August 8, 2023 • 13 mins
Could you leave behind what you cherish most in your life right now?
Even if it meant you could replace it with anything you wanted?
For the past few days I've been staying near the base camp of Chirripó mountain, the highest peak in Costa Rica. I've had a chance to stay with and meet many Americans who have moved to this beautiful region of the world to experience the peace and natural beauty that's offered here.
There's a price to pay for those benefits. You might think it's relationships or comforts that are the enemy of making changes in life, yet it's really something much more subtle and powerful.
What do you have that's the biggest Enemy of What you Want?
Certainty.
Or rather the illusion of certainty.
When we have what we have, and do what we do, there's the illusion that we'll continue to get what we've gotten. At any moment illness, tragedy, or natural disaster can strike and take anything and everything that you have.
Effectively you own nothing except for your experience.
Everything is borrowed in this lending library of life.
If you're tired of what you have, you must be willing to return it to get something new.
The big worry is that we'll end up with something worse, and this just isn't true. You already know where the "worse" section of the library is and intuitively avoid it.
The only options available are: Same or Better.
If it can't get worse, then why not return to your current conditions and try for what's better?
The only thing you can lose is certainty, but you never had that anyway.
What are you afraid to give up in your life instead of going for what you want? Let me know.
Watch the full video episode at Justin Wenck, Ph.D. YouTube Channel!
Check out my best-selling book "Engineered to Love: Going Beyond Success to Fulfillment" also available on Audiobook on all streaming platforms! Go to https://www.engineeredtolove.com/ to learn more!
Got a question or comment about the show? E-mail me at podcast@justinwenck.com.
Remember to subscribe so you don't miss the next episode! Connect with me:
JustinWenck.com
Facebook
Instagram
LinkedIn
YouTube
Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended, music and pics belong to the rightful owners.
=====================================================
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Justin Wenck (00:07):
Hi, I'm Justin Wenck, PhD, and you're listening
to the engineering emotions andenergy podcast. Are you ready to
bust burnout, pursue yourpassion have more time, money,
energy, and relationships youactually love, including the
relationship with yourself. Ifso, then this podcast is for
you. I'm a best selling author,coach, consultant, speaker, and
(00:30):
a leader in transformingpeople's lives from living in
fear, obligation and guilt, toliving a life of joy, ease and
love. What's most important isthat I can teach you all this in
a way that's enjoyable, easy,fast, and can actually last,
let's begin.
All right, hi there, could youleave behind what you most
cherish in life, even if itmeant you could get whatever you
(00:53):
want? In return? Today, I'mgoing to be talking about how
what you have is the enemy ofwhat you want. So what do I mean
by that? Well, I'm coming to youwith this episode, from the base
of the Chirripo, mountain range,or mountain peak, which is the
(01:14):
highest peak in all of CostaRica, and believe it's something
like 3000 meters, which it'sreally, really tall, it's the
tallest peak in Costa Rica, didhave a chance to start to hike
up, the start of the trail, madeit only from about an elevation
of 5000 feet to 7000 feet. Andthat was over four kilometers.
And it took two and a half hoursto get up. And then about
(01:38):
another two and a half hours toget down, it'd be about an eight
mile hike altogether. And beinghere, I'm getting a chance to
stay with a friend who liveshere with her husband, have a
great, great place, you know, sothey're effectively moved here.
And I've met a number of peoplewho have moved here over the
years. And they've had to giveup something you know, they were
(01:58):
most of these people were bornin the US and used to how things
work. And in America, and manyother parts of Western culture,
such as being able to put yourtoilet paper in the toilet and
flush it down and Amazon Primeto day delivery, all these sorts
of conveniences yet. What do youget here, like what, if you're
watching the video behind me,there's just washes
(02:21):
gorgeousness, and it's a littlecloudy, but up behind me,
there's the peaks of Chirripo,which is really, really gorgeous
and amazing. And then there's ariver going behind me, I believe
it's called the Chipo river, orRio, Spanish. So there's all of
this beautiful connection withnature and ability to live a
much more peaceful lifestyle,yet there's a price to be paid.
(02:46):
Pretty much whatever there isthat we want out of life, we're
going to have to pay a price.
