October 28, 2025 • 31 mins
Have you ever noticed the world is built for couples?
Dinner for two, “plus-one” invites, family discounts — even the way people glance at you when you’re alone after divorce. It can feel like every billboard is whispering: you don’t belong.
In this episode of Dear Divorce Diary, Dawn, Coach Tiffini, and Producer Joy get brutally honest about what it means to be single in a couple’s world. They unpack:
💔 Why loneliness after divorce isn’t weakness — it’s your nervous system’s signal for connection.
🧠 How your attachment style (anxious, avoidant, or disorganized) shows up when you’re alone.
💸 The “silent tax” of singleness — and how to shift from scarcity to self-trust and abundance.
💡 Why healing your attachment style requires more than talk therapy — and how tools like EFT, IFS, and homeopathy can rewire safety from the inside out.
Plus, in this week’s premium episode, the ladies guide you through a custom EFT tapping sequence for loneliness — a real-time way to calm your body, feel safe again, and start reprogramming attachment patterns.
If you’ve ever felt invisible, resentful, or just plain tired of a world made for pairs, this one’s for you.
✨ Subscribe to Dear Divorce Diary Premium for $5/month to access the EFT session, monthly live workshops, and exclusive product launches.
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MyCoachDawn
Instagram: (@dawnwiggins)
Instagram: (@coachtiffini)
On the Web: https://www.mycoachdawn.com
A podcast exploring the journey of life after divorce, delving into topics like divorce grief, loneliness, anxiety, manifesting, the impact of different attachment styles and codependency, setting healthy boundaries, energy healing with homeopathy, managing the nervous system during divorce depression, understanding the stages of divorce grief, and using the Law of Attraction and EMDR therapy in the process of building your confidence, forgiveness and letting go.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_03 (00:01):
Have you ever noticed the world is built for
couples?
Dinner for two, plus oneinvites, family packages, and
even the way people look at youwhen you're alone.
After divorce, it's like everybillboard and social feed seems
to be whispering, you don'tbelong.
If you've ever felt invisible,resentful, or just plain tired
(00:23):
of a world made for pairs, thisepisode is for you.
Hi, love.
Welcome to Dear Divorce Diary,the podcast helping divorcees go
beyond talk therapy to processyour grief, find the healing you
crave, and build back yourconfidence.
I'm your host, Don Wiggins, atherapist, coach, integrative
(00:46):
healer, and divorcee.
Join me for a fresh approach tohealing grief and building your
confidence after divorce.
We have a jam packed up for youtoday.
We're gonna talk about how beingsingle in a couples world
(01:07):
doesn't just sting in the momentin that post-divorce, you know,
pre-recoupled season.
It's it's actually pulling onall the old attachment echoes
that your body still remembers.
So whether you have an anxious,avoidant, or disorganized
attachment style, like that ispart of what this single in a
couples world thing is.
We're gonna unpack that.
We're also gonna look at thefinancial fallout of being
(01:28):
single.
Why does it seem like couplesget a discount on life while
singles pay full price?
And what does that silent tax doto your sense of worth?
And then towards the end of theepisode, we are gonna look at
loneliness as a single, as anervous system signal, because
there's something here that isvery clearly your nervous system
(01:50):
calling for you to take aspecific action.
Loneliness is your nervoussystem's compass, pointing you
towards developing a kind ofconnection where you can finally
exhale and feel safe as a singleperson.
So you're definitely one gonnawant to hear through to the end
where we talk about some of ourfavorite ways to understand your
nervous system's compass andfill its need.
(02:13):
Ladies, good morning.
I feel like we have been onrecording hiatus, and now here
we are together, and it feels sonice.
How are you this morning?
SPEAKER_01 (02:22):
It's sweater weather, and I'm so excited.
It is freezing here, and I'm inthis big delicious sweater, and
I'm very happy about that.
SPEAKER_02 (02:31):
Listen, my soul shines in this weather.
Like I can breathe deep, likeI'm made for cold weather, so
I'm I'm here for it.
And I'm super excited to behere.
It's been, I do feel like it'sbeen a hot minute since we have
been recorded, recording.
SPEAKER_03 (02:48):
Yay! We are coming in with fresh energy.
We have launched our recentcohort, the destiny cohort of a
different D-word, and so we'vegot our women rolling, and we've
been behind the scenes cookingup some stuff for the podcast,
our premium subscribers, allkinds of good stuff, right?
So, but now we are back withfresh content.
(03:10):
So let's dig into being singlein a freaking couple's world,
and specifically through thelens of our attachment style,
right?
So for me as a primarily anxiousattacher, I can also, I really
was disorganized, right?
But I think as a single person,what stood out was anxious
(03:30):
attachment.
It was so hard for me to besingle, like so hard.
And um I would very often, Iwould like leave lights on all
the time in the house.
So it felt like I was cominghome to like a lit house.
I would buy myself flowers, Iwould sleep with my dog, I
would, you know, I I think, youknow, while I advocate for group
(03:54):
therapy and Al-Anon and allthose things, I would guess that
I filled my life up with all ofthese healing modalities with
all these other people who werehealing, so I never had to feel
alone.
I could always go to a meetingor call someone or pop over to
somebody's house.
That was just sort of theunderstanding, right?
And so I think all of that wasprobably my attachment style and
coping with being single in acouple's world and just like
(04:16):
surrounding myself with otherpeople that were also single and
in pain and you know, wanted tobe with me as much as I wanted
to be with them.
So, what about y'all?
What are your what are yourobservations, right, of the
women we work with, of your ownlived experiences, of this how
attachment style shows up whenwe're single and sort of
confronted with coupleseverywhere?
SPEAKER_01 (04:39):
I struggled being alone for a long time in the
very beginning.
Um, anytime that my daughter wasgoing to her dad's for the
weekend and I had all this spaceto fill, if I didn't have plans
from the time I dropped her offtill the time I picked her up, I
would get extremely anxious.
And so I had entourages offriends, um, you know, guys that
(05:00):
I would hook up with, likewhatever the case may be, like
anything to fill the time.
Because sitting alone to me justfelt extremely scary.
But then that disorganized partcame in, and so I wanted
everything, but then it wasalmost like when the time would
come to start getting ready, Ihad this resistance around being
around people.
And I'm just like, well, fuck,now I just want to stay home
(05:23):
because like the thought ofhaving a conversation or talking
or having to come up with energyto even put makeup on was just
like daunting to me at times.
So it was this very much pushand pull in the first couple of
years post-divorce of I needeveryone around me versus
pushing everyone away.
SPEAKER_02 (05:39):
It's like a million micro rejections all the time.
It's like it's constant, um, youknow, like even in the grocery
store where you you shopping forone.
Right.
You can't buy one chickenbreast, like you have to buy
one.
It's very um constant.
SPEAKER_01 (05:59):
Um then I remember like when my couple's friends
that I won in the divorce,because let's be honest, like
everyone wins and losesfriendships, right?
So that's the whole thing.
But it's like I almost felt likewhen I got together with those
couples' friends and we would goout, I knew the husbands were
(06:19):
still in contact with my ex.
And so it's like I felt like Ihad to perform and act like
everything was okay, right?
