April 18, 2023 • 29 mins
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Are you feeling stuck in your divorce recovery journey? You've likely been told to just take a breath and keep going, but when that doesn't work, it can be disheartening. In this episode, discover how to use nervous system regulation to make more effective progress in your recovery right away!
In this episode, I delve into the significance of nervous system regulation for mental and physical health, especially for those recovering from divorce. During this discussion, I highlight various techniques that can help promote healthier nervous system function, such as touch, humming, gentle walks, and classical music. I also emphasize the importance of sleep, nutrition, and self-care, as well as seeking professional help, such as EMPDR therapy, if necessary. By focusing on these core areas and understanding your unique nervous system needs, you can overcome your divorce and improve your overall well-being.
In this episode, you will be able to:
- Grasp the significance of regulating the nervous system for successful divorce recovery.
- Learn about practical methods that help stabilize the nervous system and prevent dysregulation.
- Understand how prioritizing sleep, nutrition, and breath can significantly impact mental health.
- Implement self-care strategies that lower stress and foster a healing environment.
- Find valuable professional assistance and resources to maintain a healthy central nervous system
"Until you prioritize nervous system health, you will struggle." - Dawn Wiggins
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A podcast exploring the journey of life after divorce, delving into topics like divorce grief, loneliness, anxiety, manifesting, the impact of different attachment styles and codependency, setting healthy boundaries, energy healing with homeopathy, managing the nervous system during divorce depression, understanding the stages of divorce grief, and using the Law of Attraction and EMDR therapy in the process of building your confidence, forgiveness and letting go.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hi, love, this is Dawn and you're listening to
Dear Divorce Diary with my coach, dawn, where we explore the
post-divorce life and you, thewoman who lives it.
We cover everything from traumaduring and after divorce to
feeling like a stranger in yourown life and the new frontier of
life as a single woman.
We're cozy in for theconversations we've been longing
(00:26):
to have about this new life.
Hi, love, today we are divingback into the topic of central
nervous system regulation, ordysregulation, depending on your
perspective.
We spoke about this a few weeksback and also got into it on my
(00:50):
Instagram stories.
If you saw that, it really isbecoming a growing conversation
in the mental health space,which is so exciting because
I've long known and understoodthat central nervous system
health is really at the root ofgood mental health and physical
health.
Really, you can't.
(01:11):
one or the other is not betteror worse.
Without good central nervoussystem health, it's really hard
to recover from depression,anxiety, trauma you name it In
the body.
Without good central nervoussystem health, it's hard to
recover from a lack of healthydigestion or hormone balance, or
(01:37):
arthritis or chronic pain.
All health and well-beingdepends on the foundation of a
central nervous system that ishealthy and regulated.
I know what you're thinkinglove.
You're like okay, don, this isgetting ridiculous.
Now I have to heal my gut andheal my trauma and heal my
(02:01):
central nervous system.
What I want you to know is thateverything we're going to talk
about today makes it easier toheal your gut, makes it easier
to heal the trauma, makes iteasier to get good sleep, makes
it eat.
It's like if you understand howyour central nervous system
functions and how to communicatewell with your central nervous
(02:24):
system, then it's like oh okay,well, let's start there.
If you look at the foundationof all this healing work as this
is one of those foundationalpieces then it's easier to kind
of move from the ground uprather than always trying to
kind of handle things from thetop down, if that makes sense.
(02:47):
So let's start with.
What is your central nervoussystem?
is your brain and your spine,your spinal column, right, so
within your spine, with yourspinal cord which taps into your
brain.
It's that communication pathwaybetween your brain and your
(03:09):
spine.
And so then from there you havenerve bundles that go out and
communicate with the rest ofyour body to each of your organ
systems, but your centralnervous system is the main
information processing hub inyour mind body.
And so because the mind body,this CNS, if you will, is
(03:30):
regulating all the otherfunctions in the body, then it
stands to reason if the CNS isnot functioning optimally, then
it's hard for all the otherorgan systems to function
optimally.
So your CNS, you will know thatit's regulated.
When it's kind of humming along,you're humming along with life,
do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do,do, do, and things come at you,
(03:53):
data points come at you, youhave life experiences and you
take them in stride And you'relike, okay, you know that was
hard but I got right through it.
Right, that was intense but Igot right through it.
Now you are coming through aseason where you are not taking
things in stride so much And ifyou're anything like me, my
entire life was a season of nottaking things in stride, right,
(04:15):
it's like I was born into adysregulated environment, which
led to an immediatelydysregulated central nervous
system.
I was born colicky, right, soalready from the start, born
with chronic pain and just kindof understanding that.
That the family system that Iwas born into it there was a lot
going on and there was a lotthat was constantly bombarding
my CNS.
So maybe for you it's just beena season, maybe you relate to
(04:42):
there being a lifetime ofdysregulation.
But when you have a dysregulatednervous system you'll know it
because There feels like there'sa lot of noise in your body or
noise in your mind or noise inyour emotional space.
So by noise in the body I meanchronic tension, constriction in
(05:03):
your chest, difficultybreathing, literal chronic pain,
chronic digestion, chronicissues regulating your Hormones,
your Blood sugar, your bloodpressure, right all of these
functions.
That if they're not consistentIt's probably because there's a
(05:24):
breakdown at the foundation ofyour central nervous system
regulation.
When there's a lot of noise inthe mind, it's overthinking,
it's literal Buzzing, like Idon't necessarily mean to sound,
but you know, when you justkind of at the end of the day
feel Over-stimulated andvibrating, that right feeling
kind of chronically overstimulated, emotionally,
(05:47):
noticing that you maybe togglebetween being really flooded
with emotions or feeling kind ofnumb And having maybe an
inconsistent response, maybe onemoment that thing doesn't
bother you, but the next moment,all of a sudden, you're like
flying off the handle.
We talk a lot about, i think, inthe world of motherhood, we
talk a lot about central nervoussystem dysregulation but we
(06:09):
don't realize that's what we'retalking about.