And so the question is, wouldyou be willing to pay that
price, and the price is notnecessarily what you think that
price is, a lot of us think theprice is like, you know, I said
some of these creature comforts,that conveniences, the knowing
that whatever you order onlineis going to be there, that you
are going to be able to connecteasily with the people that
(03:09):
you've known and love for yearsand years super easily. Yet, I'm
gonna tell you that those aren'treally the things that you're
gonna most miss. It's actuallymore powerful and more subtle.
That keeps us from getting whatwe truly want. And this is one
of the things that once yourealize what it is that truly,
truly is keeping you stuck. Andwhen I explained to you that
(03:34):
what this is, you don't evenactually have that. You're gonna
realize like, why am I not doingwhat I want? Why am I why am I
sticking with what I have? If Idon't even really have what I
think I have. So you might begoing, Justin, what is this
thing? If it's not the people?
It's not, you know, aspects ofmy health? If it's not, you
(03:56):
know, my house or my things ormy belongings or my status? What
is it? What is it that keeps me?
What's the enemy of what I want?
What's keeping me where I amright now, not to say that where
you are right now, there'sanything wrong with it. In fact,
if everything is great, rightnow, then you have no enemies.
Except for this one thing couldbecome an enemy. If you all of a
(04:17):
sudden, the ideal life that youmay be living, you might for
some reason no longer live. Andthis idea, this concept that is
the biggest enemy that I havefound and really getting what
you want. It's so simple thatlike many things in life.
They're simple, yet. They'reimmensely challenging to work
with, which in some ways is alsoa great opportunity to learn to
(04:40):
grow to be better. And what thisthing is, it's certainty.
Certainty is what has to bereleased in order to get what
you want. That's the biggest,biggest enemy to getting what
you want. Because whatever youhave right now, you're certain
you're gonna wake up tomorrowand get it again. Like that's
the thing It's great aboutliving on Earth is the certainty
(05:03):
that, well, the sun came upyesterday and the sun is going
to come up again tomorrow. Andit's highly likely that in our
entire lifetimes, that that willbe true. Yet at some point,
there will be a day that the sunwill not come up for this earth.
We all know that. We all knowthat there's that in other
planets and other solar systems,that suns die, then suns become
(05:25):
born, planets die, all thesethings. And even we ourselves
are at some point, going to die.
That is a certainty. So even allof those things that you have
the people, the thing is thestatus, that's eventually going
away at one point, whether youyou want to or not, the question
is, how will you have lived? Andhow will you let that go.
Because that certainty is anillusion. At any time, you can
(05:50):
completely lose anything thatyou have, due to illness,
tragedy, natural disaster,there's countless things that
can happen that are completelyout of your control, you control
in your external world. Exactly0.0%, what you do control is how
you choose to respond to thatyour relationship to everything,
(06:14):
that is what is under yourcontrol. And really your
experience, is what you trulyhave. Because again, if all that
stuff can be taken away from youDo you truly own that what you
own is the experience thatyou've had and the journey to
have those relationships, havethose belongings have those, you
(06:35):
know, certifications, or thatpride or whatever it whatever it
is that you've accomplishedthroughout your life, you will
always have the experience ofhaving gotten to get what you
got, yet, there is no ownershipof that. Really, life is just
one giant lending library, whereat some point, we're going to be
returning everything to thegreat library of all existence
(06:57):
at one point or another. So thequestion is, what is it that you
want to be checking out whileyou have this opportunity to
check out whatever you wouldlike from that library? The one
caveat is that you can't keepchecked out what you currently
have. I remember growing up itwas we still didn't have
internet everywhere, we actuallyhad to go to something called
(07:20):
the library and check out books.
And there's usually a limit tohow much you could check out.
