January 30, 2025 • 38 mins
Podcast Description:
Welcome back to Differently! In this episode, Carla Reeves sits down with Monica Bodurka, certified health coach, yoga therapist, and founder of the Leadership Wellness Group. Monica shares insights from her new book, A New Way to Be, which explores vibrant well-being through presence, authenticity, and small, mindful habits.
Together, they dive into the art of redefining success, managing energy over time, and building resilience in a chaotic world. Monica introduces practical tools and micro-practices that can help you generate energy, navigate life’s challenges, and rediscover joy.
What You’ll Learn:
- Why resilience isn’t just about bouncing back but being centered in the storm.
- The role of micro-practices in generating energy and improving focus.
- The importance of redefining success and aligning it with personal values.
- Simple, actionable habits for managing energy and creating sustainable change.
Key Highlights:
- [0:01] Carla introduces the episode and the importance of redefining success.
- [1:23] Meet Monica Bodurka and her inspiration behind A New Way to Be.
- [6:55] The modern reframe of resilience: building shock absorbers for life.
- [19:08] Simple ways to generate energy in your daily routine.
- [30:32] Overcoming resistance to change and prioritizing what matters most.
- [34:30] Monica’s vision of serene, unwavering resilience.
Resources Mentioned:
- Monica’s book: A New Way to Be (available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and more).
- Leadership Wellness Group Website – Download the free workbook companion for Monica’s book.
Sign Up for FREE CLASS: https://carlareeves.com/freeclass
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Learn more about Carla:
Website: https:/www.carlareeves.com/
Connect on LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/reevescarla/
Connect on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@differentlythepodcast
Go to https://carlareeves.com/freeclass to get The Class schedule, sign up, and/or pass it on to a friend. Each month is a new topic. Come hang out and learn with us for FREE!
Get your copy of 5 Ways to Manage Your Mind
Go to https://www.carlareeves.com/getunstuck.com to download Carla's on demand journaling workshop + exercise to help you stop spinning and start moving forward.
Explore Coaching with Carla: https://bookme.name/carlareeves/lite/explore-coaching
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Carla Reeves (00:01):
I'm Carla Reeves, and this is Differently.
Whether you feel stuck insurvival, navigating a change,
or seeking more for your life,may this podcast be your weekly
nudge to take a risk to build alife that is uniquely bold,
authentic and in alignment withyour deepest values.
What if you worried less aboutthe bumps in the road and
(00:23):
instead got equipped for thejourney?
Get ready to rethink what'spossible.
Welcome back, I'm so gladyou're here.
The conversation I want toshare with you today is about
redefining success, not just inyour business, but in your life.
If you've been chasing goals,ticking off milestones and
feeling like the more youachieve, the less fulfilled you
(00:46):
seem to be, you are not alone.
This is a beautiful indicatorthat it might be time to
redefine what success means toyou now.
So today we're going to exploretogether how to sustain
momentum while also growing joyand well-being in our life.
How to sustain momentum whilealso growing joy and well-being
(01:07):
in our life.
Contrary to what our minds wantus to believe, the list of
achievements doesn't end with atlast having the ability to be
joyful and well.
We must do the hard work oflearning to allow and build this
along the way.
My conversation today is withMonica
Monica Bodurka (01:22):
Bodurka
Carla Reeves (01:23):
.
She's a certified health coach,a yoga therapist and founder of
the Leadership Wellness Group.
She's also the author of a newbook called A New Way to Be,
which is about vibrantwell-being and how it can be
achieved through presence,authenticity and small, mindful
choices.
Remember, the key to youunlocking the next level of
(01:45):
success, contrary to whateverything around us says, lies
not in doing more, but in beingmore.
Get ready for some practicaltools to building more quality
right into your life.
Starting today, I invite you totake a big, deep breath, let
this conversation rain on youand inspire a new idea of
(02:05):
success.
One breath, one habit and onemoment at a time.
Welcome back to Differently.
Today I have the founder of theLeadership Wellness Group.
She's a certified health coachand yoga therapist, monica
Bodurka.
Am I saying that?
Right, bodurka, but you can becreative with it.
(02:27):
Monica Bodurka, am I sayingthat?
Right, borduca, but you can becreative with it.
Borduca, welcome to the show.
Monica Bodurka (02:32):
So excited to have you.
Carla Reeves (02:35):
I'm so excited to be here and have this
conversation Likewise.
So you have a fairly new bookcalled A New Way to Be Becoming
Resilient One Breath, habit andMoment at a Time, which I just
absolutely love because I'm sucha believer in just the small
steps, the small choices that wemake every single day ripple to
those larger changes and alsobuilds like sustainable way of
(02:59):
living, right.
So I love this.
We talk the same language, sotell us a little bit about that
book and what inspired you towrite that book.
Why you, why that book?
Monica Bodurka (03:13):
Oh, my goodness, wow, okay, do you know what I
think?
It's like a child I was sayingearlier.
You know, I kind of birthedthis baby, like I think most
authors feel, and I had beenteaching programs on resilience
and and often people would sayyou should write a book.
(03:33):
This is amazing.
And it wasn't until COVID that,you know, people actually
started saying it.
And I had I met a publisher andit just kind of went from there
.
And because I already had aprogram, I was like, okay,
there's a framework and and itjust kind of went from there.
And because I already had aprogram, I was like, okay,
there's a framework and and itwas I.
You know, these things call you.
So it called me and and Ianswered it wasn't easy, but but
(03:56):
yeah, well, and we talked aboutyou.
Carla Reeves (03:59):
work with a lot of people who are overwhelmed and
burned out and tired andjuggling all the things.
Um, was that you at one pointthat led you to yoga and
wellness, or was there a pivotalmoment in your life that had
you seeking these things in yourlife before you started
teaching them?
Monica Bodurka (04:17):
Oh yeah, I always say we teach what we need
to learn.
So I was, you know um.
I always say um, uh, you knowum.
I always say I'm a you know,I'm healing from the hustle, I'm
healing from people pleasing,I'm healing from perfectionism,
I'm healing from these things.
Right, I'm like trying to well,not trying.
(04:38):
I am rewiring my neuralpathways to become a new person.
That's why I, you know, I namedmy book a new way to be,
because it is a new way to be.
And so yeah, I was.
I did all of it.
I, you know, I sort of didn'tlisten to myself and I pushed
through everything anddefinitely felt overwhelmed and
on the verge of burnout,especially when my two daughters
(04:59):
and when they were little and Ihad a big job and I love the.
Actually it was an amazing joband I worked with amazing people
, but it was a lot and I wantedto do it perfectly.
But then I wanted to show up asa mom perfectly and I wanted to
be a perfect wife and of course, there's my parents and
extended family and friends.
Well, you know, something hasto give.
So I remember at the timefeeling like, you know, like I
(05:19):
actually remember I have onememory of coming home from work
and, um, I live in Toronto andso you know fairly big city.
It was taking the subway homeand I had to get off the subway
and sit on the, you know, on thecurb.
I had no energy.
I was like what's my?
I?
Just, I was so fatigued, I wasso exhausted and I was like this
(05:41):
is ridiculous, like what, likethis can't keep going.
And, yeah, so, and I was alsoworking.
I was working at the Universityof Toronto heading up these
executive leadership programs.
So I was talking to C-suitesfrom across the country and the
US and you know we're learningabout, we're doing all this
focus testing what are theleadership capabilities leaders
(06:01):
need in the 21st century?
And resilience kept coming up,as you know, number one and you
know, at the time nobody reallyknew how to teach it, nobody
really knew what it meant.
But I started digging into itand health and well-being and
being true to yourself andhaving energy and learning that
you actually generate energy,that you don't have energy, all
(06:25):
that stuff.
I was like, oh, according toyour values and understanding
your priorities, I was like,wait, a second Control I'll
delete.
Yeah.
Carla Reeves (06:37):
Wow, that's beautiful.
So tell us a little bit,because I know that you, your
approach to resilience or yourphilosophy or the way that you
look at it, is kind of a reframeor redefine, and I'd love for
you to initially like let's talkabout that, what is?
What does that look like fromyour perspective?
Monica Bodurka (06:55):
Sure, so that's a that's a great place to start.
So again, in my book and in mycourses, you know we reframe
resilience.
And it's not to say that theWebster Dictionary is wrong,
right, the Webster Dictionarysays that, you know, resilience
is about flexibility andbouncing back to a certain
perspective.
And that's what we learn andthat's the popular understanding
(07:18):
of resilience.
And you know, in sort of thenatural sciences, a metal is
considered resilient if you canbend it and it will come back to
shape.
Right, and I apologize becausemy dog is barking and I hope you
can, okay.
