November 23, 2022 • 35 mins
As the holiday season approaches, the New York Times best-selling author Nancy Redd returns to catch us up on what’s going on in her life. When Nancy last joined Carol on the podcast, her bestselling children’s book Bedtime Bonnet was taking off and she was helping her son August and her daughter Rupali manage school and extracurriculars online. Now, Nancy has a new book out, The Real Santa, which takes readers on an adventure with a young Black boy eager to find out what Santa really looks like, and Rupali has landed a leading role in the Disney+ series, “The Santa Clauses”. Nancy describes how she has supported both of her children’s newfound love for acting while not dimming her own light as a writer, journalist, and host. Her family has a deep love for the Christmas holidays and whether or not you celebrate the holiday season, our conversation will lift your spirits and inspire you to enter the New Year with renewed focus and motivation to achieve whatever you set your sights on. Follow us at @GroundControlParenting and on www.groundcontrolparenting.com
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hello, and welcome to Ground Control Parenting, a blog and
now a podcast creator for parents raising black and brown children.
I'm the creator and your host, Carol Sutton Lewis. In
this podcast series, I talked with some really interesting people
about the job and the joy of parenting. I am
really excited to welcome back to the podcast today's guest
best selling author, Nancy Red. Hey, Nancy's back, and today
(00:27):
we're going to talk about holiday celebrations and all the
exciting Red family contributions to the holiday season that we
can all enjoy. Nancy Read is an award winning on
air host, a New York Times and USA Today bestselling author,
a two time Mom's Choice Award winner, an nu A
CP Image Award nominee for Outstanding Literary Work, and a
GLAD Media Award nominee for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She is
(00:52):
also the author of Bedtime Bonnet, a celebration of black
hair and haircare rituals, which she talked about during our
last podcast, and her latest at Least The Real Santa,
which talks about Santa Claus, and we'll get into that
during the podcast. Nancy holds an honest degree in Women's
Studies from Harvard University. She and her amazing husband Rupa
(01:12):
Kin have two children, August who's eleven, and Rupolli, who
is eight. Welcome back to ground control parenting, Nancy. Thanks
for having me. Last time I had baby Nancy, who
was six, she's publicly Rupolli. I know this is this
is the first time I've heard someone make that switch
to me, and I definitely want to talk to you
(01:32):
about that when we I want to talk all about
formerly known as baby Nancy now Rupolli work. But first
I want to talk to you about the holidays, because
they're coming up. We're speeding into the holiday season, and
you know, we were saying, it's cold where you are.
You're in Los Angeles, it's cold where I am. I'm
in New York City, and this reminds us that the
(01:52):
holiday season is upon us. So let me ask you this.
How did you grow up celebrating the holidays? First Thanksgiving
and then Christmas? How was your Thanksgiving when you were
growing up? Well, Thanksgiving was much more of the thing
when I was growing up, and it's now because we
knew a lot less about the origins of Thanksgiving. And
(02:12):
so my mom was the first grade school teacher, and
so she's always said, make the most of every holiday,
the holidays of what you put into them. And so
our house for every holiday, whether it was Easter or
Valentine's Day or Thanksgiving or St. Patrick's Day, was decorated
like a first grade school school. And I loved it,
and it was one of the things I continue to do.
(02:33):
I just go to the dollar store. Honestly, I give
up a bunch of decorations and I just put them
all over the house. And the kids love it. It
makes it fun. They look forward to the decorations. But
for Thanksgiving, we've mellowed it out for a variety of reasons,
and we turned it more into just kind of like
a gratitude day. We're not doing it this year. We're
(02:54):
going to an exotic meat butcher on Saturday and the
children each get to pick something, whether it's going to
be frog's leg or ostrich or they apparently have like
ground camel questions about We're just kind of making it
a fun time for us to enjoy a dinner. You know,
(03:14):
I like that, and I will have to hastily agree that.
In our household, and even when I was growing up,
Thanksgiving was sort of a literal holiday. We gave thanks
for being around the table, we gave thanks for our families,
for the bounty before us. Most focused on gratitude and
gratitude for each other and gratitude for making it through.
(03:37):
So yeah, I'll have to agree that I hope that
Thanksgiving us a holiday has evolved into that because that
that would be the best takeaway from Thanksgiving. So you
guys aren't doing the turkey or you're doing the you're
stepping away from the traditional, from your Virginia roots of
traditional Thanksgiving, I would imagine, Yeah, well not, I mean
it's it's also we really love Christmas, so they're so
(04:00):
close quite frankly that I kind of dump everything into
Christmas Thanksgiving as a hurdle to get over to give
to the real one. Um, I'm excited for that Friday
to be able to comfortably have my car decorated, have
my house decorated with my Christmas year. So you know,
we're just gonna have a good time Thanksgiving just debiding
(04:23):
our time till the Christmas. Okay, So that is a
perfect segue into the Christmas holiday celebration. So this year,
more so than others, the the Red Gin family is
really celebrating Christmas. But before we get there, tell me
about how you had Christmas growing up in Virginia. I mean, well,
(04:44):
it was a huge thing. Christmas was the time. I mean,
I can't underestimate the excitement that people had for Christmas
from basically February on. It's hard to remember, but before
were the Internet, when you got catalog and when you've
got all the catalogs. I mean, I am of that
(05:05):
weird generation that grew up with one foot in the
Oh my goodness. There are catalogs that come into my
house that have images of things I've never seen before
that you pour over for months and you circle, you
write lists, and you know most of that stuff is
never coming still dream and that was the exciting part.
(05:26):
I feel like now kids get so much stuff and
it's so there and anybody can have everything almost that
that type of imagination magic is kind of gone, but
people have leaned more into the magical elements, like with
Elf on a Shelf. We were heavily invested in Elf
on a Shelf for many years. I mean I was
(05:48):
one of those people that I mean, we created escapes,
elf escapes. It was awful. I spent hours hours displaycating
my children's massive dis fires for intricate Alphone the Shelf experiences,
and they were so bummed to find out that Alphone
Shelf wasn't real. They found out that basically the last
(06:09):
year when my book The Real Santa was coming out,
my husband felt it was humane to tell my then
ten year old on his own got to him and
so they went for a walk and shared that you know,
we are Santa and that's the beauty. Don't ruin it
for your little sister. And it was really hard for him,
(06:32):
but he held it together. And then, weirdly enough, the
exact same Christmas. Last Christmas, my daughter discovered she would
draw beautiful drawings for Santa and the elves and I
would hide them under the bed because I'm trying to survive,
and she found them under their bed. She was just like,
what is this? I was like, I got no answer,
(06:54):
what do you think it is? And she was horrified
to discover that Santa wasn't real. But I prepare at
her for this year with Christmas becomes even more Christmas e.
They prepared her when she was auditioning for this the
Santa Claus is that she's now starring in because she
didn't have to ask questions about what's going on. She
(07:14):
wasn't deterred by this different, different legacy of Santa than
she had grown up with. So Christmas was a big
deal for me growing up, it was a big deal
for my children, and now in different ways, it's a
big deal for our family. The image that came to
mind with the catalog description, I mean, I want to
sound like one of those dattering old people that wishes
for a time and there were no Internet. I love,
(07:35):
I love cyberspace, but there is something to be said
for flipping through physically this catalog and circling things. It's
a sort of a slower pace, and I think it
you're removed from the being able to click and get it,
and so your expectations can be managed. There is something
to be said for paper versus digital. But we are
(07:56):
where we are, and so I want to get right
to why this is a really big Christmas for you.
