Starting Over in Your PMDD Relationship with No Regrets

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
five, four, three, two, one happy new year.
And if you're hearing this, itis the 1st of February of 2025.
It doesn't even matter whenyou're hearing this, but I am
giving you permission to start anew year in your PMDD

(00:20):
relationship.
I know that January was veryhard for a lot of you,
especially if you started thenew year and you felt like I
want things to be different andthen you're starting to feel
like things are still the samein your PMDD relationship.
I am giving you permission touse February, or whenever you're
listening to this, as a freshstart in your PMDD relationship,

(00:43):
because I know that when youget to the point where you feel
like enough is enough and youwant things to look different in
your PMDD relationship and itdoesn't, and it looks the same,
sometimes you can just say, oh,you can start to settle and say
this is just how my whole yearis going to be, this is how my
whole life is going to be,because I have premenstrual
dysphoric disorder, because I'min this relationship and I have

(01:05):
things that I want and I needand it's not fulfilling to me,
like the relationship itself isnot fulfilling to me, and I
don't know what to do to changeit.
I don't know where to start.
So I remember starting the newyear with all these goals, just
like all of you, or just likesome of you, or or most of you,
or whatever and I was like, letme get into this momentum of the

(01:30):
new year and then every aspectof my journey has been learning
more and progress later.
So I want to tell you, ifyou're in the place where you
haven't seen any progress inyour PMDD relationship, you
might be where I am, where it'slike learning more and then
progress later.
One of the things that's reallycome up for me and I wanted to

(01:55):
really share it with you andoffer it to you, because I know
I talk to you.
A lot of you are my privateclients and a lot of you reach
out to me on social media,whether it's Instagram.
Dr Rose underscore in love withPMDD.
The same thing on TikTok andthank God TikTok didn't go away.
I know there was a whole thingabout that, but because I have a

(02:16):
separate audience on there,because I just started TikTok in
the beginning of 2023.
But I know a lot of you havebeen feeling like enough is
enough.
I need something to change inmy PMDD relationship and you've
reached out to me and you saidthat you wanted to work with me
and I switched up the way thatI'm offering my services to
better serve you.

(02:36):
And I didn't do it on thebeginning of the year, mainly
because I feel like there's somuch pressure in January and the
new year, especially when youhave PMDD, like what.
And the new year, especiallywhen you have PMDD, like what?
If the new year started andyou're in your luteal phase,
you're like, oh great, I need tostart this new thing.
It's so overwhelming.
I have all these other areas ofmy life that I'm wanting to
change, that I'm wanting toimprove, and I just wanted to

(02:58):
come to provide these servicesto you at a time where it's less
overwhelming, you're not beingbombarded with all of these
things.
It doesn't matter what aspectof your PMDD relationship or
your journey with PMDD that youwant to improve.
You do have to take intentionalsteps and I never, never, never

(03:20):
want that to feel overwhelmingfor you.
So happy new year.
Never want that to feeloverwhelming for you, so happy
new year.
I'm going to go over a coupleof ground rules today just to
just have you understand,because I get similar questions
every single day and I feel likeI'm answering the same ones.
And it's like I know on TikTokit's like do you have one-on-one
sessions?
That's what they call?
A lot of the coaches that areon TikTok that are doing dating

(03:43):
coaching, relationship coaching,and I do counseling sessions.
I do private sessions, that'swhat I call them, and I do have
them available.
But I really want to providethem to you in a way that feels
good to you, that feels good tome, where I'm able to serve as
many of you as possible and in amore structured way.
I know earlier in my journeywhere I started counseling and

(04:06):
it was kind of like, wheneveryou want to pop in and have a
session, let me look at mycalendar and I'll try to fit you
in.
And for me that's been a littlebit chaotic, because I can get
an email, I can get a DM, I canget a thing at any time,
specifically when clients are inthe luteal phase or you're
about to break up, and I get it,and I get it, and I get it and

(04:28):
I get it.
But what I want you to reallyrealize is that if you have
premenstrual dysphoric disorderor your partner has premenstrual
dysphoric disorder, you need tobe on a consistent plan, not
just a put the fire out becausewe're about to break up and then
come back when you're about tobreak up again, because it's not

(04:50):
good for you, it's not good foryour nervous system, it's not
good for your sense of security.
If you're always in this placeof never really knowing if the
next month is going to be asgood as this month or as
horrible as this month.
You're not getting any sense ofsecurity.
As good as this month or ashorrible as this month, like
you're not getting any sense ofsecurity.
So you need consistent,consistent counseling,
consistent sessions.

(05:11):
And so what I'm gonna do beforewe get into today, when today
let me just give you a littlebit of preview we are gonna be
talking about the power of thePMDD regrets and we're gonna be
talking about what it's like tobe in a PMDD relationship and
have a lot of regrets as towhere you are, where you're
going and what that looks likeand what you can do about it.

(05:32):
Because, as you know, everysingle episode here I give you
tools.
So I'm not just going to tellyou the problem, but what I've
seen a lot of times is,specifically, at the end of 2024
and the beginning 2025,.
A lot of clients have just beenlike I don't want to continue my
relationship in this way.
I don't want the beginning of2026, which sounds insane that

(05:54):
we will be going into that, butI feel like this year is flying
by.
I don't want next year to lookthe same.
I don't want to be talkingabout the same issue.
I don't want to be dealing withthe same issue because you have
the knowledge that if nothingchanges, nothing changes.
If you do the same things thatyou've been doing in your PMDD
relationship, you're not goingto see anything different in the
beginning of 2026 or 2027, 2028, or whenever you're looking at

(06:17):
this.
Just count the numbers of thenext years.
Nothing is going to lookdifferently if you're doing
things the same.
So, whether you're on thisjourney and you're just finding
out that you have premenstrualdysphoric disorder which I've
had a lot of you DM me and say Ijust found out, I don't know
where to start, I don't knowwhat to do.
I get you.
I know what that feels like.

(06:38):
I know number one.
You're probably feelingrelieved and I'm pretty sure
everybody here can attest tothat when you finally figure out
what the thing is that's beencausing all of this chaos and
confusion and craziness andtrauma in your relationship.
You're probably relieved toknow that it's not you, it's not
your partner, it's PMDD.
And that's a mantra that I usefor all of my clients that are

(07:01):
just finding out that there'sPMDD in their relationship.
It's not you, it's not yourpartner, it's PMDD and we need
to address it as such.
So whether you're at that placewhere you're just discovering
it or you're at that place whereyou've been dealing with PMDD
so long and you've done all ofthese external things to get rid
of PMDD, to ease your PMDD, todo better, to do all the things,

(07:22):
and it ends up being the same.
It can be very frustratingwhere you can get to the point
where you're like I might aswell just stop trying, because
everything that I'm doing, we'restill arguing, we're still
fighting, we're still feelingthe same way in PMDD.
So what's the point?
So today I'm going to tell youhow I can best serve you and
then we're going to go into theepisode and talk about the

(07:44):
regrets.
I've broken all of my packagesdown into very strategic plans
as to where you are in your PMDDrelationship, meaning what it
is that you need in the moment.
So if you go to my website,inlovewithpmddcom, you will see
it all laid out there, but Iwant to explain it to you right

(08:04):
now.
So the first thing is you knowthat I have the course.
My Partner has PMDD.
Now what?
This is a course that Istrongly, strongly, strongly
encourage all partners to havein their arsenal, to do when
they first find out that theirpartner has PMDD or they first
find out that PMDD is the thingthat's causing havoc in their

(08:26):
PMDD relationship.
Get the course.
You need to get the course tounderstand how to be a more
supportive PMDD partner.
It's going to save you a lot oftime.
It's going to save you a lot ofenergy.
So the first package that Ihave for you is the PMDD
relationship breakthroughpackage.
What that means is you're goingto get a copy of the course and
you're also going to get theprivate sessions that accompany

(08:47):
that course.
What the private sessions looklike there are three private
sessions that you get in thispackage, and it's one with you
as the PMDD partner, one that'syou that is suffering with PMDD
and then I will give youcustomized tools with a session
together.
They're all 90 minutes.
I don't do 60-minute sessions.
I think it's a scam.
Like I don't believe that youcan get through everything in

(09:12):
one session.
That's 60 minutes.
I remember trying that and youknow the staple because I deal
with a lot of psychiatrists,counselors and all the things
and they're like 60 minutes.
And really it's not really 60minutes because there's really
like this is a little behind thescenes it's really like 45
minutes.
And if you've ever gone to geta massage, you know what that
means.

