March 8, 2024 • 45 mins
When life pirouettes between joy and despair, how do we catch our breath and find the courage to dance on? Our effervescent guest, Ohemaa Han—better known as Ohemaa Blondie—joins us to share her symphony of truths about navigating life's relentless ballet. With the same verve she brought to reinventing her look post-motherhood, Ohemaa waltses us through her bold transformation, cheered on by her supportive husband. Her journey, punctuated by a drastic hair change, is more than surface deep; it's a tale of self-expression and the love that inspires us to twirl towards authenticity.
Have you ever wondered what it truly means to choose happiness amidst the storms? This episode isn't just about weathering life's challenges; it's a deep dive into the art of joyful resilience. I open up about the arduous path of grieving my sister—a journey through the thicket of sorrow that taught me the strength found in our most vulnerable moments. Together with Ohemaa, we reflect on life's poignant episodes, from the fear of a Adele's illness and death to the transformative power of a fresh haircut. It's a conversation that champions mindfulness as our compass through the tempest of negative thoughts, grief, and the pursuit of happiness.
Navigating the digital age's currents, Ohemaa and I discuss the ebb and flow of sharing our lives online while honoring personal boundaries. We unravel the complexities of posting about our relationships in the public eye and the necessary balance when humor and memes intersect with reality. Through her story, we highlight the indispensable role of open communication in a marriage—ensuring that even when not wearing a wedding ring, the reasons are shared with a partner. It's an episode where laughter rings out, understanding deepens, and the freedom to be unapologetically oneself is celebrated within the sacred dance of partnership. Join us for a conversation that doesn't merely spotlight the strength in emotional honesty but revels in the liberating act of being true to oneself and nurturing a supportive bond.
Watch the video episode of this on YouTube - https://linktr.ee/konnectedminds
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
People go through situations and they allow it to
bring them down so much.
But I've said to myself no, I'mnot going to be that person.
I try to let happiness be achoice, because, as much as I
have a lot to be grateful for, Ihave a lot of things that I can
easily wallet and just be upsetabout majority of the time,
(00:21):
because life is not allhappiness and rising.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
You know there's something about death.
Right, they say that you knowthe circle of death only gets
smaller.
It doesn't get bigger, so youmight remember, but the pain
associated to it is a lotsmaller.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
It's not going to be as big as it was.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Well, we're back here again on another episode of
Connected Minds.
I love this show so muchbecause anytime we sit and we
talk, you know the guest isdifferent and they share so much
experience that I personallydon't have and some of my
listeners don't.
And today, the conversation I'mgoing to have with Oyeh Mahan,
(01:11):
as everyone knows her, is howdoes she balance family, work
and her social life?
If you are on her snap, youknow what I'm talking about.
You're welcome to the show,madam Blondie.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
Thank you very much, D I appreciate you for having me
here.
Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
Yeah, you're welcome.
It was a long wait, but it'shappened.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
Sorry for the wait.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
No, no, no, it's all right, it's happened and it's
always a good conversation.
You know, whenever we speak andI thought, nah, we have to get
this on camera.
You know we need to get theaudio out so people can get to
understand the sort ofconversations we have.
You know, when we sit and talk.
Now I've had a lot of guests onthis show, but this is probably
(02:01):
going to be the most difficultconversation to have, because I
feel like we've had all of it.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Oh yeah, okay In that case.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Yeah, you're right, we've had all of it, and I'm not
even sure whether I'm going tobe able to bring it all out.
Yeah, first of all, how are you?
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Do you know what?
I'm okay, I'm good.
I can't complain honestly.
If I complain, that I'mungrateful, I'm good.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Yeah, so the last time I met you, you didn't have
no space, right.
The last time I met you andbefore that you didn't.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
Before that so a lot has changed, a lot has changed
For the better anyway.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
I mean what's going on there?
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Do you know what I feel like nothing is going on.
I've just finally found thecourage to do what I really want
to do.
That's just what it is.
I've always wanted to cut myhair.
Always I've been the typebecause, naturally, I don't have
a lot of hair anyway.
So I've always thought tomyself saying, no, I will
definitely cut my hair one day.
(03:06):
But it was a matter of when,right.
So after I had a heavenly, I wasspeaking to you, my husband,
and he was like you say you wantto cut your hair, you're not
going to do it.
So one day he was like no,you're not going to cut your
hair.
I said I am going to cut myhair.
When he said I'm not going todo it, it hurt me because I what
do you mean?
I'm not going to do it.
I gathered them.
I said I'm going to cut my hairand he goes oh, but you're
(03:27):
going to cut your hair and leaveit black.
I said, yeah, I just want that.
He goes dye it blonde.
People don't know that thisblonde hair was my husband's
idea.
Yeah, blonde hair.
When he said it I thought maybehe was trying to troll me.
I cried like you know a littlebit, you're trying to be like oh
.
But I was like no, okay, okay.
And I went on social media.
(03:47):
I saw a lady, dark skin, likemyself, blonde hair.
I was like, oh, I see whereyou're going with this.
Yeah, and I did it, made thedecision, went to Nikki the
Barber Shouts to Nikki and, yeah, he gave me the confidence.
He was like no, he might notsee you.
I said, okay, great, and I didit.
(04:08):
Yeah, yeah, it's great.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
Fantastic.
I was going to ask what doesyour husband think about it deep
down?
But the fact that he's the onethat approved it and even chose
the color, you know, that'sgreat.
My mom was shocked.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
My mom was like hey, you, this girl.
I said, yeah, take it up toyour in-law, because it was his
idea.
Yeah, but no, it was just thecourage.
You know, sometimes we saywe'll do this, we'll do that,
we'll do this, and then we justsay it and we don't do it.
But deep down, that's what youreally want to do and this is
what I've always wanted to do tocut my hair point blank.
(04:42):
But it only took me having achild and thinking, oh my God, I
look different, I don't likethe way I look, I'm not happy.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
I'm not happy, yeah, and.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
I thought maybe if I cut my hair I would get that
little edginess and you know thegorge that I'm looking for,
yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
So if I had an injection called happiness, I
think I'd probably sell one toyou.
So you just stay at home andthen you jab yourself back, and
then you get excited and you jabyourself.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
But you know what?
I don't need a jab, right, Idon't even need a drink to be
happy.
This is just you know.
Don't go on like you don't knowthat this is me.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
Like.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
I am just, this is me and I'm happy.
I try to be.
I try to let happiness be achoice because, as much as I
have a lot to be grateful for, Ihave a lot of things that I can
easily wallet and just be upsetabout majority of the time,
because life is not allhappiness and roses.
You know this.
But I'm choosing what that I'mchoosing that every you know.
(05:39):
I'm choosing that I will behappy and I'm not going to dwell
on the things that's going onin the family or just in life in
general, because it's unhealthyto do that.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
I had to go through a journey where I had to practice
observing the thinker, so it'sa concept in a book called the
power of now.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
And it's helped me a lot, where I basically, anytime
a thought comes into my mind, Ineed to stay far back in my mind
and observe what thought it isthat is coming in, whether it's
family, friends, relatives,whatever and that thought
usually goes away.
(06:25):
So I've had to use another wayto do it, rather than, let's say
, a lot of physical attachmentsand things like that.
But everyone deals with issuesdifferently.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
You're right.
You're right and I think it'simportant because D I know you
were touching on the topic ofhappiness and how you would give
me an injection and stuff likethat, but I've, I went through a
moment in my life where I wasnot like this.
After my sister passed away, Ibecame a completely different
(07:00):
person, like I went from theOlima that you know to this rude
.
Just, I don't know.
I'll use the word rude becauseI could tell that I was bitter.
I was so bitter to the pointwhere it was translated in the
way that I am with people.
So I had a moment I was justlike, nah, this is not me, man,
(07:22):
it's not.
I didn't do they.
Life happens, death happens.
Death is cruel, but it happens,you know, and am I going to
just allow this death that hashappened, that is so close and
near, to affect me as a person?
I went through my moments whereI was so down, like I say, I
was a different person, I wasn'tmyself at all, but again, I had
(07:44):
to make that self reflectionand make that decision.
That's what I keep saying is adecision.
I have to tell myself nah, Ican't be like this, I need to
just be an inspiration to myself, help my mom, help my family,
help my cousins, because we wereall affected by this death
massively.
So I just had to decide that no, I don't want to be this person
(08:07):
.
I want to educate people on thetopic of what happened to her,
how she passed away, and justuse that as a tool to just keep
going, really and truly.
That's why I'm always bangingon about water.
I'm always banging on about Ifeel like since she passed, I've
become a talkative, because Ifeel like people go through
(08:29):
situations and they allow it tobring them down so much.
But I've said to myself, nah,I'm not gonna be that person.
So when you look at me, youthink I don't have problems, but
I like it like that.
I assume I don't have problemsbecause I do, and I'm not gonna
let you see me and see myproblems.
No way, that's not how God mademe.
You need to see me and think,hey, girl, like this girl, she
(08:50):
does not have problems and Iwant to be like her.
But when you talk to meone-on-one, then you know that,
yes, there is a lot behind whatyou see.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
Well, I've cried a lot of times, you know, and I've
had to.
I needed it to come out and youknow I do it in front of
whoever it is that is there thatneeds to see, because I'm human
, you know, and I'm allowed tobe vulnerable like that.
Now, anytime it happens, ithappens because it's
(09:28):
overwhelming.
You know, there was a time myson was sick and it's probably
the most I've cried.
