March 20, 2025 • 25 mins
Taboos around money conversations can keep us financially stuck for decades. In this enlightening discussion with Iffy Ibekwe, Vice President and Senior Trust Officer at Arvest Wealth Management, we unpack why financial literacy matters and how community-based education can transform our relationship with money.
Iffy shares the origin story of her popular Money Moves Book Club and the successful financial literacy conference she organized that attracted nearly 180 attendees hungry for knowledge. The conversation reveals how our "money stories" - beliefs inherited from family and community - profoundly shape our financial behaviors, often without our awareness. These unexamined narratives can keep us trapped in cycles of shame, anxiety, and avoidance when it comes to our finances.
We explore the changing landscape of money management across generations, from checkbooks to digital payments, and discuss the challenges parents face in teaching financial concepts to children who view money as increasingly abstract. Iffy provides practical guidance on starting your financial journey, emphasizing the importance of simply looking at what you have as a crucial first step many people avoid.
The discussion takes a deep dive into trust and estate planning, with Iffy drawing on her background as an estate planning attorney to explain why everyone has an "estate" regardless of wealth level. Her insights on how proper planning can prevent family conflicts during times of grief offer powerful motivation for getting your financial affairs in order.
Whether you're just beginning to examine your relationship with money or looking to optimize your wealth management strategy, this conversation provides valuable perspective on building a financial team and taking that crucial "next right step" in your journey. Listen now to gain the confidence and knowledge to break through financial taboos and take control of your financial future.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the 4.
Speaker 2 (00:00):
Bars podcast.
I'm Ken Leith and I'm PattiLeith.
We're your hosts for somecompelling dialogue, encouraging
our listeners to strengthentheir connections and build
strong communities, lifting eachother up and connecting in ways
that matter.
We named the podcast 4 Bars asa reference to how hard we work
to find a 4 Bars connection onour devices.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
And we wondered what could happen with relationships
if we worked as hard atconnecting.
Let's find out.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Welcome back to Four Bars Podcast.
I'm Patti Leith.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
And I'm Ken Leith.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
And we have with us again for the second time Ife
Bekway, and she is recentlypromoted vice president and
senior trust officer at Our BestWealth Management.
Welcome and thanks for doing asecond episode with us, my
pleasure.
We're going to dig deeper intoall things money related and
(00:51):
wealth management related.
I met Ify at Blake Streetseveral, probably a couple of
years back yeah we both workedout together.
We went.
The first thing we did togetherwas we went to see the Barbie
movie together.
We went.
The first thing we did togetherwas we went to see the Barbie
movie together Super fun.
And and then she started thisgreat book club.
She referenced it in our lastepisode and called the Money
(01:14):
Moves Book Club at at BlakeShane, and the first time that I
went, it just opened my eyesabout all things.
Money opened my eyes about allthings money, one of which is
there's a lot of things that weare not taught throughout our
long lives and we're afraid toask.
So we're going to dig deeperinto this whole concept of
(01:36):
wealth management and financialexploration and putting together
a team of people that you cantrust.
So tell us about what led youto start Money Moves Book Club.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
You know I don't know if Blake Street asked me to do
it or I had one.
Oh, I know how it started.
We ended up doing a program onmoney mindset.
I believe was the very firstone, and maybe about a year and
a half ago, maybe two years agoat this point, where we talked
(02:12):
about money mindset and we had amoderator and they interviewed
me and someone else about moneymindset and it was so well
attended and there were so manypeople there and they were
having all these breakthroughsand discoveries about their
(02:33):
family of origin and their moneystories is what we called it,
how they viewed money is shapedby where you're from, what
household you were born into,maybe your parents, what you saw
in your community, and we carrythose things oftentimes
unexamined throughout the courseof our lives.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
Yes, we do.
I've done a lot of examinationof those and it's been really
good for me to really think into.
You know, how did my parentsdeal with money and what did I
take away from that?
That's good, and what did Itake away from that?
That probably isn't helpingRight, yeah, good exploration.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
So that's how it started and I think, because it
was well attended and they keeptrack of those sorts of things,
they said, hey, why don't you doa book club on money?
And so that's how it started.
And we often will have someonecome and speak or moderate and
we just have a topic and it'sjust a very open conversation,
loosely structured, and youreally just a very open
conversation, loosely structuredand really just a time for
(03:27):
people to share.
And sometimes they just drop somany wisdom that someone would
share so openly.
Right, and it's helpful foreverybody to hear and demystify
(03:48):
talking about money, becauseit's so taboo and secretive and
you're not supposed to say thething, but then, when you start
to say the thing, it allows youto say even more things about it
and just get the informationand that led you to get together
with a group of women here inthe community and you offered a
workshop that was beautifullywell attended and amazingly well
(04:10):
put on.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
It was very life changing for me and some of the
messages that I heard calleddemystifying money.
Can you share a little bit?
Speaker 3 (04:17):
about that?
Yes, we had a conference lastfall oh my gosh, like six months
ago or more now and it wasalmost a full day event where we
talked about everything frombudgeting to investing to
private equity, generosity,caring for aging parents, and it
(04:39):
was a panel and sometimes wehad an individual speaker.
We had about 175 to 180 peopleattend and it was wonderful.
We really got experts fromprimarily Northwest Arkansas to
showcase their expertise onstage and have it facilitated.
There was so much demand for it.
