November 12, 2025 • 23 mins
We explore intentional living through the lens of relationships, community, and self, arguing that everything meaningful requires conscious effort. From small greetings to protecting home as a romantic space, we map practical rituals that reduce anxiety and deepen connection.
• shifting from autopilot to deliberate presence
• early dating energy versus long-term complacency
• doorframe rituals and meaningful greetings
• setting boundaries between work and home
• gratitude, politeness and cultural nuance
• prioritizing energy to avoid burnout
• community kindness as mental health support
• comfort versus complacency in love
• eye contact, attention and micro-connection
• self-appreciation as a daily practice
Come say hi on YouTube and Instagram at Get Real with the English Sisters, and message us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Intentional living and how we can live more
mindfully and with intention,but there is a snag to it.
Yes.
Everything that truly matters inlife, whether it's
relationships, whether it'swork-life balance, every single
thing does require effort.
(00:22):
And lots of it.
And I think when we startassuming that things can just
run on autopilot, that's whenthings start breaking down.
And that's what we're going tobe chatting about in this week's
episode of Get Real With theEnglish Sisters.
And thank you so much for takingthe effort to show up for us on
(00:46):
YouTube, on Instagram, at GetReal with the English Sisters.
And you know, really showing upfor us and leaving your comments
because we really do appreciateit.
And it does make our podcastgrow, doesn't it?
It makes our podcast grow and itmake it also gives us ideas to
bounce back off.
(01:07):
Yes.
And gives us the motivation tothe motivation to continue
making these podcasts.
Because we are real therapistsand we actually do want to make
a difference.
And we really do want to help.
So it's something that is veryclose to our hearts.
And we make an effort to makethese podcasts.
(01:27):
As we were just saying before,everything requires effort.
So it takes everything that'sworthwhile requires effort.
Effort, yeah.
And we were just saying that,weren't we?
Saying about relationships, howso many people come to us saying
their relationship isn'tworking.
And when we truly ask them, howmuch effort, yeah, do you
(01:49):
actually have you just become soaccustomed to that person's
presence in your life that youknow you you take it for
granted?
I think that's that's that's agood point.
You do take it for granted, andthen you suddenly think that
because you're you are in arelationship that it doesn't
(02:12):
require effort anymore, so itdoesn't require you to show up
for that person or to you knowmake the effort to be like
charming or funny, funny,everything that you used to do
before.
Because at the beginning, we allknow that when we first start
dating, that requires a massiveeffort, so much effort that
(02:33):
people don't even want to date,they hate dating.
Exactly.
So many people come to ussaying, I'm single, but I hate
dating because of the effortthat dating does require,
because it takes you have tosocialize and you you want to
look your best, and etc etc.
And even when you're in a newrelationship, that's a lot of
effort.
(02:53):
There's effort that you you kindof want to do because you've got
energy, you really want to makeyourself look as as good as
possible, and you you make itthis massive.
I mean, I remember at thebeginning of my relationship, my
husband would just jump on aplane and come all the way to
just see me, like randomly.
And he had to come from Londonbecause I was in London, he had
(03:15):
to come from Italy to London,and I would make a massive
effort to meet up with him.
There was so much effort, andnow I think sometimes, you know,
are we running on autopilot too?
I do think about that.
Well, we put the effort we allrun on autopilot.
I don't think there's any way ofgetting away with it.
And I think it is useful for usbecause otherwise we wouldn't be
(03:38):
able to cope, probably.
There'd be too many.
But I think that you know, everyday we should make the conscious
effort, bring it into yourconscious mind to just get out
of that autopilot and say, hey,so if like say if your partner
comes home and you're used to uhlike what I do, sit sit if I'm
(04:00):
sitting on the sofa doing someonline work or something, and my
my husband comes home, I'llusually say hi darling, and then
he'll come over and he'll giveme a kiss.
But say if if today, forinstance, if I get up off the
settee.
I always get off.
And and because you're moreactive, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (04:20):
And your husband requires more effort.
SPEAKER_00 (04:22):
He does, yeah.
He wants to.
If say today I get off and I getup and go and greet him and give
him a big hug, it's it's it'sit's a bit more than just it's
that like turning around sayinghi, darling, and a kiss, which
is still good, but it's notthere's a study which says that
if you kiss your partner helloand goodbye, you're gonna live
(04:43):
for longer, I think that's whatit said.
Yeah, or actually hug them formore than like I don't know,
like 10 seconds.
It's it's like a real hug.
Yeah, but if you take the timeto give a hug and then say, Oh,
you look nice, are you tired, orwould you like me to make you a
drink?
That's really sweet.
Or it it's just you know, likefor example, a lot of the times
(05:05):
me and my hubby, we enter thehouse together, and it's just
it's it's sort of like de takingyour work stuff off and entering
a different space, which is youryour the your chosen home space,
your home environment, which youhave to consider it a bit like
(05:26):
your love nest.