Like, you know, I believe sixbooks was one of the schools
though, right? So it's like, youknow, check out six books. And,
okay, I need a seven book, Ihave to figure out which one I
want to turn back in. And lifeis a lot like that, where it's
you know, you've, you've got asignificant other, you've got
(07:42):
some friends and you've got somecertain amount of money. And at
some point, you're like, I wantsomething else. So you're gonna
have to pick something to turnback in. Now, a book is a book,
just like something in life issomething in life. And it
doesn't necessarily have to be aone for a one, you know, if I
turn in a 10 page book, I don'thave to get out another 10 page
book, I can turn into a 10 pagebook and get 1000 1000 Page
(08:04):
giant compendium of hundreds ofstories such as life. So just
because you're giving somethingin doesn't mean you're not going
to get more in return. And youmight be wondering, Well,
Justin, isn't there a chancethat I get something, it gets
something worse, something thatI don't want. And from my
experience, because I've turnedin a lot, I've lost a lot in
life, let go of a lot of thethings that I've had, through
(08:26):
deaths of family members, mymother grandmother, loss of
relationships, you know,marriage, girlfriends, loss of
friends, letting go ofidentities related to what I do,
and thoughts of who I am, andwhat really matters. I've let go
of all of these things. And inmy experience, we already know
what the worst area of thislending library of life is. And
(08:50):
we intuitively know there's noneed to go to that section.
There's no need to do thatagain. Yet when it comes to the,
hey, let's do something better.
That takes some will a littlebit of intentionality. Because
you we've currently been hangingout in the area of what I know
and what I've had. And you mightbe saying, Justin, worst things
have happened me into my lifewhen this thing happened. Yeah,
(09:13):
it's I'm sure if you and I satdown one on one, we could get to
some things where whatever theworst thing happens in your
recent history, there's probablysomething that happened that was
very, very similar to that inone way or the other that sets
you up that that really was nota new experience. That was just
another cycle of a currentexperience that you had had. And
when we say okay, I've hadenough of this, I'd like
(09:36):
something better and turn thatin, we get a chance. We don't
necessarily know exactly whatwe're going to get. This is
again, the loss of certainty.
There is no certainty in whatyou're going to get how you're
going to get it when you'regonna get it. You got it
presents the opportunity. Andthat's exactly what a lot of
people who you know, leavecountries, do they lose the
(09:57):
certainty of knowing whatthey've known for their life.
For the opportunity forsomething different, something
better, there's always a chancethat, you know, because there's
the same wherever you go, thereyou are, you can always recreate
what you had, you can always,you know, check one book in and
check another, it's almost theexact same out. So you know, you
had a Stephen King horror novelthat you've been living checked
(10:19):
out of your library of life, youcan totally check that back in
and just get another StephenKing horror novel where it's
basically the same thing, thenames are changed, maybe it
takes place in another NewEngland type area, yet, it's
going to be the same thing. Soit really does take that we
check it in to say, I'm readyfor something different,
something new, and I'm lookingfor a comedy, or I'm looking for
(10:43):
a romance, or I'm looking foradventure. And when we have that
intention, then we'd have theopportunity, the possibility of
getting what you want. It'sgonna take getting used to
allowing yourself to not havewhat it is you currently have.
And really, you don't even havewhat you have you just have the
(11:04):
illusion of what you have. So bereally curious, what is it that
you have that you're not willingto let go of? And what would it
be worth getting in return tolet go of what you have? Because
again, you might as well enjoyeverything that there is all
that is to offer all thepossibility because it really is
infinite. And you don't have toworry about things getting
(11:26):
worse. You've been there donethat you intuitively know how to
avoid that. Just allowingyourself to now have the fun,
the joy, the excitement, oftrying something new and better
out. So what is new, what'sbetter? What is it that you
truly would light you up? Werelike, oh, yeah, I can embrace
the uncertainty. And I can getthis let me know, send me an
(11:47):
email at podcast, Justinwenck.com. Or, let me know on
social media, you know,comments, if you're checking out
a post with this, or send me adirect message. It's that Justin
Wenck, PhD across all of themnow. Well, not all of them. I'm
not on threads. Not at thistime. Not yet. We'll see maybe,
but tick tock, Instagram,Facebook, also YouTube, check me
(12:10):
out on YouTube. So we'd love foryou to let your friends know
about this. If you're enjoyingit. If you're not enjoying it
again, send me a messagedirectly. Let me know what you'd
prefer. Otherwise, yeah, thanksfor being a listener. Thanks for
supporting the show. And if youget a chance, if you haven't
already, subscribe rate at fivestars. And I'm going to be
(12:31):
continuing my journey throughCentral America. So in a couple
of days, I'm going to be leavingCosta Rica and going to
Guatemala. So we're going to bein Guatemala for a couple two
weeks about have been Guatemala,where I'm going absolutely
beautiful. So more reasons tokeep following me on social
media, and checking out thesepodcasts that I'm doing, because
(12:55):
you're gonna just love to feeland see what I'm at. And I'm
going to be sharing other greatlearnings, things like that. And
if you haven't seen it already,I encourage you to check it out.
