April 3, 2025 • 18 mins
Are you looking for a way to process emotion? Try the RAIN technique, a mindfulness practice created by Tara Brach that can help you emotionally process in a way that’s grounded, compassionate, and healing. Listen in as we break down the RAIN technique—Recognize, Allow, Investigate, and Nurture—and how you can apply it to your daily life for more emotional resilience and self-compassion.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode
The RAIN technique: An introduction to each step—Recognize, Allow, Investigate, and Nurture.
Why this method works: How RAIN helps to break the cycle of self-judgment and over-identifying with your emotions.
Examples of applying RAIN: Real-life scenarios on how to use RAIN to manage overwhelming emotions, emotional burnout, or self-doubt.
Practical tools: How to build emotional resilience and be kinder to yourself.
The power of mindfulness: How RAIN can help you process emotions without being consumed by them.
Challenge for the Week:
Try using the RAIN technique when you're feeling stressed or overwhelmed. Journaling about your experience is a great way to reflect. Write out the acronym and fill it in—Recognize what you're feeling, Allow it to be there, Investigate what's beneath it, and Nurture yourself with self-compassion. See what shifts in how you relate to your emotions, and pay attention to how your reactions may change.
Work With Me!
If you’d like support in using the RAIN technique or would like deeper guidance on emotional processing, I invite you to check out my coaching packages. Together, we can build a healthier, more balanced way of being.
Don’t Forget to Subscribe!
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Links Mentioned in This Episode:
Tara Brach's Radical Acceptance https://amzn.to/3FCdQGk
Website: https://maryannwalker.life/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/maryannwalker.life
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/maryannwalker.life/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@maryannwalker.life
Book a FREE consult call! This is a free 20 minute call where I can answer any questions you might have. I look forward to meeting you! https://calendly.com/maryannwalkerlife/freeconsult
Remember, emotional processing doesn’t have to be overwhelming. With practices like RAIN, you can create space for self-compassion and mindfulness in your everyday life!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Well, hello and welcome back.
My name is MaryAnn Walker andtoday we're going to be talking
about how to emotionally processusing the RAIN technique by Tara
Brach.
I absolutely love all of Tara'swork.
She is an amazing author andpresenter.
I highly encourage you to go andfollow her.
And I also kind of love that AsI am recording this, it is
(00:21):
currently raining, so let's talkabout the RAIN technique and how
we can use it to emotionallyprocess.
This RAIN technique, it is anacronym that stands for
Recognize, Allow, Investigate,and Nurture, and it is a
technique for mindfulness andself compassion, and it really
does help with the emotionalprocessing.
It helps us to break free ofpatterns of self judgment, as
(00:42):
well as an over identificationwith our emotions.
If you are an empath or a highlysensitive person, you know
exactly what I mean when I talkabout over identifying as a
specific emotion.
So this kind of helps us tocreate a little bit of space
between ourselves and theemotion that we're experiencing
so that we can move forward moreproductively and more mindfully.
There was a story circulating onsocial media recently where they
(01:05):
were talking about the idea of acup spilling over.
So essentially it was a teacherasking a student, they said,
okay, so imagine that you'rewalking around and you bump into
somebody, what is it that you'respilling?
And the student said, well, Iguess since I have tea in my
cup, I've spilled my tea.
And the teacher said, yes, youwill spill whatever it is that's
in your cup.
So if you have coffee in yourcup, you'll spill coffee.
(01:27):
If you have juice in your cup,you'll spill juice.
But whatever is in your cup iswhat's going to spill when you
get rattled.
And likewise, when you getrattled in life, whatever it is
that you are carrying, that'swhat's going to spill over.
So if you were carrying anger,anger will come out.
If you're carrying forgiveness,forgiveness will be what comes
out.
If you're carrying humor, humorwill be what comes out.
Whatever it is that you arecarrying is what is going to
(01:49):
spill out into the world whenyou get jostled.
So I want you to notice for amoment what your own reactions
are.
What are your patterns ofreaction?
Because guess what?
You can change your patterns.
I remember when I had reallyyoung kids, I was very reactive.
So when I would hear a bigcrash, my first thought was,
what have you done?
What did you do?
(02:11):
And I had to be very mindfulabout, okay, what is that going
to be creating for my child?
Because if somebody yelled thatout at me all of a sudden, I
would be experiencing fear andanxiety and a desire to hide.
And so I had to work toconsciously change my own
default settings.
So I worked really hard to nowmake it so when I hear a crash,
my first question is, Are youokay?
And then I follow it up with,okay, what do we need to do to
(02:33):
fix the problem?
It's a very different approachthan what have you done.
It creates a very differentemotional response.
So sometimes we do have ourdefault settings where we are
going to be allowing things tospill out into the world that we
don't necessarily want toconsciously be putting out.
