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Today we tackle everything you've ever wanted to know about EFT tapping. It's a tool you can use in bed, in car line, or in the bathroom stall at work (winning). This one tool can challenge your heaviest divorce pain, break through the shackles of fear and shame, unlocking emotional freedom in your healing journey.
EFT stands for Emotional Freedom Technique and is a series of tapping on specific acupressure points in Chinese Medicine to balance the emotional energy in the body. It has been shown to reduce inflammation of the amygdala, which is associated with trauma and has been demonstrated to help balance the brain and shift negative beliefs into positive ones.
While it may seem awkward or silly at first, it's a powerful tool that can provide relief from pain, anxiety, and trauma. EFT resources are readily available, including apps, YouTube channels, and EFT coaches who specialize in individualized tapping experiences.
"If you use this tool today, it's one of those tools that immediately after using it, you feel different or better. It's just such a game changer in your healing journey."
In this episode, you will learn the following:
1. What is EFT tapping, and how does it work?
2. How does EFT tapping help balance the mind and body to promote emotional freedom?
3. How coaches who use EFT Tapping in session can help unlock deeper levels of healing than just using an app or YouTube video.
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A podcast exploring the journey of life after divorce, delving into topics like divorce grief, loneliness, anxiety, manifesting, the impact of different attachment styles and codependency, setting healthy boundaries, energy healing with homeopathy, managing the nervous system during divorce depression, understanding the stages of divorce grief, and using the Law of Attraction and EMDR therapy in the process of building your confidence, forgiveness and letting go.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hi, love, this is Dawn and you're listening to
Dear Divorce Diary with my coach, dawn, where we explore the
post-divorce life and you, thewoman who lives it.
We cover everything from traumaduring and after divorce to
feeling like a stranger in yourown life and the new frontier of
life as a single woman.
We're cozy in for theconversations we've been longing
(00:26):
to have about this new life.
Hi, love, can you hear the birdchirping outside my window?
I have the happiest birds thatlive at my house and it's such a
pleasing day The sun is shiningand the birds are chirping and
(00:49):
I am so excited to be with youToday.
We're going to talk about EFTtapping, such a great
conversation about a tool thatif you use it regularly, you
kind of know and you alreadylove it, and we're just going to
like geek out about all thethings and we're going to talk
about what the differencesbetween EFT and EMDR, and so you
(01:09):
know, we'll just maybe dig in alittle deeper.
If you don't use EFT tapping,ooh, this is a game changer for
you.
So and like in a way that bythe end of today you could feel
differently than you do rightnow If you use this tool today,
like.
It's one of those tools thatimmediately, like 10 minutes
(01:30):
after using it, you feeldifferent or better or whatever
right, and so it's just such agame changer in your healing
journey So I cannot wait for usto get in there, all right.
So what is EFT tapping?
Well, eft stands for emotionalfreedom technique.
So EFT tapping is emotionalfreedom technique tapping, and
(01:54):
what it is is a series oftapping using your fingers in a
series of spaces and places onyour body that allows your mind,
body to balance the emotionalenergy in your body.
And there are a lot ofdifferent ways to adapt the
(02:17):
tapping.
Like there is a specific setgroup of places to tap that are
associated with acupressurepoints in Chinese medicine.
So we know that these pointsthat you tap on are very
specific in order to get awonderful release and emotional
release, emotional freedom right.
But also when we're in spacesand places where we can't
(02:41):
necessarily do the full tappingthing, like, let's say, you're
sitting in a meeting with yourboss at the table, there are
abbreviated versions of tapping,like, for instance, the karate
chop, where you're just you justhave one hand out like a, like
a fin, and your other fingersjust tapping at the heel of your
hand.
I wish you could see me rightnow And so, like that karate
(03:03):
chop, for instance, just doingthat under the table can already
help provide you some emotionalfreedom.
There's also just tapping eachof your fingers on the side of
your thumb and just workingthrough your fingers provides a
little baby emotional freedomrelease if you do it long enough
.
It just helps regulate and takea little bit of whistle out of
(03:29):
the teapot if you're using it ina tense situation.
So EFT tapping is a series ofacupressure points on your body
that are associated with ourunderstanding of the body
according to Chinese medicine,and when you do it, it helps
balance your mind and your body,the energies that are always
(03:49):
traveling through your body inorder to be in a more relaxed
state.
So the moments where we woulduse EFT, when we're really
triggered or dysregulated, weknow.
So now I'm going to get intowhat happens in the brain when
we use EFT.
So when we're triggered or ourcentral nervous system is
dysregulated.
(04:09):
If we look at the brain in fourquadrants top, bottom, left,
right when we're triggered, ourbrain is bottom right.
The bottom half of our brain islike our kind of neanderthal
right.
It's like the most basic humanemotions, like our fight, flight
, freeze response is in ourbottom brain rage, fear, desire,
(04:31):
right.
All that is like very basicbottom brain.
Survival stuff goes on in thatbrain stem space And our right
brain is the more emotional ofour brain, The left brain is our
more logic and our top brain iswhat is called the smart brain.
So when we're triggered ordysregulated and we approach EFT
tapping, we're going to movefrom where the major.
(04:54):
If we were hooked up to an MRI,for instance, we would see that
the most activation in ourbrain would be, for instance,
bottom right, where everythingin the bottom right of our brain
, where it's like survival based, heavy emotional goings on,
would be really lit up And afterwe tap for a bit we would see
(05:16):
afterwards a much more balancedbrain use where our top brain,
our prefrontal cortex, the partsof our brain that are capable
of higher reasoning, of delayedgratification, of making
difficult decisions, of havingkind of a balanced approach to
things, would be far moreavailable to us.
(05:38):
Because when we're dysregulatedor we're triggered and the brain
perceives that its top priorityis survival, when you are
scared, when you are in despair,when you are in rage, the brain
is like got it survival toppriority.
And you know this just fromliving your life lately that
when you feel that intensely youare not in an open minded space
(06:03):
, you're not going to be able toreason through things in the
way that you would.
You are not going to be able tochange your negative beliefs
right, like it's just kind of avery locked in loaded spot when
you're triggered anddysregulated.
So after doing EFT, an EFTsession, either for a number of
minutes, or after doing a seriesof EFT sessions for a number of
(06:25):
days, you are going to noticeway more balanced brain function
, way more balanced emotionalreasoning.
You're going to notice yournegative beliefs shifting into
positive beliefs.
You are going to notice a lotmore insight and awareness, a
lot less anxiety.
You know you hear in traumaspeak a lot of talk about the
(06:45):
amygdala, the almond shaped partof the brain that's in the
limbic system, in the emotionalreasoning section of the brain.
How when you've experienced alot of trauma or a lot of hard
emotional stuff PS divorce thatthe amygdala gets literally
inflamed.
And if you've been doing EFTtapping for a number of sessions
(07:07):
, that amygdala can literallyshrink back to its appropriate
non-inflamed size.
So EFT tapping not only does itwork, but it can create such
powerful results.
It really is a game changer.
Now, the thing that I see peoplestruggle with is how awkward.
(07:32):
It is right And I think that'syou know because you start
you're tapping on your face,right.