Because where I'm going, it'sjust phenomenal. It's beautiful.
And I thank you for being partof the journey. And I'm happy to
be adventuring with you. Sountil next time, good day.
Hi, I'm Justin Wenck, PhD, and you're listening
to the engineering emotions andenergy podcast. Are you ready to
bust burnout, pursue yourpassion have more time, money,
energy, and relationships youactually love, including the
relationship with yourself. Ifso, then this podcast is for
you. I'm a best selling author,coach, consultant, speaker, and
(00:30):
a leader in transformingpeople's lives from living in
fear, obligation and guilt, toliving a life of joy, ease and
love. What's most important isthat I can teach you all this in
a way that's enjoyable, easy,fast, and can actually last,
let's begin.
All right, hi there, could youleave behind what you most
cherish in life, even if itmeant you could get whatever you
(00:53):
want? In return? Today, I'mgoing to be talking about how
what you have is the enemy ofwhat you want. So what do I mean
by that? Well, I'm coming to youwith this episode, from the base
of the Chirripo, mountain range,or mountain peak, which is the
(01:14):
highest peak in all of CostaRica, and believe it's something
like 3000 meters, which it'sreally, really tall, it's the
tallest peak in Costa Rica, didhave a chance to start to hike
up, the start of the trail, madeit only from about an elevation
of 5000 feet to 7000 feet. Andthat was over four kilometers.
And it took two and a half hoursto get up. And then about
(01:38):
another two and a half hours toget down, it'd be about an eight
mile hike altogether. And beinghere, I'm getting a chance to
stay with a friend who liveshere with her husband, have a
great, great place, you know, sothey're effectively moved here.
And I've met a number of peoplewho have moved here over the
years. And they've had to giveup something you know, they were
(01:58):
most of these people were bornin the US and used to how things
work. And in America, and manyother parts of Western culture,
such as being able to put yourtoilet paper in the toilet and
flush it down and Amazon Primeto day delivery, all these sorts
of conveniences yet. What do youget here, like what, if you're
watching the video behind me,there's just washes
(02:21):
gorgeousness, and it's a littlecloudy, but up behind me,
there's the peaks of Chirripo,which is really, really gorgeous
and amazing. And then there's ariver going behind me, I believe
it's called the Chipo river, orRio, Spanish. So there's all of
this beautiful connection withnature and ability to live a
much more peaceful lifestyle,yet there's a price to be paid.
(02:46):
Pretty much whatever there isthat we want out of life, we're
going to have to pay a price.
And so the question is, wouldyou be willing to pay that
price, and the price is notnecessarily what you think that
price is, a lot of us think theprice is like, you know, I said
some of these creature comforts,that conveniences, the knowing
that whatever you order onlineis going to be there, that you
are going to be able to connecteasily with the people that
(03:09):
you've known and love for yearsand years super easily. Yet, I'm
gonna tell you that those aren'treally the things that you're
gonna most miss. It's actuallymore powerful and more subtle.
That keeps us from getting whatwe truly want. And this is one
of the things that once yourealize what it is that truly,
truly is keeping you stuck. Andwhen I explained to you that
(03:34):
what this is, you don't evenactually have that. You're gonna
realize like, why am I not doingwhat I want? Why am I why am I
sticking with what I have? If Idon't even really have what I
think I have. So you might begoing, Justin, what is this
thing? If it's not the people?
It's not, you know, aspects ofmy health? If it's not, you
(03:56):
know, my house or my things ormy belongings or my status? What
is it? What is it that keeps me?