I cried so much, but look atthat, you never think you cried,
oh yeah yeah, I do, oh, yeahyeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I've cried so many times, somany times and I had to, because
at that point I felt I neededhelp.
You know, I needed a way out, Ineeded something to happen.
(09:52):
Then he's gonna be well.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
You know, and that same day, when I took him to the
hospital, I was not confidentwith the diagnosis they gave me
Because they didn't understandwhat was going on Immediately.
That same day I booked a flightticket 5,000 pounds for the two
of them to go to the UK.
This boy, go to the UK.
There's a toy on the bed.
Mom says, son, that's your toy.
He jumped on the bed and that'sit.
He's well and I'm thinking Ijust wasted my cry and wasted my
(10:21):
money.
So sometimes I have to you know, there's been several times.
Stepdad was sick, I had to cry,so I don't let see.
The fact that I'm crying doesnot mean the problems have
gotten to me, right, I'm justletting it out, yeah yeah, just
human.
Yeah, yeah, I'm just letting itout Absolutely, and I have to
let it out.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
Because majority of the time, the people that don't
let it out, they reach abreaking point.
It might not happen within thenow, but eventually it will
happen and it will translateeither to your social life, your
family.
Along the way.
You will break down, you willbreak.
So that's just how it is.
(11:00):
It's good to cry, but then alsodon't we?
We need to thank God for thespirit of forgetfulness, because
imagine if we didn't forgetcertain things and we always
remembered certain things.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
We would be doomed.
Yeah, I guess one of the thingabout well, do I actually forget
?
Or I guess it's a consciouseffort, isn't it To forget?
But it's just, you know,there's something about death,
right?
They say that you know, thecircle of death only gets
smaller.
It doesn't get bigger.
So you might remember, but thepain associated to it is a lot
(11:40):
smaller.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
It's not gonna be as big as it was you know.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
And with Adele?
How did it happen?
Speaker 1 (11:49):
Okay.
So Adele passed away when shewas just after her 18th birthday
, and I mean, up until now wehaven't really gotten.
We have, but I don't buy it.
They diagnosed her eventuallyyou know, on the day of her
(12:09):
death with multiple organfailure.
But prior to that there werecertain decisions that she
herself, as a person, I guess,wasn't making so in the sense of
like drinking water, makingsure she's hydrated all the time
.
She wasn't a sick like, shewasn't somebody that was sick.
(12:30):
I wouldn't say that my sisterwas sick like somebody that was
ill all the time.
No, but I think she was goingthrough a pain that she was
suppressing.
So whether she herself evenknew what the pain was, I can't
say, because she never opened upabout anything, but I do know
(12:52):
that water played a massive part.
She wasn't a drinker of water,she wasn't.
So On the day that she passedaway, we just received a phone
call from the hospital and herbest friend called me actually
and was like oh, hannah, I'vebeen trying to call you.
You know, adele, it's not well.
(13:15):
And I was like, oh, okay, butthen the phone cut and then my
dad walked in and was like oh,wake up, because Adele's been
admitted to the hospital.
They said it's tonsillitis.
I said tonsillitis, okay, Imean, we know that she has,
she's had tonsillitis in thepast, but didn't think it would
be that severe for her to beadmitted.
(13:35):
Anyway, I got ready, got to thehospital and then you will never
believe that I walked past mysister.
I walked past her.
I walked, I looked, I turned,saw that she was a patient on
the bed and I walked past her.
That's how much I couldn'trecognize her.
She had changed in the sense of, like her color had gotten much
darker and just dry, she hadbloated up a bit more than the
(14:01):
usual self.
So I walked past her and then Iasked the doctor.
I was like, oh, I'm here, thenurse.
I was like, oh, I'm here to seeAdele.
She was like, oh, she's in thatbay.
And I was like, okay.
And I went and I was like, oh,my God.
But then, being a nurse, Icouldn't react the way that I
wanted to.
Oh, I should have.
So I took a step back and I waslike, you know, oh, you're okay
(14:22):
, you know, checked on her andstuff like that.
She couldn't really talk to me,but just not to make it
long-winded and anything sheeventually was supposed to have
dialysis.
I'm telling you this becausethat's how fast I was told
everything From somebody nothaving no issues with her kidney
as far as I'm concerned, noissues with her liver, nothing
(14:46):
to being told that she needs tohave dialysis, like now.
So I said to the doctor what doyou mean dialysis?
She hasn't got any kidneyproblems.
She was no, she has.
And then they turned to herfriend and they were like oh,
has she been drinking?
I was like what kind ofquestion is that?
I was upset, I was annoyed, ifanything.
(15:07):
So the doctor was like, oh, youknow, he just concluded that
for a young person it must havebeen like binge drinking,
whatever, whatever.
Because this is severe, likeit's a severe organ has failed,
not failing, it has failed.
So they decided to take her toICU, intensive care unit to go
and do the dialysis.
(15:28):
So we all walked with her onthe bed just making sure she was
okay and stuff like that.
And then when we got to ICU,okay, this is where the journey
ends, you can't come in.
I understood that.
I was like, okay, fine, saidbye to her.
When I turned around, went backto the hospital the way that I
had parked.
I didn't even pay for it, so Iknew I was going to get a ticket
(15:50):
.
So I was more conscious of that.
I was like, okay, let me gomove the car or pay, do
something.
So I left the hospital.
Even at that time my dad hadn'teven arrived yet.
So I left the hospital and thenI had to move the car.
And if you know Newham General,when you come out of the
hospital and you get to New Vichospitals, the New Vic schools,
(16:10):
the college that's the trafficlight.
I had gotten to and I receivedthe phone call.
They were like oh, we need youto come back because your sister
has deteriorated.
I said okay, but the voice thatshe used to say that I do so,
anyway, turn around came back,run upstairs, opened the door
(16:32):
and the nurse was like oh, Ididn't even, I didn't even have
to speak.
I moved her out of the way.
I moved her out of the waybecause she wasn't going to be
the one to break the news to me.
So she was going to try andginger me with oh, do you want
water?
So I said no, I know how thisgoes, let me go and see her.
I walked in and all I could seewas the CPR machine.
(16:53):
I think it's called Lucas.
She's just slain their lifelessand apparently they had been
doing so.
I guess the time that I leftthere all the you know faffing
around getting in a car tookabout 45 minutes.
So they had, as soon as I leftand they put her down to GA.
She went into a cardiac arrest.
(17:14):
So they didn't even start thefiltration, nothing.
She went into a cardiac arrestand they couldn't revive her.
So what again?
We said.
You know, we said to thedoctors what has caused this.
They couldn't even tell us, soat the end they brought it down
to pneumonia and multiple organfailure.
(17:38):
Just very confusing, veryconfusing Me myself.
I have not had peace up untilnow because the way that we
wanted to maneuver things itwould have brought a lot of, you
know, even more confusion tothe family.
We wouldn't have been settledin our minds because it was
going to go down the legal route, you know.
But that's what sometimes isdifficult for me to say.
(18:02):
When someone says what happened, it's hard for me to say
because I don't know whathappened to Adele, because I
haven't been told that this iswhat happened and this is why
she died.
It was, oh, we think it wasthis, we think it was that.
But from my sort of likemedical knowledge and what, I
think, it was only when shepassed away that I could see a
lot of parasitoma in her room, alot of parasitoma in her bag, a
(18:26):
lot of parasitoma in her jacket.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
Right.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
That's when I was like whoa, Okay, this girl was
not.
She was in pain, clearly, butwhen you see her she's bubbly.
She was a dancer in uni doingall sorts, very active, Very
active.
You would never in a millionyears think that something was
wrong and she was the type ofperson to not ask for help.
She would rather suppress itand headache, headache.
(18:54):
But Adele never, evercomplained about anything.
She was more.
She was so selfless that sheknows she can deal with whatever
she's going through with somesort of parasitoma.
But I know, thinking back at thetime, that she was not a
drinker, she was more of like ajuicer.
So if anything she would drinkCoke, orange juice, apple juice.
(19:16):
She would never drink water.
But there had been instanceswhere there was a little bit of
incontinence, like the signs ofincontinence happened at a
wedding that we went to, and I'monly saying that this now
because that situation taught mea lesson.
I beat myself up so much sincethat event because I failed to
(19:39):
recognise that she.
That was a massive sign.
Like she, we went to a friend'swedding and she was like oh my
God, I need to pee, I need topee.
She went from her brain tellingher I need to pee, to literally
just pee, and she could notcontrol it.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
She was so young to go through that she was so young
and this is something thatpatients honestly didn't 65 go
through.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
Exactly so in that moment in my career, I was like,
why didn't I, why didn't I doanything?
Listen, I was beating up myselfso much.
So then, since then, I said, no, I am going to be the best
nurse that I can be.
How dare me be a nurse and notpick up on that?
So I went through a moment of,like you know, just self blaming
myself almost and I was like no, we're not doing this from
(20:25):
today, anything that I'm doing,I'm going to be the best.
I need to be able to recognizethe signs of anything.
That's why I don't joke with myfriends.
I'm telling them listen, myfriends will come to me.
All of a sudden, I'm notfeeling well, I'll be like, okay
, let's sort it.
It could be something, becauseyou're not yourself, it could be
.
So I've become this.
My senses are heightened.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
Advocate.
Speaker 1 (20:46):
I've become an advocate I guess that's the word
.
I've become an advocate forjust wellness, well being, not
taking anything when it comes toyour health for granted.
Don't wait till tomorrow andsay, oh, I will do this, I'll do
that.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
Oh, and I tell you what you posted an image of how
we should check our balls themen.
