November 18, 2025 • 16 mins
What if the missing piece in your confidence is simpler than you think—a moment of being truly seen? We dive into the emotional power of recognition, sparked by a sweet family story about YouTube’s Ninja Kids and a child’s instinct to write fan mail. That small impulse uncovers a larger truth: kids ask for attention out loud, but adults carry the same need quietly. When no one notices, confidence erodes. When we name effort and celebrate growth, confidence blooms.
We unpack why acknowledgment matters at any age and how it shows up in emotions like joy, sadness, anger, and fear. You’ll hear how invisible labor—especially for moms—magnifies the craving for recognition, and why appreciation is more than polite manners; it’s a wellness habit backed by brain chemistry. Gratitude raises dopamine and oxytocin, cooling comparison and building trust. When we lift each other, competition recedes and self-worth rises.
You’ll get practical, repeatable tools to make recognition part of daily life: the appreciation audit to reach people who need to hear they matter, one-line sticky notes that name specific efforts, and a nightly family prompt that trains everyone to spot the good. We also model how to let yourself be seen without oversharing—using short, honest statements, sharing one weekly win, accepting help the first time it’s offered, and asking clearly for what you need. These micro-habits strengthen attachment, calm the nervous system, and anchor a confident, connected home.
If this resonates, take one small step today—send a text, offer a thoughtful compliment, or ask for support you truly need. Subscribe, leave a quick review, and share this conversation with a friend who could use a reminder that they already matter.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Ciera (00:03):
You're listening to Confidently Beautiful with
Ciera, a podcast to help youstay confidently beautiful
because we all have confidenceinside us.
We just need to bring it out,and I'm here to show you how.
Body image, dreams, parentingstyle, personality, and more.
Here we cover it all.
Get ready to stay confidentlybeautiful.
This summer my kids gotobsessed with the ninja kids on
(00:27):
YouTube.
If you're a mom, you know howit goes when your kids finally
find something that they're justloving.
So suddenly every single carride, every conversation,
everything they were playing allbecame ninja kids inspired.
They were obsessed.
But what I loved most aboutwatching how inspired they were
by them was not just that theywere entertained by the ninja
kids, but they were actually litup.
(00:48):
They loved their talent, theyloved their kindness, and they
loved that these kids tried tomake the world happier.
When we drove past their ninjakids gym up north, then my kids
just about lost their mind.
They thought it was so cool.
And our most recent trip, westopped and went inside and they
got to play, and it washonestly probably a dream come
true for them.
They loved every minute of it.
(01:09):
But one moment that reallystuck out to me this past summer
when they were watching them isone afternoon when Whitley was
watching and she said, Mom, weshould write fan mail to the
ninja kids.
It would make them so happy toknow people are watching and
like their videos.
And it just reminded me, it wasjust this moment that I
realized something so simple butso true.
(01:29):
People just want to be seen.
Kids, teens, adults, it doesn'tmatter the age, we all just
want to feel like our existencematters.
Like someone notices ourefforts, our growths, and our
gifts.
We want to know that we areinspiring someone, even if it is
just in a really small way.
And so that's what today'sepisode is about.
(01:50):
Seeing the people around youand also letting yourself be
seen too.
Because confidence grows inconnection, beauty grows in
appreciation, and joy grows whenwe express gratitude outwardly.
So let's talk about how we cancreate a ripple effect of being
seen moments in our families,with our friends, in our
communities, and even online.
(02:10):
When kids are constantly sayingthings like, Mom, watch this,
or did you see me or look what Imade, it's not attention
seeking, it's connectionseeking.
Being acknowledged literallysupports healthy emotional
development, is what kids need.
So here's the powerful truth.
This need does not disappearwhen we become an adult.
(02:32):
We just learn as adults tosilence this.
We don't walk around saying,look at me, look what I did,
look and see what I did.
That's not a natural thing foradults to be doing like it is
for kids.
But the need is still there.
We crave that sameacknowledgement that kids crave
and ask for.
Research on emotionalwell-being shows that adults
(02:53):
experience a measurable boost inmood, motivation, and
confidence when someone noticestheir efforts or expresses
appreciation.