(09:32):
You have a 60 minute sessionbut then you take time to
undress in the dressing room andthen you take time to do all
the things.
You really only get 45 minutesof hands on body.
That's the same thing thathappens in counseling sessions.
You really only get 45 minutesof the counselor's time or the
coach's time.
And so with me, when I'm dealingwith partners where there's two

(09:52):
of you or even one of you, 60minutes 45 minutes is not enough
, which is why all of mysessions are 90 minutes.
You know, if you're my privateclients, I have even gone as far
as to extend that because Ialways make sure that you're
good.
I'm never going to get off of asession where you're in the
middle of going throughsomething and then it's just
like okay, sorry, our time is up.

(10:12):
Or you know how you feel whenyou're in those counseling
sessions and they're likeplaying the Grammy music and
they're like wrapping it up andyou're just getting to the meat
of it, like it's just gettingdone, and you almost have this
anxiety when you know that thissession is about to end because
you're like I'm just getting tothe point where I'm opening up
or my partner's just getting tothe point where they're opening
up and now your session is overin 10 minutes.

(10:34):
So with all of my sessions,with all of my packages, they
are 90 minutes, because that isthe timeframe where I feel that
both of you, or even one of you,get a chance to really get out
all of the things that we needto process and you get the tools
.
So it's not just talk therapy,where you're just talking about
what's going on in your PMDDrelationships.
I'm giving you strategic,customized tools to what's going

(10:57):
on in your PMDD relationshipthrough every single session.
So the first option is thatPMDD relationship breakthrough
package, where you get thecourse for your partner and then
you get the sessions.
You get three full 90 minutesessions, which is amazing
because you get those tools.

(11:17):
And then the next option is youjust get the PMDD relationship
breakthrough package, where it'sjust the sessions, where you
just get three sessions.
Maybe you're just coming to meand you're just realizing how
much PMDD is impacting yourjourney.
So there's one session with you, one session with your partner
and one session together whereI'm giving you those tools that
you can use, implementimmediately.

(11:39):
Start to implement what isreally going on with your PMDD
relationship.
You're getting my personalizedone-on-one support and then
we're really understanding whatis really going on with your
PMDD relationship.
You're getting my personalizedone-on-one support and then
we're really understanding whatis impacting you.
Is it the communication?
Is it the PMDD range?
Is it that you're not gettingyour needs met?
I get to the bottom of what'sgoing on in your PMDD
relationship and give you toolsthat you can start to implement
immediately.
So that is that package, andthe next package is what I feel

(12:02):
like you all should have movingforward.
After you have that initialthree sessions, or the three
sessions with the course, thenyou need to have the PMDD
Relationship Monthly SessionPackage.
What this means is I am meetingwith you on a monthly basis,
which means I have four sessionswith you every single week.
You pick the day, you pick thetime.

(12:24):
I have clients in over 60countries, so I know a lot of
you are like oh, you're on theWest Coast, oh, I'm on the East
Coast.
I have clients where I'm wakingup at like four o'clock in the
morning, five o'clock in themorning, three o'clock in the
morning, it doesn't matter.
I customize my sessions to myclients, but I need to do it in
a way that's more structured, sowhere I know what clients I'm
gonna have on a monthly basisfor this package.

(12:47):
So for this one, I meet withyou.
Either it's you yourself, youas the partner, or you as a PMDD
sufferer.
I meet with you every singleweek Whether your partner is in
their luteal phase, or whetherthey're in their follicular
phase, or whether they're inovulation or whether they're in
menstruation.
I know there's so many questionswhere it's like what's the best

(13:07):
time to work with my partner?
Is it when they're in theluteal phase or when?
I do not believe in not havingsessions because you're in your
luteal phase and you want tohibernate, because this is when
you are alone with your thoughts.
This is when a lot of thedamage is done and I don't want

(13:29):
you to hide and I don't want youto isolate and I don't want you
to be dealing with those thingsalone.
I don't need you to show up asyour best when you come on
sessions.
I have some clients thatliterally put the camera or the
phone or the iPad whatever thetablet they literally put it in
their bed, they put it in theircar, they put it at the gym,
they go on a walk with me.
I have some clients that justhave me in their ear we're not
even on video and we're justtalking on the phone basically

(13:51):
because they don't want to puttheir camera on.
It really doesn't matter to me.
I don't need to see your facein order for me to serve you and
to give you the tools.
So whatever feels mostcomfortable for you, whatever
feels most comfortable to yourpartner.
I was just in the gym earliertoday and I had a client message
me and say that they needed asession and they just wanted to
have.
I was in the car or they werein the car.
I was in the car with them,meaning they just put me on

(14:13):
their Bluetooth and they had asession with me because they had
a little bit of a longer driveand they needed to process
things, they needed to know howto react, how to respond to a
certain situation, and this iswhere the gold is.
It is the ongoing support.
So option three is somethingthat I feel like every single
PMDD partner or PMDD suffererneeds on a monthly basis, and

(14:34):
what this means is we're havingongoing check-ins, adjusting the
tools that I'm giving you,finding out what works and what
doesn't work.
And then also, if you are in mymonthly package, then you get
discounts on all of the programsthat I have, all of the
upcoming courses.
You get a monthly PMDDrelationship workbook that's
really going to have customizedtools, things for you to do,

(14:56):
things for your partner to do,and then also you have a private
box or email support, meaning Iwill respond to you within 24
hours with whatever it is thatyou're going through in your
PMDD relationship.
If you are on this next packageand then if you have trailed
off and you're not one of theseoptions meaning you don't have
the monthly package, you're notgetting the package with the

(15:17):
course then there's also the onesession like package.
Basically, you just havesomething going on, and this is
what I think a lot of times,partners need or that are just
having this really big issue andthey need, like, a strategy
session.
What can we do about this?
We have this really big thingcoming up and we just need to
meet with you and that's it,like everything's going okay,

(15:38):
we're stabilized, everything'sgoing great, but we need to have
this one session and I havethat offering for you.
So those are the four ways towork with me in 2025 and beyond,
because I really want to makesure that I'm giving you
everything that you need, andnot just when you're in this
place of crisis, not just whenyou're in this place of fight or

(16:00):
flight and you're freaking outbecause your partner has left
you A lot of times.
The reason why our sessions canbe so long and so overwhelming
for the clients that just pop inevery single time like, hey, my
partner's about to leave me.
I need something to do, becauseI'm literally going back months
and months and months forwhat's been going on in your
PMDD relationship.
Honestly, and it's somethingthat if you were on the monthly

(16:22):
package, it would be lessoverwhelming for you.
It would be like, hey, let'srefer to these tools that Dr
Rose said how about we do this?
Like you would be able to talkto your partner and have those
tools that you can use, rinseand repeat, because once I
understand you, once Iunderstand your partner, then I
can be able to provide you toolsthat are ongoing, that you're

(16:43):
just building on those thingsand I know a lot of you have
issues with co-parenting, a lotof you have issues with things
that are really going on in yourlife.
You need that consistentsupport.
This is not like a one-timething.
So I want to make sure I'moffering that to you.
All of the sessions will beavailable in the show notes.
You can click the link or youcan go to inlovewithpmddcom.

