Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Success doesn't come
easily, but when it does come,
unfortunately not everyone'sgoing to be happy for you.
Yeah, that is so true.
I think it's important torecognise who you really want to
share your happy story with.
Yeah, so that's what we'regoing to be chatting about in
(00:22):
this week's episode of Get Realwith the English Sisters Mind,
health and anxiety A place youcan come and relax.
Indeed, unfortunately, it'strue, isn't it?
It is Not everyone's going tobe happy for you and clap and
say yay, or they might do, butsecretly they're not happy for
(00:47):
you and they're cursing you inthe background, really, I mean,
I don't know as far as cursingyou, but they're feeling envy,
that's for sure.
Unfortunately, people areenvious.
Yes, yes, that can happen a lotof the time.
It's not a nice thing, is it?
(01:09):
The thing is, when you shareyour sincere story of success,
you might have had a promotion,or you're pregnant, or I don't
know, you won something, oryou're really happy in your
marriage, for example, and youknow that's a tricky one as well
, because that's really tricky,because if you, if you're saying
(01:31):
you're happy, yes, then thenpeople can you know, you, you
want to share that kind of storywith somebody who you know, is
going to be fully supportive andbe happy for you.
So that's why you have torecognize that you know the 90
that aren't going to be happyand unfortunately it's so many
people which is so.
(01:51):
But I think that's why we havethis culture of bringing you
know, bringing people out andthen tearing them down in the
press yes, exactly, social mediaas well.
Yeah, like, oh, that actress,she's wonderful, she's this, oh,
yeah, but I bet you she, Idon't know, she's anorexic or
she, she's, she's horrible.
You know it.
(02:11):
It's hard for people just to behappy for others genuinely, and
I think there's a secret todoing that.
What is it?
What is it?
That's a big question, butthere is a secret.
The secret is, I think, is tois to learn to recognize that
(02:34):
you may feel sadness because youdidn't get that, or you didn't
be able to buy the car, or youdidn't get that promotion, so
you may feel a hint of sadness.
I think, once again, it'srecognition.
If you recognize that, yeah, inyourself, you can see it and
think, oh, yeah, that's, that'swhat I'm feeling.
(02:56):
So now you know what you'refeeling, you can give it a name
and you can recognize this isenvious.
I'm feeling envious of this and, and what can I do?
What can I do?
I can, I can, in a way, changemy state.
Well, you can channel this,this feeling, and say, okay,
(03:17):
instead of feeling envious, howcan I change this?
And maybe I can get inspired bythis story Exactly that's
exactly what I and gaininspiration from it.
Yes, exactly, gain inspiration.
So, instead of feeling thisnegativity, this emotion of envy
, anger, sadness, even griefsometimes, because you did not
(03:38):
get that thing or that person,or you don't have that, you can
change it and channel it intothinking.
Let me look at it from adifferent point of view.
Let me see what did that persondo in order to get there?
And if you actually look atthings closely, you will
probably find that there was alot of sacrifice and a lot of
(04:01):
hard work involved.
And if there wasn't, if it wassomething like we were
discussing before, like apregnancy, and it happened
easily for that person and youmay be finding yourself in a
struggle, you can just takeinspiration, knowing that you
that these things look, they dohappen, they do, they do happen.
(04:24):
So it might not be thatdifficult for me in the end,
because things do happen.
It's not like it's Never goingto happen.
Well, yeah, I mean, I did saypregnancy, sometimes it can
never happen, but you can.
I mean, I have been personallyon a road of infertility, so I
do know what it was like.
I mean, obviously, when youtold me you were pregnant, I
(04:45):
felt nothing but great joy.
For that, because of ourcloseness and our love, I
thought, oh wow, Violetta'sgonna have a baby.
It's gonna be like my baby, youknow, that's it.
She's gonna have this gorgeousbaby, you know.
