November 7, 2025 • 52 mins
If your child is struggling with anxiety, depression, or hopelessness, you’re not alone—and there is hope. In this deeply compassionate episode of Faith Fueled Living, host Kristin Fitch sits down with Jenn Robb, nurse practitioner and author of Warrior Mom Rising, to talk openly about the growing mental health crisis among children and teens—and how faith, awareness, and community can make a difference.
Together, Kristin and Jenn discuss practical ways parents can identify warning signs, advocate for their kids, and create emotionally safe spaces for them to share openly. They also talk about the spiritual and emotional toll caregiving can take on mothers—and why prioritizing your own mental and spiritual well-being is not selfish, but essential.
Whether you’re in the midst of a hard season with your child or simply want to be better prepared, this conversation offers empathy, encouragement, and practical tools to help your family find hope, healing, and strength through faith.
Key Takeaways
- You’re not alone. The youth mental health crisis is real—but community, prayer, and openness can bring light to dark places.
- Pay attention to small shifts. Subtle changes in mood or behavior can be early signs that your child needs support.
- Faith and mental health go hand in hand. Trusting God doesn’t mean ignoring medical or emotional care—it means inviting Him into it.
- Moms need care too. Your well-being directly affects your family; prioritizing rest, faith, and self-care is vital.
- Open conversations save lives. Talking honestly about emotions removes shame and strengthens family bonds.
Connect with Jenn Robb at warriormomcoach.net
Rewire Your Mind: From Negativity to Joy - https://kristinfitch.com/mindset/
Download My Free Joyful Living Devotional: https://kristinfitch.com/devotional
Ready to take your first step towards a more joyful, faith-filled life? Download our Reignite Your Passion Workbook and start living with purpose today!
Ready to work with Kristin to make a shift in your life? Click here to get started.
Christian parenting podcast • children’s mental health • faith and mental health • supporting kids with anxiety • depression in teens • mental health awareness for moms • parenting through mental health crisis • faith-based encouragement for moms • mom burnout recovery • anxiety and faith • hope for struggling parents • Christian family podcast • mental wellness for families • raising resilient kids • practical parenting advice • faith over fear parenting • mom encouragement podcast • overcoming anxiety in kids • community for Christian moms • warrior mom rising
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Today's podcast episode, Ihope, will bring you hope and encouragement,
but it's an honest and a realconversation about navigating our
own children's mental healthstruggles as moms.
We're also going to talk aboutpractical tips and advice for families
going through similar things.
And we're going to talk abouthow do we help minimize our burnout
and actually thrive in mind,body, spirit as moms by making sure
(00:23):
we're getting the things weneed as well.
And I just want to say thatthis conversation is so needed and
it's so important because ouryoung adults and our children are
struggling with so many mentalhealth challenges.
They're struggling withfeeling hopeless or lonely.
They're struggling with depression.
They're struggling withanxiety and worry.
(00:43):
And the number of suicidesthat is attempted by young people
and actually that is committedis astronomical.
The numbers have gone up.
It is a serious mental health crisis.
And I hope this conversationwill just let you know that you're
not alone.
And it provides some practicaltips and ideas for how do we walk
(01:04):
through, how do we navigatethese things, how do we get help
for our loved one, and how canwe be supportive and be there for
them so that they know they'reloved and supported?
Welcome to Faith FueledLiving, the podcast that equips you
to live well spiritually,emotionally, physically, and purposefully.
Each week, we'll diveconversations and biblical truths
to help you strengthen yourfaith, pursue meaningful work, hear
(01:27):
for your whole self, and livein line with what matters most.
Hi.
Today on the podcast, I wouldlike to welcome our guest, Jen.
Sorry, Jen Rob.
She's a nurse practitionerwith over 20 years of experience
and a newly certifiedfunctional medicine practitioner.
But her heart work isempowering moms.
Through her book, Warrior MomRising, she offers coaching and wellness
(01:48):
information to moms.
She helps moms advocate fortheir children, overcome burnout,
and thrive in mind, body and spirit.
Her focus is on blendingfaith, medicine, and practical tools
so moms can rise strong, findpurpose in their pain, and step boldly
into what God created them to be.
And I'm just really happy tohave this conversation today because
besides all of Jen's careerexperience right in the health and
(02:12):
wellness space, she's a mom.
And, you know, while I haven'tbeen in that space, I'm passionate
about health and wellness andI have, you know, kids of my own.
We have both walked throughour own journeys on navigating our
children, struggling withmental health or anxiety and things
like that.
And sadly, I know so many ofyou probably can relate to this because
(02:32):
the statistics are not greatwith what our young adults and our
kids are going through.
So I'm excited she's going tobring us some perspective, some practical
tips and hope and someencouragement for us if we're walking
through some of these thingsin our own homes.
So.
So, Jen, welcome to the show.
Thanks, Kristen.
I'm glad to be here.
Thank you.
Yeah.
So I'd love it if you couldjust share a little bit more with
(02:54):
us about what is life like,what you guys have walked through.
Yeah.
So our journey really startedwhen our daughter was 12 and really
went on for about three orfour years.
Started with the subtle signsof anxiety, depression, ultimately
leading into self harm.
And then.
(03:14):
But the biggest, like, pivotalmoment really came on April 4th of
23 when she was here.
My two boys had found herunresponsive, laying in a pool of
vomit, face down in a pillow.
And of course they called 911not knowing what had happened.
And it wasn't until we got herto the ER that and they started doing
(03:36):
their lab testing that wefound out that her alcohol level
was four times the lethal limit.
So she had broken into aliquor cabinet that day that had
two locks on it because shewanted to quiet the noise in her
head.
It was kind of through all ofthis that we, that we found out she
finally told us that she hadbeen sexually assaulted by another
student years before.
(03:59):
So that was really the burdenthat she was carrying in trying to
get her the help that sheneeded so that she could heal and,
you know, find better copingmechanisms, better different ways
to deal with the anxiety andthe stress that she was feeling.
Yeah, yeah.
(04:19):
I mean, you know, as I justmentioned, we.
I have three sons.
Two are in college.
One's just starting, one'sabout to finish, and the other one
is just past that age.
And so they're all still athome, you know, still in.
In that job before, a career job.
And then like I said, theother two in college.
And you know, unfortunatelywhen my first son was away at college,
(04:40):
it was right when Covid was happening.
So it was a strange time.
You know, it was kind of likeactually a couple weeks after he
went to school, they basicallysaid everyone has to leave unless
you get permission to staybecause we're afraid there's too
many numbers.
We don't have enough beds.
So anyways, this is like thestart of his college, but basically
a year and a half after thattime, he called us one day and said,
(05:04):
I need to come home.
Like, I can't stay here anymore.
And what unfolded wasbasically that he was struggling
with severe depression,suicidal thoughts, and, you know,
just same wasn't coping, youknow, even though he had friends
there, it was.
He just wasn't processing things.
Things weren't going well.
So that was sort of what wethen walked through, you know, and
(05:25):
so we went, like probably manythings you went through.
We went to see specialists andwe went, you know, took him to therapy
or counseling.
So all these things, which Iknow we'll talk about more on the
show, but I only say that tosay that, you know, I had.
I had not had this experience prior.
Right.
I wasn't prepared for it.
I don't think any of us are.
But walking through it, youknow, I think I learned many lessons.
(05:46):
You did, which is I had toreally give up a lot to God because
at the beginning, one, I feellike God prompted me to call him
prior to him coming home andknowing something was wrong and having
some conversations with him.
But then also when he camehome, he allowed me, because he was
so low, to come to him withthat, you know, because he was over
18 at that point, to come withhim to these appointments at the
(06:07):
beginning, you know, in thedoctor's appointments and things,
testing.
And my point though is, is Ihad to at some point realize that
me being afraid and me livingin, like, worry and anxiety wasn't
ever going to help him.
And it was just causing suchturmoil in myself.
And so I. I know we'll diginto that some more, but, yeah, so
(06:30):
I.
So I've walked through thatand I'm, you know, still walking
through it a little bit.
Right.
Because I feel like once yourchild's there, I. I wouldn't say
it's been full healing, butit's definitely come a long way since
that time.
It's definitely a process andit's a journey.
I mean, and, you know, I don'tknow that I'll ever not worry about
her.
Right.
Because of where we know whatwe've been through.
(06:52):
And some of that is just like,how it affects us as a mom.
Right.
Like, I mean, I feel certainthat I probably have some PTSD from,
you know, watching her andseeing her at rock bottom.
And that's a scary place to beas a mom.
Right.
Because it's not.
You don't want your kids tohurt, and it's like a gut punch when
(07:13):
they are hurting and it's sosevere that they don't want to be
alive anymore.
And so I don't know that we'llever not worry about Them.
And I can certainly say that,you know, I mean, she's still at
home.
She's 17 now, and she's thriving.
Yeah.
But it is still very much aconstant worry, you know, what will
(07:33):
happen.
And I'm way more cautiousabout her and the people that she
allows in her life.
You know, I'm a little moremama bearish when it comes to that.
And I.
But I, you know, I feel like I don't.
I don't have a choice.
Like, I have to be right.
Like, I mean, that's my job toprotect her.
Absolutely.
(07:53):
One of the things I know youtalk about is that sometimes it's
obvious when our kids arestruggling, but sometimes it's not
obvious if we've never walkedthrough something like this.
And so what could you justshare with us?
Because this could be reallyimportant information for some parents
that maybe something seems alittle different or off, but they're
not really leaning into it yet.
(08:14):
Yeah.
I mean, and that's the biggestthing, right, is we have two.
We have two sons before her,and, you know, they had never experienced
anything like this.
But you really kind of, youknow, there are subtle changes.
Right.
I mean, like, you know, whatyour kids do, and some of this is
just making sure that you'represent enough to.
To notice the subtle changes.
(08:35):
Right.
Like, for Chloe, it wasn't instantaneous.
I mean, a little bit it wasanxiety, but it was, you know, slipping
grades where she'd always beenlike an A student.
Now we're making Cs.
A lot of it was isolationwhere she didn't want to be around
the family, you know, fordinner or for game time or whatever.
She would rather sit in herroom in the pitch dark, you know,
(08:57):
when it's, you know, sunshiny outside.
She just wants complete isolation.
And I think it's oftentimeswhen you're dealing with teens, we
often mistake their behavioras teen behavior.
Right.
A lot of it, you have to relyon your mama's intuition.
Because typically, thatintuition or that instinct, it's.
(09:20):
Right.
Right.
And you can call it whateveryou want, intuition, the holy spirit,
whatever you want to say itis, but we need to lean into that
voice and noticing thosechanges that are so completely out
of the ordinary and that go onfor long periods of time.
Right.
Like, for Chloe, she wasn't sleeping.
She's, you know, or she wantsto sleep all day, but she wants to
(09:45):
stay up all night.
Right.
Like, in all of these things,complete isolation, I think, is the
biggest key.
And you've just got to Kind ofpay attention and hone into that.
The other thing is, I'll say,is that sometimes you can't approach
them and be just like, well,tell me what's wrong.
Tell me what's wrong right now.
Like, I can tell something's wrong.
But what I learned is with heris, like, if I approach her that
(10:05):
way, she's going to be like, nothing.
Like, why are you trying totalk to me right now?
Right.
And what she needs necessarilyin that instant wasn't me hounding
her to tell me what's wrongwas to know that she's loved and
she's supported.
Right.
Even though, you know, Ijokingly say, like, we were the family
(10:26):
with the white picket fence,because that's kind of how we were
like the all American family.
Yeah.
