May 28, 2025 • 25 mins
We confront the reality of injustice in foster care and explore how to effectively advocate for change without burning out or losing sight of our purpose. From recognizing that not every battle is ours to fight, to making strategic relationships within the system, these seven practical tips help foster parents navigate the broken parts of the system with wisdom and grace.
• Not every injustice is your battle to fight—ask God for discernment about which assignments are yours
• Get educated before advocating—understand the reasoning behind policies before fighting to change them
• Identify gaps in the system rather than just complaining about what's broken
• Advocate with respect instead of rage—your voice carries more weight when delivered with grace
• Build relationships with people working in the system to increase your influence
• Cover everything in prayer and trust that God sees every injustice
This is the last episode of the season. We'll be taking a break for the summer and returning the first week of August with all new episodes and amazing guests. Screenshot this episode, share it to your Instagram stories, and tag me @NicoleTBarlow to let me know how you're choosing to advocate with grace in this season.
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Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Welcome to the Foster Parent Well podcast, where we
have real candid, faith-filledconversations about all things
foster care, adoption and trauma.
I'm your host, nicole T Barlow.
I'm a certified parent trainer,a certified health coach and an
adoptive parent myself.
This is a space where you canfind support so that you can
care for your kids with asteadfast faith, endurance and
(00:55):
joy.
I want you to with a bit of anupdate and an apology.
If you noticed, I didn't drop anepisode last week.
It's because life hit hard.
You may have seen it on myInstagram, but my daughter had a
seizure at church.
We ended up spending most ofthe week last week in and out of
doctor's offices really tryingto get some answers.
(01:15):
We still have a neurologistappointment coming up this week,
but right now, the workingtheory is that it was at least
partially due to a vagalresponse.
Basically, her nervous systemoverreacted to pain or stress.
Her back had been hurting andwhile we're still digging into
why her back was hurting, thiswas her body's response to that
(01:37):
stress.
And listen, this is something Iwant to pause on before we get
into today's topic.
Our kids from trauma often haveexaggerated responses, not just
emotionally but physically.
The nervous system neverforgets.
When your early story is filledwith stress, neglect, abuse or
(02:00):
instability of any kind, yourbody learns to live in a state
of hyper alert, and that doesn'tjust go away because we put
them in a loving home.
It shows up in behavior, yes,and we talk a lot about that,
but it also shows up in guthealth, immune systems,
headaches, fatigues and, in ourcase this week, passing out and
(02:21):
a seizure.
And it reminded me, traumaaffects the whole body and this
is not just their truth, friends, it's ours too.
We carry stress in our bodiesand often we ignore it until we
can't anymore, which is part ofwhy I'm hosting a faith and
fitness challenge this June.
This isn't trauma specific, ifyou know, if you listen to this
(02:44):
podcast.
I work as a health and wellnesscoach for foster and adoptive
parents and I run challengesthat primarily focus on
trauma-informed health.
This faith fitness challengeisn't trauma-informed.
We're not working through atrauma lens.
It is specific to our faith.
(03:08):
It's about aligning ourphysical health goals with our
faith and our calling.
So that part does relate tofoster care and adoption, but
this challenge itself is open topeople from all walks of life,
not just foster and adoptiveparents.
But I still think it could be agreat resource for a lot of you
(03:28):
that are looking to work onsupporting stress in your own
body, because you matter too.
Your strength, stamina,spiritual health it's all part
of how you show up for your kids, and I'd love to have you join
us.
I'll put a link in the shownotes to the wait list, but it's
(03:49):
going to be a great time ofreally digging into how our
health can align with our faithand our calling.
All right, deep breath, let'sdive in.
We're talking about injusticetoday because here's the truth.
If you've been in this spacelong enough even if you haven't
been in this space very long youwill see injustice.
(04:11):
I have.
I've seen children sent back tohomes that were clearly unsafe.
I've watched red flags beignored because the parents'
rights in a lot of cases meantmore than a child's safety.
I've had to sit with the sickreality that someone who should
(04:31):
be protecting a child wasactually harming them.
I see pictures in my mind allthe time of scenes where kids
that I know were mistreated andharmed, and I've seen foster
parents who weren't in this forthe right reasons, who actually
made things worse for kids intheir care.
I think a lot of times we getinto this and we think that all
(04:53):
foster parents are getting intothis for the right reasons, but
that's not true.
There are foster parents thatmistreat kids.