When we talk about angry momwho just all of a sudden flies
off the handle and yells Mamas,that is central nervous system
dysregulation happening.
And When we know how to workdifferently with our central
nervous systems is when wereally have the ability to get
ahead of Those flying off thehandle moments with our kids so
(06:31):
that we can kind of interruptthat pattern or habit right,
because then it just triggersshame and then you have the
emotional flooding and now allthe things right.
So central nervous systemDisregulation, if left unchecked
, is a system that chronicallyfeeds itself more and more and
more.
Dysregulation Versus.
If you can get in there and youcan interrupt some of these
habits And you start to reallyfeel what, if what peace feels
(06:55):
like you know, when you say thatyou crave peace, that's what
you're telling me you're cravingis central nervous system
regulation.
So we're always talking aboutour CNS.
We just don't know From ascientific perspective what it
is we're talking about.
But I love it when we bring itto the sciencey place, because
when we say I crave peace, butthat feels like you know, when
(07:18):
you grab for it it feels likewell, what am I grabbing for and
how do I get it right?
But if we can look atconcretely in the body how to
create peace in the mind body,it's not so like unattainable,
it's actually really attainable.
Yeah, so like this stuff lightsme up.
So peace in the central nervoussystem is going to be Predicated
(07:39):
on a couple of key factors.
One is sleep.
If you are not getting enoughsleep, it will be impossible to
regulate your central nervoussystem, because it has to have
enough rest in order to to Notbe inflamed or frazzled, fried,
right, and so anytime you arecoming from a place of sleep
(08:01):
deprivation, you'reautomatically shooting yourself
in the foot from the ability toregulate.
Everything goes downhill fromthere.
Now I know when we're talkingabout mamas with young kids or
mamas that have two and threejobs, i get that what I'm
talking about is a problem,right.
But I also know, having comethrough those seasons myself,
(08:25):
that there are a lot of habitsthat we have that do cut into
our healthy sleep, and a lot ofthem have to do with screens,
and the irony of that is, for along time in my life I couldn't
even follow sleep without ascreen on.
And that is definitely centralnervous system just regulating.
So just know that I understandhow far away all of this feels
(08:47):
for you and I've walked the pathand I Understand the path and I
understand the pitfalls on thepath.
Now what would be some reasonsthat, no matter how hard you try
, you would struggle to get goodsleep.
Well, if you have unprocessedtrauma, it's gonna be really
hard for you to get good sleep.
Now It really only takes ahandful of EMDR sessions to get
(09:10):
a big chunk of unprocessedtrauma out of the way So you can
start to sleep differently.
I recently had a client who cameto me and she had trouble
breathing, was having heartpalpitations, was obsessively
thinking about her daughtergetting hurt and She sleeps on
her stomach.
She doesn't feel sleep, safe,sleeping in any other Formation
(09:35):
and she was having troublesleeping in general.
We did any EMDR session and hersleep got worse.
She started having nightmares.
She started having morethoughts about her daughter
getting hurt.
We had two EMDR sessions and itgot better.
Three EMDR sessions and it allstopped.
So that is to say to you thatWhen we really tackle and we
(09:55):
went to, there were two thingsthat there was severe attachment
trauma From her childhood, fromjust having a mom that really
just wasn't available and washighly critical to a brutal
divorce That involved physicalviolence, all of that loves in
three sessions.
Now I'm not saying that, that'sthree sessions and she's done
and she'll never do any otherwork in therapy again, but at
(10:18):
three sessions there was enoughof that old trauma out of the
way that she could.
Then She's been walkingconsistently, she's been taking
time for herself, she's beensetting healthy boundaries that
she can then prioritize gettinggood, healthy sleep, sleeping in
a different position and, andand that is a it becomes
available to her to really havegood, nourishing sleep.
(10:41):
So if we understand that good,nourishing sleep is at the
foundation of some good centralnervous system health, then you,
if you are struggling, ifyou've tried CBD, if you're PS,
if you're drinking before bedyou are you are really
negatively affecting yourcentral nervous system health,
(11:01):
right?
So drinking before bed notuseful.
Cbd very useful.
Ups and sold spas very useful.
Chamomile tea very useful.
No screen time before bed veryuseful.
Humming, humming to yourselfVery, very soothing.
If you're humming, humming,humming, humming, humming,
humming, you are creating avibration in your body.
(11:24):
Right, when we think aboutmonks that we chant omes, there
is a vibration moving throughyour body that is so soothing to
your central nervous system.
And if you're humming PS,there's no tyrannosaur chasing
you right, so you're disengaging, fight or flight.
You are sending thisvibrational healing through your
body.
You are really creating a hugeamount of soothing.
(11:45):
You are creating a lot ofessential oils.
Going for a gentle walk did Ialready say that?
Listening to classical music,all of these things Now you may
be thinking to yourself, likeDon, that is a lot of stuff,
like I don't have time for that,and my point to you would be
you don't not have time for it.
You know what I mean.
Like there is a piece aboutthis central nervous system work
(12:08):
And if you follow LindsayLockett on Instagram or if you
are a subscriber of hers, thisis her bread and butter central
nervous system regulation.
It is beautiful.
She is changing the world.
She says too bad, like this isa commitment, right, it is a
commitment to practice centralnervous system health, and until
(12:28):
you do this, the rest of it youwill struggle.
Like you will struggle untilyou prioritize central nervous
system health, and so that is abeautiful truth.
So if you wanna be mad at me,if you wanna be mad at Lindsay,
that's fine, just come to thetable willing to use these tools
, right?
So, prioritizing sleep And ifyou know that there's
(12:49):
unprocessed trauma in the way,get that trauma processed with
an EMDR therapist doing EFT,tapping, you name it, right,
like there are many tools to beable to do that.
So then from sleep, then we havenutrition.
And without proper nutrients,i'm not talking about good foods
, bad foods, i'm not talkingabout calories.
