January 24, 2023 • 15 mins
If you've been strong for everyone else and crave a space where your truth isn't too much - come exhale with us in our exclusive online community and receive the Loneliness Roadmap for free. Join here ✨
*************************************************************************************
In this episode, you, the exhausted yet determined listener, embark on a mission to discover the secret to consistent sleep and reclaim balance in your life, despite the challenging circumstances you find yourself in.
You will learn about the importance of sleep and strategies for getting consistent sleep from this episode. We know it's essential to get consistent sleep to achieve well-being, and it can be difficult due to historical trauma and stress.
I recommend getting curious about what your secret ingredients are for sound and consistent sleep and to consider EMDR, journaling, reiki, body movement, and melatonin as some possible solutions.
It is also important to practice balance and protection of energy and to give yourself permission to rest and take care of yourself.
"Sleep is the foundation for all of the other changes you want to make in your life, so if you're not consistently getting good rest, you're shooting yourself in the foot - so take action and find your secret ingredients for a good night's sleep!"
In this episode, you will learn the following:
1. How sleep IS the foundation for positive changes in life.
2. A few secret ingredients for getting good sleep.
3. How living a life in balance can lead to greater peace and well-being.
Resources:
Xymogen Melatonin
The Tapping Solution
Insight Timer App
Post Divorce Roadmap - 21 Days of Guided Journaling
Join The list for A Different D Word, our personalized healing program.
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MyCoachDawn
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dawnwiggins/
On the Web: https://www.mycoachdawn
A podcast exploring the journey of life after divorce, delving into topics like divorce grief, loneliness, anxiety, manifesting, the impact of different attachment styles and codependency, setting healthy boundaries, energy healing with homeopathy, managing the nervous system during divorce depression, understanding the stages of divorce grief, and using the Law of Attraction and EMDR therapy in
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hi, love, this is Dawn and you're listening to
Dear Divorce Diary with my coach, dawn, where we explore the
post-divorce life and you, thewoman who lives it.
We cover everything from traumaduring and after divorce to
feeling like a stranger in yourown life and the new frontier of
life as a single woman.
We're cozy in for theconversations we've been longing
(00:26):
to have about this new life.
Hi, love, welcome back.
I am thrilled to be talking toyou today about my current
struggle that I know you canrelate to.
(00:46):
So today let's talk about sleep, and I bet you can even hear it
in my voice I am so tired todayAnd yet I wanted to honor my
commitment to this and toshowing up, And so I'm here.
But I was like, lord, havemercy, i cannot talk about the
(01:08):
thing I had planned to talkabout.
I'm going to talk about thething I am experiencing in real
time, because that's alignment,right, that's authenticity,
that's like, hey, here I amstruggling, the struggle, and
that's real, and I'm human tooAnd yeah, so let's see how this
flows.
(01:28):
So, loves, i'm really tiredbecause, starting mid last week,
i had family in town because mydaughter's birthday was this
weekend And so all the familycame friends birthday party, and
then my husband and I went to aconcert last night a couple
hours out of town and we drovehome the same night.
(01:50):
So it was just like layers ofthings that took their toll over
time.
I wonder if you can relate towhen people are staying at your
house even though it's wonderfulto host that, it takes extra
bandwidth, extra energy to kindof share space right With people
(02:12):
that you don't necessarilyalways share space with.
It switches up the routines, itjust is different, and so
things aren't quite as balancedas they could be.
And then birthday parties,planning, having people all of
that for me tends to be I'm oneof those extroverted introverts.
(02:33):
So while I love talking withpeople and connecting, sometimes
for me too much is too much,and I think that today is a
really good example of that.
And the concert I went to lastnight was so amazing And it was
all the things that I wanted itto be And I felt so connected
(02:55):
and so alive, but I'm exhausted.
So this has been such ahighlighted example of something
that I talk about a lot, whichis the importance of sleep and
consistent sleep, and I knowyou're in a season where
consistent sleep isn't exactlythe thing that you have all the
(03:17):
time, but I really want toemphasize how consistent sleep
really is the foundation for allof the other changes you want
to make in your life.