(05:01):
I get questions about it, likewhen's the next one?
When are we doing this again?
And I'm like so much work.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
It was a lot of work.
It was fantastic.
It was fantastic.
Speaker 3 (05:11):
And it's just something that our community
needs, which is financialliteracy and financial education
and financial empowerment andjust giving people permission to
start something or continuesomething or to go for the next
thing.
Again, it goes back to havingthat open conversation about
money where people share whatthey're doing so it doesn't feel
(05:31):
so taboo or you don't feel likeyou're behind, because people
often feel like I didn't learnthis.
So what if we democratize theeducation and allow people to
learn it?
And what would that do toenrich our community?
To?
Speaker 2 (05:45):
learn it, you know?
And what would that do toenrich our community, right,
yeah, yeah, and and there's nota lot really in in most school
curriculums do not offeranything along those lines.
And I think that I was.
I had my eyes rudely openedwhen my son was a junior and I
asked him to write a check andhe didn't know how.
My bad, but really is it my bad.
(06:07):
Should he not have learned thatin school?
I don't know that he even needsthat anymore.
He doesn't need that now, buthe's a little older now.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
It's like when people said, yeah, don't you balance
your checkbook.
I'm like never, never balancemy checkbook.
I mean it's like the money wasthere.
I never used the ledger in theback, but there are people who
grew up thinking it's justchanged.
You know, I mean and that's theother part of it money changes
like the way we interact with it.
My kids think that when I pullout a debit card or a credit
(06:35):
card, it's just like the moneytree.
They're like we'll just useyour phone.
And now it's on my apple pay.
They're like we'll just paywith their phone, you don't need
your.
Because I said, well, I didn'tApple Pay.
They're like, well, just paywith your phone.
You don't need your.
Because I say, well, I didn'tbring my wallet.
They're like, well, just paywith your phone.
It's just like money right.
Like what does it mean?
We no longer are alwayscounting it out or writing it
out.
Sometimes you just Venmo andthat's the transaction.
(06:56):
So I don't think it failed inthat regard.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
Yeah, but what you?
A funny point there is, I thinkthat younger people, including
children, whereas the checkbookwasn't necessarily we did with
your kids, even my parents didthat.
But technology now they're verytechnology savvy no-transcript.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Right, yes, the same.
And this concept of the balanceof the account is not tied.
Yeah, they have no concept,they're like that's a deep pit
of wealth right In your phone,so buy the thing and instead of
what I want, I'm like where am Ifailing they?
Have to know the value of thedollar.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Yeah, I'm sure that parents around the globe are
thinking the same thing at timesand stuff.
I'm sure that parents aroundthe globe are thinking the same
thing at times and stuff I also.
I read an article a while backand it was talking about the
(08:07):
same topic you just mentioned,about children and understanding
you know, kind of the financialends and how to do that and the
discussion was about startingto at a much.
Earlier age help children buildcredit, oh yeah.
Earlier age help children buildcredit, oh yeah, and in a way
that you can open an account forthem, keep money in there, give
them a little bit of money tointeract with, and that by the
time they get to college orcollege age, whereas in the past
it's been well, you get tocollege, you get out, have you
(08:28):
really built your credit rating?
Yeah, that's interesting that alot of folks are now are
starting to build their creditfor their children, with their
children, and teach them that,so that when they get there they
already have it established.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
That is fascinating.
Yeah, I'm doing that makes alot of sense.
So, as an individual begins tothink about navigating their own
financial picture, where dothey start?
How do they get anunderstanding of what they need
to do, and then what are theresources available to them?
Speaker 3 (08:58):
I think that there are many places to start.
You know, I always stress theimportance of knowing what you
have right.
So maybe you open up aspreadsheet and write out all of
your accounts and your assets,your liabilities, you know your
monthly payments, yoursubscriptions, all the things
right.
One way people do it I'm notprescribing a perfect way,
(09:21):
because everyone has to comeabout finding out what works for
them differently is just tolook at your bank statement or
your credit card statement andsee what you're spending on and
where your money is going.
A lot of people have a verydifficult time just looking at
their money because it's soconfronting, and sometimes
there's shame there or youoverspend, or you had a plan, or
maybe you even had a budget andyou blew your budget, and so
(09:44):
it's like this shame is spiral,and so I think the first step is
just looking at your money forsome people and seeing where
everything is, and then, basedon that, there are so many
strategies for managing yourmoney.
One of the things that we do atArvest is we have financial
advisors that are able to helpyou set up your investments,
(10:08):
your budget, your kids' collegeretirement planning, insurance
planning, which is something alot of people don't think about,
but at a certain age, evenlong-term care insurance is very
important.
Right, to figure out theworld's change the idea that my
kids will take care of me maynot be the case, right?
We also help in the trustdepartment with estate planning
(10:32):
and carrying out the wishes thatpeople have for managing their
money if they're incapacitatedor when they pass away.
What is the succession plan?
Business succession planningthose are all things that are
touched by finances.
Yeah, because some people mightjust think investing, that's it
Right, but it doesn't stopthere.
Think investing, that's itright, but it doesn't stop there
(10:54):
.
There's so many other thingsthat are impacting your life,
your sleep, your mental healththat have to do with your money,
and I strongly recommend thatpeople first take a look at it
and then have someone help youprofessionally to look at that.
If it's a block that you haveand if you're struggling to
manage your assets holistically,not just okay, I'm in the black
, but what else could you bedoing?