(17:05):
You will see it as an option.
But I will tell you, because Iget this question all the time
where do I start?
Where you start, I trulybelieve, is you start with
option one, which is you get thepackage that has the course for
your partner.
Therefore, your partner getsthe tools, we have the sessions
and then we make a plan movingforward, we make a PMDD plan

(17:27):
moving forward, and then we canmeet on a monthly basis.
So let's get into today'sepisode.
I just want to make sure that Iexplain that to you, because I
feel like sometimes you'relistening and you're feeling
like Dr Rose, this is resonatingwith me.
I really need help.
What is the first step?
I don't know.
You're looking at the website,you're like I don't know what to
do first, and so I'm lettingyou know.

(17:47):
The first step get the courseand then I'm going to be coming
out with more courses throughoutthe year.
But I also say pair the courseswith the private sessions,
because after you look at thecourse, you get the tools.
Then we can talk about whatresonated with you.
What is it that you really needto apply and customize it to

(18:07):
your specific PMDD relationship,because a lot of times, when
you're doing these courses andyou're doing these things, you
don't have a guide.
Like I will tell you for me, mydating mentor I think I'm in
three courses at this point, andI think I'm in three courses at
this point, and one of them isa course where I'm just working

(18:33):
on my standards, my boundaries,my self-love, all of the things
that became completely depletedin my last relationship.
And as I'm going through thecourse, it's self-paced.
I needed to check in with thefounder of the course and I
needed to have private sessionswith her, and because it's not
just listening to something.
That's why you can listen to apodcast, you can read a book,

(18:53):
but then you need that guidanceand that support of how do I
apply this to my relationship?
What does this mean?
I have questions about this.
That's why all of my coursesthat I'm going to provide for
you are going to come with theoption of getting the package
where you get the three sessions, and it could be three sessions
with just you.
It's like, hey, I got thiscourse.
It really resonates with me.
I will tell you, I will give youa little bit of preview.

(19:15):
My next course is going to beon PMDD rage, which is like one
of the main things that does themost damage in PMDD
relationships, and I'm going tohave it with a package where we
can talk about how has PMDD ragereally impacted your
relationship.
Because the reason why I knowit causes the most damage is
because it makes you act themost out of character.

(19:37):
When you're in the realm ofPMDD rage, you're saying things,
you're doing things and thewords don't leave the hurtful
things that you say to yourpartner.
Just because you say sorry, oreven if you move on, they don't
go away and it causes a lot ofdamage, and so I'm going to make
sure that I'm providing you thesupport after that so that we
can, in depth talk about how wecan apply those tools to your

(19:59):
PMDD relationship.
So what I want to talk abouttoday is 10 regrets that can
happen in a PMDD relationship,and the reason why I want to
talk about today is 10 regretsthat can happen in a PMDD
relationship.
And the reason why I want totalk about this is because, over
the course of the years themany, many years 19 years to be
exact of having premenstrualdysphoric disorder that has been

(20:22):
my worst fear is having anyregrets in my PMDD relationship,
meaning, with my lastrelationship, I wanted to make
sure that I did everything thatI could do before I made the
decision to break up.
I really would not even allowmyself to even entertain the
option of breaking up, knowingthat I hadn't done everything

(20:42):
that I could do.
And what I mean by everythingthat I could do, and what I mean
by everything that I could dois utilize all the tools that I
use with my private clients andsay, hey, let's have these
private sessions, let's havethese conversations.
Let me lay out specificallywhat I feel and get an
opportunity to hear what youfeel, as my partner, needs to be
done in this relationship andlet's just plan it out and see

(21:06):
if that's something that we'rewilling to do, if that's
something that we're wanting todo to save the relationship, and
I didn't want to walk awaywithout having that conversation
.
I have facilitated a lot ofbreakups, even though my mantra
is I stopped the monthly PMDDbreakups.
Even though my mantra is Istopped the monthly PMDD
breakups.
I have facilitated a lot ofPMDD breakups where you can do

(21:30):
it amicably, where you can do itin a way where it's just not
healthy for the both of you toeven be together at this point,
not because you can't, butbecause it really has to do with
the willingness.
If I give you the tools and Isay, hey, in order to save your
PMDD relationship, this is whatyou have to do, and we have one
partner that's willing and onepartner that's not, it's not

(21:53):
going to work.
Both partners have to bewilling to do the work and if
you're both not willing, it'snot going to work and that's
okay.
But I just make sure that we try, because it could be something
where you feel like I've been tocounselors.
I've been to therapists, I'vebeen to psychotherapists and I
get that.
You can get what I callcounselor fatigue, therapist

(22:15):
fatigue, where you've been to somany other people and you feel
like it hasn't worked.
So now you're like you'regetting hopeless, you're like I
don't even think this is goingto work.
I don't even I get it.
I've been there before and whatI will say is if you've worked
with other counselors,therapists, psychologists,

(22:36):
psychiatrists, gynecologists,all the things if they have not
specifically identified PMDD asthe issue and applied PMDD
strategic tools PMDD strategictools I'm saying this with like
a big sign.
It can't be anything.
That's basic, basic tools don'twork on PMDD.
Pmdd is probably going to likespit it out and be like what

(22:58):
else you got for me?
Because cognitive behavioraltherapy, gestalt therapy, where
you do the talk therapy, justtalking about your issues, edm
I'm thinking about my musicfestivals, anything the tapping,
which I love, anything that acounselor, therapist,
psychologist has done in yourPMDD relationship that doesn't

(23:21):
necessarily address PMDD needsto be an add-on.
So I will tell a lot of myclients if you do have a private
therapist, a counselor,psychologist for other issues in
your PMDD relationship, youdon't have to stop working with
them.
You need to address the issueswith me as far as PMDD is
concerned.
But if you have other thingsthat are not related to PMDD
that are going on with you orgoing on with your partner, you

(23:42):
absolutely can continue to workwith them.
That are going on with you orgoing on with your partner, you
absolutely can continue to workwith them.
I'm not telling you that youshouldn't, but I'm saying if
PMDD is the main thing that'scausing havoc in your PMDD
relationship, you need to begetting tools specifically for
that.
So I can either be the mainperson that you're seeing as
professional help or I could beon the side and it's just a
supplement for whatever elsethat you're going through.

(24:04):
It's kind of like with workingout.
You don't just do cardio andweights, for example.
You do cardio and weightsbecause you want to build muscle
and you want to reduce the fat,and I know that because I'm a
personal trainer.
I never would tell any of myclients I have a billion jobs,
by the way I never would tell myclients that I'm training
physically like, hey, you onlyneed to lift weights and that's
it.

(24:24):
No, you need to do cardio toreduce the fat, otherwise you're
just going to be big and bulky,and if that's your vibe, that's
your vibe.
Everything that I do is holistic.
By holistic I mean it's pairedtogether.
Right now, at this point in mylife personally, let me count.

(24:45):
Okay, so I have my datingmentor.
I have my business mentor.
I have my self-love guru Iwould call her.
She's amazing, she lives inTurkey and she's helping me on
my self-love journey.
And then I have one that ishelping me detach, which I
thought that I had done, butthings keep coming up.

(25:06):
I have four professionals thatI am paying on a monthly basis
at this point One, two, three,four and they're not cheap.
I would say you're seeking helpinvest, and I know, could I,
could I Google it on my own?
Could I DIY it?
Could I Reddit it?
Could I Facebook group it?
Yeah, is it going to bespecific and customized to me?

