March 13, 2025 • 45 mins
Katarina Polonska shares her proven approach for identifying and overcoming the unconscious blocks that keep us stuck in unhealthy relationship patterns and prevent us from finding lasting love.
• Childhood wounds like abandonment and feelings of unworthiness create unconscious relationship blocks
• "Opposites attract" is often rooted in wounded patterns seeking familiar dynamics rather than healthy complementary differences
• High achievers need to recognize their relationship patterns come from unresolved core wounds
• Learning to distinguish between your wisdom voice and fear voice is crucial for making healthy relationship decisions
• Setting clear boundaries and timeframes for relationship improvement helps avoid staying stuck indefinitely
• Women don't need to dim their ambition for successful relationships - the key is finding fulfilling work that energizes rather than depletes
• Healing comes through consistent inner work including therapy, coaching, somatic practices and self-reflection
• Our unconscious blocks affect who we're attracted to and how we show up in relationships
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Cassandra (00:00):
And I'd like to welcome you to Is your Way In
your Way podcast and, for my newlisteners, let me share with
you what this podcast is allabout.
Yes, I am your host, cassandraCrawley-Mayo, and we talk about
individuals being stuck.
It's all about mitigating thoseself-imposed barriers that's
(00:22):
preventing you from living yourbest life on purpose or either
on your terms, and we talk abouttopics related to
self-improvement, developmentand even business improvement
development, and this is alsoenable you to do a little what I
call some self-reflections.
And today I'm really excitedabout what we're going to talk
(00:45):
about about overcoming theunconscious blocks in your
relationship, and I'm certainmany of you listeners that I
have spoken with are really kindof stuck in a relationship.
Maybe you're in a toxicrelationship and you know it,
but you don't want to get out,or either you want a healthy
relationship, so actually, theserelationships could be
(01:05):
preventing you from living yourbest life on your terms.
So let's dive in and I'm goingto talk to my special guest,
katarina Polonska.
Am I pronouncing that right?
Great Welcome, katarina, to Isyour Way In your Way podcast.
How are you today?
Katarina (01:25):
I'm good.
I'm good.
We were reflecting on how rainyand cold it is here, but I am
good.
Nice and easy, excellent.
Cassandra (01:34):
Well, it's actually very sunny here today and the
guy is mowing the lawn, sowouldn't you figure, when our
podcast is on, then everythinghappens, just tries to disrupt
us.
But anyway, before we talk,dive into what I would call a
deep dive about Katarina andabout this wonderful topic.
(01:54):
Let me read a little bit abouther bio so that you can get some
what I say.
Get to know her just a littlebit until we start asking her
some questions.
Get to know her just a littlebit until we start asking her
some questions.
Katarina is a high performanceexecutive relationship coach and
the founder of the Successfullyin Love Method and Gender
Dynamic Social Sciences.
(02:16):
She's been to the University ofOxford and she has many
certificates.
I'll tell you she has quite afew, so that has enabled her to
do the work she is currentlydoing.
She helps successful executivesand entrepreneurs become as
accomplished in theirrelationships as they are in
their careers.
(02:36):
Hey, that's, that was me.
Whether that's fixing yourmarriage or finding the right
life partner for them, levelingup your relationship or deciding
if they should stay or go,using her proven three phase
process based on the behavioralscience of attraction oh my,
this is going to be good thisheart and executives can create
(02:59):
their ultimate relationship fastand become successfully in love
.
Ultimate relationship fast andbecome successfully in love.
Katarina lived and she alsoworked in six different
countries.
That is amazing, katarina.
Wow, that's amazing, and I'mgetting ready to go to South
Africa and Greece.
You've been seen like a lot ofplaces, but this is what I want
(03:21):
to know what was life likebefore you started moving around
and working in these differentcountries, because you also had
a lot of jobs?
I'm kind of curious, before youstart moving and stuff, what
was going on with you?
Katarina (03:35):
I actually don't really remember because I did my
first move when I was four, soI was very young.
I was born in Slovakia and myparents relocated us to the UK.
I have now, upon reflection,with all the will be kind of
coaching and development thatI've done, recognize that was a
pretty traumatizing move for alittle kid to go to a foreign
(03:56):
country and not speak thelanguage.
Um, and that was when theSoviet Union was collapsing, so
we were, you know, kind of goingfrom like a very eastern soviet
economy to a western capitalistone.
So that was like a wholeminefield.
But I think that's actuallywhat really got me with that bug
of I like traveling.
I feel pretty comfortable.
I you know my nervous systemwas pretty accustomed to the
(04:19):
feeling of being in a new placeand being essentially
dysregulated.
So I think a lot of the travelthat I did was actually coming
from a kind of slightly woundedplace, which is what I see, with
a lot of high-achieving people,a lot of their ambition, a lot
of the kind of that nomadicenergy.
A lot of that exploration, thatadventure can come from a
(04:41):
wounded place.
I actually have a client who hetold me he felt most
comfortable and most safe whenhe was on a plane and now this
is a very successful founder, hetravels a lot for work but he
was like, yeah, I feel most kindof inspired and at ease when
I'm on a plane and actually whenwe traded the guy, because his
mother was on the plane likemost of the time, right, and so
(05:04):
when she was pregnant, he, hewas like she was flying around
and there, honestly, issomething about kind of that
conditioning becoming yourblueprint.
So for me, my parents they cameto Slovakia right as communism
was beginning to end, fromRussia, so that was one big move
.
And then the UK.
Then I stayed in the UK until Iwas about 19 and then I moved
(05:28):
for a year.
Then I came back, stayed in theUK for a few months and I went
to Spain for a year.
Then I came back, then I wentto Dubai for two years and then
they was like I'm staying, I'mstaying, I'm not going to go
anywhere, I want to settle down,I want to meet someone.
But then I decided Canada,stayed in Canada for four and a
half years and then I came back,went to Spain for two years,
(05:51):
came back and now I'm in Canada.
So we're hopeful, we're hopeful, my husband and I are hopeful.
That touch wood, we don't endup doing another big
international move because,right, it's tiring in your 30s
and 40s, I have to say okay, nowI missed it.
Cassandra (06:09):
You said you don't really know about your childhood
because when you were four,what happened?
I didn't understand.
I didn't understand what yousaid no, no.
Katarina (06:16):
So what was life?
You asked me what was life likebefore I began the traveling?
I'm like you, remember, I waslike three, two years old.
Okay, okay, yeah right?
Cassandra (06:27):
well, let me ask you while you were growing or
maturing in life, did you have apassion like?
Was there something that youalways wanted to do and if so,
what?
Katarina (06:38):
was that honestly?
No, I think.
Like a lot of kids, my dreamwas to become a vet and help
animals, right, which is funny,because now that is definitely
kind of one of my philanthropicfocuses.
I have a real passion forhelping animals and helping the
planet.
But yeah, I, you know, I wantedto be a vet, then I wanted to
(06:58):
be a writer, that I wanted to bean editor, then anything kind
of around written expression,which is so interesting actually
, because as I've finessed mybusiness, I find that I'm
writing more and more and more,and I know that that's coming
next year, right, like I knowthat that's kind of the
precipice, so kind of doing whatI always wanted to do.
I was really interested by love.
(07:20):
I was always really fascinatedby the concept and the topic and
and relationships and you know,playing with my Barbie dolls,
they all had relationships, itwas something I was interested
in.
Cassandra (07:30):
Yeah, Wow.
Now tell us why are you doingthe work you currently are doing
?
Katarina (07:38):
Yeah, good question.
So I've always wanted to haveimpact in the world and I've
kind of gone around differentways of trying to do that.
I worked in philanthropy for awhile direct philanthropy I
worked with refugees.
I studied gender dynamics,thinking I'd go to work in the
international aid space andwhere I kind of landed was
(08:03):
partly fueled by my own livedexperience, which was I've
always been a high achiever,I've always been very
hardworking.
I think I'm quite gifted inthat sense.
It doesn't bother me, I enjoyit, I like working, it fuels me
and I know I can do a lot ofgood in the world.
However, when I was trying todo all of this work throughout
(08:26):
my 20s, there were a lot ofthings happening in the
background.
My parents went through ahorrible divorce and I was
trying to help them navigate.
Cassandra (08:34):
I didn't realize it.
Katarina (08:35):
But I had serious abandonment issues because of
how much we traveled as a youngfamily, how my father was away.
I didn't know about that.
And then when I got into myfirst engagement with my
ex-fiance again I didn't realizethat.
But I was seriously, anxiouslyattached.
I was very anxious, I was veryfueled by that kind of
abandonment wound and verydysfunctional, and it was only
(08:58):
when I got to my thirties thatit kind of dawned on me just how
critical looking atrelationships and looking at how
we relate to others is for ourwell-being.
Because I was in this worldwhere, you know, my father's
kind of worked alongside JoeDispenza.
I did my first coachingqualification when I was 17.
(09:18):
I did a growth yeah, I've beenin this world for a really long
time.
I worked in medical science.
Growth yeah, I've been in thisworld for a really long time.
I worked in medical science.
However, I never looked atmyself in relation to others it
was personal development.
Okay, it's very easy to do allthe personal growth, all the
meditation, all thequalifications, and feel very,
(09:42):
very, very good and secure inyourself.
And then, when it goes to actualrelationship, you're a hot mess
because it's a very different.
It's a very different thing tobe looking at right.
And so that was me.
Like you know, all throughoutmy 20s I've done retreats, I've
done this, I've done that.
I've read these books, I knowthese concepts, I'm very
literary, but actually when itcomes to the real embodiment of
(10:04):
everything that I knew, mynervous system was completely
out of whack.
