January 22, 2025 • 17 mins
The episode dives deep into the challenges foster parents face, emphasizing the necessity of grace for both parents and children. It explores the importance of self-care amidst stress and the transformative power of faith through the story of the Prodigal Son.
• Sharing personal struggles with stress and parenting
• The vital need for self-care among caregivers
• Insights from the Prodigal Son story and its relevance
• Encouragement to embrace God’s unconditional love
• Strategies for managing stress and health as a parent
• Invitation for community support and prayer interactions
Verses to read over:
Psalm 107:8-9
Romans 5:8
1 John 4:16
Psalm 86:15
1 John 3:1
1 Chronicles 16:34
Zephaniah 3:17
1 John 4:19
6 Week Coaching Program: https://www.fasterwaycoach.com/?aid=nicolebarlow
I'd love to hear from you! Send me a text!
Connect with me on Instagram: @Fosterparentwell
@nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/
Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Welcome to the Foster Parent Well podcast, where we
have real candid, faith-filledconversations about all things
foster care, adoption and trauma.
I'm your host, nicole T Barlow.
I'm a certified parent trainer,a certified health coach and an
adoptive parent myself.
This is a space where you canfind support so that you can
care for your kids with asteadfast faith, endurance and
(00:56):
joy.
I want you to, Nicole T Barlow.
I gotta be honest, you guys,this week has been a doozy for
us at my house.
Not sure if it's the weather orbeing inside more, or if we're
still recovering from ourtransition from the holidays.
Yes, I do know it is the end ofJanuary, but this week has been
really, really hard and Igenerally do okay with one or
(01:20):
two hard days and I can usuallyremain calm and regulated and
patient and logical, but I feellike it's been coming at me full
force for a couple of weeks nowand I'm starting to crack.
If this is your first timelistening to the podcast,
welcome.
I am the mom of six kids, fiveof whom were a sibling group
(01:41):
that we adopted from foster care.
So we only have four still athome now, as they are all
growing up super fast, but myyounger kids really give me a
run for my money.
I try to remind myself, youguys, that I am human, that I
have limits.
My body, my mind, my heart isnot meant to take an unlimited
(02:04):
amount of stress, but it's inthese moments where I see the
true darkness of my heart.
I see my flaws, I see myhumanity, I see my weakness and
I feel a lot of shame when Idon't handle something the right
way.
I mean, my kids have beenthrough so much already.
(02:24):
I don't ever want to be the oneto cause them more pain because
I was like insensitive or shortwith them or something.
And I don't want to say thewrong thing or to be impatient,
but those moments come, I messit up and listen.
I do think we should be held toa higher standard.
(02:45):
We have stepped in to help kidswho have experienced grief and
loss, and that is a hugeresponsibility that needs to be
taken seriously and reallyhandled with care.
But y'all, there is also graceand I'm trying to practice that
grace for myself.
I don't do that well.
(03:05):
I can model seeking forgivenessand model repair when I mess up
and remind my kids that adultsmess up too, but it is so hard,
so, so hard.
A couple of years ago, when wewould have had a week like this,
I would have had a full-blownanxiety attack or gone into a
(03:25):
depression.
There was a season where I justwasn't giving my body what it
needed to be able to handle thisamount of stress and it would
absolutely take me down.
You see, I think this is partof the parent training for
foster parents or adoptiveparents or whatever.
That is not talked about enough.
(03:46):
We do really deep dives intowhat trauma looks like in kids
and how to help them manage andwork through it through things
like nutrition and movement andbreathing and different
supplements, but we don't reallylook at those things for
ourselves, like we never reallylearn how trauma, even secondary
(04:10):
trauma, affects us as thecaregivers.
And for me, I didn't see howmuch the stress was affecting my
body until it was absolutelytaking me out.
So I had gained weight, myblood pressure had gotten to be
sky high, my hormones and mymood was all over the place.
I had started to have sensoryissues, so mainly a sensitivity
(04:34):
to sound.
And you guys, yes, I am thatperson who tells my kids to turn
down the radio so that I cansee when I'm in the car.
I know it makes no sense, butthe sound has really gotten to
where it gets to me and I can'tconcentrate or pay attention
when there is too much noise.