Yeah, because if not, he wasgonna run back and like tell
everything, and it was just soexhausting.
So exhausting.
SPEAKER_03 (06:32):
Also that desire to win, right?
Like, I want to win at this.
Like, I can't I can't have youtell him anything negative.
SPEAKER_02 (06:38):
Wait, what about there's also there's also let me
let me just let me just say thisbecause there's also a level of
I don't know if it's foreverybody, but like when you
still have those friends, to me,it was almost like, but they're
choosing him and he did the XYZ,like you're betraying me by
(06:59):
being his friend, or the familymembers that still talk to him,
or the we you know, like it wasalmost like if you if you're
kind to him and you're loving tohim, regardless, you're not
choosing me and you're not beingloyal to me.
SPEAKER_01 (07:15):
Like so yeah, like that reminds me if anyone out
there watches Vanderpump Rules,you know, and like that whole
thing with Ariana and Tom, therewas an episode where she like
flipped out um after he wascaught cheating, you know, or
whatever, and was basicallylike, I cannot, I don't want to
be around anyone who's friendswith him.
Like, I can't.
So if you're friends with him,you're not friends with me.
(07:36):
And it was kind of like, whoa,because I feel like that was
like the extreme of it.
But yeah, I feel like there isthis resentfulness around you
knew that this happened in myworld and everything blew up, so
how can you even stand to be inthe same room as him?
Type of energy.
SPEAKER_02 (07:52):
We have right, we have a lady, and it was there we
have a lady in our cohort thatwas um that is dealing with
that, and it they they had avery pleasant amicable divorce.
But at what point does thatseparation start getting fuzzy
in terms of like family, thefamily and the loyalty, right?
(08:13):
Because I mean they it itnaturally starts happening, but
it's it gets icky, it gets icky.
SPEAKER_03 (08:20):
Well, have I ever told you ladies?
I'm sure I have what my mothersaid to me when we were finally
getting divorced.
This just like sums up all of myattachment issues and why I've
told the story.
Like I was sitting on my sofa inour marital home before we sold
it and whatever, going, like,when am I gonna be a person
again?
Like, because I didn't feel likea person as a single woman,
(08:44):
right?
I didn't feel whole at all.
I didn't feel I felt like myidentity was lost, right?
Which just tells you like howmuch work I had to do.
But my mom was like, We loveyou, Dawn, but like we love him
more.
She actually said that.
She actually said that.
But like she's the queen ofsaying really weird stuff like
that.
And I just like that's that'sthe thing, right?
(09:07):
It's like I've never been enoughon my own has been the
perception or the takeaway.
And so, yeah, being in arelationship was at the time,
right, always felt safer to me.
So being single in a couple'sworld, like even the frickin'
arc, right?
They went on two by two, likenone of us would have made it on
the arc as single women, youknow, unless they included us to
(09:29):
be eaten, right?
Like we would have been theanimals they ate.
SPEAKER_01 (09:33):
I would have gone on with a cat.
That would have been me.
I just would have been carryinga cat with me.
And they should have just let methink with my cat.
Like, it's fine.
We're a couple.
This cat's my soulmate, it'sfine.
This is my soulmate cat.
SPEAKER_03 (09:46):
Yeah.
So, you know, for all of ourlisteners who are feeling all
the feels and all the resentmentand all of the just like this
isn't fair, and all of theloneliness and the physical
aching, right?
Do you guys relate to that?
Like the physical aching ofbeing single at night in a house
by yourself.
Yeah, like this is not justabout being single.
(10:09):
This is about attachment style.
And if you don't know yours andhaven't dug into that, and if
you don't have a strategy forhealing your attachment style,
which PS cannot be done in talktherapy.
That's not a thing.
You cannot recover yourattachment style in talk therapy
alone.
Just know that that is part ofthe mission right now during
this season in life.
And we do not recommend overhere.
(10:31):
Oh, why am I playing bad cop allof a sudden, ladies?
We do not recommend datingreally much at all until you've
really started to shiftfundamentally from a
subconscious nervous systemplace to your attachment style
because otherwise, you are goingto attract subconsciously the
same style of partner.
(10:51):
I heard this super cool reelrecently, which was Gabor Mate
guesting on someone's podcast,talking very plainly about we
attract partners with the samelevel of trauma resolution as
ourselves.
So when we have not put in thework to do trauma resolution in
the realm of attachment style,we're just gonna keep repeating
the same relationship shit overand over and over again.
SPEAKER_01 (11:14):
Yeah.
And I think that's the biggestfear among divorced women is
ending up divorce number two,three, four.
And look, we work with women whohave multiple divorces under
their belt, and there is atheme.
Like, regardless of whether theysay, Well, this guy wasn't like
this guy, when we dig into it,uh, fuck yeah, he was.
And you were the same personthat chose him.
Yeah, like all the time.
He might have been in anothertype of clothing or hiding
(11:37):
behind a college degree or agreat job, but very, very
similar type of guy.
SPEAKER_03 (11:42):
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, let's stop being DebbieDowners, maybe.
Let's talk about the financialfallout.
Um, or I'm gonna highlight herethe perceived, there is a
fallout, right?
The financial fallout as beinglike a single person, right?
It's like you take a hit on yourtaxes, you take a hit on your
(12:02):
financial, your vacationplanning, you take a hit on
your, you know, householdmanagement.
It's like so intense that thatfinancial fallout.
And it feels like as a singlewoman, there's some sort of
silent tax, right?
But let's look at how women tendto interpret that sort of
financial fear in this seasonbeing single and how they tend
(12:24):
to loop around there not beingenough and fears that they can't
create the same abundance orthat everything is too
expensive.
What would you ladies say towomen who really, really
struggle to believe that theycan be financially abundant as
single women because it's maybefeels so tight all the time and
so stressed all the time.
(12:44):
And it really literally is maybepaycheck to paycheck, and you
haven't gotten a handle on yourmoney yet, and everything just
seems more expensive and you'reoverwhelmed by it all the time.
I know I just said we were gonnastop being Debbie donors, but
like let's give them some hope.
SPEAKER_01 (12:58):
Yeah, like I would say there's there's always a way
out, right?
Like when I first separatedmoney was when I tell you that I
was making$10 an hour supportingmy daughter under very minimal
child support.
SPEAKER_03 (13:08):
It's a very different time.
SPEAKER_01 (13:10):
Oh my God.
Like we didn't dollars an hourdoesn't cut it today.
No, and like we were broke, likewe were broke.
Um, I had no savings.
Like it was a very, very scarytime for me.
And slowly, slowly I built.
I will tell you that I've neverbeen as broke in my life as I
was in my marriage.
Um, just because of his, yes,because of his irresponsibility
(13:33):
around finances.
However, there was always athing, and so I'll tell you,
like for me, when I even when Iwent to buy my first home
post-divorce, somebody said, Whyare you buying a four-bedroom
home?
And I said, Well, because I'mgonna rent out two of my
bedrooms.
SPEAKER_03 (13:49):
And I did an entrepreneurial spirit right
there.
SPEAKER_01 (13:52):
And I rented out what I had.
I was able to pay off my studentloans that way, and within a few
years, I didn't have to have tworoommates.