But does that can does that takeeffort then?
It takes a massive effort tojust come home and take a
closer.
No, it to enter a differentbrain stop talking about work
because we also I also run thefamily business together.
So you you have to stop.
That's an effort, it's it'seffort.
You have to stop talking aboutthe work that you were talking
(05:48):
about five minutes ago.
It's all right on the on the wayback home, like in the car, but
then when we enter the homespace, that has to be So is this
something that you'veestablished and put into place?
I've started, I'm trying tostart to put it into place.
I'm doing it consciously, butit's a conscious effort, it
requires conscious effort.
And is there a reward associatedwith it?
(06:11):
Well, yeah, because I see himmore like my romantic partner
and not just like my uh yes,exactly, not like my work
colleague.
I think that's really important.
It is because you choose, youbuild you, you you make your
house together, and you chooseto live in that space together,
and that has to be that's that'syour romantic space.
(06:37):
Yeah, I mean there's a famousdate night, isn't there, when
you have a date night, butsometimes I don't do that then.
I there have been times in mylife pilot.
Yeah, when you do you just don'twant to make that effort,
especially if you've been inlong-term relationships.
This is really tired, or you'rereally, really tired.
But even if I think if you'rereally, really tired, but in
(06:57):
your short relationship thathasn't lasted that long, you
still get that adrenaline.
The adrenaline kicks in and youstill want to make that effort.
So, do you think it comes withthe lack of effort comes with a
with a slight complacency ofcomplacent?
You start taking things forgranted, whatever it is that
(07:20):
you've had for a long time.
If you've had a good job for along time, you'll take that for
granted and you'll put lesseffort in than you'll see the
new person that comes alongputting massive effort in.
It's everything, it justanything that you want to really
flourish, you have to take greatcare of.
(07:42):
Well, you have to constitutecare.
You have to nurture it.
A garden doesn't grow withoutnurture.
Growth takes care.
You need anything for it for itto grow.
A child, uh, your relationship,your work, everything needs
great care.
Yeah, but that's a great carethat sometimes we do not want to
(08:04):
put into things.
What I say is if you're reallyovertired and exhausted, where
does that care come from?
How do you how do you get enoughenergy to take care?
Prioritizing.
That's where the balance comesin.
Exactly.
We need to prioritize, we needto say learn to say no to
certain things and yes toothers, where we want to put
(08:27):
that effort into because they'rethings that make us grow as
well.
So it's growth from both parts.
You're making something elsegrow and one of your projects,
but at the same time, you'regrowing and being nourished
because you're putting theeffort in.
Yeah, it's that effort thatmakes you grow.
(08:49):
It's like you're saying, I'mgonna take care of my personal
space now, and that's gonnarequire effort, but it's a
different effort to burn outeffort when you're just working
and slogging along, and it youknow you're not really getting
nourished from that.
Do you know?
Do you know that's that thatthat's where the difference is,
and it's fundamental.
(09:10):
Well, I think it comes with umwith being intentional of how
you connect with your space, butalso with your partners and the
people around you and yourfamily.
Yes.
So are you giving them, are youmaking the effort to give them
that full attention andconnection, which takes effort,
(09:30):
but the reward is is amazing.
I mean it can come across asalmost unsettling at first if if
people around you aren't used toit.
SPEAKER_01 (09:43):
Like if, say, for instance, if you happen to
ignore your partner when theycome home or just say quick hi,
if you suddenly get up and givethem a big hug and say, Oh,
darling, I love you, babe, orwhatever, and then you go over
all cuddly, they might think,What's got into them?
SPEAKER_00 (10:00):
Well, yeah, they might even have alarm bells,
might even go off because you'renot you they're not used to you
being like I suppose you justsay, Look, I want to live more
intentionally, I don't want totake you for granted, darling.
That's why I'm doing this.
Yeah, but I really appreciateyou my.
Well, look, I wouldn't thinkthat.
(10:20):
I mean, uh you wouldn't, becauseyou're used to it, but if you
happen to not be used to it, andthen you suddenly get all this
attention.
Well, then that's where you haveto say, Look, I want to live
more intentionally.
But you couldn't explain why.
Because I feel like I'm justtaking things for granted, and I
and living on an autopilot isnot a nice way to live because
(10:41):
you're not consciously aware ofthings.
So I guess you would have tosay, Look, I listened to a
podcast or something.
You'd have to explain.
The other day I listened to apodcast and they were talking
about intentional living and howit's important not to just take
things for granted, and evenrelationships take effort, but
it's a good kind of effort, andI wish to implement that in my
(11:02):
life.
Yeah, because I think a lot ofpeople think that if you are in
a good relationship, it doesn'ttake effort because it should be
effortless.
But we've been married for over30 years, and we can guarantee
that it does take it does takeshowing up, being present,
(11:22):
making a nephew, saying thankyou.
It's so I mean for an Englishperson to say please and thank
you can seem like a ridiculouslyobvious thing.
