Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Hey, welcome back to
the Dwell Differently podcast.
(00:08):
I'm your host, Natalie Abbott,and I got my sister Vera with
me.
What's up?
I feel like we haven't,sometimes we batch these when
we're being really good toourselves.
And it's been a while since wehung out because we batched some
last time.
So here we are.
Yeah, here we are in real life,in real time.
Only your name says Vera Q.
I know.
What is the Q for?
(00:29):
It was an accident.
It was a typo.
And here I am.
Yeah, Vera Q.
Sometimes I typo my name.
It's totally fine.
This is a type B type person.
If you're a type B person, youtype in V-E-R-A-Q when you're
entering into a studio space andyou don't delete the Q because
(00:50):
you're like, it's fine.
If you're a type A person,you're like, ah.
Yeah.
I'm just going to call you Veractoday.
That's great.
This is my sister, Borak, andwe're going to talk about
generosity and refreshment.
I specifically, though, I'd likebeen doing these other
recordings with other people andthe teaching recording.
(01:13):
And the one thing that I'm like,man, I want to talk about this
is refreshing, being refreshedand refreshing others.
So our verse for this monthsays, if you haven't already
memorized it along with us, itsays, a generous person will
prosper and Whoever refreshesothers will be refreshed.
It's from Proverbs 11, 12.
(01:34):
And guys, if you want to knowhow this is a formula.
Proverbs 11, 25.
Close.
Did I say 12?
Did I say 11, 12?
Yeah, 11, 12.
You just counted right up.
13, 14.
Okay.
No, it's Proverbs 11.25.
And if you want to find out thecontext for this, if you want to
figure out like a biblical ideaof generosity and prosperity and
(01:57):
how this isn't the prosperitygospel, if you want to know all
the different little things, youcan go back to the teaching
episode.
You can go to our other guestepisodes.
But today we are specificallylooking at that little phrase,
whoever refreshes others will berefreshed.
And I just want to dive intothat with you, Vera, because I
think that's such an importantthing.
(02:19):
And specifically, what ways doyou feel like you are equipped
to refresh others?
Like if you were going to be,you know, are you Coca-Cola?
Are you iced tea?
Are you sweet tea?
Like what kind of refreshmentare you just generally naturally
(02:39):
in your own self?
I'm coffee.
Ooh, are you iced coffee?
Because I feel like iced coffeeis the only thing anybody's
drinking right now.
SPEAKER_01 (02:47):
Yeah, only in the
summertime.
SPEAKER_00 (02:49):
No, I only say that
because that's my favorite form
of refreshment.
So I hope I'm coffee to otherpeople, but maybe.
I think my personality, likewhat I bring to other people,
and I sometimes don't love thisabout, I wish I was a Fanta or
something.
Like one of our sister-in-law,Kayla, she's a Fanta, like just
(03:10):
a full party.
So her refreshment is she bringsjokes and joy and spontaneity.
And she's like a magical person.
Yeah, for sure.
Actually, she's not even aFanta.
She's like a ice cream sundae,like root beer flow type.
She's a Fanta C type.
And I think I'm more like a joltof coffee.
(03:31):
Like I am like black coffee.
I think a lot of the time.
You're like a shot of espresso.
I'm kind of a shot of espresso.
I think I tend toward liketruth.
That's like what I bring to afriendship or to a refreshment.
A lot of times people call mewhen they're in a really hard
situation and I am able to be avoice of maybe wisdom or
(03:57):
clarity, they're less likely tocall me to go to the party.
No, I'm just kidding.
People call me to go to parties.
But I do think that's myspecific gifting in terms of
maybe refreshing others.
So yeah, it's probably a shot ofespresso.
What about you, Nat?
What do you call those oldpeople drinks?
(04:19):
Ensure?
I'm like an insurer.
No, I'm serious, though.
Why?
I wish that I were telling alie.
I feel like I always haveconversations of sustenance, of
like, I can't help but talkabout somehow, like, oh, I was
(04:45):
reading the Bible the other day,or you know what I mean?
Like, I'm that person, and Idon't even know how it happened,
but I am like, I try not to besuper Jesus-y, but I'm just
like, somehow something isalways reminding me about Jesus.
And I'm like, well, you knowwhat the Lord said.
And my kids have started makingfun of me for it.
(05:07):
So I really need to...
Maybe tone it back a little bit.
You can still be likenutritional, but maybe not an
insurer.
Like maybe get like, maybeyou're like a V8 or like a
muscle milk protein shake.
Those actually taste good.
I don't know.