Yeah, since I saw that wechecking it all the time,
anytime I go into the shower Imake sure I'm popping that thing
.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
You have to.
Yeah, and majority of the timeI feel like we neglect the men's
health we do.
Unfortunately, I found myselfdoing that quite alone, just
focusing on women, women, women.
But men go through a lot andmen are.
I think men are very naivesometimes when it comes to the
men, sometimes when it comes tohealth.
Not to be disrespectful, butit's good that I posted what I
(21:30):
posted, because a lot of menwere like, oh my God.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
We have to do this.
Why do we have to do this?
Speaker 2 (21:36):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
So that's why I take, that's why I don't.
I post a lot of things onsocial media and I'm trying to
separate the health side fromthe enjoyment side.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
Right, right.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
And I'm trying to separate the health side from
the family side because I doeverything and I feel like
sometimes it might the advocacymight get lost in translation.
Somebody might miss thatbecause they might want to watch
something else.
So you know.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
But I'm really sorry.
You know about your loss andyou know Adele was valuable to
all of us.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
Yeah, she danced for you guys.
Yeah, she was in our musicvideos and almost everyone you
know.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
I've got a big smile on my face because there's a
particular video of her that Iremember.
Yeah, you know such a beautifulsong.
Mm-hmm you know, but you know,on the topic of health,
especially because I'm apharmacist to your nurse
(22:41):
recently one of our familymembers.
In the afternoon he was goingto have a nap, the wife was
cooking with the kids and thenmom said look, wake up, your dad
, food is ready.
They went there and the guy wasgone.
Now, as soon as the familycalled me, I said nah, he had a
(23:06):
heart attack and then the guywas like how did you know?
And I said well, it's a silentkiller, you know, and I suspect
that he had hypertension and hedidn't talk about it.
When the postmortem came, thatwas the case.
So we need to take care ofourselves.
(23:26):
That's why, if you've seenrecently I started posting BP,
check your BP on my snaps.
I think people need to do that.
I've got one next to my bed andI checked that every now and
then.
Speaker 1 (23:39):
It costs about 20 pounds or even less.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
Yeah, yeah, but people don't check it, people
don't check it yeah.
So the brother of the guy is apastor, so I told him to get.
I told him that one of thethings that the churches
probably need to start doing,and a lot of the schools and
religious organizations shoulddo, is just get one of the
nurses there yeah.
(24:02):
And every Sunday after church,let them pass through and check
their BP's.
For the men, that's a goodinitiative.
And the women?
Yeah, today we have a lot of wehave high divorce rates.
Yeah, we have a lot ofrelationships that are not
working out, unfortunately, andI think there isn't a lot of
(24:26):
marriage advocacy around.
Do you think that people arehaving the conversation that
they are supposed to have andallowing time for those answers
to come through before they makethe decisions that I think.
Speaker 1 (24:47):
I think people are under quite a bit of pressure as
well.
Okay, they might be having aconversation and they just might
not have the patience to waitfor things to transpire,
unfortunately, because, yes,they're not having, maybe that
conversation might not even behappening because they just want
to get married.
(25:08):
They just want to get married,they just want to get married.
But then we both know why shewants to get married.
That's when the real marriagestarts.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
You've got to explain that a bit, okay, because I I
that thing.
I don't understand.
You don't you don't agree?
No, and it's not like would Iagree or not.
I just don't understand it,because you know when you're
courting.
Yes.
Speaker 1 (25:35):
You're not necessarily going to see that
your partner's true, real,authentic character until you
start.
I know some people livetogether before they get married
, but let's give the instancefor those majority of the people
that don't live together andthey're just courting, getting
to know whoever, and they'rehaving the surface conversations
(25:55):
.
Even if they're having the deepconversations, you're still.
There's still certain thingsthat you're not going to see.
That will really rock your mindand think, oh my God, did I
even make the right decision?
That is only going to happenafter the fact, after you've
walked down the aisle, afteryou're now having to reason
together, properly making lifedecisions that will affect the
(26:17):
both of you, Because when you'recourting, you can, you can
bounce you.
You're not, you're not, you'renot bound.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
Well, I mean, I was in a pharmacy and then the
manager at the pharmacy, right,there's a someone in Cornwall
and then, and then I was tellingher I'm going to get married
and yeah, like this is it for me.
Yeah, and then she goes, no,you can decide to leave whenever
you want.
Some people is not like that,it's not like they are in, and
that's it To some people.
They get married and they canget married again.
Speaker 1 (26:44):
Oh, okay, I didn't know.
That's the angle that we'relooking at, which is fair there,
that case.
But has that agreement alreadybeen made?
Because, let's be honest, me, Ididn't.
I didn't have that conversationoutside of marriage.
I only had that conversationwhen I got married.
I said, listen, we can bothbounce if anything.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
Right, but we did.
Did you have it before?
Yes, yes.
So that's what I was saying,that when you made that
statement.
I was saying that me, it's notwhether I agree or not, ours is
different.
Right, we had a lot ofconversations, you know I talk.
Yeah, so we had a lot ofconversations plenty, plenty,
some we haven't even had it inthe marriage.
Yeah, but we had it before.
I mean, why do you like we werementally married before we
(27:27):
actually you know, when you youknow so things like you know, do
I want to have another wife,for example?
I know we it's black and white,like it's.
It's something we've alreadydone.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
Yeah, you know you've touched on it, but first thing,
both no, yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:48):
However, I think some of the things that happen in
marriage is just growth.
Now, something, though, is thatyou post a lot on social media
Like, sometimes I can't keep up.
So sometimes it's funny in thehouse, because my wife will be
like, oh, he marries out, shedid, she did.
(28:09):
I'm like, yeah, have you caughtup yet?
And then she'll probably sayyes, and I say, are you sure?
And you check, she will checkagain, and you've got 50,000
posts again.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
Oh, I would, yeah, okay, what do you want me to say
?
But you know what I just feellike I've just really I tapped
into the social media world whenit first, like I've had
Snapchat since that I probablythe day they announced Snapchat.
I've had Twitter for years, soI guess I've just been a social
(28:47):
media person and, yeah, I'm justbalancing what to post.
I'm trying to separate, like,the health advocacy with from,
you know, away from social life,away from family, but it's
difficult because you know, withme saying all this, I don't
(29:07):
when I post something.
Okay, how many people do youthink watch my Snapchat?
Speaker 2 (29:10):
firstly, oh no, maybe about 4,500.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (29:18):
Or more than that.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
That's what you actually think.
Yeah, you're wrong.
Okay, guess again.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
A hundred.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
The most.
I've had people view my Snap120.
Yeah, but that's because I'mvery conscious I don't have a
public profile.
I'm very conscious of who isseeing what I want them to see.
I'm trying to say I don't havea public profile.
I'm not.
You know, looking down onpeople that have public profiles
is up to them, but I just feellike Snap, you get to control
(29:49):
who you want to see your Snaps.
I don't post that much onInstagram, if you've noticed.
Speaker 2 (29:55):
And even Facebook and all the other people Because
that one is public.
Speaker 1 (29:58):
My Instagram is not because of the way the rules are
.
Now.
You know for it to go far, ifyou put your thing on private,
your rules will not travel.
So if you, but then if you makeit public, everybody can
literally take your content,your picture, anything.
So I'm conscious in that side.
I don't post much or I don'tpost in real time on those
(30:20):
platforms, but on on Snap,because I know who's there, I
know the eyes are watching, Iknow the people that I want to
delete, I want the.
I know the people that if Ipost this, I know that they
genuinely want to see this.
That's how I'm controlling mysocial media, so I'm very
conscious and I know what I'mdoing.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
I ask about the social media because Sometimes,
when people see that and you'remarried, you post so much on
Snap.
Half of the time, in fact, noteven half of the time, about
99.99% of the time we don't hearyour husband or see him in any
(31:07):
of the Snap.
So how do you maintain thatbalance, because to me that's
very cool.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
Yeah, do you also know that I used to post my
husband all the time.
If anything, I was like doingit a bit too much.
This was before Heavenly.
Obviously I used to post youquite a lot.
It was very much, you know, meand him happy, and you know.
But I had to respect his spacebecause he himself, he has
social media, he has Snap, hehas every single social media,
(31:36):
but he will never post, hedoesn't post, he does not post
his face like this, I won't seeit.
So then there was a time I saidto myself okay, well, you don't
even post yourself.
Clearly you're very reserved,like he's very, very reserved.
So I had to really just cooldown on the distribution of his
face to the masses.
(31:57):
I just had to just calm downand realize that it's my
Snapchat, it's my people, myfriends.
I don't have to post my husband, but if you do want to see him,
I can just give him the phoneand he'll do a video for himself
.
But no, like I just had to, Ipost him on occasions, but every
(32:18):
day.
You know, having a video in hisface.
Now I just think it's notnecessary.
Speaker 2 (32:22):
So there was a day right I think this was your
engagement anniversary and I waswaiting to see him, like I was
just waiting to see a post, andwhen he came I was like yeah,
it's come through.
Speaker 1 (32:36):
Because you know it gets to a point where you don't
necessarily like.
Okay, I think that day we evenwent out.
We had a long day posting youposted late.
Speaker 2 (32:45):
I posted late and I remember that because your, your
, your, your anniversaries areweird, because you have like one
week Exactly and then you havea wedding and another week of a
wedding, yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
So I just thought oh, like, is it even necessary?
Like I think I just I postedlate, I didn't think I wasn't
going to post, but that very dayI think I thought I was working
on it or something didn't allowme to post, but I posted it
late.