I ended up keeping one roommatewith me for 10 years.
She was this beautiful woman,she was 70 years old, she
traveled more than me.
Like she became our surrogategrandma.
Um, we cooked for each other, wecelebrated holidays together.
My point is there is a fuckingsolution for everything if you
(14:15):
start looking beyond yourcircumstances.
The scarcity.
Yes, that's right.
Like, quit accepting what theworld is giving to you.
Like, it's gonna drop a millionfucking dollars in your lap,
ladies.
Like that shit's not gonnahappen.
SPEAKER_03 (14:27):
Well, they might.
SPEAKER_01 (14:29):
I've never seen it happen.
If you manifest it, that wouldbe great.
SPEAKER_03 (14:31):
That's it.
But to manifest abundance, youhave to believe that it's
possible.
SPEAKER_01 (14:36):
And I you have to be ready to receive, right?
SPEAKER_03 (14:38):
What ready to receive, right?
Two things.
Number one, you have to stopbelieving that you're that
you're dependent on anyone elseother than you and God to
generate, right?
Everyone else is is playing apart in your in your story,
right?
So you and God together canco-create anything you need, and
(14:59):
you have to be ready to let itin.
SPEAKER_01 (15:02):
Yeah.
And I think that's the biggestissue is that we're so stuck on
I can't, I can't, I'll neverhave, I won't, I can't do this.
You know, and and you know, atsome point, like, and I'll talk
about this at some point on thepod, but there was a period of
time where he lost his abilityto pay child support to me.
And instead of sitting in acorner and giving up, I worked a
(15:26):
full-time job and I cleanedcondos on the weekend and I did
photography at night.
And my child slept in aphotography studio for three
months straight while I wasediting at night.
And I would literally work untilmidnight, 1 a.m.
And then we would go home and Iwould get her up for school at
six.
I grinded my fucking ass off tobe able to provide us a life.
(15:46):
And so when women tell me, Oh,it's too hard, I can't, I can't,
I'm always broke, I'm alwaysthis, it's because you are not
willing to step outside of itand you are basically settling
for the shit that's being givento you.
Like that's your energy.
That's your energy.
SPEAKER_02 (16:01):
Reach it, Tiffany.
SPEAKER_03 (16:03):
Yeah, but there is also this like, um, well, I
think you have to work so hardalso uh for it because there is
a need for us to also listen toour bodies and like to sleep.
Yeah, yeah, right.
Yeah, and I do think thatsometimes it's I think women get
(16:24):
really overwhelmed and stuck inthat um I need money and I need
sleep and I don't know whichthing to pick.
SPEAKER_01 (16:31):
And I'm not saying it was always easy, I'm not
saying that there weren't nightsthat I didn't collapse behind my
bedroom door and have a completemeltdown, or that I was tired,
or that I went off on my kidbecause I didn't get enough
sleep the night before, right?
Like it was a process, but whatI'm saying is if you accept the
situation that you are given andyou settle, you will never have
(16:51):
anything more.
If you settle for thebreadcrumbs of life, whether
it's from shitty men or shittyjobs or whatever it is, you will
always stay stuck in that space.
SPEAKER_02 (17:01):
It's a whole victim mentality of my life is
happening to me and not I am theCEO.
I'm making my life mentality.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I know I am friends with thiswoman whose husband, you know,
pieced out.
She had two small children, andshe started just cooking in her
kitchen and selling it underlike a little white tent at
(17:22):
markets, um, food, uh Thai foodand selling it at markets just
and now she has this bigbeautiful food truck and she's
killing it, and she's nowsupporting her family by just
something that she inherentlyloves doing w loves to do.
And um when you can take theball by the ball, the bull by
(17:45):
the balls, I think is what itis, you know, and like CEO your
own life.
It's that's where the magichappens and where you get to
have anything you want.
SPEAKER_03 (17:57):
But the the thing that's required there is a
unremarkable belief in self anda remarkable belief that the
universe is gonna have yourback.
Because all these things requireleaps of faith.
SPEAKER_02 (18:09):
Reprogramming, right?
Like you gotta reprogram thatshit.
You know, like you gotta do thehard work and you gotta dig in
and like why am I stuck in thismoment?
Because that's not the way thatGod intended our lives to be.
Like, no, but God did not intendyou to be small or to be like
sharing a cup of right, a cup ofsoup for your entire family,
because that's what you have inyour kitchen.
(18:30):
Like, that's not the that'sthat's never the plan.
SPEAKER_03 (18:33):
Universe isn't on a budget.
SPEAKER_02 (18:35):
No, no, the universe.
SPEAKER_01 (18:39):
Yeah.
But I think what made me sadtoo, or just kind of like when I
would go out, or things that Iwant to notice, is like when you
go out and you notice all theseother couples out for dinner.
I'm like, really look at thembecause nine times out of ten,
everybody's on a phone.
You know what I'm saying?
And so then that started showingme too when I started watching
(19:00):
how couples interact.
And I'm sorry, like the bestplace to watch couples'
interactions is at Disney Worldbecause everybody's fighting.
Interesting.
Yeah, well, sure.
Everybody's fighting.
We're tired, we spent a milliondollars.
And our kids don't care, likethey don't appreciate anything,
they just want to go back towhat's the city.
They want to play with a box,yeah, you know.
But like my point is then when Istarted to shift, it made me
(19:22):
want to protect that becausethen I saw all these examples of
couples that I did not want tobe like at all.
SPEAKER_02 (19:29):
Like I want to myth of ones, right?
Yes, it is, right?
SPEAKER_01 (19:33):
And even when some of these women, like I would
challenge you because I do thisin our cohort, and then they're
like, Oh, when you tell me thatyou miss the vacations you took
with him, you miss all theromance.
Do you really really reflect onthat for me?
Because I think what you'remissing is companionship.
It's not him, it iscompanionship that you are
missing.
SPEAKER_03 (19:52):
It's it's the absence of not having to feel
lonely.
Yeah.
Right?
Like, yeah, yeah, but it's notnecessarily unique to this
particular person you were likesmitten with, right?
It's just pain relief, right?
Because in his absence, there'spain, there's loneliness that
has existed probably since youknow the beginning of time for
you.
And so when he's present, itit's like a drug, right?
(20:14):
It removes that ache or thatpain.
And so it's pain relief, notpartnership.
SPEAKER_01 (20:19):
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
And it's like, do you reallymiss him as a partner, or do you
just miss having somebody?
And nine times out of ten, whenthe women dig into it, it's they
just miss having somebody there,knowing that their ex would have
made the situation ten timesmore stressful than it needed to
be.
SPEAKER_03 (20:38):
So what do we do with all this loves?
Because this whole when we havecomparasonitis, right?
And we look at ourselves assingle women and we're like, oh,
but look at these folks, andwhen can I have that?
And um, I just need someone tohold me.
And these are all very realsensations, right?
Our nervous systems are barking,saying, like, something's wrong.
Alert, alert, alert.
(21:01):
What do we do with it?
And I think that we talk about alot of really important, you got
to do the work around here,right?
But what is the work?
So I get home, I let's say I'mdoing it all beautifully, and I
scheduled time with my friends,and I made plans, and I'm boss
babing it, and I'm doing all thethings, but then I get home at
(21:21):
night and there's like arupture, right?