(11:16):
Right?
Or should I put my money hereversus there?
You know there's so many toolsavailable.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
And so, as a person decides what kind of help they
need, what steps would they taketo really get in tune with that
?
Speaker 3 (11:30):
Yeah, I think you make an appointment.
If you go the route of workingwith a professional, you make an
appointment and they're goingto really dig into your life and
ask you questions about some ofyour goals and some of your
needs and some of your wants andbe able to sort of build that
out and map out where you aretoday to see if you're in the
right direction, moving in theright direction for what you
(11:51):
want to accomplish.
You know and just like I don'trepair my car, I go to a
mechanic.
If it's something you cannot do, there are people out there
that can help you do that, andthat's something that's very
important to realize that evenin our community here, there are
people that can help and makesure.
Well, maybe they just reassureyou that you're on the right
(12:13):
track, right Versus startingfrom scratch, or you're behind,
which I think most people thinkthey're behind.
Yes, or they should have donesomething or bought that plot of
land when they were here 21years ago.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
When it was you know, I'm sure I'm in that yeah.
Speaker 3 (12:29):
Right, and so, therefore, you failed some time
in the past, and now you can'tlook at it.
So that's the first step, andthen everyone's journey will be
divergent, so it just depends onwhere you're trying to go.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
How does trust work into all of this?
Speaker 3 (12:43):
Yes, trust is.
It's one of my passion topics.
In my past life, I was anestate planning attorney.
In my past life, I was anestate planning attorney, so I
created hundreds of wills andtrusts for individuals and
couples and families, basicallyputting their wishes down.
(13:03):
And so estate planning is theconcept of planning your estate.
We all have an estate.
You don't have to be uber richto have an estate.
It sounds very grandiose to sayI'm estate planning like my man
or you know somewhere in theEnglish countryside.
No, you all have an estate.
And so what that means is thatyou have to decide what you want
(13:24):
to do with your physical bodyand decisions related to your
health care, and then what youwant to do with your assets.
When you pass away with yourbody, it's while you're alive as
well, which a lot of peopledon't realize.
Whether that's a healthcaredirective, if you're
incapacitated, who steps in?
If it's a financial directive,okay.
If you're incapacitated, who'spaying my mortgage every month?
(13:45):
The assumption that, oh, my momwill do it or my spouse will do
it is not a good one, becauseyou have to designate, if
they're not on that account, whohas access right.
And so estate planning is aprocess of designating who those
people are.
When we die, we will all die.
Your estate has to be settled,so that means that they close it
(14:07):
down and that also takes acourt process right, Unless you
set up something like a trust.
A trust allows you to bypassthat probate process if you set
it up correctly, and that wayyour life can be wound down or
your assets can be distributedprivately, and that's why people
(14:28):
use trust and there's so manydifferent types of trust.
But that's what a trust is, andyou don't have to have a ton of
assets to do.
It's just a streamlined way ofshutting down your estate.
You basically put all the ducksin a row in order for that to
be handled.
What we do in the trustdepartment at Arvest is we will
look at a trust and yourdocument would say who the first
(14:52):
trustee is.
A lot of people that create atrust.
They'll name themselves andthen we can step in as the
successor trustee, which meanssomething happens to you not
death, but even incapacitationor death.
We can then step in to followthe wishes of your trust
documents, which can includeokay, when I pass away, I'd like
to liquidate my assets anddistribute it to these three
(15:14):
people in this charity, or Iwanted to all go to a charity I
wanted to go to my beloved son,or I want my dog taken care of
like this, or I want to supporttrust officers, professionals,
fiduciaries, which means that wehave to work investing for you.
We're able to then distributeit, whether it's paying for a
(15:55):
grandchild's college or to helpthis certain organization, or
however your wishes are in thedocument or through our
interpretation of your document.
That is what the departmentdoes, is it helps people with
that part of it?
And the reason that's importantis because what do you hear
about when families have a lovedone who passes away?
(16:18):
It's like everyone comestogether and it's kumbaya.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
It's usually like mom said that I was supposed to get
her dining tape.
Speaker 3 (16:26):
It's always something that comes up and sometimes it
can be the most minute.
Oh my gosh, I was supposed toget grandma's you know, quilts,
yes, and that's World War III,right.
And so if you can take yourfamily out of having to deal
with the loss or the burden ofhaving to take care of a loved
(16:47):
one, and have that managed bysomebody who is neutral on the
family dynamics, then that's ablessing that you can give to
your family.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
And then you take away one very large stressor at
the time of mourning.
Yes, and we are never our bestselves when we're mourning.
And I'll do a shout out fortrust.
Ken and I have both lost bothof our parents and, and while
that is an exceptionally hardthing to go through and it's
very eye-opening through theprocess, it's also a blessing to
(17:22):
have been the ones to saygoodbye to them.
Versus the other, his estate,his dad had none, and it was
almost five years.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
It was a couple of years well yeah, probably, but I
will say that it was a learningexperience and it's expensive
too, it's expensive and you knowI talked to him several
occasions about potentially needfor a trust.
(17:52):
Um, and along the way though,uh, uh, when my mom passed away
he kind of just said, well, it'sall going to be handled and
stuff, but um, yeah, doingthat's important, and when we
were not a whole lot of peopleas far as my younger brother had
passed prematurely.
