Ep. 278 Why You Still Text Back: Healing the Trauma Bond After Divorce.

You could be a therapist, a coach, or the friend who swears she knows better—and still fall for an avoidant man’s games after divorce.

In this Dear Divorce Diary Premium episode, Dawn, Joy, and Tiffini get brutally honest (and hilariously real) about the ridiculous ways smart women stay hooked—the late-night texts, the lies we half-believed, the crumbs we treated like connection.

Then they flip the script with five raw, transformative questions that help you break the trauma bond for good and reclaim your nervous system.

This conversation blends cringe, comedy, and clarity—and by the end, you’ll never look at that buzz of his name lighting up your phone the same way again.

In this episode:
• Why even strong, self-aware women ignore red flags after divorce (hint: it’s not stupidity—it’s nervous-system survival)
• How avoidant partners keep you emotionally addicted and how to spot the pattern in real time
• A simple somatic tool (ankle rolls + humming) to calm your body when you’re tempted to text back
• Five journal-ready questions that change everything about how you respond to those “Hey stranger” messages

Listen for:

•  The Confession: Real stories that make you say, “Oh my God, me too.”
•  The Reveal: Why your body mistakes anxiety for attraction—and how to break that cycle.
•  The Breakthrough: What it takes to stop letting him control your nervous system.

Ready to heal for real?
Subscribe to Dear Divorce Diary Premium for just $5/month.
You’ll get access to:
✨ Monthly live workshops with Coach Tiffini
✨ Exclusive healing sessions and somatic tools
✨ Every uncensored episode that goes where the public feed can’t

👉 Join now—where healing after divorce gets real, one brave conversation at a time.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MyCoachDawn

Instagram: (@dawnwiggins)

Instagram: (@coachtiffini)

On the Web: https://www.mycoachdawn.com

A podcast exploring the journey of life after divorce, delving into topics like divorce grief, loneliness, anxiety, manifesting, the impact of different attachment styles and codependency, setting healthy boundaries, energy healing with homeopathy, managing the nervous system during divorce depression, understanding the stages of divorce grief, and using the Law of Attraction and EMDR therapy in the process of building your confidence, forgiveness and letting go.

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Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
You can be a therapist, a coach, or the
friend who swears she knowsbetter and still fall for an
avoidant man's games.
In this episode, Joy, Tiffany,and I are getting brutally
honest about the ridiculous wayswe stayed hooked.
The late night texts, the lieswe half believed, the crumbs we

(00:21):
treated like a meal.
We're gonna tell on ourselves soyou can finally stop telling
yourself you're the only one.
And then we're flipping thescript and answering five raw,
spicy questions about why youkept texting back and what those
messages really mean and how tobreak the cycle for good.
This episode is equal partscringe, comedy, and clarity.

(00:46):
But most importantly, by theend, you'll never look at that
buzz of his name lighting upyour phone the same way again.
Hi, love.
Welcome to Dear Divorce Diary,the podcast helping divorcees go
beyond talk therapy to processyour grief, find the healing you

(01:06):
crave, and build back yourconfidence.
I'm your host, Don Wiggins, atherapist, coach, integrative
healer, and divorce.
Join me for a fresh approach tohealing grief and building your
confidence after divorce.

(01:28):
Okay, here's what makes thisepisode even more fun.
I planned this episode withouttelling you two what I was
planning.
We don't usually we usually planall together.
Yeah.
So friends, they they don'tknow.
They don't know what I'm aboutto ask.
They're looking at each otherlike shit.

(01:53):
Okay.
So the first half of theepisode, we are talking about
the dumb shit we did when stillhooked on avoidant partners.
And I'm not like, I think forme, that's not just about my
ex-husband, but it's about myfirst post-divorce serious
relationship because I was like,it was maybe even more unhinged
there.
Um we're gonna tell tell somestories.

(02:15):
And the reason for that is rightbecause I think we get we get a
lot of feedback from the womenwe work with where they'll share
things with us and they're like,You're never gonna see me the
same, right?
Like they think like peep, Idon't know.
We all just think we'reterminally terminally unique
with our insecurities and ourknuckle-headed behavior, and it
keeps us like trapped orwhatever.

(02:36):
So I think that when we tell ourstories, it makes it easier for
women to break out of their ownpatterns, right?
Okay, but then I have fivecurated questions that if if
women could answer these fivequestions for themselves, they
would be well on their way toreally transforming the cycle of
being texted in the middle ofthe night when they feel alone,

(02:57):
on a holiday, like you know, howan avoidant man just knows where
to push, right?
And um, so a woman who cananswer these five questions, and
you guys have no idea what thequestions are.
Is this like too close of anecho to the Tuesday episode?
They're different questions.
Yeah.

unknown (03:13):
Okay.

SPEAKER_00 (03:14):
All right, so hit me with your most unhinged Joey.
You've got some good ones.
Wait, what?
Considering I don't know wherethis is going.
I'm just like half-baked liesyou believed, like you know what
I mean, like the avoidancestrategies that you fell for and

(03:35):
had trouble like really optingout of that habit or pattern.
Like the very real nitty-grittystories.
You can access the full episodeby becoming a premium
subscriber, which is just fivedollars a month.
Scroll down to the show notesand click the link where you'll
get your very own individualizedRSS feed for your podcast app.

(04:10):
You can find more atmycoachjohn.com.