But I didn't do that, I postedit.
It's not.
Yeah, you did, I didn't have to.
But then again, human minds, ifI didn't post something, you
know what you go from.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
Oh no, I was going to send you a picture.
I was going to send you apicture that I'm in and on your
wedding right on your engagementday.
I've got a picture right.
And I was going through with mywife the other time and I said,
look, I've got a picture ofHannah and the husband and you
and my wife, and I smiled evenmore than all of them I'll show
you.
So I was going to send you thatpicture.
Speaker 1 (33:37):
Send it to me, send it.
But I guess social media can'treally work against somebody,
because majority of the timewhen I'm posting my memes some
are like very, what's the word?
I'm trying to find the rightword.
I guess somebody who's notmarried shouldn't be posting
stuff like that.
(33:57):
I guess I don't know.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
But it's not a guess matter.
It's not a guess.
Sometimes that's the impression.
Speaker 1 (34:03):
That's the impression .
Yeah, but then again, who madethat rule?
Because the majority of thetime when I'm posting something,
you just right there.
I probably would have showedhim he would have Kiki Kaki and
then I post it.
He knows that it's just meme.
We're in a meme world.
People are just trying to befunny.
When I post it, a lot of peoplescreenshot.
It ends there.
If you want to read deep into ameme sometimes meme is just
(34:27):
funny it doesn't necessarilymean I'm relating to it, I'm
co-signing it, I'm disagreeingwith it.
So I guess when I post it,however, you want to relate to
it, you go ahead and relate toit.
That's why I've created aseparate meme page which is on
my memes, because I noticed thatpeople actually enjoy memes,
that we are all just so like.
(34:48):
Everybody just wants to laughnowadays.
That's just what it is.
We're just in a generationwhere everything is funny.
You dare not post your problemsbecause somebody is going to
find a funny audio, put it ontop of your problem and laugh
about it.
Seriously, nothing is seriouson social media nowadays.
So if I'm posting a meme andit's to do with, like, maybe
(35:13):
marriage or something, and youthink I'm going through that
you're doing yourself.
It's like.
Speaker 2 (35:18):
Well, it's interesting you said that
because there's been people whohave wondered, but that you are
still.
Speaker 1 (35:27):
Well, that person should ask whoever is that's
wondering.
The wondering mind should ask,because there's never been a day
that I've gone.
Okay, there's been one timewhere I went to a wedding
without my ring, but that'sbecause I got ready at a
friend's house and I left thering behind.
But immediately, my husband ismy witness.
I called him.
I said babe, I left my ringbecause we have an agreement If
you're going to go out withoutyour ring, you let that other
(35:48):
person know, or not go outwithout your ring.
If you forget it or somethingof that sort, the respectful
thing to do is just call and belike oh, you know what, I left
my ring.
That's just Because I don'twant to see you without your
ring.
When, when, like why are younot wearing your ring?
Do you know what I'm trying tosay?
Speaker 2 (36:06):
See, that's why your hair, that's why this
conversation is so beautiful,because your dynamics in your
marriage is different.
And you know, I think a lot ofthe time people think it's a
prison, like you said, but youseem to have a way around it
where you still want to be ableto have your fun, do things you,
(36:28):
but then you're still married.
Speaker 1 (36:29):
But D?
You know, some people can'thave fun in their marriage.
You know that.
You know people are actually inbondage.
Talk to me about that.
Not everybody can laugh withtheir partner, not everybody can
crack jokes with their partner.
People can't even Excuse me tosay, people can't even let out
some gas around their partnerbecause there's this rigidness,
(36:50):
there's this I don't know.
They just can't be free.
You know, and that is a prisonliterally.
When I made that first analogyof prison, I didn't mean
literally, but not being able tobe comfortable around the
person that you're married, thatyou're going to be in the same
room with you, sleep with you,eat with you, do everything with
(37:11):
, I'm guessing, for eternity.
It's bondage.
Why do you want to be?
Because then you can be freearound your friends but you
can't be free around yourpartner that you've chosen to be
with.
I'm sorry, but I can't relate.
The majority of the time whenI'm posting all these funny
memes or I'm just being myself,you just there and if anything,
(37:33):
he's the one egging it onhonestly.
So I would just encouragepeople, just be yourself.
That's why the conversationbefore marriage is important.
Know the person that you'rewith.
If you know that the person isrigid and they're not going to
find your jokes funny or they'rejust going to try and tame you
and put you back in a shell.
I'm sorry, that's not what youwant, because it's really going
(37:54):
to eat you up in the long run.
You're going to want to be free.
You're going to actually wantto See.
Some people can't even go outwith their partners.
They can't hold their partners'hands, they can't boldly say,
oh, this is my partner.
I'm telling you the truth.
You know, and people, it's thetruth.
But at the end of the day, asyoung people, we don't want what
(38:17):
our parents had.
We are trying to create acompletely different institution
of marriage and just make itour own and make it fun and make
it enjoyable.
And if you don't do that,you're going to not be.
Speaker 2 (38:29):
That's why the divorce rates are high, because
people get so sick of each otherso soon, but just want to chip
this in that if you haven'tsubscribed, if you haven't
downloaded this episode, pleasedo subscribe and become part of
the Connected Minds family, andI'm hoping you're listening to
this while you're on your way towork or doing, going to do
something important.
This question is Motivation ordiscipline.
Speaker 1 (38:57):
Motivational discipline.
Oh my gosh.
Um, they go hand in hand, isn'tit?
They go hand in hand.
Why do you talk to me?
Cause you can't be motivatedwithout being disciplined to
execute whatever's motivated youto do what you wanna do.
Like they have to go hand inhand, so it's hard for me to
(39:21):
choose.
Okay, great.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
Not gonna tell you what I think about that, but
that's great.
And then your favorite personaldevelopment book.
Speaker 1 (39:36):
I guess I've read the Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell,
yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:43):
Okay, that's good that I'm gonna comment about.
I think reading is a.
I'm a product of reading, yeah,and not not being not being
fearful to teach what I've reador speak about what I've read.
(40:07):
So I always encourage people onthis show that, even if it's
just 10 minutes a day, they justread something.
I don't care it could be theBible or the Prophet Kita or
whatever book the Quran, justread.
Speaker 1 (40:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:20):
You know yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:21):
And maybe in a generation where people do more
listening, isn't it More audio?
Yes, yes, that same thing.
Speaker 2 (40:27):
Short attention span, but I think if you look behind
me you can see some ancientbooks like some proper books.
People of the past have had todo this and we go to school, we
pick up a textbook and it'swritten by so-and-so.
These are theories from IsaacNewton or Pythagoras.
These are people who read andexperimented and they put in a
(40:50):
book and the school systemforces us to read those things
and sit and exam.
But then you come home and thenyou're supposed to pick
something you're interested init could be a fiction or
non-fiction, yeah and read, butwe don't wanna do that.
So if this generation doesn'twanna read, imagine the people
within the generation that readsare gonna be the leaders.
Speaker 1 (41:12):
No, you're right.
Speaker 2 (41:14):
Right, yeah, now the best advice you ever received.
Speaker 1 (41:20):
Oh my gosh, the best one.
I've received quite a lot ofadvice, or whether I can choose
the best one.
I guess I know it might soundcliche, but do what makes you
happy, wow.
Speaker 2 (41:41):
You know, if you had said anything else, that would
not work, because you are madamhappiness.
Speaker 1 (41:51):
Because there's power in doing what makes you happy.
Once you do what makes youhappy, your true self comes out.
You are always motivated.
Happiness is a motivation.
Yeah, yeah, do what makes youhappy.
Speaker 2 (42:05):
As long as it's not like obviously.
Drugs and things like that.
Speaker 1 (42:09):
Yeah but yeah, as long as it's going to make you
happy and motivate you and bringout the best in you, go for it.
Why not?
Speaker 2 (42:16):
Do you think you are living your best life?
Speaker 1 (42:21):
I think there's more for me to live.
I think, but I think now I amtrying to live my best life.
I don't think I'm living it,but I am trying to Trying, yeah.
Speaker 2 (42:34):
You are, madam soft life Because yeah, that's
softness.
Speaker 1 (42:40):
But D you know, I feel like the soft life phrase
that has been flying around,when you really be paid, it's
the best thing to have soft life.
I see, because why would youwant life to be hard, why would
you want to go through hardship?
And soft life is relative.
(43:01):
Again, everybody's definitionof soft life is different.
Some money will make their lifethe softest, like some people
have.
When they're happy, it's themliving their best life, I guess
so.
Speaker 2 (43:14):
I guess.
So as long as people don'tmisconstrued that yeah, and then
start thinking they don't needto work.
They don't need to go throughchallenges because, the
challenges walk up,unfortunately, yeah, and when
they come, and then, oh you know, it's soft life, then it's peak
.
Speaker 1 (43:30):
Because peak life.
You know, so, yeah, no, you'reabsolutely right.
That's why I always want to belike I live my soft life.
But do you know I work hard.
Oh yeah, so if you see me andyou just want to see the soft
life, I'm sorry.
It's not all about soft lifefor me.
You know I work and you are anurse as well, yeah, so you have
(43:52):
to just balance everythingthat's life is all about balance
.
Speaker 2 (43:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:55):
Do everything, do what makes you happy, work hard,
make your money and just yeah,just you.
Live your life, achieve yourgoals.
Have a little bit of everythingyou know.
Please go to the center.
Speaker 2 (44:08):
Yeah, yeah.
Well, thank you so much forcoming.
