April 4, 2023 • 19 mins
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In a moment of insecurity, I faced a powerful urge to reach for something familiar. But by resisting this temptation, I saw the connection between this urge and the habit of reaching back to our past when feeling uncertain. Little did I know this decision would unlock a powerful lesson about resilience and the importance of moving forward.
"When you're in a growth space, the step forward will always feel a little bit scary. And that's the whole point."
In this episode, you will be able to:
- Find the key to resist reverting to old patterns in high-pressure situations.
- Comprehend the role of core beliefs in fostering growth and making strides.
- Develop tactics to interrupt cyclic behaviors and take steps toward your goals.
- Embrace obstacles as doorways to growth and increased momentum.
- Appreciate your progress and trust in the ongoing process of transformation.
Post Divorce Roadmap - 21 Days of Guided Journaling
Join The list for A Different D Word, our personalized healing program.
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MyCoachDawn
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dawnwiggins/
On the Web: https://www.mycoachdawn.com
A podcast exploring the journey of life after divorce, delving into topics like divorce grief, loneliness, anxiety, manifesting, the impact of different attachment styles and codependency, setting healthy boundaries, energy healing with homeopathy, managing the nervous system during divorce depression, understanding the stages of divorce grief, and using the Law of Attraction and EMDR therapy in the process of building your confidence, forgiveness and letting go.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hi, love, this is Dawn and you're listening to
Dear Divorce Diary with my coach, dawn, where we explore the
post-divorce life and you, thewoman who lives it.
We cover everything from traumaduring and after divorce to
feeling like a stranger in yourown life and the new frontier of
life as a single woman.
Cozy in for the conversationswe've been longing to have about
(00:27):
this new life.
Hi, love, you're here and I'mso glad we have such a rich
topic to discuss today and itliterally hit me in the face
(00:47):
this weekend.
So I was having, let's call it,a stressful inner experience.
You can relate to that and it'sbecause I'm challenging myself
to grow and in those growthphases we get insecure, i get
(01:11):
insecure, and so in the midst ofthis kind of insecure growth
space that I was in this weekend, it was late Saturday night and
it was time to take a showerand wind down and get ready for
bed and I was in the shower andkind of spun out trying to get
grounded, trying to get my witsabout me.
(01:32):
The shower is a lot of.
It's a tool that I use a lot toget grounded, but one of the
first things I do when I get inthe shower.
You have an order that you doin the shower, right?
you have your very own specific.
You know what you do first andwhat you do second and what you
do third, right?
So one of the first things I dois wash my face, and if you
(01:54):
follow me on social media, ifyou watch my Instagram stories,
you may or may not know that Iswitched skincare products this
year.
I switched to a product calledBamboo Earth, and it's the face
wash that I use in the shower isan oil cleanser, and so I was
reaching to wash my face and allI wanted to do I had the
(02:17):
strongest urge to use my oldface wash and it was sitting
right there on the other side ofthe shower, right like my old,
which I loved, my old face wash,but it's you know, it's like
soap, it like lathers, and youknow exactly how to use it and
you know exactly how to get theresults and it's like just one
step and done.
And you know the oil cleanserthere's like a more of a
protocol to it.
Right, it's a little morecomplicated.
(02:38):
So it was so fascinating howstrong and powerful the urge was
to use the other face wash and,because I am so analytical
loves.
This immediately caught myattention and I was like, oh
shit, what is this about?
and then, like a half secondafter that was this is what we
(03:01):
do.
We're stressed out and we'reinsecure and we go back and we
call our ex and we get onFacebook Messenger with our high
school boyfriend and we go back.
Oh, can you relate to that love?
that that is, the strongesturge we have when we are in an
(03:23):
insecure space is to reachbackwards to the thing that once
upon a time worked for me, andI know it.
I know how it works, i knowwhat it feels like, how it
smells, how it.
I understand everything aboutthis old thing and it feels like
the only thing that will sootheme right now.
(03:44):
And so I didn't use the oldface wash.
I didn't.
I was able to recognize in thatmoment the urge, how it
correlates to looking backwardsto our exes and to our high
school boyfriends and that kindof thing.
You know how many people havetold me stories about in our
post divorce situation how theyended up on Facebook Messenger
(04:07):
with their high school boyfriend.