And it wasn't always like that.
(04:55):
It became like that over time.
So in 2023, I made some drasticbut really necessary changes for
my health and it really changedeverything.
So now when I go through hardweeks like what we've been going
through they're still hard, butit doesn't physically take me
down like it did before I findways to step back and reflect on
(05:19):
what's going on and really leaninto God to give me wisdom and
how to navigate things.
So this week, our sermon seriesat church has been a huge part
of that process for me, and Ijust thought I would share a
little bit about what I've beenkind of processing and thinking
(05:40):
through the past week and maybeit will be helpful for some of
you as well.
So we have been doing a deepdive into the story of the
prodigal son the last couple ofweeks and I think there are so
many aspects of this story thatcan speak into our journey as
foster and adoptive parents fromthe hearts and hope that we can
(06:02):
have for our kids that are farfrom the Lord and going the
wrong way, to the pride and theselfishness of the older brother
that may mirror our heartssometimes towards biological
families, to countless moreconnections that we can make in
that specific story.
But the one thing that hasreally stood out to me this time
(06:24):
, but the one thing that hasreally stood out to me this time
more than anything else, isGod's heart.
For me, especially in the seasonwhere I am seeing so much of my
sinful flesh under the stressthat I'm facing at home, I don't
often see God in terms of aloving father.
I often picture him as a judge,as my judge, and listen, he is
(06:50):
that too.
But I think the closer that weget to the Lord, the more that
we see our own flaws and thecloser we get to his perfection,
the more of a contrast that wesee in ourselves.
And when we see our dirt andour mess, sometimes it's hard
for me to remember that Godloves me just the same.
(07:12):
He knows about my mess.
He knew about my mess, what mymess would be.
He knew I would screw thisparenting gig up from time to
time, yet he still called me toit.
He knew I wouldn't always be areflection of His kindness and
grace, but he still saved meanyway, even while we were still
(07:35):
sinners.
Christ died for us.
I often talk about that to mykids, but I have needed to sit
with that truth for me this week.
In the story of the prodigal son, the son asks for his
inheritance and then runs offand wastes it.
So let me read the story to you.
(07:55):
I'm in Luke 15, and starting inverse 11, it says and he said,
there was a man who had two sons, and the younger of them said
to his father Father, give methe share of property that is
coming to me.
And he divided his propertybetween them.
Not many days later, theyounger son gathered all he had
(08:15):
and he took a journey into a farcountry and there he squandered
his property in reckless living.
And when he had spenteverything, a severe famine
arose in that country and hebegan to be in need.
So he went and hired himselfout to one of the citizens of
that country who sent him intothe fields to feed pigs, and he
(08:38):
was longing to be fed with thepods that the pigs ate, and no
one gave him anything.
But when he came to himself hesaid how many of my father's
hired servants have more thanenough bread, but I perish here
with hunger.
I will arise and go to myfather and I will say to him
Father, I have sinned againstheaven and before you I'm no
(08:59):
longer worthy to be called yourson.
Treat me as one of your hiredservants.
And he arose and came to hisfather, but while he was still a
long way off, his father sawhim and felt compassion and ran
and embraced him and kissed him.
You guys, the story does go on.
(09:19):
I, if you don't know the storywell, please go read it in Luke
15 today.
It's just a beautiful story.
But first of all, how much do Ido that right Like?
I seek the gifts of God and Itry to take those gifts and run
with it.
I try to do it all on my own,in my own strength, but I can't.
(09:42):
I can't do that well.
But also, the part that reallystood out to me was not the
things that the son does.
I know that I do all of thosethings.
I try to do everything in myown strength.
Lots of times I seek the giftsof the father, but without
seeking the relationship withthe father himself.
(10:03):
I just want to take the giftsand go.
You guys, the father runs tohim.
Now that might not seem likesuch a big deal for some of you,
but it was very undignified fora father to run like that
during that time.
And just think about who theFather represents in this story.
Think about God physicallyrunning to embrace you.
(10:27):
I am not worthy.
My mind just always goes to Godas the judge and even though I
know I'm forgiven and washedclean, I think I kind of always
think that God sits on histhrone and he forgives us
begrudgingly.