First of all, you mentioned last year you released The
Real Santa, which is your second children's book, and it's
a lovely story about a family's celebrating Christmas and their
celebration of Santa. So tell us a little bit about
the story without giving too much away, because I want
(08:18):
everyone listening to get the Real Santa. But then I
want to ask you about how The Real Santa came
to be as a book for you. The Real Santa
came to be because my first children's book, Bedtime Bonnet,
was based on my experience with my daughter, Baby Nancy,
and her need to find a role model in media
(08:39):
that wore bonnet like her, so she would wear her
bonnet as a toddler. And my second book, The Real Santa,
he's based off of my son's eternal love for Santa Claus,
which because of the book, ironically we had to preemptively
to uh. But I really just was surprised that there
(09:04):
were no books at that time, and talk about zeitgeist, right,
there were no books that were in the mainstream that
featured diverse Santa, and I wanted the story to be
similar to the ones to the conversations in our household,
like what does Santa look like? Who could he be?
Where does he come from? And that's what I really
(09:26):
love about The Real Santa. It's a story about a
little black boy who is pondering what Santa looks like?
Does he look like the Santa that he sees at
them all. Does he look like the Santa on top
of his tree? You know what, Santa is the real Santa.
And it's a really fun, little magical story that I
love and I'm excited about people enjoying it for years
(09:48):
to come. And it's beautifully illustrated, this lovely black family
with grandma and grandpa and and the children, and the
house is filled with Santa's different images of Santa, and
it reminds me of certainly when I was growing up.
You know, we decorated the house and there was Santa's
and we'd always want to find the black Santa's because
(10:08):
you know, we wanted Santa to be black. And you know,
as I was thinking about this in terms of what
does Santa look like, Santa looks like, Santa looks like
who we want Santa to look like? I mean, which
is for the people listening, I'm really not giving anything away,
but this book is not really for you guys. It's
really for your children. But I love you can have
a spoiler. It's totally fine. Well. I mean that the
(10:30):
book includes as the boy realized that Santa looks like him,
and I love that because Santa looks like however, we
want Santa to look like I mean, you know, you
you go to the mall and you see Santa is
brown or white or whatever he is. I mean, Santa's
a concept as opposed to a white man with a
white beard. And so I love that this book makes
(10:50):
clear that Santa is this family Santa looks like them.
I hadn't seen a book with representations of a black
Santa sort of in the course of a family ally
as opposed to sort the book that's just about Santa
making him black, but black family having a black Santa,
well and talk about interesting things. Truly, the year before
this was an anomoy, and then last year when my
(11:13):
book comes out, there were a couple of other books
that came up with black Santa's at the same time.
And then this year I'm in the grocery store and
like Reese's peanut Butter is being margareted by black Santa.
I was like, well, this is amazing, Like, how are
we've come in twenty four months where you could only
find like minority Santa's as another aspect that as the
(11:36):
main Santa, not as the Santa on the packaging for
the candy or the food, but as like another purchase
you can buy as an addition, and now we're taking mine.
You know, black and brown. Santa's integrated into main media
and it's phenomenal and I'm so stoked it is, and
you know, and you just think about this. I remember
(11:58):
a few years ago there was some discussion on one
of the more conservative networks that you know, of course,
Santa is white. Can we just stop a minute, and
notwithstanding all of our belief in the magic of Christmas,
to suggest that Santa is a particular race and not
another one, ignores the fact that Santa is not real.
There I've said it. Sorry guys if I'm ruining for
you out there, but but just the notion that Santa
(12:20):
can't be any color, it's just crazy to me. So
I'm very glad that we have caught up with the
concept of Santa is everyone. Santa looks like everyone. So
and to think you lead the way, Nancy So. And
I'm part of a of a concerted effort by a
bunch of disparate people. That was what was really interesting.
While I was doing this. There were gift companies who
(12:42):
are creating black Santa's and other places that we are
doing all these incredible things. And I think the fun
thing is I can't remember who said it, but there
was someone when they were to own activism, and their
advice was pick a lane and stay in it and
do the work. And I think a lot of us
we're picking this Black Santaly and it all came to
(13:04):
an amazing snowball effort at once. You know, last year
I wrote a piece for The New York Times called
in Search of Black Santa, and it talks about the
struggle to find a black Santa for the longest time
in society, and now that struggle is no longer. I mean,
you have you have actual Santa's everywhere that are not
(13:24):
hidden in secrecy. Because I don't know if you know
this Macy's, I don't know how it's going to go
down this year. But every year when we used to
go to the New York City Macy's Harald Square, if
you wanted black Santa, if you want a regular Santa,
you just stayed in line. If you wanted Hispanic or
black Santa, you had to pull an alpha side like
midway through the line and say I'm here for special Santa.
(13:45):
And then they push you with a different line to
go to see the other Santa, and it's not even
anywhere marketed. You have to know this secret through word
of mouth. So I found out through another black mom. Okay,
what you do, go to Macy's and you make your appointment,
but when you get in that line, you're going to
see an elf. You're gonna tell the minential Santa. And
it's like, we've had to jump through so many hurdles,
(14:08):
so it's really nice to not be mothered. Absolutely. I mean,
whomever is sitting in the Santa seat can the Santa.
It's actually an amazing HBO Max documentary. The director just
emailed me today called Santa Camp, and it actually one
of the people that follows is a black man who
(14:28):
had a black Santa in his yard and was getting
hate mail and harassed about the black Santa. And he
goes to the Santa Camp, which is you know, mostly
white Santa's learned just like getting in together every years
to like learn how to be better the Santa game.
And he's like, I am determined to be a Santa
for my community. I'm not going to back down to
(14:49):
this hate. And it's it's I haven't seen the holding.
I've only seen the trailer. It's very touching and I'm
happy that these types of stories are being shared in
the media. Mm hmm. Absolutely, We'll be right back after
these messages. Welcome back to the show. So media, great.
Segue to your darling daughter, who we met at the
last podcast as baby Nancy, and now she is an
(15:12):
accomplished actress and she is an actress named Rupolli. But
you're going to tell us why that is. Her name
is still Nancy, but she acts as Rupolli, and she
is starring in a limited series on Disney Plus called
The Santa Clauses. So, Nancy, when I last spoke with
you in this podcast, your children were adorable, but neither
(15:33):
one of them were acting, certainly acting outside the home.
I'm sure they were doing all sorts of great stuff
for you guys, but weren't. So tell me, tell me
about this journey. I know when we first when we
talked two years ago on this podcast stuff, when you
also hadn't won all these awards. So, I mean, both
of us have grown in this time. And it was
(15:56):
snacked ab in the middle of the pandemic, and you know,
I was looking for activities. I was a pandemic bunker.
I took opportunity, as we talked about, to really hone
in and focus on my nuclear family and make sure
everybody was doing well and being the best person they
could be. I was terrified before vaccines of COVID, and
(16:18):
I didn't want unnecessary harm to come to my family.
So we kind of just like bunkered up. And after
a while they the world was kind of reopening. There
were still no child vaccines, and my children didn't have
anything to do, and they know what to do, and
they had always kind of expressed a little interest in
what daddy did you know? Daddy's I'm a host, So
(16:40):
that's unscripted. It's a little bit more foreign to them.
And I was bopping around and I found a really
interesting zoom acting school and my son started in it.
