April 16, 2024 • 23 mins
We unravel the chaotic yet vibrant reality of life at late late 20s. Far from the polished expectations of our teens, we'll explore the abstract masterpiece that is early adulthood—from career twists to balancing passions like acting. We’ll discuss the benefits of financial savvy and professional help in personal development, and the liberation found in realizing that others are too focused on their own stories to judge ours. Together, let's embrace the unpredictable journey of our 20s, one step, one breath, one Tuesday at a time.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi guys and welcome back to Confessions of a Wannabe
it Girl, the podcast that helpsyou filter out all the BS in
pursuits of becoming your own orthe next it girl.
And in today's episode we aregoing to dive into some things I
wish I had known in my early20s.
I'm even talking a little bitabout 18, 19, 20s, 21, 22, and
(00:22):
some little bit of lessons Ihave been reflecting and thought
about recently, as I feel likesome things in my late 20s I
maybe should have learnedearlier, in my earlier 20s.
So let's dive in.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Welcome to Confessions of a Wannabe it Girl
.
I'm your host, marley Fregging,and I'm here to help you filter
out all the bullshit and becomethe next it girl.
This podcast explores thereality of what it really takes
to make it out there.
As it turns out, it is way lessInstagrammable than I thought
it was going to be.
I'm still very much a work inprogress, but there's simply
(00:58):
nothing else I'd rather be doingthan chasing my dreams.
So let's learn from my mistakesand work together to achieve
our dreams with more confidence,clarity and direction.
Let's get after it.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
I mean this feels kind of obvious and I feel like
no matter how many times peoplesay this kind of thing to you,
you're going to potentiallythink that no, I'm going to have
my life together in five years.
Let me tell you, your life willnot look like what you think it
will in five years.
If you're 20 and you'rethinking, oh, by 25, I'll be
(01:33):
owning a house and married orhave children or have this
amazing career.
I just will say that time hasnot really pursued or gone forth
in any of those positive ways.
I don't know, I just feel likepredicting what five years looks
like.
I think we're a little allgreen in thinking what five
(01:54):
years will actually take you tobe in your life.
So, five years from 20, youmight still be figuring out what
you want to do as a career.
You could potentially still beabsolutely dating, not even
found close to the right person.
I don't think 25 by any meansyou should be completely sold on
(02:16):
everything in life withrelationships and friendships.
I just think five years.
I think once I turned 25, Irealized that five years really
wasn't that much time to have mylife figured out, and I don't
know where this myth that we allgrew up with that.
By the time like you're 30, orby the time you're, you know, 25
(02:38):
, seemed so old at the time.
It's really not that old andlife is just starting to kind of
open up.
I feel like you have just beenin the workforce, maybe a little
bit.
You're out of college,transitioning from adult life.
Here's my cue.
Now.
This is funny because this iswhat my parents did to me
yesterday.
I'm getting married, I'm 28.
(03:00):
I'll be 29 when I get married.
There we are sitting, you knowI'll be 29 when I get married.
There we are sitting, signingthe formal contract for my
wedding Venue, all the things.
Sign on the dotted line, andnot five seconds later Does my
dad turn to me and say and myfiance and say okay, kids, we
need to have a meeting.
If your parents are stillcalling you kids, there is no
(03:22):
way.
At 21 and 22, you areconsidered an adult.
So there is no way that in fiveyears you're going to end up
having this beautiful dream lifethat you totally pictured.
Your career is going to beabsolutely stable.
You're going to love your joband love your coworkers.
You're going to have all thefinances in the world and have
(03:42):
the love of your life and havethe same best friends that you
had at 16 and 17.
I'm telling you, there is no waythat five years is going to
bring you that dream life.
So let's just maybe relax alittle bit and be open to the
possibilities of where life isgoing to take you.
You know, when I graduatedcollege I said as long as I want
(04:03):
to be in entertainment.
You know, when I graduatedcollege I said as long as I want
to be in entertainment, I'll doanything.
That wasn't untrue, but themore I went through life A, I
realized a career inentertainment wasn't going to
land me where I wanted to be infive years.
But also it wasn't truecompletely I wasn't willing to
(04:25):
do anything and everything justto be in entertainment.
I'm just saying, no matter whatyou think your plan is, be open
to change, be open to newthings.
I remember when I was havinglunch with my uncle
Unfortunately we were goingthrough a tragedy then and
unfortunately since he haspassed but we were sitting at
(04:45):
this breakfast brunch talking,and I remember he said to me you
know, I admire you so muchbecause you've always kind of
known what you wanted to do andat this moment I couldn't have
been farther away from where Iwanted to be in my career and I
was like, oh, thank you so much,uncle.