(10:47):
So I know the word and I knowin my head that that is not true
, but that's where my heart goes.
But sitting with this thoughtof God running to embrace me as
a father has just been a gift.
It reminds me of the story ofStephen in the book of Acts.
(11:07):
So Stephen is preaching thegospel and being stoned, he's
being killed.
He is the first recorded martyrof the Christian church and as
he looks to heaven, he seesChrist standing at the right
hand of God.
I once heard Paige Brown she is, if you don't know who she is,
(11:28):
she's a Bible teacher inNashville, y'all she's awesome.
But I heard her talk throughthis passage and it was one of
the most impactful things I hadever heard.
So many times I had read thescripture, but she pointed out
something that I had completelymissed.
Every time it talks about Jesusat the right hand of God.
What does it say that he isdoing?
(11:50):
It always says that he's seatedat the right hand of God, but
here Stephen sees him standing.
It's like he's waiting onStephen to welcome him home.
You guys, that is the heart ofGod, not just taking us in
(12:11):
begrudgingly, but waiting for uswith open arms, sitting with
that truth about the love of Godthat goes beyond any bad
parenting day that offers mercyand grace, not just for my kids
but for me, is a gift.
(12:32):
So I don't know where you aretoday.
Maybe you're in a good seasonwhere things are easy, or maybe
you haven't even started yourfoster care journey yet and I am
scaring the pants off of you.
Or maybe, like me, the last fewweeks have been a challenge.
I call you to rest in yourheavenly Father's love today.
(12:52):
Take some time to just sit withHim and read His promises to
you.
I will put some verses to readin the show notes for you to
look over and kind of sit withthose things, sit with those
promises to you and then pourthat love out into your kids
today, the kind where they learnto trust that even in their
(13:16):
lowest moments they can run toyou and be embraced.
That trust only happens withconnection and consistency over
time.
So let's all make it a priority.
You know this is going to getsuper vulnerable for a second,
but I think one of the reasonsthat understanding God's
(13:36):
unconditional love for me is sohard is because I didn't
necessarily get that from my ownparents and I don't want my
kids to say that I know that Iwon't do it perfectly.
I don't do it perfectly, but Ipray that my husband and I can
be a small example of that tothem.
He is much better at that thanI am.
(13:57):
And the last thing I want us todo is to really take care of
ourselves and our bodies like wematter to God.
Because guess what we do.
If you are going to do this jobwell, if you are going to manage
the stress that is thrown atyou every day whether it's
meltdowns or state policies orthe court system or just the
(14:23):
uncertainty of it all you haveto learn how to support your
body.
I have a six-week coachinggroup where I help parents do
this.
I take health and wellnesstools and make them work for
parents that are carrying morethan the average load.
So I teach on trauma, I teachhow it impacts your body and you
(14:43):
guys my clients are able toparent better.
They have the ability toregulate and be patient Well
most of the time.
This is no magic pill, but theyare able to be the parents that
they want to be and that theirkids need.
So I urge you, don't wait, likeI did, until the stress takes
(15:05):
you out.
Really be proactive.
Find a way to support your bodythrough the stress that you're
walking through each and everyday.
I am thankful for each and everyone of you and how you have
stepped into this calling and inobedience.
Hebrews 6.10 says God is notunjust.
He will not forget your workand the love that you have shown
(15:28):
him, as you have helped hispeople and continue to help them
.
I'm praying for you this weekand maybe you can take a minute
to pray for my family as well.
Pray that we get out of thisJanuary funk.
If you have any specific prayerrequest, feel free to reach out
to me on Instagram.
You can find me at Nicole TBarlow.
(15:49):
I would love to prayspecifically for you and, as
always, be sure to subscribe tothis podcast and maybe share
this one with a friend that mayneed some encouragement today.
Let me pray for us as we wrap up.
Heavenly Father, thank you somuch that you are a good, loving
(16:10):
Father that we can depend on.
Thank you that you don't justbegrudgingly take us in, lord,
but you embrace us, you lavishus in your love and grace and
mercy.
God, let us turn that, let usreceive it and let us turn that
(16:30):
towards our kids.
