Stop the Guilt Loop: Replace “I Should” with “I Want”

Ask us a Question or Leave a Comment!

Support the show

We hope this helps a little as you go through your day.
We would love to hear your feedback or questions.
We will respond to both in future episodes.

Check us out at
www.somhypnosis.com

Join our online Community!

https://www.skool.com/infinite-mind-school/about

Email us at
[e-mail]

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_02 (00:11):
We are on the line.

SPEAKER_00 (00:15):
Good morning.
Going live at 7 a.m.
Somewhere at 7 p.m.
If you happen to be somewhere at7 p.m., we hope you're gonna
come and join us.

SPEAKER_01 (00:26):
Yeah, yeah.
So today we are talking aboutthe idea of the word should and
how it influences our lives.
I wonder when we start sayingthat to ourselves.

SPEAKER_00 (00:38):
Well, you know, here I am with my DJ voice because
I've got a cold.
And a cold is a great example ofshoulds.

SPEAKER_01 (00:45):
Too many shoulds, confusion, uh cacophony of
shoulds.

SPEAKER_00 (00:50):
I don't know what I should be doing, should be
doing.
I'm disorganized, I'm indisarray, I am confused.
We've really shook things upthis week by doing podcasts
first thing in the morning andreally shifting the last week
and this week from our thebusiness we've been doing for
five years to the business thatwe're doing now, and uh trying

(01:13):
to make real commitments to getthings done.

SPEAKER_02 (01:16):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (01:17):
And trying to find time to do that.
Yesterday was a bit of a dayoff, not a day off, but it was
like the it's the weather'sturning, the snow, they finally
predicted snow for our beautifularea.

SPEAKER_02 (01:29):
Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 (01:30):
So I knew at that point I'd better get the boat
out of the water and get thedock out of the water and get
things closed up for winter.
I better I should.
And so I started shooting myselfas soon as I heard about the
snow.
And then I called my buddy, andhe's so fantastic, he came and
helped me.
Yeah.
And and there's still stuff tobe done.
The boat isn't covered properlyyet, so I should get on to doing

(01:52):
that.
And at the same time, I shouldgo to the gym today.
And at the same time, I shouldbe, you know, doing some
recordings today, and I'm fullof shoulds today.

SPEAKER_01 (02:03):
And it's Friday.

SPEAKER_00 (02:05):
And it's Friday.

SPEAKER_01 (02:06):
You should be just laying around.

SPEAKER_00 (02:10):
Exactly.
It's Friday, it's the end of theweek.
What the hell?
You know?
Yeah.
I should be relaxed.

SPEAKER_01 (02:17):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (02:17):
Yeah.
So I'm shitting the heck out ofmyself.

SPEAKER_01 (02:19):
Shutting, not shitting me.

SPEAKER_00 (02:22):
I said shoulding.
And you you made it.
Now we've got to put a post onsaying that we've got a dirty,
dirty podcast.

SPEAKER_01 (02:31):
This is explicit.
Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 (02:36):
Anyway, I think that that's um part of the reason I
have a cold.
So I uh I took my throat lozengeand I drank my vitamin C before
I had my coffee because I shoulddo that before my coffee.
And it's amazing how many ruleswe put on ourselves.

SPEAKER_01 (02:53):
Yeah, like this morning I was uh we were
discussing this before headinginto this topic this morning.
And I I woke up at 4 30 thismorning and laying there
thinking I should get up and Ishould start making things and I
should start posting things, andI did.
Not that you know that wasnecessary, but I was also

(03:15):
shoulding myself should shouldsaying should to myself in the
with the idea that I should betalking more on this podcast.
And yeah, I was I was sort ofbeating myself up because I I
have we have different minds,different ways of communication,

(03:38):
and I think that was justunhelpful to be thinking about
that.
But it did, you know, in a way,it gave me some ideas of asking
Les.
You know, when we come up with atopic, how do you go about
thinking where we start or youknow, different ways of thinking
about it, moving through it?
I know I'm good at stories, Iknow I'm good at sort of

(04:01):
reframes sometimes.
But yeah, I was just thinkingabout that this morning, and Les
was very helpful in saying thatI shouldn't be thinking or wait,
shouldn't be thinking aboutthat.