You start by tapping first thekarate chop, then in your inner
eyebrow, your outer eyebrow,under your eye, top lip cleft of
your chin, your clavicle onyour chest, and then your sides,
like under your armpits, top ofyour head, and then it starts
(07:53):
all over again.
So when you're doing an EFTtapping session and don't worry,
there's lots of resources I'mgoing to link in the show notes.
So if you haven't seen this,i'm going to link my favorite
app and my favorite YouTubechannel for you to like see how
it works.
But when you're doing it, itfeels at first like kind of
(08:15):
awkward, a little silly, likewhere do I tap next?
And it just kind of looks likewhat is going on.
Now, for me, i've been doing itso long, it just kind of has
become normal.
But when people are notfamiliar and they see it for the
first time, they don't do itright.
They look at it and they'relike what, how does A?
(08:37):
does this work Or is this justridiculous?
B like what's it going to dofor?
C, like it's not worth it.
That's confusing.
I look ridiculous, right, youcould just kind of imagine.
And then people respond andthen they don't do it.
Now I often don't do it as muchas I wish I would do it also.
So let's just acknowledge thatwhen there feels like there's
(09:00):
friction on a thing right, andthe friction is either I don't
understand if this works, idon't know if it benefits me and
I feel dumb doing it, that'sfriction, right.
I'm less likely to followthrough because we're not great
followers as it is.
I've been doing some EFT.
Last week to do with a negativebelief.
(09:21):
I kind of sussed out in my ownconsciousness more about that
later And then I kind of felloff through the weekend.
Why I got distracted?
I got distracted with life, iforgot I didn't follow through.
And now here I am and it'sMonday and I'm well, for you
it's Tuesday, but I'm recordingthis on a Monday and I'm like,
oh yeah, why did I stop doingthat?
(09:42):
right?
So I hope that this episodehelps remove some of the
friction that you might haveabout trying this new thing,
that you're going to feel kindof awkward doing it first, right
?
So let's talk a little bit aboutthe science behind EFT tapping,
because in the world of science, let's just fully acknowledge
that there are clubs, there areclubs and, just like any good
(10:04):
club with a bunch of good clicks, clubs think they're better
than the other, right, this clubthinks it's better than that
club, and so on and so forth.
So there are science clubs thatthink, or that would call EFT a
pseudoscience, that it's gotkind of this history being
regarded as science adjacent,like well, we haven't really
(10:29):
studied it enough to know It'sbased on kind of this Chinese
energy principle and notnecessarily these other
structural ways of viewing thebody and anatomy.
But loves, you and I both knowthat just because one club says
something about the other clubdoes not make it true.
(10:51):
And before Instagraminfluencers were a thing, there
were a lot of other influencersout there in the world that
really wanted to advocate fortheir own club and they didn't
necessarily put the energy orthe influence or the you know
their resources into exploringthese other things.
(11:12):
Because you might not use theyou know the old way anymore,
right, if you knew that EFTtapping could relieve you from
having to do as much therapy oras take as many prescription
meds would you, would you stillgo to therapy and use
prescription meds?
That's why it's called theemotional freedom technique
(11:33):
tapping.
So you may read some researchout there that says that that
it's a pseudoscience and thatthere's no definitive benefits.
But that would be one club or acouple of clubs saying, hmm, we
want you to stay in our club,don't go join the other clubs.
(11:55):
Because we do know that, lookingat the energy body and the way
that our body stores energeticdata, that has been demonstrated
in science over and over andover again.
And what we know is that thebody there's this great book by
(12:17):
Bessel Vander Kolk I'm sureyou've heard me talk about it
before The body keeps the score.
There's another great book byOprah and another MD What
happened to you?
This has become commonplace,understanding that our level of
illness in our body is directlyproportionate, whether it's
mental or physical illness isdirectly proportionate to, yes,
(12:38):
our genetics, but also theamount of trauma or emotional
pain we've experienced and notrecovered from.
And that the body really is thekey to unlocking our mental and
emotional suffering, that wecannot think our way through
trauma.
We can only feel our waythrough it.
We cannot think ourselves outof mental illness, no matter how
(13:02):
much cognitive behavioraltherapy you do.
And that is not a knock againstCBT.
Cbt is good and great andwonderful.
It is a tool.
But we know that to reallyunlock imbalance energy, trauma,
conflict, shock, whatever youwant to call it in the mind,
body, you have to involve thebody in the healing process.
(13:26):
And so EFT is brilliant becauseyou're tapping on the
acupressure points in the bodywhich engages that energetic,
physical component while movingthrough a script.
It's not necessarily a script,but it's moving through a
storyline in the process thattakes you from a low vibration,
(13:49):
painful place up through highervibrational spaces, more
positive spaces, right.
So let's talk about how thatworks.
In the beginning, we wouldstart by acknowledging how much
pain you're in.
So let's, for instance, talkabout it in the context of
divorce.
We would start by sayingsomething like even though I'm
(14:13):
in so much pain right now, eventhough this hurts so badly, even
though I feel lost, even thoughright, we would start by really
acknowledging and we would bequeuing in on those words that
you really relate to feelingright this moment.
And then, as we move throughthe storyline we would
acknowledge that it's actuallynot just the grief that you're
(14:33):
feeling, that there's actuallyalso a negative belief under
there that is driving yoursuffering, something to do with
fear or shame usually, becausewe all can acknowledge that
crying isn't what hurts so bad.
It's the fear and the shameunderneath that hurts so bad.
When we grip onto that fear andshame, When we hold that
resistance, that this can't getbetter or that there's something
(14:54):
wrong with me or I don'tdeserve more, that I'm gonna be
stuck like this forever, thatfear and shame is really what
keeps us prisoner.
So EFT would start withacknowledging the pain you're in
.
It would start exploring whatit is that you believe about
that pain, the belief, thenegative belief that has you
stuck there, and then it wouldstart exploring in the storyline
(15:15):
how your life would change ifthere was a different belief.
Right, but I do see some peoplegetting better from divorce, so
maybe there is a solution.
I do see some peopletransforming their lives.
I wonder what they know that Idon't know.
I do see some people healingand going on to have full and
(15:37):
rich lives.
So maybe that's possible for me.
Right In the storyline, youwould, after purging and
balancing all that painfulenergy out of the mind, body.
We would start moving throughthat storyline where there's at
least an opening for a positivethought or emotion, and then, as
we continued through thatnarrative, through that story,
(15:58):
we would look at well, what kindof positive belief would I know
, if what I need to have aboutmyself?
Well, maybe this is possiblefor me.
Well, maybe there isn'tsomething wrong with me, maybe I
am worth it, maybe I am goodenough, maybe I can learn from
this, maybe I did do enough,maybe I am worthy of forgiveness
.
And each EFT tapping sessionwould have a very specific focus
(16:21):
, right, whether it's that youwant to find peace or joy, or
happiness or abundance, or newlove or sleep better, or to deal
with chronic pain or any numberof things.
And so in each EFT tappingsession, we would find a very
specific storyline that helpsyou release your specific pain
point.
Now, there are so many amazingresources out there for EFT.
(16:45):
One of my favorite apps iscalled the tapping solution.
One of my favorite EFT tappersis Brad Yates, and it's gaining
such popularity.
There are EFT tapping coachesout there that really have fused
EFT tapping with therapy.