(25:31):
No, so the reason why, or theway that I found my dating
mentor I was looking on TikTokbecause all these my algorithm
was like having all these thingsabout these dating coaches and
these dating mentors that hadall these methods of what to do
and all the things and I wasconfused, like information
without strategic tools andcustomizing it to your specific
PMDD relationship almost makesit more confusing, because you

(25:53):
have all this information andsome of it can be conflicting.
It's like should I do this,should I do that?
And I was like you know what?
I can't deal with this.
I need someone to tell mespecifically what it is that I
need to do, what it is that Ineed to work on in my journey
right now.
So I have four people that areon the payroll that I'm paying
on a monthly basis to reallyhelp me for the journey that I'm

(26:14):
in, and I would say, whateverit is that you're going through,
if you're at that place whereintimacy is a problem in your
PNBD relationship, you're notfeeling comfortable in your body
, so now it's impacting yourintimacy and you're wanting to
feel more active.
You're feeling sluggish, youhave inflammation in your body.
Like nutritionists, workoutpeople that keep you accountable

(26:37):
.
Basically, what it is isaccountability.
It's not sometimes when I go onmy sessions with my private
people, it's not even they'retelling me things that I don't
already know.
They're holding me accountableto do the things that I need to
do, and if they weren't there inmy life, I probably wouldn't be
doing them, and I will becompletely honest with you, like
, for example, my PMDD partnermorning routine, if I didn't

(27:00):
have accountability for that.
Like, I just got back in town.
I just came back from Diego,from San Diego, I was teaching
at a conference on suicideprevention for one of my other
companies where I strategicallydo trauma, trauma counseling,
and I held a conference and wetalked all about suicide
prevention and I was there andit was just when, ironically, I

(27:26):
was traveling when the bigaccident happened that came out
of where the plane, the planehad crashed into the US Army
helicopter and it crashed andthat was traumatic for everybody
to see that you're about totravel and we just had this

(27:46):
tragedy in January.
So if you've not heard about it, if you're not Googled it, I
mean it's really been all onsocial media and it's basically
where a US Army helicoptercrashed into a plane and
everybody died.
I think it was like I don'teven want to say the amount of
people, cause I'm not sure atthis point, cause they're still
investigating it, but it wasvery traumatic and I was already
in San Diego, I needed totravel home, I like I needed to

(28:07):
get back and that was one ofthose situations where it's like
, wow.
This is really heavy because Itravel on a monthly basis as a
form of my PMDD journey, and ifI didn't have someone that I
could reach out and talk to likethat would have been a problem
for me.
So part of my PMDD partnermorning routine is getting
really honest with me aboutwhat's coming up for me, and

(28:28):
everything that's coming up forme is different every single
month.
Even with dating and beingsingle, I still have things that
come up for me on a daily basis, and it doesn't matter if I'm
in ovulation, if I'm inmenstruation, if I'm in my
luteal phase and my follicularphase.
Things come up for me and Ican't deal with it on my own,
and I think that's the biggestthing that I had to realize.

(28:49):
I cannot deal with it on my ownand I don't have to.
There are people that aresubject matter experts in every
area of my life that I could bestruggling with and I need to
have that team on my side that Ican reach out to, and the only
way that I can really have thatteam on my side Is to invest.
This is the reason why we getinsurance for our car.

(29:10):
Like you, you don't have anaccident all the time.
But you have insurance that youpay on a monthly basis so that,
in the event that you gothrough something and you get in
an accident, that insurancecompany is like hey, I'm on your
side, I got you.
You've been paying this premium, I'm here to support you.
What is it that you need?
Nobody gets car insurance afterthe crash, like it just doesn't

(29:34):
happen.
And so everything that you dofor your livelihood if you
haven't noticed this and this ishow I rationalized it because I
looked at like, wow, this is abig investment for me on a
monthly basis but then I thoughtabout it I was like, well,
these are the areas of my lifethat I need support on on a
monthly basis.
Why am I okay with paying rentor a mortgage every single month

(29:56):
, but I'm not okay with having acounselor on standby for
specific issues that I know thatI'm going to have to deal with?
You pay rent every monthbecause you need that support of
having a roof over your head.
Right For my daughter.
She's in private school.
I homeschool her, but it's notlike the curriculum is from a

(30:17):
private school.
I pay for that every singlemonth.
You pay for the things that youinvest in and you care about.
I have a dog.
I have puppy insurance, doginsurance.
I keep saying puppy becausehe's small, even though he's
like seven years old, but I haveinsurance for him every single
month.
Do I have to take him to thedoctors every single month?
Is something going on bad withhim?

(30:37):
No, but in the event thatsomething is happening, I have
someone that knows him, thatknows his history, that knows
his background, that at anymoment I can take him in.
So what happens is when I becomeyour counselor for PMDD and
your PMDD relationship, if I'mnot already working with you, if
I don't know the background,it's harder for me to help you.

(30:59):
If you're just popping in andpopping out whenever you're in a
state of crisis like that's whythey give you a primary care
provider as your doctor, meaningyour doctor already knows the
background of you, you'vealready done the blood work,
they know all of these thingsand if anything happens you come
into the doctor's office butguess what?
You're paying for thatinsurance on a monthly basis At
least I know here in America youdo.

(31:21):
I know in other countries theyprovide that to you and all the
things, but for America and alot of other countries.
You have to pay for it.
So rent, car insurance, medicalinsurance, anything that's
really going to be detrimentalto where, it's going to affect
your livelihood.
And if you don't think that PMDDaffects your livelihood, keep

(31:44):
going, because when things arenot going well in your PMDD
relationship, it will literallyimpact every other area of your
life.
It will impact your work, itwill impact your relationship
with your kids, it will impactyour relationship with yourself,
it'll impact your PMDD symptoms, it'll impact your mindset.
I know what it feels like tofeel like you're so trapped in a
PMDD relationship.

(32:04):
Things are just crazy everysingle day and you begin to
think that this is the norm,this is normal.
If I want to be with thisperson, this is how it has to be
, and I'm here to tell you.
No, it doesn't.
This is what it looks like whenyou're not getting help.
This is what it looks like whenyou're not getting help.
This is what it looks like whenyou're trying to wing it and do
it yourself.
It took me.

(32:25):
I've had PMDD for over well, notover, but 19 years.
At this point, I used to say 18, but now we crossed over and
it's 19 years.
Nothing is new to me.
So if you're coming to me as myprivate client and you know
from one session, from onesession with me the introductory
session and all the things youalready know, there's nothing
you can tell me that cansurprise me.

(32:46):
I've seen it all.
I've seen the verbal abuse,I've seen the physical abuse,
I've seen the chaos.
There's nothing to be ashamedabout because I've seen it all
and I'm not going to go to, oh,you need to break up with your
partner, oh, that's a toxicrelationship, or oh, I don't
think you need to be there.
That's not the solution that youwant.
If you're coming to me, you'rewanting to save your PMDD
relationship, so I'm not goingto give you advice on how to

(33:11):
break up if that's not what youreally want.
If you want to break up, youcan always tell me that, but I'm
going to show you how to saveyour relationship.
And one of the things that, aswe're getting into the regrets,
is letting PMDD control yourrelationship.
So one of the regrets that youcan really have when you really
look back on your PMDDrelationship, is realizing too

(33:33):
late that you allowed PMDDsymptoms to dictate how you
treated your partner, instead oflearning tools on how to manage
them.
This is a lot of times whereyou figure out that you have
PMDD or you're just gettingreally introspective and you're
like wow, like the reason why myPMDD relationship sucks or I'm
struggling with it is because Itreated my partner horribly.

(33:54):
And instead of learning toolsand this could be you for the
partner that has PMDD or thepartner that doesn't have PMDD
you're walking around with a lotof guilt and instead of
learning tools on how to manageyour PMDD or manage what happens
when your partner goes intoPMDD, you have regrets because
PMDD literally has the wheel onyour relationship.