I know, i know your face is alittle red right now.
And then I was able torecognize that the thoughts I
was having, and these thoughtswere crazy, they were wild.
They were wild thoughts about,like what's the purpose of it
all?
Like, so, yes, love, i go tothat place sometimes to the
(04:29):
what's it all mean, what's itall for, why Right?
So from that kind of reallyspun out, like what is the
purpose of all of this spot.
Once I realized that go backurge, i was able to say, oh, i'm
going back to old negativeconceptions of myself and of
life.
Even my thoughts right now areseeking that old comforting
(04:54):
pattern.
My negative emotion is seekingthat old comforting pattern to
just say it's all screwed andnothing matters.
Oh, that is a strategy Our mind, body has used to cope in the
past, or maybe even in thepresent right.
So once that was clear for methat all of those strategies
were online, those oldstrategies, then I said to
(05:17):
myself, okay, now what Right?
Which is exactly where we areRight.
Like, okay, dawn, yes, youcaught me.
I've been messaging with my highschool boyfriend on messenger,
mm, hmm, now what Right?
And there are a couple ofthings about that.
Now what?
Because?
(05:37):
is there?
would there have been anythingwrong with me using the face
wash?
No, no, there's no likehorrible consequence for me
using the old face wash, right,but it's not aligned with my
goals for my skincare, right.
I have new goals and using theold face wash would not have
been in alignment.
And if I make a decision that'snot an alignment once, twice,
(05:59):
three times, no big deal.
But if we start doing that overand over and over again, then
we are no longer moving in thedirection of our goals, we're
moving in the direction of ourpast.
We're just like going backdoing the old thing Right.
So so, because it wasn't justthe face wash, it was also the
thoughts and the feelings that Iwas having about myself and
(06:19):
life and whatnot, i knew that Ireally had to get grounded, like
, really, really, it was time todouble down on getting grounded
in what is what I'm going torefer to as good right, true,
capital T, true thought.
And what I'm going to describeto you next is something that I
have been talking about withclients in the last couple of
(06:42):
weeks, clients who are havingthe hardest struggle right, the
clients who are kind of really,really in it in such a painful
way.
The thing that I ask them whenthey're struggling to get
momentum in a positive directionis what do you believe about
(07:05):
the whole purpose and meaning oflife?
Do you fundamentally believethat the universe is for you, or
that you are a victim of chaosand it doesn't matter how hard
you work, that ultimately you'restill gonna struggle and suffer
?
And I think that being able tomove forward when we've been
(07:29):
looking back really boils downto what we believe about that.
Do we believe, at the end ofthe day, that God, the universe,
the thing that keeps this fearspinning in the galaxy, right
Like?
do we believe that it is allworking together for good and
that all I have to know is howto hack into that flow?
(07:49):
or are we all just victims ofan evil plot?
And for me, i truly believethat we, that this is all
purposeful, meaningful, and thatif we hack into what is good,
we hack into the flow of spirit,of life force, if we know how
to use that to our advantage,that we unlock all the good
(08:13):
things, that, yes, painfulthings happen to all people, and
how we respond to those painfulthings dictates the momentum in
the direction forward orbackwards, right.
And so I want you to really askyourself what do you believe?
Not what have you been taught?
Not what does the Bible say,not what does it feel like today
(08:37):
?
Because, you know, when I was inthe thick of it, in the middle
of divorce, i just kept askingdoes true love actually exist?
Does unconditional loveactually exist?
What is even possible in theworld of relationships?
And it doesn't matter what Ihad been taught or what beliefs
(08:59):
I had been exposed to, becausein those moments of darkness I
lost my way right.
I was struggling to believethat love could actually be a
sustainable, comforting thingthat could see me through to the
end of my life.
I completely lost my way, andso maybe at that time I couldn't
(09:27):
be in touch with whether or nota loving marriage was possible
or a loving, long-term,committed relationship was
possible.
But I could get clear that Godhad my back, and I think that
when we really get clear thatGod, or the universe, or however
you call it right has your back, has my back, and that, as long
(09:52):
as we are moving in thedirection of alignment and I'm
not talking about being good orfollowing certain rules, i'm
talking about really getting toknow yourself and your purpose
and what lights you up rightYour gifts, your gifts that you
were born with.