So I was only 25 at the time,but I was very maternal and I
was thinking, yay, you know, I'mgonna have, I'm gonna, like,
have a baby too, yeah, so Icouldn't feel that you know,
(05:09):
that envy, or of course I mean.
But no, it's not.
Of course it happens a lot oftimes and it's a normal, natural
feeling.
Yeah, to feel when somebody elsegoes ahead in life, you feel as
if they're going ahead.
Well, it's a classical exampleof like, not related to
pregnancy, but like when youknow that your close friends
(05:31):
move ahead yes, whether it'sfinancially They've got engaged
or physically, they suddenlylook amazing and you don't.
Yes, exactly, exactly whensomething changes for the better
in someone else and if you feelleft behind.
You know you can feel envy andsadness and even grief, like
(05:53):
what you feel.
Yeah, and I think you know it'simportant for you to recognize
those feelings and admit OK, I'monly human, so it's not
necessarily bad that I'm feelingthese feelings.
But let me see what can I do inorder to feel better and how
can I address them in order tofeel sincerely happy for that
person?
(06:13):
Well, what about if it's theother way around?
Is it if, if you are thesuccess story, yes, you have to
share it's it's it's best tomaybe tread a little bit
carefully, isn't it?
And recognize those people thatreally are going to be there
for you and not feel this envy.
This is one of the first things.
It can ruin your moment.
(06:34):
I remember when I first came toitaly, my husband said here in
the village and my mother-in-law?
She said we do not speak aboutthe good things and and I
thought, what are you saying?
She said, shh, be quiet.
Like, keep your like happymoments and good news.
Keep them, don't go blabbing.
(06:55):
She told like because myhusband, my boyfriend at the
time, he said oh, I'm really inlove, mom, I'm really happy,
shush, you know, like, as if youknow, the bad tongues are going
to hear you, the literallytranslated Malilingue, the bad
tongues are going to hear youand bring you bad luck, sort of
(07:15):
thing.
Because what she was saying isthat around the gossip here
around the village, noteverybody you know was in that
state of happiness.
Not everyone's going to sharethe moment.
Everybody you know was in thatstate of happiness.
Not everyone's going to sharethe moment with you.
It was so weird and I said toher but surely when you were
(07:36):
younger you would go and wash,you know, all your clothes in
the fountain.
Because she used to tell methese stories, because you know,
and I would say, wasn't itlovely to have this community of
women all together bonding?
And she used to say, not really.
You couldn't tell people thatyou were, like, really happy.
And I said, are you joking?
She said no, no, no, you don'tgo and tell you if.
(07:59):
If you were happy with yourhusband, you kept quiet and then
if he was bad to you, like hewouldn't give you money, because
in those days it was literallyor he would hit you.
You know, I mean we're talkingabout a long time ago Then you
could say it.
Are you allowed to say that yes, you would tell the other women
and they would oh poor thing,would they help you?
(08:23):
Not really.
It was all very quiet, so theywere just like happy for you,
for your no, she's well.
She said it wasn't.
I mean I was really surprised,but she said you wasn't that
clear, but you got the feelingthat when you had it's the same
thing as you don't wash yourdirty clothes in public sort of
thing, it's that saying.
(08:43):
She said you don't wash them ifthey're really dirty.
You know like you hide ifyou've got really bad stuff.
She said you don't wash them ifthey're really dirty.
You know like you hide.
If you've got really bad stuffhappening to you, don't say it.
But the same goes for reallygood stuff.
Because then you have womenthat are jealous, like if you've
got six eggs that your chickenhas given you, literally.
So you don't go boasting aboutyour six eggs, you keep quiet.
(09:04):
All the others say my chicken ismy chicken has laid one egg.
She used to my chicken has laidone egg.
She used to say my chicken haslaid one egg too.
She said even though mychickens were laying eggs like
crazy.
And I said why didn't you sayyou had lots of eggs, and she
said no, no, because they wouldwant the eggs.
They would have envy.
So this is something that'salways been around.