(34:15):
It's literally letting you knowwhat you can do, what you can't
do, all the things.
So the next regret that you canhave in your PMDD relationship
is saying hurtful things thatyou cannot take back.
I don't know how many times,and this is why I have a whole.
I have a workbook and I'm goingto be working on something as
far as on a monthly basisstarting in March, but I have a

(34:39):
whole workbook on hurtful wordsand how painful they are, hence
hurtful, and how much damagethey can do in your PMDD
relationship.
So you may be in a place whereyou're regretting the impulsive
words that you've spoken to yourpartner during PMDD rage and it
caused emotional damage to yourpartner.
Like you're feeling, like I'mremembering the things that I

(35:01):
said, I'm remembering the thingsthat I've done when I was in
PMDD rage and I regret it.
And you're literally saying Iregret being in that place where
I would talk to my partner likethat, where I would say things
like that and you saying thingslike I have such an amazing
partner because they're.
But you're crediting yourpartner for accepting verbal
abuse.
So a lot of times when you'regiving credit to your partner,

(35:23):
you're expressing gratitude.
You're like, oh, I have such anamazing partner because they,
you know, they allow me.
When I go off on PMDD range,you know, they just take it.
Or you, you know, maybe youhave a partner that's a little
bit more passive, but what I cantell you from having a lot of
clients that are the partnersthey deal with so much

(35:45):
internally.
So even if they're not arguingback with you, even if they're
not yelling back at you, even ifthey're not cussing back at you
, they are going through so muchand at some point they may get
to a point where they're likeenough is enough, I'm not
dealing with this and they'renot going to like that version
of themselves that is allowingthemselves to be disrespected.

(36:08):
That's why I'm going to make itvery clear.
If you feel like your partner isso amazing because they're
accepting your verbal abuse whenyou're in PMDD and you're
feeling like there's nothingthat you need to do about it
because they're not reallyreacting to it, oh, they're
feeling it.
They're just not expressing itand slowly they're dying inside.
Their self-esteem is going downbecause there's that little

(36:29):
voice that's telling them.
Why are you letting her talk toyou like that?
Why are you not feeling thatyou deserve better?
Why are you allowing yourselfto feel like this is the best
that you can do with someonethat is talking crap about you,
that is blaming you, that isshaming you, that is criticizing
you, that is getting defensiveon you, that's creating an

(36:52):
environment where you can't talkabout everything?
So just because your partner isnot responding to the things
that happen when you go off onPMDD rage, it doesn't mean that
they're not affected.
I know because I've counseledthem and they're like I just
don't want to rock the boat, Ijust don't want to say anything
that's going to further depletemy partner or make them feel bad
in PMDD and they start off withthis intentionality of I just

(37:16):
need to suck it up and I justneed to deal with it until they
get to a point where they can't.
It's not sustainable.
It's genuinely not sustainableto deal with all of the verbal
and physical abuse that hashappened.
With PMDD rage.
I don't care how much you lovesomeone, how much you care about
them, and I'm going to do acompletely separate episode on
the impact that this has on yourfamily, with your kids, with

(37:39):
the children, because I now haveclients that are as young as 13
years old that are kind of likethe partners I'm dealing with.
I'm having sessions with thembecause of what they've had to
see their mommy and their daddyor their caretaker do when PMDD
was in the mix and the impactthat it's had on them and the

(38:01):
trauma that it's had on them.
And these are little boys andlittle girls, so it's not even
just little girls that havepremenstrual dysphoric disorder.
These are little boys that areseeing their mommy go off on
their dad or their other mom orthem because they're in PMDD,

(38:21):
and this is trauma that you areinflicting on your child that
they are going to deal with foryears and years to come if you
don't learn how to manage yourPMDD for not just you, but your
whole relationship.
For not just you, but yourwhole relationship.
Your children are seeing what arelationship should be by

(38:43):
looking at you and your partnerand if you're in that place as
the adult, as the responsibleparty to take care of them, and
you're exposing them to traumaand then later on they have
relationships and they get intoxic relationships.
You're going to reflect on thatand this is where the regret is
going to come in.
You're going to reflect on thatand this is where the regret is
going to come in, becauseyou're going to be like I wish I
would have been able to show mychild the child that I'm caring

(39:07):
for a healthy relationship.
That's what I was dealing with.
I was dealing with I'm on mysecond marriage and things are
not good and my daughter sees itand she's in her teenage years
and she is witnessing meenduring disrespect.
And that was the biggestcatalyst for the decision that I

(39:31):
made, because I asked myself ifmy child, if my daughter, was
in a relationship with someone.
And this is so good.
I'm going to give this to youright now.
This is what helped me makemost of the important decisions
in my PMDD relationships you,how they're speaking to you on a

(39:56):
daily, weekly, monthly basis.
Would you allow your child to besitting in the room with how
your partner is speaking to you?
Would you allow your child tobe sitting in the room with the
way that you speak to yourpartner?
Ask yourself that question thenext time you feel like going

(40:18):
off on your partner, or the nexttime you see your partner about
to go off on you.
Ask yourself if you placesomeone that you respect, that
you love and adore, that you'recaring for, in the room.
And this could be, if you don'thave kids, your parents.
What would it look like if yourparents saw the way you talk to

(40:39):
your partner and the way yourpartner talks to you?
What would it look like andfeel like if your child was in
the room and saw the way thatyou talk to your partner and the
way that your partner talks toyou?
What kind of regret would youhave?
What kind of example would yoube setting to them, letting them
know that this is what you'reaccepting for your life, because

(41:01):
you're the CEO of your life?
No one's forcing you to bethere, no one's forcing you to
stay in this situation withoutgetting the tools.
So I'm not saying break up, sodon't even go there.
I already know it's in theforefront of your mind where
you're like.
You're right, dr Rose, I shouldbreak up.
That's not what I'm saying.
Stop trying to take the easy wayout and not addressing the
issues that are going on in yourPMDD relationship.
Stop it.

(41:21):
Stop, let breaking up be youronly option.
Stop, because what you're doingis you're neglecting the fact
that you're in a relationship.
It takes effort, it takes workand it's worth it.
It is absolutely worth it.
But you're going to have regretif we're going into the next
one, where you're blaming yourpartner for everything.
Accountability is so importantand I've been working with a lot

(41:46):
of clients lately on thismutual accountability.
Do not come to me and tell mewhat your partner is doing,
where you're blaming them andyou're shaming them and you're
criticizing them, because Iguarantee you, if we get to the
root of it, you're doingsomething too.
There is mutual accountability.
This is not about blaming yourpartner or shaming them for what
they said or what they did.
You're going to have regret ifyou're looking back and

(42:08):
recognizing that you put all ofthe responsibility on the damage
and the trauma and therelationship on them, instead of
working together to manage yourPMDD on them, instead of
working together to manage yourPMDD.
This is not a competition.
You are in this relationship towork on things together.
I don't know why it would makeyou feel good if you're less to
blame than them.
If you're like they're the onesthat's the problem.

(42:29):
It's them.
It's them.
It's them.
Why would that make you feelgood with someone that you love
and adore?
Why would you want to hurt themlike that?
Why would you want them to feelbad about themselves?
Why is that a solution for youto just come to the conclusion
that everything is their faultbecause they have PMDD, or
everything is their faultbecause they can't handle my
PMDD and I'm this person on theside.
I'm a victim in this?