But as we notice and observewhat our default settings are,
as we notice and observe whatour natural reactions are, then
(02:55):
we can consciously change theminto something that is more
supportive for the lives that wewant to create as well as for
the relationships that we wantto create with those around us.
So, not only can RAIN help withthat, but it also helps us to
build up our own personalemotional resilience.
It helps us to build up our ownself awareness and it supports
healing by replacing criticismwith compassion.
(03:16):
The RAIN technique is supersimple.
We're going to get into it injust a moment, but it's
especially helpful for thehelpers and the healers and the
highly sensitive people thatlisten here on the podcast
because it can be really easyto.
become consumed by otherpeople's emotional states.
And so RAIN can help us todifferentiate self when we are
experiencing that overwhelm,when we find ourselves being
(03:37):
triggered by differentsituations.
So first we're going to kind ofbreak down what is RAIN?
What does it look like?
What does the acronym mean?
And then I'm going to share afew specific examples about how
you can apply it to your day today life.
So, first, then, R is forrecognize.
It's recognizing what is goingon.
It means consciouslyacknowledging the thoughts, the
(03:58):
emotions, and the physicalsensations in the present
moment.
It's practicing that presenceand that self awareness.
When we find ourselvesemotionally triggered, we're
activating our fight or flightresponse.
And that means our prefrontalcortex has now gone offline.
We are now reacting rather thanacting consciously.
So taking that time to come intothe present moment and to
(04:19):
recognize what's going on forus, what's happening for me and
my body, what emotion am Iexperiencing, what thought is
creating this emotion for me, itcan really help us to kind of
Keep that prefrontal cortexonline and also help us to break
free of any limiting beliefs orany reactionary behaviors.
So for example, if you'refeeling really anxious about an
upcoming conversation, then takea little moment to recognize the
(04:42):
tightness in your chest, theracing thoughts.
Or the fear of rejection.
Practice mentally noting what'shappening for you by silently
saying, Okay, this is anxiety.
Give it a name.
Notice what is happening foryou.
That, okay, I am experiencinganxiety.
When I'm feeling anxiety, I feela tightness in my chest.
My throat feels constricted.
It's harder for me to breathe.
(05:03):
I can feel myself getting hot.
Notice what happens for you whenyou are experiencing That
anxiety.
So, that's the R is justrecognizing what is happening
and being fully present with itand giving things a name.
The A stands for allow.
This is just allowing yourexperience to just be there.
Just as it is.
Once we allow things to be as itis, then we can change it.
(05:27):
Oftentimes people struggle withthe allowing because they think,
no, but I don't want to feelanxiety.
I don't want to experiencedepression.
They're going to resist it.
But what you resist persists.
So practice even allowing just90 seconds to see what it feels
like in your body.
I also want to remind you thatyour body is going to react very
differently when you're sayingyes to something versus when
(05:48):
you're saying no.
And this is something that Taratalks about in her book, Radical
Acceptance.
It's a great book.
I'll link it in the show notes.
But something she talks about isjust practicing saying yes to
your current experience sonotice for yourself, if I am
telling myself, no, don't beanxious.
Don't be anxious.
Don't be anxious.
It's kind of like somebodytelling you don't think about
pink elephants.
It's going to be.
(06:08):
Oh no, now I can't think aboutanything but pink elephants,
right?
You're going to be focusing moreon resisting the anxiety.
But if you can say, yes, I amfeeling anxious, you're not
saying that, yes, I'm going tobe experiencing anxiety forever,
but you're just acknowledgingthat for right now, I am
experiencing anxiety.
For right now, I am feelingthese sensations in my body.
(06:28):
Yes, I am experiencing this.
And just by acknowledging whatis, it can help us to let go of
that resistance.
Allowing just means letting yourthoughts or emotions exist
without resisting them orwithout trying to fix them, and
it helps to reduce that innerconflict.
So for example, if self doubtarises, instead of pushing it
away mentally, then you mightwhisper, it's okay.
(06:52):
This is part of being human.
This is going to pass.
Right?
Sometimes when we're strugglingwith allowing, it's because we
have the assumption that todayis forever.
If I allow this, I'm going to bein this state forever.
But the opposite is actuallytrue.
As you allow it, it can help youto move through it so that you
can move into a more productiveemotional state.
(07:13):
So when a difficult emotionarises, just take a deep breath
and tell yourself, I don't haveto change this feeling right
now.
I can just acknowledge what is.
Give it a name, acknowledge whatit is that you're experiencing
in your body, and just allowthat emotion to be there, even
if it's just for 90 seconds.
Okay, I stands for investigate.
So this is investigating withinterest and with care.
(07:36):
Investigation, it involvesbringing curiosity into your
experience.
Curiosity is such a superpower.