I had so many core woundsrunning the show, I had tons of
limiting beliefs, I had all ofthis stuff around romantic
relationships and so all of thatto say.
It was only when I actuallysolved for that piece and did
become more secure and didbecome more grounded and safe
and confident and comfortable inmy own skin and did actually
(10:26):
meet my husband that I felt thetrue freedom to go and
self-actualize and to go andactually do good in the world,
not from a burned out place, notfrom a place, but from a kind
of well-resourced place.
Right, and so so much of my worknow has such a kind of big
philanthropic mission.
But all of that is to say, whenI started working with
(10:49):
different founders andexecutives, I saw that pretty
much every single person Iworked with had different issues
in their relationship.
Everyone was drained, stressed,anxious, illuminating,
overthinking or avoidingmaladaptive coping mechanisms,
drinking too much pornography,whatever it might be, and all of
(11:10):
this is taking away your power,right.
All of this is detracting fromthe good you can actually go out
in the world and do, right.
So kind of my hypothesis iswell, if I want to have impact
and I care about this and I seethis big gap in the market, why
don't I dedicate myself to therelationship aspect?
for high achievers who areincredibly skilled and talented.
How can I become more secure sothey can achieve more good in
(11:32):
the world, so that I can achievemy impact that way?
Does that make sense?
Cassandra (11:35):
Yeah, it does.
It does.
And it's interesting becausewhen I think of high achievers,
they usually say high achieversalso suffer with imposter
syndrome.
Katarina (11:44):
Yeah, no, high.
Usually say high achievers alsosuffer with imposter syndrome.
Cassandra (11:47):
Yeah, yeah, no, high achiever, everything's a high
achiever, which is why I don'tsay that I work exactly, exactly
.
And then, as a high achiever,you know you have to like pivot
from career to relationship.
Like my, like the guys I wasdating were.
Like you're not, I'm not, I'mnot your employee.
You know, like oh, what do youmean?
The way you talk to me, youknow it's like that's, that's.
That makes me uncomfortable.
(12:09):
So what do you think about whenthey say opposites attract?
What do you think about that?
Is that true?
Katarina (12:16):
oh, what a topic.
Yeah, opposites do attract.
I will say probably and I'mbutchering the statistic here,
but I would say probably 70 ofthat oppositional attraction
energy, though, is coming from awounded place right, that
doesn't mean it's a bad thing.
(12:37):
Yeah, right, the other 30 iscoming from a purely uh, this is
interesting.
I can learn from this person abit different to make we create
balance together, right?
Yeah, my husband's more kind ofintroverted, I'm more
extroverted.
You have a nice balance.
I'd probably burn out if I wassomeone fully extroverted.
That's not a wounded thing.
Yeah, we're talking about theopposites of you're more anxious
(12:58):
and maybe a little bit moreneedy and maybe like, like that
kind of physical touch and likethat attention and like that
validation, like being togethermore, and then you attract
someone who's a little bit moreindependent, a little bit more
elusive.
Maybe they don't actually wantthat much push-pull dynamic that
is going to be coming from awounded place and that's going
to be coming from you beingconditioned to feel familiar, to
(13:20):
feel safe with the opposite,which is ultimately what you got
in childhood, which didn't feellike enough right which
actually created those wounds inthe first place.
Yeah, they feel familiar, theyfeel comfortable.
So on a subconscious level,you're attracted to that because
it is familiar.
Right, subconscious level,you're looking to heal it by
bringing it back into your lifeas an adult um, you're, you're,
(13:44):
you have a I don't know if it'sin its trademark.
Cassandra (13:48):
You're, you're, I like it when you said that found
a successfully in love method.
Tell us about that.
Share some.
Also some methodologies on howwe can have more healthier.
Also some methodologies on howwe can have more healthier
relationships.
And many of our listeners wantto be married and some of them
(14:10):
okay, but they're just reallystruggling in relationships.
What are some of the, the tipsor the methods that could, uh,
make have more healthierrelationships?
Katarina (14:20):
yeah, yeah, the first tip, and kind of the biggest
method, is to stop lookingoutside of yourself, and, yes,
you know, when it comes tofinding love, you're going to
need some strategy.
You're going to need some, youknow, kind of understanding.
How do I show up, how do Icommunicate, how do I do all
these things?
Biggest work is going to beworking on yourself, though, and
(14:42):
getting yourself to a placewhere you feel free from any of
your blocks.
You know your blind spots.
You feel pretty grounded andsettled and comfortable with who
you are.
You feel safe, you feel secure.
Your nervous system is veryregulated and calm.
You know what you need.
You're able to articulate thatconfidently and free.
Because you feel safe andsecure.
(15:02):
Yeah, you're pretty emotionallybalanced, so you're not going
to get triggered right, andbecause you've worked on your
core blocks, you're not going tobe projecting and dumping stuff
into other people and thereforegetting the wrong end of the
stick, and so that's the mostimportant thing.
I I started out working with alot of singles and helping with
the kind of the more datingaspect, and then I realized that
(15:24):
actually you can give all thestrategy in the world, you can
go to any matchmaker, if youhaven't done that core inner
work.
It's pointless, it's shortlived.
Cassandra (15:33):
Right, yeah, I get that Cause.
I went to a matchmaker one timeand it was a disaster.
It was a waste of money.
You know, and and you know, andI always wondered and I don't
know about yourself becauseyou're married, but when you are
(15:54):
married, do you find yourselfyou are attracting individuals
that you shouldn't?
Because you're married, it'slike more people men are
interested because not becauseI'm married, but maybe I'm.
I'm, I'm good with myself, Ifeel good about myself, I'm
showing this confidence, so it'slike I get more attractions
because I'm married.
(16:14):
That's what I'm thinking.
I'm like, but I'm married.
You know now, where were youbefore I got married?
Why is that you?
Katarina (16:20):
think that's so interesting and yeah, I mean I
have seen that.
But I will say my blinkers arejust like don't care.
Right, there is something about.
I find that more with avoidantfolks, where, for those of you
that and I see this with myclients more even as you become
(16:44):
more secure or you get marriedor whatever it is, you're
essentially harder to catchright.
You're not available anymore.
You're less available, and sopeople who are maybe afraid of
intimacy are going to be,unconsciously drawn to that
because you are not available.
That can happen a lot of thetime.
And then the other thing thatcan happen is when you are and I
(17:05):
see this more with men when youare married and you are, you
know, connected and in amonogamous relationship, you
become coveted because actuallyyou're that person who could
commit and you're a man who cancommit, right.
So I see it being differentwith different genders, like
with women.
When men are attracted to amarried woman, it's typically
(17:25):
because they're not availableand it's like that's the real
and that catch.
And actually beneath the wallthere's a fear of intimacy,
right.
Because if you actually didn'thave a fear of intimacy, you'd
be going for someone who isavailable, but if you're afraid,
you're gonna go for someonewho's actually gonna be a real,
real risk.
And with the men who are, um,married, it's typically kind of
a coveted like oh, I want whathe has.
Cassandra (17:47):
I know, yeah, that's that's so.
That's so strange when you talkabout those unconscious blocks.
How will individuals know, orwill they know, that this is the
right one?
You know how you're dating.
You're like it's like a redflag, but I'm going to still
stick with it.
(18:07):
How do you get out of that?
Because I see that being stuck.
You know it's not the rightperson, but you just can't get
out of it.
Maybe you can't get out of itbecause you don't want to be
alone, or I don't know.
Why do you think that is?
Katarina (18:27):
you don't want to be alone, or I don't know why do
you think that is, yeah, the.
So it's a question how do you?
know when you're with the rightperson when it's time to leave.
Yeah, yeah, this.
This is actually what I startedmy original coaching business
around, because I spent so muchof my first engagement like
really questioning my gutinstinct and trying to analyze.
Can I trust my gut?
(18:48):
What is my gut even saying?
Is it actually my fear?
Is it my anxiety?
Is it my anxious detachment?
Like, what is it saying?
And what I learned was thatfear and anxiety and kind of
your self.
I don't believe inself-sabotage, but your fear and
anxiety is a very differentvoice to your wisdom.
(19:10):
Most people aren't actuallyconnected to their wisdom.
They're connected to their fear.
Cassandra (19:16):
Right.
Katarina (19:17):
Because we're not conditioned to know our gut,
we're not conditioned to knowour wisdom.
We're conditioned to listen tothe fear, listen to the anxiety,
act and then push it down.
Oh, freak out, push it down,and so it's the greatest
maladaptive way of handling it.
So the best tip that I alwaystell people is, like, start the
(19:38):
practice now of meditating andgetting really clear on what
does your gut voice feel likeand what does the voice of fear
feel like?
Yeah, play around with like lowstakes things.
Just keep you know, play aroundwith like you know, did you
lock the door right in with yourgut, see what happens and go
(19:59):
back and check and if it's right, how did that feel?
Right?
Yeah, yeah, it out on a lowstakes way.
And, in tandem to that, keepdoing that inner work on the
core blocks that you have tomake sure that they are being
cleared, because now, forexample and the reason you know,
I say this like the reason Iwas able to marry my husband
(20:20):
within a year of meeting himeven though it was less than a
year after calling off my firstengagement, is because I had
worked so hard on my blocks andcleared them out that I was
actually so clear andso connected and so kind of
tapped into my own wisdom that Iknew, even though it was in
many ways the most ridiculousthing to be doing to commit my
(20:41):
life to this man.
But I knew and it felt safe,whereas when I think back to my
first fiance, the way that Iknew there it was like up here
it was like anxious you know, itwasn't really annoying, it was
a protection.
Cassandra (20:55):
It was yeah, yeah, yeah, it's like you didn't have
a peace, right, right, yeah, youhave to have a peace.