Listen, that sometimes is themost dangerous, I think, because
when the system takes you outof a place because it's unsafe
and they put you into a placethat is unsafe but they're
(05:15):
calling it safe, it solidifiesin your mind as a child that
there is no safe place.
So that can be really, reallydetrimental to kids and their
mindset.
And then you have the systemitself.
I mean it's overwhelmed, it'sunderfunded, it's bound by
policies that sometimes feel alot more like barriers than
(05:39):
protections, and don't even getme started on the mental health
part of the system.
So much of that needs to bechanged.
So if you felt helpless,heartbroken or really really
angry, you're not wrong.
I mean, many times this is thehardest part of what we do.
It's seeing all of thebrokenness.
But we need to talk about howwe should respond when we see
(06:03):
injustice, because our reactiondoesn't just shape us, it shapes
what kind of light we bringinto the darkness.
So I want to start by talkingabout a couple of things not to
do when we see injustice.
I did talk about these on myInstagram, but I want to touch
(06:25):
on these briefly.
So the first thing is don't losesight of your purpose.
Keep your mind focused on whatyou were originally called to do
.
Don't assume everyone in thesystem is evil, even when
sometimes it may look like thatfrom the outside.
Don't stomp and scream with nostrategy.
It's just not helpful.
Don't walk away from theoutside.
Don't stomp and scream with nostrategy.
It's just not helpful.
(06:47):
Don't walk away from themission entirely.
I think that is one that comesup often is when the system gets
too hard, when people it's toohard to look at injustice every
day, they just get out of itentirely.
And the last one is definitelydon't stay silent.
(07:07):
We are called to do justice, tolove mercy, right, but we want
to do it correctly.
So I want to give you guys alittle picture of why.
Because here's the thing If Igo to be a missionary in a
foreign country let's say I goto one where women do not have
(07:31):
equal rights I go there to sharethe gospel with people that
need it, but when I look aroundand I see that women aren't
treated fairly, I march up tothe government and I start
pitching a fit about how womenaren't treated fairly.
What's going to happen?
Am I going to get a chance tospread the gospel?
Well, probably not, because I'mgoing to be imprisoned or sent
(07:54):
home or worse right.
The same is true in foster care.
So you can stomp your foot atthe system, but you might get
shut out altogether.
Stomp your foot at the system,but you might get shut out
altogether.
Now I do think that God calls usto bring injustice to light in
order for us to fight it.
I do think that that's true,but we need to make sure we're
(08:18):
fighting the injustice that Godwants us in.
He might just want us to show akid that they matter in spite
of injustice.
He might want us to fight forsomething, but the way that we
do that matters.
So let's get into the goodstuff.
(08:38):
This is how we advocate in theright way.
So we're going to walk throughhow to actually respond when you
see injustice, because how weadvocate matters.
So let's do it the Jesus waynot soft and not silent, but
wise and grounded and powerful.
(09:02):
So I have seven tips for you.
The first one is to recognizethat not every battle is yours,
ask God first.
Some things that will breakyour heart are not meant to be
your assignment.
So before you charge in y'alland I'm a charger, if you heard
the last two episodes ago, Italked about this a little bit
I'm one that when I first gotinto this I charged the system
(09:25):
head on, but I learned veryquickly that before I charge the
system, I need to pause and Ineed to pray, asking God like
Lord.
Is this mine to carry or is itmine to just lift up to you in
prayer?
Even Jesus didn't chase downevery injustice.
(09:47):
He followed the Father's lead.
John 5.19 says the son can donothing by himself, only what he
sees his father doing.
So where does the Lord want youin this season and what
influence has he given you?
Because I think that'simportant to pay attention to.
There are lots of battles tofight in this foster care world,
(10:10):
but we can't fight and win themall.
So let's use wisdom anddiscernment on which battles
have been given to us.
Sometimes the best thing we cando is to keep our heads down
and focus on the mission at hand.
Okay, second tip is to geteducated before you get loud.
Advocacy without understandingjust becomes a lot of noise.
(10:34):
Learn the laws.
Noise, learn the laws.
Ask the right questions.
Read the policy, don't justrage.
And you guys, I understand therage, but research it.
I remember the first time I readthere's a policy, or there used
to be a policy in our state.
(10:54):
The way that it read is thatthe state shall file termination
of parental rights when thechild has been in care 15 out of
the most recent 22 months.
So when a child has been incare for 15 months out of the
(11:15):
last two years or whatever, thestate should file for
termination of parental rights.