What's the enemy of what I want?
What's keeping me where I amright now, not to say that where
you are right now, there'sanything wrong with it. In fact,
if everything is great, rightnow, then you have no enemies.
Except for this one thing couldbecome an enemy. If you all of a
(04:17):
sudden, the ideal life that youmay be living, you might for
some reason no longer live. Andthis idea, this concept that is
the biggest enemy that I havefound and really getting what
you want. It's so simple thatlike many things in life.
They're simple, yet. They'reimmensely challenging to work
with, which in some ways is alsoa great opportunity to learn to
(04:40):
grow to be better. And what thisthing is, it's certainty.
Certainty is what has to bereleased in order to get what
you want. That's the biggest,biggest enemy to getting what
you want. Because whatever youhave right now, you're certain
you're gonna wake up tomorrowand get it again. Like that's
the thing It's great aboutliving on Earth is the certainty
(05:03):
that, well, the sun came upyesterday and the sun is going
to come up again tomorrow. Andit's highly likely that in our
entire lifetimes, that that willbe true. Yet at some point,
there will be a day that the sunwill not come up for this earth.
We all know that. We all knowthat there's that in other
planets and other solar systems,that suns die, then suns become
(05:25):
born, planets die, all thesethings. And even we ourselves
are at some point, going to die.
That is a certainty. So even allof those things that you have
the people, the thing is thestatus, that's eventually going
away at one point, whether youyou want to or not, the question
is, how will you have lived? Andhow will you let that go.
Because that certainty is anillusion. At any time, you can
(05:50):
completely lose anything thatyou have, due to illness,
tragedy, natural disaster,there's countless things that
can happen that are completelyout of your control, you control
in your external world. Exactly0.0%, what you do control is how
you choose to respond to thatyour relationship to everything,
(06:14):
that is what is under yourcontrol. And really your
experience, is what you trulyhave. Because again, if all that
stuff can be taken away from youDo you truly own that what you
own is the experience thatyou've had and the journey to
have those relationships, havethose belongings have those, you
(06:35):
know, certifications, or thatpride or whatever it whatever it
is that you've accomplishedthroughout your life, you will
always have the experience ofhaving gotten to get what you
got, yet, there is no ownershipof that. Really, life is just
one giant lending library, whereat some point, we're going to be
returning everything to thegreat library of all existence
(06:57):
at one point or another. So thequestion is, what is it that you
want to be checking out whileyou have this opportunity to
check out whatever you wouldlike from that library? The one
caveat is that you can't keepchecked out what you currently
have. I remember growing up itwas we still didn't have
internet everywhere, we actuallyhad to go to something called
(07:20):
the library and check out books.
And there's usually a limit tohow much you could check out.
Like, you know, I believe sixbooks was one of the schools
though, right? So it's like, youknow, check out six books. And,
okay, I need a seven book, Ihave to figure out which one I
want to turn back in. And lifeis a lot like that, where it's
you know, you've, you've got asignificant other, you've got
(07:42):
some friends and you've got somecertain amount of money. And at
some point, you're like, I wantsomething else. So you're gonna
have to pick something to turnback in. Now, a book is a book,
just like something in life issomething in life. And it
doesn't necessarily have to be aone for a one, you know, if I
turn in a 10 page book, I don'thave to get out another 10 page
book, I can turn into a 10 pagebook and get 1000 1000 Page
(08:04):
giant compendium of hundreds ofstories such as life. So just
because you're giving somethingin doesn't mean you're not going
to get more in return. And youmight be wondering, Well,
Justin, isn't there a chancethat I get something, it gets
something worse, something thatI don't want. And from my
experience, because I've turnedin a lot, I've lost a lot in
life, let go of a lot of thethings that I've had, through
(08:26):
deaths of family members, mymother grandmother, loss of
relationships, you know,marriage, girlfriends, loss of
friends, letting go ofidentities related to what I do,
and thoughts of who I am, andwhat really matters. I've let go
of all of these things. And inmy experience, we already know
what the worst area of thislending library of life is. And
(08:50):
we intuitively know there's noneed to go to that section.
There's no need to do thatagain. Yet when it comes to the,
hey, let's do something better.