So she knew, like, she wasloved, but, like, sometimes when
they're really struggling,they don't want to talk about it.
Right then.
That's right.
And sometimes it's not thatthey don't even want to talk about
it.
It's just that they don't knowhow to talk about it.
Right.
And when you look at, like, ateen's development, there's hormones
(10:46):
and there's, you know, theirbrains changing, their brain's not
developed, and they don'treally know how or what to say.
Right.
And some of it could be fear.
Like, they don't want to hurtyou if they tell you the truth.
That's right.
There's just a lot ofdifferent aspects to it.
And so you have to kind ofapproach it from a much softer approach.
(11:09):
Right.
Then just going in there, tellme what's wrong.
Because the likelihood thatthey're going to tell you is probably
slim to none.
Yeah.
And so I being that I onlyhave boys, and I get it, girls and
boys are not all the same asother girls and boys, but generally
speaking, with my three boys, they.
They do want to keep thingscloser to the, you know, the vest,
(11:29):
if you will, or their chest.
And so it wasn't until, like,my one son was really having a hard
time that he was willing to share.
Right.
Before that, like you said, Idon't think he knew what even.
What would he say or that hefelt, you know, felt different ways
about it.
But I will tell you thatyou're right about the intuition
or, like you said, whateveryou want to call it.
But it was a couple weeksbefore my son came home from college
(11:51):
when he called us and said, Iwant to come home.
And we said, absolutely, weneed to come get you.
But anyways, So a couple weeksbefore that, my husband had talked
to my son that morning in college.
And so I hadn't even talked tohim, but I just.
Something had just come overme that I should call him that afternoon.
And I tried to stop being,like, overly involved mom, right,
With a boy at college.
My husband was kind of moretaking on that role.
(12:13):
So I was trying to not be asthe one checking in all the time
as much.
So I called him thatafternoon, and I just started saying
things to him that just cameto me, right?
They were on my heart.
And I said.
And I didn't even.
I did not know at this pointhe was struggling.
I just had that feeling comeover me that something was not right.
And I just said, you know, howare you doing?
(12:33):
And, you know, of course he'slike, I'm okay, you know, but basically
I explained to him, becausehe's in college and he had had a
bad semester of grades, but hehad pulled him up.
And I think he was strugglingin a class again, even though he
was doing better in school.
And so I just said, you know, we.
We only care about your healthand your happiness, you know, And
I was like, we can always makemore money.
We.
(12:53):
And I was so.
All these words, I just.
Like, I felt I needed to tell him.
I didn't know why, but inhindsight, those things, like, me
feeling like, does he know this?
Because I realized when he wasin college, I did what we did what
most parents do, which is,hey, you know, if you're going to
be in college, you need to getgood grades, you need to do well,
because it is not inexpensiveto go move and live at college, Right?
(13:16):
And we were footing most ofthe bill.
And so I realized that a lotof the message he might have been
hearing, of course we wouldtell him we love him and things like
that, but that he might havebeen hearing, like, your grades matter.
Did they matter more thananything else?
No.
Did, in other words.
And I realized maybe I neededto reinforce a different message.
Sally, share that.
To say, like you were saying,go with your intuition.
(13:36):
But if you feel like there'ssomething that you just feel called
or pulled to say, you know,say it.
And sometimes you don't knowwhat to say.
And like you said, it's.
It's more of a learning what.
What's going on and how do weget help?
You know, what people wouldtell me?
And you probably see this bothas a practitioner and a mom having
walked through this, if yourkids are willing to come to you and
(13:59):
tell you something or theywant to see someone, it's because
they felt safe enough ortrusted enough to tell you.
Because I know that I was veryfortunate that my son, having been
away, didn't actually everthank God to this point, try to do
anything.
Right.
He thought about it, but hedidn't try it.
And you know, we can't controlwhat our kids fully do, especially
as adults.
But I do know that it'sbecause he felt safe enough, he could
(14:21):
come home, you know, and so Iknow that that was a blessing, you
know.
Well, 100%.
Right.
Like.
And you know, as all parents,I mean, you want your kids to feel
safe, but some of that is inhow we approach and how we parent
them to begin with.
Right.
You know, my husband and I arevery different.
I mean, we've been married for25 years, but he grew up very differently
(14:43):
than I did.
And, you know, I have alwaysbeen a very open book with my kids.
Right.
I mean, some of that is justmy, my training.
Right.
In.
In medicine.
And I'm like, I don't.
But I also am one that I don'tsugarcoat things.
I don't want to keep secrets.
Right.
Like, it's more about being authentic.
And if you have something thatI'm going to tell you straightforward.
(15:08):
But I think.
Right.
Whereas, you know, my husbandleans a little more like to like,
let's sugarcoat, let's, youknow, that's really not it.
Right.
And what I found is that kidsdon't need you to protect them from
things.
They are very aware of what ishappening in the surroundings and
they're a lot smarter than wegive them credit for.
Right.
(15:30):
It was easier for me to justbe kind of a straight shooter and
say I know something's wrong.
But I also knew that if I pushtoo hard that you're going to push
them the opposite direction.
Right.
And sometimes it's that theyfeel safe coming to you.
But I also think, like,especially like in my daughter's
(15:51):
case, there was an element ofthat she didn't want to tell us what
had happened because shedidn't want us to hurt.
Right.
She didn't want to cause usmore pain.
Right.
And she also knows that I'm afull on mama bear.
Right.
And so, like when I found outsomebody hurts my kid, like, the
likelihood.
Yeah.
That I'm gonna want to go fullmama bear and claws out is probably
(16:13):
high.
Yeah.
And so, you know, you have tokind of rein it in, I think, a little
bit as a mom when your kidsare Dealing with things that are
really sensitive, right?
Yeah, it's.
And how you react to themcreates that feeling of safety or
lack thereof.
(16:34):
Right, right.
And so much of like what.
How we parent is reactiveparenting, right.
Like if they break something,it's reactive.
Yeah, Right.
And I, I think when you'redealing with kids with mental health
issues, sometimes you have tochange and not be reactive.
Because if you're reactive,then it shuts them down even further.
(16:56):
Right.
So if they tell you somethingthat is hard to hear, you kind of
have to take a moment and takea deep breath and go, okay, I'm just
not gonna.
You know, it's your facialexpressions, it's your tone, it's
all of the things that feedinto a difficult situation.
And it telling them thatyou're gonna like have a freak out
(17:21):
mode.
Right.
Like we've got to like stopdoing that because it doesn't create
that safe environment.
And we also have to be okay ifthey don't want to tell us the whole.
Tell us everything.
That's right.
You know, like many thingsthat she told the counselor, like
to the in depth of whathappened, but that was part of her
(17:41):
healing journey and that Istill don't know.
And that's okay, right.
Like it's okay for me not toknow that because they're also developing
a rapport with a therapist.
Right.
And they're creating that safety.
So unless there was like realharm to her, I don't have to know
all that detail.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, no, it's such good,good things you're sharing because
(18:04):
you're right.
I remember going with my son,you know, to go kind of assess what
was going on with him, youknow, so we went to the regular doctor,
then we went to a specialistor two.
Multiple things and hours ofdifferent stuff.
And so in the car ride andstuff, you know, once again, I wouldn't
force or push him to tell me anything.
You know, I might ask aquestion or two and if he told me
(18:24):
anything, same, I would justtry to be very, you know, calm.
Matter of fact, nothing would,you know, even if he was going to
tell me like that he washaving thoughts or if I was meeting,
it was not.
I just had that feeling that Ineeded to just.
Okay.
You know, just like I'm hereas a sounding board, right.
I'm not here to, like yousaid, freak out in front of him,
(18:46):
you know, or be like, oh mygosh, you know, kind of a thing.
My job was at that time to becalm and collected.
If you Will, as best I could.
Well, and they need that, right?
They need us to be a pillar ofstrength when they're really not
in.
Where they have their ownstrength to depend on, right.
And like, for us, you know,there were many, many, many times
where, you know, Chloe wouldcome out of like a hard counseling
(19:08):
session, especially once wegot her with the right therapist,
right.
And you could just tell, likeshe didn't want to talk about it.
She get in the car and youcould just immediately tell.
And all, all she needed me tosay was, is, it's okay, you're safe
and I love you.
(19:30):
Right?
Like they don't need a full ongrilling session.
Sometimes they just need youto be present.
And you know, one of the.
I still think the greatestthings that we ever did for Chloe
was to come up with a codeword, right?
Like if she was having areally hard day, full anxiety, thoughts
at the lowest point, but shedidn't want to talk about it, her
(19:53):
favorite thing on earth isthis chocolate mousse cake from Olive
Garden.
And so that was her code word.
And if she came out and shewas having a really hard day and
she said mousse cake, it was,okay, well, come sit down.
Let's just sit.
You don't have to talk about it.
And then her daddy or herboys, her brothers is what she used
to call them, her boys wouldgo get her mousse cake from Olive
(20:15):
Garden, right?
That was fine because shecould eat her chocolate mousse cake,
you know, and that was likemaking herself feel better.
But we were still present.
We weren't hounding her tolike, tell us everything.
But it was, that was like the word.
And like, if you say it like,okay, no questions asked, we're just
gonna sit here and be here andcomfort you and that's it.
(20:39):
Yeah, I love that.
Yeah.
I mean, I've heard people usefamily words or code words before
for lots of things.
Sometimes it's like if yourkids are older, right?
Let's say college age, andthey're going to be somewhere and
they want just a ride home, noquestions asked.
Like you just text a word.
So they're not like textingtheir mom or their dad in front of
their friends.
All this whole, you know.
(21:00):
But in other words, there's alot of good reasons to have a code
word.
But I love that, you know, ifyour child is someone that's walking
through anxiety or depressionor any other mental health condition,
that that's a great thing.
Like, even if they were atschool and it is Just too much for
some, you know, whatever itis, having that word, like what's
the plan if you text this word?
Right.
And so that's a, that's agreat idea because you're right.
(21:22):
If they have a plan, even itbeing a word, and they know if I
say this, they're going toknow, oh, I need to get picked up
or I need to talk to them, butI don't have to have a whole conversation
or I don't have to rehashsomething again.
So that's a great idea forpeople for sure.
What would you just say?
Okay, so, I mean, you wouldprobably know the stats better than
(21:43):
me, but I know some of thestats I saw recently is that I think
40% of high schoolers havepersistent feelings of either sadness
or hopelessness in the past year.
You know, and then obviouslythe suicide numbers have gone up
by like 60 some percent since2007, which is horrific.
I mean, we definitely havesome serious crisis on, on our hands
(22:06):
at this point.
But I guess my point is, isit's, it's kind of everywhere at
this point.
I mean, I don't think I cantalk to a person or a family that
isn't walking through theanxiety or depression or some other
mental health condition ordiagnosis or knows someone.
Sadly, that's.
(22:27):
It had at least an attempt.
And so is there any justthoughts you have on, you know, of
course you've talked aboutlike, recognizing when your child's
acting different.
And we've talked a little bitabout like walking through if our
child has sadly going on this,you know, this path where we're,
we're having to help themnavigate this.
(22:48):
But is there just any otherthings that you would share to just
encourage, you know, thefamilies, the parents, especially
moms, Because I have morefemale listeners that might be walking
through some of these samejourneys, I think.
And I mean, we had to do this,you know, for our own, for her, for
(23:10):
our daughter.
But sometimes I think asparents, we lose sight of that.
We're parents, right?
And we're not that they're,we're not trying to be their friend.
And sometimes that means wehave to make hard decisions that,
and put boundaries in placethat they may not like.
