How to Cope When You Feel Left Out Because of Food

Text Carrie!

Have you ever been at a party, a work lunch, or a family gathering and realized there’s nothing you can eat? 

Everyone else is digging in, and you’re trying to smile through it while feeling left out or awkward. I’ve been there more times than I can count, and it can really sting. In today’s episode, we’re talking about how to handle those moments when being gluten-free feels isolating — how to prepare ahead, what to say, and how to take care of your emotions when food becomes a dividing line. 

Stick around until the end, because I’ll share the simple mindset shift that helped me stop feeling excluded and start feeling empowered.

Come join us in our free Facebook Community, The Gluten Free Engineer. 

It’s a space where you can connect with others living gluten-free, ask questions, swap tips and recipes, and get support from people who truly get it. Whether you’re newly diagnosed or a seasoned gluten-free pro, you’ll feel right at home.

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Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Quick reminder before we get started on this
episode.
This podcast is based on mypersonal experiences and isn't
medical advice.
Have you ever been at a party, awork lunch, or family gathering
and realized there's nothing youcan eat?
Everyone else is digging in andyou're trying to smile through
it while feeling left out orawkward.
I've been there several timesand it can really be

(00:21):
heart-sinking.
In today's episode, we'retalking about how to handle
those moments when beinggluten-free feels isolating, how
to prepare ahead, and what tosay, and how to take care of
your emotions when food becomesa dividing line.
Stick around to the end becauseI'll share the simple mindset
shift that helped me stopfeeling excluded and start
feeling empowered.
Let's dive in.

(00:43):
Welcome to the Gluten FreeEngineer Podcast.
I'm your host, Kiri Saunders.
In 2011, I was diagnosed withceliac disease, a moment that
changed everything.
But I was determined not to letit hold me back.
With my two engineering degrees,I set out to reverse engineer
the gluten-free lifestyle,breaking down recipes, safety
tips, travel hacks, andeverything in between to rebuild

(01:05):
a life I love.
Whether you have celiac disease,gluten intolerance, or simply
choose to live gluten-free, thispodcast is for you.
Join me each week as we simplifythe gluten-free lifestyle, make
it fun, and prove that you don'thave to miss out on anything.
Welcome back to the show.
Today we're talking about how tocope when you feel left out
because of food.
It is such a common thing forthose that are gluten-free,

(01:28):
celiac, or have other foodallergies or intolerances.
It's really something otherpeople don't think about until
they're in that situation orknow somebody well in that
situation.
I know a lot of my friends andfamily now realize what it might
be like to be had to have a foodissue or food sensitivity,
celiac, or some otherintolerance or allergy.

(01:51):
It can really feel you feel leftout.
And it's not just about thefood.
It's about connection, it'sabout tradition and about
belonging and really feelinglike you're part of the event.
Social events often revolvearound eating, which can feel
isolating when you can'tparticipate, or when it's a bit
awkward when you do participate.

(02:11):
And really, you gotta rememberyou're not being dramatic.
These emotions are valid.
It's just something ingrainedwith us.
You can really go back tocenturies ago, not even modern
times, and many activities andcelebrations were around food.
It is just simply ingrained inus.
So what we want to do is we wantto make sure that we're prepared

(02:33):
before events happen.
That can help you feel lessisolated, more included, and
feel better about the situation.
So ask questions in advance ifyou're the one not controlling
the food.
What menus are going to beavailable?
What ingredients?
Is there any cross contact ifyou need to worry about that?
And then if it's say like it's afamily gathering or somewhere

(02:55):
where people are bringing food,offer to bring a dish that you
love.
It helps you feel included andensures you have something safe
to eat.
We do this all the time, andwe've been doing this for at
least over 10 years now, tomaking sure that we bring our
own safe dish.
And it's become normal to us,it's become normal to the people
around us.
So this could be a little bitawkward at first if you haven't

(03:18):
done this before, but it willbecome more the norm.
And I'm finding more and more asthe years go by that having
gatherings and food gatheringstry to accommodate people with
food allergies, foodsensitivities, and celiac
disease is becoming morecommonplace.
And so we're feeling a bit lessout, left out, thankfully.