Speaker 1 (44:11):
You're most welcome and thanks for having me.
Speaker 2 (44:13):
I'm so happy we sat to talk on camera on audio.
I think you need to come hereevery year.
Speaker 1 (44:23):
Yeah, yeah.
If you open your doors for me,you'll come here.
Yeah, I think you need to comehere every year, so every year
when you come to Ghana.
I think you should come on theshow.
We'll make it happen.
We'll make it happen for sure.
Speaker 2 (44:34):
So maybe the next time you come, you're not blonde
anymore.
Speaker 1 (44:36):
You know, maybe it may be a different color.
It may be a different color.
Speaker 2 (44:40):
You know, absolutely no.
I really appreciate your timehere and I wish you all the best
.
Thank you so much D Everythingthat you do.
Thank you, you know, yeah.
Speaker 1 (44:51):
Thank you, bro.
Bye, see you later.
People go through situations and they allow it to
bring them down so much.
But I've said to myself no, I'mnot going to be that person.
I try to let happiness be achoice, because, as much as I
have a lot to be grateful for, Ihave a lot of things that I can
easily wallet and just be upsetabout majority of the time,
(00:21):
because life is not allhappiness and rising.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
You know there's something about death.
Right, they say that you knowthe circle of death only gets
smaller.
It doesn't get bigger, so youmight remember, but the pain
associated to it is a lotsmaller.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
It's not going to be as big as it was.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Well, we're back here again on another episode of
Connected Minds.
I love this show so muchbecause anytime we sit and we
talk, you know the guest isdifferent and they share so much
experience that I personallydon't have and some of my
listeners don't.
And today, the conversation I'mgoing to have with Oyeh Mahan,
(01:11):
as everyone knows her, is howdoes she balance family, work
and her social life?
If you are on her snap, youknow what I'm talking about.
You're welcome to the show,madam Blondie.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
Thank you very much, D I appreciate you for having me
here.
Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
Yeah, you're welcome.
It was a long wait, but it'shappened.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
Sorry for the wait.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
No, no, no, it's all right, it's happened and it's
always a good conversation.
You know, whenever we speak andI thought, nah, we have to get
this on camera.
You know we need to get theaudio out so people can get to
understand the sort ofconversations we have.
You know, when we sit and talk.
Now I've had a lot of guests onthis show, but this is probably
(02:01):
going to be the most difficultconversation to have, because I
feel like we've had all of it.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Oh yeah, okay In that case.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Yeah, you're right, we've had all of it, and I'm not
even sure whether I'm going tobe able to bring it all out.
Yeah, first of all, how are you?
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Do you know what?
I'm okay, I'm good.
I can't complain honestly.
If I complain, that I'mungrateful, I'm good.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Yeah, so the last time I met you, you didn't have
no space, right.
The last time I met you andbefore that you didn't.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
Before that so a lot has changed, a lot has changed
For the better anyway.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
I mean what's going on there?
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Do you know what I feel like nothing is going on.
I've just finally found thecourage to do what I really want
to do.
That's just what it is.
I've always wanted to cut myhair.
Always I've been the typebecause, naturally, I don't have
a lot of hair anyway.
So I've always thought tomyself saying, no, I will
definitely cut my hair one day.
(03:06):
But it was a matter of when,right.
So after I had a heavenly, I wasspeaking to you, my husband,
and he was like you say you wantto cut your hair, you're not
going to do it.
So one day he was like no,you're not going to cut your
hair.
I said I am going to cut myhair.
When he said I'm not going todo it, it hurt me because I what
do you mean?
I'm not going to do it.
I gathered them.
I said I'm going to cut my hairand he goes oh, but you're
(03:27):
going to cut your hair and leaveit black.
I said, yeah, I just want that.
He goes dye it blonde.
People don't know that thisblonde hair was my husband's
idea.
Yeah, blonde hair.
When he said it I thought maybehe was trying to troll me.
I cried like you know a littlebit, you're trying to be like oh
.
But I was like no, okay, okay.
And I went on social media.
(03:47):
I saw a lady, dark skin, likemyself, blonde hair.
I was like, oh, I see whereyou're going with this.
Yeah, and I did it, made thedecision, went to Nikki the
Barber Shouts to Nikki and, yeah, he gave me the confidence.
He was like no, he might notsee you.
I said, okay, great, and I didit.
(04:08):
Yeah, yeah, it's great.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
Fantastic.
I was going to ask what doesyour husband think about it deep
down?
But the fact that he's the onethat approved it and even chose
the color, you know, that'sgreat.
My mom was shocked.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
My mom was like hey, you, this girl.
I said, yeah, take it up toyour in-law, because it was his
idea.
Yeah, but no, it was just thecourage.
You know, sometimes we saywe'll do this, we'll do that,
we'll do this, and then we justsay it and we don't do it.
But deep down, that's what youreally want to do and this is
what I've always wanted to do tocut my hair point blank.
(04:42):
But it only took me having achild and thinking, oh my God, I
look different, I don't likethe way I look, I'm not happy.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
I'm not happy, yeah, and.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
I thought maybe if I cut my hair I would get that
little edginess and you know thegorge that I'm looking for,
yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
So if I had an injection called happiness, I
think I'd probably sell one toyou.
So you just stay at home andthen you jab yourself back, and
then you get excited and you jabyourself.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
But you know what?
I don't need a jab, right, Idon't even need a drink to be
happy.
This is just you know.
Don't go on like you don't knowthat this is me.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
Like.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
I am just, this is me and I'm happy.
I try to be.
I try to let happiness be achoice because, as much as I
have a lot to be grateful for, Ihave a lot of things that I can
easily wallet and just be upsetabout majority of the time,
because life is not allhappiness and roses.
You know this.
But I'm choosing what that I'mchoosing that every you know.
(05:39):
I'm choosing that I will behappy and I'm not going to dwell
on the things that's going onin the family or just in life in
general, because it's unhealthyto do that.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
I had to go through a journey where I had to practice
observing the thinker, so it'sa concept in a book called the
power of now.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
And it's helped me a lot, where I basically, anytime
a thought comes into my mind, Ineed to stay far back in my mind
and observe what thought it isthat is coming in, whether it's
family, friends, relatives,whatever and that thought
usually goes away.
(06:25):
So I've had to use another wayto do it, rather than, let's say
, a lot of physical attachmentsand things like that.
But everyone deals with issuesdifferently.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
You're right.
You're right and I think it'simportant because D I know you
were touching on the topic ofhappiness and how you would give
me an injection and stuff likethat, but I've, I went through a
moment in my life where I wasnot like this.
After my sister passed away, Ibecame a completely different
(07:00):
person, like I went from theOlima that you know to this rude
.
Just, I don't know.
I'll use the word rude becauseI could tell that I was bitter.
I was so bitter to the pointwhere it was translated in the
way that I am with people.
So I had a moment I was justlike, nah, this is not me, man,
(07:22):
it's not.
I didn't do they.
Life happens, death happens.
Death is cruel, but it happens,you know, and am I going to
just allow this death that hashappened, that is so close and
near, to affect me as a person?
I went through my moments whereI was so down, like I say, I
was a different person, I wasn'tmyself at all, but again, I had
(07:44):
to make that self reflectionand make that decision.
That's what I keep saying is adecision.
I have to tell myself nah, Ican't be like this, I need to
just be an inspiration to myself, help my mom, help my family,
help my cousins, because we wereall affected by this death
massively.
So I just had to decide that no, I don't want to be this person
(08:07):
.
I want to educate people on thetopic of what happened to her,
how she passed away, and justuse that as a tool to just keep
going, really and truly.
That's why I'm always bangingon about water.
I'm always banging on about Ifeel like since she passed, I've
become a talkative, because Ifeel like people go through
(08:29):
situations and they allow it tobring them down so much.
But I've said to myself, nah,I'm not gonna be that person.
So when you look at me, youthink I don't have problems, but
I like it like that.
I assume I don't have problemsbecause I do, and I'm not gonna
let you see me and see myproblems.
No way, that's not how God mademe.
You need to see me and think,hey, girl, like this girl, she
(08:50):
does not have problems and Iwant to be like her.
But when you talk to meone-on-one, then you know that,
yes, there is a lot behind whatyou see.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
Well, I've cried a lot of times, you know, and I've
had to.
I needed it to come out and youknow I do it in front of
whoever it is that is there thatneeds to see, because I'm human
, you know, and I'm allowed tobe vulnerable like that.
Now, anytime it happens, ithappens because it's
(09:28):
overwhelming.
You know, there was a time myson was sick and it's probably
the most I've cried.
I cried so much, but look atthat, you never think you cried,
oh yeah yeah, I do, oh, yeahyeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I've cried so many times, somany times and I had to, because
at that point I felt I neededhelp.
You know, I needed a way out, Ineeded something to happen.
(09:52):
Then he's gonna be well.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
You know, and that same day, when I took him to the
hospital, I was not confidentwith the diagnosis they gave me
Because they didn't understandwhat was going on Immediately.
That same day I booked a flightticket 5,000 pounds for the two
of them to go to the UK.
This boy, go to the UK.
There's a toy on the bed.
Mom says, son, that's your toy.
He jumped on the bed and that'sit.
He's well and I'm thinking Ijust wasted my cry and wasted my
(10:21):
money.
So sometimes I have to you know, there's been several times.
Stepdad was sick, I had to cry,so I don't let see.
The fact that I'm crying doesnot mean the problems have
gotten to me, right, I'm justletting it out, yeah yeah, just
human.