Carla Reeves (07:32):
We like to keep it real, so that's kind of the
Webster dictionary.
Monica Bodurka (07:36):
However, when you look at the world today and
how volatile and chaotic anddisruptive it is right Like
there's constant disruption.
Volatile and chaotic anddisruptive, it is right Like
there's constant disruption.
Now we have AI.
You know, I felt like two weeksago we had COVID.
Carla Reeves (07:49):
You've got the election going like there's wars
, like there's so much chaos,volatility, uncertainty.
You know the, the, the andwe're aware of it all in a level
that we well, that's it right.
Monica Bodurka (08:02):
Like we're, you know, we're, we're the
information is like we can'teven process it all.
So, in that kind of world, whatare you going to bounce back to
?
Like there's nothing to bounceback to?
What are you there, right?
So when you have one adversity,something happens.
Yes, how long?
How long does it take you tocome back to feeling like
yourself?
That's one thing, but in thatworld of constant chaos,
(08:26):
bouncing back isn't really whatit's about.
It's really about beingcentered in the storm, right?
I akin it to having shockabsorbers in the car.
So the bumps in the road arethere, and often we don't
foresee the bumps, right?
But the ride is a little bitmore easy, it's a little bit
(08:47):
more smooth, it's a little bitmore graceful Because, again,
we've built these shockabsorbers, right?
Another really good analogy islike having a charged battery.
So really simple analogy, right?
Especially when we relate towith our phones.
We charge our phone, let's say,every night.
If you don't charge that phoneand it doesn't die right away,
you know those apps startworking not as well.
Things are less efficient, it'sdimmed, so that that's what
(09:09):
happens to us, right?
We become less efficient, wecan't perform at our kind of
optimal level.
So what that tells us is wehave to engage in practices that
help cultivate those shockabsorbers and charge our battery
Right.
And that's, that's not um.
It doesn't come naturally in aworld where we've been taught to
(09:29):
not listen to ourselves, in aworld where, you know, success
is often um, associated with alack of boundaries, and even the
word business is busyness.
So so, yeah, so we have tounlearn it, and I think I shared
with you earlier a foundation,or a big aha for me was the
(09:51):
American PsychologicalAssociation indicates you know,
this is evidence-based researchthat resilient individuals have
habits, behaviors.
They have thoughts, they havethoughts and actions that make
them resilient.
They have thoughts, they havethoughts and actions that make
them resilient Right.
So suddenly we have anunderstanding.
This isn't just an innatequality or an innate trait that
(10:12):
some fortunate few have andothers don't know.
It's actually.
It's actually, you know,something we can build through
intention and through repeatedmicro practices.
You know, start to feel better,right?
Carla Reeves (10:33):
A lot of this is actually about about feeling
good, yeah, yeah, well, oh mygosh.
There's so many places I couldgo.
But I want to talk aboutresilience for a second because,
as you were talking, itreminded me before COVID.
I remember like we my husbandand I were standing in the
living room and some guy was onthe TV talking about the most
important thing that we could bepreparing our children with is
(10:57):
resilience.
This was before COVID and and Idon't know why that stuck with
me, but it's I mean, it's kindof part of what we live and
teach in our home and also in mywork.
But I have thought about thatso many times since then.
How true that was and thatyou're right, it's a different
(11:18):
approach than just that bouncingback, but it's this thing that
you can lean on every single day.
Bouncing back, but it's this,this thing that you can lean on
every single day.
And, similar to your story, mystory led me to.
You know, I was so externallyfocused, like if I could just
manage all these things andthese people would behave
differently or this would change, then I would feel better and
that was exhausting.
(11:38):
That never worked and I went.
You know 25 years ago, thatnever worked, and I went, you
know 25 years ago, decided likeoh, you mean there's like I
could pay attention to thingsinside and that would make
everything out here more easy tomanage and navigate.
And I think that's what you'retalking about and that is the
(11:59):
core of what I teach to Monicaand I it's you don't have.
You know, I think we weretalking before we hit record,
that all these pressures andthings that we're trying to
manage and juggle, but if weturn our approach inside instead
of outside and we do these fewthings, it has an impact on all
(12:21):
those other things, and I thinkthat's what you're teaching too,
and so this resonates soincredibly well.
Monica Bodurka (12:28):
Yeah, it's, it's really unlearning what we've
been taught collectively, right?
I often think I look at mychildren.
I have two daughters.
They're 13 and 15.
And I, I, I just I see, even inschool, right, you are taught
to do the homework and you haveto be a good girl and you have
to submit and you have to do thehomework Even if you're tired.
(12:48):
You got to get a good grade andyou have to be nice and you
have to do this and it's, Idon't know.
There's a, there's a I'm notsaying there's a programming and
so you continue and then you goon to college or university and
you get married and you do allthese things and you don't.
There's.
There's a lot, like I wassaying to one of my daughters
yesterday well, what do you want, right, Like.
(13:09):
What do you like what you know?
So it's, and we've lost that Umand, and then sometimes you
know, people say, okay, they'rehaving a midlife crisis.
They wake up and they're like,oh my God, right, and.
And then they're burned out,right?
So if we could start that alittle earlier.
But I want to say somethingthere's a lot of really neat
research on resilient kids andand this actually relates
(13:29):
directly to to my book and myprogram as well, because what a
lot of people don't realize whenwe talk about the habits,
behaviors, thoughts and actionsof resilient individuals, the
first ones, in a way, or thefoundational ones, are physical.
They're not even we don't eventouch the mindset yet, right,
(13:49):
physical.
So, uh, sean archer, who's got,um, actually, an amazing ted
talk which makes me laugh, andhe, he actually is like a
positive, uh, psychologist, butone of the things he's written
about and there's a harvardbusiness Review article about
this that a well rested child isa resilient child, it's all
(14:10):
about sleep, right?
So it's very interesting whenwe start with people, often we
start with sleep, and it'sinteresting.
I often tell the story of thiswoman I worked with who was, you
know, kind of in herperimenopause, menopause years,
but she was an executivedirector of a very large
organization, very big job, andshe said to me, you know, I'm on
(14:34):
the verge of burnout, blah,blah, blah, blah, blah.
But she also shared thatbecause of menopause, she hadn't
slept in five years.
She said, which I thought was alittle exaggerated, right, in
five years.
She said, which I know is alittle exaggerated, right, but
anyways, but what happened is weactually didn't take on
everything else.
We actually put a pin in allthose problems she wanted to
sort of tackle and I said, well,let's tackle this, and it
(14:56):
turned out she was staying up atnight till around 1130 on
average on her work emails inbed.
So there's a couple of thingshappening there.
Right, getting blue light atnight in her eyes, she is
stimulating her cortisol andadrenaline because it turns out
those emails they weren't warmand fuzzy emails, she was
(15:16):
usually, you know, putting outsome kind of fire.
On top of that, her dearhusband of 20 years was lying
beside her in bed watching thenews.
Well, we know the news is notreally, you know, some
optimistic, positive kind ofreinforcement.
So there they are being blastedwith blue light, blasted with
negativity, stimulating theiradrenals and their cortisol
(15:38):
levels.
Then they shut off those lightsand they try to fall asleep.
Expect to go to sleep, so ofcourse we had slept for five
years and I said, okay, well,let's play, because, remember,
play is a part of all this,because we've forgotten to play.
So I said, let's play.
And I said, well, let's youknow.
And we negotiated and again,she's the client, right, so I'm
(15:59):
meeting her where she's at.
So what did she want to do?
But we did negotiate that shewould put all this stuff away,
not work on emails, not bringher phone into the bedroom at
all.
She negotiated with her husbandthat he was not going to watch
the news and just have a book.
She picked up a magazine.
Oh, and we, we, I literallynegotiate with her like I do
with my children.
(16:19):
So like I was saying, okay,what my children?
So like I was saying, okay,what if we put your phone away
at like 8 30, and she was liketo our devices and anyways,
ultimately we landed on 9 30.
She picked up magazines.
She thought she was going tohave like a luxurious bath.
The woman was exhausted and fellasleep and slept and she texted
(16:40):
me the next morning which wasour, our agreement and she said,
monica, I slept through thenight for the first time in what
feels like five years and Isaid, well, let's do it again.
Because then what we found outis she actually felt she had
energy, so now she's generatingenergy.
Like I said, we're power plants.
We don't have energy.
We generate energy through ourhabits, right?
(17:01):
So it's not like often againsay I don't have time.
Well, it's, we have a finiteamount of time, but we don't
have a finite amount of energy.
We can generate energy.
And this was again.
This was a way to generateenergy for this lady.
Because then what we do is wehave to create a new neural
pathway.
So we repeated that.
We repeated it and guess what?
What's really important forpeople to understand?