It's an incredibly effectivetool, and there are there is a
(17:07):
lot of value to working withsomeone who knows EFT inside and
out and can help you deliver itin a very specialized way for
you.
What do I mean by that?
So I love the tapping solution,i love Brad Yates, but Brad
Yates creates individualizedtapping videos for people.
Eft tapping coaches createindividualized tapping
(17:28):
experiences.
Why?
Because nuance matters,nuancing context matter.
So, just like when you comeinto session with me and my use
of my intuition and my use ofbeing really attuned to you and
understanding the very tiniestfibers of the experience that
(17:49):
you're walking allows me to saythe thing that perfectly unlocks
your awareness, or, just byfeeling that secure in the
session, allows you to accesssomething that was previously in
your unconscious mind andbrings it to your conscious mind
.
And so when you're working withsomeone who can get at that
(18:14):
nuance, it really just 10 X'sthe breakthroughs that come as a
result of EFT.
So EFT via an app or YouTubecan get you.
So so, so far, so far in yourown healing, like you can very
much heal yourself using EFT inmany, many ways.
(18:36):
And then where you see spaceswhere there's still some stuff
in there that I can't quite getto, is where you might, you know
, reach out to somebody who'sreally well versed in EFT and
say, like I'm having troublebreaking through this next thing
, right And, and I can't quiteput my finger on what that is.
So good example Last week Istarted to figure out that
(19:00):
there's this negative beliefthat I'm holding on to that has
something to do with pleasureAnd it definitely came from very
early childhood.
Programming to do with religionand good girl syndrome, right
And PS.
The majority of the beliefsthat we subconsciously run our
life from were installed fromages zero to seven, before our
(19:21):
top brain that I was referencingearlier, or smart brain is
developed.
So from zero to seven, we relyso much on internalizing the
things that were just taught andthe things that are mirrored
for us, and we do that withoutkind of consciously choosing.
Oh, this is a great belief.
I'm going to believe thisbecause I've really sorted it
(19:42):
out and sifted through it And Ibelieve it.
No, we just believe it becauseit's handed to us And we say, ok
, yes, thank you, and then we goon and live our life according
to those unconscious negativebeliefs until we become aware of
them.
So last week it's not newinformation to me that I have
suffered from kind of good girlsyndrome and some really early
(20:02):
childhood religious programming.
But it suddenly became clear tome that there was some
languaging in there around how Ideserve pleasure, that when I
eat certain foods, that guiltthat comes up right.
Or if I this is like multipleweeks in a row where when the,
when my dear cleaning crew ishere, i feel guilty if I'm not
(20:23):
working as hard as them right,guilty for feeling pleasure
while somebody else is working.
I could just start to see lastweek this, these ideas about
when sex can and can't happenand when delicious food can and
can't happen, and whether or notI've worked hard enough for a
thing to really enjoy it or tobe deserving of it Right.
So I started working on usingEFT tapping, making up my own
(20:47):
script, but understanding thatfirst thing was to validate.
Sometimes I'm tapping on theback of my hand right now, you
can't see it Sometimes I feelguilty for feeling pleasure That
I didn't deserve it, that I'mnot worthy enough, that I didn't
you know, whatever, and thenmoved on from there.
(21:07):
That it is good and right for meto feel pleasure, that I don't
have to do penance or I don'thave to repent for feeling
pleasure, that I don't have tofeel pleasure according to
somebody else's schedule, right?
I don't have to feel pleasureaccording to somebody else's
schedule, right?
Could just kind of went intothis whole idea around unlocking
my own internal permission tofeel good often, all the time.
(21:32):
As much as possible, right, asmuch as possible.
We're not gonna feel good allthe time, that's bullshit, Don't
listen to that.
But like as much as possibleThat too often I hide my own
light, i snuff out my own flamebecause I feel like for some
reason I didn't deserve it or,yeah, that I didn't deserve it.
So that's how I stumbled acrossthis fancy new way to use EFT
(21:55):
in my life last week.
So when we were first startingout, there were these kind of
broad strokes around fear andaround shame and worthiness, and
so you know, if you're on theBrad Yates YouTube channel
looking for the right video, youmight be Googling releasing
emotional pain or for anxiety orfor panic or for loneliness, or
(22:19):
you might be searching bysymptom.
But then the better we get, westart searching by benefit,
right?
Like I wanna feel joy, i wannafeel free, i wanna feel
abundance, i wanna attract love,i wanna and so part of the
reason that this works soeffectively is what I referenced
earlier that it allows yourbrain to function in a balanced
way so that it does not perceivethat it is threatened.
(22:41):
Because when we are activelyexperiencing a trauma, or our
brain thinks we're experiencinga trauma, even though it's
actually over, the brain feelsthreatened.
It's going to be absolutelyzeroed in on survival and
nothing else and it is not gonnabe open to adaptive information
.
But when you've used EFT for aseries of time and your brain
(23:03):
becomes open to adaptiveinformation, there's where we
start to transform ourinternalized negative beliefs
that we probably picked upbefore we were seven years old
and really embrace new beliefsabout worth and about what's
possible.
And so I hope that you'restarting to connect the dots
(23:25):
that all the things we talkabout on this podcast whether
it's manifesting, or it's EFT,or it's EMDR, or it's homeopathy
, or it's attracting new love,or it's understanding how to get
unstuck emotionally, or it'sgrieving our losses that all of
these things are interconnected.
Love that changing ourunderlying negative beliefs is
(23:49):
how we grieve our losses.
It's how we generate self-love.
It's how we manifest withintention all of your desires,
that EFT and EMDR and journalingare tools we use to transform
those negative beliefs.
(24:10):
So let's talk a little bit aboutthe difference between EFT and
EMDR.
They are both fantastic toolsthat can create very similar, if
not identical, outcomesdepending on how they're used,
right.
So I think that the keydifference between EFT and EMDR
(24:32):
let's say there are two One isEFT and EMDR just activate the
mind-body slightly differently.
Right, eft relies onacupressure points in the body
to balance the energy in themind-body.
Eft relies on the kind of thesimplicity, if you will, in EMDR
(24:59):
of bilateral stimulation.
It's just left-right, right Andboth tools allow your brain to
access adaptive information,meaning I used to see it one way
and now, after applying thistype of sensory stimulation, i
(25:22):
can now consider a different way.
That's what adaptiveinformation is.
It's new information that helpsme function differently, given
that I now can take in new ideas, new thoughts, new beliefs
about this old experience.
So I think some things toconsider about this are that EFT
(25:46):
is known to be something youcan use on your own at home with
yourself, that you don't need afacilitator to do it.
Ps.
I feel the same way about EMDR,but most therapists will not
say that to you.
You're not gonna get very manymental health providers to say
(26:06):
to you absolutely EMDR yourself,absolutely EMDR yourself.
However I have, i do, and Iteach my clients to do it as
well.
They don't.
Very often, because we getscared about a thing right, we
tend to defer to the people whowe see as experts, rather than
(26:27):
saying I can become an expert inthis right.
But you can become an expert inthis love and I'm happy to
teach you how to become anexpert in it, because I want you
to be in charge of your ownwellness and I don't want you to
feel like you have to bedependent on healers to do it.
Yes, we all need healers.
I need healers, you needhealers.