So what we did, though, was mysister handled it first, but
(18:13):
then she had been a caregiverfor different family members,
and she was just kind of at theend, so then she transferred it
to me Wow, and so they had to gofly back to Maryland and go
through the court system to getthat transition transitioned
over and stuff, and then it waslike restarting over again,
which is one reason it took solong, but it was a incredible I
(18:35):
will say, painful learningexperience of not having a trust
to exactly what you're speakingof.
Speaker 3 (18:40):
Yes, and I don't think people estimate the time
and energy when it's notstreamlined.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
The time and energy when it's not streamlined.
Speaker 3 (18:48):
It can be flights, court dates, hiring an attorney,
versus let's just manage this.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
Just ongoing, endless yes.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
It's a frustration.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
Filing taxes.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
So when we got married second marriage for both
of us and our children childrenwere older one of the first
things we did was set up a trustreally.
Oh yes, that's like that wasmore and at the very beginning,
um, greg, who's, patty's son,who was 14 at the time or so,
and, uh, his sister now, uh, itwas older.
So we set it up that ifsomething happened prematurely
(19:27):
to us and Greg needed someonewho would be his guardian, that
his sister would do it, to whichher reply was you mean, I get
to tell Greg what to do For howmany years?
Speaker 2 (19:39):
For how many years?
But figuring all of thosethings out in advance for your
kids is such a gift.
Speaker 3 (19:48):
It's an awkward conversation and it can be very
confronting, but it is aimportant, it's such a gift.
It's an awkward conversationand it can be very confronting,
but it is a gift to have yourdocuments prepared and managed
properly.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
So if a listener is listening to this and going,
yeah, I need a few of thesethings, how do they assemble a
financial team?
What's important to figure out?
Speaker 3 (20:08):
when you're doing that.
There's so many components of ateam and it depends on what you
need, right?
You know there are some peoplewho need someone to financially
plan for them.
You might need a lawyer todraft documents for you.
If you have a business and youset up a succession plan, you
may need a lawyer to set upthose documents for you and make
sure that's done.
(20:28):
If you need insurance, youmight need somebody to provide
insurance for you, and so itdepends on what you need.
I think the assessment is thefirst part of okay, what am I
trying to accomplish?
You're getting some good adviceand then building your team.
You might need a CPA to do yourtaxes and make sure all of that
is coordinated.
So I never prescribed just onetype of team, because everyone's
(20:51):
situation is different and youmight need advice from several
different types of people or inseveral parts of you know, I
guess in various parts of yourlife or seasons of your life,
you might need a lot.
I really needed my CPA becausewe got this tax thing happening
Right, and so the idea is that,for whatever the issue is or
(21:12):
whatever the need is that youcan assemble who you need and
you don't have to do it alone.
Right, the idea that you haveto go to a one stop shop I don't
know where you go where you geteverything in one, yeah.
You know that's usually not thecase.
You usually have differentpeople who have different skill
sets who help you.
But when I talk about a teamapproach, it really is helpful
(21:33):
to start making that a normright, that you don't have to go
at it alone.
And I think that is the firststep in saying, oh, there's
somebody who has an answer orwho can point me in the
direction of the right answer,so that's where I'd start point
me in the direction of the rightanswer.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
So that's where I'd start.
So I do have a question as wekind of near the ending and
begin to think about wrapping upour conversation.
As you think about wealthmanagement and the position that
you own for a verywell-respected regional bank
here in Northwest Arkansas, whatdo you think that the position
(22:13):
of wealth management offers acommunity?
Speaker 3 (22:17):
Oh, that's a fantastic question.
I think that it is a gift tohave wealth management within
our community, and again I wantto make sure that I emphasize
that wealth management is notjust for wealthy people.
Wherever you are, it's a giftto have the ability to walk into
your bank and get some helpright, and that's not available
(22:38):
in every community, and forNorthwest Arkansas I think it's
wonderful.
I think that you get to gatherprofessionals and various
designations right At our bank.
We have various professionalswho are now working in the
banking sector, who are able tolook with those eyes on what
your issue is right, and so theword that comes to mind is that
(23:02):
it's a gift and that's somethingthat you shouldn't think that
you are excluded from, butsomething that might work very
well for you.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Well, and I also think that as we get our hands
around our own finances, itenables us to contribute more to
the community, and that buildsa better community.
Speaker 3 (23:21):
And trust right and trust, yeah, depends on the
roots of the place, in the place.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
Any last minute thoughts or advice for our
viewers?
Speaker 3 (23:30):
Well, I'm just very honored to be asked to come and
speak to you today, and I justencourage people out there to
take the next right step for you.
You know, whatever that is,that's what I always whenever I
speak.
I like to encourage people totake your next right step and if
you want to share it with me,I'm happy to hear that.
But as you listen, if somethinghas piqued your interest, if
(23:53):
there's a takeaway, take actionon that thing.
Do the next right thing for you.
Yeah, and whatever that is, youknow yourself better than
anybody else.
Take an action.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
When I can say, just personally speaking, given the
experiences I've had, thatyou've made available that
understanding of your moneystory and how it's impacting
your decisions is huge.
So do some work in.
That would be my advice.
Work on yourself.
Do some work in that.
That's been very, very helpfulto me to really look at so well.
(24:26):
We are honored that you wouldtake your time to do this in the
middle of such a busy week andwe thank you so much.
It's been delightful to chatwith you.