(17:24):
Change is really hard for us,right?
Those pathways are wired in ourbrain, so it feels
uncomfortable on our brains,like, no, this is danger, danger
.
We're not going to do this,right?
This is why everybody gives uptheir gym memberships two weeks
into January.
So what we had to do is we hadto make it small, right?
So it's a small thing.
She was putting away that phoneand because she texted me the
(17:45):
next day, she got a dopamine hit.
I was involved.
So she's telling me and herhusband we're all celebrating
this, and she's also, she wastraining her brain that she
could do what she set out to do.
So that was really important,right.
What we're talking about hereis the neuroscience of
sustainable behavior change 'rebecoming people happier,
(18:05):
healthier, stronger people, andthen when we're that we are able
to be more centered in thestorm, right, so that's what I
was able to put out fires, I wasable to, you know, enjoy the
day more.
You know she was able to showup more as her best authentic
self.
Um, I can go on, but also Idon't even remember what the
(18:26):
question is.
Carla Reeves (18:27):
I don't either, but that's okay, it was really
good.
So how I love this idea ofmanaging energy, right, Like I
remember years ago, that waslike blew my mind when I heard
it.
Like you could manage yourenergy instead of your time, and
the more and more we tap intothat, even my husband and I kind
(18:50):
of practice that you really cangenerate energy in your life
and in your marriage and in yourbusiness.
And so I would love for you tospeak to what?
If somebody has never heard ofthis idea, or they're maybe
they're new to it what are somesimple ways that we can generate
energy in our day?
Monica Bodurka (19:08):
Oh, I love it.
So obviously we just talkedabout the sleep and so that's
really important, Intentionallytaking on sleep, so that's huge
Right.
And and I start there becauseafter sleep you immediately feel
like if you've had a goodnight's sleep, you feel it right
.
So that's a, that's a big one.
The other one is taking breaksand resetting our nervous system
(19:32):
, right.
So we have, just like we have acircadian rhythm right, our
sleep wake cycle, we have anultra D and rhythm.
So basically our, we, basicallyour energy goes up and then
down, up and down and it cyclesthrough, kind of.
It's different.
We're all bio-individuals, sofor each person it's between 90
and 120 minutes where we havethis kind of up and down.
(19:55):
So what that means is, if youkind of are at that point where
you're cycling down, you shouldbe taking a break, and the break
doesn't have to be a long time,right what it like.
For example, again to the studyI read there was a study of 100
, it was like 474 CEOs and theyfound that on average and these
(20:18):
were like high performers andthey were taking a break on
average every 52 to, I think, 70minutes and that break it
didn't matter how long it was,because they they asked them,
but the breaks and the breakswere, on average, between 4 and
17 minutes.
So it didn't matter how longthe break was.
What did matter was the natureof the break.
So you actually had tocompletely separate yourself
(20:39):
from work for that little timeperiod, right.
So you step away from the deskyou get some water.
I actually will go, because Ilove yoga.
I will do, let's say, a seriesof sun salutations Step outside,
get some sunlight, ground yourfeet on the grass if you can
like, do something completelydifferent, right?
(20:59):
And I also teach somethingcalled a 60 second pause, which
is one of the problems we haveright now, when we're sitting on
computers all day, is this iswhat we're doing, right, we look
like, we look like monstersactually, right?
So it's like what and what thatdoes, what that, what that sort
(21:20):
of form.
When our body takes that form,we are signaling our nervous
system and what we're doing iswe're signaling that we're,
we're depressed and not, we haveto be safe.
Right, we're, we're almostclosing off, we're closing off
our diaphragm, which means wecan't take a deep breath, and
we're signaling again that we'renot safe.
So what you can do at thatminute mark or at that 16 minute
(21:43):
mark and I call this, I triedto call this, try to make it
really simple for my clients, soI called it ABC.
So again I said, hey, align thatspine right.
So I've gone from this, so nowI'm aligning that spine, I
lengthen that spine.
The spine is like a superhighway.
So it basically is thiscommunication between all your
(22:04):
nerves, from your whole bodythrough the brainstem, into your
brain, into your prefrontalcortex.
So when your spine is aligned,you actually can tap into your
prefrontal cortex more, which isfabulous if you want to be good
at rational thinking andcreativity.
So anyways, a, align your spine,so pull your shoulders back,
maybe tap your chin a little bit, lengthen the area between your
(22:26):
ears and your shoulders right,and then B, take a deep breath,
breath right.
So now you've opened up yourdiaphragm, right, so now you can
breathe into that upper abdomen.
So you breathe in and youbreathe out.
You want to breathe in throughyour nose because, again, we're
signaling.
When we're breathing in throughthe mouth, we're telling our
(22:48):
nervous system we're actuallyrunning and we're in danger.
So, trying to breathe inthrough our nose and breathing
out through our nose, or you canbreathe out through like pursed
lips, right, it's again tolengthen.
You want to lengthen that exhale, and when you, you lengthen the
exhale, so when you have aslightly longer exhale than
inhale, you are signaling andsort of tapping into that
(23:09):
parasympathetic nervous system.
Now I'm talking a lot, but thisactually takes very little bit
of time, because what you'redoing is fine, right, tuck your
chin a little bit, lengthen thespine, take a deep inhale into
your upper abdomen, right, andthen C is calm.
Or even you tell yourself tocalm, we instruct ourselves.
Or if you're a little bit moreopen, c can be chant, and what I
(23:33):
mean by that is, when you makesound, you're not only on the
exhale, you're not onlyextending that exhale, but
you're also kind of stimulatingyour vagus nerve, which again
tends to that parasympatheticsystem.
So again, if somebody wants todo this again, align the spine,
inhale, ah.
Carla Reeves (23:55):
I love that so simple.
Monica Bodurka (23:58):
So imagine if you do this every hour step away
from the desk, do it, you know.
And again, you don't have tomake sound, nobody even needs to
know you're doing this, butdoing this every hour.
I use the Pomodoro technique toremind me.
I set a timer.
Every 50 minutes it goes offand again, and I'll do this and
it feels great and it it helpsto prevent that dip in energy.
(24:20):
You know, know, when peoplereach for the cookie and the
coffee, this, yes, it helps toprevent it.
And oxygen, oxygen, right.
So again, if you're fallinglike you feel like, oh, get some
oxygen, do 10 jumping jackslike take a five minute walk.
Yes, there's so many things youknow, it's energizing, right,
(24:40):
like all of that, and it doesn'thave to take a long time.
That's why I say these aremicro practices.
People say to me I have no time.
I have no time.
I'm like that doesn't just oneminute.
One minute, yeah, it's moreabout time for it.
Put up stickies I, that's all Ido.
I put up stickies to remindmyself and until it becomes a
habit ingrained in our brain,right.
Carla Reeves (25:01):
So yeah, I hope you, listening, are writing this
down.
This works.
I, for many, many years I wascrouched over at my desk,
stomach clenched, like mystomach would really hurt at the
end of the day, Like and Ididn't understand why, cause I
was holding my breath a lot,just so intensely focused.
(25:21):
And I've really been diligentabout just changing my posture
in which I work, like to be in arelaxed posture, and it's been
amazing what it changes.
And, like you said, thesesimple breaks like I have
weights in my office and I'lljust turn on a song and I'll
just dance and do weights forfive minutes and like those
(25:41):
micro breaks are so key to um.
You know, yes, you have to stopfor five minutes, but I would
argue that it gives you moreenergy and you're more effective
after.
Monica Bodurka (25:56):
And and do you know what?
It's not just you saying this,it's Harvard.
Harvard's doing amazing work inthe area of what they've called
work recovery.
Lots of great articles, lots ofgreat research that shows that
you know productivity about yourwork, right, when you know you
(26:19):
hear about people going to thegym and they go to the gym with
a colleague and they talk aboutwork.
Guess what?
That doesn't count because yourmind is still.
It's not recovering, right.
So you really want that breakand yeah, so they're doing great
work and it's real.
And they're also showing.
When people don't take breaks,what happens is the work quality
goes down and the incidence ofaccidents really skyrockets.
Carla Reeves (26:42):
So that totally makes sense.
Well, and I just want tohighlight you saying like that
you can't be thinking about work, because I think that is so key
that it's like it's a surrender, it's surrendering your mind,
and for me, it's been like myaddiction to like keep thinking
about my work and it has been inthat surrender.
(27:05):
It can be like five minutes,but that surrender is what
allows the restoration and theenergy to go back up.
I totally have experienced that, absolutely.
Yeah, it's awesome to hear yousay that.
Monica Bodurka (27:19):
Right, it really really is's really really small
, and that's why I call it amicro practice, Right and and
and, and.
There's other things you can dothat are also really micro, and
people love this.
