From Isolation To Connection: Healing Addiction’s Hidden Roots with Severn Lang part 1

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Ever feel like the thing that “helps” you is the very thing that keeps you alone? That’s where Severn Lang lived for years—sipping ease, swallowing pain, and drifting further from the people who could save him. What follows is a rare, generous conversation about how addiction hides inside isolation, how grief calcifies into clutter, and how the right words at the right moment can turn a life.

Severn grew up disconnected: a father battling schizophrenia who could preach to a crowd yet couldn’t speak to his own child, the loss of an older brother who had been his social bridge and his guide through dyslexia, and trauma that trained him to stop asking for help. Alcohol first appeared as communion wine and later as a constant companion that promised connection but delivered silence. As a hairstylist, he could perform sociability in short bursts, then vanish to drink and create alone. The spiral accelerated after his father’s death, peaking at half-gallons every 36 hours, the kind of pace that steals voice, work, and home.

The turning points were small and seismic: a leadership forum that stripped away excuses, a salon client who said “you look horrible” with love and urgency, and a cousin in long-term recovery who got him to a meeting. From there, Severn found the irreplaceable medicine of community—sponsorship, shared language, and people who’ve been through it. He learned how addiction transfers into “acceptable” habits like shopping, coffee, or overworking and built a practical framework to stop the drift: applying 12-step questions to non-substance behaviors, boxing up his belongings, only keeping what he used, and interrogating every attachment as need, want, regret, or heirloom.

With sobriety came a new vocation. Despite dyslexia, Severn leaned into storytelling, partnering with a co-writer to craft plays and films that make the emotional tangible. We talk about ego’s hunger for comfort, why isolation is relapse fuel, and how purpose, routine, and honest mirrors keep recovery alive. If you’re navigating addiction recovery, grief, codependency, or the slow burn of burnout, this conversation offers practical tools and hope you can use today.

If this resonated, follow the show, share it with someone who needs a lifeline, and leave a quick review to help others find these stories. Your voice helps someone else feel less alone.

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Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_03 (00:02):
Well, hello, and welcome back to the Healthy
Living Podcast.
I'm your host, Joe Grumbine, andtoday we've got a very special
guest with us.
His name is Severn Lang.
And uh Severn has got quite astory.
He helps people see addictionfor what it really is, not just
a battle with substances, butthe quiet everyday ways we hold

(00:23):
on when we're when we should beletting go.
Um, as a playwright and afilmmaker, he tells stories that
makes the emotional tangible,like his powerful account of
cleaning out a kitchen shelfoverflowing with old kitchen
bottles in a moment that uhmirrored his journey of letting
go of grief and baggage from hisfather.

(00:43):
Severin, welcome to the show.
I don't like to get too deepinto these uh intros.
I'd rather, you know, hear youtalk about it yourself.
So we're really grateful to haveyou here and sharing your story.
And uh why don't you tell us alittle bit about what brought
you here?

SPEAKER_00 (00:58):
I appreciate it.
Thank you.
Um thank thank you for lettingme be on uh letting me be here
and be present in the SunAdventure of being a part of
your story and and thank you umletting be part of your audience
members as well.
Um my sobriety journey and myhealing process and my journey

(01:21):
of healing is a roller coasterand like in life in general.
Um my journey started in 2013and June 10th uh was my my
sobriety date, my birth date, uhas we call it.
Uh started in Los Angeles.

(01:43):
That's when I submitted to myalcoholism and said I need help.
Uh but uh before that I I washeavily in alcohol, drinking
heavily, drinking my emotionsaway, drinking, suppressing,
drinking, suppressing, drinkingand suppressing, drink to feel,

(02:04):
drink to not feel.
It was an ongoing onslaught.

SPEAKER_03 (02:08):
Isn't it wild how an addiction can solve all your
problems?

SPEAKER_00 (02:12):
Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_03 (02:13):
It can make you sad, it can open you up, it can close
you off, it can do anything youwanted to.

SPEAKER_00 (02:19):
Yeah, it it's a solution of sorts, but it
creates more problems at thesame time.
Uh and it creates what we thinkis a sociable environment, but
it actually creates an isolationand it creates a separation of a
connection.
Uh it severs that connection.