SPEAKER_00 (04:12):
Oh Lord.
I think what I said, yeah, yousaid something different than
what I said is what I've come toI've come to say it to myself a
lot more, and I've come to sayit to others, and I certainly
say it when I'm working withclients, and it's a simple
phrase that evokes differentreactions all the time.
But the phrase is there'snothing wrong with you, you're

(04:33):
normal.
And you know, we're talkingabout should, and one of the
ideas is that should impliesjudgment, it it that something's
more important than another,something is necessary while
other things are not.
Should is and it's almost anedict, isn't it?
Like like from some higherpower, this is what should

(04:53):
happen.
I just think that there's anelement of judgment and
self-judgment in there, but it'sreally resistance when you think
about it.
But anyway, so the idea isthere's nothing wrong with you,
you're normal.
And that's the way I try to keepmy clients and as a result,
people in my life and myselfaway from judgment, away from

(05:15):
judging yourself.
As soon as you start sh Ishouldn't, I should, as soon as
you start doing that toyourself, you're implying that
you're not doing what you shoulddo, and you're implying that
you're not doing the rightthing, and you're implying that
you're not acting in a way thatyou know is better and best, and

(05:39):
you know, and we get intoshoulds and supposed to's.
And all of that, I believe, hasa negative effect on the way you
see yourself.
If if you are shoulding yourselfregularly, right?
Yeah, you you're being reallytough on yourself, and you're
also missing the point.
And the point is that you'rereally resistant, right?

(06:01):
I should take my vitamins.
Well, no, obviously, I'mresistant to taking my vitamins
because I don't think of itevery day, and I don't do it
every day.
And maybe there's a reason Idon't like it.
And maybe, yeah, we can behypnotists and go back to that
moment that mom made you eatsome vitamin that tasted
horrible, and you justassociated that your whole life,
that vitamins are yucky.

SPEAKER_01 (06:23):
They have to be the flinstones or those.
So it's no go.

SPEAKER_00 (06:27):
Yeah, to me, even then, they tasted that.
Yeah, the point is that thepoint is that we have these
resistances to things.
And that's really, reallynormal.
We come about all of the habits,mental habits, thought habits,
behavioral habits, all the onesthat we come up that we come out
of life with that are nothelpful.

(06:48):
We come about them honestly.
And judging ourselves or judgingthe circumstances is not a
helpful step.
It really kind of locks in anegative emotion.
Right?
Taking that, I I call it theunnecessary next step.
I prefer my health when I takemy vitamins every day.

(07:08):
Should I take my vitamins?
No.
I want to take my vitamin.
Yeah, I will take my vitamin, Ichoose to take my vitamin.
Yeah, it's okay to say I forgotto take my vitamins, I'd better
take them now, right?
But to be saying to yourselfwhen you're sitting with a bag
full of chips in front of the TVat eight o'clock, I should be

(07:29):
taking more vitamins.
It's probably an interestingscenario.
And speaks a lot more to a lotmore things you you might want
to address.

SPEAKER_01 (07:48):
Wait, are you calling me out for last name?

SPEAKER_00 (07:52):
It's yeah, I think I think the solution lies in
recognizing it as resistance.
But I think the problem lies inthe judgment nature of it.

SPEAKER_01 (08:02):
Yeah, yeah.
And I I think the that shouldpart.
It's almost like if we thinkabout hypnosis, there we do
parts work, right?
And it's almost like there's apart that's a should part, and
then there's the part that isresistant against it.
And anytime we say should, it'sit's exacerbating the resistant

(08:24):
part.

SPEAKER_00 (08:25):
Well, think about the difference.
How do you feel?
No, notice the difference.
How do you feel when you come upwith something and you say to
yourself, I should.
So think about something thatyou'd say I should to yourself.

SPEAKER_02 (08:38):
Okay.

SPEAKER_00 (08:39):
Now, what if somebody said to you, you
should?

SPEAKER_01 (08:43):
Yeah, no way.
Okay.

SPEAKER_00 (08:45):
Well, it's just it's the difference.
It's the if I'm if I'm thinkingI just stick with silly things
like taking vitamins, I shouldbe taking my vitamins, right?

