Focus On Understanding Your Kid’s Big Reactions With Guest Dale Rubury

This mini episode between season one and season two focuses on understanding your child’s intense reactions. Although there are many causes for a child’s strong reactivity, Leslie and returning guest Dale Rubury discuss expectations as one of those many causes behind those big reactions. Dale had a long list of unmet expectations from her childhood, so she joins her mom on today’s episode to unpack one example for parents and caregivers to learn from.

About the Guest:

Dale Rubury is Leslie’s daughter, a producer of this podcast, and today’s guest. After graduating from college with a degree in Zoology, Dale moved to warmer climates to pursue a career with animals. She worked at the largest primate sanctuary in North America for 7 years before moving on to a different career path. For the past few years she has been in the world of construction where she was building yurts and working for Habitat for Humanity. Dale is currently pursuing a degree as a Physical Therapy Assistant. Dale is proud to say that she has a healthy relationship with her anxiety. 

Time Stamps:

1:48 Parents often say “what’s the big deal?” when their child is having such a big reaction

3:40 Kids can have a “script” in their head about how they think things should go.

3:50 Ironically, parents also have “shoulds” in their head about how they think things should go

6:00 Assume that the child feels embarrassment and shame about their reaction

7:11 Add compassion to the child’s reaction 

7:55 “Staying One Step Ahead of you Child” - we do this by understanding what is happening below the surface of the child’s reaction

8:39 Look for the prompting event such as the child’s expectation which set off this whole chain reaction

8:56 Parents may personalize the child’s behavior which will add to the problems

9:20 Ask yourself what’s my problem, what’s my child’s problem

12:08 How to teach “expect the unexpected” to your child

13:10 Ask your child before they do something “what are your expectations of….”

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences around holiday issues at Is My Child A Monster? Parenting Community on Facebook.  

Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Dale Rubury, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Public relations is handled by Gabriela Glueck. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.