Carla Reeves (27:31):
Well, yes, please teach us a few more like um
noticing where you spend time.
Monica Bodurka (27:37):
So, for example, I I I'm a tea, tea drinker, so
I have to boil my kettle.
Well, guess what?
That's a good 60 to 90 secondswhere I could do breath work
right, and I do right.
So it's kind of silly.
And so, again, align my spineand then I will do some active
breathing, which you know, soagain I can take mindful breaths
when I'm waiting for the showerto turn on.
(27:59):
Oh my God, there's anothergreat time where I can again
engage in breathing exercises.
So noticing, you know, in thecar, don't talk to a colleague
if you're coming home from work,put on something else Sing,
sing.
Why?
Right, because again you'restimulating the vagus nerve and
it's releasing all thesefeel-good hormones.
Carla Reeves (28:26):
Right, there's all these really fun small things
you can do.
It's all about resetting yournervous system, like the
in-between moments, yeah, andthere's so many in the day that
we can lean into without feelinglike we have to give up
something else or we need allthis ample time.
Monica Bodurka (28:39):
You don't well, that's what people say I don't
have time.
I don't have time and evenlittle things of like you're
walking into a meeting or you'recoming home from work, so
you're that transitioning fromwork to home and maybe you have
kids, and all this, holding thatday that can't.
Um, handle, door handle andtaking a deep breath.
Right, there's a mindfulnessthere, there's's an intention
(28:59):
out.
So deep breathing, holding thathandle and kind of remembering
who you want to be, leaving workbehind and now stepping into
your new role.
Right, just that again, is that10 seconds?
It's not, but we have to trainourselves to do this and it
really does have an impact.
(29:21):
And then what ends up happeningis people start kind of waking
up.
Right, we're often asleep,we're just running, running,
running.
So we don't, we we're almostnot making good decisions for us
.
Sometimes we're saying yes tothings we should be saying no to
, because we're we're not, we'renot too in tune with ourselves
(29:42):
when we start doing thesepractices.
What ends up happening is yourintuition starts to come online.
Your self-awareness reallyaugments.
You're like wait a second, likeso, so it's really, it goes
beyond just having more energy.
Carla Reeves (29:58):
Um, that's so beautiful.
I have two questions based onwhat you just said.
One is so if it really is truethat we have all these micro
in-between moments where we canharness this time and energy to
do these things, then thatleaves us with not really an
excuse right Of, like the oldexcuses of time.
(30:20):
And so if someone is stillfeeling resistance to these
things, where do you like towork with someone in that
situation?
Monica Bodurka (30:32):
It's really.
It's interesting because, again, everybody's individual right,
so it depends again, everybody'sindividual right, so it depends
people have resistance todifferent things.
Um, so it's really about whattheir vision is for themselves
and who they want to be.
Um, often resistance is fear,right, so it's.
(30:53):
It's it's fear of the unknown,or fear of if I let go, um, you
know, everything's going to fallapart.
Everything's going to fallapart, right, and it's like, and
I always say, well, fear islike false evidence appearing
real, and it's in this momentwe're safe.
That's why mindfulness is sucha good place to start as well,
because it's like in this moment, hey, I'm fine, right, so I can
(31:16):
take that breath.
Or if somebody doesn't evenwant to take breath, they can
just notice the sound aroundthem.
Um, so, again, it's, it's verydifferent.
Um, you know, based on on thepeople or or even teams I'm
working with, um, so you know, Iusually start with like little
assessments of you know, and youkind of figure out what people
want to share.
(31:37):
But, yeah, well, the other placeactually is overwhelmed.
So if there's resistance it'sbecause people are overwhelmed.
So I have a program called theCertified Resilience Coach
Program.
It's now going into the 16thoffering starts tomorrow.
It's actually accredited by theInternational Coach Federation,
and so what we do in thisprogram is, before we even get
(32:02):
into resilience, enhancinghabits and thinking about how we
can help our clients and our,our teams do that.
We actually deal with overwhelm, because when people are
overwhelmed, you know they can'tthink straight, and so so
that's actually where we startwith resistance, and how do we
deal with overwhelm is really,um, through creating priorities,
(32:23):
right to to know.
You know it's back to stephencovey's first things first.
What are you know?
I don't know if you ever saw inthe 80s or 90s.
He's got this great video ofthe jar, the three jars right,
yeah it's hilarious because thethe woman she's got the big like
.
But the point is is, for anybodywho doesn't know that the jar
(32:45):
he has this woman, stephen Coveyhas this woman all add all
these rocks, the jar, and ofcourse she can't fit them all in
.
And then he says, well, takethe three big rocks first.
So what's the three big rocksin the jar?
And then she's able to put inall the little rocks around it.
So, with overwhelm, right, youfirst you have to identify what
(33:06):
your priorities are and then youfocus on those, and what that
allows you to do is say no tothe others, right?
I often tell clients that youhave to start with the what not
to do list.
You have to start with the whatnot to do list.
That's a people pleaser, that'sall.
I couldn't say no, but thenthat meant I was saying I was
putting myself always last, andhence you know why I got burnt
(33:29):
out, right and so so, yeah,coming back to those priorities,
if somebody is resisting,coming back to creating
boundaries, what not to do.
Coming back to creatingboundaries, what not to do, and
and just you know it's, it's notthat you're not going to do
those things ever, it's just youknow what are your, let's say,
three needle movers for the week, even, I feel.
(33:51):
So you'll get to those otherthings.
It's just not today, right, andthat helps, because I find a
lot of people I'm working withthey've got like all the zillion
things right now.
So I'm like, okay, let's braindump them and then let's find
out what are the three, or, evenbetter, one right, the Keller
book, the one thing, what's theone, what's the one of that book
?
When you get that one thing,there's a dopamine hit, you feel
(34:16):
good, and and then you usuallyget more done.
Carla Reeves (34:21):
So true, yeah, okay.
One last question you mentioned, like serene, graceful,
unwavering resilience.
Monica Bodurka (34:30):
I'd love for you , as we close, to just paint a
picture for us of what that is,so we can imagine it in our own
lives oh, my goodness, well,well, to me it's really about,
like I said, it's that beingable to be calm in the storm,
but more than that, I think it'sbeing able to become and be
(34:53):
that best version of yourselfyou've imagined, right.
So we all have that littleversion.
I say that's the version thatwe had, that image that we had
of ourselves when we were 17,right, what you were going to be
.
And then, meanwhile, lifehappens and you're like, oh, and
I don't mean in a superficialway, I mean in the authentic way
(35:13):
, right.
And so when you have resilience, to me it means you have
vibrant wellbeing, right, right.
So it is.
You have vibrant well-being,right, I love that.
Right.
So it is about that vibrantwell-being.
It's being able to show up asyour best self, it's knowing who
you are, it's being authenticAgain, being able to say no, and
then what you say yes to.
(35:33):
You're present, right, sothere's a presence, there's a
100% presence.
Your mind isn't in 17 otherplaces.
You are here, you are presentnow, and guess what?
You are in joy.
You're enjoying yourself, right, and so that's, and I think we
have forgotten joy as adults.
Right, we've forgotten to play,we've forgotten to have fun,
(35:55):
and it's very hard to be anxiousor overwhelmed or depressed
when we're laughing, right, sovital well-being laughter, enjoy
, and actually that makes youresult.
It's like a.
It's like a, you know,self-fulfilling prophecy.
It makes you more resilient,and then you know, and so on,
and so on.
Carla Reeves (36:14):
So, wow, I love that.
That is so beautiful.
What a beautiful way to close.
So, before we finish, make sureI want you to make sure that
people know listening, knowwhere to find you and what
you're doing and where they canget your book.
Monica Bodurka (36:27):
Well, okay, they can find.
They can find you on ourwebsite, leadership, wellnessca,
because we're in Canada.
My book I've got a copy herefor you.
So a new way to be, it'savailable.
I'm like something crazy like39,000 different book.
Let's say, amazon is good,barnes and Noble like every,
(36:49):
everywhere, right, everywhereonline, you can find it.
So, so yeah, and on my websiteyou can get a downloadable, free
workbook companion with a lotof exercises, because, again,
this isn't about intellectuallyknowing this.
We know all this already.
This is common sense, commonpractice.
(37:11):
So what I would love for you todo is not even read the whole
book.
I mean, I'd love for you toread the book but take on one or
two or three of the practicesand really integrate them in
your life, right, and have moreenergy.
That's great.
So yeah, the companion, umlittle workbook is on my website
.
You can download it for freeand, again, really fill out the
(37:32):
challenge exercises, do them.
Find a little buddy it alwayshelps when you have a buddy to
do it with, buddy.