My daughter actually didn't start in and do it for
a while because he you know, some people during the
pandemic learned how to bake bread or knit, and some
people during the pandemic learned how to be I'm an
actor like my kid and um, so they started. We
(17:04):
started with commercials because my husband just peemed his old
commercial agent was like, hey, do you do families. She
was like, I'll do yours because but you know, when
you want to get your kids its commercials are a
great way to get used to sit without having to
take it so seriously. And we started looking left and
right and they were having a blast and it was
a great self esteem booster. It was a great opportunity
(17:26):
for them to build their own you know savings. So
much fun. And so when we took this leap to
regular acting, it was just with my son and my
daughter last Christmas said. I remember she was We were
at dinner and we were having you know, our dinner
table conversations like we talked about last time, and she said,
I think I'd like to try acting because I think
(17:49):
it'll help me get over my shyness. Oh it's so cute.
She was six. She was still six, I believe, and
we thought it was cute. So we just asked our
son's representation and she said, I have her put something
on tape and she did. She's like, oh, she's really good. Okay,
let's do this. And she goes out for two auditions
and the second one is the Santa Claus is cute,
(18:13):
and it was just as it's a great example of
like the role being right for you because of my
book and because of the projects that are ancillary to
my book that I can't announce right now. The real
Santa we celebrated Christmas year round, Like year round, We're
reading on Christmas plays. I'm constantly having to do promotions
for this and and business meetings and all these other things.
(18:34):
So Christmas was a huge part of our our family.
So when the audition comes in, I believe the audition
was like in January or February, we're still in Crismas mode,
and so she's got the little Christmas spirit and it
was for the role of Grace on the Santa Claus.
Is is a Blendian, Black and Indian girl whose father
(18:55):
is maybe tapped to be the Santa Claus. And she
just really leaned right into it and harnessed the talent
that she got from her dad into this incredible opportunity
for an eight year old. Wow, that is amazing. I
want to dive more into her work. I just have
to ask the parenting question, how is August with all
(19:16):
of this since he was the pioneer? Oh my well,
because actually so we our household ebbs and flows with
who's on who's who's who's in the spotlight in general,
like Daddy will be doing something and I'm not doing anything.
Mommy will be doing today. I'm not doing anything. So
actually the best thing about this is the first commercial
audition our commercial agents sent us out as a family.
(19:37):
It was actually me and my two children. It wasn't
there wasn't a dad in it. My We all three
of us booked it, Me, my daughter, and my son.
But the stipulation was you had to be able to swim.
And my daughter had refused to pay attention her swim
Clouds lessons. We always said, you're gonna need to know
I swimp, not we did nothing for commercial. But so
when they found that she actually swim without you know, dying,
(20:01):
they had to kick her out of the ad. And
she was salty and said, look, you just you just
gotta be You cannot be taked this out on your brother.
You have to just be grateful that our family is succeeding,
and you have to be congratulator of him because there
is going to be a point where he is going
to need to be congratulatory for you and you want
him to be your support. And I always tell them
(20:23):
I say, because you guys are each other's first friends
and you will always each other's best friends. No one
will have your back like your sibling, so so we'd
are So we had had that experience where she had
to and I have to laugh, though I'm not gonna lie.
The very next day she was like, can I get
back in my swimming lessons? Sis could swim across the
pool in today with the funniest thing. It's like, all
(20:44):
of a sudden, now now you want to learn nothing
like real motivation, motivation. So he's really proud because we're
very careful with our language with our children and we've
made or that he knew and that she knew that
the reason she got this is because he was able
(21:06):
to succeed. He's he's the person who got the stellar
representation for children. And then she said, hey, I'd like
to do that too. He was the connection to this,
which gives him a sense of which is a legitimate
sense of importance in the process. Right, he is the
role model for this to trip down to baby sister
(21:29):
who just was sitting there in her little sweep potato
thinking that maybe acting would help her get over her
shyness because she actually was very shy. A lot of
actors are shy, and um, I'm acting to be a
good outlet to have a pretend persona that's not shy.
That is such a great story. And I love how
you as a family are approaching I mean acknowledging that
(21:51):
he opened the door for her. I think so many
of us get wherever we're going in life by virtual
people that help us. And and yes, it's a privilege,
and it's it's great to have, but all you can
do is acknowledge it and pass it along. And so
august is I love it because he can be genuinely
proud of his sister and know that he helped her
in her quest. So that's great. Now, before I forget,
(22:13):
tell the story of why baby Nancy is now RUPOLLI.
So I'm Nancy Amanda. My mom's name is Amanda, my
grandma's name is Nancy, my great grandma's name was Amanda,
my great great grandma's name was Nancy, and so technically
baby Nancy supposed to be Amanda. But narcissists that I am.
I really like my name. I really like the name
Nancy because there are no other Nancy. It's like very
few people are named Nancy, and I wanted a baby Nancy.
(22:37):
And when we were thinking about her middle name, I
want his name August Rupac, but my husband wanted him
to have his own identity, and so that's how August
came about. But with my daughter, I figured she'd had
her own personality regardless of what her name was. And
I was looking for a similar named Rupac for her
middle name, and I found Rupolli and I love it.
(22:59):
And when it comes town, when you become an actress,
when you do this work, you can't have the same
name as other people. You know how there's Vanessa Williams
and there's Vanessa L. Williams. So have to in SAG,
which is the acting union, pick a name. And I'm
already Nancy Red in SAG. And I didn't want her
(23:19):
to be Nancy arfelt. I didn't like the name name.
I felt like that was too derivative, and I wanted
her to have her own world. So we went with
her probably Red. I asked her you like that. She's like, yes,
and you get your name back in there too, because
her last name, her name is Nancy Gin, isn't it
is it? Well? No? Hert Well last name is actually Botacharia,
(23:41):
and we came into this world back when people were like,
you need to change your name, and we would love
I mean, I love Bodacharia. I'm a big fan of
everyone owning their own name. But it's complicated when you're
when you're in between. We're like that age, it's in between.
You know, change her name and change it back. It's
(24:02):
almost impossible to change it back once you have a reputation.
But so she's Rupolli Red, and my son is August Red.
I'm Nancy Red and my husband is Refunction. But behind
close curtains were all under the same family name. But
it's just in public that this exists. Wow, it's actually
kind of neat because I have lots of family members
who are known by one name to the public and
(24:23):
a totally different name at home. As she gets older,
the people that know her as Nancy will be one
group of people, and then there'll be people that nowhere
as Rumpalli. And and you know, it's funny. My husband
has his name is William, and he goes by Bill
that he can tell depending on what people call him,
how they know him, or how well they know him.
So so yeah, and Also you can tell if someone
will you as a child because they'll call him something
(24:45):
like Pete Pete right exactly. Well, yeah, they call him
boo boo by Lewis. I have an uncle. His name
is Donas and no one calls him Donas except people
from a very small part of town. And I also
his name is Robert. Where did dudents come home? Oh?
Because when he was growing up he was the Swedish child.
He always do nice. So we just started calling yeah. Yeah,
(25:13):
So just to keep this going, for it one more minute.
My father had thirteen siblings that lived to adulthood out
of fifteen children in his family, no multiple births, and
so they had a lot of names to work with.
Most of my aunts and uncles names that we knew
them as was different than they're given names. And and
one of the more well known instances of that is
I had an uncle Percy Sutton, who was well known
(25:36):
here in New York, you know, politician and only apollo theater.
No one in my family ever called him Percy if
we never ever ever, and so we his name was Jim.