Like I'm crying, I'm lonely, I'maching.
It's really it's our nervoussystems asking for something.
SPEAKER_01 (21:34):
And that's why I feel like IFS work is so
beautiful because in thosemoments, what so many people,
when they are hitting thosemoments of loneliness, they are
seeking external validation andexternal relief from either a
hookup or a glass of wine or ahit of weed, whatever it is.
SPEAKER_03 (21:54):
Well, there are so many women who get married to
their wine bottles duringdivorce.
Yes, it becomes their new bestfriend, their new partner, their
new like ride or die.
Yes, the wine.
SPEAKER_02 (22:04):
Because that's what's socially acceptable.
Like you get to like it's cuteto have a glass of wine on
social media.
You know what I mean?
Like it's it's very, I feel likeit's very the the drug that is
status, yeah.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (22:21):
Yeah.
When really in those moments,and I tell the women who we work
with, in those moments, whatneeds attention is something
within you, and you're the onlyone that can provide that and
soothe that.
SPEAKER_03 (22:32):
That's cute.
That's right.
So one of one of our favoritetools that we use around here is
EFT tapping, right?
Which is where we actuallyfollow certain tapping points
around the face and head andbody that helps release when we
are in that feeling, it helpsrelease the pain that we're
experiencing, right?
And when you can unburdenyourself from that pain a little
(22:54):
bit at a time, you build yourresilience, you build your
strength, you feel less and lesslonely, your sense of self, your
sense of worth, your identitygets stronger and stronger.
So, what we're doing for ourThursday episode this week for
premium subscribers is we have acustom EFT tapping sequence just
for you.
Ladies, if you didn't know, nowyou know the three of us are
gonna tap it out together in theThursday episode.
(23:14):
And so it's like literallysomething you can do when you
get home at night, you're sosad, you can't seem to make the
feelings go away, right?
So here's something you can doin real time to really reprogram
your subconscious mind, releasesome of those feelings, and
start to shift your attachmentstyle, right?
Because loneliness and thatfeeling of not being whole, that
(23:37):
is the the attachment styleecho.
And so the more you can do, themore frequently you could do
things like IF um IFS and EFTtapping, the more you're
actually rehabbing yourattachment style, which gets you
more and more ready to date anddo it from a different place.
Joy, I know you use a lot of EFTin your healing journey,
(23:58):
Tiffany.
Not as much?
Yeah, not as much for me.
Yeah, I feel like I EFT'd theshit out of myself for years.
SPEAKER_02 (24:06):
Yeah, because it's something that you you don't
have to depend on someone elseto, it's a modality.
You don't have to depend on it'snot it's not therapy, it's not
EMDR in in the traditionalsense.
Like it's um, I could get mythree small children to bed and
sit in my bed in a safe,comfortable place and EFT the
shh out of my out of my, youknow what I mean?
(24:28):
Like out of my trauma, out of mybrain, out of my emotions.
And and I got so good at it,like I could be at a stoplight
and just be, you know, just beruined.
I had m basically memorized thesequence that I was doing at the
time.
I did um emotional, emotionalpain, healing from emotional
pain was my my jam because itwas it was empowering for me to
(24:51):
be able to take charge and nothave to wait for my two Tuesday
appointment with my therapist orwait for whatever it was, you
know what I mean?
Like I could I could do it bymyself.
So I did love me some EFT.
I mean it's very, very, veryempowering to be able to handle
yourself, you know.
SPEAKER_01 (25:10):
And I feel like we all have our favorite tools over
here.
Um and newsflash, by the way, toour listeners, this is not a job
where you come in during the dayand you're allowed to be
mentally off.
That should have called out onthe carpet very clearly, right?
You're allowed to be mentallyoff.
Yes, we're just gonna addressit.
You need to talk about yourmental offness here.
SPEAKER_02 (25:30):
Um, you don't get to dissociate or hide in the
organization.
Right, right.
It's called out quick.
SPEAKER_01 (25:36):
It's a very transparent team.
But we all have our favoritetools, you know.
So, you know, Joy's a big EFT.
Obviously, EMDR was a big partof my healing journey.
IFS is my obsession.
Um, for me, it's meditation.
It's meditation and grounding innature is kind of the thing that
sets me off.
SPEAKER_03 (25:54):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (25:54):
Um, that's the thing that really makes me feel
present.
And I have so many clients thatin those moments too, they just
want to reach for a tool, atool, a tool, a tool.
And sometimes they don't likeme, but the answer is sit with
it.
Sit with it and let the emotionmove through and see what comes
up.
SPEAKER_03 (26:11):
And they don't like that answer.
Yeah, I don't think most peopleknow how, right?
To sit with it and gotta havesomething.
And I and I'm getting off on atangent here, and then I'm gonna
pull it back on track.
But we are so used to feeling afeeling and then telling
ourselves a story about thatfeeling.
We attach a belief or a meaningto that feeling, and then we're
(26:32):
no longer feeling, we'rethinking about the feeling, and
now it's no longer movingthrough.
So I really believe that it's askill to just be able to sit and
feel a feeling without attachinga label or a story to it, and to
be able to identify where youfeel it in your body.
I was not able to do that untilpost-homeopathy.
And I think that's why I'm soobsessed with homeopathy because
(26:52):
I could not effectively orconsistently move emotion
through my body until I hadthose pathways more open.
So now I can sit with a feelingand just be like, oh, this is
just a sensation.
It's like if I burned my hand onthe stove, I wouldn't need to
tell myself a million storiesabout why my finger's burning.
I would just know, right?
And it's just like, oh shit,that hurts.
(27:14):
But when it's emotional pain, wereally start to get into a
narrative about where it camefrom and why it's there and why
it's never going to be gone andwhy it's always gonna be this
way or why it can never be adifferent way.
It's like it's exhausting howmuch we tell ourselves, but it's
really because we're trying todistance ourselves from just
feeling.
And I do think that's one of thereasons why EFT is so effective
(27:35):
because it validates the pain,right?
There's a narrative that goesthrough EFT that there's a that
it validates the pain and ithelps us to stay in it, right?
Because that's what needs tohappen is we need to be able to
feel it in order to unburden it.
And so while we're tapping, itgives us something to do while
we're feeling, it keeps usfocused on needing to experience
it.
And then, you know, very oftenthere's a release at the end.
(27:57):
It's very cool.
So if you have not been doingEFT consistently, strong
recommendation because it is afree give or take, right?
Maybe the cost of a five dollarsubscription every month way for
you to, like Producer Joycesaid, take charge of your
healing.
SPEAKER_01 (28:15):
And I will second what Don said, like
post-homopathy, I'm able to doso much more from a sit-still
grounding.
Even I was never able tomanifest pre-homeopathy, I was
never able to meditate properlybecause my mind was always going
a million miles an hour.
So post-homeopathy, I've beenable to really sit with myself,
and and those feelings don'tfeel so heavy anymore.
(28:39):
It's just kind of like in andout.
Like, oh, there it is.
Okay, there it is.
SPEAKER_03 (28:44):
So if you have been struggling to feel like, dang
it, I am single in a couple'sworld and this sucks, like come
talk to us.