And that's okay, right?
(23:31):
Like, they, you, you have tohear that it's, it's okay for your
kid to be mad at you.
Like, it's just okay.
Yeah.
And you know, there were somethings that when Chloe's anxiety,
depression, self harm, it wasat its pinnacle.
Right.
I mean, we pulled her out ofschool, because the influences that
(23:55):
she was meeting, because shewas in a very low and dark place,
so who was she going to beattracted to?
The low and the dark ones.
Right.
And they were not good influences.
The stress and anxiety of justbeing in that building was even more
so.
So we pulled her out, we tookher phone, I changed her phone number.
(24:21):
I deleted every contact out ofthat phone except for her dad and
her brothers and my mom.
And that was it.
Like, this is who you can talk to.
Right.
Because I wanted to controlwhat was being fed into her brain.
Right?
Yes.
We also, now my boys are older.
(24:42):
I mean, one's 20 and one's 19.
So obviously they had social media.
They were allowed to get itwhen they were 17.
But we were very protective of Chloe.
You know, Chloe didn't.
And I'm not saying that shedidn't find ways to get it, even
though we felt like, myhusband's a techie nerd.
So, you know, we hadsafeguards on the phones.
But putting those boundariesin place and saying, you're not going
(25:06):
to spend all this timewatching unnecessary nonsense on
TikTok or Instagram orwhatever it may be and filling your
mind with just harmful stuff.
Right.
That was a boundary that we set.
Right.
And for her, it wasn't, youknow, we took her phone.
So then if she didn't have aphone, she couldn't sit in her room
(25:29):
and just stare and be isolated.
Right?
Nope.
You're going to come out here,and if you want to watch tv, you're
going to come sit next to me.
Right?
These are the things that wehad to do in order to keep her safe.
Right.
And here's the thing.
Our kids today, I mean, I'm a.I'm a Gen Xer, right.
So, like, I grew up withoutcell phones.
(25:49):
Okay.
I grew up playing in the dirtand playing outside till dark.
You know, all of those things.
It.
And our kids today have somany other influences that we never
had.
That's right.
So parenting, it's.
It's different.
It's a whole different game now.
Right.
But the thing is, like, youhave to.
(26:10):
You have to stay on top of it,and you have to monitor and set boundaries
to what is influencing your child.
Right.
Social media, as good as itis, there's a lot of bad out there.
Right?
Right.
Especially when you think of achild, boy or girl, who is struggling
(26:33):
with anxiety, depression, loneliness.
Right.
Isolation, all of thesethings, they are going to be naturally
drawn to the things and thepeople that make them feel and understand
how they feel in that moment, right?
(26:54):
It is not in our kids brain'sability at that age to go, oh, let
me go find some upliftingstuff so I can change my mindset.
Right?
That's not who they are, right?
And not at that age especially.
Well, I mean, you know how youfeel when you're at your lowest point,
right?
Like, I mean, even as anadult, right?
We have to go, okay, Snap outof it, right?
(27:17):
Go, go read the Bible.
Go listen to worship music,whatever it is, right?
Pour some truth and somegoodness back in your soul.
But that's not how kids think.
And as parents, we often don'twant to make them mad, right?
Or get them upset at us.
But I'll tell you what I mean,Chloe, after she turned 16, she literally
(27:39):
looked me dead in my face andsaid, thank you, mama for making
those hard decisions.
Was she mad at me at the time?
100%.
Do I regret it one day?
Absolutely not.
Because pulling her out of allthe negativity and the negative influences
and the people that, thatwanted to see her stay stuck and
(28:00):
stay in this low, lonely, darkplace, they don't have her best interests
at heart, right?
As parents, we have their bestinterests at heart.
And I, I talk about that inthe book too because I really think
that that's part of being aparent in these really hard seasons,
right?
You're learning to advocatefor your child on so many different
(28:22):
playing fields.
You're advocating for them andwho they're influenced by, the junk
that, that feeds their brains, right?
You're influencing and you'readvocating like, no, no, we're going
to adjust that.
We're going to change that.
We've got to get you out ofthis dark and lonely spot and put
you somewhere that there'slight and truth, right?
(28:44):
And you think about like mostpeople that are anxious or depressed
or something like that, right?
They.
There's a low self worth.
And obviously Chloe had noself worth from what had happened
to her, right?
Because she was sexuallyassaulted, right?
And so her, her self worth andher value, she felt like nothing.
(29:06):
And it's our job as parents topull them out of that and say, no,
no, you are worthy and you arevaluable, you are loved and you are
adored and we are not going toallow you to stay stuck in this place.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, I think that youbrought up so many good points.
I mean, one of which is eventhough my kids, like my oldest son
(29:28):
did not get a until highschool, but that's still in my book
at this Point after beeneverything I've been through, like,
I would still have held myother ones, got them a little younger.
Not, not elementary anything but.
Right.
Because they're like, well,but I need to get a, like I need
you to come pick me up and all.
But honestly, if I could do itagain and you can't.
I was like, you give your kidif they have to have a phone and
(29:49):
they probably don't reallyhave to give them a flip phone right.
When they're younger.
Like now having these kidsthat are young adults, I'm telling
you, you were exactly right.
Like the more boundaries youput up, the more that it feels like
they're doing the oppositebecause you want them to of their
friends or other or that agegroup of kids, you're actually probably
(30:11):
doing them a service because,you know, the data's in, you know,
social media is not good forthese young brains.
You know, in their.
Part of the issue is it's notjust the content they can find, which
is definitely probably thebiggest issue, but it's that we're
losing our attention spans, right?
Like it's the quick 30 secondvideos and as adults we can even
(30:35):
get sucked into that.
But kids really can, right?
They're growing brains andthis is all they've seen.
Because it's not like you saidwhen you and I were young, you had
to go make up games and becreative and you had to be resourceful
and now you don't really have to.
There's AI that'll tell youwhatever you want.
There's, you know, theInternet is at our fingertips on
(30:55):
these little devices.
And so we have to remember,the more we pull that back a bit,
yes, they have to understandtechnology, but the more we pull
it back, the more they'regoing to be creative and gain confidence
because they're using their imagination.
And so I think sometimes whenyour kids are younger, you don't
realize that, but being on theother side of it, I think, you know,
(31:16):
I can see it very clearly,even though I tried to not let my
kids when they were veryyoung, you know, do.
A lot of things.
But that's the truth ofhindsight, right?
It's 2020, of course.
And that's what I hope thatmoms who have little ones now go,
okay, right.
The world is telling youyou've got to move at supersonic
speed.
Yeah.
But in reality, that's not theway we were designed.
(31:37):
The other thing about socialmedia, and it's yes, the content,
but they also get into thisgame of comparison, right?
And it, it devalues them, right?
If they're constantly seeingsomeone, you know, living their best
life and they're traveling allthe time and they're doing it and
(31:57):
they don't have that, well,it's like, well, why don't I have
that?
And then they beat themselvesup because they don't have that.
Right?
And that's not good for theirbrains either.
I'm not saying the comparisonnever happens because even when we
grew up, you know, as a Gen X,there was still comparison, right?
Like they had the best jeansand we didn't.
But, you know, or one wasshopping at Kmart and one wasn't,
(32:19):
right?
Like so, you know what I mean?
Like so that's, that's what wewere worried about.
Right?
But the scale was, the scalewas here or very low compared to
everything online.
Appears that way, right?
Like, yeah, so it was, it'sjust a different volume and a different
scale.
And the amount of.
That's the issue today withjust such a fast paced Internet world,
(32:41):
we're bombarded constantly, right.
As adults and kids.
And so you're right.
It's just, it's the job of parents.
And I would also tell people,if they haven't heard this before,
some of the most wealthy techpeople, they are sending their kids
to the schools that have notechnology, right.
I don't remember if it'sWaldorf or I forget which schools,
but like they're literallysending them to schools that go back
(33:03):
to the basics, you know whatI'm saying?
And there's a reason for that.
It's because they see.
Yeah, but you also forget thatin this society that we live in that's
so techy and these littledevices in our hands all the time,
you forget what connection is.
Right?
And I think that that's,that's another huge part of it, is
(33:23):
that kids are losing theconnection, right?
The talking, the chattinghuman to human.
Right?
Because I mean, now they cantext AI and it can talk to them back.
Right?
But human connection is how wewere designed, right?
(33:46):
And your kids need to feelconnected to someone or I mean, otherwise
they, it's just going tofurther isolate them and make them
lonely.
And, you know, as good as AIis, AI does not take the place of
a human 100%.
No.
You know, and, and giving ourkids these devices, I mean, our kids
(34:09):
were older when they got theirphones, but giving them those devices
and allowing it to babysitthem is not helpful either.
Yeah, because if you don't, Imean, if you're going to give your
kid a phone at.
Or whatever at young and age.
I mean, at least put someparental boundari boundaries on these
(34:31):
devices.
That's right.
Because the world is cruel.
And you know, again, I mean, Iknow we kind of like went down a
different tangent, but like,that is one thing for Chloe, setting
boundaries when they are struggling.
Yeah.
It's a must.
And it doesn't always have tobe like, as extreme as what I went
through with Chloe.
(34:52):
Right.
It can be setting boundariesof, you know, Thursday night is family
night.
There's.
I mean.
Or, you know, Wednesday night,we're all going to cook a family
meal together, whatever.
Because then you're teachingthem, you know, that you are important,
that family is important, thatthat connection is important, and
(35:13):
you're creating a safe space.
Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah.
And I would say one thing Iknow that's talked about and I've
seen is sometimes with ourkids or young adults, they don't
all have the same level of resiliency.
It hasn't.
Right.
And so as a parent, as yourkids are growing up, finding those
(35:35):
opportunities to help thembuild up, you know, dealing with
change, dealing with differentthings and then being resilient,
because that is such animportant quality as they're going
through things.
But then as an adult, to beable to handle the different stresses
of the world, to be able tohandle the stress of other people,
you know, and all these things.
And so, you know, I would justremind people, you know, we don't.
(35:56):
We want to help bring them up.
We want to help them beresilient and know that they have
value in themselves.
Right.
As they are.
But we don't want to.
I mean, we don't want tobasically give them so much that
they don't ever have to workat it or, you know, keep being.
Keeping building skills andthings like that.
(36:18):
So, you know, I think that'ssomething else I would say as well.
Agreed.
Okay, so what.
What would you want to tell us about?
You know, you have definitelysome different areas that you talk
about, you know, to try tohelp moms, you know, whether they're
navigating types of things youtalked about or whether they're just
navigating all the things amom has to deal with.
Right.
(36:39):
Juggling, raising kids, mostlikely working or working in the
home, either way, marriage,all these things.
But you, you obviously helpthem advocate for their kids, and
then you obviously help themtry to make sure they're putting
a little focus on themselvesas well.
So what would you want to share.
With us about that, well, andI think that that's the biggest thing,
right, is as moms, we are thegatekeepers, right?
(37:03):
And we are the taxi driversand we work and we cook and we're
the schedule keeper.
We are all these things to allof people, right?
I mean, your spouse, you're amother, you're a daughter, you're
whatever, you're all of thesethings to all these people.
And if you're not careful,especially when you're in a very
hard season, be it with yourchild or your husband, I mean, whatever
(37:26):
it may be, your spouse,whatever, or you're taking care of
ailing parents, what's, whathappens is if you just keep giving
and giving and giving, youwake up one day not knowing who you
are, right?
And then you're in fullburnout and full on exhaustion.
And at the end of the day, youcannot pour from an empty cup.