So oftentimes we work so hardon so many fronts when we're in
a transformational process toget better right, to shed, to
(03:37):
heal, to grow, to just get theresults we're looking for, to
feel happy, right, but I want totell you, if you are not
consistently getting good rest,then, love, you're shooting
yourself in the foot, and Idon't want that for you.
And so the thing about sleep,though, is that it can be tricky
, meaning there can be manydifferent things that cause it
(04:01):
to be elusive.
You know, and truly, the coreissue around sound, consistent
sleep is central nervous systemregulation.
Have you watched a couple ofreels or TikToks on that lately?
Because it's like all the rageon TikTok right Central nervous
system regulation.
When we are dysregulated in ourcentral nervous system which is
(04:24):
the case when you'veexperienced historical, complex
trauma or relationship distressor financial distress or right
like anything that rattles yoursense of security, safety or
well-being in the world, causescentral nervous system
dysregulation.
So we know that that's you Soat the core of a difficult time
(04:48):
sleeping?
now it could be.
Are you one of those people whothis was me in the past just
couldn't stop thinking and Icouldn't sleep unless there was
some ambient noise in thebackground to distract my brain
so that it wasn't activelytrying to solve problems while I
was trying to sleep?
And so that's no longer thecase for me, and I am really
(05:12):
grateful for a combination ofthings like EMDR, journaling,
reiki, body movement that reallywas plus melatonin a really
good melatonin.
That's my secret sauce forhaving healed my central nervous
system enough that I can justfall asleep at night.
Now take my melatonin.
I can fall asleep without anyother outside stimulation
(05:36):
distraction and I'm notoverthinking And I just kind of
I'm noticing my breath andfloating off into dreamland, and
so that's what I want for you.
But the thing is it takes somecuriosity and some patience and
some persistence to really hackinto what's going to be your
(05:58):
secret ingredients, right?
So know that if you're anoverthinker, there's definitely
some trauma processing thatneeds to be done, and you know I
had some of the most meaningfulconversation this weekend about
you cannot think yourself outof trauma, and and that, i think
, is a really valuable thing tosay here, because even the
(06:19):
people, even the people in myinner circle, sometimes are
resistant to the idea that theyneed more help, right, even the
people who know me so well And Iclearly preach this stuff all
the time, i live it out loud,but even so, we tend to be so
self reliant like, no, i canfigure my way out of this.
(06:40):
I can figure my way out of thispain, i can think myself into a
solution, and unfortunatelythat's just not it.
You know, i made this analogyto someone this weekend.
Like if you had a bone that wasbroken and it needed to be set,
you wouldn't say like, oh, i'mgoing to take an Epsom salts
bath and it'll be better.
(07:01):
You wouldn't say like, oh, i'mgoing to go get a massage, or
I'm going to, you know, get afacial, or I'm going to even go
to Reiki, right, like, none ofthose would be appropriate
solutions for a broken bone.
And it's the same thing withtrauma and applying the
appropriate therapies right,unless we apply the appropriate
(07:22):
treatment to the problem, that'slike a key in a lock It solves
the things.
And so I really want this to bejust that gentle reminder that
if you've been lately saying,like I can figure this out, i'm
going to figure it out.
It'll get better when this isyour gentle, loving reminder to
refocus on being reallyefficient in your solutions and
(07:43):
just doing the thing that worksfrom from get go.
You know, because sleep isfoundational to every other.
It's the first domino in thechain of well-being And so even
if you're doing all the thingsthat I advocate for, like EMDR
and raking and body movement,but you're not sleeping, you're
(08:04):
not going to get better nearlyas quickly as the person who is
sleeping.
Now I have learned and I havelived out loud this weekend that
my peace is really reliant uponliving a life in balance, and
that is tricky because it meansprotecting my energy a lot.