It was always uncle Jim, and so it was very
I always had to switch out because he was sort
of a public figure here in the city and people
would say, oh, I know your uncle Percy. It's like,
oh right, so yeah, my entire family, my father's side,
(25:58):
they were dual names for everyone, so none of them
were in the acting business. But we are all very
familiar with that, the name for the public and the
name when you get in the house with your family.
It's actually very soothing, especially now that everybody has such
a public persona. Right. We're all life is a stage, right,
and we're just back. And so I was joking with
(26:19):
you offline. I was just like, you know, it's not Rapolli.
Who's going to be clear in the table after dinner
washing the dishes. It's baby Nancy Superman, right exactly exactly,
So so on that same notion. So now, I mean,
Poli has done from wanting to appear in a commercial
with her brother to combat shyness to being in this
(26:40):
globally seen Christmas special that is a limited series. I mean,
she's going to be on the air for a while.
I've looked at YouTube videos of her doing interviews. I mean, granted,
her father is an actor. I mean she's certainly seen
this done before, but did she just take to this
like a duck takes of water. Or did you have
to work with her to sort of keep her confidence
(27:02):
up or sort of not have stage fright? I mean,
did she just sort of slide into this or did
you have to do any kind of super parenting to
sort of help her stay ready for the role. Oh
well if we if I had disapparenting, we wouldn't be
doing this because the only way no work of this
is easy because I've told the children as the minute
you don't want to do this anymore, you let me know,
because Daddy mommy have a whole lot going on. I mean,
(27:22):
we're selling TV shows, We're on TV shows, like, we
have our lives. We support their endeavors right like, and
so at least once a month we have a little audit.
She do want to do this always, yes, which I'm
always happy about because I'm happy for them, but especially
now after COVID where we have to actually go places
(27:44):
for auditions and like we put on pants to do things.
That's the whole can of r O I that pandemic.
But it makes me happy for them and with her
in particular, it was hilarious because she was very shy
and I'm a Southern woman, so in the pandemic, I
(28:05):
do a lot of silly things that my mom did
with me just to pass the time, Like we would
walk with a book on her head and do all
the graceful things. And you know, not not for any
other reason. It's fun. And you know what it's like,
you have a girl, you know, if they take to it,
then then it's fun to do these things. So I
feel like she was really prepared for her a moment,
(28:26):
and she got lucky that there was no better first
role than this one, because she's all Christmas all the time. Anyway,
she was working with consummate professionals. Everybody was brilliant, and
it was a lovely, wholesome, hearty role that carried the show.
But it wasn't It wasn't like she had to go
to set five days a week and do grueling st
(28:52):
you know, eating marshmallow pillows and meeting single So I
didn't thing and and and thank goodness, it was an
easy slide in because I was living my best stage
mom life. When right in the middle of her shoot,
my mother, who is my everything, felt very ill and
(29:12):
I had just kind of ghost the whole process and
she was a consummate professional and she didn't falter. She
just had to blast. And I was in the hospital
with my mom across the country, and she just continued
to do her work and not complain and had because
she was having a blast. And my husband's also amazing tune,
(29:33):
and we had an amazing coach that made sure she
was prepared. And I got the best compliment my mom,
who was now doing much better, and she told me
she was just like, this is perhaps the best thing
that I will ever read about your children, because it
is about your parenting. And um Cowpan, her co star,
said that he didn't know what her parents had done,
(29:54):
but she came to sit very prepared and made his
job easy every time. And she was a very talented actress.
And for those of us in the industry that we
know often the sh was another foot people are showing
up not prepared. We really didn't want that to be
her because it reflects on us. And so my the
last time you were not talked Carol, we talked about
my mom's one statement to me throughout my entire embarrassing
(30:17):
childhood was pleasing, not embarrass This family was happy that
she represented our family and herself well in her first endeavor. Wow, no, absolutely,
I mean literally, you start the show and you see
r Polly a little bit baby Nancy Flash Polly. It's
(30:38):
like the first thing you see was of course I
wanted to see before I spoke with you. I was like, oh,
there she is, just right there. So such a great story.
Oh and such such a heartwarming story, perfect for the holiday.
So I want to encourage everyone out there to do
two things. First, run out now and see we're airing
(30:58):
this as a holiday season. Begin everybody has plenty of
time to do this. Run either run to the store.
For those few of you who still buy books in stores,
I hope there are more of you, but if you,
or run to your computer and get a copy of
the real clause. And even if your kids are too
old for this. I don't know if anybody is too
old for a Christmas story, but if they are, give
(31:18):
as a gift to little ones, because there's it's so
delightful to see, to read the story and to see
this beautiful brown family enjoying their Christmas. So that's the
first thing to do. And then be sure to watch
the Santa Claus. We should say for those of you
who who for whom this might mean something is that
it's kind of a sequel of sorts to the Santa
(31:40):
Claus because Tim Allen reprises his role as Santa Claus.
And so it's it is, it's not it's it's a
new story, but it's based on a very familiar one.
You know, all the Santa Claus movies that Tim Allen did.
If you love those movies, you wonder what Santa Claus
was doing. Now, then this is what the series is
all about. And so I want everyone to see this
(32:01):
limited series and root for Rupolli because we're watching the
beginning of what I'm sure is a really wonderful career.
I'm really excited for you because I mean, like we
said already, this is so not what we were talking
about the last time. And and what I hear, which
is very good, is that you are giving your children
license and agency to do this thing for as long
(32:23):
as they interests them. But this is not your world.
I mean, even though that you're in the same industry,
this is only as good as they want it to be.
I mean, it's not it's not. I mean, and I
say that because parents need to know that you need
to have a healthy distance if your children are interested
in this world, because unfortunately it isn't always as easy
as it has been for Rupolyi, and you don't always
(32:43):
be easy for her either. But I explain it to
anyone like I have girlfriends whose children are heavily into
gymnastics or basketball or fencing or anything. You get invested,
but but the investment has to come from them. You
can be invested, but the children are the ones to
(33:04):
do the investment and whatever. Like, they're only going to
be as not as good as you want them to be,
but as good as they're willing to go. And you
really need as a discerning parent who's thinking about their
long term trajectory, you've got to give the whole thing
a bird's eye view and say is this worth their
(33:24):
time and my time? Because if not, maybe we should
pivot and course correct and rip the band aid off
early and call it a hobby or want an an
occasional experience versus me showing up to this gymnastics matt
and they're refusing to do their stretches at home, you know,
so that whatever you do with your shildren, because all
(33:46):
of us these days are doing the most with these keys,
and I think you need to think about it. Is
this something that will benefit them now? Is this something
that will benefit the some ten years? Is this something
that will benefit them and they're too years? And then
also at the same time, how much time and effort
should I put into this at each of these stages?
And then how much time and effort are they willing
(34:10):
to put it? Because gone on the days where you
can snowplow your kid and make them do things that
you wanted them to do, and it seemingly seems like success.
That's not that. That's an old textbook, not gonna work.
It worked kind of a little bit because I know
how to do some stuff I won't do. But and
(34:32):
you have to make sure your child is as invested
in content by what they're doing extracurricularly as you hope
they are. Right. No, absolutely wonderful advice. And with that,
I will say thank you so much for coming back again.
I want parents to remember to get Nancy's book, The
Real Clause, and encourage your family to watch for police
(34:54):
limited series The Santa Claus is on Disney Plus. Nancy,
Thank you, thank you, thank you, And I looked oward
to our next podcast visit, where you'll have some new
and amazing, amazing announcements for us. Thank you, and happy holidays.