But for example, here in Italy,every time I say thank you to my
husband, he he's like surprisedand delighted by it.
Even if he just brings me acoffee over and I say, Oh,
(11:44):
grazia more.
That grazia more, the other dayhe actually said to me, gosh,
you're still you're sowonderfully polite or something,
he said, which is, and I realizebecause in this Italian culture,
it's it can they don't use asmany pleas and thank yous.
Everyone all over the world, weyou know, English people are
(12:07):
like they're instilled withinthem at very young age.
You your pleas and thank yousare like essential, but it
doesn't, it's not part of everyculture in the world.
You know, some other culturesjust have a smile, or I I'm not
an expert in other cultures, soI wouldn't know, but I know that
English culture that's how ityou're you're taught, aren't
(12:28):
you?
SPEAKER_01 (12:28):
Oh, yes, yes, it's I remember reading a book when I
was about five about P's andQ's, and I had no idea what the
Q's were.
I go, What are Q's?
I found out when I was probablyabout 50 that the Q's meant
thank yous.
SPEAKER_00 (12:44):
Yeah, you would see P's, P and T.
I would have understood it morebecause the beginning is a
thank, you know, the word thank.
But thank you because of the Q.
Yeah, I wouldn't have known thateither.
SPEAKER_01 (12:57):
I was so uh bewildered by it, but anyway, it
was just a book.
Obviously, I read it on my own.
I didn't have to.
SPEAKER_00 (13:05):
It's this kind of um this effort that But it's a kind
of it's it's like it's beingcivil, it's beautiful.
It's being respectful, eventhough you're you're with
somebody that you know you yousleep with every night and you
would think, oh that, you know,it's just it's just that kind of
respect to, you know, evensometimes I might say prego,
(13:28):
which he says that's so formal,like after a grazia in Italian,
you say prego, which meansyou're welcome.
So sometimes he thinks I'malmost too formal, but the other
day I actually got a sign thathe actually appreciates this
kind of formality.
Formality sometimes.
He says, gosh, you're so likeyou know, I think you make the
(13:50):
extra effort, don't you, to sayit.
Well, uh it kind of just becomesa second nature in the end
because it becomes what you'reused to, what you're used to
doing in the end.
So it's yes, it's what what I'msaying is that fundamentally
everything in life takes effort,and you have to choose what kind
(14:12):
of effort where you want to putthat effort into your life,
whether you want to make yourgarden beautiful, your family
life is is often the the partthat you put less effort into,
but in the end, ultimately,every single person that any
elderly person you'll talk to,they don't talk about work.
(14:35):
No, they talk about theirfamily, they talk about the
relationships they've had intheir life and their life has
been well lived, and thatthey're okay if they go on to
the next life and they diebecause they've had these good
relationships.
What are you looking at me likethis has to bring it back to
(14:56):
death because life isn'tforever, and and and if we
remember that green podcastepisode it's not, it's when it's
when you have to remember that'smeaningful things are not
forever, are they?
They're not forever.
So if you remember that, ithelps a lot, it helps.
(15:17):
It's like when you told me whenwhen the kids were having
everything was so messy, and yousaid your mother-in-law said to
you, remember that thefingerprints on the window panes
that your little babies arealways touching the windows.
One day you'll remember thosetiny fingerprints.
Yeah, the story was actuallythat she said that when we left,
(15:37):
because we used to go and visitin uh in we were used to go up
to go to Castle.
SPEAKER_01 (15:43):
And then she said when she when we used to leave,
she would actually leave uh it'sgonna make me cry.
She would leave the littlefingerprints of our two
children, which were hergrandchildren, she would leave
them on the windows because sheused to think how cute and
lovely they were.
SPEAKER_00 (16:01):
Oh my god, that's so cute, yeah.
Yeah, but you see, she's nolonger with us.
No, but she left that.
SPEAKER_01 (16:08):
I mean, she told us a story which we treasure
because then whenever I would beat home, maybe shouting and
screaming, thinking you've lefta big mess in the room, I would
think of the fingerprints.
SPEAKER_00 (16:19):
And you told me that story, and hopefully we'll tell
you, you know.
I told you and you appreciatedit.
I loved it.
I thought, wow, that isincredible.
That that just makes meappreciate, you know, all the
little messes I would see.
You know, I think, oh, I see alittle dinosaur there on the
floor today because it's a signmy little one has been playing
(16:40):
with his dinosaur toy, and okay,that's fine.
There has been life there.
SPEAKER_01 (16:46):
It just made me just realize it makes you focus on
what's important and what isn'timportant, really, and it's uh
what we need to be cultivatingmore of our relationships with
our friends, with our family,with our loved ones, which will
make us feel better, moregrounded, and less stressed and
(17:08):
less anxious.
SPEAKER_00 (17:09):
Absolutely.
We need to prioritize that kindof effort.