That's really sweet.
But I didn't feel good about itand the only thing I could
(05:09):
think of was well, what did youdo when you were my age?
And he said, oh well, I didn'treally know what I wanted to do
and I didn't really know wherelife was going to take me.
So I was just pretty open and Iwas like, wow, that's really
beautiful and something I haveto say I maybe wasn't enough
open to in my early 20s, stillthinking an avenue.
(05:30):
Yes, I tried a milliondifferent things in career paths
and kept it really linear, andthen I let my career go really
broad.
The point of all this saying is, five years isn't that long of
a time, and be open to what isgoing to come your way, because
you just you don't know andlower the expectations of what
(05:50):
you think you'll have by 30 or25, which you know.
I'm glad we kind of justtouched on the job situation.
This brings me to a lesson Ifeel like I have recently
learned so hard.
I don't know what I have doneActually.
No, I might be starting to havea clue.
(06:11):
I didn't set myself up correctlywith a job when I was 22.
Being an entrepreneurial spirit, if you will, which I didn't
even know was words at the time,and wanting to be an actor and
work in freelance whatever.
I never found a, not even aside hustle, just a hustle to
(06:37):
keep me grounded, to help mestay financially stable.
I'll be completely honest thatI've had a lot of financial
support from my family, but Ireally wish that right out of
the gate of college or towardsthe end of college, I had found
a job that had either flexiblehours or hours that was never
(06:57):
going to conflict with mepursuing being an actor that
would just make me money Likethat I liked enough to always do
or change format, like I'mtalking about being a manager of
a gym or a coffee shop.
I really wish that I had foundsome job to fill the financial
void of being an entrepreneurand I do think, in my opinion,
(07:21):
this should be somethingflexible Coffee shop, gym group,
fitness teacher which hence Ihave since figured out and have
been teaching Pilates, somethingthat you really like doing that
does get your spark going, butalso if you had to walk away
from it because you do end upgetting the dream job of booking
a role on a TV show or whatnot.
(07:42):
You're not going to like lose alot of sleep about it.
You're like this was great, Ilove it, I could have done this
for a while, but if I have towalk away from it, whatever.
And then the other keynote tothis job that I wish somebody
had really bunkered down andmade me find right out of
college is that anybody can kindof do it.
(08:03):
I'm not talking about being ina personal assistant, because if
then you have to be somewherefor that really important
business meeting, for yourwriting career at 1 pm and your
personal assistant job likeneeds you there at 1 pm, like
you're fucked, like nobody elsecan cover for you.
So that's why I think being amanager or being a waiter or
(08:25):
group fitness something that's alittle bit more flexible and
like you could find a cover forif you know the dream starts
taking off or you know you havea call back at 3 pm.
That's what I mean.
Pm, that's what I mean.
(08:47):
I really wish I had taken thetime to realize that this void
was missing in my life, that Iwas not setting myself up to
emotionally continue being anactor because I felt so
self-sufficient financially, butalso to just have something to
feel responsible to, at least afew times a week.
You're coming out of a systemin your early 20s that we at
(09:09):
least all went through until 16,and that's school.
School has times and deadlinesand things.
And then you get out into theadult world and suddenly they're
like figure it the fuck out,taxes are due on this day.
There's no which reminds me Ihope everybody did their taxes
which remind like I mean,there's just so much less
(09:29):
structure.
And if you want to be anentrepreneurial spirited person,
I do find that having certainthings that I've had to report
to at a certain time has kept memore grounded.
It's also allowed me not todilly-dally on doing the things
I want to do, like if I'm like,oh well, I have all week to
(09:51):
memorize this script and nothingelse on my schedule, you know
how long it's going to take forme to memorize that script all
week.
But if I have to teach pilateswhich is my situation I'm not
saying needs to be yoursituation and I teach monday
tuesday classes on wednesdayOkay, so I only have friday,
(10:12):
saturday and sunday to work itout, maybe thursday if I'm lucky
.
Do you see what I'm saying?
It just takes up less of yourfuck it time.
You need to fill up your spaceto stay organized.
I did have my acting teacher anddear mentor once say to me you
do better when you're more busy,which on one hand slightly a
(10:33):
little bit of a toxic thing tothink that I should continue to
add things on my plate to staythat busy, but at the same time
she wasn't wrong.
Like I do do better when I havea lot more on my plate and I
have to kind of somewhatschedule my time out.
We could go down the deep, deeppath of what that leads to
burnout.
Point being is this cuts yourfuck around time and you're
(10:57):
creating yourself financialstability to keep doing the
thing you want to do.