(42:50):
Stop it.
There is mutual accountabilityfor every single thing that
happens in your PMDDrelationship.
It's not all their fault, it'snot all your fault and a lot of
times it's not all PMDD's fault.
It is a mixture of all of itand you need to take mutual

(43:10):
accountability and find out notjust blaming, but get to the
root of the issue and find outwhat you can do about it.
And the next way that you canhave a lot of regret is pushing
your partner away every singletime you go into PMDD.
So if you're the partner, maybeyou're isolating.
When you find out that yourpartner's in their luteal phase
and you're like I'm out and I'vehad partners that have done

(43:32):
this when they realize that I'min PMDD, they've gotten so tired
of it.
They're just like you know whatI have this to do.
I have a business trip, I havethe Making excuses to not be
around your partner becausethey're in the luteal phase as a
partner.
And if you're in PMDD, it'slike isolating and avoiding and
saying I'm going to just isolateand hibernate because I already
know that I could potentiallygo off on them, so I'm just

(43:53):
going to isolate.
So what this is is repeatedlybreaking up or emotionally and
physically distancing yourselfduring PMDD and you struggle to
rebuild trust at that timebecause when you get out of your
luteal phase, when you get outof PMDD, then you want to come
back and be like, hey, how's itgoing?
Because you're feeling great.
You've just isolated them forseven to 10 to 14 days.

(44:16):
What is it that you'reexpecting them to connect to
seven to 10 to 14 days.
What is it that you'reexpecting them to connect to If
you pull the plug on something?
I'll give you a perfect exampleIf you don't charge your phone
and you let your phone go deadfor two weeks, let your car
battery go dead for two weeksand then you try to start it up,
nothing's going to happen.
Nothing is going to happenbecause you've disconnected it

(44:38):
from the power source.
You are the power source inyour PMDD relationship, you and
your partner together.
So if you're unpluggingyourself during PMDD and then
you're wondering why yourpartner's not getting on board
with you right after?
Because it takes time torebuild that comfortability.
It takes time to rebuild thattrust.
It takes time to rebuild thatcomfortability.

(44:58):
It takes time to rebuild thattrust.
It takes time to rebuild thatintimacy.
And guess what?
You're disconnecting for twoweeks and then it's taking you
seven days to reconnect andfinally get into that sweet spot
.
And this is why a lot of youare saying I only have one good
week a month, because what areyou doing for the other three
weeks?
You're disconnecting, trying toreconnect, and then you're
going right back into PMDD.

(45:18):
This is a toxic pattern that'snot sustainable, because your
partner is gonna be sittingthere like what the heck is
going on, like I'm not doingthis for the rest of my life.
That's what they're gonna say.
They're gonna be like I'm notdoing this pattern.
That doesn't feel good for therest of my life, and then you're
going to regret it.
So the next thing that you cando that you could have regrets

(45:45):
in your PMDD relationship is notcommunicating what you really
need.
I talked about this earliertoday with a client.
Some of you are sharing yourbody with someone that you won't
share your heart and your mindto, and I'm going to repeat that
.
You are sharing your body withsomeone.
You're having sex with them,you're being affectionate,
you're being loving, you'redoing all of these things, but
then you have all of theseconversations that you feel like
you can't have with them.

(46:06):
You're like, oh, I couldn'tpossibly say this and I couldn't
possibly say that, but thenyou're opening up your body to
them.
How, how are you doing that?
How do you feel comfortableenough to expose yourself
physically, but not emotionally,not mentally, not what's really
going on with you in PMDD?
And I know that you're doingthis because I have private

(46:28):
sessions with you and you'resaying things to me that you've
never said to your partner, andI'm fine, there's no judgment,
there's no shame.
I remember being in that placewhere I felt like I had to hold
it all in, where every singlething that I knew that I wanted
to say I felt like it was goingto trigger my partner, so I
didn't say it, but it was eatingme up inside.
But when it became time to beintimate, when it became time to

(46:51):
share my body, it was almosteasier.
It was easier to share myselfphysically than it was to share
myself emotionally and mentally.
And I want to ask yourself, ifyou're in that place right now,
if you're in that place whereyou're fine with having sex,
you're fine with going throughthe motions, acting like
everything's great, everything'sfine, everything's great, we're

(47:13):
good, but you're really not.
Your needs are not met.
Ask yourself that question, andI did this when I was in my
PMDD relationship.
I asked myself that questionare my needs being met?
And I asked this to everypartner and every sufferer are
your needs being met?
If the answer is no, let'saddress that, because it's going
to be so much harder to work onyour PMDD relationship when

(47:34):
your needs are not met.
If I'm starving physically withintimacy, with emotional
connection, I feel like I can'ttalk to you.
Emotional connection, I feellike I can't talk to you.
You're leaving the door openbecause guess what A void is a
void and what I mean by that?
I've seen a lot of infidelityhappen and a lot of regrets that

(47:56):
have come from that.
Because you're so starvedemotionally that if anybody, if
the wind blows and somebody sayssomething nice to you and
they're like oh, you look sobeautiful today and you're like
that's so amazing, oh my gosh, Ireally like this person.
You're going to get so attachedto the breadcrumbs that people
are giving you because you're sostarved emotionally and you're

(48:17):
so starved with intimacy,somebody come across and hold
your hand or touch your hand.
That's not your partner orwhatever it is, and because
you're so starved of intimacy,it's going to feel like the best
thing since sliced bread.
I went through that when I endedmy relationship and I was
starved, parched, depleted whenit came to emotional and

(48:39):
physical intimacy.
This is a horrible, horrible,horrible place to be going into
the dating world because we werelong distance.
So the physical intimacy Likethis is a horrible, horrible,
horrible place to be going intothe dating world because we were
long distance.
So the physical intimacy wasn'tthere and when it was, it was
very obligatory.
It was not based off ofemotional intimacy.
It was kind of like goingthrough the motions and then

(49:01):
emotionally we weren't connected.
So everything that was beingsaid and done was it just
towards the end.
It was very robotic, like, oh,I love you, I care about you.
Like it wasn't, there was noemotion connected to it.
So when I went into dating, mybattery was on E and so when
someone said or did like theleast little thing, I was like

(49:22):
oh my gosh, they really like me.
Oh my gosh, like I ate it uplike Gerber.
Like I was, like I was sostarved of emotional and
physical intimacy that Iaccepted breadcrumbs.
I accepted low qualityindividuals because they were
giving me high quality thingsthat I needed and what I mean by

(49:43):
they were saying things andwhether they meant them or not.
I was so depleted.
And that's when I kind of hadto go back to the drawing board
because I was like, why am Iaccepting this individual and
not shading anyone?
But it wasn't really who Iwanted to be with, but because
they were giving me parts of theplaces that were depleted.
I was accepting it and I waslike, wow, this is amazing.
I was painting this picturethat I had these amazing things

(50:08):
and they were this amazingperson when there really was not
.
I was blinded.
And I had a couple of clientsthat were like this, where they
experienced infidelity and theperson that they cheated with
they weren't the 80 rule and I'mdoing a completely separate
episode on that, on the 80-20rule, which is someone can give
you either 80% of they have, 80%of what you want and 20% is not

(50:31):
there.
But I was accepting the 20.
I was literally like, if you'rebeing affectionate with me and
you're saying loving things,that was my 80.
I was overlooking all of theseother areas of their life.
And I was like I wasoverlooking all of these other
areas of their life and I waslike, nope, that's all I need,
because I was depleted in the 20.
And so that was the regret thatI had.

(50:56):
The regret that I had wasaccepting less than what I
deserved, because I was starvingin a specific place in my PMDD
relationship that I had beforeand I had to really get help
with that.
I really and I still am, I'mstill rebuilding myself to the
point where I can look at itholistically and understand that
if someone comes to me andthey're really affectionate with
me, that's a weakness that Ihave right now because I was so

(51:17):
starved of that.
Like I have to understand thevoid.
I was so starved of physicalintimacy that if someone that
I'm dating starts and they'rereally affectionate which I used
to think that physical touchwas not my love language and I
recognize that it actually was Ijust wasn't in a place where I
was expressing it.
I wasn't in a place where Ifelt open and safe to do so.

