Molly & Alastair Part 3 of 4: When your Co-Parent Steps in to Help

Today’s episode is the third session with Molly and Alastair where things take a turn inward. Molly and Alastair first contacted Leslie to get help with their two daughters, 8 year old Elizabeth and 4 year old Catherine but in the process began to face their own struggles with their belief systems and expectations.  In addition, in this session Molly and Alastair face the complexities of family communication and interactions. This episode throws a spotlight on the delicate dance of respecting different parenting styles. Leslie shares strategies to increase effective communication in their relationship.  In this heart-to-heart conversation you are bound to feel a shift in their perspective and possibly a shift in your own perspective as well.

Time Stamps

• 3:00 When the parents “gives more” the child ends up cooperating more
• 4:30 Connection = mutual respect = trust
• 5:03 Refocusing from the “end goal” to the present moment
• 5:17 Children remind us to be in the present moment
• 6:50 As a parent your battery gets worn down 
  • Worry and stress about kids getting along
  • Desire to do things right causes us stress
• 9:50 Parents avoidance to letting the child get upset
• 11:30 Generational myth to make sure everyone is happy
• 11:50 Kids relax when parents aren’t constantly trying to fix them.
• 12:30 Parents are learning to get used to when the kids are upset with each other or with you.
• 13:25 When the second parent steps in to the interaction between a parent and a child. Ways to step in:
  • You can say “Is that working for you” 
  • come in with a neutral non-judgmental stance
  • You can say “I notice there is a bit of a struggle” 
  • You can say “Can I be of help to either of you?”
• 19:30 Doing things the right way and letting go of wanting to be right  
• 21:08 Find the positive intention of another person’s behavior
• 26:05 Accurate communication: Put words to those chaotic moments - Narrate it 
  • One minute check in
  • Expect and accept the bumps and rough spots in parenting 
  • Molly’s idea of naming the “unicorn parent” who is the parent on point

Resources:  

• Handout on When Being Right is not Effective:  How dichotomous thinking can be problematic.
• Handout on Seeing the Positive Intention of Another Person’s Behavior

Leslie-ism: When you want to step in, pause and ask your partner, “is there anything I can do to help?”

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.

Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, AJ Moultrié, Camila Salazar, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.