We really underrate the power ofcuriosity, but it's bringing
curiosity into your experiencerather than judgment.
For a lot of us, our defaultsetting is that self judgment.
So see if you can recognize andallow that self judgment.
Recognize, Oh, right now I amself judging.
(07:58):
Once you recognize and allow it,then you can step into that
investigative state and thatcuriosity as to, Oh, isn't that
interesting that I'm judgingmyself instead of getting
curious.
Now you've switched intocuriosity mode, which is
significantly more empowering.
So, for this investigativestage, then ask yourself, Okay,
what is this emotion trying totell me?
What is coming up for me?
(08:19):
Oftentimes, the messaging of theemotion is maybe not really
conducive to the actualexperience.
So your body might be reactingon its default setting that, Oh
no, I've been kicked out of thetribe.
There is a saber tooth tigercoming to attack me.
I'm out of the cave.
I am exposed, I am not going tolive through this right that's
kind of what your body might besaying.
(08:40):
But as you really sit with itand can introduce that curiosity
and that investigation, thenthat's when you can bring your
prefrontal cortex back onlinewhere your mind can say, okay,
my body is reacting in a verysignificant way right now, but I
can see that right now I'm safe.
Right now, I'm just listening tothis podcast.
Right now I'm safe in my room.
I'm actually all alone.
(09:01):
Nobody's trying to hurt me, butthat curiosity can help you to
just experience a little bitmore safety there.
Journaling can also be reallyhelpful here.
It can help you to really thinkthings through and take a moment
to pause and really assess ifwhat your body is telling you is
actually true or not, if yourthoughts are true or not.
So journaling can be reallyhelpful for that.
Of course, coaching can behelpful for that.
(09:23):
And also just placing a hand onyour heart can help you to kind
of just guide a bit more of thatexploration.
It's like approaching it likeyou would a friend, like, Hey,
it's okay.
I'm right here with you.
Let's work through thistogether.
It's helping you to step out ofidentifying as that emotion and
instead be the one who isnavigating the emotion.
It's stepping into thatempowered state.
(09:44):
Okay, so then for the N, the Nstands for nurture, and this is
nurturing with self compassion.
So this final step, then it'soffering yourself that kindness
and that care, just like youwould if you were engaging with
a friend.
For example, if you'reexperiencing shame, then you can
offer yourself some reassuringwords.
For example, okay, it'srecognizing and allowing, right?
Okay.
Right now I'm experiencing shameand I also recognize I did the
(10:07):
best that I could with what Ihad in the moment.
I'd probably do thingsdifferently in the future and I
could love myself enough to letmyself change and to let myself
grow.
But I'm going to love myselfright now that, hey, I really
was doing the best that I couldin the moment.
So that's kind of just a briefoverview.
Now I want to give you some veryspecific examples about how to
put this into practice.
Okay, so remember it'srecognize, allow, investigate,
(10:29):
and nurture.
So for this first example, let'simagine that you're feeling
overwhelmed by someone else'semotions.
So maybe you're just witnessingsomeone's emotional reaction and
so you're having a reaction toit, or maybe you're an empath
and you're literally feeling it.
But first we're going torecognize, right, notice that
you're feeling heavy, ordrained, or emotionally charged
after being around someone whois venting or who is upset.
(10:52):
Then allow it.
Instead of suppressing yourfeelings or immediately trying
to fix the other person'semotion, just allow yourself to
acknowledge that"this is a lotfor me right now.
I understand that they're goingthrough a lot, and because I
feel things so deeply, I canalso acknowledge that this is a
lot for me to navigate rightnow." Then you're going to
investigate, ask yourself, isthis emotion mine?
(11:14):
Or have I absorbed somebodyelse's feelings?
Is this that I need to learn howto emotionally process when
somebody is upset because I feela responsibility to fix it?
What is it that's coming up forme?
Take that time to reallyinvestigate what is going on.
Maybe you're noticing.
Okay.
Well, where is it that I'mholding this in my body?
Maybe you're noticing thatyou're carrying a lot in your
shoulders or in your stomach,but kind of just use this as a
(11:36):
curiosity space where you canget curious about what is coming
up for me and then slide intothat N for that nurture.
Offer yourself the comfort bysetting a boundary, by engaging
in self care.
You might say,"it's okay for meto step away for a moment so
that I can recharge so I canshow up as a better friend, as a
better partner right now." andthen you may want to follow up
with a little bit morenurturing.
(11:57):
So maybe you're doing somegrounding practices or taking a
deep breath or visualization,but through that investigation,
you can figure out what is itthat I need right now so I can
show up as my best self.
All right.
Example number two, you'restruggling to say no without
guilt.
Okay.
This is so many of you.
So listen up.
So first of all, recognizewhat's coming up for you.