Have a great day, viewers, andwe'll look forward to seeing you
next time.
Thank you, take care Bye.
The 4 Bars podcast has beenbrought to you by Edges Inc.
A growth advisory firm based inBentonville, arkansas.
A growth advisory firm based inBentonville, arkansas.
I founded the company in 2001.
Speaker 1 (24:48):
Edges promotes growth of people, companies and ideas.
Our team collaboration tool,called Interface Methods, is a
basis for teams to work togethermore collaboratively,
understand each other and acceptdifferences and address
challenges together.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
We also started a nonprofit called Unform your
Bias.
We teach kids and their adultinfluencers how to utilize
storytelling as a means toreduce bias in the world.
We hope you'll check us out,subscribe to our podcast and
look at our website.
Welcome to the 4.
Speaker 2 (00:00):
Bars podcast.
I'm Ken Leith and I'm PattiLeith.
We're your hosts for somecompelling dialogue, encouraging
our listeners to strengthentheir connections and build
strong communities, lifting eachother up and connecting in ways
that matter.
We named the podcast 4 Bars asa reference to how hard we work
to find a 4 Bars connection onour devices.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
And we wondered what could happen with relationships
if we worked as hard atconnecting.
Let's find out.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Welcome back to Four Bars Podcast.
I'm Patti Leith.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
And I'm Ken Leith.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
And we have with us again for the second time Ife
Bekway, and she is recentlypromoted vice president and
senior trust officer at Our BestWealth Management.
Welcome and thanks for doing asecond episode with us, my
pleasure.
We're going to dig deeper intoall things money related and
(00:51):
wealth management related.
I met Ify at Blake Streetseveral, probably a couple of
years back yeah we both workedout together.
We went.
The first thing we did togetherwas we went to see the Barbie
movie together.
We went.
The first thing we did togetherwas we went to see the Barbie
movie together Super fun.
And and then she started thisgreat book club.
She referenced it in our lastepisode and called the Money
(01:14):
Moves Book Club at at BlakeShane, and the first time that I
went, it just opened my eyesabout all things.
Money opened my eyes about allthings money, one of which is
there's a lot of things that weare not taught throughout our
long lives and we're afraid toask.
So we're going to dig deeperinto this whole concept of
(01:36):
wealth management and financialexploration and putting together
a team of people that you cantrust.
So tell us about what led youto start Money Moves Book Club.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
You know I don't know if Blake Street asked me to do
it or I had one.
Oh, I know how it started.
We ended up doing a program onmoney mindset.
I believe was the very firstone, and maybe about a year and
a half ago, maybe two years agoat this point, where we talked
(02:12):
about money mindset and we had amoderator and they interviewed
me and someone else about moneymindset and it was so well
attended and there were so manypeople there and they were
having all these breakthroughsand discoveries about their
(02:33):
family of origin and their moneystories is what we called it,
how they viewed money is shapedby where you're from, what
household you were born into,maybe your parents, what you saw
in your community, and we carrythose things oftentimes
unexamined throughout the courseof our lives.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
Yes, we do.
I've done a lot of examinationof those and it's been really
good for me to really think into.
You know, how did my parentsdeal with money and what did I
take away from that?
That's good, and what did Itake away from that?
That probably isn't helpingRight, yeah, good exploration.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
So that's how it started and I think, because it
was well attended and they keeptrack of those sorts of things,
they said, hey, why don't you doa book club on money?
And so that's how it started.
And we often will have someonecome and speak or moderate and
we just have a topic and it'sjust a very open conversation,
loosely structured, and youreally just a very open
conversation, loosely structuredand really just a time for
(03:27):
people to share.
And sometimes they just drop somany wisdom that someone would
share so openly.
Right, and it's helpful foreverybody to hear and demystify
(03:48):
talking about money, becauseit's so taboo and secretive and
you're not supposed to say thething, but then, when you start
to say the thing, it allows youto say even more things about it
and just get the informationand that led you to get together
with a group of women here inthe community and you offered a
workshop that was beautifullywell attended and amazingly well
(04:10):
put on.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
It was very life changing for me and some of the
messages that I heard calleddemystifying money.
Can you share a little bit?
Speaker 3 (04:17):
about that?
Yes, we had a conference lastfall oh my gosh, like six months
ago or more now and it wasalmost a full day event where we
talked about everything frombudgeting to investing to
private equity, generosity,caring for aging parents, and it
(04:39):
was a panel and sometimes wehad an individual speaker.
We had about 175 to 180 peopleattend and it was wonderful.
We really got experts fromprimarily Northwest Arkansas to
showcase their expertise onstage and have it facilitated.
There was so much demand for it.
(05:01):
I get questions about it, likewhen's the next one?
When are we doing this again?
And I'm like so much work.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
It was a lot of work.
It was fantastic.
It was fantastic.
Speaker 3 (05:11):
And it's just something that our community
needs, which is financialliteracy and financial education
and financial empowerment andjust giving people permission to
start something or continuesomething or to go for the next
thing.
Again, it goes back to havingthat open conversation about
money where people share whatthey're doing so it doesn't feel
(05:31):
so taboo or you don't feel likeyou're behind, because people
often feel like I didn't learnthis.
So what if we democratize theeducation and allow people to
learn it?
And what would that do toenrich our community?
To?
Speaker 2 (05:45):
learn it, you know?