Now, what was some of yourblocks that you had that?
I'm believing some of mylisteners have those blocks as
well, yeah, absolutely.
Katarina (21:12):
And when I talk about the blocks, it's probably going
to sound a little bit odd, right, it's probably going to sound
kind of strange.
The blocks that I had.
Some are very kind of classicalones, like the big one was the
I'm alone and I'm abandonedwound, right, which makes sense.
I see that with a lot of myhigh achievers.
If your parents are very busyprofessionals and they're out
and about, you're probably goingto have that.
So when you feel alone andabandoned, you're going to be
(21:34):
unconsciously drawn to men whowill leave you alone and maybe
underneath, right, that's justhow it works.
That's what I mean.
Um, another big one that Ididn't even know that I had.
It was only when I startedgoing into the depths of
entrepreneurship that I reallycame up was.
It's kind of a weird one, butthis wound that I am bad, I'm
(21:55):
bad and I it sounds soridiculous to say, but actually,
when we unpack it, so manychildren out there are
conditioned because your, yourblocks, come from childhood,
right?
Yeah, so many children outthere are told off, are
criticized, are, you know, toldwhat to say, what to think, are
(22:15):
ignored.
Yeah, when we do these thingsto children, the unconscious
belief that that child isforming about themselves is very
likely going to be along thelines of I've done something
wrong.
Cassandra (22:27):
And.
Katarina (22:28):
I don't know what it is and therefore I'm either
defected or I'm bad, I'm notgood enough.
That's the classic one, right.
It's kind of like shame, right,and for me that was such a a
big one and I didn't see it allthat much until I called off my
(22:48):
engagement with my ex, andthat's when this kind of
gripping fear of like I'm nowbad.
I'm a bad woman.
I called this off and I walkedaway and I'm in my early 30s and
I'm like fallen and somehowright.
And then I kind of worked on itand got rid of it.
But then when I startedbuilding my business, it came up
(23:09):
again of like who am I to dothis?
I'm bad, like I'm just bad atthis, and all of that.
I wanted to really work throughit.
So it's a really big one.
Cassandra (23:26):
If you have any doubt , any self-doubt, any imposter
syndrome.
Yes, there's going to be someof that inside of you and
there's obviously a lot more totackle, but they're kind of the
big ones that I see.
So I, I know you, you got adegree and you know you've been
to coaching, a relationshipcoaching.
Uh, this sounds like somethingthat one cannot do alone.
You know.
It's like, like you said, weneed to meditate, kind of think,
take a deep dive into self andsee what are some of those
(23:49):
blocks.
Yeah, you know, like you said,I thought I was bad or
abandonment.
So how do you overcome those?
Because I'm certain it takes itdoes take work, because we
didn't get like this in one day.
You know this is as youindicate.
This is all childhood stuff.
(24:09):
So what ways did you overcomeit?
Was it your education or youknow coaching, or did you see a
therapist?
Katarina (24:18):
yeah, yeah.
So I talk about this a lot, umon linkedin, where I tend to
hang out and that's.
You know.
I did therapy for 15-16 years.
Oh wow, and it was useful.
It created good literacy in meof understanding you know what's
my story.
Where did it come from?
(24:38):
Abandonment, blah, blah, blah.
Didn't really give me any tools,though, and I had anorexia
twice in my life when I was ateenager symptom of the
abandonment wound when I was ateenager and then it came back
when I was living in Dubai inthe Middle East.
That was really scary, becauseat that time I was 25.
I felt a little bit too old tobe having anorexia, which felt
like a very kind ofquote-unquote teenage thing,
(25:00):
yeah, and I didn't know what todo.
So I was doing my degree atOxford when I was in kind of
recovery and I was scoping outwhere to get help, and I ended
up finding an eating disordercoach through one of my friends,
through one of my peers, andworking with her, and she had
also recovered from anorexia.
She wasn't a therapist, she wasa coach.
(25:21):
That was kind of my first beret, like I already had a coaching
qualification myself, but Ididn't really use it.
I didn't really, you know.
So, working with her, she beganto teach me about the I don't
know.
She told me about somaticsomatic healing and energy
healing and working with thebody and processing emotion, and
that was all pretty new to me.
I'd already done the Hoffmanprocess which is an incredible
(25:45):
retreat a couple years prior, soI already knew a lot of these
concepts.
But I actually began to applythem with a kind of a case study
between learning stuff andknowing the theory and actually
applying to a problem, and theanorexia was like a big problem
that I had to fix right.
I was not, so I startedapplying everything that I knew
(26:05):
and it kind of became this likejust kind of passionate, dogged
focus of mine.
In that year at Oxford.
I was like I'm going toovercome this.
I do not want this.
This is a waste of my time.
Yeah, I tried somatic healing.
I discovered a lot ofsubconscious mind techniques and
really I just went hard onhealing, healing, healing,
(26:26):
working on it and I did overcomeit.
I did overcome it, so that wasreally powerful.
And then I continued.
I moved to Canada.
After that I started doingdifferent types of coaching.
Um, I played around withpsychedelics, like I went deep
into mindfulness and meditationand then when I was with my
ex-fiancé and I thought I wasall cured and healed and I
(26:48):
realized, oh no, attachmenttheory that's the thing, and I
began working on that.
I got myself my firstrelationship coach and I worked
with her and then got anotherrelationship coach.
So all of that to say it wasyears of what I call the
scattergun approach, which iskind of when we try lots of
little things and we exactly.
And so what I really try tobuild for my clients now is a
(27:11):
consolidated end-to-end systemwith the best tools and
techniques in a chronologicalprocess that they can into that
they can actually follow throughand it's not something that
they have to kind of spend years, like I did, trying all the
different modalities, because Itried every type of therapy out
there every time yeah, soundslike me yeah yeah, I did the
(27:32):
same thing.
Cassandra (27:33):
Um, so when you, you were in a good place is when you
met your husband, yeah,mentally, physically everything
you were feeling good.
Katarina (27:42):
Not professionally, though, I will say that's kind
of, because I think there isthis kind of false emphasis on
like everything will happen whenyou least expect it and your
life will be.
You know, when you're livingyour best life, then you'll find
the love of your life.
And I'm like that's kind ofunrealistic, not real.
There's a lot of pressure onpeople.
Right, you want to beinternally in a good place.
(28:03):
Right, like internally I was ina good place, but
professionally I was going toquit my corporate job, basically
jump into the abyss.
I was going to move to Spainwith no plan, take a sabbatical.
I, you know, I was like blankcanvas.
I don't know what I'm doingwith my life.
I'm just gonna go live my bestlife, whatever that might look
right, whatever.
I was scared, but I feltconfident in myself, I trusted
(28:25):
myself, I loved myself, I'dforgiven myself and I felt very
secure in myself.
And so I met him in this kindof place where I was on the
precipice of moving countriesand he was on the precipice of
moving countries.
We were both like, can we justmove countries together?
Cassandra (28:40):
and that's really how it all came about right, that's
funny, um, when I was talkingabout, um, how individuals kind
of get stuck in relationships,they see red flags and I talked
(29:01):
about why it's hard to let go,you know, because I need
somebody in my life.
Do you have any advice forindividuals like that?
Uh, because for yourself, you,your ex-fiance, you was feeling
something you know for you tosay this isn't working.
(29:22):
What was the pivotal moment inyour life during that time that
said you know what?
This is not working.
What happened?
Katarina (29:30):
yeah, a few things happened.
One we were working with amarriage counselor and he'd kind
of given us like a deadlineright, like a kind of a time
frame and then the relationshipcoach that I was working with.
She also was very big onboundaries, which I'm big with
my clients too, because most ofthe most but a lot of my clients
come to me when they're inrelationship and they're kind of
(29:51):
debating like what do I do?
Cassandra (29:52):
I'm not happy what do I do?
And?
Katarina (29:54):
so I'm a big believer that you have to have a about a
boundary.
You can't stay unhappy forever.
There has to be a window oftime that you're willing to give
it your best yeah changes youneed to see, effort you're going
to put in, and then you seewhat happens.
And I gave it, you know, for me,of six months.
So when that six month timeframe was kind of wrapping up
(30:15):
and I hadn't seen the changesthat I needed to see and I
wasn't feeling any better andwe'd really tried very hard,
like both of us, that was a bigpart of when I kind of my gut
instinct got really loud thatit's time to go, and I just
don't think we were right foreach other.
And I think a lot of people doend up in relationships and
(30:37):
people are not right for eachother, partly out of fear,
partly out of social pressure,partly out of thinking this is
probably the best I can do orthis is right, right, right
pressure on us exactly as women.
Cassandra (30:52):
You're exactly right.
Um, those high achievers, youknow, work, work, work.
You want to get it right.
You know was it coaching thatenabled you to turn that off and
and do what was necessary foryou to have a successful
(31:14):
relationship.
Um, because I too, was a highachiever.
I call it a personality.
Yeah, and I had that challenge,you know.
But you know, and I always said, you know, I don't think I
could get married while I'mworking, because I'm a whole
different person.
You know, and this wasinteresting I retired early and
(31:38):
then I started, I let my guardsdown, but yet I still had those
behaviors, you know.
So how do you, if those womenout there that's working those
high achieving jobs, how do theyturn it off and get focused on
their relationship, how do theyturn that high achieving off?
Katarina (31:59):
dna off.
So I think that's the fallacy,because I think that's the wrong
question to ask, right, andthat's the question that the
marriage counselor would ask me.
That's the question that, liketherapy would ask me.
And I remember at the end of itI was like when I kind of tried
to turn it off and I startedbending myself out of shape and
(32:19):
my plan was to, like,essentially, retire with my ex
right, I was going to become amindfulness teacher.