I think especially when they'renoticed and appreciated without
having to ask for it.
So this activates the sameareas of the brain that responds
to rewards and belonging.
This need to be seen is justpart of being human.
(03:16):
It's not childish.
It's just a human desire.
It's something that we justwant as human beings.
I think moms especiallyexperience that invisible labor,
right?
You know what I'm thinkingtalking about, where you are
doing all of the things thatmaybe aren't getting noticed by
the people in your life.
But then if those things wereto stop, then the world might
(03:37):
fall apart, right?
So that invisible labor, Ithink moms experience that.
And this can really, I think,in my experience at least, that
can really make us want thedesire to be seen even stronger.
So having that craving to beseen and acknowledged is even
more so when we feel likeeverything we are doing is
(03:58):
invisibly noticed, like it's anun or invisibly unnoticed, I
should say.
It's it's just invisible and weare being unnoticed.
So kids can say things like,watch me, but adults usually say
something like, I'm fine.
But both of those statementsreally mean the same thing.
I want to matter to someone.
So one analogy that I came upwith was the inside out analogy.
(04:19):
This is one of my favoritekids' movies.
I love this movie, and everyemotion in this movie has a job.
There's joy, sadness, fear,anger, disgust.
They all work together.
But think about it, we don'thave an emotion called being
seen.
It just shows up underneathalmost all of these other
emotions.
So joy lights up when someonepraises us.
(04:41):
Our sadness appears when wefeel like we're being unnoticed.
Our anger can rise if we feelignored.
And our fear is sometimes tiedto what if I don't matter?
Like, what if nobody sees me?
What if nobody cares?
The underlying feeling to allof these is just wanting to feel
seen.
All of these emotions just havethat feeling of wanting to be
seen.
So it's like there's aninvisible sixth emotion quietly
(05:04):
running around in the show thatno that just wants to be seen.
The kids show it openly, butadults mask it.
That desire is still there, andit is often what is causing so
many of our reactions todifferent situations.
Children are open about theirneeds to be seen and we
celebrate it.
But somewhere along the path ofadulthood, we toughen up.
We stop needing thatacknowledgement.
(05:25):
We, or at least we think weneed to stop needing that
acknowledgement.
But all there's research isreally clear that adults really
crave it just as much as kidsdo.
And the absence of being seenis one of the quietest
confidence stealers.
It's going to steal ourconfidence away.
If we can notice the peoplearound us and acknowledge them,
then their confidence is goingto increase, which is also going
(05:46):
to help our confidence increaseand we will start to feel more
noticed as well.
So if being seen matters thismuch, not just for kids, but for
all of us, then the nextquestion is how do we build that
into our daily lives?
How do we make this just a partof our life?
How do we take something sosimple but so powerful and turn
it into a habit that's going tostrengthen all of our
(06:07):
relationships and evenstrengthen our relationship with
ourselves?
And this gonna this brings usto the next point of our
conversation, which is thebeauty that shows up in our
relationships when we startnoticing each other
intentionally.
Appreciation literally boostsemotional wellness.
Studies show expressingappreciation increases dopamine
and oxytocin, which are thebonding chemicals for both the
(06:30):
giver and for the receiver.
This means that appreciationcreates emotional beauty,
closeness, trust, warmth,safety, our relationships are
going to improve when we arenoticing the other people and
acknowledging them.
It's one of the simplestwellness habits we can build
into our everyday life.
Appreciation is naturally goingto dissolve comparison and
competition.
When women are lifting eachother up, competition decreases
(06:52):
and confidence increases.
Seeing the beauty in otherpeople is going to help you
yourself to feel more groundedin your own beauty.
And gratitude and jealousy,like they can't exist at the
same time.
So the gratitude is going topush the jealousy out.
Every time you appreciateanother woman, you're reminding
yourself that beauty isn'tscarce, it's shared.
So what are some things that wecan do to help to increase our
(07:14):
relationships with this feelingof being seen, helping the
people around us to feel seen?
One thing you can do is theappreciation audit.
You could ask yourself, who inmy life hasn't heard that they
matter in a while?