We all need healers because weneed that Me Too, babe
(26:47):
experience, because we needsomebody to hold a mirror up for
us so we can see that we kindof that was hidden inside that
we couldn't see.
But you don't need a healerbecause you can't do it right.
It's just because we are a we,we are meant to be in
cooperation with each other.
We're meant to be together.
(27:07):
We are meant to commune andcollaborate and love and connect
.
That's how we're biologicallywired for loving, belonging, as
Bernay Brown would say right, SoI don't want you to be
dependent on a healer to fearthat you can't heal without a
healer.
We can all show up as healersfor each other, right?
I want you to start claimingthis for yourself.
(27:29):
So EFT is known to be like atake home DIY tool.
Emdr could be as well, and bothalso can be used in a therapy
session in a way that helps youmove from subconscious kind of
functioning without realizingthe underlying beliefs that are
(27:50):
driving all of those thoughts,feelings and beliefs, to a
conscious awareness, to aninsight rich.
Oh, i understand now.
This is the new belief I needto embody And both EFT and EMDR
can help me internalize that newpositive belief.
So EFT uses acupressure pointsthroughout the upper body and
(28:14):
the head.
Emdr uses bilateral, just left,right, simplified kind of
metronomy stimulation, abutterfly tap It's also been
called right.
So it's just two different waysof stimulating the mind body.
Well, we're using a mind, athought-based technique, a
physical, sensory stimulationthat allows us to process and
(28:37):
reprocess emotion, memory, oldbeliefs and to transmute those
into positive beliefs.
So, yes, they functiondifferently, they may light up
different parts of the brain,but they're both really powerful
(28:57):
tools.
They're both really powerfultools for trauma, for anxiety,
for depression, for all of thosepainful things where we're
stuck and we can't seem to mmRelease.
Whatever the suffering is.
(29:19):
Eft is something you couldabsolutely get started with
right away Now.
It has a cumulative effect.
So EFT is something I love touse on a very consistent basis
when I'm working to shift a veryspecific negative belief.
If I do it once a day, i'mgoing to get great results.
If I do it once a week, i'mgoing to get mediocre results,
(29:40):
probably.
So keep that in mind.
If you could do it twice a day,even better.
If you're like me, you'reprobably not going to remember,
just like anything, right?
If I set a reminder on my phoneand if I have the willingness
to do it, then I'm going to getthe results, which is just so
worth it.
So what would keep somebody fromusing a tool like this?
(30:02):
If it's so good, don?
if you're telling me that thisis so good, why don't more
people do it?
Why isn't it more popular?
Why are people still suffering?
Great questions, great questions, and I think that there are two
things about that.
Number one the mind likes thepath of least resistance.
So we like what is familiar andwe like what we know works now.
(30:28):
So if I'm feeling anxious and Iknow that I can go have a glass
of wine, take a pill and scrollInstagram and shut that shit
down, and I know that that'sgoing to work and I know what
I'm going to get as a result ofit, then that is what I'm most
likely going to do.
If you tell me to tap all overmy body and not use those tools
(30:52):
that I just told you, i'm notgoing to take the pill, not
going to drink the wine, notgoing to scroll the Instagram.
I'm going to feel biggerfeelings first, before they get
better, right, the stuff is allgoing to bubble up and then I'm
going to feel afraid and I'mgoing to feel uncertain and I'm
not going to know exactly what'shappening at first, and that is
going to feel dysregulating.
(31:14):
Then the brain gets hooked intothat whole survival thing that I
was mentioning earlier.
Right, when you start to accessyour traumas, when you start to
access your pains, your brainsays, oh no, survival is an
issue, shut it down, right.
So why don't people do it moreoften?
Because it involves getting inthere and feeling all the things
(31:37):
.
When you're doing that in atherapist's office or in your
pastor's office or in yourgirlfriend's house.
It's like, oh, there's somebodyhere to ground me, There's
somebody here to keep me fromfeeling like I'm going to float
away and combust right Versususing a tool like this at home
and it getting all messy.
Whether it's any of thesethings, there's a certain fear
in there that you can't trustyourself, that you can't trust
(32:00):
that you're going to be okay,that you're not going to have a
panic attack, that you're notgoing to panic about having a
panic attack, right?
So just notice that that a lotof times we don't do the things
because we're scared, because wedon't trust ourselves, because
we don't know what to expect,because culturally that is not
what's popular.
What is popular culturally isto numb it down.
So that's the first thing.
(32:20):
The second thing is EFT, emdr,any of these tools.
They are the ladder to yoursuccess.
They are not your success.
So what do I mean by that?
These tools like EFT, emdr,journaling, you name it.
They are the rungs of theladder as I climb up towards
(32:43):
having a really positive,internalized belief about myself
.
They are the thing that helpedme climb towards peace, towards
freedom, towards feeling thatreally delicious, gooey sense of
self-love and self-acceptanceand connection with people
(33:04):
around me and attracting andmanifesting all the things that
I desire, turning my thoughtsinto things, whether it be a
relationship or a dream job orreally great relationship with
my kids, and feeling reallyproud of myself.
These tools are the ladder onwhich I climb.
So I'm not going to do EFTtapping once or even a dozen
times and suddenly I don'tstruggle or I don't feel pain.
(33:26):
That's not how it works.
We use the tools so that we canhave awareness, so that we can
make more insightful choices, sothat we can start to live in a
different way.
But just because we're livingfrom a place of awareness and
consciousness and not astraumatized people doesn't mean
(33:48):
we don't feel pain.
I still stub my toe, i stillhave bad days, i still get all
up in my feelings, i still reactto something my husband says or
does, or a family member saysor does, or like.
Life is still life, love, justbecause we heal.
So sometimes I think we look atpeople who are really at least
I can say this sometimes peoplelook at me and they say, dawn,
(34:11):
you still feel pain or you stillstruggle sometimes.
Does this stuff really work?
Is it really worth it Becausewe just struggle to trust, and I
think that so much of this workthat we talk about healing from
our traumas, finding self-love,finding self-acceptance, moving
(34:34):
on from divorce, trustingourselves it is the thing that
we're reaching for, because whatis peace other than feeling
like I can trust myself and Ican trust my higher power, my
God, and that is the ease fromwhich everything else comes from
.
(34:55):
I don't have to worry abouttrusting you.
If I trust myself and I trustmy God, i don't even have to
worry about trusting you.
I'm just going to know if it'saligned or it's not.
I'm just going to know capitalK-N-O-W, i'm just going to know.
So EFT tapping is absolutely aladder that can help you climb
to everything that you want.
(35:16):
However, it's not going to keepyou from never feeling pain
again.
In fact, it's going to feelworse before it feels better,
and you have to be consistentwith it.
And I would love nothing morethan for you to say, oh my gosh,
i started tapping and my lifecompletely changed, because that
(35:39):
is absolutely what's availableto you with this tool.
So definitely, when we're done,check out the show notes, check
out the app and the YouTubechannel so you can get a feeling
for their different right.
They're different, just likeone therapist would appeal to
one person and one therapistwould appeal to another, or this
(36:00):
podcast appeals to you and thatpodcast appeals to someone else
, like it's the same thing withtapping right.
So don't watch one tappingvideo from one person and say
like oh, that didn't resonate,like tapping is not for me.