It always helps when you have abuddy to do it with to hold you
accountable and have funAmazing.
Carla Reeves (37:50):
I think our world needs this so much right now
just the tools to calm andreflect and get quiet so we know
how to lead in this world thatwe're navigating.
So I thank you for all theamazing work that you're doing
and thank you for thisconversation and, yeah, I hope
you have a beautiful day,everyone, and thank you, monica
again for joining me.
Thank you.
Monica Bodurka (38:06):
Carla, thank you so much.
It's been an honor.
Carla Reeves (38:13):
Thank you for tuning in to this episode of
Differently.
It's been an honor to sharethis conversation with you.
Episode of Differently.
It's been an honor to sharethis conversation with you.
You know, one of the keys toliving fully is to take action
when you're inspired to do so.
I hope you found that spark ofinspiration today and would you
help us spread the word.
Did someone you know come tomind while you were listening?
(38:34):
If this episode could impactsomeone you know, please share
it and pass it along.
New episodes drop weekly, sotap that subscribe button and
join us next time as we continueto challenge the status quo and
get equipped to live lifedifferently.
I'm Carla Reeves, and this is Differently.
Whether you feel stuck insurvival, navigating a change,
or seeking more for your life,may this podcast be your weekly
nudge to take a risk to build alife that is uniquely bold,
authentic and in alignment withyour deepest values.
What if you worried less aboutthe bumps in the road and
(00:23):
instead got equipped for thejourney?
Get ready to rethink what'spossible.
Welcome back, I'm so gladyou're here.
The conversation I want toshare with you today is about
redefining success, not just inyour business, but in your life.
If you've been chasing goals,ticking off milestones and
feeling like the more youachieve, the less fulfilled you
(00:46):
seem to be, you are not alone.
This is a beautiful indicatorthat it might be time to
redefine what success means toyou now.
So today we're going to exploretogether how to sustain
momentum while also growing joyand well-being in our life.
How to sustain momentum whilealso growing joy and well-being
(01:07):
in our life.
Contrary to what our minds wantus to believe, the list of
achievements doesn't end with atlast having the ability to be
joyful and well.
We must do the hard work oflearning to allow and build this
along the way.
My conversation today is withMonica
Monica Bodurka (01:22):
Bodurka
Carla Reeves (01:23):
.
She's a certified health coach,a yoga therapist and founder of
the Leadership Wellness Group.
She's also the author of a newbook called A New Way to Be,
which is about vibrantwell-being and how it can be
achieved through presence,authenticity and small, mindful
choices.
Remember, the key to youunlocking the next level of
(01:45):
success, contrary to whateverything around us says, lies
not in doing more, but in beingmore.
Get ready for some practicaltools to building more quality
right into your life.
Starting today, I invite you totake a big, deep breath, let
this conversation rain on youand inspire a new idea of
(02:05):
success.
One breath, one habit and onemoment at a time.
Welcome back to Differently.
Today I have the founder of theLeadership Wellness Group.
She's a certified health coachand yoga therapist, monica
Bodurka.
Am I saying that?
Right, bodurka, but you can becreative with it.
(02:27):
Monica Bodurka, am I sayingthat?
Right, borduca, but you can becreative with it.
Borduca, welcome to the show.
Monica Bodurka (02:32):
So excited to have you.
Carla Reeves (02:35):
I'm so excited to be here and have this
conversation Likewise.
So you have a fairly new bookcalled A New Way to Be Becoming
Resilient One Breath, habit andMoment at a Time, which I just
absolutely love because I'm sucha believer in just the small
steps, the small choices that wemake every single day ripple to
those larger changes and alsobuilds like sustainable way of
(02:59):
living, right.
So I love this.
We talk the same language, sotell us a little bit about that
book and what inspired you towrite that book.
Why you, why that book?
Monica Bodurka (03:13):
Oh, my goodness, wow, okay, do you know what I
think?
It's like a child I was sayingearlier.
You know, I kind of birthedthis baby, like I think most
authors feel, and I had beenteaching programs on resilience
and and often people would sayyou should write a book.
(03:33):
This is amazing.
And it wasn't until COVID that,you know, people actually
started saying it.
And I had I met a publisher andit just kind of went from there
.
And because I already had aprogram, I was like, okay,
there's a framework and and itjust kind of went from there.
And because I already had aprogram, I was like, okay,
there's a framework and and itwas I.
You know, these things call you.
So it called me and and Ianswered it wasn't easy, but but
(03:56):
yeah, well, and we talked aboutyou.
Carla Reeves (03:59):
work with a lot of people who are overwhelmed and
burned out and tired andjuggling all the things.
Um, was that you at one pointthat led you to yoga and
wellness, or was there a pivotalmoment in your life that had
you seeking these things in yourlife before you started
teaching them?
Monica Bodurka (04:17):
Oh yeah, I always say we teach what we need
to learn.
So I was, you know um.
I always say um, uh, you knowum.
I always say I'm a you know,I'm healing from the hustle, I'm
healing from people pleasing,I'm healing from perfectionism,
I'm healing from these things.
Right, I'm like trying to well,not trying.
(04:38):
I am rewiring my neuralpathways to become a new person.
That's why I, you know, I namedmy book a new way to be,
because it is a new way to be.
And so yeah, I was.
I did all of it.
I, you know, I sort of didn'tlisten to myself and I pushed
through everything anddefinitely felt overwhelmed and
on the verge of burnout,especially when my two daughters
(04:59):
and when they were little and Ihad a big job and I love the.
Actually it was an amazing joband I worked with amazing people
, but it was a lot and I wantedto do it perfectly.
But then I wanted to show up asa mom perfectly and I wanted to
be a perfect wife and of course, there's my parents and
extended family and friends.
Well, you know, something hasto give.
So I remember at the timefeeling like, you know, like I
(05:19):
actually remember I have onememory of coming home from work
and, um, I live in Toronto andso you know fairly big city.
It was taking the subway homeand I had to get off the subway
and sit on the, you know, on thecurb.
I had no energy.
I was like what's my?
I?
Just, I was so fatigued, I wasso exhausted and I was like this
(05:41):
is ridiculous, like what, likethis can't keep going.
And, yeah, so, and I was alsoworking.
I was working at the Universityof Toronto heading up these
executive leadership programs.
So I was talking to C-suitesfrom across the country and the
US and you know we're learningabout, we're doing all this
focus testing what are theleadership capabilities leaders
(06:01):
need in the 21st century?
And resilience kept coming up,as you know, number one and you
know, at the time nobody reallyknew how to teach it, nobody
really knew what it meant.
But I started digging into itand health and well-being and
being true to yourself andhaving energy and learning that
you actually generate energy,that you don't have energy, all
(06:25):
that stuff.
I was like, oh, according toyour values and understanding
your priorities, I was like,wait, a second Control I'll
delete.
Yeah.
Carla Reeves (06:37):
Wow, that's beautiful.
So tell us a little bit,because I know that you, your
approach to resilience or yourphilosophy or the way that you
look at it, is kind of a reframeor redefine, and I'd love for
you to initially like let's talkabout that, what is?
What does that look like fromyour perspective?
Monica Bodurka (06:55):
Sure, so that's a that's a great place to start.
So again, in my book and in mycourses, you know we reframe
resilience.
And it's not to say that theWebster Dictionary is wrong,
right, the Webster Dictionarysays that, you know, resilience
is about flexibility andbouncing back to a certain
perspective.
And that's what we learn andthat's the popular understanding
(07:18):
of resilience.
And you know, in sort of thenatural sciences, a metal is
considered resilient if you canbend it and it will come back to
shape.
Right, and I apologize becausemy dog is barking and I hope you
can, okay.
Carla Reeves (07:32):
We like to keep it real, so that's kind of the
Webster dictionary.
Monica Bodurka (07:36):
However, when you look at the world today and
how volatile and chaotic anddisruptive it is right Like
there's constant disruption.
Volatile and chaotic anddisruptive, it is right Like
there's constant disruption.
Now we have AI.
You know, I felt like two weeksago we had COVID.
Carla Reeves (07:49):
You've got the election going like there's wars
, like there's so much chaos,volatility, uncertainty.
You know the, the, the andwe're aware of it all in a level
that we well, that's it right.
Monica Bodurka (08:02):
Like we're, you know, we're, we're the
information is like we can'teven process it all.
So, in that kind of world, whatare you going to bounce back to
?
Like there's nothing to bounceback to?
What are you there, right?
So when you have one adversity,something happens.
Yes, how long?
How long does it take you tocome back to feeling like
yourself?
That's one thing, but in thatworld of constant chaos,
(08:26):
bouncing back isn't really whatit's about.
It's really about beingcentered in the storm, right?
I akin it to having shockabsorbers in the car.