Write down the three names thatcome to your head and then
reach out to those peoplethroughout the week.
You could also put do like alittle one-liner sticky note
challenge where you just haveone sticky notes that you just
(07:37):
carry with you and you writethings that you're noticing
about people and stick themwhere they can see them.
So I noticed that you did thedishes today without being
asked.
It means a lot.
This works for partners, forkids, or for even yourself.
Like if you need to just keep anotes app in your phone and
just say, I noticed that I didthis today, and it felt like
this.
That can be really, reallyhelpful for you to be seen, even
(07:58):
if you are the one doing theone who is seeing yourself.
Every night at dinner orbedtime, you can ask your
family, what's one good thingyou saw somebody do today?
This can also train the peoplearound you and train yourself to
be noticing that you're seeingthe good things that people are
doing throughout the day and canstart to train your brain to
notice those things.
Because I think if we're not,it's like the same thing with
(08:18):
gratitude journals.
If you're not like writing downthings you're grateful for,
then you sometimes just don'tsee it.
But if you get in the patternof doing it every single day,
like you are training your brainto start to look for those
things.
So if we can start asking thatquestion every day, like what's
something that you saw somebodydo good today, then you're
training your brain, yourfamily's brain, to start
noticing those things throughoutthe day.
(08:40):
Moms spend so much time seeingother people that we oftentimes
forget to see ourselves.
I think this is one of the mostimportant parts of this podcast
episode.
Like, yes, we want to see theother people around us and we
want them to feel seen, but weourselves need to allow
ourselves to be seen.
As moms, we become the expertsin noticing everyone else's
needs, everyone else's emotions.
(09:02):
We try and keep the stresslevels low, we try and keep the
home running smoothly, we buildour entire world around seeing
other people, but somewherealong the way, it can be really
easy to stop expecting anyone toeven notice us.
And it can be really hardbecause you might get to a point
where you are just feelingcompletely taken advantage of if
(09:24):
you are not allowing yourselfto be seen and speaking up.
Many moms don't express theirneeds because they don't want to
be a burden.
I know that I often don'texpress my needs because I feel
like I just need to manage theneeds of everyone else around me
and like I'll get to mineeventually.
And this can lead to guilt forasking for help.
It can lead to worry that ifyou're saying, I need some help,
I need some support, that canmake you look weak.
(09:46):
It can make you look likeyou're maybe not measuring up to
what your potential is.
But the reality is like askingfor help or saying like I need
some help with this, or I'm notfeeling seen in this area, that
is actually going to do theopposite.
Speaking your needs is one ofthe strongest confidence habits
a woman can build.
It's one of the hardest ones, Ifeel like it is so hard for me
(10:09):
to do, but it can definitelyincrease your confidence in so
many different ways when you canactually learn to speak up and
say what you need and what youwant.
Being seen is directlyconnected to self-worth.
Sometimes I know I feel likeI'm just going through the
motions and I have that feeling.
And when I feel like I am beingseen, then my self-worth
increases, and I don't havethose like I'm going through the
(10:30):
motion thoughts and feelingsthat I think I can often fall
into.
Letting yourself be seen is notthe same thing as oversharing.
So being seen isn't just goingto dump your whole life onto
people and just be like, I'm sooverwhelmed.
I need you to do this, I'mblah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah.
And like all the things that weare feeling.
It's just being honest aboutwhat we're feeling and what we
need, and letting the peoplethat you trust and have access
(10:54):
to and letting the people thatyou trust to see and hear the
real true you, not the polishedand performing version that's
making everything look great.
But it can be so some examplesthat are just really, really
simple statements of things thatyou could say are I'm
overwhelmed today.
I need a minute.
I'm proud of myself for gettingthat done.
Can you help me with this?
(11:14):
But these are really small, butthey're emotionally courageous
statements that we can say,statements that maybe are hard
for us to stay.
Especially, I think for me,when it is something that is
saying that I am proud ofsomething that I did.
I think I have gotten prettygood about asking for help when
I need help, or saying when I'moverwhelmed and I need a minute.
But saying, like, I did this,or I have this accomplishment,
(11:39):
or this is a goal that I justachieved, that is something that
I have a really hard time stilldoing.