(02:42):
Uh and that that's the problemfor myself because I'm an
introvert and I create isolationhabits quickly.
Uh what I think is I'm artisticabilities, it's just a way for
my ego to separate myself, tofeed itself where it's

(03:05):
comfortable, where uh I need tobe sociable, where I need to
connect with people.
My ego, my alcoholism makes suchscenarios where it wants to
isolate itself.
And that's part of my alcoholismthat I'm trying to master, even
to 12 years later, still tryingto master.
But my story, um, you know, mymy childhood is what I thought

(03:32):
was normal, but it's not.
Uh, I was raised by aschizophrenic father who was my
main caregiver, who neglectedhis children who didn't talk to
them.
And my mother was a very strongwoman, but married a
schizophrenic husband.

(03:53):
Right.
So that that's a powerful personof itself.
But to kind of react to that,you have to work a lot to house
a family unit.
So I didn't really see her thatmuch.
Um, and also she with thatresponsibility, um she had to
take on a role that you know umit just took on a different

(04:18):
role.
Father.
Uh in my the one a childrenneeds to see a a a father
figure, and that andunfortunately he wasn't his
paranoia, wasn't allowed to be aparent.
And so I was alreadyexperiencing disconnection.
That's how I socialized wasdisconnection.

(04:38):
And then my brother, olderbrother, passed away when I was
11.
He was 13.
And uh that itself was an issuebecause uh I wasn't able to
grieve because every time Iasked where my brother was, it
triggered my parents to grieve.
And so I just learned not to askanymore because it made them

(05:02):
grieve out loud.

SPEAKER_03 (05:03):
And so how old were you at the time?

SPEAKER_00 (05:06):
I was 11.
Wow, that's a rough time.
And he was my social ring, andalso I'm I'm extremely dyslexic,
and he helped me with mydyslexia at that early age
because I wasn't getting helpwith my dyslexia.
He was my help.

(05:26):
Wow, and at that time, he myhelp passed away.
So uh so it was a lot ofcomplications, and then on top
of it, uh, I was a victim of uhuh of sexual abuse as well
outside of my family unit.

(05:47):
So there was problems on top ofproblems and top of problems, so
I had no um escape.
Okay.
And then alcohol was introducedinto myself when I was um taking
care of communion wine when Iwas younger.
So that was my introductory toalcohol, was communion wine.

(06:09):
Oh wow, yeah, yeah.
So uh in the world of church andcommunion wine, there a little
tidbit, church churches are notallowed to dump it in the the
sink, technically, uh, unlessthe sink or there's a unless the
uh particular drain is connectedto the ground directly.

SPEAKER_03 (06:31):
Okay.
So the wine has to be drainedblessed, and it's already it's
not wine anymore according tothe church.

SPEAKER_00 (06:38):
Correct.
So it's so it has to be drained,it has to be dumped onto the
onto holy ground or onto theground itself, or it has to be
consumed completely.
So I just consumed it.

SPEAKER_03 (06:51):
You made it easy for them.

SPEAKER_00 (06:52):
Yeah, yeah.
Uh so that that that's generallyhow it should be handled.
It can't be re-poured back inthe bottle.
It has once it's poured, it'spoured and consume it or dump it
onto the ground.
It can't be so uh at that was ayoung age.
I didn't know that until my mybest friends of now, they're
like, Oh, did you know this?
Like, apparently not, because Iblacked out.

(07:15):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (07:16):
Um, so that's my you're what age when you're
drinking this communion one.

SPEAKER_00 (07:22):
So you're certain like an altar server or or
working that that's so both myparents were pastors.
Okay.
Um, my father was a pastorfirst, and then my mother became
a pastor later.
But my father was a pastor, andthen due to his mental illness,
uh, we were pushed out of a uhchurch, uh family family unit.

(07:46):
So we moved to another familyunit where his best friend was a
minister as well.
So we so we were joined inanother church under another
basically, we just adapted toanother church, okay.
Um, so my father could still bea minister as well.

(08:08):
But because of his mentalillness, um, he wasn't able to
serve full-time.

SPEAKER_03 (08:14):
Right, I could imagine.

