February 5, 2025 • 24 mins
Unlock the secrets to nurturing the most important relationship in your life—the one with yourself. In this week’s episode. Hilary promises to equip you with 11 actionable strategies for cultivating self-love and kindness throughout February and beyond. And make sure you stay tuned in to the end. Hilary guides you through a short, neuroscience-based experience called Havening Techniques that rapidly rewires the brain so you can stress less and regulate those emotions in a flash. Get comfy and prepare to HUG it Out with yourself and practice the ultimate self-care through self-love.
GET BRAIN CANDY DELIVERED TO YOUR INBOX
https://www.hilaryrusso.com/braincandy
JOIN HILARY FOR HER MONTHLY HAVENING HAPPY HOURS
https://www.hilaryrusso.com/events
GRAB THE FIVE DAY HUG IT OUT CHALLENGE!
https://www.hilaryrusso.com/5daychallenge
EXPLORE HAVENING TECHNIQUES TRAININGS & WORKSHOPS
https://www.hilaryrusso.com/training
CONNECT WITH HILARY
https://www.linkedin.com/in/hilaryrusso
https://www.instagram.com/hilaryrusso
https://www.instagram.com/hilisticallyspeaking
https://www.youtube.com/hilaryrusso
https://www.hilaryrusso.com/podcast
Looking for the Perfect Podcast Mic? I'm Using Shure MV7+ Mic
https://amzn.to/3ZBaXNm (Amazon)
As an Amazon Associates I earn from qualifying purchases
MUSIC by Lipbone Redding
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Hilary Russo (00:00):
Hey there, sunshine.
We are doing something a little different
this week as we kick off the month of
February, because January has definitely
been a month Lots of emotions, lots of
feelings, and I thought you know what?
Let's stop thinking about what's happening
outside of ourselves and bring it back to
self.
And I can't think of a better month to do
(00:21):
this, because February is love month.
It's a month that's filled with partnership
and relationships and love, but it got me
thinking about the most important
relationship, which is the one with self.
So we're shifting focus a bit here.
A little love note from me to you, and I'm
(00:41):
going to share with you 11 ways to be kind
to your mind, to hug it out with yourself
and practice some self love.
And the last one is really a treat,
something I've never done before and I've
never done before on this podcast, rather
(01:02):
and if you know me well enough, you'll
recognize what we're going to do, and maybe
you've taken part in it before.
But I'm going to leave you with one way
that you can truly put the healing in your
hands, if that's a hint.
But before we hit that list, I want you to
do me a favor Be sure to subscribe like
comment wherever you're tuning into this
podcast, your thoughts really do matter.
I do read your messages and I want you to
(01:23):
kind of be a part of the process, like a
producer of Holistically Speaking.
Let me know who you want on the show, what
topics you want me to cover, let me know
what you want to see and be done
differently, because I am listening, I am
tuning in myself and I want to hear what
you have to say.
Okay, let's dive into 11 ways that you can
embrace and celebrate you this month and
(01:47):
going forward.
I want you to, number one, start your day
with affirmations.
They say your morning sets the tone for the
day.
Take a moment each morning to look in the
mirror and say something kind to yourself.
Affirmations like I am worthy, I am enough,
(02:10):
I am safe, I am loved, I am caring.
Who is it about you?
These are powerful tools to build
confidence and self-worth, and I say this a
lot to those that I'm working with my
clients I even remind myself of this as
well and friends and family, that the most
important sentence is I am.
(02:33):
It's what follows that really matters,
because you can go in a different direction.
Right, that negative self-talk, that inner
bully, can really step in.
So be conscious and aware of what words are
following I am.
Make them positive.
Set your day with those affirmations and
see what happens, all right.
(02:53):
Number two create a self-love journal.
Now, if you're not into journaling, that is
okay.
This is more about dedicating things to
this, the pages that are things that you
are grateful for about you, what makes you
unique, and the moments that you feel proud
(03:14):
about things that you've done, proud of
yourself.
Trust me, it is therapeutic and it helps
you recognize your value in the world.
And really, that is the G in the H-U-G of
hug it out, the gratitude towards self.
And this is an area that a lot of people.
When I talk to people about the gratitude,
the self-gratitude, they're like I never
(03:36):
thought about that before.
I don't really do that enough.
So make that a challenge for you to really
practice the G in the hug it out.
Challenge for you to really practice the G
in the hug it out, which is bringing
awareness to the things that you offer in
this world.
You'd be surprised.
You really would.
Okay, I want you to treat yourself to a
(03:57):
solo date.
That's number three.
Who says that dates are only for couples?
Who says that dates are only for couples.
Take yourself out, whether it is a cozy
cafe or a museum or just taking a walk or a
movie night or just staying at home and
enjoying some favorite snacks.
This is really a time to nurture your
(04:18):
relationship with you.
It doesn't have to be anything major.
Solo time is so important and there really
is a difference between being alone and
being lonely.
Learn how to be alone.
Learn to find the joy in those moments.
You showed up in this world that way.