So the bumps in the road arethere, and often we don't
foresee the bumps, right?
But the ride is a little bitmore easy, it's a little bit
(08:47):
more smooth, it's a little bitmore graceful Because, again,
we've built these shockabsorbers, right?
Another really good analogy islike having a charged battery.
So really simple analogy, right?
Especially when we relate towith our phones.
We charge our phone, let's say,every night.
If you don't charge that phoneand it doesn't die right away,
you know those apps startworking not as well.
Things are less efficient, it'sdimmed, so that that's what
(09:09):
happens to us, right?
We become less efficient, wecan't perform at our kind of
optimal level.
So what that tells us is wehave to engage in practices that
help cultivate those shockabsorbers and charge our battery
Right.
And that's, that's not um.
It doesn't come naturally in aworld where we've been taught to
(09:29):
not listen to ourselves, in aworld where, you know, success
is often um, associated with alack of boundaries, and even the
word business is busyness.
So so, yeah, so we have tounlearn it, and I think I shared
with you earlier a foundation,or a big aha for me was the
(09:51):
American PsychologicalAssociation indicates you know,
this is evidence-based researchthat resilient individuals have
habits, behaviors.
They have thoughts, they havethoughts and actions that make
them resilient.
They have thoughts, they havethoughts and actions that make
them resilient Right.
So suddenly we have anunderstanding.
This isn't just an innatequality or an innate trait that
(10:12):
some fortunate few have andothers don't know.
It's actually.
It's actually, you know,something we can build through
intention and through repeatedmicro practices.
You know, start to feel better,right?
Carla Reeves (10:33):
A lot of this is actually about about feeling
good, yeah, yeah, well, oh mygosh.
There's so many places I couldgo.
But I want to talk aboutresilience for a second because,
as you were talking, itreminded me before COVID.
I remember like we my husbandand I were standing in the
living room and some guy was onthe TV talking about the most
important thing that we could bepreparing our children with is
(10:57):
resilience.
This was before COVID and and Idon't know why that stuck with
me, but it's I mean, it's kindof part of what we live and
teach in our home and also in mywork.
But I have thought about thatso many times since then.
How true that was and thatyou're right, it's a different
(11:18):
approach than just that bouncingback, but it's this thing that
you can lean on every single day.
Bouncing back, but it's this,this thing that you can lean on
every single day.
And, similar to your story, mystory led me to.
You know, I was so externallyfocused, like if I could just
manage all these things andthese people would behave
differently or this would change, then I would feel better and
that was exhausting.
(11:38):
That never worked and I went.
You know 25 years ago, thatnever worked, and I went, you
know 25 years ago, decided likeoh, you mean there's like I
could pay attention to thingsinside and that would make
everything out here more easy tomanage and navigate.
And I think that's what you'retalking about and that is the
(11:59):
core of what I teach to Monicaand I it's you don't have.
You know, I think we weretalking before we hit record,
that all these pressures andthings that we're trying to
manage and juggle, but if weturn our approach inside instead
of outside and we do these fewthings, it has an impact on all
(12:21):
those other things, and I thinkthat's what you're teaching too,
and so this resonates soincredibly well.
Monica Bodurka (12:28):
Yeah, it's, it's really unlearning what we've
been taught collectively, right?
I often think I look at mychildren.
I have two daughters.
They're 13 and 15.
And I, I, I just I see, even inschool, right, you are taught
to do the homework and you haveto be a good girl and you have
to submit and you have to do thehomework Even if you're tired.
(12:48):
You got to get a good grade andyou have to be nice and you
have to do this and it's, Idon't know.
There's a, there's a I'm notsaying there's a programming and
so you continue and then you goon to college or university and
you get married and you do allthese things and you don't.
There's.
There's a lot, like I wassaying to one of my daughters
yesterday well, what do you want, right, Like.
(13:09):
What do you like what you know?
So it's, and we've lost that Umand, and then sometimes you
know, people say, okay, they'rehaving a midlife crisis.
They wake up and they're like,oh my God, right, and.
And then they're burned out,right?
So if we could start that alittle earlier.
But I want to say somethingthere's a lot of really neat
research on resilient kids andand this actually relates
(13:29):
directly to to my book and myprogram as well, because what a
lot of people don't realize whenwe talk about the habits,
behaviors, thoughts and actionsof resilient individuals, the
first ones, in a way, or thefoundational ones, are physical.
They're not even we don't eventouch the mindset yet, right,
(13:49):
physical.
So, uh, sean archer, who's got,um, actually, an amazing ted
talk which makes me laugh, andhe, he actually is like a
positive, uh, psychologist, butone of the things he's written
about and there's a harvardbusiness Review article about
this that a well rested child isa resilient child, it's all
(14:10):
about sleep, right?
So it's very interesting whenwe start with people, often we
start with sleep, and it'sinteresting.
I often tell the story of thiswoman I worked with who was, you
know, kind of in herperimenopause, menopause years,
but she was an executivedirector of a very large
organization, very big job, andshe said to me, you know, I'm on
(14:34):
the verge of burnout, blah,blah, blah, blah, blah.
But she also shared thatbecause of menopause, she hadn't
slept in five years.
She said, which I thought was alittle exaggerated, right, in
five years.
She said, which I know is alittle exaggerated, right, but
anyways, but what happened is weactually didn't take on
everything else.
We actually put a pin in allthose problems she wanted to
sort of tackle and I said, well,let's tackle this, and it
(14:56):
turned out she was staying up atnight till around 1130 on
average on her work emails inbed.
So there's a couple of thingshappening there.
Right, getting blue light atnight in her eyes, she is
stimulating her cortisol andadrenaline because it turns out
those emails they weren't warmand fuzzy emails, she was
(15:16):
usually, you know, putting outsome kind of fire.
On top of that, her dearhusband of 20 years was lying
beside her in bed watching thenews.
Well, we know the news is notreally, you know, some
optimistic, positive kind ofreinforcement.
So there they are being blastedwith blue light, blasted with
negativity, stimulating theiradrenals and their cortisol
(15:38):
levels.
Then they shut off those lightsand they try to fall asleep.
Expect to go to sleep, so ofcourse we had slept for five
years and I said, okay, well,let's play, because, remember,
play is a part of all this,because we've forgotten to play.
So I said, let's play.
And I said, well, let's youknow.
And we negotiated and again,she's the client, right, so I'm
(15:59):
meeting her where she's at.
So what did she want to do?
But we did negotiate that shewould put all this stuff away,
not work on emails, not bringher phone into the bedroom at
all.
She negotiated with her husbandthat he was not going to watch
the news and just have a book.
She picked up a magazine.
Oh, and we, we, I literallynegotiate with her like I do
with my children.
(16:19):
So like I was saying, okay,what my children?
So like I was saying, okay,what if we put your phone away
at like 8 30, and she was liketo our devices and anyways,
ultimately we landed on 9 30.
She picked up magazines.
She thought she was going tohave like a luxurious bath.
The woman was exhausted and fellasleep and slept and she texted
(16:40):
me the next morning which wasour, our agreement and she said,
monica, I slept through thenight for the first time in what
feels like five years and Isaid, well, let's do it again.
Because then what we found outis she actually felt she had
energy, so now she's generatingenergy.
Like I said, we're power plants.
We don't have energy.
We generate energy through ourhabits, right?
(17:01):
So it's not like often againsay I don't have time.
Well, it's, we have a finiteamount of time, but we don't
have a finite amount of energy.
We can generate energy.
And this was again.
This was a way to generateenergy for this lady.
Because then what we do is wehave to create a new neural
pathway.
So we repeated that.
We repeated it and guess what?
What's really important forpeople to understand?
(17:24):
Change is really hard for us,right?
Those pathways are wired in ourbrain, so it feels
uncomfortable on our brains,like, no, this is danger, danger
.
We're not going to do this,right?
This is why everybody gives uptheir gym memberships two weeks
into January.
So what we had to do is we hadto make it small, right?
So it's a small thing.
She was putting away that phoneand because she texted me the
(17:45):
next day, she got a dopamine hit.
I was involved.
So she's telling me and herhusband we're all celebrating
this, and she's also, she wastraining her brain that she
could do what she set out to do.
So that was really important,right.
What we're talking about hereis the neuroscience of
sustainable behavior change 'rebecoming people happier,
(18:05):
healthier, stronger people, andthen when we're that we are able
to be more centered in thestorm, right, so that's what I
was able to put out fires, I wasable to, you know, enjoy the
day more.
You know she was able to showup more as her best authentic
self.
Um, I can go on, but also Idon't even remember what the
(18:26):
question is.
Carla Reeves (18:27):
I don't either, but that's okay, it was really
good.