And what would that do toenrich our community, right,
yeah, yeah, and and there's nota lot really in in most school
curriculums do not offeranything along those lines.
And I think that I was.
I had my eyes rudely openedwhen my son was a junior and I
asked him to write a check andhe didn't know how.
My bad, but really is it my bad.
(06:07):
Should he not have learned thatin school?
I don't know that he even needsthat anymore.
He doesn't need that now, buthe's a little older now.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
It's like when people said, yeah, don't you balance
your checkbook.
I'm like never, never balancemy checkbook.
I mean it's like the money wasthere.
I never used the ledger in theback, but there are people who
grew up thinking it's justchanged.
You know, I mean and that's theother part of it money changes
like the way we interact with it.
My kids think that when I pullout a debit card or a credit
(06:35):
card, it's just like the moneytree.
They're like we'll just useyour phone.
And now it's on my apple pay.
They're like we'll just paywith their phone, you don't need
your.
Because I said, well, I didn'tApple Pay.
They're like, well, just paywith your phone.
You don't need your.
Because I say, well, I didn'tbring my wallet.
They're like, well, just paywith your phone.
It's just like money right.
Like what does it mean?
We no longer are alwayscounting it out or writing it
out.
Sometimes you just Venmo andthat's the transaction.
(06:56):
So I don't think it failed inthat regard.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
Yeah, but what you?
A funny point there is, I thinkthat younger people, including
children, whereas the checkbookwasn't necessarily we did with
your kids, even my parents didthat.
But technology now they're verytechnology savvy no-transcript.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Right, yes, the same.
And this concept of the balanceof the account is not tied.
Yeah, they have no concept,they're like that's a deep pit
of wealth right In your phone,so buy the thing and instead of
what I want, I'm like where am Ifailing they?
Have to know the value of thedollar.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Yeah, I'm sure that parents around the globe are
thinking the same thing at timesand stuff.
I'm sure that parents aroundthe globe are thinking the same
thing at times and stuff I also.
I read an article a while backand it was talking about the
(08:07):
same topic you just mentioned,about children and understanding
you know, kind of the financialends and how to do that and the
discussion was about startingto at a much.
Earlier age help children buildcredit, oh yeah.
Earlier age help children buildcredit, oh yeah, and in a way
that you can open an account forthem, keep money in there, give
them a little bit of money tointeract with, and that by the
time they get to college orcollege age, whereas in the past
it's been well, you get tocollege, you get out, have you
(08:28):
really built your credit rating?
Yeah, that's interesting that alot of folks are now are
starting to build their creditfor their children, with their
children, and teach them that,so that when they get there they
already have it established.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
That is fascinating.
Yeah, I'm doing that makes alot of sense.
So, as an individual begins tothink about navigating their own
financial picture, where dothey start?
How do they get anunderstanding of what they need
to do, and then what are theresources available to them?
Speaker 3 (08:58):
I think that there are many places to start.
You know, I always stress theimportance of knowing what you
have right.
So maybe you open up aspreadsheet and write out all of
your accounts and your assets,your liabilities, you know your
monthly payments, yoursubscriptions, all the things
right.
One way people do it I'm notprescribing a perfect way,
(09:21):
because everyone has to comeabout finding out what works for
them differently is just tolook at your bank statement or
your credit card statement andsee what you're spending on and
where your money is going.
A lot of people have a verydifficult time just looking at
their money because it's soconfronting, and sometimes
there's shame there or youoverspend, or you had a plan, or
maybe you even had a budget andyou blew your budget, and so
(09:44):
it's like this shame is spiral,and so I think the first step is
just looking at your money forsome people and seeing where
everything is, and then, basedon that, there are so many
strategies for managing yourmoney.
One of the things that we do atArvest is we have financial
advisors that are able to helpyou set up your investments,
(10:08):
your budget, your kids' collegeretirement planning, insurance
planning, which is something alot of people don't think about,
but at a certain age, evenlong-term care insurance is very
important.
Right, to figure out theworld's change the idea that my
kids will take care of me maynot be the case, right?
We also help in the trustdepartment with estate planning
(10:32):
and carrying out the wishes thatpeople have for managing their
money if they're incapacitatedor when they pass away.
What is the succession plan?
Business succession planningthose are all things that are
touched by finances.
Yeah, because some people mightjust think investing, that's it
Right, but it doesn't stopthere.
Think investing, that's itright, but it doesn't stop there
(10:54):
.
There's so many other thingsthat are impacting your life,
your sleep, your mental healththat have to do with your money,
and I strongly recommend thatpeople first take a look at it
and then have someone help youprofessionally to look at that.
If it's a block that you haveand if you're struggling to
manage your assets holistically,not just okay, I'm in the black
, but what else could you bedoing?
(11:16):
Right?
Or should I put my money hereversus there?
You know there's so many toolsavailable.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
And so, as a person decides what kind of help they
need, what steps would they taketo really get in tune with that
?
Speaker 3 (11:30):
Yeah, I think you make an appointment.
If you go the route of workingwith a professional, you make an
appointment and they're goingto really dig into your life and
ask you questions about some ofyour goals and some of your
needs and some of your wants andbe able to sort of build that
out and map out where you aretoday to see if you're in the
right direction, moving in theright direction for what you
(11:51):
want to accomplish.
You know and just like I don'trepair my car, I go to a
mechanic.
If it's something you cannot do, there are people out there
that can help you do that, andthat's something that's very
important to realize that evenin our community here, there are
people that can help and makesure.