But I think building thatmuscle to express what you're
proud about of from yourself andsome accomplishments that you
did, that can be really good.
And it can help the people inyour life to notice those things
that you're doing and torealize, like, oh yeah, I should
be acknowledging these thingsthat she is accomplishing.
(12:01):
Brene Brown is one of myfavorite people.
I love Brene Brown andeverything that she teaches, and
she says this often shamethrives in hiding, confidence
thrives in honesty.
That is one of my favoritequotes because being seen builds
our confidence.
It removes that secrecy andthat shame.
When you when you voice yourneeds, you tell your brain my
(12:25):
needs matter.
When you acknowledge yourstrength, you are reinforcing
your worth.
When you let others supportyou, you feel safe.
And your safety buildsconfidence.
Confidence isn't built in themoments where we have it all
together.
It's built in the moments weallow ourselves to be human.
We allow ourselves to be seen.
We allow ourselves to say whatwe want.
So we already talked about likesome statements that you can
(12:47):
say of things that you um you'refeeling, like if you're feeling
overwhelmed, I need a break, Ineed a minute, or I'm really
proud of myself foraccomplishing this.
Those are some really, reallyhelpful things that can help you
as a person be more seen.
Another thing you can do isshare something that you're
proud of.
So once a week, like maybe seta goal.
Like once a week, I'm gonnatell somebody something that I
(13:08):
did.
It can be something so small,it could be something really
grand.
And this is going to normalizeyou celebrating yourself.
It's going to make you feelmore normal to be saying these
wins.
And another thing you can dothis week is to accept help the
first time that it's offered.
When someone says, Can I helpor what can I do to help you?
Your first response is going tobe, no, I'm fine, thank you.
(13:29):
But instead of doing that thisweek, just try and say, Yes,
thank you, and allow that personto help.
This is going to help them feelbetter because they're feeling
like they're allowing someone tofeel seen.
And it's also going to help youfeel better because you are
being seen and you know,whatever they're helping with
you is going to be a bonus too,because that is going to be
taken away off of you.
And the fourth thing is to askfor one thing you need this
(13:52):
week.
So think about like what it isthat you need.
Do you want 10 minutes foryourself?
Do you want help with thebedtime tonight?
Do you want time to go for awalk or to work out?
Do you want just some quietspace to rest?
When you vocalize these thingsthat you need, you'll start to
build trust with yourself andthat your needs matter too, and
that you can feel seen.
(14:13):
And that's where I want toleave you here today.
Right in the middle of thisbig, beautiful truth.
You matter, and the way you seeothers matters too.
If this episode inspired you, Ihope you'll take one tiny step
this week to make someone inyour world feel seen.
Maybe it's a quick text, acompliment, a thank you note, a
sticky note, or simply lookingsomeone in the eye a little
(14:34):
longer than you normally do.
Actually listening to whatthey're saying.
When you say hi, how are you?
You actually listen to theirresponse.
This moment doesn't take long,but it can change everything.
It can improve yourrelationships, it can improve
the person that you'reinteracting with's feeling for
themselves, it improves yourfeelings for yourself.
It can just do so much.
Thank you for spending thistime with me.
(14:55):
I am endlessly grateful foryou.
My listeners, my community, myconfidently beautiful family,
you are my people, and yourpresence here means more than
you know.
If you loved this episode, itwould mean so much to me if you
would share it with a friend, oreven better, if you would leave
a quick review or click thatfollow button to make sure that
you are getting notified whenthere are new episodes.
(15:17):
And don't forget to check outthis week's newsletter.
It is going to be in yourinbox.
If you're not on thatnewsletter, make sure you sign
up.
There's a link in the shownotes.
It's going to have new thingshappening inside Confidently
Beautiful that you are going towant to stay up to date on, and
it's always full of inspirationand good things.
So it's a fun newsletter.
It's a weekly newsletter.
I think you'll want to be onthe list.
Until next time, keep showingup with confidence, keep
(15:38):
choosing kindness, and keepbeing a little bit of sunshine
in someone's day.
I'll see you next week.