Let us lavish them with lovetoday.
Let us consistently pour thatlove and connection over them so
that they can grow to trustthat they are cared for, that
they are loved and they can moreeasily look to you as Father.
Lord, I just ask that you buildup all the foster and adoptive
(16:55):
parents that are listening rightnow, that you strengthen them,
that you encourage them, lord,that you lead them to your
promises, so that they can standon those truths today.
We love you, lord.
We trust you In Jesus' name,amen, thank you.
Welcome to the Foster Parent Well podcast, where we
have real candid, faith-filledconversations about all things
foster care, adoption and trauma.
I'm your host, nicole T Barlow.
I'm a certified parent trainer,a certified health coach and an
adoptive parent myself.
This is a space where you canfind support so that you can
care for your kids with asteadfast faith, endurance and
(00:56):
joy.
I want you to, Nicole T Barlow.
I gotta be honest, you guys,this week has been a doozy for
us at my house.
Not sure if it's the weather orbeing inside more, or if we're
still recovering from ourtransition from the holidays.
Yes, I do know it is the end ofJanuary, but this week has been
really, really hard and Igenerally do okay with one or
(01:20):
two hard days and I can usuallyremain calm and regulated and
patient and logical, but I feellike it's been coming at me full
force for a couple of weeks nowand I'm starting to crack.
If this is your first timelistening to the podcast,
welcome.
I am the mom of six kids, fiveof whom were a sibling group
(01:41):
that we adopted from foster care.
So we only have four still athome now, as they are all
growing up super fast, but myyounger kids really give me a
run for my money.
I try to remind myself, youguys, that I am human, that I
have limits.
My body, my mind, my heart isnot meant to take an unlimited
(02:04):
amount of stress, but it's inthese moments where I see the
true darkness of my heart.
I see my flaws, I see myhumanity, I see my weakness and
I feel a lot of shame when Idon't handle something the right
way.
I mean, my kids have beenthrough so much already.
(02:24):
I don't ever want to be the oneto cause them more pain because
I was like insensitive or shortwith them or something.
And I don't want to say thewrong thing or to be impatient,
but those moments come, I messit up and listen.
I do think we should be held toa higher standard.
(02:45):
We have stepped in to help kidswho have experienced grief and
loss, and that is a hugeresponsibility that needs to be
taken seriously and reallyhandled with care.
But y'all, there is also graceand I'm trying to practice that
grace for myself.
I don't do that well.
(03:05):
I can model seeking forgivenessand model repair when I mess up
and remind my kids that adultsmess up too, but it is so hard,
so, so hard.
A couple of years ago, when wewould have had a week like this,
I would have had a full-blownanxiety attack or gone into a
(03:25):
depression.
There was a season where I justwasn't giving my body what it
needed to be able to handle thisamount of stress and it would
absolutely take me down.
You see, I think this is partof the parent training for
foster parents or adoptiveparents or whatever.
That is not talked about enough.
(03:46):
We do really deep dives intowhat trauma looks like in kids
and how to help them manage andwork through it through things
like nutrition and movement andbreathing and different
supplements, but we don't reallylook at those things for
ourselves, like we never reallylearn how trauma, even secondary
(04:10):
trauma, affects us as thecaregivers.
And for me, I didn't see howmuch the stress was affecting my
body until it was absolutelytaking me out.
So I had gained weight, myblood pressure had gotten to be
sky high, my hormones and mymood was all over the place.
I had started to have sensoryissues, so mainly a sensitivity
(04:34):
to sound.
And you guys, yes, I am thatperson who tells my kids to turn
down the radio so that I cansee when I'm in the car.
I know it makes no sense, butthe sound has really gotten to
where it gets to me and I can'tconcentrate or pay attention
when there is too much noise.
And it wasn't always like that.
(04:55):
It became like that over time.
So in 2023, I made some drasticbut really necessary changes for
my health and it really changedeverything.
So now when I go through hardweeks like what we've been going
through they're still hard, butit doesn't physically take me
down like it did before I findways to step back and reflect on
(05:19):
what's going on and really leaninto God to give me wisdom and
how to navigate things.