And I wish so badly that I hadstarted teaching Pilates or
started working at a gym and,you know, had moved to a manager
position just to have thatstability emotionally, time-wise
and financially so much earlierin my life, because I was so
(11:20):
I'm so close to my 30s I'm likea year and a half off from my
30s, I guess you could say and Ihad to learn that lesson now,
and it has been so hard tofinancially learn to change, to
take care of myself and budgetand whatnot.
So do yourself a favor Get thestable, instable, flexible job
(11:40):
Hosted a nightclub, I don't know.
I've considered doing that aswell, which brings me
beautifully into my next point.
I'm just freaking genius here.
This is so basic.
I sound like such a fuckingparent when I say this Learn to
handle your money.
I absolutely did not learn tohandle my money.
(12:00):
It came in and it went rightout and I was like, oh great, I
have $100 left over, let's goout.
Why on earth did I never learnto budget money?
I mean, we could go on and onabout that.
We have a great episode aboutunderstanding financials, a few
episodes back.
If you want to check it out,point being where to start,
(12:20):
where to save, where to get outof debt, all the things you
really do need to understandwhat your daily life looks like
financially.
And then you need to understandwhat your month looks like
financially, and then six monthsand a year.
(12:41):
I know that with Instagram andTikTok and this idea that we
need to buy a new outfit forevery event we attend can really
get to you and I can say itdefinitely got to me and I just
ended up wasting so much moneybecause I maybe felt insecure in
a different place in my life,and I really wish now again in
(13:04):
my late 20s, that this is alesson I had learned early on.
In my early 20s, I mean, I wasprivileged enough that it didn't
bite me until I was much older.
However, I do think it would bemuch more beneficial to learn
to understand to budget yourdaily life, your house life and,
(13:26):
you know, your fun money.
I know it sucks to do thatright after, like college,
because you're like oh, I stillwant to party and I still want
to have fun.
Let me tell you, it's way lessfun to be 28 and being like can
we really afford to go to thisreally good friend's wedding?
And I just wish that wassomething I had grasped onto a
(13:46):
little bit earlier and maybestarted worrying about.
I was so carefree and then COVIDhappened and throw it all off,
which, you know, brings me toanother point here is that in
your early 20s you don't worryabout things that potentially
(14:06):
maybe you're in denial about.
Enjoy it while you can.
This is what I wish I had known.
Enjoy it.
While you can Enjoy your early20s, when you have that
invincibility complex and youthink you can take on anything
and you don't think your parentsare going to age and you think
everyone's going to live forever, because that time in your life
(14:27):
you start to realize is very,very short, I took it such for
granted.
Enjoy every minute of itbecause potentially you are no
longer going to live in yourchildhood home, your parents are
going to want to travel theworld, your friends and you are
going to change and that worldis not going to be the same.
And you know what?
(14:47):
Also, even though your parentsor people around you in your
life will also age, parentschange, people change, people
grow.
So this time when you were inbetween being an adult and in
between being a child, where,like, even though legally not
true, but you could get awaywith murder on some level, very
(15:08):
short time in your life, and Ireally wish I had just soaked in
that time and realized howlucky I was, because things
change, people sell childhoodhomes and I don't know your age
not that we're withering awayover here you just start to
realize that for so muchhopefully longer, of your life,
(15:29):
it's not going to be like that,so take the time to enjoy it and
also, potentially, start tolook at what you are in denial
about.
Start to look at what you arein denial about.
I think I was always in denialthat everyone would live forever
and that we'd never sell,potentially, my childhood home
which we haven't still, but itruns rent-free.
In the back of my brain rightnow, what are you in denial
(15:52):
about?
Because when that invincibilitycontract runs out, that's going
to be the first thing to showup.
Which brings me perfectly intothis I'm just rocking it with
the transitions right now is youhave to realize that In your
early 20s, no matter what it isparental issues, relationship
(16:15):
issues, eating issues, workingout issues, grade insecurities,
smartness insecurities, whateverit is those insecurities that
you already have are only goingto creep and creep and grow in
size the older you get.
(16:36):
I think we think that when wegrow up, you're going to be an
adult and it all goes away.
I think the opposite is true.
Whatever you have beensuppressing about an issue or an
insecurity is only going to getbigger the older you get, and I
wish I had started to deal withthem when I was a little bit
(16:57):
younger.
I could have saved myself a lotof times of crying on the floor
in my dorm room closet if I hadstarted therapy a little bit
earlier.
And you know what?
I'm going to make a littlecaveat here about therapy.