Yeah, like the other day we wereat the petrol station, just
yesterday, we were at the petrolstation, and my husband he
always has a little chat withwith the people there.
That's nice and the the ladythat was putting petrol in the
car, she he said, How are you?
and she said, Oh, I'm reallystressed out now because my
daughter's hurt her ankle, and Ihave to go and buy her some
(17:34):
crutches, and they're likethey're or or hire them
somewhere, they're expensive.
And I don't I haven't Ifinancially we're not that well
off now at the moment to buythese crutches.
So my husband thought, Oh, I Ihad a pair of crutches, I don't
use anymore.
I'll I'll I'll go back home.
He was even ready to go backhome, or this afternoon after
(17:55):
work, we'll bring them to you,and she was like amazed by it.
And because she she only knowsus because we put petrol in the
car every week, and that's it.
But because of the fact that shealways asks us, how are you?
She she puts that extra effortin, she doesn't just serve and
say, How much?
(18:16):
She actually comes, Oh, howhow's it going?
How are you?
It makes such a special kind ofconnection that she started it,
and then he gave we we were ableto help her in some way, and
even though in the end she says,somebody else has given me has
but lent me the crutches, so youdon't have to worry.
But I thought that's kind ofthat special effort that you put
(18:36):
in is also making you feel goodbecause we felt good because we
could help her, and she's just aneighbor, somebody that's here,
a local person, but it'ssomebody that you can actually
help.
So that kind of effort is goingto make you feel good and
ultimately make you feel lessanxious about the world around
(18:59):
you as well, because there's notmuch you can do for the big wide
world, but your small communitycan really help you if you
manage to help somebody in yourcommunity as well.
That's the kind of effort that'sworth it, right?
There's been so many studies onhow random acts of kindness can
really help us, uh, help ourmental health and help us feel
(19:20):
better, feel less depressed,feel less anxious, feel more uh
as if we have agency over what'shappening to us, and we've it it
makes us feel more in control,just being able to help people.
Yeah, you're absolutely right,it's something that's so easy to
do.
My husband's face lit up.
He thought, Oh, I've got a pairof crutches, I'll end you ours,
(19:44):
who cares?
You know, I don't need themanymore.
I've had my knee surgery off,you know.
He was he was delighted to beable to help.
So I think that any one of usthat believes that
relationships, being uh withyour girlfriend, with your
boyfriend, with your whoever itis, is it shouldn't require
effort.
That's a false belief, and it'sa dangerous one.
(20:07):
It is dangerous.
What what it the confusion iswhere you think that because
they love you, you can't be atease.
That's a different situation.
You can feel comfortable, youcan just you know be in your
pyjamas around someone, and andyou don't always have to have
your hair perfect, etc.
(20:27):
That's a different, we're nottalking about that.
No, that because that's lovelywhen you can feel comfortable
with somebody, that you don'talways have to, you know, be on
top form, etc.
We're not talking about thatkind of effort, that's
different, that's being at easewith somebody.
The kind of effort is the effortthat you're always seeing them
(20:51):
as somebody that's special inyour life, and that requires
effort, and being present forthem, being present so being in
the present moment to give themthe attention, so not always
being on your phone or beingabsent because sometimes you can
be in a room with someone andyou're not even alone.
Yeah, you can feel alone,especially you know, you can
(21:12):
just so they're on their phone,it can just be like getting
having dinner together or eatingout together, but actually being
there and chatting and talkingand looking at the the person in
their eyes, yeah, giving themeye contact.
Eye contact, that's so obvious,but it's so underrated.
(21:33):
Giving a person the eye contactthey deserve, your child, your
your partner, your the peopleyou work with, if if that's
effort, that might be moreeffort than you want to, but
that's real connection.
Yeah, even giving yourself eyecontact.
So, like looking in the mirrorin the morning and giving
yourself eye contact and saying,I appreciate you, I appreciate
(21:58):
you, and I love you, and I'm foryou because you're also worth
the effort.
You are definitely worth theeffort.
You are worth it.
You are you are enough, likewhat they say, you are enough,
and you you deserve to have thateffort.
And the thing is that when youmake the effort to invest in
(22:19):
your relationships, in yourcommunity, in your living
intentionally, living mindfully,then it's the effort's all
worthwhile.
So you reap so many benefitsfrom it that it's inspiring and
it makes you feel good, and itgives you that that dopamine
(22:39):
rush that you need.
It gives you all those good,feel-good hormones that you you
can take in and absorb andenjoy, and the effort's worth
it.
You see the growth.
You'll see the growth.
It's like a flourishing,beautiful garden, and it'll be
green and and packed andbeautiful, so it's definitely
(23:04):
worth it, definitely worth it.
And I think that's the effort weput in for today.
And I hope you appreciate itbecause we really do love
helping you.
And so do come and see us on ourYouTube channel where we also
have the video version of thepodcast.
Do come and say hi on Instagramat getRill with the English
(23:26):
sisters, and also visit the linkin our bio or on any of our
social media profiles where we'dlove to say hi.