SPEAKER_00 (08:16):
Yeah, so it was it was weird.
He was able to speak to themasses, but he wasn't able to
speak to his family.

SPEAKER_02 (08:22):
Wow.

SPEAKER_00 (08:23):
Or to his kids.
He was able to speak to hiswife, my mom, but not to to me.
So I was already disconnected.
Um, but so I wasn't able toprocess emotions correctly.
And so there, uh, for me to dealwith emotions, I led into music
and art, which is fine, and thatwas a wonderful unit.

(08:44):
Um, struggle with my dyslexia,college was a problem, high
school was a problem because myable to educate myself was a
different process, and so thatled to isolation already.
And so my ego got to me, my myalcoholism.
But I had it under control, Iwasn't really drinking.
My drinking stage happened muchlater in life, uh, after I

(09:09):
became 21.
Okay, which was I I think ablessing, and also not because
once I hit 21, uh, it wasdownhill.

SPEAKER_03 (09:22):
Uh okay.
Plus, you can just get itanywhere.
You just buy it.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (09:27):
Yeah, exactly.
So once I got into my my firstcareer, my first career was uh I
became a hairstylist and I founda decent social ring and a
career where uh I can be anartist as well.

(09:47):
But I would drink and socializeheavily and then isolate to just
to um drink my sorrows away andto feel my emotions.

SPEAKER_03 (10:01):
So you would like go to an event and be out there
with everybody, and then you'dyou'd be a recluse after that.

SPEAKER_00 (10:09):
Yeah, so I would only hit the the the event for
maybe an hour and a half, okay,and then I'll disappear.
Ah and uh one of those guys,yeah, yeah.
I'll I'll just show up and thendisappear when the event was for
like three or four you know forfive, six hours.
Got it.
I'll just be present and then goaway.

(10:29):
Um, when everyone was sober, Iwas lit.
Got it.
Um, and then I'll just go homeand just do art.
But uh my father passed away in2008.
That was I was in my alcoholismat its full force.

(10:52):
I was drinking about a half agallon of alcohol.
Wow.
About every 36 hours.

SPEAKER_01 (11:00):
Wow.

SPEAKER_00 (11:01):
Yeah.
And that lasted for a good eightyears or so.

SPEAKER_03 (11:07):
And I wasn't able- You never survived that.

SPEAKER_00 (11:13):
I I it's a miracle that I wasn't having health,
major health issues at thattime.
Uh it's uh I'm still shockedwith that process as well,
because that that's a damage ofits own.

SPEAKER_03 (11:27):
It seems that you have a purpose.

SPEAKER_00 (11:29):
Exactly, exactly.
Um, so when my father passedaway, I know that there was a
problem.
Uh, a there was still a hardconnection between me and my
father because I woke up in themiddle of the morning at four
o'clock and I had this intuitionto go to him.

(11:52):
And two hours later, because itwould have took me three hours,
he passed away.
I knew it would take me threehours to get to him.
So I would have made it to himright when he passed away, but I
chose to stay.
Okay.
And then once I figured thatout, my drinking habits
skyrocket.
Got it.
And then I moved to Los Angelesfor a career shift.

(12:19):
Um and then all of a sudden uhmy health plummeted and my
career changed because I starteddrinking even more, but I
isolated more.
Okay.
Even though I was surrounded bypeople, and my career was
promising.

(12:40):
And I couldn't process myemotions.
I started I stopped talking topeople, I stopped socializing
with people, I I became prettymuch mute with people, even
though this career is the thehair career was about talking to
people.

SPEAKER_03 (13:00):
Right.

SPEAKER_00 (13:01):
It ironically, but I drank myself to homelessness.
Uh luckily I had a friend whowas going through a divorce.
She needed someone in the house.
She found out I was homeless,and she asked me to stay in her
house to have a body in thehouse.
And uh she knew she knew Ineeded help.

(13:24):
But I promised myself I wouldn'tdrink, and obviously that didn't
last long.

SPEAKER_01 (13:28):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (13:29):
Within a week, I was drinking it in the house and
constricting hours, but thatdidn't work.
Then um something broke.
Uh, a friend, another mutualfriend asked me to go to like a
life-changing event, um like aum like a leadership training.