(08:28):
Right, i'm not a busy body, i'ma homebody and I say no more
than I say yes these days, and Ifeel like that's a gift that
has come as a result ofawareness and a gift that has
come as a result of healing,because before I did this
healing work, i was a busy body.
I was a busy body and I wouldhave you ever seen that
(08:51):
Pinterest?
I think it's Pinterest right.
Wine until coffee until wine,right.
Like how many of us have livedthat cycle that you get up in
the morning and you coffee untilwine to kind of cope with the
symptoms of living right, andI'm so grateful that that's not
my life anymore And now I amvery content kind of just doing
(09:13):
things at home on the weekendsand in the evenings and not go,
go going.
And living a life of balance isa rich life for me And I don't
know that I would have advocatedfor that a number of years ago.
I think I would have said no, ilove adventuring And I do love
adventuring right, but I alsolove the feeling of peace and
(09:33):
wellbeing and ease.
Those things are delicious tome now And how I feel today is
like I really just want to restand take some salt bath And
that's totally okay.
And I'm so grateful also forhaving lived in more balance
(09:55):
leading up to this moment,because I probably had some
reserves in the tank, right.
I never melted down thisweekend and I am still feeling
quite positive today, eventhough all the things pulled at
me right, all the things thatwould historically have been
triggers, they didn't get.
(10:16):
I didn't get triggered thisweekend, even though I was
surrounded by all the family andso many little kids and not a
lot of sleep, right?
So I want this to be a beacon ofhope for you that this was
where it leads to.
It leads to you can get pulledin all the directions and say
like, okay, it's time to restnow, without getting triggered,
without feeling like you need tobook an extra therapy session,
(10:38):
without losing your shit, youknow.
So I want you to notice howyour relationship with sleep
looks these days And I want youto notice where you may have an
opportunity to improve that sothat you can really get better
results in all other domains oflife.
(10:59):
I also want you to notice I'm ahuge advocate of melatonin.
That's me.
It's a natural supplement, andoftentimes when I talk with
people about supplements, theysay I don't like pills.
I wonder if you relate to that.
A lot of folks struggle to kindof kind of take on board
something that maybe they're notfamiliar with or they don't
(11:22):
know how it's going to affectthem, and I really respect that
And I definitely recommend yourunning it by some trusted,
trusted medical professionalsand finding what feels good for
you.
That I just want you to.
I want to encourage you.
If you have that kind ofreflexive reaction to something
that's like, oh, i don't do that.
I want you to get curious aboutwhere that's coming from And
(11:47):
just notice, maybe jot a coupleof sentences down about how it
feels to do something outside ofyour comfort zone, something
that might be supportive right,i'm always interested when it's
a supportive remedy and peopleare like, no, i don't do that.
You know, brad Yates has I'msure there are many tapping
(12:08):
videos for sleep, but Brad Yateshas one on his YouTube channel.
There's so many great apps outthere with content for sleep.
I like Insight Timer, but thereare so many and they're really
beneficial.
And I love how there are so manygreat resources for us anymore
(12:31):
to help us heal our centralnervous system, and I love that,
as a community, that awarenessis growing because oh, my word
love.
That is the core of all of thishealing right, emdr, journaling
, eft, tapping sleep It's allhealing the central nervous
system, which is what leads to areduction in panic, a reduction
(12:54):
in anxiety, a reduction indepression and racing thoughts
and insomnia.
So all the solutions are ontheir way to you right now And I
just want you to like open,open, open, open, open to notice
and then to act on them.
And if you're feeling tired, oh, let me hug you because I get
(13:19):
it right now.
I get it, i get it.
And there are so many times inlife where, even when I'm
wanting to protect my peace,sometimes life just lines up
where we're spent, right, likethat's just how it lined up this
weekend And I wouldn't havechanged anything and it's all
okay.
(13:39):
But then I want you to giveyourself enough grace to also
rest right, to give yourselfpermission to leave the dishes
or not return the phone calls orjust go to bed early, not do
the extra things today, so thatyou can catch up, because you
(14:00):
are worthy of that.
