In this week's episode Jess shares her parenting journey. Jess lives in New Zealand on the South Island "in the deep south" with her husband Jamie, their son Archie and two dogs Macey and Mo.
Jess and Jamie got married at a surprise ceremony on New Year's Eve in 2015. Following their honeymoon they moved to New Zealand. Jess reflects on the newlywed bubble and the massive shift in their life and priorities in the first year of marriage. "It was my first reckoning - wow we have actually done this, and now we need to... make it work. Yeah it was hard - but we were just rolling with it... We can do this... And we did!"
In 2017 they decided to start trying for a baby. "I was always of the mindset it had to be both of us... It has to come from a place of mutual understanding." Jess found out she was pregnant after a weekend away with friends. "I just had this overwhelming feeling..."
At the 12 week scan, Jess and Jamie were told that their baby didn't have a heartbeat. Jess speaks about how devastating this was, compounded by the challenges of navigating an unfamiliar system. "...Being in New Zealand, and I had made this place my home. I made sure that I always knew that.. I am really conscious of calling this place my home. This is where we were making our home. This is where we were making our family."
"I'm usually the one supporting other people... Whereas at this time I had no idea what to do. Jamie had no idea what to do."
Jess' story is raw and hugely powerful. It highlights the opportunities for improvement in the system. It highlights the power of language, the importance for health care providers to ask the right questions, offer timely information, and support. It highlights the importance of allowing families to honour their babies.
In March 2018 Jess found out she was pregnant. Jess reflects on the emotions she felt throughout her second pregnancy - the joy and the dread. Jess worked with the same midwife from her first pregnancy as her LMC (Lead Maternity Carer). Jess speaks so beautifully about the model of care in New Zealand - the power of being able to ask questions and form a relationship with your care provider from pregnancy in to postpartum.
Head to part 2 to hear what happened next!
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