I'm going to live in a beautifulforest and I was going to help
him in this career and I wasgoing to be like a meditation
teacher and I started gettingpanic attacks and anxiety.
And the funny thing is, with myhusband now I make way more
money than I was making incorporate, which I would never
(32:39):
have imagined because I've notbeen doing this for long.
I'm happier than I could everhave imagined.
I work harder than I could everhave imagined.
However, I'm not burnt out.
I am in flow.
I am in full state of energy,right, and he actually even
today.
Like you know, I crossedanother kind of financial goal
earlier today and I've beenfeeling quite unwell, like I'm
(33:02):
losing my voice there and he wasjust like how are you doing?
And I was like I get that.
I need to rest and yes, I'mincorporating rest.
The same time, there is suchlike a passion inside of me
fueling me and so many of my ownneeds are getting met in this
work that I'm really reallyimpassioned.
And that's not to say that I'mworking, you know, 15 hours a
day.
(33:22):
There's a very clear boundaryand a cutoff point of when it
stops.
But the point is, I'm in astate of aliveness.
I'm in a state of like, joy andexcitement, right and like and
like, the constant celebrationsof like achieving new goals and
wow, you know the vision and theimpact.
And so my point with that isthat asking how do you tone down
(33:43):
the high achiever to me feltlike the wrong question, because
women didn't fight for freedomfor so many decades, centuries
right, and we don't even have ityet fully okay for all of that
to then rewind the clock andjust, you know, stay home.
Yeah, staying home is what makesyou happy and go nuts.
For me, it's all about.
The problem is it's not thehigh achieving energy, it's the
(34:07):
fact that so many of us aren'tliving our full potential and
we're not getting our needs metand we are stuffing ourselves
into little corporate boxesright in our little corporate
heels and our little corporatemini dresses.
I know because I did this andwe're stuffing ourselves into
doing reports and work thatisn't actually getting our needs
met, and not to say that we'reentrepreneurs like you know
(34:29):
roses and daisies all day.
Of course it's like things Ireally don't like doing
absolutely.
For the most part, it isenriching, whereas what I found
in a lot of my corporateexperience and I always had a
very low tolerance for it,actually, but a lot of it wasn't
enriching, and so there's adifference between doing a
12-hour day when you're tiredand it's heavy, yeah, and you're
(34:52):
resenting it, you know.
And then you come back to yourrelationship and you're half
dead right and you're grumpy andyou feel depleted.
And then you're putting a lotof pressure on your partner to
like pick you up and lift you up, and it's so imbalanced and
you're probably dragging a lotof that masculine energy into
into the relationship, right,whereas I find when you love the
work and you sure you'reprobably dragging a lot of that
masculine energy into, into therelationship, right?
(35:13):
whereas I find when you love thework and you sure you're
probably going to be more onyour masculine all day anyway
you love the work.
There is that flow, there isthat passion and there is that
energy, right.
That is so nourishing.
And so I have clients who cometo me and you know they're like
ceos of a global bank, they'rec-suite execs, they're young,
(35:34):
they're in their 40s or you knowyeah and they come in and
they're like oh, I feel guiltyfor working, I feel guilty, I
feel guilty, and I'm like, whoseguilt is that?
how much of that guilt is yours?
And you know, when they sitdown and they're like, probably
five percent is mine, 95 is notmine.
I'm like, right, like you'reloving your work, it brings you
(35:55):
joy.
You're the breadwinner.
Be proud.
You're not, you're not actuallycompromising your marriage with
the hours that you're doing,like on a rational level.
And so so much of the work isreally about can we just reclaim
our freedom?
Yes, get, get our needs met andat the same time, shift, focus
to actually prioritize the rightthings in the relationship.
(36:17):
Right, because again, when wethink about, yes, there is going
to be a difference.
If you're working a 12-hour day, there's going to be less hours
in the day to focus on therelationship.
Cassandra (36:25):
Exactly.
Katarina (36:28):
But is it not fair to say that it's better to be happy
and nourished and exhilarated,full of passion for those 12
hours and then come home andspend three hours doing the
right things, right?
Is it not fair to say that'sbetter than spending six hours
doing something you absolutely,you know, are suffocated by, you
really hate, you resent cominghome and having seven hours with
(36:49):
your partner watching the TV,you know, and like not really
having a conversation, nothaving any physical touch.
Cassandra (36:56):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Katarina (36:58):
So it really, to me, it all comes down to a needs
exercise, which is a big part ofthe work that I do identifying
what are your needs, what areyour partner's needs, and how do
you, kind of like a jigsawpuzzle like, piece them together
to find your uniqueconfiguration of what works.
And that starts with you rightyou don't have to change your
job.
Cassandra (37:17):
Yeah, exactly that's what I was going to say.
It's kind of like you saidwhat's fulfilling.
You know, get that part rightBecause you have to work, unless
I mean, even if you're amillionaire I mean, even if
you're a millionaire, why wouldyou have to do something?
I mean you just don't sitaround.
Yeah, exactly.
So you have that.
And you also talked about youhad a coach, you had therapy,
(37:40):
and if you wanted to work, youhave to work it.
And it appears that you reallywork, that you spend a lot of
time, you know, trying to findyourself.
What are my unconsciousbarriers?
What?
What is stopping me from, fromgetting it?
Yeah, I still do that every day.
Katarina (37:59):
Like I, I tell my clients, once you're on the
train, it's hard to get off ityeah it's kind of addictive in a
good way, not in a kind of likeI'm fixing myself, but I'm just
in a, in a state where I'm like, how good can this get?
Like, this is pretty cool right.
Like now I'm seeing like afterthe first year of grinding in my
business, now I'm seeing likethe wealth, like the real wealth
(38:21):
, come through and I'm like,holy moly, this is really cool.
And I know it's down to purestrategy.
You know it's like a big chunkof it's because I've actually
cleared the block.
So I'm like, okay, well, let'stake this money and reinvest it
into more work on myself, moregrowth, more clearing.
Just like how, how good canthis get right?
How good the relationship getreflecting, we're like, yeah,
(38:44):
we're really happy, things arereally good yeah and again it's
not like we're not grateful.
Cassandra (38:50):
It's just why not and there are some people that you
know, when they feel that great,they're like something's
getting ready to happen, yeah,that's the block, that's the
block, that's the block, andthat's something actually my own
coach was teaching me.
Katarina (39:11):
Um well, there's kind of two things I want to say here
from a relationship front.
I tell this to my clients thatas you become more secure and
you get out there and you'redating and you meet someone, do
not be surprised if, at somepoint, you start to feel
repulsed by them, you start tofeel like kind of that ick
feeling, you start to freak outor start acting really
(39:33):
irrationally.
That's okay.
That is just your subconsciousfreaking out because you have
something really good and it'syour fear of intimacy kicking in
and all you need to do is justslow down, give it some space
not react right and just likelet it wash over you and ride
through you and come out theother side.
(39:56):
And same thing when you'rebuilding a business or trying to
make more money or whatever.
There will come a point whereyou're like, oh my god, this is
so good.
And for me, like just trulylooking at the funds in my
account and being like, yeah,this is, this is okay, this is
normal now, and just likeleaning into it and like
trusting it and just sittingwith it and letting it wash
through as you level up.
Cassandra (40:11):
Right, yes, it's always yeah, yeah, yeah.
That is great, katarina.
You know relationships, youknow you've heard the book Men
Are From Mars, women Are FromVenus.
I interviewed her on my podcastyeah, yeah, that's yeah, and
it's just like you're saying theboundaries, understanding who
(40:32):
you are, understanding yourroadblocks, unconsciously, and
working on those and not tothink you can do it all alone.
And it's kind of like, well,how bad do you want it, how bad
do you want a good relationshipand a healthy relationship?
And then you hear people say,well, there's more women than
men, so there's nobody out there.
I hear that a lot.
And then you hear people say,well, there's more women than
men, so there's nobody out there.
(40:53):
I hear that a lot, and youprobably do too.
And I'm like there's a lot ofmen out there.
It's just want the right ones.
Yeah, yeah, and that's the That's.
a block right there.
It's like it's not yeah, yeah, Ihear it all the time and I'm
like but yes, it is, you know.
And then you do attract, likeyou said, who you are.
(41:13):
If you're in a depended state,clinging, feeling abandoned, you
want to attract that type ofindividual.
So look in the mirror atyourself.
Yeah, yeah, wow, this is somegreat stuff.
How can my listeners get intouch with you?
Katarina (41:32):
yeah, absolutely so.
The best place to start wouldbe on my website, so www.
katarinapolonska.
com, or on LinkedIn.
I read all of my dms onlinkedin, for better or for
worse, and I love to hear frompeople, so definitely drop me a
message that you can find me,katarina polonska yeah, I think
that's how we connected.
Cassandra (41:52):
I think, yeah, absolutely, yeah.
Well, you were amazing, thankyou.
Thank you for my individuals,my listeners out there, who,
even though this podcast is forwomen, it can go both ways, in
the event that a gentleman islistening as well, but for women
, you've got some tips, somegreat tips and, like you said,
(42:14):
if you want a healthyrelationship, you know you have
to put the work in and you canhave one, so don't think you
cannot have one, because that'sanother rule.
Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,yeah, yeah.
So, thanks again.
And to all my listeners, I knowfor a fact that this podcast,
(42:42):
this episode, is something thatwill resonate with a lot of your
friends, so please share it andit will also be on all podcast
platforms, and many of us wouldlove to be in a relationship.