You are completely worthy ofrest.
I'm so glad that life createdthe opportunity for us to have
this conversation, because Ireally think that life's timing
is more magical than wesometimes think, and so I am
imagining that the conversationwe're having today about sleep
(14:23):
is exactly what you needed tohear Exactly at this time, and
it's exactly what I needed toexpress And even practicing just
being in alignment.
Coming to you today and saying,oh my goodness, i am not as
smart today as I sometimes canbe is really really good feeling
(14:43):
right To not try to do betterthan I'm able to do today.
It's a really good feeling.
So thank you for being with mein this moment, and thank you
for seeing me and for getting it.
I love you so much.
Peace brings it to life.
Hi, love, this is Dawn and you're listening to
Dear Divorce Diary with my coach, dawn, where we explore the
post-divorce life and you, thewoman who lives it.
We cover everything from traumaduring and after divorce to
feeling like a stranger in yourown life and the new frontier of
life as a single woman.
We're cozy in for theconversations we've been longing
(00:26):
to have about this new life.
Hi, love, welcome back.
I am thrilled to be talking toyou today about my current
struggle that I know you canrelate to.
(00:46):
So today let's talk about sleep, and I bet you can even hear it
in my voice I am so tired todayAnd yet I wanted to honor my
commitment to this and toshowing up, And so I'm here.
But I was like, lord, havemercy, i cannot talk about the
(01:08):
thing I had planned to talkabout.
I'm going to talk about thething I am experiencing in real
time, because that's alignment,right, that's authenticity,
that's like, hey, here I amstruggling, the struggle, and
that's real, and I'm human tooAnd yeah, so let's see how this
flows.
(01:28):
So, loves, i'm really tiredbecause, starting mid last week,
i had family in town because mydaughter's birthday was this
weekend And so all the familycame friends birthday party, and
then my husband and I went to aconcert last night a couple
hours out of town and we drovehome the same night.
(01:50):
So it was just like layers ofthings that took their toll over
time.
I wonder if you can relate towhen people are staying at your
house even though it's wonderfulto host that, it takes extra
bandwidth, extra energy to kindof share space right With people
(02:12):
that you don't necessarilyalways share space with.
It switches up the routines, itjust is different, and so
things aren't quite as balancedas they could be.
And then birthday parties,planning, having people all of
that for me tends to be I'm oneof those extroverted introverts.
(02:33):
So while I love talking withpeople and connecting, sometimes
for me too much is too much,and I think that today is a
really good example of that.
And the concert I went to lastnight was so amazing And it was
all the things that I wanted itto be And I felt so connected
(02:55):
and so alive, but I'm exhausted.
So this has been such ahighlighted example of something
that I talk about a lot, whichis the importance of sleep and
consistent sleep, and I knowyou're in a season where
consistent sleep isn't exactlythe thing that you have all the
(03:17):
time, but I really want toemphasize how consistent sleep
really is the foundation for allof the other changes you want
to make in your life.
So oftentimes we work so hardon so many fronts when we're in
a transformational process toget better right, to shed, to
(03:37):
heal, to grow, to just get theresults we're looking for, to
feel happy, right, but I want totell you, if you are not
consistently getting good rest,then, love, you're shooting
yourself in the foot, and Idon't want that for you.
And so the thing about sleep,though, is that it can be tricky
, meaning there can be manydifferent things that cause it
(04:01):
to be elusive.
You know, and truly, the coreissue around sound, consistent
sleep is central nervous systemregulation.
Have you watched a couple ofreels or TikToks on that lately?
Because it's like all the rageon TikTok right Central nervous
system regulation.
When we are dysregulated in ourcentral nervous system which is
(04:24):
the case when you'veexperienced historical, complex
trauma or relationship distressor financial distress or right
like anything that rattles yoursense of security, safety or
well-being in the world, causescentral nervous system
dysregulation.