And you can also text us ormessage us on Apple Podcasts,
Spotify, or wherever you getyour podcasts.
Thank you for listening and forwatching.
And see you soon.
SPEAKER_01 (23:44):
Love and smiles from the English sisters.
SPEAKER_00 (23:47):
Bye.
Intentional living and how we can live more
mindfully and with intention,but there is a snag to it.
Yes.
Everything that truly matters inlife, whether it's
relationships, whether it'swork-life balance, every single
thing does require effort.
(00:22):
And lots of it.
And I think when we startassuming that things can just
run on autopilot, that's whenthings start breaking down.
And that's what we're going tobe chatting about in this week's
episode of Get Real With theEnglish Sisters.
And thank you so much for takingthe effort to show up for us on
(00:46):
YouTube, on Instagram, at GetReal with the English Sisters.
And you know, really showing upfor us and leaving your comments
because we really do appreciateit.
And it does make our podcastgrow, doesn't it?
It makes our podcast grow and itmake it also gives us ideas to
bounce back off.
(01:07):
Yes.
And gives us the motivation tothe motivation to continue
making these podcasts.
Because we are real therapistsand we actually do want to make
a difference.
And we really do want to help.
So it's something that is veryclose to our hearts.
And we make an effort to makethese podcasts.
(01:27):
As we were just saying before,everything requires effort.
So it takes everything that'sworthwhile requires effort.
Effort, yeah.
And we were just saying that,weren't we?
Saying about relationships, howso many people come to us saying
their relationship isn'tworking.
And when we truly ask them, howmuch effort, yeah, do you
(01:49):
actually have you just become soaccustomed to that person's
presence in your life that youknow you you take it for
granted?
I think that's that's that's agood point.
You do take it for granted, andthen you suddenly think that
because you're you are in arelationship that it doesn't
(02:12):
require effort anymore, so itdoesn't require you to show up
for that person or to you knowmake the effort to be like
charming or funny, funny,everything that you used to do
before.
Because at the beginning, we allknow that when we first start
dating, that requires a massiveeffort, so much effort that
(02:33):
people don't even want to date,they hate dating.
Exactly.
So many people come to ussaying, I'm single, but I hate
dating because of the effortthat dating does require,
because it takes you have tosocialize and you you want to
look your best, and etc etc.
And even when you're in a newrelationship, that's a lot of
effort.
(02:53):
There's effort that you you kindof want to do because you've got
energy, you really want to makeyourself look as as good as
possible, and you you make itthis massive.
I mean, I remember at thebeginning of my relationship, my
husband would just jump on aplane and come all the way to
just see me, like randomly.
And he had to come from Londonbecause I was in London, he had
(03:15):
to come from Italy to London,and I would make a massive
effort to meet up with him.
There was so much effort, andnow I think sometimes, you know,
are we running on autopilot too?
I do think about that.
Well, we put the effort we allrun on autopilot.
I don't think there's any way ofgetting away with it.
And I think it is useful for usbecause otherwise we wouldn't be
(03:38):
able to cope, probably.
There'd be too many.
But I think that you know, everyday we should make the conscious
effort, bring it into yourconscious mind to just get out
of that autopilot and say, hey,so if like say if your partner
comes home and you're used to uhlike what I do, sit sit if I'm
(04:00):
sitting on the sofa doing someonline work or something, and my
my husband comes home, I'llusually say hi darling, and then
he'll come over and he'll giveme a kiss.
But say if if today, forinstance, if I get up off the
settee.
I always get off.
And and because you're moreactive, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (04:20):
And your husband requires more effort.
SPEAKER_00 (04:22):
He does, yeah.
He wants to.
If say today I get off and I getup and go and greet him and give
him a big hug, it's it's it'sit's a bit more than just it's
that like turning around sayinghi, darling, and a kiss, which
is still good, but it's notthere's a study which says that
if you kiss your partner helloand goodbye, you're gonna live
(04:43):
for longer, I think that's whatit said.
Yeah, or actually hug them formore than like I don't know,
like 10 seconds.
It's it's like a real hug.
Yeah, but if you take the timeto give a hug and then say, Oh,
you look nice, are you tired, orwould you like me to make you a
drink?
That's really sweet.
Or it it's just you know, likefor example, a lot of the times
(05:05):
me and my hubby, we enter thehouse together, and it's just
it's it's sort of like de takingyour work stuff off and entering
a different space, which is youryour the your chosen home space,
your home environment, which youhave to consider it a bit like
(05:26):
your love nest.
But does that can does that takeeffort then?
It takes a massive effort tojust come home and take a
closer.
No, it to enter a differentbrain stop talking about work
because we also I also run thefamily business together.
So you you have to stop.
That's an effort, it's it'seffort.
You have to stop talking aboutthe work that you were talking
(05:48):
about five minutes ago.