I hope everyone listening enjoyed this conversation and that you'll
(35:14):
come back for more. Please rate, review, and subscribe wherever
you listen to podcasts and tell your friends. For more
parenting info and advice, please check out the Ground Control
Parenting blog at ground control Parenting dot com. You can
also find us on Instagram and Facebook at ground Control
Parenting and on LinkedIn under Carol Sutton Lewis. The Ground
(35:34):
Control Parenting with Carol Sutton Lewis podcast is a part
of the Seneca Women Podcast Network in partnership with I
Heart Media. Until the next time, take care and thanks
for listening.
Hello, and welcome to Ground Control Parenting, a blog and
now a podcast creator for parents raising black and brown children.
I'm the creator and your host, Carol Sutton Lewis. In
this podcast series, I talked with some really interesting people
about the job and the joy of parenting. I am
really excited to welcome back to the podcast today's guest
best selling author, Nancy Red. Hey, Nancy's back, and today
(00:27):
we're going to talk about holiday celebrations and all the
exciting Red family contributions to the holiday season that we
can all enjoy. Nancy Read is an award winning on
air host, a New York Times and USA Today bestselling author,
a two time Mom's Choice Award winner, an nu A
CP Image Award nominee for Outstanding Literary Work, and a
GLAD Media Award nominee for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She is
(00:52):
also the author of Bedtime Bonnet, a celebration of black
hair and haircare rituals, which she talked about during our
last podcast, and her latest at Least The Real Santa,
which talks about Santa Claus, and we'll get into that
during the podcast. Nancy holds an honest degree in Women's
Studies from Harvard University. She and her amazing husband Rupa
(01:12):
Kin have two children, August who's eleven, and Rupolli, who
is eight. Welcome back to ground control parenting, Nancy. Thanks
for having me. Last time I had baby Nancy, who
was six, she's publicly Rupolli. I know this is this
is the first time I've heard someone make that switch
to me, and I definitely want to talk to you
(01:32):
about that when we I want to talk all about
formerly known as baby Nancy now Rupolli work. But first
I want to talk to you about the holidays, because
they're coming up. We're speeding into the holiday season, and
you know, we were saying, it's cold where you are.
You're in Los Angeles, it's cold where I am. I'm
in New York City, and this reminds us that the
(01:52):
holiday season is upon us. So let me ask you this.
How did you grow up celebrating the holidays? First Thanksgiving
and then Christmas? How was your Thanksgiving when you were
growing up? Well, Thanksgiving was much more of the thing
when I was growing up, and it's now because we
knew a lot less about the origins of Thanksgiving. And
(02:12):
so my mom was the first grade school teacher, and
so she's always said, make the most of every holiday,
the holidays of what you put into them. And so
our house for every holiday, whether it was Easter or
Valentine's Day or Thanksgiving or St. Patrick's Day, was decorated
like a first grade school school. And I loved it,
and it was one of the things I continue to do.
(02:33):
I just go to the dollar store. Honestly, I give
up a bunch of decorations and I just put them
all over the house. And the kids love it. It
makes it fun. They look forward to the decorations. But
for Thanksgiving, we've mellowed it out for a variety of reasons,
and we turned it more into just kind of like
a gratitude day. We're not doing it this year. We're
(02:54):
going to an exotic meat butcher on Saturday and the
children each get to pick something, whether it's going to
be frog's leg or ostrich or they apparently have like
ground camel questions about We're just kind of making it
a fun time for us to enjoy a dinner. You know,
(03:14):
I like that, and I will have to hastily agree that.
In our household, and even when I was growing up,
Thanksgiving was sort of a literal holiday. We gave thanks
for being around the table, we gave thanks for our families,
for the bounty before us. Most focused on gratitude and
gratitude for each other and gratitude for making it through.
(03:37):
So yeah, I'll have to agree that I hope that
Thanksgiving us a holiday has evolved into that because that
that would be the best takeaway from Thanksgiving. So you
guys aren't doing the turkey or you're doing the you're
stepping away from the traditional, from your Virginia roots of
traditional Thanksgiving, I would imagine, Yeah, well not, I mean
it's it's also we really love Christmas, so they're so
(04:00):
close quite frankly that I kind of dump everything into
Christmas Thanksgiving as a hurdle to get over to give
to the real one. Um, I'm excited for that Friday
to be able to comfortably have my car decorated, have
my house decorated with my Christmas year. So you know,
we're just gonna have a good time Thanksgiving just debiding
(04:23):
our time till the Christmas. Okay, So that is a
perfect segue into the Christmas holiday celebration. So this year,
more so than others, the the Red Gin family is
really celebrating Christmas. But before we get there, tell me
about how you had Christmas growing up in Virginia. I mean, well,
(04:44):
it was a huge thing. Christmas was the time. I mean,
I can't underestimate the excitement that people had for Christmas
from basically February on. It's hard to remember, but before
were the Internet, when you got catalog and when you've
got all the catalogs. I mean, I am of that
(05:05):
weird generation that grew up with one foot in the
Oh my goodness. There are catalogs that come into my
house that have images of things I've never seen before
that you pour over for months and you circle, you
write lists, and you know most of that stuff is
never coming still dream and that was the exciting part.
(05:26):
I feel like now kids get so much stuff and
it's so there and anybody can have everything almost that
that type of imagination magic is kind of gone, but
people have leaned more into the magical elements, like with
Elf on a Shelf. We were heavily invested in Elf
on a Shelf for many years. I mean I was
(05:48):
one of those people that I mean, we created escapes,
elf escapes. It was awful. I spent hours hours displaycating
my children's massive dis fires for intricate Alphone the Shelf experiences,
and they were so bummed to find out that Alphone
Shelf wasn't real. They found out that basically the last
(06:09):
year when my book The Real Santa was coming out,
my husband felt it was humane to tell my then
ten year old on his own got to him and
so they went for a walk and shared that you know,
we are Santa and that's the beauty. Don't ruin it
for your little sister. And it was really hard for him,
(06:32):
but he held it together. And then, weirdly enough, the
exact same Christmas. Last Christmas, my daughter discovered she would
draw beautiful drawings for Santa and the elves and I
would hide them under the bed because I'm trying to survive,
and she found them under their bed. She was just like,
what is this? I was like, I got no answer,
(06:54):
what do you think it is? And she was horrified
to discover that Santa wasn't real. But I prepare at
her for this year with Christmas becomes even more Christmas e.
They prepared her when she was auditioning for this the
Santa Claus is that she's now starring in because she
didn't have to ask questions about what's going on. She
(07:14):
wasn't deterred by this different, different legacy of Santa than
she had grown up with. So Christmas was a big
deal for me growing up, it was a big deal
for my children, and now in different ways, it's a
big deal for our family. The image that came to
mind with the catalog description, I mean, I want to
sound like one of those dattering old people that wishes
for a time and there were no Internet. I love,
(07:35):
I love cyberspace, but there is something to be said
for flipping through physically this catalog and circling things. It's
a sort of a slower pace, and I think it
you're removed from the being able to click and get it,
and so your expectations can be managed. There is something
to be said for paper versus digital. But we are
(07:56):
where we are, and so I want to get right
to why this is a really big Christmas for you.