So we know that that's you Soat the core of a difficult time
(04:48):
sleeping?
now it could be.
Are you one of those people whothis was me in the past just
couldn't stop thinking and Icouldn't sleep unless there was
some ambient noise in thebackground to distract my brain
so that it wasn't activelytrying to solve problems while I
was trying to sleep?
And so that's no longer thecase for me, and I am really
(05:12):
grateful for a combination ofthings like EMDR, journaling,
reiki, body movement that reallywas plus melatonin a really
good melatonin.
That's my secret sauce forhaving healed my central nervous
system enough that I can justfall asleep at night.
Now take my melatonin.
I can fall asleep without anyother outside stimulation
(05:36):
distraction and I'm notoverthinking And I just kind of
I'm noticing my breath andfloating off into dreamland, and
so that's what I want for you.
But the thing is it takes somecuriosity and some patience and
some persistence to really hackinto what's going to be your
(05:58):
secret ingredients, right?
So know that if you're anoverthinker, there's definitely
some trauma processing thatneeds to be done, and you know I
had some of the most meaningfulconversation this weekend about
you cannot think yourself outof trauma, and and that, i think
, is a really valuable thing tosay here, because even the
(06:19):
people, even the people in myinner circle, sometimes are
resistant to the idea that theyneed more help, right, even the
people who know me so well And Iclearly preach this stuff all
the time, i live it out loud,but even so, we tend to be so
self reliant like, no, i canfigure my way out of this.
(06:40):
I can figure my way out of thispain, i can think myself into a
solution, and unfortunatelythat's just not it.
You know, i made this analogyto someone this weekend.
Like if you had a bone that wasbroken and it needed to be set,
you wouldn't say like, oh, i'mgoing to take an Epsom salts
bath and it'll be better.
(07:01):
You wouldn't say like, oh, i'mgoing to go get a massage, or
I'm going to, you know, get afacial, or I'm going to even go
to Reiki, right, like, none ofthose would be appropriate
solutions for a broken bone.
And it's the same thing withtrauma and applying the
appropriate therapies right,unless we apply the appropriate
(07:22):
treatment to the problem, that'slike a key in a lock It solves
the things.
And so I really want this to bejust that gentle reminder that
if you've been lately saying,like I can figure this out, i'm
going to figure it out.
It'll get better when this isyour gentle, loving reminder to
refocus on being reallyefficient in your solutions and
(07:43):
just doing the thing that worksfrom from get go.
You know, because sleep isfoundational to every other.
It's the first domino in thechain of well-being And so even
if you're doing all the thingsthat I advocate for, like EMDR
and raking and body movement,but you're not sleeping, you're
(08:04):
not going to get better nearlyas quickly as the person who is
sleeping.
Now I have learned and I havelived out loud this weekend that
my peace is really reliant uponliving a life in balance, and
that is tricky because it meansprotecting my energy a lot.
(08:28):
Right, i'm not a busy body, i'ma homebody and I say no more
than I say yes these days, and Ifeel like that's a gift that
has come as a result ofawareness and a gift that has
come as a result of healing,because before I did this
healing work, i was a busy body.
I was a busy body and I wouldhave you ever seen that
(08:51):
Pinterest?
I think it's Pinterest right.
Wine until coffee until wine,right.
Like how many of us have livedthat cycle that you get up in
the morning and you coffee untilwine to kind of cope with the
symptoms of living right, andI'm so grateful that that's not
my life anymore And now I amvery content kind of just doing
(09:13):
things at home on the weekendsand in the evenings and not go,
go going.
And living a life of balance isa rich life for me And I don't
know that I would have advocatedfor that a number of years ago.
I think I would have said no, ilove adventuring And I do love
adventuring right, but I alsolove the feeling of peace and
(09:33):
wellbeing and ease.
Those things are delicious tome now And how I feel today is
like I really just want to restand take some salt bath And
that's totally okay.