(51:39):
And now, when I'm dating, I haveto be so mindful that if
they're immediately affectionatebecause some people are it's
not even like a sexual thing,like they're just really touchy,
feely people.
But for me I'm like meltingCause.
I'm like it's like this, thisvoid, that is like oh my gosh,
finally, like they're puttingtheir arm around me, they're
holding my hand, like I wasstarved of that and I have to
realize the deficit that I wasin and so a lot of regrets is

(52:02):
you're you're allowing yourpartner to be depleted in that
area, like that was a gradualprocess.
It took years for me to get tothe point of depletion of where
I am right now and I canpresently admit it and put my
hands up and be really like, howI said mutual accountability.
That's a weakness of mine andit's a weakness and a strength.
It's a weakness because I'mdepleted, but it's a strength

(52:23):
because it's so beautiful whenit's connected to someone that
I'm emotionally connected to,it's so beautiful when it's
paired together.
But if I'm in a place of onlyaccepting the physical like I
love that you hold my hand, Ilove that you put your arm
around me, I love that you knowall of these things and then I'm

(52:44):
ignoring all of these other redflags or things about you
that's a problem.
Like you need that holisticpoint of view.
So if you're in yourrelationship and you feel like
the only thing that's keepingyou together is that physical
intimacy which I dealt with aclient like that the other day
it's like pretty much the onlything that was keeping them
together was that they had greatsex.
Nobody knew what was reallygoing on in their mind, nobody

(53:06):
knew what was really going on intheir heart, but they had great
sex and that's pretty much theonly thing that they used to
repair their relationship.
And I'm going to tell you as acounselor, as your PMDD
relationshippsychotraumatologist, great sex
is not a strategic tool for yourPMDD relationship.
I'm going to repeat that Greatsex is not a strategic tool for

(53:27):
your PMDD relationship.
It's not really addressing anyof the issues that you actually
have.
It's putting a bandaid over it.
So if you feel like you're inthat place where it's like
that's the only thing that iskeeping you in the relationship,
it's not sustainable.
Because you know why I'm comingin real close for this.
You can have great sex withanyone.

(53:47):
You can, you can.
There's no depth to it.
There's no depth Like yes,there's compatibility where you
have to like, but if you reallywanted to, you could have great
sex with anyone.
Why would you want to beconnected to someone based off
of something that you canrecreate with the guy down the
street?
It's all physical.
Our bodies are biologically,chemically trained that if

(54:12):
someone was really skilled andreally navigating it, they can
learn how to have great sex withyou.
Do they have to be emotionallyconnected?
Do they have to learn you?
Do they have to know you?
No, absolutely not.
They can learn how to make youhave an amazing orgasm.
Then what?
So the next regret that you mayhave is neglecting your
partner's feelings, realizingtoo late that your partner also

(54:33):
suffers in the luteal phase andneeds emotional support,
validation, affection, attention, and you're recognizing it too
late.
That can be a sense of regret,because when they finally open
up and tell you all of thethings that they're really
wanting and needing, you're likeman, I really let them get to a
place where they're depleted.

(54:54):
I want you to ask yourself thatright now, while we're on this
episode and while you'relistening, is there any area of
your partner's life that couldbe depleted?
Because, guess what, if you'rein a relationship that's on you,
boo-boo could be depleted.
Because, guess what, if you'rein a relationship that's on you,
boo-boo when it comes tointimacy, you are their intimate
partner.
I am all for self-love, I amall for loving yourself, but
when it comes to intimacy withyour partner, it is your

(55:23):
partner's responsibility to beadding to the tank, putting gas
in that tank.
When is the last time thatyou've done something that has
contributed to your partner'semotional and or physical
intimacy?
When, when, when, when, when?
So the next regret that you canhave is avoiding conversations
about boundaries and I did acompletely different episode on
this.
But boundaries was somethingthat I really regretted.

(55:46):
Not setting clear boundariesabout space, about emotional
regulation, about self-care, andit led to a lot of fights and
arguments in my PMDDrelationship.
And then, when I was dating,initially, I wasn't setting
those clear boundaries because Iwas like, oh, I need to tailor
my life to their routine, theirlife.
I regretted it because I letmyself not get what it is that I

(56:09):
needed for the sake of mypartner and I ended up getting
resentful and bitter about itBecause, again, it's not
sustainable.
If you're consistently pouringinto your partner and you're not
getting what it is that youneed, you're going to feel
resentful, you're going to feelbitter, you're going to want to
get out and it's going to be onyou because you're going to

(56:31):
regret not setting thoseboundaries earlier.
Because when you try to setboundaries later on, your
partner is going to be like whatare you talking about?
Like, if you try to set theseboundaries of like, from this
point moving forward, we need todo this, this and this.
Where we need to do this, thisand this, and they're going to
be like but you accepted thesebreadcrumbs, like why do you
want more?
Now?
You accepted that I wasn'tgiving you affection, intention,
validation.
Why are you saying that this iswhat you're requiring now?

(56:53):
This is where you get into therealm of regret, because you're
like I should have just toldthem what I was really feeling
and what I really needed in thebeginning, because what you need
shouldn't be contingent uponwhat they're willing to give.
That's so good.
What you need is not contingentupon what they're willing to
give.
What you need is what you need.
That's a separate entity.

(57:14):
What you need is what you need.
This is why journaling is sopowerful Journaling by yourself
and really understanding what isit that I need.
And if they're not willing togive it, they're not willing to
give it.
You don't change what you needbased off of what they're
willing to give you.
I need this, but they're onlywilling to give me this.
Okay, well then I'll acceptthat.
No, you need what you need.

(57:36):
If I go into a relationship andI know that physical touch is
one of my love languages now andI say I need physical touch,
say I need physical touch, Ineed physical affection, but
then this person says, oh, I'mnot really into physical touch,
I'm not like a touchy, feelyperson, so then I have to adjust
my needs to that person and sayI guess I'm not going to get

(57:56):
any physical attention.
No, I still need physicalaffection.
I don't care that you're nottouchy feely.
Maybe you're not the right onefor me, because I'm never gonna
stop needing what I need.
The need and the void is notgoing anywhere.
Your willingness to provide itis what's gonna be the
difference.
I've been with partners thatthey have a love language that
is not my love language.

(58:16):
Do I say?
Do I say that was a client?
Do I say to them that, oh, I'mnot gonna give you what it is
that you need because it's notin the realm of what I'm willing
to give.
It's not my natural thing.
Let me pick a love languagegifts.
I'm not really a big giftperson, but if I meet someone

(58:38):
and they're a gift person, theyfeel loved when I give them a
gift.
I'm not going to be like, oh,and they tell me this, and we
have a conversation and they'relike, yeah, I love gifts.
And I'm like, oh, that's not mything, I don't really do that.
They're still going to want thegifts.
And can I rationalize it andmake it seem like it's a
horrible thing, which is a lotof time, what happens is like oh

(58:58):
, you're so material, not givingthe person that you love and
care about what it is that theyneed to feel loved and cared
about Absolutely.
You're going to regret it lateron because there's going to be
some person that is more thanwilling to step outside of their
comfortability and give yourpartner what it is that they
need.
So stop looking sointrinsically about what you're

(59:22):
comfortable with and recognizethat you're connecting to a
person that is outside of whoyou are and that's your
obligation.
If you're agreeing to be in arelationship, that's your job.
Your job is not to have yourpartner mirror you and want the
same things that you want and dothe same things that you can do
.
They're different people.
You're deciding to connectyourself with this person, which

(59:43):
is you saying I'm willing totake whatever it is that you
need and I have the capabilityof giving it to you in a
relationship.
Am I requiring you tocompletely depend on me?
Am I saying that you're notgoing to love yourself?
No, but I'm agreeing to be withyou.
So obviously I can handle itLike who decides to buy a car

(01:00:04):
that they can't drive.
Like I have a big truck, I havea Nissan Titan.
I have a big pickup truck whichapparently is a very like.
When I'm going on dates andthey see me roll up in my truck,
they're just like that'sdifferent, like it's a big red
pickup truck.
It's a little.
I'm not little, I'm five, six,I'm five seven, I'm five�2".
But I'm coming out the carlooking cute and then I have

(01:00:27):
this big pickup truck and a lotof guys are just like huh, I
wouldn't buy a pickup truck if Icouldn't drive a pickup truck.
Like, what is the point?
What is the point of driving itevery day and I can't park it?
I can't drive it, especially inCalifornia, where the parking
spots are tiny, like this truckwas made for Texas, where they
have really big parking spaces.
But it's just like a partner.