You're going to leave this world that way,
(04:39):
so really, that time in between the
bookends really does matter.
Find happiness and joy in the time you
spend with self.
Number four is declutter that space.
Okay, I know this is a big one and some of
you are like, oh, that's going to be hard
to do.
I have so much stuff and I love my stuff
(05:00):
and I get it.
But just you know, let's think about it.
It is stuff, right?
A cluttered space often equals a cluttered
mind.
They talk about that a lot in psychology,
even in feng shui.
Spend time organizing and tidying up your
space, letting go of items that no longer
serve you, that you don't need anymore, are
(05:22):
broken, because think about how the
psychology of that is going to impact you.
Keeping the broken things around, the
things that are cluttering your space.
It can be very freeing and symbolic.
And also, when you're making room for
things to come into your space, imagine
what can happen.
You can actually make more room for love if
(05:44):
you're single and if you're looking for
partnership.
So think about it.
Declutter that space.
Number five is a big one.
I hear this one a lot.
I want you to set healthy boundaries.
Self-love means protecting your peace.
Learn to say no to others if it means
(06:04):
saying yes to yourself.
We are people pleasers in this world, are
we not?
Especially those of you who tune into this
show.
I know what you're like, so I want you to
think about yourself first.
It's not selfish.
It's actually essential, because anything
that is draining your energy, anything
that's not serving your well-being,
draining your energy, anything that's not
(06:27):
serving your well-being should not be in
your space.
So set those boundaries for yourself, and
that is the ultimate act.
Of self-love is putting you first.
Number six move your body.
Now, we've had some episodes about this, on
Holistically Speaking right, and for good
reason.
Movement is a form of self-respect, whether
(06:54):
it is yoga or dancing in your living room,
maybe even trying something new.
A brisk walk in nature can be great too.
Find ways that make you feel alive and
energized.
It's not about how you look, but how you
feel, and starting with movement is good
for your heart, is good for your mind, it's
good for your soul, it's good for the
entire whole body approach, and that means
living holistically right.
(07:15):
So make sure you're moving, move for
yourself.
Number seven nourish your body.
Now listen, I am a holistic health coach,
so I truly believe in the idea of primary
and secondary foods.
Secondary foods are what you're using as
fuel and putting in your body.
(07:36):
It's the nutritious and the delicious meals
that you make.
Make it an art, maybe trying a new recipe
or treat yourself to your favorite dish.
Make it healthy, and this can go back to
cluttering out the things that aren't
serving you.
Crowd out the kind of foods that are not
serving your body and keeping you healthy,
and bring in something new and different to
try.
(07:56):
Balance is key, and food is a way to
nurture your soul.
All right, and maybe, maybe all of these
are kind of big, but I have to say this is
one that comes up a lot and I'm guilty of
doing this, but learn to detox social media
If you can.
You know, maybe spend a day where you're
(08:18):
not online.
Social media can be a real comparison trap.
Am I right, or am I right?
Take a break or set limits on your screen
time?
You know there's apps that allow you to do
that.
There's settings that you can put on your
own phone.
Just step away.
Use this opportunity to connect with
yourself or engage in activities that bring
(08:40):
you joy offline.
It is very likely if you are listening to
this podcast and you've been part of the
Hug it Out Collective or you've worked with
me, you've seen me, or you just you're
vibing the same way I am.
You've been on this planet longer without
technology and social media and the
internet than you have.
(09:02):
You've lived longer, so it's easy to step
away from it if you just give it a try.
Maybe it's just a half hour here and then
maybe an hour there.
Maybe then it turns into an entire day.
I know some of my most freeing moments and
I just shared this recently some of my best
days, my happiest days, when I turn nothing
(09:25):
on.
No technology is on, I'm really just being
present.
Try that, if you can, and see how you feel.
I imagine you'll feel better.
Number nine I want you to practice
gratitude.
This goes back to what we were saying
earlier.
Gratitude shifts your perspective.
(09:46):
Write down three things you're grateful for
each day.
It's a simple yet powerful tool to
recognize the abundance in your life and
attract even more positivity.
I've shared this research study a lot and I
do love talking about this because it's so
true.
But there's a Harvard research review study
(10:06):
that was put in the book the Happiness
Advantage by Sean Aker and it talks about
gratitude.
If you start your day with two minutes of
gratitude, compared to three minutes
hopping on your phone or scrolling or
turning on the TV, looking at the news,
just jumping up and doing rather than truly
(10:26):
being, you actually have a 27% more
likelihood of having a good day six to
eight hours later.
Two minutes of gratitude before you put
your feet on the floor.
If you sit in those two minutes, see how
that can change the entire dynamic of your
(10:47):
day.
I imagine you'll see a difference.
I want you to feel a difference, so give it
a try.
Number 10, celebrate the small wins.
Big or small, every win deserves
recognition.
Did you meet a deadline?
(11:07):
Handle a tough conversation?
Get out of bed on a really tough day?
Just wake up is celebrating a win.
You're doing great, acknowledge your
efforts, and it's vital for self-love.