First of all, you mentioned last year you released The
Real Santa, which is your second children's book, and it's
a lovely story about a family's celebrating Christmas and their
celebration of Santa. So tell us a little bit about
the story without giving too much away, because I want
(08:18):
everyone listening to get the Real Santa. But then I
want to ask you about how The Real Santa came
to be as a book for you. The Real Santa
came to be because my first children's book, Bedtime Bonnet,
was based on my experience with my daughter, Baby Nancy,
and her need to find a role model in media
(08:39):
that wore bonnet like her, so she would wear her
bonnet as a toddler. And my second book, The Real Santa,
he's based off of my son's eternal love for Santa Claus,
which because of the book, ironically we had to preemptively
to uh. But I really just was surprised that there
(09:04):
were no books at that time, and talk about zeitgeist, right,
there were no books that were in the mainstream that
featured diverse Santa, and I wanted the story to be
similar to the ones to the conversations in our household,
like what does Santa look like? Who could he be?
Where does he come from? And that's what I really
(09:26):
love about The Real Santa. It's a story about a
little black boy who is pondering what Santa looks like?
Does he look like the Santa that he sees at
them all. Does he look like the Santa on top
of his tree? You know what, Santa is the real Santa.
And it's a really fun, little magical story that I
love and I'm excited about people enjoying it for years
(09:48):
to come. And it's beautifully illustrated, this lovely black family
with grandma and grandpa and and the children, and the
house is filled with Santa's different images of Santa, and
it reminds me of certainly when I was growing up.
You know, we decorated the house and there was Santa's
and we'd always want to find the black Santa's because
(10:08):
you know, we wanted Santa to be black. And you know,
as I was thinking about this in terms of what
does Santa look like, Santa looks like, Santa looks like
who we want Santa to look like? I mean, which
is for the people listening, I'm really not giving anything away,
but this book is not really for you guys. It's
really for your children. But I love you can have
a spoiler. It's totally fine. Well. I mean that the
(10:30):
book includes as the boy realized that Santa looks like him,
and I love that because Santa looks like however, we
want Santa to look like I mean, you know, you
you go to the mall and you see Santa is
brown or white or whatever he is. I mean, Santa's
a concept as opposed to a white man with a
white beard. And so I love that this book makes
(10:50):
clear that Santa is this family Santa looks like them.
I hadn't seen a book with representations of a black
Santa sort of in the course of a family ally
as opposed to sort the book that's just about Santa
making him black, but black family having a black Santa,
well and talk about interesting things. Truly, the year before
this was an anomoy, and then last year when my
(11:13):
book comes out, there were a couple of other books
that came up with black Santa's at the same time.
And then this year I'm in the grocery store and
like Reese's peanut Butter is being margareted by black Santa.
I was like, well, this is amazing, Like, how are
we've come in twenty four months where you could only
find like minority Santa's as another aspect that as the
(11:36):
main Santa, not as the Santa on the packaging for
the candy or the food, but as like another purchase
you can buy as an addition, and now we're taking mine.
You know, black and brown. Santa's integrated into main media
and it's phenomenal and I'm so stoked it is, and
you know, and you just think about this. I remember
(11:58):
a few years ago there was some discussion on one
of the more conservative networks that you know, of course,
Santa is white. Can we just stop a minute, and
notwithstanding all of our belief in the magic of Christmas,
to suggest that Santa is a particular race and not
another one, ignores the fact that Santa is not real.
There I've said it. Sorry guys if I'm ruining for
you out there, but but just the notion that Santa
(12:20):
can't be any color, it's just crazy to me. So
I'm very glad that we have caught up with the
concept of Santa is everyone. Santa looks like everyone. So
and to think you lead the way, Nancy So. And
I'm part of a of a concerted effort by a
bunch of disparate people. That was what was really interesting.
While I was doing this. There were gift companies who
(12:42):
are creating black Santa's and other places that we are
doing all these incredible things. And I think the fun
thing is I can't remember who said it, but there
was someone when they were to own activism, and their
advice was pick a lane and stay in it and
do the work. And I think a lot of us
we're picking this Black Santaly and it all came to
(13:04):
an amazing snowball effort at once. You know, last year
I wrote a piece for The New York Times called
in Search of Black Santa, and it talks about the
struggle to find a black Santa for the longest time
in society, and now that struggle is no longer. I mean,
you have you have actual Santa's everywhere that are not
(13:24):
hidden in secrecy. Because I don't know if you know
this Macy's, I don't know how it's going to go
down this year. But every year when we used to
go to the New York City Macy's Harald Square, if
you wanted black Santa, if you want a regular Santa,
you just stayed in line. If you wanted Hispanic or
black Santa, you had to pull an alpha side like
midway through the line and say I'm here for special Santa.
(13:45):
And then they push you with a different line to
go to see the other Santa, and it's not even
anywhere marketed. You have to know this secret through word
of mouth. So I found out through another black mom. Okay,
what you do, go to Macy's and you make your appointment,
but when you get in that line, you're going to
see an elf. You're gonna tell the minential Santa. And
it's like, we've had to jump through so many hurdles,
(14:08):
so it's really nice to not be mothered. Absolutely. I mean,
whomever is sitting in the Santa seat can the Santa.
It's actually an amazing HBO Max documentary. The director just
emailed me today called Santa Camp, and it actually one
of the people that follows is a black man who
(14:28):
had a black Santa in his yard and was getting
hate mail and harassed about the black Santa. And he
goes to the Santa Camp, which is you know, mostly
white Santa's learned just like getting in together every years
to like learn how to be better the Santa game.
And he's like, I am determined to be a Santa
for my community. I'm not going to back down to
(14:49):
this hate. And it's it's I haven't seen the holding.
I've only seen the trailer. It's very touching and I'm
happy that these types of stories are being shared in
the media. Mm hmm. Absolutely, We'll be right back after
these messages. Welcome back to the show. So media, great.
Segue to your darling daughter, who we met at the
last podcast as baby Nancy, and now she is an
(15:12):
accomplished actress and she is an actress named Rupolli. But
you're going to tell us why that is. Her name
is still Nancy, but she acts as Rupolli, and she
is starring in a limited series on Disney Plus called
The Santa Clauses. So, Nancy, when I last spoke with
you in this podcast, your children were adorable, but neither
(15:33):
one of them were acting, certainly acting outside the home.
I'm sure they were doing all sorts of great stuff
for you guys, but weren't. So tell me, tell me
about this journey. I know when we first when we
talked two years ago on this podcast stuff, when you
also hadn't won all these awards. So, I mean, both
of us have grown in this time. And it was
(15:56):
snacked ab in the middle of the pandemic, and you know,
I was looking for activities. I was a pandemic bunker.
I took opportunity, as we talked about, to really hone
in and focus on my nuclear family and make sure
everybody was doing well and being the best person they
could be. I was terrified before vaccines of COVID, and
(16:18):
I didn't want unnecessary harm to come to my family.
So we kind of just like bunkered up. And after
a while they the world was kind of reopening. There
were still no child vaccines, and my children didn't have
anything to do, and they know what to do, and
they had always kind of expressed a little interest in
what daddy did you know? Daddy's I'm a host, So
(16:40):
that's unscripted. It's a little bit more foreign to them.
And I was bopping around and I found a really
interesting zoom acting school and my son started in it.
My daughter actually didn't start in and do it for
a while because he you know, some people during the
pandemic learned how to bake bread or knit, and some
people during the pandemic learned how to be I'm an
actor like my kid and um, so they started. We
(17:04):
started with commercials because my husband just peemed his old
commercial agent was like, hey, do you do families. She
was like, I'll do yours because but you know, when
you want to get your kids its commercials are a
great way to get used to sit without having to
take it so seriously. And we started looking left and
right and they were having a blast and it was
a great self esteem booster. It was a great opportunity
(17:26):
for them to build their own you know savings. So
much fun. And so when we took this leap to
regular acting, it was just with my son and my
daughter last Christmas said. I remember she was We were
at dinner and we were having you know, our dinner
table conversations like we talked about last time, and she said,
I think I'd like to try acting because I think
(17:49):
it'll help me get over my shyness. Oh it's so cute.