That's what I mean by alignment.
I don't mean alignment as likegetting it right or doing it
(10:12):
good.
If you believe that theuniverse has your back and you
are moving in the direction ofliving in your gifts and finding
joy, then all will be well.
That doesn't mean it's nevergonna be hard, of course it's
gonna be hard as I'll get out,but all will be well and you
will enjoy your life.
So the face wash was really oneof those moments where I got to
(10:39):
ask myself Don you say youbelieve this thing?
where is the action to back itup?
If I believe that the universehas my back, then my job is to
walk that out, one choice at atime.
And we've been talking a lotlately about central nervous
(11:01):
system regulation.
We talk about how do we keepmoving forward, how do we let go
and how do we keep movingforward, and the way we do it is
in those moments where I couldgo back or I could go forward.
I make the choice to go forward.
That's how we build muscle.
(11:22):
Working out with Colleen, shecalls it progressive overload.
That's what central nervoussystem coaches will teach you
Progressive exposure within awindow of tolerance.
We're not talking about goingfaster than your vibration can
sustain, but progressiveoverload, progressive exposure
to hard things.
(11:42):
In those moments where you feellike going back, laying down,
giving up, it's taking a breath,taking a step and doing the
thing.
Last week, producer Joy and Iwere taking a walk and having a
conversation about but can Iheal enough so that I don't feel
(12:04):
afraid to do the thing, or do Iheal feeling afraid by just
doing the thing?
And the answer is you willnever get so healed that you
don't feel afraid to take thestep.
When you're in a growth space,the step is always going to feel
(12:26):
a little bit scary, and that'sthe whole point.
Love is, you cannot buildmuscle without doing that
workout that actually tears yourlittle muscle fibers apart a
bit.
You cannot Teach your centralnervous system to be able to
(12:47):
tolerate stressful thingswithout exposing your central
nervous system to stressfulthings.
You cannot be able to Be an oaktree in the face of a hard
thing without Taking the stepsto become the oak tree.
So, love, when you are doing thegoing back thing, when and even
(13:10):
sometimes, going back doesn'tlook like going back, you know
how sometimes you just want tolike rage at your ex PS.
That's still going back.
It may not be going back in thekind of romantic sense, right,
like in the longing, like the ohyou know, kind of Romanticizing
the whole thing, but butwanting to go back and give them
the what for it's still goingback love.
(13:33):
So when you're in the goingback space, even if you're doing
it right now, right, if you'vebeen kind of struggling not to
loop About your ex or your highschool boyfriend or whomever it
is, know that Going back isgoing back, it's not moving
forward, it's not advancing yourgoals and And the only way
(14:00):
you're truly gonna advance yourgoals is Over time, when you
feel the urge to go back tointerrupt.
There are a lot of times wherepeople come to session and they
say to me Either I relapsed onwhatever right, i relapsed on
calling, or I didn't do thehomework, or I relapsed on
(14:22):
whatever I agreed to do donwhatever it is that you and I
agreed that I would do in mylast session.
Have you all seen that?
y'all seen the reels latelyabout people kind of Making
adorable fun at not doing thething you agreed to do in your
therapy session?
like they're hysterical.
They make me laugh so hard.
Okay, but when people come tosession and they say They
(14:42):
relapsed on doing the thing theyagreed They either were we're
not gonna do in session, i Offera lot of grace, so much grace.
I'm like no problem, got it.
Okay, let's move forward.
Right?
No problem, got it, let's moveforward.
So let me be really clear righthere.
If you've been relapsing, nobig deal, let it go Going back
(15:02):
and rehearsing what you couldhave, should have, would have
done.
You know, the last couple ofweeks or months not worth it.
We, we just always move forward.
We just do grace and we moveforward.
But know that to really movethe needle on your goals, to
move the needle on having agreater sense of security, more
love in your heart, betterself-esteem, someday having a
(15:24):
Sustainable loving relationship,regardless of what that looks
like, right, just feeling happy,right.
If those are your goals, thenthe only way you're gonna do
that is that when you have theurge to go back, you interrupt
it and you do somethingdifferent and you take a step
forward.