And that brings us to number 11,
self-regulate your nervous system.
(11:30):
You, my friend, are your own healer.
You can have people that support you, you
can have guides by your side, you can have
doctors, you can have professionals, you
can have friends and family that are going
to be there for you.
But when it comes down to it, the true
healer is within.
That's really self-love.
And what I mean by that is that when you
are on the brink of change, when you are
(11:50):
aware something doesn't feel right,
awareness leads to change.
You can't change unless you're aware that
something needs to happen right.
So you're going to use different tools and
different techniques to be kind to your
mind, and that's what I want to leave you
with today A short Havening experience that
you can do right where you are right now
(12:13):
and anytime you go back to listening to
this with me as your guide.
And if you're new here and you want to know
what Havening is, I'm going to share that
with you briefly.
And if you're new here and you want to know
what Havening is, I'm going to share that
with you briefly.
So Havening is a psychosensory approach,
meaning that it uses the sense of touch and
positive thought, pleasant distraction, to
rewire the brain.
It's neuroscience based.
I'm a certified practitioner and also a
(12:34):
trainer and I use this in my life every day
for everyday upsets in my life every day,
for everyday upsets and then when I'm
working with my clients and others on
deeper rooted issues.
It can also be used to de-encode trauma.
But I don't ever suggest you doing trauma
work on your own.
This is just a tool that you can use to
self-regulate yourself and self-apply, to
(12:56):
self-soothe, for self-care and self-love.
And this is how it works.
It's a simple three-touch approach.
You can use any or all of these touches and
you can self-apply this touch.
And if you're not comfortable touching your
own skin, you can use a pillow or a blanket
or a material anything that's comfortable
to you to self-soothe right.
(13:17):
But if you're comfortable, I suggest that
you try this technique and listen.
If you want to watch this on YouTube, this
is on my Hilary Russo YouTube channel.
It'll be on there for you to see the
technique and join me, but I'm going to
explain in a very simple way that's easy to
understand, even if you're just tuning in
and listening.
(13:38):
So the Havening touch involves three
different touches.
It's like you're washing your hands gently,
just gently washing your hands.
It could also be a nice stroke from your
shoulders down to your elbows, a nice
movement with your arms crossed, shoulders
to elbows in a downward motion, or even on
your face, like you're giving yourself a
gentle massage or putting on some
(13:58):
moisturizer, and even crossing your arms
and your hands and doing it the opposite
way, like you did, on your shoulders to
your elbows.
It feels a little different.
So those are the three Havening touches.
And then what I want you to do is you're
going to think about something that brings
you peace or calm or joy.
It can be an experience, it can be a place
that you love to go, it can even be your
(14:18):
own home.
Something that brings you peace, a place
that's a respite, it brings you joy, it
brings you happiness when you think about
it.
I want you to keep that in your mind.
And if you have a problem or you aren't
able to visualize well, you can find, maybe
looking out a window or focus on a focal
point in the room that you're in.
(14:40):
But what I'm going to do is I'm going to
gently count from 1 to 20.
And with each number, I want you to find
something else within that experience that
will distract you, that is peaceful and
calming and joyful.
Okay, and you're going to continue the
Havening touch while I do this.
Remember it's like you're washing your
hands or giving yourself a gentle stroke
from the shoulders down to the elbows or
even on your face.
(15:00):
Just continue the Havening touch and if
you're comfortable, closing your eyes and
taking yourself to that visual space, great.
If you're not a good visualizer, focus on
something in the room or outside or through
a window that can distract you and feel
peaceful, like you know.
The leaves on the trees or people walking
by right, it's as simple as that.
(15:23):
Yes, it is that simple.
Neuroscience doesn't have to be hard.
So what I would like for you to do is just
think of something that's coming up for you
on a scale of zero to 10 that might be
causing you some upset.
It could be anything.
It could be that you're feeling stressed
and maybe you're at a five.
It could be that you're tired and you're
feeling like a seven, and that means you're
(15:45):
more tired.
Right, the higher the number, the more
you're feeling the emotion.
Or maybe you're actually in a pretty good
state right now and you're feeling quiet or
peaceful, and maybe your number's a three,
but maybe find something that's like a five
in that five range and maybe something you
want to change, that you'd like an emotion
or a feeling to change in your body, and
(16:06):
just keep that for a second, maybe even
feel it.
Where are you feeling it in your body?
Are you tensing your shoulders?
Is it your chest?
Is your head feeling a little cloudy?
Whatever it might be for you, just be aware
of the feeling and where it is in your body
and give it that number.
Okay, remember, zero means you're not
feeling it at all.
10 means it's kind of off the charts.
(16:26):
Zero is what I call namaste all day, if
that makes any sense.
And then what I want you to do is you're
not going to stay in that emotion.
You're not going to stay in that feeling.
That's the beauty of Havening.
You don't stay in the upset, park it
somewhere for a second, put it aside, be a
witness to it, know it's there.
But what I want you to do is start doing
(16:47):
the Havening touch, just to get used to it,
right, and I'm just going to count to 20.