It's all right on the on the wayback home, like in the car, but
then when we enter the homespace, that has to be So is this
something that you'veestablished and put into place?
I've started, I'm trying tostart to put it into place.
I'm doing it consciously, butit's a conscious effort, it
requires conscious effort.
And is there a reward associatedwith it?
(06:11):
Well, yeah, because I see himmore like my romantic partner
and not just like my uh yes,exactly, not like my work
colleague.
I think that's really important.
It is because you choose, youbuild you, you you make your
house together, and you chooseto live in that space together,
and that has to be that's that'syour romantic space.
(06:37):
Yeah, I mean there's a famousdate night, isn't there, when
you have a date night, butsometimes I don't do that then.
I there have been times in mylife pilot.
Yeah, when you do you just don'twant to make that effort,
especially if you've been inlong-term relationships.
This is really tired, or you'rereally, really tired.
But even if I think if you'rereally, really tired, but in
(06:57):
your short relationship thathasn't lasted that long, you
still get that adrenaline.
The adrenaline kicks in and youstill want to make that effort.
So, do you think it comes withthe lack of effort comes with a
with a slight complacency ofcomplacent?
You start taking things forgranted, whatever it is that
(07:20):
you've had for a long time.
If you've had a good job for along time, you'll take that for
granted and you'll put lesseffort in than you'll see the
new person that comes alongputting massive effort in.
It's everything, it justanything that you want to really
flourish, you have to take greatcare of.
(07:42):
Well, you have to constitutecare.
You have to nurture it.
A garden doesn't grow withoutnurture.
Growth takes care.
You need anything for it for itto grow.
A child, uh, your relationship,your work, everything needs
great care.
Yeah, but that's a great carethat sometimes we do not want to
(08:04):
put into things.
What I say is if you're reallyovertired and exhausted, where
does that care come from?
How do you how do you get enoughenergy to take care?
Prioritizing.
That's where the balance comesin.
Exactly.
We need to prioritize, we needto say learn to say no to
certain things and yes toothers, where we want to put
(08:27):
that effort into because they'rethings that make us grow as
well.
So it's growth from both parts.
You're making something elsegrow and one of your projects,
but at the same time, you'regrowing and being nourished
because you're putting theeffort in.
Yeah, it's that effort thatmakes you grow.
(08:49):
It's like you're saying, I'mgonna take care of my personal
space now, and that's gonnarequire effort, but it's a
different effort to burn outeffort when you're just working
and slogging along, and it youknow you're not really getting
nourished from that.
Do you know?
Do you know that's that thatthat's where the difference is,
and it's fundamental.
(09:10):
Well, I think it comes with umwith being intentional of how
you connect with your space, butalso with your partners and the
people around you and yourfamily.
Yes.
So are you giving them, are youmaking the effort to give them
that full attention andconnection, which takes effort,
(09:30):
but the reward is is amazing.
I mean it can come across asalmost unsettling at first if if
people around you aren't used toit.
SPEAKER_01 (09:43):
Like if, say, for instance, if you happen to
ignore your partner when theycome home or just say quick hi,
if you suddenly get up and givethem a big hug and say, Oh,
darling, I love you, babe, orwhatever, and then you go over
all cuddly, they might think,What's got into them?
SPEAKER_00 (10:00):
Well, yeah, they might even have alarm bells,
might even go off because you'renot you they're not used to you
being like I suppose you justsay, Look, I want to live more
intentionally, I don't want totake you for granted, darling.
That's why I'm doing this.
Yeah, but I really appreciateyou my.
Well, look, I wouldn't thinkthat.
(10:20):
I mean, uh you wouldn't, becauseyou're used to it, but if you
happen to not be used to it, andthen you suddenly get all this
attention.
Well, then that's where you haveto say, Look, I want to live
more intentionally.
But you couldn't explain why.
Because I feel like I'm justtaking things for granted, and I
and living on an autopilot isnot a nice way to live because
(10:41):
you're not consciously aware ofthings.
So I guess you would have tosay, Look, I listened to a
podcast or something.
You'd have to explain.
The other day I listened to apodcast and they were talking
about intentional living and howit's important not to just take
things for granted, and evenrelationships take effort, but
it's a good kind of effort, andI wish to implement that in my
(11:02):
life.
Yeah, because I think a lot ofpeople think that if you are in
a good relationship, it doesn'ttake effort because it should be
effortless.
But we've been married for over30 years, and we can guarantee
that it does take it does takeshowing up, being present,
(11:22):
making a nephew, saying thankyou.
It's so I mean for an Englishperson to say please and thank
you can seem like a ridiculouslyobvious thing.
But for example, here in Italy,every time I say thank you to my
husband, he he's like surprisedand delighted by it.
Even if he just brings me acoffee over and I say, Oh,
(11:44):
grazia more.
That grazia more, the other dayhe actually said to me, gosh,
you're still you're sowonderfully polite or something,
he said, which is, and I realizebecause in this Italian culture,
it's it can they don't use asmany pleas and thank yous.