And then the policy goes on tosay unless it doesn't, so the
state should file fortermination unless they don't.
And I thought how stupid isthat?
(11:38):
That's the stupidest thing I'veever read.
But when I really understoodthe intent behind it and the
intent behind it is that if aparent is doing all the things
that they're supposed to do andthat child is going to be better
off with that biological parent, you want to give the judge a
(11:59):
little leeway to be able to makethat decision.
Now, do some judges take thattoo far sometimes?
Yes, I'm sure, but the intentbehind that law makes it not
quite as dumb, as I originallythought when I first read it.
(12:20):
But do your research.
Proverbs 18.13 says to answerbefore listening.
That is folly and shame.
Every law and policy has areason behind it.
Maybe you don't like the policyin your state that requires you
to take a baby to daycare.
Maybe that's not a policy inyour state that requires you to
take a baby to daycare.
Maybe that's not a policy inyour state, but maybe it is.
(12:40):
But that policy I know in ourarea originated because a child
in the system went missingbecause there was not enough
accountability.
So it was meant to give moreeyes on kids in care to make
sure that they were safe, right.
So you don't want to just comeagainst stuff, because a lot of
times there is a reason thatthat policy was put in place to
(13:02):
begin with.
Or maybe you don't like that.
Parents seem to have morerights than kids.
But that law, those laws,actually protect you as a parent
and they allow you to make whatyou feel like are the best
parenting decisions for yourfamily.
So if you mess with that law,you risk the rights of good
parents too if you don't do itcorrectly.
(13:24):
That doesn't mean that policiesand laws don't need to change A
lot of them do.
It just means we need to bewise about how we advocate and
change them.
We need to understand themeaning, why those things were
put in place to begin with.
Number three is to take note ofthe gaps.
(13:45):
When something's broken, don'tjust shout about it.
So try to figure out where'sthe weakness.
What's actually missing?
Is it support?
Is it oversight?
Is it training Solutions?
Start with seeing thingsclearly.
Sometimes your role isn't goingto be to fix it, it's just to
(14:06):
point out the cracks withclarity and courage.
We may be given a space to makepeople aware of the gaps in the
system without having to bethat force that actually changes
it.
So use discernment in that andreally try to figure out where
are those holes?
Why are things falling throughcracks?
(14:27):
Okay, number four is to advocatewith respect and not rage,
which y'all I understand iseasier said than done, because
when you see kids beingmistreated, when you see
injustice, especially as itrelates to kids, specifically
kids that you know and love, itdoes kind of stir up this
(14:52):
righteous anger inside of you.
But you can honor people whilechallenging the systems.
Your voice can have weight,especially when it's delivered
with grace.
Proverbs 51 says A gentleanswer turns away wrath, but a
harsh word stirs up anger.
(15:13):
When Jesus stood beforeinjustice, he spoke truth, but
he didn't have to yell to beheard.
He knew he carried authority.
And you guys, so do you.
When you speak truth out loud,it has power, so make sure that
you're using it effectively.
(15:34):
Okay, number five, and this onemay seem odd to some people and
maybe hard sometimes, but makefriends in the system.
And yes, I said friends,influence often comes through
relationship.
Said friends, influence oftencomes through relationship.
(15:56):
So find the good ones the caseworkers who care, the teachers
who get it, the judges whoactually listen, and even when
you think that somebody doesn'tcare, when you think they're not
doing their job, get to knowtheir stories Really.
Get to know people.
It helps you understand whythey do the things that they do.
In one of our cases we had astate attorney that I really
(16:25):
felt like just was not doingtheir job and I sat down with
them and got to know their storya little bit and it made a lot
more sense.
They had fought really, reallyhard, spent hours and hours and
hours fighting for a couple ofcases where kids were still sent
(16:51):
back to unsafe environments.
And you guys, if that was myjob and I had spent countless
hours looking at photographs ofbruises and harm done to kids
and they were still sent back todangerous situations, it would
(17:14):
make it really, really hard forme to dig that deep into future
stories.
So it didn't make what washappening in the case okay, but
it did make it moreunderstandable.
I understood that person'sstory and I will tell you, as I
(17:34):
got to know them and as they gotto know me, I started to be
able to have more influence overencouraging people to fight for
justice.
Learning people's stories,getting to know them, helps
build trust.
(17:55):
Even if you look at Paul in theNew Testament, he leaned on
Roman officials to protect himand advance the gospel.
It really makes room, you guys,when we build relationship.
It makes room for an impact,for you to have a bigger impact.