And I want you to close your eyes, if you
will, and imagine like you have a first
class ticket to that place that brings you
the peace and calm and joy.
And then I just want you to start the
Havening touch on your hands, shoulders to
elbows, or on your face no choreography, do
(17:08):
whatever feels comfortable to you.
And when you do this, when you start doing
the Havening touch, what it does is it's
releasing oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine,
gaba those are those happy chemicals and
hormones in the brain.
It also produces more delta waves and delta
is sleep state.
That's the slowest moving brain wave you
have.
(17:28):
So imagine being able to remind that
amygdala, that part of your brain that is
designed to keep you safe and alive, that
it's okay, it's safe, there's a safe haven
in your mind.
It's what we call CPR for the amygdala.
So, bringing back to that Havening
experience, gently start doing the Havening
touch wherever it's comfortable for you and
(17:50):
then I want you to close your eyes and
remember that number, that feeling you're
having, and then park it aside and take a
deep breath and then, on the breath out,
step into that experience, whatever that
place is that if you had a first class
ticket, you could be there right now.
Just give yourself a chance to breathe into
(18:11):
it.
And I'm just going to count, and from one
to 20, I just want you to find something
within that experience that brings you more
peace and more joy.
So, if you're on the beach, maybe number
one is the sand beneath your feet.
Number two is the sound of the waves.
It's like a feast of the senses.
Okay, and let's just start with that first
powerful number one.
(18:33):
How does it feel to know that you can be
there and step into that with ease.
You control the narrative.
And then move on to step two and remember,
during this process, you're going to be
Havening the whole time On your hands,
shoulders to elbows or on the face, and
then move to step three.
And, by the way, step doesn't mean that you
(18:54):
have to actually be walking, it's just the
step in the process.
You could be lying down, you could be
sitting down, you could be looking around,
just be in the experience.
And then move on to step four, already
feeling lighter and calmer, more connected.
And then five.
And on five, I want you to take a deep
breath and then activate another sense.
(19:15):
Maybe there's something you see or taste or
touch, or smell or feel.
Let it come alive for you, like you are
there.
And then move on to six and seven it's
almost like you're gliding now and eight
and nine.
And on that 10th number, take another deep
(19:36):
breath, activate another sense.
Maybe there's a color that's coming to mind
for you.
What is around you?
What do you see, feel, taste, touch?
Here?
You're there, you have the ability to take
yourself there, to change your thoughts,
your moods, your behaviors, your habits.
It's all you.
(20:10):
On to 11, and then 12, briskly walking into
13 and 14, and then on 15, take another
deep breath, activate another sense and
release.
And then 16 and 17 and 18.
Take notice of what's around you.
And 19 and 20.
And as you continue to do, the Havening
(20:32):
touch, turn around with your eyes still
closed In your mind's eye, look back and
see how far you've come, how easy it is to
change the narrative, how easy it is to
immerse yourself in the experience, to
remind that part of your brain that you're
okay and you're safe, that you have your
haven and it exists within.
Be there for a moment, really embrace it
(20:54):
and give yourself space and grace to know
that you can change the narrative, you can
change your thoughts, you can change your
mood.
You can change your thoughts.
You can change your mood, your behavior,
your habits with ease, because you have the
power of active emotional well-being in
your own hands.
And then I invite you just to take a deep
breath, bring whatever senses are coming to
(21:16):
mind and release.
Bring awareness back to your breath, come
back to the space and welcome back.
That's your haven experience for today, but
I have a little something more for you as
well 11 ways to focus on self-love this
February.
(21:36):
Remember, self-love isn't a one month
affair.
It's a lifelong practice.
So I want you to take these tips.
I want you to take this technique and carry
them with you beyond February, and let me
know which one you really like the most.
I'd love to know.
So reach out to me, drop me a comment
wherever you're tuning into this podcast
episode.
(21:57):
Tell me what you love the most.
Share with me on social media, let me know,
so that I know that I'm doing my job to be
kind to my mind and to help you be kind to
yours.
And as an added bonus for tuning in and
making it this far, I'm going to share with
you something even more special my five day
hug it out challenge to keep you on track,
(22:19):
which also includes a bonus self Havening
experience with me as your guide an extra
video.
So make sure you check the notes of the
podcast for that.
Of course, you can always join me for my
monthly Havening happy hours, which are
free and a way to come together as a group
and do a little Havening, even find out
more about if you want to become a Havening
(22:41):
practitioner yourself.
Find out about my trainings.
There's so many things that you can learn
when it comes to hugging out with yourself
and learn about Havening as part of that
process, and you'll find all the links to
connect with me.
Whether it is the Havening happy hour every
month, whether it is the hug it out
challenge, or even learning about working
with me one-on-one or having me come and
(23:01):
speak to your organization or your
corporation, or whatever it might be, or
even getting trained in the Havening
techniques yourself, it's all there for you
to just take it in and breathe it in for
self-love, for self-care, for yourself.
I want to leave you with this.
Thank you for tuning into this episode of
Holistically Speaking a very special one.