This is something I want totouch on in another episode.
Being in your early 20s, youneed to realize that your
friends are not your therapist.
(17:19):
Your friends are your friends.
Your mother is not yourtherapist.
Your father is not yourtherapist.
Your therapist is yourtherapist.
Nobody else can give youunbiased advice.
Trust me, these people havebeen through enough with you in
a way, not saying we can't shareour problems with friends, but
they're not your therapist.
They're not going to mentallysolve any issues you are dealing
(17:41):
with.
And I wish I hadn't traumadumped so much on my friends in
my early twenties and seen atherapist.
So I would say it's naive tobelieve any insecurities you
have when you are younger willnot get bigger.
This fun example that I thinkabout is I've heard this said by
(18:02):
acting teachers and whatnotthat they talk about how people
think that when they reachsuccess in an acting career and
they become famous, that all ofthose insecurities are going to
go away Suddenly you're going tothink you're the most
attractive person on the world.
Suddenly, everybody is going towant to date you and you're
never going to be secure aboutanything else because you're
(18:23):
going to be famous.
That is evidently super untrue.
That is when you start tobecome the most insecure, the
most self-conscious and mentallysuffer.
And I felt similarly aboutgrowing up.
I thought these things wouldjust go away and instead it
snowballed and they continued togrow.
It's also fair to say somethingelse I wish I had known in my
(18:46):
early 20s is this concept I'vetouched on, I think, before the
idea of graduating yourself.
Like I said, you are no longerin a structured environment.
You'll be at school at 8.15,you get out at 3.30, and then
you're a freshman, sophomore,junior, senior.
All of that is done.
So you have to learn toregulate and look outward and
(19:10):
inward and decide when you haveoutgrown something or you've
done everything that you could.
I mean I think that happens alot in friendships.
You can graduate yourself fromfriendships and be like, hey,
this friendship no longer reallyworks.
You can graduate yourself fromjobs, from relationships.
It's okay to regulate even,maybe, how long you want to live
(19:34):
in a city and just be like, hey, I've done everything I want to
do.
I just got to switch things upand change it.
I mean, I remember when I wasgraduating from LMU I was
thinking, damn, four years wastoo fast.
Because I went to a mid-schoolhigh school which was seven
years.
I was like four years is notenough time here.
But if I had stayed there forthree more years sad, dark,
(19:57):
honestly not growing Talk aboutputting a.
You know, when you were a kid,your parents would always joke
with you that they were going toput a brick on your head so you
would stop growing.
Staying in an environment thatno longer serves you is having a
brick on your height and you'renot going to continue to grow.
So take the time to look inwardand outward and see when
(20:20):
something is no longer servingyou and graduate yourself
because you earned it.
This brings me to my finalpoint of today's episode, and
that is no one gives as manyfucks about you as you do.
This couldn't be more true.
(20:40):
Growing up and leaving yourearly 20s, I thought everybody
cared about what outfit I wear Iwore, how pretty I was, how
skinny I was, how well I did inschool, all those things.
Let me tell you, nobody in theworld, not even my parents,
which I'm very lucky to say,gave a fuck about what my GPA
was.
When I graduated, however, Ithought everybody would like to
(21:03):
know that I got a 3.75, as Ijust told you, to confirm that I
really cared about that.
The point being is you thinkeverything you do is so precious
and so watched under amicroscope when you are so young
.
Why on earth would we?
I mean, this is the microscope.
For those of you who can't see,I'm moving it back and forth.
Evidently, we think everythingwe do is so special and so
(21:27):
important and we are the mostspecial person in the world.
We are the main character inour story.
Yes, tiktok.
No, let me tell you, everybodyelse is also the main character
in their own story.
So let me tell you, the firstthing they probably don't care
about is you, and I have to sayat the same time, that's sad,
(21:48):
because we all want to believewe're special and you are
special.
You know what I mean.
You are special, you are unique.
Go live that main characterenergy, but at the same time,
you're just here, just likeeveryone else.
However, I do want to leave onthe note of saying that it
(22:10):
should be absolutely alsofreeing, that nobody cares that
much about you, and I hope youenjoy the freedom of what it is
for nobody to care about you,and I wish I had not been so
insecure about what everybodyelse thought and I ebb and flow
with that so much I mean.
(22:31):
Hence the title of the podcastConfessions of a Wannabe it Girl
.
No one cares as much what youare doing, so just march to your
own drum and you know what.
I hope this has helped youreflect on some things you wish
you had known in your 20s, early20s, or maybe are dealing with
now, and I just appreciate youso much tuning into this episode
(22:53):
of Confessions of a Wannabe itGirl and, as always, we'll see
you next Tuesday.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
Thank you so much for listening to Confessions of a
Wannabe it Girl.