SPEAKER_02 (08:54):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (08:54):
And I'm saying that to myself, which means I'm
aware.
It means that I I probably wantto somewhere inside me.
It means that I have theintention to, that doesn't seem
to come to life.
It it means that I I kind ofmade a mistake, but it's not a
reason to be too hard on myself.

(09:14):
But the instant you say to me,you should be taking vitamins,
yeah, that resistance part of megets really activated.

SPEAKER_01 (09:22):
Yeah, it's almost like a parent, like someone in
authority as a child, right?
And then we stamp our feet onthe ground and say, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (09:30):
We're being hard on parents this week, I guess.
Yeah, I guess I think what'simportant is not we're not
focused on parents.
What we're focused on is howthese thought systems and how
these thought forms come aboutinside our subconscious.
And it comes from anunderstanding that we are an

(09:52):
open book when we're young, thatwe deeply love, appreciate,
admire our parents.
Pretty much at that point, whenyou're of those those ages,
you're completely reliant onyour parent.
Yeah, that if your parent was tojust leave the room sometimes,
you'd go into a state of panic.

(10:12):
That that's the way we look atparents.
And so everything they say anddo becomes our standard.

SPEAKER_02 (10:18):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (10:18):
Now, yeah, just with a a gentleness towards parents.
This is, you know, I think auseful thing to realize.
It's hard to be a better parentthan you receive.
It's hard to understandparenting beyond the
understanding you got from yourparents.
It's hard to change yourparenting from the parenting

(10:41):
that you receive.
This is all very subconsciouslyprogrammed and habitual.
And I would guess that you heardthe phrase, you should from your
parents millions of times,always said to you with a
concern for your well-being,right?
Even often followed by do what Isay, not what I do.

SPEAKER_01 (11:04):
Oh, I didn't hear it that way.
Do what I say or else.

SPEAKER_00 (11:09):
My parents use that one a few times.
Do what I say, not what I do.
And and these are all themethodologies for programming.
And so be gentle with yourself.
It's really hard.
I mean, you got to go out ofyour way to learn about
parenting.
And even those quote unquoteexperts in parenting, I'm I'm
quite confident their childrenwill have something else to say.

(11:32):
But you got to go out of yourway to really learn about
parenting because it's a verysubconscious thing.
And you're you're in a you know,you're in a state of, I'm gonna
use the word chaos.
I think I as a parent.
I remember those days when Ijust felt like I just got to get
through the next hour and Idon't know how to do it.
And I'm just gonna addresswhatever pops its head up.

(11:55):
And um, I wasn't in greatcontrol of my own mind.
I wasn't in great control of myown behavior.
And so deliberate parenting anddeliberate living was kind of
out of the question.
And so I've got a great deal ofsympathy and understanding and

(12:15):
forgiveness, and moreimportantly, just non-judgment.
These kinds of comments thatsay, you know, your parents did
this and your parents said thatare not meant for us to judge
your parents.
They're meant for you tounderstand how it became part of
your vocabulary, how it becamepart of your behavior, and that
you came about it innocently.

(12:36):
So don't judge yourself overthis.
Judgment is just not helpful.
Yeah it's it's not getting youany closer to a solution.
It's just like the word should.

SPEAKER_01 (12:48):
There's the word that comes to me is epidemic.
I'm not sure if that's the rightword, but it's just in my head.
And maybe because I I see itwith people close to me, family
members, friends, of thinking Ishould be somewhere else in my
life right now, right?
I'm this age, I should befurther ahead.
That to me is I went throughthat at a certain stage, but I

(13:12):
think I want to for us to talkabout it a little bit, because
maybe people listening to thisare in those areas of their life
where they feel like that.
I I think I'm not sure aboutthis, but I think that it's with
a certain age group.
And that age group grew up in atime where it was very normal

(13:33):
for kids during your 20s, house,you know, all the stuff that
comes along with it, job rollingthrough your 20s.
And then so their parents hadthat, and now they're sort of
stuck feeling like they shouldbe like that, right?
They should have done that.
I see this more with men thanwomen, but I think it might be
good to talk about.

(13:53):
What is your what are yourthoughts about that?