I'm not talking about toxins,even.
(13:10):
Well, yeah, i'm talking aboutsome toxins, okay, but I'm not
talking about not eating frenchfries or not eating chocolate.
Love french fries, lovechocolate.
Okay, but your body literallyneeds the nutrients in order to
have healthy cellular functionwithin your central nervous
system.
Your cells need to have theproper nutrition, literally to
(13:32):
have healthy functioning cells.
So this isn't about don't eatthe donut, that's not what I'm
saying.
I am saying don't eat the reddye number five, because literal
toxins will adversely affectyour central nervous system.
So when you think about literalchemicals in your body, that's
(13:52):
going to make it harder to dothis work.
But just making sure you haveenough nutrition.
So, eating some healthy, freshfruits and vegetables, some
healthy grains, if you cantolerate them, some healthy meat
, some healthy cheeses, right,just making sure you have some
really, really nutritionallydense foods and typically the
green leafy vegetables are themost nutritionally dense so that
(14:15):
your body, your cells, can behealthy.
Okay, so, sleep nutrition.
And yes, i understand thathealthy nutrition is more
expensive.
And you know what I say tomyself when I think, when I
start to get stressed about howmuch money I spend on healthy
food is, i say to myself Goddoes not mean for me to live in
(14:35):
a world where I can't afford totreat his temple well and
therefore I'm going toprioritize this and I'm going to
trust that God is going toprovide for the rest of it.
And that is really the approachthat I take.
Whether it comes to investingin my sleep, investing in my
food, investing in thechiropractor, the therapist, the
coach, the you name it, ireally believe that God does not
.
Whomever.
(14:55):
Your God is for you right, goddoes not intend for you to move
through this process without theproper support, and so I
believe that I am walking infaith when I say, okay, i'm
going to do the hard things andprioritizing these funds for
this, and that God is going tobless me in those spaces.
So, sleep, nutrition, and thenwe have really starting to get
(15:20):
into the nitty gritty ofunderstanding your central
nervous system specifically.
So let's talk about touch.
For some of us, touch is goingto be a very important part of
regulating our central nervoussystem.
Having those squishy hugs,having a massage, having my
daughter likes to playhairstyles and it's one of my
favorite times because she'sbrushing and fussing with my
(15:42):
hair and it feels so good to meand that is regulating for my
central nervous system.
It's sending those cues throughmy body that all is well, that
I am safe, that I am loved, thatit feels good, right.
But there are some of you outthere that touch is going to
cause dysregulation in yourcentral nervous system.
If you're overstimulated fromhaving 82 tiny humans crawl on
you, if you have a history ofphysical or sexual trauma, we
(16:06):
just know that touch could besomething that causes
dysregulation.
Let's talk about sound.
Right, for some of us, like Isaid, the humming, the vibration
, a sound bowl, some classicalmusic, is going to be very, very
regulating.
For some people, sound is goingto be dysregulating.
There are tools like sensorydeprivation chambers, like float
(16:30):
tanks.
Have you ever seen any of thosefloat therapy tanks?
They're wonderful for centralnervous system regulation
because the central nervoussystem needs white space in
order to find peace right And tosay, oh, i know what peace is.
Okay, coloring Coloring can bevery regulating, but for some
people it might feel frustrating.
(16:52):
Things like CBD are veryregulating, things like
stretching.
Stretching is very, very, verygood, but if you push past your
point of comfort when you'restretching, if you get into pain
now you're causing pain isdysregulating to the central
nervous system.
So body movement in general,like dance, walking and taking a
(17:16):
great bar, pilates class or ayoga class these are all amazing
things that are helping createstrong foundations for central
nervous system health.
When I'm lifting heavy, that'squestionable about whether or
not it's good for my centralnervous system.
If I give my body enough timebetween sets to recover, then
it's fine.
If I start to do heavy liftingand I get nauseous now I know
(17:40):
I've pushed my central nervoussystem too far in a training
session.
So you have to know that whenyou are recovering from trauma,
when you're focusing on healingyour central nervous system, if
you're running marathons, youhave to be in touch with how
dysregulated you feel, becausesometimes pushing too hard in
(18:01):
the physical is gonna causedysregulation rather than that
regulated sensation.
Pain, a little bit of pain, atiny bit, like we talk about the
window of tolerance in EMDR.
When we stimulate things toomuch, too far, right, then we
can cause shutdown.
So if you're feeling emotionalpain, you know, between zero and
five.
(18:21):
If you're feeling physical pain, between zero and four, five.
Okay, that's manageable, right.
But if pain in your body ofnausea, if pain, if emotional
pain is starting to creep pastfive, then we know that it is
causing a tax on the centralnervous system.
So now in EMDR we're gonnacreep past five in the emotional
(18:42):
pain realm, but we're onlygonna do it for very brief
moments of time, we're not gonnastay there, right?
If you're feeling pain, any kindof pain in the three above
three, for a sustained period oftime, we really gotta work on
dialing that down, because thecentral nervous system cannot
(19:03):
heal and regulate when it'sgetting that amount of feedback
all the time about pain.
So, really understanding thethings that you can do to dial
that pain down.
Now this applies also to hunger, to having to pee, to, like I
said, working out, to, if youstand for your job, right, the
(19:25):
pain in your feet like reallyreally getting dialed into how
you can take such epic care ofyourself that you are not
delaying going to the restroomor having a sip of water, or
having a few bites of delicious,healthy food, or wearing the
right shoes, or sitting down fora couple of minutes, or
standing up for a couple ofminutes or you name it right And
(19:49):
no matter what, being committedto taking care of yourself,
because you understand andbelieve at a core level that
unless we do this work, wecannot really really get to the
peace that we're talking aboutNow.
One of the most powerful toolsthat you have to regulate your
central nervous system, love, isyour breath and nature.