Don't forget to rate andsubscribe to the show.
As always, we'll see you nextTuesday.
You.
Hi guys and welcome back to Confessions of a Wannabe
it Girl, the podcast that helpsyou filter out all the BS in
pursuits of becoming your own orthe next it girl.
And in today's episode we aregoing to dive into some things I
wish I had known in my early20s.
I'm even talking a little bitabout 18, 19, 20s, 21, 22, and
(00:22):
some little bit of lessons Ihave been reflecting and thought
about recently, as I feel likesome things in my late 20s I
maybe should have learnedearlier, in my earlier 20s.
So let's dive in.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Welcome to Confessions of a Wannabe it Girl
.
I'm your host, marley Fregging,and I'm here to help you filter
out all the bullshit and becomethe next it girl.
This podcast explores thereality of what it really takes
to make it out there.
As it turns out, it is way lessInstagrammable than I thought
it was going to be.
I'm still very much a work inprogress, but there's simply
(00:58):
nothing else I'd rather be doingthan chasing my dreams.
So let's learn from my mistakesand work together to achieve
our dreams with more confidence,clarity and direction.
Let's get after it.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
I mean this feels kind of obvious and I feel like
no matter how many times peoplesay this kind of thing to you,
you're going to potentiallythink that no, I'm going to have
my life together in five years.
Let me tell you, your life willnot look like what you think it
will in five years.
If you're 20 and you'rethinking, oh, by 25, I'll be
(01:33):
owning a house and married orhave children or have this
amazing career.
I just will say that time hasnot really pursued or gone forth
in any of those positive ways.
I don't know, I just feel likepredicting what five years looks
like.
I think we're a little allgreen in thinking what five
(01:54):
years will actually take you tobe in your life.
So, five years from 20, youmight still be figuring out what
you want to do as a career.
You could potentially still beabsolutely dating, not even
found close to the right person.
I don't think 25 by any meansyou should be completely sold on
(02:16):
everything in life withrelationships and friendships.
I just think five years.
I think once I turned 25, Irealized that five years really
wasn't that much time to have mylife figured out, and I don't
know where this myth that we allgrew up with that.
By the time like you're 30, orby the time you're, you know, 25
(02:38):
, seemed so old at the time.
It's really not that old andlife is just starting to kind of
open up.
I feel like you have just beenin the workforce, maybe a little
bit.
You're out of college,transitioning from adult life.
Here's my cue.
Now.
This is funny because this iswhat my parents did to me
yesterday.
I'm getting married, I'm 28.
(03:00):
I'll be 29 when I get married.
There we are sitting, you knowI'll be 29 when I get married.
There we are sitting, signingthe formal contract for my
wedding Venue, all the things.
Sign on the dotted line, andnot five seconds later Does my
dad turn to me and say and myfiance and say okay, kids, we
need to have a meeting.
If your parents are stillcalling you kids, there is no
(03:22):
way.
At 21 and 22, you areconsidered an adult.
So there is no way that in fiveyears you're going to end up
having this beautiful dream lifethat you totally pictured.
Your career is going to beabsolutely stable.
You're going to love your joband love your coworkers.
You're going to have all thefinances in the world and have
(03:42):
the love of your life and havethe same best friends that you
had at 16 and 17.
I'm telling you, there is no waythat five years is going to
bring you that dream life.
So let's just maybe relax alittle bit and be open to the
possibilities of where life isgoing to take you.
You know, when I graduatedcollege I said as long as I want
(04:03):
to be in entertainment.
You know, when I graduatedcollege I said as long as I want
to be in entertainment, I'll doanything.
That wasn't untrue, but themore I went through life A, I
realized a career inentertainment wasn't going to
land me where I wanted to be infive years.
But also it wasn't truecompletely I wasn't willing to
(04:25):
do anything and everything justto be in entertainment.
I'm just saying, no matter whatyou think your plan is, be open
to change, be open to newthings.
I remember when I was havinglunch with my uncle
Unfortunately we were goingthrough a tragedy then and
unfortunately since he haspassed but we were sitting at
(04:45):
this breakfast brunch talking,and I remember he said to me you
know, I admire you so muchbecause you've always kind of
known what you wanted to do andat this moment I couldn't have
been farther away from where Iwanted to be in my career and I
was like, oh, thank you so much,uncle.
That's really sweet.
But I didn't feel good about itand the only thing I could
(05:09):
think of was well, what did youdo when you were my age?