SPEAKER_00 (13:54):
Do you see it with well I think oh yeah.
I see it with with my kids, Isee it with my friends, you
know.
It it's not unique, I think, toa particular age.
Pardon me.
I think we do that, you know,when we're when we're in our
teens.
I should know what I want to dowith my life.
I think we do that when we if weget the experience of

(14:15):
post-secondary.
I should be in a program that'sbetter or it's gonna get me
somewhere.

SPEAKER_02 (14:22):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (14:22):
And then we we get out there and then we should I
should have a better job.

SPEAKER_02 (14:26):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (14:27):
I should have found something in my field, I should
have studied somethingdifferent, right?
Or some people, I should bemarried by now, and others
saying I shouldn't have gotmarried so young.

SPEAKER_01 (14:39):
I see most of those cross-all age groups, right?

SPEAKER_00 (14:42):
And and all the way up to retirement.
I should have saved more money,I should have done things
differently.
I never should have retired asat the age I did.
I should have stayed working, Ishould have all kinds of things.
I should have got out of thatjob a long time ago.
I think that it's not unique toan age.
I think that people falselybelieve that there might have
been a better path for them.

SPEAKER_02 (15:04):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (15:04):
And I don't think that's true.

SPEAKER_02 (15:06):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (15:06):
I don't see one path in life as better than another.
I've seen people who have donevery well in their career and
their marriages fall apart andthey have problems with their
kids.
I've seen people do very poorlyin their career and have really
great home lives.
I see people who are reallyfinancially ahead, but they've
got severe alcohol and drugproblems.

SPEAKER_02 (15:27):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (15:28):
I've seen people who work all the time, constantly
squirreling money away, and theynever feel like they have
enough.
Um I'm not I'm not sure that theproblem.
Well, let's step back from that.
And this is this is what Ithink.
I think we live comparatively.
I think we spend a lot of timelooking at others and having,
you know, I think I think socialmedia exacerbates this.

(15:50):
We have a misperception aboutother people's lives, right?
I think that no matter what's inour social media, the person in
there has gone out of their wayto put on a face, put on a look,
find themselves a script.
Some of them even getteleprompters to control what

(16:10):
they say.
They've set up a background.
They live in a in a home likethe rest of us that on any given
day looks like, you know, uhbombing off.
A bomb went off.
A storm came through.
But there's a little corner inthe house where the lights are
pointed and the cameras pointedthat looks like, you know, a set
out of a movie, something outof, you know, uh Pinterest.

SPEAKER_02 (16:33):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (16:33):
And I think that we get a false perception of what
life's about.
You know, I grew up in thegeneration that used to, yeah,
you know, the line was thisisn't the Brady bunch.
Right?

SPEAKER_02 (16:45):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (16:46):
A blended family where everybody loved each other
and got along, and they had ahousekeeper too, which was, you
know, and they had this gorgeoushouse that they all seemed to
find.
Everybody had their own bedroom,and you know we we looked at
that as a kind of a standardthat was just totally
unrealistic, not even close tothe way human beings live, you

(17:09):
know.
They had six kids.
I grew up in a house of sixkids.
It sure didn't look like that.
But I can tell you that we lovedeach other in our own difficult
ways at different times in ourlives, and here we are now, all
those years later, and the loveremains.
But we have this tendency toidle, idolize things and compare
ourselves to others and simplifylife, looking at single

(17:33):
dimensions of life and sayingthis is the most important
thing.
And you're allowed to do that,you're allowed to prioritize
your life any way you want.
And if your priority is coffeein the morning, well, God bless
you, go for it, right?
At least you can say that partof your life is going really
well.
Anyway, I guess what my point isis that we have unrealistic

(17:55):
views of others, we compareourselves to those views, and
then we judge and condemnourselves based on our own
dissatisfactions with theconditions of our lives.
And then we paint them with theshould brush.

SPEAKER_01 (18:10):
Yeah, or as our friend Brian likes to say, the
should monster.

SPEAKER_00 (18:13):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (18:13):
I love that.

SPEAKER_00 (18:15):
Should monster comes to town.
Yeah.
And when the should monstercomes to town, they tend to hang
around for a little while.

SPEAKER_02 (18:20):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (18:21):
It usually takes a significant number of shoulds
before we even notice that we'reshoulding ourselves, which is
judging ourselves, which iscondemning ourselves.

SPEAKER_01 (18:32):
Yeah, really.