Yeah, that's true.
I guess I just see myself andI'm like, I see myself through
(05:28):
the lens of my teenagers.
So it feels like an insurer, butmaybe it's like, yeah, maybe I'm
the after-workout or pre-workoutdrink.
I don't know.
That's hilarious.
That is hilarious.
I would agree with that though.
I feel like you're always, youcan't not take it there.
I wish I couldn't.
And you know what's funny isthat I do feel like I love, like
(05:50):
one of my favorite things to dois to go dancing.
And I like, I love to be arounda big group of people.
I love a party.
I love all of those things.
I love hosting people.
I feel like I'm fun.
But like, Maybe I'm just aninsurer.
No, you are fun.
You are fun, but your specificgifting is actually having
(06:10):
really bad dance moves.
That blesses and refreshes allsorts of people.
That's true.
Maybe I'm like one of those jokedrinks that you think is going
to be lemonade, but it'sactually like vinegar or
something.
Oh my gosh.
You're like, what is that?
Oh my gosh, that's funny.
No, you are.
That's your specificrefreshment, I think, is you
(06:32):
will only bring the substanceand what's interesting I think
for you I've watched it's likesometimes people want that and
they come to you for that theylike to get the truth and to get
fed and then they're like oh Iactually didn't want this yeah
I'm gonna avoid her next timeyeah it's true it's true it kind
(06:54):
of comes I think it comes withthe territory also being a
pastor's wife yes And it's justlike, you can't get, it's
unavoidable.
People know.
And it's, you know, it's funnybecause Jason and I, my husband,
we have to like be very specificabout boundaries, about like
talking about church all thetime or, you know, when we're
with our friends to talk aboutchurch, there are times when
(07:14):
we're like, hey, we're not goingto talk about church tonight.
So we're off the clock.
If you have a crisis, you cancall me on Monday at 9 a.m.
and we'll talk through thesituation with you.
And I'm actually not, I wasgoing to say I'm joking, but I'm
actually, I'm not joking.
No, no, you need space.
We've actually had to say thingslike that before.
(07:34):
But all jokes aside, you know, Ido think that what I'm trying to
get at is how each of us areuniquely gifted and to be
somebody who lives out thisverse in a very specific way.
You know, that whoever refreshesothers will be himself
refreshed.
So, like, there's somethingparticularly Vera Schmitz, about
(07:58):
Vera Schmitz, that makes her arefreshing type of person in
specific instances.
And not that you can't, again,be refreshing to people in a way
that is just completely...
wonderful and other varied waysthat I wish that I were more
like.
But I do think sometimes weundersell ourselves or we don't
(08:21):
even consider, like, I thinkmaybe a good action point with
thinking about this first islike, how do I, how can I
identify the things that I'mactually well-equipped to do to
refresh others?
Because I think sometimes wethink about generosity in a
(08:41):
verse like this, like, oh,financially.
But the multitude of giftingsthat we have in the body of
Christ are just, I don't evenknow.
There are just so many of them.
So what is it that youspecifically, how could you
specifically look at your lifeand say, this is a gift that I
(09:02):
have.
I know how to cut people's hair.
Maybe I could volunteer myservices at the at-risk youth
home and cut their hair or teachthem how to cut hair that sort
of thing like what is it thatyou can offer that maybe you
even are undervaluing that wouldbe something that would give
(09:23):
life and give hope and give thegospel even to people who are in
need of it totally and I thinktoo like as I was looking
through this verse and writingabout it a little bit it's like
The financial part of it isgreat, but sometimes when you
(09:44):
are in need of being refreshed,the other tangible ways that you
can receive or less tangibleways that you can receive
refreshing are actually morevaluable.
It's like, man, I actually justneed somebody to sit and listen
to me today.
I'm like, You don't even need tohave advice.
You don't need to be a sage.
(10:04):
You don't need to be an insurer.
You don't need to be a cup ofcoffee.
I just need you to just sit hereand listen.
So I think, you know, neverundervaluing what you bring is
super important.
important and taking the time tothink about like kind of all the
categories of ways that you canbe generous, time and your
(10:25):
house, your possessions, how doyou use your home, that kind of
thing.
There's just so many ways togive.
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This episode of DwellDifferently is brought to you in
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Yeah, I think that's so true.
And even just thinking aboutlike people who are lonely.
(12:33):
You know, or like sometimes Ithink about my family and my
children and I don't think aboutthem as a resource.