So really lean into buildingthose relationships, getting to
(18:18):
know the people around you inthe system.
Okay.
Number six cover everything inbold prayer, y'all.
This isn't just a platitude,this isn't fluffy.
Prayer moves mountains and,honestly, it changes us.
It changes our hearts.
(18:38):
It aligns our hearts to God's.
Don't just pray over the kids,you guys.
Pray over decision makers.
Pray over policies andpolicymakers.
Pray over the paperwork.
Pray over judges.
Pray over the parts that younever see.
I'm talking big, bold prayers.
(18:59):
Pray over the foster caresystem in general, just,
nationwide, internationally Pray.
Pray for families, to stand upfor families that are not doing
it for the right reasons.
Pray boldly that a light beshined on them and they be moved
(19:21):
out of the system.
Really use prayer as a resourceto fight for kids and fight for
justice.
James 5.16 says the prayer of arighteous person is powerful
and effective.
Let us lean into that, allright.
And number seven is to leaninto God, knowing that he is the
(19:44):
judge.
God sees every injustice.
He hears every silent cry,every injustice.
He hears every silent cry andhe's the one who will ultimately
make it all right.
Exodus 14, 14 says the Lordwill fight for you.
You need only to be still.
Let your advocacy start from aplace of trust and not panic.
(20:06):
This is really where we startto trust God.
I mean, we had a placement thatwent home.
They went home to a place thatwe felt was unsafe at the time.
I had to really wrestle withGod on that.
I had to get to a place where,no matter the outcome like it
(20:26):
did not matter what the outcomewas or what happened me and God
were still good, because he isgood y'all.
And that did not come easily.
That took a lot of wrestling,took a lot of digging in and it
took a lot of Him showing up andchanging my heart.
And while every situation isn'tgood, I know that.
(20:50):
I know that I know that he willuse it for our good and for His
glory.
One day, you guys, he is goingto make it right and that
wrestling that we do with theinjustice it can be the thing
that pulls us closer to God,that really hymns us in to God,
that really hymns us in in ourfaith, in our relationship with
(21:12):
Him, in a way that nothing elsereally can.
So sit in that place, wrestlewith Him.
He is not scared to listen toyour questions.
You guys, Sit with Him in that,wrestle through the injustices
that you see, all right, theinjustices that you see, all
(21:37):
right.
I know that this work is heavyand I know the injustice you've
seen might make you feel likegiving up, but please hear me,
you are not alone in this.
God is still just, god is stillmoving, and your voice, when
it's aligned with him, canchange things.
As we wrap up Foster CareAwareness Month, really sit with
(22:01):
how God is calling you to movewith the injustices of the
system.
If today hit you deep, I want toinvite you again into the Faith
and Fitness Challenge this June.
Let's take care of our bodies,not just out of guilt or grind,
but because we are called tostand strong in a broken world,
and that is hard.
(22:21):
It's not just hard on ourhearts, it's hard on our bodies
too.
So you can find the link forthe wait list for that in the
show notes.
And hey, if this episodeencouraged you, would you do me
a favor?
Screenshot it.
Share it to your stories onInstagram and tag me at Nicole T
Barlow and let me know, tell mehow you are choosing to
(22:44):
advocate with Grace in thisseason.
Also, this is the last episodeof the season.
You guys, we'll be taking abreak for the summer and
replaying some of my favoriteepisodes that you may have
missed or maybe you need tolisten to again.
So message me your favoriteepisode and make sure that it
makes the list.
(23:05):
We will be back the first weekof August with all new episodes
and some amazing guests.
Let me pray for us as we wrap uptoday.
God, we come to you today withheavy hearts, not hopeless but
honest.
You see every crack in thesystem.
You hear every cry we werenever meant to hear.
(23:26):
You witness every injustice,even the ones hidden behind
closed doors and clean paperwork, god, and still you invite us
to the fight, to not grow weary,to speak with boldness, to lead
with grace, to trust thatjustice does not begin or end
with us, but it does movethrough us.
(23:48):
So, god, teach us to advocateyour way.
Give us discernment to knowwhich battles are ours and which
are not.
Give us courage to speak upwhen we'd rather stay silent.
Give us humility to listen, tolearn to lead without pride, god
, and give us endurance, not thekind that runs on fumes, but
the kind that runs on you.
(24:09):
Cover our children, god.
Cover their bodies, theirstories, their healing journeys.
Cover our families.
Cover every space that we'resent into Courtrooms, classrooms
, caseworker offices, kitchens,lord.