Send any of us a DM on the IG,join us in a premium episode,
especially because we arelaunching next month in
November, right?
Monthly workshops for allpremium subscribers.
(29:05):
We also are gonna talk aboutthis in a future episode, but we
have some homeopathic productsthat we are launching that are
only and exclusively for premiumsubscribers.
So if you are not a premiumsubscriber, you don't, yeah,
it's you know, it's it's a it'sa vibe.
It's a club over here.
So join us.
unknown (29:23):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (29:25):
So if you haven't subscribed to premium yet, this
is your invitation to do that.
Five dollars a month, and youget all of our premium episodes.
Uh, you get access to exclusiveoffers that nobody else gets.
You get to come to monthlyworkshops.
It is the place to be.
All right.
We love you so much.
Peace.
(29:55):
You can find more atmycoachdawn.com.
Have you ever noticed the world is built for
couples?
Dinner for two, plus oneinvites, family packages, and
even the way people look at youwhen you're alone.
After divorce, it's like everybillboard and social feed seems
to be whispering, you don'tbelong.
If you've ever felt invisible,resentful, or just plain tired
(00:23):
of a world made for pairs, thisepisode is for you.
Hi, love.
Welcome to Dear Divorce Diary,the podcast helping divorcees go
beyond talk therapy to processyour grief, find the healing you
crave, and build back yourconfidence.
I'm your host, Don Wiggins, atherapist, coach, integrative
(00:46):
healer, and divorcee.
Join me for a fresh approach tohealing grief and building your
confidence after divorce.
We have a jam packed up for youtoday.
We're gonna talk about how beingsingle in a couples world
(01:07):
doesn't just sting in the momentin that post-divorce, you know,
pre-recoupled season.
It's it's actually pulling onall the old attachment echoes
that your body still remembers.
So whether you have an anxious,avoidant, or disorganized
attachment style, like that ispart of what this single in a
couples world thing is.
We're gonna unpack that.
We're also gonna look at thefinancial fallout of being
(01:28):
single.
Why does it seem like couplesget a discount on life while
singles pay full price?
And what does that silent tax doto your sense of worth?
And then towards the end of theepisode, we are gonna look at
loneliness as a single, as anervous system signal, because
there's something here that isvery clearly your nervous system
(01:50):
calling for you to take aspecific action.
Loneliness is your nervoussystem's compass, pointing you
towards developing a kind ofconnection where you can finally
exhale and feel safe as a singleperson.
So you're definitely one gonnawant to hear through to the end
where we talk about some of ourfavorite ways to understand your
nervous system's compass andfill its need.
(02:13):
Ladies, good morning.
I feel like we have been onrecording hiatus, and now here
we are together, and it feels sonice.
How are you this morning?
SPEAKER_01 (02:22):
It's sweater weather, and I'm so excited.
It is freezing here, and I'm inthis big delicious sweater, and
I'm very happy about that.
SPEAKER_02 (02:31):
Listen, my soul shines in this weather.
Like I can breathe deep, likeI'm made for cold weather, so
I'm I'm here for it.
And I'm super excited to behere.
It's been, I do feel like it'sbeen a hot minute since we have
been recorded, recording.
SPEAKER_03 (02:48):
Yay! We are coming in with fresh energy.
We have launched our recentcohort, the destiny cohort of a
different D-word, and so we'vegot our women rolling, and we've
been behind the scenes cookingup some stuff for the podcast,
our premium subscribers, allkinds of good stuff, right?
So, but now we are back withfresh content.
(03:10):
So let's dig into being singlein a freaking couple's world,
and specifically through thelens of our attachment style,
right?
So for me as a primarily anxiousattacher, I can also, I really
was disorganized, right?
But I think as a single person,what stood out was anxious
(03:30):
attachment.
It was so hard for me to besingle, like so hard.
And um I would very often, Iwould like leave lights on all
the time in the house.
So it felt like I was cominghome to like a lit house.
I would buy myself flowers, Iwould sleep with my dog, I
would, you know, I I think, youknow, while I advocate for group
(03:54):
therapy and Al-Anon and allthose things, I would guess that
I filled my life up with all ofthese healing modalities with
all these other people who werehealing, so I never had to feel
alone.
I could always go to a meetingor call someone or pop over to
somebody's house.
That was just sort of theunderstanding, right?
And so I think all of that wasprobably my attachment style and
coping with being single in acouple's world and just like
(04:16):
surrounding myself with otherpeople that were also single and
in pain and you know, wanted tobe with me as much as I wanted
to be with them.
So, what about y'all?
What are your what are yourobservations, right, of the
women we work with, of your ownlived experiences, of this how
attachment style shows up whenwe're single and sort of
confronted with coupleseverywhere?
SPEAKER_01 (04:39):
I struggled being alone for a long time in the
very beginning.
Um, anytime that my daughter wasgoing to her dad's for the
weekend and I had all this spaceto fill, if I didn't have plans
from the time I dropped her offtill the time I picked her up, I
would get extremely anxious.
And so I had entourages offriends, um, you know, guys that
(05:00):
I would hook up with, likewhatever the case may be, like
anything to fill the time.
Because sitting alone to me justfelt extremely scary.
But then that disorganized partcame in, and so I wanted
everything, but then it wasalmost like when the time would
come to start getting ready, Ihad this resistance around being
around people.
And I'm just like, well, fuck,now I just want to stay home
(05:23):
because like the thought ofhaving a conversation or talking
or having to come up with energyto even put makeup on was just
like daunting to me at times.
So it was this very much pushand pull in the first couple of
years post-divorce of I needeveryone around me versus
pushing everyone away.
SPEAKER_02 (05:39):
It's like a million micro rejections all the time.
It's like it's constant, um, youknow, like even in the grocery
store where you you shopping forone.
Right.
You can't buy one chickenbreast, like you have to buy
one.
It's very um constant.
SPEAKER_01 (05:59):
Um then I remember like when my couple's friends
that I won in the divorce,because let's be honest, like
everyone wins and losesfriendships, right?
So that's the whole thing.
But it's like I almost felt likewhen I got together with those
couples' friends and we would goout, I knew the husbands were
(06:19):
still in contact with my ex.
And so it's like I felt like Ihad to perform and act like
everything was okay, right?
Yeah, because if not, he wasgonna run back and like tell
everything, and it was just soexhausting.
So exhausting.
SPEAKER_03 (06:32):
Also that desire to win, right?
Like, I want to win at this.
Like, I can't I can't have youtell him anything negative.
SPEAKER_02 (06:38):
Wait, what about there's also there's also let me
let me just let me just say thisbecause there's also a level of
I don't know if it's foreverybody, but like when you
still have those friends, to me,it was almost like, but they're
choosing him and he did the XYZ,like you're betraying me by
(06:59):
being his friend, or the familymembers that still talk to him,
or the we you know, like it wasalmost like if you if you're
kind to him and you're loving tohim, regardless, you're not
choosing me and you're not beingloyal to me.