That takes some will a littlebit of intentionality. Because
you we've currently been hangingout in the area of what I know
and what I've had. And you mightbe saying, Justin, worst things
have happened me into my lifewhen this thing happened. Yeah,
(09:13):
it's I'm sure if you and I satdown one on one, we could get to
some things where whatever theworst thing happens in your
recent history, there's probablysomething that happened that was
very, very similar to that inone way or the other that sets
you up that that really was nota new experience. That was just
another cycle of a currentexperience that you had had. And
when we say okay, I've hadenough of this, I'd like
(09:36):
something better and turn thatin, we get a chance. We don't
necessarily know exactly whatwe're going to get. This is
again, the loss of certainty.
There is no certainty in whatyou're going to get how you're
going to get it when you'regonna get it. You got it
presents the opportunity. Andthat's exactly what a lot of
people who you know, leavecountries, do they lose the
(09:57):
certainty of knowing whatthey've known for their life.
For the opportunity forsomething different, something
better, there's always a chancethat, you know, because there's
the same wherever you go, thereyou are, you can always recreate
what you had, you can always,you know, check one book in and
check another, it's almost theexact same out. So you know, you
had a Stephen King horror novelthat you've been living checked
(10:19):
out of your library of life, youcan totally check that back in
and just get another StephenKing horror novel where it's
basically the same thing, thenames are changed, maybe it
takes place in another NewEngland type area, yet, it's
going to be the same thing. Soit really does take that we
check it in to say, I'm readyfor something different,
something new, and I'm lookingfor a comedy, or I'm looking for
(10:43):
a romance, or I'm looking foradventure. And when we have that
intention, then we'd have theopportunity, the possibility of
getting what you want. It'sgonna take getting used to
allowing yourself to not havewhat it is you currently have.
And really, you don't even havewhat you have you just have the
(11:04):
illusion of what you have. So bereally curious, what is it that
you have that you're not willingto let go of? And what would it
be worth getting in return tolet go of what you have? Because
again, you might as well enjoyeverything that there is all
that is to offer all thepossibility because it really is
infinite. And you don't have toworry about things getting
(11:26):
worse. You've been there donethat you intuitively know how to
avoid that. Just allowingyourself to now have the fun,
the joy, the excitement, oftrying something new and better
out. So what is new, what'sbetter? What is it that you
truly would light you up? Werelike, oh, yeah, I can embrace
the uncertainty. And I can getthis let me know, send me an
(11:47):
email at podcast, Justinwenck.com. Or, let me know on
social media, you know,comments, if you're checking out
a post with this, or send me adirect message. It's that Justin
Wenck, PhD across all of themnow. Well, not all of them. I'm
not on threads. Not at thistime. Not yet. We'll see maybe,
but tick tock, Instagram,Facebook, also YouTube, check me
(12:10):
out on YouTube. So we'd love foryou to let your friends know
about this. If you're enjoyingit. If you're not enjoying it
again, send me a messagedirectly. Let me know what you'd
prefer. Otherwise, yeah, thanksfor being a listener. Thanks for
supporting the show. And if youget a chance, if you haven't
already, subscribe rate at fivestars. And I'm going to be
(12:31):
continuing my journey throughCentral America. So in a couple
of days, I'm going to be leavingCosta Rica and going to
Guatemala. So we're going to bein Guatemala for a couple two
weeks about have been Guatemala,where I'm going absolutely
beautiful. So more reasons tokeep following me on social
media, and checking out thesepodcasts that I'm doing, because
(12:55):
you're gonna just love to feeland see what I'm at. And I'm
going to be sharing other greatlearnings, things like that. And
if you haven't seen it already,I encourage you to check it out.
Because where I'm going, it'sjust phenomenal. It's beautiful.
And I thank you for being partof the journey. And I'm happy to
be adventuring with you. Sountil next time, good day.
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Therapy Gecko
An unlicensed lizard psychologist travels the universe talking to strangers about absolutely nothing. TO CALL THE GECKO: follow me on https://www.twitch.tv/lyleforever to get a notification for when I am taking calls. I am usually live Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays but lately a lot of other times too. I am a gecko.