Just know that there are a lotof different personalities or
people out there that can teachyou how to tap.
And ultimately, i want you tolearn the pattern so that when
(36:20):
you're sitting in car line orwherever, you can just kind of
break it out and do the thingright, because that's true
emotional freedom.
Okay, i am so, so excited foryou to do this.
I can't wait to hear whichtapping video you do first and
exactly how silly you feel doingit.
But just do it anyway becauseit doesn't matter.
Like your healing and youclimbing that ladder is way more
(36:40):
important than what that ladyover there in car line thinks of
you.
Okay, so just do the thing.
I love you so much, i'm so, soexcited and I believe in you.
Talk soon.
Thanks, dear.
Divorce Diary is a podcast byMy Coach, dawn.
(37:01):
You can find more atMyCoachDawncom.
Hi, love, this is Dawn and you're listening to
Dear Divorce Diary with my coach, dawn, where we explore the
post-divorce life and you, thewoman who lives it.
We cover everything from traumaduring and after divorce to
feeling like a stranger in yourown life and the new frontier of
life as a single woman.
We're cozy in for theconversations we've been longing
(00:26):
to have about this new life.
Hi, love, can you hear the birdchirping outside my window?
I have the happiest birds thatlive at my house and it's such a
pleasing day The sun is shiningand the birds are chirping and
(00:49):
I am so excited to be with youToday.
We're going to talk about EFTtapping, such a great
conversation about a tool thatif you use it regularly, you
kind of know and you alreadylove it, and we're just going to
like geek out about all thethings and we're going to talk
about what the differencesbetween EFT and EMDR, and so you
(01:09):
know, we'll just maybe dig in alittle deeper.
If you don't use EFT tapping,ooh, this is a game changer for
you.
So and like in a way that bythe end of today you could feel
differently than you do rightnow If you use this tool today,
like.
It's one of those tools thatimmediately, like 10 minutes
(01:30):
after using it, you feeldifferent or better or whatever
right, and so it's just such agame changer in your healing
journey So I cannot wait for usto get in there, all right.
So what is EFT tapping?
Well, eft stands for emotionalfreedom technique.
So EFT tapping is emotionalfreedom technique tapping, and
(01:54):
what it is is a series oftapping using your fingers in a
series of spaces and places onyour body that allows your mind,
body to balance the emotionalenergy in your body.
And there are a lot ofdifferent ways to adapt the
(02:17):
tapping.
Like there is a specific setgroup of places to tap that are
associated with acupressurepoints in Chinese medicine.
So we know that these pointsthat you tap on are very
specific in order to get awonderful release and emotional
release, emotional freedom right.
But also when we're in spacesand places where we can't
(02:41):
necessarily do the full tappingthing, like, let's say, you're
sitting in a meeting with yourboss at the table, there are
abbreviated versions of tapping,like, for instance, the karate
chop, where you're just you justhave one hand out like a, like
a fin, and your other fingersjust tapping at the heel of your
hand.
I wish you could see me rightnow And so, like that karate
(03:03):
chop, for instance, just doingthat under the table can already
help provide you some emotionalfreedom.
There's also just tapping eachof your fingers on the side of
your thumb and just workingthrough your fingers provides a
little baby emotional freedomrelease if you do it long enough
.
It just helps regulate and takea little bit of whistle out of
(03:29):
the teapot if you're using it ina tense situation.
So EFT tapping is a series ofacupressure points on your body
that are associated with ourunderstanding of the body
according to Chinese medicine,and when you do it, it helps
balance your mind and your body,the energies that are always
(03:49):
traveling through your body inorder to be in a more relaxed
state.
So the moments where we woulduse EFT, when we're really
triggered or dysregulated, weknow.
So now I'm going to get intowhat happens in the brain when
we use EFT.
So when we're triggered or ourcentral nervous system is
dysregulated.
(04:09):
If we look at the brain in fourquadrants top, bottom, left,
right when we're triggered, ourbrain is bottom right.
The bottom half of our brain islike our kind of neanderthal
right.
It's like the most basic humanemotions, like our fight, flight
, freeze response is in ourbottom brain rage, fear, desire,
(04:31):
right.
All that is like very basicbottom brain.
Survival stuff goes on in thatbrain stem space And our right
brain is the more emotional ofour brain, The left brain is our
more logic and our top brain iswhat is called the smart brain.
So when we're triggered ordysregulated and we approach EFT
tapping, we're going to movefrom where the major.
(04:54):
If we were hooked up to an MRI,for instance, we would see that
the most activation in ourbrain would be, for instance,
bottom right, where everythingin the bottom right of our brain
, where it's like survival based, heavy emotional goings on,
would be really lit up And afterwe tap for a bit we would see
(05:16):
afterwards a much more balancedbrain use where our top brain,
our prefrontal cortex, the partsof our brain that are capable
of higher reasoning, of delayedgratification, of making
difficult decisions, of havingkind of a balanced approach to
things, would be far moreavailable to us.
(05:38):
Because when we're dysregulatedor we're triggered and the brain
perceives that its top priorityis survival, when you are
scared, when you are in despair,when you are in rage, the brain
is like got it survival toppriority.
And you know this just fromliving your life lately that
when you feel that intensely youare not in an open minded space
(06:03):
, you're not going to be able toreason through things in the
way that you would.
You are not going to be able tochange your negative beliefs
right, like it's just kind of avery locked in loaded spot when
you're triggered anddysregulated.
So after doing EFT, an EFTsession, either for a number of
minutes, or after doing a seriesof EFT sessions for a number of
(06:25):
days, you are going to noticeway more balanced brain function
, way more balanced emotionalreasoning.
You're going to notice yournegative beliefs shifting into
positive beliefs.
You are going to notice a lotmore insight and awareness, a
lot less anxiety.
You know you hear in traumaspeak a lot of talk about the
(06:45):
amygdala, the almond shaped partof the brain that's in the
limbic system, in the emotionalreasoning section of the brain.
How when you've experienced alot of trauma or a lot of hard
emotional stuff PS divorce thatthe amygdala gets literally
inflamed.
And if you've been doing EFTtapping for a number of sessions
(07:07):
, that amygdala can literallyshrink back to its appropriate
non-inflamed size.
So EFT tapping not only does itwork, but it can create such
powerful results.
It really is a game changer.
Now, the thing that I see peoplestruggle with is how awkward.
(07:32):
It is right And I think that'syou know because you start
you're tapping on your face,right.
You start by tapping first thekarate chop, then in your inner
eyebrow, your outer eyebrow,under your eye, top lip cleft of
your chin, your clavicle onyour chest, and then your sides,
like under your armpits, top ofyour head, and then it starts
(07:53):
all over again.
So when you're doing an EFTtapping session and don't worry,
there's lots of resources I'mgoing to link in the show notes.
So if you haven't seen this,i'm going to link my favorite
app and my favorite YouTubechannel for you to like see how
it works.
But when you're doing it, itfeels at first like kind of
(08:15):
awkward, a little silly, likewhere do I tap next?
And it just kind of looks likewhat is going on.
Now, for me, i've been doing itso long, it just kind of has
become normal.
But when people are notfamiliar and they see it for the
first time, they don't do itright.
They look at it and they'relike what, how does A?
(08:37):
does this work Or is this justridiculous?
