Emilee & David Part 2 of 3: When You Have Different Parenting Styles and How to Do Less

This is part 1 of the 3 part series with Emilee and David. In the first session, we learned about Jack, their six-year-old son who is having trouble expressing his emotions. He often defaults to kicking and saying “I don’t know.” In this episode, Leslie looks closer at their differing parenting styles: David wants to get to the bottom of it, and Emilee tends to distract and redirect. Is it important to be on the exact same page as your partner when it comes to parenting styles? And what happens when what you dislike about your partner’s approach is exactly what’s missing  from your own.

Time Stamps

• 10:38 Anticipatory Anxiety: kids and adults can get more upset by the anticipation of the event than the event itself. 
• 15:57 It’s not misperception, but rather simply having a different perception
• 18:00 Instinct to “get to the bottom of it” might be causing more stress
• 18:30 Can we normalize emotions rather than inflating them
• 19:18 When you have different parenting styles: determine what’s working and what’s not working.  
• 19:45 How to get the best of both worlds
• 22:08 Emily distracts and redirects (indirect) David wants to get to the bottom of things (direct)
• 26:05 Announce and name what you are doing, the change you’re imposing
• 29:35 Their homework:  Don’t work so hard
• 34:40 Normalize children who are arguing vs teaching children conflict resolution skills
• 36:50 The lost ART of healthy neglect 
• 41:40 Use the line “can you give yourself permission to make a mistake”
• 43:20 "Plant the seed" and get out of there

RESOURCES:  

• Why ‘how was school?’ isn’t a good question to ask kids. Here's a CNBC article with some ideas of what to say instead
• Distress Tolerance STOP technique
• NYTimes article on unsupervised Play
  • The Anti-Helicopter Parents Plea: Let Kids Play!
  • Risky Play Encourages Resilience
• Leslie’s book recommendation: The Last Child in the Woods by Richard Louv

Leslie-ism: Do Less

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.

Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Mia Warren, AJ Moultrié, Camila Salazar, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.