out of the
body and they sort of have ithovering in front of them.
(17:12):
Whatever that is, for them itmight look like something, it
might just be a ball of energy,it might look like something, it
might just be a ball of energy.
Whenever they go to ask, whatdo you represent?
What are you trying to tell me?
It's always something like, ina way, loving, you know, like,
(17:38):
look over here, or you shouldtreat yourself better, or, you
know, I'm a little scared and Iwant to hug.
It's amazing what.
What comes up for people.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
I think it's critical to see emotions as bringing
messages, as bringinginformation.
Emotions are there to guide you.
They really will if you justallow them to be, if you're not
busy judging them, if you're notbusy suppressing them, if
you're not busy trying to umkeep yourself from experiencing
(18:09):
them, if you're open to them andyou, you get friendly with them
.
I think this is really why theysay sit with your emotions.
When you're open to what theycan bring you, the messages are
wonderful.
And if you're having a hard timewith that, know that there are
some basic commonalities anxietyor worry or concern or
(18:38):
cautiousness or somehow somekind of fear.
It's because there's somedanger here, something,
something bad might happen,right?
So what is the bad thing thatmight happen?
Sometimes we, our fears,trigger old fears inside us and
that makes them feel bigger thanthey really are.
(19:00):
And that's really why hypnosisis so powerful, because we go
back and we release all thosepast instances of that same
emotion and then you only haveto deal with the one that's
present in the moment.
You're not having to deal withevery time you've ever
experienced that emotion, but ifyou know you're experiencing
(19:22):
some kind of fear, well, there'ssomething to be concerned about
, there's some danger.
So what am I afraid of?
What am I afraid might happen?
What am I afraid it's gonnahappen to me?
You know, being aware of thatfear, specifically in terms of
its potential outcome, gives usthe obvious answer how to
(19:43):
protect ourselves.
When we're feeling anger, youknow, it's generally that we
feel like we've been mistreated,we were being unfairly treated,
we're being spoken to, treated,releated somehow or another,
we're being encroached upon andwe, in that moment, react in
(20:07):
anger.
So how am I being treatedunfairly and what would be the
appropriate response?
And oftentimes it's.
I'm not being treated unfairly.
This person's just acting badly.
And when we realize it's notabout me, often the emotion
starts to just dissipate on itsown.
You know, when we're feelingdown, when we're feeling
depressed, it's really I justdon't know what to do.
(20:30):
I don't know how to deal withthis.
I don't know how to deal withlife.
I don't know how to deal withthis relationship.
I don't know how to deal, andthat's really what's going on.
And so, being aware that thisdepressed, negative emotion is
telling you, first of all, thatyou're feeling a little bit
powerless, you're feeling alittle helpless, you're feeling
like you don't know what to do,that guides you towards that
(20:54):
wisdom answer that could comefrom the emotion.
If you now, as you sit there,comfortable with having emotions
, comfortable with the idea thatthe emotions mean something,
comfortable with the idea thatyou don't have to suppress
emotions, you can understandthem, comfortable with the idea
that they can actually teach yousomething, make you smarter and
(21:16):
stronger in the end.
And then you sit and you, yousmarter and stronger in the end.
And then you sit and you askthem for their wisdom.
What's your insight?
What can you teach me?
What should I be learning fromthis?
And then the magic happens.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
Yeah, yeah, it really is magic how fast things can
clear, sometimes A lot of times.
You know, I've had clients sayto me I've been trying to work
on this, for what comes to mespecifically is 22 years.
(21:54):
Someone said I've been tryingto work on this for 22 years.
How has it gone?
In one hour.
You know it's, it's the magicof hypnosis well, I think
there's some.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
You know, we talk about the parts of the mind and
we talk about the criticalfactor, and we talk about the
critical factor being, you know,um, constructed very early in
life, when you're 10, 11.
That's why we talk about theinner child, right, and I think,
when you, when you look at someof these emotions, um, and you
(22:30):
consider what would be going onfor a little kid and take it,
you know, from nine years oldright down to infant lying on a
bed in a diaper, right, this isthe spectrum of childhood and in
that that process.
There's very little that youdon't experience as a fear of
(22:54):
death, right when when you areleft alone in your crib at night
to cry right these little onesare afraid that they've been
abandoned and that they won'tsurvive.
You know, know.
When something scary happens,like a dog barks and you've
never heard that before, youknow it's an immediate fear for
(23:17):
your very existence.
When parents get mad at you,right, you fear for your very
existence.
There's very little that achild is afraid of that doesn't
boil back to am I going to dieand is this the end of me?
Is something awful and painfulabout to happen?
So when you experience emotionsas an adult, they trigger those
(23:44):
old, stored emotions you wereas a child and the consequences
as a child seem so extreme.
So what happens is we go backinto that childhood and we find
that moment and it might nothave been, you know, anything
really, you know from an adult'sperspective very serious.