B like what's it going to dofor?
C, like it's not worth it.
That's confusing.
I look ridiculous, right, youcould just kind of imagine.
And then people respond andthen they don't do it.
Now I often don't do it as muchas I wish I would do it also.
So let's just acknowledge thatwhen there feels like there's
(09:00):
friction on a thing right, andthe friction is either I don't
understand if this works, idon't know if it benefits me and
I feel dumb doing it, that'sfriction, right.
I'm less likely to followthrough because we're not great
followers as it is.
I've been doing some EFT.
Last week to do with a negativebelief.
(09:21):
I kind of sussed out in my ownconsciousness more about that
later And then I kind of felloff through the weekend.
Why I got distracted?
I got distracted with life, iforgot I didn't follow through.
And now here I am and it'sMonday and I'm well, for you
it's Tuesday, but I'm recordingthis on a Monday and I'm like,
oh yeah, why did I stop doingthat?
(09:42):
right?
So I hope that this episodehelps remove some of the
friction that you might haveabout trying this new thing,
that you're going to feel kindof awkward doing it first, right
?
So let's talk a little bit aboutthe science behind EFT tapping,
because in the world of science, let's just fully acknowledge
that there are clubs, there areclubs and, just like any good
(10:04):
club with a bunch of good clicks, clubs think they're better
than the other, right, this clubthinks it's better than that
club, and so on and so forth.
So there are science clubs thatthink, or that would call EFT a
pseudoscience, that it's gotkind of this history being
regarded as science adjacent,like well, we haven't really
(10:29):
studied it enough to know It'sbased on kind of this Chinese
energy principle and notnecessarily these other
structural ways of viewing thebody and anatomy.
But loves, you and I both knowthat just because one club says
something about the other clubdoes not make it true.
(10:51):
And before Instagraminfluencers were a thing, there
were a lot of other influencersout there in the world that
really wanted to advocate fortheir own club and they didn't
necessarily put the energy orthe influence or the you know
their resources into exploringthese other things.
(11:12):
Because you might not use theyou know the old way anymore,
right, if you knew that EFTtapping could relieve you from
having to do as much therapy oras take as many prescription
meds would you, would you stillgo to therapy and use
prescription meds?
That's why it's called theemotional freedom technique
(11:33):
tapping.
So you may read some researchout there that says that that
it's a pseudoscience and thatthere's no definitive benefits.
But that would be one club or acouple of clubs saying, hmm, we
want you to stay in our club,don't go join the other clubs.
(11:55):
Because we do know that, lookingat the energy body and the way
that our body stores energeticdata, that has been demonstrated
in science over and over andover again.
And what we know is that thebody there's this great book by
(12:17):
Bessel Vander Kolk I'm sureyou've heard me talk about it
before The body keeps the score.
There's another great book byOprah and another MD What
happened to you?
This has become commonplace,understanding that our level of
illness in our body is directlyproportionate, whether it's
mental or physical illness isdirectly proportionate to, yes,
(12:38):
our genetics, but also theamount of trauma or emotional
pain we've experienced and notrecovered from.
And that the body really is thekey to unlocking our mental and
emotional suffering, that wecannot think our way through
trauma.
We can only feel our waythrough it.
We cannot think ourselves outof mental illness, no matter how
(13:02):
much cognitive behavioraltherapy you do.
And that is not a knock againstCBT.
Cbt is good and great andwonderful.
It is a tool.
But we know that to reallyunlock imbalance energy, trauma,
conflict, shock, whatever youwant to call it in the mind,
body, you have to involve thebody in the healing process.
(13:26):
And so EFT is brilliant becauseyou're tapping on the
acupressure points in the bodywhich engages that energetic,
physical component while movingthrough a script.
It's not necessarily a script,but it's moving through a
storyline in the process thattakes you from a low vibration,
(13:49):
painful place up through highervibrational spaces, more
positive spaces, right.
So let's talk about how thatworks.
In the beginning, we wouldstart by acknowledging how much
pain you're in.
So let's, for instance, talkabout it in the context of
divorce.
We would start by sayingsomething like even though I'm
(14:13):
in so much pain right now, eventhough this hurts so badly, even
though I feel lost, even thoughright, we would start by really
acknowledging and we would bequeuing in on those words that
you really relate to feelingright this moment.
And then, as we move throughthe storyline we would
acknowledge that it's actuallynot just the grief that you're
(14:33):
feeling, that there's actuallyalso a negative belief under
there that is driving yoursuffering, something to do with
fear or shame usually, becausewe all can acknowledge that
crying isn't what hurts so bad.
It's the fear and the shameunderneath that hurts so bad.
When we grip onto that fear andshame, When we hold that
resistance, that this can't getbetter or that there's something
(14:54):
wrong with me or I don'tdeserve more, that I'm gonna be
stuck like this forever, thatfear and shame is really what
keeps us prisoner.
So EFT would start withacknowledging the pain you're in
.
It would start exploring whatit is that you believe about
that pain, the belief, thenegative belief that has you
stuck there, and then it wouldstart exploring in the storyline
(15:15):
how your life would change ifthere was a different belief.
Right, but I do see some peoplegetting better from divorce, so
maybe there is a solution.
I do see some peopletransforming their lives.
I wonder what they know that Idon't know.
I do see some people healingand going on to have full and
(15:37):
rich lives.
So maybe that's possible for me.
Right In the storyline, youwould, after purging and
balancing all that painfulenergy out of the mind, body.
We would start moving throughthat storyline where there's at
least an opening for a positivethought or emotion, and then, as
we continued through thatnarrative, through that story,
(15:58):
we would look at well, what kindof positive belief would I know
, if what I need to have aboutmyself?
Well, maybe this is possiblefor me.
Well, maybe there isn'tsomething wrong with me, maybe I
am worth it, maybe I am goodenough, maybe I can learn from
this, maybe I did do enough,maybe I am worthy of forgiveness
.
And each EFT tapping sessionwould have a very specific focus
(16:21):
, right, whether it's that youwant to find peace or joy, or
happiness or abundance, or newlove or sleep better, or to deal
with chronic pain or any numberof things.
And so in each EFT tappingsession, we would find a very
specific storyline that helpsyou release your specific pain
point.
Now, there are so many amazingresources out there for EFT.
(16:45):
One of my favorite apps iscalled the tapping solution.
One of my favorite EFT tappersis Brad Yates, and it's gaining
such popularity.
There are EFT tapping coachesout there that really have fused
EFT tapping with therapy.
It's an incredibly effectivetool, and there are there is a
(17:07):
lot of value to working withsomeone who knows EFT inside and
out and can help you deliver itin a very specialized way for
you.
What do I mean by that?
So I love the tapping solution,i love Brad Yates, but Brad
Yates creates individualizedtapping videos for people.
Eft tapping coaches createindividualized tapping
(17:28):
experiences.
Why?
Because nuance matters,nuancing context matter.
So, just like when you comeinto session with me and my use
of my intuition and my use ofbeing really attuned to you and
understanding the very tiniestfibers of the experience that
(17:49):
you're walking allows me to saythe thing that perfectly unlocks
your awareness, or, just byfeeling that secure in the
session, allows you to accesssomething that was previously in
your unconscious mind andbrings it to your conscious mind
.