(20:14):
Your breath and nature are twoinsanely powerful ways to get
grounded into your mind, bodyAnd if you breathe and you
notice that your breath isconstricted and you are
committed to expanding yourbreath, that in and of itself
(20:35):
can do so much for you.
So it may require you doingsome stretching while you're
breathing.
It may require you gettingoutside while you're breathing.
It may require you breathingdeeply for 10, 20, 30 minutes
before you can really expandyour ribcage and down into your
diaphragm enough.
But breathing down to thatdiaphragm is part of what
(20:58):
activates the vagus nerve, whichis the nerve system that moves
through your central nervoussystem, and that is the quickest
way to cue that you are safe.
So, really, so, let's go with areally long video.
When you set those reminders inyour phone to breathe, when you
put those notes around you tobreathe, when you really
prioritize your breath and younotice when you're feeling
(21:22):
Panicky or you're feeling stuckor you're feeling really
Disregulated, a lot of noise inyour mind or your body and you
get really committed tobreathing.
Oh, love, super game changer.
And I know it's so simple, itsounds so ridiculous, but we
forget, right, because it's justso habitual to get by on tiny
(21:45):
little amounts of oxygen, and sothen we get brain fog and we
get forgetful and we Feelanxious, and it's because we're
cutting off our oxygen supply Bynot breathing, right.
So use this as your cue to takea few deep breaths right this
moment.
Now, going outside, weautomatically tend to expand
(22:09):
when we're standing in nature.
It just has the capacity tocreate an expansive experience
in our mind, body.
So the more you can combinesome of these tools, the faster
the regulation comes to you, thefaster the groundedness comes
to you, right.
So if you can Stand outside orsit outside barefoot, connected
with the literal earth,breathing fresh air.
(22:31):
If you're in a very urban citysetting, breathing fresh air
outside may not be as availableto you as I mean, but really
standing next to a tree andbreathing, touching that tree
even, and breathing is soRegulating and soothing to your
central nervous system.
Now There's so many great, somany, so many other great tools
(22:54):
and maybe I'll link some ofthose tools in the show notes
here.
But have you heard me talk aboutmassaging your inner ear?
just sticking your pinky insideyour ear and doing circles, you
know, for a minute, right bothsides, just doing circles in
your ear canal.
That Stimulates the vagus nerve, which stimulates the central
(23:14):
nervous system to know that youare safe.
All of this is bringing downcortisol levels in the body.
It's creating more availableNeurotransmitters.
It's going to improve yourdigestion, it's gonna prove your
overall mood.
There are so many of thesetools that really just having a
(23:35):
handful of them handy is quitebrilliant.
You've heard me talk before onthe pot about Ice bathing.
Ice bathing can be wonderfulcentral nervous system tool, but
you have to really have a senseof How well you can regulate
(23:56):
your central nervous systemthrough it at first.
When you first do it a coupleof times, it may be extremely
Disregulating at first.
If you find that you've triedit once, twice, three times and
it's too much for you, then justTrust that it's too much for
right now.
But if you've done it a fewtimes and you've really
practiced that deep, deepbreathing and you and it feels
(24:18):
soothing to you, great.
Do that same thing with thesauna.
Saunas can be really really,really good for healing At a
cellular level.
But if you've tried sauna orhot shower or hot bath and it
feels suffocating And it's toomuch for you, then trust that
it's too much for you.
So much this work really isabout fine-tuning and honoring
the truth of who you are and howyou function best and then
(24:43):
saying ridiculously loyal tothat.
So we have talked so much aboutWhat the central nervous system
is, how it's regulated, how toknow if it's dysregulated.
Let's talk a little bit aboutwhat causes dysregulation,
dysregulation.
So traumas first and foremost.
(25:05):
Too much stimulation, too muchpainful stimulation for too long
, causes chronic dysregulation,causes those cortisol levels to
be on high alert, causes thatamygdala to be overactive, all
the parts of the mind body thatAre attempting to regulate all
(25:27):
the time There's too much goingon in that system and it cannot
keep up right?
so traumas, a lack of goodsleep, a lack of good nutrition,
a lack of healthy support, alack of self-esteem, right, all
of these things cause centralnervous system dysregulation,
(25:49):
chronic disease so if you havechronic pain or an underlying
chronic disease, it was probablycaused by dysregulation
secondary to trauma, right?
So we really have to kind oflook at what is the?
what is ground zero for yourcentral nervous system regular
dysregulation.
(26:09):
Was it attachment trauma?
Was it something while you,while you were even in utero?
Is there somethinggenerationally right?
Is there some generationaltrauma that was going on?
Did your parents get divorcedand that season of your life
caused a huge amount ofdysregulation that maybe you
never recovered from, and thenyou learned to regulate yourself
(26:30):
through having a relationship.
But then you know thatrelationship ended and boom, now
, all the sudden, all of youroriginal dysregulation is like
just on fire on the surface.
So there's so many things thatcan cause central nervous system
dysregulation that if we don'tmmm, if we don't learn how to
(26:51):
regulate early on, that then itjust piles on right and we have
event after event after eventafter event that finally causes
us to literally be fried.
And if you relate to feelingfried, then just know that love.
So much of what you'reexperiencing.
You know maybe you'veinternalized as you've done
something wrong or there'ssomething wrong with you, or
(27:13):
you're just not good enough, oryou can't handle things, and
that ain't it love.
It's like, literally, yourbrain and your spinal cord are
stressed the f out and that allfeels like emotional pain,
mental stress and physicaltension.
(27:35):
And so you know there are a lotof fancy tools for healing
trauma, like EMDR, for instance,but you would be shocked at how
much you, focusing on the corepieces of sleep, nutrition and
breath, will allow you toreclaim your life.
And then, of course, you add toit all of the things that we
(27:57):
love to talk about here on thepod, like EFT, tapping, emdr and
journaling, and go, friend,you're, you're on it at that
point right, and nobody elseowns your mental health or your
esteem.
