May 20, 2024 • 11 mins
When was the last time you stopped to consider the role compassion has played in your own journey through life? Join me, Brett Nikula, as I share how embracing compassion has been my cornerstone to Fatherhood. In "The Power of Compassion," I reveal the personal growth spurring from my professional endeavors, opening up about the compassion in my childhood from those close to my heart. From the Connected Couples Campus to the Save the Date program, I ponder their future while reaffirming my commitment to the therapeutic connections that have shaped us along the way. A childhood story about an errant basketball and a broken window serves as a striking metaphor for the unexpected lessons that leave indelible marks on our lives.
This episode goes beyond stories; it's a call to action rooted in the concept of grace. I challenge us all to recognize the compassion we've been granted—often without merit—and the imperative to extend that same grace to those around us. It's a profound reminder that we can be vessels of love, transforming lives by sharing the same unconditional compassion that has molded us. As I encourage you through my own experiences, allow this perspective to resonate with you. It's more than a podcast; it's an invitation to spread the gift of compassion, one that promises to enrich your life and touch the souls of others.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Episode number 86, the Power of Compassion.
Hello and welcome to theFighting for Connection podcast.
I'm Brett Nicolau, a husband,father and fun lover.
Listen in as I share stories,tips and inspiration that will
(00:22):
move you toward the connectionthat you want in your
relationship.
Okie dokie, welcome back to theFighting for Connection podcast
.
I am doing really well here.
It's a rainy Thursday afternoonin downtown Buffalo and I
really hope that wherever youare listening to this podcast,
(00:46):
you too can be well.
Lately, I feel like so much hereat Pivotal Approach is changing
and I'm really in the depths ofshifting my whole business
model and I'm really excitedabout it.
And as I record this, I'mconsidering how, when this
podcast is published, it's goingto be a month from now, so
(01:06):
maybe there's already somechanges that you're recognizing,
maybe not, I guess.
I don't know how quickly thischange will really take effect.
As you can tell, it just seemslike so much is up in the air.
Yeah, I know that one thingwill continue to remain as is,
and that is my work withindividuals and couples on a
(01:27):
one-on-one therapeutic settingor basis.
Everything else, though, itseems like, is going to shift.
It's going to change inappearance or content, or it
might disappear altogether.
The Connected Couples Campus orCCC, my Save the Date, this
podcast, the Fighting forConnection podcast they all are
kind of in the crosshairs ofthis shift.
(01:50):
Who knows where it all goes.
But even just considering that,it's really kind of amazing to
think about, because there'sbeen so much time, energy,
effort, hours that have beenpoured into these products.
Between myself, kelsey, Janae,emma, jessica there's been a
(02:12):
whole bunch of people that havereally poured so much into these
products and they've reallyserved a purpose.
They've been products that haveallowed for me to grow and to
learn how to communicate in newand different ways, and I've
been able to hear from so manyof you how these products have
not only allowed for me to grow.
(02:33):
But you've been kind ofalongside of me and, as I've
shared tools that have been sohelpful for me, as I've shared
stories that have been importantto me and have caused me to
consider things in a newperspective, and as I've shared
people on this podcast that havehad tools and perspectives that
have been helpful for me,you've been so kind and generous
(02:56):
with even reaching out andsharing with me your experience
of these things.
Many of you have even sharedthat you've been able to take
something away from these things, that they've been helpful for
you, and of course that would bethe wish that this would not
only be self-serving but itwould also really support the
individuals that are inrelationships, so that they can
(03:17):
support their relationships, sothat they can support the
products that come out of thoserelationships so often, which
are kids.
That really is kind of like myown personal mission with
Pivotal Approach, even when itbegan.
And yet you know the vision thatI had for Pivotal Approach.
As I move towards that vision,I see beyond it and I see new
things and the vision shifts andchanges and that's just kind of
(03:40):
how it seems to work and like alittle boy who outgrows his
clothes and changes intosomething else when we grow, the
way I think of this is like atree that's planted into the
soil.
It's kind of planted into thesoil of therapy and
relationships and things likethat.
And I've just naturally kind ofgrown the longer I've been in
that soil.
The growth isn't always pretty,it's ugly and it doesn't grow
(04:04):
me necessarily as a person.
I think we're all equallyworthy.
We don't grow it, we're unableto grow as a person, but I do
think I've grown in kind of myawareness of the environment,
that I'm in the career that I'min my skill sets, around these
things, how I can best serveindividuals and relationships,
(04:24):
and what ways maybe aren't ashelpful, and that way we grow.
We can grow in different areasand skill sets and whatever our
gifts and talents are, itdoesn't ever make us better as a
person and it also doesn't makeus worse as a person.
Right, we don't lose ourworthiness.
Our worthiness is intrinsic.
We definitely can focus ourenergy and effort and we can be
(04:46):
planted into different soilsthat allow for us to grow out of
those soils.