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Or you can click the link inthe show notes below and it will
(16:23):
take you directly there.
And a bonus is after taking theskin quiz, you will be able to
unlock 20% off your first order.
So head over tobeautysociety.com slash Sierra C
I E R A Lancaster or click thelink in the show notes below.
Thanks for listening.
Connect with me on Instagram atconfidently beautiful podcast
(16:46):
and share this episode withsomeone in your life who could
use a little reminder of justhow amazing they already are.
Stay confidently beautiful.
You're listening to Confidently Beautiful with
Ciera, a podcast to help youstay confidently beautiful
because we all have confidenceinside us.
We just need to bring it out,and I'm here to show you how.
Body image, dreams, parentingstyle, personality, and more.
Here we cover it all.
Get ready to stay confidentlybeautiful.
This summer my kids gotobsessed with the ninja kids on
(00:27):
YouTube.
If you're a mom, you know howit goes when your kids finally
find something that they're justloving.
So suddenly every single carride, every conversation,
everything they were playing allbecame ninja kids inspired.
They were obsessed.
But what I loved most aboutwatching how inspired they were
by them was not just that theywere entertained by the ninja
kids, but they were actually litup.
(00:48):
They loved their talent, theyloved their kindness, and they
loved that these kids tried tomake the world happier.
When we drove past their ninjakids gym up north, then my kids
just about lost their mind.
They thought it was so cool.
And our most recent trip, westopped and went inside and they
got to play, and it washonestly probably a dream come
true for them.
They loved every minute of it.
(01:09):
But one moment that reallystuck out to me this past summer
when they were watching them isone afternoon when Whitley was
watching and she said, Mom, weshould write fan mail to the
ninja kids.
It would make them so happy toknow people are watching and
like their videos.
And it just reminded me, it wasjust this moment that I
realized something so simple butso true.
(01:29):
People just want to be seen.
Kids, teens, adults, it doesn'tmatter the age, we all just
want to feel like our existencematters.
Like someone notices ourefforts, our growths, and our
gifts.
We want to know that we areinspiring someone, even if it is
just in a really small way.
And so that's what today'sepisode is about.
(01:50):
Seeing the people around youand also letting yourself be
seen too.
Because confidence grows inconnection, beauty grows in
appreciation, and joy grows whenwe express gratitude outwardly.
So let's talk about how we cancreate a ripple effect of being
seen moments in our families,with our friends, in our
communities, and even online.
(02:10):
When kids are constantly sayingthings like, Mom, watch this,
or did you see me or look what Imade, it's not attention
seeking, it's connectionseeking.
Being acknowledged literallysupports healthy emotional
development, is what kids need.
So here's the powerful truth.
This need does not disappearwhen we become an adult.
(02:32):
We just learn as adults tosilence this.
We don't walk around saying,look at me, look what I did,
look and see what I did.
That's not a natural thing foradults to be doing like it is
for kids.
But the need is still there.
We crave that sameacknowledgement that kids crave
and ask for.
Research on emotionalwell-being shows that adults
(02:53):
experience a measurable boost inmood, motivation, and
confidence when someone noticestheir efforts or expresses
appreciation.
I think especially when they'renoticed and appreciated without
having to ask for it.
So this activates the sameareas of the brain that responds
to rewards and belonging.
This need to be seen is justpart of being human.
(03:16):
It's not childish.
It's just a human desire.
It's something that we justwant as human beings.
I think moms especiallyexperience that invisible labor,
right?
You know what I'm thinkingtalking about, where you are
doing all of the things thatmaybe aren't getting noticed by
the people in your life.
But then if those things wereto stop, then the world might
(03:37):
fall apart, right?
So that invisible labor, Ithink moms experience that.
And this can really, I think,in my experience at least, that
can really make us want thedesire to be seen even stronger.
So having that craving to beseen and acknowledged is even
more so when we feel likeeverything we are doing is
(03:58):
invisibly noticed, like it's anun or invisibly unnoticed, I
should say.
It's it's just invisible and weare being unnoticed.
So kids can say things like,watch me, but adults usually say
something like, I'm fine.
But both of those statementsreally mean the same thing.
I want to matter to someone.