(12:17):
Observe the tightness in yourchest or the anxious thoughts
that are running through yourmind when you're asked to do
something that you really don'twant to do.
Then, allow it.
Instead of immediately agreeingout of guilt, pause for a moment
and just acknowledge that, okay,well I feel really torn right
now because I don't want todisappoint other people, but I
also don't want to disappointmyself by taking on more than I
(12:38):
can handle right now.
Just allow yourself to feelthat.
Then, investigate.
Ask yourself, what am I afraidwill happen if I say no right
now?
By asking that question, youmight uncover a deep seated fear
of rejection or not being liked,but take that time to really
investigate what is underneaththis right now.
And then nurture, remindyourself that saying no, it
doesn't make me an unkindperson.
(12:59):
My needs are valid too.
And my wants matter too.
My energy level matters too.
And you might even just placeyour hand on your heart as you
say that and remind yourselfthat, no, I deserve to honor my
own energy.
My energy is important too.
Okay.
All right.
Example number three, dealingwith criticism or feeling
unappreciated.
Again, you're going torecognize, notice that sinking
(13:22):
feeling in your stomach or theself critical thoughts that
arise when someone criticizesyou or overlooks your efforts.
Then just allow it to be thereinstead of pushing away that
discomfort.
Acknowledge it.
Acknowledge that this hurts andit's okay that it hurts right
now.
This is part of the humanexperience.
Oftentimes when we're feelinglike we've been criticized or
(13:43):
that we're being unappreciated,we want to trick ourselves into
thinking, I shouldn't experiencethose feelings.
Right?
But sometimes we want to feelthose feelings.
Those feelings can be veryproductive, actually, because
they help us to recognize, okay,I am feeling unappreciated right
now.
I am feeling criticized rightnow.
And we can use that asinformation as we step into that
(14:03):
investigative stage torecognize, okay, what is it that
I need right now?
Do I need to set a boundary?
So you might ask yourself, okay,why is this affecting me so
much?
Am I seeking external validationto feel worthy?
And you might discover thatthere's some old wounds showing
up there.
You might discover that, okay,well actually this person is
being quite rude.
I do want to state a boundarythere, but just allowing
(14:25):
yourself to feel those emotionsrather than judging them can
help you to step into thatinvestigative energy.
And then nurture yourself, offeryourself that kindness, remind
yourself that I am enough.
Even if other people don't seemy value, I am enough.
You may want to even engage inself soothing actions like maybe
journaling or listening to afavorite song that uplifts you.
(14:45):
But take some time to nurtureyourself and to give yourself
that internal validation that Iam enough.
I am worthy.
All right.
And then my fourth example iscoping with emotional burnout
from helping other people.
Again, recognize, notice thatexhaustion, notice that
irritability, notice thatresentment when you've given too
much, and then just allowyourself to feel it free of
(15:09):
judgment.
We oftentimes want to makeourselves feel even worse when
we're feeling bad.
So not only are we feelingburned out, but now we've also
added self judgment on top ofthat because no, I shouldn't be
feeling burned out because I'mthe one that said yes.
And now this is all my fault andwhat's wrong with me, right?
So just allow it.
Free of self judgment, remindyourself that, okay, I can see
(15:30):
now that I've been overextendingmyself and it's okay that I feel
this way when I've overextendedmyself.
That's good information for meto have.
Then you can investigate, whatis it that I need right now?
You might realize in that momentthat, okay, I need a little bit
of solitude right now.
I need to practice saying no.
I need a bit more fun andlevity.
I need a little bit moreappreciation.
Whatever it is that's coming upfor you, just investigate that
(15:53):
and identify your needs so youcan be more proactive about
getting that need met.
And then nurture, give yourselfpermission to rest, give
yourself permission to say no.
You might tell yourself, takingcare of myself, it allows me to
show up more fully for otherpeople later.
And I can show up for them freeof any resentment.
(16:13):
A lot of people that I workwith, they really want to show
up for other people.
But once that resentment creepsin, it makes it really hard to
show up in the way that you wantto.
So it is a kindness to take thattime to nurture yourself.
So, just in summary, why is RAINhelpful for healing?
It helps us to break patterns ofself judgment and over
identification with ouremotions.
(16:33):
It helps us to build emotionalresilience and self awareness.
It supports healing by replacingcriticism with self compassion.
So your challenge for this weekis to try using this RAIN
technique when you're feelingstressed or overwhelmed.
And maybe even want to journalabout your experience, write out
the acronym and fill it in andnotice if you have any shifts in
(16:56):
how you relate to yourself andyour emotions as you do this
practice.
And honestly, this RAINtechnique is so powerful, I
encourage you, if you feel ledto, to try it out just once a
day.
Maybe that's how you choose tojournal this week, is you just
do one RAIN technique, whereyou're recognizing what's coming
up for you.