And he said, oh well, I didn'treally know what I wanted to do
and I didn't really know wherelife was going to take me.
So I was just pretty open and Iwas like, wow, that's really
beautiful and something I haveto say I maybe wasn't enough
open to in my early 20s, stillthinking an avenue.
(05:30):
Yes, I tried a milliondifferent things in career paths
and kept it really linear, andthen I let my career go really
broad.
The point of all this saying is, five years isn't that long of
a time, and be open to what isgoing to come your way, because
you just you don't know andlower the expectations of what
(05:50):
you think you'll have by 30 or25, which you know.
I'm glad we kind of justtouched on the job situation.
This brings me to a lesson Ifeel like I have recently
learned so hard.
I don't know what I have doneActually.
No, I might be starting to havea clue.
(06:11):
I didn't set myself up correctlywith a job when I was 22.
Being an entrepreneurial spirit, if you will, which I didn't
even know was words at the time,and wanting to be an actor and
work in freelance whatever.
I never found a, not even aside hustle, just a hustle to
(06:37):
keep me grounded, to help mestay financially stable.
I'll be completely honest thatI've had a lot of financial
support from my family, but Ireally wish that right out of
the gate of college or towardsthe end of college, I had found
a job that had either flexiblehours or hours that was never
(06:57):
going to conflict with mepursuing being an actor that
would just make me money Likethat I liked enough to always do
or change format, like I'mtalking about being a manager of
a gym or a coffee shop.
I really wish that I had foundsome job to fill the financial
void of being an entrepreneurand I do think, in my opinion,
(07:21):
this should be somethingflexible Coffee shop, gym group,
fitness teacher which hence Ihave since figured out and have
been teaching Pilates, somethingthat you really like doing that
does get your spark going, butalso if you had to walk away
from it because you do end upgetting the dream job of booking
a role on a TV show or whatnot.
(07:42):
You're not going to like lose alot of sleep about it.
You're like this was great, Ilove it, I could have done this
for a while, but if I have towalk away from it, whatever.
And then the other keynote tothis job that I wish somebody
had really bunkered down andmade me find right out of
college is that anybody can kindof do it.
(08:03):
I'm not talking about being ina personal assistant, because if
then you have to be somewherefor that really important
business meeting, for yourwriting career at 1 pm and your
personal assistant job likeneeds you there at 1 pm, like
you're fucked, like nobody elsecan cover for you.
So that's why I think being amanager or being a waiter or
(08:25):
group fitness something that's alittle bit more flexible and
like you could find a cover forif you know the dream starts
taking off or you know you havea call back at 3 pm.
That's what I mean.
Pm, that's what I mean.
(08:47):
I really wish I had taken thetime to realize that this void
was missing in my life, that Iwas not setting myself up to
emotionally continue being anactor because I felt so
self-sufficient financially, butalso to just have something to
feel responsible to, at least afew times a week.
You're coming out of a systemin your early 20s that we at
(09:09):
least all went through until 16,and that's school.
School has times and deadlinesand things.
And then you get out into theadult world and suddenly they're
like figure it the fuck out,taxes are due on this day.
There's no which reminds me Ihope everybody did their taxes
which remind like I mean,there's just so much less
(09:29):
structure.
And if you want to be anentrepreneurial spirited person,
I do find that having certainthings that I've had to report
to at a certain time has kept memore grounded.
It's also allowed me not todilly-dally on doing the things
I want to do, like if I'm like,oh well, I have all week to
(09:51):
memorize this script and nothingelse on my schedule, you know
how long it's going to take forme to memorize that script all
week.
But if I have to teach pilateswhich is my situation I'm not
saying needs to be yoursituation and I teach monday
tuesday classes on wednesdayOkay, so I only have friday,
(10:12):
saturday and sunday to work itout, maybe thursday if I'm lucky
.
Do you see what I'm saying?
It just takes up less of yourfuck it time.
You need to fill up your spaceto stay organized.
I did have my acting teacher anddear mentor once say to me you
do better when you're more busy,which on one hand slightly a
(10:33):
little bit of a toxic thing tothink that I should continue to
add things on my plate to staythat busy, but at the same time
she wasn't wrong.
Like I do do better when I havea lot more on my plate and I
have to kind of somewhatschedule my time out.
We could go down the deep, deeppath of what that leads to
burnout.
Point being is this cuts yourfuck around time and you're
(10:57):
creating yourself financialstability to keep doing the
thing you want to do.