So this week, our sermon seriesat church has been a huge part
of that process for me, and Ijust thought I would share a
little bit about what I've beenkind of processing and thinking
(05:40):
through the past week and maybeit will be helpful for some of
you as well.
So we have been doing a deepdive into the story of the
prodigal son the last couple ofweeks and I think there are so
many aspects of this story thatcan speak into our journey as
foster and adoptive parents fromthe hearts and hope that we can
(06:02):
have for our kids that are farfrom the Lord and going the
wrong way, to the pride and theselfishness of the older brother
that may mirror our heartssometimes towards biological
families, to countless moreconnections that we can make in
that specific story.
But the one thing that hasreally stood out to me this time
(06:24):
, but the one thing that hasreally stood out to me this time
more than anything else, isGod's heart.
For me, especially in the seasonwhere I am seeing so much of my
sinful flesh under the stressthat I'm facing at home, I don't
often see God in terms of aloving father.
I often picture him as a judge,as my judge, and listen, he is
(06:50):
that too.
But I think the closer that weget to the Lord, the more that
we see our own flaws and thecloser we get to his perfection,
the more of a contrast that wesee in ourselves.
And when we see our dirt andour mess, sometimes it's hard
for me to remember that Godloves me just the same.
(07:12):
He knows about my mess.
He knew about my mess, what mymess would be.
He knew I would screw thisparenting gig up from time to
time, yet he still called me toit.
He knew I wouldn't always be areflection of His kindness and
grace, but he still saved meanyway, even while we were still
(07:35):
sinners.
Christ died for us.
I often talk about that to mykids, but I have needed to sit
with that truth for me this week.
In the story of the prodigal son, the son asks for his
inheritance and then runs offand wastes it.
So let me read the story to you.
(07:55):
I'm in Luke 15, and starting inverse 11, it says and he said,
there was a man who had two sons, and the younger of them said
to his father Father, give methe share of property that is
coming to me.
And he divided his propertybetween them.
Not many days later, theyounger son gathered all he had
(08:15):
and he took a journey into a farcountry and there he squandered
his property in reckless living.
And when he had spenteverything, a severe famine
arose in that country and hebegan to be in need.
So he went and hired himselfout to one of the citizens of
that country who sent him intothe fields to feed pigs, and he
(08:38):
was longing to be fed with thepods that the pigs ate, and no
one gave him anything.
But when he came to himself hesaid how many of my father's
hired servants have more thanenough bread, but I perish here
with hunger.
I will arise and go to myfather and I will say to him
Father, I have sinned againstheaven and before you I'm no
(08:59):
longer worthy to be called yourson.
Treat me as one of your hiredservants.
And he arose and came to hisfather, but while he was still a
long way off, his father sawhim and felt compassion and ran
and embraced him and kissed him.
You guys, the story does go on.
(09:19):
I, if you don't know the storywell, please go read it in Luke
15 today.
It's just a beautiful story.
But first of all, how much do Ido that right Like?
I seek the gifts of God and Itry to take those gifts and run
with it.
I try to do it all on my own,in my own strength, but I can't.
(09:42):
I can't do that well.
But also, the part that reallystood out to me was not the
things that the son does.
I know that I do all of thosethings.
I try to do everything in myown strength.
Lots of times I seek the giftsof the father, but without
seeking the relationship withthe father himself.
(10:03):
I just want to take the giftsand go.
You guys, the father runs tohim.
Now that might not seem likesuch a big deal for some of you,
but it was very undignified fora father to run like that
during that time.
And just think about who theFather represents in this story.
Think about God physicallyrunning to embrace you.
(10:27):
I am not worthy.
My mind just always goes to Godas the judge and even though I
know I'm forgiven and washedclean, I think I kind of always
think that God sits on histhrone and he forgives us
begrudgingly.
(10:47):
So I know the word and I knowin my head that that is not true
, but that's where my heart goes.
But sitting with this thoughtof God running to embrace me as
a father has just been a gift.
It reminds me of the story ofStephen in the book of Acts.
(11:07):
So Stephen is preaching thegospel and being stoned, he's
being killed.
He is the first recorded martyrof the Christian church and as
he looks to heaven, he seesChrist standing at the right
hand of God.