Everyone all over the world, weyou know, English people are
(12:07):
like they're instilled withinthem at very young age.
You your pleas and thank yousare like essential, but it
doesn't, it's not part of everyculture in the world.
You know, some other culturesjust have a smile, or I I'm not
an expert in other cultures, soI wouldn't know, but I know that
English culture that's how ityou're you're taught, aren't
(12:28):
you?
SPEAKER_01 (12:28):
Oh, yes, yes, it's I remember reading a book when I
was about five about P's andQ's, and I had no idea what the
Q's were.
I go, What are Q's?
I found out when I was probablyabout 50 that the Q's meant
thank yous.
SPEAKER_00 (12:44):
Yeah, you would see P's, P and T.
I would have understood it morebecause the beginning is a
thank, you know, the word thank.
But thank you because of the Q.
Yeah, I wouldn't have known thateither.
SPEAKER_01 (12:57):
I was so uh bewildered by it, but anyway, it
was just a book.
Obviously, I read it on my own.
I didn't have to.
SPEAKER_00 (13:05):
It's this kind of um this effort that But it's a kind
of it's it's like it's beingcivil, it's beautiful.
It's being respectful, eventhough you're you're with
somebody that you know you yousleep with every night and you
would think, oh that, you know,it's just it's just that kind of
respect to, you know, evensometimes I might say prego,
(13:28):
which he says that's so formal,like after a grazia in Italian,
you say prego, which meansyou're welcome.
So sometimes he thinks I'malmost too formal, but the other
day I actually got a sign thathe actually appreciates this
kind of formality.
Formality sometimes.
He says, gosh, you're so likeyou know, I think you make the
(13:50):
extra effort, don't you, to sayit.
Well, uh it kind of just becomesa second nature in the end
because it becomes what you'reused to, what you're used to
doing in the end.
So it's yes, it's what what I'msaying is that fundamentally
everything in life takes effort,and you have to choose what kind
(14:12):
of effort where you want to putthat effort into your life,
whether you want to make yourgarden beautiful, your family
life is is often the the partthat you put less effort into,
but in the end, ultimately,every single person that any
elderly person you'll talk to,they don't talk about work.
(14:35):
No, they talk about theirfamily, they talk about the
relationships they've had intheir life and their life has
been well lived, and thatthey're okay if they go on to
the next life and they diebecause they've had these good
relationships.
What are you looking at me likethis has to bring it back to
(14:56):
death because life isn'tforever, and and and if we
remember that green podcastepisode it's not, it's when it's
when you have to remember that'smeaningful things are not
forever, are they?
They're not forever.
So if you remember that, ithelps a lot, it helps.
(15:17):
It's like when you told me whenwhen the kids were having
everything was so messy, and yousaid your mother-in-law said to
you, remember that thefingerprints on the window panes
that your little babies arealways touching the windows.
One day you'll remember thosetiny fingerprints.
Yeah, the story was actuallythat she said that when we left,
(15:37):
because we used to go and visitin uh in we were used to go up
to go to Castle.
SPEAKER_01 (15:43):
And then she said when she when we used to leave,
she would actually leave uh it'sgonna make me cry.
She would leave the littlefingerprints of our two
children, which were hergrandchildren, she would leave
them on the windows because sheused to think how cute and
lovely they were.
SPEAKER_00 (16:01):
Oh my god, that's so cute, yeah.
Yeah, but you see, she's nolonger with us.
No, but she left that.
SPEAKER_01 (16:08):
I mean, she told us a story which we treasure
because then whenever I would beat home, maybe shouting and
screaming, thinking you've lefta big mess in the room, I would
think of the fingerprints.
SPEAKER_00 (16:19):
And you told me that story, and hopefully we'll tell
you, you know.
I told you and you appreciatedit.
I loved it.
I thought, wow, that isincredible.
That that just makes meappreciate, you know, all the
little messes I would see.
You know, I think, oh, I see alittle dinosaur there on the
floor today because it's a signmy little one has been playing
(16:40):
with his dinosaur toy, and okay,that's fine.
There has been life there.
SPEAKER_01 (16:46):
It just made me just realize it makes you focus on
what's important and what isn'timportant, really, and it's uh
what we need to be cultivatingmore of our relationships with
our friends, with our family,with our loved ones, which will
make us feel better, moregrounded, and less stressed and
(17:08):
less anxious.
SPEAKER_00 (17:09):
Absolutely.
We need to prioritize that kindof effort.
Yeah, like the other day we wereat the petrol station, just
yesterday, we were at the petrolstation, and my husband he
always has a little chat withwith the people there.
That's nice and the the ladythat was putting petrol in the
car, she he said, How are you?
and she said, Oh, I'm reallystressed out now because my
daughter's hurt her ankle, and Ihave to go and buy her some
(17:34):
crutches, and they're likethey're or or hire them
somewhere, they're expensive.