(37:48):
Like you, if you're running onempty, you're no good to anyone.
And I mean, one of the biggestthings that, that I want women to
understand is you're not justadvocating for everybody else.
You have to advocate foryourself, right?
And learning how to take careof yourself, even if it's just 10
minutes a day.
(38:09):
And I feel like most women getstuck in this cycle of, well, I don't
have time.
Yeah, it's too expensive.
And so when I say self care, Idon't necessarily mean like going
to the spa and having an eighthour spa day that costs thousands
of dollars.
I just mean finding somethingevery single day that brings you
(38:32):
joy and it's for youspecifically, right?
Like if it's taking a 10minute walk, if it's sitting for
10 minutes in the peace andquiet, you know, on the patio or
whatever it may be, if it'sworking out, if it's, you know, for
me it was listening to worshipmusic, whatever it may be, like,
you have to find somethingthat pours directly back into your
(38:55):
soul.
Because when you're burnoutand you're exhausted, how do you
show up?
You show up short tempered,frustrated, you get anxiety, right?
You, you're no good to anybodywhen you're at those points of low.
And the only way to help yourkids or your spouse is for you to
(39:15):
take a little bit of time topour into you, right?
It's not selfish.
And I think that that's thismindset that we often get into as
moms, right?
Is that, oh, take 10 minutes.
It's selfish because everybodyneeds something all the time.
But that's not it.
It's Necessary to do thosethings for you so that you can continue
(39:36):
to show up at your best foreverybody else?
Absolutely.
Yeah.
And I think there's no one wayis the other thing I would tell moms,
you know, like for instance, Imean, and we all do this different.
So there's no, I'm not sayingwhat I'm about to share is the right
way either.
You know, I make dinner a lotof nights, but I don't make it every
night because usually there'senough leftovers that the next night
we might eat that or maybe,you know, we ordered, you know, we
(39:58):
got food out somewhere, sowe'll have that.
A lot of times we'll have leftovers.
But my point is, is likesometimes I'm like, just let it be
easy, right?
Like, did I make enough foodor did I freeze some so I have it
another time?
Or I'm like, you know what,tonight we're just going to clean
out the fridge.
Like, let me just put on aplate or a couple platters, whatever's
already in there.
But sometimes as moms, we putthis expectation on ourselves.
(40:21):
Like I need to have a hot mealand that's a good thing, lovely thing
to do.
But we don't have to every night.
365, right.
Like we can get a break fromcooking, especially if we're spending
an hour or two cooking versusa 15 minute meal or something like
that some nights.
So I would just remind peopletoo, sometimes we can take shortcuts
on some stuff that'll give usback a little time and that might
(40:44):
be.
Then we get to play a gamewith our kids, you know, or we get
to sit and, you know, or let's.
Like you said, sometimes weneed that like separate time, just
a little time to ourselves only.
But other times it might be,you know what, I can't get that break
today because my spouse is outof town and my kids are little.
You can put the worship musicmusic on or whatever music you like
and dance with your kids.
Right?
Like sometimes we, we weave itin, in, in fun ways or creative ways.
(41:08):
But I think the point is, isjust finding what you need and then,
you know, adding it throughoutyour day.
And a lot of that starts withbeing intentional, right?
That we do matter.
Like our, our mental healthmatters, our emotional health and
our physical health mattersand our spiritual health.
And are we filling thosebuckets like you said, at least,
at least enough each week tokeep us at a level that's maintainable.
(41:34):
Right.
I mean, and it's really justabout Being intentional with your
time, right?
I mean, if you put the kids tobed because they're little and you
put them to bed at 8 o',clock, well, you've got some time.
And you know, I just, I don't.
Women don't need to think.
Well, I, I scrolled on socialmedia for 10 minutes today, so that
was my time.
Well, again, it's not helpful, right?
(41:55):
It's not clearing your mind.
It's not giving you rest or peace.
Because again, as moms, wefall into that comparison trap too,
right?
Like, oh, well, she must haveit all together because she's never,
she never appears to bestressed, but that's really reality
of the situation, right?
And so you just have to beintentional, right?
(42:18):
And you have to make yourselfmatter, right?
Because at the end of the day,nobody else is going to.
Right?
As moms, that's what I mean.
We, that's who we are.
That's who we're designed to be.
And more often than not,people aren't going to think about,
what does she need for me,especially when you have kids, right?
(42:39):
Like, I mean, that's right.
They're really not going tosit and go, oh, what does mom need
today?
Right.
That's not.
No, think about.
And you can have the best spouse.
And they don't always think ofit either.
I mean, some, some do, youknow, like, oh, why don't you go
take a break?
But let's be honest, a lot oftimes women just have to advocate
for themselves because wetypically are the caregivers, right?
And we're the people that aregetting everybody where they're supposed
(43:00):
to go and doing all the thingsin most cases, you know, the other
thing I think was helpful forme as I've walked through different
things, whatever that mightbe, including, you know, things my
kids have been walking.
Have walked through, issharing what you're going through,
whether it's in your marriage,whether it's with your kids, whether
it's your own personal thingwith safe people in your life, you
(43:25):
know, because I find, like, Iwas talking to, Interviewing a woman
the other day and the topicwas not this, but she had just shared
as part of her story that shehad postpartum depression.
And she said, at first Ididn't tell anybody because I felt
like I'm the only one.
And she's like, when I finallytalked to one of her church friends
or somebody, she said, andthen they said, oh, I've been there
(43:46):
too.
That happened to me.
And she was like, wait, what?
And so it's like sometimes, Imean, I'm not saying go tell the
whole world what's going onwith you, but if you have a safe
friend or a family member or,you know, or you need to go to professional,
but like, sharing what you'rewalking through because one, it's
going to help someone else.
Just like us having thisconversation, the reason we do this,
(44:08):
right.
Have these kind ofconversations because we know sharing
things we've walked throughhopefully will give someone else
hope or an idea or a littleencouragement to keep going and that
there is hope right.
On the other side of whateversomeone's walking through.
And so I would just remindpeople, too, don't think, don't let
guilt or shame or like afeeling of that you're the only one
(44:31):
hold you back from sharing tosomeone that's safe and is going
to support you and help youwalk through the things you're walking
through.
Well, I mean, when you.
From a faith perspective, ifyou look at it like we were.
We were designed to be incommunity with others, right.
I mean, that's how we were designed.
And, you know, I was the momthat made the mistake of not telling
(44:55):
anybody, right?
Yeah.
Mostly because with mentalhealth, there's always a judgment
or a stigma that comes.
Right.
And we are already dealingwith our own mom guilt.
Like, did I miss something?
Did I not see it?
How did I not see it?
Right.
And the guilt and the shamethat we're already placing upon us.
Right.
(45:17):
But in hindsight, thatprobably wasn't the best because
all it does is it makes youfeel further alone and isolated,
and then you need somebody tohelp keep you on track.
Right.
To give you, to empower you,to encourage you when you're the
one that's having to do thatfor everybody else.
(45:38):
And so community is huge and.
Right.
I want moms to reach out.
Right.
If it's, you know, if it'swith a church group or somebody,
there is somebody that you cantrust that can help you navigate
those hard waters so you don'tfeel alone.
I mean, because that's.
That's not what.
That's not good for anybody.
(45:59):
That's right.
Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah.
So what else?
As we start wrapping up, whatelse would you just want to share
with us?
Just about what you've walkedthrough or what you're, you know,
how you're helping women, youknow, through your resources and
your books and your community,you know, just.
Is there anything else wehaven't just talked about that you
want to talk about?
I mean, the biggest thing Is,is I really want moms and really
(46:21):
just women to know, right.
Like your circumstances, theydon't define you.
Right.
There is a purpose in your pain.
Right.
And we don't always know whatthat purpose is.
But you know, when we walkthrough that with Chloe, you know,
I realized that a lot of themistakes that I made being alone
(46:44):
and trying to handle it bymyself and all of those things, that's
not what.
What women need.
I mean, I want women to reachout and to find community and to
build each other up.
Right.
But I also want women to stepinto their God given purposes, Right.
We are not just meant to bemoms, right.
With and lose our identity andwho we are designed to be.
(47:09):
Right.
And sometimes that it changesus as we're walking through these
situations with our childrenor our spouses.
Right.
And that's important andthat's okay, right.
I 100% believe that God canuse every, every journey and every
story for good.
Right.
(47:29):
And he can turn whatever itwas that was meant to be painful
and full of heartache and avery dark season of life into something
that is positive and for his glory.
Right?
So I think that's the biggestthing, right?
Like on the COVID of the book,there's a butterfly.
And really it wasn't just that.
That's very intentional, Right.
(47:50):
Because the butterfly issymbolic of transformation.
Right.
And it wasn't just Chloe'stransformation, but it was mine too.
And coming through that andrealizing that, okay, God has put
you in this storm.
Yeah.
And then you weathered thestorm and now look at the other side,
right?
Now you can step fully intothe purpose that God has for you
(48:15):
and, and make an impact forhis kingdom.
I mean, that's to me, is whatthe number one thing is.
That's right.
Yeah.
I mean, that's exactly right.
You know, he.
Right.
He wants us to point peopleback to him, Right.
He wants us to, you know, givethe glory to him.
And like you said, he alsoisn't calling us, he's calling us
different places, right?
Everyone and in different seasons.
(48:37):
But whether you're just being,you're not just whether you're being
called and it's something,it's inside your home or in your
community or church communityor to do something like a book, whatever
it is.
The point is, is we've allwalked through things.
We all have experiences.
And when we combine that with,you know, our faith and our testimony,
we can help other people, right?
(48:59):
Whether it's one on one, oneat a time, or whether it's you know,
in some other way.
And so, yeah, I would justsame, I would encourage women just
to, to step into what he's puton your heart to do.
Especially when we've walkedthrough something, whatever it is
grief, it could be anything.
We usually are there to helpother people that are coming behind
us going through something.
Absolutely.
(49:20):
Yeah.
Okay, so last question.
What is fueling you these days?
Is there anything just aswe're into fall, you know, it can
be a fun thing.
It can be a faith based thing.
It can be, you know, just anactivity you like doing.
I mean, I love all thingspumpkin, so 100 into, you know, all
things pumpkin flavored andtaste and all of those things.
(49:43):
But you know, for me it'sreally, I mean, family has always
been the most important thingfor me and that's really just kind
of what I hone in on.
You know, we're veryintentional, especially like around
Christmas time.
We always travel together as afamily and that's just what we've
always been very intentional about.
And those, this is the typeof, you know, the parts of the season
that I, that I love becauseit, there is intentional time for
(50:07):
us as a family of five even,you know, because our kids are bigger
now, so things are harder.
That's right.
Yeah.
Love that.
Wonderful.
All right, well, Jen, can youshare with us?
How can people learn aboutyour resources, your book and all
those good things?
So I have a website, it'scalled warriormomcoach.net and on
the website there's free resources.
(50:29):
You can join our VIP community.
There is a link to the freeFacebook community for Warrior Moms
Rising.
That's just.
It's a group.
We all come from differentstories, different backgrounds, different
struggles.
But it's.
There's prayer.
If you need prayer, there's encouragement.
All of those things are inthat group.
And then my book is on Amazonand on Barnes and noble.com wonderful.
(50:54):
Thank you so much for takingthe time and sharing both your story
of what you all have walkedthrough and come out of and then
also just sharing with us, youknow, so many practical tips and
ideas for how we can as momsjust navigate whatever it is that
we're going through and as yousaid, just have hope and encouragement
for what we're going through,but also what's on the other side
(51:16):
and what we're being calledinto as well.