You know, I hear people say Idon't need anybody, but a lot of
those people that we're nottalking about needing somebody,
wanting and desiring to havesomebody special in your life
Right, absolutely Right, okay,well, thank you.
(43:04):
And to my all my listeners, asI say, bye for now.
And if you enjoyed this podcast, please subscribe for now.
And if you enjoyed this podcast, please subscribe.
And also, like I indicated,please, please, share it with
(43:29):
your friends and individualsthat you know this would be of
their best interest to hear.
Thank you, god bless, and Ialways say bye.
For now, thank you.
And I'd like to welcome you to Is your Way In
your Way podcast and, for my newlisteners, let me share with
you what this podcast is allabout.
Yes, I am your host, cassandraCrawley-Mayo, and we talk about
individuals being stuck.
It's all about mitigating thoseself-imposed barriers that's
(00:22):
preventing you from living yourbest life on purpose or either
on your terms, and we talk abouttopics related to
self-improvement, developmentand even business improvement
development, and this is alsoenable you to do a little what I
call some self-reflections.
And today I'm really excitedabout what we're going to talk
(00:45):
about about overcoming theunconscious blocks in your
relationship, and I'm certainmany of you listeners that I
have spoken with are really kindof stuck in a relationship.
Maybe you're in a toxicrelationship and you know it,
but you don't want to get out,or either you want a healthy
relationship, so actually, theserelationships could be
(01:05):
preventing you from living yourbest life on your terms.
So let's dive in and I'm goingto talk to my special guest,
katarina Polonska.
Am I pronouncing that right?
Great Welcome, katarina, to Isyour Way In your Way podcast.
How are you today?
Katarina (01:25):
I'm good.
I'm good.
We were reflecting on how rainyand cold it is here, but I am
good.
Nice and easy, excellent.
Cassandra (01:34):
Well, it's actually very sunny here today and the
guy is mowing the lawn, sowouldn't you figure, when our
podcast is on, then everythinghappens, just tries to disrupt
us.
But anyway, before we talk,dive into what I would call a
deep dive about Katarina andabout this wonderful topic.
(01:54):
Let me read a little bit abouther bio so that you can get some
what I say.
Get to know her just a littlebit until we start asking her
some questions.
Get to know her just a littlebit until we start asking her
some questions.
Katarina is a high performanceexecutive relationship coach and
the founder of the Successfullyin Love Method and Gender
Dynamic Social Sciences.
(02:16):
She's been to the University ofOxford and she has many
certificates.
I'll tell you she has quite afew, so that has enabled her to
do the work she is currentlydoing.
She helps successful executivesand entrepreneurs become as
accomplished in theirrelationships as they are in
their careers.
(02:36):
Hey, that's, that was me.
Whether that's fixing yourmarriage or finding the right
life partner for them, levelingup your relationship or deciding
if they should stay or go,using her proven three phase
process based on the behavioralscience of attraction oh my,
this is going to be good thisheart and executives can create
(02:59):
their ultimate relationship fastand become successfully in love
.
Ultimate relationship fast andbecome successfully in love.
Katarina lived and she alsoworked in six different
countries.
That is amazing, katarina.
Wow, that's amazing, and I'mgetting ready to go to South
Africa and Greece.
You've been seen like a lot ofplaces, but this is what I want
(03:21):
to know what was life likebefore you started moving around
and working in these differentcountries, because you also had
a lot of jobs?
I'm kind of curious, before youstart moving and stuff, what
was going on with you?
Katarina (03:35):
I actually don't really remember because I did my
first move when I was four, soI was very young.
I was born in Slovakia and myparents relocated us to the UK.
I have now, upon reflection,with all the will be kind of
coaching and development thatI've done, recognize that was a
pretty traumatizing move for alittle kid to go to a foreign
(03:56):
country and not speak thelanguage.
Um, and that was when theSoviet Union was collapsing, so
we were, you know, kind of goingfrom like a very eastern soviet
economy to a western capitalistone.
So that was like a wholeminefield.
But I think that's actuallywhat really got me with that bug
of I like traveling.
I feel pretty comfortable.
I you know my nervous systemwas pretty accustomed to the
(04:19):
feeling of being in a new placeand being essentially
dysregulated.
So I think a lot of the travelthat I did was actually coming
from a kind of slightly woundedplace, which is what I see, with
a lot of high-achieving people,a lot of their ambition, a lot
of the kind of that nomadicenergy.
A lot of that exploration, thatadventure can come from a
(04:41):
wounded place.
I actually have a client who hetold me he felt most
comfortable and most safe whenhe was on a plane and now this
is a very successful founder, hetravels a lot for work but he
was like, yeah, I feel most kindof inspired and at ease when
I'm on a plane and actually whenwe traded the guy, because his
mother was on the plane likemost of the time, right, and so
(05:04):
when she was pregnant, he, hewas like she was flying around
and there, honestly, issomething about kind of that
conditioning becoming yourblueprint.
So for me, my parents they cameto Slovakia right as communism
was beginning to end, fromRussia, so that was one big move
.
And then the UK.
Then I stayed in the UK until Iwas about 19 and then I moved
(05:28):
for a year.
Then I came back, stayed in theUK for a few months and I went
to Spain for a year.
Then I came back, then I wentto Dubai for two years and then
they was like I'm staying, I'mstaying, I'm not going to go
anywhere, I want to settle down,I want to meet someone.
But then I decided Canada,stayed in Canada for four and a
half years and then I came back,went to Spain for two years,
(05:51):
came back and now I'm in Canada.
So we're hopeful, we're hopeful, my husband and I are hopeful.
That touch wood, we don't endup doing another big
international move because,right, it's tiring in your 30s
and 40s, I have to say okay, nowI missed it.
Cassandra (06:09):
You said you don't really know about your childhood
because when you were four,what happened?
I didn't understand.
I didn't understand what yousaid no, no.
Katarina (06:16):
So what was life?
You asked me what was life likebefore I began the traveling?
I'm like you, remember, I waslike three, two years old.
Okay, okay, yeah right?
Cassandra (06:27):
well, let me ask you while you were growing or
maturing in life, did you have apassion like?
Was there something that youalways wanted to do and if so,
what?
Katarina (06:38):
was that honestly?
No, I think.
Like a lot of kids, my dreamwas to become a vet and help
animals, right, which is funny,because now that is definitely
kind of one of my philanthropicfocuses.
I have a real passion forhelping animals and helping the
planet.
But yeah, I, you know, I wantedto be a vet, then I wanted to
(06:58):
be a writer, that I wanted to bean editor, then anything kind
of around written expression,which is so interesting actually
, because as I've finessed mybusiness, I find that I'm
writing more and more and more,and I know that that's coming
next year, right, like I knowthat that's kind of the
precipice, so kind of doing whatI always wanted to do.
I was really interested by love.
(07:20):
I was always really fascinatedby the concept and the topic and
and relationships and you know,playing with my Barbie dolls,
they all had relationships, itwas something I was interested
in.
Cassandra (07:30):
Yeah, Wow.
Now tell us why are you doingthe work you currently are doing
?
Katarina (07:38):
Yeah, good question.
So I've always wanted to haveimpact in the world and I've
kind of gone around differentways of trying to do that.
I worked in philanthropy for awhile direct philanthropy I
worked with refugees.
I studied gender dynamics,thinking I'd go to work in the
international aid space andwhere I kind of landed was
(08:03):
partly fueled by my own livedexperience, which was I've
always been a high achiever,I've always been very
hardworking.
I think I'm quite gifted inthat sense.
It doesn't bother me, I enjoyit, I like working, it fuels me
and I know I can do a lot ofgood in the world.
However, when I was trying todo all of this work throughout
(08:26):
my 20s, there were a lot ofthings happening in the
background.
My parents went through ahorrible divorce and I was
trying to help them navigate.
Cassandra (08:34):
I didn't realize it.
Katarina (08:35):
But I had serious abandonment issues because of
how much we traveled as a youngfamily, how my father was away.
I didn't know about that.
And then when I got into myfirst engagement with my
ex-fiance again I didn't realizethat.
But I was seriously, anxiouslyattached.
I was very anxious, I was veryfueled by that kind of
abandonment wound and verydysfunctional, and it was only
(08:58):
when I got to my thirties thatit kind of dawned on me just how
critical looking atrelationships and looking at how
we relate to others is for ourwell-being.
Because I was in this worldwhere, you know, my father's
kind of worked alongside JoeDispenza.
I did my first coachingqualification when I was 17.
(09:18):
I did a growth yeah, I've beenin this world for a really long
time.
I worked in medical science.
Growth yeah, I've been in thisworld for a really long time.
I worked in medical science.
However, I never looked atmyself in relation to others it
was personal development.
Okay, it's very easy to do allthe personal growth, all the
meditation, all thequalifications, and feel very,
(09:42):
very, very good and secure inyourself.
And then, when it goes to actualrelationship, you're a hot mess
because it's a very different.
It's a very different thing tobe looking at right.
And so that was me.
Like you know, all throughoutmy 20s I've done retreats, I've
done this, I've done that.
I've read these books, I knowthese concepts, I'm very
literary, but actually when itcomes to the real embodiment of
(10:04):
everything that I knew, mynervous system was completely
out of whack.
I had so many core woundsrunning the show, I had tons of
limiting beliefs, I had all ofthis stuff around romantic
relationships and so all of thatto say.
It was only when I actuallysolved for that piece and did
become more secure and didbecome more grounded and safe
and confident and comfortable inmy own skin and did actually
(10:26):
meet my husband that I felt thetrue freedom to go and
self-actualize and to go andactually do good in the world,
not from a burned out place, notfrom a place, but from a kind
of well-resourced place.