And that's gonna mean somethinglike using breathing exercises,
(15:44):
doing an EFT, tapping video,journaling about what you're
grateful for, what your goalsare, on, what step you can take
next to move forward rather thanbackwards.
It's gonna be calling a friendand saying that you're
struggling to go forward andthat you need help doing it.
In that moment It's gonna begoing back to answering that big
, big, big question, which iswhat do I believe?
(16:04):
Does the universe have my backor not?
You have the framework, youknow part of going forward.
The reason that's scary isbecause we feel like we don't
have the framework.
We don't know what it lookslike.
It's gonna be uncertain, butyou know what?
Yes, okay, it is uncertain, butif we believe that the universe
has our back, then is it reallyuncertain, is it?
(16:27):
it's not anymore uncertain thanbeing on an adventure in a
foreign country And you don'tknow exactly what's gonna happen
all the time.
But you know, you know you'regonna have fun and it's gonna be
cool.
And like are you maybe gonnalose your luggage at the airport
?
I don't know, maybe, but likeit's worth it.
Right, it's worth it becauseit's an adventure.
This is that, with the beliefthat the universe has your back.
(16:52):
And so then the framework is Weuse the tools and we steps, we
take steps forward and we trustthat all the rest is gonna fill
in, because it is love.
It's already filling in.
You've already made so muchmore progress than you realize.
I know that for a fact.
Sometimes it takes a moment forall of those gains you've been
(17:15):
working towards to consolidateand to float to the surface, for
them to be super visible.
But you're already doing it.
You've already done so much Andthis is just helping you unhook
that going back thing a littlebit more.
A little bit more right?
Because look, here I am and Iwent back.
(17:37):
Well, i got invited to go back.
I didn't go back, right, but,but I got invited to go back and
in my thinking and in myfeeling, i did temporarily go
back.
So so it's okay, we all go back, but it's.
How can we then go forward againwith more clarity and with more
conviction?
and, having grown a littleevery time, you know that image
(18:02):
of a bow and arrow where, inorder to shoot the arrow, you
actually have to pull the bowback to create tension so that
the arrow has the momentum andthe force to propel forward,
right?
Sometimes we really shameourselves for going back and we
say I should be further, ishould do better, i should not
(18:26):
be repeating this behavior.
I challenge that.
This is where you add somegrace and you acknowledge that
every time I pull the arrow backin the bow, it creates the
tension and the force to propelit forward much faster.
And that's what this is.
This is a moment of rather thanjust unconsciously going back,
(18:51):
adding awareness and thenpropelling yourself forward.
And, oh man, i'm so clear thatyou're going to do amazing
things as you propel forward.
I love you so much.
Peace, dear Divorce.
(19:11):
Diary is a podcast by My Coach,dawn.
You can find more atMyCoachDawncom.
Hi, love, this is Dawn and you're listening to
Dear Divorce Diary with my coach, dawn, where we explore the
post-divorce life and you, thewoman who lives it.
We cover everything from traumaduring and after divorce to
feeling like a stranger in yourown life and the new frontier of
life as a single woman.
Cozy in for the conversationswe've been longing to have about
(00:27):
this new life.
Hi, love, you're here and I'mso glad we have such a rich
topic to discuss today and itliterally hit me in the face
(00:47):
this weekend.
So I was having, let's call it,a stressful inner experience.
You can relate to that and it'sbecause I'm challenging myself
to grow and in those growthphases we get insecure, i get
(01:11):
insecure, and so in the midst ofthis kind of insecure growth
space that I was in this weekend, it was late Saturday night and
it was time to take a showerand wind down and get ready for
bed and I was in the shower andkind of spun out trying to get
grounded, trying to get my witsabout me.
(01:32):
The shower is a lot of.
It's a tool that I use a lot toget grounded, but one of the
first things I do when I get inthe shower.
You have an order that you doin the shower, right?
you have your very own specific.
You know what you do first andwhat you do second and what you
do third, right?
So one of the first things I dois wash my face, and if you
(01:54):
follow me on social media, ifyou watch my Instagram stories,
you may or may not know that Iswitched skincare products this
year.