Yeah, yeah, I'm just letting itout Absolutely, and I have to
let it out.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
Because majority of the time, the people that don't
let it out, they reach abreaking point.
It might not happen within thenow, but eventually it will
happen and it will translateeither to your social life, your
family.
Along the way.
You will break down, you willbreak.
So that's just how it is.
(11:00):
It's good to cry, but then alsodon't we?
We need to thank God for thespirit of forgetfulness, because
imagine if we didn't forgetcertain things and we always
remembered certain things.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
We would be doomed.
Yeah, I guess one of the thingabout well, do I actually forget
?
Or I guess it's a consciouseffort, isn't it To forget?
But it's just, you know,there's something about death,
right?
They say that you know, thecircle of death only gets
smaller.
It doesn't get bigger.
So you might remember, but thepain associated to it is a lot
(11:40):
smaller.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
It's not gonna be as big as it was you know.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
And with Adele?
How did it happen?
Speaker 1 (11:49):
Okay.
So Adele passed away when shewas just after her 18th birthday
, and I mean, up until now wehaven't really gotten.
We have, but I don't buy it.
They diagnosed her eventuallyyou know, on the day of her
(12:09):
death with multiple organfailure.
But prior to that there werecertain decisions that she
herself, as a person, I guess,wasn't making so in the sense of
like drinking water, makingsure she's hydrated all the time
.
She wasn't a sick like, shewasn't somebody that was sick.
(12:30):
I wouldn't say that my sisterwas sick like somebody that was
ill all the time.
No, but I think she was goingthrough a pain that she was
suppressing.
So whether she herself evenknew what the pain was, I can't
say, because she never opened upabout anything, but I do know
(12:52):
that water played a massive part.
She wasn't a drinker of water,she wasn't.
So On the day that she passedaway, we just received a phone
call from the hospital and herbest friend called me actually
and was like oh, hannah, I'vebeen trying to call you.
You know, adele, it's not well.
(13:15):
And I was like, oh, okay, butthen the phone cut and then my
dad walked in and was like oh,wake up, because Adele's been
admitted to the hospital.
They said it's tonsillitis.
I said tonsillitis, okay, Imean, we know that she has,
she's had tonsillitis in thepast, but didn't think it would
be that severe for her to beadmitted.
(13:35):
Anyway, I got ready, got to thehospital and then you will never
believe that I walked past mysister.
I walked past her.
I walked, I looked, I turned,saw that she was a patient on
the bed and I walked past her.
That's how much I couldn'trecognize her.
She had changed in the sense of, like her color had gotten much
darker and just dry, she hadbloated up a bit more than the
(14:01):
usual self.
So I walked past her and then Iasked the doctor.
I was like, oh, I'm here, thenurse.
I was like, oh, I'm here to seeAdele.
She was like, oh, she's in thatbay.
And I was like, okay.
And I went and I was like, oh,my God.
But then, being a nurse, Icouldn't react the way that I
wanted to.
Oh, I should have.
So I took a step back and I waslike, you know, oh, you're okay
(14:22):
, you know, checked on her andstuff like that.
She couldn't really talk to me,but just not to make it
long-winded and anything sheeventually was supposed to have
dialysis.
I'm telling you this becausethat's how fast I was told
everything From somebody nothaving no issues with her kidney
as far as I'm concerned, noissues with her liver, nothing
(14:46):
to being told that she needs tohave dialysis, like now.
So I said to the doctor what doyou mean dialysis?
She hasn't got any kidneyproblems.
She was no, she has.
And then they turned to herfriend and they were like oh,
has she been drinking?
I was like what kind ofquestion is that?
I was upset, I was annoyed, ifanything.
(15:07):
So the doctor was like, oh, youknow, he just concluded that
for a young person it must havebeen like binge drinking,
whatever, whatever.
Because this is severe, likeit's a severe organ has failed,
not failing, it has failed.
So they decided to take her toICU, intensive care unit to go
and do the dialysis.
(15:28):
So we all walked with her onthe bed just making sure she was
okay and stuff like that.
And then when we got to ICU,okay, this is where the journey
ends, you can't come in.
I understood that.
I was like, okay, fine, saidbye to her.
When I turned around, went backto the hospital the way that I
had parked.
I didn't even pay for it, so Iknew I was going to get a ticket
(15:50):
.
So I was more conscious of that.
I was like, okay, let me gomove the car or pay, do
something.
So I left the hospital.
Even at that time my dad hadn'teven arrived yet.
So I left the hospital and thenI had to move the car.
And if you know Newham General,when you come out of the
hospital and you get to New Vichospitals, the New Vic schools,
(16:10):
the college that's the trafficlight.
I had gotten to and I receivedthe phone call.
They were like oh, we need youto come back because your sister
has deteriorated.
I said okay, but the voice thatshe used to say that I do so,
anyway, turn around came back,run upstairs, opened the door
(16:32):
and the nurse was like oh, Ididn't even, I didn't even have
to speak.
I moved her out of the way.
I moved her out of the waybecause she wasn't going to be
the one to break the news to me.
So she was going to try andginger me with oh, do you want
water?
So I said no, I know how thisgoes, let me go and see her.
I walked in and all I could seewas the CPR machine.
(16:53):
I think it's called Lucas.
She's just slain their lifelessand apparently they had been
doing so.
I guess the time that I leftthere all the you know faffing
around getting in a car tookabout 45 minutes.
So they had, as soon as I leftand they put her down to GA.
She went into a cardiac arrest.
(17:14):
So they didn't even start thefiltration, nothing.
She went into a cardiac arrestand they couldn't revive her.
So what again?
We said.
You know, we said to thedoctors what has caused this.
They couldn't even tell us, soat the end they brought it down
to pneumonia and multiple organfailure.
(17:38):
Just very confusing, veryconfusing Me myself.
I have not had peace up untilnow because the way that we
wanted to maneuver things itwould have brought a lot of, you
know, even more confusion tothe family.
We wouldn't have been settledin our minds because it was
going to go down the legal route, you know.
But that's what sometimes isdifficult for me to say.
(18:02):
When someone says what happened, it's hard for me to say
because I don't know whathappened to Adele, because I
haven't been told that this iswhat happened and this is why
she died.
It was, oh, we think it wasthis, we think it was that.
But from my sort of likemedical knowledge and what, I
think, it was only when shepassed away that I could see a
lot of parasitoma in her room, alot of parasitoma in her bag, a
(18:26):
lot of parasitoma in her jacket.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
Right.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
That's when I was like whoa, Okay, this girl was
not.
She was in pain, clearly, butwhen you see her she's bubbly.
She was a dancer in uni doingall sorts, very active, Very
active.
You would never in a millionyears think that something was
wrong and she was the type ofperson to not ask for help.
She would rather suppress itand headache, headache.
(18:54):
But Adele never, evercomplained about anything.
She was more.
She was so selfless that sheknows she can deal with whatever
she's going through with somesort of parasitoma.
But I know, thinking back at thetime, that she was not a
drinker, she was more of like ajuicer.
So if anything she would drinkCoke, orange juice, apple juice.
(19:16):
She would never drink water.
But there had been instanceswhere there was a little bit of
incontinence, like the signs ofincontinence happened at a
wedding that we went to, and I'monly saying that this now
because that situation taught mea lesson.
I beat myself up so much sincethat event because I failed to
(19:39):
recognise that she.
That was a massive sign.
Like she, we went to a friend'swedding and she was like oh my
God, I need to pee, I need topee.
She went from her brain tellingher I need to pee, to literally
just pee, and she could notcontrol it.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
She was so young to go through that she was so young
and this is something thatpatients honestly didn't 65 go
through.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
Exactly so in that moment in my career, I was like,
why didn't I, why didn't I doanything?
Listen, I was beating up myselfso much.
So then, since then, I said, no, I am going to be the best
nurse that I can be.
How dare me be a nurse and notpick up on that?
So I went through a moment of,like you know, just self blaming
myself almost and I was like no, we're not doing this from
(20:25):
today, anything that I'm doing,I'm going to be the best.
I need to be able to recognizethe signs of anything.
That's why I don't joke with myfriends.
I'm telling them listen, myfriends will come to me.
All of a sudden, I'm notfeeling well, I'll be like, okay
, let's sort it.
It could be something, becauseyou're not yourself, it could be
.
So I've become this.
My senses are heightened.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
Advocate.
Speaker 1 (20:46):
I've become an advocate I guess that's the word
.
I've become an advocate forjust wellness, well being, not
taking anything when it comes toyour health for granted.
Don't wait till tomorrow andsay, oh, I will do this, I'll do
that.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
Oh, and I tell you what you posted an image of how
we should check our balls themen.
Yeah, since I saw that wechecking it all the time,
anytime I go into the shower Imake sure I'm popping that thing
.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
You have to.
Yeah, and majority of the timeI feel like we neglect the men's
health we do.
Unfortunately, I found myselfdoing that quite alone, just
focusing on women, women, women.
But men go through a lot andmen are.
I think men are very naivesometimes when it comes to the
men, sometimes when it comes tohealth.
Not to be disrespectful, butit's good that I posted what I
(21:30):
posted, because a lot of menwere like, oh my God.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
We have to do this.
Why do we have to do this?
Speaker 2 (21:36):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
So that's why I take, that's why I don't.
I post a lot of things onsocial media and I'm trying to
separate the health side fromthe enjoyment side.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
Right, right.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
And I'm trying to separate the health side from
the family side because I doeverything and I feel like
sometimes it might the advocacymight get lost in translation.