You're allowing it, you'reinvestigating it, and taking
that time to nurture self andsee what shifts for you.
(17:21):
If, as you've been listening,you recognize that one of the
parts of this acronym are alittle bit harder for you to do,
for a lot of us, it's justrecognizing what's coming up for
us and recognizing what it isthat we do and do not have
control over, right?
Especially when we're reactingto other people's emotional
states, it can be really hard toeven recognize, wow, what is
coming up for me?
We have been so conditioned tobe in tune with other people's
(17:42):
emotional states that we've losttouch with our own.
So if you would like some helpand support recognizing what is
coming up for you so that youcan make those changes and step
into your own self empowerment,come and work with me.
Check out the show notes.
I have a link there where youcan book a free 20 minute
consult call.
We can just chat.
We can see if we might be a goodfit for each other and I can let
you know about my coachingpackages.
(18:04):
So come and check that out.
I would love to work with you.
All right.
Well, I hope you have a greatweek and let's talk soon.
Bye now.
Well, hello and welcome back.
My name is MaryAnn Walker andtoday we're going to be talking
about how to emotionally processusing the RAIN technique by Tara
Brach.
I absolutely love all of Tara'swork.
She is an amazing author andpresenter.
I highly encourage you to go andfollow her.
And I also kind of love that AsI am recording this, it is
(00:21):
currently raining, so let's talkabout the RAIN technique and how
we can use it to emotionallyprocess.
This RAIN technique, it is anacronym that stands for
Recognize, Allow, Investigate,and Nurture, and it is a
technique for mindfulness andself compassion, and it really
does help with the emotionalprocessing.
It helps us to break free ofpatterns of self judgment, as
(00:42):
well as an over identificationwith our emotions.
If you are an empath or a highlysensitive person, you know
exactly what I mean when I talkabout over identifying as a
specific emotion.
So this kind of helps us tocreate a little bit of space
between ourselves and theemotion that we're experiencing
so that we can move forward moreproductively and more mindfully.
There was a story circulating onsocial media recently where they
(01:05):
were talking about the idea of acup spilling over.
So essentially it was a teacherasking a student, they said,
okay, so imagine that you'rewalking around and you bump into
somebody, what is it that you'respilling?
And the student said, well, Iguess since I have tea in my
cup, I've spilled my tea.
And the teacher said, yes, youwill spill whatever it is that's
in your cup.
So if you have coffee in yourcup, you'll spill coffee.
(01:27):
If you have juice in your cup,you'll spill juice.
But whatever is in your cup iswhat's going to spill when you
get rattled.
And likewise, when you getrattled in life, whatever it is
that you are carrying, that'swhat's going to spill over.
So if you were carrying anger,anger will come out.
If you're carrying forgiveness,forgiveness will be what comes
out.
If you're carrying humor, humorwill be what comes out.
Whatever it is that you arecarrying is what is going to
(01:49):
spill out into the world whenyou get jostled.
So I want you to notice for amoment what your own reactions
are.
What are your patterns ofreaction?
Because guess what?
You can change your patterns.
I remember when I had reallyyoung kids, I was very reactive.
So when I would hear a bigcrash, my first thought was,
what have you done?
What did you do?
(02:11):
And I had to be very mindfulabout, okay, what is that going
to be creating for my child?
Because if somebody yelled thatout at me all of a sudden, I
would be experiencing fear andanxiety and a desire to hide.
And so I had to work toconsciously change my own
default settings.
So I worked really hard to nowmake it so when I hear a crash,
my first question is, Are youokay?
And then I follow it up with,okay, what do we need to do to
(02:33):
fix the problem?
It's a very different approachthan what have you done.
It creates a very differentemotional response.
So sometimes we do have ourdefault settings where we are
going to be allowing things tospill out into the world that we
don't necessarily want toconsciously be putting out.
But as we notice and observewhat our default settings are,
as we notice and observe whatour natural reactions are, then
(02:55):
we can consciously change theminto something that is more
supportive for the lives that wewant to create as well as for
the relationships that we wantto create with those around us.
So, not only can RAIN help withthat, but it also helps us to
build up our own personalemotional resilience.
It helps us to build up our ownself awareness and it supports
healing by replacing criticismwith compassion.
(03:16):
The RAIN technique is supersimple.
We're going to get into it injust a moment, but it's
especially helpful for thehelpers and the healers and the
highly sensitive people thatlisten here on the podcast
because it can be really easyto.
become consumed by otherpeople's emotional states.
And so RAIN can help us todifferentiate self when we are
experiencing that overwhelm,when we find ourselves being
(03:37):
triggered by differentsituations.
So first we're going to kind ofbreak down what is RAIN?
What does it look like?
What does the acronym mean?
And then I'm going to share afew specific examples about how
you can apply it to your day today life.