SPEAKER_01 (07:15):
Like so yeah, like that reminds me if anyone out
there watches Vanderpump Rules,you know, and like that whole
thing with Ariana and Tom, therewas an episode where she like
flipped out um after he wascaught cheating, you know, or
whatever, and was basicallylike, I cannot, I don't want to
be around anyone who's friendswith him.
Like, I can't.
So if you're friends with him,you're not friends with me.
(07:36):
And it was kind of like, whoa,because I feel like that was
like the extreme of it.
But yeah, I feel like there isthis resentfulness around you
knew that this happened in myworld and everything blew up, so
how can you even stand to be inthe same room as him?
Type of energy.
SPEAKER_02 (07:52):
We have right, we have a lady, and it was there we
have a lady in our cohort thatwas um that is dealing with
that, and it they they had avery pleasant amicable divorce.
But at what point does thatseparation start getting fuzzy
in terms of like family, thefamily and the loyalty, right?
(08:13):
Because I mean they it itnaturally starts happening, but
it's it gets icky, it gets icky.
SPEAKER_03 (08:20):
Well, have I ever told you ladies?
I'm sure I have what my mothersaid to me when we were finally
getting divorced.
This just like sums up all of myattachment issues and why I've
told the story.
Like I was sitting on my sofa inour marital home before we sold
it and whatever, going, like,when am I gonna be a person
again?
Like, because I didn't feel likea person as a single woman,
(08:44):
right?
I didn't feel whole at all.
I didn't feel I felt like myidentity was lost, right?
Which just tells you like howmuch work I had to do.
But my mom was like, We loveyou, Dawn, but like we love him
more.
She actually said that.
She actually said that.
But like she's the queen ofsaying really weird stuff like
that.
And I just like that's that'sthe thing, right?
(09:07):
It's like I've never been enoughon my own has been the
perception or the takeaway.
And so, yeah, being in arelationship was at the time,
right, always felt safer to me.
So being single in a couple'sworld, like even the frickin'
arc, right?
They went on two by two, likenone of us would have made it on
the arc as single women, youknow, unless they included us to
(09:29):
be eaten, right?
Like we would have been theanimals they ate.
SPEAKER_01 (09:33):
I would have gone on with a cat.
That would have been me.
I just would have been carryinga cat with me.
And they should have just let methink with my cat.
Like, it's fine.
We're a couple.
This cat's my soulmate, it'sfine.
This is my soulmate cat.
SPEAKER_03 (09:46):
Yeah.
So, you know, for all of ourlisteners who are feeling all
the feels and all the resentmentand all of the just like this
isn't fair, and all of theloneliness and the physical
aching, right?
Do you guys relate to that?
Like the physical aching ofbeing single at night in a house
by yourself.
Yeah, like this is not justabout being single.
(10:09):
This is about attachment style.
And if you don't know yours andhaven't dug into that, and if
you don't have a strategy forhealing your attachment style,
which PS cannot be done in talktherapy.
That's not a thing.
You cannot recover yourattachment style in talk therapy
alone.
Just know that that is part ofthe mission right now during
this season in life.
And we do not recommend overhere.
(10:31):
Oh, why am I playing bad cop allof a sudden, ladies?
We do not recommend datingreally much at all until you've
really started to shiftfundamentally from a
subconscious nervous systemplace to your attachment style
because otherwise, you are goingto attract subconsciously the
same style of partner.
(10:51):
I heard this super cool reelrecently, which was Gabor Mate
guesting on someone's podcast,talking very plainly about we
attract partners with the samelevel of trauma resolution as
ourselves.
So when we have not put in thework to do trauma resolution in
the realm of attachment style,we're just gonna keep repeating
the same relationship shit overand over and over again.
SPEAKER_01 (11:14):
Yeah.
And I think that's the biggestfear among divorced women is
ending up divorce number two,three, four.
And look, we work with women whohave multiple divorces under
their belt, and there is atheme.
Like, regardless of whether theysay, Well, this guy wasn't like
this guy, when we dig into it,uh, fuck yeah, he was.
And you were the same personthat chose him.
Yeah, like all the time.
He might have been in anothertype of clothing or hiding
(11:37):
behind a college degree or agreat job, but very, very
similar type of guy.
SPEAKER_03 (11:42):
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, let's stop being DebbieDowners, maybe.
Let's talk about the financialfallout.
Um, or I'm gonna highlight herethe perceived, there is a
fallout, right?
The financial fallout as beinglike a single person, right?
It's like you take a hit on yourtaxes, you take a hit on your
(12:02):
financial, your vacationplanning, you take a hit on
your, you know, householdmanagement.
It's like so intense that thatfinancial fallout.
And it feels like as a singlewoman, there's some sort of
silent tax, right?
But let's look at how women tendto interpret that sort of
financial fear in this seasonbeing single and how they tend
(12:24):
to loop around there not beingenough and fears that they can't
create the same abundance orthat everything is too
expensive.
What would you ladies say towomen who really, really
struggle to believe that theycan be financially abundant as
single women because it's maybefeels so tight all the time and
so stressed all the time.
(12:44):
And it really literally is maybepaycheck to paycheck, and you
haven't gotten a handle on yourmoney yet, and everything just
seems more expensive and you'reoverwhelmed by it all the time.
I know I just said we were gonnastop being Debbie donors, but
like let's give them some hope.
SPEAKER_01 (12:58):
Yeah, like I would say there's there's always a way
out, right?
Like when I first separatedmoney was when I tell you that I
was making$10 an hour supportingmy daughter under very minimal
child support.
SPEAKER_03 (13:08):
It's a very different time.
SPEAKER_01 (13:10):
Oh my God.
Like we didn't dollars an hourdoesn't cut it today.
No, and like we were broke, likewe were broke.
Um, I had no savings.
Like it was a very, very scarytime for me.
And slowly, slowly I built.
I will tell you that I've neverbeen as broke in my life as I
was in my marriage.
Um, just because of his, yes,because of his irresponsibility
(13:33):
around finances.
However, there was always athing, and so I'll tell you,
like for me, when I even when Iwent to buy my first home
post-divorce, somebody said, Whyare you buying a four-bedroom
home?
And I said, Well, because I'mgonna rent out two of my
bedrooms.
SPEAKER_03 (13:49):
And I did an entrepreneurial spirit right
there.
SPEAKER_01 (13:52):
And I rented out what I had.
I was able to pay off my studentloans that way, and within a few
years, I didn't have to have tworoommates.
I ended up keeping one roommatewith me for 10 years.
She was this beautiful woman,she was 70 years old, she
traveled more than me.
Like she became our surrogategrandma.
Um, we cooked for each other, wecelebrated holidays together.
My point is there is a fuckingsolution for everything if you
(14:15):
start looking beyond yourcircumstances.
The scarcity.
Yes, that's right.
Like, quit accepting what theworld is giving to you.
Like, it's gonna drop a millionfucking dollars in your lap,
ladies.
Like that shit's not gonnahappen.
SPEAKER_03 (14:27):
Well, they might.
SPEAKER_01 (14:29):
I've never seen it happen.
If you manifest it, that wouldbe great.
SPEAKER_03 (14:31):
That's it.
But to manifest abundance, youhave to believe that it's
possible.
SPEAKER_01 (14:36):
And I you have to be ready to receive, right?
SPEAKER_03 (14:38):
What ready to receive, right?