She was six. She was still six, I believe, and
we thought it was cute. So we just asked our
son's representation and she said, I have her put something
on tape and she did. She's like, oh, she's really good. Okay,
let's do this. And she goes out for two auditions
and the second one is the Santa Claus is cute,
(18:13):
and it was just as it's a great example of
like the role being right for you because of my
book and because of the projects that are ancillary to
my book that I can't announce right now. The real
Santa we celebrated Christmas year round, Like year round, We're
reading on Christmas plays. I'm constantly having to do promotions
for this and and business meetings and all these other things.
(18:34):
So Christmas was a huge part of our our family.
So when the audition comes in, I believe the audition
was like in January or February, we're still in Crismas mode,
and so she's got the little Christmas spirit and it
was for the role of Grace on the Santa Claus.
Is is a Blendian, Black and Indian girl whose father
(18:55):
is maybe tapped to be the Santa Claus. And she
just really leaned right into it and harnessed the talent
that she got from her dad into this incredible opportunity
for an eight year old. Wow, that is amazing. I
want to dive more into her work. I just have
to ask the parenting question, how is August with all
(19:16):
of this since he was the pioneer? Oh my well,
because actually so we our household ebbs and flows with
who's on who's who's who's in the spotlight in general,
like Daddy will be doing something and I'm not doing anything.
Mommy will be doing today. I'm not doing anything. So
actually the best thing about this is the first commercial
audition our commercial agents sent us out as a family.
(19:37):
It was actually me and my two children. It wasn't
there wasn't a dad in it. My We all three
of us booked it, Me, my daughter, and my son.
But the stipulation was you had to be able to swim.
And my daughter had refused to pay attention her swim
Clouds lessons. We always said, you're gonna need to know
I swimp, not we did nothing for commercial. But so
when they found that she actually swim without you know, dying,
(20:01):
they had to kick her out of the ad. And
she was salty and said, look, you just you just
gotta be You cannot be taked this out on your brother.
You have to just be grateful that our family is succeeding,
and you have to be congratulator of him because there
is going to be a point where he is going
to need to be congratulatory for you and you want
him to be your support. And I always tell them
(20:23):
I say, because you guys are each other's first friends
and you will always each other's best friends. No one
will have your back like your sibling, so so we'd
are So we had had that experience where she had
to and I have to laugh, though I'm not gonna lie.
The very next day she was like, can I get
back in my swimming lessons? Sis could swim across the
pool in today with the funniest thing. It's like, all
(20:44):
of a sudden, now now you want to learn nothing
like real motivation, motivation. So he's really proud because we're
very careful with our language with our children and we've
made or that he knew and that she knew that
the reason she got this is because he was able
(21:06):
to succeed. He's he's the person who got the stellar
representation for children. And then she said, hey, I'd like
to do that too. He was the connection to this,
which gives him a sense of which is a legitimate
sense of importance in the process. Right, he is the
role model for this to trip down to baby sister
(21:29):
who just was sitting there in her little sweep potato
thinking that maybe acting would help her get over her
shyness because she actually was very shy. A lot of
actors are shy, and um, I'm acting to be a
good outlet to have a pretend persona that's not shy.
That is such a great story. And I love how
you as a family are approaching I mean acknowledging that
(21:51):
he opened the door for her. I think so many
of us get wherever we're going in life by virtual
people that help us. And and yes, it's a privilege,
and it's it's great to have, but all you can
do is acknowledge it and pass it along. And so
august is I love it because he can be genuinely
proud of his sister and know that he helped her
in her quest. So that's great. Now, before I forget,
(22:13):
tell the story of why baby Nancy is now RUPOLLI.
So I'm Nancy Amanda. My mom's name is Amanda, my
grandma's name is Nancy, my great grandma's name was Amanda,
my great great grandma's name was Nancy, and so technically
baby Nancy supposed to be Amanda. But narcissists that I am.
I really like my name. I really like the name
Nancy because there are no other Nancy. It's like very
few people are named Nancy, and I wanted a baby Nancy.
(22:37):
And when we were thinking about her middle name, I
want his name August Rupac, but my husband wanted him
to have his own identity, and so that's how August
came about. But with my daughter, I figured she'd had
her own personality regardless of what her name was. And
I was looking for a similar named Rupac for her
middle name, and I found Rupolli and I love it.
(22:59):
And when it comes town, when you become an actress,
when you do this work, you can't have the same
name as other people. You know how there's Vanessa Williams
and there's Vanessa L. Williams. So have to in SAG,
which is the acting union, pick a name. And I'm
already Nancy Red in SAG. And I didn't want her
(23:19):
to be Nancy arfelt. I didn't like the name name.
I felt like that was too derivative, and I wanted
her to have her own world. So we went with
her probably Red. I asked her you like that. She's like, yes,
and you get your name back in there too, because
her last name, her name is Nancy Gin, isn't it
is it? Well? No? Hert Well last name is actually Botacharia,
(23:41):
and we came into this world back when people were like,
you need to change your name, and we would love
I mean, I love Bodacharia. I'm a big fan of
everyone owning their own name. But it's complicated when you're
when you're in between. We're like that age, it's in between.
You know, change her name and change it back. It's
(24:02):
almost impossible to change it back once you have a reputation.
But so she's Rupolli Red, and my son is August Red.
I'm Nancy Red and my husband is Refunction. But behind
close curtains were all under the same family name. But
it's just in public that this exists. Wow, it's actually
kind of neat because I have lots of family members
who are known by one name to the public and
(24:23):
a totally different name at home. As she gets older,
the people that know her as Nancy will be one
group of people, and then there'll be people that nowhere
as Rumpalli. And and you know, it's funny. My husband
has his name is William, and he goes by Bill
that he can tell depending on what people call him,
how they know him, or how well they know him.
So so yeah, and Also you can tell if someone
will you as a child because they'll call him something
(24:45):
like Pete Pete right exactly. Well, yeah, they call him
boo boo by Lewis. I have an uncle. His name
is Donas and no one calls him Donas except people
from a very small part of town. And I also
his name is Robert. Where did dudents come home? Oh?
Because when he was growing up he was the Swedish child.
He always do nice. So we just started calling yeah. Yeah,
(25:13):
So just to keep this going, for it one more minute.
My father had thirteen siblings that lived to adulthood out
of fifteen children in his family, no multiple births, and
so they had a lot of names to work with.
Most of my aunts and uncles names that we knew
them as was different than they're given names. And and
one of the more well known instances of that is
I had an uncle Percy Sutton, who was well known
(25:36):
here in New York, you know, politician and only apollo theater.
No one in my family ever called him Percy if
we never ever ever, and so we his name was Jim.
It was always uncle Jim, and so it was very
I always had to switch out because he was sort
of a public figure here in the city and people
would say, oh, I know your uncle Percy. It's like,
oh right, so yeah, my entire family, my father's side,
(25:58):
they were dual names for everyone, so none of them
were in the acting business. But we are all very
familiar with that, the name for the public and the
name when you get in the house with your family.
It's actually very soothing, especially now that everybody has such
a public persona. Right. We're all life is a stage, right,
and we're just back. And so I was joking with
(26:19):
you offline. I was just like, you know, it's not Rapolli.