And I wish so badly that I hadstarted teaching Pilates or
started working at a gym and,you know, had moved to a manager
position just to have thatstability emotionally, time-wise
and financially so much earlierin my life, because I was so
(11:20):
I'm so close to my 30s I'm likea year and a half off from my
30s, I guess you could say and Ihad to learn that lesson now,
and it has been so hard tofinancially learn to change, to
take care of myself and budgetand whatnot.
So do yourself a favor Get thestable, instable, flexible job
(11:40):
Hosted a nightclub, I don't know.
I've considered doing that aswell, which brings me
beautifully into my next point.
I'm just freaking genius here.
This is so basic.
I sound like such a fuckingparent when I say this Learn to
handle your money.
I absolutely did not learn tohandle my money.
(12:00):
It came in and it went rightout and I was like, oh great, I
have $100 left over, let's goout.
Why on earth did I never learnto budget money?
I mean, we could go on and onabout that.
We have a great episode aboutunderstanding financials, a few
episodes back.
If you want to check it out,point being where to start,
(12:20):
where to save, where to get outof debt, all the things you
really do need to understandwhat your daily life looks like
financially.
And then you need to understandwhat your month looks like
financially, and then six monthsand a year.
(12:41):
I know that with Instagram andTikTok and this idea that we
need to buy a new outfit forevery event we attend can really
get to you and I can say itdefinitely got to me and I just
ended up wasting so much moneybecause I maybe felt insecure in
a different place in my life,and I really wish now again in
(13:04):
my late 20s, that this is alesson I had learned early on.
In my early 20s, I mean, I wasprivileged enough that it didn't
bite me until I was much older.
However, I do think it would bemuch more beneficial to learn
to understand to budget yourdaily life, your house life and,
(13:26):
you know, your fun money.
I know it sucks to do thatright after, like college,
because you're like oh, I stillwant to party and I still want
to have fun.
Let me tell you, it's way lessfun to be 28 and being like can
we really afford to go to thisreally good friend's wedding?
And I just wish that wassomething I had grasped onto a
(13:46):
little bit earlier and maybestarted worrying about.
I was so carefree and then COVIDhappened and throw it all off,
which, you know, brings me toanother point here is that in
your early 20s you don't worryabout things that potentially
(14:06):
maybe you're in denial about.
Enjoy it while you can.
This is what I wish I had known.
Enjoy it.
While you can Enjoy your early20s, when you have that
invincibility complex and youthink you can take on anything
and you don't think your parentsare going to age and you think
everyone's going to live forever, because that time in your life
(14:27):
you start to realize is very,very short, I took it such for
granted.
Enjoy every minute of itbecause potentially you are no
longer going to live in yourchildhood home, your parents are
going to want to travel theworld, your friends and you are
going to change and that worldis not going to be the same.
And you know what?
(14:47):
Also, even though your parentsor people around you in your
life will also age, parentschange, people change, people
grow.
So this time when you were inbetween being an adult and in
between being a child, where,like, even though legally not
true, but you could get awaywith murder on some level, very
(15:08):
short time in your life, and Ireally wish I had just soaked in
that time and realized howlucky I was, because things
change, people sell childhoodhomes and I don't know your age
not that we're withering awayover here you just start to
realize that for so muchhopefully longer, of your life,
(15:29):
it's not going to be like that,so take the time to enjoy it and
also, potentially, start tolook at what you are in denial
about.
Start to look at what you arein denial about.
I think I was always in denialthat everyone would live forever
and that we'd never sell,potentially, my childhood home
which we haven't still, but itruns rent-free.
In the back of my brain rightnow, what are you in denial
(15:52):
about?
Because when that invincibilitycontract runs out, that's going
to be the first thing to showup.
Which brings me perfectly intothis I'm just rocking it with
the transitions right now is youhave to realize that In your
early 20s, no matter what it isparental issues, relationship
(16:15):
issues, eating issues, workingout issues, grade insecurities,
smartness insecurities, whateverit is those insecurities that
you already have are only goingto creep and creep and grow in
size the older you get.
(16:36):
I think we think that when wegrow up, you're going to be an
adult and it all goes away.
I think the opposite is true.
Whatever you have beensuppressing about an issue or an
insecurity is only going to getbigger the older you get, and I
wish I had started to deal withthem when I was a little bit
(16:57):
younger.
I could have saved myself a lotof times of crying on the floor
in my dorm room closet if I hadstarted therapy a little bit
earlier.
And you know what?
I'm going to make a littlecaveat here about therapy.
This is something I want totouch on in another episode.
Being in your early 20s, youneed to realize that your
friends are not your therapist.
(17:19):
Your friends are your friends.
Your mother is not yourtherapist.
Your father is not yourtherapist.
Your therapist is yourtherapist.