SPEAKER_00 (18:32):
Has anything shown up in the chat?
Is anybody listening to us?

SPEAKER_01 (18:36):
Yep, Barb is listening.
She says, Oh, dang, sorry Iwasn't there to help with the
boat.
Don't shed yourself, Barb.

unknown (18:46):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (18:47):
So I guess, you know, being aware that it's
resistance, being aware thatit's judgment, being aware that
it's inaccurate comparison.
The question becomes, you know,how do I overcome this habit
that I have acquired of thinkingof myself as not doing what I

(19:08):
should do?

SPEAKER_01 (19:09):
Yeah, exactly.
So she's asking, number one, sohow do we say it differently?
And should can motivate andencourage, but is it always bad?

SPEAKER_00 (19:19):
I think if you took should out of your vocabulary
and replaced it with moredeliberate intention, I should
take my vitamins, I will take myvitamins.
I want to take my vitamins, I'mgoing to take my vitamin.
I choose to take my vitamins.
Now, again, it's a habit.
It's a habit.
And thought habits are reallyhard to change because they
exist down in your subconscious,right?

(19:40):
And they they've been acquiredin an honest way.
I'm I'm drawn to an old bookthat I read a long, long time
ago.
The guy's name was NathanielBrathwaite, I think.
Let me double check that.
Nathaniel Braden.
Sorry.
Brandon.
Nathaniel Br Brandon,B-R-A-N-D-E-N.
Old book.
It's called The Six Pillars ofSelf-Esteem.

SPEAKER_01 (20:02):
I've heard of that.

SPEAKER_00 (20:02):
And the Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, he he uses a
methodology of stems.
So part of the exercises in hisbooks are that you write stems
of sentences.
I'm going to, and then youfinish the sentence.
I'm going to do this today, andyou finish the sentence.
So essentially it's practice.

(20:23):
It's practice of saying thingsdifferently to yourself.
Well, the first pillar ofself-esteem is living
consciously.
So it's it's about that kind ofdeliberate choice following
through.
And the whole book adds up towhen I deliberately do what I
say I want to do, I feel betterabout myself.
When I deliberately conductmyself in the ways that I think

(20:47):
are good, I feel better aboutmyself.
When I consistently think aboutmyself in loving, accepting
terms, I feel better aboutmyself.
When I speak up for myself insituations where I want what I
want and I don't want to givethat up, I feel better about

(21:08):
myself.
I feel, and I've always thoughtof self-esteem being that basic
feeling that no matter whathappens, I'll be okay.
I am capable of living life inthis world and accomplishing
what I want to accomplish.
Anyway, so I think part ofovercoming I shoulds is if you
made a long list of I shouldsand then changed them to I want

(21:30):
to.
When you change that to I wantto or I'm going to, now you're
triggering resistance, right?
Now you know that it isn'tself-judgment anymore because
you've said, I want to do this.
I I I I choose to do this.
Excuse me.
When you say that to yourself,then your more natural

(21:52):
resistance to the idea will comeup.
And now you have a better chanceof examining what it is that's
stopping you, what it is that iscausing you to, you know, dodge
away from this, avoid it, notengage it.

SPEAKER_01 (22:08):
I I would even go as far to in those moments when
it's sort of when you feel itcoming up, asking yourself, why,
why don't you want to do this?
Right.
And I wouldn't even I wouldn'teven say, why don't I want to do
this?
I would say, why don't you wantto do this?
Because you're you're asking apart of you, right?

(22:30):
Almost like it's separate.
And in my in our line of work,at least from my experience, it
is easier to receive an answerwhen you have that little bit of
separation.
Also, on top of that, I think uhto the question, should can
motivate and encourage, but isit always bad?
I think the turning point forwhen it becomes sort of, well,

(22:53):
bad is when you start to feelguilt, right?
It just adds that layer.
If I think to myself, if I'm outand, you know, maybe it's my
friend's birthday or something,oh, I should go get a present.
Oh, I should go get her flowersor something like that.
I think should has become sortof a habit thought too, right?
If we think about words, yeah.
Words that are habits in ourmind.

(23:13):
You know, I'm not resistant togoing to get her a present.
In fact, I'm excited to go lookaround and see what she would
like.
But I I think the yeah, theturning point is when we are
saying these shoulds toourselves and then it becomes
guilt.