(03:39):
Um, but if you're in a situationwhere you feel like you know
they're not going to have thefood that you need, make sure
that you ask.
And then if you're not able tobring um, say a food dish with
you, so you're going to arestaurant and meeting
co-workers or family, eat asmall snack before you go so
you're not hungry, just in caseif the options are limited and

(04:01):
you don't feel safe eatingthere.
That's what I've done manytimes.
If I wasn't able to get a cleardirection from that restaurant,
whether they are going to have asafe food for me.
So I just eat a small safesnack, or I have instruct myself
and my children to do thatbefore we go somewhere that we
are unsure of.
And then some strategies whenyou're there, when you're in the

(04:23):
moment, I want you to focus on aconnection over food,
conversation, memories, anyphotos you want to take.
Focus on the things you cancontrol if you're in a situation
where you can't control thefood.
Don't apologize for your needs,and you're protecting your
health.
You're not being picky.
And I know this is somethingthat was really hard and that I

(04:45):
struggled with in the beginningof being gluten-free and celiac,
as I felt like I was being veryneedy.
I felt like others perceived meas having all the spotlight on
me when I really just wanted toprotect my health.
I just wanted to feel good.
I didn't want to feel terriblebecause I ate the wrong thing.
So don't apologize.

(05:05):
This is for you.
And if emotions hit hard, take aquick break.
Go outside, get a deep breath,just reset yourself if you
really need to.
Especially when you're new, thiscan be really, really hard.
So don't feel like there'ssomething wrong with you if this
feels really difficult to you.

(05:26):
And sometimes it's hard tocommunicate this and convey this
to our family and friends whomight even understand if we
talked about it.
So don't try to focus too muchon that negative part and try to
focus on what you can control,that conversation, the memories
you're making, and the photosyou're taking.
And try to not really push downthose hard emotions, but work

(05:50):
through them is what I'm tryingto say here.
And then I want you to reframethe left out feeling.
Sometimes when we look at asituation that is hard or
difficult or um awkward, if welook at it with a different
lens, it's going to become lesshard, difficult, less stressful.
So shift your focus.

(06:11):
You're not missing out, you'retaking care of yourself.
So just think of it as you'retaking care of yourself.
And we should be making surethat we're, you know, ourselves
are our number one priority ontaking care of.
Because if we aren't taking careof ourselves, we can't take care
of our family and our childrenand our friends.
So remind yourself, everyone haslimits or boundaries, and yours

(06:35):
just happens to be food.
There might be somebody in thatroom whose limit is being around
people.
They might be very extremelyintroverted, and being around
people really drains them andmakes them, you know, just feel
so awkward and weird, and theyhave a hard time with the
conversations, etc.
So remind yourself that you arejust your limitation is food,

(06:59):
and other people have their ownlimitation in a different way.
And over time, being preparedhelps you build confidence in
the sting lessons, thatawkwardness lessons, that
feeling left out will lessen.
So work through it, and eachtime you do it, it's going to
get easier.
And then finally, I'd love youto find some support and

(07:19):
connection.
Find your gluten-free community,whether it's online or podcasts
like this one, our local groups.
We also have a great um Facebookgroup called the Gluten Free
Engineer.
You're welcome to search down onFacebook and join us.
We're from all over the worldand country in there.
And I want you to celebrate yoursmall wins.
Bring your own food, trying newsafe restaurants, feeling good

(07:42):
after events, celebrate thosesmall wins.
And the more you own yourgluten-free life, the less
you'll feel left out.
I know this is true because whenI started embracing it and just
started saying, you know what?
This is what I am and who I amand what my body is like.
And I just have to accept it.
And I just have to be diligentabout being gluten-free.

(08:06):
And I stopped worried about whatother people think.
And it made me so much happier.
Other people started seeing, oh,she's really serious.
This is a serious need for her.
And everything got better.
And if you ever need extra helpwith being gluten-free, you are
welcome to join my newsletter attheglutenfreengineer.com or join

(08:26):
our Facebook group.
It is also linked on our websiteat theglutenfreeengineer.com
because you deserve to feelincluded and confident in your
journey.
So here's the mindset shift thatchanged everything for me.
And I already alluded to this alittle bit too, is I stopped
viewing my gluten-free food assecond best.

(08:47):
And I started viewing it asself-care.
When I bring my own food to aparty, it's not because I'm
different.
It's because I care enough aboutmyself to stay healthy and feel
good.
And that shift made every eventeven easier and helped me enjoy
the moment instead of feelingleft out.

(09:07):
Thank you for listening to thisepisode of the Gluten Free
Engineer.
If you found value in thisstory, please share it with
someone who might needencouragement on their own
gluten-free journey.
For more tips, recipes,resources, and even links to my
YouTube channel, head on over totheglutenfreengineer.com.
It's your one-stop hub to makegluten-free living simple, fun,

(09:29):
and full of flavor.
And don't forget to subscribe soyou never miss out on an
episode.
And we will see you next week.
The Gluten Free Engineer Podcastis for informational and
entertainment purposes only.
I share my personal experiencesand stories about living with
celiac disease and navigating agluten free lifestyle.
This podcast does not providemedical advice.

(09:50):
Always consult with a qualifiedhealthcare professional for
medical questions, concerns, oradvice specific to your health.