(23:22):
Don't forget to subscribe to share this
episode with someone that you think might
need a little extra self-love, a reminder
of the inspiration that they have within,
and you can always follow me on social
media.
You can learn more about how to hug it out
and be kind to your mind.
Every day, I'm sharing tools and tips and
ways to do that and share a little brain
candy with you.
(23:42):
Of course, holistically Speaking, is edited
by Two Market Media with music by Lipone
Redding and, of course, supported by you.
And in addition to self-love and loving
yourself, know that until next time, I love
you, I believe in you and I'm sending hugs
your way.
(24:02):
Be well.
Hey there, sunshine.
We are doing something a little different
this week as we kick off the month of
February, because January has definitely
been a month Lots of emotions, lots of
feelings, and I thought you know what?
Let's stop thinking about what's happening
outside of ourselves and bring it back to
self.
And I can't think of a better month to do
(00:21):
this, because February is love month.
It's a month that's filled with partnership
and relationships and love, but it got me
thinking about the most important
relationship, which is the one with self.
So we're shifting focus a bit here.
A little love note from me to you, and I'm
(00:41):
going to share with you 11 ways to be kind
to your mind, to hug it out with yourself
and practice some self love.
And the last one is really a treat,
something I've never done before and I've
never done before on this podcast, rather
(01:02):
and if you know me well enough, you'll
recognize what we're going to do, and maybe
you've taken part in it before.
But I'm going to leave you with one way
that you can truly put the healing in your
hands, if that's a hint.
But before we hit that list, I want you to
do me a favor Be sure to subscribe like
comment wherever you're tuning into this
podcast, your thoughts really do matter.
I do read your messages and I want you to
(01:23):
kind of be a part of the process, like a
producer of Holistically Speaking.
Let me know who you want on the show, what
topics you want me to cover, let me know
what you want to see and be done
differently, because I am listening, I am
tuning in myself and I want to hear what
you have to say.
Okay, let's dive into 11 ways that you can
embrace and celebrate you this month and
(01:47):
going forward.
I want you to, number one, start your day
with affirmations.
They say your morning sets the tone for the
day.
Take a moment each morning to look in the
mirror and say something kind to yourself.
Affirmations like I am worthy, I am enough,
(02:10):
I am safe, I am loved, I am caring.
Who is it about you?
These are powerful tools to build
confidence and self-worth, and I say this a
lot to those that I'm working with my
clients I even remind myself of this as
well and friends and family, that the most
important sentence is I am.
(02:33):
It's what follows that really matters,
because you can go in a different direction.
Right, that negative self-talk, that inner
bully, can really step in.
So be conscious and aware of what words are
following I am.
Make them positive.
Set your day with those affirmations and
see what happens, all right.
(02:53):
Number two create a self-love journal.
Now, if you're not into journaling, that is
okay.
This is more about dedicating things to
this, the pages that are things that you
are grateful for about you, what makes you
unique, and the moments that you feel proud
(03:14):
about things that you've done, proud of
yourself.
Trust me, it is therapeutic and it helps
you recognize your value in the world.
And really, that is the G in the H-U-G of
hug it out, the gratitude towards self.
And this is an area that a lot of people.
When I talk to people about the gratitude,
the self-gratitude, they're like I never
(03:36):
thought about that before.
I don't really do that enough.
So make that a challenge for you to really
practice the G in the hug it out.
Challenge for you to really practice the G
in the hug it out, which is bringing
awareness to the things that you offer in
this world.
You'd be surprised.
You really would.
Okay, I want you to treat yourself to a
(03:57):
solo date.
That's number three.
Who says that dates are only for couples?
Who says that dates are only for couples.
Take yourself out, whether it is a cozy
cafe or a museum or just taking a walk or a
movie night or just staying at home and
enjoying some favorite snacks.
This is really a time to nurture your
(04:18):
relationship with you.
It doesn't have to be anything major.
Solo time is so important and there really
is a difference between being alone and
being lonely.
Learn how to be alone.
Learn to find the joy in those moments.
You showed up in this world that way.
You're going to leave this world that way,
(04:39):
so really, that time in between the
bookends really does matter.
Find happiness and joy in the time you
spend with self.
Number four is declutter that space.
Okay, I know this is a big one and some of
you are like, oh, that's going to be hard
to do.
I have so much stuff and I love my stuff
(05:00):
and I get it.
But just you know, let's think about it.
It is stuff, right?
A cluttered space often equals a cluttered
mind.
They talk about that a lot in psychology,
even in feng shui.
Spend time organizing and tidying up your
space, letting go of items that no longer
serve you, that you don't need anymore, are
(05:22):
broken, because think about how the
psychology of that is going to impact you.
Keeping the broken things around, the
things that are cluttering your space.
It can be very freeing and symbolic.
And also, when you're making room for
things to come into your space, imagine
what can happen.
You can actually make more room for love if
(05:44):
you're single and if you're looking for
partnership.
So think about it.
Declutter that space.
Number five is a big one.