SPEAKER_00 (23:27):
Well, that's how you know that it's a judgment.

SPEAKER_01 (23:29):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (23:30):
Guilt is the emotional reaction to saying
I've done something wrong.
Right.
Judgment is the imposition ofrules.
It's the imposition of usuallysomebody else's rules.
It's the imposition of acondemnation because of
conditions, situations that youfind yourself in.

(23:53):
When you say I should, you'reaware that there's a benefit.
And avoiding that benefit, notaccomplishing that benefit,
creates the guilt.
So I can say to myself all daylong, I should take my vitamin.
And if I don't, then I know I'mnot doing what I should do.
I know I'm not doing what Icould do.

(24:14):
And I move into that guiltemotion, and then that really
spirals me down in terms ofself-love, self-esteem.
Right.
So to change that language, youknow, to think about, you know,
linguistics for a minute, tochange that language, and it's
different in every language, andit'll be different in the way
people use language.
You know, we're we come to thetable as goofy Canadians, eh?

(24:38):
And so we have our language.
But the point is, is you've gotto find what your language is.
Should seem to be prettyuniversal.
You got to find in your languagethe thing that suggests to you
what you might do to improvewhatever situation you're in.
Yeah.
So I I just like going from Ishould to I want to and see how

(25:02):
that feels.

SPEAKER_01 (25:03):
Yeah.
And if you immediately have thelittle thought of I don't want
to, then that's an opportunityto ask, well, why don't you want
to?

SPEAKER_00 (25:11):
Well, it starts out as I want to, but but there
might be a but, right?
I want to buy her a present,yeah, but maybe I don't have the
money right.
I want to buy her a present, butmaybe I don't have time right
now.
I want to buy her a present, butshe might be feel really awkward
if I do.
I want to, and then there mightbe a but.

(25:33):
And now you're bringing some ofthat resistance and some of that
awareness of why you might notfollow through with this thing
to your mind.
And it might be reallylegitimate, yeah, right?
It might be a real reason.
I want to take my vitamins everymorning, but I don't seem to
have time in the morning.

(25:53):
And then the solution's easy.
Oh, I could be taking them atnight before I go to bed, right?
And now it's I will take myvitamins at night before I go to
bed.
And maybe there's a whole lotless resistance now.
Maybe there's a whole lot lessfear.
I want to take my vitamins inthe morning, but I really feel
pressed for time.
I don't want to be late forwork.
I don't want to get stuck intraffic.

(26:14):
I don't want that feeling ofqueasiness in my stomach after I
drink my coffee, whatever it is.
I don't eat, I don't eat untillater in the day.
And right, you're going to findthat there might actually be
legitimate reason why you don'tdo the thing you want to do.
And then it doesn't become ashould from which you feel

(26:34):
guilty.
It becomes an awareness of whatyou want and a plan to make it
happen.
Again, these are habits whichwhich requires a change in the
way you talk to yourself.
And you have to stick with thatchange over and over and over
and over.
And maybe that the fastesttrigger is every time I say I
should, I should, I want topause, right?

(26:54):
I should, I want to pause andreplace that with I want.
And then I I want to, and thenmaybe, yeah, maybe I don't want.
Maybe I shouldn't, right?
Maybe, maybe this isn't all thatimportant.

SPEAKER_01 (27:09):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (27:09):
Allow yourself the chance to reconsider the
conditions of the should.

SPEAKER_01 (27:14):
Yeah, that's a good way of putting it.
Yeah.
I think it's too often that Isay it to myself.
Also too early in the day to besaying it to myself.
I like wake up and the firstthing in my mind is should.
Oh man.
I think we all suffer from thatin some way, shape, or form.

SPEAKER_00 (27:30):
Well, let's use that one because that's uh I think a
really common one.
I should get up now.

SPEAKER_01 (27:35):
Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (27:36):
Do I want to get up now?
No.
That's that's honest resistance.
Do I want to get up now?
If the answer is no, sometimeswe got to be rational about it.
Well, if I go back to sleep, Iknow that if I don't get an hour
and a half more sleep, I'mactually going to feel tired.