I guess, long story short thistime in this field has allowed
for me to see differentopportunities and different ways
of serving, and I'm in no waystepping away from any of this.
I'm actually stepping intosomething that I think is pretty
cool and I'm sure I'll sharemore about it here in the future
(05:10):
on this podcast.
I'm excited about this.
Stay tuned.
I will let you know as soon asI know.
For today I wanted to share astory.
I have a bad memory, so maybeit's a story that I've already
shared here before, but it's astory that's really shaped my
own life and even my experienceas a father.
(05:30):
This story took place in mylife years ago now I'm not even
sure I was at least fourth,fifth, sixth grade, maybe
somewhere in that range and oneof my good friends and I we were
playing a game called AnnieAnnie I Over that's the name we
called it.
I guess I don't know if it'slike a nationally recognized
name or not, or game, butessentially the premise of the
(05:52):
game is you throw a ball overthe house, there's teams on
either side of the house and asthe ball comes over the house
you try to catch it.
And if you catch it, then youtry to sneak around the house
and take the other team, eitherwith the ball or by your hand.
So it's kind of like thisdodgeball type of game.
And my friend and I we wereplaying this game with a
basketball, me being myunathletic self.
(06:15):
I throw this basketball andtotally whiff the throw.
It doesn't go over the roof,rather it goes directly into a
bedroom window and of course itshatters the window and oh man,
I remember that feeling like oh,this ain't good.
So right away it felt like thiswas a serious infraction.
I was a troublemaker by natureand yet this one seemed like
(06:39):
uh-oh, right, I might havecrossed the line here.
I remember going down into myroom and pulling out my piggy
bank and I pulled out the $10.76or whatever it was in there and
I sat on the couch waiting formy dad to come home, maybe just
because it pertained to thecondition of the house or
whatever.
It seemed like it was my dadthat I had to answer to on this.
And as I walked through thedoor I remember kind of
(07:01):
approaching him and sayinghere's my money, and if it's not
enough, I can pay off whateverit costs.
And he's kind of like well,brett, what are we talking about
here?
And I was crying, I was prettyscared of what would happen here
.
And my dad you know hisdisappointment, his frustration
with me would affect me and Ididn't want to upset him, I
didn't want to disappoint him inany way.
(07:23):
As I explain this story, I'mkind of waiting to see that
disappointment and thatfrustration from my father.
But what I experienced wassomething far different.
He told me a story, long storyshort.
He had put a ball through awindow I believe his parents'
front picture window and he saidthat there his dad had shared
(07:44):
with him that he was going topay for that window.
My grandfather was going to payfor my father's window that he
broke and my grandfather sharedwith my father there that when
one of your boys breaks a window, I hope you would pay for that
window.
And so my dad said I'm going topay for this window, brett.
But he says you know, I hopewhen one of your boys breaks a
(08:05):
window, you are able to pay forthat one.
This story is one that I'veshared many times because it was
such a profound moment for meas a young boy.
It was one of those momentsthat changed kind of how I
understood my relationship withmy dad.
I think that the story has somany layers and I'm able to
utilize it in so many differentsituations because of the amount
(08:27):
of layers that it has.
As you consider that story,think of all these different
kind of lessons that are builtinto this.
I saw how my grandfather'scompassion for my father in that
moment shone through my fatherinto me, and I think that this
is how compassion works, thatyou know, it wasn't even my
dad's compassion necessarilythat I felt, but it was my
(08:50):
grandfather's compassion for mydad that I felt to that and it
shone through my dad onto me.
And now this same love, thissame compassion burns inside of
me.
It warms me in these momentswhen even my own children make
mistakes, choose difficultchoices.
I recognize that, even thoughthere's consequences, maybe that
(09:11):
they could have to these things, how sometimes the strongest
lesson that we can have out ofthese moments is compassion, and
I really believe that it's alesson to me of how compassion
works, that when we feel it,when we understand in some small
way the compassion and lovethat is given to us, we're able
to see and understand in somesmall way how loved we are, how
(09:36):
every one of us has been givengrace when we haven't deserved
it.
And if we can recognize this insome small way, it changes us.
It's that love that then isable to flow through us and onto
others.
I think that it's very difficultto love from our own place.
You know, when we see someoneunworthy in our own mind or who
(09:59):
doesn't necessarily deserve loveand compassion, it can be
difficult for us to give that.
But when we have recognized howmuch we've been given of this,
then it's able to flow throughus and onto others.
Maybe after this podcast, youcan spend some time just in
silence, really considering thelove that you have received.
And if you can't find that, ifyou can't recognize that, go
(10:23):
with this kind of a thought thatI hold that we deserve nothing.
And what if that was true thatwe deserve nothing?
We can look around and see howmuch we've been given, and even
this is grace and love for us.