Like the community that I havethat I'm in my home every day
and I'm in community with thesepeople that for me to invite
somebody who lives by themselfover for lunch, you know, after
(12:57):
church, could be just atremendous blessing to them that
I don't even see because I don'tlook at everything I have as a
resource.
I don't see all of the abundancein my life all the time and how
specifically certain things inmy life could meet the needs of
people who have an unspokenneed.
(13:18):
I remember when I was incollege, actually, that the
church I was attending had toadopt a college student thing.
Mm-hmm.
And so there was this familythat adopted me as their college
student and they would like haveme over like once a month for
dinner.
And it was like so incredible toeat like a home cooked meal
SPEAKER_01 (13:39):
with
SPEAKER_00 (13:40):
a real family and
just be in the presence of other
people that were not my samesame college students eating
dorm food.
You know what I mean?
Or spaghetti or ramen orwhatever.
Yeah.
Totally.
I was just talking with myhusband about this.
I was talking about this couplewho, at his work, we were at
(14:00):
like a conference thing, andkind of the leaders over his
group, him and his wife wereso...
I look back at that time and I'mlike, they were so interested in
us when we were 25, 26 yearsold.
Just like I thought that Iwas...
so cool because they were sointerested and they were, you
(14:22):
know, maybe 15 or 20 years olderthan us.
And I just think back to thattime and I'm like, I felt so
important, loved, cared for.
And I wonder now, like when,even in like a non-Jesus-y way,
it's like even in an interactionat a work function for my
husband, do the younger peoplewho are 10, 15 years younger
(14:46):
than me, do they feel like I'minvested, excited, think that
they are important and valuablewhen I interact with them?
Like, what a generosity to lookat somebody and give them your
headspace, you know, like toactually be present, asking the
next question with intentionbecause they matter, you know?
(15:09):
And I just, it made me like, Itold them, told Matt, I was
like, we need to write them anote and just say, thank you so
much for like making us feellike we mattered, you know, when
we were the youngest people inthe room.
That's so cool.
I had a woman at church one timejust randomly come up to me and
(15:29):
say, hey, I was praying for thisfor you.
And it was just something that Ihad shared like in a women's
group or something.
And this was like probably sixmonths later.
And I just remember beingfloored by that comment that
like here she was in so manyways giving me her attention in
a way that was completelyunknown to me until she had
(15:52):
said, hey, I just I want to letyou know I was praying about
that for you.
And I just wanted to check in.
And I'm like, I forgot I saidthat.
You know what I mean?
Like, how did you remember that?
How are you still praying forthat?
And I could share with her likethis is what God has done.
And it was great.
But like, I already forgot aboutit.
And here you are considering mein a way that just feels so
(16:15):
generous and kind.
How beautiful is that?
Okay, so I have the reversequestion though.
So how can we be a refreshmentto others?
How can we be the people who arebringing the generosity of
Christ into the lives of otherpeople?
But the reverse is also, Ithink, really significant for us
to consider, which is likesometimes...
(16:37):
This verse says, whoeverrefreshes others will be
themselves refreshed.
Sometimes you're the other.
So when you're the person whoneeds to be refreshed, what does
that look like for you, Vera?
Is that something that you'renaturally good at?
What kind of cup are you, so tospeak?
(16:57):
Do you have holes in the bottom?
Do you have a lid on it reallytight where no one can ever pour
anything into it?
No, it's definitely the holes.
Holes in the bottom.
Definitely holes in the bottom.
I just had some friends recentlywho were like, hey, you keep
ripping yourself down.
Stop doing that.
Like, I think I sometimes...
(17:19):
I definitely poke holes in me.
I also think that I cansometimes...
I've just noticed this recently,where I go to others to be
refreshed, which is good andright.
But at the end of the day,they're also limited resources.
(17:40):
So the people who I mostcommonly go to, so my husband,
it's like, he's only a human andhe can only refresh me so far.
And then I have to be reliant onthe Lord.
And I was in church on just aSunday and I was feeling like, I
wanted more for my husband.
I'm like, can't he hold me any,like, can't he hold me more, you
(18:04):
know?
And, you know, God was generousand kind to me that the sermon
was just right, spot on, rightfor me.
And I just felt like my strengthwas renewed.
And so I think sometimes it's soeasy to rely on what we can see.
rather than going to the Lordand knowing that He's our
(18:27):
ultimate source of refreshing.
So that's something that I justrecently had experienced.
It's not always that way, but Ido think we refresh each other,
but ultimately God is our sourceof ultimate refreshment.
My husband was never my savior,could never be my savior, can
(18:47):
never give me total and completelove or total and complete care.