So how I love this idea ofmanaging energy, right, Like I
remember years ago, that waslike blew my mind when I heard
it.
Like you could manage yourenergy instead of your time, and
the more and more we tap intothat, even my husband and I kind
(18:50):
of practice that you really cangenerate energy in your life
and in your marriage and in yourbusiness.
And so I would love for you tospeak to what?
If somebody has never heard ofthis idea, or they're maybe
they're new to it what are somesimple ways that we can generate
energy in our day?
Monica Bodurka (19:08):
Oh, I love it.
So obviously we just talkedabout the sleep and so that's
really important, Intentionallytaking on sleep, so that's huge
Right.
And and I start there becauseafter sleep you immediately feel
like if you've had a goodnight's sleep, you feel it right
.
So that's a, that's a big one.
The other one is taking breaksand resetting our nervous system
(19:32):
, right.
So we have, just like we have acircadian rhythm right, our
sleep wake cycle, we have anultra D and rhythm.
So basically our, we, basicallyour energy goes up and then
down, up and down and it cyclesthrough, kind of.
It's different.
We're all bio-individuals, sofor each person it's between 90
and 120 minutes where we havethis kind of up and down.
(19:55):
So what that means is, if youkind of are at that point where
you're cycling down, you shouldbe taking a break, and the break
doesn't have to be a long time,right what it like.
For example, again to the studyI read there was a study of 100
, it was like 474 CEOs and theyfound that on average and these
(20:18):
were like high performers andthey were taking a break on
average every 52 to, I think, 70minutes and that break it
didn't matter how long it was,because they they asked them,
but the breaks and the breakswere, on average, between 4 and
17 minutes.
So it didn't matter how longthe break was.
What did matter was the natureof the break.
So you actually had tocompletely separate yourself
(20:39):
from work for that little timeperiod, right.
So you step away from the deskyou get some water.
I actually will go, because Ilove yoga.
I will do, let's say, a seriesof sun salutations Step outside,
get some sunlight, ground yourfeet on the grass if you can
like, do something completelydifferent, right?
(20:59):
And I also teach somethingcalled a 60 second pause, which
is one of the problems we haveright now, when we're sitting on
computers all day, is this iswhat we're doing, right, we look
like, we look like monstersactually, right?
So it's like what and what thatdoes, what that, what that sort
(21:20):
of form.
When our body takes that form,we are signaling our nervous
system and what we're doing iswe're signaling that we're,
we're depressed and not, we haveto be safe.
Right, we're, we're almostclosing off, we're closing off
our diaphragm, which means wecan't take a deep breath, and
we're signaling again that we'renot safe.
So what you can do at thatminute mark or at that 16 minute
(21:43):
mark and I call this, I triedto call this, try to make it
really simple for my clients, soI called it ABC.
So again I said, hey, align thatspine right.
So I've gone from this, so nowI'm aligning that spine, I
lengthen that spine.
The spine is like a superhighway.
So it basically is thiscommunication between all your
(22:04):
nerves, from your whole bodythrough the brainstem, into your
brain, into your prefrontalcortex.
So when your spine is aligned,you actually can tap into your
prefrontal cortex more, which isfabulous if you want to be good
at rational thinking andcreativity.
So anyways, a, align your spine,so pull your shoulders back,
maybe tap your chin a little bit, lengthen the area between your
(22:26):
ears and your shoulders right,and then B, take a deep breath,
breath right.
So now you've opened up yourdiaphragm, right, so now you can
breathe into that upper abdomen.
So you breathe in and youbreathe out.
You want to breathe in throughyour nose because, again, we're
signaling.
When we're breathing in throughthe mouth, we're telling our
(22:48):
nervous system we're actuallyrunning and we're in danger.
So, trying to breathe inthrough our nose and breathing
out through our nose, or you canbreathe out through like pursed
lips, right, it's again tolengthen.
You want to lengthen that exhale, and when you, you lengthen the
exhale, so when you have aslightly longer exhale than
inhale, you are signaling andsort of tapping into that
(23:09):
parasympathetic nervous system.
Now I'm talking a lot, but thisactually takes very little bit
of time, because what you'redoing is fine, right, tuck your
chin a little bit, lengthen thespine, take a deep inhale into
your upper abdomen, right, andthen C is calm.
Or even you tell yourself tocalm, we instruct ourselves.
Or if you're a little bit moreopen, c can be chant, and what I
(23:33):
mean by that is, when you makesound, you're not only on the
exhale, you're not onlyextending that exhale, but
you're also kind of stimulatingyour vagus nerve, which again
tends to that parasympatheticsystem.
So again, if somebody wants todo this again, align the spine,
inhale, ah.
Carla Reeves (23:55):
I love that so simple.
Monica Bodurka (23:58):
So imagine if you do this every hour step away
from the desk, do it, you know.
And again, you don't have tomake sound, nobody even needs to
know you're doing this, butdoing this every hour.
I use the Pomodoro technique toremind me.
I set a timer.
Every 50 minutes it goes offand again, and I'll do this and
it feels great and it it helpsto prevent that dip in energy.
(24:20):
You know, know, when peoplereach for the cookie and the
coffee, this, yes, it helps toprevent it.
And oxygen, oxygen, right.
So again, if you're fallinglike you feel like, oh, get some
oxygen, do 10 jumping jackslike take a five minute walk.
Yes, there's so many things youknow, it's energizing, right,
(24:40):
like all of that, and it doesn'thave to take a long time.
That's why I say these aremicro practices.
People say to me I have no time.
I have no time.
I'm like that doesn't just oneminute.
One minute, yeah, it's moreabout time for it.
Put up stickies I, that's all Ido.
I put up stickies to remindmyself and until it becomes a
habit ingrained in our brain,right.
Carla Reeves (25:01):
So yeah, I hope you, listening, are writing this
down.
This works.
I, for many, many years I wascrouched over at my desk,
stomach clenched, like mystomach would really hurt at the
end of the day, Like and Ididn't understand why, cause I
was holding my breath a lot,just so intensely focused.
(25:21):
And I've really been diligentabout just changing my posture
in which I work, like to be in arelaxed posture, and it's been
amazing what it changes.
And, like you said, thesesimple breaks like I have
weights in my office and I'lljust turn on a song and I'll
just dance and do weights forfive minutes and like those
(25:41):
micro breaks are so key to um.
You know, yes, you have to stopfor five minutes, but I would
argue that it gives you moreenergy and you're more effective
after.
Monica Bodurka (25:56):
And and do you know what?
It's not just you saying this,it's Harvard.
Harvard's doing amazing work inthe area of what they've called
work recovery.
Lots of great articles, lots ofgreat research that shows that
you know productivity about yourwork, right, when you know you
(26:19):
hear about people going to thegym and they go to the gym with
a colleague and they talk aboutwork.
Guess what?
That doesn't count because yourmind is still.
It's not recovering, right.
So you really want that breakand yeah, so they're doing great
work and it's real.
And they're also showing.
When people don't take breaks,what happens is the work quality
goes down and the incidence ofaccidents really skyrockets.
Carla Reeves (26:42):
So that totally makes sense.
Well, and I just want tohighlight you saying like that
you can't be thinking about work, because I think that is so key
that it's like it's a surrender, it's surrendering your mind,
and for me, it's been like myaddiction to like keep thinking
about my work and it has been inthat surrender.
(27:05):
It can be like five minutes,but that surrender is what
allows the restoration and theenergy to go back up.
I totally have experienced that, absolutely.
Yeah, it's awesome to hear yousay that.
Monica Bodurka (27:19):
Right, it really really is's really really small
, and that's why I call it amicro practice, Right and and
and, and.
There's other things you can dothat are also really micro, and
people love this.
Carla Reeves (27:31):
Well, yes, please teach us a few more like um
noticing where you spend time.
Monica Bodurka (27:37):
So, for example, I I I'm a tea, tea drinker, so
I have to boil my kettle.
Well, guess what?
That's a good 60 to 90 secondswhere I could do breath work
right, and I do right.
So it's kind of silly.
And so, again, align my spineand then I will do some active
breathing, which you know, soagain I can take mindful breaths
when I'm waiting for the showerto turn on.
(27:59):
Oh my God, there's anothergreat time where I can again
engage in breathing exercises.
So noticing, you know, in thecar, don't talk to a colleague
if you're coming home from work,put on something else Sing,
sing.
Why?
Right, because again you'restimulating the vagus nerve and
it's releasing all thesefeel-good hormones.
Carla Reeves (28:26):
Right, there's all these really fun small things
you can do.
It's all about resetting yournervous system, like the
in-between moments, yeah, andthere's so many in the day that
we can lean into without feelinglike we have to give up
something else or we need allthis ample time.