And I don't I haven't Ifinancially we're not that well
off now at the moment to buythese crutches.
So my husband thought, Oh, I Ihad a pair of crutches, I don't
use anymore.
I'll I'll I'll go back home.
He was even ready to go backhome, or this afternoon after
(17:55):
work, we'll bring them to you,and she was like amazed by it.
And because she she only knowsus because we put petrol in the
car every week, and that's it.
But because of the fact that shealways asks us, how are you?
She she puts that extra effortin, she doesn't just serve and
say, How much?
(18:16):
She actually comes, Oh, howhow's it going?
How are you?
It makes such a special kind ofconnection that she started it,
and then he gave we we were ableto help her in some way, and
even though in the end she says,somebody else has given me has
but lent me the crutches, so youdon't have to worry.
But I thought that's kind ofthat special effort that you put
(18:36):
in is also making you feel goodbecause we felt good because we
could help her, and she's just aneighbor, somebody that's here,
a local person, but it'ssomebody that you can actually
help.
So that kind of effort is goingto make you feel good and
ultimately make you feel lessanxious about the world around
(18:59):
you as well, because there's notmuch you can do for the big wide
world, but your small communitycan really help you if you
manage to help somebody in yourcommunity as well.
That's the kind of effort that'sworth it, right?
There's been so many studies onhow random acts of kindness can
really help us, uh, help ourmental health and help us feel
(19:20):
better, feel less depressed,feel less anxious, feel more uh
as if we have agency over what'shappening to us, and we've it it
makes us feel more in control,just being able to help people.
Yeah, you're absolutely right,it's something that's so easy to
do.
My husband's face lit up.
He thought, Oh, I've got a pairof crutches, I'll end you ours,
(19:44):
who cares?
You know, I don't need themanymore.
I've had my knee surgery off,you know.
He was he was delighted to beable to help.
So I think that any one of usthat believes that
relationships, being uh withyour girlfriend, with your
boyfriend, with your whoever itis, is it shouldn't require
effort.
That's a false belief, and it'sa dangerous one.
(20:07):
It is dangerous.
What what it the confusion iswhere you think that because
they love you, you can't be atease.
That's a different situation.
You can feel comfortable, youcan just you know be in your
pyjamas around someone, and andyou don't always have to have
your hair perfect, etc.
(20:27):
That's a different, we're nottalking about that.
No, that because that's lovelywhen you can feel comfortable
with somebody, that you don'talways have to, you know, be on
top form, etc.
We're not talking about thatkind of effort, that's
different, that's being at easewith somebody.
The kind of effort is the effortthat you're always seeing them
(20:51):
as somebody that's special inyour life, and that requires
effort, and being present forthem, being present so being in
the present moment to give themthe attention, so not always
being on your phone or beingabsent because sometimes you can
be in a room with someone andyou're not even alone.
Yeah, you can feel alone,especially you know, you can
(21:12):
just so they're on their phone,it can just be like getting
having dinner together or eatingout together, but actually being
there and chatting and talkingand looking at the the person in
their eyes, yeah, giving themeye contact.
Eye contact, that's so obvious,but it's so underrated.
(21:33):
Giving a person the eye contactthey deserve, your child, your
your partner, your the peopleyou work with, if if that's
effort, that might be moreeffort than you want to, but
that's real connection.
Yeah, even giving yourself eyecontact.
So, like looking in the mirrorin the morning and giving
yourself eye contact and saying,I appreciate you, I appreciate
(21:58):
you, and I love you, and I'm foryou because you're also worth
the effort.
You are definitely worth theeffort.
You are worth it.
You are you are enough, likewhat they say, you are enough,
and you you deserve to have thateffort.
And the thing is that when youmake the effort to invest in
(22:19):
your relationships, in yourcommunity, in your living
intentionally, living mindfully,then it's the effort's all
worthwhile.
So you reap so many benefitsfrom it that it's inspiring and
it makes you feel good, and itgives you that that dopamine
(22:39):
rush that you need.
It gives you all those good,feel-good hormones that you you
can take in and absorb andenjoy, and the effort's worth
it.
You see the growth.
You'll see the growth.
It's like a flourishing,beautiful garden, and it'll be
green and and packed andbeautiful, so it's definitely
(23:04):
worth it, definitely worth it.
And I think that's the effort weput in for today.
And I hope you appreciate itbecause we really do love
helping you.
And so do come and see us on ourYouTube channel where we also
have the video version of thepodcast.
Do come and say hi on Instagramat getRill with the English
(23:26):
sisters, and also visit the linkin our bio or on any of our
social media profiles where we'dlove to say hi.
And you can also text us ormessage us on Apple Podcasts,
Spotify, or wherever you getyour podcasts.
Thank you for listening and forwatching.
And see you soon.
SPEAKER_01 (23:44):
Love and smiles from the English sisters.
SPEAKER_00 (23:47):
Bye.
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