Who's going to be clear in the table after dinner
washing the dishes. It's baby Nancy Superman, right exactly exactly,
So so on that same notion. So now, I mean,
Poli has done from wanting to appear in a commercial
with her brother to combat shyness to being in this
(26:40):
globally seen Christmas special that is a limited series. I mean,
she's going to be on the air for a while.
I've looked at YouTube videos of her doing interviews. I mean, granted,
her father is an actor. I mean she's certainly seen
this done before, but did she just take to this
like a duck takes of water. Or did you have
to work with her to sort of keep her confidence
(27:02):
up or sort of not have stage fright? I mean,
did she just sort of slide into this or did
you have to do any kind of super parenting to
sort of help her stay ready for the role. Oh
well if we if I had disapparenting, we wouldn't be
doing this because the only way no work of this
is easy because I've told the children as the minute
you don't want to do this anymore, you let me know,
because Daddy mommy have a whole lot going on. I mean,
(27:22):
we're selling TV shows, We're on TV shows, like, we
have our lives. We support their endeavors right like, and
so at least once a month we have a little audit.
She do want to do this always, yes, which I'm
always happy about because I'm happy for them, but especially
now after COVID where we have to actually go places
(27:44):
for auditions and like we put on pants to do things.
That's the whole can of r O I that pandemic.
But it makes me happy for them and with her
in particular, it was hilarious because she was very shy
and I'm a Southern woman, so in the pandemic, I
(28:05):
do a lot of silly things that my mom did
with me just to pass the time, Like we would
walk with a book on her head and do all
the graceful things. And you know, not not for any
other reason. It's fun. And you know what it's like,
you have a girl, you know, if they take to it,
then then it's fun to do these things. So I
feel like she was really prepared for her a moment,
(28:26):
and she got lucky that there was no better first
role than this one, because she's all Christmas all the time. Anyway,
she was working with consummate professionals. Everybody was brilliant, and
it was a lovely, wholesome, hearty role that carried the show.
But it wasn't It wasn't like she had to go
to set five days a week and do grueling st
(28:52):
you know, eating marshmallow pillows and meeting single So I
didn't thing and and and thank goodness, it was an
easy slide in because I was living my best stage
mom life. When right in the middle of her shoot,
my mother, who is my everything, felt very ill and
(29:12):
I had just kind of ghost the whole process and
she was a consummate professional and she didn't falter. She
just had to blast. And I was in the hospital
with my mom across the country, and she just continued
to do her work and not complain and had because
she was having a blast. And my husband's also amazing tune,
(29:33):
and we had an amazing coach that made sure she
was prepared. And I got the best compliment my mom,
who was now doing much better, and she told me
she was just like, this is perhaps the best thing
that I will ever read about your children, because it
is about your parenting. And um Cowpan, her co star,
said that he didn't know what her parents had done,
(29:54):
but she came to sit very prepared and made his
job easy every time. And she was a very talented actress.
And for those of us in the industry that we
know often the sh was another foot people are showing
up not prepared. We really didn't want that to be
her because it reflects on us. And so my the
last time you were not talked Carol, we talked about
my mom's one statement to me throughout my entire embarrassing
(30:17):
childhood was pleasing, not embarrass This family was happy that
she represented our family and herself well in her first endeavor. Wow, no, absolutely,
I mean literally, you start the show and you see
r Polly a little bit baby Nancy Flash Polly. It's
(30:38):
like the first thing you see was of course I
wanted to see before I spoke with you. I was like, oh,
there she is, just right there. So such a great story.
Oh and such such a heartwarming story, perfect for the holiday.
So I want to encourage everyone out there to do
two things. First, run out now and see we're airing
(30:58):
this as a holiday season. Begin everybody has plenty of
time to do this. Run either run to the store.
For those few of you who still buy books in stores,
I hope there are more of you, but if you,
or run to your computer and get a copy of
the real clause. And even if your kids are too
old for this. I don't know if anybody is too
old for a Christmas story, but if they are, give
(31:18):
as a gift to little ones, because there's it's so
delightful to see, to read the story and to see
this beautiful brown family enjoying their Christmas. So that's the
first thing to do. And then be sure to watch
the Santa Claus. We should say for those of you
who who for whom this might mean something is that
it's kind of a sequel of sorts to the Santa
(31:40):
Claus because Tim Allen reprises his role as Santa Claus.
And so it's it is, it's not it's it's a
new story, but it's based on a very familiar one.
You know, all the Santa Claus movies that Tim Allen did.
If you love those movies, you wonder what Santa Claus
was doing. Now, then this is what the series is
all about. And so I want everyone to see this
(32:01):
limited series and root for Rupolli because we're watching the
beginning of what I'm sure is a really wonderful career.
I'm really excited for you because I mean, like we
said already, this is so not what we were talking
about the last time. And and what I hear, which
is very good, is that you are giving your children
license and agency to do this thing for as long
(32:23):
as they interests them. But this is not your world.
I mean, even though that you're in the same industry,
this is only as good as they want it to be.
I mean, it's not it's not. I mean, and I
say that because parents need to know that you need
to have a healthy distance if your children are interested
in this world, because unfortunately it isn't always as easy
as it has been for Rupolyi, and you don't always
(32:43):
be easy for her either. But I explain it to
anyone like I have girlfriends whose children are heavily into
gymnastics or basketball or fencing or anything. You get invested,
but but the investment has to come from them. You
can be invested, but the children are the ones to
(33:04):
do the investment and whatever. Like, they're only going to
be as not as good as you want them to be,
but as good as they're willing to go. And you
really need as a discerning parent who's thinking about their
long term trajectory, you've got to give the whole thing
a bird's eye view and say is this worth their
(33:24):
time and my time? Because if not, maybe we should
pivot and course correct and rip the band aid off
early and call it a hobby or want an an
occasional experience versus me showing up to this gymnastics matt
and they're refusing to do their stretches at home, you know,
so that whatever you do with your shildren, because all
(33:46):
of us these days are doing the most with these keys,
and I think you need to think about it. Is
this something that will benefit them now? Is this something
that will benefit the some ten years? Is this something
that will benefit them and they're too years? And then
also at the same time, how much time and effort
should I put into this at each of these stages?
And then how much time and effort are they willing
(34:10):
to put it? Because gone on the days where you
can snowplow your kid and make them do things that
you wanted them to do, and it seemingly seems like success.
That's not that. That's an old textbook, not gonna work.
It worked kind of a little bit because I know
how to do some stuff I won't do. But and
(34:32):
you have to make sure your child is as invested
in content by what they're doing extracurricularly as you hope
they are. Right. No, absolutely wonderful advice. And with that,
I will say thank you so much for coming back again.
I want parents to remember to get Nancy's book, The
Real Clause, and encourage your family to watch for police
(34:54):
limited series The Santa Claus is on Disney Plus. Nancy,
Thank you, thank you, thank you, And I looked oward
to our next podcast visit, where you'll have some new
and amazing, amazing announcements for us. Thank you, and happy holidays.
I hope everyone listening enjoyed this conversation and that you'll
(35:14):
come back for more. Please rate, review, and subscribe wherever
you listen to podcasts and tell your friends. For more
parenting info and advice, please check out the Ground Control
Parenting blog at ground control Parenting dot com. You can
also find us on Instagram and Facebook at ground Control
Parenting and on LinkedIn under Carol Sutton Lewis. The Ground
(35:34):
Control Parenting with Carol Sutton Lewis podcast is a part
of the Seneca Women Podcast Network in partnership with I
Heart Media. Until the next time, take care and thanks
for listening.
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