I switched to a product calledBamboo Earth, and it's the face
wash that I use in the shower isan oil cleanser, and so I was
reaching to wash my face and allI wanted to do I had the
(02:17):
strongest urge to use my oldface wash and it was sitting
right there on the other side ofthe shower, right like my old,
which I loved, my old face wash,but it's you know, it's like
soap, it like lathers, and youknow exactly how to use it and
you know exactly how to get theresults and it's like just one
step and done.
And you know the oil cleanserthere's like a more of a
protocol to it.
Right, it's a little morecomplicated.
(02:38):
So it was so fascinating howstrong and powerful the urge was
to use the other face wash and,because I am so analytical
loves.
This immediately caught myattention and I was like, oh
shit, what is this about?
and then, like a half secondafter that was this is what we
(03:01):
do.
We're stressed out and we'reinsecure and we go back and we
call our ex and we get onFacebook Messenger with our high
school boyfriend and we go back.
Oh, can you relate to that love?
that that is, the strongesturge we have when we are in an
(03:23):
insecure space is to reachbackwards to the thing that once
upon a time worked for me, andI know it.
I know how it works, i knowwhat it feels like, how it
smells, how it.
I understand everything aboutthis old thing and it feels like
the only thing that will sootheme right now.
(03:44):
And so I didn't use the oldface wash.
I didn't.
I was able to recognize in thatmoment the urge, how it
correlates to looking backwardsto our exes and to our high
school boyfriends and that kindof thing.
You know how many people havetold me stories about in our
post divorce situation how theyended up on Facebook Messenger
(04:07):
with their high school boyfriend.
I know, i know your face is alittle red right now.
And then I was able torecognize that the thoughts I
was having, and these thoughtswere crazy, they were wild.
They were wild thoughts about,like what's the purpose of it
all?
Like, so, yes, love, i go tothat place sometimes to the
(04:29):
what's it all mean, what's itall for, why Right?
So from that kind of reallyspun out, like what is the
purpose of all of this spot.
Once I realized that go backurge, i was able to say, oh, i'm
going back to old negativeconceptions of myself and of
life.
Even my thoughts right now areseeking that old comforting
(04:54):
pattern.
My negative emotion is seekingthat old comforting pattern to
just say it's all screwed andnothing matters.
Oh, that is a strategy Our mind, body has used to cope in the
past, or maybe even in thepresent right.
So once that was clear for methat all of those strategies
were online, those oldstrategies, then I said to
(05:17):
myself, okay, now what Right?
Which is exactly where we areRight.
Like, okay, dawn, yes, youcaught me.
I've been messaging with my highschool boyfriend on messenger,
mm, hmm, now what Right?
And there are a couple ofthings about that.
Now what?
Because?
(05:37):
is there?
would there have been anythingwrong with me using the face
wash?
No, no, there's no likehorrible consequence for me
using the old face wash, right,but it's not aligned with my
goals for my skincare, right.
I have new goals and using theold face wash would not have
been in alignment.
And if I make a decision that'snot an alignment once, twice,
(05:59):
three times, no big deal.
But if we start doing that overand over and over again, then
we are no longer moving in thedirection of our goals, we're
moving in the direction of ourpast.
We're just like going backdoing the old thing Right.
So so, because it wasn't justthe face wash, it was also the
thoughts and the feelings that Iwas having about myself and
(06:19):
life and whatnot, i knew that Ireally had to get grounded, like
, really, really, it was time todouble down on getting grounded
in what is what I'm going torefer to as good right, true,
capital T, true thought.
And what I'm going to describeto you next is something that I
have been talking about withclients in the last couple of
(06:42):
weeks, clients who are havingthe hardest struggle right, the
clients who are kind of really,really in it in such a painful
way.
The thing that I ask them whenthey're struggling to get
momentum in a positive directionis what do you believe about
(07:05):
the whole purpose and meaning oflife?
Do you fundamentally believethat the universe is for you, or
that you are a victim of chaosand it doesn't matter how hard
you work, that ultimately you'restill gonna struggle and suffer
?
And I think that being able tomove forward when we've been
(07:29):
looking back really boils downto what we believe about that.
Do we believe, at the end ofthe day, that God, the universe,
the thing that keeps this fearspinning in the galaxy, right
Like?
do we believe that it is allworking together for good and
that all I have to know is howto hack into that flow?