He can only do what a...
what a human can do and a greathuman.
But at the end of the day, Ihave to look for all of that
total refreshment from God.
Yeah.
I think that's really true.
SPEAKER_01 (19:09):
What about for you?
SPEAKER_00 (19:11):
Yeah.
Are you a cup with a lid on it?
Am I a cup with a lid on it?
Yes.
You're like, I don't needrefreshed.
I'm not dry at all.
Yeah, I'm the dried up sponge.
So oftentimes that's like, if Ijust squeeze a little harder,
something will still come out ofme.
And you're like, look at me,I've got something for you.
(19:33):
Yeah, I just made you this breadat midnight because that was the
time I had to do it.
And yeah, you know, it'sinteresting.
I had an interview with ChristyPurifoy and I was writing up
the...
the stuff that she had said.
(19:53):
And we were talking about thisidea of refreshment.
And one of the things that shesaid that really struck me, and
I keep being struck by thisconcept, is that sometimes I
think we think the mostspiritual thing we can do is
pour into other people.
It's like, God, what can I dofor you?
People, what can I do for you?
How can I serve?
How can I...
All of this.
(20:15):
And we look at receiving as...
less spiritual or maybe selfishand definitely not like the
number one thing that we shouldbe doing is receiving and yet if
(20:36):
we fully understand the gospelthen receiving is the first
thing that we have to do becausein and of ourselves we don't
have anything to give we have wehave zero things we have and and
more than that like it's alsothis acknowledgement of like,
I'm empty.
Like I have nothing to bring youLord and I cannot earn the
(20:58):
things that you are giving me.
So I think so often, I would sayin my relationship with Jesus,
I'm really good at being like,my hands are open, I'm empty,
help me Jesus.
But I'm very bad at thencommunicating my need to other
(21:18):
people.
Mm-hmm.
And allowing, I especially ambad at allowing people in, in
real time.
I'm really good at being like,well, last week that was really
hard.
Or last year I really struggledwith.
But like, was I sharing thosethings with people at the time
in my community?
I think it's because you alsohave a hard time of even
(21:41):
recognizing it sometimes.
Yeah, that's also true.
I'm just not good at resting andI'm not good at recognizing.
Mm-hmm.
So therefore I'm not a very goodreceiver.
All of those R's I think kind ofgo together.
You have to like recognize andthen you have to actually rest
in order to receive.
And yeah, I have a very limitedwindow of space in my day that I
(22:06):
give myself to receive.
And it's like the very firstpart of the day when I spend
time with Jesus and then therest of the day is go, go, go,
pour it all out.
Yeah, so.
I don't have a good answer forthat.
Is it just me being a real humanwith real struggles?
No, I think it's helpful forpeople.
(22:27):
I think receiving is, it reallycan be difficult.
They say a lot of times ingenerosity, it's easier to give
than to receive, to take thetime to receive or to, once
you've received a gift, somepeople can't do that.
They feel paralyzed by receivingsomething from somebody else.
(22:47):
And part of that too, I think,is even our individualistic
society where if you didn't workfor it and earn it, then you
don't want it, you know?
Or we also have this idea, thistransactional way of living
where it's like, now I owe yousomething.
SPEAKER_01 (23:06):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (23:06):
Like, oh, please
don't give me something because
now I have to give you somethingback.
Totally.
UNKNOWN (23:12):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (23:12):
Totally.
I'm saying that for real.
Anybody who knows me in reallife, don't give me stuff.
I don't want to give youanything back.
I'm just kidding.
Kind of.
I'm kind of kidding.
I have a friend who is alwaysasking me to coach a high school
track.
And I'm like, no.
They're like, we'll pay you.
I'm like, don't ever pay.
I will come volunteer all.
I will volunteer, but do not payme.
(23:33):
I don't want any of the tiesthat come with receiving that
from you.
Yep.
Yep.
For real, for real.
I hear that.
Okay.
Well, guys, I don't even knowthat that was helpful for
anybody.
We might have confused peoplemore than we helped people.
I hope that that helps.
And if it doesn't, maybe, youknow, spend some more time with
(23:56):
the Lord and look up what theBible says about generosity or
do our Bible study becausethat's actually, you know, where
the real meat is.
That's where the edited versionof these ideas, actually, it
gets ciphered down into what isnot heretical and what is
hopefully biblical and helpful.
(24:17):
Yeah, that's good.
All right, V, thanks for joiningme today.
And yeah, I hope that this willbe refreshing to anybody who
listens.
Yes, amen.
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