I once heard Paige Brown she is, if you don't know who she is,
(11:28):
she's a Bible teacher inNashville, y'all she's awesome.
But I heard her talk throughthis passage and it was one of
the most impactful things I hadever heard.
So many times I had read thescripture, but she pointed out
something that I had completelymissed.
Every time it talks about Jesusat the right hand of God.
What does it say that he isdoing?
(11:50):
It always says that he's seatedat the right hand of God, but
here Stephen sees him standing.
It's like he's waiting onStephen to welcome him home.
You guys, that is the heart ofGod, not just taking us in
(12:11):
begrudgingly, but waiting for uswith open arms, sitting with
that truth about the love of Godthat goes beyond any bad
parenting day that offers mercyand grace, not just for my kids
but for me, is a gift.
(12:32):
So I don't know where you aretoday.
Maybe you're in a good seasonwhere things are easy, or maybe
you haven't even started yourfoster care journey yet and I am
scaring the pants off of you.
Or maybe, like me, the last fewweeks have been a challenge.
I call you to rest in yourheavenly Father's love today.
(12:52):
Take some time to just sit withHim and read His promises to
you.
I will put some verses to readin the show notes for you to
look over and kind of sit withthose things, sit with those
promises to you and then pourthat love out into your kids
today, the kind where they learnto trust that even in their
(13:16):
lowest moments they can run toyou and be embraced.
That trust only happens withconnection and consistency over
time.
So let's all make it a priority.
You know this is going to getsuper vulnerable for a second,
but I think one of the reasonsthat understanding God's
(13:36):
unconditional love for me is sohard is because I didn't
necessarily get that from my ownparents and I don't want my
kids to say that I know that Iwon't do it perfectly.
I don't do it perfectly, but Ipray that my husband and I can
be a small example of that tothem.
He is much better at that thanI am.
(13:57):
And the last thing I want us todo is to really take care of
ourselves and our bodies like wematter to God.
Because guess what we do.
If you are going to do this jobwell, if you are going to manage
the stress that is thrown atyou every day whether it's
meltdowns or state policies orthe court system or just the
(14:23):
uncertainty of it all you haveto learn how to support your
body.
I have a six-week coachinggroup where I help parents do
this.
I take health and wellnesstools and make them work for
parents that are carrying morethan the average load.
So I teach on trauma, I teachhow it impacts your body and you
(14:43):
guys my clients are able toparent better.
They have the ability toregulate and be patient Well
most of the time.
This is no magic pill, but theyare able to be the parents that
they want to be and that theirkids need.
So I urge you, don't wait, likeI did, until the stress takes
(15:05):
you out.
Really be proactive.
Find a way to support your bodythrough the stress that you're
walking through each and everyday.
I am thankful for each and everyone of you and how you have
stepped into this calling and inobedience.
Hebrews 6.10 says God is notunjust.
He will not forget your workand the love that you have shown
(15:28):
him, as you have helped hispeople and continue to help them
.
I'm praying for you this weekand maybe you can take a minute
to pray for my family as well.
Pray that we get out of thisJanuary funk.
If you have any specific prayerrequest, feel free to reach out
to me on Instagram.
You can find me at Nicole TBarlow.
(15:49):
I would love to prayspecifically for you and, as
always, be sure to subscribe tothis podcast and maybe share
this one with a friend that mayneed some encouragement today.
Let me pray for us as we wrap up.
Heavenly Father, thank you somuch that you are a good, loving
(16:10):
Father that we can depend on.
Thank you that you don't justbegrudgingly take us in, lord,
but you embrace us, you lavishus in your love and grace and
mercy.
God, let us turn that, let usreceive it and let us turn that
(16:30):
towards our kids.
Let us lavish them with lovetoday.
Let us consistently pour thatlove and connection over them so
that they can grow to trustthat they are cared for, that
they are loved and they can moreeasily look to you as Father.
Lord, I just ask that you buildup all the foster and adoptive
(16:55):
parents that are listening rightnow, that you strengthen them,
that you encourage them, lord,that you lead them to your
promises, so that they can standon those truths today.
We love you, lord.
We trust you In Jesus' name,amen, thank you.
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