February 21, 2024 • 7 mins
This episode walks through the realities of taking responsibility for your choices through the narrative of a personal story.
Find out more about my work: www.melindagerdungcoaching.com
Book a session with me: https://calendly.com/gerdungmelinda/coaching-session
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:17):
Hey my friends. A few years ago,I got really into trading on the
stock market. I even invested ina one on one mentor to learn how
(00:40):
to trade options. I saw theopportunity there and I really
wanted to seize it. And I didthat for like a year. And it was
harder than I thought it wouldbe. Like it definitely is a
skill. And like all skills, ittakes time and practice to
improve. But I got to a pointwhere I was really being pulled
(01:03):
in a lot of differentdirections. Or that's how I felt
anyway. And I felt like I justdidn't have enough time to do
everything that I wanted to do.
So I thought that I should justpick one thing to focus on. And
the things I was choosingbetween were my coaching
business and trading on thestock market. And I thought I
really had time to only focus onone or the other. So I chose my
(01:27):
coaching business. That's what Ifeel really strongly about. I'm
really passionate about helpingothers recover from toxic
relationships. Because I've beenon that road and I know how hard
it is. And so it seemed that wasthe logical choice. Like if I
had to choose between the two ofthe things, I should choose the
(01:49):
one I'm most passionate about.
It made total sense to me. Andso when I stopped trading, I
just cold turkey stopped andabandoned everything I had been
doing.
(02:17):
But I never really stoppedthinking about it. It was just
there spinning in the back of mymind for years. Almost like that
I should be doing it, or couldbe doing it, or needed to be
doing it. And I came to therealization that the 'not enough
time' thing wasn't real. Thatwas a false binary that I had
(02:41):
given myself, of only being ableto do one or the other. And so I
decided to rekindle my optionstrading. So I've started slowly
reviewing the materials againand getting familiar with the
strategies. I used to keep tradejournals so I could track my
profits, and my entries andexits, and the reasoning behind
(03:04):
things. And before I had justabandoned it, I had bought some
stocks. And in my trade journal,I had recorded what I bought
them at, and how many I bought,and why I was buying them at
that time. So I went and lookedat them now. And now, I hadn't
(03:25):
even looked at the stocks that Iown for like three years. So
since I'm getting back into it,I you know, went and looked. I
looked and they were all doingreally terribly. I was like what
the fuck? So I looked at a chartof the last four years and I saw
where I entered them. And theyall made sense of when I entered
(03:47):
them and there were very clearpoints that should have been
exit points. But because I hadjust abandoned it and didn't
look at it for three years, Imissed those exit points. The
exit points that, if I had beenpaying attention like I had been
before, I would have made someamazing money on. Instead I am
(04:10):
massively losing money on thesestocks. And it hurts so bad.
Like I literally had severechest pains from this loss. I
felt so disappointed. Like oof.
I wanted to go straight back toignoring it because damn it was
painful to face. Because thatloss was on me. That was a
(04:35):
consequence of the choice that Imade-- the choice to just stop
paying any attention to it. Andnow I have to face those
consequences. And face the factthat the decision I made wasn't
a good one. And that stings alot. And I'm not being mean to
(04:56):
myself about it. I'm not beatingmyself up about it. But I am
owning that it is on me. I madethat choice and now I have to
live with the consequences ofit.
(05:27):
This is something that we end uphaving to grapple with in
leaving toxic relationships oractually even just realizing
that we are or were in a toxicrelationship to begin with. I
ignored plenty of red flags toget into my abusive marriage. I
had been groomed for thatrelationship from my own family
(05:47):
growing up and from the cultthat I grew up in. But I still
had responsibility for being inthat marriage. I still said 'I
do' at the altar. And while,yes, there were a lot of factors
that contributed to me ending upin that marriage, I still owned
a piece. I, notwithstandingthose factors, still do have
(06:12):
free will. And I still chosethat relationship. And I had to
take responsibility for that.
And realizing that that was myresponsibility was a real bitter
pill to swallow.
(06:42):
Taking responsibility for youractions can really suck
sometimes. It can be reallypainful. is so much easier to
try to blame others or to blameexternal circumstances. But it
completely ignores the fact thatwhile there may be other factors
at play, at least one factor isstill our choices. And the
(07:06):
alternative to believing thatyou are responsible for your
actions and your choices, isbelieving that you are
completely helpless and at thewhims and mercy of other people
and external forces.
It is a very powerless place tobe. It is a frightening place to
(07:29):
be to believe that you have nocontrol in your own life. So,
while taking responsibility forour actions in our choices might
really fucking hurt sometimes,it also provides us the greatest
freedom and the greatest controlof our own lives.
(08:36):
So when I say 'I do' to someoneI wasn't 100% sure about and
that goes south in a real badway. That is a lesson: a painful
one, but a valuable one. When Iignore my stocks on the stock
market and lose a bunch ofmoney, that is a painful life
(08:56):
lesson. These painful lifelessons give us the ability to
learn and make different choicesin the future. So while it can
be tempting to blame externalforces exclusively, and it's
certainly less painful to do so,I would invite you to step into
(09:17):
the freedom of takingresponsibility for your own
actions instead. To reallyevaluate your own decisions and
learn from the things that arepainful. And the one caution I
would extend to you as you'redoing this is that you make sure
you are only takingresponsibility for the things
(09:40):
that actually fall under yourpurview. Sometimes abuse
survivors get stuck in takingtoo much responsibility in the
sense that they try to takeresponsibility for things that
are outside of their control.
There is actually a wholepodcast episode on that topic.