At that point you own it.
it starts and stops with you,and so what I love about this
conversation is that it breaksit down to the concrete reasons
that this works and willabsolutely save your life, and
(28:22):
then it just kind of becomesbinary, like if you want to feel
peace, then you will make aplan to tackle these things.
And if you need help making aplan, i'm your girl, whether you
hit me up in the DMs or send mean email, or you join a
different D word when itlaunches like or you go follow
Lindsay Lockett, she's gotcourses right.
(28:43):
There are so many ways.
And so make a plan, own it,because you've got this, you
absolutely can do it.
And if you wouldn't be here, ifyou weren't willing to do it?
so I love you so much, ibelieve in you and I cannot wait
to see what you do with aregulated central nervous system
.
Peace, dear divorce.
(29:10):
Diary is a podcast by my coach,john.
You can find more at my coachJohnener black hard.
Hi, love, this is Dawn and you're listening to
Dear Divorce Diary with my coach, dawn, where we explore the
post-divorce life and you, thewoman who lives it.
We cover everything from traumaduring and after divorce to
feeling like a stranger in yourown life and the new frontier of
life as a single woman.
We're cozy in for theconversations we've been longing
(00:26):
to have about this new life.
Hi, love, today we are divingback into the topic of central
nervous system regulation, ordysregulation, depending on your
perspective.
We spoke about this a few weeksback and also got into it on my
(00:50):
Instagram stories.
If you saw that, it really isbecoming a growing conversation
in the mental health space,which is so exciting because
I've long known and understoodthat central nervous system
health is really at the root ofgood mental health and physical
health.
Really, you can't.
(01:11):
one or the other is not betteror worse.
Without good central nervoussystem health, it's really hard
to recover from depression,anxiety, trauma you name it In
the body.
Without good central nervoussystem health, it's hard to
recover from a lack of healthydigestion or hormone balance, or
(01:37):
arthritis or chronic pain.
All health and well-beingdepends on the foundation of a
central nervous system that ishealthy and regulated.
I know what you're thinkinglove.
You're like okay, don, this isgetting ridiculous.
Now I have to heal my gut andheal my trauma and heal my
(02:01):
central nervous system.
What I want you to know is thateverything we're going to talk
about today makes it easier toheal your gut, makes it easier
to heal the trauma, makes iteasier to get good sleep, makes
it eat.
It's like if you understand howyour central nervous system
functions and how to communicatewell with your central nervous
(02:24):
system, then it's like oh okay,well, let's start there.
If you look at the foundationof all this healing work as this
is one of those foundationalpieces then it's easier to kind
of move from the ground uprather than always trying to
kind of handle things from thetop down, if that makes sense.
(02:47):
So let's start with.
What is your central nervoussystem?
is your brain and your spine,your spinal column, right, so
within your spine, with yourspinal cord which taps into your
brain.
It's that communication pathwaybetween your brain and your
(03:09):
spine.
And so then from there you havenerve bundles that go out and
communicate with the rest ofyour body to each of your organ
systems, but your centralnervous system is the main
information processing hub inyour mind body.
And so because the mind body,this CNS, if you will, is
(03:30):
regulating all the otherfunctions in the body, then it
stands to reason if the CNS isnot functioning optimally, then
it's hard for all the otherorgan systems to function
optimally.
So your CNS, you will know thatit's regulated.
When it's kind of humming along,you're humming along with life,
do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do,do, do, and things come at you,
(03:53):
data points come at you, youhave life experiences and you
take them in stride And you'relike, okay, you know that was
hard but I got right through it.
Right, that was intense but Igot right through it.
Now you are coming through aseason where you are not taking
things in stride so much And ifyou're anything like me, my
entire life was a season of nottaking things in stride, right,
(04:15):
it's like I was born into adysregulated environment, which
led to an immediatelydysregulated central nervous
system.
I was born colicky, right, soalready from the start, born
with chronic pain and just kindof understanding that.
That the family system that Iwas born into it there was a lot
going on and there was a lotthat was constantly bombarding
my CNS.
So maybe for you it's just beena season, maybe you relate to
(04:42):
there being a lifetime ofdysregulation.
But when you have a dysregulatednervous system you'll know it
because There feels like there'sa lot of noise in your body or
noise in your mind or noise inyour emotional space.
So by noise in the body I meanchronic tension, constriction in
(05:03):
your chest, difficultybreathing, literal chronic pain,
chronic digestion, chronicissues regulating your Hormones,
your Blood sugar, your bloodpressure, right all of these
functions.
That if they're not consistentIt's probably because there's a
(05:24):
breakdown at the foundation ofyour central nervous system
regulation.
When there's a lot of noise inthe mind, it's overthinking,
it's literal Buzzing, like Idon't necessarily mean to sound,
but you know, when you justkind of at the end of the day
feel Over-stimulated andvibrating, that right feeling
kind of chronically overstimulated, emotionally,
(05:47):
noticing that you maybe togglebetween being really flooded
with emotions or feeling kind ofnumb And having maybe an
inconsistent response, maybe onemoment that thing doesn't
bother you, but the next moment,all of a sudden, you're like
flying off the handle.
We talk a lot about, i think, inthe world of motherhood, we
talk a lot about central nervoussystem dysregulation but we
(06:09):
don't realize that's what we'retalking about.
When we talk about angry momwho just all of a sudden flies
off the handle and yells Mamas,that is central nervous system
dysregulation happening.
And When we know how to workdifferently with our central
nervous systems is when wereally have the ability to get
ahead of Those flying off thehandle moments with our kids so
(06:31):
that we can kind of interruptthat pattern or habit right,
because then it just triggersshame and then you have the
emotional flooding and now allthe things right.
So central nervous systemDisregulation, if left unchecked
, is a system that chronicallyfeeds itself more and more and
more.
Dysregulation Versus.
If you can get in there and youcan interrupt some of these
habits And you start to reallyfeel what, if what peace feels
(06:55):
like you know, when you say thatyou crave peace, that's what
you're telling me you're cravingis central nervous system
regulation.