If you can recognize thatyou've been loved far more than
you deserve, then are you ableto let that love, that
(10:45):
compassion, flow through you.
Are you able to pour that intoothers so that they have an
opportunity to experience what Iexperienced as a young boy the
power of compassion?
Have a great week, everybody,bye-bye.
This has been the Fighting forConnection podcast.
(11:10):
If you've enjoyed this podcastand want more content like this,
check out my Connected CouplesCampus, which can be found on my
website, wwwpivotalapproachcom,and become the difference you
need in your relationship.
Episode number 86, the Power of Compassion.
Hello and welcome to theFighting for Connection podcast.
I'm Brett Nicolau, a husband,father and fun lover.
Listen in as I share stories,tips and inspiration that will
(00:22):
move you toward the connectionthat you want in your
relationship.
Okie dokie, welcome back to theFighting for Connection podcast
.
I am doing really well here.
It's a rainy Thursday afternoonin downtown Buffalo and I
really hope that wherever youare listening to this podcast,
(00:46):
you too can be well.
Lately, I feel like so much hereat Pivotal Approach is changing
and I'm really in the depths ofshifting my whole business
model and I'm really excitedabout it.
And as I record this, I'mconsidering how, when this
podcast is published, it's goingto be a month from now, so
(01:06):
maybe there's already somechanges that you're recognizing,
maybe not, I guess.
I don't know how quickly thischange will really take effect.
As you can tell, it just seemslike so much is up in the air.
Yeah, I know that one thingwill continue to remain as is,
and that is my work withindividuals and couples on a
(01:27):
one-on-one therapeutic settingor basis.
Everything else, though, itseems like, is going to shift.
It's going to change inappearance or content, or it
might disappear altogether.
The Connected Couples Campus orCCC, my Save the Date, this
podcast, the Fighting forConnection podcast they all are
kind of in the crosshairs ofthis shift.
(01:50):
Who knows where it all goes.
But even just considering that,it's really kind of amazing to
think about, because there'sbeen so much time, energy,
effort, hours that have beenpoured into these products.
Between myself, kelsey, Janae,emma, jessica there's been a
(02:12):
whole bunch of people that havereally poured so much into these
products and they've reallyserved a purpose.
They've been products that haveallowed for me to grow and to
learn how to communicate in newand different ways, and I've
been able to hear from so manyof you how these products have
not only allowed for me to grow.
(02:33):
But you've been kind ofalongside of me and, as I've
shared tools that have been sohelpful for me, as I've shared
stories that have been importantto me and have caused me to
consider things in a newperspective, and as I've shared
people on this podcast that havehad tools and perspectives that
have been helpful for me,you've been so kind and generous
(02:56):
with even reaching out andsharing with me your experience
of these things.
Many of you have even sharedthat you've been able to take
something away from these things, that they've been helpful for
you, and of course that would bethe wish that this would not
only be self-serving but itwould also really support the
individuals that are inrelationships, so that they can
(03:17):
support their relationships, sothat they can support the
products that come out of thoserelationships so often, which
are kids.
That really is kind of like myown personal mission with
Pivotal Approach, even when itbegan.
And yet you know the vision thatI had for Pivotal Approach.
As I move towards that vision,I see beyond it and I see new
things and the vision shifts andchanges and that's just kind of
(03:40):
how it seems to work and like alittle boy who outgrows his
clothes and changes intosomething else when we grow, the
way I think of this is like atree that's planted into the
soil.
It's kind of planted into thesoil of therapy and
relationships and things likethat.
And I've just naturally kind ofgrown the longer I've been in
that soil.
The growth isn't always pretty,it's ugly and it doesn't grow
(04:04):
me necessarily as a person.
I think we're all equallyworthy.
We don't grow it, we're unableto grow as a person, but I do
think I've grown in kind of myawareness of the environment,
that I'm in the career that I'min my skill sets, around these
things, how I can best serveindividuals and relationships,
(04:24):
and what ways maybe aren't ashelpful, and that way we grow.
We can grow in different areasand skill sets and whatever our
gifts and talents are, itdoesn't ever make us better as a
person and it also doesn't makeus worse as a person.
Right, we don't lose ourworthiness.
Our worthiness is intrinsic.
We definitely can focus ourenergy and effort and we can be
(04:46):
planted into different soilsthat allow for us to grow out of
those soils.
I guess, long story short thistime in this field has allowed
for me to see differentopportunities and different ways
of serving, and I'm in no waystepping away from any of this.
I'm actually stepping intosomething that I think is pretty
cool and I'm sure I'll sharemore about it here in the future
(05:10):
on this podcast.
I'm excited about this.
Stay tuned.
I will let you know as soon asI know.
For today I wanted to share astory.
I have a bad memory, so maybeit's a story that I've already
shared here before, but it's astory that's really shaped my
own life and even my experienceas a father.