Cover every single space.
Make us vessels of peace, god,not passivity.
(24:32):
Make us agents of change andnot chaos, lord.
Make us people of prayer beforewe are people of pressure.
We trust you, lord, even whenwe don't understand, we follow
you even when the road feelsunfair, and we thank you even
when the road feels unfair.
(24:52):
And we thank you, god, we loveyou, we trust you In Jesus' name
(25:17):
, amen, thank you.
Welcome to the Foster Parent Well podcast, where we
have real candid, faith-filledconversations about all things
foster care, adoption and trauma.
I'm your host, nicole T Barlow.
I'm a certified parent trainer,a certified health coach and an
adoptive parent myself.
This is a space where you canfind support so that you can
care for your kids with asteadfast faith, endurance and
(00:55):
joy.
I want you to with a bit of anupdate and an apology.
If you noticed, I didn't drop anepisode last week.
It's because life hit hard.
You may have seen it on myInstagram, but my daughter had a
seizure at church.
We ended up spending most ofthe week last week in and out of
doctor's offices really tryingto get some answers.
(01:15):
We still have a neurologistappointment coming up this week,
but right now, the workingtheory is that it was at least
partially due to a vagalresponse.
Basically, her nervous systemoverreacted to pain or stress.
Her back had been hurting andwhile we're still digging into
why her back was hurting, thiswas her body's response to that
(01:37):
stress.
And listen, this is something Iwant to pause on before we get
into today's topic.
Our kids from trauma often haveexaggerated responses, not just
emotionally but physically.
The nervous system neverforgets.
When your early story is filledwith stress, neglect, abuse or
(02:00):
instability of any kind, yourbody learns to live in a state
of hyper alert, and that doesn'tjust go away because we put
them in a loving home.
It shows up in behavior, yes,and we talk a lot about that,
but it also shows up in guthealth, immune systems,
headaches, fatigues and, in ourcase this week, passing out and
(02:21):
a seizure.
And it reminded me, traumaaffects the whole body and this
is not just their truth, friends, it's ours too.
We carry stress in our bodiesand often we ignore it until we
can't anymore, which is part ofwhy I'm hosting a faith and
fitness challenge this June.
This isn't trauma specific, ifyou know, if you listen to this
(02:44):
podcast.
I work as a health and wellnesscoach for foster and adoptive
parents and I run challengesthat primarily focus on
trauma-informed health.
This faith fitness challengeisn't trauma-informed.
We're not working through atrauma lens.
It is specific to our faith.
(03:08):
It's about aligning ourphysical health goals with our
faith and our calling.
So that part does relate tofoster care and adoption, but
this challenge itself is open topeople from all walks of life,
not just foster and adoptiveparents.
But I still think it could be agreat resource for a lot of you
(03:28):
that are looking to work onsupporting stress in your own
body, because you matter too.
Your strength, stamina,spiritual health it's all part
of how you show up for your kids, and I'd love to have you join
us.
I'll put a link in the shownotes to the wait list, but it's
(03:49):
going to be a great time ofreally digging into how our
health can align with our faithand our calling.
All right, deep breath, let'sdive in.
We're talking about injusticetoday because here's the truth.
If you've been in this spacelong enough even if you haven't
been in this space very long youwill see injustice.
(04:11):
I have.
I've seen children sent back tohomes that were clearly unsafe.
I've watched red flags beignored because the parents'
rights in a lot of cases meantmore than a child's safety.
I've had to sit with the sickreality that someone who should
(04:31):
be protecting a child wasactually harming them.
I see pictures in my mind allthe time of scenes where kids
that I know were mistreated andharmed, and I've seen foster
parents who weren't in this forthe right reasons, who actually
made things worse for kids intheir care.
I think a lot of times we getinto this and we think that all
(04:53):
foster parents are getting intothis for the right reasons, but
that's not true.
There are foster parents thatmistreat kids.
Listen, that sometimes is themost dangerous, I think, because
when the system takes you outof a place because it's unsafe
and they put you into a placethat is unsafe but they're
(05:15):
calling it safe, it solidifiesin your mind as a child that
there is no safe place.
So that can be really, reallydetrimental to kids and their
mindset.
And then you have the systemitself.
I mean it's overwhelmed, it'sunderfunded, it's bound by
policies that sometimes feel alot more like barriers than
(05:39):
protections, and don't even getme started on the mental health
part of the system.
So much of that needs to bechanged.