I hear this one a lot.
I want you to set healthy boundaries.
Self-love means protecting your peace.
Learn to say no to others if it means
(06:04):
saying yes to yourself.
We are people pleasers in this world, are
we not?
Especially those of you who tune into this
show.
I know what you're like, so I want you to
think about yourself first.
It's not selfish.
It's actually essential, because anything
that is draining your energy, anything
that's not serving your well-being,
draining your energy, anything that's not
(06:27):
serving your well-being should not be in
your space.
So set those boundaries for yourself, and
that is the ultimate act.
Of self-love is putting you first.
Number six move your body.
Now, we've had some episodes about this, on
Holistically Speaking right, and for good
reason.
Movement is a form of self-respect, whether
(06:54):
it is yoga or dancing in your living room,
maybe even trying something new.
A brisk walk in nature can be great too.
Find ways that make you feel alive and
energized.
It's not about how you look, but how you
feel, and starting with movement is good
for your heart, is good for your mind, it's
good for your soul, it's good for the
entire whole body approach, and that means
living holistically right.
(07:15):
So make sure you're moving, move for
yourself.
Number seven nourish your body.
Now listen, I am a holistic health coach,
so I truly believe in the idea of primary
and secondary foods.
Secondary foods are what you're using as
fuel and putting in your body.
(07:36):
It's the nutritious and the delicious meals
that you make.
Make it an art, maybe trying a new recipe
or treat yourself to your favorite dish.
Make it healthy, and this can go back to
cluttering out the things that aren't
serving you.
Crowd out the kind of foods that are not
serving your body and keeping you healthy,
and bring in something new and different to
try.
(07:56):
Balance is key, and food is a way to
nurture your soul.
All right, and maybe, maybe all of these
are kind of big, but I have to say this is
one that comes up a lot and I'm guilty of
doing this, but learn to detox social media
If you can.
You know, maybe spend a day where you're
(08:18):
not online.
Social media can be a real comparison trap.
Am I right, or am I right?
Take a break or set limits on your screen
time?
You know there's apps that allow you to do
that.
There's settings that you can put on your
own phone.
Just step away.
Use this opportunity to connect with
yourself or engage in activities that bring
(08:40):
you joy offline.
It is very likely if you are listening to
this podcast and you've been part of the
Hug it Out Collective or you've worked with
me, you've seen me, or you just you're
vibing the same way I am.
You've been on this planet longer without
technology and social media and the
internet than you have.
(09:02):
You've lived longer, so it's easy to step
away from it if you just give it a try.
Maybe it's just a half hour here and then
maybe an hour there.
Maybe then it turns into an entire day.
I know some of my most freeing moments and
I just shared this recently some of my best
days, my happiest days, when I turn nothing
(09:25):
on.
No technology is on, I'm really just being
present.
Try that, if you can, and see how you feel.
I imagine you'll feel better.
Number nine I want you to practice
gratitude.
This goes back to what we were saying
earlier.
Gratitude shifts your perspective.
(09:46):
Write down three things you're grateful for
each day.
It's a simple yet powerful tool to
recognize the abundance in your life and
attract even more positivity.
I've shared this research study a lot and I
do love talking about this because it's so
true.
But there's a Harvard research review study
(10:06):
that was put in the book the Happiness
Advantage by Sean Aker and it talks about
gratitude.
If you start your day with two minutes of
gratitude, compared to three minutes
hopping on your phone or scrolling or
turning on the TV, looking at the news,
just jumping up and doing rather than truly
(10:26):
being, you actually have a 27% more
likelihood of having a good day six to
eight hours later.
Two minutes of gratitude before you put
your feet on the floor.
If you sit in those two minutes, see how
that can change the entire dynamic of your
(10:47):
day.
I imagine you'll see a difference.
I want you to feel a difference, so give it
a try.
Number 10, celebrate the small wins.
Big or small, every win deserves
recognition.
Did you meet a deadline?
(11:07):
Handle a tough conversation?
Get out of bed on a really tough day?
Just wake up is celebrating a win.
You're doing great, acknowledge your
efforts, and it's vital for self-love.
And that brings us to number 11,
self-regulate your nervous system.
(11:30):
You, my friend, are your own healer.
You can have people that support you, you
can have guides by your side, you can have
doctors, you can have professionals, you
can have friends and family that are going
to be there for you.
But when it comes down to it, the true
healer is within.
That's really self-love.
And what I mean by that is that when you
are on the brink of change, when you are
(11:50):
aware something doesn't feel right,
awareness leads to change.
You can't change unless you're aware that
something needs to happen right.
So you're going to use different tools and
different techniques to be kind to your
mind, and that's what I want to leave you
with today A short Havening experience that
you can do right where you are right now
(12:13):
and anytime you go back to listening to
this with me as your guide.
And if you're new here and you want to know
what Havening is, I'm going to share that
with you briefly.
And if you're new here and you want to know
what Havening is, I'm going to share that
with you briefly.
So Havening is a psychosensory approach,
meaning that it uses the sense of touch and
positive thought, pleasant distraction, to
rewire the brain.