Somebody might miss thatbecause they might want to watch
something else.
So you know.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
But I'm really sorry.
You know about your loss andyou know Adele was valuable to
all of us.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
Yeah, she danced for you guys.
Yeah, she was in our musicvideos and almost everyone you
know.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
I've got a big smile on my face because there's a
particular video of her that Iremember.
Yeah, you know such a beautifulsong.
Mm-hmm you know, but you know,on the topic of health,
especially because I'm apharmacist to your nurse
(22:41):
recently one of our familymembers.
In the afternoon he was goingto have a nap, the wife was
cooking with the kids and thenmom said look, wake up, your dad
, food is ready.
They went there and the guy wasgone.
Now, as soon as the familycalled me, I said nah, he had a
(23:06):
heart attack and then the guywas like how did you know?
And I said well, it's a silentkiller, you know, and I suspect
that he had hypertension and hedidn't talk about it.
When the postmortem came, thatwas the case.
So we need to take care ofourselves.
(23:26):
That's why, if you've seenrecently I started posting BP,
check your BP on my snaps.
I think people need to do that.
I've got one next to my bed andI checked that every now and
then.
Speaker 1 (23:39):
It costs about 20 pounds or even less.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
Yeah, yeah, but people don't check it, people
don't check it yeah.
So the brother of the guy is apastor, so I told him to get.
I told him that one of thethings that the churches
probably need to start doing,and a lot of the schools and
religious organizations shoulddo, is just get one of the
nurses there yeah.
(24:02):
And every Sunday after church,let them pass through and check
their BP's.
For the men, that's a goodinitiative.
And the women?
Yeah, today we have a lot of wehave high divorce rates.
Yeah, we have a lot ofrelationships that are not
working out, unfortunately, andI think there isn't a lot of
(24:26):
marriage advocacy around.
Do you think that people arehaving the conversation that
they are supposed to have andallowing time for those answers
to come through before they makethe decisions that I think.
Speaker 1 (24:47):
I think people are under quite a bit of pressure as
well.
Okay, they might be having aconversation and they just might
not have the patience to waitfor things to transpire,
unfortunately, because, yes,they're not having, maybe that
conversation might not even behappening because they just want
to get married.
(25:08):
They just want to get married,they just want to get married.
But then we both know why shewants to get married.
That's when the real marriagestarts.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
You've got to explain that a bit, okay, because I I
that thing.
I don't understand.
You don't you don't agree?
No, and it's not like would Iagree or not.
I just don't understand it,because you know when you're
courting.
Yes.
Speaker 1 (25:35):
You're not necessarily going to see that
your partner's true, real,authentic character until you
start.
I know some people livetogether before they get married
, but let's give the instancefor those majority of the people
that don't live together andthey're just courting, getting
to know whoever, and they'rehaving the surface conversations
(25:55):
.
Even if they're having the deepconversations, you're still.
There's still certain thingsthat you're not going to see.
That will really rock your mindand think, oh my God, did I
even make the right decision?
That is only going to happenafter the fact, after you've
walked down the aisle, afteryou're now having to reason
together, properly making lifedecisions that will affect the
(26:17):
both of you, Because when you'recourting, you can, you can
bounce you.
You're not, you're not, you'renot bound.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
Well, I mean, I was in a pharmacy and then the
manager at the pharmacy, right,there's a someone in Cornwall
and then, and then I was tellingher I'm going to get married
and yeah, like this is it for me.
Yeah, and then she goes, no,you can decide to leave whenever
you want.
Some people is not like that,it's not like they are in, and
that's it To some people.
They get married and they canget married again.
Speaker 1 (26:44):
Oh, okay, I didn't know.
That's the angle that we'relooking at, which is fair there,
that case.
But has that agreement alreadybeen made?
Because, let's be honest, me, Ididn't.
I didn't have that conversationoutside of marriage.
I only had that conversationwhen I got married.
I said, listen, we can bothbounce if anything.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
Right, but we did.
Did you have it before?
Yes, yes.
So that's what I was saying,that when you made that
statement.
I was saying that me, it's notwhether I agree or not, ours is
different.
Right, we had a lot ofconversations, you know I talk.
Yeah, so we had a lot ofconversations plenty, plenty,
some we haven't even had it inthe marriage.
Yeah, but we had it before.
I mean, why do you like we werementally married before we
(27:27):
actually you know, when you youknow so things like you know, do
I want to have another wife,for example?
I know we it's black and white,like it's.
It's something we've alreadydone.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
Yeah, you know you've touched on it, but first thing,
both no, yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:48):
However, I think some of the things that happen in
marriage is just growth.
Now, something, though, is thatyou post a lot on social media
Like, sometimes I can't keep up.
So sometimes it's funny in thehouse, because my wife will be
like, oh, he marries out, shedid, she did.
(28:09):
I'm like, yeah, have you caughtup yet?
And then she'll probably sayyes, and I say, are you sure?
And you check, she will checkagain, and you've got 50,000
posts again.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
Oh, I would, yeah, okay, what do you want me to say
?
But you know what I just feellike I've just really I tapped
into the social media world whenit first, like I've had
Snapchat since that I probablythe day they announced Snapchat.
I've had Twitter for years, soI guess I've just been a social
(28:47):
media person and, yeah, I'm justbalancing what to post.
I'm trying to separate, like,the health advocacy with from,
you know, away from social life,away from family, but it's
difficult because you know, withme saying all this, I don't
(29:07):
when I post something.
Okay, how many people do youthink watch my Snapchat?
Speaker 2 (29:10):
firstly, oh no, maybe about 4,500.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (29:18):
Or more than that.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
That's what you actually think.
Yeah, you're wrong.
Okay, guess again.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
A hundred.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
The most.
I've had people view my Snap120.
Yeah, but that's because I'mvery conscious I don't have a
public profile.
I'm very conscious of who isseeing what I want them to see.
I'm trying to say I don't havea public profile.
I'm not.
You know, looking down onpeople that have public profiles
is up to them, but I just feellike Snap, you get to control
(29:49):
who you want to see your Snaps.
I don't post that much onInstagram, if you've noticed.
Speaker 2 (29:55):
And even Facebook and all the other people Because
that one is public.
Speaker 1 (29:58):
My Instagram is not because of the way the rules are
.
Now.
You know for it to go far, ifyou put your thing on private,
your rules will not travel.
So if you, but then if you makeit public, everybody can
literally take your content,your picture, anything.
So I'm conscious in that side.
I don't post much or I don'tpost in real time on those
(30:20):
platforms, but on on Snap,because I know who's there, I
know the eyes are watching, Iknow the people that I want to
delete, I want the.
I know the people that if Ipost this, I know that they
genuinely want to see this.
That's how I'm controlling mysocial media, so I'm very
conscious and I know what I'mdoing.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
I ask about the social media because Sometimes,
when people see that and you'remarried, you post so much on
Snap.
Half of the time, in fact, noteven half of the time, about
99.99% of the time we don't hearyour husband or see him in any
(31:07):
of the Snap.
So how do you maintain thatbalance, because to me that's
very cool.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
Yeah, do you also know that I used to post my
husband all the time.
If anything, I was like doingit a bit too much.
This was before Heavenly.
Obviously I used to post youquite a lot.
It was very much, you know, meand him happy, and you know.
But I had to respect his spacebecause he himself, he has
social media, he has Snap, hehas every single social media,
(31:36):
but he will never post, hedoesn't post, he does not post
his face like this, I won't seeit.
So then there was a time I saidto myself okay, well, you don't
even post yourself.
Clearly you're very reserved,like he's very, very reserved.
So I had to really just cooldown on the distribution of his
face to the masses.
(31:57):
I just had to just calm downand realize that it's my
Snapchat, it's my people, myfriends.
I don't have to post my husband, but if you do want to see him,
I can just give him the phoneand he'll do a video for himself
.
But no, like I just had to, Ipost him on occasions, but every
(32:18):
day.
You know, having a video in hisface.
Now I just think it's notnecessary.
Speaker 2 (32:22):
So there was a day right I think this was your
engagement anniversary and I waswaiting to see him, like I was
just waiting to see a post, andwhen he came I was like yeah,
it's come through.
Speaker 1 (32:36):
Because you know it gets to a point where you don't
necessarily like.
Okay, I think that day we evenwent out.
We had a long day posting youposted late.
Speaker 2 (32:45):
I posted late and I remember that because your, your
, your, your anniversaries areweird, because you have like one
week Exactly and then you havea wedding and another week of a
wedding, yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
So I just thought oh, like, is it even necessary?
Like I think I just I postedlate, I didn't think I wasn't
going to post, but that very dayI think I thought I was working
on it or something didn't allowme to post, but I posted it
late.
But I didn't do that, I postedit.
It's not.
Yeah, you did, I didn't have to.
But then again, human minds, ifI didn't post something, you
know what you go from.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
Oh no, I was going to send you a picture.
I was going to send you apicture that I'm in and on your
wedding right on your engagementday.
I've got a picture right.
And I was going through with mywife the other time and I said,
look, I've got a picture ofHannah and the husband and you
and my wife, and I smiled evenmore than all of them I'll show
you.
So I was going to send you thatpicture.
Speaker 1 (33:37):
Send it to me, send it.
But I guess social media can'treally work against somebody,
because majority of the timewhen I'm posting my memes some
are like very, what's the word?
I'm trying to find the rightword.
I guess somebody who's notmarried shouldn't be posting
stuff like that.
(33:57):
I guess I don't know.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
But it's not a guess matter.
It's not a guess.