So if you felt helpless,heartbroken or really really
angry, you're not wrong.
I mean, many times this is thehardest part of what we do.
It's seeing all of thebrokenness.
But we need to talk about howwe should respond when we see
(06:03):
injustice, because our reactiondoesn't just shape us, it shapes
what kind of light we bringinto the darkness.
So I want to start by talkingabout a couple of things not to
do when we see injustice.
I did talk about these on myInstagram, but I want to touch
(06:25):
on these briefly.
So the first thing is don't losesight of your purpose.
Keep your mind focused on whatyou were originally called to do
.
Don't assume everyone in thesystem is evil, even when
sometimes it may look like thatfrom the outside.
Don't stomp and scream with nostrategy.
It's just not helpful.
Don't walk away from theoutside.
Don't stomp and scream with nostrategy.
It's just not helpful.
(06:47):
Don't walk away from themission entirely.
I think that is one that comesup often is when the system gets
too hard, when people it's toohard to look at injustice every
day, they just get out of itentirely.
And the last one is definitelydon't stay silent.
(07:07):
We are called to do justice, tolove mercy, right, but we want
to do it correctly.
So I want to give you guys alittle picture of why.
Because here's the thing If Igo to be a missionary in a
foreign country let's say I goto one where women do not have
(07:31):
equal rights I go there to sharethe gospel with people that
need it, but when I look aroundand I see that women aren't
treated fairly, I march up tothe government and I start
pitching a fit about how womenaren't treated fairly.
What's going to happen?
Am I going to get a chance tospread the gospel?
Well, probably not, because I'mgoing to be imprisoned or sent
(07:54):
home or worse right.
The same is true in foster care.
So you can stomp your foot atthe system, but you might get
shut out altogether.
Stomp your foot at the system,but you might get shut out
altogether.
Now I do think that God calls usto bring injustice to light in
order for us to fight it.
I do think that that's true,but we need to make sure we're
(08:18):
fighting the injustice that Godwants us in.
He might just want us to show akid that they matter in spite
of injustice.
He might want us to fight forsomething, but the way that we
do that matters.
So let's get into the goodstuff.
(08:38):
This is how we advocate in theright way.
So we're going to walk throughhow to actually respond when you
see injustice, because how weadvocate matters.
So let's do it the Jesus waynot soft and not silent, but
wise and grounded and powerful.
(09:02):
So I have seven tips for you.
The first one is to recognizethat not every battle is yours,
ask God first.
Some things that will breakyour heart are not meant to be
your assignment.
So before you charge in y'alland I'm a charger, if you heard
the last two episodes ago, Italked about this a little bit
I'm one that when I first gotinto this I charged the system
(09:25):
head on, but I learned veryquickly that before I charge the
system, I need to pause and Ineed to pray, asking God like
Lord.
Is this mine to carry or is itmine to just lift up to you in
prayer?
Even Jesus didn't chase downevery injustice.
(09:47):
He followed the Father's lead.
John 5.19 says the son can donothing by himself, only what he
sees his father doing.
So where does the Lord want youin this season and what
influence has he given you?
Because I think that'simportant to pay attention to.
There are lots of battles tofight in this foster care world,
(10:10):
but we can't fight and win themall.
So let's use wisdom anddiscernment on which battles
have been given to us.
Sometimes the best thing we cando is to keep our heads down
and focus on the mission at hand.
Okay, second tip is to geteducated before you get loud.
Advocacy without understandingjust becomes a lot of noise.
(10:34):
Learn the laws.
Noise, learn the laws.
Ask the right questions.
Read the policy, don't justrage.
And you guys, I understand therage, but research it.
I remember the first time I readthere's a policy, or there used
to be a policy in our state.
(10:54):
The way that it read is thatthe state shall file termination
of parental rights when thechild has been in care 15 out of
the most recent 22 months.
So when a child has been incare for 15 months out of the
(11:15):
last two years or whatever, thestate should file for
termination of parental rights.
And then the policy goes on tosay unless it doesn't, so the
state should file fortermination unless they don't.
And I thought how stupid isthat?
(11:38):
That's the stupidest thing I'veever read.
But when I really understoodthe intent behind it and the
intent behind it is that if aparent is doing all the things
that they're supposed to do andthat child is going to be better
off with that biological parent, you want to give the judge a
(11:59):
little leeway to be able to makethat decision.
Now, do some judges take thattoo far sometimes?
Yes, I'm sure, but the intentbehind that law makes it not
quite as dumb, as I originallythought when I first read it.