Right, and so so much of my worknow has such a kind of big
philanthropic mission.
But all of that is to say, whenI started working with
(10:49):
different founders andexecutives, I saw that pretty
much every single person Iworked with had different issues
in their relationship.
Everyone was drained, stressed,anxious, illuminating,
overthinking or avoidingmaladaptive coping mechanisms,
drinking too much pornography,whatever it might be, and all of
(11:10):
this is taking away your power,right.
All of this is detracting fromthe good you can actually go out
in the world and do, right.
So kind of my hypothesis iswell, if I want to have impact
and I care about this and I seethis big gap in the market, why
don't I dedicate myself to therelationship aspect?
for high achievers who areincredibly skilled and talented.
How can I become more secure sothey can achieve more good in
(11:32):
the world, so that I can achievemy impact that way?
Does that make sense?
Cassandra (11:35):
Yeah, it does.
It does.
And it's interesting becausewhen I think of high achievers,
they usually say high achieversalso suffer with imposter
syndrome.
Katarina (11:44):
Yeah, no, high.
Usually say high achievers alsosuffer with imposter syndrome.
Cassandra (11:47):
Yeah, yeah, no, high achiever, everything's a high
achiever, which is why I don'tsay that I work exactly, exactly
.
And then, as a high achiever,you know you have to like pivot
from career to relationship.
Like my, like the guys I wasdating were.
Like you're not, I'm not, I'mnot your employee.
You know, like oh, what do youmean?
The way you talk to me, youknow it's like that's, that's.
That makes me uncomfortable.
(12:09):
So what do you think about whenthey say opposites attract?
What do you think about that?
Is that true?
Katarina (12:16):
oh, what a topic.
Yeah, opposites do attract.
I will say probably and I'mbutchering the statistic here,
but I would say probably 70 ofthat oppositional attraction
energy, though, is coming from awounded place right, that
doesn't mean it's a bad thing.
(12:37):
Yeah, right, the other 30 iscoming from a purely uh, this is
interesting.
I can learn from this person abit different to make we create
balance together, right?
Yeah, my husband's more kind ofintroverted, I'm more
extroverted.
You have a nice balance.
I'd probably burn out if I wassomeone fully extroverted.
That's not a wounded thing.
Yeah, we're talking about theopposites of you're more anxious
(12:58):
and maybe a little bit moreneedy and maybe like, like that
kind of physical touch and likethat attention and like that
validation, like being togethermore, and then you attract
someone who's a little bit moreindependent, a little bit more
elusive.
Maybe they don't actually wantthat much push-pull dynamic that
is going to be coming from awounded place and that's going
to be coming from you beingconditioned to feel familiar, to
(13:20):
feel safe with the opposite,which is ultimately what you got
in childhood, which didn't feellike enough right which
actually created those wounds inthe first place.
Yeah, they feel familiar, theyfeel comfortable.
So on a subconscious level,you're attracted to that because
it is familiar.
Right, subconscious level,you're looking to heal it by
bringing it back into your lifeas an adult um, you're, you're,
(13:44):
you have a I don't know if it'sin its trademark.
Cassandra (13:48):
You're, you're, I like it when you said that found
a successfully in love method.
Tell us about that.
Share some.
Also some methodologies on howwe can have more healthier.
Also some methodologies on howwe can have more healthier
relationships.
And many of our listeners wantto be married and some of them
(14:10):
okay, but they're just reallystruggling in relationships.
What are some of the, the tipsor the methods that could, uh,
make have more healthierrelationships?
Katarina (14:20):
yeah, yeah, the first tip, and kind of the biggest
method, is to stop lookingoutside of yourself, and, yes,
you know, when it comes tofinding love, you're going to
need some strategy.
You're going to need some, youknow, kind of understanding.
How do I show up, how do Icommunicate, how do I do all
these things?
Biggest work is going to beworking on yourself, though, and
(14:42):
getting yourself to a placewhere you feel free from any of
your blocks.
You know your blind spots.
You feel pretty grounded andsettled and comfortable with who
you are.
You feel safe, you feel secure.
Your nervous system is veryregulated and calm.
You know what you need.
You're able to articulate thatconfidently and free.
Because you feel safe andsecure.
(15:02):
Yeah, you're pretty emotionallybalanced, so you're not going
to get triggered right, andbecause you've worked on your
core blocks, you're not going tobe projecting and dumping stuff
into other people and thereforegetting the wrong end of the
stick, and so that's the mostimportant thing.
I I started out working with alot of singles and helping with
the kind of the more datingaspect, and then I realized that
(15:24):
actually you can give all thestrategy in the world, you can
go to any matchmaker, if youhaven't done that core inner
work.
It's pointless, it's shortlived.
Cassandra (15:33):
Right, yeah, I get that Cause.
I went to a matchmaker one timeand it was a disaster.
It was a waste of money.
You know, and and you know, andI always wondered and I don't
know about yourself becauseyou're married, but when you are
(15:54):
married, do you find yourselfyou are attracting individuals
that you shouldn't?
Because you're married, it'slike more people men are
interested because not becauseI'm married, but maybe I'm.
I'm, I'm good with myself, Ifeel good about myself, I'm
showing this confidence, so it'slike I get more attractions
because I'm married.
(16:14):
That's what I'm thinking.
I'm like, but I'm married.
You know now, where were youbefore I got married?
Why is that you?
Katarina (16:20):
think that's so interesting and yeah, I mean I
have seen that.
But I will say my blinkers arejust like don't care.
Right, there is something about.
I find that more with avoidantfolks, where, for those of you
that and I see this with myclients more even as you become
(16:44):
more secure or you get marriedor whatever it is, you're
essentially harder to catchright.
You're not available anymore.
You're less available, and sopeople who are maybe afraid of
intimacy are going to be,unconsciously drawn to that
because you are not available.
That can happen a lot of thetime.
And then the other thing thatcan happen is when you are and I
(17:05):
see this more with men when youare married and you are, you
know, connected and in amonogamous relationship, you
become coveted because actuallyyou're that person who could
commit and you're a man who cancommit, right.
So I see it being differentwith different genders, like
with women.
When men are attracted to amarried woman, it's typically
(17:25):
because they're not availableand it's like that's the real
and that catch.
And actually beneath the wallthere's a fear of intimacy,
right.
Because if you actually didn'thave a fear of intimacy, you'd
be going for someone who isavailable, but if you're afraid,
you're gonna go for someonewho's actually gonna be a real,
real risk.
And with the men who are, um,married, it's typically kind of
a coveted like oh, I want whathe has.
Cassandra (17:47):
I know, yeah, that's that's so.
That's so strange when you talkabout those unconscious blocks.
How will individuals know, orwill they know, that this is the
right one?
You know how you're dating.
You're like it's like a redflag, but I'm going to still
stick with it.
(18:07):
How do you get out of that?
Because I see that being stuck.
You know it's not the rightperson, but you just can't get
out of it.
Maybe you can't get out of itbecause you don't want to be
alone, or I don't know.
Why do you think that is?
Katarina (18:27):
you don't want to be alone, or I don't know why do
you think that is, yeah, the.
So it's a question how do you?
know when you're with the rightperson when it's time to leave.
Yeah, yeah, this.
This is actually what I startedmy original coaching business
around, because I spent so muchof my first engagement like
really questioning my gutinstinct and trying to analyze.
Can I trust my gut?
(18:48):
What is my gut even saying?
Is it actually my fear?
Is it my anxiety?
Is it my anxious detachment?
Like, what is it saying?
And what I learned was thatfear and anxiety and kind of
your self.
I don't believe inself-sabotage, but your fear and
anxiety is a very differentvoice to your wisdom.
(19:10):
Most people aren't actuallyconnected to their wisdom.
They're connected to their fear.
Cassandra (19:16):
Right.
Katarina (19:17):
Because we're not conditioned to know our gut,
we're not conditioned to knowour wisdom.
We're conditioned to listen tothe fear, listen to the anxiety,
act and then push it down.
Oh, freak out, push it down,and so it's the greatest
maladaptive way of handling it.
So the best tip that I alwaystell people is, like, start the
(19:38):
practice now of meditating andgetting really clear on what
does your gut voice feel likeand what does the voice of fear
feel like?
Yeah, play around with like lowstakes things.
Just keep you know, play aroundwith like you know, did you
lock the door right in with yourgut, see what happens and go
(19:59):
back and check and if it's right, how did that feel?
Right?
Yeah, yeah, it out on a lowstakes way.
And, in tandem to that, keepdoing that inner work on the
core blocks that you have tomake sure that they are being
cleared, because now, forexample and the reason you know,
I say this like the reason Iwas able to marry my husband
(20:20):
within a year of meeting himeven though it was less than a
year after calling off my firstengagement, is because I had
worked so hard on my blocks andcleared them out that I was
actually so clear andso connected and so kind of
tapped into my own wisdom that Iknew, even though it was in
many ways the most ridiculousthing to be doing to commit my
(20:41):
life to this man.
But I knew and it felt safe,whereas when I think back to my
first fiance, the way that Iknew there it was like up here
it was like anxious you know, itwasn't really annoying, it was
a protection.
Cassandra (20:55):
It was yeah, yeah, yeah, it's like you didn't have
a peace, right, right, yeah, youhave to have a peace.
Now, what was some of yourblocks that you had that?
I'm believing some of mylisteners have those blocks as
well, yeah, absolutely.
Katarina (21:12):
And when I talk about the blocks, it's probably going
to sound a little bit odd, right, it's probably going to sound
kind of strange.
The blocks that I had.
Some are very kind of classicalones, like the big one was the
I'm alone and I'm abandonedwound, right, which makes sense.
I see that with a lot of myhigh achievers.