It's neuroscience based.
I'm a certified practitioner and also a
(12:34):
trainer and I use this in my life every day
for everyday upsets in my life every day,
for everyday upsets and then when I'm
working with my clients and others on
deeper rooted issues.
It can also be used to de-encode trauma.
But I don't ever suggest you doing trauma
work on your own.
This is just a tool that you can use to
self-regulate yourself and self-apply, to
(12:56):
self-soothe, for self-care and self-love.
And this is how it works.
It's a simple three-touch approach.
You can use any or all of these touches and
you can self-apply this touch.
And if you're not comfortable touching your
own skin, you can use a pillow or a blanket
or a material anything that's comfortable
to you to self-soothe right.
(13:17):
But if you're comfortable, I suggest that
you try this technique and listen.
If you want to watch this on YouTube, this
is on my Hilary Russo YouTube channel.
It'll be on there for you to see the
technique and join me, but I'm going to
explain in a very simple way that's easy to
understand, even if you're just tuning in
and listening.
(13:38):
So the Havening touch involves three
different touches.
It's like you're washing your hands gently,
just gently washing your hands.
It could also be a nice stroke from your
shoulders down to your elbows, a nice
movement with your arms crossed, shoulders
to elbows in a downward motion, or even on
your face, like you're giving yourself a
gentle massage or putting on some
(13:58):
moisturizer, and even crossing your arms
and your hands and doing it the opposite
way, like you did, on your shoulders to
your elbows.
It feels a little different.
So those are the three Havening touches.
And then what I want you to do is you're
going to think about something that brings
you peace or calm or joy.
It can be an experience, it can be a place
that you love to go, it can even be your
(14:18):
own home.
Something that brings you peace, a place
that's a respite, it brings you joy, it
brings you happiness when you think about
it.
I want you to keep that in your mind.
And if you have a problem or you aren't
able to visualize well, you can find, maybe
looking out a window or focus on a focal
point in the room that you're in.
(14:40):
But what I'm going to do is I'm going to
gently count from 1 to 20.
And with each number, I want you to find
something else within that experience that
will distract you, that is peaceful and
calming and joyful.
Okay, and you're going to continue the
Havening touch while I do this.
Remember it's like you're washing your
hands or giving yourself a gentle stroke
from the shoulders down to the elbows or
even on your face.
(15:00):
Just continue the Havening touch and if
you're comfortable, closing your eyes and
taking yourself to that visual space, great.
If you're not a good visualizer, focus on
something in the room or outside or through
a window that can distract you and feel
peaceful, like you know.
The leaves on the trees or people walking
by right, it's as simple as that.
(15:23):
Yes, it is that simple.
Neuroscience doesn't have to be hard.
So what I would like for you to do is just
think of something that's coming up for you
on a scale of zero to 10 that might be
causing you some upset.
It could be anything.
It could be that you're feeling stressed
and maybe you're at a five.
It could be that you're tired and you're
feeling like a seven, and that means you're
(15:45):
more tired.
Right, the higher the number, the more
you're feeling the emotion.
Or maybe you're actually in a pretty good
state right now and you're feeling quiet or
peaceful, and maybe your number's a three,
but maybe find something that's like a five
in that five range and maybe something you
want to change, that you'd like an emotion
or a feeling to change in your body, and
(16:06):
just keep that for a second, maybe even
feel it.
Where are you feeling it in your body?
Are you tensing your shoulders?
Is it your chest?
Is your head feeling a little cloudy?
Whatever it might be for you, just be aware
of the feeling and where it is in your body
and give it that number.
Okay, remember, zero means you're not
feeling it at all.
10 means it's kind of off the charts.
(16:26):
Zero is what I call namaste all day, if
that makes any sense.
And then what I want you to do is you're
not going to stay in that emotion.
You're not going to stay in that feeling.
That's the beauty of Havening.
You don't stay in the upset, park it
somewhere for a second, put it aside, be a
witness to it, know it's there.
But what I want you to do is start doing
(16:47):
the Havening touch, just to get used to it,
right, and I'm just going to count to 20.
And I want you to close your eyes, if you
will, and imagine like you have a first
class ticket to that place that brings you
the peace and calm and joy.
And then I just want you to start the
Havening touch on your hands, shoulders to
elbows, or on your face no choreography, do
(17:08):
whatever feels comfortable to you.
And when you do this, when you start doing
the Havening touch, what it does is it's
releasing oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine,
gaba those are those happy chemicals and
hormones in the brain.
It also produces more delta waves and delta
is sleep state.
That's the slowest moving brain wave you
have.
(17:28):
So imagine being able to remind that
amygdala, that part of your brain that is
designed to keep you safe and alive, that
it's okay, it's safe, there's a safe haven
in your mind.
It's what we call CPR for the amygdala.
So, bringing back to that Havening
experience, gently start doing the Havening
touch wherever it's comfortable for you and
(17:50):
then I want you to close your eyes and
remember that number, that feeling you're
having, and then park it aside and take a
deep breath and then, on the breath out,
step into that experience, whatever that
place is that if you had a first class
ticket, you could be there right now.