Two things.
Number one, you have to stopbelieving that you're that
you're dependent on anyone elseother than you and God to
generate, right?
Everyone else is is playing apart in your in your story,
right?
So you and God together canco-create anything you need, and
(14:59):
you have to be ready to let itin.
SPEAKER_01 (15:02):
Yeah.
And I think that's the biggestissue is that we're so stuck on
I can't, I can't, I'll neverhave, I won't, I can't do this.
You know, and and you know, atsome point, like, and I'll talk
about this at some point on thepod, but there was a period of
time where he lost his abilityto pay child support to me.
And instead of sitting in acorner and giving up, I worked a
(15:26):
full-time job and I cleanedcondos on the weekend and I did
photography at night.
And my child slept in aphotography studio for three
months straight while I wasediting at night.
And I would literally work untilmidnight, 1 a.m.
And then we would go home and Iwould get her up for school at
six.
I grinded my fucking ass off tobe able to provide us a life.
(15:46):
And so when women tell me, Oh,it's too hard, I can't, I can't,
I'm always broke, I'm alwaysthis, it's because you are not
willing to step outside of itand you are basically settling
for the shit that's being givento you.
Like that's your energy.
That's your energy.
SPEAKER_02 (16:01):
Reach it, Tiffany.
SPEAKER_03 (16:03):
Yeah, but there is also this like, um, well, I
think you have to work so hardalso uh for it because there is
a need for us to also listen toour bodies and like to sleep.
Yeah, yeah, right.
Yeah, and I do think thatsometimes it's I think women get
(16:24):
really overwhelmed and stuck inthat um I need money and I need
sleep and I don't know whichthing to pick.
SPEAKER_01 (16:31):
And I'm not saying it was always easy, I'm not
saying that there weren't nightsthat I didn't collapse behind my
bedroom door and have a completemeltdown, or that I was tired,
or that I went off on my kidbecause I didn't get enough
sleep the night before, right?
Like it was a process, but whatI'm saying is if you accept the
situation that you are given andyou settle, you will never have
(16:51):
anything more.
If you settle for thebreadcrumbs of life, whether
it's from shitty men or shittyjobs or whatever it is, you will
always stay stuck in that space.
SPEAKER_02 (17:01):
It's a whole victim mentality of my life is
happening to me and not I am theCEO.
I'm making my life mentality.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I know I am friends with thiswoman whose husband, you know,
pieced out.
She had two small children, andshe started just cooking in her
kitchen and selling it underlike a little white tent at
(17:22):
markets, um, food, uh Thai foodand selling it at markets just
and now she has this bigbeautiful food truck and she's
killing it, and she's nowsupporting her family by just
something that she inherentlyloves doing w loves to do.
And um when you can take theball by the ball, the bull by
(17:45):
the balls, I think is what itis, you know, and like CEO your
own life.
It's that's where the magichappens and where you get to
have anything you want.
SPEAKER_03 (17:57):
But the the thing that's required there is a
unremarkable belief in self anda remarkable belief that the
universe is gonna have yourback.
Because all these things requireleaps of faith.
SPEAKER_02 (18:09):
Reprogramming, right?
Like you gotta reprogram thatshit.
You know, like you gotta do thehard work and you gotta dig in
and like why am I stuck in thismoment?
Because that's not the way thatGod intended our lives to be.
Like, no, but God did not intendyou to be small or to be like
sharing a cup of right, a cup ofsoup for your entire family,
because that's what you have inyour kitchen.
(18:30):
Like, that's not the that'sthat's never the plan.
SPEAKER_03 (18:33):
Universe isn't on a budget.
SPEAKER_02 (18:35):
No, no, the universe.
SPEAKER_01 (18:39):
Yeah.
But I think what made me sadtoo, or just kind of like when I
would go out, or things that Iwant to notice, is like when you
go out and you notice all theseother couples out for dinner.
I'm like, really look at thembecause nine times out of ten,
everybody's on a phone.
You know what I'm saying?
And so then that started showingme too when I started watching
(19:00):
how couples interact.
And I'm sorry, like the bestplace to watch couples'
interactions is at Disney Worldbecause everybody's fighting.
Interesting.
Yeah, well, sure.
Everybody's fighting.
We're tired, we spent a milliondollars.
And our kids don't care, likethey don't appreciate anything,
they just want to go back towhat's the city.
They want to play with a box,yeah, you know.
But like my point is then when Istarted to shift, it made me
(19:22):
want to protect that becausethen I saw all these examples of
couples that I did not want tobe like at all.
SPEAKER_02 (19:29):
Like I want to myth of ones, right?
Yes, it is, right?
SPEAKER_01 (19:33):
And even when some of these women, like I would
challenge you because I do thisin our cohort, and then they're
like, Oh, when you tell me thatyou miss the vacations you took
with him, you miss all theromance.
Do you really really reflect onthat for me?
Because I think what you'remissing is companionship.
It's not him, it iscompanionship that you are
missing.
SPEAKER_03 (19:52):
It's it's the absence of not having to feel
lonely.
Yeah.
Right?
Like, yeah, yeah, but it's notnecessarily unique to this
particular person you were likesmitten with, right?
It's just pain relief, right?
Because in his absence, there'spain, there's loneliness that
has existed probably since youknow the beginning of time for
you.
And so when he's present, itit's like a drug, right?
(20:14):
It removes that ache or thatpain.
And so it's pain relief, notpartnership.
SPEAKER_01 (20:19):
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
And it's like, do you reallymiss him as a partner, or do you
just miss having somebody?
And nine times out of ten, whenthe women dig into it, it's they
just miss having somebody there,knowing that their ex would have
made the situation ten timesmore stressful than it needed to
be.
SPEAKER_03 (20:38):
So what do we do with all this loves?
Because this whole when we havecomparasonitis, right?
And we look at ourselves assingle women and we're like, oh,
but look at these folks, andwhen can I have that?
And um, I just need someone tohold me.
And these are all very realsensations, right?
Our nervous systems are barking,saying, like, something's wrong.
Alert, alert, alert.
(21:01):
What do we do with it?
And I think that we talk about alot of really important, you got
to do the work around here,right?
But what is the work?
So I get home, I let's say I'mdoing it all beautifully, and I
scheduled time with my friends,and I made plans, and I'm boss
babing it, and I'm doing all thethings, but then I get home at
(21:21):
night and there's like arupture, right?
Like I'm crying, I'm lonely, I'maching.
It's really it's our nervoussystems asking for something.
SPEAKER_01 (21:34):
And that's why I feel like IFS work is so
beautiful because in thosemoments, what so many people,
when they are hitting thosemoments of loneliness, they are
seeking external validation andexternal relief from either a
hookup or a glass of wine or ahit of weed, whatever it is.
SPEAKER_03 (21:54):
Well, there are so many women who get married to
their wine bottles duringdivorce.
Yes, it becomes their new bestfriend, their new partner, their
new like ride or die.
Yes, the wine.
SPEAKER_02 (22:04):
Because that's what's socially acceptable.
Like you get to like it's cuteto have a glass of wine on
social media.
You know what I mean?