So one analogy that I came upwith was the inside out analogy.
(04:19):
This is one of my favoritekids' movies.
I love this movie, and everyemotion in this movie has a job.
There's joy, sadness, fear,anger, disgust.
They all work together.
But think about it, we don'thave an emotion called being
seen.
It just shows up underneathalmost all of these other
emotions.
So joy lights up when someonepraises us.
(04:41):
Our sadness appears when wefeel like we're being unnoticed.
Our anger can rise if we feelignored.
And our fear is sometimes tiedto what if I don't matter?
Like, what if nobody sees me?
What if nobody cares?
The underlying feeling to allof these is just wanting to feel
seen.
All of these emotions just havethat feeling of wanting to be
seen.
So it's like there's aninvisible sixth emotion quietly
(05:04):
running around in the show thatno that just wants to be seen.
The kids show it openly, butadults mask it.
That desire is still there, andit is often what is causing so
many of our reactions todifferent situations.
Children are open about theirneeds to be seen and we
celebrate it.
But somewhere along the path ofadulthood, we toughen up.
We stop needing thatacknowledgement.
(05:25):
We, or at least we think weneed to stop needing that
acknowledgement.
But all there's research isreally clear that adults really
crave it just as much as kidsdo.
And the absence of being seenis one of the quietest
confidence stealers.
It's going to steal ourconfidence away.
If we can notice the peoplearound us and acknowledge them,
then their confidence is goingto increase, which is also going
(05:46):
to help our confidence increaseand we will start to feel more
noticed as well.
So if being seen matters thismuch, not just for kids, but for
all of us, then the nextquestion is how do we build that
into our daily lives?
How do we make this just a partof our life?
How do we take something sosimple but so powerful and turn
it into a habit that's going tostrengthen all of our
(06:07):
relationships and evenstrengthen our relationship with
ourselves?
And this gonna this brings usto the next point of our
conversation, which is thebeauty that shows up in our
relationships when we startnoticing each other
intentionally.
Appreciation literally boostsemotional wellness.
Studies show expressingappreciation increases dopamine
and oxytocin, which are thebonding chemicals for both the
(06:30):
giver and for the receiver.
This means that appreciationcreates emotional beauty,
closeness, trust, warmth,safety, our relationships are
going to improve when we arenoticing the other people and
acknowledging them.
It's one of the simplestwellness habits we can build
into our everyday life.
Appreciation is naturally goingto dissolve comparison and
competition.
When women are lifting eachother up, competition decreases
(06:52):
and confidence increases.
Seeing the beauty in otherpeople is going to help you
yourself to feel more groundedin your own beauty.
And gratitude and jealousy,like they can't exist at the
same time.
So the gratitude is going topush the jealousy out.
Every time you appreciateanother woman, you're reminding
yourself that beauty isn'tscarce, it's shared.
So what are some things that wecan do to help to increase our
(07:14):
relationships with this feelingof being seen, helping the
people around us to feel seen?
One thing you can do is theappreciation audit.
You could ask yourself, who inmy life hasn't heard that they
matter in a while?
Write down the three names thatcome to your head and then
reach out to those peoplethroughout the week.
You could also put do like alittle one-liner sticky note
challenge where you just haveone sticky notes that you just
(07:37):
carry with you and you writethings that you're noticing
about people and stick themwhere they can see them.
So I noticed that you did thedishes today without being
asked.
It means a lot.
This works for partners, forkids, or for even yourself.
Like if you need to just keep anotes app in your phone and
just say, I noticed that I didthis today, and it felt like
this.
That can be really, reallyhelpful for you to be seen, even
(07:58):
if you are the one doing theone who is seeing yourself.
Every night at dinner orbedtime, you can ask your
family, what's one good thingyou saw somebody do today?
This can also train the peoplearound you and train yourself to
be noticing that you're seeingthe good things that people are
doing throughout the day and canstart to train your brain to
notice those things.
Because I think if we're not,it's like the same thing with
(08:18):
gratitude journals.
If you're not like writing downthings you're grateful for,
then you sometimes just don'tsee it.
But if you get in the patternof doing it every single day,
like you are training your brainto start to look for those
things.