(07:49):
or are we all just victims ofan evil plot?
And for me, i truly believethat we, that this is all
purposeful, meaningful, and thatif we hack into what is good,
we hack into the flow of spirit,of life force, if we know how
to use that to our advantage,that we unlock all the good
(08:13):
things, that, yes, painfulthings happen to all people, and
how we respond to those painfulthings dictates the momentum in
the direction forward orbackwards, right.
And so I want you to really askyourself what do you believe?
Not what have you been taught?
Not what does the Bible say,not what does it feel like today
(08:37):
?
Because, you know, when I was inthe thick of it, in the middle
of divorce, i just kept askingdoes true love actually exist?
Does unconditional loveactually exist?
What is even possible in theworld of relationships?
And it doesn't matter what Ihad been taught or what beliefs
(08:59):
I had been exposed to, becausein those moments of darkness I
lost my way right.
I was struggling to believethat love could actually be a
sustainable, comforting thingthat could see me through to the
end of my life.
I completely lost my way, andso maybe at that time I couldn't
(09:27):
be in touch with whether or nota loving marriage was possible
or a loving, long-term,committed relationship was
possible.
But I could get clear that Godhad my back, and I think that
when we really get clear thatGod, or the universe, or however
you call it right has your back, has my back, and that, as long
(09:52):
as we are moving in thedirection of alignment and I'm
not talking about being good orfollowing certain rules, i'm
talking about really getting toknow yourself and your purpose
and what lights you up rightYour gifts, your gifts that you
were born with.
That's what I mean by alignment.
I don't mean alignment as likegetting it right or doing it
(10:12):
good.
If you believe that theuniverse has your back and you
are moving in the direction ofliving in your gifts and finding
joy, then all will be well.
That doesn't mean it's nevergonna be hard, of course it's
gonna be hard as I'll get out,but all will be well and you
will enjoy your life.
So the face wash was really oneof those moments where I got to
(10:39):
ask myself Don you say youbelieve this thing?
where is the action to back itup?
If I believe that the universehas my back, then my job is to
walk that out, one choice at atime.
And we've been talking a lotlately about central nervous
(11:01):
system regulation.
We talk about how do we keepmoving forward, how do we let go
and how do we keep movingforward, and the way we do it is
in those moments where I couldgo back or I could go forward.
I make the choice to go forward.
That's how we build muscle.
(11:22):
Working out with Colleen, shecalls it progressive overload.
That's what central nervoussystem coaches will teach you
Progressive exposure within awindow of tolerance.
We're not talking about goingfaster than your vibration can
sustain, but progressiveoverload, progressive exposure
to hard things.
(11:42):
In those moments where you feellike going back, laying down,
giving up, it's taking a breath,taking a step and doing the
thing.
Last week, producer Joy and Iwere taking a walk and having a
conversation about but can Iheal enough so that I don't feel
(12:04):
afraid to do the thing, or do Iheal feeling afraid by just
doing the thing?
And the answer is you willnever get so healed that you
don't feel afraid to take thestep.
When you're in a growth space,the step is always going to feel
(12:26):
a little bit scary, and that'sthe whole point.
Love is, you cannot buildmuscle without doing that
workout that actually tears yourlittle muscle fibers apart a
bit.
You cannot Teach your centralnervous system to be able to
(12:47):
tolerate stressful thingswithout exposing your central
nervous system to stressfulthings.
You cannot be able to Be an oaktree in the face of a hard
thing without Taking the stepsto become the oak tree.
So, love, when you are doing thegoing back thing, when and even
(13:10):
sometimes, going back doesn'tlook like going back, you know
how sometimes you just want tolike rage at your ex PS.
That's still going back.
It may not be going back in thekind of romantic sense, right,
like in the longing, like the ohyou know, kind of Romanticizing
the whole thing, but butwanting to go back and give them
the what for it's still goingback love.
(13:33):
So when you're in the goingback space, even if you're doing
it right now, right, if you'vebeen kind of struggling not to
loop About your ex or your highschool boyfriend or whomever it
is, know that Going back isgoing back, it's not moving
forward, it's not advancing yourgoals and And the only way
(14:00):
you're truly gonna advance yourgoals is Over time, when you
feel the urge to go back tointerrupt.