Well, maybe they just reassureyou that you're on the right
(12:13):
track, right Versus startingfrom scratch, or you're behind,
which I think most people thinkthey're behind.
Yes, or they should have donesomething or bought that plot of
land when they were here 21years ago.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
When it was you know, I'm sure I'm in that yeah.
Speaker 3 (12:29):
Right, and so, therefore, you failed some time
in the past, and now you can'tlook at it.
So that's the first step, andthen everyone's journey will be
divergent, so it just depends onwhere you're trying to go.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
How does trust work into all of this?
Speaker 3 (12:43):
Yes, trust is.
It's one of my passion topics.
In my past life, I was anestate planning attorney.
In my past life, I was anestate planning attorney, so I
created hundreds of wills andtrusts for individuals and
couples and families, basicallyputting their wishes down.
(13:03):
And so estate planning is theconcept of planning your estate.
We all have an estate.
You don't have to be uber richto have an estate.
It sounds very grandiose to sayI'm estate planning like my man
or you know somewhere in theEnglish countryside.
No, you all have an estate.
And so what that means is thatyou have to decide what you want
(13:24):
to do with your physical bodyand decisions related to your
health care, and then what youwant to do with your assets.
When you pass away with yourbody, it's while you're alive as
well, which a lot of peopledon't realize.
Whether that's a healthcaredirective, if you're
incapacitated, who steps in?
If it's a financial directive,okay.
If you're incapacitated, who'spaying my mortgage every month?
(13:45):
The assumption that, oh, my momwill do it or my spouse will do
it is not a good one, becauseyou have to designate, if
they're not on that account, whohas access right.
And so estate planning is aprocess of designating who those
people are.
When we die, we will all die.
Your estate has to be settled,so that means that they close it
(14:07):
down and that also takes acourt process right, Unless you
set up something like a trust.
A trust allows you to bypassthat probate process if you set
it up correctly, and that wayyour life can be wound down or
your assets can be distributedprivately, and that's why people
(14:28):
use trust and there's so manydifferent types of trust.
But that's what a trust is, andyou don't have to have a ton of
assets to do.
It's just a streamlined way ofshutting down your estate.
You basically put all the ducksin a row in order for that to
be handled.
What we do in the trustdepartment at Arvest is we will
look at a trust and yourdocument would say who the first
(14:52):
trustee is.
A lot of people that create atrust.
They'll name themselves andthen we can step in as the
successor trustee, which meanssomething happens to you not
death, but even incapacitationor death.
We can then step in to followthe wishes of your trust
documents, which can includeokay, when I pass away, I'd like
to liquidate my assets anddistribute it to these three
(15:14):
people in this charity, or Iwanted to all go to a charity I
wanted to go to my beloved son,or I want my dog taken care of
like this, or I want to supporttrust officers, professionals,
fiduciaries, which means that wehave to work investing for you.
We're able to then distributeit, whether it's paying for a
(15:55):
grandchild's college or to helpthis certain organization, or
however your wishes are in thedocument or through our
interpretation of your document.
That is what the departmentdoes, is it helps people with
that part of it?
And the reason that's importantis because what do you hear
about when families have a lovedone who passes away?
(16:18):
It's like everyone comestogether and it's kumbaya.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
It's usually like mom said that I was supposed to get
her dining tape.
Speaker 3 (16:26):
It's always something that comes up and sometimes it
can be the most minute.
Oh my gosh, I was supposed toget grandma's you know, quilts,
yes, and that's World War III,right.
And so if you can take yourfamily out of having to deal
with the loss or the burden ofhaving to take care of a loved
(16:47):
one, and have that managed bysomebody who is neutral on the
family dynamics, then that's ablessing that you can give to
your family.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
And then you take away one very large stressor at
the time of mourning.
Yes, and we are never our bestselves when we're mourning.
And I'll do a shout out fortrust.
Ken and I have both lost bothof our parents and, and while
that is an exceptionally hardthing to go through and it's
very eye-opening through theprocess, it's also a blessing to
(17:22):
have been the ones to saygoodbye to them.
Versus the other, his estate,his dad had none, and it was
almost five years.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
It was a couple of years well yeah, probably, but I
will say that it was a learningexperience and it's expensive
too, it's expensive and you knowI talked to him several
occasions about potentially needfor a trust.
(17:52):
Um, and along the way though,uh, uh, when my mom passed away
he kind of just said, well, it'sall going to be handled and
stuff, but um, yeah, doingthat's important, and when we
were not a whole lot of peopleas far as my younger brother had
passed prematurely.
So what we did, though, was mysister handled it first, but
(18:13):
then she had been a caregiverfor different family members,
and she was just kind of at theend, so then she transferred it
to me Wow, and so they had to gofly back to Maryland and go
through the court system to getthat transition transitioned
over and stuff, and then it waslike restarting over again,
which is one reason it took solong, but it was a incredible I
(18:35):
will say, painful learningexperience of not having a trust
to exactly what you're speakingof.
Speaker 3 (18:40):
Yes, and I don't think people estimate the time
and energy when it's notstreamlined.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
The time and energy when it's not streamlined.
Speaker 3 (18:48):
It can be flights, court dates, hiring an attorney,
versus let's just manage this.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
Just ongoing, endless yes.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
It's a frustration.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
Filing taxes.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
So when we got married second marriage for both
of us and our children childrenwere older one of the first
things we did was set up a trustreally.