(09:26):
I'm talking about mymother-in-law's generation.
She was born in 1926.
So when she was young, it was along time ago.
She's no longer here now, butthis is apparently a common
feeling that we can all get.
Is what?
And I think today, it stillapplies, doesn't it?
Of course it applies today.
It applies to things that yousee on social media and you want
(09:47):
them and and you, you, yougenerally might think, oh, I'm
happy for that person, but theremay be a part of you that's not
happy.
Yeah, or so I I do think.
I think there's a two sides ofthe coin.
If you're a person that'sfeeling like this, if you're
feeling envious, or if you'renot happy for somebody's success
, yes, ask yourself why that isand recognize it and then
(10:11):
embrace it and then maybe dosomething about yes, you can say
okay, instead of wishing themill or literally wishing that
their chickens won't produce allthese eggs, you can think what
are they doing?
Perhaps, like you know, if shehad confessed that she was
getting sick sex, what are youfeeding your chickens, what are
(10:33):
you doing?
And so you can implement thatin your life and say, well, if
they're successful, what arethey doing?
Apart from things that are justlike you know, luck and that,
like we're talking aboutfamilies and getting pregnant.
But there may be other thingsthat these people are doing that
you can learn and getinspiration.
You can get inspiration, youcan get motivated by them
(10:57):
instead of feeling angry orjealous at them.
I think so, but I do stillthink the rule does kind of
apply today if you do have somereally good news, you know you
want to share it with peoplethat you know are going to
ultimately applaud you, and, andthe sad thing is that sometimes
the people that are closest toyou will do not know.
(11:19):
I know, I know that, so that'sa sad thing.
You may, oh, wow, you know like, and they might do something to
ruin the moment as well.
If you do share it.
They might it's best to keepquiet.
Well, like a lot of oursuccesses in the beginning with
english sisters, when my husbandwas jealous of the english
sisters because I suddenlybecame really passionate in this
(11:39):
, studying the therapy andeverything, the psychotherapy,
and oh, that's wonderful, that'swonderful.
But when we started gaining ourfirst successes and he saw a
change.
He did feel jealous and headmitted it.
And then he kept on saying Ifeel jealous of what you're
doing.
I said, instead of feelingjealous, get inspired.
(12:00):
Yeah, and now he's veryinspired by it.
He's a super fan now.
Yeah, now he's a super fan.
But you know it takes time aswell to adjust to somebody
that's changing, changing intonew things Exactly New.
So you know, the rule of thumb,I I think, is make sure you
(12:22):
share with the right people andsomebody who's actually gonna
celebrate with you, because Iand it is important to celebrate
, yes, you know, do not stopcelebrating.
You know, choose the peopleyou're gonna celebrate.
Sometimes you're somebodyyou're so happy that you just
tell people yeah, you telleveryone, yeah, I remember
(12:43):
making that mistake before in mylife.
Oh, my god, we've got this way,and people around you just
thinking, oh, yeah, and then itkind of dampens your soul a
little bit because, yeah,because you want to be around
people that are going to bereally you want, you want to
share that joy, but I think ifyou're not going to share it
(13:07):
with the right people, it's bestnot to share it and to jump up
and down on your own, exactly inyour house, and put some music
on and have a great dance andand keep it to yourself.
Keep it close to your heart,your tribe to share it with
Exactly, and look for the righttribe.
Yes, well, let us know what youthink.
(13:28):
Have you ever felt envious aboutsomeone, your neighbour, your
friend, your colleague?
Neighbour is very common.
Neighbour is a common one.
Let us know.
Or if you've been on the otherside of it where other people
have been envious of you.
Uh, send us a message, send usa text message, or come and see
the video on youtube too andlisten, to get real with the
(13:48):
english sisters wherever you getyour podcasts, and thank you
too for being always there forus and always listening, because
the podcast is growing.
Thank you so much.
We really do appreciate it andwe love your comments.
Bye, bye, bye.