So we're always talking aboutour CNS.
We just don't know From ascientific perspective what it
is we're talking about.
But I love it when we bring itto the sciencey place, because
when we say I crave peace, butthat feels like you know, when
(07:18):
you grab for it it feels likewell, what am I grabbing for and
how do I get it right?
But if we can look atconcretely in the body how to
create peace in the mind body,it's not so like unattainable,
it's actually really attainable.
Yeah, so like this stuff lightsme up.
So peace in the central nervoussystem is going to be Predicated
(07:39):
on a couple of key factors.
One is sleep.
If you are not getting enoughsleep, it will be impossible to
regulate your central nervoussystem, because it has to have
enough rest in order to to Notbe inflamed or frazzled, fried,
right, and so anytime you arecoming from a place of sleep
(08:01):
deprivation, you'reautomatically shooting yourself
in the foot from the ability toregulate.
Everything goes downhill fromthere.
Now I know when we're talkingabout mamas with young kids or
mamas that have two and threejobs, i get that what I'm
talking about is a problem,right.
But I also know, having comethrough those seasons myself,
(08:25):
that there are a lot of habitsthat we have that do cut into
our healthy sleep, and a lot ofthem have to do with screens,
and the irony of that is, for along time in my life I couldn't
even follow sleep without ascreen on.
And that is definitely centralnervous system just regulating.
So just know that I understandhow far away all of this feels
(08:47):
for you and I've walked the pathand I Understand the path and I
understand the pitfalls on thepath.
Now what would be some reasonsthat, no matter how hard you try
, you would struggle to get goodsleep.
Well, if you have unprocessedtrauma, it's gonna be really
hard for you to get good sleep.
Now It really only takes ahandful of EMDR sessions to get
(09:10):
a big chunk of unprocessedtrauma out of the way So you can
start to sleep differently.
I recently had a client who cameto me and she had trouble
breathing, was having heartpalpitations, was obsessively
thinking about her daughtergetting hurt and She sleeps on
her stomach.
She doesn't feel sleep, safe,sleeping in any other Formation
(09:35):
and she was having troublesleeping in general.
We did any EMDR session and hersleep got worse.
She started having nightmares.
She started having morethoughts about her daughter
getting hurt.
We had two EMDR sessions and itgot better.
Three EMDR sessions and it allstopped.
So that is to say to you thatWhen we really tackle and we
(09:55):
went to, there were two thingsthat there was severe attachment
trauma From her childhood, fromjust having a mom that really
just wasn't available and washighly critical to a brutal
divorce That involved physicalviolence, all of that loves in
three sessions.
Now I'm not saying that, that'sthree sessions and she's done
and she'll never do any otherwork in therapy again, but at
(10:18):
three sessions there was enoughof that old trauma out of the
way that she could.
Then She's been walkingconsistently, she's been taking
time for herself, she's beensetting healthy boundaries that
she can then prioritize gettinggood, healthy sleep, sleeping in
a different position and, andand that is a it becomes
available to her to really havegood, nourishing sleep.
(10:41):
So if we understand that good,nourishing sleep is at the
foundation of some good centralnervous system health, then you,
if you are struggling, ifyou've tried CBD, if you're PS,
if you're drinking before bedyou are you are really
negatively affecting yourcentral nervous system health,
(11:01):
right?
So drinking before bed notuseful.
Cbd very useful.
Ups and sold spas very useful.
Chamomile tea very useful.
No screen time before bed veryuseful.
Humming, humming to yourselfVery, very soothing.
If you're humming, humming,humming, humming, humming,
humming, you are creating avibration in your body.
(11:24):
Right, when we think aboutmonks that we chant omes, there
is a vibration moving throughyour body that is so soothing to
your central nervous system.
And if you're humming PS,there's no tyrannosaur chasing
you right, so you're disengaging, fight or flight.
You are sending thisvibrational healing through your
body.
You are really creating a hugeamount of soothing.
(11:45):
You are creating a lot ofessential oils.
Going for a gentle walk did Ialready say that?
Listening to classical music,all of these things Now you may
be thinking to yourself, likeDon, that is a lot of stuff,
like I don't have time for that,and my point to you would be
you don't not have time for it.
You know what I mean.
Like there is a piece aboutthis central nervous system work
(12:08):
And if you follow LindsayLockett on Instagram or if you
are a subscriber of hers, thisis her bread and butter central
nervous system regulation.
It is beautiful.
She is changing the world.
She says too bad, like this isa commitment, right, it is a
commitment to practice centralnervous system health, and until
(12:28):
you do this, the rest of it youwill struggle.
Like you will struggle untilyou prioritize central nervous
system health, and so that is abeautiful truth.
So if you wanna be mad at me,if you wanna be mad at Lindsay,
that's fine, just come to thetable willing to use these tools
, right?
So, prioritizing sleep And ifyou know that there's
(12:49):
unprocessed trauma in the way,get that trauma processed with
an EMDR therapist doing EFT,tapping, you name it, right,
like there are many tools to beable to do that.
So then from sleep, then we havenutrition.
And without proper nutrients,i'm not talking about good foods
, bad foods, i'm not talkingabout calories.
I'm not talking about toxins,even.
(13:10):
Well, yeah, i'm talking aboutsome toxins, okay, but I'm not
talking about not eating frenchfries or not eating chocolate.
Love french fries, lovechocolate.
Okay, but your body literallyneeds the nutrients in order to
have healthy cellular functionwithin your central nervous
system.
Your cells need to have theproper nutrition, literally to
(13:32):
have healthy functioning cells.
So this isn't about don't eatthe donut, that's not what I'm
saying.
I am saying don't eat the reddye number five, because literal
toxins will adversely affectyour central nervous system.
So when you think about literalchemicals in your body, that's
(13:52):
going to make it harder to dothis work.
But just making sure you haveenough nutrition.