Oh yes, that's like that wasmore and at the very beginning,
um, greg, who's, patty's son,who was 14 at the time or so,
and, uh, his sister now, uh, itwas older.
So we set it up that ifsomething happened prematurely
(19:27):
to us and Greg needed someonewho would be his guardian, that
his sister would do it, to whichher reply was you mean, I get
to tell Greg what to do For howmany years?
Speaker 2 (19:39):
For how many years?
But figuring all of thosethings out in advance for your
kids is such a gift.
Speaker 3 (19:48):
It's an awkward conversation and it can be very
confronting, but it is aimportant, it's such a gift.
It's an awkward conversationand it can be very confronting,
but it is a gift to have yourdocuments prepared and managed
properly.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
So if a listener is listening to this and going,
yeah, I need a few of thesethings, how do they assemble a
financial team?
What's important to figure out?
Speaker 3 (20:08):
when you're doing that.
There's so many components of ateam and it depends on what you
need, right?
You know there are some peoplewho need someone to financially
plan for them.
You might need a lawyer todraft documents for you.
If you have a business and youset up a succession plan, you
may need a lawyer to set upthose documents for you and make
sure that's done.
(20:28):
If you need insurance, youmight need somebody to provide
insurance for you, and so itdepends on what you need.
I think the assessment is thefirst part of okay, what am I
trying to accomplish?
You're getting some good adviceand then building your team.
You might need a CPA to do yourtaxes and make sure all of that
is coordinated.
So I never prescribed just onetype of team, because everyone's
(20:51):
situation is different and youmight need advice from several
different types of people or inseveral parts of you know, I
guess in various parts of yourlife or seasons of your life,
you might need a lot.
I really needed my CPA becausewe got this tax thing happening
Right, and so the idea is that,for whatever the issue is or
(21:12):
whatever the need is that youcan assemble who you need and
you don't have to do it alone.
Right, the idea that you haveto go to a one stop shop I don't
know where you go where you geteverything in one, yeah.
You know that's usually not thecase.
You usually have differentpeople who have different skill
sets who help you.
But when I talk about a teamapproach, it really is helpful
(21:33):
to start making that a normright, that you don't have to go
at it alone.
And I think that is the firststep in saying, oh, there's
somebody who has an answer orwho can point me in the
direction of the right answer,so that's where I'd start point
me in the direction of the rightanswer.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
So that's where I'd start.
So I do have a question as wekind of near the ending and
begin to think about wrapping upour conversation.
As you think about wealthmanagement and the position that
you own for a verywell-respected regional bank
here in Northwest Arkansas, whatdo you think that the position
(22:13):
of wealth management offers acommunity?
Speaker 3 (22:17):
Oh, that's a fantastic question.
I think that it is a gift tohave wealth management within
our community, and again I wantto make sure that I emphasize
that wealth management is notjust for wealthy people.
Wherever you are, it's a giftto have the ability to walk into
your bank and get some helpright, and that's not available
(22:38):
in every community, and forNorthwest Arkansas I think it's
wonderful.
I think that you get to gatherprofessionals and various
designations right At our bank.
We have various professionalswho are now working in the
banking sector, who are able tolook with those eyes on what
your issue is right, and so theword that comes to mind is that
(23:02):
it's a gift and that's somethingthat you shouldn't think that
you are excluded from, butsomething that might work very
well for you.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Well, and I also think that as we get our hands
around our own finances, itenables us to contribute more to
the community, and that buildsa better community.
Speaker 3 (23:21):
And trust right and trust, yeah, depends on the
roots of the place, in the place.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
Any last minute thoughts or advice for our
viewers?
Speaker 3 (23:30):
Well, I'm just very honored to be asked to come and
speak to you today, and I justencourage people out there to
take the next right step for you.
You know, whatever that is,that's what I always whenever I
speak.
I like to encourage people totake your next right step and if
you want to share it with me,I'm happy to hear that.
But as you listen, if somethinghas piqued your interest, if
(23:53):
there's a takeaway, take actionon that thing.
Do the next right thing for you.
Yeah, and whatever that is, youknow yourself better than
anybody else.
Take an action.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
When I can say, just personally speaking, given the
experiences I've had, thatyou've made available that
understanding of your moneystory and how it's impacting
your decisions is huge.
So do some work in.
That would be my advice.
Work on yourself.
Do some work in that.
That's been very, very helpfulto me to really look at so well.
(24:26):
We are honored that you wouldtake your time to do this in the
middle of such a busy week andwe thank you so much.
It's been delightful to chatwith you.
Have a great day, viewers, andwe'll look forward to seeing you
next time.
Thank you, take care Bye.
The 4 Bars podcast has beenbrought to you by Edges Inc.
A growth advisory firm based inBentonville, arkansas.
A growth advisory firm based inBentonville, arkansas.
I founded the company in 2001.
Speaker 1 (24:48):
Edges promotes growth of people, companies and ideas.
Our team collaboration tool,called Interface Methods, is a
basis for teams to work togethermore collaboratively,
understand each other and acceptdifferences and address
challenges together.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
We also started a nonprofit called Unform your
Bias.
We teach kids and their adultinfluencers how to utilize
storytelling as a means toreduce bias in the world.
We hope you'll check us out,subscribe to our podcast and
look at our website.
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