(13:52):
Okay.
So I went to this trainingthing, and they asked me certain
questions.
And the question was, uh, do youlike what you hear?
Do you think you like this?
And what are you tired of?
You know, things simplequestions.
Right.
And my response was, I'm umtired of pissing in the wind.

(14:12):
I'm just tired of life.
And that's it.
And I sat down.
Wow.
And that and that was it.
And that submission of I'macknowledging that I'm tired of
this life.
And it's almost it was almostlike I'm it felt like a suicide

(14:34):
note.
Wow.
Like it felt like a suicidenote, really.
And someone felt that and cameup to me, like, I'm sponsoring
you for this training program.
And uh through this trainingprogram, it broke the ice to
admit in front of thousands ofpeople saying, I think I have a

(14:58):
problem with alcohol.

SPEAKER_03 (14:59):
No kidding.
Was this a faith-based joke orjust a secular thing?

SPEAKER_00 (15:05):
It was just uh uh it's called a forum.

SPEAKER_03 (15:08):
Okay.

SPEAKER_00 (15:09):
And it it's just basically it's a leadership
program for business formanagement, just to go in for
helping people to learn how tomanage people.

SPEAKER_03 (15:19):
Got it.

SPEAKER_00 (15:20):
And their method is help manage yourself to manage
others.
That's yeah, it was wonderful,but it breaks down the the uh
breaks down the ego to helpother people.
Wow, and by doing that, um itmade me realize I need help with

(15:42):
alcohol.
And luckily in recovery, we havethe saying of the Eskimo.
So my my Eskimo is my cousin,Eric Lynn.
He has been in recovery sincehis early 20s.
He's two years younger than me,so he's been in it in a very,
very long time.
So long, long, long time.

(16:03):
And he took me to my firstrecovery meeting, but he he he's
like, Hey Severin, can you takeme to can you take me to a
recovery meeting?
Because uh I'm gonna I need toshare.
Nice.

SPEAKER_03 (16:18):
But he's like a good way to get you to come in,
right?

SPEAKER_00 (16:20):
Yeah, yeah.
Can you support me?

SPEAKER_03 (16:22):
Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (16:23):
So those things triggered and made me feel like
I think I have a problem withalcohol.
And then months later, after therealization I have a drinking
problem, the only job I couldhave or I could hold was an
assistant to anotherhairstylist.
And I'm already six, eight yearsin to a path of success, and I'm

(16:49):
assisting one day a week.
Wow.
Because I was drinking myself todeath, slow, painful death.
And a client, God bless hersoul, she uh uh she grabbed me
and she's like, Severing, youlook horrible.
What is wrong with you?

(17:10):
And you know when you meetsomeone, they ask one question,
and for some reason you justblurt something out, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (17:21):
Just catch right into you, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (17:23):
Yeah, um, that was it.
That was like, I think I drinktoo much.
That was it.
Okay, she pulled me in.

SPEAKER_03 (17:30):
She's like somebody you didn't know prior to that.

SPEAKER_00 (17:32):
I I I knew her a couple times, and we had, you
know, I I you know, I washelping the hairstylist.
She's not my client.

SPEAKER_03 (17:40):
Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00 (17:42):
Um, she was the salon client.

SPEAKER_03 (17:44):
Okay.

SPEAKER_00 (17:45):
She was like, hey, give me your number, answer this
telephone number.
It's my husband.
She's so he's sober for like 15years.
And then she told me her lifestory.
She's clean and sober for 18.
And uh this gentleman called me.
We met for coffee.
He's like, Can you tell me whymy wife told you?

(18:09):
I told the story, and he's like,My wife told you that she's
clean, like, yeah, from heroinand Beth.
And like, okay, that itself is amiracle.
She tells no one.
Wow, she keeps that lock tight,security.

(18:29):
She doesn't tell anyone, so youmust really look bad and
desperate.
And like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then from there, um, youknow, I got I got sober.
Um, and then sponsorship is, youknow, a community is very
important for when you'restruggling.

(18:50):
Yeah, it's huge, it's very huge.