So if we can start asking thatquestion every day, like what's
something that you saw somebodydo good today, then you're
training your brain, yourfamily's brain, to start
noticing those things throughoutthe day.
(08:40):
Moms spend so much time seeingother people that we oftentimes
forget to see ourselves.
I think this is one of the mostimportant parts of this podcast
episode.
Like, yes, we want to see theother people around us and we
want them to feel seen, but weourselves need to allow
ourselves to be seen.
As moms, we become the expertsin noticing everyone else's
needs, everyone else's emotions.
(09:02):
We try and keep the stresslevels low, we try and keep the
home running smoothly, we buildour entire world around seeing
other people, but somewherealong the way, it can be really
easy to stop expecting anyone toeven notice us.
And it can be really hardbecause you might get to a point
where you are just feelingcompletely taken advantage of if
(09:24):
you are not allowing yourselfto be seen and speaking up.
Many moms don't express theirneeds because they don't want to
be a burden.
I know that I often don'texpress my needs because I feel
like I just need to manage theneeds of everyone else around me
and like I'll get to mineeventually.
And this can lead to guilt forasking for help.
It can lead to worry that ifyou're saying, I need some help,
I need some support, that canmake you look weak.
(09:46):
It can make you look likeyou're maybe not measuring up to
what your potential is.
But the reality is like askingfor help or saying like I need
some help with this, or I'm notfeeling seen in this area, that
is actually going to do theopposite.
Speaking your needs is one ofthe strongest confidence habits
a woman can build.
It's one of the hardest ones, Ifeel like it is so hard for me
(10:09):
to do, but it can definitelyincrease your confidence in so
many different ways when you canactually learn to speak up and
say what you need and what youwant.
Being seen is directlyconnected to self-worth.
Sometimes I know I feel likeI'm just going through the
motions and I have that feeling.
And when I feel like I am beingseen, then my self-worth
increases, and I don't havethose like I'm going through the
(10:30):
motion thoughts and feelingsthat I think I can often fall
into.
Letting yourself be seen is notthe same thing as oversharing.
So being seen isn't just goingto dump your whole life onto
people and just be like, I'm sooverwhelmed.
I need you to do this, I'mblah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah.
And like all the things that weare feeling.
It's just being honest aboutwhat we're feeling and what we
need, and letting the peoplethat you trust and have access
(10:54):
to and letting the people thatyou trust to see and hear the
real true you, not the polishedand performing version that's
making everything look great.
But it can be so some examplesthat are just really, really
simple statements of things thatyou could say are I'm
overwhelmed today.
I need a minute.
I'm proud of myself for gettingthat done.
Can you help me with this?
(11:14):
But these are really small, butthey're emotionally courageous
statements that we can say,statements that maybe are hard
for us to stay.
Especially, I think for me,when it is something that is
saying that I am proud ofsomething that I did.
I think I have gotten prettygood about asking for help when
I need help, or saying when I'moverwhelmed and I need a minute.
But saying, like, I did this,or I have this accomplishment,
(11:39):
or this is a goal that I justachieved, that is something that
I have a really hard time stilldoing.
But I think building thatmuscle to express what you're
proud about of from yourself andsome accomplishments that you
did, that can be really good.
And it can help the people inyour life to notice those things
that you're doing and torealize, like, oh yeah, I should
be acknowledging these thingsthat she is accomplishing.
(12:01):
Brene Brown is one of myfavorite people.
I love Brene Brown andeverything that she teaches, and
she says this often shamethrives in hiding, confidence
thrives in honesty.
That is one of my favoritequotes because being seen builds
our confidence.
It removes that secrecy andthat shame.
When you when you voice yourneeds, you tell your brain my
(12:25):
needs matter.
When you acknowledge yourstrength, you are reinforcing
your worth.
When you let others supportyou, you feel safe.
And your safety buildsconfidence.
Confidence isn't built in themoments where we have it all
together.
It's built in the moments weallow ourselves to be human.
We allow ourselves to be seen.
We allow ourselves to say whatwe want.