So, first, then, R is forrecognize.
It's recognizing what is goingon.
It means consciouslyacknowledging the thoughts, the
(03:58):
emotions, and the physicalsensations in the present
moment.
It's practicing that presenceand that self awareness.
When we find ourselvesemotionally triggered, we're
activating our fight or flightresponse.
And that means our prefrontalcortex has now gone offline.
We are now reacting rather thanacting consciously.
So taking that time to come intothe present moment and to
(04:19):
recognize what's going on forus, what's happening for me and
my body, what emotion am Iexperiencing, what thought is
creating this emotion for me, itcan really help us to kind of
Keep that prefrontal cortexonline and also help us to break
free of any limiting beliefs orany reactionary behaviors.
So for example, if you'refeeling really anxious about an
upcoming conversation, then takea little moment to recognize the
(04:42):
tightness in your chest, theracing thoughts.
Or the fear of rejection.
Practice mentally noting what'shappening for you by silently
saying, Okay, this is anxiety.
Give it a name.
Notice what is happening foryou.
That, okay, I am experiencinganxiety.
When I'm feeling anxiety, I feela tightness in my chest.
My throat feels constricted.
It's harder for me to breathe.
(05:03):
I can feel myself getting hot.
Notice what happens for you whenyou are experiencing That
anxiety.
So, that's the R is justrecognizing what is happening
and being fully present with itand giving things a name.
The A stands for allow.
This is just allowing yourexperience to just be there.
Just as it is.
Once we allow things to be as itis, then we can change it.
(05:27):
Oftentimes people struggle withthe allowing because they think,
no, but I don't want to feelanxiety.
I don't want to experiencedepression.
They're going to resist it.
But what you resist persists.
So practice even allowing just90 seconds to see what it feels
like in your body.
I also want to remind you thatyour body is going to react very
differently when you're sayingyes to something versus when
(05:48):
you're saying no.
And this is something that Taratalks about in her book, Radical
Acceptance.
It's a great book.
I'll link it in the show notes.
But something she talks about isjust practicing saying yes to
your current experience sonotice for yourself, if I am
telling myself, no, don't beanxious.
Don't be anxious.
Don't be anxious.
It's kind of like somebodytelling you don't think about
pink elephants.
It's going to be.
(06:08):
Oh no, now I can't think aboutanything but pink elephants,
right?
You're going to be focusing moreon resisting the anxiety.
But if you can say, yes, I amfeeling anxious, you're not
saying that, yes, I'm going tobe experiencing anxiety forever,
but you're just acknowledgingthat for right now, I am
experiencing anxiety.
For right now, I am feelingthese sensations in my body.
(06:28):
Yes, I am experiencing this.
And just by acknowledging whatis, it can help us to let go of
that resistance.
Allowing just means letting yourthoughts or emotions exist
without resisting them orwithout trying to fix them, and
it helps to reduce that innerconflict.
So for example, if self doubtarises, instead of pushing it
away mentally, then you mightwhisper, it's okay.
(06:52):
This is part of being human.
This is going to pass.
Right?
Sometimes when we're strugglingwith allowing, it's because we
have the assumption that todayis forever.
If I allow this, I'm going to bein this state forever.
But the opposite is actuallytrue.
As you allow it, it can help youto move through it so that you
can move into a more productiveemotional state.
(07:13):
So when a difficult emotionarises, just take a deep breath
and tell yourself, I don't haveto change this feeling right
now.
I can just acknowledge what is.
Give it a name, acknowledge whatit is that you're experiencing
in your body, and just allowthat emotion to be there, even
if it's just for 90 seconds.
Okay, I stands for investigate.
So this is investigating withinterest and with care.
(07:36):
Investigation, it involvesbringing curiosity into your
experience.
Curiosity is such a superpower.
We really underrate the power ofcuriosity, but it's bringing
curiosity into your experiencerather than judgment.
For a lot of us, our defaultsetting is that self judgment.
So see if you can recognize andallow that self judgment.
Recognize, Oh, right now I amself judging.
(07:58):
Once you recognize and allow it,then you can step into that
investigative state and thatcuriosity as to, Oh, isn't that
interesting that I'm judgingmyself instead of getting
curious.
Now you've switched intocuriosity mode, which is
significantly more empowering.
So, for this investigativestage, then ask yourself, Okay,
what is this emotion trying totell me?
What is coming up for me?
(08:19):
Oftentimes, the messaging of theemotion is maybe not really
conducive to the actualexperience.
So your body might be reactingon its default setting that, Oh
no, I've been kicked out of thetribe.
There is a saber tooth tigercoming to attack me.
I'm out of the cave.
I am exposed, I am not going tolive through this right that's
kind of what your body might besaying.