SPEAKER_03 (18:53):
So it doesn't matter what program it is, no, it
doesn't having somebody that youcan because you're always gonna
go through that moment ofweakness where you're just like,
I don't know if I can do it, butif you can reach out to one
person and go ahead and knowthat they're speaking your
language, you know, they knowwhat you're going through,
they've been there, they'redoing it.

(19:13):
Yeah, the big difference rightthere.

SPEAKER_00 (19:15):
Huge.
The the the wonderful part ofrecovery is a community that's
gone to similar things isknowing that you can go to
someone like I'm going throughthis experience, like I know
that feeling.
Uh, or like, okay, I I don'tknow exactly that process, or

(19:38):
like I've never been throughthat, but I do know someone that
went through it.
Sure.
Let me connect you, you know,and I'll support you while you
talk to that person, and so wecan collaborate and help you.
So that's the beauty thing aboutrecovery of any program, uh, any
spiritual path that has a way toheal.

(19:59):
So as I get through thisrecovery process, uh, I'm I'm
going through uh uh AA, thatthat's my steps.
But I realize as we go throughrecovery, the 12-step program,
there I can apply it to othermodalities, other things.

(20:20):
Right.
And the longer I became inrecovery, the longer I realized
I'm in I'm in the wrong path ofmy career.
And I need to shift my careerinto a different.
So I realized that um mypassions are more storytelling,
more um, more life skills, whichis vision and more directing,

(20:44):
more uh ironically writing,because um I even though I'm
extremely dyslexic, I'm acreative.
I can you know words aretroubling to write, but
ironically, I can actually writedecently to help and create a

(21:05):
storyline and things like that.
So um so it was nice to beclear-headed and realize my
weaknesses is actually a greatstrength.
I just need to find a way towork around it.
So I just I found a co-writerand we write together.
It's wonderful.
So the more we becomere-recovered, I realize the ego

(21:28):
is my, I call it um myalcoholism, my ego, wants to
stay comfort, stay in in itscomfort zone.
So it will fight me to stay incomfort, and that is drinking or
stay uh in in my disease.
So stay in my isolation mode.

(21:50):
So I will find it will find or Iwill find ways to stay isolated.
So I will start doing umnegative things to stay
isolated, and one of thosethings is um uh uh like doing
art projects, they'll keep meisolated and not tell anyone

(22:13):
yourself in something so you gota good ex while you're not
there, yeah.
And I and I won't tell anyoneabout it.
Yeah, the thing is I won't tellanyone about it.
And if I don't tell anyone aboutit, uh that will defeat the
whole purpose of the projecttype of thing.
But if I keep on telling peopleabout it, that keeps me active

(22:33):
and socializing.
You're like, see, this is whatI'm doing, right?
You know, but I notice that I'mstaying stagnant in my program,
and I notice I'm I notice myalcoholism is gathering things,
and I'm excessiving shopping,excessive and gathering things,
and excessive um just excessiveand that and so I applied my my

(22:59):
program into shopaholics type ofthing.
Um, and so I decided todeclutter things.
Nice.
So I gather my items into movingboxes and left them in each
room.
And whatever I got, like Ineeded something, I took it out

(23:20):
and I put it away when I usedit, and then I applied why I am
holding on to these items, andif it's an emotional tie, then I
use the program, my 12-stepprogram, to figure out what's
the emotional tie.
And I have to use um is it aneed, is it a want?
Is it a is it a regret?

(23:42):
And like, okay, what is my partto it?
Is it something that I can workwith, or is it is it can I give
it as an heirloom to someone?
So I I use a process to get ridof it or keep it.
But if I keep it, am I able topass it along?

SPEAKER_03 (23:59):
You know, then I'm insightful.
I I I um I don't think thatpeople realize so much that an
addiction is easily transferredinto something else.
Like you see the guys at the12-step program, they're all
smoking, chain smoking anddrinking cup after cup of
coffee.
Yeah, and it's like, well, okay,I guess you're not drinking

(24:21):
anymore, but you're doingsomething else that's pretty it
it is transferable.

SPEAKER_00 (24:28):
Like, so I had the nice blessing to be a
hairstylist to notice clientsand habits of like I had some
clients that are divorced, andthey'll say that they're
divorced, even it's been 15years.
And I finally had enough with aclient.
I'm like, bro, you're single,you got a divorce.