(05:30):
This story took place in mylife years ago now I'm not even
sure I was at least fourth,fifth, sixth grade, maybe
somewhere in that range and oneof my good friends and I we were
playing a game called AnnieAnnie I Over that's the name we
called it.
I guess I don't know if it'slike a nationally recognized
name or not, or game, butessentially the premise of the
(05:52):
game is you throw a ball overthe house, there's teams on
either side of the house and asthe ball comes over the house
you try to catch it.
And if you catch it, then youtry to sneak around the house
and take the other team, eitherwith the ball or by your hand.
So it's kind of like thisdodgeball type of game.
And my friend and I we wereplaying this game with a
basketball, me being myunathletic self.
(06:15):
I throw this basketball andtotally whiff the throw.
It doesn't go over the roof,rather it goes directly into a
bedroom window and of course itshatters the window and oh man,
I remember that feeling like oh,this ain't good.
So right away it felt like thiswas a serious infraction.
I was a troublemaker by natureand yet this one seemed like
(06:39):
uh-oh, right, I might havecrossed the line here.
I remember going down into myroom and pulling out my piggy
bank and I pulled out the $10.76or whatever it was in there and
I sat on the couch waiting formy dad to come home, maybe just
because it pertained to thecondition of the house or
whatever.
It seemed like it was my dadthat I had to answer to on this.
And as I walked through thedoor I remember kind of
(07:01):
approaching him and sayinghere's my money, and if it's not
enough, I can pay off whateverit costs.
And he's kind of like well,brett, what are we talking about
here?
And I was crying, I was prettyscared of what would happen here
.
And my dad you know hisdisappointment, his frustration
with me would affect me and Ididn't want to upset him, I
didn't want to disappoint him inany way.
(07:23):
As I explain this story, I'mkind of waiting to see that
disappointment and thatfrustration from my father.
But what I experienced wassomething far different.
He told me a story, long storyshort.
He had put a ball through awindow I believe his parents'
front picture window and he saidthat there his dad had shared
(07:44):
with him that he was going topay for that window.
My grandfather was going to payfor my father's window that he
broke and my grandfather sharedwith my father there that when
one of your boys breaks a window, I hope you would pay for that
window.
And so my dad said I'm going topay for this window, brett.
But he says you know, I hopewhen one of your boys breaks a
(08:05):
window, you are able to pay forthat one.
This story is one that I'veshared many times because it was
such a profound moment for meas a young boy.
It was one of those momentsthat changed kind of how I
understood my relationship withmy dad.
I think that the story has somany layers and I'm able to
utilize it in so many differentsituations because of the amount
(08:27):
of layers that it has.
As you consider that story,think of all these different
kind of lessons that are builtinto this.
I saw how my grandfather'scompassion for my father in that
moment shone through my fatherinto me, and I think that this
is how compassion works, thatyou know, it wasn't even my
dad's compassion necessarilythat I felt, but it was my
(08:50):
grandfather's compassion for mydad that I felt to that and it
shone through my dad onto me.
And now this same love, thissame compassion burns inside of
me.
It warms me in these momentswhen even my own children make
mistakes, choose difficultchoices.
I recognize that, even thoughthere's consequences, maybe that
(09:11):
they could have to these things, how sometimes the strongest
lesson that we can have out ofthese moments is compassion, and
I really believe that it's alesson to me of how compassion
works, that when we feel it,when we understand in some small
way the compassion and lovethat is given to us, we're able
to see and understand in somesmall way how loved we are, how
(09:36):
every one of us has been givengrace when we haven't deserved
it.
And if we can recognize this insome small way, it changes us.
It's that love that then isable to flow through us and onto
others.
I think that it's very difficultto love from our own place.
You know, when we see someoneunworthy in our own mind or who
(09:59):
doesn't necessarily deserve loveand compassion, it can be
difficult for us to give that.
But when we have recognized howmuch we've been given of this,
then it's able to flow throughus and onto others.
Maybe after this podcast, youcan spend some time just in
silence, really considering thelove that you have received.
And if you can't find that, ifyou can't recognize that, go
(10:23):
with this kind of a thought thatI hold that we deserve nothing.
And what if that was true thatwe deserve nothing?
We can look around and see howmuch we've been given, and even
this is grace and love for us.
If you can recognize thatyou've been loved far more than
you deserve, then are you ableto let that love, that
(10:45):
compassion, flow through you.
Are you able to pour that intoothers so that they have an
opportunity to experience what Iexperienced as a young boy the
power of compassion?
Have a great week, everybody,bye-bye.
This has been the Fighting forConnection podcast.
(11:10):
If you've enjoyed this podcastand want more content like this,
check out my Connected CouplesCampus, which can be found on my
website, wwwpivotalapproachcom,and become the difference you
need in your relationship.
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