So thank you so much.
Thanks for having me.
As I wrap up today's episodeone, I just want to say this episode
is for educational purposes orinformative purposes.
Only.
This is not medical advice.
Please seek help if you or aloved one is struggling with any
mental health struggles or issues.
(51:36):
Of course, call an emergencynumber if it's serious or you need
immediate help, but go andtalk to other people.
Get professional help for youor your children if you are experiencing
changes in how they're actingor what they're saying, or if they've
they're doing anything that'sharmful or concerning.
And I just want to tell youthough, that there is hope.
(51:58):
We can all walk through thesethings that we're struggling with,
whatever it might be, but wecan't always do it alone.
So find people to walkalongside you if you are dealing
with anything like this.
And you know, I just pray thatyou get the support and the guidance
that you need to continue tocare for your family and care for
(52:20):
yourself and have a bright andbeautiful future.
If you enjoyed today'sepisode, if you could leave a rating
review on Apple Podcast orwherever you listen to podcasts,
it helps the show getdiscovered by more people so that
we can continue to uplift andencourage people in their faith journey
as well as all of the otherparts of their lives.
Today's podcast episode, Ihope, will bring you hope and encouragement,
but it's an honest and a realconversation about navigating our
own children's mental healthstruggles as moms.
We're also going to talk aboutpractical tips and advice for families
going through similar things.
And we're going to talk abouthow do we help minimize our burnout
and actually thrive in mind,body, spirit as moms by making sure
(00:23):
we're getting the things weneed as well.
And I just want to say thatthis conversation is so needed and
it's so important because ouryoung adults and our children are
struggling with so many mentalhealth challenges.
They're struggling withfeeling hopeless or lonely.
They're struggling with depression.
They're struggling withanxiety and worry.
(00:43):
And the number of suicidesthat is attempted by young people
and actually that is committedis astronomical.
The numbers have gone up.
It is a serious mental health crisis.
And I hope this conversationwill just let you know that you're
not alone.
And it provides some practicaltips and ideas for how do we walk
(01:04):
through, how do we navigatethese things, how do we get help
for our loved one, and how canwe be supportive and be there for
them so that they know they'reloved and supported?
Welcome to Faith FueledLiving, the podcast that equips you
to live well spiritually,emotionally, physically, and purposefully.
Each week, we'll diveconversations and biblical truths
to help you strengthen yourfaith, pursue meaningful work, hear
(01:27):
for your whole self, and livein line with what matters most.
Hi.
Today on the podcast, I wouldlike to welcome our guest, Jen.
Sorry, Jen Rob.
She's a nurse practitionerwith over 20 years of experience
and a newly certifiedfunctional medicine practitioner.
But her heart work isempowering moms.
Through her book, Warrior MomRising, she offers coaching and wellness
(01:48):
information to moms.
She helps moms advocate fortheir children, overcome burnout,
and thrive in mind, body and spirit.
Her focus is on blendingfaith, medicine, and practical tools
so moms can rise strong, findpurpose in their pain, and step boldly
into what God created them to be.
And I'm just really happy tohave this conversation today because
besides all of Jen's careerexperience right in the health and
(02:12):
wellness space, she's a mom.
And, you know, while I haven'tbeen in that space, I'm passionate
about health and wellness andI have, you know, kids of my own.
We have both walked throughour own journeys on navigating our
children, struggling withmental health or anxiety and things
like that.
And sadly, I know so many ofyou probably can relate to this because
(02:32):
the statistics are not greatwith what our young adults and our
kids are going through.
So I'm excited she's going tobring us some perspective, some practical
tips and hope and someencouragement for us if we're walking
through some of these thingsin our own homes.
So.
So, Jen, welcome to the show.
Thanks, Kristen.
I'm glad to be here.
Thank you.
Yeah.
So I'd love it if you couldjust share a little bit more with
(02:54):
us about what is life like,what you guys have walked through.
Yeah.
So our journey really startedwhen our daughter was 12 and really
went on for about three orfour years.
Started with the subtle signsof anxiety, depression, ultimately
leading into self harm.
And then.
(03:14):
But the biggest, like, pivotalmoment really came on April 4th of
23 when she was here.
My two boys had found herunresponsive, laying in a pool of
vomit, face down in a pillow.
And of course they called 911not knowing what had happened.
And it wasn't until we got herto the ER that and they started doing
(03:36):
their lab testing that wefound out that her alcohol level
was four times the lethal limit.
So she had broken into aliquor cabinet that day that had
two locks on it because shewanted to quiet the noise in her
head.
It was kind of through all ofthis that we, that we found out she
finally told us that she hadbeen sexually assaulted by another
student years before.
(03:59):
So that was really the burdenthat she was carrying in trying to
get her the help that sheneeded so that she could heal and,
you know, find better copingmechanisms, better different ways
to deal with the anxiety andthe stress that she was feeling.
Yeah, yeah.
(04:19):
I mean, you know, as I justmentioned, we.
I have three sons.
Two are in college.
One's just starting, one'sabout to finish, and the other one
is just past that age.
And so they're all still athome, you know, still in.
In that job before, a career job.
And then like I said, theother two in college.
And you know, unfortunatelywhen my first son was away at college,
(04:40):
it was right when Covid was happening.
So it was a strange time.
You know, it was kind of likeactually a couple weeks after he
went to school, they basicallysaid everyone has to leave unless
you get permission to staybecause we're afraid there's too
many numbers.
We don't have enough beds.
So anyways, this is like thestart of his college, but basically
a year and a half after thattime, he called us one day and said,
(05:04):
I need to come home.
Like, I can't stay here anymore.
And what unfolded wasbasically that he was struggling
with severe depression,suicidal thoughts, and, you know,
just same wasn't coping, youknow, even though he had friends
there, it was.
He just wasn't processing things.
Things weren't going well.
So that was sort of what wethen walked through, you know, and
(05:25):
so we went, like probably manythings you went through.
We went to see specialists andwe went, you know, took him to therapy
or counseling.
So all these things, which Iknow we'll talk about more on the
show, but I only say that tosay that, you know, I had.
I had not had this experience prior.
Right.
I wasn't prepared for it.
I don't think any of us are.
But walking through it, youknow, I think I learned many lessons.
(05:46):
You did, which is I had toreally give up a lot to God because
at the beginning, one, I feellike God prompted me to call him
prior to him coming home andknowing something was wrong and having
some conversations with him.
But then also when he camehome, he allowed me, because he was
so low, to come to him withthat, you know, because he was over
18 at that point, to come withhim to these appointments at the
(06:07):
beginning, you know, in thedoctor's appointments and things,
testing.
And my point though is, is Ihad to at some point realize that
me being afraid and me livingin, like, worry and anxiety wasn't
ever going to help him.
And it was just causing suchturmoil in myself.
And so I. I know we'll diginto that some more, but, yeah, so
(06:30):
I.
So I've walked through thatand I'm, you know, still walking
through it a little bit.
Right.
Because I feel like once yourchild's there, I. I wouldn't say
it's been full healing, butit's definitely come a long way since
that time.
It's definitely a process andit's a journey.
I mean, and, you know, I don'tknow that I'll ever not worry about
her.
Right.
Because of where we know whatwe've been through.
(06:52):
And some of that is just like,how it affects us as a mom.
Right.
Like, I mean, I feel certainthat I probably have some PTSD from,
you know, watching her andseeing her at rock bottom.
And that's a scary place to beas a mom.
Right.
Because it's not.
You don't want your kids tohurt, and it's like a gut punch when
(07:13):
they are hurting and it's sosevere that they don't want to be
alive anymore.
And so I don't know that we'llever not worry about Them.
And I can certainly say that,you know, I mean, she's still at
home.
She's 17 now, and she's thriving.
Yeah.
But it is still very much aconstant worry, you know, what will
(07:33):
happen.
And I'm way more cautiousabout her and the people that she
allows in her life.
You know, I'm a little moremama bearish when it comes to that.
And I.
But I, you know, I feel like I don't.
I don't have a choice.
Like, I have to be right.
Like, I mean, that's my job toprotect her.
Absolutely.
(07:53):
One of the things I know youtalk about is that sometimes it's
obvious when our kids arestruggling, but sometimes it's not
obvious if we've never walkedthrough something like this.
And so what could you justshare with us?
Because this could be reallyimportant information for some parents
that maybe something seems alittle different or off, but they're
not really leaning into it yet.
(08:14):
Yeah.
I mean, and that's the biggestthing, right, is we have two.
We have two sons before her,and, you know, they had never experienced
anything like this.
But you really kind of, youknow, there are subtle changes.
Right.
I mean, like, you know, whatyour kids do, and some of this is
just making sure that you'represent enough to.
To notice the subtle changes.
(08:35):
Right.
Like, for Chloe, it wasn't instantaneous.
I mean, a little bit it wasanxiety, but it was, you know, slipping
grades where she'd always beenlike an A student.
Now we're making Cs.
A lot of it was isolationwhere she didn't want to be around
the family, you know, fordinner or for game time or whatever.
She would rather sit in herroom in the pitch dark, you know,
(08:57):
when it's, you know, sunshiny outside.
She just wants complete isolation.
And I think it's oftentimeswhen you're dealing with teens, we
often mistake their behavioras teen behavior.
Right.
A lot of it, you have to relyon your mama's intuition.
Because typically, thatintuition or that instinct, it's.
(09:20):
Right.
Right.
And you can call it whateveryou want, intuition, the holy spirit,
whatever you want to say itis, but we need to lean into that
voice and noticing thosechanges that are so completely out
of the ordinary and that go onfor long periods of time.
Right.
Like, for Chloe, she wasn't sleeping.
She's, you know, or she wantsto sleep all day, but she wants to
(09:45):
stay up all night.
Right.
Like, in all of these things,complete isolation, I think, is the
biggest key.
And you've just got to Kind ofpay attention and hone into that.
The other thing is, I'll say,is that sometimes you can't approach
them and be just like, well,tell me what's wrong.
Tell me what's wrong right now.
Like, I can tell something's wrong.
But what I learned is with heris, like, if I approach her that
(10:05):
way, she's going to be like, nothing.
Like, why are you trying totalk to me right now?
Right.
And what she needs necessarilyin that instant wasn't me hounding
her to tell me what's wrongwas to know that she's loved and
she's supported.
Right.
Even though, you know, Ijokingly say, like, we were the family
(10:26):
with the white picket fence,because that's kind of how we were
like the all American family.
Yeah.
So she knew, like, she wasloved, but, like, sometimes when
they're really struggling,they don't want to talk about it.
Right then.
That's right.
And sometimes it's not thatthey don't even want to talk about
it.
It's just that they don't knowhow to talk about it.
Right.
And when you look at, like, ateen's development, there's hormones
(10:46):
and there's, you know, theirbrains changing, their brain's not
developed, and they don'treally know how or what to say.
Right.
And some of it could be fear.
Like, they don't want to hurtyou if they tell you the truth.
That's right.
There's just a lot ofdifferent aspects to it.
And so you have to kind ofapproach it from a much softer approach.
(11:09):
Right.
Then just going in there, tellme what's wrong.
Because the likelihood thatthey're going to tell you is probably
slim to none.
Yeah.
And so I being that I onlyhave boys, and I get it, girls and
boys are not all the same asother girls and boys, but generally
speaking, with my three boys, they.
They do want to keep thingscloser to the, you know, the vest,
(11:29):
if you will, or their chest.
And so it wasn't until, like,my one son was really having a hard
time that he was willing to share.
Right.
Before that, like you said, Idon't think he knew what even.