(08:40):
But as you really sit with itand can introduce that curiosity
and that investigation, thenthat's when you can bring your
prefrontal cortex back onlinewhere your mind can say, okay,
my body is reacting in a verysignificant way right now, but I
can see that right now I'm safe.
Right now, I'm just listening tothis podcast.
Right now I'm safe in my room.
I'm actually all alone.
(09:01):
Nobody's trying to hurt me, butthat curiosity can help you to
just experience a little bitmore safety there.
Journaling can also be reallyhelpful here.
It can help you to really thinkthings through and take a moment
to pause and really assess ifwhat your body is telling you is
actually true or not, if yourthoughts are true or not.
So journaling can be reallyhelpful for that.
Of course, coaching can behelpful for that.
(09:23):
And also just placing a hand onyour heart can help you to kind
of just guide a bit more of thatexploration.
It's like approaching it likeyou would a friend, like, Hey,
it's okay.
I'm right here with you.
Let's work through thistogether.
It's helping you to step out ofidentifying as that emotion and
instead be the one who isnavigating the emotion.
It's stepping into thatempowered state.
(09:44):
Okay, so then for the N, the Nstands for nurture, and this is
nurturing with self compassion.
So this final step, then it'soffering yourself that kindness
and that care, just like youwould if you were engaging with
a friend.
For example, if you'reexperiencing shame, then you can
offer yourself some reassuringwords.
For example, okay, it'srecognizing and allowing, right?
Okay.
Right now I'm experiencing shameand I also recognize I did the
(10:07):
best that I could with what Ihad in the moment.
I'd probably do thingsdifferently in the future and I
could love myself enough to letmyself change and to let myself
grow.
But I'm going to love myselfright now that, hey, I really
was doing the best that I couldin the moment.
So that's kind of just a briefoverview.
Now I want to give you some veryspecific examples about how to
put this into practice.
Okay, so remember it'srecognize, allow, investigate,
(10:29):
and nurture.
So for this first example, let'simagine that you're feeling
overwhelmed by someone else'semotions.
So maybe you're just witnessingsomeone's emotional reaction and
so you're having a reaction toit, or maybe you're an empath
and you're literally feeling it.
But first we're going torecognize, right, notice that
you're feeling heavy, ordrained, or emotionally charged
after being around someone whois venting or who is upset.
(10:52):
Then allow it.
Instead of suppressing yourfeelings or immediately trying
to fix the other person'semotion, just allow yourself to
acknowledge that"this is a lotfor me right now.
I understand that they're goingthrough a lot, and because I
feel things so deeply, I canalso acknowledge that this is a
lot for me to navigate rightnow." Then you're going to
investigate, ask yourself, isthis emotion mine?
(11:14):
Or have I absorbed somebodyelse's feelings?
Is this that I need to learn howto emotionally process when
somebody is upset because I feela responsibility to fix it?
What is it that's coming up forme?
Take that time to reallyinvestigate what is going on.
Maybe you're noticing.
Okay.
Well, where is it that I'mholding this in my body?
Maybe you're noticing thatyou're carrying a lot in your
shoulders or in your stomach,but kind of just use this as a
(11:36):
curiosity space where you canget curious about what is coming
up for me and then slide intothat N for that nurture.
Offer yourself the comfort bysetting a boundary, by engaging
in self care.
You might say,"it's okay for meto step away for a moment so
that I can recharge so I canshow up as a better friend, as a
better partner right now." andthen you may want to follow up
with a little bit morenurturing.
(11:57):
So maybe you're doing somegrounding practices or taking a
deep breath or visualization,but through that investigation,
you can figure out what is itthat I need right now so I can
show up as my best self.
All right.
Example number two, you'restruggling to say no without
guilt.
Okay.
This is so many of you.
So listen up.
So first of all, recognizewhat's coming up for you.
(12:17):
Observe the tightness in yourchest or the anxious thoughts
that are running through yourmind when you're asked to do
something that you really don'twant to do.
Then, allow it.
Instead of immediately agreeingout of guilt, pause for a moment
and just acknowledge that, okay,well I feel really torn right
now because I don't want todisappoint other people, but I
also don't want to disappointmyself by taking on more than I
(12:38):
can handle right now.
Just allow yourself to feelthat.
Then, investigate.
Ask yourself, what am I afraidwill happen if I say no right
now?
By asking that question, youmight uncover a deep seated fear
of rejection or not being liked,but take that time to really
investigate what is underneaththis right now.
And then nurture, remindyourself that saying no, it
doesn't make me an unkindperson.
(12:59):
My needs are valid too.
And my wants matter too.
My energy level matters too.
And you might even just placeyour hand on your heart as you
say that and remind yourselfthat, no, I deserve to honor my
own energy.
My energy is important too.
Okay.
All right.
Example number three, dealingwith criticism or feeling
unappreciated.