And so when you're working withsomeone who can get at that
(18:14):
nuance, it really just 10 X'sthe breakthroughs that come as a
result of EFT.
So EFT via an app or YouTubecan get you.
So so, so far, so far in yourown healing, like you can very
much heal yourself using EFT inmany, many ways.
(18:36):
And then where you see spaceswhere there's still some stuff
in there that I can't quite getto, is where you might, you know
, reach out to somebody who'sreally well versed in EFT and
say, like I'm having troublebreaking through this next thing
, right And, and I can't quiteput my finger on what that is.
So good example Last week Istarted to figure out that
(19:00):
there's this negative beliefthat I'm holding on to that has
something to do with pleasureAnd it definitely came from very
early childhood.
Programming to do with religionand good girl syndrome, right
And PS.
The majority of the beliefsthat we subconsciously run our
life from were installed fromages zero to seven, before our
(19:21):
top brain that I was referencingearlier, or smart brain is
developed.
So from zero to seven, we relyso much on internalizing the
things that were just taught andthe things that are mirrored
for us, and we do that withoutkind of consciously choosing.
Oh, this is a great belief.
I'm going to believe thisbecause I've really sorted it
(19:42):
out and sifted through it And Ibelieve it.
No, we just believe it becauseit's handed to us And we say, ok
, yes, thank you, and then we goon and live our life according
to those unconscious negativebeliefs until we become aware of
them.
So last week it's not newinformation to me that I have
suffered from kind of good girlsyndrome and some really early
(20:02):
childhood religious programming.
But it suddenly became clear tome that there was some
languaging in there around how Ideserve pleasure, that when I
eat certain foods, that guiltthat comes up right.
Or if I this is like multipleweeks in a row where when the,
when my dear cleaning crew ishere, i feel guilty if I'm not
(20:23):
working as hard as them right,guilty for feeling pleasure
while somebody else is working.
I could just start to see lastweek this, these ideas about
when sex can and can't happenand when delicious food can and
can't happen, and whether or notI've worked hard enough for a
thing to really enjoy it or tobe deserving of it Right.
So I started working on usingEFT tapping, making up my own
(20:47):
script, but understanding thatfirst thing was to validate.
Sometimes I'm tapping on theback of my hand right now, you
can't see it Sometimes I feelguilty for feeling pleasure That
I didn't deserve it, that I'mnot worthy enough, that I didn't
you know, whatever, and thenmoved on from there.
(21:07):
That it is good and right for meto feel pleasure, that I don't
have to do penance or I don'thave to repent for feeling
pleasure, that I don't have tofeel pleasure according to
somebody else's schedule, right?
I don't have to feel pleasureaccording to somebody else's
schedule, right?
Could just kind of went intothis whole idea around unlocking
my own internal permission tofeel good often, all the time.
(21:32):
As much as possible, right, asmuch as possible.
We're not gonna feel good allthe time, that's bullshit, Don't
listen to that.
But like as much as possibleThat too often I hide my own
light, i snuff out my own flamebecause I feel like for some
reason I didn't deserve it or,yeah, that I didn't deserve it.
So that's how I stumbled acrossthis fancy new way to use EFT
(21:55):
in my life last week.
So when we were first startingout, there were these kind of
broad strokes around fear andaround shame and worthiness, and
so you know, if you're on theBrad Yates YouTube channel
looking for the right video, youmight be Googling releasing
emotional pain or for anxiety orfor panic or for loneliness, or
(22:19):
you might be searching bysymptom.
But then the better we get, westart searching by benefit,
right?
Like I wanna feel joy, i wannafeel free, i wanna feel
abundance, i wanna attract love,i wanna and so part of the
reason that this works soeffectively is what I referenced
earlier that it allows yourbrain to function in a balanced
way so that it does not perceivethat it is threatened.
(22:41):
Because when we are activelyexperiencing a trauma, or our
brain thinks we're experiencinga trauma, even though it's
actually over, the brain feelsthreatened.
It's going to be absolutelyzeroed in on survival and
nothing else and it is not gonnabe open to adaptive information
.
But when you've used EFT for aseries of time and your brain
(23:03):
becomes open to adaptiveinformation, there's where we
start to transform ourinternalized negative beliefs
that we probably picked upbefore we were seven years old
and really embrace new beliefsabout worth and about what's
possible.
And so I hope that you'restarting to connect the dots
(23:25):
that all the things we talkabout on this podcast whether
it's manifesting, or it's EFT,or it's EMDR, or it's homeopathy
, or it's attracting new love,or it's understanding how to get
unstuck emotionally, or it'sgrieving our losses that all of
these things are interconnected.
Love that changing ourunderlying negative beliefs is
(23:49):
how we grieve our losses.
It's how we generate self-love.
It's how we manifest withintention all of your desires,
that EFT and EMDR and journalingare tools we use to transform
those negative beliefs.
(24:10):
So let's talk a little bit aboutthe difference between EFT and
EMDR.
They are both fantastic toolsthat can create very similar, if
not identical, outcomesdepending on how they're used,
right.
So I think that the keydifference between EFT and EMDR
(24:32):
let's say there are two One isEFT and EMDR just activate the
mind-body slightly differently.
Right, eft relies onacupressure points in the body
to balance the energy in themind-body.
Eft relies on the kind of thesimplicity, if you will, in EMDR
(24:59):
of bilateral stimulation.
It's just left-right, right Andboth tools allow your brain to
access adaptive information,meaning I used to see it one way
and now, after applying thistype of sensory stimulation, i
(25:22):
can now consider a different way.
That's what adaptiveinformation is.
It's new information that helpsme function differently, given
that I now can take in new ideas, new thoughts, new beliefs
about this old experience.
So I think some things toconsider about this are that EFT
(25:46):
is known to be something youcan use on your own at home with
yourself, that you don't need afacilitator to do it.
Ps.
I feel the same way about EMDR,but most therapists will not
say that to you.
You're not gonna get very manymental health providers to say
(26:06):
to you absolutely EMDR yourself,absolutely EMDR yourself.
However I have, i do, and Iteach my clients to do it as
well.
They don't.
Very often, because we getscared about a thing right, we
tend to defer to the people whowe see as experts, rather than
(26:27):
saying I can become an expert inthis right.
But you can become an expert inthis love and I'm happy to
teach you how to become anexpert in it, because I want you
to be in charge of your ownwellness and I don't want you to
feel like you have to bedependent on healers to do it.
Yes, we all need healers.
I need healers, you needhealers.
We all need healers because weneed that Me Too, babe
(26:47):
experience, because we needsomebody to hold a mirror up for
us so we can see that we kindof that was hidden inside that
we couldn't see.
But you don't need a healerbecause you can't do it right.
It's just because we are a we,we are meant to be in
cooperation with each other.
We're meant to be together.
(27:07):
We are meant to commune andcollaborate and love and connect
.
That's how we're biologicallywired for loving, belonging, as
Bernay Brown would say right, SoI don't want you to be
dependent on a healer to fearthat you can't heal without a
healer.
We can all show up as healersfor each other, right?
I want you to start claimingthis for yourself.
(27:29):
So EFT is known to be like atake home DIY tool.