If your parents are very busyprofessionals and they're out
and about, you're probably goingto have that.
So when you feel alone andabandoned, you're going to be
(21:34):
unconsciously drawn to men whowill leave you alone and maybe
underneath, right, that's justhow it works.
That's what I mean.
Um, another big one that Ididn't even know that I had.
It was only when I startedgoing into the depths of
entrepreneurship that I reallycame up was.
It's kind of a weird one, butthis wound that I am bad, I'm
(21:55):
bad and I it sounds soridiculous to say, but actually,
when we unpack it, so manychildren out there are
conditioned because your, yourblocks, come from childhood,
right?
Yeah, so many children outthere are told off, are
criticized, are, you know, toldwhat to say, what to think, are
(22:15):
ignored.
Yeah, when we do these thingsto children, the unconscious
belief that that child isforming about themselves is very
likely going to be along thelines of I've done something
wrong.
Cassandra (22:27):
And.
Katarina (22:28):
I don't know what it is and therefore I'm either
defected or I'm bad, I'm notgood enough.
That's the classic one, right.
It's kind of like shame, right,and for me that was such a a
big one and I didn't see it allthat much until I called off my
(22:48):
engagement with my ex, andthat's when this kind of
gripping fear of like I'm nowbad.
I'm a bad woman.
I called this off and I walkedaway and I'm in my early 30s and
I'm like fallen and somehowright.
And then I kind of worked on itand got rid of it.
But then when I startedbuilding my business, it came up
(23:09):
again of like who am I to dothis?
I'm bad, like I'm just bad atthis, and all of that.
I wanted to really work throughit.
So it's a really big one.
Cassandra (23:26):
If you have any doubt , any self-doubt, any imposter
syndrome.
Yes, there's going to be someof that inside of you and
there's obviously a lot more totackle, but they're kind of the
big ones that I see.
So I, I know you, you got adegree and you know you've been
to coaching, a relationshipcoaching.
Uh, this sounds like somethingthat one cannot do alone.
You know.
It's like, like you said, weneed to meditate, kind of think,
take a deep dive into self andsee what are some of those
(23:49):
blocks.
Yeah, you know, like you said,I thought I was bad or
abandonment.
So how do you overcome those?
Because I'm certain it takes itdoes take work, because we
didn't get like this in one day.
You know this is as youindicate.
This is all childhood stuff.
(24:09):
So what ways did you overcomeit?
Was it your education or youknow coaching, or did you see a
therapist?
Katarina (24:18):
yeah, yeah.
So I talk about this a lot, umon linkedin, where I tend to
hang out and that's.
You know.
I did therapy for 15-16 years.
Oh wow, and it was useful.
It created good literacy in meof understanding you know what's
my story.
Where did it come from?
(24:38):
Abandonment, blah, blah, blah.
Didn't really give me any tools,though, and I had anorexia
twice in my life when I was ateenager symptom of the
abandonment wound when I was ateenager and then it came back
when I was living in Dubai inthe Middle East.
That was really scary, becauseat that time I was 25.
I felt a little bit too old tobe having anorexia, which felt
like a very kind ofquote-unquote teenage thing,
(25:00):
yeah, and I didn't know what todo.
So I was doing my degree atOxford when I was in kind of
recovery and I was scoping outwhere to get help, and I ended
up finding an eating disordercoach through one of my friends,
through one of my peers, andworking with her, and she had
also recovered from anorexia.
She wasn't a therapist, she wasa coach.
(25:21):
That was kind of my first beret, like I already had a coaching
qualification myself, but Ididn't really use it.
I didn't really, you know.
So, working with her, she beganto teach me about the I don't
know.
She told me about somaticsomatic healing and energy
healing and working with thebody and processing emotion, and
that was all pretty new to me.
I'd already done the Hoffmanprocess which is an incredible
(25:45):
retreat a couple years prior, soI already knew a lot of these
concepts.
But I actually began to applythem with a kind of a case study
between learning stuff andknowing the theory and actually
applying to a problem, and theanorexia was like a big problem
that I had to fix right.
I was not, so I startedapplying everything that I knew
(26:05):
and it kind of became this likejust kind of passionate, dogged
focus of mine.
In that year at Oxford.
I was like I'm going toovercome this.
I do not want this.
This is a waste of my time.
Yeah, I tried somatic healing.
I discovered a lot ofsubconscious mind techniques and
really I just went hard onhealing, healing, healing,
(26:26):
working on it and I did overcomeit.
I did overcome it, so that wasreally powerful.
And then I continued.
I moved to Canada.
After that I started doingdifferent types of coaching.
Um, I played around withpsychedelics, like I went deep
into mindfulness and meditationand then when I was with my
ex-fiancé and I thought I wasall cured and healed and I
(26:48):
realized, oh no, attachmenttheory that's the thing, and I
began working on that.
I got myself my firstrelationship coach and I worked
with her and then got anotherrelationship coach.
So all of that to say it wasyears of what I call the
scattergun approach, which iskind of when we try lots of
little things and we exactly.
And so what I really try tobuild for my clients now is a
(27:11):
consolidated end-to-end systemwith the best tools and
techniques in a chronologicalprocess that they can into that
they can actually follow throughand it's not something that
they have to kind of spend years, like I did, trying all the
different modalities, because Itried every type of therapy out
there every time yeah, soundslike me yeah yeah, I did the
(27:32):
same thing.
Cassandra (27:33):
Um, so when you, you were in a good place is when you
met your husband, yeah,mentally, physically everything
you were feeling good.
Katarina (27:42):
Not professionally, though, I will say that's kind
of, because I think there isthis kind of false emphasis on
like everything will happen whenyou least expect it and your
life will be.
You know, when you're livingyour best life, then you'll find
the love of your life.
And I'm like that's kind ofunrealistic, not real.
There's a lot of pressure onpeople.
Right, you want to beinternally in a good place.
(28:03):
Right, like internally I was ina good place, but
professionally I was going toquit my corporate job, basically
jump into the abyss.
I was going to move to Spainwith no plan, take a sabbatical.
I, you know, I was like blankcanvas.
I don't know what I'm doingwith my life.
I'm just gonna go live my bestlife, whatever that might look
right, whatever.
I was scared, but I feltconfident in myself, I trusted
(28:25):
myself, I loved myself, I'dforgiven myself and I felt very
secure in myself.
And so I met him in this kindof place where I was on the
precipice of moving countriesand he was on the precipice of
moving countries.
We were both like, can we justmove countries together?
Cassandra (28:40):
and that's really how it all came about right, that's
funny, um, when I was talkingabout, um, how individuals kind
of get stuck in relationships,they see red flags and I talked
(29:01):
about why it's hard to let go,you know, because I need
somebody in my life.
Do you have any advice forindividuals like that?
Uh, because for yourself, you,your ex-fiance, you was feeling
something you know for you tosay this isn't working.
(29:22):
What was the pivotal moment inyour life during that time that
said you know what?
This is not working.
What happened?
Katarina (29:30):
yeah, a few things happened.
One we were working with amarriage counselor and he'd kind
of given us like a deadlineright, like a kind of a time
frame and then the relationshipcoach that I was working with.
She also was very big onboundaries, which I'm big with
my clients too, because most ofthe most but a lot of my clients
come to me when they're inrelationship and they're kind of
(29:51):
debating like what do I do?
Cassandra (29:52):
I'm not happy what do I do?
And?
Katarina (29:54):
so I'm a big believer that you have to have a about a
boundary.
You can't stay unhappy forever.
There has to be a window oftime that you're willing to give
it your best yeah changes youneed to see, effort you're going
to put in, and then you seewhat happens.
And I gave it, you know, for me,of six months.
So when that six month timeframe was kind of wrapping up
(30:15):
and I hadn't seen the changesthat I needed to see and I
wasn't feeling any better andwe'd really tried very hard,
like both of us, that was a bigpart of when I kind of my gut
instinct got really loud thatit's time to go, and I just
don't think we were right foreach other.
And I think a lot of people doend up in relationships and
(30:37):
people are not right for eachother, partly out of fear,
partly out of social pressure,partly out of thinking this is
probably the best I can do orthis is right, right, right
pressure on us exactly as women.
Cassandra (30:52):
You're exactly right.
Um, those high achievers, youknow, work, work, work.
You want to get it right.
You know was it coaching thatenabled you to turn that off and
and do what was necessary foryou to have a successful
(31:14):
relationship.
Um, because I too, was a highachiever.
I call it a personality.
Yeah, and I had that challenge,you know.
But you know, and I always said, you know, I don't think I
could get married while I'mworking, because I'm a whole
different person.
You know, and this wasinteresting I retired early and
(31:38):
then I started, I let my guardsdown, but yet I still had those
behaviors, you know.
So how do you, if those womenout there that's working those
high achieving jobs, how do theyturn it off and get focused on
their relationship, how do theyturn that high achieving off?
Katarina (31:59):
dna off.
So I think that's the fallacy,because I think that's the wrong
question to ask, right, andthat's the question that the
marriage counselor would ask me.
That's the question that, liketherapy would ask me.
And I remember at the end of itI was like when I kind of tried
to turn it off and I startedbending myself out of shape and
(32:19):
my plan was to, like,essentially, retire with my ex
right, I was going to become amindfulness teacher.
I'm going to live in a beautifulforest and I was going to help
him in this career and I wasgoing to be like a meditation
teacher and I started gettingpanic attacks and anxiety.
And the funny thing is, with myhusband now I make way more
money than I was making incorporate, which I would never
(32:39):
have imagined because I've notbeen doing this for long.
I'm happier than I could everhave imagined.
I work harder than I could everhave imagined.