(12:20):
But do your research.
Proverbs 18.13 says to answerbefore listening.
That is folly and shame.
Every law and policy has areason behind it.
Maybe you don't like the policyin your state that requires you
to take a baby to daycare.
Maybe that's not a policy inyour state that requires you to
take a baby to daycare.
Maybe that's not a policy inyour state, but maybe it is.
(12:40):
But that policy I know in ourarea originated because a child
in the system went missingbecause there was not enough
accountability.
So it was meant to give moreeyes on kids in care to make
sure that they were safe, right.
So you don't want to just comeagainst stuff, because a lot of
times there is a reason thatthat policy was put in place to
(13:02):
begin with.
Or maybe you don't like that.
Parents seem to have morerights than kids.
But that law, those laws,actually protect you as a parent
and they allow you to make whatyou feel like are the best
parenting decisions for yourfamily.
So if you mess with that law,you risk the rights of good
parents too if you don't do itcorrectly.
(13:24):
That doesn't mean that policiesand laws don't need to change A
lot of them do.
It just means we need to bewise about how we advocate and
change them.
We need to understand themeaning, why those things were
put in place to begin with.
Number three is to take note ofthe gaps.
(13:45):
When something's broken, don'tjust shout about it.
So try to figure out where'sthe weakness.
What's actually missing?
Is it support?
Is it oversight?
Is it training Solutions?
Start with seeing thingsclearly.
Sometimes your role isn't goingto be to fix it, it's just to
(14:06):
point out the cracks withclarity and courage.
We may be given a space to makepeople aware of the gaps in the
system without having to bethat force that actually changes
it.
So use discernment in that andreally try to figure out where
are those holes?
Why are things falling throughcracks?
(14:27):
Okay, number four is to advocatewith respect and not rage,
which y'all I understand iseasier said than done, because
when you see kids beingmistreated, when you see
injustice, especially as itrelates to kids, specifically
kids that you know and love, itdoes kind of stir up this
(14:52):
righteous anger inside of you.
But you can honor people whilechallenging the systems.
Your voice can have weight,especially when it's delivered
with grace.
Proverbs 51 says A gentleanswer turns away wrath, but a
harsh word stirs up anger.
(15:13):
When Jesus stood beforeinjustice, he spoke truth, but
he didn't have to yell to beheard.
He knew he carried authority.
And you guys, so do you.
When you speak truth out loud,it has power, so make sure that
you're using it effectively.
(15:34):
Okay, number five, and this onemay seem odd to some people and
maybe hard sometimes, but makefriends in the system.
And yes, I said friends,influence often comes through
relationship.
Said friends, influence oftencomes through relationship.
(15:56):
So find the good ones the caseworkers who care, the teachers
who get it, the judges whoactually listen, and even when
you think that somebody doesn'tcare, when you think they're not
doing their job, get to knowtheir stories Really.
Get to know people.
It helps you understand whythey do the things that they do.
In one of our cases we had astate attorney that I really
(16:25):
felt like just was not doingtheir job and I sat down with
them and got to know their storya little bit and it made a lot
more sense.
They had fought really, reallyhard, spent hours and hours and
hours fighting for a couple ofcases where kids were still sent
(16:51):
back to unsafe environments.
And you guys, if that was myjob and I had spent countless
hours looking at photographs ofbruises and harm done to kids
and they were still sent back todangerous situations, it would
(17:14):
make it really, really hard forme to dig that deep into future
stories.
So it didn't make what washappening in the case okay, but
it did make it moreunderstandable.
I understood that person'sstory and I will tell you, as I
(17:34):
got to know them and as they gotto know me, I started to be
able to have more influence overencouraging people to fight for
justice.
Learning people's stories,getting to know them, helps
build trust.
(17:55):
Even if you look at Paul in theNew Testament, he leaned on
Roman officials to protect himand advance the gospel.
It really makes room, you guys,when we build relationship.
It makes room for an impact,for you to have a bigger impact.
So really lean into buildingthose relationships, getting to
(18:18):
know the people around you inthe system.
Okay.
Number six cover everything inbold prayer, y'all.
This isn't just a platitude,this isn't fluffy.
Prayer moves mountains and,honestly, it changes us.
It changes our hearts.
(18:38):
It aligns our hearts to God's.
Don't just pray over the kids,you guys.
Pray over decision makers.
Pray over policies andpolicymakers.
Pray over the paperwork.
Pray over judges.