So if you think you might bedoing a little bit of that I
(10:04):
suggest you review episode 44responsibility versus blame.
Alright, my friends, until nexttime, be well
Hey my friends. A few years ago,I got really into trading on the
stock market. I even invested ina one on one mentor to learn how
(00:40):
to trade options. I saw theopportunity there and I really
wanted to seize it. And I didthat for like a year. And it was
harder than I thought it wouldbe. Like it definitely is a
skill. And like all skills, ittakes time and practice to
improve. But I got to a pointwhere I was really being pulled
(01:03):
in a lot of differentdirections. Or that's how I felt
anyway. And I felt like I justdidn't have enough time to do
everything that I wanted to do.
So I thought that I should justpick one thing to focus on. And
the things I was choosingbetween were my coaching
business and trading on thestock market. And I thought I
really had time to only focus onone or the other. So I chose my
(01:27):
coaching business. That's what Ifeel really strongly about. I'm
really passionate about helpingothers recover from toxic
relationships. Because I've beenon that road and I know how hard
it is. And so it seemed that wasthe logical choice. Like if I
had to choose between the two ofthe things, I should choose the
(01:49):
one I'm most passionate about.
It made total sense to me. Andso when I stopped trading, I
just cold turkey stopped andabandoned everything I had been
doing.
(02:17):
But I never really stoppedthinking about it. It was just
there spinning in the back of mymind for years. Almost like that
I should be doing it, or couldbe doing it, or needed to be
doing it. And I came to therealization that the 'not enough
time' thing wasn't real. Thatwas a false binary that I had
(02:41):
given myself, of only being ableto do one or the other. And so I
decided to rekindle my optionstrading. So I've started slowly
reviewing the materials againand getting familiar with the
strategies. I used to keep tradejournals so I could track my
profits, and my entries andexits, and the reasoning behind
(03:04):
things. And before I had justabandoned it, I had bought some
stocks. And in my trade journal,I had recorded what I bought
them at, and how many I bought,and why I was buying them at
that time. So I went and lookedat them now. And now, I hadn't
(03:25):
even looked at the stocks that Iown for like three years. So
since I'm getting back into it,I you know, went and looked. I
looked and they were all doingreally terribly. I was like what
the fuck? So I looked at a chartof the last four years and I saw
where I entered them. And theyall made sense of when I entered
(03:47):
them and there were very clearpoints that should have been
exit points. But because I hadjust abandoned it and didn't
look at it for three years, Imissed those exit points. The
exit points that, if I had beenpaying attention like I had been
before, I would have made someamazing money on. Instead I am
(04:10):
massively losing money on thesestocks. And it hurts so bad.
Like I literally had severechest pains from this loss. I
felt so disappointed. Like oof.
I wanted to go straight back toignoring it because damn it was
painful to face. Because thatloss was on me. That was a
(04:35):
consequence of the choice that Imade-- the choice to just stop
paying any attention to it. Andnow I have to face those
consequences. And face the factthat the decision I made wasn't
a good one. And that stings alot. And I'm not being mean to
(04:56):
myself about it. I'm not beatingmyself up about it. But I am
owning that it is on me. I madethat choice and now I have to
live with the consequences ofit.
(05:27):
This is something that we end uphaving to grapple with in
leaving toxic relationships oractually even just realizing
that we are or were in a toxicrelationship to begin with. I
ignored plenty of red flags toget into my abusive marriage. I
had been groomed for thatrelationship from my own family
(05:47):
growing up and from the cultthat I grew up in. But I still
had responsibility for being inthat marriage. I still said 'I
do' at the altar. And while,yes, there were a lot of factors
that contributed to me ending upin that marriage, I still owned
a piece. I, notwithstandingthose factors, still do have
(06:12):
free will. And I still chosethat relationship. And I had to
take responsibility for that.
And realizing that that was myresponsibility was a real bitter
pill to swallow.
(06:42):
Taking responsibility for youractions can really suck
sometimes. It can be reallypainful. is so much easier to
try to blame others or to blameexternal circumstances. But it
completely ignores the fact thatwhile there may be other factors
at play, at least one factor isstill our choices. And the
(07:06):
alternative to believing thatyou are responsible for your
actions and your choices, isbelieving that you are
completely helpless and at thewhims and mercy of other people
and external forces.
It is a very powerless place tobe. It is a frightening place to
(07:29):
be to believe that you have nocontrol in your own life. So,
while taking responsibility forour actions in our choices might
really fucking hurt sometimes,it also provides us the greatest
freedom and the greatest controlof our own lives.
(08:36):
So when I say 'I do' to someoneI wasn't 100% sure about and
that goes south in a real badway. That is a lesson: a painful
one, but a valuable one. When Iignore my stocks on the stock
market and lose a bunch ofmoney, that is a painful life
(08:56):
lesson. These painful lifelessons give us the ability to
learn and make different choicesin the future. So while it can
be tempting to blame externalforces exclusively, and it's
certainly less painful to do so,I would invite you to step into
(09:17):
the freedom of takingresponsibility for your own
actions instead. To reallyevaluate your own decisions and
learn from the things that arepainful. And the one caution I
would extend to you as you'redoing this is that you make sure
you are only takingresponsibility for the things
(09:40):
that actually fall under yourpurview. Sometimes abuse
survivors get stuck in takingtoo much responsibility in the
sense that they try to takeresponsibility for things that
are outside of their control.
There is actually a wholepodcast episode on that topic.
So if you think you might bedoing a little bit of that I
(10:04):
suggest you review episode 44responsibility versus blame.
Alright, my friends, until nexttime, be well
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