What would he say or that hefelt, you know, felt different ways
about it.
But I will tell you thatyou're right about the intuition
or, like you said, whateveryou want to call it.
But it was a couple weeksbefore my son came home from college
(11:51):
when he called us and said, Iwant to come home.
And we said, absolutely, weneed to come get you.
But anyways, So a couple weeksbefore that, my husband had talked
to my son that morning in college.
And so I hadn't even talked tohim, but I just.
Something had just come overme that I should call him that afternoon.
And I tried to stop being,like, overly involved mom, right,
With a boy at college.
My husband was kind of moretaking on that role.
(12:13):
So I was trying to not be asthe one checking in all the time
as much.
So I called him thatafternoon, and I just started saying
things to him that just cameto me, right?
They were on my heart.
And I said.
And I didn't even.
I did not know at this pointhe was struggling.
I just had that feeling comeover me that something was not right.
And I just said, you know, howare you doing?
(12:33):
And, you know, of course he'slike, I'm okay, you know, but basically
I explained to him, becausehe's in college and he had had a
bad semester of grades, but hehad pulled him up.
And I think he was strugglingin a class again, even though he
was doing better in school.
And so I just said, you know, we.
We only care about your healthand your happiness, you know, And
I was like, we can always makemore money.
We.
(12:53):
And I was so.
All these words, I just.
Like, I felt I needed to tell him.
I didn't know why, but inhindsight, those things, like, me
feeling like, does he know this?
Because I realized when he wasin college, I did what we did what
most parents do, which is,hey, you know, if you're going to
be in college, you need to getgood grades, you need to do well,
because it is not inexpensiveto go move and live at college, Right?
(13:16):
And we were footing most ofthe bill.
And so I realized that a lotof the message he might have been
hearing, of course we wouldtell him we love him and things like
that, but that he might havebeen hearing, like, your grades matter.
Did they matter more thananything else?
No.
Did, in other words.
And I realized maybe I neededto reinforce a different message.
Sally, share that.
To say, like you were saying,go with your intuition.
(13:36):
But if you feel like there'ssomething that you just feel called
or pulled to say, you know,say it.
And sometimes you don't knowwhat to say.
And like you said, it's.
It's more of a learning what.
What's going on and how do weget help?
You know, what people wouldtell me?
And you probably see this bothas a practitioner and a mom having
walked through this, if yourkids are willing to come to you and
(13:59):
tell you something or theywant to see someone, it's because
they felt safe enough ortrusted enough to tell you.
Because I know that I was veryfortunate that my son, having been
away, didn't actually everthank God to this point, try to do
anything.
Right.
He thought about it, but hedidn't try it.
And you know, we can't controlwhat our kids fully do, especially
as adults.
But I do know that it'sbecause he felt safe enough, he could
(14:21):
come home, you know, and so Iknow that that was a blessing, you
know.
Well, 100%.
Right.
Like.
And you know, as all parents,I mean, you want your kids to feel
safe, but some of that is inhow we approach and how we parent
them to begin with.
Right.
You know, my husband and I arevery different.
I mean, we've been married for25 years, but he grew up very differently
(14:43):
than I did.
And, you know, I have alwaysbeen a very open book with my kids.
Right.
I mean, some of that is justmy, my training.
Right.
In.
In medicine.
And I'm like, I don't.
But I also am one that I don'tsugarcoat things.
I don't want to keep secrets.
Right.
Like, it's more about being authentic.
And if you have something thatI'm going to tell you straightforward.
(15:08):
But I think.
Right.
Whereas, you know, my husbandleans a little more like to like,
let's sugarcoat, let's, youknow, that's really not it.
Right.
And what I found is that kidsdon't need you to protect them from
things.
They are very aware of what ishappening in the surroundings and
they're a lot smarter than wegive them credit for.
Right.
(15:30):
It was easier for me to justbe kind of a straight shooter and
say I know something's wrong.
But I also knew that if I pushtoo hard that you're going to push
them the opposite direction.
Right.
And sometimes it's that theyfeel safe coming to you.
But I also think, like,especially like in my daughter's
(15:51):
case, there was an element ofthat she didn't want to tell us what
had happened because shedidn't want us to hurt.
Right.
She didn't want to cause usmore pain.
Right.
And she also knows that I'm afull on mama bear.
Right.
And so, like when I found outsomebody hurts my kid, like, the
likelihood.
Yeah.
That I'm gonna want to go fullmama bear and claws out is probably
(16:13):
high.
Yeah.
And so, you know, you have tokind of rein it in, I think, a little
bit as a mom when your kidsare Dealing with things that are
really sensitive, right?
Yeah, it's.
And how you react to themcreates that feeling of safety or
lack thereof.
(16:34):
Right, right.
And so much of like what.
How we parent is reactiveparenting, right.
Like if they break something,it's reactive.
Yeah, Right.
And I, I think when you'redealing with kids with mental health
issues, sometimes you have tochange and not be reactive.
Because if you're reactive,then it shuts them down even further.
(16:56):
Right.
So if they tell you somethingthat is hard to hear, you kind of
have to take a moment and takea deep breath and go, okay, I'm just
not gonna.
You know, it's your facialexpressions, it's your tone, it's
all of the things that feedinto a difficult situation.
And it telling them thatyou're gonna like have a freak out
(17:21):
mode.
Right.
Like we've got to like stopdoing that because it doesn't create
that safe environment.
And we also have to be okay ifthey don't want to tell us the whole.
Tell us everything.
That's right.
You know, like many thingsthat she told the counselor, like
to the in depth of whathappened, but that was part of her
(17:41):
healing journey and that Istill don't know.
And that's okay, right.
Like it's okay for me not toknow that because they're also developing
a rapport with a therapist.
Right.
And they're creating that safety.
So unless there was like realharm to her, I don't have to know
all that detail.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, no, it's such good,good things you're sharing because
(18:04):
you're right.
I remember going with my son,you know, to go kind of assess what
was going on with him, youknow, so we went to the regular doctor,
then we went to a specialistor two.
Multiple things and hours ofdifferent stuff.
And so in the car ride andstuff, you know, once again, I wouldn't
force or push him to tell me anything.
You know, I might ask aquestion or two and if he told me
(18:24):
anything, same, I would justtry to be very, you know, calm.
Matter of fact, nothing would,you know, even if he was going to
tell me like that he washaving thoughts or if I was meeting,
it was not.
I just had that feeling that Ineeded to just.
Okay.
You know, just like I'm hereas a sounding board, right.
I'm not here to, like yousaid, freak out in front of him,
(18:46):
you know, or be like, oh mygosh, you know, kind of a thing.
My job was at that time to becalm and collected.
If you Will, as best I could.
Well, and they need that, right?
They need us to be a pillar ofstrength when they're really not
in.
Where they have their ownstrength to depend on, right.
And like, for us, you know,there were many, many, many times
where, you know, Chloe wouldcome out of like a hard counseling
(19:08):
session, especially once wegot her with the right therapist,
right.
And you could just tell, likeshe didn't want to talk about it.
She get in the car and youcould just immediately tell.
And all, all she needed me tosay was, is, it's okay, you're safe
and I love you.
(19:30):
Right?
Like they don't need a full ongrilling session.
Sometimes they just need youto be present.
And you know, one of the.
I still think the greatestthings that we ever did for Chloe
was to come up with a codeword, right?
Like if she was having areally hard day, full anxiety, thoughts
at the lowest point, but shedidn't want to talk about it, her
(19:53):
favorite thing on earth isthis chocolate mousse cake from Olive
Garden.
And so that was her code word.
And if she came out and shewas having a really hard day and
she said mousse cake, it was,okay, well, come sit down.
Let's just sit.
You don't have to talk about it.
And then her daddy or herboys, her brothers is what she used
to call them, her boys wouldgo get her mousse cake from Olive
(20:15):
Garden, right?
That was fine because shecould eat her chocolate mousse cake,
you know, and that was likemaking herself feel better.
But we were still present.
We weren't hounding her tolike, tell us everything.
But it was, that was like the word.
And like, if you say it like,okay, no questions asked, we're just
gonna sit here and be here andcomfort you and that's it.
(20:39):
Yeah, I love that.
Yeah.
I mean, I've heard people usefamily words or code words before
for lots of things.
Sometimes it's like if yourkids are older, right?
Let's say college age, andthey're going to be somewhere and
they want just a ride home, noquestions asked.
Like you just text a word.
So they're not like textingtheir mom or their dad in front of
their friends.
All this whole, you know.
(21:00):
But in other words, there's alot of good reasons to have a code
word.
But I love that, you know, ifyour child is someone that's walking
through anxiety or depressionor any other mental health condition,
that that's a great thing.
Like, even if they were atschool and it is Just too much for
some, you know, whatever itis, having that word, like what's
the plan if you text this word?
Right.
And so that's a, that's agreat idea because you're right.
(21:22):
If they have a plan, even itbeing a word, and they know if I
say this, they're going toknow, oh, I need to get picked up
or I need to talk to them, butI don't have to have a whole conversation
or I don't have to rehashsomething again.
So that's a great idea forpeople for sure.
What would you just say?
Okay, so, I mean, you wouldprobably know the stats better than
(21:43):
me, but I know some of thestats I saw recently is that I think
40% of high schoolers havepersistent feelings of either sadness
or hopelessness in the past year.
You know, and then obviouslythe suicide numbers have gone up
by like 60 some percent since2007, which is horrific.
I mean, we definitely havesome serious crisis on, on our hands
(22:06):
at this point.
But I guess my point is, isit's, it's kind of everywhere at
this point.
I mean, I don't think I cantalk to a person or a family that
isn't walking through theanxiety or depression or some other
mental health condition ordiagnosis or knows someone.
Sadly, that's.
(22:27):
It had at least an attempt.
And so is there any justthoughts you have on, you know, of
course you've talked aboutlike, recognizing when your child's
acting different.
And we've talked a little bitabout like walking through if our
child has sadly going on this,you know, this path where we're,
we're having to help themnavigate this.
(22:48):
But is there just any otherthings that you would share to just
encourage, you know, thefamilies, the parents, especially
moms, Because I have morefemale listeners that might be walking
through some of these samejourneys, I think.
And I mean, we had to do this,you know, for our own, for her, for
(23:10):
our daughter.
But sometimes I think asparents, we lose sight of that.
We're parents, right?
And we're not that they're,we're not trying to be their friend.
And sometimes that means wehave to make hard decisions that,
and put boundaries in placethat they may not like.
And that's okay, right?
(23:31):
Like, they, you, you have tohear that it's, it's okay for your
kid to be mad at you.
Like, it's just okay.
Yeah.
And you know, there were somethings that when Chloe's anxiety,
depression, self harm, it wasat its pinnacle.
Right.
I mean, we pulled her out ofschool, because the influences that
(23:55):
she was meeting, because shewas in a very low and dark place,
so who was she going to beattracted to?
The low and the dark ones.
Right.
And they were not good influences.
The stress and anxiety of justbeing in that building was even more
so.
So we pulled her out, we tookher phone, I changed her phone number.
(24:21):
I deleted every contact out ofthat phone except for her dad and
her brothers and my mom.
And that was it.
Like, this is who you can talk to.
Right.
Because I wanted to controlwhat was being fed into her brain.
Right?
Yes.
We also, now my boys are older.
(24:42):
I mean, one's 20 and one's 19.
So obviously they had social media.
They were allowed to get itwhen they were 17.
But we were very protective of Chloe.
You know, Chloe didn't.
And I'm not saying that shedidn't find ways to get it, even
though we felt like, myhusband's a techie nerd.