Emdr could be as well, and bothalso can be used in a therapy
session in a way that helps youmove from subconscious kind of
functioning without realizingthe underlying beliefs that are
(27:50):
driving all of those thoughts,feelings and beliefs, to a
conscious awareness, to aninsight rich.
Oh, i understand now.
This is the new belief I needto embody And both EFT and EMDR
can help me internalize that newpositive belief.
So EFT uses acupressure pointsthroughout the upper body and
(28:14):
the head.
Emdr uses bilateral, just left,right, simplified kind of
metronomy stimulation, abutterfly tap It's also been
called right.
So it's just two different waysof stimulating the mind body.
Well, we're using a mind, athought-based technique, a
physical, sensory stimulationthat allows us to process and
(28:37):
reprocess emotion, memory, oldbeliefs and to transmute those
into positive beliefs.
So, yes, they functiondifferently, they may light up
different parts of the brain,but they're both really powerful
(28:57):
tools.
They're both really powerfultools for trauma, for anxiety,
for depression, for all of thosepainful things where we're
stuck and we can't seem to mmRelease.
Whatever the suffering is.
(29:19):
Eft is something you couldabsolutely get started with
right away Now.
It has a cumulative effect.
So EFT is something I love touse on a very consistent basis
when I'm working to shift a veryspecific negative belief.
If I do it once a day, i'mgoing to get great results.
If I do it once a week, i'mgoing to get mediocre results,
(29:40):
probably.
So keep that in mind.
If you could do it twice a day,even better.
If you're like me, you'reprobably not going to remember,
just like anything, right?
If I set a reminder on my phoneand if I have the willingness
to do it, then I'm going to getthe results, which is just so
worth it.
So what would keep somebody fromusing a tool like this?
(30:02):
If it's so good, don?
if you're telling me that thisis so good, why don't more
people do it?
Why isn't it more popular?
Why are people still suffering?
Great questions, great questions, and I think that there are two
things about that.
Number one the mind likes thepath of least resistance.
So we like what is familiar andwe like what we know works now.
(30:28):
So if I'm feeling anxious and Iknow that I can go have a glass
of wine, take a pill and scrollInstagram and shut that shit
down, and I know that that'sgoing to work and I know what
I'm going to get as a result ofit, then that is what I'm most
likely going to do.
If you tell me to tap all overmy body and not use those tools
(30:52):
that I just told you, i'm notgoing to take the pill, not
going to drink the wine, notgoing to scroll the Instagram.
I'm going to feel biggerfeelings first, before they get
better, right, the stuff is allgoing to bubble up and then I'm
going to feel afraid and I'mgoing to feel uncertain and I'm
not going to know exactly what'shappening at first, and that is
going to feel dysregulating.
(31:14):
Then the brain gets hooked intothat whole survival thing that I
was mentioning earlier.
Right, when you start to accessyour traumas, when you start to
access your pains, your brainsays, oh no, survival is an
issue, shut it down, right.
So why don't people do it moreoften?
Because it involves getting inthere and feeling all the things
(31:37):
.
When you're doing that in atherapist's office or in your
pastor's office or in yourgirlfriend's house.
It's like, oh, there's somebodyhere to ground me, There's
somebody here to keep me fromfeeling like I'm going to float
away and combust right Versususing a tool like this at home
and it getting all messy.
Whether it's any of thesethings, there's a certain fear
in there that you can't trustyourself, that you can't trust
(32:00):
that you're going to be okay,that you're not going to have a
panic attack, that you're notgoing to panic about having a
panic attack, right?
So just notice that that a lotof times we don't do the things
because we're scared, because wedon't trust ourselves, because
we don't know what to expect,because culturally that is not
what's popular.
What is popular culturally isto numb it down.
So that's the first thing.
(32:20):
The second thing is EFT, emdr,any of these tools.
They are the ladder to yoursuccess.
They are not your success.
So what do I mean by that?
These tools like EFT, emdr,journaling, you name it.
They are the rungs of theladder as I climb up towards
(32:43):
having a really positive,internalized belief about myself
.
They are the thing that helpedme climb towards peace, towards
freedom, towards feeling thatreally delicious, gooey sense of
self-love and self-acceptanceand connection with people
(33:04):
around me and attracting andmanifesting all the things that
I desire, turning my thoughtsinto things, whether it be a
relationship or a dream job orreally great relationship with
my kids, and feeling reallyproud of myself.
These tools are the ladder onwhich I climb.
So I'm not going to do EFTtapping once or even a dozen
times and suddenly I don'tstruggle or I don't feel pain.
(33:26):
That's not how it works.
We use the tools so that we canhave awareness, so that we can
make more insightful choices, sothat we can start to live in a
different way.
But just because we're livingfrom a place of awareness and
consciousness and not astraumatized people doesn't mean
(33:48):
we don't feel pain.
I still stub my toe, i stillhave bad days, i still get all
up in my feelings, i still reactto something my husband says or
does, or a family member saysor does, or like.
Life is still life, love, justbecause we heal.
So sometimes I think we look atpeople who are really at least
I can say this sometimes peoplelook at me and they say, dawn,
(34:11):
you still feel pain or you stillstruggle sometimes.
Does this stuff really work?
Is it really worth it Becausewe just struggle to trust, and I
think that so much of this workthat we talk about healing from
our traumas, finding self-love,finding self-acceptance, moving
(34:34):
on from divorce, trustingourselves it is the thing that
we're reaching for, because whatis peace other than feeling
like I can trust myself and Ican trust my higher power, my
God, and that is the ease fromwhich everything else comes from
.
(34:55):
I don't have to worry abouttrusting you.
If I trust myself and I trustmy God, i don't even have to
worry about trusting you.
I'm just going to know if it'saligned or it's not.
I'm just going to know capitalK-N-O-W, i'm just going to know.
So EFT tapping is absolutely aladder that can help you climb
to everything that you want.
(35:16):
However, it's not going to keepyou from never feeling pain
again.
In fact, it's going to feelworse before it feels better,
and you have to be consistentwith it.
And I would love nothing morethan for you to say, oh my gosh,
i started tapping and my lifecompletely changed, because that
(35:39):
is absolutely what's availableto you with this tool.
So definitely, when we're done,check out the show notes, check
out the app and the YouTubechannel so you can get a feeling
for their different right.
They're different, just likeone therapist would appeal to
one person and one therapistwould appeal to another, or this
(36:00):
podcast appeals to you and thatpodcast appeals to someone else
, like it's the same thing withtapping right.
So don't watch one tappingvideo from one person and say
like oh, that didn't resonate,like tapping is not for me.
Just know that there are a lotof different personalities or
people out there that can teachyou how to tap.
And ultimately, i want you tolearn the pattern so that when
(36:20):
you're sitting in car line orwherever, you can just kind of
break it out and do the thingright, because that's true
emotional freedom.
Okay, i am so, so excited foryou to do this.
I can't wait to hear whichtapping video you do first and
exactly how silly you feel doingit.
But just do it anyway becauseit doesn't matter.
Like your healing and youclimbing that ladder is way more
(36:40):
important than what that ladyover there in car line thinks of
you.
Okay, so just do the thing.
I love you so much, i'm so, soexcited and I believe in you.
Talk soon.
Thanks, dear.
Divorce Diary is a podcast byMy Coach, dawn.
(37:01):
You can find more atMyCoachDawncom.
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