Again, you're going torecognize, notice that sinking
(13:22):
feeling in your stomach or theself critical thoughts that
arise when someone criticizesyou or overlooks your efforts.
Then just allow it to be thereinstead of pushing away that
discomfort.
Acknowledge it.
Acknowledge that this hurts andit's okay that it hurts right
now.
This is part of the humanexperience.
Oftentimes when we're feelinglike we've been criticized or
(13:43):
that we're being unappreciated,we want to trick ourselves into
thinking, I shouldn't experiencethose feelings.
Right?
But sometimes we want to feelthose feelings.
Those feelings can be veryproductive, actually, because
they help us to recognize, okay,I am feeling unappreciated right
now.
I am feeling criticized rightnow.
And we can use that asinformation as we step into that
(14:03):
investigative stage torecognize, okay, what is it that
I need right now?
Do I need to set a boundary?
So you might ask yourself, okay,why is this affecting me so
much?
Am I seeking external validationto feel worthy?
And you might discover thatthere's some old wounds showing
up there.
You might discover that, okay,well actually this person is
being quite rude.
I do want to state a boundarythere, but just allowing
(14:25):
yourself to feel those emotionsrather than judging them can
help you to step into thatinvestigative energy.
And then nurture yourself, offeryourself that kindness, remind
yourself that I am enough.
Even if other people don't seemy value, I am enough.
You may want to even engage inself soothing actions like maybe
journaling or listening to afavorite song that uplifts you.
(14:45):
But take some time to nurtureyourself and to give yourself
that internal validation that Iam enough.
I am worthy.
All right.
And then my fourth example iscoping with emotional burnout
from helping other people.
Again, recognize, notice thatexhaustion, notice that
irritability, notice thatresentment when you've given too
much, and then just allowyourself to feel it free of
(15:09):
judgment.
We oftentimes want to makeourselves feel even worse when
we're feeling bad.
So not only are we feelingburned out, but now we've also
added self judgment on top ofthat because no, I shouldn't be
feeling burned out because I'mthe one that said yes.
And now this is all my fault andwhat's wrong with me, right?
So just allow it.
Free of self judgment, remindyourself that, okay, I can see
(15:30):
now that I've been overextendingmyself and it's okay that I feel
this way when I've overextendedmyself.
That's good information for meto have.
Then you can investigate, whatis it that I need right now?
You might realize in that momentthat, okay, I need a little bit
of solitude right now.
I need to practice saying no.
I need a bit more fun andlevity.
I need a little bit moreappreciation.
Whatever it is that's coming upfor you, just investigate that
(15:53):
and identify your needs so youcan be more proactive about
getting that need met.
And then nurture, give yourselfpermission to rest, give
yourself permission to say no.
You might tell yourself, takingcare of myself, it allows me to
show up more fully for otherpeople later.
And I can show up for them freeof any resentment.
(16:13):
A lot of people that I workwith, they really want to show
up for other people.
But once that resentment creepsin, it makes it really hard to
show up in the way that you wantto.
So it is a kindness to take thattime to nurture yourself.
So, just in summary, why is RAINhelpful for healing?
It helps us to break patterns ofself judgment and over
identification with ouremotions.
(16:33):
It helps us to build emotionalresilience and self awareness.
It supports healing by replacingcriticism with self compassion.
So your challenge for this weekis to try using this RAIN
technique when you're feelingstressed or overwhelmed.
And maybe even want to journalabout your experience, write out
the acronym and fill it in andnotice if you have any shifts in
(16:56):
how you relate to yourself andyour emotions as you do this
practice.
And honestly, this RAINtechnique is so powerful, I
encourage you, if you feel ledto, to try it out just once a
day.
Maybe that's how you choose tojournal this week, is you just
do one RAIN technique, whereyou're recognizing what's coming
up for you.
You're allowing it, you'reinvestigating it, and taking
that time to nurture self andsee what shifts for you.
(17:21):
If, as you've been listening,you recognize that one of the
parts of this acronym are alittle bit harder for you to do,
for a lot of us, it's justrecognizing what's coming up for
us and recognizing what it isthat we do and do not have
control over, right?
Especially when we're reactingto other people's emotional
states, it can be really hard toeven recognize, wow, what is
coming up for me?
We have been so conditioned tobe in tune with other people's
(17:42):
emotional states that we've losttouch with our own.
So if you would like some helpand support recognizing what is
coming up for you so that youcan make those changes and step
into your own self empowerment,come and work with me.
Check out the show notes.
I have a link there where youcan book a free 20 minute
consult call.
We can just chat.
We can see if we might be a goodfit for each other and I can let
you know about my coachingpackages.
(18:04):
So come and check that out.
I would love to work with you.
All right.
Well, I hope you have a greatweek and let's talk soon.
Bye now.
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