Molly & Alastair Part 4 of 4: When Everyone in the Family has a little bit of Anxiety

This is the second half of the final session with Molly and Alastair. Their kids, Katherine (4) and Elizabeth (8), are benefitting from the changes that their parents are making at home. As parents we want quick behavior fixes, but let’s not underestimate the power and impact that modeling behavior has on children. Molly and Alastair are no different. Leslie’s focus on the parents helped them realize that  anxiety exists in the family—from the grandparents, to the parents, to the children themselves. Together, they face these generational patterns head-on. It’s often surprising how anxiety can fly under the radar for everyone in a family, but it’s a significant factor in raising kids, so how can we better identify it and, more importantly, learn to manage it.

Time Stamps

• 5:25 Myth are mistaken beliefs that we may have learns from childhood or society
  • It’s not ok to experience the natural consequences because its too painful
  • It’s my responsibility to make sure everything goes “right”
  • If something goes wrong, someone is going to be blamed. It has to be someone’s fault
  • It’s your job to make sure everyone has to be happy
• 7:03 Generational anxiety - stop the cycle
• 7:55 Dichotomous thinking of seeing things as right or wrong, good or bad. 
  • Use the phrase: That’s your version,  this is my version.
• 10:20 Find another interpretation skill - to teach that there are other perspectives
• 11:15 Molly added the expression:  Don’t yuk someone else’s yum
• 14:55 Wanting everything to go right is a way of expressing anxiety
• 16:10 Compassion is an effective way of dealing with one’s anxiety
• 18:10 Preparing our children to handle the uncomfortable situations (see The coping skills toolbox for Anxiety in show notes below)
• 19:50 Various ways that Anxiety presents itself
  • Suppress it, avoid, procrastinate, go into a hole
  • Get into a frenzy, ruminating, making sure everything is “right"
• 21:55 Modeling for your children 
• willingness to be vulnerable and willingness to be uncomfortable.
• Choose your long term value as a guide for the dialectic dilemmas

Resources:  

• Handout on The Coping Skills Toolbox for Anxiety
• Video of The Coping Skills Toolbox for Anxiety
• Handout on When Being Right is not Effective:  How dichotomous thinking can be problematic.
• Dialectic Behavior Therapy Handouts: 
  • Myths that get in the way of Interpersonal Effectiveness
  • Myths about Emotions

Leslie-ism: Teach different perspectives by saying, “that's your version and this is my version”.

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.

Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, AJ Moultrié, Camila Salazar, and