So, you know, we hadsafeguards on the phones.
But putting those boundariesin place and saying, you're not going
(25:06):
to spend all this timewatching unnecessary nonsense on
TikTok or Instagram orwhatever it may be and filling your
mind with just harmful stuff.
Right.
That was a boundary that we set.
Right.
And for her, it wasn't, youknow, we took her phone.
So then if she didn't have aphone, she couldn't sit in her room
(25:29):
and just stare and be isolated.
Right?
Nope.
You're going to come out here,and if you want to watch tv, you're
going to come sit next to me.
Right?
These are the things that wehad to do in order to keep her safe.
Right.
And here's the thing.
Our kids today, I mean, I'm a.I'm a Gen Xer, right.
So, like, I grew up withoutcell phones.
(25:49):
Okay.
I grew up playing in the dirtand playing outside till dark.
You know, all of those things.
It.
And our kids today have somany other influences that we never
had.
That's right.
So parenting, it's.
It's different.
It's a whole different game now.
Right.
But the thing is, like, youhave to.
(26:10):
You have to stay on top of it,and you have to monitor and set boundaries
to what is influencing your child.
Right.
Social media, as good as itis, there's a lot of bad out there.
Right?
Right.
Especially when you think of achild, boy or girl, who is struggling
(26:33):
with anxiety, depression, loneliness.
Right.
Isolation, all of thesethings, they are going to be naturally
drawn to the things and thepeople that make them feel and understand
how they feel in that moment, right?
(26:54):
It is not in our kids brain'sability at that age to go, oh, let
me go find some upliftingstuff so I can change my mindset.
Right?
That's not who they are, right?
And not at that age especially.
Well, I mean, you know how youfeel when you're at your lowest point,
right?
Like, I mean, even as anadult, right?
We have to go, okay, Snap outof it, right?
(27:17):
Go, go read the Bible.
Go listen to worship music,whatever it is, right?
Pour some truth and somegoodness back in your soul.
But that's not how kids think.
And as parents, we often don'twant to make them mad, right?
Or get them upset at us.
But I'll tell you what I mean,Chloe, after she turned 16, she literally
(27:39):
looked me dead in my face andsaid, thank you, mama for making
those hard decisions.
Was she mad at me at the time?
100%.
Do I regret it one day?
Absolutely not.
Because pulling her out of allthe negativity and the negative influences
and the people that, thatwanted to see her stay stuck and
(28:00):
stay in this low, lonely, darkplace, they don't have her best interests
at heart, right?
As parents, we have their bestinterests at heart.
And I, I talk about that inthe book too because I really think
that that's part of being aparent in these really hard seasons,
right?
You're learning to advocatefor your child on so many different
(28:22):
playing fields.
You're advocating for them andwho they're influenced by, the junk
that, that feeds their brains, right?
You're influencing and you'readvocating like, no, no, we're going
to adjust that.
We're going to change that.
We've got to get you out ofthis dark and lonely spot and put
you somewhere that there'slight and truth, right?
(28:44):
And you think about like mostpeople that are anxious or depressed
or something like that, right?
They.
There's a low self worth.
And obviously Chloe had noself worth from what had happened
to her, right?
Because she was sexuallyassaulted, right?
And so her, her self worth andher value, she felt like nothing.
(29:06):
And it's our job as parents topull them out of that and say, no,
no, you are worthy and you arevaluable, you are loved and you are
adored and we are not going toallow you to stay stuck in this place.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, I think that youbrought up so many good points.
I mean, one of which is eventhough my kids, like my oldest son
(29:28):
did not get a until highschool, but that's still in my book
at this Point after beeneverything I've been through, like,
I would still have held myother ones, got them a little younger.
Not, not elementary anything but.
Right.
Because they're like, well,but I need to get a, like I need
you to come pick me up and all.
But honestly, if I could do itagain and you can't.
I was like, you give your kidif they have to have a phone and
(29:49):
they probably don't reallyhave to give them a flip phone right.
When they're younger.
Like now having these kidsthat are young adults, I'm telling
you, you were exactly right.
Like the more boundaries youput up, the more that it feels like
they're doing the oppositebecause you want them to of their
friends or other or that agegroup of kids, you're actually probably
(30:11):
doing them a service because,you know, the data's in, you know,
social media is not good forthese young brains.
You know, in their.
Part of the issue is it's notjust the content they can find, which
is definitely probably thebiggest issue, but it's that we're
losing our attention spans, right?
Like it's the quick 30 secondvideos and as adults we can even
(30:35):
get sucked into that.
But kids really can, right?
They're growing brains andthis is all they've seen.
Because it's not like you saidwhen you and I were young, you had
to go make up games and becreative and you had to be resourceful
and now you don't really have to.
There's AI that'll tell youwhatever you want.
There's, you know, theInternet is at our fingertips on
(30:55):
these little devices.
And so we have to remember,the more we pull that back a bit,
yes, they have to understandtechnology, but the more we pull
it back, the more they'regoing to be creative and gain confidence
because they're using their imagination.
And so I think sometimes whenyour kids are younger, you don't
realize that, but being on theother side of it, I think, you know,
(31:16):
I can see it very clearly,even though I tried to not let my
kids when they were veryyoung, you know, do.
A lot of things.
But that's the truth ofhindsight, right?
It's 2020, of course.
And that's what I hope thatmoms who have little ones now go,
okay, right.
The world is telling youyou've got to move at supersonic
speed.
Yeah.
But in reality, that's not theway we were designed.
(31:37):
The other thing about socialmedia, and it's yes, the content,
but they also get into thisgame of comparison, right?
And it, it devalues them, right?
If they're constantly seeingsomeone, you know, living their best
life and they're traveling allthe time and they're doing it and
(31:57):
they don't have that, well,it's like, well, why don't I have
that?
And then they beat themselvesup because they don't have that.
Right?
And that's not good for theirbrains either.
I'm not saying the comparisonnever happens because even when we
grew up, you know, as a Gen X,there was still comparison, right?
Like they had the best jeansand we didn't.
But, you know, or one wasshopping at Kmart and one wasn't,
(32:19):
right?
Like so, you know what I mean?
Like so that's, that's what wewere worried about.
Right?
But the scale was, the scalewas here or very low compared to
everything online.
Appears that way, right?
Like, yeah, so it was, it'sjust a different volume and a different
scale.
And the amount of.
That's the issue today withjust such a fast paced Internet world,
(32:41):
we're bombarded constantly, right.
As adults and kids.
And so you're right.
It's just, it's the job of parents.
And I would also tell people,if they haven't heard this before,
some of the most wealthy techpeople, they are sending their kids
to the schools that have notechnology, right.
I don't remember if it'sWaldorf or I forget which schools,
but like they're literallysending them to schools that go back
(33:03):
to the basics, you know whatI'm saying?
And there's a reason for that.
It's because they see.
Yeah, but you also forget thatin this society that we live in that's
so techy and these littledevices in our hands all the time,
you forget what connection is.
Right?
And I think that that's,that's another huge part of it, is
(33:23):
that kids are losing theconnection, right?
The talking, the chattinghuman to human.
Right?
Because I mean, now they cantext AI and it can talk to them back.
Right?
But human connection is how wewere designed, right?
(33:46):
And your kids need to feelconnected to someone or I mean, otherwise
they, it's just going tofurther isolate them and make them
lonely.
And, you know, as good as AIis, AI does not take the place of
a human 100%.
No.
You know, and, and giving ourkids these devices, I mean, our kids
(34:09):
were older when they got theirphones, but giving them those devices
and allowing it to babysitthem is not helpful either.
Yeah, because if you don't, Imean, if you're going to give your
kid a phone at.
Or whatever at young and age.
I mean, at least put someparental boundari boundaries on these
(34:31):
devices.
That's right.
Because the world is cruel.
And you know, again, I mean, Iknow we kind of like went down a
different tangent, but like,that is one thing for Chloe, setting
boundaries when they are struggling.
Yeah.
It's a must.
And it doesn't always have tobe like, as extreme as what I went
through with Chloe.
(34:52):
Right.
It can be setting boundariesof, you know, Thursday night is family
night.
There's.
I mean.
Or, you know, Wednesday night,we're all going to cook a family
meal together, whatever.
Because then you're teachingthem, you know, that you are important,
that family is important, thatthat connection is important, and
(35:13):
you're creating a safe space.
Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah.
And I would say one thing Iknow that's talked about and I've
seen is sometimes with ourkids or young adults, they don't
all have the same level of resiliency.
It hasn't.
Right.
And so as a parent, as yourkids are growing up, finding those
(35:35):
opportunities to help thembuild up, you know, dealing with
change, dealing with differentthings and then being resilient,
because that is such animportant quality as they're going
through things.
But then as an adult, to beable to handle the different stresses
of the world, to be able tohandle the stress of other people,
you know, and all these things.
And so, you know, I would justremind people, you know, we don't.
(35:56):
We want to help bring them up.
We want to help them beresilient and know that they have
value in themselves.
Right.
As they are.
But we don't want to.
I mean, we don't want tobasically give them so much that
they don't ever have to workat it or, you know, keep being.
Keeping building skills andthings like that.
(36:18):
So, you know, I think that'ssomething else I would say as well.
Agreed.
Okay, so what.
What would you want to tell us about?
You know, you have definitelysome different areas that you talk
about, you know, to try tohelp moms, you know, whether they're
navigating types of things youtalked about or whether they're just
navigating all the things amom has to deal with.
Right.
(36:39):
Juggling, raising kids, mostlikely working or working in the
home, either way, marriage,all these things.
But you, you obviously helpthem advocate for their kids, and
then you obviously help themtry to make sure they're putting
a little focus on themselvesas well.
So what would you want to share.
With us about that, well, andI think that that's the biggest thing,
right, is as moms, we are thegatekeepers, right?
(37:03):
And we are the taxi driversand we work and we cook and we're
the schedule keeper.
We are all these things to allof people, right?
I mean, your spouse, you're amother, you're a daughter, you're
whatever, you're all of thesethings to all these people.
And if you're not careful,especially when you're in a very
hard season, be it with yourchild or your husband, I mean, whatever
(37:26):
it may be, your spouse,whatever, or you're taking care of
ailing parents, what's, whathappens is if you just keep giving
and giving and giving, youwake up one day not knowing who you
are, right?
And then you're in fullburnout and full on exhaustion.
And at the end of the day, youcannot pour from an empty cup.
(37:48):
Like you, if you're running onempty, you're no good to anyone.
And I mean, one of the biggestthings that, that I want women to
understand is you're not justadvocating for everybody else.
You have to advocate foryourself, right?
And learning how to take careof yourself, even if it's just 10
minutes a day.
(38:09):
And I feel like most women getstuck in this cycle of, well, I don't
have time.
Yeah, it's too expensive.
And so when I say self care, Idon't necessarily mean like going
to the spa and having an eighthour spa day that costs thousands
of dollars.
I just mean finding somethingevery single day that brings you
(38:32):
joy and it's for youspecifically, right?
Like if it's taking a 10minute walk, if it's sitting for
10 minutes in the peace andquiet, you know, on the patio or
whatever it may be, if it'sworking out, if it's, you know, for
me it was listening to worshipmusic, whatever it may be, like,
you have to find somethingthat pours directly back into your
(38:55):
soul.
Because when you're burnoutand you're exhausted, how do you
show up?
You show up short tempered,frustrated, you get anxiety, right?
You, you're no good to anybodywhen you're at those points of low.
And the only way to help yourkids or your spouse is for you to
(39:15):
take a little bit of time topour into you, right?