Sometimes that's the impression.
Speaker 1 (34:03):
That's the impression .
Yeah, but then again, who madethat rule?
Because the majority of thetime when I'm posting something,
you just right there.
I probably would have showedhim he would have Kiki Kaki and
then I post it.
He knows that it's just meme.
We're in a meme world.
People are just trying to befunny.
When I post it, a lot of peoplescreenshot.
It ends there.
If you want to read deep into ameme sometimes meme is just
(34:27):
funny it doesn't necessarilymean I'm relating to it, I'm
co-signing it, I'm disagreeingwith it.
So I guess when I post it,however, you want to relate to
it, you go ahead and relate toit.
That's why I've created aseparate meme page which is on
my memes, because I noticed thatpeople actually enjoy memes,
that we are all just so like.
(34:48):
Everybody just wants to laughnowadays.
That's just what it is.
We're just in a generationwhere everything is funny.
You dare not post your problemsbecause somebody is going to
find a funny audio, put it ontop of your problem and laugh
about it.
Seriously, nothing is seriouson social media nowadays.
So if I'm posting a meme andit's to do with, like, maybe
(35:13):
marriage or something, and youthink I'm going through that
you're doing yourself.
It's like.
Speaker 2 (35:18):
Well, it's interesting you said that
because there's been people whohave wondered, but that you are
still.
Speaker 1 (35:27):
Well, that person should ask whoever is that's
wondering.
The wondering mind should ask,because there's never been a day
that I've gone.
Okay, there's been one timewhere I went to a wedding
without my ring, but that'sbecause I got ready at a
friend's house and I left thering behind.
But immediately, my husband ismy witness.
I called him.
I said babe, I left my ringbecause we have an agreement If
you're going to go out withoutyour ring, you let that other
(35:48):
person know, or not go outwithout your ring.
If you forget it or somethingof that sort, the respectful
thing to do is just call and belike oh, you know what, I left
my ring.
That's just Because I don'twant to see you without your
ring.
When, when, like why are younot wearing your ring?
Do you know what I'm trying tosay?
Speaker 2 (36:06):
See, that's why your hair, that's why this
conversation is so beautiful,because your dynamics in your
marriage is different.
And you know, I think a lot ofthe time people think it's a
prison, like you said, but youseem to have a way around it
where you still want to be ableto have your fun, do things you,
(36:28):
but then you're still married.
Speaker 1 (36:29):
But D?
You know, some people can'thave fun in their marriage.
You know that.
You know people are actually inbondage.
Talk to me about that.
Not everybody can laugh withtheir partner, not everybody can
crack jokes with their partner.
People can't even Excuse me tosay, people can't even let out
some gas around their partnerbecause there's this rigidness,
(36:50):
there's this I don't know.
They just can't be free.
You know, and that is a prisonliterally.
When I made that first analogyof prison, I didn't mean
literally, but not being able tobe comfortable around the
person that you're married, thatyou're going to be in the same
room with you, sleep with you,eat with you, do everything with
(37:11):
, I'm guessing, for eternity.
It's bondage.
Why do you want to be?
Because then you can be freearound your friends but you
can't be free around yourpartner that you've chosen to be
with.
I'm sorry, but I can't relate.
The majority of the time whenI'm posting all these funny
memes or I'm just being myself,you just there and if anything,
(37:33):
he's the one egging it onhonestly.
So I would just encouragepeople, just be yourself.
That's why the conversationbefore marriage is important.
Know the person that you'rewith.
If you know that the person isrigid and they're not going to
find your jokes funny or they'rejust going to try and tame you
and put you back in a shell.
I'm sorry, that's not what youwant, because it's really going
(37:54):
to eat you up in the long run.
You're going to want to be free.
You're going to actually wantto See.
Some people can't even go outwith their partners.
They can't hold their partners'hands, they can't boldly say,
oh, this is my partner.
I'm telling you the truth.
You know, and people, it's thetruth.
But at the end of the day, asyoung people, we don't want what
(38:17):
our parents had.
We are trying to create acompletely different institution
of marriage and just make itour own and make it fun and make
it enjoyable.
And if you don't do that,you're going to not be.
Speaker 2 (38:29):
That's why the divorce rates are high, because
people get so sick of each otherso soon, but just want to chip
this in that if you haven'tsubscribed, if you haven't
downloaded this episode, pleasedo subscribe and become part of
the Connected Minds family, andI'm hoping you're listening to
this while you're on your way towork or doing, going to do
something important.
This question is Motivation ordiscipline.
Speaker 1 (38:57):
Motivational discipline.
Oh my gosh.
Um, they go hand in hand, isn'tit?
They go hand in hand.
Why do you talk to me?
Cause you can't be motivatedwithout being disciplined to
execute whatever's motivated youto do what you wanna do.
Like they have to go hand inhand, so it's hard for me to
(39:21):
choose.
Okay, great.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
Not gonna tell you what I think about that, but
that's great.
And then your favorite personaldevelopment book.
Speaker 1 (39:36):
I guess I've read the Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell,
yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:43):
Okay, that's good that I'm gonna comment about.
I think reading is a.
I'm a product of reading, yeah,and not not being not being
fearful to teach what I've reador speak about what I've read.
(40:07):
So I always encourage people onthis show that, even if it's
just 10 minutes a day, they justread something.
I don't care it could be theBible or the Prophet Kita or
whatever book the Quran, justread.
Speaker 1 (40:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:20):
You know yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:21):
And maybe in a generation where people do more
listening, isn't it More audio?
Yes, yes, that same thing.
Speaker 2 (40:27):
Short attention span, but I think if you look behind
me you can see some ancientbooks like some proper books.
People of the past have had todo this and we go to school, we
pick up a textbook and it'swritten by so-and-so.
These are theories from IsaacNewton or Pythagoras.
These are people who read andexperimented and they put in a
(40:50):
book and the school systemforces us to read those things
and sit and exam.
But then you come home and thenyou're supposed to pick
something you're interested init could be a fiction or
non-fiction, yeah and read, butwe don't wanna do that.
So if this generation doesn'twanna read, imagine the people
within the generation that readsare gonna be the leaders.
Speaker 1 (41:12):
No, you're right.
Speaker 2 (41:14):
Right, yeah, now the best advice you ever received.
Speaker 1 (41:20):
Oh my gosh, the best one.
I've received quite a lot ofadvice, or whether I can choose
the best one.
I guess I know it might soundcliche, but do what makes you
happy, wow.
Speaker 2 (41:41):
You know, if you had said anything else, that would
not work, because you are madamhappiness.
Speaker 1 (41:51):
Because there's power in doing what makes you happy.
Once you do what makes youhappy, your true self comes out.
You are always motivated.
Happiness is a motivation.
Yeah, yeah, do what makes youhappy.
Speaker 2 (42:05):
As long as it's not like obviously.
Drugs and things like that.
Speaker 1 (42:09):
Yeah but yeah, as long as it's going to make you
happy and motivate you and bringout the best in you, go for it.
Why not?
Speaker 2 (42:16):
Do you think you are living your best life?
Speaker 1 (42:21):
I think there's more for me to live.
I think, but I think now I amtrying to live my best life.
I don't think I'm living it,but I am trying to Trying, yeah.
Speaker 2 (42:34):
You are, madam soft life Because yeah, that's
softness.
Speaker 1 (42:40):
But D you know, I feel like the soft life phrase
that has been flying around,when you really be paid, it's
the best thing to have soft life.
I see, because why would youwant life to be hard, why would
you want to go through hardship?
And soft life is relative.
(43:01):
Again, everybody's definitionof soft life is different.
Some money will make their lifethe softest, like some people
have.
When they're happy, it's themliving their best life, I guess
so.
Speaker 2 (43:14):
I guess.
So as long as people don'tmisconstrued that yeah, and then
start thinking they don't needto work.
They don't need to go throughchallenges because, the
challenges walk up,unfortunately, yeah, and when
they come, and then, oh you know, it's soft life, then it's peak
.
Speaker 1 (43:30):
Because peak life.
You know, so, yeah, no, you'reabsolutely right.
That's why I always want to belike I live my soft life.
But do you know I work hard.
Oh yeah, so if you see me andyou just want to see the soft
life, I'm sorry.
It's not all about soft lifefor me.
You know I work and you are anurse as well, yeah, so you have
(43:52):
to just balance everythingthat's life is all about balance
.
Speaker 2 (43:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:55):
Do everything, do what makes you happy, work hard,
make your money and just yeah,just you.
Live your life, achieve yourgoals.
Have a little bit of everythingyou know.
Please go to the center.
Speaker 2 (44:08):
Yeah, yeah.
Well, thank you so much forcoming.
Speaker 1 (44:11):
You're most welcome and thanks for having me.
Speaker 2 (44:13):
I'm so happy we sat to talk on camera on audio.
I think you need to come hereevery year.
Speaker 1 (44:23):
Yeah, yeah.
If you open your doors for me,you'll come here.
Yeah, I think you need to comehere every year, so every year
when you come to Ghana.
I think you should come on theshow.
We'll make it happen.
We'll make it happen for sure.
Speaker 2 (44:34):
So maybe the next time you come, you're not blonde
anymore.
Speaker 1 (44:36):
You know, maybe it may be a different color.
It may be a different color.
Speaker 2 (44:40):
You know, absolutely no.
I really appreciate your timehere and I wish you all the best
.
Thank you so much D Everythingthat you do.
Thank you, you know, yeah.
Speaker 1 (44:51):
Thank you, bro.
Bye, see you later.
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