It might not have been anythingreally to worry too much about,
(24:07):
you know, know.
But you go back and it might be, you know it can be as little
as being.
You know, I'm making somethingup three year old picks up a
frog, mom sees them holding thefrog and mom freaks out.
And all they know is thatthey're holding this frog and
this frog is now put them indanger.
(24:28):
Something awful is gonna.
Mom's acting really, really outthere, really extreme.
And now what's embedded in themis this fear of frogs that they
don't understand, because itwasn't their own.
It was a fear that they took onfrom somebody else, and that
fear was extreme, it was hugebecause of the way mom reacted,
and then they took that on forthemselves.
(24:50):
Or maybe that frog that waslovely in your hands jumps on
your face and that just puts youover the top.
The point is, little ones havea hard time seeing what they're
afraid of, what the consequenceof their fear is, and so it just
sort of builds up as an extremeemotion that's not sorted out
(25:10):
and it sits there in thesubconscious mind and then it
plays itself out as an adult Insimilar situations.
You know somebody says, hey,look, I found a frog, and you
start freaking out.
And then you go back to thatfirst instance and you realize
no you were never going to die.
Frogs aren't going to kill you.
You're going to be okay.
Everything is fine.
(25:31):
That's mom's problem.
That's not your problem.
That's mom's upset, that'smom's fear.
You don't have to take that on.
That doesn't have to be yours.
You're safe around frogs.
Frogs are pretty harmlessthings in our world here, so
don't you worry, you're going tobe okay.
(25:55):
And then when that adult meetsthat young one and that young
one hears the wisdom, thosebuilt-up emotions just dissolve,
they just disappear.
The misunderstanding or thelack of understanding just
disappears and that's whyregression is such a significant
tool.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
Yeah, yeah, it really is.
It is.
It's important to to find outwhat your emotion means.
So if you're going through anemotion, sitting with the
emotion, not getting sucked intothe mud of the emotion, but
(26:40):
just asking it, what is there tolearn here?
What do you represent?
What do you mean?
What is my lesson?
Speaker 2 (26:50):
What is my lesson?
What?
is the lesson Fear is a greatemotion because it lets you know
that some things are dangerous.
I was working with my son theother day with chainsaws and
yeah, chainsaws are dangerous.
You've got to work with them.
In a certain way, having alittle bit of a fear of a
chainsaw is smart, till youlearn how to use it and you
(27:13):
realize, as long as I use itthis way, I don't have anything
to be afraid of.
You know, fear is a usefulthing.
Anger is a useful thing.
Sometimes it's appropriate totell somebody to back off.
Sometimes it's appropriate tosay to somebody you're not
treating me very well, andthat's not acceptable.
Sometimes it's appropriate tosay to somebody you're not
treating me very well, andthat's not acceptable.
Sometimes it's important to beable to say to somebody else you
(27:35):
know, leave me alone as justyour own expression of self-love
and self self-care.
No, I'm not going to sit hereand listen to this.
I'm not going to sit here andbe part of this problem.
Right?
These emotions are bringing youwonderful lessons, as long as
you don't have the motionoverwhelm you, and that, I think
(27:57):
, is.
You know why mindfulness hasbecome a huge practice in mental
health.
It's become a component ofalmost every modern
psychotherapy.
They're teaching components ofmindfulness and really, when you
think about sitting with youremotion, it's really just the
(28:18):
idea of mindfulness.
Let me be here in the emotion,comfortable with the idea that
it's here to teach me something.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
Let's calmly and deliberately allow ourselves to
learn the lesson from theemotion yeah so when somebody
says you know, sit with youremotions, I think that's you
know closer to what that meansyeah, yeah, just take, take it a
(28:51):
step further and and uh, talkwith the emotion in a way you
know and don't be afraid thatyou don't do it in the moment.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
You can do it later.
You really can do it later.
I mean, that's what we do withregression, right, we take
incidents that happened 25 yearsago and undo them.
You can undo these experiencesany time.
They don't have to be doneright away.
It's helpful to do it rightaway because hard on yourself
(29:29):
and don't think you gotta hitthe pause button in your life
and sit for however long ittakes.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
Yeah, all right, that was a good chat.
Hope that helps.
We'll see you tomorrow.
We hope you enjoyed today'spodcast and that maybe it helped
even a little.
If you have any questions, wewould love you to send them
along in an email to info atpsalmhypnosiscom.
(29:59):
Thank you for being part of theState of Mind community.
For more information abouthypnosis and the various online
or in-person services we provide, please visit our website,
wwwpsalmhypnosiscom.
The link will be in the notesbelow.
While you are there, why don'tyou book a free one-hour journey
meeting with Hilary or Les tolearn more about what hypnosis
(30:22):
is and how you might use it tomake your life what you want it
to be?
Bye for now.
Talk to you tomorrow.
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