Just give yourself a chance to breathe into
(18:11):
it.
And I'm just going to count, and from one
to 20, I just want you to find something
within that experience that brings you more
peace and more joy.
So, if you're on the beach, maybe number
one is the sand beneath your feet.
Number two is the sound of the waves.
It's like a feast of the senses.
Okay, and let's just start with that first
powerful number one.
(18:33):
How does it feel to know that you can be
there and step into that with ease.
You control the narrative.
And then move on to step two and remember,
during this process, you're going to be
Havening the whole time On your hands,
shoulders to elbows or on the face, and
then move to step three.
And, by the way, step doesn't mean that you
(18:54):
have to actually be walking, it's just the
step in the process.
You could be lying down, you could be
sitting down, you could be looking around,
just be in the experience.
And then move on to step four, already
feeling lighter and calmer, more connected.
And then five.
And on five, I want you to take a deep
breath and then activate another sense.
(19:15):
Maybe there's something you see or taste or
touch, or smell or feel.
Let it come alive for you, like you are
there.
And then move on to six and seven it's
almost like you're gliding now and eight
and nine.
And on that 10th number, take another deep
(19:36):
breath, activate another sense.
Maybe there's a color that's coming to mind
for you.
What is around you?
What do you see, feel, taste, touch?
Here?
You're there, you have the ability to take
yourself there, to change your thoughts,
your moods, your behaviors, your habits.
It's all you.
(20:10):
On to 11, and then 12, briskly walking into
13 and 14, and then on 15, take another
deep breath, activate another sense and
release.
And then 16 and 17 and 18.
Take notice of what's around you.
And 19 and 20.
And as you continue to do, the Havening
(20:32):
touch, turn around with your eyes still
closed In your mind's eye, look back and
see how far you've come, how easy it is to
change the narrative, how easy it is to
immerse yourself in the experience, to
remind that part of your brain that you're
okay and you're safe, that you have your
haven and it exists within.
Be there for a moment, really embrace it
(20:54):
and give yourself space and grace to know
that you can change the narrative, you can
change your thoughts, you can change your
mood.
You can change your thoughts.
You can change your mood, your behavior,
your habits with ease, because you have the
power of active emotional well-being in
your own hands.
And then I invite you just to take a deep
breath, bring whatever senses are coming to
(21:16):
mind and release.
Bring awareness back to your breath, come
back to the space and welcome back.
That's your haven experience for today, but
I have a little something more for you as
well 11 ways to focus on self-love this
February.
(21:36):
Remember, self-love isn't a one month
affair.
It's a lifelong practice.
So I want you to take these tips.
I want you to take this technique and carry
them with you beyond February, and let me
know which one you really like the most.
I'd love to know.
So reach out to me, drop me a comment
wherever you're tuning into this podcast
episode.
(21:57):
Tell me what you love the most.
Share with me on social media, let me know,
so that I know that I'm doing my job to be
kind to my mind and to help you be kind to
yours.
And as an added bonus for tuning in and
making it this far, I'm going to share with
you something even more special my five day
hug it out challenge to keep you on track,
(22:19):
which also includes a bonus self Havening
experience with me as your guide an extra
video.
So make sure you check the notes of the
podcast for that.
Of course, you can always join me for my
monthly Havening happy hours, which are
free and a way to come together as a group
and do a little Havening, even find out
more about if you want to become a Havening
(22:41):
practitioner yourself.
Find out about my trainings.
There's so many things that you can learn
when it comes to hugging out with yourself
and learn about Havening as part of that
process, and you'll find all the links to
connect with me.
Whether it is the Havening happy hour every
month, whether it is the hug it out
challenge, or even learning about working
with me one-on-one or having me come and
(23:01):
speak to your organization or your
corporation, or whatever it might be, or
even getting trained in the Havening
techniques yourself, it's all there for you
to just take it in and breathe it in for
self-love, for self-care, for yourself.
I want to leave you with this.
Thank you for tuning into this episode of
Holistically Speaking a very special one.
(23:22):
Don't forget to subscribe to share this
episode with someone that you think might
need a little extra self-love, a reminder
of the inspiration that they have within,
and you can always follow me on social
media.
You can learn more about how to hug it out
and be kind to your mind.
Every day, I'm sharing tools and tips and
ways to do that and share a little brain
candy with you.
(23:42):
Of course, holistically Speaking, is edited
by Two Market Media with music by Lipone
Redding and, of course, supported by you.
And in addition to self-love and loving
yourself, know that until next time, I love
you, I believe in you and I'm sending hugs
your way.
(24:02):
Be well.
Popular Podcasts
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Therapy Gecko
An unlicensed lizard psychologist travels the universe talking to strangers about absolutely nothing. TO CALL THE GECKO: follow me on https://www.twitch.tv/lyleforever to get a notification for when I am taking calls. I am usually live Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays but lately a lot of other times too. I am a gecko.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.