Nobody else can give youunbiased advice.
Trust me, these people havebeen through enough with you in
a way, not saying we can't shareour problems with friends, but
they're not your therapist.
They're not going to mentallysolve any issues you are dealing
(17:41):
with.
And I wish I hadn't traumadumped so much on my friends in
my early twenties and seen atherapist.
So I would say it's naive tobelieve any insecurities you
have when you are younger willnot get bigger.
This fun example that I thinkabout is I've heard this said by
(18:02):
acting teachers and whatnotthat they talk about how people
think that when they reachsuccess in an acting career and
they become famous, that all ofthose insecurities are going to
go away Suddenly you're going tothink you're the most
attractive person on the world.
Suddenly, everybody is going towant to date you and you're
never going to be secure aboutanything else because you're
(18:23):
going to be famous.
That is evidently super untrue.
That is when you start tobecome the most insecure, the
most self-conscious and mentallysuffer.
And I felt similarly aboutgrowing up.
I thought these things wouldjust go away and instead it
snowballed and they continued togrow.
It's also fair to say somethingelse I wish I had known in my
(18:46):
early 20s is this concept I'vetouched on, I think, before the
idea of graduating yourself.
Like I said, you are no longerin a structured environment.
You'll be at school at 8.15,you get out at 3.30, and then
you're a freshman, sophomore,junior, senior.
All of that is done.
So you have to learn toregulate and look outward and
(19:10):
inward and decide when you haveoutgrown something or you've
done everything that you could.
I mean I think that happens alot in friendships.
You can graduate yourself fromfriendships and be like, hey,
this friendship no longer reallyworks.
You can graduate yourself fromjobs, from relationships.
It's okay to regulate even,maybe, how long you want to live
(19:34):
in a city and just be like, hey, I've done everything I want to
do.
I just got to switch things upand change it.
I mean, I remember when I wasgraduating from LMU I was
thinking, damn, four years wastoo fast.
Because I went to a mid-schoolhigh school which was seven
years.
I was like four years is notenough time here.
But if I had stayed there forthree more years sad, dark,
(19:57):
honestly not growing Talk aboutputting a.
You know, when you were a kid,your parents would always joke
with you that they were going toput a brick on your head so you
would stop growing.
Staying in an environment thatno longer serves you is having a
brick on your height and you'renot going to continue to grow.
So take the time to look inwardand outward and see when
(20:20):
something is no longer servingyou and graduate yourself
because you earned it.
This brings me to my finalpoint of today's episode, and
that is no one gives as manyfucks about you as you do.
This couldn't be more true.
(20:40):
Growing up and leaving yourearly 20s, I thought everybody
cared about what outfit I wear Iwore, how pretty I was, how
skinny I was, how well I did inschool, all those things.
Let me tell you, nobody in theworld, not even my parents,
which I'm very lucky to say,gave a fuck about what my GPA
was.
When I graduated, however, Ithought everybody would like to
(21:03):
know that I got a 3.75, as Ijust told you, to confirm that I
really cared about that.
The point being is you thinkeverything you do is so precious
and so watched under amicroscope when you are so young
.
Why on earth would we?
I mean, this is the microscope.
For those of you who can't see,I'm moving it back and forth.
Evidently, we think everythingwe do is so special and so
(21:27):
important and we are the mostspecial person in the world.
We are the main character inour story.
Yes, tiktok.
No, let me tell you, everybodyelse is also the main character
in their own story.
So let me tell you, the firstthing they probably don't care
about is you, and I have to sayat the same time, that's sad,
(21:48):
because we all want to believewe're special and you are
special.
You know what I mean.
You are special, you are unique.
Go live that main characterenergy, but at the same time,
you're just here, just likeeveryone else.
However, I do want to leave onthe note of saying that it
(22:10):
should be absolutely alsofreeing, that nobody cares that
much about you, and I hope youenjoy the freedom of what it is
for nobody to care about you,and I wish I had not been so
insecure about what everybodyelse thought and I ebb and flow
with that so much I mean.
(22:31):
Hence the title of the podcastConfessions of a Wannabe it Girl
.
No one cares as much what youare doing, so just march to your
own drum and you know what.
I hope this has helped youreflect on some things you wish
you had known in your 20s, early20s, or maybe are dealing with
now, and I just appreciate youso much tuning into this episode
(22:53):
of Confessions of a Wannabe itGirl and, as always, we'll see
you next Tuesday.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
Thank you so much for listening to Confessions of a
Wannabe it Girl.
Don't forget to rate andsubscribe to the show.
As always, we'll see you nextTuesday.
You.
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