There are a lot of times wherepeople come to session and they
say to me Either I relapsed onwhatever right, i relapsed on
calling, or I didn't do thehomework, or I relapsed on
(14:22):
whatever I agreed to do donwhatever it is that you and I
agreed that I would do in mylast session.
Have you all seen that?
y'all seen the reels latelyabout people kind of Making
adorable fun at not doing thething you agreed to do in your
therapy session?
like they're hysterical.
They make me laugh so hard.
Okay, but when people come tosession and they say They
(14:42):
relapsed on doing the thing theyagreed They either were we're
not gonna do in session, i Offera lot of grace, so much grace.
I'm like no problem, got it.
Okay, let's move forward.
Right?
No problem, got it, let's moveforward.
So let me be really clear righthere.
If you've been relapsing, nobig deal, let it go Going back
(15:02):
and rehearsing what you couldhave, should have, would have
done.
You know, the last couple ofweeks or months not worth it.
We, we just always move forward.
We just do grace and we moveforward.
But know that to really movethe needle on your goals, to
move the needle on having agreater sense of security, more
love in your heart, betterself-esteem, someday having a
(15:24):
Sustainable loving relationship,regardless of what that looks
like, right, just feeling happy,right.
If those are your goals, thenthe only way you're gonna do
that is that when you have theurge to go back, you interrupt
it and you do somethingdifferent and you take a step
forward.
And that's gonna mean somethinglike using breathing exercises,
(15:44):
doing an EFT, tapping video,journaling about what you're
grateful for, what your goalsare, on, what step you can take
next to move forward rather thanbackwards.
It's gonna be calling a friendand saying that you're
struggling to go forward andthat you need help doing it.
In that moment It's gonna begoing back to answering that big
, big, big question, which iswhat do I believe?
(16:04):
Does the universe have my backor not?
You have the framework, youknow part of going forward.
The reason that's scary isbecause we feel like we don't
have the framework.
We don't know what it lookslike.
It's gonna be uncertain, butyou know what?
Yes, okay, it is uncertain, butif we believe that the universe
has our back, then is it reallyuncertain, is it?
(16:27):
it's not anymore uncertain thanbeing on an adventure in a
foreign country And you don'tknow exactly what's gonna happen
all the time.
But you know, you know you'regonna have fun and it's gonna be
cool.
And like are you maybe gonnalose your luggage at the airport
?
I don't know, maybe, but likeit's worth it.
Right, it's worth it becauseit's an adventure.
This is that, with the beliefthat the universe has your back.
(16:52):
And so then the framework is Weuse the tools and we steps, we
take steps forward and we trustthat all the rest is gonna fill
in, because it is love.
It's already filling in.
You've already made so muchmore progress than you realize.
I know that for a fact.
Sometimes it takes a moment forall of those gains you've been
(17:15):
working towards to consolidateand to float to the surface, for
them to be super visible.
But you're already doing it.
You've already done so much Andthis is just helping you unhook
that going back thing a littlebit more.
A little bit more right?
Because look, here I am and Iwent back.
(17:37):
Well, i got invited to go back.
I didn't go back, right, but,but I got invited to go back and
in my thinking and in myfeeling, i did temporarily go
back.
So so it's okay, we all go back, but it's.
How can we then go forward againwith more clarity and with more
conviction?
and, having grown a littleevery time, you know that image
(18:02):
of a bow and arrow where, inorder to shoot the arrow, you
actually have to pull the bowback to create tension so that
the arrow has the momentum andthe force to propel forward,
right?
Sometimes we really shameourselves for going back and we
say I should be further, ishould do better, i should not
(18:26):
be repeating this behavior.
I challenge that.
This is where you add somegrace and you acknowledge that
every time I pull the arrow backin the bow, it creates the
tension and the force to propelit forward much faster.
And that's what this is.
This is a moment of rather thanjust unconsciously going back,
(18:51):
adding awareness and thenpropelling yourself forward.
And, oh man, i'm so clear thatyou're going to do amazing
things as you propel forward.
I love you so much.
Peace, dear Divorce.
(19:11):
Diary is a podcast by My Coach,dawn.
You can find more atMyCoachDawncom.
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