However, I'm not burnt out.
I am in flow.
I am in full state of energy,right, and he actually even
today.
Like you know, I crossedanother kind of financial goal
earlier today and I've beenfeeling quite unwell, like I'm
(33:02):
losing my voice there and he wasjust like how are you doing?
And I was like I get that.
I need to rest and yes, I'mincorporating rest.
The same time, there is suchlike a passion inside of me
fueling me and so many of my ownneeds are getting met in this
work that I'm really reallyimpassioned.
And that's not to say that I'mworking, you know, 15 hours a
day.
(33:22):
There's a very clear boundaryand a cutoff point of when it
stops.
But the point is, I'm in astate of aliveness.
I'm in a state of like, joy andexcitement, right and like and
like, the constant celebrationsof like achieving new goals and
wow, you know the vision and theimpact.
And so my point with that isthat asking how do you tone down
(33:43):
the high achiever to me feltlike the wrong question, because
women didn't fight for freedomfor so many decades, centuries
right, and we don't even have ityet fully okay for all of that
to then rewind the clock andjust, you know, stay home.
Yeah, staying home is what makesyou happy and go nuts.
For me, it's all about.
The problem is it's not thehigh achieving energy, it's the
(34:07):
fact that so many of us aren'tliving our full potential and
we're not getting our needs metand we are stuffing ourselves
into little corporate boxesright in our little corporate
heels and our little corporatemini dresses.
I know because I did this andwe're stuffing ourselves into
doing reports and work thatisn't actually getting our needs
met, and not to say that we'reentrepreneurs like you know
(34:29):
roses and daisies all day.
Of course it's like things Ireally don't like doing
absolutely.
For the most part, it isenriching, whereas what I found
in a lot of my corporateexperience and I always had a
very low tolerance for it,actually, but a lot of it wasn't
enriching, and so there's adifference between doing a
12-hour day when you're tiredand it's heavy, yeah, and you're
(34:52):
resenting it, you know.
And then you come back to yourrelationship and you're half
dead right and you're grumpy andyou feel depleted.
And then you're putting a lotof pressure on your partner to
like pick you up and lift you up, and it's so imbalanced and
you're probably dragging a lotof that masculine energy into
into the relationship, right,whereas I find when you love the
work and you sure you'reprobably dragging a lot of that
masculine energy into, into therelationship, right?
(35:13):
whereas I find when you love thework and you sure you're
probably going to be more onyour masculine all day anyway
you love the work.
There is that flow, there isthat passion and there is that
energy, right.
That is so nourishing.
And so I have clients who cometo me and you know they're like
ceos of a global bank, they'rec-suite execs, they're young,
(35:34):
they're in their 40s or you knowyeah and they come in and
they're like oh, I feel guiltyfor working, I feel guilty, I
feel guilty, and I'm like, whoseguilt is that?
how much of that guilt is yours?
And you know, when they sitdown and they're like, probably
five percent is mine, 95 is notmine.
I'm like, right, like you'reloving your work, it brings you
(35:55):
joy.
You're the breadwinner.
Be proud.
You're not, you're not actuallycompromising your marriage with
the hours that you're doing,like on a rational level.
And so so much of the work isreally about can we just reclaim
our freedom?
Yes, get, get our needs met andat the same time, shift, focus
to actually prioritize the rightthings in the relationship.
(36:17):
Right, because again, when wethink about, yes, there is going
to be a difference.
If you're working a 12-hour day, there's going to be less hours
in the day to focus on therelationship.
Cassandra (36:25):
Exactly.
Katarina (36:28):
But is it not fair to say that it's better to be happy
and nourished and exhilarated,full of passion for those 12
hours and then come home andspend three hours doing the
right things, right?
Is it not fair to say that'sbetter than spending six hours
doing something you absolutely,you know, are suffocated by, you
really hate, you resent cominghome and having seven hours with
(36:49):
your partner watching the TV,you know, and like not really
having a conversation, nothaving any physical touch.
Cassandra (36:56):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Katarina (36:58):
So it really, to me, it all comes down to a needs
exercise, which is a big part ofthe work that I do identifying
what are your needs, what areyour partner's needs, and how do
you, kind of like a jigsawpuzzle like, piece them together
to find your uniqueconfiguration of what works.
And that starts with you rightyou don't have to change your
job.
Cassandra (37:17):
Yeah, exactly that's what I was going to say.
It's kind of like you saidwhat's fulfilling.
You know, get that part rightBecause you have to work, unless
I mean, even if you're amillionaire I mean, even if
you're a millionaire, why wouldyou have to do something?
I mean you just don't sitaround.
Yeah, exactly.
So you have that.
And you also talked about youhad a coach, you had therapy,
(37:40):
and if you wanted to work, youhave to work it.
And it appears that you reallywork, that you spend a lot of
time, you know, trying to findyourself.
What are my unconsciousbarriers?
What?
What is stopping me from, fromgetting it?
Yeah, I still do that every day.
Katarina (37:59):
Like I, I tell my clients, once you're on the
train, it's hard to get off ityeah it's kind of addictive in a
good way, not in a kind of likeI'm fixing myself, but I'm just
in a, in a state where I'm like, how good can this get?
Like, this is pretty cool right.
Like now I'm seeing like afterthe first year of grinding in my
business, now I'm seeing likethe wealth, like the real wealth
(38:21):
, come through and I'm like,holy moly, this is really cool.
And I know it's down to purestrategy.
You know it's like a big chunkof it's because I've actually
cleared the block.
So I'm like, okay, well, let'stake this money and reinvest it
into more work on myself, moregrowth, more clearing.
Just like how, how good canthis get right?
How good the relationship getreflecting, we're like, yeah,
(38:44):
we're really happy, things arereally good yeah and again it's
not like we're not grateful.
Cassandra (38:50):
It's just why not and there are some people that you
know, when they feel that great,they're like something's
getting ready to happen, yeah,that's the block, that's the
block, that's the block, andthat's something actually my own
coach was teaching me.
Katarina (39:11):
Um well, there's kind of two things I want to say here
from a relationship front.
I tell this to my clients thatas you become more secure and
you get out there and you'redating and you meet someone, do
not be surprised if, at somepoint, you start to feel
repulsed by them, you start tofeel like kind of that ick
feeling, you start to freak outor start acting really
(39:33):
irrationally.
That's okay.
That is just your subconsciousfreaking out because you have
something really good and it'syour fear of intimacy kicking in
and all you need to do is justslow down, give it some space
not react right and just likelet it wash over you and ride
through you and come out theother side.
(39:56):
And same thing when you'rebuilding a business or trying to
make more money or whatever.
There will come a point whereyou're like, oh my god, this is
so good.
And for me, like just trulylooking at the funds in my
account and being like, yeah,this is, this is okay, this is
normal now, and just likeleaning into it and like
trusting it and just sittingwith it and letting it wash
through as you level up.
Cassandra (40:11):
Right, yes, it's always yeah, yeah, yeah.
That is great, katarina.
You know relationships, youknow you've heard the book Men
Are From Mars, women Are FromVenus.
I interviewed her on my podcastyeah, yeah, that's yeah, and
it's just like you're saying theboundaries, understanding who
(40:32):
you are, understanding yourroadblocks, unconsciously, and
working on those and not tothink you can do it all alone.
And it's kind of like, well,how bad do you want it, how bad
do you want a good relationshipand a healthy relationship?
And then you hear people say,well, there's more women than
men, so there's nobody out there.
I hear that a lot.
And then you hear people say,well, there's more women than
men, so there's nobody out there.
(40:53):
I hear that a lot, and youprobably do too.
And I'm like there's a lot ofmen out there.
It's just want the right ones.
Yeah, yeah, and that's the That's.
a block right there.
It's like it's not yeah, yeah, Ihear it all the time and I'm
like but yes, it is, you know.
And then you do attract, likeyou said, who you are.
(41:13):
If you're in a depended state,clinging, feeling abandoned, you
want to attract that type ofindividual.
So look in the mirror atyourself.
Yeah, yeah, wow, this is somegreat stuff.
How can my listeners get intouch with you?
Katarina (41:32):
yeah, absolutely so.
The best place to start wouldbe on my website, so www.
katarinapolonska.
com, or on LinkedIn.
I read all of my dms onlinkedin, for better or for
worse, and I love to hear frompeople, so definitely drop me a
message that you can find me,katarina polonska yeah, I think
that's how we connected.
Cassandra (41:52):
I think, yeah, absolutely, yeah.
Well, you were amazing, thankyou.
Thank you for my individuals,my listeners out there, who,
even though this podcast is forwomen, it can go both ways, in
the event that a gentleman islistening as well, but for women
, you've got some tips, somegreat tips and, like you said,
(42:14):
if you want a healthyrelationship, you know you have
to put the work in and you canhave one, so don't think you
cannot have one, because that'sanother rule.
Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,yeah, yeah.
So, thanks again.
And to all my listeners, I knowfor a fact that this podcast,
(42:42):
this episode, is something thatwill resonate with a lot of your
friends, so please share it andit will also be on all podcast
platforms, and many of us wouldlove to be in a relationship.
You know, I hear people say Idon't need anybody, but a lot of
those people that we're nottalking about needing somebody,
wanting and desiring to havesomebody special in your life
Right, absolutely Right, okay,well, thank you.
(43:04):
And to my all my listeners, asI say, bye for now.
And if you enjoyed this podcast, please subscribe for now.
And if you enjoyed this podcast, please subscribe.
And also, like I indicated,please, please, share it with
(43:29):
your friends and individualsthat you know this would be of
their best interest to hear.
Thank you, god bless, and Ialways say bye.
For now, thank you.
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