So, eating some healthy, freshfruits and vegetables, some
healthy grains, if you cantolerate them, some healthy meat
, some healthy cheeses, right,just making sure you have some
really, really nutritionallydense foods and typically the
green leafy vegetables are themost nutritionally dense so that
(14:15):
your body, your cells, can behealthy.
Okay, so, sleep nutrition.
And yes, i understand thathealthy nutrition is more
expensive.
And you know what I say tomyself when I think, when I
start to get stressed about howmuch money I spend on healthy
food is, i say to myself Goddoes not mean for me to live in
(14:35):
a world where I can't afford totreat his temple well and
therefore I'm going toprioritize this and I'm going to
trust that God is going toprovide for the rest of it.
And that is really the approachthat I take.
Whether it comes to investingin my sleep, investing in my
food, investing in thechiropractor, the therapist, the
coach, the you name it, ireally believe that God does not
.
Whomever.
(14:55):
Your God is for you right, goddoes not intend for you to move
through this process without theproper support, and so I
believe that I am walking infaith when I say, okay, i'm
going to do the hard things andprioritizing these funds for
this, and that God is going tobless me in those spaces.
So, sleep, nutrition, and thenwe have really starting to get
(15:20):
into the nitty gritty ofunderstanding your central
nervous system specifically.
So let's talk about touch.
For some of us, touch is goingto be a very important part of
regulating our central nervoussystem.
Having those squishy hugs,having a massage, having my
daughter likes to playhairstyles and it's one of my
favorite times because she'sbrushing and fussing with my
(15:42):
hair and it feels so good to meand that is regulating for my
central nervous system.
It's sending those cues throughmy body that all is well, that
I am safe, that I am loved, thatit feels good, right.
But there are some of you outthere that touch is going to
cause dysregulation in yourcentral nervous system.
If you're overstimulated fromhaving 82 tiny humans crawl on
you, if you have a history ofphysical or sexual trauma, we
(16:06):
just know that touch could besomething that causes
dysregulation.
Let's talk about sound.
Right, for some of us, like Isaid, the humming, the vibration
, a sound bowl, some classicalmusic, is going to be very, very
regulating.
For some people, sound is goingto be dysregulating.
There are tools like sensorydeprivation chambers, like float
(16:30):
tanks.
Have you ever seen any of thosefloat therapy tanks?
They're wonderful for centralnervous system regulation
because the central nervoussystem needs white space in
order to find peace right And tosay, oh, i know what peace is.
Okay, coloring Coloring can bevery regulating, but for some
people it might feel frustrating.
(16:52):
Things like CBD are veryregulating, things like
stretching.
Stretching is very, very, verygood, but if you push past your
point of comfort when you'restretching, if you get into pain
now you're causing pain isdysregulating to the central
nervous system.
So body movement in general,like dance, walking and taking a
(17:16):
great bar, pilates class or ayoga class these are all amazing
things that are helping createstrong foundations for central
nervous system health.
When I'm lifting heavy, that'squestionable about whether or
not it's good for my centralnervous system.
If I give my body enough timebetween sets to recover, then
it's fine.
If I start to do heavy liftingand I get nauseous now I know
(17:40):
I've pushed my central nervoussystem too far in a training
session.
So you have to know that whenyou are recovering from trauma,
when you're focusing on healingyour central nervous system, if
you're running marathons, youhave to be in touch with how
dysregulated you feel, becausesometimes pushing too hard in
(18:01):
the physical is gonna causedysregulation rather than that
regulated sensation.
Pain, a little bit of pain, atiny bit, like we talk about the
window of tolerance in EMDR.
When we stimulate things toomuch, too far, right, then we
can cause shutdown.
So if you're feeling emotionalpain, you know, between zero and
five.
(18:21):
If you're feeling physical pain, between zero and four, five.
Okay, that's manageable, right.
But if pain in your body ofnausea, if pain, if emotional
pain is starting to creep pastfive, then we know that it is
causing a tax on the centralnervous system.
So now in EMDR we're gonnacreep past five in the emotional
(18:42):
pain realm, but we're onlygonna do it for very brief
moments of time, we're not gonnastay there, right?
If you're feeling pain, any kindof pain in the three above
three, for a sustained period oftime, we really gotta work on
dialing that down, because thecentral nervous system cannot
(19:03):
heal and regulate when it'sgetting that amount of feedback
all the time about pain.
So, really understanding thethings that you can do to dial
that pain down.
Now this applies also to hunger, to having to pee, to, like I
said, working out, to, if youstand for your job, right, the
(19:25):
pain in your feet like reallyreally getting dialed into how
you can take such epic care ofyourself that you are not
delaying going to the restroomor having a sip of water, or
having a few bites of delicious,healthy food, or wearing the
right shoes, or sitting down fora couple of minutes, or
standing up for a couple ofminutes or you name it right And
(19:49):
no matter what, being committedto taking care of yourself,
because you understand andbelieve at a core level that
unless we do this work, wecannot really really get to the
peace that we're talking aboutNow.
One of the most powerful toolsthat you have to regulate your
central nervous system, love, isyour breath and nature.
(20:14):
Your breath and nature are twoinsanely powerful ways to get
grounded into your mind, bodyAnd if you breathe and you
notice that your breath isconstricted and you are
committed to expanding yourbreath, that in and of itself
(20:35):
can do so much for you.
So it may require you doingsome stretching while you're
breathing.
It may require you gettingoutside while you're breathing.
It may require you breathingdeeply for 10, 20, 30 minutes
before you can really expandyour ribcage and down into your
diaphragm enough.
But breathing down to thatdiaphragm is part of what
(20:58):
activates the vagus nerve, whichis the nerve system that moves
through your central nervoussystem, and that is the quickest
way to cue that you are safe.
So, really, so, let's go with areally long video.
When you set those reminders inyour phone to breathe, when you
put those notes around you tobreathe, when you really
prioritize your breath and younotice when you're feeling
(21:22):
Panicky or you're feeling stuckor you're feeling really
Disregulated, a lot of noise inyour mind or your body and you
get really committed tobreathing.