(01:00:48):
Why would you have a partnerthat you can't operate?
This is what your partner needs.
They're telling you upfrontwhat they need and at any point,
what your partner needs canchange in the PMDD relationship.
You could have known them forfive years, 10 years.
If they come to you one day andthey're like hey, I want you to
start opening doors for me.
I just really want to lean intomy feminine energy and I want

(01:01:09):
you to start doing these thingsthat really helps me do that and
blah, blah, blah.
And then you're like, oh yeah,that's not me.
Why would you continue therelationship if you're not
willing to do what it is thatyour partner is clearly telling
you that they need?
So the next thing that you cando that's a regret for your PMDD
relationship is letting thefear of PMDD define the

(01:01:32):
relationship, wishing that youhad approached PMDD earlier and
worked through it earlier andall of the things.
Again, don't beat yourself upabout just now starting to work
on your PMDD relationship.
I gave you the three packagesor four I think it's three, four
or five you can go back andlisten to it the packages that

(01:01:53):
you can work with me with.
Don't beat yourself up that youhaven't come to me sooner or
that you haven't found helpsooner, but you're letting the
fear of PMDD, every single timethat you go into PMDD, define
the relationship.
I always say your PMDDrelationship, but I really want
your relationship to be so muchmore than PMDD, because if your
relationship is all about PMDD,it is going to be exhausting.
I talked a little bit about myPMDD routine and what the things

(01:02:17):
that I've done to help my PMDDand I have to do those things on
a monthly basis so that anydating relationship that I have
companionship, whatever you wantto call it it's not all about
PMDD and that's what I wasrealizing I was making a mistake
about earlier and I regretletting my life be defined by
premenstrual dysphoric disorder.
I am so much more than PMDD.

(01:02:40):
There are so many other aspectsof me than PMDD and if you look
on my Instagram stories, drRose underscore in love with
PMDD.
I share my journey every singleday and a lot of it is not PMDD
related and I have you DM melike what day are you in in PMDD
?
Because I used to start my.
I still track my cycle, I stilldo all the things, but I don't

(01:03:01):
let PMDD be such a huge part ofme.
Like, obviously it's a part ofmy work and it's a part of what
I do, but there's so many otherbeautiful sides to me and you'll
see me vlog my life and live mylife and there's so many other
things about me.
There's so many other thingsabout me that have nothing to do
with PMDD that your partner orsomeone that you're dating would

(01:03:22):
love.
So if I'm in the dating realmand I'm meeting someone and I
just throw PMDD out there andI'm like a PMDD, pmdd, pmdd.
They're gonna be like okay,buddy, I get it.
You told me you have PMDD.
And why are we talking aboutPMDD all the time?
They're never gonna really getto know the core of who I am.
The core of who I am, is notPMDD.

(01:03:43):
Pmdd is what I experience.
It's not who I am.
I need to get that on a t-shirt.
Pmdd is what I experienced,because I'm not going to be
delusional and say I don'texperience PMDD.
I do.
I have the symptoms everysingle month.
I'm right here with you, butit's not the core of who I am.

(01:04:04):
It's not all of who I am.
There's so many other aspects ofme and why would I shield that?
Because what you focus on, youwill find.
If you're always focusing onone thing, the reticular
activating system in your brainis going to be looking for
things that are related to that.
So if you're always looking atPMDD, it's like an algorithm in
your brain.
If everything is PMDD, pmdd,pmdd, everything in your life is
going to be about PMDD, andguess what?
Then everything in yourrelationship is going to be

(01:04:26):
about PMDD.
What I do for my privateclients is getting you to the
point where we can put PMDD onthe back burner.
We can relieve the stress ofPMDD and let you go enjoy your
relationship.
And that's the last regret,number 10, not seeking
professional help sooner foryour PMDD relationship.
Wishing that you had investedin PMDD, specific counseling and

(01:04:47):
resources for the both of you.
This is a big, big, big regretthat you will have because once
you start to really use thetools and see how much it helps
your PMDD relationship, Iliterally had a client say oh my
gosh, if we would have tried towork on this like it would have
took us forever to get to thisconclusion Within one 90 minute
session that I work with foreverto get to this conclusion
within one 90 minute sessionthat I work with them every

(01:05:08):
single week, but in one 90minute session they were able to
get to the bottom of what it isthat they both wanted.
I do not advocate only for onepartner FYI disclaimer I'm not
in a place of only advocatingfor you as the PMDD sufferer, or
only advocating for the partner, like I am here for the both of

(01:05:28):
you.
My dissertation, which is rightbehind me over there, is the
phenomenological study ofpartners, of individuals who
suffer with premenstrualdysphoric disorder, partners.
My dissertation is about thepartner.
Therefore, I know very wellfrom hundreds of interviews and

(01:05:52):
working with them and counselingthem and coaching them and all
of the things.
I know what the partner isgoing through.
So I have tools for you and Ihave tools for your partner.
I'm always going to have toolsfor me because guess what?
I have PMDD.
It's not going anywhere.
So that's a thing, but I havetools for the partner.
So if you're working with me,do not think that I'm going to
be on your team with ganging upon your partner and telling them

(01:06:13):
how horrible they areAbsolutely not.
I'm working for the both of you.
I'm working for yourrelationship.
I'm working for you to get yourneeds met.
So again, I'm going to go overthe options one more time of
working with me.
Number one is if you get the,my Partner has PMDD.
Now what course?
You get three sessions thataccompany that.
That is the package, the PMDDRelationship Breakthrough

(01:06:34):
Package.
Number two is just the PMDDRelationship Breakthrough
Sessions, right, that's just thethree sessions where I have one
session with you, one sessionwith your partner and then one
session together to give youthose customized tools.
And then option three is a PMDDrelationship monthly session
package.
That is something that isongoing.
If you need that ongoing supportand if you're really in that

(01:06:55):
place of like Dr Rose I don'tknow which package I should get,
I don't know which one that Ineed I would tell you option one
, which is the course and thesessions.
If you want a complete PMDDrelationship toolkit with the
expert counseling from me andthen also the structured
learning that your partner cando on their own and start

(01:07:16):
implementing those changes inthe PMDD relationship, choose
package one.
If you prefer oh my gosh,that's my client again If you
prefer counseling without thecourse, you prefer counseling
without the course.
You don't want the course, youjust want to have the counseling
sessions.
That's package two, where Ihave one session with you, one
session with your partner andone session together.
And if you want consistentongoing monthly support from me,

(01:07:39):
a PMDD relationshippsychotraumatologist, and you
want the tools and the bonuses,the ongoing support every single
month, you want to have aweekly session with me or
bi-weekly session with me foranything that comes up in your
PMDD relationship.
That's package three.
And then after that, if you'realready getting sessions with me
and something big comes up andyou want to get that one session

(01:08:00):
.
You can always do that.
That's always going to beavailable to you.
So those are the packages thatI have available.
I will put them all in the shownotes so that I can work with
you.
You can work with me for thisnext year.
Again, happy new year.
January sucked.
Make a fresh start At the endof this relationship.
Just commit to saying I want tohave a fresh start in my PMDD
relationship.

(01:08:20):
This is the tools that I'mgoing to start using, moving
forward and really believe thatthings could be different in
your PMDD relationship.
Because, guess what?
It's what you deserve.
You are not meant to do thisalone.
We got this.
I love you.

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