So we already talked about likesome statements that you can
(12:47):
say of things that you um you'refeeling, like if you're feeling
overwhelmed, I need a break, Ineed a minute, or I'm really
proud of myself foraccomplishing this.
Those are some really, reallyhelpful things that can help you
as a person be more seen.
Another thing you can do isshare something that you're
proud of.
So once a week, like maybe seta goal.
Like once a week, I'm gonnatell somebody something that I
(13:08):
did.
It can be something so small,it could be something really
grand.
And this is going to normalizeyou celebrating yourself.
It's going to make you feelmore normal to be saying these
wins.
And another thing you can dothis week is to accept help the
first time that it's offered.
When someone says, Can I helpor what can I do to help you?
Your first response is going tobe, no, I'm fine, thank you.
(13:29):
But instead of doing that thisweek, just try and say, Yes,
thank you, and allow that personto help.
This is going to help them feelbetter because they're feeling
like they're allowing someone tofeel seen.
And it's also going to help youfeel better because you are
being seen and you know,whatever they're helping with
you is going to be a bonus too,because that is going to be
taken away off of you.
And the fourth thing is to askfor one thing you need this
(13:52):
week.
So think about like what it isthat you need.
Do you want 10 minutes foryourself?
Do you want help with thebedtime tonight?
Do you want time to go for awalk or to work out?
Do you want just some quietspace to rest?
When you vocalize these thingsthat you need, you'll start to
build trust with yourself andthat your needs matter too, and
that you can feel seen.
(14:13):
And that's where I want toleave you here today.
Right in the middle of thisbig, beautiful truth.
You matter, and the way you seeothers matters too.
If this episode inspired you, Ihope you'll take one tiny step
this week to make someone inyour world feel seen.
Maybe it's a quick text, acompliment, a thank you note, a
sticky note, or simply lookingsomeone in the eye a little
(14:34):
longer than you normally do.
Actually listening to whatthey're saying.
When you say hi, how are you?
You actually listen to theirresponse.
This moment doesn't take long,but it can change everything.
It can improve yourrelationships, it can improve
the person that you'reinteracting with's feeling for
themselves, it improves yourfeelings for yourself.
It can just do so much.
Thank you for spending thistime with me.
(14:55):
I am endlessly grateful foryou.
My listeners, my community, myconfidently beautiful family,
you are my people, and yourpresence here means more than
you know.
If you loved this episode, itwould mean so much to me if you
would share it with a friend, oreven better, if you would leave
a quick review or click thatfollow button to make sure that
you are getting notified whenthere are new episodes.
(15:17):
And don't forget to check outthis week's newsletter.
It is going to be in yourinbox.
If you're not on thatnewsletter, make sure you sign
up.
There's a link in the shownotes.
It's going to have new thingshappening inside Confidently
Beautiful that you are going towant to stay up to date on, and
it's always full of inspirationand good things.
So it's a fun newsletter.
It's a weekly newsletter.
I think you'll want to be onthe list.
Until next time, keep showingup with confidence, keep
(15:38):
choosing kindness, and keepbeing a little bit of sunshine
in someone's day.
I'll see you next week.
With all of the skincareproducts out there, it can be
very overwhelming and confusingabout which skincare product you
should actually be using foryour skin.
Is your skin oily?
Are you dry?
Do you even know the answer tothese questions?
Do you need to be exfoliating?
Do you need more hydration inyour skin?
(16:00):
If you have questions aboutyour skin and you are wondering
where you should start with someproducts that have clean
ingredients, simple ingredients,and ingredients that are
actually going to benefit yourskin, then you are going to want
to take my skin quiz.
Go to beautysociety.com slashSierra Lancaster and click
quizzes and take the skin quiztoday.
Or you can click the link inthe show notes below and it will
(16:23):
take you directly there.
And a bonus is after taking theskin quiz, you will be able to
unlock 20% off your first order.
So head over tobeautysociety.com slash Sierra C
I E R A Lancaster or click thelink in the show notes below.
Thanks for listening.
Connect with me on Instagram atconfidently beautiful podcast
(16:46):
and share this episode withsomeone in your life who could
use a little reminder of justhow amazing they already are.
Stay confidently beautiful.
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