Like it's it's very, I feel likeit's very the the drug that is
status, yeah.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (22:21):
Yeah.
When really in those moments,and I tell the women who we work
with, in those moments, whatneeds attention is something
within you, and you're the onlyone that can provide that and
soothe that.
SPEAKER_03 (22:32):
That's cute.
That's right.
So one of one of our favoritetools that we use around here is
EFT tapping, right?
Which is where we actuallyfollow certain tapping points
around the face and head andbody that helps release when we
are in that feeling, it helpsrelease the pain that we're
experiencing, right?
And when you can unburdenyourself from that pain a little
(22:54):
bit at a time, you build yourresilience, you build your
strength, you feel less and lesslonely, your sense of self, your
sense of worth, your identitygets stronger and stronger.
So, what we're doing for ourThursday episode this week for
premium subscribers is we have acustom EFT tapping sequence just
for you.
Ladies, if you didn't know, nowyou know the three of us are
gonna tap it out together in theThursday episode.
(23:14):
And so it's like literallysomething you can do when you
get home at night, you're sosad, you can't seem to make the
feelings go away, right?
So here's something you can doin real time to really reprogram
your subconscious mind, releasesome of those feelings, and
start to shift your attachmentstyle, right?
Because loneliness and thatfeeling of not being whole, that
(23:37):
is the the attachment styleecho.
And so the more you can do, themore frequently you could do
things like IF um IFS and EFTtapping, the more you're
actually rehabbing yourattachment style, which gets you
more and more ready to date anddo it from a different place.
Joy, I know you use a lot of EFTin your healing journey,
(23:58):
Tiffany.
Not as much?
Yeah, not as much for me.
Yeah, I feel like I EFT'd theshit out of myself for years.
SPEAKER_02 (24:06):
Yeah, because it's something that you you don't
have to depend on someone elseto, it's a modality.
You don't have to depend on it'snot it's not therapy, it's not
EMDR in in the traditionalsense.
Like it's um, I could get mythree small children to bed and
sit in my bed in a safe,comfortable place and EFT the
shh out of my out of my, youknow what I mean?
(24:28):
Like out of my trauma, out of mybrain, out of my emotions.
And and I got so good at it,like I could be at a stoplight
and just be, you know, just beruined.
I had m basically memorized thesequence that I was doing at the
time.
I did um emotional, emotionalpain, healing from emotional
pain was my my jam because itwas it was empowering for me to
(24:51):
be able to take charge and nothave to wait for my two Tuesday
appointment with my therapist orwait for whatever it was, you
know what I mean?
Like I could I could do it bymyself.
So I did love me some EFT.
I mean it's very, very, veryempowering to be able to handle
yourself, you know.
SPEAKER_01 (25:10):
And I feel like we all have our favorite tools over
here.
Um and newsflash, by the way, toour listeners, this is not a job
where you come in during the dayand you're allowed to be
mentally off.
That should have called out onthe carpet very clearly, right?
You're allowed to be mentallyoff.
Yes, we're just gonna addressit.
You need to talk about yourmental offness here.
SPEAKER_02 (25:30):
Um, you don't get to dissociate or hide in the
organization.
Right, right.
It's called out quick.
SPEAKER_01 (25:36):
It's a very transparent team.
But we all have our favoritetools, you know.
So, you know, Joy's a big EFT.
Obviously, EMDR was a big partof my healing journey.
IFS is my obsession.
Um, for me, it's meditation.
It's meditation and grounding innature is kind of the thing that
sets me off.
SPEAKER_03 (25:54):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (25:54):
Um, that's the thing that really makes me feel
present.
And I have so many clients thatin those moments too, they just
want to reach for a tool, atool, a tool, a tool.
And sometimes they don't likeme, but the answer is sit with
it.
Sit with it and let the emotionmove through and see what comes
up.
SPEAKER_03 (26:11):
And they don't like that answer.
Yeah, I don't think most peopleknow how, right?
To sit with it and gotta havesomething.
And I and I'm getting off on atangent here, and then I'm gonna
pull it back on track.
But we are so used to feeling afeeling and then telling
ourselves a story about thatfeeling.
We attach a belief or a meaningto that feeling, and then we're
(26:32):
no longer feeling, we'rethinking about the feeling, and
now it's no longer movingthrough.
So I really believe that it's askill to just be able to sit and
feel a feeling without attachinga label or a story to it, and to
be able to identify where youfeel it in your body.
I was not able to do that untilpost-homeopathy.
And I think that's why I'm soobsessed with homeopathy because
(26:52):
I could not effectively orconsistently move emotion
through my body until I hadthose pathways more open.
So now I can sit with a feelingand just be like, oh, this is
just a sensation.
It's like if I burned my hand onthe stove, I wouldn't need to
tell myself a million storiesabout why my finger's burning.
I would just know, right?
And it's just like, oh shit,that hurts.
(27:14):
But when it's emotional pain, wereally start to get into a
narrative about where it camefrom and why it's there and why
it's never going to be gone andwhy it's always gonna be this
way or why it can never be adifferent way.
It's like it's exhausting howmuch we tell ourselves, but it's
really because we're trying todistance ourselves from just
feeling.
And I do think that's one of thereasons why EFT is so effective
(27:35):
because it validates the pain,right?
There's a narrative that goesthrough EFT that there's a that
it validates the pain and ithelps us to stay in it, right?
Because that's what needs tohappen is we need to be able to
feel it in order to unburden it.
And so while we're tapping, itgives us something to do while
we're feeling, it keeps usfocused on needing to experience
it.
And then, you know, very oftenthere's a release at the end.
(27:57):
It's very cool.
So if you have not been doingEFT consistently, strong
recommendation because it is afree give or take, right?
Maybe the cost of a five dollarsubscription every month way for
you to, like Producer Joycesaid, take charge of your
healing.
SPEAKER_01 (28:15):
And I will second what Don said, like
post-homopathy, I'm able to doso much more from a sit-still
grounding.
Even I was never able tomanifest pre-homeopathy, I was
never able to meditate properlybecause my mind was always going
a million miles an hour.
So post-homeopathy, I've beenable to really sit with myself,
and and those feelings don'tfeel so heavy anymore.
(28:39):
It's just kind of like in andout.
Like, oh, there it is.
Okay, there it is.
SPEAKER_03 (28:44):
So if you have been struggling to feel like, dang
it, I am single in a couple'sworld and this sucks, like come
talk to us.
Send any of us a DM on the IG,join us in a premium episode,
especially because we arelaunching next month in
November, right?
Monthly workshops for allpremium subscribers.
(29:05):
We also are gonna talk aboutthis in a future episode, but we
have some homeopathic productsthat we are launching that are
only and exclusively for premiumsubscribers.
So if you are not a premiumsubscriber, you don't, yeah,
it's you know, it's it's a it'sa vibe.
It's a club over here.
So join us.
unknown (29:23):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (29:25):
So if you haven't subscribed to premium yet, this
is your invitation to do that.
Five dollars a month, and youget all of our premium episodes.
Uh, you get access to exclusiveoffers that nobody else gets.
You get to come to monthlyworkshops.
It is the place to be.
All right.
We love you so much.
Peace.
(29:55):
You can find more atmycoachdawn.com.
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