It's not selfish.
And I think that that's thismindset that we often get into as
moms, right?
Is that, oh, take 10 minutes.
It's selfish because everybodyneeds something all the time.
But that's not it.
It's Necessary to do thosethings for you so that you can continue
(39:36):
to show up at your best foreverybody else?
Absolutely.
Yeah.
And I think there's no one wayis the other thing I would tell moms,
you know, like for instance, Imean, and we all do this different.
So there's no, I'm not sayingwhat I'm about to share is the right
way either.
You know, I make dinner a lotof nights, but I don't make it every
night because usually there'senough leftovers that the next night
we might eat that or maybe,you know, we ordered, you know, we
(39:58):
got food out somewhere, sowe'll have that.
A lot of times we'll have leftovers.
But my point is, is likesometimes I'm like, just let it be
easy, right?
Like, did I make enough foodor did I freeze some so I have it
another time?
Or I'm like, you know what,tonight we're just going to clean
out the fridge.
Like, let me just put on aplate or a couple platters, whatever's
already in there.
But sometimes as moms, we putthis expectation on ourselves.
(40:21):
Like I need to have a hot mealand that's a good thing, lovely thing
to do.
But we don't have to every night.
365, right.
Like we can get a break fromcooking, especially if we're spending
an hour or two cooking versusa 15 minute meal or something like
that some nights.
So I would just remind peopletoo, sometimes we can take shortcuts
on some stuff that'll give usback a little time and that might
(40:44):
be.
Then we get to play a gamewith our kids, you know, or we get
to sit and, you know, or let's.
Like you said, sometimes weneed that like separate time, just
a little time to ourselves only.
But other times it might be,you know what, I can't get that break
today because my spouse is outof town and my kids are little.
You can put the worship musicmusic on or whatever music you like
and dance with your kids.
Right?
Like sometimes we, we weave itin, in, in fun ways or creative ways.
(41:08):
But I think the point is, isjust finding what you need and then,
you know, adding it throughoutyour day.
And a lot of that starts withbeing intentional, right?
That we do matter.
Like our, our mental healthmatters, our emotional health and
our physical health mattersand our spiritual health.
And are we filling thosebuckets like you said, at least,
at least enough each week tokeep us at a level that's maintainable.
(41:34):
Right.
I mean, and it's really justabout Being intentional with your
time, right?
I mean, if you put the kids tobed because they're little and you
put them to bed at 8 o',clock, well, you've got some time.
And you know, I just, I don't.
Women don't need to think.
Well, I, I scrolled on socialmedia for 10 minutes today, so that
was my time.
Well, again, it's not helpful, right?
(41:55):
It's not clearing your mind.
It's not giving you rest or peace.
Because again, as moms, wefall into that comparison trap too,
right?
Like, oh, well, she must haveit all together because she's never,
she never appears to bestressed, but that's really reality
of the situation, right?
And so you just have to beintentional, right?
(42:18):
And you have to make yourselfmatter, right?
Because at the end of the day,nobody else is going to.
Right?
As moms, that's what I mean.
We, that's who we are.
That's who we're designed to be.
And more often than not,people aren't going to think about,
what does she need for me,especially when you have kids, right?
(42:39):
Like, I mean, that's right.
They're really not going tosit and go, oh, what does mom need
today?
Right.
That's not.
No, think about.
And you can have the best spouse.
And they don't always think ofit either.
I mean, some, some do, youknow, like, oh, why don't you go
take a break?
But let's be honest, a lot oftimes women just have to advocate
for themselves because wetypically are the caregivers, right?
And we're the people that aregetting everybody where they're supposed
(43:00):
to go and doing all the thingsin most cases, you know, the other
thing I think was helpful forme as I've walked through different
things, whatever that mightbe, including, you know, things my
kids have been walking.
Have walked through, issharing what you're going through,
whether it's in your marriage,whether it's with your kids, whether
it's your own personal thingwith safe people in your life, you
(43:25):
know, because I find, like, Iwas talking to, Interviewing a woman
the other day and the topicwas not this, but she had just shared
as part of her story that shehad postpartum depression.
And she said, at first Ididn't tell anybody because I felt
like I'm the only one.
And she's like, when I finallytalked to one of her church friends
or somebody, she said, andthen they said, oh, I've been there
(43:46):
too.
That happened to me.
And she was like, wait, what?
And so it's like sometimes, Imean, I'm not saying go tell the
whole world what's going onwith you, but if you have a safe
friend or a family member or,you know, or you need to go to professional,
but like, sharing what you'rewalking through because one, it's
going to help someone else.
Just like us having thisconversation, the reason we do this,
(44:08):
right.
Have these kind ofconversations because we know sharing
things we've walked throughhopefully will give someone else
hope or an idea or a littleencouragement to keep going and that
there is hope right.
On the other side of whateversomeone's walking through.
And so I would just remindpeople, too, don't think, don't let
guilt or shame or like afeeling of that you're the only one
(44:31):
hold you back from sharing tosomeone that's safe and is going
to support you and help youwalk through the things you're walking
through.
Well, I mean, when you.
From a faith perspective, ifyou look at it like we were.
We were designed to be incommunity with others, right.
I mean, that's how we were designed.
And, you know, I was the momthat made the mistake of not telling
(44:55):
anybody, right?
Yeah.
Mostly because with mentalhealth, there's always a judgment
or a stigma that comes.
Right.
And we are already dealingwith our own mom guilt.
Like, did I miss something?
Did I not see it?
How did I not see it?
Right.
And the guilt and the shamethat we're already placing upon us.
Right.
(45:17):
But in hindsight, thatprobably wasn't the best because
all it does is it makes youfeel further alone and isolated,
and then you need somebody tohelp keep you on track.
Right.
To give you, to empower you,to encourage you when you're the
one that's having to do thatfor everybody else.
(45:38):
And so community is huge and.
Right.
I want moms to reach out.
Right.
If it's, you know, if it'swith a church group or somebody,
there is somebody that you cantrust that can help you navigate
those hard waters so you don'tfeel alone.
I mean, because that's.
That's not what.
That's not good for anybody.
(45:59):
That's right.
Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah.
So what else?
As we start wrapping up, whatelse would you just want to share
with us?
Just about what you've walkedthrough or what you're, you know,
how you're helping women, youknow, through your resources and
your books and your community,you know, just.
Is there anything else wehaven't just talked about that you
want to talk about?
I mean, the biggest thing Is,is I really want moms and really
(46:21):
just women to know, right.
Like your circumstances, theydon't define you.
Right.
There is a purpose in your pain.
Right.
And we don't always know whatthat purpose is.
But you know, when we walkthrough that with Chloe, you know,
I realized that a lot of themistakes that I made being alone
(46:44):
and trying to handle it bymyself and all of those things, that's
not what.
What women need.
I mean, I want women to reachout and to find community and to
build each other up.
Right.
But I also want women to stepinto their God given purposes, Right.
We are not just meant to bemoms, right.
With and lose our identity andwho we are designed to be.
(47:09):
Right.
And sometimes that it changesus as we're walking through these
situations with our childrenor our spouses.
Right.
And that's important andthat's okay, right.
I 100% believe that God canuse every, every journey and every
story for good.
Right.
(47:29):
And he can turn whatever itwas that was meant to be painful
and full of heartache and avery dark season of life into something
that is positive and for his glory.
Right?
So I think that's the biggestthing, right?
Like on the COVID of the book,there's a butterfly.
And really it wasn't just that.
That's very intentional, Right.
(47:50):
Because the butterfly issymbolic of transformation.
Right.
And it wasn't just Chloe'stransformation, but it was mine too.
And coming through that andrealizing that, okay, God has put
you in this storm.
Yeah.
And then you weathered thestorm and now look at the other side,
right?
Now you can step fully intothe purpose that God has for you
(48:15):
and, and make an impact forhis kingdom.
I mean, that's to me, is whatthe number one thing is.
That's right.
Yeah.
I mean, that's exactly right.
You know, he.
Right.
He wants us to point peopleback to him, Right.
He wants us to, you know, givethe glory to him.
And like you said, he alsoisn't calling us, he's calling us
different places, right?
Everyone and in different seasons.
(48:37):
But whether you're just being,you're not just whether you're being
called and it's something,it's inside your home or in your
community or church communityor to do something like a book, whatever
it is.
The point is, is we've allwalked through things.
We all have experiences.
And when we combine that with,you know, our faith and our testimony,
we can help other people, right?
(48:59):
Whether it's one on one, oneat a time, or whether it's you know,
in some other way.
And so, yeah, I would justsame, I would encourage women just
to, to step into what he's puton your heart to do.
Especially when we've walkedthrough something, whatever it is
grief, it could be anything.
We usually are there to helpother people that are coming behind
us going through something.
Absolutely.
(49:20):
Yeah.
Okay, so last question.
What is fueling you these days?
Is there anything just aswe're into fall, you know, it can
be a fun thing.
It can be a faith based thing.
It can be, you know, just anactivity you like doing.
I mean, I love all thingspumpkin, so 100 into, you know, all
things pumpkin flavored andtaste and all of those things.
(49:43):
But you know, for me it'sreally, I mean, family has always
been the most important thingfor me and that's really just kind
of what I hone in on.
You know, we're veryintentional, especially like around
Christmas time.
We always travel together as afamily and that's just what we've
always been very intentional about.
And those, this is the typeof, you know, the parts of the season
that I, that I love becauseit, there is intentional time for
(50:07):
us as a family of five even,you know, because our kids are bigger
now, so things are harder.
That's right.
Yeah.
Love that.
Wonderful.
All right, well, Jen, can youshare with us?
How can people learn aboutyour resources, your book and all
those good things?
So I have a website, it'scalled warriormomcoach.net and on
the website there's free resources.
(50:29):
You can join our VIP community.
There is a link to the freeFacebook community for Warrior Moms
Rising.
That's just.
It's a group.
We all come from differentstories, different backgrounds, different
struggles.
But it's.
There's prayer.
If you need prayer, there's encouragement.
All of those things are inthat group.
And then my book is on Amazonand on Barnes and noble.com wonderful.
(50:54):
Thank you so much for takingthe time and sharing both your story
of what you all have walkedthrough and come out of and then
also just sharing with us, youknow, so many practical tips and
ideas for how we can as momsjust navigate whatever it is that
we're going through and as yousaid, just have hope and encouragement
for what we're going through,but also what's on the other side
(51:16):
and what we're being calledinto as well.
So thank you so much.
Thanks for having me.
As I wrap up today's episodeone, I just want to say this episode
is for educational purposes orinformative purposes.
Only.
This is not medical advice.
Please seek help if you or aloved one is struggling with any
mental health struggles or issues.
(51:36):
Of course, call an emergencynumber if it's serious or you need
immediate help, but go andtalk to other people.
Get professional help for youor your children if you are experiencing
changes in how they're actingor what they're saying, or if they've
they're doing anything that'sharmful or concerning.
And I just want to tell youthough, that there is hope.
(51:58):
We can all walk through thesethings that we're struggling with,
whatever it might be, but wecan't always do it alone.
So find people to walkalongside you if you are dealing
with anything like this.
And you know, I just pray thatyou get the support and the guidance
that you need to continue tocare for your family and care for
(52:20):
yourself and have a bright andbeautiful future.
If you enjoyed today'sepisode, if you could leave a rating
review on Apple Podcast orwherever you listen to podcasts,
it helps the show getdiscovered by more people so that
we can continue to uplift andencourage people in their faith journey
as well as all of the otherparts of their lives.
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