Oh, love, super game changer.
And I know it's so simple, itsounds so ridiculous, but we
forget, right, because it's justso habitual to get by on tiny
(21:45):
little amounts of oxygen, and sothen we get brain fog and we
get forgetful and we Feelanxious, and it's because we're
cutting off our oxygen supply Bynot breathing, right.
So use this as your cue to takea few deep breaths right this
moment.
Now, going outside, weautomatically tend to expand
(22:09):
when we're standing in nature.
It just has the capacity tocreate an expansive experience
in our mind, body.
So the more you can combinesome of these tools, the faster
the regulation comes to you, thefaster the groundedness comes
to you, right.
So if you can Stand outside orsit outside barefoot, connected
with the literal earth,breathing fresh air.
(22:31):
If you're in a very urban citysetting, breathing fresh air
outside may not be as availableto you as I mean, but really
standing next to a tree andbreathing, touching that tree
even, and breathing is soRegulating and soothing to your
central nervous system.
Now There's so many great, somany, so many other great tools
(22:54):
and maybe I'll link some ofthose tools in the show notes
here.
But have you heard me talk aboutmassaging your inner ear?
just sticking your pinky insideyour ear and doing circles, you
know, for a minute, right bothsides, just doing circles in
your ear canal.
That Stimulates the vagus nerve, which stimulates the central
(23:14):
nervous system to know that youare safe.
All of this is bringing downcortisol levels in the body.
It's creating more availableNeurotransmitters.
It's going to improve yourdigestion, it's gonna prove your
overall mood.
There are so many of thesetools that really just having a
(23:35):
handful of them handy is quitebrilliant.
You've heard me talk before onthe pot about Ice bathing.
Ice bathing can be wonderfulcentral nervous system tool, but
you have to really have a senseof How well you can regulate
(23:56):
your central nervous systemthrough it at first.
When you first do it a coupleof times, it may be extremely
Disregulating at first.
If you find that you've triedit once, twice, three times and
it's too much for you, then justTrust that it's too much for
right now.
But if you've done it a fewtimes and you've really
practiced that deep, deepbreathing and you and it feels
(24:18):
soothing to you, great.
Do that same thing with thesauna.
Saunas can be really really,really good for healing At a
cellular level.
But if you've tried sauna orhot shower or hot bath and it
feels suffocating And it's toomuch for you, then trust that
it's too much for you.
So much this work really isabout fine-tuning and honoring
the truth of who you are and howyou function best and then
(24:43):
saying ridiculously loyal tothat.
So we have talked so much aboutWhat the central nervous system
is, how it's regulated, how toknow if it's dysregulated.
Let's talk a little bit aboutwhat causes dysregulation,
dysregulation.
So traumas first and foremost.
(25:05):
Too much stimulation, too muchpainful stimulation for too long
, causes chronic dysregulation,causes those cortisol levels to
be on high alert, causes thatamygdala to be overactive, all
the parts of the mind body thatAre attempting to regulate all
(25:27):
the time There's too much goingon in that system and it cannot
keep up right?
so traumas, a lack of goodsleep, a lack of good nutrition,
a lack of healthy support, alack of self-esteem, right, all
of these things cause centralnervous system dysregulation,
(25:49):
chronic disease so if you havechronic pain or an underlying
chronic disease, it was probablycaused by dysregulation
secondary to trauma, right?
So we really have to kind oflook at what is the?
what is ground zero for yourcentral nervous system regular
dysregulation.
(26:09):
Was it attachment trauma?
Was it something while you,while you were even in utero?
Is there somethinggenerationally right?
Is there some generationaltrauma that was going on?
Did your parents get divorcedand that season of your life
caused a huge amount ofdysregulation that maybe you
never recovered from, and thenyou learned to regulate yourself
(26:30):
through having a relationship.
But then you know thatrelationship ended and boom, now
, all the sudden, all of youroriginal dysregulation is like
just on fire on the surface.
So there's so many things thatcan cause central nervous system
dysregulation that if we don'tmmm, if we don't learn how to
(26:51):
regulate early on, that then itjust piles on right and we have
event after event after eventafter event that finally causes
us to literally be fried.
And if you relate to feelingfried, then just know that love.
So much of what you'reexperiencing.
You know maybe you'veinternalized as you've done
something wrong or there'ssomething wrong with you, or
(27:13):
you're just not good enough, oryou can't handle things, and
that ain't it love.
It's like, literally, yourbrain and your spinal cord are
stressed the f out and that allfeels like emotional pain,
mental stress and physicaltension.
(27:35):
And so you know there are a lotof fancy tools for healing
trauma, like EMDR, for instance,but you would be shocked at how
much you, focusing on the corepieces of sleep, nutrition and
breath, will allow you toreclaim your life.
And then, of course, you add toit all of the things that we
(27:57):
love to talk about here on thepod, like EFT, tapping, emdr and
journaling, and go, friend,you're, you're on it at that
point right, and nobody elseowns your mental health or your
esteem.
At that point you own it.
it starts and stops with you,and so what I love about this
conversation is that it breaksit down to the concrete reasons
that this works and willabsolutely save your life, and
(28:22):
then it just kind of becomesbinary, like if you want to feel
peace, then you will make aplan to tackle these things.
And if you need help making aplan, i'm your girl, whether you
hit me up in the DMs or send mean email, or you join a
different D word when itlaunches like or you go follow
Lindsay Lockett, she's gotcourses right.
(28:43):
There are so many ways.
And so make a plan, own it,because you've got this, you
absolutely can do it.
And if you wouldn't be here, ifyou weren't willing to do it?
so I love you so much, ibelieve in you and I cannot wait
to see what you do with aregulated central nervous system
.
Peace, dear divorce.
(29:10):
Diary is a podcast by my coach,john.
You can find more at my coachJohnener black hard.
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