Pray over the parts that younever see.
I'm talking big, bold prayers.
(18:59):
Pray over the foster caresystem in general, just,
nationwide, internationally Pray.
Pray for families, to stand upfor families that are not doing
it for the right reasons.
Pray boldly that a light beshined on them and they be moved
(19:21):
out of the system.
Really use prayer as a resourceto fight for kids and fight for
justice.
James 5.16 says the prayer of arighteous person is powerful
and effective.
Let us lean into that, allright.
And number seven is to leaninto God, knowing that he is the
(19:44):
judge.
God sees every injustice.
He hears every silent cry,every injustice.
He hears every silent cry andhe's the one who will ultimately
make it all right.
Exodus 14, 14 says the Lordwill fight for you.
You need only to be still.
Let your advocacy start from aplace of trust and not panic.
(20:06):
This is really where we startto trust God.
I mean, we had a placement thatwent home.
They went home to a place thatwe felt was unsafe at the time.
I had to really wrestle withGod on that.
I had to get to a place where,no matter the outcome like it
(20:26):
did not matter what the outcomewas or what happened me and God
were still good, because he isgood y'all.
And that did not come easily.
That took a lot of wrestling,took a lot of digging in and it
took a lot of Him showing up andchanging my heart.
And while every situation isn'tgood, I know that.
(20:50):
I know that I know that he willuse it for our good and for His
glory.
One day, you guys, he is goingto make it right and that
wrestling that we do with theinjustice it can be the thing
that pulls us closer to God,that really hymns us in to God,
that really hymns us in in ourfaith, in our relationship with
(21:12):
Him, in a way that nothing elsereally can.
So sit in that place, wrestlewith Him.
He is not scared to listen toyour questions.
You guys, Sit with Him in that,wrestle through the injustices
that you see, all right, theinjustices that you see, all
(21:37):
right.
I know that this work is heavyand I know the injustice you've
seen might make you feel likegiving up, but please hear me,
you are not alone in this.
God is still just, god is stillmoving, and your voice, when
it's aligned with him, canchange things.
As we wrap up Foster CareAwareness Month, really sit with
(22:01):
how God is calling you to movewith the injustices of the
system.
If today hit you deep, I want toinvite you again into the Faith
and Fitness Challenge this June.
Let's take care of our bodies,not just out of guilt or grind,
but because we are called tostand strong in a broken world,
and that is hard.
(22:21):
It's not just hard on ourhearts, it's hard on our bodies
too.
So you can find the link forthe wait list for that in the
show notes.
And hey, if this episodeencouraged you, would you do me
a favor?
Screenshot it.
Share it to your stories onInstagram and tag me at Nicole T
Barlow and let me know, tell mehow you are choosing to
(22:44):
advocate with Grace in thisseason.
Also, this is the last episodeof the season.
You guys, we'll be taking abreak for the summer and
replaying some of my favoriteepisodes that you may have
missed or maybe you need tolisten to again.
So message me your favoriteepisode and make sure that it
makes the list.
(23:05):
We will be back the first weekof August with all new episodes
and some amazing guests.
Let me pray for us as we wrap uptoday.
God, we come to you today withheavy hearts, not hopeless but
honest.
You see every crack in thesystem.
You hear every cry we werenever meant to hear.
(23:26):
You witness every injustice,even the ones hidden behind
closed doors and clean paperwork, god, and still you invite us
to the fight, to not grow weary,to speak with boldness, to lead
with grace, to trust thatjustice does not begin or end
with us, but it does movethrough us.
(23:48):
So, god, teach us to advocateyour way.
Give us discernment to knowwhich battles are ours and which
are not.
Give us courage to speak upwhen we'd rather stay silent.
Give us humility to listen, tolearn to lead without pride, god
, and give us endurance, not thekind that runs on fumes, but
the kind that runs on you.
(24:09):
Cover our children, god.
Cover their bodies, theirstories, their healing journeys.
Cover our families.
Cover every space that we'resent into Courtrooms, classrooms
, caseworker offices, kitchens,lord.
Cover every single space.
Make us vessels of peace, god,not passivity.
(24:32):
Make us agents of change andnot chaos, lord.
Make us people of prayer beforewe are people of pressure.
We trust you, lord, even whenwe don't understand, we follow
you even when the road feelsunfair, and we thank you even
when the road feels unfair.
(24:52):
And we thank you, god, we loveyou, we trust you In Jesus' name
(25:17):
, amen, thank you.
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