And I'm so grateful also forhaving lived in more balance
(09:55):
leading up to this moment,because I probably had some
reserves in the tank, right.
I never melted down thisweekend and I am still feeling
quite positive today, eventhough all the things pulled at
me right, all the things thatwould historically have been
triggers, they didn't get.
(10:16):
I didn't get triggered thisweekend, even though I was
surrounded by all the family andso many little kids and not a
lot of sleep, right?
So I want this to be a beacon ofhope for you that this was
where it leads to.
It leads to you can get pulledin all the directions and say
like, okay, it's time to restnow, without getting triggered,
without feeling like you need tobook an extra therapy session,
(10:38):
without losing your shit, youknow.
So I want you to notice howyour relationship with sleep
looks these days And I want youto notice where you may have an
opportunity to improve that sothat you can really get better
results in all other domains oflife.
(10:59):
I also want you to notice I'm ahuge advocate of melatonin.
That's me.
It's a natural supplement, andoftentimes when I talk with
people about supplements, theysay I don't like pills.
I wonder if you relate to that.
A lot of folks struggle to kindof kind of take on board
something that maybe they're notfamiliar with or they don't
(11:22):
know how it's going to affectthem, and I really respect that
And I definitely recommend yourunning it by some trusted,
trusted medical professionalsand finding what feels good for
you.
That I just want you to.
I want to encourage you.
If you have that kind ofreflexive reaction to something
that's like, oh, i don't do that.
I want you to get curious aboutwhere that's coming from And
(11:47):
just notice, maybe jot a coupleof sentences down about how it
feels to do something outside ofyour comfort zone, something
that might be supportive right,i'm always interested when it's
a supportive remedy and peopleare like, no, i don't do that.
You know, brad Yates has I'msure there are many tapping
(12:08):
videos for sleep, but Brad Yateshas one on his YouTube channel.
There's so many great apps outthere with content for sleep.
I like Insight Timer, but thereare so many and they're really
beneficial.
And I love how there are so manygreat resources for us anymore
(12:31):
to help us heal our centralnervous system, and I love that,
as a community, that awarenessis growing because oh, my word
love.
That is the core of all of thishealing right, emdr, journaling
, eft, tapping sleep It's allhealing the central nervous
system, which is what leads to areduction in panic, a reduction
(12:54):
in anxiety, a reduction indepression and racing thoughts
and insomnia.
So all the solutions are ontheir way to you right now And I
just want you to like open,open, open, open, open to notice
and then to act on them.
And if you're feeling tired, oh, let me hug you because I get
(13:19):
it right now.
I get it, i get it.
And there are so many times inlife where, even when I'm
wanting to protect my peace,sometimes life just lines up
where we're spent, right, likethat's just how it lined up this
weekend And I wouldn't havechanged anything and it's all
okay.
(13:39):
But then I want you to giveyourself enough grace to also
rest right, to give yourselfpermission to leave the dishes
or not return the phone calls orjust go to bed early, not do
the extra things today, so thatyou can catch up, because you
(14:00):
are worthy of that.
You are completely worthy ofrest.
I'm so glad that life createdthe opportunity for us to have
this conversation, because Ireally think that life's timing
is more magical than wesometimes think, and so I am
imagining that the conversationwe're having today about sleep
(14:23):
is exactly what you needed tohear Exactly at this time, and
it's exactly what I needed toexpress And even practicing just
being in alignment.
Coming to you today and saying,oh my goodness, i am not as
smart today as I sometimes canbe is really really good feeling
(14:43):
right To not try to do betterthan I'm able to do today.
It's a really good feeling.
So thank you for being with mein this moment, and thank you
for seeing me and for getting it.
I love you so much.
Peace brings it to life.
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Therapy Gecko
An unlicensed lizard psychologist travels the universe talking to strangers about absolutely nothing. TO CALL THE GECKO: follow me on https://www.twitch.tv/lyleforever to get a notification for when I am taking calls. I am usually live Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays but lately a lot of other times too. I am a gecko.