Monica Bodurka (28:39):
You don't well, that's what people say I don't
have time.
I don't have time and evenlittle things of like you're
walking into a meeting or you'recoming home from work, so
you're that transitioning fromwork to home and maybe you have
kids, and all this, holding thatday that can't.
Um, handle, door handle andtaking a deep breath.
Right, there's a mindfulnessthere, there's's an intention
(28:59):
out.
So deep breathing, holding thathandle and kind of remembering
who you want to be, leaving workbehind and now stepping into
your new role.
Right, just that again, is that10 seconds?
It's not, but we have to trainourselves to do this and it
really does have an impact.
(29:21):
And then what ends up happeningis people start kind of waking
up.
Right, we're often asleep,we're just running, running,
running.
So we don't, we we're almostnot making good decisions for us
.
Sometimes we're saying yes tothings we should be saying no to
, because we're we're not, we'renot too in tune with ourselves
(29:42):
when we start doing thesepractices.
What ends up happening is yourintuition starts to come online.
Your self-awareness reallyaugments.
You're like wait a second, likeso, so it's really, it goes
beyond just having more energy.
Carla Reeves (29:58):
Um, that's so beautiful.
I have two questions based onwhat you just said.
One is so if it really is truethat we have all these micro
in-between moments where we canharness this time and energy to
do these things, then thatleaves us with not really an
excuse right Of, like the oldexcuses of time.
(30:20):
And so if someone is stillfeeling resistance to these
things, where do you like towork with someone in that
situation?
Monica Bodurka (30:32):
It's really.
It's interesting because, again, everybody's individual right,
so it depends again, everybody'sindividual right, so it depends
people have resistance todifferent things.
Um, so it's really about whattheir vision is for themselves
and who they want to be.
Um, often resistance is fear,right, so it's.
(30:53):
It's it's fear of the unknown,or fear of if I let go, um, you
know, everything's going to fallapart.
Everything's going to fallapart, right, and it's like, and
I always say, well, fear islike false evidence appearing
real, and it's in this momentwe're safe.
That's why mindfulness is sucha good place to start as well,
because it's like in this moment, hey, I'm fine, right, so I can
(31:16):
take that breath.
Or if somebody doesn't evenwant to take breath, they can
just notice the sound aroundthem.
Um, so, again, it's, it's verydifferent.
Um, you know, based on on thepeople or or even teams I'm
working with, um, so you know, Iusually start with like little
assessments of you know, and youkind of figure out what people
want to share.
(31:37):
But, yeah, well, the other placeactually is overwhelmed.
So if there's resistance it'sbecause people are overwhelmed.
So I have a program called theCertified Resilience Coach
Program.
It's now going into the 16thoffering starts tomorrow.
It's actually accredited by theInternational Coach Federation,
and so what we do in thisprogram is, before we even get
(32:02):
into resilience, enhancinghabits and thinking about how we
can help our clients and our,our teams do that.
We actually deal with overwhelm, because when people are
overwhelmed, you know they can'tthink straight, and so so
that's actually where we startwith resistance, and how do we
deal with overwhelm is really,um, through creating priorities,
(32:23):
right to to know.
You know it's back to stephencovey's first things first.
What are you know?
I don't know if you ever saw inthe 80s or 90s.
He's got this great video ofthe jar, the three jars right,
yeah it's hilarious because thethe woman she's got the big like
.
But the point is is, for anybodywho doesn't know that the jar
(32:45):
he has this woman, stephen Coveyhas this woman all add all
these rocks, the jar, and ofcourse she can't fit them all in
.
And then he says, well, takethe three big rocks first.
So what's the three big rocksin the jar?
And then she's able to put inall the little rocks around it.
So, with overwhelm, right, youfirst you have to identify what
(33:06):
your priorities are and then youfocus on those, and what that
allows you to do is say no tothe others, right?
I often tell clients that youhave to start with the what not
to do list.
You have to start with the whatnot to do list.
That's a people pleaser, that'sall.
I couldn't say no, but thenthat meant I was saying I was
putting myself always last, andhence you know why I got burnt
(33:29):
out, right and so so, yeah,coming back to those priorities,
if somebody is resisting,coming back to creating
boundaries, what not to do.
Coming back to creatingboundaries, what not to do, and
and just you know it's, it's notthat you're not going to do
those things ever, it's just youknow what are your, let's say,
three needle movers for the week, even, I feel.
(33:51):
So you'll get to those otherthings.
It's just not today, right, andthat helps, because I find a
lot of people I'm working withthey've got like all the zillion
things right now.
So I'm like, okay, let's braindump them and then let's find
out what are the three, or, evenbetter, one right, the Keller
book, the one thing, what's theone, what's the one of that book
?
When you get that one thing,there's a dopamine hit, you feel
(34:16):
good, and and then you usuallyget more done.
Carla Reeves (34:21):
So true, yeah, okay.
One last question you mentioned, like serene, graceful,
unwavering resilience.
Monica Bodurka (34:30):
I'd love for you , as we close, to just paint a
picture for us of what that is,so we can imagine it in our own
lives oh, my goodness, well,well, to me it's really about,
like I said, it's that beingable to be calm in the storm,
but more than that, I think it'sbeing able to become and be
(34:53):
that best version of yourselfyou've imagined, right.
So we all have that littleversion.
I say that's the version thatwe had, that image that we had
of ourselves when we were 17,right, what you were going to be
.
And then, meanwhile, lifehappens and you're like, oh, and
I don't mean in a superficialway, I mean in the authentic way
(35:13):
, right.
And so when you have resilience, to me it means you have
vibrant wellbeing, right, right.
So it is.
You have vibrant well-being,right, I love that.
Right.
So it is about that vibrantwell-being.
It's being able to show up asyour best self, it's knowing who
you are, it's being authenticAgain, being able to say no, and
then what you say yes to.
(35:33):
You're present, right, sothere's a presence, there's a
100% presence.
Your mind isn't in 17 otherplaces.
You are here, you are presentnow, and guess what?
You are in joy.
You're enjoying yourself, right, and so that's, and I think we
have forgotten joy as adults.
Right, we've forgotten to play,we've forgotten to have fun,
(35:55):
and it's very hard to be anxiousor overwhelmed or depressed
when we're laughing, right, sovital well-being laughter, enjoy
, and actually that makes youresult.
It's like a.
It's like a, you know,self-fulfilling prophecy.
It makes you more resilient,and then you know, and so on,
and so on.
Carla Reeves (36:14):
So, wow, I love that.
That is so beautiful.
What a beautiful way to close.
So, before we finish, make sureI want you to make sure that
people know listening, knowwhere to find you and what
you're doing and where they canget your book.
Monica Bodurka (36:27):
Well, okay, they can find.
They can find you on ourwebsite, leadership, wellnessca,
because we're in Canada.
My book I've got a copy herefor you.
So a new way to be, it'savailable.
I'm like something crazy like39,000 different book.
Let's say, amazon is good,barnes and Noble like every,
(36:49):
everywhere, right, everywhereonline, you can find it.
So, so yeah, and on my websiteyou can get a downloadable, free
workbook companion with a lotof exercises, because, again,
this isn't about intellectuallyknowing this.
We know all this already.
This is common sense, commonpractice.
(37:11):
So what I would love for you todo is not even read the whole
book.
I mean, I'd love for you toread the book but take on one or
two or three of the practicesand really integrate them in
your life, right, and have moreenergy.
That's great.
So yeah, the companion, umlittle workbook is on my website
.
You can download it for freeand, again, really fill out the
(37:32):
challenge exercises, do them.
Find a little buddy it alwayshelps when you have a buddy to
do it with, buddy.
It always helps when you have abuddy to do it with to hold you
accountable and have funAmazing.
Carla Reeves (37:50):
I think our world needs this so much right now
just the tools to calm andreflect and get quiet so we know
how to lead in this world thatwe're navigating.
So I thank you for all theamazing work that you're doing
and thank you for thisconversation and, yeah, I hope
you have a beautiful day,everyone, and thank you, monica
again for joining me.
Thank you.
Monica Bodurka (38:06):
Carla, thank you so much.
It's been an honor.
Carla Reeves (38:13):
Thank you for tuning in to this episode of
Differently.
It's been an honor to sharethis conversation with you.
Episode of Differently.
It's been an honor to sharethis conversation with you.
You know, one of the keys toliving fully is to take action
when you're inspired to do so.
I hope you found that spark ofinspiration today and would you
help us spread the word.
Did someone you know come tomind while you were listening?
(38:34):
If this episode could impactsomeone you know, please share
it and pass it along.
New episodes drop weekly, sotap that subscribe button and
join us next time as we continueto challenge the status quo and
get equipped to live lifedifferently.
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