SPEAKER_02 (27:55):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (27:55):
There's that 90-minute sleep cycle, which is
problematic for a lot of people.
I think a lot of people, youknow, we're gonna, I'm, you
know, putting together thebeginnings of a sleep program
for our school.
And one of the issues peopleexperience is they say, I sleep,
but I wake up tired.
Well, when you wake up tired,it's because your alarm goes off

(28:15):
in the middle of a sleep cycle.
Sleep cycles go from 60 to 90minutes for the average person.
You go into a sleep, you go intoa deep state of sleep, you stay
in a deep state of sleep, andthen you rise out of it
somewhere between 60 and 90minutes in.
Everybody's unique, everybody'sgot their own precise amount of
time, but it averages out thisway.

(28:36):
So you could be aware foryourself of what your sleep
cycles are and know that peopledo quite normally go to sleep at
night and wake up multiple timesin the night after going through
sleep cycles.
So, anyway, one of the thingsyou can lie there in bed and you
say, Well, you know, I I don'thave an hour and a half to sleep

(28:58):
more, and I know I'm going tofeel not as good as I might.
I think I want to get up now toavoid that feeling.

SPEAKER_01 (29:07):
Yeah.
And that happened.
I did think that this morningwhen I woke up at 4 30.
I thought, oh man, if I go backto sleep, I'll I'll sleep till
six, and that's way too late forme.
So it was a littlebutt-kickered.

SPEAKER_00 (29:20):
Well, I really think that shifting the words I should
to I want to.
I want, I think you reveal toyourself the opportunity to be
reasonable with yourself, bereasoned with yourself.

SPEAKER_02 (29:34):
Yeah.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (29:35):
And it'll be easier then to forgive yourself for
making the wrong choice.
Yeah.
Because you made a choice.
Yeah.
And it didn't work out the wayyou hoped.
And so that's okay.
Lesson learned.

SPEAKER_01 (29:45):
There's a whole other podcast.
Is it actually the wrong choice?

SPEAKER_00 (29:48):
Well, we did that yesterday.
Suffering.
Yeah, but yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (29:53):
Oh my.

SPEAKER_00 (29:54):
So, as always, you know, the podcast is meant to
help us reveal to ourselves uhwhen the These podcasts are good
is because we're doing it.
We're doing it as we're speakingto you.
We're analyzing it for our ownbenefit, too.
Um, it's to see where thesethought forms and thought habits
come from, to not judge them buttry to find solutions to them,

(30:14):
to reframe them as best we can,to find replacements for them as
best we can, knowing thatchanging our minds is well,
first of all, it's the secret toimproving your life.

SPEAKER_01 (30:26):
Changing your mind.

SPEAKER_00 (30:27):
Changing your mind is the secret to improving your
life.
Yeah.
It's it's the first step inchanging your life and improving
it, is changing what's going onin your mind.
And unfortunately, because we'renot all trained in it from the
instant that we're children,it's one of those things we're
not really good at and we're notpaying attention to, right?

(30:49):
Because we always focus on ourbehavior.
We focus on what we do and weget mad that we keep doing it.
We focus on what we're notdoing, and we get mad at
ourselves for not doing whenit's the conditions of our mind,
our subconscious mind, quitespecifically, where our
behaviors come from.

SPEAKER_02 (31:04):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (31:05):
So being focused on the thing that creates the
situation.
It's not my failure to take myvitamins, it's not the vitamins'
fault.
It's somewhere in my mind thereis resistance, and the
subsequent judgment of I shouldis not helping.
And when I say I should, Ishould ask myself, do I want?

(31:25):
Can I replace I should with Iwant?
I choose.
And if I can, and I do, superduper, your behavior will
change.
And if you don't want, then youcan examine that.
There's a reason for it.

SPEAKER_01 (31:38):
Yeah, yeah.
Any other questions before wewrap up today?
No questions.
Nope.

SPEAKER_00 (31:47):
As always, hope that we've made you think and ponder
and wonder.

SPEAKER_01 (31:52):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (31:53):
And examine yourself in a nice, healthy way.
There's nothing wrong with it.
That's right.
Be gentle on yourself.
That's right.

SPEAKER_01 (31:59):
Okay.
Well, have a lovely day, andwe'll see you later.